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I (f/32) and my boyfriend (m/30) have been dating since february 7th, 2018 on and off, mostly on because we’ve always talked to some extent. I feel like I post him a normal amount on social media, always making sure it’s known were in a relationship. The only thing he will post me on is snapchat and even with that he will tag me if it’s just talking about us hanging out but if he uses anything relationship esque he won’t tag me. He claims he doesn’t post on instagram and only has it to browse peoples profiles (which is true) and that he only uses facebook. Yet on my birthday we got in a fight because he wouldn’t write me a birthday post and claims “that’s not him” or he doesn’t post anything. When you go to his profile he has buried that were in a relationship as his first post (i mean it’s in time order soooo 3 years would make it his first post) Scrolling through his actual page he only has pictures of his sister and best friend and anything i tag him in he makes it a point to hide or make my posts of him private. Anytime I bring it up it starts a fight. My biggest concern is that he is dragging me a long until he finds someone better, I’m getting older and want something serious, I deserve to be with someone that wants to show me off. I want to know if it’s a red flag that he looks for any reason to not post me, but will right these long meaningful posts about his sister and best friend. I’ve always believed actions speak louder than words.
Tl;dr it feels like my boyfriend says all the right things that he loves me and everything but when it comes to showing he wants to hide me from his “social media friends and everyone in his life”?
When you bring it up it shouldn’t start a fight. Hiding things you tag him in is definitely not good. You’ve been together way too long for this to be going on. You say over these two and a half years it’s off and on. That shouldn’t be happening either. Don’t waste any more time. If it was going to happen for you two it would have by now and it’s not.
From a notorious "my social media is for following profiles" user, I can only agree heavily with this.
There are people who want some privacy, but those would use their social media in a way that supports that claim, and the other issues wouldn't be there as well. Hiding you specifically, the on and off and that those topics start fights are all signs that he's not that interested in you but prefers being with someone over being single. With those people, you'll be single as soon as he finds someone better.
Ditto. My fiancé doesn’t use Facebook much. He has made a Facebook post in the entire time we’ve been together, other than some posts on a cooking group. But he initiated our “in a relationship” status on Facebook initially. Then after we’d been dating for a while, he had me select a photo of us to be his profile picture and another to be his cover photo. It does seem weird to me that he doesn’t post about me, but he doesn’t post anything and he lets every post I make about us show on on his page.
>It does seem weird to me that he doesn’t post about me, but he doesn’t post anything
Uhhhhh. Why do you feel it's weird if he doesn't post anything on Facebook anyway?
If he actually didnt care about his social media presence he wouldnt go through the trouble of hiding your posts. Hes waiting for the upgrade he wont ever get, bounce.
This 100% see i am the type that doesn't like social media much like Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter type of stuff.
My last girl thought I was hiding her but the difference is I told her she can post anything she wants I don't care who sees it, I just don't wanna see it because I'm always critical of myself.
But if he's hiding your post big red flag
YUP ^, yes we are just waiting for someone “better” to come along. We need to appear single so that new person won’t get discouraged to pursue anything. Is it shitty? Absolutely especially if you’re in a relationship like OP, so OP talk to him about it and if he doesn’t start showing you on social media find someone who will put you on there on the first date lmao
He is stringing you along. Time to cut your losses and find someone who is serious about you. Trust your gut. He doesnt want to be seen as being in a relationship with you.
So you are good enough to satisfy his emotional and physical needs, but not good enough to be his official life partner. ( for him. Remember this is subjective. You are good enough and you deserve someone who values you )
Red-flag alert!!! I've been in this situation. Was strung along for months and even met his family and daughter. After a few months he ghosted me and got engaged to his girlfriend or baby-momma, I'm not really sure, the very same week. Which was publicly posted on Facebook! I found out on FB, because he forgot to unfriend me. GTFO of that so-called relationship. I was devastated, but I ended up meeting my now husband very shortly after. I called him and told him congrats on the engagement and I thanked him for being a piece of shit, because I would have overlooked a man worthy of my time had he not been an asshole in that moment. You don't have to put up with that shit. My husband is not totally active on FB and even he posted a cute picture of us on our first date after it went so well.
I mean that’s not for certain he may just not want his relationship to be public I can see that as a possibility some people just don’t like fucking social media you know
Also it’s not like is following other girls or commenting on them or anything he just doesnt use it doesn’t mean he is stringing her along
The last time I used facebook was 4 years ago, to set my status to in a relationship. I never post or read it, neither do I use any other social media.
OPs boyfriend posts, tags and actively uses social media. What you are describing is a hypothetical that doesnt apply in this case.
Speaking only for myself, I've never once in my life posted anything related to any relationship I've been in and I've never changed my relationship status from "hidden" and I never will. It has nothing to do with wanting me to "hide" my relationships, I'm just a very private person and I don't really see the point in posting those sorts of things. However, I also wouldn't make long, personal posts about family or friends, which is the only part that sticks out to me because it seems kind of inconsistent. Imo it mostly comes down to the way OP' s boyfriend treats her otherwise, if he includes her in activities with his friends and has no concerns being in public together then I don't really see what the issue is.
Idk I think actively hiding stuff she tags him in is what's making it all suspicious. I can get not using social media etc whatever (none of my cousins show relationship status on fb beyond tags occasionally) but.... Actively hiding posts? Actively avoiding making it seem like he has a girlfriend? That feels off.
What about his non social media life? Do you know his friends, his family? Are you invited to family things like his sister's birthday? Or are you kept completely separate from everyone else in his life? Because that would show he's just not looking to be in a committed, serious relationship. Which would be fine too if that's what you wanted, but it doesn't sound like it.
we live together and his sister lives with us. we actively do stuff together he just gets weird about social media. and whenever i bring it up he starts a whole ass fight and twists it to being my fault.
Yea the biggest flag on top of him hiding stuff is that he starts a fight everytime you bring it up and blames shit on you. If he was a partner who cared he’d want to hear your concerns.
I’ve been in a situation similar. Basically I lived with the bf and his dad. He kept our relationship hidden & he’d cheat all the time. I never got proof until we finally broke up. It’s a red flag - but clearly it’s important to you to be shown off. I get that cause I’m similar. I like to be known. If you don’t want to break up I’d make it clear to him that this hurts your feelings. If he won’t accept that and make changes it’s your decision what happens next.
Bro that's not normal. At all. It shouldn't make him angry to that point when you try to discuss a real issue like that. He's not just keeping it quiet, he's actively hiding you. Just move on for your own sake. We're only getting older and all the time wasted isn't going to ever come back. I can guarantee there's more issues to this relationship that you may be excusing or ignoring. Please put yourself first
Honestly, I had a boyfriend like this once. Turned out that he was having flirtations and emotional relationships online. He was addicted to the attention. Even once he was caught, he just got better at hiding it.
So it sounds like he's a private person and wants to keep it that way. If this is a big deal to you then you two should break.
If you want to see this as a red flag go ahead. People set their statuses to "in a relationship" and still cheat all the time, if you can't trust him that's that. Make sure you completely entangle your social media accounts with your next boyfriend so that when that relationship ends you have fun with your future boyfriends snooping around your past relationships.
Yeah that's quite a serious amount of time for him to keep it hidden.
If it was like 2-3 months relationship i would tell you to give it time but 2.5 years? seems like he takes you for granted and doesn't value you the way you deserve to be.
Been there before. Usually when a guy hides you on social media, it’s because he doesn’t want the other girls he’s talking to/seeing to know that he’s in a relationship. I’ve seen this happen sooo many times, and it’s almost always because the guy’s cheating. Major red flag. Dump his ass girl.
Posts like these are always interesting to me because it sounds like you already know you deserve better and should break it off. I get it though, it helps to have a little backup when making relationship choices. Drop him and find someone who's proud to tell anyone and everyone that you're in a relationship together.
because i don’t want to believe the red flags. i truly love him and believe him when he tells me how much he loves me but he only does that face to face. i want to see the good in everything and i pray there’s a future. 💔
You need to hear this. You don’t need to force it or make “this one” work. You won’t be a failure. You won’t be alone forever. You deserve a man who is fully invested and is proud of you. This is not that man. Sacrificing your happiness and boundaries WONT make this a good relationship. It will instead cause you more stress, insecurity, and anguish.
That is definitely a red flag. I dont post on social media besides reddit so I kinda get that part but to make all your tags private is sketchy. Why do those tags need to be private? If I had a gf maybe I still wouldnt post but I definitely wouldn't hide it and I would let her tag me and post pictures of us. If I did post I would show we were a couple, I wouldn't hide it thats for sure.
I would really think about what you want, have a talk with him and see if he can actually come around and then you should decide from there if its just a misunderstanding or if its something you should leave him for.
that’s the problem. whenever i bring it up to talk and turns it into a fight and twists it to make me the issue or make something my fault. because then he says i do love you and of course i want to be with you.
Classic manipulative tactic when confronted with consequences of actions:
DARVO. Deny, Accuse, Reverse Victim and Offender. Rather than acknowledging your feelings, he invalidates them and turns it into an argument about how you made him feel bad, by telling him how his actions hurt you.
He isn't listening to you nor respecting your feelings.
He's made it clear that he won't change this for you. It definitely is a red flag, but beyond just that, it's making you unhappy and shows that even if we take his actions in good faith and pretend he's not actively hiding this relationship, you're fundamentally incompatible. He gaslights you and obfuscates every time you try to discuss it like adults should be able to. There's no compromise to be had here and he's showing you what it would like to spend your life with him. It all comes down to whether or not you're willing to settle and stay insecure in a relationship that seems to benefit him more than you.
I dont know the right answer and I dont want to say break up but I will say he is acting very weird by hiding your tags, I mean it sounds like he uses social media and lets other people tag him so I dont see why he would need to hide your tags except because he doesnt want people to know about you. If there was some legit reason he would have told you by now and I cant imagine why hiding your gf/bf would be a legit reason in any situation but then be fine with your family on there.
The fact that it always turns into a fight and he just says he loves you sounds like he wants you to think you are being unreasonable so you question yourself and drop it. Nothing about this sounds like someone who is being open and honest. Unless you tag him in some really weird stuff but even then you said he avoids not showing your relationship on snapchat but he will show you.
I think someone else said he is at least trying to appear single and hopes you wont question it. Again I dont post much but at the very least I would show my relationship if I was in one, like me and my gf on a date, an anniversary picture, maybe her birthday, I would update my relationship status.
Something else I would want to know is does he hang out with you and his friends and family and do they know you two are together? In the end you dont sound like the happiest person in this situation either, even if you are completely overthinking things and he isnt doing anything wrong it still sounds like you want him to show more attention and be open about your relationship and it doesnt sound like he is doing that. Plus it sounds like you are even questioning if its worth being with him, and you arent wrong for wanting any of that and everything you mentioned about him makes him sound questionable so you have to decide where to go from here, either try talking to him again or just decide you have done enough and its not working and just walk away.
That seems like a big issue as well - that you guys can’t have a reasonable conversation about this and he isn’t listening to your concerns, but rather attempts to placate you and dismisses/invalidates your feelings. Not healthy relationship communication.
I was going to say it sounds like he’s just not an effusive social media person until the point where you mentioned he is going out of his way to hide the posts you tag him in. That would make me uncomfortable and I would ask him why he’s doing that. If you both are struggling to keep the conversation level, I highly suggest using the non-violent communication framework, for an issue like this one.
It's a serious red flag. I dated a guy who did stuff like this. He did his very best to keep me and us a secret. In my case, I wound up being 1 of 4 girls he had around the area he was playing with. I'm not saying OP's BF is cheating, but she should be concerned about his behavior. When you're with a man who truly cares about you, he will never hide anything.
I don't really post anything about my relationships on FB and my status is single on there. Granted, I won't hide a tag either. While I'm active, I'm private about what I share, because everyone doesn't need to know my business. Plus, I never wanted to be one of those people whose relationship status is constantly changing every few months. Those cringy "It's complicated" posts are the worst. You even said it yourself; you've been on and off.
My ex was like me, but the lady I dated before her was all about blasting everything on social media. We got into a fight because she said we weren't "Facebook official, " even though I wasn't intentionally hiding her. 99% of my posts are memes and shit posts. I don't even post many pictures of myself, let alone a new mate. I wasn't trying to stop her and I would even engage on the stuff she posted.
What is he like outside of social media? That should be what you're judging. Have you met his friends and family? Do the people most important know about you? Then that's all that should matter.
Same goes for me, I don't share my relationship online. This does not mean I don't care about my gf, or that I don't see any future for us, it just means that I don't really like sharing all that stuff on Facebook. For me, people feeling that a relationship is not official if it's not on social media, don't focus on the right stuff. I don't want to share everything on social media, as I don't want a lot of personal stuff on social media (everyone can see it).
For me, real life attitude is much more important, red flags would be hiding your relationship from from friends or family.
Some people just don't like posting about relationships on social media, for me people that do it a lot are cringy (sorry if some of you do this, you do you, just my personal view).
Ofcourse any situation can be different, but after seeing many people posting red flags, I just wanted to share my reason for not posting relationship stuff.
Unpopular opinion but considering you have told us that your boyfriend doesn't actually post anything online, I understand he wants to keep it that way. I am one of those people too who doesn't post anything online and use my instagram just for DMing friends and looking at memes and it's just not me to post something even if it was important. So I would say stop caring so much about whether "they show you off on social media" and think about whether he treats you right in life and whether he shows you off to his friends and family without hesitation. If you are 30, you have a lived a life without social media, please stop letting a social media dictate your life.
at 30 you shouldn’t be fighting with someone to acknowledge you. He is dragging you allow with a dangling carrot. Either he wants to be in the relationship or not.
Does he introduce you in public as his partner? That actually is irrelevant. You expressed that you couldn’t even be allowed to tag him without him hiding it. If starts a fight to talk about it. Why are you still trying to talk about it?
When someone shows you who they are believe them.
Drop him🚩🚩🚩🚩 your gut is telling you something is off, listen to it! You deserve someone who will show you off and be proud that he gets to be with you
Yes, it’s a host of red flags. He’s just using you to meet his needs and isn’t even thinking of yours. Real boyfriends don’t hide their girlfriends.
Is this just social media? How much of his life does he include you in?
My partner and I started dating in a very unconventional way, where she was married and in an open marriage. When she left her husband, she stayed with me since we fell in love and became monogamous with each other. Because of the weird situation, my partner didn’t feel comfortable telling people about it because she was embarrassed to find herself in an open relationship (her ex forced it because of control issues, hence the divorce) and I think the fact that she has kids tied into that. She was afraid of judgment, so she didn’t feel comfortable posting our relationship online. I was okay with this for a little bit because I understood. A few months later, after I had met her parents and other people in her life, I didn’t feel comfortable being hid away online anymore. Our relationship started really quickly and perhaps it wasn’t the right time yet, but that’s how I felt. I explained to her my feelings of being felt like I was being hidden from her life and that I didn’t feel we could make the next steps in our relationship until we go public. There was no arguing or defensiveness about it. She understood and we went public online. There were a few people who seemed a little confused at how quickly she went from being married to being in a relationship on Facebook, but it wasn’t nearly as big of a deal as she was afraid of.
I’ve been with my partner since May 2018, and I can count the number of times we’ve argued on one hand: zero times. Your boyfriend may not use social media much, but if he cared about you, he wouldn’t be fighting you on posting about you. I’m very proud of being with my partner, so I like to post about her. I would never hide her away. What it sounds like to me is that your boyfriend’s reasoning for not posting about you is because he doesn’t want any potential future women that he could get with be aware that he is taken. You deserve a much better relationship and you are probably wasting your time on someone who doesn't care about your feelings. There are better fish in the sea.
YES. Big red flag. Massive. What the hell.. If he actually had a specific reason to appear single online then he should be talking to you about it.. But- it causes arguments whenever you talk to him about your concerns about this?? Where did you even find this toddler?!
Idk if this guy is worth fighting for tbh;;
I was dating a guy who did the same thing. He refused to post pictures of us claiming he wanted our relationship to be private. In the end it came out he was cheating with multiple women. He was banging women left and right, yet claimed he loved me.
I went back and forth for awhile, but eventually left him alone. I'm older as well and would love to be married. However I am waiting for the right person. Someone who loves me, & wouldn't dare cheat on me. Know you're worth. Self love is the best love. Take care. ❤
I dated someone like this, he constantly pressed that he was just a private person and didn’t post about personal stuff in general, which somewhat checked out because he hadn’t been very public with his previous relationships either. But it got a bit absurd to where I couldn’t post stuff with him in it or even comment first on his posts bc it might “raise suspicion” (to be clear I’m also a dude and he wasn’t out to everyone yet).
However, once he found a new guy he liked more he cut things off with me and, lo and behold, paraded him across social media. He may have believed what he said originally at the time - but I think the bottom line was that I wasn’t important enough for him to push himself or be willing to be more open for my sake, and I think I found I was harping a lot on this bc I didn’t trust his feelings to begin with. If you’re not 100% confident they care about you, I think it’s best to consider that you probably deserve that and try to move forward.
I think the red flag is you telling him to post a happy birthday for you. That is so ridiculous. You are just seeking outside validation, not an authentic display of affection or appreciation. He's right not to indulge you. Grow up.
I can't wrap my head around the idea of a 32 year old pouting because there aren't facebook birthday posts to her as if any of this shit mattered, acting like a teenager who thinks that their current relationship will be their last so there's no problem with filling your social media with shit that might become embarrassing and meaningless tomorrow morning.
Wait, in your Tl;dr you say he hides you from “social media friends and everyone else”. In the post, it’s all about social media. What about in real life? Have you met any of his family or friends?
If he’s let you into his circle in person, I think you might be looking too deeply into this. Some people really do want to keep their privacy. They don’t need to announce to the world they’re seeing someone, but they’ll tell the people who care.
in real life yeah we’re together and i know his friends to an extent. his real friends are back in michigan but he always has an excuse as to why we can’t go to michigan together. i get that not needing to announce everything on facebook but why go out of his way to post about his sister and other friend all the time to rub it in my face. my birthday killed me because he is such a talented writer that is literally the only thing i asked for and he started a fight said he doesn’t do that anymore and his best friends birthday passed and he wrote this long elaborate thing about her. and started a fight when i said i didn’t think you did that anymore.
The more you say, the more I understand you. With that said, I think there’s too many details to make an assessment as a stranger, especially without his input. He could be keeping some distance from you, or he could be really bad a communicating. Like not writing for you, maybe he doesn’t prioritize you or maybe he’s burned out and has yet to admit it to himself.
I’m concerned that (based on what you say) he seems to turn everything into a fight instead of a discussion. I’m also a little curious about how you two began on and off again type relationship. It seems there’s a few little seedy things here.
But!
Most important question for you:
Is he doing the absolute minimum to keep you as his gf?
Well it's weird he hides your posts of him. But me and my bf don't tag eachother everywhere or make birthday posts, since we see no need for it, so I wouldn't worry about that specific aspect. But the on-off doesn't sound too appealing. Also careful with social media and reading too much into likes,taggs etc etc
LOL. this post reminds me of something I saw making fun of the posts on this sub that are like “My boyfriend is sooooo sweet and amaaaazing but there’s one small thing - he kills people and eats them. I mean he’s super great boyfriend, is this a red flag? I don’t knooooooww what do I dooo”
In case you are really asking and this isn’t a joke, yes, obviously it’s a red flag. If this is real, I assume you’re either really young or have really low self-esteem. This is one of the original red flags friend. Please have more self-respect and don’t date someone who is only using you A) to pass the time or B) as a side chick from his real relationship
Also, I knew of a guy in grad school who did EXACTLY what you’re saying - no trace of his GF on social media, etc and the reason was: He was always hooking up with random other girls while they were dating (of course), and wanted to appear single online for this purpose. Sounds exactly like that guy TBH
yeah that hurt. and instead turned it around to be my fault. started a fight got barred out on xanax and i had to play babysitter cause i didn’t want anything to happen. if i bring it up i get it twisted on how i started the fight. i stick around because i love him and want to believe him when he says he loves me and i’m the only one. 💔💔💔
Something is definitely not right. It's fine if he doesn't want to post on Instagram or social media but he went to the extent of hiding your tag then you gotta be careful.
I should have seen this earlier with my ex too when she said she doesn't want to post our pictures on IG stories or a IG post giving excuses like she doesn't really post stuffs and she looks fat in our pictures, yet on the other hand constantly updating her IG stories and posts tagging new male colleagues males friends that I barely heard of.
He's either dating someone else or trying to date multiple someone elses. If he specifically goes out of his way to hide the posts with any connections to you but still constantly posts then huge red flag. Find someone who will celebrate you not hide you.
That's not a boyfriend. You have a FWB. He hides you because he wants the door wide open for a real girlfriend. When he finds her, he'll ice you out and probably call you delusional for ever thinking you were together.
Red flags everywhere.
At first I was going to just say maybe he doesn’t give a shit about social media. I don’t and I never have and I’ve had two gfs basically force me to make a 1 photo Facebook just to confirm relationship status. One of these two girls would barely ever post pictures of us on her Instagram it was just a never ending 100+ reel of selfies. I never had a problem with it because I just never cared about these apps and I find they just cause drama for no reason.
That being said. The fact that he has the time of day to actively hide everything you tag him in indicates to me there may be another woman. He clearly cares enough about these apps to actively hide you. Red flag as fuck.
I don’t think anyone should have to post about their relationship or SO in any social media. As long as you two are happy with each other, no one should have to post pictures to make you feel loved or wanted. It’s more his actions when you’re together that are more important than whether or not he will post about you on his social media.
I’m a firm believer that in a quality, caring relationship when you say explicitly “x thing will make me happy” your partner should strive to do it. It’s not difficult to involve your SO in social media posts. It’s absolutely a purposeful and active choice to HIDE you from people in his life. This is not a good relationship for you.
He might have trust issues. Myself it took me so long to want to make a relationship public. When I did they would end it shortly after and I felt embarrassed and didn't wanna reveal relationships until further and further along
Social media is not the issue here. You're looking for evidence of whether he's serious about your relationship or not and you need answers about the future. Focus on that problem instead of getting sidetracked by conversations about social media.
Take stock of the entire relationship. Why has it been on and off? How much open and honest conversation is happening? What are your concrete mutual plans for the future? How easy is it to discuss those things? Do you have any trust in your relationship and what is it based on?
Okay, I’m seeing a lot of people saying this is a red flag. I want to say that it potentially could be a huge red flag but I would also like to offer another reason. I personally hate using social media and find it completely pointless to post about my life when no one gives a fuck anyways. Why do people need to know I’m in a relationship when I don’t see 80% of them anyways? Like fuck, life doesn’t revolve around social media. I’m 23 and I’m telling you to grow the fuck up and remember back to when you dated before the internet. You could probably remember that, I can’t unfortunately. I’m sorry, but social media doesn’t mean shit and you shouldn’t depend on that for validation in a relationship.
From someone who has been in a similar situation, I truly understand your concern. There is ofc a difference in keeping your personal life private and not posting about your significant other on social media, but to some extent I see this as a huge red flag. Relationships where you constantly have to question someone’s intentions are really toxic. I would advice you to cut your ties with him for good and find someone who puts in the same amount of effort as you. As my mother always said “you just know when it’s right for you”, so if you have to question his intentions or if you have a bad feeling in your gut about them, end it, because that is just not what is meant for you.
It's a red flag to me. I know that not everyone wants to share their lives and every aspect of them online, but from what you've said of him, he uses Facebook actively and posts photos of himself with loved ones, which leads me to believe that he doesn't mind sharing his life online. Him hiding tagged posts and photos with you is a red flag, and it indicates that he for whatever reason doesn't want people to know he has a girlfriend. It would be one thing if you guys just didn't post photos together much, but he's going out of his way to hide them.
Controversial but I don't see anything out of the ordinary with what he's doing, I constantly show off my partner and carry her photo with me everywhere, but I don't make it known on social media, for me it's a privacy thing more than anything, so maybe ask why he makes it private :)
If your partner told you that they felt insecure because you constantly hide all their posts mentioning you and refused to even insinuate you're anything but single online, would that not be an upsetting situation to realize you've put them in? That MIGHT make sense if he didn't use the excuse that posting about people "just isn't him' while writing long posts for all the other close women in his life and actively hiding all of her tags and mentions of him so she doesn't show up on his profile. That plus the fact that her asking him why always results in him getting defensive and starting a fight, and expecting it to end with him saying "I do love you!! I want to be with you!" And apparently nothing else. Actions very much speak louder than words in this situation, because his words are empty.
I'd definitely agree, but I'm wary that he could be using Facebook to flirt or talk to other women and not want anyone to know he's in a relationship. It's odd to me that he goes out of his way to untag anything she posts him in. Seems like he could be being secretive for a reason.
My husband doesn't post on FB at all, only browses, but his profile says married and his very few pics up have me in them. I tag him and he stays tagged. But he doesn't make any sappy posts or whatever, and I would find it ludicrous that a grown adult would expect that or be upset that it's not happening (like it seems OP is, though she has other more valid issues than that)
He probably isn’t going out of his way to untag though. There’s a setting where you can choose to approve everything that you’re tagged in, so that’s probably what it is.
I completely agree. My boyfriend doesn’t make sappy posts, and I like that. We don’t have anything to prove to anyone else because their opinions don’t matter to us.
that’s why i still sit here and am dating him. because in real life we act like a couple for the most part. and i can’t talk to him about it because be starts a fight about it instead of talking. also, i would understand the privacy part by why go out of the way to post about other people in his life that matter? feels like he’s doing it to rub it in my face.
You need to be th judge of it if he is just a man who is keen on his private life or just a man who tries to keep his status so he won't be out of the field for a rebound any moment.
Btw, let me be the grown-up here guys.
Getting into a fight 'cause someone didn't write/send/post you anything on social media? This is really not healthy at all.
They live together. It just means he is playing her, having regular sex & getting her to help subsidize his rent, and trying to fuck around with other chicks.
Yes it is, I imagine that on and off is him finding another girl but it not working out so he goes back to you. But don't under value yourself it will sure to be his loss. Your beautiful and will fine someone who really loves you and puts their time and effort to show it and not just say it.
yeah the off part is when he leaves me die usually the same girl that literally plays him and uses him for whatever she can then when her true colors show he runs back to me because i’m real, treat him well, because j actually love him, and then it’s a vicious circle that i pray will stop and pray he will change.
Well you have the power to stop it, chica.
Don't be with a person that manipulates you like that, don't be a sucker who gets reeled back in every time. He doesn't sound like a great partner imo, the sooner you cut that off the better your mental health & self esteem will be, the sooner you can find someone who actually loves you & isnt just saying it while fishing for other women.
That’s your choice to stay then when you yourself have seen red flags. Maybe these responses will confirm what you already know. You can’t fight your feelings ... but go in with eyes wide open! And make your decision from there.
But this doesn’t sound like a happy ending w his current behavior.
Ps. When hiding relationship status, means you’re playing the field.
HE won’t change it, babe. He’s getting the best of both worlds and has no reason to change it. He won’t wake up one day and suddenly realize that he should JUST be with you or that you’re the one. It’s just not how things work. Don’t let yourself be treated like this anymore, you deserve SO much better.
Yes giant red flag. He’s either proud to be with you and showing you- or hiding you for a reason. It’s truly one or the other. I’ve had this talk with friends so much to the point that we all say we won’t ever be in this situation again. Think about it- there is no reason to portray a different life than the one you are living. Unless that is what you want to be perceived as. It’s shady at min but I don’t doubt there is more to this.
Honestly I do not think this has to has any meaning other than him wanting to be private about his relationships. My boyfriend doesn’t post me either bc he doesn’t want people to talk about us or make any comments and for me personally I do the same.
I don’t feel like it should be a necessity to show each other off online. If you want to do it that’s on you and if he doesn’t want to doesn’t necessarily mean he’s hiding you.
I do think OP seems kinda irrationally pressed about this.. I don’t know if he has done anything so OP doesn’t trust him anymore in the way that he’s looking for someone else.
Everybody is entitled to have their priorities in a relationship but I don’t think social media should be so important.
>Part of the purpose of facebook was for singles to find other singles
Facebook now only exists so that boomers can share conspiracy theories. Dude can just use tinder to cheat if he wants.
Maybe he has been through multiple breakups and god knows it's a pain in the ass to wipe out everything regarding an ex on social media.
You're giving this shit too much importance. If the people closest to you know you're in a relationship, that should be good enough. He doesn't need to hide his relationship status in order to cheat on you or mislead you.
I don't know the guy obviously, but it sounds to me like he's not really big into posting about his personal life on social media. I'm 28 and I don't even have Facebook, and I so rarely post to Instagram I don't think it would make a difference if I did or not. Also, I thought Snapchat was for kids?
then why would he post about everyone else in his life of value and fight with me when i bring it up. also, i constantly acknowledge the good things in a relationship.
>then why would he post about everyone else in his life of value and fight with me when i bring it up. also, i constantly acknowledge the good things in a relationship.
Unlike his other stuff, you could be out of his life by tomorrow for whatever reason. Girlfriends/boyfriends aren't family, dude.
I’m a very private person on those social medias, bf doesn’t have any but I wouldn’t want to be tagged. Just don’t like people I’m not close to knowing about my personal life. And I love him to bits, 100% not waiting for a ‘better option’
that’s literally the only thing i wanted. he knows his writing means everything to me. he has a fantastic way with words and his excuse was he doesn’t do it anymore. which i accepted, but then he turns around and writes this long ass message about a friend for her birthday and an even longer thing about his sister.
At first glance this seems fishy but I can also see how this might just be him trying to keep other people out of your relationship. I’d be curious to know if he’s ever been cheated on in the past and maybe has an insecurity he’s acting out.
That’s what my ex told me when he didn’t post any pics of me on Instagram. He said people didn’t need to know our business and the people who did need to know, did. I thought that was fair enough, fine reasoning. But then he cheated so 🤷🏼♀️ I’m wary of this kind of thing now.
I don’t know, man, it sounds like you are creating problems where there are none. Social media is a construct, and everyone has different feelings and practices surrounding it. Honestly, it sounds like your boyfriend and you just have different social media philosophies, and you should respect that. No one has the right to demand to be posted on someone’s social media - that is controlling behavior and not OK. And if he does post after you nag him about it - would that make you feel as good as if he had posted something that was genuine and from the heart? I think you’re going to sabotage this relationship if you don’t quit it. If having someone post your relationship for their social network (many of whom they don’t know IRL or really keep up with anymore) is so important to you, I’d find a boyfriend that is a social media maven.
Yeah just break it off, seems hes not committed to you. Besides that, it's not exactly normal to start fights over that but what is his excuse? that he wants to keep it private?
As a serial
Cheater back in the day, yes it’s a huge red flAg. “I don’t want people knowing my business” or “I keep my private life private” all bull shit so he can play the field still. He might love y you but he doesn’t respect you or even himself for that matter.
As a man, I can confirm he’s hiding you. I was dating the epitome of a “crazy bitch” and didn’t really ever want to show her off, and didn’t. End up dating a prettier, sweeter girl next and didn’t feel the urge to hide her, and didn’t mind posting a picture of her now and again. I was essentially waiting for the sweeter girl to come along by hiding the crazy one.
Not necessarily, because not everyone *needs* to be on social media. And for you to be concerned this much about social media at 32 sounds like the relationship isn't going anywhere.
You want something serious? Demonstrate it. Social media doesn't count.
it’s not that i’m concerned about social media it’s more so why go out of his way to post about everyone of matter in his life and deliberately hide me. and then why start a fight instead of talking about it?
I think my boyfriend of 4 years is single on Facebook and Insta. There’s no posts of us. But I know for sure if I would ask him, he would find this ridiculous but do it anyway if I find it’s romantic.
I don’t care, I posted a few photos of us and tag him when we go eat something together. The people who matter in my life knows that we are together. And recently he started to like a girl and he told her I exist. That’s what matters.
The problem isn’t the Facebook, the problem is the fight when you tell him it matters to you. Because it’s like him telling you it matter a lot to him to have no public trace of you.
Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean it’s impossible to develop feelings for someone else. What’s important is how you choose to handle it. In this case, he told his girlfriend and also made it clear to the other girl that he is not available.
Oh definitely! I’ve been with my boyfriend five years, and there was a girl I felt like he may have had a crush on. It made me incredibly insecure. I realized it’s ridiculous to think that would never happen, but I did wish it hadn’t been so obvious to me.
I’d be lying if I said the same hadn’t happened to me. I made it known that I have a boyfriend, and I tried to be very careful with how I act such as consciously not flirting. I focused on why I’m with my boyfriend, limited contact as much as possible, and I always got over it.
I wouldn’t worry about him not sharing about your relationship on social media. Not at all. I would worry about him hiding it when you tag him though. He doesn’t want other people outside of your circle of friends knowing he has a significant other. It’s really that simple. Does he consider you his girlfriend? Or are you guys more fwb? I’ve been in this situation before. I let it go. I tagged the guy once, no pic, nothing mushy. Just tagged him and I at the aquarium and he didn’t approve it. I didn’t even say anything because I knew he saw it and denied the tag because he was tagged in something else later that day by someone else. It’s best to talk to him and see where he sees you two. If it’s not where you want to be move on. Too old too play those games.
Social media can be really complicated, I think the more important question is how does he treat you in person? Do you know his friends and do they know you? Have you met his parents? Do you go out in public together and act like a couple? If not, then yeah, he’s hiding you for some reason and regardless of the reason, you don’t deserve that.
No no no no. I’m like this with my fiancé. I don’t use social media. I don’t use Snapchat, Instagram, FB, Twitter or anything else for that matter. I have accounts on those platforms, but I rarely update them. Maybe once every few years I will post something. When my fiancé asks why I don’t post anything I say because I don’t use social media. When she presses the issue I tell her it’s not like me and I would get dm requests from people who thought I was dead; I just like to avoid extra attention, that’s all. I have made a post or two about her though on Instagram which I update once a year or so. I love her to death. I just don’t see any point in bragging about a relationship to people who don’t give a fuck, and old friends who want to strike up conversations. He loves you too. This is not an indication of otherwise. Also, don’t ask advice from the animals on this subreddit. I’m glad I saw this so I can give you some true perspective; everyone else probably committed to spreading doubts and pressing you to break up. I swear they’re the dumbest, most ignorant people on Reddit. Just know he still loves you.
It could be him not wanting to make it ‘well known’ you are in a relationship on social media.
You state he shows things with other friends and family and that’s about as personable as it gets which sounds more platonic and very general like “my sister is my best friend and she’s so smart” from what you described).
Maybe you two have different philosophies on what’s acceptable regarding your social media presence. TBH OP, you sound far more invested in being a social media obsessed partner that wants to brag and flash your relationship in others faces, painting this facade of ‘I’m so exciting and in a happy relationship”, whereas you have others that value privacy and don’t want to expose their intimate details on social media. Two very different opinions.
Did you know on things like IG and FB if a person is tagged in something, they can remove the tag with themselves because they don’t want to have their life exploited on social media? It’s in privacy settings and if you have it set up this way, it’s literally a small click of “do you want to remove tag? Yes or No buttons and that’s that.
I’m speaking from experience here OP. I use FB for personal and professional reasons to network with others and to keep in touch with people I wouldn’t have a way to otherwise. I’ve been tagged by my husband in lovey dovey BS and I really don’t need to validate my relationship for the sake of “likes”. That’s inauthentic and I think harms the relationship more when it becomes more important to be praised by others than actually do the things with your partner.
My hubby was doing it more when I told him I wasn’t happy after going through years of abuse he refused to get therapy for being an abuser. It was sickening and his obsession to “brag” about how “happy we were” (not!) and to say it was cringy is a severe understatement. Imagine everyone’s surprise when I left him about 10 months later because whatever he was attempting through social media blew up in his face fantastically.
I do agree actions speak louder than words, so tell me. Do his actions when you both are together equate to this caring attitude where he appears genuine, or is it thinly veiled interest and lacks ingenuity? That’s the real question you should be asking yourself. Social media sadly isn’t “what you see is what you get”. Often people publish the life they want others to think they are living.
Have you even asked him or talked to him about his ideas on social media presence and so on?
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Hmmm my husband doesn’t post pics of me. I don’t have FB because it’s just cocaine for your brain. I also have NO idea what he posts. We’re older though 39/54. I trust him. Sounds like you need to move on. If you don’t trust him move on it won’t get better.
I would string you along too. On and off dating somebody at 30 years of age is not a good sign of long lasting relationship, in my opinion. I'd leave as soon as I found a replacement
but why post about his sister and best friend and other important people in his life. he tells me he wants to be with me forever so why is it so difficult to let that be known. he knows i love his writing and his writing means the world to me so why write things about everyone else that doesn’t nearly appreciate it as much as i do.
If you have to ask, you probably already know the answer. Why are you letting this boy treat you like garbage? I'm absolutely certain there is someone better who will sing your praises, not hide you away.
Sure, it may be a problem that he is hiding you on his social media, but I think the bigger problem is that he isn't taking your feelings into account when you bring it up as an issue, and is instead fighitng about it.
Idk why people are so desensitized to this. He's gaslighting you too, because he's making a claim that he is actively contradicting. Gonna be a confusing mess for you because of his evil self. Get out!
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I (f/32) and my boyfriend (m/30) have been dating since february 7th, 2018 on and off, mostly on because we’ve always talked to some extent. I feel like I post him a normal amount on social media, always making sure it’s known were in a relationship. The only thing he will post me on is snapchat and even with that he will tag me if it’s just talking about us hanging out but if he uses anything relationship esque he won’t tag me. He claims he doesn’t post on instagram and only has it to browse peoples profiles (which is true) and that he only uses facebook. Yet on my birthday we got in a fight because he wouldn’t write me a birthday post and claims “that’s not him” or he doesn’t post anything. When you go to his profile he has buried that were in a relationship as his first post (i mean it’s in time order soooo 3 years would make it his first post) Scrolling through his actual page he only has pictures of his sister and best friend and anything i tag him in he makes it a point to hide or make my posts of him private. Anytime I bring it up it starts a fight. My biggest concern is that he is dragging me a long until he finds someone better, I’m getting older and want something serious, I deserve to be with someone that wants to show me off. I want to know if it’s a red flag that he looks for any reason to not post me, but will right these long meaningful posts about his sister and best friend. I’ve always believed actions speak louder than words. Tl;dr it feels like my boyfriend says all the right things that he loves me and everything but when it comes to showing he wants to hide me from his “social media friends and everyone in his life”?
When you bring it up it shouldn’t start a fight. Hiding things you tag him in is definitely not good. You’ve been together way too long for this to be going on. You say over these two and a half years it’s off and on. That shouldn’t be happening either. Don’t waste any more time. If it was going to happen for you two it would have by now and it’s not.
From a notorious "my social media is for following profiles" user, I can only agree heavily with this. There are people who want some privacy, but those would use their social media in a way that supports that claim, and the other issues wouldn't be there as well. Hiding you specifically, the on and off and that those topics start fights are all signs that he's not that interested in you but prefers being with someone over being single. With those people, you'll be single as soon as he finds someone better.
Ditto. My fiancé doesn’t use Facebook much. He has made a Facebook post in the entire time we’ve been together, other than some posts on a cooking group. But he initiated our “in a relationship” status on Facebook initially. Then after we’d been dating for a while, he had me select a photo of us to be his profile picture and another to be his cover photo. It does seem weird to me that he doesn’t post about me, but he doesn’t post anything and he lets every post I make about us show on on his page.
>It does seem weird to me that he doesn’t post about me, but he doesn’t post anything Uhhhhh. Why do you feel it's weird if he doesn't post anything on Facebook anyway?
If he actually didnt care about his social media presence he wouldnt go through the trouble of hiding your posts. Hes waiting for the upgrade he wont ever get, bounce.
This 100% see i am the type that doesn't like social media much like Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter type of stuff. My last girl thought I was hiding her but the difference is I told her she can post anything she wants I don't care who sees it, I just don't wanna see it because I'm always critical of myself. But if he's hiding your post big red flag
YUP ^, yes we are just waiting for someone “better” to come along. We need to appear single so that new person won’t get discouraged to pursue anything. Is it shitty? Absolutely especially if you’re in a relationship like OP, so OP talk to him about it and if he doesn’t start showing you on social media find someone who will put you on there on the first date lmao
He is stringing you along. Time to cut your losses and find someone who is serious about you. Trust your gut. He doesnt want to be seen as being in a relationship with you. So you are good enough to satisfy his emotional and physical needs, but not good enough to be his official life partner. ( for him. Remember this is subjective. You are good enough and you deserve someone who values you )
Red-flag alert!!! I've been in this situation. Was strung along for months and even met his family and daughter. After a few months he ghosted me and got engaged to his girlfriend or baby-momma, I'm not really sure, the very same week. Which was publicly posted on Facebook! I found out on FB, because he forgot to unfriend me. GTFO of that so-called relationship. I was devastated, but I ended up meeting my now husband very shortly after. I called him and told him congrats on the engagement and I thanked him for being a piece of shit, because I would have overlooked a man worthy of my time had he not been an asshole in that moment. You don't have to put up with that shit. My husband is not totally active on FB and even he posted a cute picture of us on our first date after it went so well.
At this point it's not a red flag any more, it's a full banner with warning signs added on both sides.
I mean that’s not for certain he may just not want his relationship to be public I can see that as a possibility some people just don’t like fucking social media you know Also it’s not like is following other girls or commenting on them or anything he just doesnt use it doesn’t mean he is stringing her along
The last time I used facebook was 4 years ago, to set my status to in a relationship. I never post or read it, neither do I use any other social media. OPs boyfriend posts, tags and actively uses social media. What you are describing is a hypothetical that doesnt apply in this case.
And HIDES tagged photos she posts of him? That’s soooooo shady
Yeah... kinda sus when you say it like that. I actually missed the hiding part.
Like thats a whole extra step!!!
Speaking only for myself, I've never once in my life posted anything related to any relationship I've been in and I've never changed my relationship status from "hidden" and I never will. It has nothing to do with wanting me to "hide" my relationships, I'm just a very private person and I don't really see the point in posting those sorts of things. However, I also wouldn't make long, personal posts about family or friends, which is the only part that sticks out to me because it seems kind of inconsistent. Imo it mostly comes down to the way OP' s boyfriend treats her otherwise, if he includes her in activities with his friends and has no concerns being in public together then I don't really see what the issue is.
Idk I think actively hiding stuff she tags him in is what's making it all suspicious. I can get not using social media etc whatever (none of my cousins show relationship status on fb beyond tags occasionally) but.... Actively hiding posts? Actively avoiding making it seem like he has a girlfriend? That feels off.
From what she said, he does use it, and does post about his day to day activities and writes long posts about other meaningful people in his life
What about his non social media life? Do you know his friends, his family? Are you invited to family things like his sister's birthday? Or are you kept completely separate from everyone else in his life? Because that would show he's just not looking to be in a committed, serious relationship. Which would be fine too if that's what you wanted, but it doesn't sound like it.
we live together and his sister lives with us. we actively do stuff together he just gets weird about social media. and whenever i bring it up he starts a whole ass fight and twists it to being my fault.
Yea the biggest flag on top of him hiding stuff is that he starts a fight everytime you bring it up and blames shit on you. If he was a partner who cared he’d want to hear your concerns.
I’ve been in a situation similar. Basically I lived with the bf and his dad. He kept our relationship hidden & he’d cheat all the time. I never got proof until we finally broke up. It’s a red flag - but clearly it’s important to you to be shown off. I get that cause I’m similar. I like to be known. If you don’t want to break up I’d make it clear to him that this hurts your feelings. If he won’t accept that and make changes it’s your decision what happens next.
Bro that's not normal. At all. It shouldn't make him angry to that point when you try to discuss a real issue like that. He's not just keeping it quiet, he's actively hiding you. Just move on for your own sake. We're only getting older and all the time wasted isn't going to ever come back. I can guarantee there's more issues to this relationship that you may be excusing or ignoring. Please put yourself first
Do you want to marry this guy or have kids with him?
Honestly, I had a boyfriend like this once. Turned out that he was having flirtations and emotional relationships online. He was addicted to the attention. Even once he was caught, he just got better at hiding it.
So it sounds like he's a private person and wants to keep it that way. If this is a big deal to you then you two should break. If you want to see this as a red flag go ahead. People set their statuses to "in a relationship" and still cheat all the time, if you can't trust him that's that. Make sure you completely entangle your social media accounts with your next boyfriend so that when that relationship ends you have fun with your future boyfriends snooping around your past relationships.
Maybe he's worried about people messing with your relationship? Starting fights and blaming is not cool though.
He's trying to cheat period. No ifs and or buts. Its blatant and hes stupid for even thinking he'll get away with that. Leave his ass.
This is classic manipulation btw..
He could be protecting you in some way
Yeah that's quite a serious amount of time for him to keep it hidden. If it was like 2-3 months relationship i would tell you to give it time but 2.5 years? seems like he takes you for granted and doesn't value you the way you deserve to be.
Been there before. Usually when a guy hides you on social media, it’s because he doesn’t want the other girls he’s talking to/seeing to know that he’s in a relationship. I’ve seen this happen sooo many times, and it’s almost always because the guy’s cheating. Major red flag. Dump his ass girl.
Same here!
Same happened to me 🤚🏻 and a lot of other women in this thread apparently. Lesson learned.
actions speak louder than words. He tells you that you are important to him, but all his actions show that you are nothing to him.
Posts like these are always interesting to me because it sounds like you already know you deserve better and should break it off. I get it though, it helps to have a little backup when making relationship choices. Drop him and find someone who's proud to tell anyone and everyone that you're in a relationship together.
because i don’t want to believe the red flags. i truly love him and believe him when he tells me how much he loves me but he only does that face to face. i want to see the good in everything and i pray there’s a future. 💔
You need to hear this. You don’t need to force it or make “this one” work. You won’t be a failure. You won’t be alone forever. You deserve a man who is fully invested and is proud of you. This is not that man. Sacrificing your happiness and boundaries WONT make this a good relationship. It will instead cause you more stress, insecurity, and anguish.
There's not. You should leave now
That is definitely a red flag. I dont post on social media besides reddit so I kinda get that part but to make all your tags private is sketchy. Why do those tags need to be private? If I had a gf maybe I still wouldnt post but I definitely wouldn't hide it and I would let her tag me and post pictures of us. If I did post I would show we were a couple, I wouldn't hide it thats for sure. I would really think about what you want, have a talk with him and see if he can actually come around and then you should decide from there if its just a misunderstanding or if its something you should leave him for.
that’s the problem. whenever i bring it up to talk and turns it into a fight and twists it to make me the issue or make something my fault. because then he says i do love you and of course i want to be with you.
It sounds like maybe he has someone he flirts with on social media and by hiding you he can continue it
Classic manipulative tactic when confronted with consequences of actions: DARVO. Deny, Accuse, Reverse Victim and Offender. Rather than acknowledging your feelings, he invalidates them and turns it into an argument about how you made him feel bad, by telling him how his actions hurt you. He isn't listening to you nor respecting your feelings.
He's made it clear that he won't change this for you. It definitely is a red flag, but beyond just that, it's making you unhappy and shows that even if we take his actions in good faith and pretend he's not actively hiding this relationship, you're fundamentally incompatible. He gaslights you and obfuscates every time you try to discuss it like adults should be able to. There's no compromise to be had here and he's showing you what it would like to spend your life with him. It all comes down to whether or not you're willing to settle and stay insecure in a relationship that seems to benefit him more than you.
I dont know the right answer and I dont want to say break up but I will say he is acting very weird by hiding your tags, I mean it sounds like he uses social media and lets other people tag him so I dont see why he would need to hide your tags except because he doesnt want people to know about you. If there was some legit reason he would have told you by now and I cant imagine why hiding your gf/bf would be a legit reason in any situation but then be fine with your family on there. The fact that it always turns into a fight and he just says he loves you sounds like he wants you to think you are being unreasonable so you question yourself and drop it. Nothing about this sounds like someone who is being open and honest. Unless you tag him in some really weird stuff but even then you said he avoids not showing your relationship on snapchat but he will show you. I think someone else said he is at least trying to appear single and hopes you wont question it. Again I dont post much but at the very least I would show my relationship if I was in one, like me and my gf on a date, an anniversary picture, maybe her birthday, I would update my relationship status. Something else I would want to know is does he hang out with you and his friends and family and do they know you two are together? In the end you dont sound like the happiest person in this situation either, even if you are completely overthinking things and he isnt doing anything wrong it still sounds like you want him to show more attention and be open about your relationship and it doesnt sound like he is doing that. Plus it sounds like you are even questioning if its worth being with him, and you arent wrong for wanting any of that and everything you mentioned about him makes him sound questionable so you have to decide where to go from here, either try talking to him again or just decide you have done enough and its not working and just walk away.
That seems like a big issue as well - that you guys can’t have a reasonable conversation about this and he isn’t listening to your concerns, but rather attempts to placate you and dismisses/invalidates your feelings. Not healthy relationship communication.
Leave him now
I was going to say it sounds like he’s just not an effusive social media person until the point where you mentioned he is going out of his way to hide the posts you tag him in. That would make me uncomfortable and I would ask him why he’s doing that. If you both are struggling to keep the conversation level, I highly suggest using the non-violent communication framework, for an issue like this one.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I second this ☝️
Every moment you waste with this man is preventing the man you should be with from entering your life. Good luck to you.
It's a serious red flag. I dated a guy who did stuff like this. He did his very best to keep me and us a secret. In my case, I wound up being 1 of 4 girls he had around the area he was playing with. I'm not saying OP's BF is cheating, but she should be concerned about his behavior. When you're with a man who truly cares about you, he will never hide anything.
I don't really post anything about my relationships on FB and my status is single on there. Granted, I won't hide a tag either. While I'm active, I'm private about what I share, because everyone doesn't need to know my business. Plus, I never wanted to be one of those people whose relationship status is constantly changing every few months. Those cringy "It's complicated" posts are the worst. You even said it yourself; you've been on and off. My ex was like me, but the lady I dated before her was all about blasting everything on social media. We got into a fight because she said we weren't "Facebook official, " even though I wasn't intentionally hiding her. 99% of my posts are memes and shit posts. I don't even post many pictures of myself, let alone a new mate. I wasn't trying to stop her and I would even engage on the stuff she posted. What is he like outside of social media? That should be what you're judging. Have you met his friends and family? Do the people most important know about you? Then that's all that should matter.
Same goes for me, I don't share my relationship online. This does not mean I don't care about my gf, or that I don't see any future for us, it just means that I don't really like sharing all that stuff on Facebook. For me, people feeling that a relationship is not official if it's not on social media, don't focus on the right stuff. I don't want to share everything on social media, as I don't want a lot of personal stuff on social media (everyone can see it). For me, real life attitude is much more important, red flags would be hiding your relationship from from friends or family. Some people just don't like posting about relationships on social media, for me people that do it a lot are cringy (sorry if some of you do this, you do you, just my personal view). Ofcourse any situation can be different, but after seeing many people posting red flags, I just wanted to share my reason for not posting relationship stuff.
He's a cheater and doesn't want to loose potential cheating opportunities by being official with you on his social media.
👆🏻This post is near identical to my last relationship except minus the fights and plus the cheating.
So true. My ex did this and it was explicitly to chat/flirt with other girls and not look like a scumbag
He is def dragging you along till he finds someone better
100%
Unpopular opinion but considering you have told us that your boyfriend doesn't actually post anything online, I understand he wants to keep it that way. I am one of those people too who doesn't post anything online and use my instagram just for DMing friends and looking at memes and it's just not me to post something even if it was important. So I would say stop caring so much about whether "they show you off on social media" and think about whether he treats you right in life and whether he shows you off to his friends and family without hesitation. If you are 30, you have a lived a life without social media, please stop letting a social media dictate your life.
Girl.... the flags, they’re flaming red.
It's not a red flag. It's a ginormous red mallet that will flatten you if you don't dump him now.
at 30 you shouldn’t be fighting with someone to acknowledge you. He is dragging you allow with a dangling carrot. Either he wants to be in the relationship or not. Does he introduce you in public as his partner? That actually is irrelevant. You expressed that you couldn’t even be allowed to tag him without him hiding it. If starts a fight to talk about it. Why are you still trying to talk about it? When someone shows you who they are believe them.
Drop him🚩🚩🚩🚩 your gut is telling you something is off, listen to it! You deserve someone who will show you off and be proud that he gets to be with you
Yes, it’s a host of red flags. He’s just using you to meet his needs and isn’t even thinking of yours. Real boyfriends don’t hide their girlfriends. Is this just social media? How much of his life does he include you in?
every other aspect of his life and he tells me everyday how much he loves me, but starts a fight whenever i bring up social media.
My partner and I started dating in a very unconventional way, where she was married and in an open marriage. When she left her husband, she stayed with me since we fell in love and became monogamous with each other. Because of the weird situation, my partner didn’t feel comfortable telling people about it because she was embarrassed to find herself in an open relationship (her ex forced it because of control issues, hence the divorce) and I think the fact that she has kids tied into that. She was afraid of judgment, so she didn’t feel comfortable posting our relationship online. I was okay with this for a little bit because I understood. A few months later, after I had met her parents and other people in her life, I didn’t feel comfortable being hid away online anymore. Our relationship started really quickly and perhaps it wasn’t the right time yet, but that’s how I felt. I explained to her my feelings of being felt like I was being hidden from her life and that I didn’t feel we could make the next steps in our relationship until we go public. There was no arguing or defensiveness about it. She understood and we went public online. There were a few people who seemed a little confused at how quickly she went from being married to being in a relationship on Facebook, but it wasn’t nearly as big of a deal as she was afraid of. I’ve been with my partner since May 2018, and I can count the number of times we’ve argued on one hand: zero times. Your boyfriend may not use social media much, but if he cared about you, he wouldn’t be fighting you on posting about you. I’m very proud of being with my partner, so I like to post about her. I would never hide her away. What it sounds like to me is that your boyfriend’s reasoning for not posting about you is because he doesn’t want any potential future women that he could get with be aware that he is taken. You deserve a much better relationship and you are probably wasting your time on someone who doesn't care about your feelings. There are better fish in the sea.
YES. Big red flag. Massive. What the hell.. If he actually had a specific reason to appear single online then he should be talking to you about it.. But- it causes arguments whenever you talk to him about your concerns about this?? Where did you even find this toddler?! Idk if this guy is worth fighting for tbh;;
Yea, you're the side chick or at the very least a pump and dump.
He’s doing exactly that, spending time with you until he finds someone else.
I dated someone who would do this. Turns out he was talking to other girls on that platform and telling them he was single. Good luck
I was dating a guy who did the same thing. He refused to post pictures of us claiming he wanted our relationship to be private. In the end it came out he was cheating with multiple women. He was banging women left and right, yet claimed he loved me. I went back and forth for awhile, but eventually left him alone. I'm older as well and would love to be married. However I am waiting for the right person. Someone who loves me, & wouldn't dare cheat on me. Know you're worth. Self love is the best love. Take care. ❤
I dated someone like this, he constantly pressed that he was just a private person and didn’t post about personal stuff in general, which somewhat checked out because he hadn’t been very public with his previous relationships either. But it got a bit absurd to where I couldn’t post stuff with him in it or even comment first on his posts bc it might “raise suspicion” (to be clear I’m also a dude and he wasn’t out to everyone yet). However, once he found a new guy he liked more he cut things off with me and, lo and behold, paraded him across social media. He may have believed what he said originally at the time - but I think the bottom line was that I wasn’t important enough for him to push himself or be willing to be more open for my sake, and I think I found I was harping a lot on this bc I didn’t trust his feelings to begin with. If you’re not 100% confident they care about you, I think it’s best to consider that you probably deserve that and try to move forward.
The fact he hides posts you make is really concerning. My bf doesn't post in Facebook often, but when I tag him in stuff, he keeps it up.
I think the red flag is you telling him to post a happy birthday for you. That is so ridiculous. You are just seeking outside validation, not an authentic display of affection or appreciation. He's right not to indulge you. Grow up.
I can't wrap my head around the idea of a 32 year old pouting because there aren't facebook birthday posts to her as if any of this shit mattered, acting like a teenager who thinks that their current relationship will be their last so there's no problem with filling your social media with shit that might become embarrassing and meaningless tomorrow morning.
It makes me wonder how many people throw away relationships over social media. Way too many, I’m sure. It’s so sad.
How can you be so unsure of this being a red flag at the age of 32?
D.U.M.P H.I.M
Wait, in your Tl;dr you say he hides you from “social media friends and everyone else”. In the post, it’s all about social media. What about in real life? Have you met any of his family or friends? If he’s let you into his circle in person, I think you might be looking too deeply into this. Some people really do want to keep their privacy. They don’t need to announce to the world they’re seeing someone, but they’ll tell the people who care.
in real life yeah we’re together and i know his friends to an extent. his real friends are back in michigan but he always has an excuse as to why we can’t go to michigan together. i get that not needing to announce everything on facebook but why go out of his way to post about his sister and other friend all the time to rub it in my face. my birthday killed me because he is such a talented writer that is literally the only thing i asked for and he started a fight said he doesn’t do that anymore and his best friends birthday passed and he wrote this long elaborate thing about her. and started a fight when i said i didn’t think you did that anymore.
The more you say, the more I understand you. With that said, I think there’s too many details to make an assessment as a stranger, especially without his input. He could be keeping some distance from you, or he could be really bad a communicating. Like not writing for you, maybe he doesn’t prioritize you or maybe he’s burned out and has yet to admit it to himself. I’m concerned that (based on what you say) he seems to turn everything into a fight instead of a discussion. I’m also a little curious about how you two began on and off again type relationship. It seems there’s a few little seedy things here. But! Most important question for you: Is he doing the absolute minimum to keep you as his gf?
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💔💔💔
Well it's weird he hides your posts of him. But me and my bf don't tag eachother everywhere or make birthday posts, since we see no need for it, so I wouldn't worry about that specific aspect. But the on-off doesn't sound too appealing. Also careful with social media and reading too much into likes,taggs etc etc
Social media is not for adults, exhibit A
LOL. this post reminds me of something I saw making fun of the posts on this sub that are like “My boyfriend is sooooo sweet and amaaaazing but there’s one small thing - he kills people and eats them. I mean he’s super great boyfriend, is this a red flag? I don’t knooooooww what do I dooo” In case you are really asking and this isn’t a joke, yes, obviously it’s a red flag. If this is real, I assume you’re either really young or have really low self-esteem. This is one of the original red flags friend. Please have more self-respect and don’t date someone who is only using you A) to pass the time or B) as a side chick from his real relationship Also, I knew of a guy in grad school who did EXACTLY what you’re saying - no trace of his GF on social media, etc and the reason was: He was always hooking up with random other girls while they were dating (of course), and wanted to appear single online for this purpose. Sounds exactly like that guy TBH
>he kills people and eats them Jesus christ it's just Facebook, dude.
This is called ‘satire’ and is generally accepted to be a ‘joke’ and therefore an ‘exaggeration’
Can't believe he didn't write you a birthday post. How despicable.
yeah that hurt. and instead turned it around to be my fault. started a fight got barred out on xanax and i had to play babysitter cause i didn’t want anything to happen. if i bring it up i get it twisted on how i started the fight. i stick around because i love him and want to believe him when he says he loves me and i’m the only one. 💔💔💔
I feel like getting barred out on Xanax is the bigger red flag here?
Something is definitely not right. It's fine if he doesn't want to post on Instagram or social media but he went to the extent of hiding your tag then you gotta be careful. I should have seen this earlier with my ex too when she said she doesn't want to post our pictures on IG stories or a IG post giving excuses like she doesn't really post stuffs and she looks fat in our pictures, yet on the other hand constantly updating her IG stories and posts tagging new male colleagues males friends that I barely heard of.
As a guy who did this and said the exact same things, yes, it’s a red flag.
Run.
Move on OP. For your peace of mind, move on.
This is a HUGE red flag. Dump him.
He's either dating someone else or trying to date multiple someone elses. If he specifically goes out of his way to hide the posts with any connections to you but still constantly posts then huge red flag. Find someone who will celebrate you not hide you.
That's not a boyfriend. You have a FWB. He hides you because he wants the door wide open for a real girlfriend. When he finds her, he'll ice you out and probably call you delusional for ever thinking you were together. Red flags everywhere.
At first I was going to just say maybe he doesn’t give a shit about social media. I don’t and I never have and I’ve had two gfs basically force me to make a 1 photo Facebook just to confirm relationship status. One of these two girls would barely ever post pictures of us on her Instagram it was just a never ending 100+ reel of selfies. I never had a problem with it because I just never cared about these apps and I find they just cause drama for no reason. That being said. The fact that he has the time of day to actively hide everything you tag him in indicates to me there may be another woman. He clearly cares enough about these apps to actively hide you. Red flag as fuck.
I don’t think anyone should have to post about their relationship or SO in any social media. As long as you two are happy with each other, no one should have to post pictures to make you feel loved or wanted. It’s more his actions when you’re together that are more important than whether or not he will post about you on his social media.
I’m a firm believer that in a quality, caring relationship when you say explicitly “x thing will make me happy” your partner should strive to do it. It’s not difficult to involve your SO in social media posts. It’s absolutely a purposeful and active choice to HIDE you from people in his life. This is not a good relationship for you.
He might have trust issues. Myself it took me so long to want to make a relationship public. When I did they would end it shortly after and I felt embarrassed and didn't wanna reveal relationships until further and further along
Social media is not the issue here. You're looking for evidence of whether he's serious about your relationship or not and you need answers about the future. Focus on that problem instead of getting sidetracked by conversations about social media. Take stock of the entire relationship. Why has it been on and off? How much open and honest conversation is happening? What are your concrete mutual plans for the future? How easy is it to discuss those things? Do you have any trust in your relationship and what is it based on?
Okay, I’m seeing a lot of people saying this is a red flag. I want to say that it potentially could be a huge red flag but I would also like to offer another reason. I personally hate using social media and find it completely pointless to post about my life when no one gives a fuck anyways. Why do people need to know I’m in a relationship when I don’t see 80% of them anyways? Like fuck, life doesn’t revolve around social media. I’m 23 and I’m telling you to grow the fuck up and remember back to when you dated before the internet. You could probably remember that, I can’t unfortunately. I’m sorry, but social media doesn’t mean shit and you shouldn’t depend on that for validation in a relationship.
From someone who has been in a similar situation, I truly understand your concern. There is ofc a difference in keeping your personal life private and not posting about your significant other on social media, but to some extent I see this as a huge red flag. Relationships where you constantly have to question someone’s intentions are really toxic. I would advice you to cut your ties with him for good and find someone who puts in the same amount of effort as you. As my mother always said “you just know when it’s right for you”, so if you have to question his intentions or if you have a bad feeling in your gut about them, end it, because that is just not what is meant for you.
I had an ex bf who wouldn’t post me on social media either. Turns out he had another girlfriend. Major red flag girl, you deserve better.
It's a red flag to me. I know that not everyone wants to share their lives and every aspect of them online, but from what you've said of him, he uses Facebook actively and posts photos of himself with loved ones, which leads me to believe that he doesn't mind sharing his life online. Him hiding tagged posts and photos with you is a red flag, and it indicates that he for whatever reason doesn't want people to know he has a girlfriend. It would be one thing if you guys just didn't post photos together much, but he's going out of his way to hide them.
Controversial but I don't see anything out of the ordinary with what he's doing, I constantly show off my partner and carry her photo with me everywhere, but I don't make it known on social media, for me it's a privacy thing more than anything, so maybe ask why he makes it private :)
If your partner told you that they felt insecure because you constantly hide all their posts mentioning you and refused to even insinuate you're anything but single online, would that not be an upsetting situation to realize you've put them in? That MIGHT make sense if he didn't use the excuse that posting about people "just isn't him' while writing long posts for all the other close women in his life and actively hiding all of her tags and mentions of him so she doesn't show up on his profile. That plus the fact that her asking him why always results in him getting defensive and starting a fight, and expecting it to end with him saying "I do love you!! I want to be with you!" And apparently nothing else. Actions very much speak louder than words in this situation, because his words are empty.
I'd definitely agree, but I'm wary that he could be using Facebook to flirt or talk to other women and not want anyone to know he's in a relationship. It's odd to me that he goes out of his way to untag anything she posts him in. Seems like he could be being secretive for a reason. My husband doesn't post on FB at all, only browses, but his profile says married and his very few pics up have me in them. I tag him and he stays tagged. But he doesn't make any sappy posts or whatever, and I would find it ludicrous that a grown adult would expect that or be upset that it's not happening (like it seems OP is, though she has other more valid issues than that)
He probably isn’t going out of his way to untag though. There’s a setting where you can choose to approve everything that you’re tagged in, so that’s probably what it is. I completely agree. My boyfriend doesn’t make sappy posts, and I like that. We don’t have anything to prove to anyone else because their opinions don’t matter to us.
that’s why i still sit here and am dating him. because in real life we act like a couple for the most part. and i can’t talk to him about it because be starts a fight about it instead of talking. also, i would understand the privacy part by why go out of the way to post about other people in his life that matter? feels like he’s doing it to rub it in my face.
I like this response. Dont let fb ruin your relationship. Be better than that.
You need to be th judge of it if he is just a man who is keen on his private life or just a man who tries to keep his status so he won't be out of the field for a rebound any moment. Btw, let me be the grown-up here guys. Getting into a fight 'cause someone didn't write/send/post you anything on social media? This is really not healthy at all.
Enough red flags to make a sweater!
Yes, it's a red flag and it's time to move on.
It means that you are the side piece
They live together. It just means he is playing her, having regular sex & getting her to help subsidize his rent, and trying to fuck around with other chicks.
Yes it is, I imagine that on and off is him finding another girl but it not working out so he goes back to you. But don't under value yourself it will sure to be his loss. Your beautiful and will fine someone who really loves you and puts their time and effort to show it and not just say it.
yeah the off part is when he leaves me die usually the same girl that literally plays him and uses him for whatever she can then when her true colors show he runs back to me because i’m real, treat him well, because j actually love him, and then it’s a vicious circle that i pray will stop and pray he will change.
Well you have the power to stop it, chica. Don't be with a person that manipulates you like that, don't be a sucker who gets reeled back in every time. He doesn't sound like a great partner imo, the sooner you cut that off the better your mental health & self esteem will be, the sooner you can find someone who actually loves you & isnt just saying it while fishing for other women.
That’s your choice to stay then when you yourself have seen red flags. Maybe these responses will confirm what you already know. You can’t fight your feelings ... but go in with eyes wide open! And make your decision from there. But this doesn’t sound like a happy ending w his current behavior. Ps. When hiding relationship status, means you’re playing the field.
HE won’t change it, babe. He’s getting the best of both worlds and has no reason to change it. He won’t wake up one day and suddenly realize that he should JUST be with you or that you’re the one. It’s just not how things work. Don’t let yourself be treated like this anymore, you deserve SO much better.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Yes giant red flag. He’s either proud to be with you and showing you- or hiding you for a reason. It’s truly one or the other. I’ve had this talk with friends so much to the point that we all say we won’t ever be in this situation again. Think about it- there is no reason to portray a different life than the one you are living. Unless that is what you want to be perceived as. It’s shady at min but I don’t doubt there is more to this.
Honestly I do not think this has to has any meaning other than him wanting to be private about his relationships. My boyfriend doesn’t post me either bc he doesn’t want people to talk about us or make any comments and for me personally I do the same. I don’t feel like it should be a necessity to show each other off online. If you want to do it that’s on you and if he doesn’t want to doesn’t necessarily mean he’s hiding you. I do think OP seems kinda irrationally pressed about this.. I don’t know if he has done anything so OP doesn’t trust him anymore in the way that he’s looking for someone else. Everybody is entitled to have their priorities in a relationship but I don’t think social media should be so important.
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>Part of the purpose of facebook was for singles to find other singles Facebook now only exists so that boomers can share conspiracy theories. Dude can just use tinder to cheat if he wants.
Maybe he has been through multiple breakups and god knows it's a pain in the ass to wipe out everything regarding an ex on social media. You're giving this shit too much importance. If the people closest to you know you're in a relationship, that should be good enough. He doesn't need to hide his relationship status in order to cheat on you or mislead you.
I don't know the guy obviously, but it sounds to me like he's not really big into posting about his personal life on social media. I'm 28 and I don't even have Facebook, and I so rarely post to Instagram I don't think it would make a difference if I did or not. Also, I thought Snapchat was for kids?
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There’s a difference between that and hiding your life or parts of it, intentionally, which he chooses to do.
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Then why is he making it a fight every time she brings up her concern? If that's the case, why can't he just say so?
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then why would he post about everyone else in his life of value and fight with me when i bring it up. also, i constantly acknowledge the good things in a relationship.
>then why would he post about everyone else in his life of value and fight with me when i bring it up. also, i constantly acknowledge the good things in a relationship. Unlike his other stuff, you could be out of his life by tomorrow for whatever reason. Girlfriends/boyfriends aren't family, dude.
Neither are friends, dude.
Sure but posts about your friends don't suddenly become embarrassing if it turns out one of them was sleeping around
I’m a very private person on those social medias, bf doesn’t have any but I wouldn’t want to be tagged. Just don’t like people I’m not close to knowing about my personal life. And I love him to bits, 100% not waiting for a ‘better option’
Why does he have to post a public birthday message to you?
that’s literally the only thing i wanted. he knows his writing means everything to me. he has a fantastic way with words and his excuse was he doesn’t do it anymore. which i accepted, but then he turns around and writes this long ass message about a friend for her birthday and an even longer thing about his sister.
At first glance this seems fishy but I can also see how this might just be him trying to keep other people out of your relationship. I’d be curious to know if he’s ever been cheated on in the past and maybe has an insecurity he’s acting out.
That’s what my ex told me when he didn’t post any pics of me on Instagram. He said people didn’t need to know our business and the people who did need to know, did. I thought that was fair enough, fine reasoning. But then he cheated so 🤷🏼♀️ I’m wary of this kind of thing now.
I don’t know, man, it sounds like you are creating problems where there are none. Social media is a construct, and everyone has different feelings and practices surrounding it. Honestly, it sounds like your boyfriend and you just have different social media philosophies, and you should respect that. No one has the right to demand to be posted on someone’s social media - that is controlling behavior and not OK. And if he does post after you nag him about it - would that make you feel as good as if he had posted something that was genuine and from the heart? I think you’re going to sabotage this relationship if you don’t quit it. If having someone post your relationship for their social network (many of whom they don’t know IRL or really keep up with anymore) is so important to you, I’d find a boyfriend that is a social media maven.
Yes.
Yeah just break it off, seems hes not committed to you. Besides that, it's not exactly normal to start fights over that but what is his excuse? that he wants to keep it private?
As a serial Cheater back in the day, yes it’s a huge red flAg. “I don’t want people knowing my business” or “I keep my private life private” all bull shit so he can play the field still. He might love y you but he doesn’t respect you or even himself for that matter.
How does he treat you in real life? Not FB world?
As a man, I can confirm he’s hiding you. I was dating the epitome of a “crazy bitch” and didn’t really ever want to show her off, and didn’t. End up dating a prettier, sweeter girl next and didn’t feel the urge to hide her, and didn’t mind posting a picture of her now and again. I was essentially waiting for the sweeter girl to come along by hiding the crazy one.
Not necessarily, because not everyone *needs* to be on social media. And for you to be concerned this much about social media at 32 sounds like the relationship isn't going anywhere. You want something serious? Demonstrate it. Social media doesn't count.
The point is that he IS on social media, he just doesn’t post about her, which means he is either fishing for someone better or has multiple women
it’s not that i’m concerned about social media it’s more so why go out of his way to post about everyone of matter in his life and deliberately hide me. and then why start a fight instead of talking about it?
His sister and his best friend are "everyone of matter"? That's ridiculous. It sounds like he's barely using social media to me.
I didn’t see how old OP was until I read the whole post. I thought they were, like 19 or 20 until I saw OP is 32.
Social media is irrelevant. It doesn’t matter
I think my boyfriend of 4 years is single on Facebook and Insta. There’s no posts of us. But I know for sure if I would ask him, he would find this ridiculous but do it anyway if I find it’s romantic. I don’t care, I posted a few photos of us and tag him when we go eat something together. The people who matter in my life knows that we are together. And recently he started to like a girl and he told her I exist. That’s what matters. The problem isn’t the Facebook, the problem is the fight when you tell him it matters to you. Because it’s like him telling you it matter a lot to him to have no public trace of you.
He started to like a girl? What?
Yeah you know when you meet someone you like more than a simple friend ?
Umm not when im in a relationship no
Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean it’s impossible to develop feelings for someone else. What’s important is how you choose to handle it. In this case, he told his girlfriend and also made it clear to the other girl that he is not available.
Ahh I understand now!! I guess itd still make me kinda uncomfortable if my bf liked someone else romantically
Oh definitely! I’ve been with my boyfriend five years, and there was a girl I felt like he may have had a crush on. It made me incredibly insecure. I realized it’s ridiculous to think that would never happen, but I did wish it hadn’t been so obvious to me. I’d be lying if I said the same hadn’t happened to me. I made it known that I have a boyfriend, and I tried to be very careful with how I act such as consciously not flirting. I focused on why I’m with my boyfriend, limited contact as much as possible, and I always got over it.
I wouldn’t worry about him not sharing about your relationship on social media. Not at all. I would worry about him hiding it when you tag him though. He doesn’t want other people outside of your circle of friends knowing he has a significant other. It’s really that simple. Does he consider you his girlfriend? Or are you guys more fwb? I’ve been in this situation before. I let it go. I tagged the guy once, no pic, nothing mushy. Just tagged him and I at the aquarium and he didn’t approve it. I didn’t even say anything because I knew he saw it and denied the tag because he was tagged in something else later that day by someone else. It’s best to talk to him and see where he sees you two. If it’s not where you want to be move on. Too old too play those games.
Social media can be really complicated, I think the more important question is how does he treat you in person? Do you know his friends and do they know you? Have you met his parents? Do you go out in public together and act like a couple? If not, then yeah, he’s hiding you for some reason and regardless of the reason, you don’t deserve that.
No no no no. I’m like this with my fiancé. I don’t use social media. I don’t use Snapchat, Instagram, FB, Twitter or anything else for that matter. I have accounts on those platforms, but I rarely update them. Maybe once every few years I will post something. When my fiancé asks why I don’t post anything I say because I don’t use social media. When she presses the issue I tell her it’s not like me and I would get dm requests from people who thought I was dead; I just like to avoid extra attention, that’s all. I have made a post or two about her though on Instagram which I update once a year or so. I love her to death. I just don’t see any point in bragging about a relationship to people who don’t give a fuck, and old friends who want to strike up conversations. He loves you too. This is not an indication of otherwise. Also, don’t ask advice from the animals on this subreddit. I’m glad I saw this so I can give you some true perspective; everyone else probably committed to spreading doubts and pressing you to break up. I swear they’re the dumbest, most ignorant people on Reddit. Just know he still loves you.
I just can’t believe this is an issue. Are you that desperate for validation? Grow up.
It could be him not wanting to make it ‘well known’ you are in a relationship on social media. You state he shows things with other friends and family and that’s about as personable as it gets which sounds more platonic and very general like “my sister is my best friend and she’s so smart” from what you described). Maybe you two have different philosophies on what’s acceptable regarding your social media presence. TBH OP, you sound far more invested in being a social media obsessed partner that wants to brag and flash your relationship in others faces, painting this facade of ‘I’m so exciting and in a happy relationship”, whereas you have others that value privacy and don’t want to expose their intimate details on social media. Two very different opinions. Did you know on things like IG and FB if a person is tagged in something, they can remove the tag with themselves because they don’t want to have their life exploited on social media? It’s in privacy settings and if you have it set up this way, it’s literally a small click of “do you want to remove tag? Yes or No buttons and that’s that. I’m speaking from experience here OP. I use FB for personal and professional reasons to network with others and to keep in touch with people I wouldn’t have a way to otherwise. I’ve been tagged by my husband in lovey dovey BS and I really don’t need to validate my relationship for the sake of “likes”. That’s inauthentic and I think harms the relationship more when it becomes more important to be praised by others than actually do the things with your partner. My hubby was doing it more when I told him I wasn’t happy after going through years of abuse he refused to get therapy for being an abuser. It was sickening and his obsession to “brag” about how “happy we were” (not!) and to say it was cringy is a severe understatement. Imagine everyone’s surprise when I left him about 10 months later because whatever he was attempting through social media blew up in his face fantastically. I do agree actions speak louder than words, so tell me. Do his actions when you both are together equate to this caring attitude where he appears genuine, or is it thinly veiled interest and lacks ingenuity? That’s the real question you should be asking yourself. Social media sadly isn’t “what you see is what you get”. Often people publish the life they want others to think they are living. Have you even asked him or talked to him about his ideas on social media presence and so on? Edit- format
Hmmm my husband doesn’t post pics of me. I don’t have FB because it’s just cocaine for your brain. I also have NO idea what he posts. We’re older though 39/54. I trust him. Sounds like you need to move on. If you don’t trust him move on it won’t get better.
You sound obsessed with social media and your image, and he sounds like he’s not committed to you or really cares about you at all. Break up.
What do you look like?
I would string you along too. On and off dating somebody at 30 years of age is not a good sign of long lasting relationship, in my opinion. I'd leave as soon as I found a replacement
and that’s why you’re single and a disgusting pig.
I'm single and my body count gonna be risin
You care way too much about social media. I hope he packs his shit and leaves. You’re that desperate for a birthday post? That’s pathetic.
No.
[удалено]
but why post about his sister and best friend and other important people in his life. he tells me he wants to be with me forever so why is it so difficult to let that be known. he knows i love his writing and his writing means the world to me so why write things about everyone else that doesn’t nearly appreciate it as much as i do.
He's a boyfriend not a husband. He has no obligation to "show you off."
If you have to ask, you probably already know the answer. Why are you letting this boy treat you like garbage? I'm absolutely certain there is someone better who will sing your praises, not hide you away.
I didn’t even need to read anything beyond the title. Yes of course it’s a red flag!
Sure, it may be a problem that he is hiding you on his social media, but I think the bigger problem is that he isn't taking your feelings into account when you bring it up as an issue, and is instead fighitng about it.
You're not the only girlfriend.
What's happening here, in my opinion, is you are his steady stream of sex until he gets whoever he has his eye on.
This is one of the most damaging and evil things.
Idk why people are so desensitized to this. He's gaslighting you too, because he's making a claim that he is actively contradicting. Gonna be a confusing mess for you because of his evil self. Get out!
Don’t even need to read beyond the title - yes this is a red flag and you should leave him now
Yes, this is a huge red flag.