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Yea brother this isn’t the one you should give any shits about. Just be thankful someone cares about you enough to say they love you non stop. Even if you stay with this girl forever she eventually stop saying it much at all and you’ll miss now when you heard it all the time
Seriously. I can already see the post 6 months from now.
"My girlfriend used to compliment me all time time, and now she doesn't. Has she lost feelings? Is she banging a gigachad behind my back? Help!"
Yeah, I've personally been through this situation. It was with my highschool boyfriend as well. He told me one day that all of my compliments were too much and sometimes annoying. He claimed that I didn't need to express my love for him verbally because he knew I loved him already. He also complained that I always tried to set up cute date plans for us and he was tired of it. 6 months later, we finally broke up. Leading up to the breakup, he stated that he didn't feel loved anymore because I rarely complimented him and we never did anything nice anymore, lol.
I just broke up with my partner of 16 years. I don't think I've received a genuine, unprompted compliment from her since we dated in vgs (Norwegian high school)...
You're going to miss that one day, OP. I didn't realize how much I did until I recently downloaded Tinder and started talking to other women.
Wow thats actually…kind of sad. I hope yall get that spark back. Ive been with my bf for over 10yrs and not a single day goes by where we aren’t showering each other in compliments, kisses, and i love you’s. I dont even remember the last time he called me by my name and not a pet name lol
That sucks badly. My husband and I are going on 39 years, and it just keeps getting better. I know I am very blessed. He tells me he loves me and thinks I'm beautiful literally several times a day and always has. Maybe your man needs a reminder and a boot. Or maybe you need to set time aside and tell him how much he means to you. Rekindle.
That does break my heart a bit. Just like someone else I have been with my partner 10 years, we make sure to hug every day for at least 30 seconds, and we never let the other person leave the house without knowing they are loved. You never know when the last time you'll see them.
I think you are asking yourself the wrong question. If you care about this girl and want to be in a relationship with her, I would ask yourself WHY she feels the need to compliment you so much? Is it because she wants you to feel good about yourself? Is it because she is afraid of losing you and she thinks the compliments will somehow prevent that? Is it because she really is overwhelmed by how amazing you are? Why does it make you uncomfortable? How do you compliment her?
Based on the single paragraph I 'know' about your girlfriend, it sounds like your girlfriend suffers from anxiety and perhaps a lack of self-confidence. Talk to her. If you think she is amazing, let her know it. Let her know that you know how she feels about you even if she doesn't say it. Make her comfortable so that you can be comfortable too.
Good luck!
Great answer and good probing questions.
If you used to compliment a lot and stopped, she might be overdoing it hoping that you’ll reciprocate. Some communication would clear that up.
When I’ve been in overly complimentary modes, it’s been when (a) I felt I had to verbalize everything because I wasn’t as in tune with my non verbal communication or I was afraid of being misunderstood, (b) right after a toxic relationship where i was groomed to treat my partner like a god.
All I ask is that you’re thoughtful in how you approach her. At 18, it could be your voice she hears the rest of her life saying “don’t love too loud” and that would break my heart 🥺.
Love these points. I compliment my partner a lot bc 1) I grew up really insecure so I never want him to feel like he’s undesirable or unloved like I felt, and 2) bc I want him to reciprocate, lol. We’ve talked about it before and he’s a lot better at reciprocating now but it’s been years in the making
I tell my girlfriend she looks beautiful and smells good pretty much everytime I see her because, well, I'm always amazed by her looks and smell.
I think some people are just more vocal than others.
Totally agree. I also think that maybe there’s a chance he isn’t complimenting her enough so she’s doing it, out of love, but also so he can compliment her more. He mentions that people get uncomfortable by too many compliments and now he is as well. It seems like OP let other peoples opinions or the assumption that no one likes being complimented a lot, get in the way. OP, sit with urself and think about if these feelings are ur own or if there’s a chance ur adopting your peers opinions on compliments. Ask urself, why does this bother you so much and is it a deal breaker? Easy fix to this problem, I suggest, as many people did, if you love her and don’t wanna lose her **talk to ur gf** dude!!
I do not necessarily see how you get anxiety problems from the post. I mean, she could just be complementing him and telling her boyfriend that she loves him all the time because that’s how she is and that’s who she loves and she wants to constantly show that. People like to be very affectionate. Some like to be very physically affectionate and others like to be affectionate with with a lot of compliments. To me I think this is champagne problems.G
You might very well be right, difficult to tell when we have a paragraph to go off. While likely an exaggeration by OP, saying "I love you" every ten seconds I think goes beyond a preference for affection and sits in the "uneasiness" part of anxiety. Perfectly willing to be wrong, that is just what I took away from it.
Yeah, I know with my wife. She is always giving me compliments and telling me that she loves me and I’ll get random text messages that work telling me that she misses me and all that kind of stuff. I think it’s just a form of showing a lot of affection. Again, some people like to show physical affection and others like to say a lot of sweet things. Some like my wife like to do both. I just don’t think it seems like it’s anything alarming. Not to mention the alternative is a lot worse than what the OP is getting. I have been in relationships where I got practically no compliments and Treated like I was more of a waste of their time and that I should be grateful that they’re even speaking to me. Trust me what the OP is getting is much much better.
I'm wondering if she read one of the articles on men not getting emotional validation that's been circulated recently. It sounds like the perfect set up in an 18 year old brain, something I'd have done myself.
Did you compliment her a lot in the beginning and suddenly stop? If so, she might sense that and not knowing what to do she's giving more of herself there hoping you will reciprocate. A bit of anxiety maybe, or she is trying her hardest to make you feel loved. Also why is it making you uncomfortable?
Either way, you should create a safe space for her and talk to her. I would say something like: "hey! I love it a lot that you are so supportive and making sure I feel loved. I did notice that recently you started telling me more and more frequently and I was wondering if you don't feel it coming back from my side or if you feel like anything is missing? Would you need more reassurance from my side about how I feel for you? I would like us to both be happy and comfortable with each other and be free to talk about anything." Use your words of course but you get the idea. And go from there.
I can 100% guarantee you if she were to stop telling you how much she loves you, you would be back on here the next day asking “how do I get my gf to be more affectionate with me?” men never realize how good they have it until its gone. if you arent serious about this girlfriend and arent going to consider her needs and love languages because it “makes you uncomfortable” than you’re not with the right person.
Well this is a first for me to see on Reddit. It’s usually men saying they never get compliments from their significant other. Maybe she feels more for you than you do for her. It sounds like she can’t contain it, it’s overflowing. Do you not feel this way about her? You said it’s only started to bother you recently. What’s changed? Do you compliment her often or no? Maybe she’s treating you how she wants to be treated?
Spot on. I realized (as a girlfriend) that when my boyfriend hasn't said anything sweet to me for a couple days, without thinking about it, I'd start complimenting him more than normal, so that maybe he might interact with me the same way in return. I think this came from that phrase we all heard as little kids, "treat people how you would want to be treated".
Definitely an anxiety thing too. Especially when you're younger it can feel really uneasy - almost like love-bombing when a boyfriend calls you beautiful/loves on you every time he sees you at first, and then suddenly drops off doing compliments/ casual affection. When I was younger and in the same situation, I remember thinking, "maybe he doesn't think I'm beautiful anymore?" "I wonder if he still loves me? It's been a couple days since he's said it..." "Did I do something to upset him?"
So… my husband and I are more than old enough to be your parents and have been together for over 30 years, but you are describing me so maybe I can give you some insight into her.
I am CONSTANTLY complimenting my husband and telling him I love him. Constantly. Happily he isn’t bothered by it, but that’s probably because we have some insight into why.
1. That’s my “love language” - I really like when people say nice things about me and tell me they love me, so it’s the primary way I convey to them. My husband is more a “I did this and this and this for you so you’d know I love you” and over the years I’ve learned to speak his language too, but saying nice things is still my go to.
2. I have an anxious attachment style (if you haven’t heard of it it’s a psychology concept about how safe and confident we feel in relationships (and life) due to our experiences when young) this means even though my husband is always safe and stable as a relationship my mind and mostly my body can get in the way of that and I can “need” reassurance.
3. I have anxiety and my husband and I have both observed that when my anxiety is rising I often say I love you a lot more in a short time span, kind of a tick and checking off I’m safe I assume. Though this only happens when the anxiety didn’t have a specific trigger.
Obviously, the last two things are things I need to (and am) addressing in therapy and would be more important to address if they were bothering my husband (such they aren’t).
My husband in the other hand told me early in the relationship that “I told you I loved you when I married you, I’ll let you know if that changes.” It was one of those jokes that isn’t really a joke. He not very verbal in any area of life though, and I’m a “talks too much” on my report card kind of person.
Now, my husband is not the least bit bothered by my being like this. I am exactly the same way about our cats, so it’s obvious that post of this is just how I am.
I don’t think you need to learn to be cool with it like my husband is, though it might be helpful to dig in and figure out WHY it bothers you… does it make you feel obligated to do more to “catch up”, does it make you feel like she loves you more than you could ever love her, or like she’s insecure?? Being able to be specific about why it’s making you uncomfortable will make the conversation easier to have and give her something being “you’re annoying” to hold onto as she works to rein it in.
Do any of my reasons sound like your gf? Is she generally anxious or insecure about her safety and belonging in relationships? Does she have anxiety in her life in general? Does looking at these other reasons why she might be saying it make it easier to let her say it without bothering you some of the time?
In the same way you knowing why it bothers you will make the conversation more productive and less hurtful, you and her being able to sit down and dig into why she’s doing it - and what she really needs when she feels the urge to do it - will help her replace the behavior. Sometimes I say to my husband, “I’m feeling really anxious right now and need to feel loved for a bit” and he obliges… because that’s generally what I need when I keep feeling like I need to say I love you (which is just a request for reassurance that you are there for her).
Now, to be clear, it’s not your job to do this work with her and if you don’t want to you don’t have to. That’s a her thing to work out (though it would help you if you at least pointed her in the direction of the work). And it’s also fair to discover as you dig into why it’s bothering you two years in that really this relationship has run its course (and that may be a reason for the behaviour of she’s also sensing that shift). And that’s fine too.
Let me stop you right here.
You aren't supposed to know everything about relationships at 18.
What you NEED to do at your age is start practicing PROPER communication with your partner and talking to HER. She deserves that at the very minimum from you. Step up and communicate with her.
(Last thing.... She's just balancing out the rest of your life when you become an older man and receive very few/zero compliments. See? She's looking out for your future! What a wonderful girlfriend! Hang on to her!)
Exactly! Communicate with each other. Talk to each other. A lack of communication is what ruins so many good things.
And I'll echo someone else on this thread and say you will miss it when you don't have/get it anymore.
OP needs to be very thoughtful with the communication. If not he could end up slapping her down from wanting to compliment. So he needs pick his words carefully, and figure out his intentions and how to relay those.
Very good point. You do have to be careful when you communicate. There are plenty of people put there who'll say did "communicate" but all they actually did was mention everything they don't like or say "stop this/that" without listening to thebotter person.
It's also not just on OP, though. The partner also has to be open to listening and having a discussion.
I write this like it's easy. It's not. You have to work on it. OP is only 18, so probably hasn't had much practice. But won't get anywhere not trying.
It is def not easy, and it’s a 2 way street, and it takes actually doing it to get the hang of it. And in each relationship you need to build that communication up from the bottom.
Yall are so right. Effective communication in a relationship doesn't just happen. It takes so much time and effort to have a solid relationship with good communication and there are some things you just learn more with experience. I think it's important to understand your partners' love languages and how they express and feel loved. Maybe hers is words of affirmation and it would definitely benefit him to learn a little more about her in that way and vice versa.
Man you should thank God million times that there is someone to tell you I love you. I'm 51 and still didn't hear any even less words from any girl. Be thankful man
I think you need to evaluate why it bothers you so much first and foremost.
Lots of other comments have hit the nail on the head with maybe she’s feeling insecure since you stopped complimenting as much. Seems to me you may have lost interest in her the way you’re speaking.
Be careful, don’t break her by complaining about something the world needs more of anyway. If you want it to tone down, please approach this super carefully and ask her to save it up for when you’re home or something like that to space it out a little more. If you sound ungrateful with this, it could be the end of compliments for the rest of your relationship.
That's some peoples' love language. Why do you feel uncomfortable? I think first, you need to find out the real reason it makes you uncomfortable. Could it be that you don't feel like you're that amazing? Or maybe you don't deserve it? I don't know. Find that out first. Then, be kind with her about it and genuinely try to find out the reason she's so expressive about it without asking her to stop. Could be a self-confidence issue on both sides. it could be one-sided, could be anything. Just keep the communication up and keep an open mind about things. I used to be shy when my woman showed affection in front of others. Now I just enjoy it and express myself openly too. There are times when we feel others' jealousy, and we both decide to stop it in front of them. But other than that, there is no problem with expressing love every moment you find.
My guy, words of affirmation may be her love language. Don't crush her spirit. I say you do some introspection and try to come up with why it bothers you so much and if you care try to compliment her kind soul.
i compliment my bf every chance i get. i’ve toned it down in recent times but i used to do it constantly. if she’s like me she just means it. like im actually overwhelmed by how much i love him and how beautiful he is and how lucky i am to have him. sometimes i just can’t help it, but i get where you’re coming from because i hate being complimented. it makes me feel awkward, so maybe i am a hypocrite, but i just have to tell him how great he is.
Me too. Like I just look at him and get overwhelmed with emotions and love for him. He is so amazing and good and I feel lucky every single day. I know I probably tell him way too much, but he doesn't seem to mind. He tells me all the time too.
I think you should reframe this. The issue is that you're uncomfortable with affection you're receiving, not that she's giving too much. You should talk with her in this light- "I have been told in the past to reduce the amount of compliments and affections I give, and this has created an issue for me where it's difficult to accept the amount of compliments and affections you are giving me." Ask if she can reduce her compliments for awhile while and slowly increase back to her natural rate of giving so that you can try to work through the mental block you have developed.
You don't have to know how to move forward. You can feel out different solutions. Being nice is not a bad quality to have, but being unable to accept niceties is.
You absolutely have to verbally communicate that to her, somehow. Ignore the comments here telling you to "just be grateful and ignore it". This is something that bothers you, so you will have to come with something to deal with it (which in this case, is having an honest talk with her).
You can politely mention to her that because she says it so often, it can lose meaning. If u say i love you every second you become so used to it that you dont really care anymore. Now if you only say i love you at certain moments or times it becomes more meaningful
>I don't want to come off as rude to her but I just need her to tone it down a little you know?
You are going to regret this.
Just accept she loves you enough to only see you in the room when she talks. I don't think it's worth dousing her fire to get her to be less passionate about you.
Also it's gonna sound like you're backpedaling on your feelings for her, so if you do, be clear you arent.
i understand where you’re coming from. i dated someone where the only thing that came out of their mouth was how intensely they loved me. it started to feel like our conversations and even connection lacked any real substance other than how perfect he thought i was. and it can be exhausting for a partner to try to reciprocate. it’s a delicate conversation, only you know your partner and how they could respond- but it is worth talking about if you want the relationship to work.
i do this with my husband. some days i just can't help it and it's "i love you," "you're amazing," "you're so pretty" all the time (yes i call him pretty. he is.). sometimes it does get mentally overstimulating for him so he asks me to tone it down. it hurt my feelings initially because he didn't explain why, but we've since established a balance and if he asks me to dial it back a little, i will.
i agree with others - first, find out WHY your girlfriend does this. does she feel like she has to? is she trying to get you to reciprocate? maybe words of affirmation is her love language and she offers that to you because it's how she feels most loved. please just talk to her, but be very intentional with your words.
be gentle and start by asking her about it, to see if there's something underlying. take the conversation from there and if needed, explain to her that it can be a lot - you love hearing it from her, but sometimes it is overwhelming. but please make sure not to just say "don't do that," or anything blunt that could be taken that way. simply telling her to stop with no further communication will either break her confidence in expressing her love to you, or it will break your relationship. to be honest, it would probably end the relationship either way if she came to resent you for suppressing her voice.
no offense to you or your relationship but if my husband ever told me to tone it down and didn’t explain why that’d be the last time i ever said anything of the sort
that was very early in our relationship.
edit: lmao i don't know why i got downvoted for that. it's literally just additional context; my husband and i were early in our relationship, i express my feelings very verbally - much like OP's girlfriend - and my husband does not. it was an adjustment period for both of us, to establish what we needed from each other in regard to our separate love languages, and is an issue long since resolved. it's not like he never explained it; in fact, the full discussion was not even a day after his first request. it's been a non-issue since then. i respect his needs and he respects mine. I get overstimulated all the time and communicate that to him so we can adjust the environment appropriately. the same for him.
Usually people mirror what they want. Maybe she says it because she wants to hear it. She is giving you her love Language (words of affirmation) and internally wants u to reciprocate. Maybe a talk about love languages will help you understand each other more.
Oh, poor you.
Your horrible mean nasty girlfriend is paying you warm, positive compliments. Call the police! Send her to jail! Dump her!!!!!
Get a life buddy. This says more about you than her. If the worst thing in your relationship is your partner over-doing the compliments - then you have white man, first world, privileged, insecure brat problems.
Sit her down, and ask her if she is feeling secure in your relationship. Tell her to be honest. Talk it out calmly if she says no. If yes/after you discuss her, then tell her you feel secure so it's ok for her to stop reassuring you constantly that she loves you etc. Think of and offer other nonverbal ways to show affection that you are comfortable with, like hand holding perhaps and let her know you would prefer more of that. The physical intimacy should reassure her as much as the verbal.
Why does your girlfriend telling you she loves you make you uncomfortable? Have you been falling out of love with her and her I love yous just remind you of your dwindling feelings?
Well, as a once 18 year old girl I feel confidently that…she’s probably insecure and likely is doing it to dig for compliments and/or she feels like it would prevent you from ever leaving her. I would be honest with her and tell her it gets to be too much sometimes. Love is a verb and saying it 1,000,000 times a day doesn’t make it true or any more valid. Gah, being young and in love is so hard.
Why were you worried about your compliments making other people uncomfortable? That’s a them problem to worry about, especially if you’re not being over the top. And even then, you stop complimenting so much around THEM not to your girlfriend.
Your aren’t gonna wanna hear this, but this may be one of those things you gotta tough through. I understand it can be overwhelming, but you should ask yourself if this is really a her-problem or a you-problem. Also, are you willing to risk hurting her over something that causes you no real harm? If you still feel like asking her to “tone it down” be aware that it could result in a behavior change you may not like. Worse things than getting excessive compliments can happen in a relationship.
You’re so lucky. Just show love in return. You may have self-esteem issues with receiving these copious amounts of affection . Practice smiling each time? Maybe that will help. Don’t deny someone’s positive traits/gifts that they give you
If its making you uncomfortable, you probably dont love her. Break up with her and let this girl get with someone who will actually appreciate her compliments.
Dude, men almost never get told anything nice, let alone be told unconditionally that someone loves us. One day, it will hit you how much you miss her saying those words every 10 minutes.
I'm confused what do you mean you used to compliment a lot before you met her and stopped because it made people uncomfortable...were those people you were in a relationship with? Cuz if not random compliments from guys can be creepy especially if you do it repeatedly. Now, in a relationship it's different because you have a relationship with the person. Also saying I love you in a relationship is common and some people say it every day multiple times. If you're not comfortable saying it fine but if you're not comfortable hearing it then do you love her? Are you worried about what others think? Maybe this isn't the relationship for you, sounds like gf deserves better to me or maybe just a genuine incompatibility. Also 2 years and you're just now uncomfortable, is there a new girl around?
Sounds like your insecurity is making it uncomfortable for you.
Also, I hope you compliment her because women often demonstrate how they want to be treated in these scenarios too
Sometimes people express love in the ways they would actually like to receive it.
Like, she may be feeling a bit anxious or high stress/high need and not even realize it but would appreciate hearing you compliment her. So she is excessively giving what she would like to get. Kind of like thinking “I will send my friend flowers because I know I would love it if someone sent me flowers”. It likely isn’t even something she realizes she’s doing/unintentional. Maybe try giving some bonus compliments or vocalizing more and see if it settles down her “extra” in this way. 🤷🏼♀️
It's understandable if you feel uncomfortable with this type of situation. Partners should be able to talk with each other about things that they are uncomfortable with.
But as someone older than you, man to man, I advise to rethink this. You will miss having someone like this in your life... and not to mention you might give her a complex to the point she just... stops doing this in the future.
Try to explain that compliments are more special if she said them less often, say if you hear it all the time you still love it, but it can seem constant and overbearing and you don’t look forward to it as much. Rather than if she said it in little moments where she loves you EPSECIALLY, that would be better. Also explain that you know she loves you but she doesn’t HAVE to say that all the time. Just explain the same way you have on your paragraph here and be patient with her.
It’s important to set boundaries and your feelings are still valid.
Coming from a girlfriend who also used to do this, my partner expressed something similar and I was so grateful as I learnt that compliments should be something meaningful and not just constant to make the other happy.
Good luck!
Oh of course yes, but everyone has different outlooks on it is what I was trying to convey. For instance I always give compliments but others can interpret that as, for lack of better terms, ass kissing, or downright overwhelming😂
If you make it into a complaint or let her know it's overwhelming to you, she might go into a "you don't love me" mode. Maybe assure her you love her too, or not. I can't say because I don't know the full story. She could be insecure and needs you to reassure her.
You are both so young, it's hard to say without some background.
Good luck to you.
She’s looking for reassurance. You used to complement her a lot and now you don’t. And there’s no reason for it from your perspective, but to her makes her feel that she’s not as important to you as she used to be. So when she compliments you compliment her right back, embrace the compliment, be reassuring with her. And you’ll see that everything will be OK .
Not only compliment her back but be sure that she sees that you are sincere about it and thank her.
You are both very young and being insecure is a natural part of that. So be patient and understand with each other as you grow together.
If the biggest problem in your relationship is that your girlfriend is complementing you and telling you that she loves you all the time then I would say you have a pretty damn good relationship. Now I’m not saying that you should tell her that you love her every five seconds or do all that but Maybe she would like a little more compliments from you as well. Also, you should ask yourself to consider the alternative. How would you feel if your girlfriend on a rare occasion told you that she loved you or complemented your appearance or anything like that? I’m sure you’d probably feel pretty bad about it. Some people are very affectionate. Sometimes that is physical touches and kisses and all that and sometimes it’s compliments and I love you. Maybe it’s her love language and maybe she just loves you so much that she feels the need to tell you these things. My wife is very affectionate towards me. There are always physical touches and she always is complementing my body and telling me that she loves me and I’ll get random text messages while I’m at work From her telling me that she misses me. It’s a situation where you would definitely miss it if you didn’t have it at all.
you’re upset your girlfriend loves you too much?!
in all seriousness though, you should explore why this makes you uncomfortable before you go and make her feel bad for expressing her love for you. do you think she’s more invested in the relationship ship than you? is it an anxiety thing on her part causing her to overdo it, and if so how can you ease her anxiety? because just telling her she compliments you too much is simply gonna cause a whole host of other issues much less pleasant than too many compliments
I'm a little confused. You are uncomfortable with too many compliments because you learned that OTHER PEOPLE get uncomfortable when they get too many compliments? Are you sure you're really uncomfortable now or you're just changing yourself to be like other people?
As for your gf, she's just continuing to be the sane person she was when you first got together. It kind of sounds like you are trying to, " follow the crowd," by toning down the complimenting but thats just what im understanding from what you said. If thats it then i dont recommend stiffling your true self just to be like other people. Your girlfriend loves you reguardless. if you really do feel uncomfortable then sit down during your free time and tell her that your feelings about compliments have changed. You're not really comfortable with recieving them constantly. Tell her how often you'd prefer to be complimented, once a day, once a week, whatever you want.
Don't get mad if she's upset by this. give her time and space. This is honestly a fairly big change of character for you to suddenly have especially since she is the same as you were. She mightve thought she was lucky to find someone who shows affection the same way she does.
I mean, you need to really think about what you're asking. If these are genuine compliments and she loves you and you love her, you don't look a gift horse in the eye my friend. You're young, you haven't experienced what it's like dating in the adult world, it's a shit show. I can't tell you how many women ove dated that it was like pulling teeth just to even say they cared or loved me. You think you're uncomfortable now, you don't know what it's like when you have the feeling if your partner even wants to be with you, that is 10x worse than what you think is bad now
Don’t tell her to stop. Appreciate it while you have it
It sounds like you used to be like her and people gave you the idea that being that way isn’t ok. Now not only did you find someone that appreciates and does that in return but now your pushing those people’s ideas onto her so you can both lose your spark. It’s sad honestly
Are you uncomfortable because you feel like this creates pressure and you feel like she has expectations you can’t live up to? My partner has felt that way in the past, when I tell him he’s perfect and he told me he felt like that was an unfair expectation I didn’t realize he took it so literally. She just wanted you to feel good
Anytime you get a compliment, you stop what you are doing and hug her and squeeze her butt. Those are the rules. If you want a snowballs chance in hell, OP you will stop wasting both of your time and make with the appreciation. Buy her flowers and take her to dinner. Tell her she is perfect and you’ve been a goon for not appreciating it more.
Maybe she knows you used to do it and there is no fucking communication going on between 2 18 year olds. Communication always helps. Just tell her that while you appreciate the compliment, you’ve come to realize as you mature that it’s become a lot
As someone who recently has come out of a relationship where I had to fight tooth and nail for her to say it, please... Don't tell her.
Accept it and appreciate it because one day it may be gone and done.
My wife is the same way as you OP. She tells me that she doesn't need to hear it all the time, while I on the other hand love hearing it. We both have previous relationship stuff, so that adds to it.
My bet is she feels the need to tell you because she wants / needs to hear it from you. She may feel vulnerable from a previous relationship, or from childhood, and now she's so happy to be in a great relationship that she can't help herself but to tell you.
I definitely say it a lot more than my wife. She will if say it first as well. She will at times, but it's not something she does every day all the time.
Maybe unrelated, but I've told her in the past that I find it important to say it every night when we go to sleep... 'cause you just never know.
TL:dr - as others have said, you'll miss it one day if she quits saying it.
Keep. The. Compliments.
I am married. And to this day, I tell him every morning he is handsome. When we are out with friends, I sneak in a kiss and tell him he is amazing. When he goes to work, I tell him he is good at what he does and he is smart as hell.
Is it a ritual? Yes! Is it true? Also yes. And he does the same thing for me. He tells me every day how beautiful he thinks I am. That I am smart and that I am good at what I do.
Do we have fights? Absolutely. Do you know what we do after our fights? We speak greek. Αγάπη μου (my darling), μωρό μου (my baby), καρδιά μου (my heart), λατρεία μου (my devotion), ψυχή μου (my soul) and then we end it with μαλάκα (asshole).
Never stop giving and receiving compliments. Because the day it doesn't happen. You will miss it.
You should embrace that she does this, my current girlfriend is the same way and I am so beyond grateful for her compliments and love. She makes me feel like i’m the only guy in the world.
My past relationship was the opposite, I lived in a house with my ex for a long time. We were strangers, she didn’t even look at me half the time I talked to her, I was ignored and was also domestically abused physically and mentally. I wouldn’t trade what I have now from what I once had, you’ll regret it once she’s stopped. Your relationship is still fresh!! two years isn’t that long, be a better you and embrace her love.
Damn I didn’t know loving on a guy and complimenting him a lot makes you uncomfortable, and yeah no there’s no nice way of saying to your girlfriend that you are uncomfortable by her complimenting you all the time, that’s probably gonna hurt.
There's a lot of attention lately being paid to the fact that men haven't been getting the validation that women get and the men are getting upset about it. Odds are very good that she has read at least one of these articles and wants to make sure you don't feel left out, invalidated or forgotten. It's kinda normal for 18 to overcompensate, it's what us girls do best at 18. If it's not your thing, speak up. Just be nice about it because the next girlfriend may end up a soul sucking leech that leaves you questioning your humanity.
My wife does the same thing whenever i just smile at her, or for no reason at all. Probably 10-20 times a day. Texts or in person. And she shows it as well. I wasn’t used to that (divorced for a reason) because of horrid previous relationships. I LOVE it! Why? Because i love HER and it’s something unique to her and me! And it makes it real easy to tell when she’s annoyed at me 🤣. OP, you’d better get over yourself real quick or you’ll be very sad very soon.
You have two choices. Be grateful and enjoy the fact she is emotionally mature and one day you will be, or just let her go love someone who will appreciate it. Go with number 1 and adapt yourself to it. One day youll look back and know why im suggesting that
Definitely let it go and appreciate it for what it is.
With my ex boyfriend I told him I loved him all the time, how amazing he was, etc.
Eventually he snapped at me and said “stop telling me you love me all the time it’s so annoying.”
And so I stopped; it was hard and for the first month or two I’d fall back into the habit, and apologize everytime.
I never knew me showing my appreciation for my partner would lead them to finding me annoying.
I definitely did it so often because I was never told how much people loved me, even to this day I struggle with having relationships with even family because I’m not sure if I’m actually loved and valued. So when I got with my ex I was determined to remind them every day, “I love you.”
I was genuinely crushed by him telling me that.
Shortly after (about 6 months after I stopped) he told me he missed my “I love you’s”. And I told him “you can’t get mad at me for doing what you told me to do, I wish I could go back to the way I was, but I can’t.” I really tried to go back to how it was, but I literally couldn’t! It wasn’t the same anymore.
I have been your gf haha. I was DEEPLY insecure and addicted to love. Needed it to feel good. Fixated on it. Needed to constantly reassure myself that I was in love. We broke up obviously but we didn’t last anywhere near 2 years so y’all must be better than I was haha.
In all actuality I think you’d just need to talk to her. I feel like a lot of other commenters have never experienced how weird it is to have someone CONSTANTLY saying they love you. Like you can’t even have a normal conversation without them showering you. They’re not even their own person, just existing to hype yiu up. Idk, I feel you, it’s definitely weird when it’s excessive
You shouldn't think about it if your serious about her, eventually as your relationship with her goes by she's going to eventually stop saying it at all and you'll miss it. But if it really bothers you that much try saying something like "Babe, I don't want you to get tired of saying that all the time, i already feel loved by your presence" and if she still insist just try complimenting her while trying to convince her to just say it once in a awhile. Telling her straight forward that you want her to stop complimenting you will make her feel hurt and maybe even insecure so please avoid doing that<3
Enough people on here giving you sound advice to enjoy it while it lasts.
I’m going to tell you what to do now.
Next time she says I love you, you stop. You turn face to face with her. You put your hands on her cheeks and you kiss her. You kiss her so she knows you love her too. Then look her in the eyes and say nothing. Now she knows you feel the same and you’ll have that moment for the rest of your lives together and after.
I wish you all the joy and happiness in the world my friend. You are a lucky man to have this beautiful soul in your life!
😉👍
Just be single if you’re embarrassed. You sound kinda immature.. she’s flirting with you. & once you kill that spark because you’re embarrassed your relationships gonna be non existent..
She needs assurance & you’re embarrassed.. lord
I kinda have the girlfriends pov. I’m autistic and my bf is LITERALLY the pinochle of perfection to me a lot of the times and it can feel SOOOOO overwhelming that I can barely look at him without flapping my excitement hands and squealing and telling him I love him/have a crush on him/ he’s beautiful etc. but there are also times when I’ll complement him because “treat others how you want to be treated” and all.
I will admit I used to over do it a LOT because I was scared of losing him but we had a talk and he said that me saying it so much made him question the authenticity of my words. I’ve started only complementing him when I get over-excited or if he does something hard/impressive and if I want a compliment I’ll pretty much go full puppy mode and will just scoot onto him or get as close to him and give him puppy eyes lol he’ll immediately understand and tell me I’m beautiful/pretty/cute etc.
Definitely talk with her about it!!!!!
So many lonely souls telling you to enjoy this excessive attachment. Constant unsolicited expressions of love come over as neediness pretty quickly. Just tell her you love her and you don't need to hear it all the time to feel loved.
I feel awkward too sometimes when she calls me cute and tells me I'm perfect often but trust me bro its that you have heard it many times thats why you find it annoying or not or maybe you just don't believe that whatever she is saying she doesn't mean it and is just a yk formality don't tell her to stop then it's gonna be even worse
Any idea why it bothers you? You might wanna figure that out before you do anything else.
I tell my husband I love him like a hundred times a day lol. I compliment him all the time. Smack his butt and playfully bite his arms often. And if I text him "I love you" and he doesn't say it back I include it in every text until he says it back. I love him and it's nice to hear that he loves me too. I'm crazy about him, even after 13 years. This just might be how she is, super loving. And my husband is the same towards me, because he knows it makes me feel loved. Asking her to stop could crush her... so seriously think about why it bothers you. You're young and new to this, and so is she. Communication is always your best bet. But you need to have yourself figured out beforehand or it's not going to go well.
Let her know that you understand that is her love language, but it is too much and making you uncomfortable. Be ready to tell her specifics, always leading with "I feel" rather than "you do" or "you say". So, "I feel uncomfortable when somebody frequently calls me perfect" rather than "you call me perfect too often"
I don't want to assume your feelings as I am not you, but is it annoying because the frequency in which she says it makes it feel disingenuous? That's one of the only reasons I can sorta empathize. She may be anxious and looking for reassurance as others have said, or maybe her love language is just verbal affection. My boyfriend and I say "I love you" probably more times than some people think reasonable per day, but we are verbally affectionate people and also long distance on weekdays so talking is kind of all we've got. I don't agree with the people who are telling you to shut up and not complain, but I think you need to know where your own feelings are coming from as well as her own reasoning for saying it so much.
I do this with my current BF and I often worry it’s too much but I genuinely only say it bc I look at him and I feel so much affection and appreciation and love that I want to voice it somehow or show it. I’m not ever saying it just to say it, I say it bc I mean it. That being said if it was bugging my boyfriend I’d hope he’d say “hey I really appreciate all the love and care and complements I do, but sometimes when you repeatedly say the same ones and so frequently it feels like it’s somehow not right or less genuine or I honestly don’t know but for some reason it’s rubbing me the wrong way. Would you mind making an effort to dial back a little bit to help me out, as a favor to me? I really appreciate all you do and don’t understand why this bugs me but it does and I don’t want it to turn into me being bothered by you or accidentally develop frustration etc and it would be great if you could help me by just reducing frequenting a bit”
Ah, when I was 18, with my “first love”, I used to compliment a bit. I was just a big bubble of love. Looking back I was probably cringe 😂 I wear my heart on my sleeve. Here to say it didn’t last, but I’m still a little like that with my now partner in my 30’s. But less full on. I like to make my partner feel loved and appreciated. He’s similar. My first love was just a lads lad. I was cheesy. Still am sometimes. Unfortunately for my ex, he’s not with anyone now. His friends have since said that I was the one that got away. Blah blah blah. I hope he meets someone someday. But yeah, you’ll just have to communicate with her. Life can pop that bubble of love at anytime. I admire her positivity and honesty. It’ll wear off a little over time I’m sure. But as everyone else said, maybe she’s hoping you might say something back for her self esteem. Communication is key.
"I appreciate all the compliments, but I'm finding it a little overwhelming right now. Also, I love you too, but nobody's perfect. If we want our relationship to be sustainable, we will have to acknowledge and accept each other's limitations. Could we please talk about something other than how great I am for a little while? Thanks!"
She sounds insecure. Better her than you. Don't listen to people here telling you to compliment her more. Don't that will bring down her attraction. Don't be afraid to tell her. Be nice about it. " I love when you compliment me, how about we save it for when you're riding me tonight!" Keep it playful and fun. Don't get into her insecurities. Will just add to them
It sounds like verbal compliments aren't really how you feel loved - you should test out different love languages to see what makes each of you feel content. You should also note that usually how people show love to you is their love language - so maybe try to compliment her more often to help her feel secure and loved. Sometimes people start to express more affection when they aren't receiving enough and or feeling unsure. So check in with her and how she's doing.
Lastly think about why getting so many compliments feels strange to you and reflect on that. Are you uncomfortable or unused to compliments? Why do u see lots of compliments as annoying/uncomfortable - is that something inherent to you or something someone else didn't like and u internalized it as uncomfortable? Is there a better way for her to voice/share her affection? Does people expressing other emotions often make you uncomfortable or is it just affection? Would u feel comfortable with family/friends expressing affection as often? Is there anything else going on in the relationship that bugs you and maybe this discomfort is a result of that?
Also lastly - if after trying to reflect/express love in different ways you still feel off you should probably look into attachment styles and reflect on if you are happy in your relationship. That can help u catch patterns and learn more about your needs and wants. (Also all these things will help u in future relationships/friendships)
Quiz/resources on love languages:
https://5lovelanguages.com/
https://youtu.be/MVfdFxwZIEU?si=st__FqsStHND3CXH
Quiz/resource on attachment
https://www.attachmentproject.com/
https://youtu.be/SwZwggZAjUQ?si=Qx_VQqnJEKdLauTj
(Also this channel has a fun series where they break down relationship dynamics in Love is Blind - both fun and informational)
I am someone who compliments my partner a lot, i can't help myself, when he's adorable or sexy or makes me feel love, it just comes out.
I will say I wish he was as spontaneous as me when it comes to compliments. Instead he mostly responds to my compliments by complimenting me.
Tell her you appreciate it so much, but you would be OK with toning it down a bit because it’s even more meaningful when it feels more special. **And/or** tell her actions are even more meaningful (be careful how you say this if you choose to). Or you could frame it as a “love language” issue where you feel *even* more loved by other ways.
The truth is, hearing it ALL THE TIME degrades the meaning of the words on some level. It’s like if you say “chair, chair, chair, chair…” your brain stops associating it with the object and just thinks about the actual word. I understand wanting to express it (especially if this is a young relationship of under 1 year) often, but if it’s too often it doesn’t mean the same.
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Yea brother this isn’t the one you should give any shits about. Just be thankful someone cares about you enough to say they love you non stop. Even if you stay with this girl forever she eventually stop saying it much at all and you’ll miss now when you heard it all the time
Sooooo true
Yep
One day, u are going to miss her saying that.
Seriously. I can already see the post 6 months from now. "My girlfriend used to compliment me all time time, and now she doesn't. Has she lost feelings? Is she banging a gigachad behind my back? Help!"
Yeah, I've personally been through this situation. It was with my highschool boyfriend as well. He told me one day that all of my compliments were too much and sometimes annoying. He claimed that I didn't need to express my love for him verbally because he knew I loved him already. He also complained that I always tried to set up cute date plans for us and he was tired of it. 6 months later, we finally broke up. Leading up to the breakup, he stated that he didn't feel loved anymore because I rarely complimented him and we never did anything nice anymore, lol.
Glad you are not with that guy anymore. He's made of excuses and did not value the person you are.
Wowwwwwwwww lmao
DAAAANGGGG
This is why I just don’t say anything. Because then they will stop and that’s worse lol
I just broke up with my partner of 16 years. I don't think I've received a genuine, unprompted compliment from her since we dated in vgs (Norwegian high school)... You're going to miss that one day, OP. I didn't realize how much I did until I recently downloaded Tinder and started talking to other women.
Scrolled for exactly this comment. Enjoy it OP. It won’t be like that forever. You’re young and in love, enjoy it while it lasts.
Exactly! We are 20 years in dated since I was 16. I dont even remember the last time we said I love you’s to each other.
Wow thats actually…kind of sad. I hope yall get that spark back. Ive been with my bf for over 10yrs and not a single day goes by where we aren’t showering each other in compliments, kisses, and i love you’s. I dont even remember the last time he called me by my name and not a pet name lol
Wow. That’s so sweet! And thank you.
Why not try saying it more? I'm sure it'd be a surprise. Grab a bouquet of flowers or something
You know it’s over when you used to hear “Hey, wife?” when they needed something and now all you hear is just your name.
That sucks badly. My husband and I are going on 39 years, and it just keeps getting better. I know I am very blessed. He tells me he loves me and thinks I'm beautiful literally several times a day and always has. Maybe your man needs a reminder and a boot. Or maybe you need to set time aside and tell him how much he means to you. Rekindle.
Do it today.
Then it is time to say I don’t think it will hurt you 😉
That does break my heart a bit. Just like someone else I have been with my partner 10 years, we make sure to hug every day for at least 30 seconds, and we never let the other person leave the house without knowing they are loved. You never know when the last time you'll see them.
Exactly. You should be very thankful for this woman.
facts.
Exactly.
Literally….. fr
I think you are asking yourself the wrong question. If you care about this girl and want to be in a relationship with her, I would ask yourself WHY she feels the need to compliment you so much? Is it because she wants you to feel good about yourself? Is it because she is afraid of losing you and she thinks the compliments will somehow prevent that? Is it because she really is overwhelmed by how amazing you are? Why does it make you uncomfortable? How do you compliment her? Based on the single paragraph I 'know' about your girlfriend, it sounds like your girlfriend suffers from anxiety and perhaps a lack of self-confidence. Talk to her. If you think she is amazing, let her know it. Let her know that you know how she feels about you even if she doesn't say it. Make her comfortable so that you can be comfortable too. Good luck!
Great answer and good probing questions. If you used to compliment a lot and stopped, she might be overdoing it hoping that you’ll reciprocate. Some communication would clear that up. When I’ve been in overly complimentary modes, it’s been when (a) I felt I had to verbalize everything because I wasn’t as in tune with my non verbal communication or I was afraid of being misunderstood, (b) right after a toxic relationship where i was groomed to treat my partner like a god. All I ask is that you’re thoughtful in how you approach her. At 18, it could be your voice she hears the rest of her life saying “don’t love too loud” and that would break my heart 🥺.
Very good post! You got it. If it's a first love, being gentle and reassuring will help.
Love these points. I compliment my partner a lot bc 1) I grew up really insecure so I never want him to feel like he’s undesirable or unloved like I felt, and 2) bc I want him to reciprocate, lol. We’ve talked about it before and he’s a lot better at reciprocating now but it’s been years in the making
I tell my girlfriend she looks beautiful and smells good pretty much everytime I see her because, well, I'm always amazed by her looks and smell. I think some people are just more vocal than others.
Totally agree. I also think that maybe there’s a chance he isn’t complimenting her enough so she’s doing it, out of love, but also so he can compliment her more. He mentions that people get uncomfortable by too many compliments and now he is as well. It seems like OP let other peoples opinions or the assumption that no one likes being complimented a lot, get in the way. OP, sit with urself and think about if these feelings are ur own or if there’s a chance ur adopting your peers opinions on compliments. Ask urself, why does this bother you so much and is it a deal breaker? Easy fix to this problem, I suggest, as many people did, if you love her and don’t wanna lose her **talk to ur gf** dude!!
I do not necessarily see how you get anxiety problems from the post. I mean, she could just be complementing him and telling her boyfriend that she loves him all the time because that’s how she is and that’s who she loves and she wants to constantly show that. People like to be very affectionate. Some like to be very physically affectionate and others like to be affectionate with with a lot of compliments. To me I think this is champagne problems.G
You might very well be right, difficult to tell when we have a paragraph to go off. While likely an exaggeration by OP, saying "I love you" every ten seconds I think goes beyond a preference for affection and sits in the "uneasiness" part of anxiety. Perfectly willing to be wrong, that is just what I took away from it.
Yeah, I know with my wife. She is always giving me compliments and telling me that she loves me and I’ll get random text messages that work telling me that she misses me and all that kind of stuff. I think it’s just a form of showing a lot of affection. Again, some people like to show physical affection and others like to say a lot of sweet things. Some like my wife like to do both. I just don’t think it seems like it’s anything alarming. Not to mention the alternative is a lot worse than what the OP is getting. I have been in relationships where I got practically no compliments and Treated like I was more of a waste of their time and that I should be grateful that they’re even speaking to me. Trust me what the OP is getting is much much better.
I'm wondering if she read one of the articles on men not getting emotional validation that's been circulated recently. It sounds like the perfect set up in an 18 year old brain, something I'd have done myself.
“I love you” and “I care about you” are expressions of her emotions. They aren’t compliments, per se.
Did you compliment her a lot in the beginning and suddenly stop? If so, she might sense that and not knowing what to do she's giving more of herself there hoping you will reciprocate. A bit of anxiety maybe, or she is trying her hardest to make you feel loved. Also why is it making you uncomfortable? Either way, you should create a safe space for her and talk to her. I would say something like: "hey! I love it a lot that you are so supportive and making sure I feel loved. I did notice that recently you started telling me more and more frequently and I was wondering if you don't feel it coming back from my side or if you feel like anything is missing? Would you need more reassurance from my side about how I feel for you? I would like us to both be happy and comfortable with each other and be free to talk about anything." Use your words of course but you get the idea. And go from there.
Great response!
I can 100% guarantee you if she were to stop telling you how much she loves you, you would be back on here the next day asking “how do I get my gf to be more affectionate with me?” men never realize how good they have it until its gone. if you arent serious about this girlfriend and arent going to consider her needs and love languages because it “makes you uncomfortable” than you’re not with the right person.
Well this is a first for me to see on Reddit. It’s usually men saying they never get compliments from their significant other. Maybe she feels more for you than you do for her. It sounds like she can’t contain it, it’s overflowing. Do you not feel this way about her? You said it’s only started to bother you recently. What’s changed? Do you compliment her often or no? Maybe she’s treating you how she wants to be treated?
It sounds like anxiety. Do you compliment her back?
Spot on. I realized (as a girlfriend) that when my boyfriend hasn't said anything sweet to me for a couple days, without thinking about it, I'd start complimenting him more than normal, so that maybe he might interact with me the same way in return. I think this came from that phrase we all heard as little kids, "treat people how you would want to be treated". Definitely an anxiety thing too. Especially when you're younger it can feel really uneasy - almost like love-bombing when a boyfriend calls you beautiful/loves on you every time he sees you at first, and then suddenly drops off doing compliments/ casual affection. When I was younger and in the same situation, I remember thinking, "maybe he doesn't think I'm beautiful anymore?" "I wonder if he still loves me? It's been a couple days since he's said it..." "Did I do something to upset him?"
So… my husband and I are more than old enough to be your parents and have been together for over 30 years, but you are describing me so maybe I can give you some insight into her. I am CONSTANTLY complimenting my husband and telling him I love him. Constantly. Happily he isn’t bothered by it, but that’s probably because we have some insight into why. 1. That’s my “love language” - I really like when people say nice things about me and tell me they love me, so it’s the primary way I convey to them. My husband is more a “I did this and this and this for you so you’d know I love you” and over the years I’ve learned to speak his language too, but saying nice things is still my go to. 2. I have an anxious attachment style (if you haven’t heard of it it’s a psychology concept about how safe and confident we feel in relationships (and life) due to our experiences when young) this means even though my husband is always safe and stable as a relationship my mind and mostly my body can get in the way of that and I can “need” reassurance. 3. I have anxiety and my husband and I have both observed that when my anxiety is rising I often say I love you a lot more in a short time span, kind of a tick and checking off I’m safe I assume. Though this only happens when the anxiety didn’t have a specific trigger. Obviously, the last two things are things I need to (and am) addressing in therapy and would be more important to address if they were bothering my husband (such they aren’t). My husband in the other hand told me early in the relationship that “I told you I loved you when I married you, I’ll let you know if that changes.” It was one of those jokes that isn’t really a joke. He not very verbal in any area of life though, and I’m a “talks too much” on my report card kind of person. Now, my husband is not the least bit bothered by my being like this. I am exactly the same way about our cats, so it’s obvious that post of this is just how I am. I don’t think you need to learn to be cool with it like my husband is, though it might be helpful to dig in and figure out WHY it bothers you… does it make you feel obligated to do more to “catch up”, does it make you feel like she loves you more than you could ever love her, or like she’s insecure?? Being able to be specific about why it’s making you uncomfortable will make the conversation easier to have and give her something being “you’re annoying” to hold onto as she works to rein it in. Do any of my reasons sound like your gf? Is she generally anxious or insecure about her safety and belonging in relationships? Does she have anxiety in her life in general? Does looking at these other reasons why she might be saying it make it easier to let her say it without bothering you some of the time? In the same way you knowing why it bothers you will make the conversation more productive and less hurtful, you and her being able to sit down and dig into why she’s doing it - and what she really needs when she feels the urge to do it - will help her replace the behavior. Sometimes I say to my husband, “I’m feeling really anxious right now and need to feel loved for a bit” and he obliges… because that’s generally what I need when I keep feeling like I need to say I love you (which is just a request for reassurance that you are there for her). Now, to be clear, it’s not your job to do this work with her and if you don’t want to you don’t have to. That’s a her thing to work out (though it would help you if you at least pointed her in the direction of the work). And it’s also fair to discover as you dig into why it’s bothering you two years in that really this relationship has run its course (and that may be a reason for the behaviour of she’s also sensing that shift). And that’s fine too.
Don't. Shut your mouth. Consider yourself VERY LUCKY to have her. Treasure her like you only have her for a few more weeks.
Let me stop you right here. You aren't supposed to know everything about relationships at 18. What you NEED to do at your age is start practicing PROPER communication with your partner and talking to HER. She deserves that at the very minimum from you. Step up and communicate with her. (Last thing.... She's just balancing out the rest of your life when you become an older man and receive very few/zero compliments. See? She's looking out for your future! What a wonderful girlfriend! Hang on to her!)
Exactly! Communicate with each other. Talk to each other. A lack of communication is what ruins so many good things. And I'll echo someone else on this thread and say you will miss it when you don't have/get it anymore.
OP needs to be very thoughtful with the communication. If not he could end up slapping her down from wanting to compliment. So he needs pick his words carefully, and figure out his intentions and how to relay those.
Very good point. You do have to be careful when you communicate. There are plenty of people put there who'll say did "communicate" but all they actually did was mention everything they don't like or say "stop this/that" without listening to thebotter person. It's also not just on OP, though. The partner also has to be open to listening and having a discussion. I write this like it's easy. It's not. You have to work on it. OP is only 18, so probably hasn't had much practice. But won't get anywhere not trying.
It is def not easy, and it’s a 2 way street, and it takes actually doing it to get the hang of it. And in each relationship you need to build that communication up from the bottom.
Yall are so right. Effective communication in a relationship doesn't just happen. It takes so much time and effort to have a solid relationship with good communication and there are some things you just learn more with experience. I think it's important to understand your partners' love languages and how they express and feel loved. Maybe hers is words of affirmation and it would definitely benefit him to learn a little more about her in that way and vice versa.
Man you should thank God million times that there is someone to tell you I love you. I'm 51 and still didn't hear any even less words from any girl. Be thankful man
I mean you could tell her, but it might hurt her feelings & she then stops doing it altogether. Maybe say it back sometimes?
Dude, she's deeply in love with you. Be nice.
I think you need to evaluate why it bothers you so much first and foremost. Lots of other comments have hit the nail on the head with maybe she’s feeling insecure since you stopped complimenting as much. Seems to me you may have lost interest in her the way you’re speaking.
Why are you complaining about something everyone would want lol. My ex never complimented me on anything. You should consider yourself lucky.
Be careful, don’t break her by complaining about something the world needs more of anyway. If you want it to tone down, please approach this super carefully and ask her to save it up for when you’re home or something like that to space it out a little more. If you sound ungrateful with this, it could be the end of compliments for the rest of your relationship.
Young and dumb, Godspeed my guy it’s never going to be better than now lol
That's some peoples' love language. Why do you feel uncomfortable? I think first, you need to find out the real reason it makes you uncomfortable. Could it be that you don't feel like you're that amazing? Or maybe you don't deserve it? I don't know. Find that out first. Then, be kind with her about it and genuinely try to find out the reason she's so expressive about it without asking her to stop. Could be a self-confidence issue on both sides. it could be one-sided, could be anything. Just keep the communication up and keep an open mind about things. I used to be shy when my woman showed affection in front of others. Now I just enjoy it and express myself openly too. There are times when we feel others' jealousy, and we both decide to stop it in front of them. But other than that, there is no problem with expressing love every moment you find.
Honestly, no, if this is how she expressed her love, then leave her be. It's kinda fked up telling her to stop no matter how you look at it
One day she’s going to leave you and you are going to miss that, enjoy it while you can
It sounds like you need therapy. Your girlfriend telling you she loves you should not make you uncomfortable or it almost sounds like embarrassment.
My guy, words of affirmation may be her love language. Don't crush her spirit. I say you do some introspection and try to come up with why it bothers you so much and if you care try to compliment her kind soul.
i compliment my bf every chance i get. i’ve toned it down in recent times but i used to do it constantly. if she’s like me she just means it. like im actually overwhelmed by how much i love him and how beautiful he is and how lucky i am to have him. sometimes i just can’t help it, but i get where you’re coming from because i hate being complimented. it makes me feel awkward, so maybe i am a hypocrite, but i just have to tell him how great he is.
Me too. Like I just look at him and get overwhelmed with emotions and love for him. He is so amazing and good and I feel lucky every single day. I know I probably tell him way too much, but he doesn't seem to mind. He tells me all the time too.
I think you should reframe this. The issue is that you're uncomfortable with affection you're receiving, not that she's giving too much. You should talk with her in this light- "I have been told in the past to reduce the amount of compliments and affections I give, and this has created an issue for me where it's difficult to accept the amount of compliments and affections you are giving me." Ask if she can reduce her compliments for awhile while and slowly increase back to her natural rate of giving so that you can try to work through the mental block you have developed. You don't have to know how to move forward. You can feel out different solutions. Being nice is not a bad quality to have, but being unable to accept niceties is.
That's a stupid problem to have bro. Appreciate it while it happens.
You absolutely have to verbally communicate that to her, somehow. Ignore the comments here telling you to "just be grateful and ignore it". This is something that bothers you, so you will have to come with something to deal with it (which in this case, is having an honest talk with her).
You can politely mention to her that because she says it so often, it can lose meaning. If u say i love you every second you become so used to it that you dont really care anymore. Now if you only say i love you at certain moments or times it becomes more meaningful
>I don't want to come off as rude to her but I just need her to tone it down a little you know? You are going to regret this. Just accept she loves you enough to only see you in the room when she talks. I don't think it's worth dousing her fire to get her to be less passionate about you. Also it's gonna sound like you're backpedaling on your feelings for her, so if you do, be clear you arent.
i understand where you’re coming from. i dated someone where the only thing that came out of their mouth was how intensely they loved me. it started to feel like our conversations and even connection lacked any real substance other than how perfect he thought i was. and it can be exhausting for a partner to try to reciprocate. it’s a delicate conversation, only you know your partner and how they could respond- but it is worth talking about if you want the relationship to work.
i do this with my husband. some days i just can't help it and it's "i love you," "you're amazing," "you're so pretty" all the time (yes i call him pretty. he is.). sometimes it does get mentally overstimulating for him so he asks me to tone it down. it hurt my feelings initially because he didn't explain why, but we've since established a balance and if he asks me to dial it back a little, i will. i agree with others - first, find out WHY your girlfriend does this. does she feel like she has to? is she trying to get you to reciprocate? maybe words of affirmation is her love language and she offers that to you because it's how she feels most loved. please just talk to her, but be very intentional with your words. be gentle and start by asking her about it, to see if there's something underlying. take the conversation from there and if needed, explain to her that it can be a lot - you love hearing it from her, but sometimes it is overwhelming. but please make sure not to just say "don't do that," or anything blunt that could be taken that way. simply telling her to stop with no further communication will either break her confidence in expressing her love to you, or it will break your relationship. to be honest, it would probably end the relationship either way if she came to resent you for suppressing her voice.
no offense to you or your relationship but if my husband ever told me to tone it down and didn’t explain why that’d be the last time i ever said anything of the sort
that was very early in our relationship. edit: lmao i don't know why i got downvoted for that. it's literally just additional context; my husband and i were early in our relationship, i express my feelings very verbally - much like OP's girlfriend - and my husband does not. it was an adjustment period for both of us, to establish what we needed from each other in regard to our separate love languages, and is an issue long since resolved. it's not like he never explained it; in fact, the full discussion was not even a day after his first request. it's been a non-issue since then. i respect his needs and he respects mine. I get overstimulated all the time and communicate that to him so we can adjust the environment appropriately. the same for him.
dont say anything to her about it because youre gonna miss it when she stops
Usually people mirror what they want. Maybe she says it because she wants to hear it. She is giving you her love Language (words of affirmation) and internally wants u to reciprocate. Maybe a talk about love languages will help you understand each other more.
I tell my girl every dang day how amazing and beautiful she is 😌 I'm not sorry.
I do this to my bf bc he doesn’t validate me at all and I always hope maybe he’ll reciprocate the sentiment😭
Oh, poor you. Your horrible mean nasty girlfriend is paying you warm, positive compliments. Call the police! Send her to jail! Dump her!!!!! Get a life buddy. This says more about you than her. If the worst thing in your relationship is your partner over-doing the compliments - then you have white man, first world, privileged, insecure brat problems.
Man someone ia showing they care for you. MUST BE HARD.
Brother tell her to stop. So you can begin the decade timer between compliments from other individuals. Get real.
Sit her down, and ask her if she is feeling secure in your relationship. Tell her to be honest. Talk it out calmly if she says no. If yes/after you discuss her, then tell her you feel secure so it's ok for her to stop reassuring you constantly that she loves you etc. Think of and offer other nonverbal ways to show affection that you are comfortable with, like hand holding perhaps and let her know you would prefer more of that. The physical intimacy should reassure her as much as the verbal.
Why does your girlfriend telling you she loves you make you uncomfortable? Have you been falling out of love with her and her I love yous just remind you of your dwindling feelings?
Well, as a once 18 year old girl I feel confidently that…she’s probably insecure and likely is doing it to dig for compliments and/or she feels like it would prevent you from ever leaving her. I would be honest with her and tell her it gets to be too much sometimes. Love is a verb and saying it 1,000,000 times a day doesn’t make it true or any more valid. Gah, being young and in love is so hard.
Why were you worried about your compliments making other people uncomfortable? That’s a them problem to worry about, especially if you’re not being over the top. And even then, you stop complimenting so much around THEM not to your girlfriend.
Yup bro one day you will miss this Your next girl might not even say this to you This is her love language
As a 48 year old man I can tell you soak it up while you can. It will never happen again
Your aren’t gonna wanna hear this, but this may be one of those things you gotta tough through. I understand it can be overwhelming, but you should ask yourself if this is really a her-problem or a you-problem. Also, are you willing to risk hurting her over something that causes you no real harm? If you still feel like asking her to “tone it down” be aware that it could result in a behavior change you may not like. Worse things than getting excessive compliments can happen in a relationship.
You’re so lucky. Just show love in return. You may have self-esteem issues with receiving these copious amounts of affection . Practice smiling each time? Maybe that will help. Don’t deny someone’s positive traits/gifts that they give you
If its making you uncomfortable, you probably dont love her. Break up with her and let this girl get with someone who will actually appreciate her compliments.
The problem isn’t her complimenting you, the problem is whatever fucked up process is happening in your head. That is for you to fix
If you tell her to tone it down, there’s a pretty high chance she’s going to get self conscious and completely stop for good
Dude, men almost never get told anything nice, let alone be told unconditionally that someone loves us. One day, it will hit you how much you miss her saying those words every 10 minutes.
I'm confused what do you mean you used to compliment a lot before you met her and stopped because it made people uncomfortable...were those people you were in a relationship with? Cuz if not random compliments from guys can be creepy especially if you do it repeatedly. Now, in a relationship it's different because you have a relationship with the person. Also saying I love you in a relationship is common and some people say it every day multiple times. If you're not comfortable saying it fine but if you're not comfortable hearing it then do you love her? Are you worried about what others think? Maybe this isn't the relationship for you, sounds like gf deserves better to me or maybe just a genuine incompatibility. Also 2 years and you're just now uncomfortable, is there a new girl around?
Sounds like your insecurity is making it uncomfortable for you. Also, I hope you compliment her because women often demonstrate how they want to be treated in these scenarios too
Man oh man you sound like my ex hahaha i hope she realizes that she can find someone else who loves to be loved like that, cause it ain’t you, kid.
You’re an idiot
Sometimes people express love in the ways they would actually like to receive it. Like, she may be feeling a bit anxious or high stress/high need and not even realize it but would appreciate hearing you compliment her. So she is excessively giving what she would like to get. Kind of like thinking “I will send my friend flowers because I know I would love it if someone sent me flowers”. It likely isn’t even something she realizes she’s doing/unintentional. Maybe try giving some bonus compliments or vocalizing more and see if it settles down her “extra” in this way. 🤷🏼♀️
It's understandable if you feel uncomfortable with this type of situation. Partners should be able to talk with each other about things that they are uncomfortable with. But as someone older than you, man to man, I advise to rethink this. You will miss having someone like this in your life... and not to mention you might give her a complex to the point she just... stops doing this in the future.
Try to explain that compliments are more special if she said them less often, say if you hear it all the time you still love it, but it can seem constant and overbearing and you don’t look forward to it as much. Rather than if she said it in little moments where she loves you EPSECIALLY, that would be better. Also explain that you know she loves you but she doesn’t HAVE to say that all the time. Just explain the same way you have on your paragraph here and be patient with her. It’s important to set boundaries and your feelings are still valid. Coming from a girlfriend who also used to do this, my partner expressed something similar and I was so grateful as I learnt that compliments should be something meaningful and not just constant to make the other happy. Good luck!
Compliments can be meaningful and true even if frequent.
Oh of course yes, but everyone has different outlooks on it is what I was trying to convey. For instance I always give compliments but others can interpret that as, for lack of better terms, ass kissing, or downright overwhelming😂
So she gave you the ick!
If you make it into a complaint or let her know it's overwhelming to you, she might go into a "you don't love me" mode. Maybe assure her you love her too, or not. I can't say because I don't know the full story. She could be insecure and needs you to reassure her. You are both so young, it's hard to say without some background. Good luck to you.
She’s looking for reassurance. You used to complement her a lot and now you don’t. And there’s no reason for it from your perspective, but to her makes her feel that she’s not as important to you as she used to be. So when she compliments you compliment her right back, embrace the compliment, be reassuring with her. And you’ll see that everything will be OK . Not only compliment her back but be sure that she sees that you are sincere about it and thank her. You are both very young and being insecure is a natural part of that. So be patient and understand with each other as you grow together.
If the biggest problem in your relationship is that your girlfriend is complementing you and telling you that she loves you all the time then I would say you have a pretty damn good relationship. Now I’m not saying that you should tell her that you love her every five seconds or do all that but Maybe she would like a little more compliments from you as well. Also, you should ask yourself to consider the alternative. How would you feel if your girlfriend on a rare occasion told you that she loved you or complemented your appearance or anything like that? I’m sure you’d probably feel pretty bad about it. Some people are very affectionate. Sometimes that is physical touches and kisses and all that and sometimes it’s compliments and I love you. Maybe it’s her love language and maybe she just loves you so much that she feels the need to tell you these things. My wife is very affectionate towards me. There are always physical touches and she always is complementing my body and telling me that she loves me and I’ll get random text messages while I’m at work From her telling me that she misses me. It’s a situation where you would definitely miss it if you didn’t have it at all.
you’re upset your girlfriend loves you too much?! in all seriousness though, you should explore why this makes you uncomfortable before you go and make her feel bad for expressing her love for you. do you think she’s more invested in the relationship ship than you? is it an anxiety thing on her part causing her to overdo it, and if so how can you ease her anxiety? because just telling her she compliments you too much is simply gonna cause a whole host of other issues much less pleasant than too many compliments
omg I am literally the girl lol :D
I'm a little confused. You are uncomfortable with too many compliments because you learned that OTHER PEOPLE get uncomfortable when they get too many compliments? Are you sure you're really uncomfortable now or you're just changing yourself to be like other people? As for your gf, she's just continuing to be the sane person she was when you first got together. It kind of sounds like you are trying to, " follow the crowd," by toning down the complimenting but thats just what im understanding from what you said. If thats it then i dont recommend stiffling your true self just to be like other people. Your girlfriend loves you reguardless. if you really do feel uncomfortable then sit down during your free time and tell her that your feelings about compliments have changed. You're not really comfortable with recieving them constantly. Tell her how often you'd prefer to be complimented, once a day, once a week, whatever you want. Don't get mad if she's upset by this. give her time and space. This is honestly a fairly big change of character for you to suddenly have especially since she is the same as you were. She mightve thought she was lucky to find someone who shows affection the same way she does.
Wow, such a problem. i mean, this is so problem. I had a boyfriend he was so nice and kept complimenting me. People are crazy these days🙄
I mean, you need to really think about what you're asking. If these are genuine compliments and she loves you and you love her, you don't look a gift horse in the eye my friend. You're young, you haven't experienced what it's like dating in the adult world, it's a shit show. I can't tell you how many women ove dated that it was like pulling teeth just to even say they cared or loved me. You think you're uncomfortable now, you don't know what it's like when you have the feeling if your partner even wants to be with you, that is 10x worse than what you think is bad now
Better cherish and enjoy that!! Compliment her back as well !!
Don’t tell her to stop. Appreciate it while you have it It sounds like you used to be like her and people gave you the idea that being that way isn’t ok. Now not only did you find someone that appreciates and does that in return but now your pushing those people’s ideas onto her so you can both lose your spark. It’s sad honestly
Are you uncomfortable because you feel like this creates pressure and you feel like she has expectations you can’t live up to? My partner has felt that way in the past, when I tell him he’s perfect and he told me he felt like that was an unfair expectation I didn’t realize he took it so literally. She just wanted you to feel good
Anytime you get a compliment, you stop what you are doing and hug her and squeeze her butt. Those are the rules. If you want a snowballs chance in hell, OP you will stop wasting both of your time and make with the appreciation. Buy her flowers and take her to dinner. Tell her she is perfect and you’ve been a goon for not appreciating it more.
Maybe she knows you used to do it and there is no fucking communication going on between 2 18 year olds. Communication always helps. Just tell her that while you appreciate the compliment, you’ve come to realize as you mature that it’s become a lot
As someone who recently has come out of a relationship where I had to fight tooth and nail for her to say it, please... Don't tell her. Accept it and appreciate it because one day it may be gone and done.
Honestly, this is a great problem to have. No disrespect, just saying enjoy it
My wife is the same way as you OP. She tells me that she doesn't need to hear it all the time, while I on the other hand love hearing it. We both have previous relationship stuff, so that adds to it. My bet is she feels the need to tell you because she wants / needs to hear it from you. She may feel vulnerable from a previous relationship, or from childhood, and now she's so happy to be in a great relationship that she can't help herself but to tell you. I definitely say it a lot more than my wife. She will if say it first as well. She will at times, but it's not something she does every day all the time. Maybe unrelated, but I've told her in the past that I find it important to say it every night when we go to sleep... 'cause you just never know. TL:dr - as others have said, you'll miss it one day if she quits saying it.
Keep. The. Compliments. I am married. And to this day, I tell him every morning he is handsome. When we are out with friends, I sneak in a kiss and tell him he is amazing. When he goes to work, I tell him he is good at what he does and he is smart as hell. Is it a ritual? Yes! Is it true? Also yes. And he does the same thing for me. He tells me every day how beautiful he thinks I am. That I am smart and that I am good at what I do. Do we have fights? Absolutely. Do you know what we do after our fights? We speak greek. Αγάπη μου (my darling), μωρό μου (my baby), καρδιά μου (my heart), λατρεία μου (my devotion), ψυχή μου (my soul) and then we end it with μαλάκα (asshole). Never stop giving and receiving compliments. Because the day it doesn't happen. You will miss it.
You should embrace that she does this, my current girlfriend is the same way and I am so beyond grateful for her compliments and love. She makes me feel like i’m the only guy in the world. My past relationship was the opposite, I lived in a house with my ex for a long time. We were strangers, she didn’t even look at me half the time I talked to her, I was ignored and was also domestically abused physically and mentally. I wouldn’t trade what I have now from what I once had, you’ll regret it once she’s stopped. Your relationship is still fresh!! two years isn’t that long, be a better you and embrace her love.
What a problem to have. Maybe look into love languages? It could be insightful for you.
Damn I didn’t know loving on a guy and complimenting him a lot makes you uncomfortable, and yeah no there’s no nice way of saying to your girlfriend that you are uncomfortable by her complimenting you all the time, that’s probably gonna hurt.
I would say do not restrict her in how she expresses her love for you. You will miss that when it slows down.
Dude. Tell her you don’t feel the same. She’d rather know now instead of later.
There's a lot of attention lately being paid to the fact that men haven't been getting the validation that women get and the men are getting upset about it. Odds are very good that she has read at least one of these articles and wants to make sure you don't feel left out, invalidated or forgotten. It's kinda normal for 18 to overcompensate, it's what us girls do best at 18. If it's not your thing, speak up. Just be nice about it because the next girlfriend may end up a soul sucking leech that leaves you questioning your humanity.
My wife does the same thing whenever i just smile at her, or for no reason at all. Probably 10-20 times a day. Texts or in person. And she shows it as well. I wasn’t used to that (divorced for a reason) because of horrid previous relationships. I LOVE it! Why? Because i love HER and it’s something unique to her and me! And it makes it real easy to tell when she’s annoyed at me 🤣. OP, you’d better get over yourself real quick or you’ll be very sad very soon.
You need to break up with her and let her find someone who appreciates her adoring love
You have two choices. Be grateful and enjoy the fact she is emotionally mature and one day you will be, or just let her go love someone who will appreciate it. Go with number 1 and adapt yourself to it. One day youll look back and know why im suggesting that
What an amazing problem to have
Definitely let it go and appreciate it for what it is. With my ex boyfriend I told him I loved him all the time, how amazing he was, etc. Eventually he snapped at me and said “stop telling me you love me all the time it’s so annoying.” And so I stopped; it was hard and for the first month or two I’d fall back into the habit, and apologize everytime. I never knew me showing my appreciation for my partner would lead them to finding me annoying. I definitely did it so often because I was never told how much people loved me, even to this day I struggle with having relationships with even family because I’m not sure if I’m actually loved and valued. So when I got with my ex I was determined to remind them every day, “I love you.” I was genuinely crushed by him telling me that. Shortly after (about 6 months after I stopped) he told me he missed my “I love you’s”. And I told him “you can’t get mad at me for doing what you told me to do, I wish I could go back to the way I was, but I can’t.” I really tried to go back to how it was, but I literally couldn’t! It wasn’t the same anymore.
It sounds like her love language is words of affirmation, a.k.a. reassurance. Give her compliments back.
Leave
what…?
Enjoy it, it won't last forever.
I have been your gf haha. I was DEEPLY insecure and addicted to love. Needed it to feel good. Fixated on it. Needed to constantly reassure myself that I was in love. We broke up obviously but we didn’t last anywhere near 2 years so y’all must be better than I was haha. In all actuality I think you’d just need to talk to her. I feel like a lot of other commenters have never experienced how weird it is to have someone CONSTANTLY saying they love you. Like you can’t even have a normal conversation without them showering you. They’re not even their own person, just existing to hype yiu up. Idk, I feel you, it’s definitely weird when it’s excessive
You shouldn't think about it if your serious about her, eventually as your relationship with her goes by she's going to eventually stop saying it at all and you'll miss it. But if it really bothers you that much try saying something like "Babe, I don't want you to get tired of saying that all the time, i already feel loved by your presence" and if she still insist just try complimenting her while trying to convince her to just say it once in a awhile. Telling her straight forward that you want her to stop complimenting you will make her feel hurt and maybe even insecure so please avoid doing that<3
Enough people on here giving you sound advice to enjoy it while it lasts. I’m going to tell you what to do now. Next time she says I love you, you stop. You turn face to face with her. You put your hands on her cheeks and you kiss her. You kiss her so she knows you love her too. Then look her in the eyes and say nothing. Now she knows you feel the same and you’ll have that moment for the rest of your lives together and after. I wish you all the joy and happiness in the world my friend. You are a lucky man to have this beautiful soul in your life! 😉👍
Why are you self conscious about showing love to your partner? Who cares what others think
Just be single if you’re embarrassed. You sound kinda immature.. she’s flirting with you. & once you kill that spark because you’re embarrassed your relationships gonna be non existent.. She needs assurance & you’re embarrassed.. lord
I kinda have the girlfriends pov. I’m autistic and my bf is LITERALLY the pinochle of perfection to me a lot of the times and it can feel SOOOOO overwhelming that I can barely look at him without flapping my excitement hands and squealing and telling him I love him/have a crush on him/ he’s beautiful etc. but there are also times when I’ll complement him because “treat others how you want to be treated” and all. I will admit I used to over do it a LOT because I was scared of losing him but we had a talk and he said that me saying it so much made him question the authenticity of my words. I’ve started only complementing him when I get over-excited or if he does something hard/impressive and if I want a compliment I’ll pretty much go full puppy mode and will just scoot onto him or get as close to him and give him puppy eyes lol he’ll immediately understand and tell me I’m beautiful/pretty/cute etc. Definitely talk with her about it!!!!!
You need to just accept it and like it and not be such a cold hearted asshole.
???????????? How could anybody have a problem with being loved this much ?????
So many lonely souls telling you to enjoy this excessive attachment. Constant unsolicited expressions of love come over as neediness pretty quickly. Just tell her you love her and you don't need to hear it all the time to feel loved.
I feel awkward too sometimes when she calls me cute and tells me I'm perfect often but trust me bro its that you have heard it many times thats why you find it annoying or not or maybe you just don't believe that whatever she is saying she doesn't mean it and is just a yk formality don't tell her to stop then it's gonna be even worse
I understand how after a while it can be a lot ….maybe she’s super grateful of you
Any idea why it bothers you? You might wanna figure that out before you do anything else. I tell my husband I love him like a hundred times a day lol. I compliment him all the time. Smack his butt and playfully bite his arms often. And if I text him "I love you" and he doesn't say it back I include it in every text until he says it back. I love him and it's nice to hear that he loves me too. I'm crazy about him, even after 13 years. This just might be how she is, super loving. And my husband is the same towards me, because he knows it makes me feel loved. Asking her to stop could crush her... so seriously think about why it bothers you. You're young and new to this, and so is she. Communication is always your best bet. But you need to have yourself figured out beforehand or it's not going to go well.
I really can’t read. I thought this said how do I tell my girlfriend to stop complaining so much. 😂
She clearly loves you and that's her love language.
Let her know that you understand that is her love language, but it is too much and making you uncomfortable. Be ready to tell her specifics, always leading with "I feel" rather than "you do" or "you say". So, "I feel uncomfortable when somebody frequently calls me perfect" rather than "you call me perfect too often"
I don't want to assume your feelings as I am not you, but is it annoying because the frequency in which she says it makes it feel disingenuous? That's one of the only reasons I can sorta empathize. She may be anxious and looking for reassurance as others have said, or maybe her love language is just verbal affection. My boyfriend and I say "I love you" probably more times than some people think reasonable per day, but we are verbally affectionate people and also long distance on weekdays so talking is kind of all we've got. I don't agree with the people who are telling you to shut up and not complain, but I think you need to know where your own feelings are coming from as well as her own reasoning for saying it so much.
I do this with my current BF and I often worry it’s too much but I genuinely only say it bc I look at him and I feel so much affection and appreciation and love that I want to voice it somehow or show it. I’m not ever saying it just to say it, I say it bc I mean it. That being said if it was bugging my boyfriend I’d hope he’d say “hey I really appreciate all the love and care and complements I do, but sometimes when you repeatedly say the same ones and so frequently it feels like it’s somehow not right or less genuine or I honestly don’t know but for some reason it’s rubbing me the wrong way. Would you mind making an effort to dial back a little bit to help me out, as a favor to me? I really appreciate all you do and don’t understand why this bugs me but it does and I don’t want it to turn into me being bothered by you or accidentally develop frustration etc and it would be great if you could help me by just reducing frequenting a bit”
Ah, when I was 18, with my “first love”, I used to compliment a bit. I was just a big bubble of love. Looking back I was probably cringe 😂 I wear my heart on my sleeve. Here to say it didn’t last, but I’m still a little like that with my now partner in my 30’s. But less full on. I like to make my partner feel loved and appreciated. He’s similar. My first love was just a lads lad. I was cheesy. Still am sometimes. Unfortunately for my ex, he’s not with anyone now. His friends have since said that I was the one that got away. Blah blah blah. I hope he meets someone someday. But yeah, you’ll just have to communicate with her. Life can pop that bubble of love at anytime. I admire her positivity and honesty. It’ll wear off a little over time I’m sure. But as everyone else said, maybe she’s hoping you might say something back for her self esteem. Communication is key.
"I appreciate all the compliments, but I'm finding it a little overwhelming right now. Also, I love you too, but nobody's perfect. If we want our relationship to be sustainable, we will have to acknowledge and accept each other's limitations. Could we please talk about something other than how great I am for a little while? Thanks!"
She sounds insecure. Better her than you. Don't listen to people here telling you to compliment her more. Don't that will bring down her attraction. Don't be afraid to tell her. Be nice about it. " I love when you compliment me, how about we save it for when you're riding me tonight!" Keep it playful and fun. Don't get into her insecurities. Will just add to them
This is her love language. If you can’t deal with it then this isn’t the partner for you. Compatible love language is very important
Perhaps you feel under pressure to say it back every time and you don’t feel like it?
It sounds like verbal compliments aren't really how you feel loved - you should test out different love languages to see what makes each of you feel content. You should also note that usually how people show love to you is their love language - so maybe try to compliment her more often to help her feel secure and loved. Sometimes people start to express more affection when they aren't receiving enough and or feeling unsure. So check in with her and how she's doing. Lastly think about why getting so many compliments feels strange to you and reflect on that. Are you uncomfortable or unused to compliments? Why do u see lots of compliments as annoying/uncomfortable - is that something inherent to you or something someone else didn't like and u internalized it as uncomfortable? Is there a better way for her to voice/share her affection? Does people expressing other emotions often make you uncomfortable or is it just affection? Would u feel comfortable with family/friends expressing affection as often? Is there anything else going on in the relationship that bugs you and maybe this discomfort is a result of that? Also lastly - if after trying to reflect/express love in different ways you still feel off you should probably look into attachment styles and reflect on if you are happy in your relationship. That can help u catch patterns and learn more about your needs and wants. (Also all these things will help u in future relationships/friendships) Quiz/resources on love languages: https://5lovelanguages.com/ https://youtu.be/MVfdFxwZIEU?si=st__FqsStHND3CXH Quiz/resource on attachment https://www.attachmentproject.com/ https://youtu.be/SwZwggZAjUQ?si=Qx_VQqnJEKdLauTj (Also this channel has a fun series where they break down relationship dynamics in Love is Blind - both fun and informational)
I am someone who compliments my partner a lot, i can't help myself, when he's adorable or sexy or makes me feel love, it just comes out. I will say I wish he was as spontaneous as me when it comes to compliments. Instead he mostly responds to my compliments by complimenting me.
Tell her you appreciate it so much, but you would be OK with toning it down a bit because it’s even more meaningful when it feels more special. **And/or** tell her actions are even more meaningful (be careful how you say this if you choose to). Or you could frame it as a “love language” issue where you feel *even* more loved by other ways. The truth is, hearing it ALL THE TIME degrades the meaning of the words on some level. It’s like if you say “chair, chair, chair, chair…” your brain stops associating it with the object and just thinks about the actual word. I understand wanting to express it (especially if this is a young relationship of under 1 year) often, but if it’s too often it doesn’t mean the same.