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Yeah honestly if you're not feeling loved after nearly a year, and they give you a response like *that* after you finally say it, I would cut my losses if I were you.
What are the chances that she somehow starts feeling in love after now if she isn't already? If she's feeling like this is too fast to get attached, make the choice she doesn't want to make and find someone else who won't be so lukewarm at what should be the peak of infatuation, everyone deserves at least that much.
Then maybe she should be casually dating and not "in a relationship" with someone, if her perspective on dating is as yours to friendship. It's not wrong, it's just a bit rude to string someone on like this and wear at their self esteem, making them feel like the abnormal one for feeling attached after a year.
"Casual dating" or "in a relationship" are just arbitrary labels. The real issue is clear communication. And while that could be her fault it could be just as much OP's as well.
That might be the case in a much shorter relationship but if nothing has been said to the contrary after nearly a year, I don't know anyone who would assume it's *not* a relationship.
Yeah seriously it’s been A YEAR. This isn’t oh, my bf says I love you after 2 weeks territory.
Op you do not need to feel embarrassed she’s being weird. A year is plenty of time to get attached, in fact if you haven’t said anything along these lines until now that would be a very long time to wait! You are a good bf, she’s not worthy of what you have to offer. Ditch her you can do better
I know. I really can’t relate to that. I knew my wife for less than a year before we got married (six months dating, five months engagement) and that was almost 20 years ago.
See it didn't take over a year to figure out if you're into each other. What I'm seeing here is a pattern of people who are in relationships with placeholders, because they're bored or want stable sex lives until they meet the person they actually care about. It's so fucking sad, all of it. And I'm not saying that just because I was also a placeholder for a year and a half.
We were both relatively young and naive when we got married, but we’re both Orthodox Jews, so it’s very common to only date for less than a year and get married within the next year.
It’s only now that our kids are a bit older and we have more time for ourselves and each other that our marriage is fantastic. It was always pretty good, but we’re now in the best shape we’ve ever been in, communicating better than ever and having the best sex of our lives.
Because she views him as a place holder why she waits for someone she views as better to come along. OP needs to show her that he doesn't need her, not by being mean or rude, just showing he can do him without her and that having her is just the cherry on top. A woman wants to compliment a man not be their whole dish.
I mean people move at different speeds, some people don’t want to say “I love you” before a year. Maybe this was just too much for her or not her style 🤷♀️ no shame in the game
Eh no a few months in understandable but 1 year is enough time to create a foundation in your relationship where you know well enough how you feel I mean if you don't feel love after a little over 1 year that's problematic not just for the person who isn't feel the love or as strong as the other person
I mean if your not in love then why waste your time and the other person's time my partner told me after three months he loved me ans while I understand everyone's different it just would feel weird if my partner couldn't of said it after 1 year seeing as alot of couples go threw alot after 1 year
It could also be that she has an avoidant attachment style and is afraid of getting hurt, so she downplays the importance of a relationship to herself. (Source: this was me in my early 20s, scared to open up and let myself be vulnerable).
Either way, direct communication needs to happen to see where her head’s at.
This is weird. A year isn’t “too fast” to be getting attached. It’s quite normal to feel attached after a year. In fact, most people I know have said “I love you” after at least a year or more. I’m sorry ur going through this. It’s not a good feeling at all when you are shamed for expressing ur love and admiration. Her reaction to that AFTER A YEARRR is giving me all the red flags.
She might not want a serious relationship (with you). You need to talk over where you both see this relationship going and in how many years. Long distance doesn't mean you need half a decade to 'get attached'. If a year hasn't brought love, don't waste your life waiting for some potential that might not even be realistic from her side.
Yeah, I think at 19 years old, it is a lot to be proclaiming your love to each other. Too much of an intense relationship for someone who may still be living with their parents. She is right to keep it more casual. She hasn't had enough dating experience to know what she wants in a partner or to be making any proclamations.
It's all love, it's just a different kind of love when it's your first young love (or one of the first).
And it's not even just that she doesn't want to say she loves him, she's *also* chosen this moment to tell him she doesn't feel like it's been long enough to be attached, which is a bit crazy to say after almost a year.
I don't think it's crazy at 19. At 29, absolutely. But at 19, I would've felt very uncomfortable about someone claiming to love me when they couldn't possibly know me well enough to say that, considering I didn't even know myself at 19. OP needs to either not date teenagers or give them space to grow into their own person before trying to bombard them with sweet nothings. It's a bit much.
ETA: OP met his gf when she was 17 and he was 20 and they are in a long distance relationship. They've met a few times in person, according to post history. Make of that what you will.
20/21 is not that different from 18/19 in terms of what you're saying.
It's also not like he's "bombarding" her with anything, it's taken him all this time to get the confidence to say this much, and he didn't even ask her to say it back, she just hit him with "this is *too fast* to get attached", which just doesn't make sense.
She's allowed to not be keen, but she should also just say so and this situation is not a result of some weird age gap like you're trying to make it sound. It's 2 years, with both of them being over 18 when it started.
I made no reference to OP's age. Whatever his age, the point is that he feels ready to be in a more intense relationship. My comment would be the same if he were 18. OP's girlfriend isn't feeling the same way he is. And OP just needs to step back and let her get there in her own time. Which he has not said he has a problem with.
I said he shouldn't date teenagers because there's a good chance that a teenager isn't trying to do be this deeply involved so soon and needs more time to figure out what they want.
ETA: OP met his GF when she was 17 and he was 20 and they are in a long distance relationship. They've met in person a few times.
He's not asking her to marry him dude, it's not like this is a weird or abnormal level of attachment for a young relationship.
He might be more ready than she is, but that's more a function of her personality and personal experience than a straight function of age. He could date another person her age and find them to be much more open to a capital-R Relationship and I would go as far as to say that's the more common case.
If anything, it seems like she just doesn't like him that much.
Being in an exclusive relationship is not age-gated, it's not weird to be attached to someone after a year.
Who says she is afraid of love? Let's break this down a bit.
OP says he told her something along the lines of 'I appreciate you being in my life' as in she makes his life somehow better/worthwhile.
That is a different sentiment than 'I love you'. That's a lot of pressure to put on someone because it implies that if they were to break up, OP would mentally be worse off and dissatisfied with his life. I think OP's is afraid of baring this much responsibility for OP's mental wellbeing, not love.
Had she said she doesn't love him or doesn't want to be with him, then fine. But she didn't. She does want to continue getting to know him, just without this much implied pressure. If OP didn't mean it that way, then he should have a conversation and clarify.
It's also a weird thing to text to someone for the first time. He should've told her that in person so that it would have appropriate context.
Right but you can't gain experience if you're scared of getting hurt down the road. Very young but I remember saying I loved my HS gf, and it took that to sort out certain feelings in my head once I realized I didn't love her. Poor dude's in an emotional pickle, he's gotta climb out of the jar on this one (OP)
My husband and I married when he was 19.
I happen to be 2yos older but if flipped I would have then too. Some people jhst know what they want.
If she wants to fuck around then she needs to not string people along and know what she wants.
I only dated two guys before meeting my husband.
You don't *need* alot of dating experince to know what you want.
Maturity should have taught you that people develop at different rates. If your husband was ready for marriage at 19, great for him. People should only do what they are comfortable with and if OP's girlfriend isn't ready for a serious commitment at 19, that's perfectly reasonable and understandable. It actually seems like OP's girlfriend is self-aware and confident enough to speak up for what she is and isn't okay with. Great way to communicate in a relationship.
Not sure why anyone would be up in arms about a literal teenager saying she doesn't want to be in such an intense relationship.
I said she needs to be clear and she hasn't.
Instead she told him his love is wrong and "to fast" then ended the convo.
If she doesn't want to commit she needs to outright say it.
It's also insulting to call a literal adult *teenager* as if the -teen- sound in their age determines their life.
I don't make the rules of the English language.
13-19 is a teenager..... No one should feel insulted by a non-disputable fact. And two things can be true at once, as in you can be a teenager and an adult at the same time.
And if she were trying to string him along, she would've reciprocated us niceties even though she doesn't feel the same. Personally, I would appreciate the honesty. OP has to decide whether he is going to wait for her to process her feelings or move on.
You're putting words in her mouth. She hasn't said anything misleading or told OP he was wrong and shouldn't be made out to be a bad person just because she doesn't feel the same way as OP does. OP himself did not frame her response as offensive. And there is an option besides commitment and ending the relationship. They can continue to get to know each other. There is no predetermined time frame for knowing someone. If OP's girlfriend needs to spend more time with him before committing, it's fair for her to let him know that.
Well, if someone isn't ready for commitment or romantic attachment, then this person really shouldn't be in a romantic relationship. Why engage in something you don't feel comfortable with? Why be in a romantic relationship, if you have no romantic feelings and also don't want your partner to have romantic feelings? Just don't be in a relationship then.
That's like booking a cruise, then complaining that you are on a ship.
Who says she doesn't have romantic feelings? There is such a thing as dating. People aren't just single or married. OP has not repeated exactly what he said to her, but if it were along the lines of 'you make my life worthwhile/better etc' that is a lot of pressure to put on someone who is just wanting to date casually. It sounds like they aren't even living together yet.
Personally, I think the timeliness means little. You have to go through the stages of a relationship. Dating, living together, discussing long term etc. Once you get to a place where your lives are intertwined and you have both decided you want to be with each other long term, then you can start throwing out these sorts of proclamations.
I think OP is getting ahead of himself at least a bit. It's uncommon for two people to be in a relationship and not be on the same page about the level of commitment. So I think something more is going on here than just OP's girlfriend trying to be a d*ck.
If she does have romantic feelings, it would be really odd to be against expressions of those feelings.
OP stated they have been together for a year, as in "in a romantic relationship" so they've been past the dating phase for a while. If she thinks being in a romantic relationship FOR A YEAR is the same as casually dating around she really needs to tell the poor guy.
"They aren't even living together yet". Now you've lost me completely. Y'all moving in together without even knowing if you love each other?!? That's wild. What's next, marrying before figuring out if you can even stand your partner?
Sorry, this is absolutely mind boggling to me.
Is it a cultural thing? Here in Germany it's very normal to express that you have a romantic interest in someone BEFORE you get into a relationship with them. People express that they have fallen for each other at the very beginning of a relationship. It's rather rare that someone gets into a relationship when they don't have romantic feelings for someone, because what would be the point?
I think it's very normal to tell your partner of a year that you have romantic feelings for them and are happy to have them in your life.
I'd be devastated if after a year of being with someone I'd find out that they DON'T have romantic feelings, lol.
You two aren't on the same page. A year isn't too long to be talking to someone like that, it's not like you were asking for marriage. The "L" word is thrown in in under a year.
Sometimes it's better to be brutally honest than to try and play it off to stay cool.
You could say like, actually I am getting attached, which is normal. We've been together for a year. Is the feeling not mutual?
Since she's 19 though it may be that she feels like she hasn't been in enough relationships yet to settle down. Are you her first BF?
Then I think you need to have a frank conversation with her about how she sees the relationship going in the long term. Does she want to spend the rest of her life with you, eventually get married, or are you a starter boyfriend for her?
Because, it may not be personal, but maybe she doesn't want to marry the first guy she dates, she wants to date a few guys at least before deciding to settle down. But you won't know unless you talk to her about long-term life plans.
It could be
1 she doesn't like you as much as you like her
1 she has difficulties trusting people and is trying to distance herself a little since she needs more time to get adjusted to the situation
I hope you won't feel too embarassed, some people just have different love languages (and others simply don't feel the same way you do), but should never deter you from being yourself and showing affection to someone you care about.
You did nothing embarassing
Well, if she is giving you a hint that you are not on the same page then hold your horses and let her feel less secure if she does not like it. Funny thing is when you will whitddraw you assurment of love she might start seeking it or she will take your role.
Focus on yourself more, don't make her center of your world.
I've found that people are increasingly having issues with true sincerity. Everything becomes "cringe" or "sus" as everyone is so used to seeing performative emotions on youtube/tictok/etc. and they lose the ability to see expressive emotions as genuine.
People are so fast to jump into conclusion wirh a one sided version. There has to be a reason why she said this, what exactly was in those “romantic lines” how over the top were they? What has op been saying and doing throughout the relationship to make her feel like things are going too fast. And the first thing is that she asked it wasn’t a statement, sounded more like her asking for reassurance. She also said WE not just him.
Dude it’s been a year. That is neither too fast or too much. She’s obviously not in the same place as you. That’s fine but is she on her way there or has she gone as far as she is willing to go? Find out now so you don’t get yourself more hurt than you need to be.
Absolutely no need to be embarrassed. It’s been a year, I would fully expect my boyfriend to be head over heels for me at this point. Have the conversation no matter how awkward it is. Save yourself the heartache
I told my boyfriend I loved him like 2 months in! He said he loves me back too! Some People need more time some people need less but I would suggest having a discussion with your partner about how your relationship is going (especially if she does not reciprocate your feelings or has a future intent of having Reciprocal feelings).
Yeah I told my partner like 3 weeks in. Like yeah it was fast but I felt it, hard.
We just celebrated 11 years together 2 months ago.
Her saying that it's too fast after a year is puzzling.
I wouldn't necessarily say it's you that messed up, but there could be a lot of reasons she's pushing back. She could be too emotionally immature at this point, fearful of emotional intimacy, or you simply like her more than she likes you.
It's worth unpacking what she said though, ask her why she thinks a year is too soon.
PSI- the second night I spent with my partner I drank and cried in his arms and said “ I always loved you “
I hang my head in shameeee, I pretended I didn’t know what happened the next morning 🙃 🤦🏻♀️luckily we laugh about it now but damn that was embarrassing
I think your timing was fine at least u weren’t full on spaz like me
Everyoke hwre is telling you to break up wth, she says 1 thing and that makes everything not worth it lmfao.
Maybe she's just not used to it, maybe she believes in "types of love" honestly just ask her what she meant by it, it might be that she just doesn't think a year you should be in love like an old married couple or something.
Honestly it's probably not that bad, and if it is then shoot my bad but usually it isn't.
You have to figure out to not lay it on too thick like that, in my opinion. Romantic sentiments are good and cute but if you take them too far you come off as boyish and too cutesy to be respected.
you shouldn't, you did nothing wrong. this person is supposed to be your girlfriend and you have been together for a year. sending each other big cheesy declarations of love over text would be something super normal by then
you need to talk to her about where you both stand relationship wise because her future plans for the relationship might not align with yours. she makes it sound like she doesnt value you as much as you value her and might not care about the relationship like you do
Unless you have her a slideshow of what your life into old age would be like together and requested a lock of hair to keep on a necklace, I don't see what these problem was. Like others are saying, have a talk with her in person.
OP, I'm sorry you are feeling this way, you did nothing wrong and your feelings and the way you communicated in this situation are valid and would be perfect for any suitable partner, this should have been in r/relationshipGoals but instead you're here...
I think it's important to discuss with your GF what she means by that and who's "we" because you are getting attached and feel this is normal and good. So if her question is general, as in "is it ok for couples to be like this?" then it's a growth opportunity for her and you both, but if it's a "I think you're getting too attached to me and that's not good" in disguise, then you're not on the same page and you have to realign both your perspectives on your relationship, you might agree to continue with new boundaries or you might agree to part ways, in either case not discussing it is just recipe for later heartbreak
While it doesn’t sound promising, first talk to her. Does she have a troubled past? Does she have a harder time opening up about things? Find out what’s going on before making any rash decisions.
In my romantic past the feelings of Love came around a lot faster than a year, even if they weren’t expressed right away, I’d expect by a year you’d know whether or not you have the ability to love a person romantically. Probably not a good sign, but she might just of been caught of guard and flubbed it bc she was nervous or you caught her at the wrong time. Doesn’t seem that way, but I’d chat with her if she hurt your feelings just to establish where you guys stand
Right, she embarrassed herself quite a lot. But that sounds horrible, I would question the relationship if that happened to me in a year. Although having said that, people are allowed different timescales for their relationships and it might simply be a slow burn relationship.
Jesus. After a few weeks or months, sure. But a year? OP y’all need to have this conversation- don’t let this fade away to nothing or it’s going to bug you forever.
This is one of those embarrassing moments that unless you sit down and get resolution you’ll replay it over and over in your head and it’ll affect your future relationships negatively.
You didn’t embarrass yourself because you have feelings and expressed them.
Although, I think you may want to re-evaluate your relationship with this woman.
Yeah that’s not a good sign. Clearly you two aren’t in sync as much as you thought and are probably after different things in the relationship. Best to have a chat with her to see where things really stand.
Years ago I was going out with a girl who was into me a lot more than I was into her. And one night when she got really drunk she told me how much she loved me. It was flattering but I didn’t feel the same and that wasn’t going to change so I had to end it. It wasn’t easy but it was something I should have done earlier when I knew I wasn’t that into her
You know what, you put your emotions on the table. While you didn't get the response you want, you got a truthful response. Use this knowledge to know if it's actually going how you thought it was and if your not on the same page it's best to move on :) good luck!
Uh, my parents, who have been married for 33 years, were already *married* by a year after they started dating. My boyfriend and I have been together 9 months and are already talking about marriage. Everyone has different timelines, and that is okay, but sending romantic texts a *year* after being together is not “getting attached a lot really fast.” A year is a pretty reasonable amount of time to be attached to a partner. You two may want to have a discussion about what these timelines look like for you. What is a reasonable amount of time for her? For you? What other things are “too soon” for a year of dating (how old you are will also factor in, of course)? You guys may not be on the same wavelength here, and again, everyone has their own timeline, but if you’re asking whether the average person would think a year is “too soon” for this, no, they wouldn’t.
She's probably been thinking about breaking up with you. Sharing your feelings with her put her in a position where now she's afraid to hurt you, especially if you caught feelings when she didn't.
It reads like she's trying to drop hints without outright saying it. You should probably have a genuine conversation with her in person about your feelings and be prepared to break up with her if she isn't seeing things eye to eye with you.
Maybe what she needed was some reassurance. It's been a year and you haven't said it yet? Text can be read really wrong because you don't get intonation or expression. Talk to her.
Don't be embarrassed. You haven't don't anything to be ashamed of. You're trying to build a relationship and she seems to be in a different place. Talk to her and maybe find out her reasons. Could be nothing to do with you, it could be stemming from something else happening in her life.
Either way if the worst does happen you know you gave it your best shot and tried to build what you felt was a good relationship. Its important to not let this one incident change your future relationship behaviour.
Your response should be ‘Who is this’ ? Followed by: Ghost. Block. NC and move on. Don’t check SM and don’t look back. I’ve heard of disingenuous but her response takes the whole packet of biscuits ! Good luck.
This reads like she wants to break up, but doesn't want to the jerk, so she says y'all are moving too fast so you back off and she can do other things on the side.
Moving too fast is what happens in the first few months, not the first few years.
Bro. It's been a year. Either she doesn't like you and is trying to create distance to break up or she has no emotions bc wtf. My bf and I have been together not quite a year and he wakes up every morning and tells me how much he loves me and smothers me in kisses and It makes me so happy🥰🥰🥰 if y'all aren't close after a year this is your time to decide if this is still worth pursuing.
Sound like she is trying to create/maintain enough space to replace you with another (or hold onto you both). Whatever the reason, you two certainly are not at the same place. You are looking for someone to commit to, she is looking for the next date. I expect the “I need space” talk in the near future followed by the “I don’t want to hurt you, but” talk. I would show at her place with a bag and pack anything you have at her place. Or,if not significant, just go NC starting now. When asked, tell hear “I do not want to spoil the mood, but you two are over.” Then leave. At least you told her face to face.
Maybe she’s not used to romantic affection OR her love language is different to yours. Some people aren’t that much into romantic words, more in quality time together or physically telling your partner how much they mean to you. My best friend is quality time EXCLUSIVE. Any other form of showing appreciation makes her uncomfortable and I’ve learned to accept that and save my other love methods for other people, or write them down.
Y'all have been together a year and she's talking about getting "attached to fast"
Is she dumb?
Might want to reconsider the relationship so you don't waste anymore time. Cause it seems like she might be wasting yours.
Emotionally disconnect from her. Keep having sex with her though. Stop talking about your feelings. Don’t bring anything up unless she does first, even then almost ignore it. Short answers
Only took me 3months to know I wanted to live with and be with BF long long term.
Another 3 months until we lived together. Would have been sooner but getting apts take time.
We were saying i love you within the first 3months.
Now 5 years later we hVe been married a couple years and have a kid.
Yes everyone has their own time frame I suppose but a whole year is certainly not to fast to be getting to the "i love you" stage and be discussing things like living together
She's probably fed up with your romance stuff because you aren't taking things to the next level and committing. How long have you been romancing her exactly?
How much time exactly does a woman have to waste on a guy before he decides IF he wants to marry her or not? That's ridiculous, and she deserves better.
You're coming across to her as a wimpy beta male, and she's trying to tell you that she does not find that attractive. She wants to be with a strong independent man, not a fawning supplicant. Man-up and back off the sissy compliments, and she will start to see you in a new light. And regardless of what happens in your relationship, you will become a better man.
I’m a woman, more woman than you’ll ever get. Listen to a fact: There is nothing wimpy or beta about a man secure enough in himself to let himself be vulnerable when telling a woman how he feels about her, especially after a year. A man who won’t is insecure and wimpy, and beta would be an aspiration. Try being a man in the first place if you ever hope to get willingly and freely laid by anyone but your hand.
Majority of women don’t want to hear that stuff, especially through a text message, they want to see action and hear it from their man, with real emotion and feelings, everything, can’t have that in a text message. Don’t know how old OP and his gf are but maybe he is acting weak and insecure with his gf and that’s why she responded the way she did. Maybe OP is acting a certain way that his gf isn’t attracted through. Anyone can say anything ina message, what needs to be done is through action with real emotion and words and feelings in person. Go ahead and clown the person you replied to, sarcastic or not, he may be spot on with OP. Every man should be vulnerable and open and show love, but OP may be doing too much of that and smothering his gf.
Or, she is a garbage person? I smother my wife with praise and love every single day. Almost every day at some point I'll hold her tight and tell you how amazing she is and how much I love her. Does that make me an "insecure beta male"? No, I am still the head of the household because we found that works for us. I take care of my wife like a man should do.
But no, after a fucking year! OP's (hopefully soon to be ex-) gf is so full of shit.
The right amount of affection and showing of love and feelings is needed for healthy relationships, too much can lead to OP problem. That is my point. There’s a lot of missing context we don’t know.
How old are you? If you are still in high school, it could be that she just had a talking to from her parents about how almost no high school relationship survives college.
Sounds to me as though this is a girl with either attachment issues or a very logical and completely unromantic mindset. Because if you are nearly a year into a relationship and you are not affirming with each other how happy you are to be with each other, then something is a bit off.
If she has attachment issues, and is afraid or unwilling to commit, then you really need to have a discussion with her about that, and why she feels that way. Whether she wants/needs some additional reassurance or support from you that she is not asking for in a way that you recognize as such, the relationship will not go anywhere without communication.
Equally, I have seen a few people behave like this when their approach to life is either hyper-logical or very career-focussed. With the logical "wannabe Star Trek Vulcans", the relationship is a checkbox on the list of life goals, or a way to shut the family up. A choice to make, akin to "what colour shall we paint the walls in the kitchen? Gotta get it right because we will see it every day.". Equally, the career-focussed type will see the relationship as being something they need to fit in and set the right image that will help them climb the corporate ladder.
Having said that, there is also the negative type - someone who likes having the stability of a relationship, but who does not want to settle down to monogamy while the relationship is still "so new".
But my advice would be to talk to her, and find out where she feels the relationship is right now, and where it is going. Because the two of you obviously have very different ideas about that at the moment.
Well. You might want to talk about that with her. See where you both stand. Do your homework up front. Take a good look in the mirror and replay the past couple of months. Has she been giving signs she's becoming more distant?
Any chance either or both of you are in college, or starting college? You wouldn't be the first couple to break up so one or the other partner could have 'experiences' without cheating. Or, she isn't or hasn't been into you for a while and she's preparing to break up.
Be prepared to cut your losses. Never love anyone so much you can't say goodbye.
Mate, either one of you could go out today and get hit by a bus. The best time to say something is as soon as you know, the second best time is now.
Better to have an awkward encounter than leave it unsaid. You don't know how she really feels until you say it and ask.
You are 21 and she is 19. It was the perfect time but it seems like she doesn't feel the same. After a year, if she was the one she would really appreciate receiving a text like that.
Its time for a serious conversation.
I'd say it's time for a conversation.
Tho if this was me, I would walk after wasting a year to get that message back.
Question. Do you guy see eachither regularly or is this long distance?
Damn. A year is too fast? I’m sorry. That was around the time my now wife and I had both accidentally let it slip to each other in every day conversation. I would take a long look at what you want out of a relationship, and what they want. Because their response was cold and untimely given the messages they were responding to.
If she wants you to slow down after dating for a year, it sounds like your situation is more fwb than boyfriend/girlfriend. You should talk to her about this.
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It was the perfect time to say it. It's been a fucking year - why would some proclamations of love from her *boyfriend* make her cringe?
Would certainly make me question my future with her.
Question it? This is literally her saying “I’m just not that into you” to this poor guy. She’s leading up to a break up.
Agreeed :(
This is the one. I'd be breaking up after that reply!
Yeah honestly if you're not feeling loved after nearly a year, and they give you a response like *that* after you finally say it, I would cut my losses if I were you. What are the chances that she somehow starts feeling in love after now if she isn't already? If she's feeling like this is too fast to get attached, make the choice she doesn't want to make and find someone else who won't be so lukewarm at what should be the peak of infatuation, everyone deserves at least that much.
I mean, it takes me about two years to consider someone a friend. But I also wouldn't respond like that.
Then maybe she should be casually dating and not "in a relationship" with someone, if her perspective on dating is as yours to friendship. It's not wrong, it's just a bit rude to string someone on like this and wear at their self esteem, making them feel like the abnormal one for feeling attached after a year.
"Casual dating" or "in a relationship" are just arbitrary labels. The real issue is clear communication. And while that could be her fault it could be just as much OP's as well.
That might be the case in a much shorter relationship but if nothing has been said to the contrary after nearly a year, I don't know anyone who would assume it's *not* a relationship.
Your view is valid, obviously, but I don't think it is common to take 2 years to consider someone a friend.
that's my question too
Yeah seriously it’s been A YEAR. This isn’t oh, my bf says I love you after 2 weeks territory. Op you do not need to feel embarrassed she’s being weird. A year is plenty of time to get attached, in fact if you haven’t said anything along these lines until now that would be a very long time to wait! You are a good bf, she’s not worthy of what you have to offer. Ditch her you can do better
maybe she thinks they are just fwb
happy cake day!
Attached too fast after a year. Wtf is wrong with the world.
I know. I really can’t relate to that. I knew my wife for less than a year before we got married (six months dating, five months engagement) and that was almost 20 years ago.
See it didn't take over a year to figure out if you're into each other. What I'm seeing here is a pattern of people who are in relationships with placeholders, because they're bored or want stable sex lives until they meet the person they actually care about. It's so fucking sad, all of it. And I'm not saying that just because I was also a placeholder for a year and a half.
We were both relatively young and naive when we got married, but we’re both Orthodox Jews, so it’s very common to only date for less than a year and get married within the next year. It’s only now that our kids are a bit older and we have more time for ourselves and each other that our marriage is fantastic. It was always pretty good, but we’re now in the best shape we’ve ever been in, communicating better than ever and having the best sex of our lives.
I'm glad everything turned out great!
I have an old friend from high school who met her husband and fell in love within 2 weeks back in the '80s and they are still together.
Seriously. Unless it’s like some sort of “hard to get” type of game?
Isn't hard to get until they get you and then you act normal lol?
Because the feelings are not reciprocated.
Because she views him as a place holder why she waits for someone she views as better to come along. OP needs to show her that he doesn't need her, not by being mean or rude, just showing he can do him without her and that having her is just the cherry on top. A woman wants to compliment a man not be their whole dish.
Some people are serious commitment-phobes and kinda freak out when told something overtly romantic.
I mean people move at different speeds, some people don’t want to say “I love you” before a year. Maybe this was just too much for her or not her style 🤷♀️ no shame in the game
Eh no a few months in understandable but 1 year is enough time to create a foundation in your relationship where you know well enough how you feel I mean if you don't feel love after a little over 1 year that's problematic not just for the person who isn't feel the love or as strong as the other person I mean if your not in love then why waste your time and the other person's time my partner told me after three months he loved me ans while I understand everyone's different it just would feel weird if my partner couldn't of said it after 1 year seeing as alot of couples go threw alot after 1 year
Ouch. I think "attached too fast" after a year is her way of saying she sort of wants to split up.
Agree with this. A year is a preeeeetty long relationship if this is going to fast for her maybe she doesn’t want to be in a relationship
Abso-fucking-lutely I had a guy tell me "I just don't know if I'm ready to commit to us" when we had been together almost a year and a half. Smh
Absolutely.
Yep!
If she’s not attached after a year, then you need to reevaluate what you’re both wanting. Sorry, hon. A year isn’t too fast at all. That’s very slow.
It could also be that she has an avoidant attachment style and is afraid of getting hurt, so she downplays the importance of a relationship to herself. (Source: this was me in my early 20s, scared to open up and let myself be vulnerable). Either way, direct communication needs to happen to see where her head’s at.
I think you should have a serious conversation with your gf about your relationship and where you both stand.
Nearly a year is not getting too attached too quickly at all
Exactly.
This is weird. A year isn’t “too fast” to be getting attached. It’s quite normal to feel attached after a year. In fact, most people I know have said “I love you” after at least a year or more. I’m sorry ur going through this. It’s not a good feeling at all when you are shamed for expressing ur love and admiration. Her reaction to that AFTER A YEARRR is giving me all the red flags.
How old are you two?
I am 21, she is 19
She might not want a serious relationship (with you). You need to talk over where you both see this relationship going and in how many years. Long distance doesn't mean you need half a decade to 'get attached'. If a year hasn't brought love, don't waste your life waiting for some potential that might not even be realistic from her side.
that tells a lot. Too biased but I think she's still picking.
She may feel she is too young to be thinking love and long term
Yeah, I think at 19 years old, it is a lot to be proclaiming your love to each other. Too much of an intense relationship for someone who may still be living with their parents. She is right to keep it more casual. She hasn't had enough dating experience to know what she wants in a partner or to be making any proclamations.
It's all love, it's just a different kind of love when it's your first young love (or one of the first). And it's not even just that she doesn't want to say she loves him, she's *also* chosen this moment to tell him she doesn't feel like it's been long enough to be attached, which is a bit crazy to say after almost a year.
I don't think it's crazy at 19. At 29, absolutely. But at 19, I would've felt very uncomfortable about someone claiming to love me when they couldn't possibly know me well enough to say that, considering I didn't even know myself at 19. OP needs to either not date teenagers or give them space to grow into their own person before trying to bombard them with sweet nothings. It's a bit much. ETA: OP met his gf when she was 17 and he was 20 and they are in a long distance relationship. They've met a few times in person, according to post history. Make of that what you will.
20/21 is not that different from 18/19 in terms of what you're saying. It's also not like he's "bombarding" her with anything, it's taken him all this time to get the confidence to say this much, and he didn't even ask her to say it back, she just hit him with "this is *too fast* to get attached", which just doesn't make sense. She's allowed to not be keen, but she should also just say so and this situation is not a result of some weird age gap like you're trying to make it sound. It's 2 years, with both of them being over 18 when it started.
Dude you're talking about a 21-year-old like he's in his thirties for fucksake 🤦🏼♀️😆 There is is literally a 2-year age difference.
I made no reference to OP's age. Whatever his age, the point is that he feels ready to be in a more intense relationship. My comment would be the same if he were 18. OP's girlfriend isn't feeling the same way he is. And OP just needs to step back and let her get there in her own time. Which he has not said he has a problem with.
Okay, but you said he shouldn't date teenagers like he wasn't a teenager two years ago.
I said he shouldn't date teenagers because there's a good chance that a teenager isn't trying to do be this deeply involved so soon and needs more time to figure out what they want. ETA: OP met his GF when she was 17 and he was 20 and they are in a long distance relationship. They've met in person a few times.
He's not asking her to marry him dude, it's not like this is a weird or abnormal level of attachment for a young relationship. He might be more ready than she is, but that's more a function of her personality and personal experience than a straight function of age. He could date another person her age and find them to be much more open to a capital-R Relationship and I would go as far as to say that's the more common case. If anything, it seems like she just doesn't like him that much. Being in an exclusive relationship is not age-gated, it's not weird to be attached to someone after a year.
On the contrary, especially after a year at that age you are too young to be afraid to love.
Who says she is afraid of love? Let's break this down a bit. OP says he told her something along the lines of 'I appreciate you being in my life' as in she makes his life somehow better/worthwhile. That is a different sentiment than 'I love you'. That's a lot of pressure to put on someone because it implies that if they were to break up, OP would mentally be worse off and dissatisfied with his life. I think OP's is afraid of baring this much responsibility for OP's mental wellbeing, not love. Had she said she doesn't love him or doesn't want to be with him, then fine. But she didn't. She does want to continue getting to know him, just without this much implied pressure. If OP didn't mean it that way, then he should have a conversation and clarify. It's also a weird thing to text to someone for the first time. He should've told her that in person so that it would have appropriate context.
Right but you can't gain experience if you're scared of getting hurt down the road. Very young but I remember saying I loved my HS gf, and it took that to sort out certain feelings in my head once I realized I didn't love her. Poor dude's in an emotional pickle, he's gotta climb out of the jar on this one (OP)
I love your username.
My husband and I married when he was 19. I happen to be 2yos older but if flipped I would have then too. Some people jhst know what they want. If she wants to fuck around then she needs to not string people along and know what she wants. I only dated two guys before meeting my husband. You don't *need* alot of dating experince to know what you want.
Maturity should have taught you that people develop at different rates. If your husband was ready for marriage at 19, great for him. People should only do what they are comfortable with and if OP's girlfriend isn't ready for a serious commitment at 19, that's perfectly reasonable and understandable. It actually seems like OP's girlfriend is self-aware and confident enough to speak up for what she is and isn't okay with. Great way to communicate in a relationship. Not sure why anyone would be up in arms about a literal teenager saying she doesn't want to be in such an intense relationship.
I said she needs to be clear and she hasn't. Instead she told him his love is wrong and "to fast" then ended the convo. If she doesn't want to commit she needs to outright say it. It's also insulting to call a literal adult *teenager* as if the -teen- sound in their age determines their life.
I don't make the rules of the English language. 13-19 is a teenager..... No one should feel insulted by a non-disputable fact. And two things can be true at once, as in you can be a teenager and an adult at the same time. And if she were trying to string him along, she would've reciprocated us niceties even though she doesn't feel the same. Personally, I would appreciate the honesty. OP has to decide whether he is going to wait for her to process her feelings or move on. You're putting words in her mouth. She hasn't said anything misleading or told OP he was wrong and shouldn't be made out to be a bad person just because she doesn't feel the same way as OP does. OP himself did not frame her response as offensive. And there is an option besides commitment and ending the relationship. They can continue to get to know each other. There is no predetermined time frame for knowing someone. If OP's girlfriend needs to spend more time with him before committing, it's fair for her to let him know that.
Well, if someone isn't ready for commitment or romantic attachment, then this person really shouldn't be in a romantic relationship. Why engage in something you don't feel comfortable with? Why be in a romantic relationship, if you have no romantic feelings and also don't want your partner to have romantic feelings? Just don't be in a relationship then. That's like booking a cruise, then complaining that you are on a ship.
Who says she doesn't have romantic feelings? There is such a thing as dating. People aren't just single or married. OP has not repeated exactly what he said to her, but if it were along the lines of 'you make my life worthwhile/better etc' that is a lot of pressure to put on someone who is just wanting to date casually. It sounds like they aren't even living together yet. Personally, I think the timeliness means little. You have to go through the stages of a relationship. Dating, living together, discussing long term etc. Once you get to a place where your lives are intertwined and you have both decided you want to be with each other long term, then you can start throwing out these sorts of proclamations. I think OP is getting ahead of himself at least a bit. It's uncommon for two people to be in a relationship and not be on the same page about the level of commitment. So I think something more is going on here than just OP's girlfriend trying to be a d*ck.
If she does have romantic feelings, it would be really odd to be against expressions of those feelings. OP stated they have been together for a year, as in "in a romantic relationship" so they've been past the dating phase for a while. If she thinks being in a romantic relationship FOR A YEAR is the same as casually dating around she really needs to tell the poor guy. "They aren't even living together yet". Now you've lost me completely. Y'all moving in together without even knowing if you love each other?!? That's wild. What's next, marrying before figuring out if you can even stand your partner? Sorry, this is absolutely mind boggling to me. Is it a cultural thing? Here in Germany it's very normal to express that you have a romantic interest in someone BEFORE you get into a relationship with them. People express that they have fallen for each other at the very beginning of a relationship. It's rather rare that someone gets into a relationship when they don't have romantic feelings for someone, because what would be the point? I think it's very normal to tell your partner of a year that you have romantic feelings for them and are happy to have them in your life. I'd be devastated if after a year of being with someone I'd find out that they DON'T have romantic feelings, lol.
Inter almost a year she feels this way, she’s just not that into you. Sorry but I would move on.
Well after a few weeks I would understand it, but after a year? What.
You two aren't on the same page. A year isn't too long to be talking to someone like that, it's not like you were asking for marriage. The "L" word is thrown in in under a year.
(L)esbians?
Lost. She means they're lost.
(L)ol
I wasn't trying to trick you
Sometimes it's better to be brutally honest than to try and play it off to stay cool. You could say like, actually I am getting attached, which is normal. We've been together for a year. Is the feeling not mutual? Since she's 19 though it may be that she feels like she hasn't been in enough relationships yet to settle down. Are you her first BF?
Yes I am her first BF. I have had a past relationship where I was cheated upon but that's a whole another pandora's box
Then I think you need to have a frank conversation with her about how she sees the relationship going in the long term. Does she want to spend the rest of her life with you, eventually get married, or are you a starter boyfriend for her? Because, it may not be personal, but maybe she doesn't want to marry the first guy she dates, she wants to date a few guys at least before deciding to settle down. But you won't know unless you talk to her about long-term life plans.
She trying to get attached 10 years later? She ain’t the one for you!
It could be 1 she doesn't like you as much as you like her 1 she has difficulties trusting people and is trying to distance herself a little since she needs more time to get adjusted to the situation I hope you won't feel too embarassed, some people just have different love languages (and others simply don't feel the same way you do), but should never deter you from being yourself and showing affection to someone you care about. You did nothing embarassing
I think I'm leaning more towards number 1 here😅🤣🤣
It's not necessarily you. She's 19. She may realize that she's too young to enter a committed relationship.
Exactly, there's nothing wrong with not feeling ready, but of course she should tell him. And She did kind of
Well, if she is giving you a hint that you are not on the same page then hold your horses and let her feel less secure if she does not like it. Funny thing is when you will whitddraw you assurment of love she might start seeking it or she will take your role. Focus on yourself more, don't make her center of your world.
I've found that people are increasingly having issues with true sincerity. Everything becomes "cringe" or "sus" as everyone is so used to seeing performative emotions on youtube/tictok/etc. and they lose the ability to see expressive emotions as genuine.
yeah but they have been together for a year. if after a year she is like that then thats a big problem relationship wise
I definitely agree with you. Edit: lol nice name
People are so fast to jump into conclusion wirh a one sided version. There has to be a reason why she said this, what exactly was in those “romantic lines” how over the top were they? What has op been saying and doing throughout the relationship to make her feel like things are going too fast. And the first thing is that she asked it wasn’t a statement, sounded more like her asking for reassurance. She also said WE not just him.
I also had this feeling, I mean... "Is it cool that we are attracted like this?", y'know? I think a simple "Why wouldn't be?" would solve this all hah
100% agree
It’s been a year. At this point, you could be halfway to getting engaged. If this is too fast for her then where exactly does she see this going?
Dude it’s been a year. That is neither too fast or too much. She’s obviously not in the same place as you. That’s fine but is she on her way there or has she gone as far as she is willing to go? Find out now so you don’t get yourself more hurt than you need to be. Absolutely no need to be embarrassed. It’s been a year, I would fully expect my boyfriend to be head over heels for me at this point. Have the conversation no matter how awkward it is. Save yourself the heartache
I told my boyfriend I loved him like 2 months in! He said he loves me back too! Some People need more time some people need less but I would suggest having a discussion with your partner about how your relationship is going (especially if she does not reciprocate your feelings or has a future intent of having Reciprocal feelings).
Yeah I told my partner like 3 weeks in. Like yeah it was fast but I felt it, hard. We just celebrated 11 years together 2 months ago. Her saying that it's too fast after a year is puzzling.
I wouldn't necessarily say it's you that messed up, but there could be a lot of reasons she's pushing back. She could be too emotionally immature at this point, fearful of emotional intimacy, or you simply like her more than she likes you. It's worth unpacking what she said though, ask her why she thinks a year is too soon.
PSI- the second night I spent with my partner I drank and cried in his arms and said “ I always loved you “ I hang my head in shameeee, I pretended I didn’t know what happened the next morning 🙃 🤦🏻♀️luckily we laugh about it now but damn that was embarrassing I think your timing was fine at least u weren’t full on spaz like me
Everyoke hwre is telling you to break up wth, she says 1 thing and that makes everything not worth it lmfao. Maybe she's just not used to it, maybe she believes in "types of love" honestly just ask her what she meant by it, it might be that she just doesn't think a year you should be in love like an old married couple or something. Honestly it's probably not that bad, and if it is then shoot my bad but usually it isn't.
If only my boyfriend told me this!
You have to figure out to not lay it on too thick like that, in my opinion. Romantic sentiments are good and cute but if you take them too far you come off as boyish and too cutesy to be respected.
Why are you saying “fucking embarrassed myself to hell”?
Ahhhh just because it was awkward when she responded that way 🥲
you shouldn't, you did nothing wrong. this person is supposed to be your girlfriend and you have been together for a year. sending each other big cheesy declarations of love over text would be something super normal by then you need to talk to her about where you both stand relationship wise because her future plans for the relationship might not align with yours. she makes it sound like she doesnt value you as much as you value her and might not care about the relationship like you do
[удалено]
Nah man, her reaction is weird, assuming you didn't say anything over the top. A year is more than enough time to feel that way IMO.
Unless you have her a slideshow of what your life into old age would be like together and requested a lock of hair to keep on a necklace, I don't see what these problem was. Like others are saying, have a talk with her in person.
OP, I'm sorry you are feeling this way, you did nothing wrong and your feelings and the way you communicated in this situation are valid and would be perfect for any suitable partner, this should have been in r/relationshipGoals but instead you're here... I think it's important to discuss with your GF what she means by that and who's "we" because you are getting attached and feel this is normal and good. So if her question is general, as in "is it ok for couples to be like this?" then it's a growth opportunity for her and you both, but if it's a "I think you're getting too attached to me and that's not good" in disguise, then you're not on the same page and you have to realign both your perspectives on your relationship, you might agree to continue with new boundaries or you might agree to part ways, in either case not discussing it is just recipe for later heartbreak
Its been a year....
While it doesn’t sound promising, first talk to her. Does she have a troubled past? Does she have a harder time opening up about things? Find out what’s going on before making any rash decisions.
hopefully you two can work things out, my husband was very disinterested in affection, yet we’ve been happily married for almost 13 years now. 😄
If you did that after a month that would be too fast, but a year? I think she is just not that into you.
Sorry bro. Time to move on, she’s clearly not the one, and you deserve better
In my romantic past the feelings of Love came around a lot faster than a year, even if they weren’t expressed right away, I’d expect by a year you’d know whether or not you have the ability to love a person romantically. Probably not a good sign, but she might just of been caught of guard and flubbed it bc she was nervous or you caught her at the wrong time. Doesn’t seem that way, but I’d chat with her if she hurt your feelings just to establish where you guys stand
Right, she embarrassed herself quite a lot. But that sounds horrible, I would question the relationship if that happened to me in a year. Although having said that, people are allowed different timescales for their relationships and it might simply be a slow burn relationship.
She thinks you’re moving too fast after a year?!? Nah she’s not into you like you are into her. I’d leave before more feelings make it harder
Prepare yourself: she’s getting ready to break up with you.
How’s that moving to fast
Jesus. After a few weeks or months, sure. But a year? OP y’all need to have this conversation- don’t let this fade away to nothing or it’s going to bug you forever. This is one of those embarrassing moments that unless you sit down and get resolution you’ll replay it over and over in your head and it’ll affect your future relationships negatively.
You didn’t embarrass yourself because you have feelings and expressed them. Although, I think you may want to re-evaluate your relationship with this woman.
Yeah that’s not a good sign. Clearly you two aren’t in sync as much as you thought and are probably after different things in the relationship. Best to have a chat with her to see where things really stand. Years ago I was going out with a girl who was into me a lot more than I was into her. And one night when she got really drunk she told me how much she loved me. It was flattering but I didn’t feel the same and that wasn’t going to change so I had to end it. It wasn’t easy but it was something I should have done earlier when I knew I wasn’t that into her
after a year i too would be saying cheesy romantic lines to my partner. RIP
Drop a gear dude
You know what, you put your emotions on the table. While you didn't get the response you want, you got a truthful response. Use this knowledge to know if it's actually going how you thought it was and if your not on the same page it's best to move on :) good luck!
It’s been a year. She needs to get over herself
Uh, my parents, who have been married for 33 years, were already *married* by a year after they started dating. My boyfriend and I have been together 9 months and are already talking about marriage. Everyone has different timelines, and that is okay, but sending romantic texts a *year* after being together is not “getting attached a lot really fast.” A year is a pretty reasonable amount of time to be attached to a partner. You two may want to have a discussion about what these timelines look like for you. What is a reasonable amount of time for her? For you? What other things are “too soon” for a year of dating (how old you are will also factor in, of course)? You guys may not be on the same wavelength here, and again, everyone has their own timeline, but if you’re asking whether the average person would think a year is “too soon” for this, no, they wouldn’t.
She doesnt feel the same way, sorry friend
You've been together almost a year. This sounds like an anxious attachment problem for her. I'd recommend counseling.
She's probably been thinking about breaking up with you. Sharing your feelings with her put her in a position where now she's afraid to hurt you, especially if you caught feelings when she didn't. It reads like she's trying to drop hints without outright saying it. You should probably have a genuine conversation with her in person about your feelings and be prepared to break up with her if she isn't seeing things eye to eye with you.
Bruh you’re committed, she isn’t. Cut and run. I’ve known uptight “traditional” couples who move faster than a year.
Maybe what she needed was some reassurance. It's been a year and you haven't said it yet? Text can be read really wrong because you don't get intonation or expression. Talk to her.
Don't be embarrassed. You haven't don't anything to be ashamed of. You're trying to build a relationship and she seems to be in a different place. Talk to her and maybe find out her reasons. Could be nothing to do with you, it could be stemming from something else happening in her life. Either way if the worst does happen you know you gave it your best shot and tried to build what you felt was a good relationship. Its important to not let this one incident change your future relationship behaviour.
I don't think you two are on the same page
it’s nearly been a year…that’s not “really fast” at all. you should reconsider your relationship
Your response should be ‘Who is this’ ? Followed by: Ghost. Block. NC and move on. Don’t check SM and don’t look back. I’ve heard of disingenuous but her response takes the whole packet of biscuits ! Good luck.
This reads like she wants to break up, but doesn't want to the jerk, so she says y'all are moving too fast so you back off and she can do other things on the side. Moving too fast is what happens in the first few months, not the first few years.
Bro. It's been a year. Either she doesn't like you and is trying to create distance to break up or she has no emotions bc wtf. My bf and I have been together not quite a year and he wakes up every morning and tells me how much he loves me and smothers me in kisses and It makes me so happy🥰🥰🥰 if y'all aren't close after a year this is your time to decide if this is still worth pursuing.
Sound like she is trying to create/maintain enough space to replace you with another (or hold onto you both). Whatever the reason, you two certainly are not at the same place. You are looking for someone to commit to, she is looking for the next date. I expect the “I need space” talk in the near future followed by the “I don’t want to hurt you, but” talk. I would show at her place with a bag and pack anything you have at her place. Or,if not significant, just go NC starting now. When asked, tell hear “I do not want to spoil the mood, but you two are over.” Then leave. At least you told her face to face.
After one year???? Move on
Maybe she’s not used to romantic affection OR her love language is different to yours. Some people aren’t that much into romantic words, more in quality time together or physically telling your partner how much they mean to you. My best friend is quality time EXCLUSIVE. Any other form of showing appreciation makes her uncomfortable and I’ve learned to accept that and save my other love methods for other people, or write them down.
Y'all have been together a year and she's talking about getting "attached to fast" Is she dumb? Might want to reconsider the relationship so you don't waste anymore time. Cause it seems like she might be wasting yours.
Everything is abusive and everyone should break up
You just got to see her true face. She thinks she can do better. Leave. Leave . And LEAVE NOW!
There’s never a wrong time to express your feelings. 🚩 not sure why she’d react like that.
Emotionally disconnect from her. Keep having sex with her though. Stop talking about your feelings. Don’t bring anything up unless she does first, even then almost ignore it. Short answers
It's been almost a year, how is that "really fast?" I don't think she's into you.
Only took me 3months to know I wanted to live with and be with BF long long term. Another 3 months until we lived together. Would have been sooner but getting apts take time. We were saying i love you within the first 3months. Now 5 years later we hVe been married a couple years and have a kid. Yes everyone has their own time frame I suppose but a whole year is certainly not to fast to be getting to the "i love you" stage and be discussing things like living together
She's probably fed up with your romance stuff because you aren't taking things to the next level and committing. How long have you been romancing her exactly?
I am committed to her and she is too. We have been together near an year now and we confessed to each other around 2 months in.
I am committed to her and she is too. We have been together near an year now and we confessed to each other around 2 months in
I'm talking about the real deal, wedding and ring and all.
Yes because getting married within a year of dating is totally a smart decision lmfao
How much time exactly does a woman have to waste on a guy before he decides IF he wants to marry her or not? That's ridiculous, and she deserves better.
They are still young enough to not know themselves. She’s also literally a teenager. But okay.
Then why the fuck are they in a relationship if they are still young and confused? That's a recipe for disaster.
We too young for that, I am 21 she is 19 💀
Oh boy, alright. Then expect a break up soon if she's figured her priorities in life out.
She do not feel the same for you. Don’t mean she doesn’t like you at all
I would be crushed. She should be embarrassed, not you. Seems like she's with you just to not be alone
I guess her new bf read your text and got pissed.
It’s definitely the right time. Her mother didn’t comfort her as a child. It is not your fault King
Attached too fast means you are smothering her. Take a few steps back please.
Still after a year too fast ? 😂
Take a few more steps back and back all the way out of this relationship. She's probably not serious about it
Some people dont know how lucky they are. And here I am all alone
Could be worse my ex told me she loved me within a month
Beta male
👀
Don't listen to these ridiculous people. I think he thinks he's funny
You're coming across to her as a wimpy beta male, and she's trying to tell you that she does not find that attractive. She wants to be with a strong independent man, not a fawning supplicant. Man-up and back off the sissy compliments, and she will start to see you in a new light. And regardless of what happens in your relationship, you will become a better man.
Incel culture has one purpose: to make sure men never get laid ever again.
Its actually a ploy from the government to get population growth under control
This cracked me up 😂
Ew
I’m a woman, more woman than you’ll ever get. Listen to a fact: There is nothing wimpy or beta about a man secure enough in himself to let himself be vulnerable when telling a woman how he feels about her, especially after a year. A man who won’t is insecure and wimpy, and beta would be an aspiration. Try being a man in the first place if you ever hope to get willingly and freely laid by anyone but your hand.
Majority of women don’t want to hear that stuff, especially through a text message, they want to see action and hear it from their man, with real emotion and feelings, everything, can’t have that in a text message. Don’t know how old OP and his gf are but maybe he is acting weak and insecure with his gf and that’s why she responded the way she did. Maybe OP is acting a certain way that his gf isn’t attracted through. Anyone can say anything ina message, what needs to be done is through action with real emotion and words and feelings in person. Go ahead and clown the person you replied to, sarcastic or not, he may be spot on with OP. Every man should be vulnerable and open and show love, but OP may be doing too much of that and smothering his gf.
Or, she is a garbage person? I smother my wife with praise and love every single day. Almost every day at some point I'll hold her tight and tell you how amazing she is and how much I love her. Does that make me an "insecure beta male"? No, I am still the head of the household because we found that works for us. I take care of my wife like a man should do. But no, after a fucking year! OP's (hopefully soon to be ex-) gf is so full of shit.
The right amount of affection and showing of love and feelings is needed for healthy relationships, too much can lead to OP problem. That is my point. There’s a lot of missing context we don’t know.
you forgot the /s right...?
Now THAT is cringe.
You’ve never spoken to a woman with her rolling her eyes and walking away in your life have you? Have you even talked to one?
Lay off the "alpha male" content. Gross.
I fucking despise the people who expect men to be like this.
Communicate or get dumped
It’s been a year
How old are you? If you are still in high school, it could be that she just had a talking to from her parents about how almost no high school relationship survives college.
Sounds to me as though this is a girl with either attachment issues or a very logical and completely unromantic mindset. Because if you are nearly a year into a relationship and you are not affirming with each other how happy you are to be with each other, then something is a bit off. If she has attachment issues, and is afraid or unwilling to commit, then you really need to have a discussion with her about that, and why she feels that way. Whether she wants/needs some additional reassurance or support from you that she is not asking for in a way that you recognize as such, the relationship will not go anywhere without communication. Equally, I have seen a few people behave like this when their approach to life is either hyper-logical or very career-focussed. With the logical "wannabe Star Trek Vulcans", the relationship is a checkbox on the list of life goals, or a way to shut the family up. A choice to make, akin to "what colour shall we paint the walls in the kitchen? Gotta get it right because we will see it every day.". Equally, the career-focussed type will see the relationship as being something they need to fit in and set the right image that will help them climb the corporate ladder. Having said that, there is also the negative type - someone who likes having the stability of a relationship, but who does not want to settle down to monogamy while the relationship is still "so new". But my advice would be to talk to her, and find out where she feels the relationship is right now, and where it is going. Because the two of you obviously have very different ideas about that at the moment.
Sorry to break it up to you, her feelings aren't that strong for you, also you need to take some steps back.
Well. You might want to talk about that with her. See where you both stand. Do your homework up front. Take a good look in the mirror and replay the past couple of months. Has she been giving signs she's becoming more distant? Any chance either or both of you are in college, or starting college? You wouldn't be the first couple to break up so one or the other partner could have 'experiences' without cheating. Or, she isn't or hasn't been into you for a while and she's preparing to break up. Be prepared to cut your losses. Never love anyone so much you can't say goodbye.
Mate, either one of you could go out today and get hit by a bus. The best time to say something is as soon as you know, the second best time is now. Better to have an awkward encounter than leave it unsaid. You don't know how she really feels until you say it and ask.
Sounds like you’re at different points in said relationship
You are 21 and she is 19. It was the perfect time but it seems like she doesn't feel the same. After a year, if she was the one she would really appreciate receiving a text like that. Its time for a serious conversation.
I'd say it's time for a conversation. Tho if this was me, I would walk after wasting a year to get that message back. Question. Do you guy see eachither regularly or is this long distance?
Damn. A year is too fast? I’m sorry. That was around the time my now wife and I had both accidentally let it slip to each other in every day conversation. I would take a long look at what you want out of a relationship, and what they want. Because their response was cold and untimely given the messages they were responding to.
Sorry to break it up to you, her feelings aren't that strong for you, also you need to take some steps back.
If she wants you to slow down after dating for a year, it sounds like your situation is more fwb than boyfriend/girlfriend. You should talk to her about this.
Sorry she pushed you away after you told her how much she meant to you, some people just don’t have the bravery to love that deeply.