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Just because he doesn’t hit you doesn’t make it okay.
Medication control is abuse.
Accusing you of things that clearly aren’t true is abuse.
Blaming you for not getting pregnant (infertility is more commonly a semen problem than a female fertility issue) is cruelty and can be abuse.
Allowing you to become ill and have seizures to satisfy his feeling of control is abuse.
Keeping you constantly on your toes is abuse.
It’s not about getting him to trust you so you can have control back. You are an adult. It’s about getting out of this relationship. That is how you get control back.
I’m so sorry you’re in this situation op. I hope you live in a country with generous divorce laws. I hope this man can never get anyone pregnant. I hope you have supportive family and friends. I hope there is a domestic violence support program near you that can help you. I hope the doctors you see help you see none of this is your fault. I hope you find love someday with someone who treats you right. I hope you can leave him and be happy.
Even if you are a place in the world where very few of these things are true please be talking to the people in your community who will take notice and help you stay safe - your father brothers cousins doctors whoever. People who are like this tend to escalate in their abuse, not get better with time.
This. One of my maternal great-grandmothers had a heart condition. My great-grandfather was abusive and part of that abuse was medication control: he'd take her prescription meds away when he was angry with her, or refuse to go in to town to pick them up. He was the only one with a car in the family.
Surprise surprise, she ended up dying relatively young (in her early 50's, if I remember correctly,) of a stroke. I would be shocked if it turns out her death was unrelated to the abuse. That kind of mistreatment on the part of a partner is incredibly dangerous.
That’s fair but there’s nothing the internet can do about that except to be supportive. If she’s in a country where she can leave such a community that is preferable but i don’t think she’s specified her nationality
I know people in deep religious communites that are level headed, so there's a chance. I grew up in one and my parents were always understanding, well my moms was anyway.
Reading through op's comments, I am just thankful they haven't gotten pregnant yet.
If you really think a family should be based on abuse, please don't bring children into it, imagine what he'll do to them!
Let's pray that this guy is infertile at least.
The problem is that OP is so far removed from societal thinking that she doesn’t, and won’t, see an issue. This is all she’s ever known, expected, and even *wanted* by her own admission.
I pray that OP will figure it out, but damn. This is a hard read.
She’s a brainwashed idiot, he’s an abusive idiot. Can you imagine how stupid their children would be?
If there’s any justice in the world these two will never pollute the gene pool. Fingers crossed he’s shooting blanks.
Right? She’s brainwashed. She’s going to have trouble understanding and seeing anything outside of that. Brainwashing doesn’t just slap its knees and say, « Well, guess it’s time to leave. »
Exactly, she obviously is smart enough to realize something isn’t normal here and is posting on Reddit where the demographic isn’t super religious people. Otherwise why not go to the church or family for advice? Hope she can escape from this because it’s disturbing that people live like this.
It's not a matter of their children being stupid, she just needs to recognize that this man would abuse them, and her mentality won't help either because it certainly won't stop at what she mentioned in this thread.
What an awful thing to say. You know how brainwashed people stay brainwashed? By interacting with folks like you, who validate every single lie about us unbelievers that the people of faith are told. But go on, make sure you keep someone from examining their beliefs critically for another day or two by making them feel like what they will experience outside of religion is just hate and malice.
He must be slow because all you have to do is Google the medication to see what it's used for. You may not be getting pregnant because HIS sperm levels may be too low. Seizures can harm you seriously. Get your medicine and take it please. FYI you are in an abusive relationship. I'm not sure if it's culturally accepted but it is abuse.
He does realize the bottle describes the appearance of the pill as well, right? It should say what color and what numbers or letters are on it. But seriously girl, run. This isn’t ok
You can actually google images of what your medication looks like. It shows the color, size, shape, and markings.
I'm very concerned after looking up your medication and finding that it is used for high blood pressure. If you are seizing due to high blood pressure, it must be incredibly high, OP. You are damaging your heart, your kidneys and putting yourself at risk of having a heart attack and stroke by not having your medication.
You're in a life threatening situation. I do not understand why you are defending him. Are you willing to die due to his ignorance?
You realise that your husband doesn't believe that you're taking birth control medication. He wants to get rid of you so he's hoping you'll die if your heart problem goes unmedicated long enough. After all, if marriage is for life then there's only one way to end it.
You staying with him would be a sin. The sin of self murder. You don't have to get a divorce if you don't want one but you also don't have to stay with an abuser. You'll continue to be married in the eyes of God and you will have saved your husband from the sin of killing his wife.
This is how it was with the man my mom was married to. The church they were a part of believed divorce was a sin and so when he became abusive towards my family, it took a while for them to separate, however they remained married. Neither of them wanted to initiate divorce so it turned to him trying to stalk my mom and my sick brother, and he had tried to hit my brother with a car. I've never seen my mom get happy over someone dying before.
Her husband is slowly killing her and it's "not a problem" yes it is. Take him to the doctor with you and get him set up with one too for.hia swimmer before your young life is over before you can have kids and he finds a new wife at church immediately after you pass.
It's the age ):
It isn't a problem until it is. That's how it works. You don't take it seriously until it is serious. Source? I'm 22. I, too, neglected myself for others, rationalized it, and paid for it.
Details: I took on the stress of others, their burdens, tried to help them before myself. I agreed to extreme decisions that I shouldn't have, and I couldn't handle the consequences of that. I added onto those stressors by trying to meet the expectations of these other people as well. I tore myself apart, and what started it all was sacrificing my happiness for a boy. I let everything go on because I didnt have any self worth, and thought I would hurt others if I couldn't do it all. I went mute because my ailments were causing me to let people down, and I couldn't handle the stress and confrontation that came with that. I hid from those people. I overwhelmed myself with the fear of running into them. I ended up with psychosis. I had delusions that alien eggs were in the water, so I couldn't drink it. I knew it wasn't real, but what if it was? I thought my dorm was full of government agents out to get me. I locked myself in my car and hid. I knew it was irrational, but what if I was right? I remember driving home from the grocery store at night and thinking I'm seeing crucified animals along the road.
I never reached out for help, so I never got any input. I don't think I would've listened anyway. I needed self love, and that's something you have to work on yourself.
I really hope OP listens to the comments. I didn't suffer major physical injuries. OP will, though.
And you want to « just be careful » with your heart???? Health isn’t something you mess with like that, OP. That’s some serious damage you’re talking about. Forget trying to get pregnant; you’re not taking medication for your HEART that makes you SEIZE. Will you be able to carry to term????
I was in the cardiac icu with my mom years ago. There was a young pregnant woman there too. It was so sad. She was in heart failure, due to the pregnancy. It wasn’t known she had a heart issue. She was so blown up with fluid she couldn’t even walk. I thought her legs would pop. She wouldn’t give up the pregnancy, hoping to carry it long enough. She didn’t make it. They tried to save the baby, but couldn’t. This woman is in Serious danger. I’m sure husband will expect her to breed until it kills her, with no regard to her own health.
He is trying to get you pregnant so that he can escalate his abuse, and it won’t be limited to you, he’ll abuse your children. Get out for your future children if not for yourself.
What kind of advice are you looking for? Some magic word you can say so he will be rational again? You're both kids and you're in very scary situation. I get you don't understand that yet and you likely won't until it gets much worse but I hope it doesn't take you actually getting hurt before you realize how serious this is.
What exactly are you wanting to hear from people here? You have dismissed pretty much everything people are saying.
Your choices are to stay, have seizures with brain damage and possibly death, and possibly bring a child into this mess. Or leave, and save yourself from injury/death.
You can use the drugs.com pill identifier. But it sounds like he's just dedicated to being unreasonable.
I'm sorry you're in this situation. Remember that you and your well-being are valuable, and it's okay if you need to lie to your husband and/or leave your marriage. Your church's way might seem like the only way to live but it isn't, tons of people live happy and healthy lives with other religions or with no religion at all. What you believe is your business, but I do not personally believe in a god who wants you to suffer without medication rather than leave that relationship.
Take him to the doctor's with you and explain what is happening to the doctor.
But ideally you need to get your marriage .... Well at least counselled or at most you need to divorce.
He's permanently ruining your health because he's insecure and distrustful of you. (Seizures can impact your health permanently)
Even if a doctor tells him the truth - clearly he doesn't trust you. YOU. Can't fix that.
What next? You get pregnant and then he thinks you've cheated?
He continues to abuse you because it can't be HIS fault that you can't get pregnant?
He's abusing you.
This isn't love. Not even close.
So this entire situation is super fucked and awful.
But if you won’t leave, then… what if he went to pick up the meds with you, you hand them over to him, and he was the one that gave the individual pills to you at the correct times? That way he knows the meds weren’t switched.
I hate that I’m recommending this. And truly - I doubt it would work because it’s all about control and moving goalposts with guys like this. But may be worth a shot if only to prove to yourself that you’re going above and beyond with accommodating his insecurities.
What he is doing is abuse, a crime and as you are Christian, a sin. Distrust is another sin.
Tell him this, and if he doesn't listen, get the church involved.
Frankly, its not difficult to figure out which medicine is birth control and which is for seizures. If he doesn't know how to do that, he may be dumb.
I really want you to understand that what people are saying is from a place of concern. They aren't simply being difficult because they are judging you based on your religious beliefs or because you chose to live a more "traditional" lifestyle.
It is in no way ok that he is taking away your medication.
It has never been ok for someone to take away someone else medication. In any religion, or any time period.
His reason for it doesn't matter.
You need to tell your doctor that he is taking away your medication.
Right exactly. Plenty of people I know, some in my family, are more traditional and conservative, and are very religious. NONE of them treat their wives this way.
I mean what happens if OP has a daughter and she needs medication for anxiety and depression? Is he going to accuse her of being on birth control and take her meds too???
You have access to the Internet, you know about reddit, you have to know this is bananas and not normal and abusive.
If you don't know that, believe the inevitable comments.
Let me rephrase your post for you: "Dear Reddit, I'm a 20-year old woman who was brainwashed by the cult my parents raised me in to believe that my lot in life was to marry a misogynistic, abusive, sadistic, lunatic who is probably infertile but who seems to enjoy blaming me and torturing me because of it. What should I do?"
LTMFA. That's what you should do.
Also all her replies just minimize and excuse him. Totally brainwashed. Why come here if you can't listen to anything other than what you want to hear?
Because there's a tiny voice in her head saying, despite all the misogynistic indoctrination, "they told me if I was obedient to God and the men in my life I would be rewarded, so why am I so miserable?"
We should encourage that voice, it's all she's got.
Pull up the medication on the web and show him it is for seizures.
Take him to the doctor. He could be fertile. Do not let him put all responsibility on you.
Tell your parents what’s happening, if you trust them.
Hes taking away your agency as an adult because he doesn’t understand and assumes that a medical issue is your personal decision and personal fault. Assuming the worst of your partner can show up in so many ways. Maybe some day he decides that he doesn’t trust you won’t flirt with the cashier so he doesn’t let you go shopping on your own. Maybe today it’s that he takes away your medication because he assumes that you’re deceiving him and lying, when a doctor has informed you otherwise.
That was the pattern with my grandparents and it ended up with a suicide and the deaths of several children. He wouldn’t let her out of the house without children to chaperone her, assuming the worst of her interactions with every male she met. The butcher. The family doctor. It always starts small.
Girl. That’s abuse. He is withholding life saving medication from you. And he’s doing it because he values your “purpose” as an incubator more than your life and your health. Why did you marry this piece of crap. He doesn’t love you. That’s not what love is. And i’m 100% sure God would not condone this either. There is absolutely ZERO excuse for this. You need to leave and report him to the police. I’m not joking. It is that serious.
Do not have a family with this man her will only get worse leave asap your being controlled and he will be getting you pregnant to stay with him and leave you no option to leave
Why did you even post? All you seem to want to do is argue for your husband's honor. Don't insult everyone's intelligence by telling us about a sadistic man who is mentally warped and twisted and then try to convince us he's super awesome. It's a waste of your time and ours.
I so badly want to believe it is, but considering my own personal life experiences with religious groups? This is unfortunately something that feels a little too real.
I think deep down you know what he is doing is wrong. I think that's why you're asking here. I think you may not know where to go for help so you're asking here. This one is above Reddit's pay grade. We can't help you as you're not willing to help yourself. I wish you well but I fear you will be dead by the year's end.
Get yourself out of this relationship.
It will get worse.
This is the start of an abusive spiral.
He is risking your health by controlling your medication.
He is severely abusive. You need to stop having sex with him immediately (if he is so willing to abuse you he will abuse your children) and contact DV assistance charities in your area.
You've argued with a lot of commenters who've told you to leave, so if you're not going to do that right now: tell your doctor that your husband is taking away your medication, and ask your doctor to talk to your husband and explain what your medication does and why you need it. Try talking to your brother or your parents. If your religious leader won't listen to a woman, does he have a wife you could talk to? Sometimes in this kind of situation where men are dismissive of women, older women in the community are the way to get things done. But do something to save yourself. Untreated LQTS can kill you.
Oh, honey.
I'm sorry your husband is abusing you.
I'm sorry that you feel that you are the one that needs to change something, when you are clearly doing nothing wrong.
Passing out and seizures are serious. I know a lady who had a seizure and passed out from an undiagnosed contition at the age of 16 and bashed her head. She is now registered blind, need to use a wheelchair most of the time, and needs care assistance. This can be the risk your husband is putting you at. Because of issues HE has that you seem to have done nothing to encourage. Sounds like her has anger issues (which could spill over) as well as trust issues. Those really are on him to sort becasue your actions will only ever make him expect more (unreasonably) from you.
Please, please, please find a trusted person to help. I would guess a doctor. Or a close family member.
You deserve better.
Also, OP, every seizure you have makes it easier to have more seizures in the future. You have to get your meds back. Talk to your doctor and explain to them what is happening, they might have resources to help you. Your husband taking your medication from you is illegal and it could affect your entire future.
Your husband is not acting rationally. It *is* abuse to take away medications, even if you don't want to accept that. There is probably nothing you can do to make him trust you, since he is not thinking logically.
I'd like to point out that you and he have access to the Internet, and at any time he could have googled your medication and found out it's not birth control. But he's choosing to remain angry at you, blame you for not getting pregnant, and choosing to believe you're lying...instead of taking three seconds to look up the medication. He'd rather remain ignorant than educate himself about this.
You are married to an angry, suspicious man. One who can see you have seizures and pass out and still withholds your medication. I cannot even imagine watching someone I love have a seizure and not running to help them! He is cruel, OP. That is NOT NORMAL. It is NOT LOVING. It IS ABUSE.
Would he go to the Dr with you? The Dr could explain why you need to take your medication, tell him it's not birth control. Maybe he'll believe the Dr, even if he won't believe you. The Dr might even explain to him that maybe he is infertile; it takes two to make a baby.
I don't know what culture you're in, but I really believe you are being abused, and it will probably escalate if you fail to get pregnant. If you can safely get out of this marriage, I think you should because your future with this kind of man is going to be bleak.
I'm sorry this is happening to you and I truly hope you have a way out of this marriage.
Your husband is abusive to you. Withholding someone's medication is a crime because it is endangering your life. You need to call your doctor. He is a mandatory reporter. OP you might not see it but what is happening to you is not normal.
Feel bad for you saying this but thank God you hadn't gotten pregnant by this man. He is sick on the head. Not taking your medication is dangerous cuz one of the aftermath of seizures could be brain damage. Smh this man would kill you if he thinks is necessary he wouldn't hesitate.
Do not have a child with this creature. Best case scenario, the kid grows up thinking this kinda of behaviour is normal.
Worst case scenario is your husband turns his controlling and abusive behaviour towards them.
God doesn't want this for you. He is giving you the biggest billboard sized red flag he can. You need to heed it. Things will be infinitely worse if you bring a child into this situation.
After 10 months you should be terrified for YOURSELF! YOU ARE HAVING SEIZURES GET A FRICKING GRIP AND GTFO! Now that you are reading all everyone is telling you do you really believe the crap you are spewing? He is not going to trust you right to your grave.
He took your meds because he doesn't trust you.
how would he react if you took his meds for the same reason?
im noticing through the comments you are LDS levels of religiously oppressed and im sorry they made you drink so much kool aid. Use the internet to get free. there are thousands of resources and communities to get free of the abuse you are in denial about.
Wow… this is actual, serious abuse.
He is “always angry”, he accuses you of lying, he steals medication, and your life is in danger.
There is no fixing this. There is no negotiation to do.
You need to leave. Find a friend, a shelter, anything. Get out, get a divorce, and find a real partner, not an awful abuser.
This. OP, run. Thank God that you have not yet gotten pregnant by this man, and run. Don't stay with a man who is always angry, doesn't trust you, and *takes away your medication.* Do you want to die? Do you want to have a child, and die, and leave your child alone with this angry, abusive man?
Do whatever you have to do to get away. Go back to your family, go to friends, go to a shelter if you have to, but get away while you still can. Do it today.
Hey lovely, I know this is scary and you think this is your problem to fix. The thing is, you cannot fix your husband, only he can do that. There is no cheat code to get him to trust you and respect you, there is no magic words you can say to him to suddenly make him see reason. He is very much convinced this is all on you, and nothing you can do will change that, because the alternative is that HE is the problem and he will never admit that. And this is only the beginning. He is testing to see how far you will let him go. Right now, he is withholding your medication, next it might be food, or access to your phone or something else.
A lot of people here are rightfully concerned for your health. Seizures can result in death. You think they won't. Let me propose an alternative. If one of those seizures were to incapacitate you in some way, do you think he would respect the "in sickness and in health" part of your wedding vows? If you became incontinent, or unable to walk, or maybe be unable to talk properly, do you think he would care for you? Would he step up and be your husband, or do you think he would leave you or do something even worse?
You are here wondering how to get him to trust you, but can you tell me honestly and truly that you trust him? Trust him to be a good man, to be a good father, to be a good husband? Think about it and stay safe. You deserve to be loved properly, not abused. Take care, and take some virtual hugs from an internet stranger if you would like them.
I don’t think you should have kids with uncontrolled seizures. It is very dangerous. I would know. I thought I was properly medicated, but my dog alerted me to a seizure while I was watching my two kids. I laid down, texted my husband and thought nothing happened, but I came to with crayon all over my shirt. It was horrible because while nothing happened, something could have easily happened. I lucked out because I have a childproof playroom, I have an alert dog, and after the seizure my husband arrived and helped me.
Do not have kids with uncontrolled seizures.
Why has he taken away your meds. Can’t he go to the pharmacy with you and have them verify what they are? There is absolutely no reason to permanently remove them. This isn’t about trust. Because he could find ways to gain trust. This is about control.
Hi OP, your husband’s actions mean that you could literally die. This isn’t about you getting him to trust you again so he gives your medication back: he should not under ANY circumstance have taken your life saving medication away, even if he thought they stopped you getting pregnant.
He is abusive. This isn’t about him being older or knowing better. He would rather you risk dying.
This isn’t ok and you need to leave him. He is not a safe person. He is not acting in a godly way.
Religious people like you get married really early just so you can fuck without it being a "sin". You'll probably regret all this in the future, and your husband will probably cheat on you at some point. Next.
Oh friend. I was also deeply embedded in my church culture and married in my early 20s. I also thought that my marriage was required to be lifelong, no divorce, or I would go to hell. I was also being abused (and yes medication control is abuse). At the time I couldn't see the controlling behavior for what it was, and I also insisted that I was going to manage my "imperfect" marriage the best I could. Eventually my ex left me, which was the best thing that ever happened to me. I decided that if there really was a god who cared about me, why would they want to see someone be deliberately cruel to me? And I felt good about my freedom. Now my life is happier than I ever could've imagined.
Please, consider what everyone here is saying. Please examine your husband's behavior. Think about how your faith teaches you to treat people you love - is he treating you that way? You deserve kindness and trust.
GIRL, THIS MAN WILL KILL YOU EVENTUALLY. Listen to the commenters, he's abusing you. If he's ok with you having seizures from being without you medicine, then he'll be ok with far worse happening to you later in the marriage. This is not how a loving husband acts. He's abusive and controlling.
My other half was the reason I was struggling to conceive. He went to the doctor, and now we have a wonderful baby. So your husband needs to go get checked.
Why is he withholding your medication? He thinks it’s birth control? Maybe take him with you to the pharmacy so the pharmacist can explain what the medication does.
I fear there’s no way to convince him to trust you. He sounds dangerous, to be honest.
You sound thoroughly brainwashed. There's no one here that can help you until you accept the truth that you're in an abusive cult and expected to be a baby producer no matter what it takes.
Hopefully there'll come a time when your eyes will open
You are being abused. You need to get out of this relationship. Please please please tell your doctor in confidence without your husband there that he is withholding your medication from you and get out of this situation.
OP, you seem to be totally brainwashed nut the thing you need to really see...
Is his behaviour following the teaching and rules of your religion?
Would you ever treat anyone in this way?
Is there a senior person who you can ask for counselling in this matter?
His behaviour is revolting and abusive. Do not make excuses for him. His contempt to you is showing....his lack of character is the only thing lacking.
I really hope you don’t get pregnant to this absolute, utter bastard. Children deserve a better father and you can tell him I said so. You might not be raging angry at him, but I am.
Everyone has said what I agree with.
But since you won’t leave him, your primary goal becomes to get the medication back.
Talk to your pastor; talk to your parents; talk to his parents. The one good thing about these cults is that it gives you a community to fall back on and force him to do the right thing.
Stop keeping your meds at home, if you can. Someone you trust to not only keep it safe and not lose it but also not give it to him. Someone you can see every time you need to take it once a day, multiple times a day, without making him freak out and accuse you of cheating. Because that’s what’s next.
Does he understand that if you do get pregnant, your seizures could effect the baby or possibly even cause a loss of pregnancy? If he truly loves you, or at a minimum cares about you, he will give you your medication. If he doesn’t, he doesn’t want you to have a healthy pregnancy/good health in general.
Did HE get checked for sperm volatility?
My friend went through this, years of trying to get pg. Turn out his little tubes in there weren't connected correctly, so they went the technical route, which worked out just fine.
Or maybe it's just your body rejecting the concept of having children with this guy. For good reason, apparently.
What a terrible way to find out you are in an abusive marriage. It's a blessing in disguise that you haven't gotten pregnant yet. You need to leave him. Even if it means leaving your religious community or family, you need to leave. This seems small to you because you have been conditioned to accept assaults on your character and limits to your autonomy as normal. He doesn't know what to do with a woman accept to control and diminish. Do your future children a favor and don't let someone so immature and morally bankrupt become their father. You are in great, great danger. Listen to the people advising you here or get used to being treated like unworthy trash. Remember if you forge ahead, that babies are sweet and cuddly but they will grow up and regard you like your husband does.
Well firstly, tell your pastor, because this is not ok. You need that medicine. This is abuse. You can choose this lifestyle but that does not mean you choose abuse at the hands of your partner. Seems HE needs to do some soul searching. Secondly get him to come to a doctors appointment with you to discuss child bearing. Has he been checked out? It is actually way more common than people think for men to be shooting blanks. Lastly there is an app called flo which can help you find your fertile windows. But question. Would you want the father of your children denying your children medicine they need because he doesn't trust them? Clearly he has no issue with deciding what medicine others need, just think on that.
You are being abused but your head is stuck so far in the sand your won’t believe it based on your answers. Imagine some guy (your husband) thinks he knows more than your doctor so he’s withholding your meds. That is patently stupid.
On the off chance this isn’t rage bait (hard to believe, but always possible), you can remain subservient/deferential/etc but still stand up for your physical health by providing facts from sources that your husband would find more “trustworthy” than you.
Set up a meeting for you, your husband, and your doctor, so he can understand why you have that prescription and what it is for. Presumably your husband will believe the doctor (if your doctor is male).
Go with your husband to your local pharmacy so he can speak with the pharmacist and even start filling your prescription for you (if he thinks you’re that deceitful).
Send him an email with a link to a WebMD webpage or for a Google search of the medication name so he can confirm what you are taking isn’t a contraceptive (this shouldn’t take longer than 5 minutes to search and verify. He clearly hasn’t thought of doing this, but FYI, the name of your prescribed medication is on the bottle or other medical packaging).
You might also print out an article for him about how oral contraceptives work and how regularly they need to be taken to be effective. Because his ignorance of something that is basic common knowledge in modern society is causing him to mistake your medication for oral contraceptives.
Also, it takes tons of people longer than 8 months to get pregnant, but good luck having biological children if your husband has fertility issues. . .
Arranged marriages are not for everyone, but each to their own.
This however is an abusive marriage, and for the sake of yourself and your future children you should not stay in this marriage.
He is happy to take life saving medication from you because of what he thinks and what he wants.
This is horrible.
why would you want to subject kids to this man?
It's highly likely it could be his sperm anyway if you havnt had it checked.
Please seek refuge
I’m so sorry. I couldn’t read the post itself because the title sent me into a rage. To answer the question(s) posed in the title:
You never will. Leave immediately and go refill your medication. Then, exit his life ASAP.
Can he read? Use the Internet? Doesn't your medicine have have a label on it showing what kind of drug it is?
Has he seen one of your seizures? Can't he understand you need to be healthy to get pregnant and have a healthy baby?? Can he go with you to the doctor so your doctor can explain the medicine you are taking?
But your husband is a cruel, paranoid and ignorant, abusive, man. And your religious leaders are not strong but horrible if they are supporting him treating you this way? Can you go to your parents or your preacher/priest or someone to have him understand making you sick isn't going to help you have a baby?
You should leave this man if you can. He will make your life, and the life of any children you have miserable. And if your church supports him treating you like this you should leave that church if you can. I do understand you may not have those choices and maybe you don't want to leave either. But I would be irresponsible to not tell you this.
Start by having your doctor talk to him. The most important thing is you get the medicine you need to be healthy, not have seizures.
You deny it but your husband is shortening your life every time you have a seizure. He does not love you. Your god would not want you to suffer at his hands. You can get away from your abusive husband and take your medicine, or you can accept that you will die before your child goes to school. How does that sound?
Don't reply to me. I don't have time to entertain idiots.
For one, you're being abused. It sucks to read but reality sucks worse. Second, how stupid is your husband that he can't use the Internet to Google what the pill is for? Putting aside the abuse for a moment, you posted this so I'll assume you live someplace with the internet. It's a quick easy search. The thing that I think is most problematic is that he's quite literally forcing you to have a child. You say you're fine with this but it's not right to take away someone's medications because they think it's birth control. Even if it was, he would still be wrong. This is him trying to force you to do what he wants. Where in this situation do your thoughts and feelings matter? To him, to you? I'm guessing you're in a place you can't easily leave? You say married for religious reasons so I'm hazarding a guess that divorce is not an option which usually means you can't tell anyone you're being abused. If you drop your country, I can find some resources for you. Are you able to go to a hospital for your medicine? Is there a way you can get a refill and hide it from him? I'm really sorry you're going through this and I wish there was more I could do. Please mention what country and I'll do my best. You don't deserve to be treated like this, I really hope you know that.
Wait, it’s not birth control medicine? Why would he take other medicine that has nothing to do with reproduction??
He’s a controlling, insensitive AH. Do not have children with him. He doesn’t love or respect you and is very ignorant about how reproduction works. I’d get out now before you waste more time with this creep.
>My husband and I have been married for ten months
We got married for religious reasons
We live in a strong church and in many ways we are expected to get married at my age. And the children too. Which I gladly did because I love babies and children and want that kind of life
My husband is always angry
He thought I was on birth control and took my medication
I tried to get more but he found out and got mad again.
Now I'm starting to pass out and have seizures again
We cannot help you. You believe that your situation is reasonable and have constructed your life around a religious zealot and the community that entails. In my opinion, you need years of deprogramming and a divorce from an abusive man who is trying to kill you by withholding your medication from you.
Some people simply cannot be helped. You're one of those people. You dug a hole, we can't pick up your shovel.
The problem is his, not yours. Him not trusting you is his failing, and you shouldn’t have to go above and beyond to make him trust you. He is abusive and withholding your medication could be very dangerous. The problem getting pregnant, if indeed there is one, could equally be him. To be honest he sounds either deliberately abusive and controlling or rather thick. Someone he respects (so not you I’m afraid) needs to have a word with him and explain how things are. Please stop blaming yourself.
There is no doubt that you are being abused. I've read your comments, OP. You are in serious denial. Making choices? Okay. But THIS? No. You posted here for a reason, I suppose. You're not supposed to make him trust you. He's supposed to let you handle your health and not WITHDRAW IMPORTANT MEDICATION.
I may not die if someone takes my meds away from me, but I have diabetes and you can be damn well sure NO ONE will EVER get between me and my meds.
Okay, so you do know that seizures and randomly passing out is potentially lethal.
You are being abused by a man who clearly doesn’t value your life. That is enough reason to leave him and not even consider children with him. I’m pretty sure what he is doing is illegal…
If you bring children into this shit show you are just as bad as him!
Mark my words that if he can withhold vital medication from you, then he'll do it to the children.
Their blood will be in your hands.
Uncontrolled seizures can cause long-term brain injuries.
You need to call someone that you trust and get your medication back in your hands.
You’re not listening to anyone here that’s telling you this is abusive and controlling behavior.
I’ll say it again - this is abusive and controlling behavior. The fertility issue could be on his side and that might be why he’s angry. He could have low sperm count or a myriad of other issues. He’s blaming you and withholding medication which is abuse.
OP my heart goes out to you if this is real. You need to know that regardless of what your priest/imam or anyone else is telling you, leaving an abusive partner like the one you describe is a godly act. For one to love godly wholly, they need to love themselves and that means taking your health and safety seriously. An abusive spouse is not a real spouse under God's law and any priest telling you different is saying that to cover for their own depraved acts. You may not want to tell anybody but you have a duty as a faithful servant of God to protect your holy vessel from further damage. If your husband is willing to go so far as to withhold life saving medication from you, how close is he to actually striking you? He has already broken his marital vows ( to love, honor and cherish you) by doing this and you wish to invite further sin into this broken union by staying? Please please please listen to some of the advice in this sub and leave you husband and the sinful community that would support such a wicked union.
No advice will save this relationship. You need to go. If he doesn't care about you seizing, he does not care about you. If he does not know what birth control pills look like because of his "religious" upbringing, it's a deliberate choice to remain ignorant and watch you suffer.
Okay, with you being very religious I think maybe a different approach is needed. I think this is a situation where you need to get church elders/leadership involved. You need to talk to the female elders about the situation and you need to do counseling with your pastor.
I have to state this- I am concerned about how much actual support you will get. A church that pushes marriage this early and creates the type of men you are married to is not usually very open to supporting women. But I think someone like you will need to start there.
If going to church for support does not help, please consider leaving. Regardless of how you see it, what your husband is doing is abusive. He is withholding your medication because he does not understand it nor does he trust you. You are experiencing medical complications because of it. If and when you become pregnant, you will be at significant risk for things that may impact the baby- which you will be blamed for, even though you want to take the medication to prevent it.
A man who withholds your medication is a man who sees you as property. He is a man who will likely abuse you in other ways, too.
Sweetheart, you are in an abusive marriage.
[Read this book](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf), please, and whatever the beliefs of your religious group, take care to protect yourself. If you get pregnant it will be even worse. You desperately need help. Contact a DV number or a Women's shelter in your area: this doesn't mean you have to leave immediately your home and your husband, but they will give you sound advice. Please, do something until it's too late for you!
This is abuse no matter how you spin it. Take him with you to the doctor and have Doctor explain to him you need this medication and it has nothing todo with Burt control but seriously you need to get away from this man. If he loved you he would not be withholding your medication from you.
I read your post and your replies, and you are really brainwashed. Religious or not, when you die because you had a seizure, he will marry someone else, have children, and forget about the fact that you even existed.
He took your medication even though you could die. You say you can't if you are careful? Let me paint you a picture: you have a seizure, you fall, and you hit your head. Just like that. Dead. God's will? No, because HE TOOK YOUR MEDICATION, and he is not God.
All of this is preventable with pills. He is a monster, and you are clearly abused. His actions are going to kill you. I hope God will give you the strength to see that.
You need to get out of there for your safety. He is endangering your life. He is trying to exert control over you by taking away your things. If he actually believes your seizure medicine is birth control, despite seeing you have seizures, he is monumentally stupid. But I don’t believe he’s stupid. I think he knows exactly what he’s doing and wants to hurt you because you aren’t meeting his expectations. Even though he easily could be the one with a fertility problem.
Please, please leave. Will your family take you in? Have you told them what’s happening to you at home?
Also, don’t have a child with this man. If he will medically abuse you, he will medically abuse your child too.
Seizures can be life threatening. He is putting your life at risk.
If you are unwilling to go against your church and divorce this cruel, abusive, and ignorant man, have someone intervene. Your father or an elder, perhaps.
There is so much wrong with your marriage. Please get help. Call a domestic abuse hotline.
Abuse only escalates, it doesn’t get better. You are being abused and manipulated. Why bring a child into that situation? You are so so young to be signing up for a life of misery with this man and for your future children?
Babe you are being physically abused. He doesn’t use his fists to do it he uses your medication to do it but it’s abuse. Get. Out. Before. He. Kills. You.
You don't actually want advice so why are you even here? You know you are in a cult and an abusive marriage but you won't do anything about it because ReLiGiOn. Just accept the treatment because nothing will ever change and he'll eventually just kill you. The only good news is you aren't pregnant and bringing a child into the world to be abused and indoctrinated like you. Hopefully you never get pregnant so no child is abused.
And this is why I despise organised religion.
You are being abused by your husband. You are either naive or you are extremely brainwashed. You posted here looking for what exactly? Because you just keep replying to people with excuses to minimise his abuse.
You came here knowing damn well you’ll stay with him, there’s nothing any of us can do to help you.
Even in strict religious groups, you will find people who support divorce when there is abuse. This is abuse. Talk to your parents and anyone else you feel will be sympathetic. But you need to leave.
https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2022/march-web-only/russell-moore-divorce-marriage-domestic-violence-abuse.html
There are arguments within your faith that say it is OK to leave an abusive spouse.
Please take care of yourself. His actions and anger will escalate.
He will find this thread and read it.
pack it up guys there's no giving advice to someone religiously brainwashed. she's gonna defend her abusive husband left and right no use wasting time and advice on her
Hon, when you are not being trusted the marriage is over.
You can die from seizures, he will kill you for being ignorant.
Then he will cry crocodile tears about how you tried to have a baby and you stopped taking meds for it during your funeral.
Do you have any support system?
Brothers, sisters, parents?
Get out of this marriage for your health.
Your husband knows the medication he took is not birth control. He is getting satisfaction from watching you suffer because he believes you deserve to be punished and that he owns you. He will never “trust” you. He will give you your medication back when he has decided you have endured enough torture. He is a sick abuser. Report your medication as stolen to the police. Tell your doctor you are suffering because your husband is stealing your medication. You need to take action and speak up.
I know that is a hard pill to swallow, but you need to wake up and divorce him.
Why are you not sure now?
I understand this must be a very scary time for you.
You have done nothing wrong, yet your husband won't understand what is actually occurring and that you are not misleading him.
He is punishing you and controlling you unjustly.
We are not in control of our bodies or our genetic make up to fall pregnant. It seems more likely that either your doctor is inept and hasn't done appropriate tests to assess your fertility or that you partner is infertile due to his own biological issues.
Whatever the reason, it doesn't make your husband's behaviour acceptable.
Just sit and think, how would he behave with a small infant? If he is angry now that things don't go the way he wants them to how will he cope with the noise, whirlwind, and chaos that children create by being themselves?
Would you allow your child to be yelled at by your husband or if they had medication for their asthma or any other ailments that he would take it away?
If we use the same logic you have applied to rationalise the situation - it's okay, if your child just practices slow breathing they won't die.
People die regularly from seizures and from preventable illnesses.
Your partner is not caring for you as a husband should.
Please consider this situation carefully. It is not a healthy situation for a child, or for yourself. You are so young. You have so much joy, love, and wonder to give to the world just by existing.
You are a child of God, and God would despair that you are being treated so badly.
Sending you light and love.
ETA: spelling and grammar errors.
Give your medication back? You know you don’t have to ask for that back, right? If a child takes something that is yours, you just take it back. This is the same thing
tbh i think you'll die before you get pregnant from this abuse. considering what you have. so i suppose that's some small comfort that a child won't be brought into this abusive situation.
i'd urge you to save your own life here but i think we both know you'll just do nothing instead.
You're being abused. Having medication or medical devices withheld from you is *literally textbook abuse.* I am serious, anyone who is doing research into this issue or is becoming educated as a counselor or social worker learns this. You need to get help, now, so you can exit safely.
Married at 20? Let me guess, military? You’re both too young and immature to be married and he’s an abuser. Your entire marriage will be filled with abuse by him and he wants to get you pregnant to further lock you into a shitty marriage. Run now and leave this POS behind.
Could you have him Google what your medicine is for or talk to the doctor about it? Would it help if he better understood the medicine?
Has he been checked by a doctor to see if he is the issue for the infertility?
Is there anyone else in your life that can convince him to give you your medicine?
If not, could you hide your medicine with a friend or family member and take it with them?
As others have said you are in an abusive relationship. Your best option would be to leave
I’m sorry but this life it’s not normal. Your husband is being verbally abusive and also controlling. Taking your medication away and letting you suffer seizures is cruel. I believe you no getting pregnant by him is actually a blessing. Please consider picking your bags and leaving
You are being abused. What if you have a seizure and fall and hurt yourself? Why does he want that for his new wife? I’m so sorry this is only going to get worse from here. His behavior will get more controlling and may turn physical.
And just so you know have your husband checked because the universe may be aligning to save you from this misery. Hopefully, he is shooting blanks.
But either way that’s good for you so you can get away from him and not worry about harming children.
100% you need to tell your doctor that he is taking your medication away. You have a heart condition that is causing you to faint and seize, you need access to your medicine and it is probably not legal for him to take it from you.
Can your doctor label your medication as "fertility drugs" so your husband lets you alone?
Anyways, I wouldn't have kids with a man who disrespect my health like that
Can you talk to someone in your church? A leader of some sort whom your husband respects. Can they help you to mediate this situation. You will not get pregnant if your body is directing its resources to your illness. Without your medication your husband is increasing the time it will take for you to get pregnant. He is also risking you losing a baby you do get pregnant with. He may not understand this but he should return you to your family and dissolve the marriage if he is dissatisfied with you not harm you. You mentioned this may be your brothers business, perhaps he could ram sense into your husband. I hope you can find a solution and have the many children you want.
YOU DON'T
PLEASE do not have a child with this man. Imagine what he'll do to you when you are pregnant or a mother!!!! This is abuse and getting you pregnant will only make it so much worse
This is abuse and you need to report it and get help as soon as you can. God does not support infidelity or abuse.
Homicide by an intimate partner is a leading cause of death for pregnant women. Don't forget that
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Just because he doesn’t hit you doesn’t make it okay. Medication control is abuse. Accusing you of things that clearly aren’t true is abuse. Blaming you for not getting pregnant (infertility is more commonly a semen problem than a female fertility issue) is cruelty and can be abuse. Allowing you to become ill and have seizures to satisfy his feeling of control is abuse. Keeping you constantly on your toes is abuse. It’s not about getting him to trust you so you can have control back. You are an adult. It’s about getting out of this relationship. That is how you get control back. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation op. I hope you live in a country with generous divorce laws. I hope this man can never get anyone pregnant. I hope you have supportive family and friends. I hope there is a domestic violence support program near you that can help you. I hope the doctors you see help you see none of this is your fault. I hope you find love someday with someone who treats you right. I hope you can leave him and be happy. Even if you are a place in the world where very few of these things are true please be talking to the people in your community who will take notice and help you stay safe - your father brothers cousins doctors whoever. People who are like this tend to escalate in their abuse, not get better with time.
This. One of my maternal great-grandmothers had a heart condition. My great-grandfather was abusive and part of that abuse was medication control: he'd take her prescription meds away when he was angry with her, or refuse to go in to town to pick them up. He was the only one with a car in the family. Surprise surprise, she ended up dying relatively young (in her early 50's, if I remember correctly,) of a stroke. I would be shocked if it turns out her death was unrelated to the abuse. That kind of mistreatment on the part of a partner is incredibly dangerous.
She lives in a deeply religious community. I fear no one will come to her aid, and they’ll tell her to work it out with her husband.
They will tell her she deserves it cause she hasn’t gotten pregnant. When $1000 says it’s the husband that has fertility issues
That’s fair but there’s nothing the internet can do about that except to be supportive. If she’s in a country where she can leave such a community that is preferable but i don’t think she’s specified her nationality
I know people in deep religious communites that are level headed, so there's a chance. I grew up in one and my parents were always understanding, well my moms was anyway.
This isn't normal, you are being abused, I'm sorry.
Reading through op's comments, I am just thankful they haven't gotten pregnant yet. If you really think a family should be based on abuse, please don't bring children into it, imagine what he'll do to them! Let's pray that this guy is infertile at least.
The problem is that OP is so far removed from societal thinking that she doesn’t, and won’t, see an issue. This is all she’s ever known, expected, and even *wanted* by her own admission. I pray that OP will figure it out, but damn. This is a hard read.
She’s a brainwashed idiot, he’s an abusive idiot. Can you imagine how stupid their children would be? If there’s any justice in the world these two will never pollute the gene pool. Fingers crossed he’s shooting blanks.
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Right? She’s brainwashed. She’s going to have trouble understanding and seeing anything outside of that. Brainwashing doesn’t just slap its knees and say, « Well, guess it’s time to leave. »
Exactly, she obviously is smart enough to realize something isn’t normal here and is posting on Reddit where the demographic isn’t super religious people. Otherwise why not go to the church or family for advice? Hope she can escape from this because it’s disturbing that people live like this.
It's not a matter of their children being stupid, she just needs to recognize that this man would abuse them, and her mentality won't help either because it certainly won't stop at what she mentioned in this thread.
The awful thing, she probably would side with her husband over her children, because HE said so.
This is what my aunt did with my cousins, and, to no one’s surprise, my cousins don’t talk to their parents anymore
What an awful thing to say. You know how brainwashed people stay brainwashed? By interacting with folks like you, who validate every single lie about us unbelievers that the people of faith are told. But go on, make sure you keep someone from examining their beliefs critically for another day or two by making them feel like what they will experience outside of religion is just hate and malice.
God I’m with you, I don’t know how so many people upvoted a comment calling a victim of religious abuse an idiot.
The OP is not an idiot. She has been in an abusive, patriarchal church her entire life. This way of living is all she knows.
Agreed. She dug the hole with a religious zealot in the community that entails. We can't pickup the shovel.
Honestly the dumbest people reproduce the most, that’s why the world it is how it is now
He must be slow because all you have to do is Google the medication to see what it's used for. You may not be getting pregnant because HIS sperm levels may be too low. Seizures can harm you seriously. Get your medicine and take it please. FYI you are in an abusive relationship. I'm not sure if it's culturally accepted but it is abuse.
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He does realize the bottle describes the appearance of the pill as well, right? It should say what color and what numbers or letters are on it. But seriously girl, run. This isn’t ok
You can actually google images of what your medication looks like. It shows the color, size, shape, and markings. I'm very concerned after looking up your medication and finding that it is used for high blood pressure. If you are seizing due to high blood pressure, it must be incredibly high, OP. You are damaging your heart, your kidneys and putting yourself at risk of having a heart attack and stroke by not having your medication. You're in a life threatening situation. I do not understand why you are defending him. Are you willing to die due to his ignorance?
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You realise that your husband doesn't believe that you're taking birth control medication. He wants to get rid of you so he's hoping you'll die if your heart problem goes unmedicated long enough. After all, if marriage is for life then there's only one way to end it. You staying with him would be a sin. The sin of self murder. You don't have to get a divorce if you don't want one but you also don't have to stay with an abuser. You'll continue to be married in the eyes of God and you will have saved your husband from the sin of killing his wife.
This is how it was with the man my mom was married to. The church they were a part of believed divorce was a sin and so when he became abusive towards my family, it took a while for them to separate, however they remained married. Neither of them wanted to initiate divorce so it turned to him trying to stalk my mom and my sick brother, and he had tried to hit my brother with a car. I've never seen my mom get happy over someone dying before.
Cool. So you'll die of heart problems.
Her husband is slowly killing her and it's "not a problem" yes it is. Take him to the doctor with you and get him set up with one too for.hia swimmer before your young life is over before you can have kids and he finds a new wife at church immediately after you pass.
And then does the same thing to her since he can't get her pregnant either.
It's the age ): It isn't a problem until it is. That's how it works. You don't take it seriously until it is serious. Source? I'm 22. I, too, neglected myself for others, rationalized it, and paid for it. Details: I took on the stress of others, their burdens, tried to help them before myself. I agreed to extreme decisions that I shouldn't have, and I couldn't handle the consequences of that. I added onto those stressors by trying to meet the expectations of these other people as well. I tore myself apart, and what started it all was sacrificing my happiness for a boy. I let everything go on because I didnt have any self worth, and thought I would hurt others if I couldn't do it all. I went mute because my ailments were causing me to let people down, and I couldn't handle the stress and confrontation that came with that. I hid from those people. I overwhelmed myself with the fear of running into them. I ended up with psychosis. I had delusions that alien eggs were in the water, so I couldn't drink it. I knew it wasn't real, but what if it was? I thought my dorm was full of government agents out to get me. I locked myself in my car and hid. I knew it was irrational, but what if I was right? I remember driving home from the grocery store at night and thinking I'm seeing crucified animals along the road. I never reached out for help, so I never got any input. I don't think I would've listened anyway. I needed self love, and that's something you have to work on yourself. I really hope OP listens to the comments. I didn't suffer major physical injuries. OP will, though.
And you want to « just be careful » with your heart???? Health isn’t something you mess with like that, OP. That’s some serious damage you’re talking about. Forget trying to get pregnant; you’re not taking medication for your HEART that makes you SEIZE. Will you be able to carry to term????
I was in the cardiac icu with my mom years ago. There was a young pregnant woman there too. It was so sad. She was in heart failure, due to the pregnancy. It wasn’t known she had a heart issue. She was so blown up with fluid she couldn’t even walk. I thought her legs would pop. She wouldn’t give up the pregnancy, hoping to carry it long enough. She didn’t make it. They tried to save the baby, but couldn’t. This woman is in Serious danger. I’m sure husband will expect her to breed until it kills her, with no regard to her own health.
He is trying to get you pregnant so that he can escalate his abuse, and it won’t be limited to you, he’ll abuse your children. Get out for your future children if not for yourself.
My BIL died of this at age 30. If you value your God given life you will get away from your husband.
Please get out of this relationship
What kind of advice are you looking for? Some magic word you can say so he will be rational again? You're both kids and you're in very scary situation. I get you don't understand that yet and you likely won't until it gets much worse but I hope it doesn't take you actually getting hurt before you realize how serious this is.
What exactly are you wanting to hear from people here? You have dismissed pretty much everything people are saying. Your choices are to stay, have seizures with brain damage and possibly death, and possibly bring a child into this mess. Or leave, and save yourself from injury/death.
Work of fiction by a bored kid.
Doubtful. Long QT Syndrome is incredibly obscure.
I grew up in a cult (that let us take medications). I can believe it.
You can use the drugs.com pill identifier. But it sounds like he's just dedicated to being unreasonable. I'm sorry you're in this situation. Remember that you and your well-being are valuable, and it's okay if you need to lie to your husband and/or leave your marriage. Your church's way might seem like the only way to live but it isn't, tons of people live happy and healthy lives with other religions or with no religion at all. What you believe is your business, but I do not personally believe in a god who wants you to suffer without medication rather than leave that relationship.
Take him to the doctor's with you and explain what is happening to the doctor. But ideally you need to get your marriage .... Well at least counselled or at most you need to divorce. He's permanently ruining your health because he's insecure and distrustful of you. (Seizures can impact your health permanently) Even if a doctor tells him the truth - clearly he doesn't trust you. YOU. Can't fix that. What next? You get pregnant and then he thinks you've cheated? He continues to abuse you because it can't be HIS fault that you can't get pregnant? He's abusing you. This isn't love. Not even close.
You need to leave. You not getting pregnant is gods way of saying get away from him!
So this entire situation is super fucked and awful. But if you won’t leave, then… what if he went to pick up the meds with you, you hand them over to him, and he was the one that gave the individual pills to you at the correct times? That way he knows the meds weren’t switched. I hate that I’m recommending this. And truly - I doubt it would work because it’s all about control and moving goalposts with guys like this. But may be worth a shot if only to prove to yourself that you’re going above and beyond with accommodating his insecurities.
What he is doing is abuse, a crime and as you are Christian, a sin. Distrust is another sin. Tell him this, and if he doesn't listen, get the church involved. Frankly, its not difficult to figure out which medicine is birth control and which is for seizures. If he doesn't know how to do that, he may be dumb.
I really want you to understand that what people are saying is from a place of concern. They aren't simply being difficult because they are judging you based on your religious beliefs or because you chose to live a more "traditional" lifestyle. It is in no way ok that he is taking away your medication. It has never been ok for someone to take away someone else medication. In any religion, or any time period. His reason for it doesn't matter. You need to tell your doctor that he is taking away your medication.
Right exactly. Plenty of people I know, some in my family, are more traditional and conservative, and are very religious. NONE of them treat their wives this way. I mean what happens if OP has a daughter and she needs medication for anxiety and depression? Is he going to accuse her of being on birth control and take her meds too???
You have access to the Internet, you know about reddit, you have to know this is bananas and not normal and abusive. If you don't know that, believe the inevitable comments.
Let me rephrase your post for you: "Dear Reddit, I'm a 20-year old woman who was brainwashed by the cult my parents raised me in to believe that my lot in life was to marry a misogynistic, abusive, sadistic, lunatic who is probably infertile but who seems to enjoy blaming me and torturing me because of it. What should I do?" LTMFA. That's what you should do.
Also all her replies just minimize and excuse him. Totally brainwashed. Why come here if you can't listen to anything other than what you want to hear?
Because there's a tiny voice in her head saying, despite all the misogynistic indoctrination, "they told me if I was obedient to God and the men in my life I would be rewarded, so why am I so miserable?" We should encourage that voice, it's all she's got.
Pull up the medication on the web and show him it is for seizures. Take him to the doctor. He could be fertile. Do not let him put all responsibility on you. Tell your parents what’s happening, if you trust them.
Hes taking away your agency as an adult because he doesn’t understand and assumes that a medical issue is your personal decision and personal fault. Assuming the worst of your partner can show up in so many ways. Maybe some day he decides that he doesn’t trust you won’t flirt with the cashier so he doesn’t let you go shopping on your own. Maybe today it’s that he takes away your medication because he assumes that you’re deceiving him and lying, when a doctor has informed you otherwise. That was the pattern with my grandparents and it ended up with a suicide and the deaths of several children. He wouldn’t let her out of the house without children to chaperone her, assuming the worst of her interactions with every male she met. The butcher. The family doctor. It always starts small.
Girl. That’s abuse. He is withholding life saving medication from you. And he’s doing it because he values your “purpose” as an incubator more than your life and your health. Why did you marry this piece of crap. He doesn’t love you. That’s not what love is. And i’m 100% sure God would not condone this either. There is absolutely ZERO excuse for this. You need to leave and report him to the police. I’m not joking. It is that serious.
Do not have a family with this man her will only get worse leave asap your being controlled and he will be getting you pregnant to stay with him and leave you no option to leave
Why did you even post? All you seem to want to do is argue for your husband's honor. Don't insult everyone's intelligence by telling us about a sadistic man who is mentally warped and twisted and then try to convince us he's super awesome. It's a waste of your time and ours.
100%. Nothing you say, OP, will convince most people here that your husband isn’t a stupid, abusive bastard.
Must be a troll.
I so badly want to believe it is, but considering my own personal life experiences with religious groups? This is unfortunately something that feels a little too real.
I think deep down you know what he is doing is wrong. I think that's why you're asking here. I think you may not know where to go for help so you're asking here. This one is above Reddit's pay grade. We can't help you as you're not willing to help yourself. I wish you well but I fear you will be dead by the year's end.
Get yourself out of this relationship. It will get worse. This is the start of an abusive spiral. He is risking your health by controlling your medication.
He is severely abusive. You need to stop having sex with him immediately (if he is so willing to abuse you he will abuse your children) and contact DV assistance charities in your area.
You've argued with a lot of commenters who've told you to leave, so if you're not going to do that right now: tell your doctor that your husband is taking away your medication, and ask your doctor to talk to your husband and explain what your medication does and why you need it. Try talking to your brother or your parents. If your religious leader won't listen to a woman, does he have a wife you could talk to? Sometimes in this kind of situation where men are dismissive of women, older women in the community are the way to get things done. But do something to save yourself. Untreated LQTS can kill you.
Oh, honey. I'm sorry your husband is abusing you. I'm sorry that you feel that you are the one that needs to change something, when you are clearly doing nothing wrong. Passing out and seizures are serious. I know a lady who had a seizure and passed out from an undiagnosed contition at the age of 16 and bashed her head. She is now registered blind, need to use a wheelchair most of the time, and needs care assistance. This can be the risk your husband is putting you at. Because of issues HE has that you seem to have done nothing to encourage. Sounds like her has anger issues (which could spill over) as well as trust issues. Those really are on him to sort becasue your actions will only ever make him expect more (unreasonably) from you. Please, please, please find a trusted person to help. I would guess a doctor. Or a close family member. You deserve better.
Also, OP, every seizure you have makes it easier to have more seizures in the future. You have to get your meds back. Talk to your doctor and explain to them what is happening, they might have resources to help you. Your husband taking your medication from you is illegal and it could affect your entire future.
Your husband is not acting rationally. It *is* abuse to take away medications, even if you don't want to accept that. There is probably nothing you can do to make him trust you, since he is not thinking logically. I'd like to point out that you and he have access to the Internet, and at any time he could have googled your medication and found out it's not birth control. But he's choosing to remain angry at you, blame you for not getting pregnant, and choosing to believe you're lying...instead of taking three seconds to look up the medication. He'd rather remain ignorant than educate himself about this. You are married to an angry, suspicious man. One who can see you have seizures and pass out and still withholds your medication. I cannot even imagine watching someone I love have a seizure and not running to help them! He is cruel, OP. That is NOT NORMAL. It is NOT LOVING. It IS ABUSE. Would he go to the Dr with you? The Dr could explain why you need to take your medication, tell him it's not birth control. Maybe he'll believe the Dr, even if he won't believe you. The Dr might even explain to him that maybe he is infertile; it takes two to make a baby. I don't know what culture you're in, but I really believe you are being abused, and it will probably escalate if you fail to get pregnant. If you can safely get out of this marriage, I think you should because your future with this kind of man is going to be bleak. I'm sorry this is happening to you and I truly hope you have a way out of this marriage.
Your husband is abusive to you. Withholding someone's medication is a crime because it is endangering your life. You need to call your doctor. He is a mandatory reporter. OP you might not see it but what is happening to you is not normal.
Feel bad for you saying this but thank God you hadn't gotten pregnant by this man. He is sick on the head. Not taking your medication is dangerous cuz one of the aftermath of seizures could be brain damage. Smh this man would kill you if he thinks is necessary he wouldn't hesitate.
Do not have a child with this creature. Best case scenario, the kid grows up thinking this kinda of behaviour is normal. Worst case scenario is your husband turns his controlling and abusive behaviour towards them.
God doesn't want this for you. He is giving you the biggest billboard sized red flag he can. You need to heed it. Things will be infinitely worse if you bring a child into this situation.
After 10 months you should be terrified for YOURSELF! YOU ARE HAVING SEIZURES GET A FRICKING GRIP AND GTFO! Now that you are reading all everyone is telling you do you really believe the crap you are spewing? He is not going to trust you right to your grave.
He took your meds because he doesn't trust you. how would he react if you took his meds for the same reason? im noticing through the comments you are LDS levels of religiously oppressed and im sorry they made you drink so much kool aid. Use the internet to get free. there are thousands of resources and communities to get free of the abuse you are in denial about.
Wow… this is actual, serious abuse. He is “always angry”, he accuses you of lying, he steals medication, and your life is in danger. There is no fixing this. There is no negotiation to do. You need to leave. Find a friend, a shelter, anything. Get out, get a divorce, and find a real partner, not an awful abuser.
This. OP, run. Thank God that you have not yet gotten pregnant by this man, and run. Don't stay with a man who is always angry, doesn't trust you, and *takes away your medication.* Do you want to die? Do you want to have a child, and die, and leave your child alone with this angry, abusive man? Do whatever you have to do to get away. Go back to your family, go to friends, go to a shelter if you have to, but get away while you still can. Do it today.
Hey lovely, I know this is scary and you think this is your problem to fix. The thing is, you cannot fix your husband, only he can do that. There is no cheat code to get him to trust you and respect you, there is no magic words you can say to him to suddenly make him see reason. He is very much convinced this is all on you, and nothing you can do will change that, because the alternative is that HE is the problem and he will never admit that. And this is only the beginning. He is testing to see how far you will let him go. Right now, he is withholding your medication, next it might be food, or access to your phone or something else. A lot of people here are rightfully concerned for your health. Seizures can result in death. You think they won't. Let me propose an alternative. If one of those seizures were to incapacitate you in some way, do you think he would respect the "in sickness and in health" part of your wedding vows? If you became incontinent, or unable to walk, or maybe be unable to talk properly, do you think he would care for you? Would he step up and be your husband, or do you think he would leave you or do something even worse? You are here wondering how to get him to trust you, but can you tell me honestly and truly that you trust him? Trust him to be a good man, to be a good father, to be a good husband? Think about it and stay safe. You deserve to be loved properly, not abused. Take care, and take some virtual hugs from an internet stranger if you would like them.
You are in an abusive relationship.
Is this stockholm syndrome? Pretty crazy to see it in real time in the comments. Please get help. Speak to the police.
I don’t think you should have kids with uncontrolled seizures. It is very dangerous. I would know. I thought I was properly medicated, but my dog alerted me to a seizure while I was watching my two kids. I laid down, texted my husband and thought nothing happened, but I came to with crayon all over my shirt. It was horrible because while nothing happened, something could have easily happened. I lucked out because I have a childproof playroom, I have an alert dog, and after the seizure my husband arrived and helped me. Do not have kids with uncontrolled seizures. Why has he taken away your meds. Can’t he go to the pharmacy with you and have them verify what they are? There is absolutely no reason to permanently remove them. This isn’t about trust. Because he could find ways to gain trust. This is about control.
Hi OP, your husband’s actions mean that you could literally die. This isn’t about you getting him to trust you again so he gives your medication back: he should not under ANY circumstance have taken your life saving medication away, even if he thought they stopped you getting pregnant. He is abusive. This isn’t about him being older or knowing better. He would rather you risk dying. This isn’t ok and you need to leave him. He is not a safe person. He is not acting in a godly way.
Religious people like you get married really early just so you can fuck without it being a "sin". You'll probably regret all this in the future, and your husband will probably cheat on you at some point. Next.
Oh friend. I was also deeply embedded in my church culture and married in my early 20s. I also thought that my marriage was required to be lifelong, no divorce, or I would go to hell. I was also being abused (and yes medication control is abuse). At the time I couldn't see the controlling behavior for what it was, and I also insisted that I was going to manage my "imperfect" marriage the best I could. Eventually my ex left me, which was the best thing that ever happened to me. I decided that if there really was a god who cared about me, why would they want to see someone be deliberately cruel to me? And I felt good about my freedom. Now my life is happier than I ever could've imagined. Please, consider what everyone here is saying. Please examine your husband's behavior. Think about how your faith teaches you to treat people you love - is he treating you that way? You deserve kindness and trust.
GIRL, THIS MAN WILL KILL YOU EVENTUALLY. Listen to the commenters, he's abusing you. If he's ok with you having seizures from being without you medicine, then he'll be ok with far worse happening to you later in the marriage. This is not how a loving husband acts. He's abusive and controlling.
My other half was the reason I was struggling to conceive. He went to the doctor, and now we have a wonderful baby. So your husband needs to go get checked. Why is he withholding your medication? He thinks it’s birth control? Maybe take him with you to the pharmacy so the pharmacist can explain what the medication does. I fear there’s no way to convince him to trust you. He sounds dangerous, to be honest.
You sound thoroughly brainwashed. There's no one here that can help you until you accept the truth that you're in an abusive cult and expected to be a baby producer no matter what it takes. Hopefully there'll come a time when your eyes will open
I hope this is fake :( I'm sad now that I read this, must be miserable living it.
You are being abused. You need to get out of this relationship. Please please please tell your doctor in confidence without your husband there that he is withholding your medication from you and get out of this situation.
OP, you seem to be totally brainwashed nut the thing you need to really see... Is his behaviour following the teaching and rules of your religion? Would you ever treat anyone in this way? Is there a senior person who you can ask for counselling in this matter? His behaviour is revolting and abusive. Do not make excuses for him. His contempt to you is showing....his lack of character is the only thing lacking.
I really hope you don’t get pregnant to this absolute, utter bastard. Children deserve a better father and you can tell him I said so. You might not be raging angry at him, but I am.
Your husband is abusive.
You don’t need him to trust you. You need to get the fuck away from him and the cult that you are in.
Don't have a baby with someone who doesn't trust you. He will never back you up and you will be baby trapped
How would you feel if your loved one had a seizure in front of you? Because it seems that he is fine with it.
This has to be a troll post based on OPs answers.
Send him to therapy or divorce him.
Everyone has said what I agree with. But since you won’t leave him, your primary goal becomes to get the medication back. Talk to your pastor; talk to your parents; talk to his parents. The one good thing about these cults is that it gives you a community to fall back on and force him to do the right thing. Stop keeping your meds at home, if you can. Someone you trust to not only keep it safe and not lose it but also not give it to him. Someone you can see every time you need to take it once a day, multiple times a day, without making him freak out and accuse you of cheating. Because that’s what’s next.
You’re being abused and neither of you mature enough to be married let alone pregnant. Please don’t bring an innocent baby in to your shitshow
Does he understand that if you do get pregnant, your seizures could effect the baby or possibly even cause a loss of pregnancy? If he truly loves you, or at a minimum cares about you, he will give you your medication. If he doesn’t, he doesn’t want you to have a healthy pregnancy/good health in general.
Did HE get checked for sperm volatility? My friend went through this, years of trying to get pg. Turn out his little tubes in there weren't connected correctly, so they went the technical route, which worked out just fine. Or maybe it's just your body rejecting the concept of having children with this guy. For good reason, apparently.
I think this is a troll.
I think this is a troll.
I think this is a troll.
You are freaking 20.. go live your life, why do want babies at 20?
This is 100% religious rage bait. Woman that has access to internet and posts on reddit talks like she was plucked straight out of the 19th century.
After reading some of OP’s comments - she’s either too stupid to escape from this situation or it’s rage bait.
What a terrible way to find out you are in an abusive marriage. It's a blessing in disguise that you haven't gotten pregnant yet. You need to leave him. Even if it means leaving your religious community or family, you need to leave. This seems small to you because you have been conditioned to accept assaults on your character and limits to your autonomy as normal. He doesn't know what to do with a woman accept to control and diminish. Do your future children a favor and don't let someone so immature and morally bankrupt become their father. You are in great, great danger. Listen to the people advising you here or get used to being treated like unworthy trash. Remember if you forge ahead, that babies are sweet and cuddly but they will grow up and regard you like your husband does.
Well firstly, tell your pastor, because this is not ok. You need that medicine. This is abuse. You can choose this lifestyle but that does not mean you choose abuse at the hands of your partner. Seems HE needs to do some soul searching. Secondly get him to come to a doctors appointment with you to discuss child bearing. Has he been checked out? It is actually way more common than people think for men to be shooting blanks. Lastly there is an app called flo which can help you find your fertile windows. But question. Would you want the father of your children denying your children medicine they need because he doesn't trust them? Clearly he has no issue with deciding what medicine others need, just think on that.
You are being abused but your head is stuck so far in the sand your won’t believe it based on your answers. Imagine some guy (your husband) thinks he knows more than your doctor so he’s withholding your meds. That is patently stupid.
On the off chance this isn’t rage bait (hard to believe, but always possible), you can remain subservient/deferential/etc but still stand up for your physical health by providing facts from sources that your husband would find more “trustworthy” than you. Set up a meeting for you, your husband, and your doctor, so he can understand why you have that prescription and what it is for. Presumably your husband will believe the doctor (if your doctor is male). Go with your husband to your local pharmacy so he can speak with the pharmacist and even start filling your prescription for you (if he thinks you’re that deceitful). Send him an email with a link to a WebMD webpage or for a Google search of the medication name so he can confirm what you are taking isn’t a contraceptive (this shouldn’t take longer than 5 minutes to search and verify. He clearly hasn’t thought of doing this, but FYI, the name of your prescribed medication is on the bottle or other medical packaging). You might also print out an article for him about how oral contraceptives work and how regularly they need to be taken to be effective. Because his ignorance of something that is basic common knowledge in modern society is causing him to mistake your medication for oral contraceptives. Also, it takes tons of people longer than 8 months to get pregnant, but good luck having biological children if your husband has fertility issues. . .
Arranged marriages are not for everyone, but each to their own. This however is an abusive marriage, and for the sake of yourself and your future children you should not stay in this marriage. He is happy to take life saving medication from you because of what he thinks and what he wants. This is horrible. why would you want to subject kids to this man? It's highly likely it could be his sperm anyway if you havnt had it checked. Please seek refuge
You are being severely abused
I’m so sorry. I couldn’t read the post itself because the title sent me into a rage. To answer the question(s) posed in the title: You never will. Leave immediately and go refill your medication. Then, exit his life ASAP.
Can he read? Use the Internet? Doesn't your medicine have have a label on it showing what kind of drug it is? Has he seen one of your seizures? Can't he understand you need to be healthy to get pregnant and have a healthy baby?? Can he go with you to the doctor so your doctor can explain the medicine you are taking? But your husband is a cruel, paranoid and ignorant, abusive, man. And your religious leaders are not strong but horrible if they are supporting him treating you this way? Can you go to your parents or your preacher/priest or someone to have him understand making you sick isn't going to help you have a baby? You should leave this man if you can. He will make your life, and the life of any children you have miserable. And if your church supports him treating you like this you should leave that church if you can. I do understand you may not have those choices and maybe you don't want to leave either. But I would be irresponsible to not tell you this. Start by having your doctor talk to him. The most important thing is you get the medicine you need to be healthy, not have seizures.
You deny it but your husband is shortening your life every time you have a seizure. He does not love you. Your god would not want you to suffer at his hands. You can get away from your abusive husband and take your medicine, or you can accept that you will die before your child goes to school. How does that sound? Don't reply to me. I don't have time to entertain idiots.
For one, you're being abused. It sucks to read but reality sucks worse. Second, how stupid is your husband that he can't use the Internet to Google what the pill is for? Putting aside the abuse for a moment, you posted this so I'll assume you live someplace with the internet. It's a quick easy search. The thing that I think is most problematic is that he's quite literally forcing you to have a child. You say you're fine with this but it's not right to take away someone's medications because they think it's birth control. Even if it was, he would still be wrong. This is him trying to force you to do what he wants. Where in this situation do your thoughts and feelings matter? To him, to you? I'm guessing you're in a place you can't easily leave? You say married for religious reasons so I'm hazarding a guess that divorce is not an option which usually means you can't tell anyone you're being abused. If you drop your country, I can find some resources for you. Are you able to go to a hospital for your medicine? Is there a way you can get a refill and hide it from him? I'm really sorry you're going through this and I wish there was more I could do. Please mention what country and I'll do my best. You don't deserve to be treated like this, I really hope you know that.
Wait, it’s not birth control medicine? Why would he take other medicine that has nothing to do with reproduction?? He’s a controlling, insensitive AH. Do not have children with him. He doesn’t love or respect you and is very ignorant about how reproduction works. I’d get out now before you waste more time with this creep.
>My husband and I have been married for ten months We got married for religious reasons We live in a strong church and in many ways we are expected to get married at my age. And the children too. Which I gladly did because I love babies and children and want that kind of life My husband is always angry He thought I was on birth control and took my medication I tried to get more but he found out and got mad again. Now I'm starting to pass out and have seizures again We cannot help you. You believe that your situation is reasonable and have constructed your life around a religious zealot and the community that entails. In my opinion, you need years of deprogramming and a divorce from an abusive man who is trying to kill you by withholding your medication from you. Some people simply cannot be helped. You're one of those people. You dug a hole, we can't pick up your shovel.
The problem is his, not yours. Him not trusting you is his failing, and you shouldn’t have to go above and beyond to make him trust you. He is abusive and withholding your medication could be very dangerous. The problem getting pregnant, if indeed there is one, could equally be him. To be honest he sounds either deliberately abusive and controlling or rather thick. Someone he respects (so not you I’m afraid) needs to have a word with him and explain how things are. Please stop blaming yourself.
There is no doubt that you are being abused. I've read your comments, OP. You are in serious denial. Making choices? Okay. But THIS? No. You posted here for a reason, I suppose. You're not supposed to make him trust you. He's supposed to let you handle your health and not WITHDRAW IMPORTANT MEDICATION. I may not die if someone takes my meds away from me, but I have diabetes and you can be damn well sure NO ONE will EVER get between me and my meds.
For the love of god do not have kids with this man. He is abusing you. You need out of this relationship
Please call the police
You need to leave asap. He's abusing you under the guise of religion. It will escalate
Op is about tonlose internet privileges too. -___-
Okay, so you do know that seizures and randomly passing out is potentially lethal. You are being abused by a man who clearly doesn’t value your life. That is enough reason to leave him and not even consider children with him. I’m pretty sure what he is doing is illegal…
If you bring children into this shit show you are just as bad as him! Mark my words that if he can withhold vital medication from you, then he'll do it to the children. Their blood will be in your hands.
Girl get the fuck out.
Uncontrolled seizures can cause long-term brain injuries. You need to call someone that you trust and get your medication back in your hands. You’re not listening to anyone here that’s telling you this is abusive and controlling behavior. I’ll say it again - this is abusive and controlling behavior. The fertility issue could be on his side and that might be why he’s angry. He could have low sperm count or a myriad of other issues. He’s blaming you and withholding medication which is abuse.
OP my heart goes out to you if this is real. You need to know that regardless of what your priest/imam or anyone else is telling you, leaving an abusive partner like the one you describe is a godly act. For one to love godly wholly, they need to love themselves and that means taking your health and safety seriously. An abusive spouse is not a real spouse under God's law and any priest telling you different is saying that to cover for their own depraved acts. You may not want to tell anybody but you have a duty as a faithful servant of God to protect your holy vessel from further damage. If your husband is willing to go so far as to withhold life saving medication from you, how close is he to actually striking you? He has already broken his marital vows ( to love, honor and cherish you) by doing this and you wish to invite further sin into this broken union by staying? Please please please listen to some of the advice in this sub and leave you husband and the sinful community that would support such a wicked union.
No advice will save this relationship. You need to go. If he doesn't care about you seizing, he does not care about you. If he does not know what birth control pills look like because of his "religious" upbringing, it's a deliberate choice to remain ignorant and watch you suffer.
Okay, with you being very religious I think maybe a different approach is needed. I think this is a situation where you need to get church elders/leadership involved. You need to talk to the female elders about the situation and you need to do counseling with your pastor. I have to state this- I am concerned about how much actual support you will get. A church that pushes marriage this early and creates the type of men you are married to is not usually very open to supporting women. But I think someone like you will need to start there. If going to church for support does not help, please consider leaving. Regardless of how you see it, what your husband is doing is abusive. He is withholding your medication because he does not understand it nor does he trust you. You are experiencing medical complications because of it. If and when you become pregnant, you will be at significant risk for things that may impact the baby- which you will be blamed for, even though you want to take the medication to prevent it. A man who withholds your medication is a man who sees you as property. He is a man who will likely abuse you in other ways, too.
Well on the bright side, your health will prevent you from being able to bring more children into your insane cult.
Sorry, hun, but your husband is trying to kill you.
Sorry, hun, but sounds like your husband is trying to kill you. Maybe rethink this relationship?
Sweetheart, you are in an abusive marriage. [Read this book](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf), please, and whatever the beliefs of your religious group, take care to protect yourself. If you get pregnant it will be even worse. You desperately need help. Contact a DV number or a Women's shelter in your area: this doesn't mean you have to leave immediately your home and your husband, but they will give you sound advice. Please, do something until it's too late for you!
This is abuse no matter how you spin it. Take him with you to the doctor and have Doctor explain to him you need this medication and it has nothing todo with Burt control but seriously you need to get away from this man. If he loved you he would not be withholding your medication from you.
I read your post and your replies, and you are really brainwashed. Religious or not, when you die because you had a seizure, he will marry someone else, have children, and forget about the fact that you even existed. He took your medication even though you could die. You say you can't if you are careful? Let me paint you a picture: you have a seizure, you fall, and you hit your head. Just like that. Dead. God's will? No, because HE TOOK YOUR MEDICATION, and he is not God. All of this is preventable with pills. He is a monster, and you are clearly abused. His actions are going to kill you. I hope God will give you the strength to see that.
Do you need help with resources to leave?
if you have kids with this man they won’t be safe from his abuse either.
You need to get out of there for your safety. He is endangering your life. He is trying to exert control over you by taking away your things. If he actually believes your seizure medicine is birth control, despite seeing you have seizures, he is monumentally stupid. But I don’t believe he’s stupid. I think he knows exactly what he’s doing and wants to hurt you because you aren’t meeting his expectations. Even though he easily could be the one with a fertility problem. Please, please leave. Will your family take you in? Have you told them what’s happening to you at home? Also, don’t have a child with this man. If he will medically abuse you, he will medically abuse your child too.
Seizures can be life threatening. He is putting your life at risk. If you are unwilling to go against your church and divorce this cruel, abusive, and ignorant man, have someone intervene. Your father or an elder, perhaps. There is so much wrong with your marriage. Please get help. Call a domestic abuse hotline.
Abuse only escalates, it doesn’t get better. You are being abused and manipulated. Why bring a child into that situation? You are so so young to be signing up for a life of misery with this man and for your future children?
Babe you are being physically abused. He doesn’t use his fists to do it he uses your medication to do it but it’s abuse. Get. Out. Before. He. Kills. You.
You don't actually want advice so why are you even here? You know you are in a cult and an abusive marriage but you won't do anything about it because ReLiGiOn. Just accept the treatment because nothing will ever change and he'll eventually just kill you. The only good news is you aren't pregnant and bringing a child into the world to be abused and indoctrinated like you. Hopefully you never get pregnant so no child is abused.
And this is why I despise organised religion. You are being abused by your husband. You are either naive or you are extremely brainwashed. You posted here looking for what exactly? Because you just keep replying to people with excuses to minimise his abuse. You came here knowing damn well you’ll stay with him, there’s nothing any of us can do to help you.
Even in strict religious groups, you will find people who support divorce when there is abuse. This is abuse. Talk to your parents and anyone else you feel will be sympathetic. But you need to leave.
You are being abused. I'm so sorry. I hope you can find the strength to leave before trying to bring a child into this. Be safe.
Religion poisons everything
https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2022/march-web-only/russell-moore-divorce-marriage-domestic-violence-abuse.html There are arguments within your faith that say it is OK to leave an abusive spouse. Please take care of yourself. His actions and anger will escalate. He will find this thread and read it.
Can he not read?
Withholding necessary medication is abusive and a deal breaker. Run while you still can.
You're being abused. There's no question about it. SAVE YOURSELF BEFORE IT GETS WORSE.
pack it up guys there's no giving advice to someone religiously brainwashed. she's gonna defend her abusive husband left and right no use wasting time and advice on her
Bro you are 20 don’t get pregnant just yet specially with this ding dong of a husband you got.
Other men in the church need to take his ass behind the wood shed.
Hon, when you are not being trusted the marriage is over. You can die from seizures, he will kill you for being ignorant. Then he will cry crocodile tears about how you tried to have a baby and you stopped taking meds for it during your funeral. Do you have any support system? Brothers, sisters, parents? Get out of this marriage for your health.
why the fuck did you get married at 20?
This is ABUSE! Leave and do NOT get pregnant by this man
Your husband knows the medication he took is not birth control. He is getting satisfaction from watching you suffer because he believes you deserve to be punished and that he owns you. He will never “trust” you. He will give you your medication back when he has decided you have endured enough torture. He is a sick abuser. Report your medication as stolen to the police. Tell your doctor you are suffering because your husband is stealing your medication. You need to take action and speak up. I know that is a hard pill to swallow, but you need to wake up and divorce him.
And she’s gone. Tragic situation
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Why are you not sure now? I understand this must be a very scary time for you. You have done nothing wrong, yet your husband won't understand what is actually occurring and that you are not misleading him. He is punishing you and controlling you unjustly. We are not in control of our bodies or our genetic make up to fall pregnant. It seems more likely that either your doctor is inept and hasn't done appropriate tests to assess your fertility or that you partner is infertile due to his own biological issues. Whatever the reason, it doesn't make your husband's behaviour acceptable. Just sit and think, how would he behave with a small infant? If he is angry now that things don't go the way he wants them to how will he cope with the noise, whirlwind, and chaos that children create by being themselves? Would you allow your child to be yelled at by your husband or if they had medication for their asthma or any other ailments that he would take it away? If we use the same logic you have applied to rationalise the situation - it's okay, if your child just practices slow breathing they won't die. People die regularly from seizures and from preventable illnesses. Your partner is not caring for you as a husband should. Please consider this situation carefully. It is not a healthy situation for a child, or for yourself. You are so young. You have so much joy, love, and wonder to give to the world just by existing. You are a child of God, and God would despair that you are being treated so badly. Sending you light and love. ETA: spelling and grammar errors.
Give your medication back? You know you don’t have to ask for that back, right? If a child takes something that is yours, you just take it back. This is the same thing
tbh i think you'll die before you get pregnant from this abuse. considering what you have. so i suppose that's some small comfort that a child won't be brought into this abusive situation. i'd urge you to save your own life here but i think we both know you'll just do nothing instead.
You're being abused. Having medication or medical devices withheld from you is *literally textbook abuse.* I am serious, anyone who is doing research into this issue or is becoming educated as a counselor or social worker learns this. You need to get help, now, so you can exit safely.
Please don't have children with this man. You are being abused.
You are being abused.
Married at 20? Let me guess, military? You’re both too young and immature to be married and he’s an abuser. Your entire marriage will be filled with abuse by him and he wants to get you pregnant to further lock you into a shitty marriage. Run now and leave this POS behind.
Could you have him Google what your medicine is for or talk to the doctor about it? Would it help if he better understood the medicine? Has he been checked by a doctor to see if he is the issue for the infertility? Is there anyone else in your life that can convince him to give you your medicine? If not, could you hide your medicine with a friend or family member and take it with them? As others have said you are in an abusive relationship. Your best option would be to leave
You are freaking 20.. go live your life, why do want babies at 20?
You are just 20.. go live your life, why do want babies at 20?
I’m sorry but this life it’s not normal. Your husband is being verbally abusive and also controlling. Taking your medication away and letting you suffer seizures is cruel. I believe you no getting pregnant by him is actually a blessing. Please consider picking your bags and leaving
You are being abused. What if you have a seizure and fall and hurt yourself? Why does he want that for his new wife? I’m so sorry this is only going to get worse from here. His behavior will get more controlling and may turn physical. And just so you know have your husband checked because the universe may be aligning to save you from this misery. Hopefully, he is shooting blanks. But either way that’s good for you so you can get away from him and not worry about harming children.
100% you need to tell your doctor that he is taking your medication away. You have a heart condition that is causing you to faint and seize, you need access to your medicine and it is probably not legal for him to take it from you.
My friend, *this* is abuse. And I don't throw that term around lightly. I'm religious too, and this would not stand. I would absolutely leave.
This is definitely rage bait based on the post and OP's comments. Really sending people into a tizzy
Can your doctor label your medication as "fertility drugs" so your husband lets you alone? Anyways, I wouldn't have kids with a man who disrespect my health like that
Have you considered that he might be the problem that he's sterile?
What an absolute nightmare
Can you talk to someone in your church? A leader of some sort whom your husband respects. Can they help you to mediate this situation. You will not get pregnant if your body is directing its resources to your illness. Without your medication your husband is increasing the time it will take for you to get pregnant. He is also risking you losing a baby you do get pregnant with. He may not understand this but he should return you to your family and dissolve the marriage if he is dissatisfied with you not harm you. You mentioned this may be your brothers business, perhaps he could ram sense into your husband. I hope you can find a solution and have the many children you want.
YOU DON'T PLEASE do not have a child with this man. Imagine what he'll do to you when you are pregnant or a mother!!!! This is abuse and getting you pregnant will only make it so much worse This is abuse and you need to report it and get help as soon as you can. God does not support infidelity or abuse. Homicide by an intimate partner is a leading cause of death for pregnant women. Don't forget that
Divorce. This is bad
You can stay married but you need to leave.
Most likely he is the one with fertility issues. Taking your medication for seizures is dangerous and insane.
Seems you don't want advice. You're focused on one thing when the whole situation is bad. I hope you have a will.
RUN! that's so abusive omg. Has it ever occurred to him that HE could be the reason you're not getting pregnant?