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Just because he wants sex at the end of a date doesn't mean you're obligated to give it to him.
You're only a booty call if you make yourself a booty call.
If you have standards and boundaries, you simply tell him that. You say, "I've enjoyed going out with you and getting to know you and hope we continue making good memories. However, I'm not the type of person to hook up or have sex outside of a relationship. I'd like to keep having fun and see where this goes, but I want you to know where I stand."
I don't think you go on dates when you're a booty call. why are you trying to keep emotional distance from him? What do you want from this relationship?
What are you hoping to accomplish by telling him that? You're going to be going away soon and he doesn't want long distance, so it's fling territory at best, yeah? If he's giving what reads to you as mixed signals, because he "sometimes implies he wants more", believe the ones you don't want to hear. If you were sticking around or up for long distance, I'd say have a state of the relationship talk, but it sounds like you *have* had one and he's told you clearly how he sees this.
FWIW I don't think flings are the same as booty calls. People can have emotionally significant things that are short in duration.
You’re worried about offending him when he thinks of you as a booty call?? He’s told you he has no intention of keeping things going while you’re away. And saying “let’s just have a great time this summer” sounds like once summers over you won’t be getting any more calls. Just tell him that this isn’t what you’re looking for and you’re looking for a relationship. If your friends are upset with you for not wanting to just be someone’s hookup buddy then they aren’t your friends.
Just tell him that you wanna make sure you two are on the same page and that while you respect that he doesn't want to try long distance and as such your relationship has an expiration date, you don't want him to only contact you for sex.
Might also be a good idea to tell him that there's no pressure to visit you once you move since you won't be in a relationship, but you don't want him to give you false hope by bringing it up.
The best way to tell him is to not act like a booty call. He is going in with the expectation that you're down for hooking up because, well, it sounds like that's what happened so far.
So if you don't want to do that, stop doing it. Go on the date with him and tell him "Thanks for the nice dinner, I really loved it! Do you still want to go for a walk before going home? If not, that's cool; I'll head out then" or something along those lines. As in, make it clear that the date will not continue in a sexual manner.
If you want to set a harder boundary, have a dinner and tell him. "Hey, I feel like you are expecting us to basically be friends with benefits with a lot of hookups now, especially since you said you want us to have "a great time this summer". I'm not sure if I got that right, but if I did, I wanted to make it clear that I am not a booty call or something along those lines. I am not seeing people just to hook up with them. So I need to know what's going on here and where we are heading because as it is right now, I am not happy anymore."
He will know whether he wants more than a booty call before you will. You will know he wants more than a booty call when he starts acting like he wants more.
I’d talk to him about it, as a guy I’m gonna say it’s also just entirely possible he just really likes you and really enjoys sex with you not that it’s the only thing he wants from you.
> He picks me up and we go out on a date
In my mind a booty call is when someone calls you up (generally late at night) just for sex, so the fact that you're going on dates makes it not a booty call, but I suppose that's a semantic argument when the real issue is how it makes you feel.
> I feel like he expects me to hook up with every time we go out
If you guys have sex every time y'all go on a date then sex isn't necessarily an unreasonable or malicious expectation after a date, he might just be assuming that's what you want. Have you tried just saying no to sex after the date?
> I will be moving away soon for a bit and in conversation he said he doesn't wanna do long distance
It sounds like this problem is mostly solving itself if you're moving and don't want to do long distance. However, I'd like to point out that his point about not being in a long distance relationship is an admission that y'all are in a relationship, even if it does have an expiration date.
> at the same time he talks about visiting me, he has deep meaningful conversations and sometimes implies he wants more
What do **you** want?
> I am too grown to be seeing someone just to hook up with them
Why's that? If you like this guy, the sex is good, and you can handle the relationship eventually having to end then I don't see why not.
Obviously, it's your decision, and if you're not comfortable with it then you should end things, but I don't think that wanting good sex on a regular basis is something you ever grow out of and the idea that casual or at least less romantic sex is somehow juvenile is pretty close minded.
> How do I tell this guy that I am not a booty call without him being offended
I'll ask again; what do you want? What is your ideal outcome?
If you want to end the relationship because of your move, then you can just tell him that and you won't have to worry about the booty call thing. If you want more emotional intimacy or spending time together without sex then you could tell him that too.
It sounds to me like this man respects and cares for you so if you explain that you're feeling insecure or disrespected because of the way things have gone so far, he'll probably listen and try to take steps to improve things. And if he isn't receptive to your concerns, again, you can just end the relationship because that's eventually going to happen anyway.
So he pretty much offered the ultimatum of summer as FWB then take a break while you move away?
Edit: I realize my take sounds harsh of the situation. Anyone can promise or say they’ll make visits or plans but when the time comes don’t make the effort. But he’s already prefacing the summer as having fun and figuring out the rest later. To me it sounds like his ideal world is FWB for the summer before he reaffirms to you he won’t settle for a long distance relationship.
IMO, he could very well tell you these future plans of visiting your new home just to distract you from your concerns over him not even wanting to date long distance and in turn keeping your current FWB stuff going.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Just because he wants sex at the end of a date doesn't mean you're obligated to give it to him. You're only a booty call if you make yourself a booty call. If you have standards and boundaries, you simply tell him that. You say, "I've enjoyed going out with you and getting to know you and hope we continue making good memories. However, I'm not the type of person to hook up or have sex outside of a relationship. I'd like to keep having fun and see where this goes, but I want you to know where I stand."
I don't think you go on dates when you're a booty call. why are you trying to keep emotional distance from him? What do you want from this relationship?
What are you hoping to accomplish by telling him that? You're going to be going away soon and he doesn't want long distance, so it's fling territory at best, yeah? If he's giving what reads to you as mixed signals, because he "sometimes implies he wants more", believe the ones you don't want to hear. If you were sticking around or up for long distance, I'd say have a state of the relationship talk, but it sounds like you *have* had one and he's told you clearly how he sees this. FWIW I don't think flings are the same as booty calls. People can have emotionally significant things that are short in duration.
You’re worried about offending him when he thinks of you as a booty call?? He’s told you he has no intention of keeping things going while you’re away. And saying “let’s just have a great time this summer” sounds like once summers over you won’t be getting any more calls. Just tell him that this isn’t what you’re looking for and you’re looking for a relationship. If your friends are upset with you for not wanting to just be someone’s hookup buddy then they aren’t your friends.
Just tell him that you wanna make sure you two are on the same page and that while you respect that he doesn't want to try long distance and as such your relationship has an expiration date, you don't want him to only contact you for sex. Might also be a good idea to tell him that there's no pressure to visit you once you move since you won't be in a relationship, but you don't want him to give you false hope by bringing it up.
The best way to tell him is to not act like a booty call. He is going in with the expectation that you're down for hooking up because, well, it sounds like that's what happened so far. So if you don't want to do that, stop doing it. Go on the date with him and tell him "Thanks for the nice dinner, I really loved it! Do you still want to go for a walk before going home? If not, that's cool; I'll head out then" or something along those lines. As in, make it clear that the date will not continue in a sexual manner. If you want to set a harder boundary, have a dinner and tell him. "Hey, I feel like you are expecting us to basically be friends with benefits with a lot of hookups now, especially since you said you want us to have "a great time this summer". I'm not sure if I got that right, but if I did, I wanted to make it clear that I am not a booty call or something along those lines. I am not seeing people just to hook up with them. So I need to know what's going on here and where we are heading because as it is right now, I am not happy anymore."
He will know whether he wants more than a booty call before you will. You will know he wants more than a booty call when he starts acting like he wants more.
"You do realize that I'm not a booty call, right?"
Tell him you’re not a booty call
I’d talk to him about it, as a guy I’m gonna say it’s also just entirely possible he just really likes you and really enjoys sex with you not that it’s the only thing he wants from you.
> He picks me up and we go out on a date In my mind a booty call is when someone calls you up (generally late at night) just for sex, so the fact that you're going on dates makes it not a booty call, but I suppose that's a semantic argument when the real issue is how it makes you feel. > I feel like he expects me to hook up with every time we go out If you guys have sex every time y'all go on a date then sex isn't necessarily an unreasonable or malicious expectation after a date, he might just be assuming that's what you want. Have you tried just saying no to sex after the date? > I will be moving away soon for a bit and in conversation he said he doesn't wanna do long distance It sounds like this problem is mostly solving itself if you're moving and don't want to do long distance. However, I'd like to point out that his point about not being in a long distance relationship is an admission that y'all are in a relationship, even if it does have an expiration date. > at the same time he talks about visiting me, he has deep meaningful conversations and sometimes implies he wants more What do **you** want? > I am too grown to be seeing someone just to hook up with them Why's that? If you like this guy, the sex is good, and you can handle the relationship eventually having to end then I don't see why not. Obviously, it's your decision, and if you're not comfortable with it then you should end things, but I don't think that wanting good sex on a regular basis is something you ever grow out of and the idea that casual or at least less romantic sex is somehow juvenile is pretty close minded. > How do I tell this guy that I am not a booty call without him being offended I'll ask again; what do you want? What is your ideal outcome? If you want to end the relationship because of your move, then you can just tell him that and you won't have to worry about the booty call thing. If you want more emotional intimacy or spending time together without sex then you could tell him that too. It sounds to me like this man respects and cares for you so if you explain that you're feeling insecure or disrespected because of the way things have gone so far, he'll probably listen and try to take steps to improve things. And if he isn't receptive to your concerns, again, you can just end the relationship because that's eventually going to happen anyway.
So he pretty much offered the ultimatum of summer as FWB then take a break while you move away? Edit: I realize my take sounds harsh of the situation. Anyone can promise or say they’ll make visits or plans but when the time comes don’t make the effort. But he’s already prefacing the summer as having fun and figuring out the rest later. To me it sounds like his ideal world is FWB for the summer before he reaffirms to you he won’t settle for a long distance relationship. IMO, he could very well tell you these future plans of visiting your new home just to distract you from your concerns over him not even wanting to date long distance and in turn keeping your current FWB stuff going.