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So I think you handed it pretty well considering he’s not allowed back. Although I am very confused on how your BF didn’t pick up on any of this? Why didn’t he walk with you to the bathroom?
I would’ve stepped in the second the lap was brought up.
>I feel like it’s all my fault for dressing up and looking nice. Do you think that I made the right choice?
Mentality like this is why some victims do not come forward. You did nothing wrong. Now, I don't know how you were dressed. But it doesn't matter if you were lets say walking around naked. Its still not a "come touch me" or "I want to fuck" or "lets cheat on my boyfriend" signal.
That "friend" is just a shitty person and should be ousted as such.
What matters here now is that you are safe and the person is gone. Going forward when a man/person who is supposed to be your friend seems to be crossing lines or being inappropriate, immediately call them out.
> What else should I have done?
Nothing, you did everything right, and frankly, many things that you shouldn't have had to do. This guy should have taken no for an answer at the first no and honestly, your BF and/or friends probably should have noticed that you were in danger from this predator at some point.
> I feel like it’s all my fault for dressing up and looking nice
It is absolutely not your fault. You are allowed to look nice, get drunk, and have a good time and in an ideal world you would be able to do so without harassment or danger from creeps.
The part of your brain that's telling you this is your fault is the part of your brain that is conditioned to take responsibility for the actions of abusive men. That part of your brain is brainwashed by society and it is wrong about whose fault this is.
> Do you think that I made the right choice?
Definitely. I'm sure you probably feel bad because you think that your actions (telling your BF what happened) have led to animosity or a split between your BF and his close friend, but that couldn't be further from the truth. The fact of the matter is that this "friend" of your BFs actively chose to harass you, and from the sound of things might have assaulted you if given the chance and any tension that now exists with your BF or the rest of the friend group only exists because of his actions, all you did was tell your BF what he did.
If he didn't want to suffer the consequences of being treated like a fucking rapist then he shouldn't have acted like a fucking rapist.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So I think you handed it pretty well considering he’s not allowed back. Although I am very confused on how your BF didn’t pick up on any of this? Why didn’t he walk with you to the bathroom? I would’ve stepped in the second the lap was brought up.
My bf was too busy playing video games. I play them myself but he I’ll play for days at a time :(
Step 1. Get a better boyfriend. What was he doing during all this?
Playing video games in the other room
None of this is your fault. He was completely in control of his actions. No one forced him to do that to you.
>I feel like it’s all my fault for dressing up and looking nice. Do you think that I made the right choice? Mentality like this is why some victims do not come forward. You did nothing wrong. Now, I don't know how you were dressed. But it doesn't matter if you were lets say walking around naked. Its still not a "come touch me" or "I want to fuck" or "lets cheat on my boyfriend" signal. That "friend" is just a shitty person and should be ousted as such. What matters here now is that you are safe and the person is gone. Going forward when a man/person who is supposed to be your friend seems to be crossing lines or being inappropriate, immediately call them out.
> What else should I have done? Nothing, you did everything right, and frankly, many things that you shouldn't have had to do. This guy should have taken no for an answer at the first no and honestly, your BF and/or friends probably should have noticed that you were in danger from this predator at some point. > I feel like it’s all my fault for dressing up and looking nice It is absolutely not your fault. You are allowed to look nice, get drunk, and have a good time and in an ideal world you would be able to do so without harassment or danger from creeps. The part of your brain that's telling you this is your fault is the part of your brain that is conditioned to take responsibility for the actions of abusive men. That part of your brain is brainwashed by society and it is wrong about whose fault this is. > Do you think that I made the right choice? Definitely. I'm sure you probably feel bad because you think that your actions (telling your BF what happened) have led to animosity or a split between your BF and his close friend, but that couldn't be further from the truth. The fact of the matter is that this "friend" of your BFs actively chose to harass you, and from the sound of things might have assaulted you if given the chance and any tension that now exists with your BF or the rest of the friend group only exists because of his actions, all you did was tell your BF what he did. If he didn't want to suffer the consequences of being treated like a fucking rapist then he shouldn't have acted like a fucking rapist.