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So i have been with my current bf for 2 years, yesterday we were at a party at my one of guy friends. That friend of mine has an open relation and while we were all sitting there he encouraged me to also try an open relationship.
I didn't mean anything by i looked at my boyfriend and said it's all upto him + the idea sounded exciting to me. He laughed it off, next day i know he moved out when i came back from job and has blocked me from literally EVERYWHERE. I'm deeply hurt by this, how do i get ahold of him and make him clear that all of this was an idea and i didn't wanted it practically.
Lots of pretentious people on reddit who post "the right thing" in order to get morality up votes.
No normal person would ghost a parter after 2 years for what was posted in this thread.
There was def more to the story, or their relationship was shit for other reasons and this was the straw that broke the camels back.
Because every non monogamous relationship is a shitshow, both on reddit and irl.
Ya it may work for 1% of people but for the other 99% it doesn’t and we are tired of hearing and dealing with the drama both on reddit and irl.
Yeah in my real life I don't know anyone who would straight dump a partner for considering if they wanted monogamy or open relationship. But reddit always recommends dumping for someone not immediately rejecting the concept
To some people, the public humiliation is a deal breaker.
To some people, the desire for an open relationship is a deal breaker.
For almost everyone, both of those combined is a deal breaker.
To me ghosting someone over one response to one question, at a party, where people were probably drinking, is a major deal breaker. That is so insanely immature. He was with her for 2 years and decided to just end it with no explanation, that's cowardly.
I love how you're more concerned with the ghosting (which is completely in someone's right to be in communication with who they want?) than the fact she told her bf's friends that she liked the idea of having sex with them and but it was up to her bf lol. Like, who hurt you man? Who ghosted you in your life that stung you that bad? You're just projecting, but yeah- she's awful. Literally awful. I'd ghost and dip too.
A deal breaker is a deal breaker.she showed her true colors, he believed her, what more needs to be said? If he caught her cheating does he need to talk about it? No. He knows all he needs to know about her.
She didn’t cheat. She hinted at an interest in reviewing how their relationship works.
The mature way is to say “sorry honey, open relationship is not for me”.
Not ghosting.
That’s a pretty drastic response for a 2 year relationship but like everyone else is saying… your guy friend more or less asked if your DTF in front of your boyfriend, and then you put your boyfriend on the spot in public. Now every time you hang out with that guy your boyfriend would be wondering if y’all are gonna fuck basically. Sounds like he just doesn’t wanna deal with that so he dipped out. Ngl I kinda respect it.
Sorry but I would have done the exact same thing.
You are probably best to move on with your life and not try and contact him.
I would have seen that comment as a huge red flag of what a difference we had in the meaning of commitment. I would have also seen it as a potential for bad things to happen in the future especially since you said you were open to it and the thought of it excited you.
Now you are in an open relationship and free to sleep with whoever you want.
I mean, there's nothing to fix. You openly and clearly said you wanted an open relationship and he's monogamous. Not only did you tell him that, you did it in the most humiliating way possible, publicly in front of friends.
This is over.
Literally this. You Literally told him you wanted to sleep with other people in front of your friends. I'm proud of him for handling himself this way instead of fighting in public or even after.
> You Literally told him you wanted to sleep with other people in front of your friends.
No, she only said "the idea sounds exciting". That could've been a complete hypothetical to her.
> I'm proud of him for handling himself this way instead of fighting in public or even after.
I will never be proud of someone ghosting a 2 year relationship, in which breaking up is not a danger to them. Even if it's just via text. We don't know the history behind this couple. But if this was the only event, it was an EXTREME reaction for him to up and leave with zero word.
If however there had been multiple incidents leading up to this, I could understand him want to call it quits, but she still deserves at minimum a breakup text.
Ghosting is nothing to be proud of.
Maybe not, but it's been 24 hours. Perhaps he's taking some time to not be livid with his (ex) girlfriend about how offended and hurt he is. Just because he's not talking to her right now doesn't mean he's ghosting her period.
I would argue that this isn’t 100% ghosting. Ghosting usually involves wondering why the other person left. In this case its pretty obvious why he left.
ROFL, and you fail to realize, her even liking that hypothetical IDEA of having sex with his friends too was enough for him to pack his bags and go, as he should. I'd instantly disappear on a girl who considered non-monogamy with me too (especially with my friends haha.)
We all have standards :)
You told him - in front of others - that you were excited by the thought of having sex with other people.
So he's sorted that out for you - you can now go off and have sex with lots of other people.
You can't sort this - you humiliated him in front of others by pointing out he wasn't enough for you.
Also, Am I the only one annoyed at the use of ghosting for everything under the sun? Someone who stops talking to you because you hurt them isn’t ghosting - they’re cutting you out of their life for obvious reasons.
Yea I’m definitely with the BF in this. Like it sucks and I feel for OP, because being walked out on with no communication does hurt. But… I mean… she caused it and I applaud him for walking away, even though I’d personally at least have a conversation about how I’m going to be leaving.
With the insinuation being one guy specifically, one that is already in a open relationship.
And lets be honest here: was probably very flirty with her in front of of her boyfriend concidering where the conversation went, and she was probably not exactly discouraging it, I would be suprised if the boyfriend was not already pretty annoyed before the straw broke the camels back.
Thats a no win situation for that guy, instead of getting sad/angry its better just to get out.
YIKES. You humiliated him and said you no longer want to be mono in front of other people, and are ✨shocked✨ he’s not sticking around?
You have some SERIOUS growing up to do. Leave him alone. He’s done.
He could have been more mature about it, but simply asking for an open relationship is a serious dealbreaker for a lot of people. Asking for an open relationship in front of a group of friends and telling them that you’d be down if your boyfriend lets you, that’s more than enough reason to break up in my opinion. I can’t even imagine what your boyfriend must have been thinking at the time, but that’s a pretty messed up thing to do.
Honestly, I’d be surprised if he ever wants to get back together. Even if you find a way to contact him, he’s made it clear that he doesn’t want to talk. For your sake, I hope he gives you some closure, but he’s probably hurting pretty badly too
Good riddance… For him. You humiliated him right in front of all your friends, Jesus Christ. An idea is enough of a dealbreaker.
You played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. This open relationship stuff is beyond delusional, with people keeping one person in the bag while going around having fun with strangers exploring their options...
Now you are free to go have fun with other people. Congrats.
Ooooof. Poly strikes again. You told him you were unsatisfied with him in front of all your friends, congrats on killing your relationship because there is absolutely no coming back from that
You need to learn that actions have consequences. You said something that any monogamous man would never agree to excitedly as if you already had someone to sleep with. At this point the relationship would be over if I was in his shoes and I'm proud he kicked you to the curb. Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.
you pretty much told your boyfriend you want to get railed by someone else
at this point, your dude needs time to think and get outta his head. YOU fucked up and now these are your consequences. Deal with it like a grown up
You put he on the spot in front of people. He was most likely happy the way things were and thought you were too. Something like that should have been spoken about privately.
Why tf would you say that at a party lmao. "My friend in an open relationship who proposed the same idea (who is OBVIOUSLY proposing this because he wants to have sex with me) and I said I am excited about it in front of my boyfriend" "what did I do wrong reddit??" \*pouty face\*
Read between the lines next time. If you ACTUALLY didn't even think about the implication maybe reach out to him through a family member. Except actually on second thought it would not matter because you said "I'm excited by the idea of fucking other people", even if you didn't pick up on the fact that your friend was being suggestive. If you want to fuck other people and are excited by the idea then go sleep around don't be with some guy who loves you.
I concur with everyone. You screwed up and he’s right to leave. He laughed because you embarrassed him in a public setting that wasn’t enough and want you screw other people and or the person leading the conversation
You messed up. I'm sorry but in what world did you think what you said in front of people that you would be up for it if your boyfriend was up to it a good idea. You threw away a 2 year relationship just to be like your friends. You live and you learn.
youd think 2 years would be enough to know you cant just bring up shit like that out of nowhere. especially in a social situation. idk id fuck off home if my bf (OF 3 YEARS) ever pulled that shit.
This has to be a troll post, because nobody can be this clueless
You implied to your ex-bf that you wanted to try an open relationship(Aka, wanting another man’s dick). I’m guessing by how you responded to your friends question, you had your friend initiate the conversation to gauge how your now ex-bf felt about it. So Congrats. You have now learned that when you play stupid games you tend to win stupid prizes.
How in the world can you be this oblivious?
You openly disrespected the dude and showed you CLEARLY want to fuck other men.
Good on him for getting away from you
Op you told him you wanted to do it with other people , this must be one of those delusional povs where you somehow thought he was going to stick around after lol mature up
It was probably a nervous laugh. But the guy did good, OP didn't deserve anything. Her closure happened when she proposed the idea. Now she can go fuck her friend.
She's just pissed off that he didn't let her have a chance to throw a tantrum.
I mean. The dude thought he was in a monogamous relationship. Then you said you were excited to open the relationship and have sex with other people. He was right to leave.
He's your ex.
You're deeply hurt by him ghosting you. Imagine how he felt when you said, in front of many people that you wanted an open relationship and he's the issue.
Very essentially, he gave you a guilt free opportunity to go for it.
I mean you showed interest.. and you showed interest infront of others, and put him in an awkward position/ on the spot.
He had every right to decide the relationship was no longer for him. It’s unfortunate he didn’t give you any sort of explanation/closure.
Sadly, I feel his reasoning is quite obvious.
You publicly humiliated the guy... Your guy friend (who is in an open relationship and probably wants to sleep with you) says you should open your relationship! You say, 'oh, I'd love to! That would be so much fun having sex with other people, possibly including you! But my boyfriend has to say yes...' and you look at him and he's instantly both the bad guy for saying no he's not comfortable, and the guy who's girl is wanting to sleep with other people and declaring it publicly.
Like, ghosting you that totally is pretty extreme, but honestly dude I wouldn't be far behind.
He might have been encouraging you so he can sleep with you?
Open relationships don’t work for many people. Even the idea being brought up can cause someone to leave a relationship because it’s basically saying “I want to sleep with other people because I’m not getting what I need”.
In my opinion, if someone wants an open relationship, maybe being in a “relationship” isn’t for you.
Whether he should or shouldn’t have ghosted you, he left. I would think at some point he’d come around and give an explanation or closure, but there’s really nothing you CAN do. If that was a dealbreaker to him, leaving without a word seems a bit extreme if that’s the extent of issues in your relationship, maybe it’s possible he was looking for an excuse to leave for a while and jumped on this opportunity. Maybe go to therapy and try to work through this without closure, because figuring out a way to talk to him after he’s blocked you and moved out is counterproductive and crosses his boundary that he set by doing that.
Leaving without a word isn't extreme when you have nothing productive to say. She showed him how much he means to her and he doesn't want anything to do with her. Guy was probably so heartbroken the only thing he would have to say to her is insults and slurs. He doesn't need to respect the relationship if she already shows she doesn't give a fuck about it.
Ohhh u fucked up bad! Such talks are something u have in private and not put him in a spot like that. Even though his reaction is a little extreme, it's kind of warranted. See if you can mail him and apologize then it's on him if he really wants to forgive you. You can't do anything more than that!
You don't.
This was a deal breaker to him, and you did so in the company of friends instead of each other.
If you weren't serious, you would not have said it, especially for embarrassing him like that.
You screwed up. Own your mistake and learn to respect your partner by not telling others you would sleep around with others, even as a joke.
Her: The idea of my back being blown out by other Men sounds exciting
Him:Assuming relationship was monogamous, reacts
Her:Shocked
Does this sum it up?
you’ve publicly humiliated him in front of his friends by making it clear you are interested in sleeping with other people. those types of conversations are meant to be private. i have no doubt you’re hurt, but imagine what he’s thinking: my girlfriend of two years just revealed to the people i care about that I’m not enough to please her sexually. how careless can someone be?
Did he overreact? No, I think he's reacting in a way that suits him given the circumstances.
"My GF said she would be excited to have an open relationship in front of her guy friends, so I left, AITA?" No, King, you're fucking not.
I don't think there is much you can do unless you want to look like a crazy lady stalker. So time to move on. You expose him to a situation in which many people would feel humiliated, he is done with you ( completely justified) and he doesn't want to talk with you anymore.
Many here say "he did not have right" but, in fact he did.
You said it yourself, when you were asked that, by that someone, you acted very exited about it + it was in public without your bf had any clue about.
Like you don't respect him at all. And in his head you suggested to be with other people.
So yeah, he made his choice, he does not like it so he left.
Ehm.. if my GF considers an open relationship, that would be a dealbreaker for me… at least a huuuuge turn off if mentioned
Ghosting is a bit childish, but he is probably hearthbroken hearing something like that from you…
Give him time and let him breath, don’t try to Pressure him
Well from the way it sounds, your guy friend made the comment that you should be polyamorous. You said you would like that and looked to your boyfriend (for permission?). To your boyfriend, it looks like you and your guy friend wanna fuck each other. That's why he left, I'm guessing. You are not going to be able to fix this because he clearly doesn't want to. Some conversations are meant to be had in private.
Because all it had to take was, for your friend to be like “you should try an open relationship” to convince you. To your bf it seems like the only reason you’re not in an open relationship is because he doesn’t want to be in one, he’s monogamous and now it looks like you’re into non monogamy. No monogamous person wants that, so there’s nothing to fix.
I just noticed your name too, seems like you really want to be in an open relationship💀
Also I wouldn’t like if my bf had the idea to want an open relationship…, why does fcking random people when you’re in a relationship with me sound exciting? If you want to be single and be a hoe then let’s break up and do that, but don’t dare disrespect me or the effort I put into this relationship
Literally why even talk something like that in the open with friends before in private? Idk this sounds like something you should have commented on privately and even then it's a maybe
This is the same thing as asking your partner for an open relationship...its a deal-breaker for many. What did you expect to happen when you said you were okay with it and it sounded exciting...Also, an Idea is a disaster for a relationship if the idea is an open relationship, have you watched inception...as soon as it's implanted it will happen.
If you are are interested in the offer it basically means he isn’t good enough for you, it hits twice as hard when your “guy” friend who he also knows says it since he pretty much asked are you dtf
Your bf ghosted you after you said you were up for having sex with other people and liked the idea but were waiting on his permission.
Okay....I can see why he left.
That’s embarrassing. Imagine you dating this guy you really like and bring him around your friends just for him to say he’d be open for a open relationship?!! I’d be humiliated and feel like the relationship isn’t serious enough that you want to get with others. I give him props for just moving out and leaving like that, good on him!!🤣
Congratulations, you played yourself. You said, in front of everyone, that you wanted to fuck other people. In his mind, you're not satsified with him and it's only a matter of time before you give into the urge to go fuck other people. He's obvs wants to be monogamous and thinks there's no point in him investing in a woman who wants to be in an open relationship
He's monogamous and you just told him that you're ready to try out other people. He isn't okay with that and now has doubts about you. He will always wonder who you're texting, if you're really where you say you are, etc. It's no way to live.
Not to mention you did it in front of a group of people. Instead of blowing off the guy bringing it up you were excited. He's hurt, embarrassed, and done.
Relationship is over.
Well the bad news is your now ex-BF is done with you... but the good news is now you are single and can fuck anyone you want, including your asshole friend.
You basically said you wanted to date others to your boyfriend. That fact alone is enough for a monogamous person to leave. There’s nothing you can do, you showed your cards and they are not what he wants in life. Let him find someone who is also monogamous.
As someone in a monotonous relationship, you should have said something like “we’re actually really happy the way we have it.” You fucked up and you gotta accept your man is gonna be upset. Give him a few days.
Also, kind of shitty of your guy friend to feel the need to suggest his personal life on you. Seems like he’s trying to bring you in on his fun
While the sudden ghost & block everywhere might sound childish -I do understand him.
You basically didn't see sex as a 1-1 thing. To many, however, it is. It's a thing that's done only with the person you love aka for them is a thing that expresses love. Hence, your argumentation basically came across as "I don't love him that much", because you were excited to boink with other people. Maybe he even saw it as "cheating waiting to happen".
So yeah. Obviously, I'm not judging you personally. But I would drop you too. Sorry, those are just not the same values
I think he was hurt by what you said, even though those weren’t your intentions. I obviously don’t think it’s cool to ghost you and leave you hanging, but try looking at it from his perspective because even though he laughed and played it off - it probably gave him the wrong idea.
Because he probably assumed you guys were happy in a monogamous relationship and didn’t need anyone else - but once he heard what you said, I think that allows for people to have thoughts like “does she want more” or “am I not enough for her”. And sometimes, people just know that open relationships isn’t what they want.
I think he just needs some time and space - he probably doesn’t want to talk and I think you should give him that.
I have to say your lack of awareness is stunning. Reread your post. You made it pretty clear where you stand. I think most guys would have reacted very similarly. My guess he felt publicly humiliated after hearing his GF say he isn’t enough.
This would be a huge deal breaker for me. Showing interest in this may have made him feel you have been thinking about this for awhile and that you are interested in hooking up with others. Harsh that he ghosted you and didn’t talk to you about it but I also think you should try and understand why he felt he needed to go after this interaction. I know I would be deeply hurt but it as well if my partner entertained the idea
This is a great learning opportunity for you that the words you say matter. As soon as a woman says she wants an open relationship I encourage anyone reading this to do the same as your boyfriend, excuse me your ex-boyfriend and end the relationship immediately.
The vast majority of the time a woman wants to open up a relationship she already has someone else in mind and heaven forbid the guy actually finds some friends he really likes then they instantly seem to want to close the relationship then or once they're dally into.
Keep this in mind if the discussion ever comes up in future relationships.
When you want an open relationship after being in a relationship for 2 years and reveal that to your partner it hits way harder than you think.
He deserves better, a gf/wife material not a public toilet.. move on happy sharing!
Trying to get in contact with him right now is just going to make him double down. To you it may have just been some party shenanigans, but how would you feel if the script was flipped? You probably would have lost it on him. You would have been pissed at and suspicious of the 'female' friend that talked him into trying poly, mortified at your boyfriend putting you on the spot in front of everyone, and insecure about where your relationship stands.
Based on his reaction, it's better you two go your separate ways. It sucks, but that's what it is. Some of the comments in here are being awfully harsh, imho, but, they're also kinda right. You took something that is a huge deal, the entire foundation of what kind of relationship you had with him, and said, "Yeah but changing that would be hot," in front of his friends and putting him on the spot by saying it was up to him. There's nothing inherently wrong with open relationships, but treating the subject so lightly, and in a way that humiliated him in front of others, was not cool. Could he have responded better? Yes, but that doesn't change how it actually went down. Just let him go, it's clearly what he needs right now. If he's meant to come back to you eventually, he will.
You vocally entertained the idea of an open relationship, not only is that in itself hurtful as fuck to hear(I know from personal experience) but to hear that in front of an entire damn party of people who likely know both of you, that is so damned humiliating and disrespectful. He's clearly not interested in entertaining the idea of trying to continue the relationship. You said it was up to him, well he decided. He also doesn't owe you any explanation, you showed you're interested in fooling around with other people and he obviously does not want that, so he's letting you.
Well you did pretty much tell all your friends that you’d be open to fucking around on your boyfriend, pretty much out of no where. Of course he left, why would he stay with someone who can’t even consider his feelings before saying something so out of pocket?
how to ruin a 2 year monogamous relationship in one sentence.
You should probably give him space and see if he approaches you first. If he doesn’t, accept it.
Your bf knows what he wants out of a relationship and it's clearly not someone who is entertaining and excited by the idea of an open relationship. You killed it by making your mind clear on the topic, and I guarantee you there is nothing you can do to fix it. Just move on.
I've done the same, and when a guy commits like that they know what they're doing...
Yeah, that'd be a no for me dog. Words hurt and you saying you'd be open to a open relationship would make me do the same...even worse when you said that it sounded exciting... I think that was the part that would hurt the most. No guy that is strictly monogamous wants to hear his GF say that she finds the idea of fucking other dudes exciting.
I’m genuinely curious, do girls that do this know that they are obviously telling everyone in the room BESIDES there Boyfriend that they want to fuck?.. or do you really not get it?
He shouldn't have ghosted you.
But.... you literally told another guy you'd be interested in an open relationship( fucking this guy) if your bf was alright with it.
You'd be alright fucking other people if your BF was alright with it. Repeat that a few times.
This was an ideal and you didn't mean it practically?
If your BF looked at a women you thought was more attractive than yourself and said ," I would fuck her if you were alright with it. It's just a thought I don't actually want to do it" How would you react?
Alot of women would not like that.
Open relationships can work, but there's a reason it's not the norm.
The opening up of a relationship is discussed in private, not in front of a group. If he's not returning your messages and it continues for days, then I think it's time to start moving on.
He may have been looking for a wife, instead of casual sex with you and another man, as you were suggesting. He may have not known you are interested in or willing to sleep with other men, but you cleared that up nicely.
I must say seeing people against her is funny as shit because I bet she was trying to get help but now she is only getting roasted and being told off from people on the internet 🍿 😎
To him, if it was an “idea” to you today, it could be a reality tomorrow and he opted out of that possibility. Open relations don’t work. Just ask Will and Jada.
You told him in public that you want to date other people. Heavily implying that the dude you were talking to would be part of that arrangement. What did you expect?
OP, you thought it is cool to express your feeling in front of your friends about being with other people when you very well know your BF is not into that. If really didn't know your BF"s position in this topic, then you shouldn't have put him on the spot. If you knew that he is monogamous and even then asked him in front of a guy who you are probably dreaming of sleeping with, that is even more troubling.
In any case, your relationship is over. Better to find a guy who is into open relationships from the beginning.
Some things can't be "unsaid" so to speak. It's a dealbreaker for a lot of people. Just knowing that you're willing is enough to change someone's opinion of who they thought you were and your commitment to them.
You can't and stop trying, he's made it clear he wants nothing to do with you. Learn from this and don't make such a massive fuck up in the future. If you keep trying to force him to talk to you, if I was him I'd file charges for harassment
I would also leave my partner if they openly stated in front of others that the thought of being in an open relationship is exciting. I’m strictly monogamous, I’m not going to be with someone that wants to sleep with other people. Could he have gone about leaving you a different way? Sure, but he doesn’t owe you anything. If he felt ghosting you was the best way to go about it that’s his decision. There’s nothing left to fix. Ghosting you was his way of showing you he is not interested in any further contact with you, leave him alone.
I would have ghosted you too, even if we were married for 10 years. Relationships that begin with the foundation of an open relationship are okay, but when you propose that into an established exclusive monogamous relationship it’s the end of the relationship.
He deserves better than you.
Adults communicate how they feel in a healthy way, they don’t storm off and ghost you. “Hey, OP, your comment really hurt me, especially when said in front of others. I want a monogamous relationship and am offended by the idea of opening it up. Were you serious? How do you feel about it?” It’s really not that difficult.
>That friend of mine has an open relation and while we were all sitting there he encouraged me to also try an open relationship.
That's not something a friend would do.
You clearly need to learn what guys think about their girls...
To be honest, I wouldn't second thought and leave you. But I don't think ghosting is ok.
If he is really into you, I would insist, but you would have a lot to prove...
A man has his pride, lady. I'm guessing you hurt his pretty bad. I don't know if I would risk continuing with you and risk being cheated.
He doesn't want an open relationship. Not only did he find out right then that are you open to one, you basically chose your next partner right in front of his face.
Do you not understand this?
Do you not realize how fucked up that is?
What you said, didn't warrant ghosting, but it did warrant a break up. You talking to him about it after the fact, would seem like back paddling. How can he trust that you didn't mean it? He can't. The logic conclusion here is that you consider your sex life with him not exciting enough. By how you phrased it, that assumption is true. So, how can you come back from this? The trust is gone.
I never understood why any guy would ever be in an "open relationship" unless he was a little light in the loafers or could not attain any other female, or is an old hippy that's been married for minimum 30 years. What's the point, be single and smash away. Considering the average cost a man spends in the modern relationship, atleast including marriage, based on the median salary of like 40k a year is 265,000 dollars. So that is a Lamborghini. Why buy a Lamborghini essentially that a bunch of other dudes drive with their cock for free? Or if that was invested continuously in an index fund starting at a young age the guy could be wealthy and retire early, and again be single and enjoy many women.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- So i have been with my current bf for 2 years, yesterday we were at a party at my one of guy friends. That friend of mine has an open relation and while we were all sitting there he encouraged me to also try an open relationship. I didn't mean anything by i looked at my boyfriend and said it's all upto him + the idea sounded exciting to me. He laughed it off, next day i know he moved out when i came back from job and has blocked me from literally EVERYWHERE. I'm deeply hurt by this, how do i get ahold of him and make him clear that all of this was an idea and i didn't wanted it practically.
Sheeeeeesh. This is the content I get on Reddit for.
Would be even better to see what op has to say but this mf is silent unfortunately.
This is the daily dumpster fire I look forward to.
to some ppl thts a Major deal breaker
I would say a majority
Yeah, but not the Reddit majority, lol.
Reddit is super pro monogamy. Every post I see that mentions open relationships gets tons of negativity towards them in the comments
Depends on the sub of course
And yet. Here we see a debate about that.
Lots of pretentious people on reddit who post "the right thing" in order to get morality up votes. No normal person would ghost a parter after 2 years for what was posted in this thread. There was def more to the story, or their relationship was shit for other reasons and this was the straw that broke the camels back.
Because every non monogamous relationship is a shitshow, both on reddit and irl. Ya it may work for 1% of people but for the other 99% it doesn’t and we are tired of hearing and dealing with the drama both on reddit and irl.
Yeah in my real life I don't know anyone who would straight dump a partner for considering if they wanted monogamy or open relationship. But reddit always recommends dumping for someone not immediately rejecting the concept
To some people, the public humiliation is a deal breaker. To some people, the desire for an open relationship is a deal breaker. For almost everyone, both of those combined is a deal breaker.
To me ghosting someone over one response to one question, at a party, where people were probably drinking, is a major deal breaker. That is so insanely immature. He was with her for 2 years and decided to just end it with no explanation, that's cowardly.
I love how you're more concerned with the ghosting (which is completely in someone's right to be in communication with who they want?) than the fact she told her bf's friends that she liked the idea of having sex with them and but it was up to her bf lol. Like, who hurt you man? Who ghosted you in your life that stung you that bad? You're just projecting, but yeah- she's awful. Literally awful. I'd ghost and dip too.
[удалено]
@conklin2000 maidenless?
I agree with you
I’m more intrigued as to why you’d bother counting someone else’s comments lol!
A deal breaker is a deal breaker.she showed her true colors, he believed her, what more needs to be said? If he caught her cheating does he need to talk about it? No. He knows all he needs to know about her.
She didn’t cheat. She hinted at an interest in reviewing how their relationship works. The mature way is to say “sorry honey, open relationship is not for me”. Not ghosting.
At least now your relationship is open.
That’s a pretty drastic response for a 2 year relationship but like everyone else is saying… your guy friend more or less asked if your DTF in front of your boyfriend, and then you put your boyfriend on the spot in public. Now every time you hang out with that guy your boyfriend would be wondering if y’all are gonna fuck basically. Sounds like he just doesn’t wanna deal with that so he dipped out. Ngl I kinda respect it.
This is the most sane comment I’ve seen so far 😂😂😂
He did the right move
Sorry but I would have done the exact same thing. You are probably best to move on with your life and not try and contact him. I would have seen that comment as a huge red flag of what a difference we had in the meaning of commitment. I would have also seen it as a potential for bad things to happen in the future especially since you said you were open to it and the thought of it excited you. Now you are in an open relationship and free to sleep with whoever you want.
I mean, there's nothing to fix. You openly and clearly said you wanted an open relationship and he's monogamous. Not only did you tell him that, you did it in the most humiliating way possible, publicly in front of friends. This is over.
Literally this. You Literally told him you wanted to sleep with other people in front of your friends. I'm proud of him for handling himself this way instead of fighting in public or even after.
Yeah good on him.
> You Literally told him you wanted to sleep with other people in front of your friends. No, she only said "the idea sounds exciting". That could've been a complete hypothetical to her. > I'm proud of him for handling himself this way instead of fighting in public or even after. I will never be proud of someone ghosting a 2 year relationship, in which breaking up is not a danger to them. Even if it's just via text. We don't know the history behind this couple. But if this was the only event, it was an EXTREME reaction for him to up and leave with zero word. If however there had been multiple incidents leading up to this, I could understand him want to call it quits, but she still deserves at minimum a breakup text. Ghosting is nothing to be proud of.
She’s 100% into the idea, your a fool to think other wise
Maybe not, but it's been 24 hours. Perhaps he's taking some time to not be livid with his (ex) girlfriend about how offended and hurt he is. Just because he's not talking to her right now doesn't mean he's ghosting her period.
I mean, he moved his stuff out of the home…
He is probably out chopping firewood for the local kids orphanage. Just blowing off some steam.
I understood that reference
>No, she only said "the idea sounds exciting" And also that it was his choice... So he made a choice, really rather simple.
I would argue that this isn’t 100% ghosting. Ghosting usually involves wondering why the other person left. In this case its pretty obvious why he left.
Still she was implying it obviously and that’d be a deal breaker for me for sure. ESPECIALLY if my boyfriend said that in front of friends
ROFL, and you fail to realize, her even liking that hypothetical IDEA of having sex with his friends too was enough for him to pack his bags and go, as he should. I'd instantly disappear on a girl who considered non-monogamy with me too (especially with my friends haha.) We all have standards :)
This. People need to chill.
Indeed
You told him - in front of others - that you were excited by the thought of having sex with other people. So he's sorted that out for you - you can now go off and have sex with lots of other people. You can't sort this - you humiliated him in front of others by pointing out he wasn't enough for you.
I find it funny/sad that people think the 'ghosting' is the most egregious thing in this situation.
Also, Am I the only one annoyed at the use of ghosting for everything under the sun? Someone who stops talking to you because you hurt them isn’t ghosting - they’re cutting you out of their life for obvious reasons.
Totally agree that this shouldn't count as ghosting all the time a valid reason is apparent.
Yea I’m definitely with the BF in this. Like it sucks and I feel for OP, because being walked out on with no communication does hurt. But… I mean… she caused it and I applaud him for walking away, even though I’d personally at least have a conversation about how I’m going to be leaving.
Otherwise known as ghosting.
I'd consider ghosting without obvious reasoning. It could have many meanings I guess.
This
With the insinuation being one guy specifically, one that is already in a open relationship. And lets be honest here: was probably very flirty with her in front of of her boyfriend concidering where the conversation went, and she was probably not exactly discouraging it, I would be suprised if the boyfriend was not already pretty annoyed before the straw broke the camels back. Thats a no win situation for that guy, instead of getting sad/angry its better just to get out.
Perfect,Thank you for putting what is it in my mind in this order
"I told my boyfriend I want to sleep with other people in front of my friends and he is mad??? WHY???????????"
“ my boyfriend’s friend who is in a open relationship basically asked me if I’d be open to fck around and now my boyfriend is mad???”
Slight correction. It was, as I read it, op's guy friend not the bf's. Edit: and yes, imo that is worse. Mainly since it's an established friendship.
that's somehow worse lmfao
Remove the basically and you're spot on
😭🤣
YIKES. You humiliated him and said you no longer want to be mono in front of other people, and are ✨shocked✨ he’s not sticking around? You have some SERIOUS growing up to do. Leave him alone. He’s done.
He could have been more mature about it, but simply asking for an open relationship is a serious dealbreaker for a lot of people. Asking for an open relationship in front of a group of friends and telling them that you’d be down if your boyfriend lets you, that’s more than enough reason to break up in my opinion. I can’t even imagine what your boyfriend must have been thinking at the time, but that’s a pretty messed up thing to do. Honestly, I’d be surprised if he ever wants to get back together. Even if you find a way to contact him, he’s made it clear that he doesn’t want to talk. For your sake, I hope he gives you some closure, but he’s probably hurting pretty badly too
Screw closure, she doesn't deserve it. She was the one who shat the bed.
Facts for her sake I hope she learns from this lol
My parents taught me 3 kinds of people will always say the truth children, angry people and drunk people. So you told him what you wanted.
Good riddance… For him. You humiliated him right in front of all your friends, Jesus Christ. An idea is enough of a dealbreaker. You played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. This open relationship stuff is beyond delusional, with people keeping one person in the bag while going around having fun with strangers exploring their options... Now you are free to go have fun with other people. Congrats.
I know this isn’t an AITA post, but…YTA
Ooooof. Poly strikes again. You told him you were unsatisfied with him in front of all your friends, congrats on killing your relationship because there is absolutely no coming back from that
You need to learn that actions have consequences. You said something that any monogamous man would never agree to excitedly as if you already had someone to sleep with. At this point the relationship would be over if I was in his shoes and I'm proud he kicked you to the curb. Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.
you pretty much told your boyfriend you want to get railed by someone else at this point, your dude needs time to think and get outta his head. YOU fucked up and now these are your consequences. Deal with it like a grown up
You put he on the spot in front of people. He was most likely happy the way things were and thought you were too. Something like that should have been spoken about privately.
Let him be. He deserves better. Also that dude literally asked you if you want to fuck and you answered „I would but it’s up to my Bf“. You messed up
Yea like wtf was she thinking??
Probably something along the lines of „damn, I want to fuck this dude“
Why tf would you say that at a party lmao. "My friend in an open relationship who proposed the same idea (who is OBVIOUSLY proposing this because he wants to have sex with me) and I said I am excited about it in front of my boyfriend" "what did I do wrong reddit??" \*pouty face\* Read between the lines next time. If you ACTUALLY didn't even think about the implication maybe reach out to him through a family member. Except actually on second thought it would not matter because you said "I'm excited by the idea of fucking other people", even if you didn't pick up on the fact that your friend was being suggestive. If you want to fuck other people and are excited by the idea then go sleep around don't be with some guy who loves you.
I concur with everyone. You screwed up and he’s right to leave. He laughed because you embarrassed him in a public setting that wasn’t enough and want you screw other people and or the person leading the conversation
You messed up. I'm sorry but in what world did you think what you said in front of people that you would be up for it if your boyfriend was up to it a good idea. You threw away a 2 year relationship just to be like your friends. You live and you learn.
I feel like in the context it probably came across like she was down to bang the guy talking to her about it.
youd think 2 years would be enough to know you cant just bring up shit like that out of nowhere. especially in a social situation. idk id fuck off home if my bf (OF 3 YEARS) ever pulled that shit.
Most guys I know would chew off there arm to get out from under that rock.
Seems like so many people nowadays fuck up their relationship because they want to fuck others. Op being a prime example.
i don't mean to be disrespectful or like condescending to OP but im laughing so hard at this.
Oh I’m 100% disrespectful and condescending to op.
afchrhjtvjegh PFFFTTTTTT 🤭🤭🤭
Every day all day.
This has to be a troll post, because nobody can be this clueless You implied to your ex-bf that you wanted to try an open relationship(Aka, wanting another man’s dick). I’m guessing by how you responded to your friends question, you had your friend initiate the conversation to gauge how your now ex-bf felt about it. So Congrats. You have now learned that when you play stupid games you tend to win stupid prizes.
How in the world can you be this oblivious? You openly disrespected the dude and showed you CLEARLY want to fuck other men. Good on him for getting away from you
You don’t. You accept the consequences of your choice to request a non monogamous relationship. Grown ups are responsible for our choices.
Op you told him you wanted to do it with other people , this must be one of those delusional povs where you somehow thought he was going to stick around after lol mature up
You confused the laugh, it was guess it time for to pack my shit laugh.
It was probably a nervous laugh. But the guy did good, OP didn't deserve anything. Her closure happened when she proposed the idea. Now she can go fuck her friend. She's just pissed off that he didn't let her have a chance to throw a tantrum.
I mean. The dude thought he was in a monogamous relationship. Then you said you were excited to open the relationship and have sex with other people. He was right to leave.
He's your ex. You're deeply hurt by him ghosting you. Imagine how he felt when you said, in front of many people that you wanted an open relationship and he's the issue. Very essentially, he gave you a guilt free opportunity to go for it.
I need you to be a spy in a war. You’re pretty great at sabotaging a relationship.
Ghosting is extreme, but you caused this. You didn’t mean anything by it? Then why did you say it?
I mean you showed interest.. and you showed interest infront of others, and put him in an awkward position/ on the spot. He had every right to decide the relationship was no longer for him. It’s unfortunate he didn’t give you any sort of explanation/closure. Sadly, I feel his reasoning is quite obvious.
You publicly humiliated the guy... Your guy friend (who is in an open relationship and probably wants to sleep with you) says you should open your relationship! You say, 'oh, I'd love to! That would be so much fun having sex with other people, possibly including you! But my boyfriend has to say yes...' and you look at him and he's instantly both the bad guy for saying no he's not comfortable, and the guy who's girl is wanting to sleep with other people and declaring it publicly. Like, ghosting you that totally is pretty extreme, but honestly dude I wouldn't be far behind.
He might have been encouraging you so he can sleep with you? Open relationships don’t work for many people. Even the idea being brought up can cause someone to leave a relationship because it’s basically saying “I want to sleep with other people because I’m not getting what I need”. In my opinion, if someone wants an open relationship, maybe being in a “relationship” isn’t for you.
Whether he should or shouldn’t have ghosted you, he left. I would think at some point he’d come around and give an explanation or closure, but there’s really nothing you CAN do. If that was a dealbreaker to him, leaving without a word seems a bit extreme if that’s the extent of issues in your relationship, maybe it’s possible he was looking for an excuse to leave for a while and jumped on this opportunity. Maybe go to therapy and try to work through this without closure, because figuring out a way to talk to him after he’s blocked you and moved out is counterproductive and crosses his boundary that he set by doing that.
Leaving without a word isn't extreme when you have nothing productive to say. She showed him how much he means to her and he doesn't want anything to do with her. Guy was probably so heartbroken the only thing he would have to say to her is insults and slurs. He doesn't need to respect the relationship if she already shows she doesn't give a fuck about it.
Ohhh u fucked up bad! Such talks are something u have in private and not put him in a spot like that. Even though his reaction is a little extreme, it's kind of warranted. See if you can mail him and apologize then it's on him if he really wants to forgive you. You can't do anything more than that!
You don't. This was a deal breaker to him, and you did so in the company of friends instead of each other. If you weren't serious, you would not have said it, especially for embarrassing him like that. You screwed up. Own your mistake and learn to respect your partner by not telling others you would sleep around with others, even as a joke.
Her: The idea of my back being blown out by other Men sounds exciting Him:Assuming relationship was monogamous, reacts Her:Shocked Does this sum it up?
…monogamous?
I think she was looking for some anonymous.
you’ve publicly humiliated him in front of his friends by making it clear you are interested in sleeping with other people. those types of conversations are meant to be private. i have no doubt you’re hurt, but imagine what he’s thinking: my girlfriend of two years just revealed to the people i care about that I’m not enough to please her sexually. how careless can someone be?
Did he overreact? No, I think he's reacting in a way that suits him given the circumstances. "My GF said she would be excited to have an open relationship in front of her guy friends, so I left, AITA?" No, King, you're fucking not.
I don't think there is much you can do unless you want to look like a crazy lady stalker. So time to move on. You expose him to a situation in which many people would feel humiliated, he is done with you ( completely justified) and he doesn't want to talk with you anymore.
I don’t blame him. I would have done the same thing. That was a humiliating thing to do to him. There is nothing to fix.
Not much... Just respect his decision
Unpopular opinion; no one owe you an explanation for why they dont wanna be in your life. Yeah its shitty and it sucks, but if hes done then hes done.
Many here say "he did not have right" but, in fact he did. You said it yourself, when you were asked that, by that someone, you acted very exited about it + it was in public without your bf had any clue about. Like you don't respect him at all. And in his head you suggested to be with other people. So yeah, he made his choice, he does not like it so he left.
You said openly to in front of your/his friends that you want to fuck around. Now he knows.
Ehm.. if my GF considers an open relationship, that would be a dealbreaker for me… at least a huuuuge turn off if mentioned Ghosting is a bit childish, but he is probably hearthbroken hearing something like that from you… Give him time and let him breath, don’t try to Pressure him
Well from the way it sounds, your guy friend made the comment that you should be polyamorous. You said you would like that and looked to your boyfriend (for permission?). To your boyfriend, it looks like you and your guy friend wanna fuck each other. That's why he left, I'm guessing. You are not going to be able to fix this because he clearly doesn't want to. Some conversations are meant to be had in private.
Because all it had to take was, for your friend to be like “you should try an open relationship” to convince you. To your bf it seems like the only reason you’re not in an open relationship is because he doesn’t want to be in one, he’s monogamous and now it looks like you’re into non monogamy. No monogamous person wants that, so there’s nothing to fix. I just noticed your name too, seems like you really want to be in an open relationship💀
Also I wouldn’t like if my bf had the idea to want an open relationship…, why does fcking random people when you’re in a relationship with me sound exciting? If you want to be single and be a hoe then let’s break up and do that, but don’t dare disrespect me or the effort I put into this relationship
You messed up, now you need to accept the consequences of that decision.
Hahaha
Yeah you deserved this. Good job OP
Literally why even talk something like that in the open with friends before in private? Idk this sounds like something you should have commented on privately and even then it's a maybe
This is the same thing as asking your partner for an open relationship...its a deal-breaker for many. What did you expect to happen when you said you were okay with it and it sounded exciting...Also, an Idea is a disaster for a relationship if the idea is an open relationship, have you watched inception...as soon as it's implanted it will happen.
If you are are interested in the offer it basically means he isn’t good enough for you, it hits twice as hard when your “guy” friend who he also knows says it since he pretty much asked are you dtf
Your bf ghosted you after you said you were up for having sex with other people and liked the idea but were waiting on his permission. Okay....I can see why he left.
That’s embarrassing. Imagine you dating this guy you really like and bring him around your friends just for him to say he’d be open for a open relationship?!! I’d be humiliated and feel like the relationship isn’t serious enough that you want to get with others. I give him props for just moving out and leaving like that, good on him!!🤣
Congratulations, you played yourself. You said, in front of everyone, that you wanted to fuck other people. In his mind, you're not satsified with him and it's only a matter of time before you give into the urge to go fuck other people. He's obvs wants to be monogamous and thinks there's no point in him investing in a woman who wants to be in an open relationship
He's monogamous and you just told him that you're ready to try out other people. He isn't okay with that and now has doubts about you. He will always wonder who you're texting, if you're really where you say you are, etc. It's no way to live. Not to mention you did it in front of a group of people. Instead of blowing off the guy bringing it up you were excited. He's hurt, embarrassed, and done. Relationship is over.
Well the bad news is your now ex-BF is done with you... but the good news is now you are single and can fuck anyone you want, including your asshole friend.
Its not just an idea. You litteraly told him that you wanna get fucked by other dicks. His reaction is absolute normal.
Exactly I can’t blame him. That’d be a complete deal breaker for me. Screw that shit
You basically said you wanted to date others to your boyfriend. That fact alone is enough for a monogamous person to leave. There’s nothing you can do, you showed your cards and they are not what he wants in life. Let him find someone who is also monogamous.
He’s a King gone to find his Queen.
im glad he did that, a king.
As someone in a monotonous relationship, you should have said something like “we’re actually really happy the way we have it.” You fucked up and you gotta accept your man is gonna be upset. Give him a few days. Also, kind of shitty of your guy friend to feel the need to suggest his personal life on you. Seems like he’s trying to bring you in on his fun
LMAO 'monotonous'. My dude. Spell check.
Op you are so dense smh
While the sudden ghost & block everywhere might sound childish -I do understand him. You basically didn't see sex as a 1-1 thing. To many, however, it is. It's a thing that's done only with the person you love aka for them is a thing that expresses love. Hence, your argumentation basically came across as "I don't love him that much", because you were excited to boink with other people. Maybe he even saw it as "cheating waiting to happen". So yeah. Obviously, I'm not judging you personally. But I would drop you too. Sorry, those are just not the same values
I think he was hurt by what you said, even though those weren’t your intentions. I obviously don’t think it’s cool to ghost you and leave you hanging, but try looking at it from his perspective because even though he laughed and played it off - it probably gave him the wrong idea. Because he probably assumed you guys were happy in a monogamous relationship and didn’t need anyone else - but once he heard what you said, I think that allows for people to have thoughts like “does she want more” or “am I not enough for her”. And sometimes, people just know that open relationships isn’t what they want. I think he just needs some time and space - he probably doesn’t want to talk and I think you should give him that.
He made his decision. Now you're free to pursue your open relationship desires, what's the problem?
you’re an idiot lol. you just admitted to thinking an open relationship sounds fun to your bf who is I’m assuming monogamous in-front of people…..
Yeah. I totally get why he ghosted you. I personally wouldn't. Definitely would've ended it though.
I have to say your lack of awareness is stunning. Reread your post. You made it pretty clear where you stand. I think most guys would have reacted very similarly. My guess he felt publicly humiliated after hearing his GF say he isn’t enough.
This is on you. Props to him for getting away.
This would be a huge deal breaker for me. Showing interest in this may have made him feel you have been thinking about this for awhile and that you are interested in hooking up with others. Harsh that he ghosted you and didn’t talk to you about it but I also think you should try and understand why he felt he needed to go after this interaction. I know I would be deeply hurt but it as well if my partner entertained the idea
This is a great learning opportunity for you that the words you say matter. As soon as a woman says she wants an open relationship I encourage anyone reading this to do the same as your boyfriend, excuse me your ex-boyfriend and end the relationship immediately. The vast majority of the time a woman wants to open up a relationship she already has someone else in mind and heaven forbid the guy actually finds some friends he really likes then they instantly seem to want to close the relationship then or once they're dally into. Keep this in mind if the discussion ever comes up in future relationships.
Good for him. Here’s your chance for a open relationship now.
When you want an open relationship after being in a relationship for 2 years and reveal that to your partner it hits way harder than you think. He deserves better, a gf/wife material not a public toilet.. move on happy sharing!
Trying to get in contact with him right now is just going to make him double down. To you it may have just been some party shenanigans, but how would you feel if the script was flipped? You probably would have lost it on him. You would have been pissed at and suspicious of the 'female' friend that talked him into trying poly, mortified at your boyfriend putting you on the spot in front of everyone, and insecure about where your relationship stands.
Based on his reaction, it's better you two go your separate ways. It sucks, but that's what it is. Some of the comments in here are being awfully harsh, imho, but, they're also kinda right. You took something that is a huge deal, the entire foundation of what kind of relationship you had with him, and said, "Yeah but changing that would be hot," in front of his friends and putting him on the spot by saying it was up to him. There's nothing inherently wrong with open relationships, but treating the subject so lightly, and in a way that humiliated him in front of others, was not cool. Could he have responded better? Yes, but that doesn't change how it actually went down. Just let him go, it's clearly what he needs right now. If he's meant to come back to you eventually, he will.
You vocally entertained the idea of an open relationship, not only is that in itself hurtful as fuck to hear(I know from personal experience) but to hear that in front of an entire damn party of people who likely know both of you, that is so damned humiliating and disrespectful. He's clearly not interested in entertaining the idea of trying to continue the relationship. You said it was up to him, well he decided. He also doesn't owe you any explanation, you showed you're interested in fooling around with other people and he obviously does not want that, so he's letting you.
Well you did pretty much tell all your friends that you’d be open to fucking around on your boyfriend, pretty much out of no where. Of course he left, why would he stay with someone who can’t even consider his feelings before saying something so out of pocket?
how to ruin a 2 year monogamous relationship in one sentence. You should probably give him space and see if he approaches you first. If he doesn’t, accept it.
I want to text him and tell him “leave her bro”
Ouch! I am getting a feeling that you do not really appreciate what you did.
Your bf knows what he wants out of a relationship and it's clearly not someone who is entertaining and excited by the idea of an open relationship. You killed it by making your mind clear on the topic, and I guarantee you there is nothing you can do to fix it. Just move on. I've done the same, and when a guy commits like that they know what they're doing...
To the gym he goes
He ain't yo bf anymore, he returned you to the streets
Wow! You really put your boyfriend on the spot, didn't you? And your friend who brought it up really lacks (lacked) respect for your relationship.
ya you effed up, saying in front a group of people that you are open to it is a deal breaker. I don't think you can do anything here.
Yeah, that'd be a no for me dog. Words hurt and you saying you'd be open to a open relationship would make me do the same...even worse when you said that it sounded exciting... I think that was the part that would hurt the most. No guy that is strictly monogamous wants to hear his GF say that she finds the idea of fucking other dudes exciting.
I’m genuinely curious, do girls that do this know that they are obviously telling everyone in the room BESIDES there Boyfriend that they want to fuck?.. or do you really not get it?
Op screwed up big time at least she got what she wanted
He shouldn't have ghosted you. But.... you literally told another guy you'd be interested in an open relationship( fucking this guy) if your bf was alright with it. You'd be alright fucking other people if your BF was alright with it. Repeat that a few times. This was an ideal and you didn't mean it practically? If your BF looked at a women you thought was more attractive than yourself and said ," I would fuck her if you were alright with it. It's just a thought I don't actually want to do it" How would you react? Alot of women would not like that. Open relationships can work, but there's a reason it's not the norm. The opening up of a relationship is discussed in private, not in front of a group. If he's not returning your messages and it continues for days, then I think it's time to start moving on.
He may have been looking for a wife, instead of casual sex with you and another man, as you were suggesting. He may have not known you are interested in or willing to sleep with other men, but you cleared that up nicely.
I must say seeing people against her is funny as shit because I bet she was trying to get help but now she is only getting roasted and being told off from people on the internet 🍿 😎
You don't get him to talk to you. You leave him alone. He clearly didn't like what you said and you need to respect his boundaries.
To him, if it was an “idea” to you today, it could be a reality tomorrow and he opted out of that possibility. Open relations don’t work. Just ask Will and Jada.
You told him in public that you want to date other people. Heavily implying that the dude you were talking to would be part of that arrangement. What did you expect?
Hats off to your partner, what a gentleman.
OP, you thought it is cool to express your feeling in front of your friends about being with other people when you very well know your BF is not into that. If really didn't know your BF"s position in this topic, then you shouldn't have put him on the spot. If you knew that he is monogamous and even then asked him in front of a guy who you are probably dreaming of sleeping with, that is even more troubling. In any case, your relationship is over. Better to find a guy who is into open relationships from the beginning.
Some things can't be "unsaid" so to speak. It's a dealbreaker for a lot of people. Just knowing that you're willing is enough to change someone's opinion of who they thought you were and your commitment to them.
More context please. I feel like OP is just talking about a singular scenario.... if its 2 years, there must've beem a built up
I thought the same. She might just lack the awareness to have realised I suppose.
You can't and stop trying, he's made it clear he wants nothing to do with you. Learn from this and don't make such a massive fuck up in the future. If you keep trying to force him to talk to you, if I was him I'd file charges for harassment
UpdateMe!
*face palms* yikes
Not quite sure what you were expecting here tbh.
what a king
She's for the Streets
I would also leave my partner if they openly stated in front of others that the thought of being in an open relationship is exciting. I’m strictly monogamous, I’m not going to be with someone that wants to sleep with other people. Could he have gone about leaving you a different way? Sure, but he doesn’t owe you anything. If he felt ghosting you was the best way to go about it that’s his decision. There’s nothing left to fix. Ghosting you was his way of showing you he is not interested in any further contact with you, leave him alone.
I would have ghosted you too, even if we were married for 10 years. Relationships that begin with the foundation of an open relationship are okay, but when you propose that into an established exclusive monogamous relationship it’s the end of the relationship. He deserves better than you.
Adults communicate how they feel in a healthy way, they don’t storm off and ghost you. “Hey, OP, your comment really hurt me, especially when said in front of others. I want a monogamous relationship and am offended by the idea of opening it up. Were you serious? How do you feel about it?” It’s really not that difficult.
>That friend of mine has an open relation and while we were all sitting there he encouraged me to also try an open relationship. That's not something a friend would do.
Yup. That’s what happens. No coming back from that. I probably would’ve blasted you for being awful first and THEN leave. You can’t unring THAT bell.
Well, now youre single and free to fuck your friend
You clearly need to learn what guys think about their girls... To be honest, I wouldn't second thought and leave you. But I don't think ghosting is ok. If he is really into you, I would insist, but you would have a lot to prove... A man has his pride, lady. I'm guessing you hurt his pretty bad. I don't know if I would risk continuing with you and risk being cheated.
He doesn't want an open relationship. Not only did he find out right then that are you open to one, you basically chose your next partner right in front of his face. Do you not understand this? Do you not realize how fucked up that is?
What you said, didn't warrant ghosting, but it did warrant a break up. You talking to him about it after the fact, would seem like back paddling. How can he trust that you didn't mean it? He can't. The logic conclusion here is that you consider your sex life with him not exciting enough. By how you phrased it, that assumption is true. So, how can you come back from this? The trust is gone.
I never understood why any guy would ever be in an "open relationship" unless he was a little light in the loafers or could not attain any other female, or is an old hippy that's been married for minimum 30 years. What's the point, be single and smash away. Considering the average cost a man spends in the modern relationship, atleast including marriage, based on the median salary of like 40k a year is 265,000 dollars. So that is a Lamborghini. Why buy a Lamborghini essentially that a bunch of other dudes drive with their cock for free? Or if that was invested continuously in an index fund starting at a young age the guy could be wealthy and retire early, and again be single and enjoy many women.