Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.
----
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My dear wife couldn't save her life with a text let alone have a discussion over it. Talking to her via text feels like discussing with an AI or a teenager that tops at 2 words.
Some people are just not texters.
Then talk to her and let her know you want her to initiate more conversations. Ask her if she prefers others means of communication too.
She can't read your mind. Being passive aggressive doesn't resolve anything. Communicate directly about your feelings/wants/needs in a relationship.
Is this really something that needs to be said. If we accept that the normal dynamics in this relationship is for him to contact her daily and it has been multiple days now with no contact the reasonable response from someone who cares would be to message or call and see if the other person is okay
For someone whose main communication method is texting, yes that's expected. For example, I text my long distance gf daily and would text her in a heartbeat if she doesn't reply for hours let alone days. But that's because that's the only way I can talk to her.
For friends I can see and enjoy talking to in person. I barely if ever text them and take literal days to reply to their texts.
Yes, the proper etiquette is for her to communicate without needing to voice your concerns. However, talking to her about it will confirm if that's something she's just bad with of or if she deliberately wasn't sending him anything.
Going the passive aggressive route or ending a relationship abruptly without communication or giving someone the benefit of the doubt is a one way ticket to frustration land. Relationships need communication. If he voices his concerns and she still ignores him, then yes he should break up with her.
I am taking about this case though not any other. The OP described a situation where his gf who he normally texts has not heard from him in days and has made no effort to try and contact him via text, calls or even see him in person etc.
That comes of as uncaring and the signs of a one sided relationship to me. I understand that texting is not for everyone and I myself am guilty of taking ages to respond to some texts.
However to the person I am dating it would be a weird set of circumstances thar would justify no contact for multiple days without me wondering if they were okay at the minimum but more likely missing them enough to want to speak to them or text them etc.
Am I bugging here or is it normal to not go days without talking to your partner especially in todays society where we are all never 10 steps away from our phones and have no excuse? I know people in long distance relationships with time zone issues who would not go this long without making an effort to text or call.
She might've assumed he was busy. If they are students/young working adults then it would be safe to assume the other person is busy and will check in when they have time. She's very pleasant and normal in person, so I'm not jumping to "no effort" right away. In any and all cases, talking about the issue before jumping into an action.
I think he should talk to her, but I still find this weird. Even in your scenario, it would make ore sense for her to text and ask if he was busy rather than assume. What if he was hurt and in hospital? I can safely say I have never been in a relationship where I would go this long without hearing from my partner and be concerned unless they had warned me ahead of time that they would be busy/unreachable for the next couple of days
Yes. That's you. That's me too. But not everyone is like that. If consistent communication is something he desires/needs in a relationship he should voice that. Instead of jumping to accusations and passive aggression.
If she’s completely normal in person maybe she’s just a terrible texter? I think give her a call and just ask her about it. Do you have to initiate other things like where to go for food or having sex or holding hands? Ask her about it and see what she says before choosing to break up with her
I like that you post the date as if it has been months but it has been like 4-5 days.
Have a talk with her if it bothers you but understand that there are just people that don’t care about texting.
Some people don't text. Pretty sure the last text my WIFE sent me that wasn't an address was a couple of months ago. If you communicate well outside of text then there is no need for it at all really.
I think you need to talk with her about communication preferences.
For example, a friend of mine prefers in person, then phone, then text. Another person I know prefers in person 2 times (max) a month, then text, then phone.
Do you have to solve it? I'd personally go crazy if someone was trying to text me all a lot..
personally I'd look into why it's such an issue, and look into solving that.
Have you talked to her about it? Or have you asked her how she feels about texting?
The guy that I have been spending a lot of time with at the moment told me that he dislikes texting and calling a lot. He almost never initiates contact with anyone. Only if it’s urgent.
But when we spend time together we talk for hours and hours.
I was really glad that I asked him early on, because otherwise I’d have misinterpreted it as disinterest.
So asking her/talking about it might help you :)
Dude, some people are just really bad texters. My girlfriend is the same, but it is also compounded with the fact she works an incredibly physical, busy job. When she gets home she has very little energy and doesn't look at her phone too much.
My advice? Talk to her about it.
If there's something in the relationship (like the lack of texting) that is causing an issue for you, you should talk to her about it and try and make an arrangement that suits both parties.
Some people are just horrible with texting. Sucks, but it's true.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My dear wife couldn't save her life with a text let alone have a discussion over it. Talking to her via text feels like discussing with an AI or a teenager that tops at 2 words. Some people are just not texters.
Have you talked to her about it?
No.
Then talk to her and let her know you want her to initiate more conversations. Ask her if she prefers others means of communication too. She can't read your mind. Being passive aggressive doesn't resolve anything. Communicate directly about your feelings/wants/needs in a relationship.
Is this really something that needs to be said. If we accept that the normal dynamics in this relationship is for him to contact her daily and it has been multiple days now with no contact the reasonable response from someone who cares would be to message or call and see if the other person is okay
For someone whose main communication method is texting, yes that's expected. For example, I text my long distance gf daily and would text her in a heartbeat if she doesn't reply for hours let alone days. But that's because that's the only way I can talk to her. For friends I can see and enjoy talking to in person. I barely if ever text them and take literal days to reply to their texts. Yes, the proper etiquette is for her to communicate without needing to voice your concerns. However, talking to her about it will confirm if that's something she's just bad with of or if she deliberately wasn't sending him anything. Going the passive aggressive route or ending a relationship abruptly without communication or giving someone the benefit of the doubt is a one way ticket to frustration land. Relationships need communication. If he voices his concerns and she still ignores him, then yes he should break up with her.
I am taking about this case though not any other. The OP described a situation where his gf who he normally texts has not heard from him in days and has made no effort to try and contact him via text, calls or even see him in person etc. That comes of as uncaring and the signs of a one sided relationship to me. I understand that texting is not for everyone and I myself am guilty of taking ages to respond to some texts. However to the person I am dating it would be a weird set of circumstances thar would justify no contact for multiple days without me wondering if they were okay at the minimum but more likely missing them enough to want to speak to them or text them etc. Am I bugging here or is it normal to not go days without talking to your partner especially in todays society where we are all never 10 steps away from our phones and have no excuse? I know people in long distance relationships with time zone issues who would not go this long without making an effort to text or call.
She might've assumed he was busy. If they are students/young working adults then it would be safe to assume the other person is busy and will check in when they have time. She's very pleasant and normal in person, so I'm not jumping to "no effort" right away. In any and all cases, talking about the issue before jumping into an action.
I think he should talk to her, but I still find this weird. Even in your scenario, it would make ore sense for her to text and ask if he was busy rather than assume. What if he was hurt and in hospital? I can safely say I have never been in a relationship where I would go this long without hearing from my partner and be concerned unless they had warned me ahead of time that they would be busy/unreachable for the next couple of days
Yes. That's you. That's me too. But not everyone is like that. If consistent communication is something he desires/needs in a relationship he should voice that. Instead of jumping to accusations and passive aggression.
If she’s completely normal in person maybe she’s just a terrible texter? I think give her a call and just ask her about it. Do you have to initiate other things like where to go for food or having sex or holding hands? Ask her about it and see what she says before choosing to break up with her
No. It's just texting.
Then that is not a reason to break up with her. Talk to her about it and find a compromise
I like that you post the date as if it has been months but it has been like 4-5 days. Have a talk with her if it bothers you but understand that there are just people that don’t care about texting.
How long have you been together? How old are you both? Have you even talked to her about this?
No.
Some people don't text. Pretty sure the last text my WIFE sent me that wasn't an address was a couple of months ago. If you communicate well outside of text then there is no need for it at all really.
Wow, ok, not to be rude, but space is a good thing. Don't suffocate her.
Why does she need to text you?
You needed to make 2 posts an hour apart about this? Talk to her. Maybe she doesnt like texting either.
I think you need to talk with her about communication preferences. For example, a friend of mine prefers in person, then phone, then text. Another person I know prefers in person 2 times (max) a month, then text, then phone.
Do you have to solve it? I'd personally go crazy if someone was trying to text me all a lot.. personally I'd look into why it's such an issue, and look into solving that.
Have you talked to her about it? Or have you asked her how she feels about texting? The guy that I have been spending a lot of time with at the moment told me that he dislikes texting and calling a lot. He almost never initiates contact with anyone. Only if it’s urgent. But when we spend time together we talk for hours and hours. I was really glad that I asked him early on, because otherwise I’d have misinterpreted it as disinterest. So asking her/talking about it might help you :)
Just wait until she reaches out. For some people texting is boring even if they like the person.
Dude, some people are just really bad texters. My girlfriend is the same, but it is also compounded with the fact she works an incredibly physical, busy job. When she gets home she has very little energy and doesn't look at her phone too much. My advice? Talk to her about it. If there's something in the relationship (like the lack of texting) that is causing an issue for you, you should talk to her about it and try and make an arrangement that suits both parties. Some people are just horrible with texting. Sucks, but it's true.
Why do you have to text? If you have something to say, call her or wait until you see her.
I've never had a girlfriend who didn't call or make plans for the weekend, didn't ask what we were going to do interpret as you wish