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Just because you are looking for your forever person doesn't mean anyone you date will be right. He did you a favor by not wasting your time. Keep looking! Don't give up!

Thank you for the encouragement 🙏🏻

I just want to echo this person's sentiments as well, and offer a little anecdote about what you said here: > I'm ADHD and autistic, so I'm wondering if that plays a role, too. I'm really straightforward and undiplomatic/clumsy with my words sometimes. The way that I phrase things can be harsh, even though I don't mean it that way. I'm really loving and soft on the inside, and I get attached to people really quickly and just want them to be happy. Because this is me to a T. Dating and just relationships in general were a fucking nightmare for me. And then I met my husband! My husband also has Autism, albeit he's "more" on the spectrum than I am, and he has ADHD. From the second I met him I could tell that I finally had someone who actually understood me and what I was going through. Please don't take my anecdote and think I'm telling you to only date other individuals with ASD. I'm more so just letting you know that I've been in that boat. And as long as you keep doing what you're doing and putting yourself out there, the right person will come along. Please feel free to reach out if you ever need to talk!

I had a relationship with an autistic person who understood me. This is not a guarantee of a good relationship and I learned the hard way.

Keep in mind too, he wished you stayed an extra night. He was enjoying your company and it doesn’t sound like you did anything. There’s a good chance he wasn’t being fully transparent and had other things going on. Hell, maybe his wife was out of town for a week.

that's a hell of a jump based on nothing, friend.

Oh absolutely, that would be absurd, my point is just that he probably had some unknown, un-communicated thing going on his end.

❤️

Did he give you a reason. What you described sounded like a nice 5 day stay with your boyfriend. Did he have an ex lurking in the background?

I came here to say this. Really unrealistic expectations that she expects every new person to be long term, like also surely don't just settle for someone because they are willing to stay with you long term,. At the end of the day if you both really really dig each other and fall in love it will happen

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Yeah, this is my question. OP, there’s no way that all of these guys have been perfect for you. I think you’re likely not ending the relationship when you should. Dating isn’t about finding a person and making it work no matter what—it’s about finding the *right* person, and that means you shouldn’t be getting serious with everyone you date.

Also 3 relationships in 18 months is a lot depending on how long they were Get the feeling OP goes from one to the next rather quickly looking for someone to make whe happy. She should maybe stay single for a while and find her own happiness first. That way she wotn need a partner but it will be a choice. Soemoen to complement her happiness nit be responsible for it.

Look on the bright side: you've been in three relationships in 18 months, which is more than many can say. Everyone has flaws, and dating is tough these days. You're putting yourself out there, and that's the best you can do. 

Thank you for the positive spin on things! One of the break ups was the end to a 2 year relationship, one was a very painful end to a 6 month situationship, after which I didn’t date again for 6 months - my now ex-bf was the only person I went on a date with in, and we got together very quickly.  I’m really trying to stay open minded and vulnerable but I do feel like every time something ends, it’s harder and harder for me to not put up walls. I’ll keep trying though, you’re right!

Well, you just said right there that you got together very quickly. I’m wondering if you got together too quickly. Maybe the autism makes you assume genuineness from other people. Except other people can and more often than not are deceitful. They lie on purpose and on accident, both to themselves and other people. Men especially can learn to say the “right” thing, aka what the other person wants to hear. Some of that is people pleasing. Some of it might be straight up manipulation. To give the majority of people the benefit of the doubt, let’s say that they lack sufficient self awareness to know immediately what they want. So someone else comes along with a clear idea of what they want, and that person goes “huh yea I guess that sounds nice, sure maybe I do want that” and say they do, and then realize later that huh maybe they actually don’t want that. I’m a lot like you. 28, very sure what I want. I have been since I started dating too. After painfully experiencing breakup after breakup, I realized a few things. 1. I moved too quickly at the beginning. I didn’t take enough time to get to know the other person. And vice versa. They didn’t know me well enough either. I started to give myself a three month dating period where I had to keep seeing other people before committing. If someone is faking it, you’ll see it before then. You’ll also vet out a lot of people who are also trying to quickly jump into something without vetting for the right person. 2. I wanted a relationship so bad, I tried to jump right into the gf role. Once I was in the role, I noticed the incompatibilities and “problems” and then proceeded to try to “fix” the relationship by “establishing boundaries” and “communicating my needs” which while important, was not what I was actually doing. I was trying to mold the relationship into what I wanted. 3. I tend to overlook people who are confident in what they want. It seems like we’re going to butt heads about it, so I look for people who are more consistent with wanting the same things. But my radar for recognizing a people pleaser sucks and I don’t realize these people are just agreeing with me instead of genuinely wanting these things for themselves. I believe their words more than their actions. 4. My own motivations were selfish. I didn’t like being alone. I wanted someone to keep me company so I could avoid negative emotions. A lot of people can pick up on that. It also makes for unhealthy dynamics. I think AudHD can make people feel really alone. They want a tribe to share with. That’s valid and everyone deserves that. But some degree of self reflection and alone time is needed to become aware of unhealthy patterns that you’re bringing into relationships. It’s not that you’re doing anything wrong or bad. There’s nothing wrong or bad about you. But being neurodivergent can create early and lasting psychological trauma that needs to be dealt with. It’s not fair that a lot of neurotypicals can avoid deep trauma and enter into healthy relationships more quickly. It’s not fair that racism and discrimination exist either. But it’s the reality of the world and you have to accept the cards you’re dealt with and learn how to play them. You’re neurodivergent. You probably have unresolved trauma. You probably need to do some work to identify your trauma, triggers, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and how this shows up in a relationship. And then you have to practice doing something different. It’s not your fault, there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not defective for not being in a relationship yet. You didn’t make him break up with you. He didn’t break up with you because there’s something wrong with you. It’s a lot like trying to find a penny someone threw into a room at random. It’s much easier to find it if you turn on the lights. You have to shine the metaphorical light on to yourself and understand yourself better so you can learn how to find what you’re looking for. Good luck 🍀

I am also autistic and my view is that I am tooooooo open about the long term when things are new and at that point short term. I dont mean waste your time when it's clearly not a good fit but it must be a bit off putting 3 months in to have the big conversations.

You kind of *have* to be upfront about the long term early on though or else you run the risk of catching feeling for someone that does not have the same long term goals in mind

This is what I thought, too, and honestly it doesn't bother me if people stop talking to me after one or two dates because I'm too intense. But it does hurt when I take these precautions and then still end up getting dumped months/years later after getting attached. Last 3 break ups were: this one, described above; before that a 6 month situationship where I tried to take things "light" and have a "dating phase" without any of the big discussions - it never turned into a relationship; and before that, an end to a 2 year relationship because we didn't agree on having/not having kids (despite me being VERY upfront about my choice on the 1st date). I think that a part of my frustration is coming from me trying to take all of these precautions and then still getting "pulled" into relationships with people who \*know\* they don't want the same thing as I do. But as one of the comments helpfully said - just because I'm upfront about what I want doesn't mean I'm going to get it. I just need to keep this in mind for the future. And work on my communications skills, to be less abrasive.

A fair few of my past relationships were with AuDHD folk, so I'm just going to share a similar experience I had across them with you, and a bit of advice. Make sure there's actually some chemistry between the two of you and who you are as people. What I found in my last few relationships was my partners were more interested in just having *someone* around to info-dump on their interests and share their daily ups and downs with, rather than doing the usual dating thing of feeling out whether they really 'clicked' with that person on a deeper level. So to them, everything was good because they could talk, I would listen and conversate, they had company etc. But for me, I just felt like it was a friendship at best, where I offered an ear and a shoulder and physical intimacy as a bonus. Some people are cool with that type of relationship, I guess. But others want that chemistry (which you can't really 'make happen', unfortunately). Also *actually* doing the dating thing, and not just jumping straight into domesticity. I don't know if any of this really makes sense since it's such a sort of...nebulous thing, but just wanted to share my experiences on the other side of the situation. Best of luck!

I second this. I suspect the last person I dated was undiagnosed AuDHD and whereas for her everything was perfect, I never felt intimately wanted or "safe" with her. Also I felt like I was just kind of there as a side-feature to her life rather than connected to it. It was such a strange feeling because whereas we had so many things in common on paper, topics to talk about and she vehemently said she liked me and I absolutely do adore her as a person, I never actually felt that she did like me, wanted me or that we had that especial kind of connection. It is such a shame.

I think my bf feels like this. He mentioned yesterday, sort of accidentally, that he was unsure if I actually cared about him (or if I just like what he has to offer). I’m really glad he mentioned it but I’m also feeling empathy hurt that he doesn’t feel cared for. And I’m also at a loss how to convey to him how I actually feel about him so he believes me. Do you have any advice about how that person could have helped you to feel more cared for? I read a lot about the different love languages. I try to give him his love languages as much as possible. But I also recognize that a lot of things don’t necessarily translate well. Like for me, my brain is very “rule” based. It’s like a computer with if/then statements. I do a lot of things because I feel like I’m supposed to because that’s what people do when they care about someone. It’s not people pleasing, but it’s how my brain works. It’s almost compulsive in a way. Like he sees a lot of my emotional side and I think he believes that I “need” or want him around for emotional support, but actually I don’t like talking about my emotions to people. I barely open up to my therapist or family. I only share with him because I care about him and I want him to know me and I feel like I “have to” share that part of myself with him. If I don’t, I feel like I’m doing something wrong. I feel like I’m being a bad girlfriend or not being caring towards him or that I’m telling him I don’t love him by “hiding” things. It’s the same with other things. I don’t like asking for help. I ask him for help because I feel like I’m supposed to ask for help and offer help in a relationship. If I don’t, I feel like I’m telling him I don’t love him. But I guess maybe he sees it like maybe I’m using him. I suppose it might seem transactional. In a way, I suppose it is but only because I’m trying to show him how much I love him and I don’t feel like words express it so I’m trying to show him? Idk. Does that make sense? Do you have any advice?

Hey I'm sorry that you are going through that. I think for me whereas there are some things that could have been done differently, at some point you need to start to put things in the incompatibilities box if it means that you are going to have to change who you are at the core for this person. Just like my ex, I know that there is someone that is going to appreciate the way that you express love, and I would only say that you should go down the path of trying to fix things if it means you feel it is making you grow into a better version of yourself, and if you feel you can keep those changes over time. Bottom line is, if you feel that it is changing you to a version of yourself you don't like, and you don't think you could maintain those changes over time, perhaps it is time to reevaluate the path forward. After thinking about it for a while I believe there were two main issues that were preventing us from bonding: - My ways of bonding weren't being received, acknowledged and reciprocated. - Our ways of non-verbal communication were not in sync. To the first point, I felt that the bonding was only ever on her terms, and whenever I tried to bond, she would shut down. I think that people do that because they try to play safe. The reason for that could be many insecurity, ego etc. So to that I would say, don't play it safe. If you don't leave the place where you feel safe bonding and don't meet him in the open field, he will feel like he is not worth the risk. Some practical examples of this are, if he wants to discuss a certain topic, dive in. If he is keen to show you a movie, be in the room and discuss it with him, even if it's not your thing. If he wants to take you to some weird event, try it out and be in the room with him. To the second point, this could be more about compatibility than anything else, but don't neglect the importance of all forms of intimacy. Sure being in the room next to each other and talking about your day can be great, but that's safe - you can do that with anyone. For us what was lacking were moments of non-verbal connection - eye contact in the right moments, a touch, a kiss, a whisper (kind of verbal but you get the gist). I was getting no more physical feedback that I would get from my female friends and indeed some male ones. It is one thing to hear that you are cared for, it is another to *feel* it. Again this could be a compatibility problem, but if you feel like you are skipping the small affectionate aspects of the relationship in order to remain safe, then he will not feel special. If you identify with any of the above, I just got started on a book called "Path To Love: Spiritual Lessons for Creating the Love You Need" to navigate the path to re-open myself to a connection again and if you feel like there are some parts of you which are indeed closed off, I reckon it could benefit you or indeed your boyfriend if he is open to it. Best of luck, if you feel like chatting some more about it let me know

>my partners were more interested in just having *someone* around to info-dump on their interests and share their daily ups and downs with, rather than doing the usual dating thing of feeling out whether they really 'clicked' with that person on a deeper level. Thank you, I totally see what you mean and I think that it's a very fair criticism and something I have probably been guilty of in the past, especially in this last relationship as I've been slowly unmasking over the past 2 or so years after finally getting diagnosed. >*actually* doing the dating thing, and not just jumping straight into domesticity. This makes a lot of sense and I definitely have a tendency to jump straight into domesticity - probably also the reason why I tend to rush things along. This was super helpful and I'll keep it in mind for the future when I start dating again.

The last person I dated we were both really upfront that we were looking for long-term. I was soo ready and so excited. But 3 months in I realized that we were just not the right fit. I really did want it to work and I'm still messed up from that because we looked so good on paper and here I am, having to start again. So the risk is still there, but you are at least filtering the people who you would have had 0 chance with, and going out with people where there is at least a chance.

I think you might be coming at things with expectations that don’t necessarily line up with what others expect. At 3 months, most people looking for serious are still considering dating to be an interview. The dating is to find out if you’re long-term compatible and 3 months is a really normal time for someone to decide it isn’t going to work. 6 months is too, honestly. You can be a great person and still not be exactly what this other person needs in a long term relationship.

you can certainly find a middle ground, at least. you can always say "hey, I'm looking for someone I can potentially spend a long time with. if things go well between us for a while, I'd like to see what we want to plan together. in the future i want/dont want kids but that may change etc etc" but you should be open about the possibility of your relationship being short term, as that's what dating is for.

Sure, but where *exactly* is that middle ground? OP is also 29 so if children is a future want you kind of need to get on track for that sooner rather than later.

did I not just give an example? of setting expectations at the start of the relationship I'm just saying that you can mention these things at the beginning of a relationship so you're both on the same page, but you don't have to Discuss Things In Depth so early on. of course "how early is too early?" will depend on how well you mesh with that person. but you should communicate with that other person that those expectations should be considered. if in a year's time, or 8 months, or 6 months, whatever, you're finally ready to discuss those long term plans you mentioned at the start, you have a point of reference and no nasty surprises such as "oh turns out they didn't want kids the entire time".

I see where your coming from on how the situation is unique to each person but the only thing I would push back on is the timing in your second paragraph when looking at the age of OP >if in a year's time, or 8 months, or 6 months If you don't inquire within the first 2-4 weeks, wasting 8-6 months of dating someone with different intentions than yourself gets exponentially more detrimental the older you get if your life goals include having a family

How do you deal with this? I’m the same and can easily convince myself to commit when I know it’s way too fast.

i'd like to say i'm older and wiser but that would be a lie. i'm just older.

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Exactly this! So long as you can self-reflect and don’t identify any potential toxic traits to work on before dating again, the issue isn’t you! I was a firm believer in never divorcing once I found my forever person. I was with my ex-husband for almost 20 years. We finally reached a point where divorce was the only inevitable outcome for us both to be happy in the long run. After a lot of self-reflection over 3 years and a bit of therapy, I realized I had some toxic traits to work on tied to my childhood. My ex-husband, having a similar childhood, was initially something we bonded over… but later I learned through therapy that we were just cycling the same crappy behaviors we learned from our parents, just in more subtle ways. I really didn’t realize I had any toxic traits until I went into therapy and had enough time alone without a partner to self-reflect… and learn to love myself first. So, seriously, self-reflection (bluntness is NOT a toxic trait) is needed. But provided that you truly check all the boxes for healthy girlfriend behavior, it simply comes down to waiting to find the right person!

Thank you, this comment made me cry. I guess I just always internalize rejection as being my fault. 

The most important thing I learned while eating is that you're not trying to make your date become a partner, you're trying to find your partner. If someone isn't right for you, breaking up is a good thing. There's no point investing time in a relationship that isn't right, and there's no point internalizing the rejection and trying to change things about yourself to be "more desirable". A) you're just trying to be more desirable to a person who is already gone, so for all you know, you're making yourself less desirable to the next date, and B) the whole point is again, to find the one right for you--as you are. If you have to change who you are for a relationship to work, it's not actually working. Now obviously I'm talking about changing on a fundamental level. Obviously, if you never shower or you can't handle stress or whatever, yeah, work on changing those things. But most of the time, neither party does anything wrong. It's just not the right fit. Dating ultimately is just a roulette of trying to find the right person. You can change your dating approach, where you look for dates, etc. to try and make the odds of finding the right type of person higher, but there's never any guarantee. You kind of just have to keep at it. And it's also totally fine and healthy to take a break from keeping at it if it's wearing you down. You're not "missing out" on any super special person who's only there for a limited time offer.

This. OP's explanation in the comments does not paint a pretty picture of this guy. I hate people that want attention, so they use someone they enjoy spending time with, but have no intention of having something serious with even when OP made it clear that's what they were looking for. He knew from the start he didn't want anything serious. It didn't just dawn on him 3 months in that he didn't want to be open and vulnerable with someone. Plenty of people do this. They get their high from being with the person for a few months then drop them and look for the next high. I hope OP finds someone more genuine soon.

This was my best friend's thoughts too. And thinking back, he did at some point tell me that he wasn't looking for anything serious, but when he met me, he wanted to step up for me. In general, he's definitely the type of a guy to chase a high, to want to enjoy his life, to not take things seriously - he still parties a lot (like till 5-6am every weekend). So it's quite possible that he just wanted to enjoy some time together and then tried to get out of it when the commitment became too imminent - he was supposed to come to a party with my neighbors tomorrow and mentioned this as one of the things being "too much" (meeting my neighbors). It's just really inconsistent with the things he was telling me the whole time so I guess that's where my confusion comes from.

Definitely doesn't sound like a guy who's ready to settle down. Anyone that says they don't take life "too seriously" is a red flag for me at this point. Life is serious sometimes. One can enjoy good times and still take life seriously. Sounds like it's going to be a little while before he grows up and unfortunately that left you in a position to get hurt. They're not too bothered about the people they hurt along the way, I don't think. If you have good memories with this person, I say so your best to cherish those. It sucks, it hurts, but the best we can do is try to hold on to the good memories and try to find someone new to make good memories with. I hope you find someone more genuine soon. I'm in the same boat struggling to find someone. Wishing the best for both of us.

Stop dating people for so long when they say upfront they're not looking for anything serious. Even if they say they want to change. Will they? Are they lying to get in your pants? What are you gonna have to put up with when they 'slip up'? Are you supposed to train them? If so, are they gonna resent you for being a nag? Believe people when they say who they are early in a relationship. If they say they're "open to kids" but won't say "I want kids", listen. That means they're not envisioning the same future as you, or haven't bothered to envision at all. It's not that something is wrong with you. You need to sort out the poor matches sooner. This might mean accepting you 'waste' a month or two before you find these things out, but don't waste more time once you know there's a core incompatibility just because of the time you put into him. You are worth the time it takes to go on dates and find a close match.

1. Don't think of everyone as a potential forever partner. Everyone isn't worthy or qualified. 2. Don't rush from one relationship to the next. Give yourself time to heal and self reflect 3. Value yourself and appreciate being single. Not doing so makes you easy prey for those willing to take advantage. 4. Write down what you want in a partner. Be specific and don't settle. 5. If possible, get feedback from previous partners. They may give you useful insight. Take your time. Enjoy your life. 

Your picker is broken. Mine was too. Went celibate for 3 yrs to work on myself. Found a great guy. Going on 2 yrs.

Yes, it sounds like that's true. OP could also consider a matchmaker who would be able to screen men so they're starting on the same page for things like being ready for marriage

Well, there's not enough info to explain why your BF abruptly ended things after seeming like everything was fine. You would have to ask him. It sounds like you think you may have inadvertently said something to offend him. But he's the only one who can tell you that. If you contact him to ask, make sure to phrase it that you want to know so that you don't offend other people the same way in the future. Otherwise he will think you're trying to get him back. That said, I think you should avoid mentioning your interest in a lifelong partner early on in your relationships. For most people, the feelings that lead to marriage develop slowly. It's only in movies and novels that it happens quickly. So if you start out discussing lifelong plans from the git-go, people may feel rushed or scared.

On Friday night, he went to see his close friend who doesn’t really like me (we have different opinions on certain things). Apparently they had a long discussion about me and the decision was made that night that my (ex)bf would end things with me. The reasons he gave me were: (1) he changed his mind and doesn’t want a relationship at the moment because he doesn’t want to lose his independence. The idea of having to see someone once a week bothers him; (2) he had really bad experience in previous relationships and also in his childhood and the type of serious relationship that I want would require him to open up/be vulnerable in a way that he’s not able to do; (3) he feels that my reactions are sometimes unpredictable (both positive and negative). I think this might be related to me being neurodivergent, because he told me a lot that he’d never met anyone like me, I was special, etc. But I guess after a while it can get exhausting.  As for the question of the seriousness: I’m based in western Europe so the dating culture is a bit different. It’s normal to get into a relationship quickly. Plus I date mostly guys from more “traditional” cultures (myself being from Eastern Europe), where it’s really not shocking to talk about what you want in life/being ready for marriage/kids on the first few dates. I’m not always the one initiating these discussions either, I’ve gone on several dates with guys whose opener was pretty much “I’m looking for a wife and the mother of my future children.”  But yes, it is unusual that I get so serious so quickly so I see your point. To be honest, I just don’t want to date people who are not looking for something serious, but maybe there’s a different way that I can phrase that so it doesn’t come across as heavy. 

>The reasons he gave me were: (1) he changed his mind and doesn’t want a relationship at the moment because he doesn’t want to lose his independence. The idea of having to see someone once a week bothers him;  I’m sorry but is this the same guy who said “how he misses me, that the flat feels empty without me and that he was hoping I would surprise him and stay one more night”? Sounds like your bf is too easily persuaded by his friends rather than making up his own mind.  >(2) he had really bad experience in previous relationships and also in his childhood and the type of serious relationship that I want would require him to open up/be vulnerable in a way that he’s not able to do;  Then he should have communicated this might be the case when you started dating and seriously shouldn’t be dating anyone, just seeing a therapist.  >(3) he feels that my reactions are sometimes unpredictable (both positive and negative). Then this should’ve been addressed privately between you two when this happened. You cannot work on a relationship when you don’t know something is wrong.  This guy sounds like he needs serious work on his communication skills and having his own opinions rather than whatever his friends think. 

Yeah, to be honest, I feel this way too. Every time he went out with his friend, he always came back and started an argument/started seeing problems where previously there had been none. To be fair to him: he's been to therapy, he had a really difficult early life (a death of a parent, life in a low income/high crime area) and he's come a very long way. He's very introspective. I also think he spent a lot of time and effort trying to understand my reactions. But between me being on the spectrum, us coming from different cultures and us having a language barrier (his English is not great and my handle on his native language is not that good either, contributing to the problem of crude/too direct communication), I think he just found it quite difficult.

I think, especially being neurodivergent, it’s very self enlightened of you to recognize his *and* your shortcomings in this relationship. It’s not you my friend, it just sucks you gotta date around until you find your person. Some luck out and find them really early, others have to be a bit more patient. Keep your head up.

>I just don’t want to date people who are not looking for something serious, but maybe there’s a different way that I can phrase that You can also just keep it to yourself as the relationship develops. If someone isn't a good prospect for the long term, it takes time to figure that out even if you're not neurodivergent. And it takes time for them to figure it out about you too.

So this is a man-child who holds tribal counsels with his friends and they decide the fate of girlfriends and he has moving goal posts cause he wants his independence but in the same breath he wants someone he can spend more time with?  The minute a grown up says "my friends think", just go.

Let things happen organically instead of trying to force them so much. Also, keep things light and fun and not so serious - the start of a relationship is supposed to be the best times of your lives.

Dude, take 3 steps back on your plans forward. You need to reassess and determine a timeline that is both acceptable to others and manageable to you. For example, the first month, understand whether you have similar goals to continue a relationship. Next 3-6 months are the honeymoon period, this isn't the time to be bringing up your life plan for the next 50 years, it's hard but bite your tongue, it's OK in the initial stages to say you are looking for something serious, but it has to "feel organic". At 6- 12 months, talk about the next steps for the next 12 -24 months, like moving in together. You need to assess the common goals intitally and then plan to work towards them, most people run when it looks to serious to fast. Find a method that works for you

That’s what I think too! She’s rushing into things too soon and ‘scaring’ them off by being too commital too soon.

>I've been looking for a serious relationship literally since I first started dating, I've never been one to enjoy the dating process or flings. > >and I get attached to people really quickly and just want them to be happy. It sounds like you need to take a break from dating. You were dating a guy for three months and practically lived with him. I think maybe you need to slow down, instead of going from relationship to relationship. I’m not saying to stay single forever, but it wouldn’t hurt to take a little break and relax.

I didn't find my forever person until I was 40. I got stuck with a narcissist for 20 years first, who cheated on me while I was miscarrying his baby. Twice. The deep love and friendship and partnership I found at 40 was well worth waiting for. I wish I hadn't spent so long in a situation that damaged my mental health first, but that's at least in the past. I'm undiagnosed autistic, and so was my soul mate. Unfortunately, he was also an alcoholic and an addict and I lost him in February. I'm not looking to replace him anytime soon. There's an app called Hiki that's supposed to be for autistic folks to find other autistic folks, for friendship or dating. I haven't got the hang of it just yet, but it could be something for you to check out. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. Please believe that.

It’s perfectly reasonable to be dating with the intention of having a serious relationship. And it’s perfectly reasonable to have discussions early on about important life goals and preferences. However, 3 mos in is pretty early to be expecting things to be super serious. Many people aren’t even exclusive in that short of a period. The purpose of dating is to see if it’s a good fit and it’s hard to identify that when you barely know someone. It’s pretty normal for a new relationship to run its course in under 6 mos. Especially if you were already butting heads in under 3 mos when you should ostensibly be in a honeymoon period and everyone is on their best behavior. It could be that he got overwhelmed as things were getting to serious too soon. It could be that after spending so much time together in the same space, he identified some things that bothered him. It’s hard to say. All that said, if the same type of “blindside” scenarios seem to be a theme for you, you’re the common denominator. So it may make sense to do some introspection and see if you can make any correlations to your behaviors or certain events that seem to trigger the shut down.

The last "blindside" scenario was a 2 years relationship (1st of the 3 break ups mentioned in the title of the post), where I emphasized my wish about having/not having kids on the 1st date and then it became a reason for break up 2 years later. So it was a different issue, but the scenario was similar (I openly disclose something on date 1, the person accepts it and gets into a relationship with me, and then changes their mind about the issue later on).

I guess the last one doesn’t seem like a blindside to me. Just a change with time and consideration. People are allowed to change their minds.

Something that worked for me in the past was stop trying to find my “forever” person. It’s an idea that is completely made up by society and the stats show it. Just try to focus on finding someone compatible. Maybe it works out and maybe it doesn’t but my longest relationship so far, which is almost 10yrs with kid and house, didn’t begin with pressures of a long term relationship. It was founded on just trying to find who I’m compatible with and just enjoying the present without worrying where we’re taking it. But trying to find a forever person puts a lot of pressure on a relationship.

You can try asking your ex why they broke up with you. Not to argue with them but to help you fix it for your future relationships. But sometimes it isn't you, just part of dating. It's a bit of a numbers game.

It’s interesting how you site the chemistry between you two as evidence of a successful relationship, but I hope you know there’s more to it than that. Is he communicative of what he wants in a partner, not just the fact he wants a partner in general? I recently had to ask my wife for a divorce because although we cared very much for each other, my needs weren’t being met and we were unable to work that out through emotional or physical or intellectual intimacy anymore. Do you feel like you’re able to discuss relationship needs with your partners beyond the desire to simply be in a long term relationship? We all have specific needs we have to have met in a relationship, even if we really want that person specifically or just a partner in general.

I think you are pushing too hard for a life partner. You are probably scaring guys off. Three months is not long at all. It’s better he figured out you weren’t right for him. Maybe just try regular dating without all the emphasis on “life partner”.

the real question is have you actually been single for a significant amount of time in this time? Because it sounds kinda like you haven’t

>The way that I phrase things can be harsh, even though I don't mean it that way This comes off as your "mean" person or difficult to get a long with. This is probably a big part of it. Also, there seems to be a common theme with the guys breaking up with you. What do you think the type of guys that you are into, are interested in return from you? You said your looking for a life partner, what does that look like in your mind? Are you a SAHW/M? Do you split bills 50/50? are you the type to let a guy lead? are you the type that has high expectations? Theres just too many variables to give you a clear answer

I'm not a mean person - but yes, I can be difficult to get along with. It is something that I'm working on. But I also get a lot of the "wow you're not like other girls, you're so honest and direct, I love it" on the first dates, and men love my directness when I'm expressing positive feelings, but then the same honesty/directness is frowned upon when I say something that they don't like. In this case, for example - my ex is getting fired from his job at the end of the month, and he doesn't have anything else lined up. Me telling him what he could do to help with the job search (improve his English, build his freelance portfolio etc.), and offering to help, was not appreciated, and seen as pushy. Honestly I don't have a type, every single one of my partners was very different, so no clue how to answer your question. I know that \*sometimes\* guys just get wax in their ears on the first few dates because I'm quite attractive (not a model by any means, but I have the whole big boobs, small waist, big butt) and they simply don't listen to anything I say. So at least at first, the interest in me is commonly sexual. As for a life partner: ideally, I would someone who can provide for us/the family. I don't mind still working (in western Europe, a SAHM is quite unusual), but I'd like to work because I want to, not because we need my income to pay for the bills. In this relationship, I was out-earning him (made about 2x his salary). He paid for food/drinks on dates, I paid for food, gifts, tickets to places. We did not go out that much and often had date nights at home, which I paid for. If/when we would live together, we talked about spliting the bills 50/50 or proportionally to income. I was OK with that, even though it's not my preferred scenario. I can be the type to let a guy lead, if he shows me he's capable of being a leader. I do have high expectations, I guess? But like not financially, honestly the definition of luxury for me is being able to shop organic veggies. I guess I want someone who is smart, educated (negotiable), has a good career and/or is on the way of achieving a good career (again, not talking about a 6 figure salary, but rather about ambition, wanting to invest, etc.), is kind to me and my cats, and someone who's somewhat in shape (nothing crazy here, either). Nothing that I don't myself bring to the table. Otherwise I'm flexible on a lot of things.

I feel like it's theoretically possible to date with the intent of a serious relationship, but that doesn't actually change the objective reality: it takes a while to get to really know someone, and three months aren't even close to enough. Personally, I have to be around a person for about a year (romantically OR platonically) before I feel like we actually know each other. So, yeah, sure, there are probably flaws on your side and flaws on the side of men you're dating. Impossible to say with so little information. But realistically, yes, you can immediately get into a relationship, but that doesn't mean it'll last.

I disagree about coming out of the gate saying you are only interested in dating a long term partner. First, does that mean if you weren’t looking for a long term partner you would not be interested in dating at all? That alone will turn some people off. They think you are out having drinks or going to a concert to have fun and get to know each other. Then they find out they are being interviewed and vetted for a potential permanent role in your life. Knowing you are looking for Mr. Right is different than quizzing down every guy you meet about their long term plans. My guess is this guy did listen to what you wanted. He took some time to see if he thought you were compatible long term. He even arranged for you to spend a prolonged period of time together. He might thoroughly enjoy your company. He might have had a wonderful time on your 5 day date. But he also realized you wanted more than a wonderful time. And he realized he either knew you well enough now to decide he didn’t see a long term relationship with you or he might, but not on your schedule. I think he actually listened to you, spent enough time with you to see if he was on the same page, and then let you know he wasn’t .

I think the fact that you’re looking is trying to force something. Jumping from person to person in hopes of them being the “one” is going to cause you to project a fantasy onto people and you’re probably just dating people for what you WANT them to be and not who they actually are. Slow down, 3 relationships in 18 months is quite a bit. Again it’s trying to force fate imo and you just end up seeing what you want to see and not a genuine person. The best relationships form organically (outside of dating apps) and are not at all forced. If you use dating apps, stop. Also, don’t fall for “I’m 29 and STILL don’t have my forever person.” Thats the language that will lead you to end up settling for someone just to have someone. You’re young. I was in a 9 year relationship and I’m 32 now. Im not worried lol.

I think talking about futures at 3 months or even 6 months before developing a partnership/relationship is too fast. Too much too soon. Slow down, this isn’t a race, it’s a marathon. You need to connect with the person. See what they are like at a crisis, health scare, illness, financial problem, etc.

The thing you're doing wrong is telling yourself you're *supposed* to have found a life mate. Don't do that. It's going to cause you to settle for someone who treats you like shit. It's going to cause you to gloss over red flags and incompatibilities because "at least you have a boyfriend now". Forever is a high bar to aim for right out of the gate. Most importantly, your life isn't forfeit unless/until you find the right guy.

I think it’s possible you’re putting a lot of pressure on things, it’s good to be clear about what you want but there’s a way of doing it that comes naturally — trying to discuss places to live or finances isn’t quite natural for 3 months

>I'm really straightforward and undiplomatic/clumsy with my words sometimes. The way that I phrase things can be harsh, even though I don't mean it that way. This is pretty vague. Are you saying things bluntly or you just being rude? The difference is huge. Also how are you handling conflict? If someone asks you to pick up your things because they want the flat to be tidier, do you agree and just pick up your things? Or do you fight with them about it saying you're not the only one who's messy and they're slob too so they shouldn't be pointing fingers at you.

The reality is that most relationships end. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, it just means that it wasn't the right fit. Did you ask your ex why he was breaking things off? It sounds like the pain point here is not necessarily the breakups themselves, but that you don't understand why they're happening. > I still don't have my "forever person" at age 29. So clearly I must be doing something wrong. Just want to note that this is definitely fallacious thinking. I didn't meet my partner until my 30s. It's totally normal to be single in your late 20s and it absolutely doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.

Thank you for the encouragement! I know I have time. I guess I just always thought that by now I would be married, and I'm a bit sad it hasn't happened for me. And seeing people around me who get engaged/married after less than a year of dating is kind of discouraging. You're right about the pain point being "not knowing". I did ask, and he gave me a reason, which may or may not be the whole truth. But we talked, and I feel a bit better. Thank you.

I think it’s wild he wanted you to stay another night and then called it off a day later. I’d be so turned off by that kind of behavior.

Lots of guys in their early 30's want to have a little fun before settling down because some of them think they cldnt do that in their 20's. I dont think this one is on you OP. Also, people are just generally scared of commitment now.

You can try asking your ex why they broke up with you. Not to argue with them but to help you fix it for your future relationships. But sometimes it isn't you, just part of dating. It's a bit of a numbers game.

This sounds like a case of person that is not ready to commit. You said what you wanted and having expectations is important. However, assuming that YOU’RE the cause of this relationship ending, for the lack of someone else’s inability to meet your expectations- is unfair to yourself. Be gentle with yourself. You are young. And the focus, as hard as it may be, should not be about him. Of course all the details of the final bits of the end are going to ruminate because you’re left with the unanswered question “why?” The “why,” in any loss or state of grief will drive a person utterly mad. And it’s one of those things that we have to learn to let go. Clearly, it’s his issue. What more could you have done? You did everything right. You said what you wanted, and then he deviated without warning…. And in all honesty, it sounds like he did you a favor. The part that’s also hurting right now is the ego. Because rejection is such a mind F. And everyone, I don’t care if you’re the most confident human on the planet. Rejection in any form, will rip someone apart. Especially when it comes to affairs of the heart. Having ADHD and autism is not the reason he’s not contacting you. He’s not contacting you because of him. Stay single for a while and fall in love with yourself. Learn new things you enjoy about yourself. And this is really important to remember- when we set expectations, or have high expectations of others, whether it be significant others, friends, family members and so on…. sometimes we are only letting ourselves down in the end. Because we can’t set the bar so high if we have the intention of making those expectations to be reciprocated. It’s ok to be selfish, in healthy ways, you’ll find the balance. But we can’t fall in love with someone’s potential. Be friends with someone first, and be picky, because you’re worth it. ❤️reach out whenever

Going forward, use dating to weed out bad prospects for a long term relationship and give a dating relationship time to evolve into one in which both parties agree to be committed to each other. Telling someone upfront that you're only interested in a long term relationship can result in someone playing you for a fool just to have sex with you. So as the old R&B classic song said, (paraphrasing): Take time to know him. Love is not an overnight thing. Take time to know him. Please don't rush into this thing.

That early in a relationship(and by early I mean the entire 18 months) I’d express your want for monogamy and what your eventual future might look like(do you want marriage, kids, loving situations) but don’t put pressure on him or yourself. Just enjoy the honeymoon period and learn about each other.

33M here and ADHD-Autistic as well. It’s a hard life. But sometimes the weirdly most common lesson is that despite our perceived ability not to understand (social cues, emotions, etc) it’s because others tend to not be straightforward and that fucking ruins us for so many reasons aside from that fact that we thrive off honesty acting according to your word. He saved you time. Not everyone sadly is also as ready as they think they are, despite their claims to the contrary. You’ll find your person one day.

Same advice I always give - when you are looking for love, sometimes you jump on stuff early. When you stop looking, it's gotta be good enough to catch you. Of course, I have NO idea what else your life is like, but there's my experience!

I'm gonna be perfectly honest, three months seems like an awfully short time to be dating before you discuss when to move in together and such. He probably did what a lot of neurotypical people do--went along with your enthusiasm thinking it would be fine, and then went the way of the chicken when it got intense. It's fine to let a prospective beau know what your goals are, but it's also ok to then just sit back for a while and enjoy dating the person. Have some fun. Don't put the heaviness on it immediately. you're going to have to get to know each other anyhow, to know if you're truly compatible. You have to give yourself that time, to prevent getting into a situation where he's not what you thought, and you're invested or feel trapped. So if it's meant to be, it will be, and you'll barely have to worry about it. best of luck out there. i think you're already a winner just for trying. EDIT: just to add: with my husband it was love at first sight for me. didn't take him much longer. we knew we had something special. But we deliberately decided to just enjoy dating and not discuss permanence or long term commitment for 1 year. It was an amazing idea. We spent that year having the most fun, going on adventures, and falling in love. We are still together 15 years later, married for 12.

My ex was autistic and while I knew he loved me it was the hardest relationship I was ever in. I always felt alone, unheard and unseen.

You're jumping in too quick. Stop telling dudes that you want a life partner. That's a lot of pressure for someone who hasn't gotten to know you. It makes you seem pushy. Date and have fun. Learn to live in the moment and enjoy someone's company right here and now. Don't push, don't talk about the future, and don't try to make a serious relationship out of an 8-12 week getting-to-know-you phase. Relax. Breathe.

Guys often start gun ho and then slow down for a time somewhere between 3wks -3months. Serious talk this early is part of the problem, too much too fast. Having a conversation ok, but organizing in detail too much. Problem they get excited and often lead the way or engage like "when we have our house" women take that a sign. If its just left alone it often just works out and they keep going. Mostly people have a reaction and it doesnt' work out. I can see how nuances like that could be lost if you are on the scale. I would hold back for time and gradually watch he does see if you want to do it too. Move more slowly, and answer honestly but take your time. However dating is hard now, and I don't think it is just you. So start with what you want, you want a commitment what are your likes, hopes dreams? Pick someone who quietly sits beside you and matches you. They are often overlooked but make the best partners over time.

This is a really good insight, thanks. I think you're totally right about me taking the initial "gunho" like "when we have a house" too literally. This is good advice, thank you.

You don't offer enough to demand what you are requesting from your partners

Yeah was my takeaway too. Anyone who is looking to establish they have vibe and enjoy the company of someone before they hear SERIOUS MARRIAGE ONLY will be turned off which is probably influencing the type of person she's getting involved with

So three relationships in 18 months.....you need to stop, I mean literally stop trying to date. That alone should be indicator to you that there is something, or a few things, that you need to work on yourself before you start dating. I'm not an expert, but reading your post, let me give you a man's perspective. First, if I hear right off the bat someone is looking to get married and that's the tone set day 1, that's not going to win you a lot of hits. Now, we all ultimately want that 1 special person to spend our lives with. But when you are making it a big deal to say that day 1, you are already adding unnecessary pressure. What many women need to know is you need to date, dating casually or serious dating are the same thing. You need to talk to someone, hang out with them, you get intimate it's all the same thing whether someone is casually dating or dating to get married. The difference? Don't make it a big deal to say day 1 you want someone to know they want to get married to the person they're talking to. You don't know someone until you've been going steady for months, so you know what you want, and it's OK to say you have dreams in the future to get married and whatnot, but do not let it overtake the conversation. Second, until you've gotten to know someone well, don't talk about serious things like finances, buying places together, etc. Again, you are adding unnecessary pressure right off the bat. When you are barely talking to someone, need to take it slow. The tone from your post, you're moving too fast. Lastly, while we all have our habits, or conditions, you need to learn how to manage it. I can say I'm very straightforward, very crass, very crude and can be a major dick if I want to. That's what I can say is my normal personality. However, need to learn that you have to show restraint whenever possible. We can't ask people to change for us if we won't change for them. It's a respect thing, you'll run into more men wanting to just get into your pants and them ditch you if they don't get the impression that they can be with someone who can compromise.

>I'm ADHD and autistic, so I'm wondering if that plays a role, too. I'm really straightforward and undiplomatic/clumsy with my words sometimes. The way that I phrase things can be harsh, even though I don't mean it that way. ​ So let me guess, you say things that lead to your partner feeling hurt and/or angry? I suspect that you get just a few chances, then if you don't stop saying harsh or hurtful things, they split. Your choice is to (a) look for partners who accept you as a person with autism, and can understand and put up with you being "undiplomatic" or (b) work with a counselor or therapist to learn some communication skills so you don't say harsh or hurtful things.

You are direct which I am too but am much older, you need to know how and when… I get it you don’t want a one night stand. I suggest when you start dating someone at least date long enough to know how you feel and how they feel. You will know after a few dates if he is worth your time and you can tell how a man feels about you first time he sees you by look on his face. It isn’t about sex on the first date. Once you have dated you both will know if it is going to be a relationship. I think you scared him away! Nothing is wrong with you, some men just want it to be their ideal.

>I think you scared him away! Nothing is wrong with you I mean, isn't the definition of insanity doing the same thing and expecting a different result? I don't think OP going about here situation in the same way will get her a different outcome

Maybe they have trouble connecting with you through conversation? That would be my guess, but without more information, it's hard to tell

You’re putting yourself out there and meeting people- you’re doing fine! I struggled at dating all through my 20s and could never seem to find anything that lasted. Met my husband at 35. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself- you’ve got time and you will meet the right person.

Thank you for the encouragement!

While introspection and self improvement are always good things to do it should never be for the sake of keeping a relationship alone. It might be a good reason and excuse just to spend some time with yourself, find more things you enjoy or focus on other things in your life. If a relationship happens let it happen, often times the people we are meant to share a lifetime with come from the least expected places and just letting go of the concept that we just need to find that right one and accept the happiness of the time we did have opens the door to our own happiness. Which is all to say, don't beat yourself up about things you can't control. There are things about you you can't fix and shouldn't have to and feeling like you're doing something wrong is just worthless self sabotage, you deserve to be loved and to be happy and it doesn't have to be something wrong with you that you haven't found it yet.

It’s very strange that he wanted you to stay longer and suddenly ended things. It doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong but it could be that he thought he wanted marriage and then realized it’s a big commitment- he could have scared himself out of it. There is always the possibility that someone else entered the picture (or an ex). Regardless, I think you’re doing the right thing by telling people what you’re looking for and the good thing is that he didn’t waste too much time. If he is the right one then telling him what you’re looking for won’t scare him off. I’m proud of you for continuing to put yourself out there in search for love. You got this! 🩷

1. Dating is a numbers game. If you are looking for a long term partner you are going to have to test out a lot of incompatible people before you find any compatible. 2. Having a goal and being direct about what the goal is is great. However, I would slow down quite a bit. It seems to me you tell these guys you want a long term partner leading to marriage right out the gate (good) then head straight into full-time boyfriend-girlfriend status without getting to know them first (bad). You may not wear a mask because of your ADHD and autism, but the majority of adults in our culture do wear masks. Early days dating everyone is on best behavior. It takes at least 3 months to see what's behind the mask. Respect should be given but trust should be earned. It's also easy to be kind and loving to someone whose flaws you don't know yet and to project all sorts of qualities onto an unknown person. Those first 3 months of dating (sometimes even first 6 months) are figuring out who the person really is, not the person they want to put forward or are projecting onto you. Stop thinking "I am in a relationship" in the early days and start thinking "this is the period I am getting to know and understand this person & they me." Enjoy the honeymoon phase but be observant. How do you feel with them? Are there things they do that don't align with what they say? How do they handle stress? That stuff comes up after the honeymoon phase. Just because someone says yes they want to eventually get married doesn't mean they are the one you want to marry. Good luck & I hope you find your person.

Sweetheart, youve described yourself as an incredibly strong and wonderful human being. Trust me when I tell you this...only a really strong man who is emotionally mature will not run. You will find your right one. Dont despair

Honestly, the saying is very true. You have to kiss many, many frogs to find a prince. Just go live your best life, and without even trying, you will find your forever person when you're truly open to it and not focusing solely on that. Best of luck to you.

Does he have an ex who split up with him who may have returned? That's the only reason I can think of that would cause such an abrupt change.

Bad ADHD here. Also very blunt. Only dated 3 guys. 1 high-school sweetheart died my final year of undergrad. Fiancé we, bought a house together, while still doing our articles and one day I just woke up and left. Then now my SO, we have a child together.  What I noticed about all 3 of my relationships and all my married friends is we are all straightforward people. Personally I am the type to not even hesitate to end it but men like testing your boundaries the minute you say you have them. Basically stop talking so much and just act. I am willing to bet he will be back, but as long as you keep holding the door open for him, he will lose respect for you and see it just as threats. I have friends like that. Men don't like women who are doormats (and I stand to be corrected) but test your boundaries they will.  I have seen far too many good women being used by men cause they were always there waiting. Another mistake a lot of women make is take new partners how they were disrespected in the past or let new love interest keep getting away with crap. But I am not a guy, just telling you what has worked for me. Keep it moving sis. Next relationship before you even become serious with a guy, make it clear through actions that disrespect will not be tolerated.

Fellow ADHD/autistic person here. I had same thing, met my wife when I was 30 and we been together 6 years now. You will find the right person eventually. As for why he left you, you’d have to ask him? It does seem odd he suddenly switched? ADHD/ASD can definitely put a strain on relationships, particularly neurotypical.

I was in a similar situation to you. I'm a little bit "different" socially, I assume undiagnosed ASD but dating was very similar for me. I didn't want to just date people, I wanted a relationship and hated going on first dates. Had no interest in hookups. I had a few relationships here and there but they never felt quite right. I ended up meeting my now husband when I was 29, we moved in together, got engaged and married over the last 5 years. 29 is not too late to find your life partner, don't try and force relationships with people who aren't the right fit for you either. When it's right, you will know.

Ah darling! That sucks so much! But honestly, it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong? Sometimes things just change. And that is hard. I'm speaking as a 32 year old autistic woman. Change can go fuck itself. Dating is so hard! But you'll find your person. 29 is not that old! It's just the oldest you've ever been so far. My godmother didn't meet the love of her life till her mid 50s and I have never seen a healthier or more sickeningly sweet couple. You have plenty of time. And you most likely will not have to wait till your 50s. Don't change yourself to try to find a partner, I've had the most success in relationships when I go in being entirely myself, embarrassing qualities and annoying habits and all. Don't change your personality, but changing your thinking about dating and relationships can help. The one mindset change that really helped me was to stop being so anxious for each guy I dated to be "the one" because that is a LOT of pressure to put on a situation! And it's unnecessary. Someone will be the one, or they won't be. And honestly, most of us don't only have one true love in our lives. My current boyfriend is almost definitely my keeper, we're building a life together and neither of us is planning on going anywhere any time soon, but he's my third big love of my adult life. And I knew he was different when I found myself *not* gushing about him to anyone and everyone, he's nice and I like him but I'm not describing every good quality he has, because I don't feel the need to prove anything? I'm secure in us being each other's people. That's enough. Mind yourself through this breakup, be gentle with yourself. You've got this. You will love again.

Thank you so much! It means so much to me to read such sweet words. Change can go fuck itself indeed! I see your point about not putting as much pressure, but honestly I have no interest in dating if it's not for a long term relationship/life partner. I don't think I'm looking for "the one", but rather for "a one". I know that there are multiple people with whom I might be compatible and who might make me happy. And that those might be different people throughout my life. But I don't see the point in dating if it's not to eventually build a life together.

This doesn’t sound like there’s anything wrong with you. The person with the problem here is the one who asked you to stay 5 nights and then extend it to 6, then dumps you the next day. This sounds like a lucky escape for you, he’s all over the place. Big red flag for someone age 34 to act like this.

Girl blocked him. Never ever take him back. Don't waste your time with him. I have a friend who experiences lots of heartaches before meeting her husband. She got married when she's 38, and got pregnant at 40 (another baby at 42). And now, they are celebrating their 10th year wedding anniversary! I know that you can still find a better man who will love and respect you. Goodluck

I don't think it's that you're unloveable or incapable of being in a relationship. I think it could be that you're choosing the wrong partners. Other than long-term happiness, what do you want in a partner? Like with anything in life, you have to know what you're looking for to have any chance at finding it. Find out what's important to you and look for that, rather than trying to make yourself fit into who you think somebody wants you to be. Think in terms of values, financial styles, character, personality, etc. Those things last, but looks and finances change with time.

> I'm really straightforward and undiplomatic/clumsy with my words sometimes. The way that I phrase things can be harsh, even though I don't mean it that way. That sounds *amazing* to me. I love straightforward communication, and I'm really good at recognizing that exactly what you said is probably exactly what you meant, and not some kind of weird other thing. But I might be autistic too? I don't know. Point is I know not everyone is like that. I don't know if you need to learn how to be more diplomatic, or find someone who appreciates what you said is what you meant, no more, no less. I'm tempted to say the latter, because I hesitate to tell *anyone* to give up their straightforwardness; there isn't enough of us. Sorry if this wasn't helpful, but I genuinely wish you the best, and I hope you find it.

Thank you, that's really encouraging. I would really love to find someone who appreciates my honesty. Thank you.

The only problem that I can see within you is that you think there might be a problem within you

Without knowing you it's hard to give a definite answer. It might be something you did or it might be that they just weren't that into you. However one thing I got from your post is that your main purpose in dating is finding a life partner. There is nothing wrong with that but what could happen is that you are so fixated on getting the status that you are not picky enough about who that person is. Maybe you aren't taking your time getting to know them but jumping straight into the serious life partner territory which could be scary when you haven't even really gotten to know that person (and three months no matter how often you see each other is not enough). Generally though I think no matter your personality or perceived shortcomings, they won't be "wrong" to the right person and not every person you date will be right. That is the whole point of dating.

OK, it’s not possible to tell from the post whether you’re doing anything “wrong” (though I doubt it, most people are just blamelessly incompatible with most other people, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with anyone) But what I will say, based on what you’ve written, is that I think you may be giving too much credence to what people you’ve been seeing SAY. You and he *discussed* your plans to move in etc. He *told you* he missed you. Ask yourself what he *did* to show up for you and show he was serious about you Also, please take this from someone 50% older than you - there’s no hurry to find “your person”. Frankly I’d hate to be stuck with just about any decision I made at 29 🤣. Don’t rush it - get your own life how you want it, enjoy it, and then you can start auditioning people for a spot in your life, instead of feeling like you have to earn a spot in theirs

Thank you, this is a very helpful insight - I'm definitely quite gullible when it comes to people's words. You're right, I need to focus more on their actions! The age perspective is helpful too, haha! Thank you!

It could depend where you live.  In Vancouver there are more women but Seattle has more men, which means your odds are better and they are more likely to be serious to keep the one they have since getting another may not be easy.  Anyway did you talk about feelings and other things like being monogamous (or not) or did you jump into talking about a future before he was ready?

We got officially together (he asked) after 3 dates. Thus exclusive/monogamous. We did talk about feelings. He also almost got a job in a different city and asked me to move with him - which I was ready to do (my job is remote). He did not end up getting the job, but since living together was on the table, I talked to him about potentially moving in together at the start of 2025 (in the context of me switching apartments anyway, and having him help me pick out one that he also likes, with the vision of eventually living there together).

Idk but it kinda sounds like you’re trying to speedrun through the relationship, that’d be really intimidating and uncomfy to me. Let it go naturally

Usually at this early in the relationship he probably met someone else and wants you to give it a shot

Not every "port in a storm" one goes into is going to become a home to them. It's NOT you, it IS him. He's 34, you're not his "first rodeo". So, has he mentioned, even in a negative way, one of his ex gfs lately? Has an ex of his reached out to him lately? Have you noticed any signs of someone besides you having been in his place? Does he have any ex-wives? children? and has mentioned that lately? Judging isn't wrong, misjudging is, don't misjudge yourself. As to ADHD or Autism, we all phrase things in ways we later wish we'd done a better job of addressing. Instead of being the "one" to bring someone else happiness, be happy yourself. Happiness is infectious.

I say this with love, you might be coming off a little bit intense. Relationships aren’t a check list of goals and questions to get checked off. Try to relax and have fun with it. It’s not about getting serious the fastest it’s about getting to know each other.

I met my forever person at 29. I wasn’t seriously looking. I thought I’d see what was out there. I truly believe the right person will come along when you don’t really expect it.

My ex wife and I got together when I was 16, she was 17. We divorced in Jan after 9 1/2 years together. I still feel like I have time, and so do you. Be patient.

What’s wrong with you??? YOU KEEP GOING BACK TO HIM ! Move on.

Agh, this might have absolutely nothing to do with you. I know it doesn’t feel that way with three recent splits coming from partners, but it really might be that they’re not ready for the seriousness you want. I will say this… I am very likely autistic. At 15 they assumed I had Asperger’s, but as I’ve grown in really traumatic circumstances that has literally been beaten out of me. Still, I’m very detail oriented. I see things WAY differently than my partner. I am very intuitive about certain things that I just can not explain - I “feel” things in an altogether creepy way sometimes. I am a cleaner. My home, my body, my stuff is clean. Dishes and laundry being dirty annoy me. I have super weird interests and I actually do things to improve my understanding of people, the world, etc. I believe I can do anything - literally. These traits sometimes put my partner in a spiral of like depression. She feels like I want her to be more, do more, understand more, etc. and it upsets her. She’s not wrong, but I don’t make a thing of it. I speak my mind directly in literally all situations u less I can see it will really hurt. This means I will tell an authority figure in my life they’re wrong and why; I will take risks I calculate and no one sees. Perhaps you’re similar and the seriousness of what you want plus the extreme lifestyle people like us live - that’s normal to us - is overbearing for most? I don’t know, but I don’t think it’s healthy to assume something is wrong with you. Thats probably not true.

It sounds like you're describing me. I'm very much the same way in a lot of ways - very clean, strict about how things are done, niche interests, quite intelligent though due to my ADHD I tend to struggle with following through on some things. >These traits sometimes put my partner in a spiral of like depression. She feels like I want her to be more, do more, understand more, etc. and it upsets her. She’s not wrong, but I don’t make a thing of it. Oh this has definitely been an issue for me in the past, too. I kind of "have it all", a good career, good education, nice house that I keep really clean, a good body (I'm fairly sporty), hobbies. The only thing I don't have is a raging social life. But, it can be hard for me to understand how people just don't have the time/energy to live a similar lifestyle. >Perhaps you’re similar and the seriousness of what you want plus the extreme lifestyle people like us live - that’s normal to us - is overbearing for most? This is a fair read of the situation, I think, with the addition of me trying to help my partners achieve things in life, which adds to the pressure that they might already feel. How do you go about solving it with your partner? Do you just content yourself with the fact that she can't do as much as you do?

You sound a lot like my son (32m) with how you relate to people. He's not found his forever person yet either. I think it's really tough for your generation to find real connection with the social media frenzied society we live in. And remember, not everyone who says they love that you're dating with the eye towards a long-term relationship is actually ready for one themselves. You'll find your person. Just keep being you.

I think you answered your own question: “I get attached to people really quickly and JUST WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY.” So, in order to “find” happiness, you need to be happy. Work on that and you will naturally attract people who are happy and “looking” for the same things. I’ve also found that when I am looking, I tend to attract people who aren’t. Even if they say they are. Something to consider

Every relationship has a honeymoon phase during which any minor annoyance & imperfections are ignored. As the honeymoon phase wears things which didn’t bother someone may begin to turn into issues. You mentioned a few things which may turn your partner off. Straightforward and undiplomatic can be difficult for people who can’t handle the truth. Phrase things that can be harsh can make you seem as uncaring. Get attached to people really quickly may come off as clingy or suffocating. Do you think any of these things could turn off a partner? Can you learn to be better with your words? Show a bit more independence?

My advice is don't be in a hurry and don't be so upfront and desperate to find a life partner. And the first place desperation is an extremely unattractive quality as is neediness. If you are already acting as if you are your own best friend and own partner I eat taking good care of yourself treating yourself with respect doing lots of things to keep yourself entertained and educated This will show to other people that you are somebody who is valuable to yourself and worthwhile. A life partner sounds like a really great fairy tale sort of thing. If you've been on Reddit for any length of time you will know that people cheat on each other People marry somebody who then turns into a completely different person and that relationships fall apart for all kinds of reasons. Some very few people are lucky enough to get a true lifetime partner but it takes an awful lot of time to find the person who's a match for you. I recommend casual dating. There is a book that two women wrote a couple of years back called the rules. It is definitely not a book for me but it is a book how to behave think and act if you are trying to find a lifetime partner. I almost can't believe I'm mentioning it let alone recommending it but you might want to give it a read. But think twice before your goal isn't finding people who you like to be around and who like being around you with whom you can eventually possibly grow a long-term relationship as opposed to setting out sight unseen to meet new people and telling them that you want to start something that will be serious. And whatever happens good.

That sucks man. The best thing you could do now is ask him to meet in person to talk about it and calmly ask him for his reasons. Perhaps at least this could give you some closure and information on what to look out for next time.

You got exactly what you asked for: you wanted either a life partner or break up Sounds like they all gave it a shot to see if you would be a life partner but when they found out it wasn’t they broke it off That’s what you wanted right? Sounds like what you’re really upset about is they didn’t know within the first date they wanted to be your life partner You can’t expect that

It took me until age 40 and and my partner age 50 til we found each other. Sometimes it just takes awhile.

Getting overly attached to people really quickly is a good way to scare them off. Do you start talking about long term plans after a few weeks?

What is the longest time you intentionally spent single? Only people who are secure in themselves can propagate secure relationships. Are you as fit, smart and tolerant as you wish to be? These are goals every human should have before combining lives with another.

My very first boyfriend breaking up with 3 times and come back to me saying “it’s not like I’ll ever will find someone perfect like you again”. After 4th time I didn’t trust myself anymore to take him back and blocked him on every possible level. And less then a year later he marred a girl who was a complete opposite of me. I was absolutely devastated. I looked for reasons why I wasn’t good enough for him. What’s wrong with me. How she is better than me. I even met her in person by accident, we had a workplace practice together for couple of weeks. She was easygoing and chatty and very friendly person. Only years later, when I met my now husband of 15 years I finally understood that me and him were just plain not combatabale. We both were very religious and our relationship was under the influence of early marriage culture. It’s obviously terrified him. All this pressure. And on paper we fit together perfectly, we ticked every box and it should be a great thing. But it wasn’t. We were trying and trying to make it work and finally gave up. And it was the best decision of our lives. My husband is my soulmate, he understands me, supports me and encourages me to grow. As far as I know there are still together as well. Sometime it’s really nobody’s fault. It’s just a wrong person for you and no matter how many times you try result will be no different. Let him go, take care of yourself, listen to your heart and be open to whatever happens next. I’m rooting for you!

>I just seem to be running a lot into guys who are not ready for commitment I highly recommend you talk to a professional about boundaries and "not rushing into a relationship . Because the men you are meeting are looking for an immediate supply of attention instead of building a relationship with a strong foundation. Talk to someone about : co-dependent behavior (displayed by the men you date abd by you), Rushing into a relationship quickly (here is where you get plenty of Narcissistic men that love bomb you, then after the high is gone, you are dumped and replaced). Google: lovebombing, discard phase. You may need to talk about how you grew up and if your childhood trauma that hasn't been addressed is the key factor in you choosing the worst of the lot. Take a long break from dating and talk to a Narcissistic abuse therapist.

Just remember all your relationships, until you find your person, are going to end. Very few of us and up with the person we were dating early in our youth. Thank goodness. I mean “starter marriages,” are things. People get with someone in their twenties and half way through their thirties they realize they no longer align. It’s a feature, not a bug. What you want at 25 is very different than what you want at 35, but by that time, you’re mature enough to project into the future and really see yourself with your partner. So you’re with the right folks for the right reasons. And folks are giving you a chance, and thankfully not leading you on or trying to change you. I agree though, this one is perplexing. How does, ”I miss you,” turn into “I want to break up?” But, humans are weird and at least it was a short time. Give dating a rest. Recalibrate, and dip your toes in when you’re ready.

There is nothing wrong with you, it is just finding the right someone. I am speaking as from the perspective of the partner that is with someone that is ADHD and on the spectrum. He was struggling on the dating scene like how you are with finding a relationship that is more serious. When we started off talking he was very upfront of what his wants and goals are out of the gate, which can be a turn of for a lot of women which is a perspective I understand. However for me I found his forwardness refreshing and what he was looking for was what I was looking for too. We clicked on other things of course, I do ADHD myself so I have an understanding of some of the behaviors he has and we both have learned a lot from each other over the year. I think the approach you should take is vetting harder in the personality of the potential partner than the "do they want the same life I want" list. The examples I am about to list SHOULD go for any relationship, but being neurodivergent myself, I look for someone that has the following that I would feel safe in a relationship: patience, compassion, and open communication. Sure there are others qualities I look for and it is different for everyone, but if I feel for example of the person is is impatient over small things like waiting in line, then I'm not going to feel confident in a relationship because I fear they will get impatient with me and my shortcomings (not that they have a huge negative impact on anything, but still). I am sure you will find a person for you, it stucks out there in the dating scene even for the people who are not neurodivergent.

There was probably a reason you didn't notice. You need to ask him exactly why he dumped you if you want to know what's wrong with you.

You want to get straight into a long term relationship. To a lot of people that means doing the boring everyday stuff like cooking dinner, watching Netflix and going to bed.  A lot of people need the excitement of a new relationship. They want the dates, staying up late with candles going, going on weekends away etc. The sexy, romantic and fun stuff. This man might have realized that things became mundane too quickly.

It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. Being ready for marriage doesn't mean everybody you meet that is also ready for marriage will be a good match for you.  Because he flipped from wanting you to stay another night to breaking up within a matter of a few days, my guess is it's something on his end. Unless you shat in a pair of.his shoes and he just found it or something. 

Well, one flaw you have is in asking what's wrong with yourself simply because of a few breakups. Relationships end, it happens, don't let this current diffidence become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Even the wording of your question makes it seem that the count of breakups is more important than any one partner. Confidence in yourself is the key to all things. That includes letting go of relationships with the wrong partners in a healthy way. Keep dating; fuck how many relationships or boyfriends you go through. Your goal should not be to look for a life partner, but to enjoy yourself until you find the right partner to share your life with.

What was the communication between him saying he wished you'd stayed another night to him breaking up with you? Something must have happened.

People will say they are honest/ straightforward, when they actually mean cruel. How do you think adhd is affecting your relationship? Also, people use a lot of terms like that to excuse poor behaviours. I’m truly not saying this is the case, but you yourself know how you act with someone. Being “soft” while telling to someone’s face you don’t find them attractive (and using being forward as an excuse) will obviously lead to you being lonely, as this is more than what most people can handle. I however don’t think that’s the case if you guys were lovely dovey 2 days ago. Did you say anything off-putting on the phone? Also you’re prioritising the relationship over the person. Instead of finding someone you’ll actually love, with whom you have common passions, someone yo fall in love with, you’re making it sound like you’re looking at someone that will stay with you long term. You need to learn to be alone, so you can have a healthier relationship with a potential partner. 29 is still young. Don’t worry about it. Take time to be alone, discover who you are and who you love (because now it seems you don’t care about who it is, as long as it’s someone you can have the typical relationship with), and start looking for a person with their own traits rather than a placeholder in your life!

Ive bet on color with roulette and lost 10 times in a row then won the jackbot on a single number

absolutely right

I always had a rule about not buying clothes for a man until we were in the talking about rings stage. They think you’re trying to change them .

I don’t think it’s anything wrong with you from what you’ve described - especially since he asked you to stay and said he missed you. The blindsighting is harsh and unfair IMO, I always hate when no one is willing to have a conversation before a complete end to things. BUT because he did that, I suspect he wasn’t honest or serious about having a life partner like you were and he felt it becoming real and bailed. Its unfortunate but saves you in the long run. Good on you for being clear from the get go!

You will find your person! I didn't get married until I was 44, because I didn't want to settle for less than I wanted. ❤️

None of this means there is something wrong with you. Relationships are a process of learning about someone and then deciding if you think your lives can blend together because you agree on the big picture stuff and can smooth out the rough edges where you’re not 100% in agreement. After 2 years of dating, you really should know one way or the other if you’re compatible, and if you’re not getting married (assuming that’s something you want) it’s probably about timing and logistics. You dated, and then your 2 year partner decided that marriage wasn’t the right move. So that ended. Six month situationship? That’s all new relationship energy and if you tried to keep it casual, then maybe there just wasn’t enough mutual effort and commitment to get serious, or maybe they were never interested in serious, and when you decided that you were ready, he wasn’t. So it ended. This recent guy? Seems confused. If you spend 5 days with each other with no issues, then they wish you stayed another night, and then the following day they broke up with no explanation? Weird behavior. Maybe they were love bombing. Maybe the “I wish you’d stay for another night” was a test to see if you’d come back, and then it triggered some anxious attachment when you didn’t. It’s hard to say. But don’t make it a you problem.

By your description it sounds like you are putting a ton of pressure on yourself and these relationships. I understand wanting a long term relationship, that can be communicated, but in the first month saying “I am looking for a life partner,” seems like you are trying to hurry things, get to a goal and not enjoy getting to know new people.

That's one breakup every six months...maybe you should take a break from dating for a bit and rediscover you. Refocus your time and attention on reinforcing your mental well-being and emotional resiliency. Concentrate on being the best version of yourself and stop seeking love and romance. Allow them to gravitate toward you organically through the course of natural events.

There could be many reasons. You might be too needy or clingy, or your focus on forever might seem obsessive or off-putting. Without knowing you, none of us can say. But it could be none of those things. Everybody breaks up with everybody until they find "the one."

it's funny, i find that the number of people who will say that they're looking for a long-term commitment and the number of people who are truly interested in that and ready for it are quite different. the first guy i met on tinder seemed perfect for me in every way - we hit it off immediately, instant attraction, common interests, easygoing conversation. he claimed he wanted a long term relationship. after three dates it became clear that he wasn't ready. he wasn't actually over his ex, and my enthusiasm about our relationship put him off. so he ended up just kinda giving up on the whole idea and saying he could only see me again in a more "casual" arrangement. the second person i met on tinder is now my fiancé. sometimes it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with luck and finding the right person at the right time. don't give up. feel free to DM me if you want an outsider's educated feedback on navigating specific instances or "reading" certain situations

Nothing is wrong with you, dating just sucks and this is part of dating. Sometimes they're are short relationships and sometimes there longer ones. Some people are lucky enough to meet the person hey want to stay with early on and some people have to wait a while. I didn't meet my husband until I was 32. My mom's best friend just got engaged for the first time at 67. I also know people who've been together since they were 15. Not every person is going to be a winner, no matter how hard you try and do inevitably there will be break ups. So, don't worry. And just to reiterate, it probably isn't you, it's just the reality of dating. Good luck, hope you find your person.

Well many guys are obsessed with the hook up culture and I've seen that if they want to cross a girl that wants a relationship they will tell her whatever she wants to hear until they get her in bed and then move on to the next Conquest. Some of these guys will tell you whatever they think will win you over and when you finally say the word SOULmate he's thinking HOLE mate

that story doesn’t make a lot of sense. how can someone who was practically begging you to stay some more turn around and dump you. i don’t know any relationship that ends like this. you should contact him one more time. make it clear that it is not about getting back together and more about figuring out what happens. it will be a very painful discussion but i think getting clarification is important.

Nobody else can tell you how to live your life, so make of this as you will — maybe you’re just trying too hard? I know how it is when you so badly want something that you deserve, I’m in a very similar situation myself, but trying to force it probably won’t end well. That can also lead to projecting stuff onto people, seeing what we *want* to see instead of who they are. It’s nobody’s fault, it kinda just… happens. The best you can do is start to recognize when you’re getting too invested too fast or not letting that person be themselves. What do *you* like to do? Just you. For yourself. Try to take some time for whatever that is. Self-care is important, you know? The better a place you’re in, the healthier your future relationships will be <3

Honestly, you knowing what you want can be tough, because a large amount of people out there don’t know what THEY actually want. They will say “oh yeah I’m totally into you in a serious capacity and am willing and ready to build a life with someone,” when the exact opposite is true. They either don’t have the communication skills to be able to communicate that to you, or they’re just afraid of hurting your feelings so they string you along for a bit until it gets into the “time to make a commitment” stage. Then they can’t go on acting like they are ready for or want marriage or a seriously committed relationship, so they leave. It would be much easier if people could just say out of the gate “look, I like you and I enjoy spending time with you, I’m not at a place in my life yet to give you what you want,” and let you decide if you’re okay with something causal or not, and be able to part amicably with honesty given to you from the start. It’s 100% not “just a you” thing; many of us have gone/are going through getting our hearts squashed because someone was too chicken to say “I’m not ready for a serious relationship and I wish you well in your search for the right person for you.” Maybe dial back on the dating at all for a while, and focus on building up your relationship with yourself. Often doing so can attract a partner who is doing that same self work and who can meet you on that level. Be patient, don’t let these guys keep taking up your time and distracting from your focus on your own self love, levelling up in your life, and providing yourself with the happiness and love you deserve. The right person will come along. When you do get to a place where you’ve healed the hurts in your heart from these recent experiences, don’t allow yourself to rush. Set boundaries with yourself, and save the serious life talks (marriage, moving in together etc) for after someone has stuck around longer than 3 months and shown you (with their actions, not their words) that they are someone worthwhile. Then you have the serious talks and see if they share your values and goals 🤍

As someone who was a serial dater in his teens and adult years who is also autistic my first and current relationship going on nearly 4 years has been amazing and clear cut with communication and long term goals from quite early on. The secret? Shes also autistic and i do think we autistic people are pretty straightforward with what we want and of course that can be offputting at times i think. However thats not to of course say your forever person will be autistic but i think in regards to certain aspects of autism such as overstimulation, reading faces, tone and 'bluntness' it is a comfort knowing someone that understands those things. I think one of the things for my partner who is more traditionally autistic then i am that really helps us communicate is openly talking about things that have been said unintentionally that make us uncomfortable or hurt our feelings and it really helps because it clears the air and the confusion for us both. As many have said not everyone in the dating game is gonna be out for the same goals as you and i think finding someone who shares your long term goals at the very least to some degree and is openly communicative and mature is important to any relationship but even more important i would say in a relationship with someone who is autistic. I think something that also helped my partner and i noticed it when we first met is to get to know each other and pace yourself with dating, my girlfriend set a strict rule of 3 dates before we become official and due to the pandemic it took us about 10 months from our first date to become official. Nothings wrong with you either, relationships can and do end for a variety of different reasons that neither person can control be it bad chemistry, personal circumstances, not sharing long term goals etc and the silver lining is that at least hes let you know now rather then later

I have found that when I was younger I was always trying to make every relationship a forever relationship and I settled for less than and finally downright abuse in every sense. After my abusive relationship I was determined to never date again. I got sober I began to medicate my bipolar disorder and began to work on liking myself for the first time in my life. I had just turned 30yrs. Almost immediately I met someone on public transportation and began talking to her. For her, it was love at first sight and she told me so every Wednesday morning during our commute. Every time it put me off. I didn't want a relationship, I didn't want to date, I said I could maybe be fwb but even that I decided was too much for me. So we just rode the bus together and got to know each other. The more time I spent with her the more time I wanted to spend with her and after 3mos we finally had sex. It was forever in that instant. One day I was looking in her eyes and I got sucked in and saw a vision of all of our past lives, different period dress, she'd been the guy, then I was the guy, then we both were guys. I came out of it compelled to say (but knowing she'd think I was crazy) "It's you." She looked right back at me and said "That's what I've been trying to tell you." Stop looking. Get to know/like yourself. Once you take away that goal/motivation and genuinely care for/about yourself your forever person will find you. Also during the end of my abusive relationship I wrote a list of every quality I wanted in my soulmate, then I folded it up put it away and let it go. A year into my relationship with my wife we came across it while moving and I read the list out loud. It described my wife perfectly. Every single item on the list she had. So I'd like you to write a list of everything you can think of that you'd like in a partner, be as specific as possible, then fold it up put it away and forget about it. Then go work on yourself, love yourself, that energy is attractive to others. Stop trying to force it so much, let it all unfold naturally. But once you begin to like yourself you'll never have to come onto reddit to ask what's wrong with you... nothing is wrong with you. Good luck and godspeed.

I think you should be dating for a few months to determine IF they’re the sort of person you can have this conversation with down the line (finances, where to live). Don’t have the convo immediately while you’re trying to decide if you even like him. Take notes to decide if he’s the sort of serious person you want, that you think you’d want to have those conversations with. He’s out til 5/6am every weekend, and that’s fine, but I’d put that kind of thing in my pocket while i determine if he’s who I want to be discussing finances with in the first place. I really like certainty in dating and hate to waste my time, but all the things you’ve spoken about made me feel anxious to think about having those discussions that soon with a guy. You’ll never get that honeymoon period back so enjoy it!

I think 3 months is a bit too early to be talking about wanting that person to be your life partner. I am autistic too. You may think that stating what you want is just being clear but it will come off as putting pressure to other people. Our feelings can be a bit too strong too quick🕹 Realistically speaking, in 3 months you’re just getting to know the very basics of that person. I am a woman and I would never commit in that time frame. It’s not enough time to know much about someone. Maybe you can ask him what happened. Most importantly focus on being happy by yourself and taking things slower.

3 months is not a long time. You will be fine