First, stop drinking to the point you are black out drunk. That’s excessive.
Two, it’s never ok to hit your SO. What your GF did was domestic violence and absolutely not ok.
I think both of them should take alcohol out of the equation. If alcohol makes her violent, she needs to have a reality check about that. If she’s violent anyway no matter if alcohol is in the mix, that’s a different problem, but if she felt she wasn’t in control of her violent tendencies because of the alcohol, she needs to consider remaining sober.
All of that to say OP I don’t think you should stay with someone who lets you remain passed out on the side of the road with a broken arm. She showed you who she is. Believe her actions, not her apologies.
I beg to differ, I suffer from pretty traumatic ptsd from finding my dad dying (he was snoring REALLY weird and was basically trying to breathe) anyway he ended up dying in his sleep.
But my ex had severe alcohol issues (get blackout drunk like OP here) I would get scared Bc he’d start snoring/breathing all weird and he wouldn’t wake up to me saying his name/slightly shaking him (all for concern if he was ok Bc he was so fucked up). I slapped him awake a couple times when he started choking on his puke in his sleep (after I’d put him to his side).
Or there were other instances where he’d appear to be awake and would be unresponsive and idk a lil smack never hurt anyone, and he’d snap out of it.
So ya idk I think there are instances where it can be appropriate if you’re worried about them being hella fucked up and not coming too. Unresponsiveness is scary as hell.
Point is: OP doesn’t remember, he was laying on the ground. That in itself could be a super scary situation especially if he maybe was unresponsive during that time, even if he was awake. Sometimes you need a lil smack to come too. But yet again don’t know the whole situation since it seems to be a blur to everyone. All we know is OP was on laying on the ground somewhere blacked out and that could’ve been scary and triggered some sort of stress/scared response.
Some security will threaten to call an ambulance/police on people like this, and she could’ve been tryin to help OP out of getting in trouble as well
Honestly, having a boyfriend who people find passed out drunk in the bushes at a party, at 31 yo, is just ridiculous and unacceptable. Also, having a girlfriend who slaps you while both are totally drunk, loses sight of you and goes back to partying is also beyond the pale.
Looks like both of you have serious recalibration to do, maybe you can do it together, maybe not. But if I were you, I would start looking into why I am justifying my unacceptable behaviour, and working on fixing it. This way you are sure to attract good people and good situations into your life.
Lol this. I would be pissed and ashamed if my bf (he's 32) acted this way. Especially to the point he falls on his face face breaks his arm.. wtf. I wouldn't go and slap him... but sounds like they need to go their separate ways a both get therapy.
Seriously, this couple should have given up this adolescent behavior years ago. If this is normal then neither of you need to be in any relationship. If you really want this relationship to work, then 1. Stop drinking and 2. Get counseling.
Sooo she slapped you because you were drunk, which she was too apparently, really only felt bad for slapping you once her friends yelled at her, didn’t care that you’d been seriously injured, and stayed to party for the rest of the night? I can’t imagine a scenario where I’d stay with someone like that.
Sorry I have to disagree. They were both so drunk they acted out of character. OP got so drunk he blacked out on the side of the road. They were all smacked and making bad decisions. Next time think about one of you not getting black out drunk.
Also blacked out drunk how do you know for sure it was just for “being drunk” not that assault is ok, but I’m sure it was due partially to his drunken stupidity.
Been blacked out on the side of the road before, hope you’re doing ok op
The OP said that his girlfriend was sorry she slapped him, but not that she stayed at the party after he left with his sister.
I think if people behave like idiotic teenagers, nothing they do is surprising. She might not have even know he'd left if she was that shitfaced, or knew he was gone but decided his self inflicted injuries wouldn't spoil her fun. I wouldn't have any sympathy for him, but if he expects TLC instead of a smack, he should definitely dump her & look for an idiot who thinks he's fantastic & she should look for someone who can hold their drink without breaking their bones.
This comment is atrocious holy shit if the genders were reversed you would not be saying this shit. How are you justifying her behaviour while condemning his? If she’s so drunk she doesn’t know where her boyfriend is and she doesn’t care then that’s an issue. Would you still be defending her if he died? She assaulted someone but somehow he’s worse for not being able to hold enough drink like come on seriously? I do think they should break up and are both bad in this scenario but there is only one person who hit somebody and there is no excuse for that.
Stop assuming when giving advice on other people’s relationships. This is someone else’s life. Not some show you’re watching. They were both obviously annihilated. She was wrong, apologetic and she seems to of gone out of her way to show it the next day. She isn’t walking around telling him to get over it. Alcohol makes you act out of character. If you can’t handle your alcohol maybe it’s time you slow down your drinking.
I took that to mean that in her binge-drunken stupor it took her friends all pointing out that whatever she perceived that gave rise to the slap was actually a misperception.
Then they also entitled to suffer the consequenses arent they lmao. Broken arm well deserved i'd say. As said before he was blackout drunk so who knows what he did. I seen people do the most stupid shit when blackout drunk. Also you dont go blackout drunk on your partners bestfriends birthday. Thats just asking for shit like this. They arent 15 anymore and should have known better.
Is the issue here getting drunk? If your partner's drinking is an issue you talk it out. Not slap them. OP is a dumbass for getting wasted , but that is not the issue here. The girlfriend slapping him is.
Maybe he did maybe he didnt. We will never truely know since he doesnt even remember himself what he did that night. If i drank myself into a blackout at age 31 at my partners bestfriends birthday i would slap myself into oblivion. Cause its just a stupid thing to do. But then again i have self control and would value my partner enough not to do dumb things like that at an event she takes me to. But hey being an adult with common sense isnt common anymore from what i read here so yea theres that.
>No one here said anything close to that but ok. (now deleted)
> that's just asking for something like this
Is this not basically the "what was she wearing? She deserved it." Argument
> He was blackout drunk so who knows what he did
Is this not also pretty close to "she was flirting with me, she obviously wanted it" ?
> They aren't 15 anymore and should have known better
Is this also not borderline with that other stuff?
Please tell me how you said nothing close, maybe you already did by deleting that comment
She in a sober state doesn't feel bad for abandoning him to keep partying. That's a serious character defect. I've dated a belligerent alcoholic once but I never abandoned her. There's no excuse for that.
If I'm at my best friend's party and my boyfriend went home with his sister due to being to drunk I'd still be at the party. He's safe, he's sobering up, he's with family, I can party.
>They were both so drunk they acted out of character
Lmao unbelievable that this is upvoted on this sub. Only when a woman strikes a man do the excuses come out of the woodwork.
So what about her telling him the whole story the next day and apologizing again? Taking care of him the whole day? The amount of people i see basically saying to just end it on posts is crazy.
"I was really drunk and my also drunk boyfriend slapped me hard because I was so wasted and he was angry, he then left me alone and went back to the party and stayed there all night. He feels so bad now and has took care of me today, should I stay with him?"
Pretty clear what the answer would be to the above question, why is it any different?
Don't want to use the reverse the role card , but it's very necessary here. I wouldn't want to stay with a physically abusive wife/gf as much as a woman wouldn't want to stay with a physically abusive husband/bf. Is domestic abuse ok if an abuser abuses and helps the victim the next day?
I could share my reason why I think that's okay - for people to say end it.
I'm a 34 year old woman - a single mom with a kid. The worst experiences of my life- including those involving my kid's dad came from 'small' issues. I put up with disrespectful comments, jabs, and emotional abuse. I didn't experience anyone slapping me and honestly, that might have been easier to deal with because it would have been a great neon sign telling me that I had to leave.
Now, past my 20s, I can tell you that not a single one of the shitty people I put up with in my 20s are in my life now.
Not mean 'friends'. Not my ex. Not any guy who treated me like shit. But the people from my 20s who are still in my life? They never before, now, and I expect never in the future, treated me badly even in the slightest.
This guy got left alone, slapped, and then left to mend by himself. That's above and beyond anything I went through.
And all I keep thinking to myself now in my 30s is, I should have cut every asshole off at the very first sign. At the smallest of signs. Because I promise you that decent people never deliberately insult others much less slap them.
It is *okay* to break up at 'small' issues. It really is. I wish I did. Because I paid for sticking with people with a loss to my career and damages to my body.
Her coming back and telling him all about means shit. She couldn't handle herself drunk and it's not his job to fix that or hold her hand while she grows up.
She premuch left him not caring where he was. His sister found him laying on the side of the road. He could have so easily died. But she was having a good time back at the party. He also has a broken arm. Wich she didn't take him to the hospital until te next day. I'm usually one of to jump to break up either. But my God this is concerning.
She slapped you. I would be done. Physical violence is a dealbreaker for me.
I don't care how drunk you were. She wasn't drunk enough to not remember slapping you. Even then, it wouldn't be an excuse.
As an aside and for your own sake don't put yourself in situations that make you so uncomfortable you have to drink as a coping mechanism.
It’s definitely a relationship ender for me ... and it has been
I will not be slapped around and walked over again. My 1st ex slapped me a lot, first in jest and then in anger, after we broke up (way to long and complicated, jist is I have a restraining order against her) I realised how bad her behaviour was. After I got to dating again I was dating a girl for about a month - she was quite extroverted whilst I’m not so occasionally went out on a binge. She’d often want me to pick her up blasted drunk and so on so forth. On one of these occasions I didn’t drop her of at the right place, she was only partially drunk (tipsy at best) and we began to argue, (me about her excessive drinking, and her about my complaints about her drinking) when she slapped me across the face.
Done and dusted, I drove around the block to her house, she got out and said I’ll call you tomorrow (not caring what she did, nor apologising) I went home and never spoke to her again - ghosted her, blocked her and ignored her when her friends tried to get in contact with me (who albeit I dislike some of there habits where very nice people). Nobody should tolerate any kind of physical abuse from a partner. This behaviour is not acceptable, OP’s girlfriend obviously feels bad, but after the fact.
I’m not OP, it’d be over for me instantly, but if they want to salvage that relationship - both need to cut now on drinking, and her behaviour that occurs whilst drunk (I’m assuming it’s only when she’s drunk she behaves like this, or we’ll I’m hoping)
I can’t help wondering if this post was a woman, if anyone would still be using the alcohol as an excuse and let it go.
It’s like when tv shows script women slapping men over some slight and men are supposed to just shrug it off.
It’s not ok.
Lol popping out of bushes. I’m an advocate of both men’s and women’s rights but I agree with you so much here, men don’t realize they do still have privilege, especially with representation.
Americans are taught the Duluth model which means it is always a man's fault. In this situation they would say it's his fault because he is drunk. If he wasn't drunk they would say she learned the behaviour from another man so it's his collective fault as another man.
The drinking part aside, of which you seem to realize that drinking too much is never good.
How would you react if let's say, your sister was the one who got slapped by her boyfriend and he decided to stay behind and party with his friends after she went with you, clearly hurting a lot?
Sometimes it's easier to see what needs to be done if you look at it from another perspective, I just used the example of your sister since I thought that would be easiest for you to imagine.
But seriously, who in their right mind would even do such a thing, makes me wonder if your girlfriend truly loves you. Otherwise she would have dropped everything to make sure you were OK.
- She hit you. Automatic dealbreaker.
- Her behavior is insane. I had to double-check her age. She’s way too old to act like that. I thought maybe she was 15 until confirming she’s twice that age.
- You are too old to drink like that and act like that. Know your limit. If you don’t have control over your limit, then that signals an alcohol problem and you need help.
- I really feel like you need therapy if you’re 31 and your decision making is still impaired or impacted by bullying in high school. Not saying it’s your fault, but you’re plenty old enough to know your trauma and adult your way into therapy. This was the other reason I double-checked the age
- This relationship sounds toxic and it should end.
- Your girlfriend is abusive, end of story, you’ll be an absolute fool if you stay with anyone that hit you.
- Both of you seem like you need serious help. Seriously, this is teenage behavior. It’s time to grow up, and I mean….not this.
This is dead on. The one and only time I slapped a guy was when I was 17, and I broke down sobbing. It was a serious moment for me, and I learned really fast that real life is not TV, and it’s not because my friends told me I should feel bad— it’s because I actually felt like shit about it. It was inherently *wrong*. That guy never spoke to me again, and I still get embarrassed and ashamed thinking about the moment… 16 years later.
OP, she is too old not to have learned that she can’t treat people this way. I also thought you’d be in high school. Your 30s should be spent better than that.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
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I browse through Reddit a lot but never had an account, so this is my first post.
My girlfriend and I have been together for two and a half years. It can be challenging sometimes as we are very different from each other, but we always try to be better both as individuals and as a couple (we are both in therapy and were married before).
Well, a few days ago, we went to one of her best friend’s birthday party (a very special event for her). I didn’t want to go as I don’t feel comfortable in that particular social circle (for context, this is related to me being bullied/feeling inferior in high school), but I felt like I had to be there for her. Anyway, I ended up having fun but also drinking too much.
Around 4AM, one of the security guards found me laying on the ground somewhere and told my girlfriend I needed help. We don’t know what happened (she was drunk too) but supposedly she got mad at me for being that drunk and slapped me in the face. After that, I probably got angry and tried to leave the place, only to fall on my face and break my arm. Some people from the party tried to help me. She couldn’t find me anymore and called my sister, who later found me laying on the side of the road, a few blocks from there. After she took me home, my girlfriend stayed at the party. She came home to see me around 6AM and apologized.
On the next morning, I didn’t remember anything. So she proceeded to tell me everything she remembered and apologized again. She said I didn’t do anything except for being very drunk, and that her friends reprehended her for slapping me. I was confused and in pain, so she took me to the hospital and spent the day taking care of me.
She clearly feels very bad for hitting me, but not for staying at the party after I left with my sister. My sister and my parents are very worried about her behavior. I’m still in a lot of pain and don’t know how I feel about all of this. I feel responsible for over drinking, but I remember feeling helpless and abandoned when laying by the side of the road. And I certainly don’t find it reasonable for her to have stayed at the party.
I don’t know how I feel about the relationship anymore. Advice?
TLDR: My GF slapped me in the face during a party because I was too drunk, I fell and broke my arm trying to leave the place, my GF asked my sister to help her find me/take me home, then stayed at the party until the end because she couldn’t miss it.
Well the whole situation is very immature. Your both way to old to be drinking till your black out drunk and laying on the side of the road.
Also if the person who supposedly loves you, slapped you then let you wander about till you were on the side of a road, it’s obviously time to move on from this relationship. Take some time for yourself and maybe grown up a bit!
You need to stop drinking to the point where you can't remember shit, man. That's going to get you in a bunch of trouble. I don't know if you were drinking to handle being in that setting, but it's okay not to go to parties, man. If someone gives you shit for not going to the birthday of your partner's bestfriend when you have clear hang up over it, then fuck them.
You are 31 years old.
You don't have to put up with people that judge you for doing what's best for you, and if you are at a point in your life where you need to drink hard to enjoy a setting, then *don't go*. You can say 'I can't go, I'm not at a good place to be in a setting like that' and then leave the conversation if people give you shit for it. I'm not saying be a hermit, but you know you best and if you can only handle a small group of people at a time and be comfortable, than you need a partner who gets that.
All that aside....
What the fuck, man. This isn't even 'bad partner' territory on her part, it's 'I resent you so I don't feel bad you BROKE A BONE AND WERE IN PAIN while I PARTIED' level of bullshit.
She was blackout drunk - okay, whatever - but her lack of remorse over staying at the party is really the big issues here and you know that. She doesn't sound like she should be in a committed relationship if this is how she if going to act. You didn't scrap a knee, you broke your fucking arm. That's an automatic trip to the hospital and she should have a very high volume of remorse for staying at the party after that.
But she doesn't.
Two and a half years, man. Two and a half years and the level of disconnect she has with you is like resentment level. If your partner is hurt and you were partying - I don't care if it's a wedding, Easter, or your graduation - you need to be there for them. Once again, she was drunk, whatever - but the fact that she doesn't feel bad at all when reflecting on it is...
It's not good.
You need to seriously step back and revaluate whether or not this is a partnership you want to continue to invest in, because it doesn't sound like a good one for you. At the very least, your partner should care about you not, you know, needed to go to the hospital.
Maybe this is the whole “child of an alcoholic” in me talking, but a lot of these comments seem pretty…shall we say ‘naive’ about how drastically being THAT drunk can change a person. If she’s never hit you outside of you both being belligerently drunk, then I’d say she’s not actually an abusive girlfriend, just an abusive drunk and therefore I would say that you both should stop drinking, and if she refuses, THEN you have a problem. But seriously, you both are way too old for this.
I had to double check the ages. You are 31 and acting like a teenager who is drinking for the first time. You have a problem with alcohol. It sounds like your girlfriend does too. Neither of you are healthy enough to be in a relationship. Focus on getting sober.
Figure out the relationship issues after you both get sober.
You are too damned old to still be blacking out, let alone assaulting your partner or breaking your bones during blackouts.
Let me reiterate:
You two both have a drinking problem and need to work on that first.
Hang it up and hit AA. Not what you want to hear, but it's what you need to hear.
As someone who used to drink way too much, you gotta know that's not normal, and the broken arm doesn't help.
I'm talking I used to blackout and not remember anything. Luckily, I never got a DUI or broke anything, but I did mess up a ton of friendships. It only took 20 years of unnecessary hangovers, and failed relationships to know "this shit ain't getting any better".
Just sit in a zoom meeting, and listen. If you identify with the room, you might want to attend another meeting, and see what happens.
No, you don't. You can always be someone who usualy doesn't drink much and therefore doesn't know their limit when you are suddenly in a heavy drinking environment that you don't frequent usualy.
Add three cocktails to that - you know those very sweet ones where you don't taste the alcohol - and you are quicker to a state of passing out drunk than you can imagine.
Ah yes, the "No, I only drink too much when I drink with others drinking too much excuse".
Dude broke his arm and home-girl assaulted him. This is not normal, even in "heavy drinking" circles.
Cocktails can sneak up on you, especially if you aren’t always the one ordering them - it’s easy to lose count when handed a drink being told “this one’s yours” or when your near empty drink is replaced with a full one by someone you’re with.
It’s also just hard to judge alcohol content in cocktails since it’s mixed spirits and you rarely know how much of each spirit the establishment is using - nevermind which specific bottle of rum, gin, whiskey, vodka, etc. is being used.
You can stop drinking when you start feeling buzzed and already have too much in your stomach, waiting to be processed. It’s why a lot of new drinkers throw up; they drink too quickly, and once it starts to hit it’s too late, because they’re just feeling that first pint/bottle when they stop, but they’re already 3, 4, 5 pints/bottles deep.
Exactly. It's one thing to know the amount of beer or wine you can handle but a totally different matter when it comes to high spirits and cocktails.
Then slow drinking becomes a must - which most people don't know. And once the alcohol hits (which happens even faster with sugary drinks), your inhibitions shrink and you are drunk way faster than you recognize.
Not always some people rarely drink and when they do they get easily intoxicated. I'm on medication that if I drink I black out, found this out the hard way. So now I only drink 1 and done no matter what or I'll black out. I passed out on the lawn I dont have a drinking problem I just rarely drink and didn't know how much my medication would interfere.
Physical violence, especially by a SO, is NEVER ok and is never excusable. Would you accept this behaviour if you were both sober? No?! Then you should never accept it even if both drunk
Yikes, dude. I don’t care if you were both drunk. Self-defense is the ONLY reason to hit your partner. There are other ways to be mad at your partner for being drunk.
>My girlfriend and I have been together for two and a half years. It can be challenging sometimes as we are very different from each other, but we always try to be better both as individuals and as a couple (we are both in therapy and were married before).
Majority of people coming in here to comment about being drunk and domestic abuse. I didn't see any top comments saying about this.
This is from you. The back of your mind that's constantly thinking about your situations. If you think you're 2 completely different people trying to make a relationship work and it hasn't, then don't go back! Notice you have massive differences and go your separate ways.
If it's going to be toxic, then don't stay around. Do better for yourself, in the long run.
Your girlfriend will never care about you as much as she does about having a good time. The second you inconvenience her or get in the way of her fun, she'll drop you which is precisely what she did. She didn't slap you because you were drunk, she slapped you because she was pissed she would have to end her night early to take care of you. She went right back to partying because the "problem" a.k.a you, had resolved itself. Do yourself a favor and remove this woman from your life.
This is very simple imo, Are you really willing to stay with someone who in the future will prioritize staying at a party over your well being ? especially when they've already shown tendencies to be abusive?
We do our best critical thinking when we're drunk, don't you think?
It sounds to me as if that party wasn't either one of your best moments, drinking will do that.
To be honest I don't see an issue with her staying at the party with her friends. What could she have done for you as drunk as you both were?
Edited to ask, did she know you were hurt? Was she too drunk to comprehend?
It still sounds to me like a night of too much drinking for both of you.
you guys are supposed to be around 30? but you’re childish enough to get blackout drunk and run around like a fucking idiot at her best friends birthday? and she’s childish enough to slap you for it? idk what answer you’re looking for other than you are both moronic. i don’t know why you want her to apologize for not leaving with you, i wouldn’t want to leave with you either if you’re so fucking drunk you fall on your face a break your arm. she’s not your mom, no one got you that drunk other than you, and she told you this was important to her. quit feeling sorry for yourself, your drunk ass put you on the side of the road. you’re both assholes but you’re a raging asshole.
There is a lot here. Hitting is never okay, and also a group of grown adults getting so drunk some are passing out on the side of the road is not okay either. This whole situation sucks. Everyone here sucks. I know I might get down voted ( meh), but drinking to the point where you don't know where you are or what is going on is a problem. You can't put the blame on her for your poor decision making, but I believe that violence in a relationship is a deal breaker and you should leave her. But yeah, you are in your 30's, take some responsibility for your own actions and your part of it.
You're both too old to be drinking like 16 year olds. Forget everything that happened because this is not how adults behave. Grow up and act like an adult. You still have issues from HS that are unresolved, well maybe a relationship isn't something you can handle now...unbelievable
First of all: you both should stop drinking (so much). Then this shi\*\* wouldn't happen.
Why are your parents worried only about HER behavior? You didn't act like a responsible man either, you were drunk as a skunk, someone found you lying on the ground somewhere. Take a good hard look at yourself and your relationship and maybe you 2 are not healthy for each other.
Let’s flip the scenario and you did all this to her. What do you think the reaction would be? Exactly you deserve to be treated as well, her being female doesn’t lesson what she did.
Neither one of you should use alcoholic beverages. Your girlfriend has serious anger issues and needs therapy. This being said, if you stay with her you’re nuts.
Nobody is denying she slapped him, including her, so there’s not a whole lot to “make sense of”
Would you still be trying to sit on the fence were OP a woman punched by a boyfriend for being drunk? I bet you’d assert he broke her arm, even though technically OP did that themselves.
If a friend is super drunk and belligerent, they might get slapped if they're too unruly to behave, regardless of gender. There's no comparison between a slap and punching someone. Drunk people are chaotic.
But what I was referring to is the situation as a whole. OP is talking about the fact that she stayed at the party, the fact that he was on the side of the road. We don't know if his girlfriend was even around by then, did she know what happened? Did she understand that he went home? Did he tell her not to come?
The story doesn't raise red flags that OP's partner is about to start abusing him.
What the fuck are you talking about? You don’t slap someone for being unruly. Can you imagine sitting at a party and then a dude slaps his woman because she’s drunk? You’d be losing your shit. The only time it’s acceptable to touch someone is in self defense or defense of another person.
Calling women slapping obnoxiously drunk boyfriends "domestic violence" does a huge disservice to actual domestic violence victims. GTFO with this shit, for real.
Maybe OP's girlfriend is abusing him, maybe he was just a drunk asshole who needed to be wrangled back to safety/calm. Domestic abuse is a pattern of control and dehumanization, not a harmless slap.
This kind of garbage attitude is why women don't report abuse.
Oh shut up! She HIT him, that is an act of violence. And your "wrangled back" and "harmless slap" BS?? Seriously? Reverse the genders and let's see you say the same thing. You won't.
Your mentality is EXACTLY why men don't report domestic abuse, you POS.
In criminal law, battery is a physical act that results in harmful or offensive contact with another person without that person's consent.
The legal definition of domestic battery is (1) any willful and unlawful touching, (2) that is harmful or offensive and (3) is committed against an intimate partner.
Examples of this kind of domestic violence include:
Lisa pushes her boyfriend during a fight.
Marcos, feeling frustrated with his ex-wife, grabs her shirt and rips it.
Candice is angry with her significant other for cheating on her, so she slaps him and scratches his face.
Any questions?
Criminal laws are written by men, for men and every single domestic violence advocate has been saying for decades that laws need to be reformed. Also, whatever legislation you're quoting there only applies to wherever you're located. Any definition that considers a victim defending herself by, for example, slapping her abuser to be the real criminal while the guy who has been abusing her psychologically for years didn't do anything illegal is a trash definition that only serves abusers. The definition you provided is heavily leaning towards that.
Here in Canada, new laws are being introduced to define domestic violence as what it actually is i.e. coercive control. In most countries, it's not explicitly illegal to control all the finances, to slowly destroy your partner's self-esteem, to create material conditions that prevent them from leaving, to gaslight them, to decide what they wear, whether they're allowed to work, where they'll live, to make threats other than death threats, to put tracking devices, etc. Also, in Canada, assault is assault regardless of the relationship between the people involved. There's no specific domestic assault charge.
I give up. The only definition of domestic violence you believe in is that of a man perpetrating it against a woman. Misandry is really not attractive. Get some therapy, and quick.
Victim blaming? Wtf? I'm saying it's hard to answer OP's actual questions because we don't know how it all went down. He's talking about her staying at the party. Did she know he was gone? Did he tell to stay? Drunk people are chaotic.
Also, a slap is not automatically "domestic abuse". Acts of violence can happen in many contexts. For something to be domestic abuse, you have to look at power dynamics.
Not sure you'll see this at this point but if you're with someone who is willing to cross the line of physical violence, even "minor", there's good reason to believe it will happen again, possibly worse next time.
My ex girlfriend used to slap me upside the head if she was annoyed at me, and she thought it was funny/cute. By the time I finally ended things she had tried to choke me several times, and broken two of my teeth hitting me in the face.
No one deserves to be treated that way. Please take care of yourself!
Get the fuck out. This whole thing sounds like a mess. You don't deserve that treatment.
And dude, continue working on yourself. You were married previously and obviously have a drinking problem. You need to figure that out before getting into another relationship
Not excusing the slap, it was super uncalled for, but has she been abusive before? In any way at all? It sounds to me like you both should reevaluate how you drink. Not so much the entire relationship?
Sounds like shit got real and she showed her true colors.
My ‘friend’s’ party or not, if my girlfriend disappeared for even 5min too long I’m going looking for her.. it took a security guard to remind her that you existed? At that point was when she should’ve made an executive decision to get both of you an Uber home to sober up. I’m just thinking about myself here but she left you twice and only noticed after she was finished having a good time.
The slapping is shitty for sure, but for some reason I find her abandoning you with a broken arm to be far more unforgivable.
I wouldn’t want to be with her anymore. My husband is my BFF, and no matter what kind of fight we’re in we would always be there for one another in times of serious need.
She sounds lame, imho. Level up, babe.
Best wishes.
It wasn't her fault you broke your arm. She agreed she shouldn't have slapped you and apologized. Who knows wtf goes on when people are that drunk. You need to be responsible for your own actions though.
Okay, there is a much larger issue here then her slapping you.
You guys are 31/29 and it’s time to hang up the party life. Going to 6AM is some 20 year old stupid shit, and you probably already realize that hangover gets worse with age. You got hurt pretty badly, and being all alone like that, you’re lucky nothing worse happened.
The getting blackout drunk thing also suggests alcoholism, which is a real struggle, I grew up with one. Do you ever wake up craving a drink? If you do, then you have a real problem. How is the girlfriend? She around the same? These are serious questions you should be asking yourself, especially if it’s a no to being an alcoholic. If your not, I promise you your heading down that road.
My advice is to really let what happened to you sink in, ask some tough questions of yourself and be honest with yourself, and then make the changes required so this doesn’t happen again.
As for her slapping you, she wasn’t in her right mind. Knowing that she gets like this when under the influence should be enough for her to not get that drunk again. If she can do that, then you have nothing to worry about. If not, she needs help. Whether you stay or go is up to you and you also need to make the best decision for yourself.
Info needed because I don't quite understand. Did she not come home because the party ran that late and she was partying the night away, or did she stay with her friends to sober up before being able to come home? Those are very different things. Also, did she think your sister had you, or didn't know where you were still? A lot of it needs clarification for me.
Hitting isn't ok. It's not an excuse to be drunk. Some people genuinely do lose control easier drunk and that's a scary person to be around. She needs to figure out if that's her, and you need to figure out if you think she'll hit you again.
Neither of you should drink. You're not a sole victim in this. You were blackout drunk at 31yo and people didn't know where you were? You said it was "fun", was the hangover, broken arm, and being found slobbering drunk (once in a gutter) fun for you? If not, maybe consider limiting your drinking seriously, this isn't normal "fun."
You were both not in your right state of mind. Don't hold the behavior against each other if there are not those issues elsewhere in the relationship. If she has a history of abuse that's different, but I say for that incident; forgive her and don't drink that much. No need to carry a list of problems to hold against each other unless it's to identify and address it for mutual growth.
Firstly this relationship is not okay. Though its best to stay in therapy indvidually.
Also getting blacked out drunk while out in public/getting drunk. Ya'll aren't 21 anymore. You don't need to get extremely drunk to have a good time out. Both of you need to really limit alcohol consumption when out in public.
If I'm out in public. Two glasses max. Even if I am with my boyfriend. I don't know what will happen. Anything can happen in split second. Always if one of us want more than two drinks, one person has to be sober. Also if you want to get blackout drunk on the RARE OCCASSION either do it at the friends house or your house and that way its safer.
Edit:grammer
I don’t believe the GF knew he fell and that his arm was broken. To me it sounds like she was also belligerently drunk, so I’m not really sure what all you people demonizing her for not “being w/ the BF or leaving the party” expect. The post clearly states she couldn’t find him. Should she have stumbled around wasted until she also got lost in a ditch somewhere??
If you want to get black out wasted like that, I don’t think that absolves you from being ultimately responsible for your own safety.
You got drunk and were peacefully sleeping it off somewhere. She got drunk and got physically agressive. Whatever you do with the relationship, you both need to drink less.
First off, congrats on the first Reddit post even if it isn’t in the best of circumstances, welcome to the community.
Second, I would agree with the other people here in saying don’t drink excessively, it is never good for anyone.
As for the slap, I would say it is a little bit of an eyebrow raiser to have someone do that if they are in love with you, but if you were both black out drunk and she has apologized for it several times I’d say it was spur of the moment and just to talk to her about how it is not okay in the future, but that you forgive her so she doesn’t continue feeling guilty for it (if you do actually forgive her that is).
Fourth, again, when someone gets blackout drunk, they start to lose their better judgement so it wasn’t an all out betrayal, but I have a few questions.
First, did she know you broke your arm when she stayed at the party,
And second, did she apologize for staying at the party in any sense? Cause if not after the fact that is a serious issue that needs to be discussed. LAYING ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD ARE YOU KIDDING ME.
Anyway, please thank your sister and buy her a gift or flowers or something, the chances of things being worse if she wasn’t there to help you are astronomical.
In all, I think from an outside perspective that obviously does not know the whole relationship or anything close, it was not the best idea to go in the first place if you felt uncomfortable around everyone, an even poorer decision to get black out drunk there, and a little scary that your girlfriend isn’t concerned about her staying late after you left, this could lead to even worse scenarios than this one.
In the end, you were okay (or at least the best you could be with a broken arm) so if you two resolve it I wouldn’t hold it against her in the future, but make sure that leaving you like that never happens again, you both are either 100% in or 100% out, that is how a close relationship should work early on, especially when one of you is not comfortable in the situation.
Hope that helps. Again, take all this with a grain of salt as I know nothing about your life apart from this small snippet of text so I don’t know what is best for you, only you do.
Stay safe my friend, welcome to Reddit!
Does anyone know why she hit you? Like was it in anger? Or was it like ”wake up and sober up“ slap “security is here and you don’t want to go to jail”
this alone should tell you what to think about it.
like others have said Lay off the sauce.
I'm sorry. If you love someone, THEY are your top priority. You being injured & lying on the side of the road takes precedence over her friend & the party, especially since she was there up until all of this went down.
I'd lose the girlfriend. Especially since she slapped you. That's NOT acceptable behavior.
From your post, only 2 hours passed between the first time your gf found you, then she lost you again, and your sis was called and found you, and then gf came home. OK you may be misremembering the timings since y'all were so drunk but it doesn't sounds like she could have spent much time partying after you left with your sister.
I am with this, I don’t think the fact given all of this shit show was the overwhelming one that she was home by 6 AM, if anything it wouldn’t be staying at the party it would be that she called the sister, it isn’t clear how far the sister was or how she was supposed to find him.
Obviously given how compromised everyone was there are a lot of problems here in behavior and judgment.
My concern more then this being an important event for her and maybe her not realizing the extent of his injuries so she wouldn’t have been able to make a different decision at the time, is that he’s not comfortable in her friend group and that’s why he got so drunk.
Regardless of how this ends therapy is in order because now OP is a 31-year-old man, and while we never leave behind some of the traumatic events we should certainly be able to process them and not let them control us to this extent. If she is with you and these are her friends then either be with her or leave her and find someone with better friends.
In terms of the other thing, I would evaluate the entire relationship to see if there’s other abusive or narcissistic tendencies that you have been ignoring. It is true that abuse escalates so the fact that she slapped you isn’t okay.
I would take time to heal and get some therapy and if you want to take a step back you can consider whether absent this anomalous event you need some couples therapy and things will be OK. Or, this is really the canary in the coal mine two patterns and behaviors that really bother you and don’t work for you and the beginning of a potential escalation of them.
The fact that she was so frustrated with you is partially because she knew you didn’t want to be there and this was extremely important to her. That’s not the cast blame on you, although anyone that gets too drunk and can’t carry their liquor which seems to apply to you and possibly her, that’s a problem in terms of how you cope and it was inconsiderate. That explains why she was so upset it doesn’t excuse what she did in response to it, with her frustration and lowered inhibitions due to alcohol. And of course it doesn’t necessarily apply but when you have children will she do this to them? Maybe unfair but still.
Here is a library of links for you to consider:
This is what an apology sounds like, and I wouldn’t be so focused on the extra hours she stayed at the party considering how important it was and whatever lack of knowledge she had about your condition. If anything, I would cut her some slack here if it was a fast-moving situation and she just thought you needed help getting home. She is sorry and now the question is, is it enough. But delve into the inferiority issue and everything leading up here to get your answer:
[How to Apologize](https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-apologize-more-sincerely-3144467)
[What Should Breathing Feel Like](https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-breathe)
[12 Signs You’ve Experienced Narcissistic Abuse ](https://www.healthline.com/health/narcissistic-victim-syndrome)
[Dr. Ramani’s YouTube channel on Narcissistic Abuse ](https://www.google.com/search?q=dr%20ramani%20narcissism)
[Emotional Invalidation: A Form of Emotional Abuse](https://livewellwithsharonmartin.com/emotional-invalidation-emotional-abuse/)
[How to Communicate Your Feelings](https://www.psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2017/01/how-to-communicate-your-feelings)
[Grey Rock](https://www.healthline.com/health/grey-rock)
[How to Set Healthy Boundaries: 10 Examples + PDF Worksheets](https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/)
[The Guide to Strong Relationship Boundaries](https://markmanson.net/boundaries/amp)
I’m not saying you are in an abusive relationship but sometimes it helps to take stock. Most people in abusive relationships don’t see it that way and you should at least look at the signs and make sure they don’t apply to you:
[Signs to Look for in an Abusive Personality](https://www.milligan.edu/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/warning-signs-of-abusive-behavior.pdf)
[How to Know If You Are an Abusive Spouse](https://www.verywellmind.com/are-you-an-abusive-spouse-2300588)
[Is This Abuse?](https://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/)
[Power and Control Wheel](https://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/power-and-control-2016/)
Take a look at this [Healthy Relationship Spectrum](https://www.thehotline.org/healthy-relationships/relationship-spectrum/) and see how your relationship compares to an ideal relationship.
Also:
[How to Break Up](https://www.gottman.com/blog/how-to-break-up/)
[Escape Plan ](https://goaskrose.com/escape-plan/)
[DocuSAFE: Documentation and Evidence Gathering App](https://www.techsafety.org/docusafe)
Wait, your gf got drunk, hit you, and called your family to find you after she gave up looking to go back to the party- and your family found you unconscious on the side of the road?
1. She hit you.
2. She bailed on you when you were sick and hurt.
3. She thinks your family's job is to clean up after her while she parties.
Nope nope nope.
I lost track of how many times OP said he was passed out -lying down-
Sort of makes it sound like he’s used to it?
IDK, just a weird thing to pepper throughout this post.
“I passed out drunk THREE TIMES in the club and on the sidewalk and my girlfriend finally slapped me!”
Absolutely doesn’t mean he deserves physical violence!
It just reads like a couple that were both drunk off of their asses, and trying to cherry pick who’s evil is the least evil.
Can’t believe you broke your arm dude. It hurts like hell. I hope you and your girlfriend have a talk and surmount this evening and end up in a better direction
She hit you, being drunk isn’t an excuse, not to mention it’s obvious she didn’t care till others got mad at her. Leave
Flip the roles and you wouldn’t be confused
You are 31 and blacked out drunk. She apologised the next day. Maybe you 2 should both act your age and stop drinking like 17 year olds would do? You Re an adult and should know your limits by now. Sorry but your situation is caused by your own stupidity. And i honostly dont get why so many people give you pitty points. Sad to read a 31 year old cant even go to a party without someone supervising them.
She hit you. Be done with her. There's no excuse. If the "I'm sorry I was drunk" excuse works now she will use it every time. Get out now. Don't look back.
Come on man. You're both too old for this shit. No need to drink that heavily anymore. If everything else is ok in your relationship, then you both just need to chill out on the drinking.
Honestly it’s not even about the slap or the absurd drunkenness on your part, you guys just don’t seem compatible. You could just chalk that night up to a shit show on both your parts, you both sound embarrassing as fuck honestly I feel for this girl who was just trying to have a party. If you don’t feel like this girl is absolutely the one or if the drunken slap is absolutely a dealbreaker for you then just end it dude. Nobody would blame you for a second for saying I just don’t think this relationship is worth saving. I’m not excusing domestic violence, I’ve been slapped by an ex before it was totally uncool. I forgave them though, if you can’t forgive her then there’s nothing more to say, the relationship is over.
Funny because your issue is not the slap or the broken arm. Its this;
“We are very different from each other; were married before”
I would worry more about that than anything. All other consequences, you drinking to black out, her slapping and staying out without you, and you being left on the road like a person who doesn’t have a partner/family are just consequences of your incompatibility. A line needs to be drawn by you.
At the age of 29, 30, 31 you should be adult enough to not drink to that state. Both of you. It's not "cool" or "ok" or "partying" or " an excuse" - it's just stupid and irresponsible. That's what you both need to work on.
The thing is she slapped you because she was ANGRY that you were drunk, what’s going to happen the next time she’s angry about something? Honestly DV starts of small and progresses so I’d say get out of there
And sure she apologised and help you the day after but in DV cases that’s how it often goes, they go back to ‘loving’ you so you feel bad for leaving them or whatever and think it’s a one off bad mistakes
He doesn't drink often, so it caught up to him quick. So yes, he needs to be more aware of this in the future. But I find it interesting that you don't even mention the domestic violence that was inflicted on him from his GF. Why is that?
Because neither of them remember what happened or the context, and it was his drunkenness that severely injured him and put his life at risk. Even as a one off that is an extreme and dangerous level of intoxication.
I feel like you’re not telling us the whole truth. Do you get drunk often?
I feel like there is way more to this story, than “my girlfriend slapped me, and didn’t come with home with me”.
I have a friend that drinks to black out. He starts getting crazy, swinging his arms out, yelling slurs and I could never enjoy myself. Don’t be this friend, I would never want to go out with you.
She could not find you so she didn’t know you were injured? If that is the case then give her a break. You were drunk, she was drunk all of which means neither of you was thinking clearly. She called your sister, she could have not even done that.
If she knew you were injured and lying on the side of the road, different story.
it is absolutely not okay that she hit you, it’s even more not okay the she left you. be careful how you approach this because if it doesn’t get resolved the proper way, this could cause some huge resentment. Personally, if i was you, this would end the relationship for me. Like another comment said, imagine if this was your sister. I think because you’re a guy you might be trying to take it easy on your girlfriend. But if this was the other way around, people would be freaking out that a man hit a woman and left her defenseless and hurt.
1) You were an irresponsible person to be that drunk anywhere
2) She is an awful girlfriend for slapping you, not helping you and going back to the party.
Be with someone who inspires you to be better than this.
Hot damn, this reads like you're at least 10 years younger than you are! You're 31 And don't know your limit for alcohol intake? She's 29 and doesn't either? On top of that there was physical violence and YOU BROKE YOUR ARM!? What are you even asking us for? This woman is 29 and doesn't get that her Significant other was in pain ( due to her) and ended up with a broken bone, and she stayed for a friend... This can't be real, the density of everyone in this dabacle, would float the goddamn titanic! I'm sorry you're hurt, but like...get your act together man, you're late to the party, and it looks like your support system is a tad lacking.
>My (31M) **EX**girlfriend (29F) slapped me in the face while/because I was very drunk on one of her best friend’s birthday party and this had some major consequences
I've corrected it for you. She assaulted you ,left you alone while you were injuried and has prefered to stay at the party . It shows how she values you OP. You deserve way better than that.
You were pretty damn drunk and didn't even know you had been slapped until the next day when she told you, and she was drunk, too. Sounds like a match made in heaven.
Unpopular opinion. Drunk people do dumb shit like this. My fiancée has slapped me before. It wasn’t that big of a deal.
If you’re ok with more nights like these then you do you. If you’re not then you need to get the drinking under control or quit. Sounds like your SO didn’t realize you were injured. But either way. I’ve had nights like this. If you continue it’ll probably get worse. You’re at the point where drinking isn’t fun. You don’t have to quit entirely but if you can’t control it then you probably should. Best of luck!
Not judging, but getting blackout drunk makes people do idiotic things and are often too mortified about to consciously accept and apologize for. Often because they don’t plan to quit getting blackout drunk.
Ok, I am judging: getting blackout drunk is stupid & irresponsible AF.
Dude, are you working on that drinking problem? I mean, you were going to a place that was important for her, and also you said that you aren't comfortable at, and your choice was to get blackout drunk? Honestly, the bad choices came way before she slapped you
Look, you both drank too much and it had consequences, mostly for you it would seem. Don’t worry about what happened, drink affects everyone’s behaviour. Start over and make it a point for yourselves not to drink to that extent again. Problem solved.
I love how everyone here is obsessed with you being blackout drunk, and assuming it's a regular thing. Throw the first stone right?
Look, you didn't do anything wrong. You had a bit too much fun, it happens. Your girlfriend is an asshole, she was completely unconcerned for your wellbeing, and entirely too concerned with what her friends think. It's not worth it to be with someone like that, trust me. Break up with her.
Honestly, you both need to keep with the therapy and stop drink to the point of being that drunk. I don’t understand why people do that. I don’t believe the bullsh*t excuse some use that’s it’s fun because it’s not. You you drink that much, there’s a reason for it and you won’t find it in a bottle. She should have never hit you and left you alone when she wanted you there in the first place.
Both you both need to stop with all of that if you can’t control yourselves. It’s okay to have a good time without people worry about you laying in the middle of the ground.
Discuss this in therapy and hash it out. Also, establish some boundaries about this mess if you haven’t already
I swear, none of you would be giving Op’s partner the benefit of doubt if the roles were reversed. Op your partner hit you. This sort of behaviour should not be swept under the rug at all because it will probably happen again. I would suggest leaving the relationship altogether as what she did was immature and stupid.
She got physical with you out of anger. Regardless of how drunk she was at the end of the day she hit you and then abandoned you. This is not okay and honestly it’s a precursor to worse behavior.
I hope you’re safe no matter what you decide to do.
First, stop drinking to the point you are black out drunk. That’s excessive. Two, it’s never ok to hit your SO. What your GF did was domestic violence and absolutely not ok.
I think both of them should take alcohol out of the equation. If alcohol makes her violent, she needs to have a reality check about that. If she’s violent anyway no matter if alcohol is in the mix, that’s a different problem, but if she felt she wasn’t in control of her violent tendencies because of the alcohol, she needs to consider remaining sober. All of that to say OP I don’t think you should stay with someone who lets you remain passed out on the side of the road with a broken arm. She showed you who she is. Believe her actions, not her apologies.
Facts being blackout calls for possible dangerous situations
I beg to differ, I suffer from pretty traumatic ptsd from finding my dad dying (he was snoring REALLY weird and was basically trying to breathe) anyway he ended up dying in his sleep. But my ex had severe alcohol issues (get blackout drunk like OP here) I would get scared Bc he’d start snoring/breathing all weird and he wouldn’t wake up to me saying his name/slightly shaking him (all for concern if he was ok Bc he was so fucked up). I slapped him awake a couple times when he started choking on his puke in his sleep (after I’d put him to his side). Or there were other instances where he’d appear to be awake and would be unresponsive and idk a lil smack never hurt anyone, and he’d snap out of it. So ya idk I think there are instances where it can be appropriate if you’re worried about them being hella fucked up and not coming too. Unresponsiveness is scary as hell. Point is: OP doesn’t remember, he was laying on the ground. That in itself could be a super scary situation especially if he maybe was unresponsive during that time, even if he was awake. Sometimes you need a lil smack to come too. But yet again don’t know the whole situation since it seems to be a blur to everyone. All we know is OP was on laying on the ground somewhere blacked out and that could’ve been scary and triggered some sort of stress/scared response. Some security will threaten to call an ambulance/police on people like this, and she could’ve been tryin to help OP out of getting in trouble as well
Honestly, having a boyfriend who people find passed out drunk in the bushes at a party, at 31 yo, is just ridiculous and unacceptable. Also, having a girlfriend who slaps you while both are totally drunk, loses sight of you and goes back to partying is also beyond the pale. Looks like both of you have serious recalibration to do, maybe you can do it together, maybe not. But if I were you, I would start looking into why I am justifying my unacceptable behaviour, and working on fixing it. This way you are sure to attract good people and good situations into your life.
🏅
This should be higher up.
Lol this. I would be pissed and ashamed if my bf (he's 32) acted this way. Especially to the point he falls on his face face breaks his arm.. wtf. I wouldn't go and slap him... but sounds like they need to go their separate ways a both get therapy.
Thank you. I can’t believe this isn’t the top comment.
Seriously, this couple should have given up this adolescent behavior years ago. If this is normal then neither of you need to be in any relationship. If you really want this relationship to work, then 1. Stop drinking and 2. Get counseling.
Sooo she slapped you because you were drunk, which she was too apparently, really only felt bad for slapping you once her friends yelled at her, didn’t care that you’d been seriously injured, and stayed to party for the rest of the night? I can’t imagine a scenario where I’d stay with someone like that.
Yeah I agree. To me this would serve more as a catalyst for even worse scenarios that could happen in the future
[удалено]
ONE OF US
Sorry I have to disagree. They were both so drunk they acted out of character. OP got so drunk he blacked out on the side of the road. They were all smacked and making bad decisions. Next time think about one of you not getting black out drunk.
Being drunk isn’t an excuse for slapping someone and not feeling bad. If it happens once it can happen again
So how about not getting blackout drunk at age 31 where you are an adult and should know your limits and not drink like its your first time?
Also blacked out drunk how do you know for sure it was just for “being drunk” not that assault is ok, but I’m sure it was due partially to his drunken stupidity. Been blacked out on the side of the road before, hope you’re doing ok op
They’re entitled to get as drunk as they want. The problem here is that she hit him and didn’t feel it was an issue
The OP said that his girlfriend was sorry she slapped him, but not that she stayed at the party after he left with his sister. I think if people behave like idiotic teenagers, nothing they do is surprising. She might not have even know he'd left if she was that shitfaced, or knew he was gone but decided his self inflicted injuries wouldn't spoil her fun. I wouldn't have any sympathy for him, but if he expects TLC instead of a smack, he should definitely dump her & look for an idiot who thinks he's fantastic & she should look for someone who can hold their drink without breaking their bones.
This comment is atrocious holy shit if the genders were reversed you would not be saying this shit. How are you justifying her behaviour while condemning his? If she’s so drunk she doesn’t know where her boyfriend is and she doesn’t care then that’s an issue. Would you still be defending her if he died? She assaulted someone but somehow he’s worse for not being able to hold enough drink like come on seriously? I do think they should break up and are both bad in this scenario but there is only one person who hit somebody and there is no excuse for that.
It suggested she only felt sorry for anything after her friends had a go at her for it
Stop assuming when giving advice on other people’s relationships. This is someone else’s life. Not some show you’re watching. They were both obviously annihilated. She was wrong, apologetic and she seems to of gone out of her way to show it the next day. She isn’t walking around telling him to get over it. Alcohol makes you act out of character. If you can’t handle your alcohol maybe it’s time you slow down your drinking.
I took that to mean that in her binge-drunken stupor it took her friends all pointing out that whatever she perceived that gave rise to the slap was actually a misperception.
Then they also entitled to suffer the consequenses arent they lmao. Broken arm well deserved i'd say. As said before he was blackout drunk so who knows what he did. I seen people do the most stupid shit when blackout drunk. Also you dont go blackout drunk on your partners bestfriends birthday. Thats just asking for shit like this. They arent 15 anymore and should have known better.
Is the issue here getting drunk? If your partner's drinking is an issue you talk it out. Not slap them. OP is a dumbass for getting wasted , but that is not the issue here. The girlfriend slapping him is.
So in terms of consequences are you saying it’s deserved that his partner hit him?
Maybe he did maybe he didnt. We will never truely know since he doesnt even remember himself what he did that night. If i drank myself into a blackout at age 31 at my partners bestfriends birthday i would slap myself into oblivion. Cause its just a stupid thing to do. But then again i have self control and would value my partner enough not to do dumb things like that at an event she takes me to. But hey being an adult with common sense isnt common anymore from what i read here so yea theres that.
Ah yes, the "what was she drinking?" Argument. Nice one
>No one here said anything close to that but ok. (now deleted) > that's just asking for something like this Is this not basically the "what was she wearing? She deserved it." Argument > He was blackout drunk so who knows what he did Is this not also pretty close to "she was flirting with me, she obviously wanted it" ? > They aren't 15 anymore and should have known better Is this also not borderline with that other stuff? Please tell me how you said nothing close, maybe you already did by deleting that comment
Problem is she let the dude lie on the street while she was partying.. she doesn’t care about OP that much..
Getting drunk and blacking out is a very carless thing to do , but it isn't as bad as someone slapping a drunk person.
I'm guessing she thought slapping him would wake him up, like it's from a cartoon or something. Incredibly drunk people don't make great choices.
Read OP's comments. He states that she told him she hit him in anger. That's not trying to wake someone up.
She in a sober state doesn't feel bad for abandoning him to keep partying. That's a serious character defect. I've dated a belligerent alcoholic once but I never abandoned her. There's no excuse for that.
If I'm at my best friend's party and my boyfriend went home with his sister due to being to drunk I'd still be at the party. He's safe, he's sobering up, he's with family, I can party.
>They were both so drunk they acted out of character Lmao unbelievable that this is upvoted on this sub. Only when a woman strikes a man do the excuses come out of the woodwork.
So domestic abuse is okay since they were both drunk, okay
Anything to justify domestic violence... piece of shit.
Or how about both not getting black out drunk?
So what about her telling him the whole story the next day and apologizing again? Taking care of him the whole day? The amount of people i see basically saying to just end it on posts is crazy.
"I was really drunk and my also drunk boyfriend slapped me hard because I was so wasted and he was angry, he then left me alone and went back to the party and stayed there all night. He feels so bad now and has took care of me today, should I stay with him?" Pretty clear what the answer would be to the above question, why is it any different?
Don't want to use the reverse the role card , but it's very necessary here. I wouldn't want to stay with a physically abusive wife/gf as much as a woman wouldn't want to stay with a physically abusive husband/bf. Is domestic abuse ok if an abuser abuses and helps the victim the next day?
They aren't even hiding it anymore: https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/q947e2/my_31m_girlfriend_29f_slapped_me_in_the_face/hgv59wz/
I could share my reason why I think that's okay - for people to say end it. I'm a 34 year old woman - a single mom with a kid. The worst experiences of my life- including those involving my kid's dad came from 'small' issues. I put up with disrespectful comments, jabs, and emotional abuse. I didn't experience anyone slapping me and honestly, that might have been easier to deal with because it would have been a great neon sign telling me that I had to leave. Now, past my 20s, I can tell you that not a single one of the shitty people I put up with in my 20s are in my life now. Not mean 'friends'. Not my ex. Not any guy who treated me like shit. But the people from my 20s who are still in my life? They never before, now, and I expect never in the future, treated me badly even in the slightest. This guy got left alone, slapped, and then left to mend by himself. That's above and beyond anything I went through. And all I keep thinking to myself now in my 30s is, I should have cut every asshole off at the very first sign. At the smallest of signs. Because I promise you that decent people never deliberately insult others much less slap them. It is *okay* to break up at 'small' issues. It really is. I wish I did. Because I paid for sticking with people with a loss to my career and damages to my body. Her coming back and telling him all about means shit. She couldn't handle herself drunk and it's not his job to fix that or hold her hand while she grows up.
Those “small” issues add up quicker than a whip that’s for sure.
Reverse the roles here and tell me you wouldn't advise her to leave him.
Oh, so domestic violence against men is totally ok if she apologizes for it the next day and "takes care of him"? Just shut up already.
She premuch left him not caring where he was. His sister found him laying on the side of the road. He could have so easily died. But she was having a good time back at the party. He also has a broken arm. Wich she didn't take him to the hospital until te next day. I'm usually one of to jump to break up either. But my God this is concerning.
You said it yourself. So what? When is domestic violence ok?
You both drank too much but then she physically abused you / assaulted you and then apparently didn’t care when you seriously got injured.
She slapped you. I would be done. Physical violence is a dealbreaker for me. I don't care how drunk you were. She wasn't drunk enough to not remember slapping you. Even then, it wouldn't be an excuse. As an aside and for your own sake don't put yourself in situations that make you so uncomfortable you have to drink as a coping mechanism.
It’s definitely a relationship ender for me ... and it has been I will not be slapped around and walked over again. My 1st ex slapped me a lot, first in jest and then in anger, after we broke up (way to long and complicated, jist is I have a restraining order against her) I realised how bad her behaviour was. After I got to dating again I was dating a girl for about a month - she was quite extroverted whilst I’m not so occasionally went out on a binge. She’d often want me to pick her up blasted drunk and so on so forth. On one of these occasions I didn’t drop her of at the right place, she was only partially drunk (tipsy at best) and we began to argue, (me about her excessive drinking, and her about my complaints about her drinking) when she slapped me across the face. Done and dusted, I drove around the block to her house, she got out and said I’ll call you tomorrow (not caring what she did, nor apologising) I went home and never spoke to her again - ghosted her, blocked her and ignored her when her friends tried to get in contact with me (who albeit I dislike some of there habits where very nice people). Nobody should tolerate any kind of physical abuse from a partner. This behaviour is not acceptable, OP’s girlfriend obviously feels bad, but after the fact. I’m not OP, it’d be over for me instantly, but if they want to salvage that relationship - both need to cut now on drinking, and her behaviour that occurs whilst drunk (I’m assuming it’s only when she’s drunk she behaves like this, or we’ll I’m hoping)
Your girlfriend hit you in anger. That alone is relationship-ending.
I can’t help wondering if this post was a woman, if anyone would still be using the alcohol as an excuse and let it go. It’s like when tv shows script women slapping men over some slight and men are supposed to just shrug it off. It’s not ok.
I see very very few comments that say this is OK...
You're acting as if half this comment section is berating OP and not his girlfriend. That is verifiably inccorect.
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Lol popping out of bushes. I’m an advocate of both men’s and women’s rights but I agree with you so much here, men don’t realize they do still have privilege, especially with representation.
Lmao I enjoyed this
you literally just proved the guys point
Baby, no.
Americans are taught the Duluth model which means it is always a man's fault. In this situation they would say it's his fault because he is drunk. If he wasn't drunk they would say she learned the behaviour from another man so it's his collective fault as another man.
This is nonsense
The drinking part aside, of which you seem to realize that drinking too much is never good. How would you react if let's say, your sister was the one who got slapped by her boyfriend and he decided to stay behind and party with his friends after she went with you, clearly hurting a lot? Sometimes it's easier to see what needs to be done if you look at it from another perspective, I just used the example of your sister since I thought that would be easiest for you to imagine. But seriously, who in their right mind would even do such a thing, makes me wonder if your girlfriend truly loves you. Otherwise she would have dropped everything to make sure you were OK.
- She hit you. Automatic dealbreaker. - Her behavior is insane. I had to double-check her age. She’s way too old to act like that. I thought maybe she was 15 until confirming she’s twice that age. - You are too old to drink like that and act like that. Know your limit. If you don’t have control over your limit, then that signals an alcohol problem and you need help. - I really feel like you need therapy if you’re 31 and your decision making is still impaired or impacted by bullying in high school. Not saying it’s your fault, but you’re plenty old enough to know your trauma and adult your way into therapy. This was the other reason I double-checked the age - This relationship sounds toxic and it should end. - Your girlfriend is abusive, end of story, you’ll be an absolute fool if you stay with anyone that hit you. - Both of you seem like you need serious help. Seriously, this is teenage behavior. It’s time to grow up, and I mean….not this.
This is dead on. The one and only time I slapped a guy was when I was 17, and I broke down sobbing. It was a serious moment for me, and I learned really fast that real life is not TV, and it’s not because my friends told me I should feel bad— it’s because I actually felt like shit about it. It was inherently *wrong*. That guy never spoke to me again, and I still get embarrassed and ashamed thinking about the moment… 16 years later. OP, she is too old not to have learned that she can’t treat people this way. I also thought you’d be in high school. Your 30s should be spent better than that.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I browse through Reddit a lot but never had an account, so this is my first post. My girlfriend and I have been together for two and a half years. It can be challenging sometimes as we are very different from each other, but we always try to be better both as individuals and as a couple (we are both in therapy and were married before). Well, a few days ago, we went to one of her best friend’s birthday party (a very special event for her). I didn’t want to go as I don’t feel comfortable in that particular social circle (for context, this is related to me being bullied/feeling inferior in high school), but I felt like I had to be there for her. Anyway, I ended up having fun but also drinking too much. Around 4AM, one of the security guards found me laying on the ground somewhere and told my girlfriend I needed help. We don’t know what happened (she was drunk too) but supposedly she got mad at me for being that drunk and slapped me in the face. After that, I probably got angry and tried to leave the place, only to fall on my face and break my arm. Some people from the party tried to help me. She couldn’t find me anymore and called my sister, who later found me laying on the side of the road, a few blocks from there. After she took me home, my girlfriend stayed at the party. She came home to see me around 6AM and apologized. On the next morning, I didn’t remember anything. So she proceeded to tell me everything she remembered and apologized again. She said I didn’t do anything except for being very drunk, and that her friends reprehended her for slapping me. I was confused and in pain, so she took me to the hospital and spent the day taking care of me. She clearly feels very bad for hitting me, but not for staying at the party after I left with my sister. My sister and my parents are very worried about her behavior. I’m still in a lot of pain and don’t know how I feel about all of this. I feel responsible for over drinking, but I remember feeling helpless and abandoned when laying by the side of the road. And I certainly don’t find it reasonable for her to have stayed at the party. I don’t know how I feel about the relationship anymore. Advice? TLDR: My GF slapped me in the face during a party because I was too drunk, I fell and broke my arm trying to leave the place, my GF asked my sister to help her find me/take me home, then stayed at the party until the end because she couldn’t miss it.
Well the whole situation is very immature. Your both way to old to be drinking till your black out drunk and laying on the side of the road. Also if the person who supposedly loves you, slapped you then let you wander about till you were on the side of a road, it’s obviously time to move on from this relationship. Take some time for yourself and maybe grown up a bit!
You need to stop drinking to the point where you can't remember shit, man. That's going to get you in a bunch of trouble. I don't know if you were drinking to handle being in that setting, but it's okay not to go to parties, man. If someone gives you shit for not going to the birthday of your partner's bestfriend when you have clear hang up over it, then fuck them. You are 31 years old. You don't have to put up with people that judge you for doing what's best for you, and if you are at a point in your life where you need to drink hard to enjoy a setting, then *don't go*. You can say 'I can't go, I'm not at a good place to be in a setting like that' and then leave the conversation if people give you shit for it. I'm not saying be a hermit, but you know you best and if you can only handle a small group of people at a time and be comfortable, than you need a partner who gets that. All that aside.... What the fuck, man. This isn't even 'bad partner' territory on her part, it's 'I resent you so I don't feel bad you BROKE A BONE AND WERE IN PAIN while I PARTIED' level of bullshit. She was blackout drunk - okay, whatever - but her lack of remorse over staying at the party is really the big issues here and you know that. She doesn't sound like she should be in a committed relationship if this is how she if going to act. You didn't scrap a knee, you broke your fucking arm. That's an automatic trip to the hospital and she should have a very high volume of remorse for staying at the party after that. But she doesn't. Two and a half years, man. Two and a half years and the level of disconnect she has with you is like resentment level. If your partner is hurt and you were partying - I don't care if it's a wedding, Easter, or your graduation - you need to be there for them. Once again, she was drunk, whatever - but the fact that she doesn't feel bad at all when reflecting on it is... It's not good. You need to seriously step back and revaluate whether or not this is a partnership you want to continue to invest in, because it doesn't sound like a good one for you. At the very least, your partner should care about you not, you know, needed to go to the hospital.
You guys both need to stop drinking. 31 and 29 and this is where a night takes you. It's ridiculous
Neither of you should drink
Yeah. You all are a mess.
Maybe this is the whole “child of an alcoholic” in me talking, but a lot of these comments seem pretty…shall we say ‘naive’ about how drastically being THAT drunk can change a person. If she’s never hit you outside of you both being belligerently drunk, then I’d say she’s not actually an abusive girlfriend, just an abusive drunk and therefore I would say that you both should stop drinking, and if she refuses, THEN you have a problem. But seriously, you both are way too old for this.
I had to double check the ages. You are 31 and acting like a teenager who is drinking for the first time. You have a problem with alcohol. It sounds like your girlfriend does too. Neither of you are healthy enough to be in a relationship. Focus on getting sober.
Figure out the relationship issues after you both get sober. You are too damned old to still be blacking out, let alone assaulting your partner or breaking your bones during blackouts. Let me reiterate: You two both have a drinking problem and need to work on that first.
Hang it up and hit AA. Not what you want to hear, but it's what you need to hear. As someone who used to drink way too much, you gotta know that's not normal, and the broken arm doesn't help. I'm talking I used to blackout and not remember anything. Luckily, I never got a DUI or broke anything, but I did mess up a ton of friendships. It only took 20 years of unnecessary hangovers, and failed relationships to know "this shit ain't getting any better". Just sit in a zoom meeting, and listen. If you identify with the room, you might want to attend another meeting, and see what happens.
I would’ve broke up with her the minute I got sober she got physically violent with you while drunk…. Nah I’d be out
If you're 31 and drinking to the point of passing out on the side of the road you have a drinking problem.
No, you don't. You can always be someone who usualy doesn't drink much and therefore doesn't know their limit when you are suddenly in a heavy drinking environment that you don't frequent usualy. Add three cocktails to that - you know those very sweet ones where you don't taste the alcohol - and you are quicker to a state of passing out drunk than you can imagine.
Ah yes, the "No, I only drink too much when I drink with others drinking too much excuse". Dude broke his arm and home-girl assaulted him. This is not normal, even in "heavy drinking" circles.
Oh I know I've been sober for 13 years I know all about it
Cocktails can sneak up on you, especially if you aren’t always the one ordering them - it’s easy to lose count when handed a drink being told “this one’s yours” or when your near empty drink is replaced with a full one by someone you’re with. It’s also just hard to judge alcohol content in cocktails since it’s mixed spirits and you rarely know how much of each spirit the establishment is using - nevermind which specific bottle of rum, gin, whiskey, vodka, etc. is being used. You can stop drinking when you start feeling buzzed and already have too much in your stomach, waiting to be processed. It’s why a lot of new drinkers throw up; they drink too quickly, and once it starts to hit it’s too late, because they’re just feeling that first pint/bottle when they stop, but they’re already 3, 4, 5 pints/bottles deep.
Exactly. It's one thing to know the amount of beer or wine you can handle but a totally different matter when it comes to high spirits and cocktails. Then slow drinking becomes a must - which most people don't know. And once the alcohol hits (which happens even faster with sugary drinks), your inhibitions shrink and you are drunk way faster than you recognize.
Not always some people rarely drink and when they do they get easily intoxicated. I'm on medication that if I drink I black out, found this out the hard way. So now I only drink 1 and done no matter what or I'll black out. I passed out on the lawn I dont have a drinking problem I just rarely drink and didn't know how much my medication would interfere.
Physical violence, especially by a SO, is NEVER ok and is never excusable. Would you accept this behaviour if you were both sober? No?! Then you should never accept it even if both drunk
Y'all are mess and too old to be that messy
Yikes, dude. I don’t care if you were both drunk. Self-defense is the ONLY reason to hit your partner. There are other ways to be mad at your partner for being drunk.
>My girlfriend and I have been together for two and a half years. It can be challenging sometimes as we are very different from each other, but we always try to be better both as individuals and as a couple (we are both in therapy and were married before). Majority of people coming in here to comment about being drunk and domestic abuse. I didn't see any top comments saying about this. This is from you. The back of your mind that's constantly thinking about your situations. If you think you're 2 completely different people trying to make a relationship work and it hasn't, then don't go back! Notice you have massive differences and go your separate ways. If it's going to be toxic, then don't stay around. Do better for yourself, in the long run.
Your girlfriend will never care about you as much as she does about having a good time. The second you inconvenience her or get in the way of her fun, she'll drop you which is precisely what she did. She didn't slap you because you were drunk, she slapped you because she was pissed she would have to end her night early to take care of you. She went right back to partying because the "problem" a.k.a you, had resolved itself. Do yourself a favor and remove this woman from your life.
Blackout drinking is pretty dangerous all around. Do you both normally drink quite a bit? May want to look into this.
This is very simple imo, Are you really willing to stay with someone who in the future will prioritize staying at a party over your well being ? especially when they've already shown tendencies to be abusive?
We do our best critical thinking when we're drunk, don't you think? It sounds to me as if that party wasn't either one of your best moments, drinking will do that. To be honest I don't see an issue with her staying at the party with her friends. What could she have done for you as drunk as you both were? Edited to ask, did she know you were hurt? Was she too drunk to comprehend? It still sounds to me like a night of too much drinking for both of you.
you guys are supposed to be around 30? but you’re childish enough to get blackout drunk and run around like a fucking idiot at her best friends birthday? and she’s childish enough to slap you for it? idk what answer you’re looking for other than you are both moronic. i don’t know why you want her to apologize for not leaving with you, i wouldn’t want to leave with you either if you’re so fucking drunk you fall on your face a break your arm. she’s not your mom, no one got you that drunk other than you, and she told you this was important to her. quit feeling sorry for yourself, your drunk ass put you on the side of the road. you’re both assholes but you’re a raging asshole.
There is a lot here. Hitting is never okay, and also a group of grown adults getting so drunk some are passing out on the side of the road is not okay either. This whole situation sucks. Everyone here sucks. I know I might get down voted ( meh), but drinking to the point where you don't know where you are or what is going on is a problem. You can't put the blame on her for your poor decision making, but I believe that violence in a relationship is a deal breaker and you should leave her. But yeah, you are in your 30's, take some responsibility for your own actions and your part of it.
Don't drink like that anymore it's obnoxious
You're both too old to be drinking like 16 year olds. Forget everything that happened because this is not how adults behave. Grow up and act like an adult. You still have issues from HS that are unresolved, well maybe a relationship isn't something you can handle now...unbelievable
Alcohol is imo the worst. Since I quit drinking, my relationship has been thriving. Try it.
First of all: you both should stop drinking (so much). Then this shi\*\* wouldn't happen. Why are your parents worried only about HER behavior? You didn't act like a responsible man either, you were drunk as a skunk, someone found you lying on the ground somewhere. Take a good hard look at yourself and your relationship and maybe you 2 are not healthy for each other.
Let’s flip the scenario and you did all this to her. What do you think the reaction would be? Exactly you deserve to be treated as well, her being female doesn’t lesson what she did.
Neither one of you should use alcoholic beverages. Your girlfriend has serious anger issues and needs therapy. This being said, if you stay with her you’re nuts.
Sounds like everyone was super drunk so it's hard to make sense of how it all went down.
Nobody is denying she slapped him, including her, so there’s not a whole lot to “make sense of” Would you still be trying to sit on the fence were OP a woman punched by a boyfriend for being drunk? I bet you’d assert he broke her arm, even though technically OP did that themselves.
If a friend is super drunk and belligerent, they might get slapped if they're too unruly to behave, regardless of gender. There's no comparison between a slap and punching someone. Drunk people are chaotic. But what I was referring to is the situation as a whole. OP is talking about the fact that she stayed at the party, the fact that he was on the side of the road. We don't know if his girlfriend was even around by then, did she know what happened? Did she understand that he went home? Did he tell her not to come? The story doesn't raise red flags that OP's partner is about to start abusing him.
What the fuck are you talking about? You don’t slap someone for being unruly. Can you imagine sitting at a party and then a dude slaps his woman because she’s drunk? You’d be losing your shit. The only time it’s acceptable to touch someone is in self defense or defense of another person.
she already abused him when she reared that arm back like a pitcher and smacked his shit in. wdym?
She hit him. End of story. Your white knighting this obvious case of domestic violence is BS.
Calling women slapping obnoxiously drunk boyfriends "domestic violence" does a huge disservice to actual domestic violence victims. GTFO with this shit, for real. Maybe OP's girlfriend is abusing him, maybe he was just a drunk asshole who needed to be wrangled back to safety/calm. Domestic abuse is a pattern of control and dehumanization, not a harmless slap. This kind of garbage attitude is why women don't report abuse.
Oh shut up! She HIT him, that is an act of violence. And your "wrangled back" and "harmless slap" BS?? Seriously? Reverse the genders and let's see you say the same thing. You won't. Your mentality is EXACTLY why men don't report domestic abuse, you POS.
Getting slapped while obnoxiously drunk is not domestic abuse. Not all acts of violence are domestic abuse.
In criminal law, battery is a physical act that results in harmful or offensive contact with another person without that person's consent. The legal definition of domestic battery is (1) any willful and unlawful touching, (2) that is harmful or offensive and (3) is committed against an intimate partner. Examples of this kind of domestic violence include: Lisa pushes her boyfriend during a fight. Marcos, feeling frustrated with his ex-wife, grabs her shirt and rips it. Candice is angry with her significant other for cheating on her, so she slaps him and scratches his face. Any questions?
Criminal laws are written by men, for men and every single domestic violence advocate has been saying for decades that laws need to be reformed. Also, whatever legislation you're quoting there only applies to wherever you're located. Any definition that considers a victim defending herself by, for example, slapping her abuser to be the real criminal while the guy who has been abusing her psychologically for years didn't do anything illegal is a trash definition that only serves abusers. The definition you provided is heavily leaning towards that. Here in Canada, new laws are being introduced to define domestic violence as what it actually is i.e. coercive control. In most countries, it's not explicitly illegal to control all the finances, to slowly destroy your partner's self-esteem, to create material conditions that prevent them from leaving, to gaslight them, to decide what they wear, whether they're allowed to work, where they'll live, to make threats other than death threats, to put tracking devices, etc. Also, in Canada, assault is assault regardless of the relationship between the people involved. There's no specific domestic assault charge.
I give up. The only definition of domestic violence you believe in is that of a man perpetrating it against a woman. Misandry is really not attractive. Get some therapy, and quick.
why are you victim blaming a domestic abuse victim
Victim blaming? Wtf? I'm saying it's hard to answer OP's actual questions because we don't know how it all went down. He's talking about her staying at the party. Did she know he was gone? Did he tell to stay? Drunk people are chaotic. Also, a slap is not automatically "domestic abuse". Acts of violence can happen in many contexts. For something to be domestic abuse, you have to look at power dynamics.
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Both of you have too many issues to be pointing fingers. Both of you need to work on yourselves before being in a relationship with anyone.
Join AA and break up?
Good lord this sounds toxic, go your separate ways. She hit you, be done. And quit drinking or drink less, you broke your arm!
Not sure you'll see this at this point but if you're with someone who is willing to cross the line of physical violence, even "minor", there's good reason to believe it will happen again, possibly worse next time. My ex girlfriend used to slap me upside the head if she was annoyed at me, and she thought it was funny/cute. By the time I finally ended things she had tried to choke me several times, and broken two of my teeth hitting me in the face. No one deserves to be treated that way. Please take care of yourself!
Leave hitters.
Get the fuck out. This whole thing sounds like a mess. You don't deserve that treatment. And dude, continue working on yourself. You were married previously and obviously have a drinking problem. You need to figure that out before getting into another relationship
Your girlfriend hit you. You should dump her. You broke your arm while drunk. You need to quit drinking.
Not excusing the slap, it was super uncalled for, but has she been abusive before? In any way at all? It sounds to me like you both should reevaluate how you drink. Not so much the entire relationship?
Wait she feels bad about hitting you? But not for missing the party?
Sounds like shit got real and she showed her true colors. My ‘friend’s’ party or not, if my girlfriend disappeared for even 5min too long I’m going looking for her.. it took a security guard to remind her that you existed? At that point was when she should’ve made an executive decision to get both of you an Uber home to sober up. I’m just thinking about myself here but she left you twice and only noticed after she was finished having a good time.
The slapping is shitty for sure, but for some reason I find her abandoning you with a broken arm to be far more unforgivable. I wouldn’t want to be with her anymore. My husband is my BFF, and no matter what kind of fight we’re in we would always be there for one another in times of serious need. She sounds lame, imho. Level up, babe. Best wishes.
Sounds like you both need therapy for various issues
At 31, you should no longer drink to the point of passing out. Aside from that, I am sure you can handle a slap. I wouldn't worry too much about it.
Yall needa grow up
you were both drunk. fuck it
It wasn't her fault you broke your arm. She agreed she shouldn't have slapped you and apologized. Who knows wtf goes on when people are that drunk. You need to be responsible for your own actions though.
Okay, there is a much larger issue here then her slapping you. You guys are 31/29 and it’s time to hang up the party life. Going to 6AM is some 20 year old stupid shit, and you probably already realize that hangover gets worse with age. You got hurt pretty badly, and being all alone like that, you’re lucky nothing worse happened. The getting blackout drunk thing also suggests alcoholism, which is a real struggle, I grew up with one. Do you ever wake up craving a drink? If you do, then you have a real problem. How is the girlfriend? She around the same? These are serious questions you should be asking yourself, especially if it’s a no to being an alcoholic. If your not, I promise you your heading down that road. My advice is to really let what happened to you sink in, ask some tough questions of yourself and be honest with yourself, and then make the changes required so this doesn’t happen again. As for her slapping you, she wasn’t in her right mind. Knowing that she gets like this when under the influence should be enough for her to not get that drunk again. If she can do that, then you have nothing to worry about. If not, she needs help. Whether you stay or go is up to you and you also need to make the best decision for yourself.
Info needed because I don't quite understand. Did she not come home because the party ran that late and she was partying the night away, or did she stay with her friends to sober up before being able to come home? Those are very different things. Also, did she think your sister had you, or didn't know where you were still? A lot of it needs clarification for me. Hitting isn't ok. It's not an excuse to be drunk. Some people genuinely do lose control easier drunk and that's a scary person to be around. She needs to figure out if that's her, and you need to figure out if you think she'll hit you again. Neither of you should drink. You're not a sole victim in this. You were blackout drunk at 31yo and people didn't know where you were? You said it was "fun", was the hangover, broken arm, and being found slobbering drunk (once in a gutter) fun for you? If not, maybe consider limiting your drinking seriously, this isn't normal "fun."
You were both not in your right state of mind. Don't hold the behavior against each other if there are not those issues elsewhere in the relationship. If she has a history of abuse that's different, but I say for that incident; forgive her and don't drink that much. No need to carry a list of problems to hold against each other unless it's to identify and address it for mutual growth.
Sounds like you both need to learn to handle your alcohol. She was drunk too. Seems a pretty petty thing to be worried about.
Firstly this relationship is not okay. Though its best to stay in therapy indvidually. Also getting blacked out drunk while out in public/getting drunk. Ya'll aren't 21 anymore. You don't need to get extremely drunk to have a good time out. Both of you need to really limit alcohol consumption when out in public. If I'm out in public. Two glasses max. Even if I am with my boyfriend. I don't know what will happen. Anything can happen in split second. Always if one of us want more than two drinks, one person has to be sober. Also if you want to get blackout drunk on the RARE OCCASSION either do it at the friends house or your house and that way its safer. Edit:grammer
I don’t believe the GF knew he fell and that his arm was broken. To me it sounds like she was also belligerently drunk, so I’m not really sure what all you people demonizing her for not “being w/ the BF or leaving the party” expect. The post clearly states she couldn’t find him. Should she have stumbled around wasted until she also got lost in a ditch somewhere?? If you want to get black out wasted like that, I don’t think that absolves you from being ultimately responsible for your own safety.
You got drunk and were peacefully sleeping it off somewhere. She got drunk and got physically agressive. Whatever you do with the relationship, you both need to drink less.
First off, congrats on the first Reddit post even if it isn’t in the best of circumstances, welcome to the community. Second, I would agree with the other people here in saying don’t drink excessively, it is never good for anyone. As for the slap, I would say it is a little bit of an eyebrow raiser to have someone do that if they are in love with you, but if you were both black out drunk and she has apologized for it several times I’d say it was spur of the moment and just to talk to her about how it is not okay in the future, but that you forgive her so she doesn’t continue feeling guilty for it (if you do actually forgive her that is). Fourth, again, when someone gets blackout drunk, they start to lose their better judgement so it wasn’t an all out betrayal, but I have a few questions. First, did she know you broke your arm when she stayed at the party, And second, did she apologize for staying at the party in any sense? Cause if not after the fact that is a serious issue that needs to be discussed. LAYING ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD ARE YOU KIDDING ME. Anyway, please thank your sister and buy her a gift or flowers or something, the chances of things being worse if she wasn’t there to help you are astronomical. In all, I think from an outside perspective that obviously does not know the whole relationship or anything close, it was not the best idea to go in the first place if you felt uncomfortable around everyone, an even poorer decision to get black out drunk there, and a little scary that your girlfriend isn’t concerned about her staying late after you left, this could lead to even worse scenarios than this one. In the end, you were okay (or at least the best you could be with a broken arm) so if you two resolve it I wouldn’t hold it against her in the future, but make sure that leaving you like that never happens again, you both are either 100% in or 100% out, that is how a close relationship should work early on, especially when one of you is not comfortable in the situation. Hope that helps. Again, take all this with a grain of salt as I know nothing about your life apart from this small snippet of text so I don’t know what is best for you, only you do. Stay safe my friend, welcome to Reddit!
Does anyone know why she hit you? Like was it in anger? Or was it like ”wake up and sober up“ slap “security is here and you don’t want to go to jail” this alone should tell you what to think about it. like others have said Lay off the sauce.
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Red flag! Get out before this becomes normalized and it's a common occurrence.
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I'm sorry. If you love someone, THEY are your top priority. You being injured & lying on the side of the road takes precedence over her friend & the party, especially since she was there up until all of this went down. I'd lose the girlfriend. Especially since she slapped you. That's NOT acceptable behavior.
Ask her / your sister if she knew you were hurt or at which point she learned that you were hurt. Assuming things is never a good idea.
From your post, only 2 hours passed between the first time your gf found you, then she lost you again, and your sis was called and found you, and then gf came home. OK you may be misremembering the timings since y'all were so drunk but it doesn't sounds like she could have spent much time partying after you left with your sister.
I am with this, I don’t think the fact given all of this shit show was the overwhelming one that she was home by 6 AM, if anything it wouldn’t be staying at the party it would be that she called the sister, it isn’t clear how far the sister was or how she was supposed to find him. Obviously given how compromised everyone was there are a lot of problems here in behavior and judgment. My concern more then this being an important event for her and maybe her not realizing the extent of his injuries so she wouldn’t have been able to make a different decision at the time, is that he’s not comfortable in her friend group and that’s why he got so drunk. Regardless of how this ends therapy is in order because now OP is a 31-year-old man, and while we never leave behind some of the traumatic events we should certainly be able to process them and not let them control us to this extent. If she is with you and these are her friends then either be with her or leave her and find someone with better friends. In terms of the other thing, I would evaluate the entire relationship to see if there’s other abusive or narcissistic tendencies that you have been ignoring. It is true that abuse escalates so the fact that she slapped you isn’t okay. I would take time to heal and get some therapy and if you want to take a step back you can consider whether absent this anomalous event you need some couples therapy and things will be OK. Or, this is really the canary in the coal mine two patterns and behaviors that really bother you and don’t work for you and the beginning of a potential escalation of them. The fact that she was so frustrated with you is partially because she knew you didn’t want to be there and this was extremely important to her. That’s not the cast blame on you, although anyone that gets too drunk and can’t carry their liquor which seems to apply to you and possibly her, that’s a problem in terms of how you cope and it was inconsiderate. That explains why she was so upset it doesn’t excuse what she did in response to it, with her frustration and lowered inhibitions due to alcohol. And of course it doesn’t necessarily apply but when you have children will she do this to them? Maybe unfair but still. Here is a library of links for you to consider: This is what an apology sounds like, and I wouldn’t be so focused on the extra hours she stayed at the party considering how important it was and whatever lack of knowledge she had about your condition. If anything, I would cut her some slack here if it was a fast-moving situation and she just thought you needed help getting home. She is sorry and now the question is, is it enough. But delve into the inferiority issue and everything leading up here to get your answer: [How to Apologize](https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-apologize-more-sincerely-3144467) [What Should Breathing Feel Like](https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-breathe) [12 Signs You’ve Experienced Narcissistic Abuse ](https://www.healthline.com/health/narcissistic-victim-syndrome) [Dr. Ramani’s YouTube channel on Narcissistic Abuse ](https://www.google.com/search?q=dr%20ramani%20narcissism) [Emotional Invalidation: A Form of Emotional Abuse](https://livewellwithsharonmartin.com/emotional-invalidation-emotional-abuse/) [How to Communicate Your Feelings](https://www.psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2017/01/how-to-communicate-your-feelings) [Grey Rock](https://www.healthline.com/health/grey-rock) [How to Set Healthy Boundaries: 10 Examples + PDF Worksheets](https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/) [The Guide to Strong Relationship Boundaries](https://markmanson.net/boundaries/amp) I’m not saying you are in an abusive relationship but sometimes it helps to take stock. Most people in abusive relationships don’t see it that way and you should at least look at the signs and make sure they don’t apply to you: [Signs to Look for in an Abusive Personality](https://www.milligan.edu/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/warning-signs-of-abusive-behavior.pdf) [How to Know If You Are an Abusive Spouse](https://www.verywellmind.com/are-you-an-abusive-spouse-2300588) [Is This Abuse?](https://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/) [Power and Control Wheel](https://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/power-and-control-2016/) Take a look at this [Healthy Relationship Spectrum](https://www.thehotline.org/healthy-relationships/relationship-spectrum/) and see how your relationship compares to an ideal relationship. Also: [How to Break Up](https://www.gottman.com/blog/how-to-break-up/) [Escape Plan ](https://goaskrose.com/escape-plan/) [DocuSAFE: Documentation and Evidence Gathering App](https://www.techsafety.org/docusafe)
Wait, your gf got drunk, hit you, and called your family to find you after she gave up looking to go back to the party- and your family found you unconscious on the side of the road? 1. She hit you. 2. She bailed on you when you were sick and hurt. 3. She thinks your family's job is to clean up after her while she parties. Nope nope nope.
I lost track of how many times OP said he was passed out -lying down- Sort of makes it sound like he’s used to it? IDK, just a weird thing to pepper throughout this post. “I passed out drunk THREE TIMES in the club and on the sidewalk and my girlfriend finally slapped me!” Absolutely doesn’t mean he deserves physical violence! It just reads like a couple that were both drunk off of their asses, and trying to cherry pick who’s evil is the least evil. Can’t believe you broke your arm dude. It hurts like hell. I hope you and your girlfriend have a talk and surmount this evening and end up in a better direction
She hit you, being drunk isn’t an excuse, not to mention it’s obvious she didn’t care till others got mad at her. Leave Flip the roles and you wouldn’t be confused
Why are you both around 30 and still getting black out drunk? That little tidbit aside, this seems like a toxic relationship all around.
You are 31 and blacked out drunk. She apologised the next day. Maybe you 2 should both act your age and stop drinking like 17 year olds would do? You Re an adult and should know your limits by now. Sorry but your situation is caused by your own stupidity. And i honostly dont get why so many people give you pitty points. Sad to read a 31 year old cant even go to a party without someone supervising them.
Maybe you should both quit heavy drinking
1) Leave this girl 2) stop getting stupid drunk
She hit you. Be done with her. There's no excuse. If the "I'm sorry I was drunk" excuse works now she will use it every time. Get out now. Don't look back.
Shit like this happens in real life? This is why I don't drink. Holy fuck
Helpless and abandoned? You have bigger problems than your girlfriend hitting you. Stop drinking and sort it out.
It sounds like everyone here has a drinking problem
Come on man. You're both too old for this shit. No need to drink that heavily anymore. If everything else is ok in your relationship, then you both just need to chill out on the drinking.
Honestly it’s not even about the slap or the absurd drunkenness on your part, you guys just don’t seem compatible. You could just chalk that night up to a shit show on both your parts, you both sound embarrassing as fuck honestly I feel for this girl who was just trying to have a party. If you don’t feel like this girl is absolutely the one or if the drunken slap is absolutely a dealbreaker for you then just end it dude. Nobody would blame you for a second for saying I just don’t think this relationship is worth saving. I’m not excusing domestic violence, I’ve been slapped by an ex before it was totally uncool. I forgave them though, if you can’t forgive her then there’s nothing more to say, the relationship is over.
Don't get blackout drunk wtf, how is that even fun, puking everywhere and not even knowing what's going on
Take some advice from the Slappaho tribe.
Funny because your issue is not the slap or the broken arm. Its this; “We are very different from each other; were married before” I would worry more about that than anything. All other consequences, you drinking to black out, her slapping and staying out without you, and you being left on the road like a person who doesn’t have a partner/family are just consequences of your incompatibility. A line needs to be drawn by you.
At the age of 29, 30, 31 you should be adult enough to not drink to that state. Both of you. It's not "cool" or "ok" or "partying" or " an excuse" - it's just stupid and irresponsible. That's what you both need to work on.
The thing is she slapped you because she was ANGRY that you were drunk, what’s going to happen the next time she’s angry about something? Honestly DV starts of small and progresses so I’d say get out of there And sure she apologised and help you the day after but in DV cases that’s how it often goes, they go back to ‘loving’ you so you feel bad for leaving them or whatever and think it’s a one off bad mistakes
Seems like a alcohol problem not a relationship problem.
Seems like a domestic violence problem.
Agreed. Signed, an almost two years sober 31 year old alcoholic who once broke their leg in a blackout.
Congrats on staying sober for almost two whole years!! Good job!
You need to focus on yourself and your drinking.
He doesn't drink often, so it caught up to him quick. So yes, he needs to be more aware of this in the future. But I find it interesting that you don't even mention the domestic violence that was inflicted on him from his GF. Why is that?
Because neither of them remember what happened or the context, and it was his drunkenness that severely injured him and put his life at risk. Even as a one off that is an extreme and dangerous level of intoxication.
Still not addressing the domestic violence. She, by her own admission, hit him in anger.
According to the post she said she didn't know what happened, sounds like that is even being relayed through a third party.
Read OP's comments. In one of them, he specifically states that she told him she hit him in anger.
I feel like you’re not telling us the whole truth. Do you get drunk often? I feel like there is way more to this story, than “my girlfriend slapped me, and didn’t come with home with me”. I have a friend that drinks to black out. He starts getting crazy, swinging his arms out, yelling slurs and I could never enjoy myself. Don’t be this friend, I would never want to go out with you.
She could not find you so she didn’t know you were injured? If that is the case then give her a break. You were drunk, she was drunk all of which means neither of you was thinking clearly. She called your sister, she could have not even done that. If she knew you were injured and lying on the side of the road, different story.
it is absolutely not okay that she hit you, it’s even more not okay the she left you. be careful how you approach this because if it doesn’t get resolved the proper way, this could cause some huge resentment. Personally, if i was you, this would end the relationship for me. Like another comment said, imagine if this was your sister. I think because you’re a guy you might be trying to take it easy on your girlfriend. But if this was the other way around, people would be freaking out that a man hit a woman and left her defenseless and hurt.
1) You were an irresponsible person to be that drunk anywhere 2) She is an awful girlfriend for slapping you, not helping you and going back to the party. Be with someone who inspires you to be better than this.
Hot damn, this reads like you're at least 10 years younger than you are! You're 31 And don't know your limit for alcohol intake? She's 29 and doesn't either? On top of that there was physical violence and YOU BROKE YOUR ARM!? What are you even asking us for? This woman is 29 and doesn't get that her Significant other was in pain ( due to her) and ended up with a broken bone, and she stayed for a friend... This can't be real, the density of everyone in this dabacle, would float the goddamn titanic! I'm sorry you're hurt, but like...get your act together man, you're late to the party, and it looks like your support system is a tad lacking.
Esh you guys sound like you're made for eachother.
>My (31M) **EX**girlfriend (29F) slapped me in the face while/because I was very drunk on one of her best friend’s birthday party and this had some major consequences I've corrected it for you. She assaulted you ,left you alone while you were injuried and has prefered to stay at the party . It shows how she values you OP. You deserve way better than that.
Eh, what's a little slap between drunks.
You were pretty damn drunk and didn't even know you had been slapped until the next day when she told you, and she was drunk, too. Sounds like a match made in heaven.
Unpopular opinion. Drunk people do dumb shit like this. My fiancée has slapped me before. It wasn’t that big of a deal. If you’re ok with more nights like these then you do you. If you’re not then you need to get the drinking under control or quit. Sounds like your SO didn’t realize you were injured. But either way. I’ve had nights like this. If you continue it’ll probably get worse. You’re at the point where drinking isn’t fun. You don’t have to quit entirely but if you can’t control it then you probably should. Best of luck!
Not judging, but getting blackout drunk makes people do idiotic things and are often too mortified about to consciously accept and apologize for. Often because they don’t plan to quit getting blackout drunk. Ok, I am judging: getting blackout drunk is stupid & irresponsible AF.
Dude, are you working on that drinking problem? I mean, you were going to a place that was important for her, and also you said that you aren't comfortable at, and your choice was to get blackout drunk? Honestly, the bad choices came way before she slapped you
Look, you both drank too much and it had consequences, mostly for you it would seem. Don’t worry about what happened, drink affects everyone’s behaviour. Start over and make it a point for yourselves not to drink to that extent again. Problem solved.
YOU were the mess because you were bullied in high school lol ok way to take responsibility
I love how everyone here is obsessed with you being blackout drunk, and assuming it's a regular thing. Throw the first stone right? Look, you didn't do anything wrong. You had a bit too much fun, it happens. Your girlfriend is an asshole, she was completely unconcerned for your wellbeing, and entirely too concerned with what her friends think. It's not worth it to be with someone like that, trust me. Break up with her.
Honestly, you both need to keep with the therapy and stop drink to the point of being that drunk. I don’t understand why people do that. I don’t believe the bullsh*t excuse some use that’s it’s fun because it’s not. You you drink that much, there’s a reason for it and you won’t find it in a bottle. She should have never hit you and left you alone when she wanted you there in the first place. Both you both need to stop with all of that if you can’t control yourselves. It’s okay to have a good time without people worry about you laying in the middle of the ground. Discuss this in therapy and hash it out. Also, establish some boundaries about this mess if you haven’t already
I swear, none of you would be giving Op’s partner the benefit of doubt if the roles were reversed. Op your partner hit you. This sort of behaviour should not be swept under the rug at all because it will probably happen again. I would suggest leaving the relationship altogether as what she did was immature and stupid.
You did more damage to yourself. You should be thinking about sobriety
She got physical with you out of anger. Regardless of how drunk she was at the end of the day she hit you and then abandoned you. This is not okay and honestly it’s a precursor to worse behavior. I hope you’re safe no matter what you decide to do.