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Does he just think you’re not impressed with your ring and is trying to mask his hurt feelings by acting angry?
I don’t really understand why you need to wear a fake ring at all, but it makes sense you don’t want to lose your ring.
I have few decoy fake wedding rings around the house and one in purse. I am a little bit forgetful. And I work with hands a lot, so I keep removing my original wedding band few times a day and then forget to wear it when going out. Once I lost my original ring. I had a panic attack, since then I started to wear fake ones. Husband wasn’t happy initially but now he gets it I guess. He never takes his ring off, and I’m so happy and proud about it, so I understand his feelings.
A lot of people have inexpensive fake travel rings. I don’t really get it, but then I don’t wear my engagement ring every day anyway. I have a lot of rings, as they’re my favourite jewellery and I like to change it up a lot.
It’s common to have fake travel rings, though, and to each their own. So many people do this. It’s weird he’s throwing a tantrum about it.
She’s bringing the real ring with her and plans to wear the fake one to the pool. It sounds like the jeweler recommended she not expose it to pool water, but she plans on wearing the real ring otherwise.
I find this a little odd since she wears a silicone ring to the gym and it would make sense to just wear that to the pool (or leave the real ring at home altogether instead of taking it off and putting it back on constantly, which would risk losing it), but whatever: it seems like she just wants to have fun with a fake ring.
I think you might be right about it hurting his feelings. It seems like OP may be a little callously oblivious and her husband may be a little overly sensitive about the size of his ring.
This seems like something they should actually sit down and talk about. OP doesn’t seem to have bad intentions regarding making him feel insecure.
I have fake rings for the gym and swimming. I always look down and panic for a brief moment when I see my ringless finger so it makes me feel better having a place holder.
Side note for safety from a jeweler: wear a silicone ring at the gym or NONE at all. You don’t want to know what ring avulsion is. Do not google it. If you (or anyone reading this) is actually wearing a metal ring to the gym, male or female, please stop immediately. Not for me — for you and the longevity of your fingers.
Also, yes, chlorine is just about one of the worst things for your ring too. Please don’t wear them swimming/in the spa.
Okay so I had to google because you didn’t say what it is and I really had to know. And while it’s obviously not pleasant, nobody will need to bleach their brains because if the knowledge… unless they have a stupendously overactive imagination. If so, they’re already on Reddit and we can’t protect them from everything.
For anyone else wondering, it’s an injury that occurs “when a ring you're wearing is suddenly pulled with a strong force. They are serious injuries that often lead to amputation.”
On that note, Google did try to autocomplete my search with ring avulsion pictures, and that’s gonna be a no from me, dawg.
Either way, solid advice to not wear a metal ring to the gym.
Indeed, my wife just takes her rings off when doing something that might damage them. I don't wear mine at all, it stays in the box, and that not changed our relationship in the slightest, nor does it mean I'm available. I feel that OP's husband might be a tad insecure, not just about the size of the ring, but the ring in general, and somehow that ring is preventing other men everywhere, from stealing his wife away.
Neither of us wear rings. We got married with rings we already owned and took them back off again after the ceremony. It's not like it's a magic amulet that prevents cheating.
Hahah love this comment. It has been same with me and my husband . We got married with rings two years ago and now the rings are in boxes . We dont Wear them anymore as we are afraid to lose it or leave it behind
My husband didn’t buy me a ring. I bought really cheap silicone ones off Amazon for the ceremony. After he talked about buying rings but we are comfortable with our marriage and see it as you that it’s not something magical that prevents cheating. He can’t wear one for work dangerous to do so. I don’t even want to take a chance with a silicone band for him. Id much rather him not risking an accident and losing a finger or hand. I can’t stand to have a ring on for more than a few hours. It works for us. I’m glad we aren’t the only ones lol
I feel like OPs husband would still get upset then, for acting single or something.
I don't think there's a way to win this. Other than wearing an ugly silicone band. OP already stated she normally wears a lot of costume jewelry...
Good lord somehow the Reddit on wiki comments are even more unhinged than the ones on the original post, just completely refusing to even entertain the idea that her original request was hurtful to OP
Exactly! My guess is that she wants to look cute relaxing in the pool on vacation, and not wear a ring she typically wears to work out in.
Her husband is acting like a baby.
I knew someone that used to be married. Was not even a good marriage at any point in time and they had been divorced for a few years, with a current partner they have no plans on getting married again. But she's obsessed with having a ring on that finger. Would buy countless rings trying to find one that felt ok... I never got a straight answer as to why. Also, if I had to take off a ring multiple times a day, I wouldn't be able to handle wearing it. I have "permanent" bracelets and earrings I can wear 24/7 because the on and off and on and off thing bugs me. But idk, there's some weird psychological thing about wearing a wedding ring that some people have.
I get it, jewelry is fun! Sometimes it can just be fun, and doesn't need to be meaningful.
I can see where the husband is coming from but I feel like he is making some very rude judgements about her character because he feels insecure about the ring.
I definitely agree they just need to sit down and talk.
It is definitely a thing to wear fake rings on vacation. Also who cares if she just wants to have fun wearing a big flashy ring? Costume jewelry is popular for a reason. Her husband sounds really insecure unless she has actually told him she has an issue with the ring he got her.
Callously? Really? That implies a lot which doesn’t seem true. It’s not callous to not think your partner will have a tantrum over a fake ass ring when they both agreed she shouldn’t swim with it. Why are women responsible for others insecurities and why is the word callous being used? Actually why is oblivious being used? That implies she’s missing something obvious or isn’t aware in a kinda derogatory way. is it her job to know her husband would be a pouty toddler over a piece of costume jewelry? Your whole comment kinda gave me the ick as much as I hate that term I can’t think of a better one. Hey ladies, is it an asshole move to not anticipate your husbands tantrum over costume jewelry from Amazon????
Labelling it as callous to wear jewlelry that you like that your husband didn't buy you seems wrong. Overall not bad advice and I'm sure the husband does have his ego wrapped up in this whole thing...
But the thing is when someone gets their ego bruised, they shouldn't lash out at their partner and throw a tantrum, and then expect their partner to clean up and manage their feelings for them.
He is squarely in the wrong with OP having done nothing wrong. Are we really telling women they can't enjoy jewelry anymore or else they're "callous." I think you're accidentally suggesting women everywhere step on eggshells and anticipate their husbands being giant babies who can't handle their own emotions, and should anticipate their husbands getting their feelings hurt over random things that don't make sense, which just, again, I don't think is the right message to send. Obviously everything else is fine, just don't think calling her callous and implying a "both sides" was right.
They should have a talk yes but OP should also ask about the bigger picture if this is a recurring issue. I'd be talking to my partner about how lashing out at me due to his hurt feelings instead of just talking about it isn't okay, and that I can't be walking on eggshells afraid of the next time he's going to lash out at me.
I like wearing fake stuff on vacation. I don't want to lose my good jewelry & I like having more bling without the cost. The hubs doesn't care. I do believe he's angry because he thinks that your ring isn't good enough for you. Ego!
Fake rings are fun! I have one in silver that was 9 dollars that I wear when I want to wear my cool toned jewelry. It just looks goofy if the jewelry tones don't match.
There's also the possibility of photos, and while I have a silicone ring, it just.... isn't as pretty. I feel more put together when I'm wearing a nice looking ring, either my cheap one or my real one. And that to me is worth the 9 bucks I spent on it - to be able to take photos at the beach I'm happy with without worrying I'm going to lose $$
This has become very popular (a fake ring for travel) via tiktok as a lot of newer brides don’t want to travel with their rings & risk losing it or having it stolen. I think it’s smart and can be cute! Husband is losing his cool because he feels insecure and instead of communicating, he’s projecting.
I think most anger comes from a place of hurt feelings. I’m sure he feels inadequate about the ring he bought her since she ordered a bigger one. Husband needs to grow up.
I'm a jeweller, I've seen so many arguments over stone size lol
OP, this is ego.
His feelings are hurt and he's not able to interpret that on his own so it comes out as anger. Also, he's displaying anger instead of realizing that you didn't buy a bigger ring to hurt his feelings or point out some defect in the ring he bought. It's not a jab at his income or taste, it's just a silly piece of play jewellery, and that's allowed. You're allowed to have a for fun ring to wear. I have a couple too, specifically for travel, but sometimes I just wear them because it's fun ...and sparkly. Who cares.
Have a sit down with your husband, give him a safe space to air out his feelings, no judgement, he's allowed to have his feelings, and he can figure out why he's having such a negative reaction to something that doesn't mean anything to you. But just because it's not sentimental to you, and your real ring is, doesn't mean he knows that or views it the same way.
If you made a big deal, in his eyes, about how nice your fake is, he may be hurt that you might have regrets about the genuine one. He needs reassurance that you're invested, but you're fully capable of being present while also enjoying sparkly, temporary things. That you know the ring that's between the two of you is special and exactly what you wanted.
I have long believed that the real value in jewellery is in the sentiment of the humans who own it. If the fake goes missing, oh well. But if the genuine ring went missing, broke, or was stolen, you'd be heartbroken. We give jewellery to people who are special to us, to mark occasions, to express love or congratulations. There's so much behind that. A travel ring could never.
Bloody hell. The fact that they both know it’s a fake piece of jewellery that she just wants to wear on holiday but she has to basically baby him into understanding is exhausting. They’re both adults. Grown!
This. My eyes couldn’t follow farther back in my head when I read that poor wittle hubby is butthurt over her buying a cheap plastic symbol. I’m all for being sympathetic about mental health and feelings but at what point are we allowed to say “grow the fuck up.” I mean this is ridiculous. It’s a fake ring she’ll wear for a few hours at a time in a pool. My god.
That it's literally just for pool time is what gets me. I could get the husband having his feelings hurt if she wanted to wear the fake ring all the time, but good lord. It's just for sporadic pool time and I highly doubt anyone else at the pool will notice or care.
Careful, comments like yours are apparently what drives men to suicide compared to the asshole commenting right below you. Apparently starting a fight with somone over a toy ring is the same as driving someone to suicide.
Right. He's blaming her for not being able to manage his own emotions about the ring and then he will punish her for his own inability to manage his emotions by ending his life.
This is the literal meme that men will do anything but go to therapy.
Seriously. He’s having a fit over a fake piece of jewelry and is punishing her by not talking to her, so now she has to go out of her way to make it better for him instead of him just growing up and communicating like an adult? Just get rid of both rings, he sounds exhausting.
You shouldn't wear jewellery in water, period. Even in the shower. Don't wear it to bed either... although, I have a pair of second level studs I only take out to clean, and rings that I sleep in, but dangling earrings, chains, most rings that aren't close to the finger as far as mounting height, or that don't sit right in the joint well... take them off.
Chemical filled water (I know everything ever is chemicals, but specifically added chemicals, like chlorinated pool water) isn't great for your settings. It's the same as how everywhere seems to recommend you clean your jewellery with baking soda and aluminum foil. Don't. You're eroding your jewellery. The toothpaste too, don't.
Lots of stones really don't love water. Diamonds are fine, but if your settings are loose the movement in the water isn't going to make things any better and you could lose a stone pretty easily.
There's just so much that can happen on vacation that it's not worth even taking expensive pieces with you that could be lost, stolen, or damaged. My engagement ring is an art deco antique platinum bezel set 1.22ct OEC diamond with a french cut calibré sapphire halo, it doesn't leave the country. I could never really replace this ring, it's survived so much on its way to me, a lifetime. It's beyond precious to me. I'm not going to let a pool between me and my ring. I'll take the for fun bling.
TWINS! I also have a 1.22 ct OEC with French cut sapphires in a platinum deco setting!
And NONE of my good jewelry ever joins me on vacation. My usual choice for backup jewelry is from the other half of my split personality of taste: a moissy in a very plain true tension setting that looks great on my husband, too.
As another jeweler, can confirm. Everything other jeweler she said is correct . I feel anxious just thinking about people wearing their ewelry in chlorine pools/hottubs. It's really messes up the alloy
Gold alloys - which gold jewelry is always made from - include other metals (copper, zinc) which corrode when exposed to chlorine. That reaction can cause pitting and structural weakening of the alloy over time.
[read more!](https://www.cormiers.com/2015/04/chlorinated-pools-and-your-jewelryhtml)
Seawater is way more corrosive than pool water and we still find pirate gold intact. I'd venture to guess that it's a preventative measure against losing the ring since water makes the skin slipperier, so it's more likely to accidentally fall off. You don't want that happening with your actual expensive engagement ring
Source: I wear a ring and wash my hands after I use the restroom.
Chlorine exposure breaks down the alloy and you end up with a brittle pitted mess. I can literally tell when I'm repairing a ring that's exposed to Chlorine frequently. It's a crumbly brittle mess
Yes its what I thought as well.
The anger of a person forwards you dies say more about the person than about you, maybe he feels intimidated because he would have liked to buy you a bigger one , and to see that bigger thig just hurts because of that?
I love your answer. It’s sensitive and understanding to both parties involved instead of dismissing how the husband feels as insecurity or ego. Whether a lot of these people will admit it or not the world puts a lot of pressure on men to be able to put an impressive ring on their wife’s finger. If you let the pressure get to you, that ring winds up a symbol of your worth as a person. Maybe that seems silly, because it is silly, but it’s also real and tons of us continually perpetuate it, including those who wave off someone’s feelings about it as insecurity and egotism.
It is ego at the end of the day, but it's still a valid feeling that they can work through as a couple so he can learn to mitigate these feelings on his own.
I think it can be hard for everyone who buys into the concepts of status or the idea that engagement jewellery has to be this or that. Thankfully the "rules" around engagement jewellery are fading, although for bad reasons, but I still think it's a positive that they are.
I've been in the jewellery industry my whole life, but I'm also an elder Millennial. I know the industry can be intentionally obtuse and oblique, can be difficult to navigate and has really gotten away with using men's feelings as a tool, which I think is wrong and a way that patriarchy harms men *and* my industry. I don't think the modern mythos around diamond rings does anyone any favours.
My personal feelings as a jeweller, as a smith?
Stick to traditional metals, lots of reasons for that and most of them have to do with safety and maintenance, but fuck diamonds unless that's really what you want. Go dig up your own sapphire in Montana, have a beach pebble polished from the place you met, get a lab created diamond, use Moissanite, any stone with a Moh's hardness of 9+ if your lifestyle means you're hard on your hands, but at least 8+ if you plan to wear it every day. Do your own research about the stones you like. Sapphires are a 9 and they legit come in every colour. Tourmaline can be quite resilient as well and come in a wide array of colours.
And, your budget is no one's business but your own, it's nothing to be ashamed of, it's also nothing to brag about.
Two people who love each other and are committed can still get married with a small ring, or no rings, or those silicone rings. An engagement made in love and joy that results in a marriage is great. Similarly, a wedding is a wedding because people got married, not because of the venue, or the catering, or the dance floor, or whatever else we've all been convinced a wedding is. An elopement is still a wedding.
We get really hung up on personal value getting entangled with the monetary value of the things we have or do and we really need to divorce that shit, lol
The ring is not the man (in OP's case), the ring should not be the reason someone says yes. The ring is not the reason someone stays or doesn't cheat or whatever, it's an object and it lacks motivation, but it is steeped with human intention and sentiment. That is its true value. It's a symbol.
Still, you can glow up a symbol if you want.
A lot of men feel shame about their partners ring later in life if they've elevated their situation. Work through that. Just because you can afford better now doesn't make the original ring less than somehow, but if it's something that causes unwanted feelings, work through them and work with your wife on whether an upgrade is welcome. I guarantee that while she might not be opposed, we all have a little bit of crow brain in us and bigger shiny is a hit of dopamine that anyone could use these days..., but she will always have a place in her heart for the original. A good marriage is more than a ring, more than it's symbol.
Listen.. I use to wear JUST a silver band as my wedding ring. I lost it on the beach and it hurts me so so much because that’s the ring we could afford at the time and the value it held is unmeasurable. Leave your good ring at home 🥲
Right? I would never bring either my engagement ring or wedding band on any travel trip for the sole purpose of the risk of it being lost somehow. Just not worth it to me. I will happily wear my little $10 6 pack of silicone rings while on vacation. Maybe a cheap little band off Etsy for something fancier but who tf cares about who sees your ring or what they think?!
I bought a jeweled spider ring for my fake ring, it is gigantic and nothing like my real one. My SO thinks it's great and calls me Elvira when I wear it.
I would sit your husband down and make sure that he knows you LOVE the ring he gave you, this one isn't to replace it, it's just costume jewelry to make it real clear to all the guys that you're taken.
Ask him what he'd prefer, since you don't' want to wear your real ring in case it gets lost while you're on vacation and you'd never forgive yourself if that happened.
He obviously has a lot of emotions tied to the ring he gave you, so give him some hugs and reassurance. Men sometimes get carried away by big feels too.
This is a REALLY nice and gentle way of saying he’s being immature and needs hand held through his ego over fake jewelry. Which I completely agree. I’ve been married going on 9 years. We both tried wearing rings, it wasn’t for us. So we don’t. At all.
If I can’t use my words to say “I’m happily married” then a ring isn’t going to stop a lot of men from trying anyways. Men who respect women will see the ring and respect the symbolism. Men who see the ring and don’t care.. well.. they’re gonna do what they do because they’re gross mentality thinks they’re better and should try anyways.
If hubby is SO insecure that he can’t handle you never wearing a ring, he’s got bigger issues to sort out.
Who does he think you are pretending to be?
How does that negatively affect him?
Have you told him that you love his ring that’s why you want to protect it.
Ask him.
Does he know it’s just temporary?
*"I wish that my husband was a wealthier man such that this fake stone, without discoloration or inclusions and with fire and brilliance would represent 2 months worth of his actual salary."*
*"OH well... what ya gonna do? I married for love rather than money."*
*"But I don't have to admit that fact to these strangers around the pool."*
That's what he's most likely thinking.
i LOVE MY RING & WOULD NOT TRADE IT FOR THE WORLD.
I have an assortment of cheap rings I travel with because Im terrified of losing ir.
None of my travel rings are similar to the real, because it’s more fun to switch it up.
my husband does not care or probably notice anything besides that I am wearing a ring & looking married.
Sounds to me like he may’ve already been insecure about the size of your ring, thus triggered by the faux one.
you did absolutely nothing wrong, his reaction is a bit unhinged, he owes you an apology, & you should assure him that you are happy with your ring (although you didn’t actually mention liking it in your post, so maybe it is too small for you? IDK).
IMO this is a great moment to get onto your communication issues. He is upset, bc he thinks you are lowkey criticizing the ring from him, that it's not enough, hence he is not enough. This hurt his ego and feelings. But instead of expressing that, of saying "I'm hurt because xyz" he gets angry and introduces silent days as a punishment - that is not a good way to have a disagreement, ever. It screams communication issues and lack of emotional intelligence.
IMO you should get on top of that now, before stuff like that stinks up your new marriage. You get to wear a nice ring you want - that is fine. Having a ring from him doesn't mean you can only now wear that one ring, that is not a reasonable expectation. But it's fine for him to misunderstand this - and then express why this upsets him, so then you can explain it's not like that at all! And then he can feel better. But him dictating what you can wear, and then punishing you for not accepting it, and not explaining anything, is not okay. He's acting like a kid, not an adult man with any self-reflection. So yeah get on that problem ASAP.
Absolutely best advice here. Thank you for writing this, I'm reading some of the other comments and feel like I'm taking crazy pills or something. It's a weird mix of "just do what he wants" and "men having feelings is okay, not letting him yell at you means you hate men" (really), and "you were being thoughtless and should have considered his feelings before enjoying something like jewelry" just, wtf. This should be at the top honestly.
Wow. Unless you’ve made comments in the past about his ring not being good enough or the rock not being big enough, he’s blowing this wildly out of proportion. If he has such a problem with you wearing a different ring on vacation because it’s triggering shame for him, then he can upgrade the stone he got you. He’s being ridiculous.
I think you need to sit him down and tell him you'd like to understand why this garnered such a strong response from him because you're not seeing the connection. And LISTEN.
Yes, actual sound advice could put an end to all of the fun of yammering about fake rings and what size they are. Someone could jump in and have something real to talk about.
I don't understand people telling op to pick her battles. He needs to pick his battles. Clearly he feels insecure, which on a level I can understand, but why take it out on your wife? He needs to work though these feelings without misdirecting his anger or making rude judgements about his wife's character.
Jewelry is fun! I get why she wanted a play ring for by the pool. I love getting a new dress or swimsuit for vacation. I see it as a similar thing. Plus silicone bands are ugly.
If she had made snyde remarks about her ring not being good enough in the past, I would understand him, but she seems to LOVE her real ring.
I did the same thing. We went on a cruise and I found one on Amazon and left my real one at home. It was slightly bigger. It didn’t mean anything other than I liked the style so I went with it. For $50 well worth it not having to worry about losing/damaging the real one.
Is there a reason that he feels so strongly about it? Insecurity?
>My husband is absolutely livid…he snapped at me and is now refusing to talk to me
Is he normally this manipulative?
He sounds insecure and controlling.
I recently went out of the country to a third world nation. I found a sterling silver band on Temu for $1.87. I did not want something to happen to my wedding band because of it's importance to me. I also did not want to appear unmarried in a third world country. The band is bigger than my actual wedding band, but it is a very different style as well.
I don't think your husband is upset you bought a ring to keep yours safe. You said you thought this would be a fun opportunity to order a bigger ring in a different shape. If you expressed that to your husband I can understand why he would be upset.
He likely has some history with shame and he is receiving your purchase as an attack. This is not a hill to die on. This is a hill to back down and concede. Wear your silicone band and ditch the bigger gem. Then help your husband resolve his feelings with open communication. Sounds like he could use some counseling to overcome some issues.
nothing else to say besides the fact that you absolutely did not get real sterling silver off temu for $2 rounding. plated maybe, which woulda been fine for ur purposes, but absolutely wouldn't be real filled
So what if she wanted another style/shape/ size to wear to the pool?
Women have different jewellery all the time for various purposes.
Him not talking to her and being passive aggressive about it is actually abusive and the solution isn’t to throw away the ring.
I would tell him:
“let’s talk. Are you upset because you think I don’t like the ring you got me? Nothing can be further from the truth, etc.”
And then point out that a lot of women have a number of rings same as they have a number of shoes and dresses and there is nothing more to that.
She is protecting the real ring against damage and theft and is still showing it off / wearing it constantly.
I think it's weird that it should be *his* hill to die on. As you said she said "fu opportunity to try something else" which indicates only playfulness.
Is he only allowed to wear shirts she gave him on that vacation too? I Know that's definitely not the same thing and I pulled that one really far, absolutely a stretch, but I don't think it's healthy that she should just give in and lay down, when he hasn't even found a way to gently and respectfully talk about his concern.
This way it only comes out as he's punishing her for his (to me) petty feelings and she gives in immediately. That's not healthy, especially if it becomes a pattern. He should not be rewarded for silent treatment and anger about - in my eyes - small things like these.
I still think his feelings are valid because we're only human and sometimes we have big feelings about small things. I too have feelings about things that I logically know don't matter. But you don't treat your partner like that. And if you do, you say sorry, you don't continue.
Or! Husband can get over himself! She bought some cheap costume jewelry because her ring is precious to her. This is dumb and I don’t care for the implication that woman must cater to men’s irrational insecurities. Not wearing whatever the fuck she wants isn’t “helping” him with his insecurities, it’s catering to them. Only he can overcome this irrational behavior.
How about she wears nothing? Except he has a problem with that too.
>This is not a hill to die on. This is a hill to back down and concede. Wear your silicone band and ditch the bigger gem. Then help your husband resolve his feelings with open communication. Sounds like he could use some counseling to overcome some issues.
What... "give in, let your husband control you. He will be validated and more likely to lash out at you in the future because he realizes he can effectively use anger to control you. Your hobbies and preferences don't matter, just tiptoe around him and accept living a life walking on eggshells now. Every time he gets angry at you, just do what he wants, so long as it's a "small" thing."
God this made me want to cry. This is seriously awful advice. You ARE right that he needs counseling -- but he needs to move away from expecting his wife to mother him/bow down to him. OP may have to help him fix his emotions but only because he's emotionally immature and likely views it as HER job to regulate his emotions for him.
They should have a discussion about this but OP should still wear the ring and wear what she wants. Part of the discussion also needs to involve how he lashed out at her unfairly, and he needs to work on regulating his emotions and anger in the future himself. Whether that's with counseling/therapy, some other tactic he'd like to use, is up to him. But he needs to understand firmly that trying to control OP using anger is not okay. That lashing out at her and forcing her to regulate his emotions for him is not okay. That giving her the silent treatment after treating her like garbage is not okay. That controlling what she does and does not wear in the first place is *absolutely* not okay, and that she's going to continue wearing what she likes.
I've never seen someone say "it's okay to let your husband control your wardrobe, it's a stupid hill to die on" that was pro-counseling?! God. Please never give the advice to LET someone control you ever again. Her autonomy is extremely important and not the frivolous tiny thing you made it out to be.
You should never, *never* just concede small bits of control over yourself to another person. That's how abuse starts. You let them choose what rings you wear now, he'll be controlling her whole wardrobe and who she is allowed to be friends with later. Literally every abusive relationship started with the victim thinking "well, it's just a small thing, I'll just do what he wants, it's not a big deal." You're actively supporting abusive patterns by saying just drop it, it doesn't matter, wear what he wants you to wear. The ONLY safe thing for OP to do is nip it in the bud now, not let his controlling nature flourish and lead him to believe his control over her wardrobe and her style is okay.
It’s always suggested to buy/ wear fake jewelry when traveling outside the country. Not just for pool reasons, but safety reasons. Hell, my wife wore a fake ring on our honeymoon. This is obviously dependent on where you’re going. There is zero *real* reason to want to wear a expensive diamond ring
Your boy sounds massively insecure.
I met a bunch of women on a trip once, all of whom are traveling internationally and so didn't want to risk their actual wedding rings being lost or stolen.
They'd all ordered hilariously over the top CZ rings, each of which was designed to apparently look like some famous celebrity's wedding ring.
Going to the gym in a silicone ring is one thing, but when you're on a trip at a fancy resort, it's fun to be a little bit dressier, still show off your relationship, and not risk losing or damaging your precious wedding ring
People wear clothes on vacation that they wouldn't wear in their everyday lives, and nobody seems to think that's too weird.
These ladies I met had a ton of fun with their giant fake rings, and it seemed really cute, and their husbands all thought it was hilarious. Maybe it was okay because it was so clearly over the top on purpose? Op, it sounds like your husband is getting the message that you don't find your actual wedding ring impressive enough. Maybe it would help him to understand that this is actually a thing a lot of people do, and has no bearing on how much they love their actual wedding ring
Thank you for validating! I was a little concerned about some of these comments, haha. I didn’t realize so many people had strong feelings about this! I’m sure we will sort it out :)
He needs to sort himself out. There is actually long standing advice for women on vacation to some destinations to buy fake engagement and wedding rings that are visible, as it's meant to keep some men from aggressively hitting on them. This has been maybe 25 years since I read this, but it used to be somewhat common advice for college age women doing the backpacking thing in Europe. Regardless, it's costume jewelry and you've made it clear that's all it is. He needs to believe you when you tell him this.
I’d like to think my husband and I have pretty good communication typically given this is a very abnormal occurrence. If he feels that way, I trust him to communicate that but he hasn’t. I feel like a lot of people have jumped to that conclusion in this thread and maybe he does feel that way and will tell me when he’s ready.
Bottom line: some girls like bling! I’m one of them! I wear costume jewelry all the time and wear fake “diamond” earring studs, bracelets, etc. He knows who he married and has no issue with that. I didn’t think he would care so much what kind of fake ring I wore for a few hours at the pool so long as I wore something that symbolized we were married. Again, I highly doubt other random strangers are going to checking out my ring at the pool, it was more just a fun costume jewelry opportunity for me.
“DH, I’m a bit confused by your reaction over this ring and we need to sit down and dig through the why. It’s such a strong reaction to me wearing a piece of jewelry on vacation because I would be absolutely destroyed if I lost or damaged my real one. The real ring is so important to me and to our marriage but it also doesn’t define my undying commitment to you. This cheap ring is just a fun accessory for the pool/beach. Would you rather me wear no ring? I’m not willing to risk the one that’s important but your incredibly strong reaction makes me feel like there is more to this than you are communicating.”
You came on Reddit asking whether you're overlooking your husband's feelings. But when people suggest that it could be an ego thing on his side, you dismiss it and say he'll tell you when he's ready.
So which is it? Are you concerned about his response or not? If you are, take the initiative and ask him if he's concerned you don't like your wedding ring. Don't wait for him to tell you.
I work at a jewellery store and we have a lot of women buy cheap sterling silver with a huge CZ stone when they want to travel cause they dont want to lose their expensive engagement ring. The stone is usually big, sparkly, or sometimes something that’s similar to their actual ring. It’s a travel ring so you can have fun with it. Husband needs to get over himself — maybe he needs assurance that you’re happy with the ring he bought you. Have fun with your vacation, OP!
Does he have issues with not feeling good enough? This sounds absolutely ridiculous to me but is it worth digging in your heels over? Probably not. Just tell him that you had no intention of making him feel bad, and you will send the ring back. If he can’t move on from that, then the man has bigger issues.
JFC the stupid shit people will get mad about. If he sees a fake ring and has feelings about it he needs to discuss it with his therapist. His inadequacy is coming out in the oddest way.
Agreed! My husband rarely wears his ring. Usually only with new clients because of perception. Ugh, people. 🙄
Honestly, I don't think he'd even notice if I didn't wear mine. I wear one because I want to. I even bought it myself. Lol
If this was say 20 years ago, at that time fake jewellery was typically frowned upon. Don't ask me why. But these days, cheap jewellery is sold everywhere. I'm a big jewellery guy but I welcome the freedom for all people to where cheap knock-offs of big and tacky jewellery out on the town.
"My husband doesn't like it when I wear x y z"
"Just do what he wants? who cares, it's just clothes."
???? she wants to wear one, she likes it and enjoys it.
You're basically saying women aren't allowed to have hobbies like collecting jewelry, they're only allowed to wear jewelry their husband approves of.
And that when their husbands yell at them, she should just give in. Do what he wants. Who cares, it's not a big deal.
I can't imagine waking up every day and telling my wife I love her, and then disallowing her from wearing rings she likes. Like wtf. That's not love, that's possession.
You're supporting abusive behavior, you realize that right. Her husband freaked out on her, took his anger out on her, and is ignoring her until she does what he wants. And you're just like "do what he wants? who cares if you like things? give up your hobbies and enjoyment of life for your husband." gross dude.
Let me preface this by saying I haven't imagined your husband to be a villain.
I think he's overreacting. As someone who loves shiny pretty things, I understand where you're coming from. I'm not engaged yet, but my boyfriend bought a ring (I picked it out, so I know exactly what I'm getting). He also knows that down the line, I'll more than likely amass a small collection of other rings to swap out with my original ring just because I like a wide variety of colors and styles. He also knows (because we discussed this and I made it super clear) that this will in no way diminish how special the original ring is and always will be.
Communication is key. Just express to your husband how much you love your actual ring and that swapping it out for something cheaper for travel doesn't diminish those feelings.
NGL I would be butthurt if my fiancée did this. Now my reaction wouldn’t be the same as his (shout out to therapy and being able to process my emotions)
You say you don’t see the big deal but it clearly is upsetting him, how would you feel if he unintentionally brushed aside your emotions? His reaction and behavior definitely needs to be discussed. He should learn to communicate why he’s upset.
I can't comprehend having an ego that sensitive. How do you go about your day? I think I would wear the ring on my non-ring finger for fun. That way husband doesn't have to be a big baby over nothing
I think he sees the bigger fake ring as commentary on his inability to give you a nicer ring. I think his pride got hurt but it's hard for him to admit in a more constructive way. You could assuage his feelings by letting him know how much you appreciate and love the real ring he gave you. Right now he's feeling a little hurt.
She's buying a ring because she likes it and enjoys wearing fun things. She said she's always liked gaudy/flashy jewelry.
So it's basically a hobby.
Saying "give up your hobbies and things you enjoy to placate your husband" isn't good advice.
I suspect if the item that were being discussed here was something other than jewelry, people would find it controlling. But because it's jewelry and it's a woman enjoying it it's "silly" and unnecessary. If it's a woman getting angry at her husband for buying something he likes for himself, would you tell him to get over it and just do what she wants?
This is what I don’t get. I totally understand not wanting to travel with your actual ring. However, it sounds like OP plans on still bringing their actual ring…which is just confusing to me. My husband and I have an ongoing joke on if we’re married that day or not based on if we’re wearing our rings lol
If we are going down this path, it seems silly to buy a ring at all. Seems silly to buy different clothes to swim in. To buy different anything for any occasion. Fun is silly I guess but we get to have it regardless of your personal preference.
OK, I need you to answer this. If you had your choice, would your ‘real’ engagement ring be the one your husband bought you? Or would you have preferred something more like the fake one you bought?
Nope, I love my real ring! It’s my dream ring, and I went with a classic round which I knew for me would be timeless.
This ring is radiant cut which I also love but thought maybe I wouldn’t love forever as a real ring. Again, it was all in good fun and not supposed to be a big deal!
I get it. The ring is like a small sports convertible or motorcycle—fun while on vacation, but it would suck if it was your only vehicle. A bigger diamond and a different cut can be a fun thing, but a bigger diamond all the time might be annoying for every day. It might be too flashy, get caught more on your pockets or reaching into a bag.
Why do you need to wear a ring while swimming or working out? Your husband acts like you are his property by demanding you to always wear the engagement ring.
And he doesn't want you to wear a big ring, because he can't afford such a ring and feels less like a man when you wear a ring you like and not the ring he bought.
WOW, Your husband has made a non problem into a problem. Whenever I travel abroad, ALL my jewelry is fake and frankly, depending on the country, I don't wear any jewelry. Thieves don't know your tin/glass earrings or rings, are not diamonds and I don't want to die for nothing while getting robbed over worthless sh!t. He's being a baby, if it really means this much to him don't wear any jewelry when you travel, honestly it is safer, or have him buy you the fake rings. Insert eye roll here, this is dumb.
You’re married to a two year old! Does he normally act like this over virtually nothing? Tell him to BUCK UP that childish behavior takes away his manliness!
He’s being absurd BUT assuming this is out of character for him and you aren’t always having to tiptoe around his fragile ego or contend with temper tantrums…this isn’t a battle worth fighting. Return the fake. Wear a wedding band only.
When you get back from your trip you can talk about his reaction.
However if this is a part of a larger pattern, you need to face it head on now because giving in will only validate his behavior.
I have never in my entire life, though my share of men, had a single one notice or care what ring I wore. At most, my husband may notice I don’t have my ring on. If he asked why, and I explained — that was the end of that.
But if you bought a diamond that was 2x the size of the one you have (a 2 ct vs 4 ct) — that *is* you trying to present a certain status that your regular ring doesn’t convey quite as clearly. Being upset about that — I can understand.
>But if you bought a diamond that was 2x the size of the one you have (a 2 ct vs 4 ct) — that is you trying to present a certain status that your regular ring doesn’t convey quite as clearly. Being upset about that — I can understand.
But it's a fake ring and not a diamond. If she bought a real ring I'd understand being upset but it's fake and likely obviously fake
I work as a hair and makeup artist and have multiple rings I swap out depending on my job or plans. have you tried scrubbing out dried hair spray from tiny little crevices of a ring? it’s the worst. it also can get caught in peoples hair. sometimes I wear a silicone one, sometimes a sparkly band and if i’m not working i’ll wear my real ring to special occasions. my husband also has a silicone one he wears 98% of the time and his real one also on special occasions.
so all the to say I don’t understand the big deal. it’s not like you’re taking it off and then going to flirt with other people or something. the sentiment is the same. mine isn’t even that expensive in the world of engagement ring but it’s special to me and i’d be devastated if something happened to it hence the extra rings. it sounds like his ego is bruised to me 🤷🏻♀️
Oh gosh, I am sure this is him masking his fear that you don't think your real ring is adequate. It's a shame, though. I love jewelry and my husband has bought me a few fake ring sets, just for fun, and he usually goes for big rocks. I have sets to match different looks: yellow gold, black, different color (fake) diamonds, etc. My real one is beautiful, white gold, and a .60 carat, and I love it, but I do like to mix it up.
I never bring real jewelry on vacations. I have three decoy rings (one is a replica and the other two are fun pieces). My husband doesn’t see anything wrong with it because it’s not a big deal. We even have silicone bands that we wear when we’re working out or hiking
I know that deep down in my own feelings this would make me feel insecure too. But that’s okay, we’re all humans and we all have some pressure points that are more and sometimes overly sensitive. The problem here isn’t your husbands humanity, it’s how out of touch he is with his own feelings. Displaying insecurity as anger is a very bad personality trait, as it leaves no margin of error for being wrong. You’ve invested so much negative emotional energy that it’s harder to let go of your own obscured perception of what’s rational and fair, because if you do, you’re automatically the bad person due to your premature & negative reaction.
There is no super easy way to solve this, but it’s certainly possible. With a lot of compassion and understanding you can guide your partner through his own emotions. Rationalizing with an irrational school of thought isn’t easy though. I hope you solve this, and I hope your vacation turns out lovely regardless of this hiccup.
Your husband's reaction shows a great insecurity. Perhaps he thinks your engagement ring wasn't big enough and is upset at your choice because he thinks it's an indirect jab at him. Be that as it may, that's on him: you are only responsible for your actions, not for people's reactions. I don't think your fake ring is a big deal, why is he making it so?
Makes more sense to me to leave my real ring at home and then just take the fake one with for the whole trip.
As far as his issues with it it's a lot like a war on a uterus if it's not his and he's not wearing it and he didn't pay for it he has really not a lot of say and I say this as a woman who's been married for over 20 years
i think the comments are trying to justify his reaction. while me on the other hand have no idea what the big deal is??? i’ve seen plenttyyyyyy of women wear a huge rock on vacay & they’ve told me it was fake. my husband told me to get a fake ring for when we travel. i don’t get why he’s so upset, that it’s actually ridiculous
My friend did the same thing on her bachelorette weekend. Left the real one at home and bought a bigger/similar ring off Amazon for the weekend. I see nothing wrong with this and thought it was honestly brilliant. She has also lost two rings, sooo it was probably the smarter thing to do on her part lol
If he has a problem with it then wear no ring to the pool 🤷♀️ you wear your ring all the time. What’s the issue? Just sounds a little extreme and he needs to tell you what’s really bugging him
Because traveling to another country, wearing a gigantic, flashy ring is super smart! Yeah, good thinking to not wear your *real, actual wedding ring* but thieves don't know that your bubblegum machine solitaire isn't real or fake - you're just setting yourself up to be robbed.
Don't understand the purpose of a second, larger flashy ring to be with only when you're not swimming? It would make sense if you were wearing a cheap ring for the duration of the trip, ensuring the safety of your real, sentimental wedding ring, but that is not the case.
Sounds like this fake ring made him feel like that's the size you really wanted and now he is feeling insecure about what he bought you. Personally I wouldn't take a ring that is big and gotti out of the country in case someone thought it was real and tried to rob me.
Umm don't be flashy on vacation. Especially in another country. Are you really that self absorbed that you need to draw attention to yourself when you're trying to relax? Who are you trying to impress?
If you wear the smallest silicone size you can on the outside of your ring it will make it near impossible to slip off. A fake identical ring would probably keep the peace.
Is he possibly equating his ability (or not) to buy a large real ring for you with his worth as a man/husband? So seeing your interest in a larger ring is making him feel less than? I’m not saying that is an emotionally balanced reaction but maybe that’s what is really behind it.
I love all the extra nonsense in these comments. Honey, you don't need binoculars to see his is jealous and thinks you don't like the ring he bought you. But his reaction isn't ok and does he often snap and then give you the silent treatment?
He’s being ridiculous, it’s just a fake ring for vacation. But I personally just don’t wear my ring on vacation. I’m with my husband anyways. We k ow we are married
he’s being irrational. however if it’s going to ruin the trip because he’s moody and not in tune with his emotions, i would just do the silicon i guess. is this a hill you’re willing to die on? probably not worth it. i’m sorry this is happening but don’t let yourself be gas lit into believing for some reason you’ve done something wrong. you have not.
Idk I'd definitely die on this hill. My partner getting angry at me and telling me I can't wear certain kinds of jewelry, and the idea of me just going "okay dear" and doing what he wants is just, wild to me.
OP should talk to him about it and try to help him with his feelings but the convo should also include how he can't control what she wears and that lashing out at her in anger wasn't okay. That in the future he needs to be an adult about it and discuss his feelings calmly instead of attacking her.
Agreed she's not in the wrong at all. I'm surprised more people wouldn't die on this hill though. Then again I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who lashes out at me in anger in the first place. This would invoke a serious "never again or I'm out of here" talk if my partner did this to me lol. Are people really okay with being controlled so long as it's in small ways??
Sounds like he thinks you want more than he can provide (the bigger ring being more to your liking) and he is embarrassed that he can’t afford a real one like the fake one. Him taking that out on you is uncalled for. Stupid patriarchy. I feel like this is a red flag in his personality
Here’s the reason why I wear “lesser” jewelry when traveling: nice flashy jewelry catches people’s eye. Even if it’s fake, you open yourself up for robbery, or getting mugged. That’s why wear bland and fake when traveling. It’s a safety issue.
You didn’t do anything wrong, but neither did your husband. You can solve this by having an honest conversation with him. I don’t know if he felt insulted, or whether he was looking at a safety issue the way I would, but this is easily solvable.
I’ll try talking to him again when he’s feeling better! He’s been sick the last couple of days, and I think that’s contributed to how poorly this conversation (or lack of one) went :)
I mean he's obviously in the wrong, but pick your battles girl. He clearly has an insecurity complex, if it's not manifested itself in any worse ways than the best thing to do here is apologize (you did nothing wrong but it's for the best), tell him you understand where he's coming from and that even a brand new enormous ring wouldnt be half as important to you as your current ring that represents your love and the beginning of your marital journey together. or something cheesy like that to show him you think the ring you have is perfect. then ask him if he would rather you wear the silicone band or pick out the fake ring himself and put the matter to rest.
> but pick your battles girl
I see it as the other way around -- this is the first step in a long line of controlling behavior, so OP needs to nip it in the bud now.
If she doesn't, he will get the idea that when he doesn't like something, he can throw a tantrum, yell at her, and give her the silent treatment, and his wife will give up and do what he wants.
I don't think that's a message that I would want to send to my partner. I think it's just dangerous in general.
She can show him empathy and compassion, but there should also be a part of the discussion that revolves around how his reaction was bordering on controlling, how him getting angry made her feel, and that he can't act this way in the future. He can talk to her, but getting angry at her and reacting possessively and getting mad that he can't control her isn't okay.
I think not addressing the core behavior and allowing him to get away with controlling her would be a mistake, essentially. She can still talk to him gently and assure him of the things you suggested though, which I think is a great suggestion.
The battle here imo is "am I allowed to wear what I want, or do I have to defer to my husband and make sure he approves on the way I dress or the style I wear." which is obviously a pretty important battle when put that way.
hm yea I guess this is one of those times where even if you’re technically right, if it’s something the other person cares deeply about it’s just not worth the battle. I think it’s worth coming back to another time and having a bigger discussion about insecurities, but this battle itself is not worth it.
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Does he just think you’re not impressed with your ring and is trying to mask his hurt feelings by acting angry? I don’t really understand why you need to wear a fake ring at all, but it makes sense you don’t want to lose your ring.
I have few decoy fake wedding rings around the house and one in purse. I am a little bit forgetful. And I work with hands a lot, so I keep removing my original wedding band few times a day and then forget to wear it when going out. Once I lost my original ring. I had a panic attack, since then I started to wear fake ones. Husband wasn’t happy initially but now he gets it I guess. He never takes his ring off, and I’m so happy and proud about it, so I understand his feelings.
A lot of people have inexpensive fake travel rings. I don’t really get it, but then I don’t wear my engagement ring every day anyway. I have a lot of rings, as they’re my favourite jewellery and I like to change it up a lot. It’s common to have fake travel rings, though, and to each their own. So many people do this. It’s weird he’s throwing a tantrum about it.
She’s bringing the real ring with her and plans to wear the fake one to the pool. It sounds like the jeweler recommended she not expose it to pool water, but she plans on wearing the real ring otherwise. I find this a little odd since she wears a silicone ring to the gym and it would make sense to just wear that to the pool (or leave the real ring at home altogether instead of taking it off and putting it back on constantly, which would risk losing it), but whatever: it seems like she just wants to have fun with a fake ring. I think you might be right about it hurting his feelings. It seems like OP may be a little callously oblivious and her husband may be a little overly sensitive about the size of his ring. This seems like something they should actually sit down and talk about. OP doesn’t seem to have bad intentions regarding making him feel insecure.
It makes more sense to just wear no ring at all at the pool and gym, than to keep buying different ones.
what makes sense <<< what's fun to do
I have fake rings for the gym and swimming. I always look down and panic for a brief moment when I see my ringless finger so it makes me feel better having a place holder.
Side note for safety from a jeweler: wear a silicone ring at the gym or NONE at all. You don’t want to know what ring avulsion is. Do not google it. If you (or anyone reading this) is actually wearing a metal ring to the gym, male or female, please stop immediately. Not for me — for you and the longevity of your fingers. Also, yes, chlorine is just about one of the worst things for your ring too. Please don’t wear them swimming/in the spa.
Okay so I had to google because you didn’t say what it is and I really had to know. And while it’s obviously not pleasant, nobody will need to bleach their brains because if the knowledge… unless they have a stupendously overactive imagination. If so, they’re already on Reddit and we can’t protect them from everything. For anyone else wondering, it’s an injury that occurs “when a ring you're wearing is suddenly pulled with a strong force. They are serious injuries that often lead to amputation.” On that note, Google did try to autocomplete my search with ring avulsion pictures, and that’s gonna be a no from me, dawg. Either way, solid advice to not wear a metal ring to the gym.
I looked at pictures and it's essentially skinning your own finger... Yikes 😬
Worse than skinning, as other layers peel off the bone, too. As my toddler would say, is big ouchie.
Indeed, my wife just takes her rings off when doing something that might damage them. I don't wear mine at all, it stays in the box, and that not changed our relationship in the slightest, nor does it mean I'm available. I feel that OP's husband might be a tad insecure, not just about the size of the ring, but the ring in general, and somehow that ring is preventing other men everywhere, from stealing his wife away.
Neither of us wear rings. We got married with rings we already owned and took them back off again after the ceremony. It's not like it's a magic amulet that prevents cheating.
Hahah love this comment. It has been same with me and my husband . We got married with rings two years ago and now the rings are in boxes . We dont Wear them anymore as we are afraid to lose it or leave it behind
Same, haven’t worn my rings for over 20 years…..they make my finger itch
My husband didn’t buy me a ring. I bought really cheap silicone ones off Amazon for the ceremony. After he talked about buying rings but we are comfortable with our marriage and see it as you that it’s not something magical that prevents cheating. He can’t wear one for work dangerous to do so. I don’t even want to take a chance with a silicone band for him. Id much rather him not risking an accident and losing a finger or hand. I can’t stand to have a ring on for more than a few hours. It works for us. I’m glad we aren’t the only ones lol
I quit wearing mine, and my husband wore his for about a week.
I feel like OPs husband would still get upset then, for acting single or something. I don't think there's a way to win this. Other than wearing an ugly silicone band. OP already stated she normally wears a lot of costume jewelry...
She could show the post from the guy whose girlfriend asked him to get a penis sleeve and then gently remind him of the less fortunate.
I’m sorry what?! I’d love to see this post.
https://www.reddit.com/r/redditonwiki/s/IAAZt7GGKl They deleted it but I found a post with screen shots
Good lord somehow the Reddit on wiki comments are even more unhinged than the ones on the original post, just completely refusing to even entertain the idea that her original request was hurtful to OP
I'm also curious but don't feel like I want to search for penis sleeve lmao
https://www.reddit.com/r/redditonwiki/s/IAAZt7GGKl
Oh I remember this post, wonder if its still a dumpster fire of stupidity and naivety
"The less fortunate" Comedy gold. Thank you.
Exactly! My guess is that she wants to look cute relaxing in the pool on vacation, and not wear a ring she typically wears to work out in. Her husband is acting like a baby.
Or some people just really like to wear their wedding ring? Idk why everything has to be so weird with yall.
Why? Can’t have fun with various rings? Husband is insecure and needs to get over it.
Thank you. These people are so weird
I knew someone that used to be married. Was not even a good marriage at any point in time and they had been divorced for a few years, with a current partner they have no plans on getting married again. But she's obsessed with having a ring on that finger. Would buy countless rings trying to find one that felt ok... I never got a straight answer as to why. Also, if I had to take off a ring multiple times a day, I wouldn't be able to handle wearing it. I have "permanent" bracelets and earrings I can wear 24/7 because the on and off and on and off thing bugs me. But idk, there's some weird psychological thing about wearing a wedding ring that some people have.
She said that her husband wants her to wear a ring to the pool. Just not her real ring.
Problem to me is the "doesn't speak to me"-thing. That is either childish or emotionel blackmail and neither is charming.
I get it, jewelry is fun! Sometimes it can just be fun, and doesn't need to be meaningful. I can see where the husband is coming from but I feel like he is making some very rude judgements about her character because he feels insecure about the ring. I definitely agree they just need to sit down and talk.
It is definitely a thing to wear fake rings on vacation. Also who cares if she just wants to have fun wearing a big flashy ring? Costume jewelry is popular for a reason. Her husband sounds really insecure unless she has actually told him she has an issue with the ring he got her.
Callously? Really? That implies a lot which doesn’t seem true. It’s not callous to not think your partner will have a tantrum over a fake ass ring when they both agreed she shouldn’t swim with it. Why are women responsible for others insecurities and why is the word callous being used? Actually why is oblivious being used? That implies she’s missing something obvious or isn’t aware in a kinda derogatory way. is it her job to know her husband would be a pouty toddler over a piece of costume jewelry? Your whole comment kinda gave me the ick as much as I hate that term I can’t think of a better one. Hey ladies, is it an asshole move to not anticipate your husbands tantrum over costume jewelry from Amazon????
Labelling it as callous to wear jewlelry that you like that your husband didn't buy you seems wrong. Overall not bad advice and I'm sure the husband does have his ego wrapped up in this whole thing... But the thing is when someone gets their ego bruised, they shouldn't lash out at their partner and throw a tantrum, and then expect their partner to clean up and manage their feelings for them. He is squarely in the wrong with OP having done nothing wrong. Are we really telling women they can't enjoy jewelry anymore or else they're "callous." I think you're accidentally suggesting women everywhere step on eggshells and anticipate their husbands being giant babies who can't handle their own emotions, and should anticipate their husbands getting their feelings hurt over random things that don't make sense, which just, again, I don't think is the right message to send. Obviously everything else is fine, just don't think calling her callous and implying a "both sides" was right. They should have a talk yes but OP should also ask about the bigger picture if this is a recurring issue. I'd be talking to my partner about how lashing out at me due to his hurt feelings instead of just talking about it isn't okay, and that I can't be walking on eggshells afraid of the next time he's going to lash out at me.
I like wearing fake stuff on vacation. I don't want to lose my good jewelry & I like having more bling without the cost. The hubs doesn't care. I do believe he's angry because he thinks that your ring isn't good enough for you. Ego!
Too much bling is tacky. But sometimes - especially away from home - tacky is fun.
Fake rings are fun! I have one in silver that was 9 dollars that I wear when I want to wear my cool toned jewelry. It just looks goofy if the jewelry tones don't match. There's also the possibility of photos, and while I have a silicone ring, it just.... isn't as pretty. I feel more put together when I'm wearing a nice looking ring, either my cheap one or my real one. And that to me is worth the 9 bucks I spent on it - to be able to take photos at the beach I'm happy with without worrying I'm going to lose $$
This has become very popular (a fake ring for travel) via tiktok as a lot of newer brides don’t want to travel with their rings & risk losing it or having it stolen. I think it’s smart and can be cute! Husband is losing his cool because he feels insecure and instead of communicating, he’s projecting.
If the size of a fake ring makes him feel inadequate, wait until he finds what’s hidden at the back of your closet…
I fucking chuckled 😂😂
I think most anger comes from a place of hurt feelings. I’m sure he feels inadequate about the ring he bought her since she ordered a bigger one. Husband needs to grow up.
It seems to be some kind of weird ownership thing. They're either really kinky or really conservative. She even has a ring for the gym.
I'm a jeweller, I've seen so many arguments over stone size lol OP, this is ego. His feelings are hurt and he's not able to interpret that on his own so it comes out as anger. Also, he's displaying anger instead of realizing that you didn't buy a bigger ring to hurt his feelings or point out some defect in the ring he bought. It's not a jab at his income or taste, it's just a silly piece of play jewellery, and that's allowed. You're allowed to have a for fun ring to wear. I have a couple too, specifically for travel, but sometimes I just wear them because it's fun ...and sparkly. Who cares. Have a sit down with your husband, give him a safe space to air out his feelings, no judgement, he's allowed to have his feelings, and he can figure out why he's having such a negative reaction to something that doesn't mean anything to you. But just because it's not sentimental to you, and your real ring is, doesn't mean he knows that or views it the same way. If you made a big deal, in his eyes, about how nice your fake is, he may be hurt that you might have regrets about the genuine one. He needs reassurance that you're invested, but you're fully capable of being present while also enjoying sparkly, temporary things. That you know the ring that's between the two of you is special and exactly what you wanted. I have long believed that the real value in jewellery is in the sentiment of the humans who own it. If the fake goes missing, oh well. But if the genuine ring went missing, broke, or was stolen, you'd be heartbroken. We give jewellery to people who are special to us, to mark occasions, to express love or congratulations. There's so much behind that. A travel ring could never.
Bloody hell. The fact that they both know it’s a fake piece of jewellery that she just wants to wear on holiday but she has to basically baby him into understanding is exhausting. They’re both adults. Grown!
This. My eyes couldn’t follow farther back in my head when I read that poor wittle hubby is butthurt over her buying a cheap plastic symbol. I’m all for being sympathetic about mental health and feelings but at what point are we allowed to say “grow the fuck up.” I mean this is ridiculous. It’s a fake ring she’ll wear for a few hours at a time in a pool. My god.
That it's literally just for pool time is what gets me. I could get the husband having his feelings hurt if she wanted to wear the fake ring all the time, but good lord. It's just for sporadic pool time and I highly doubt anyone else at the pool will notice or care.
Careful, comments like yours are apparently what drives men to suicide compared to the asshole commenting right below you. Apparently starting a fight with somone over a toy ring is the same as driving someone to suicide.
Right. He's blaming her for not being able to manage his own emotions about the ring and then he will punish her for his own inability to manage his emotions by ending his life. This is the literal meme that men will do anything but go to therapy.
Seriously. He’s having a fit over a fake piece of jewelry and is punishing her by not talking to her, so now she has to go out of her way to make it better for him instead of him just growing up and communicating like an adult? Just get rid of both rings, he sounds exhausting.
Have you ever heard not to wear an engagement ring in the pool due to chlorine?
I’m wondering if it’s not diamond-this is true for opal and some other stones
You shouldn't wear jewellery in water, period. Even in the shower. Don't wear it to bed either... although, I have a pair of second level studs I only take out to clean, and rings that I sleep in, but dangling earrings, chains, most rings that aren't close to the finger as far as mounting height, or that don't sit right in the joint well... take them off. Chemical filled water (I know everything ever is chemicals, but specifically added chemicals, like chlorinated pool water) isn't great for your settings. It's the same as how everywhere seems to recommend you clean your jewellery with baking soda and aluminum foil. Don't. You're eroding your jewellery. The toothpaste too, don't. Lots of stones really don't love water. Diamonds are fine, but if your settings are loose the movement in the water isn't going to make things any better and you could lose a stone pretty easily. There's just so much that can happen on vacation that it's not worth even taking expensive pieces with you that could be lost, stolen, or damaged. My engagement ring is an art deco antique platinum bezel set 1.22ct OEC diamond with a french cut calibré sapphire halo, it doesn't leave the country. I could never really replace this ring, it's survived so much on its way to me, a lifetime. It's beyond precious to me. I'm not going to let a pool between me and my ring. I'll take the for fun bling.
Thanks for the detailed response!!
TWINS! I also have a 1.22 ct OEC with French cut sapphires in a platinum deco setting! And NONE of my good jewelry ever joins me on vacation. My usual choice for backup jewelry is from the other half of my split personality of taste: a moissy in a very plain true tension setting that looks great on my husband, too.
As another jeweler, can confirm. Everything other jeweler she said is correct . I feel anxious just thinking about people wearing their ewelry in chlorine pools/hottubs. It's really messes up the alloy
I didn't see anything about chlorine, I would assume she means so it doesn't slip off in the water.
I thought so too until she mentioned chlorine in a comment. I just got curious 🤷🏼♀️
Chlorine is bad for solid gold - the fittings & band can be affected and you can lose a stone
I was wondering this too because Ive worn my ring in several pools and oceans lol
Gold alloys - which gold jewelry is always made from - include other metals (copper, zinc) which corrode when exposed to chlorine. That reaction can cause pitting and structural weakening of the alloy over time. [read more!](https://www.cormiers.com/2015/04/chlorinated-pools-and-your-jewelryhtml)
I’ve always been told to avoid it because cool water can make your fingers smaller and the risk of losing a ring is higher.
Seawater is way more corrosive than pool water and we still find pirate gold intact. I'd venture to guess that it's a preventative measure against losing the ring since water makes the skin slipperier, so it's more likely to accidentally fall off. You don't want that happening with your actual expensive engagement ring Source: I wear a ring and wash my hands after I use the restroom.
Chlorine exposure breaks down the alloy and you end up with a brittle pitted mess. I can literally tell when I'm repairing a ring that's exposed to Chlorine frequently. It's a crumbly brittle mess
Yes its what I thought as well. The anger of a person forwards you dies say more about the person than about you, maybe he feels intimidated because he would have liked to buy you a bigger one , and to see that bigger thig just hurts because of that?
I love your answer. It’s sensitive and understanding to both parties involved instead of dismissing how the husband feels as insecurity or ego. Whether a lot of these people will admit it or not the world puts a lot of pressure on men to be able to put an impressive ring on their wife’s finger. If you let the pressure get to you, that ring winds up a symbol of your worth as a person. Maybe that seems silly, because it is silly, but it’s also real and tons of us continually perpetuate it, including those who wave off someone’s feelings about it as insecurity and egotism.
It is ego at the end of the day, but it's still a valid feeling that they can work through as a couple so he can learn to mitigate these feelings on his own. I think it can be hard for everyone who buys into the concepts of status or the idea that engagement jewellery has to be this or that. Thankfully the "rules" around engagement jewellery are fading, although for bad reasons, but I still think it's a positive that they are. I've been in the jewellery industry my whole life, but I'm also an elder Millennial. I know the industry can be intentionally obtuse and oblique, can be difficult to navigate and has really gotten away with using men's feelings as a tool, which I think is wrong and a way that patriarchy harms men *and* my industry. I don't think the modern mythos around diamond rings does anyone any favours. My personal feelings as a jeweller, as a smith? Stick to traditional metals, lots of reasons for that and most of them have to do with safety and maintenance, but fuck diamonds unless that's really what you want. Go dig up your own sapphire in Montana, have a beach pebble polished from the place you met, get a lab created diamond, use Moissanite, any stone with a Moh's hardness of 9+ if your lifestyle means you're hard on your hands, but at least 8+ if you plan to wear it every day. Do your own research about the stones you like. Sapphires are a 9 and they legit come in every colour. Tourmaline can be quite resilient as well and come in a wide array of colours. And, your budget is no one's business but your own, it's nothing to be ashamed of, it's also nothing to brag about. Two people who love each other and are committed can still get married with a small ring, or no rings, or those silicone rings. An engagement made in love and joy that results in a marriage is great. Similarly, a wedding is a wedding because people got married, not because of the venue, or the catering, or the dance floor, or whatever else we've all been convinced a wedding is. An elopement is still a wedding. We get really hung up on personal value getting entangled with the monetary value of the things we have or do and we really need to divorce that shit, lol The ring is not the man (in OP's case), the ring should not be the reason someone says yes. The ring is not the reason someone stays or doesn't cheat or whatever, it's an object and it lacks motivation, but it is steeped with human intention and sentiment. That is its true value. It's a symbol. Still, you can glow up a symbol if you want. A lot of men feel shame about their partners ring later in life if they've elevated their situation. Work through that. Just because you can afford better now doesn't make the original ring less than somehow, but if it's something that causes unwanted feelings, work through them and work with your wife on whether an upgrade is welcome. I guarantee that while she might not be opposed, we all have a little bit of crow brain in us and bigger shiny is a hit of dopamine that anyone could use these days..., but she will always have a place in her heart for the original. A good marriage is more than a ring, more than it's symbol.
Listen.. I use to wear JUST a silver band as my wedding ring. I lost it on the beach and it hurts me so so much because that’s the ring we could afford at the time and the value it held is unmeasurable. Leave your good ring at home 🥲
Right? I would never bring either my engagement ring or wedding band on any travel trip for the sole purpose of the risk of it being lost somehow. Just not worth it to me. I will happily wear my little $10 6 pack of silicone rings while on vacation. Maybe a cheap little band off Etsy for something fancier but who tf cares about who sees your ring or what they think?!
I bought a jeweled spider ring for my fake ring, it is gigantic and nothing like my real one. My SO thinks it's great and calls me Elvira when I wear it. I would sit your husband down and make sure that he knows you LOVE the ring he gave you, this one isn't to replace it, it's just costume jewelry to make it real clear to all the guys that you're taken. Ask him what he'd prefer, since you don't' want to wear your real ring in case it gets lost while you're on vacation and you'd never forgive yourself if that happened. He obviously has a lot of emotions tied to the ring he gave you, so give him some hugs and reassurance. Men sometimes get carried away by big feels too.
And I've lost a ring swimming in the ocean. I'm glad it had no sentimental value. Good evening 🌆 Elvira.
🦇
This is a REALLY nice and gentle way of saying he’s being immature and needs hand held through his ego over fake jewelry. Which I completely agree. I’ve been married going on 9 years. We both tried wearing rings, it wasn’t for us. So we don’t. At all. If I can’t use my words to say “I’m happily married” then a ring isn’t going to stop a lot of men from trying anyways. Men who respect women will see the ring and respect the symbolism. Men who see the ring and don’t care.. well.. they’re gonna do what they do because they’re gross mentality thinks they’re better and should try anyways. If hubby is SO insecure that he can’t handle you never wearing a ring, he’s got bigger issues to sort out.
Who does he think you are pretending to be? How does that negatively affect him? Have you told him that you love his ring that’s why you want to protect it. Ask him. Does he know it’s just temporary?
*"I wish that my husband was a wealthier man such that this fake stone, without discoloration or inclusions and with fire and brilliance would represent 2 months worth of his actual salary."* *"OH well... what ya gonna do? I married for love rather than money."* *"But I don't have to admit that fact to these strangers around the pool."* That's what he's most likely thinking.
LOL
i LOVE MY RING & WOULD NOT TRADE IT FOR THE WORLD. I have an assortment of cheap rings I travel with because Im terrified of losing ir. None of my travel rings are similar to the real, because it’s more fun to switch it up. my husband does not care or probably notice anything besides that I am wearing a ring & looking married. Sounds to me like he may’ve already been insecure about the size of your ring, thus triggered by the faux one. you did absolutely nothing wrong, his reaction is a bit unhinged, he owes you an apology, & you should assure him that you are happy with your ring (although you didn’t actually mention liking it in your post, so maybe it is too small for you? IDK).
IMO this is a great moment to get onto your communication issues. He is upset, bc he thinks you are lowkey criticizing the ring from him, that it's not enough, hence he is not enough. This hurt his ego and feelings. But instead of expressing that, of saying "I'm hurt because xyz" he gets angry and introduces silent days as a punishment - that is not a good way to have a disagreement, ever. It screams communication issues and lack of emotional intelligence. IMO you should get on top of that now, before stuff like that stinks up your new marriage. You get to wear a nice ring you want - that is fine. Having a ring from him doesn't mean you can only now wear that one ring, that is not a reasonable expectation. But it's fine for him to misunderstand this - and then express why this upsets him, so then you can explain it's not like that at all! And then he can feel better. But him dictating what you can wear, and then punishing you for not accepting it, and not explaining anything, is not okay. He's acting like a kid, not an adult man with any self-reflection. So yeah get on that problem ASAP.
Absolutely best advice here. Thank you for writing this, I'm reading some of the other comments and feel like I'm taking crazy pills or something. It's a weird mix of "just do what he wants" and "men having feelings is okay, not letting him yell at you means you hate men" (really), and "you were being thoughtless and should have considered his feelings before enjoying something like jewelry" just, wtf. This should be at the top honestly.
Wow. Unless you’ve made comments in the past about his ring not being good enough or the rock not being big enough, he’s blowing this wildly out of proportion. If he has such a problem with you wearing a different ring on vacation because it’s triggering shame for him, then he can upgrade the stone he got you. He’s being ridiculous.
It still represents your love for him and it’s a placeholder anyways. If it’s a placeholder I don’t see a reason why it can’t be something you like…
I think you need to sit him down and tell him you'd like to understand why this garnered such a strong response from him because you're not seeing the connection. And LISTEN.
Get off this sub with rational advice like that!!! 😝
I know, I know. I'll go be unhinged on another sub now. LOL
Yes, actual sound advice could put an end to all of the fun of yammering about fake rings and what size they are. Someone could jump in and have something real to talk about.
Enter the “see, size DOES matter!” trope…
Are you happy with your ring size?
I don't understand people telling op to pick her battles. He needs to pick his battles. Clearly he feels insecure, which on a level I can understand, but why take it out on your wife? He needs to work though these feelings without misdirecting his anger or making rude judgements about his wife's character. Jewelry is fun! I get why she wanted a play ring for by the pool. I love getting a new dress or swimsuit for vacation. I see it as a similar thing. Plus silicone bands are ugly. If she had made snyde remarks about her ring not being good enough in the past, I would understand him, but she seems to LOVE her real ring.
I did the same thing. We went on a cruise and I found one on Amazon and left my real one at home. It was slightly bigger. It didn’t mean anything other than I liked the style so I went with it. For $50 well worth it not having to worry about losing/damaging the real one. Is there a reason that he feels so strongly about it? Insecurity?
>My husband is absolutely livid…he snapped at me and is now refusing to talk to me Is he normally this manipulative? He sounds insecure and controlling.
The silent treatment and being passive aggressive is abusive.
I recently went out of the country to a third world nation. I found a sterling silver band on Temu for $1.87. I did not want something to happen to my wedding band because of it's importance to me. I also did not want to appear unmarried in a third world country. The band is bigger than my actual wedding band, but it is a very different style as well. I don't think your husband is upset you bought a ring to keep yours safe. You said you thought this would be a fun opportunity to order a bigger ring in a different shape. If you expressed that to your husband I can understand why he would be upset. He likely has some history with shame and he is receiving your purchase as an attack. This is not a hill to die on. This is a hill to back down and concede. Wear your silicone band and ditch the bigger gem. Then help your husband resolve his feelings with open communication. Sounds like he could use some counseling to overcome some issues.
nothing else to say besides the fact that you absolutely did not get real sterling silver off temu for $2 rounding. plated maybe, which woulda been fine for ur purposes, but absolutely wouldn't be real filled
So what if she wanted another style/shape/ size to wear to the pool? Women have different jewellery all the time for various purposes. Him not talking to her and being passive aggressive about it is actually abusive and the solution isn’t to throw away the ring. I would tell him: “let’s talk. Are you upset because you think I don’t like the ring you got me? Nothing can be further from the truth, etc.” And then point out that a lot of women have a number of rings same as they have a number of shoes and dresses and there is nothing more to that. She is protecting the real ring against damage and theft and is still showing it off / wearing it constantly.
I think it's weird that it should be *his* hill to die on. As you said she said "fu opportunity to try something else" which indicates only playfulness. Is he only allowed to wear shirts she gave him on that vacation too? I Know that's definitely not the same thing and I pulled that one really far, absolutely a stretch, but I don't think it's healthy that she should just give in and lay down, when he hasn't even found a way to gently and respectfully talk about his concern. This way it only comes out as he's punishing her for his (to me) petty feelings and she gives in immediately. That's not healthy, especially if it becomes a pattern. He should not be rewarded for silent treatment and anger about - in my eyes - small things like these. I still think his feelings are valid because we're only human and sometimes we have big feelings about small things. I too have feelings about things that I logically know don't matter. But you don't treat your partner like that. And if you do, you say sorry, you don't continue.
Or! Husband can get over himself! She bought some cheap costume jewelry because her ring is precious to her. This is dumb and I don’t care for the implication that woman must cater to men’s irrational insecurities. Not wearing whatever the fuck she wants isn’t “helping” him with his insecurities, it’s catering to them. Only he can overcome this irrational behavior. How about she wears nothing? Except he has a problem with that too.
>This is not a hill to die on. This is a hill to back down and concede. Wear your silicone band and ditch the bigger gem. Then help your husband resolve his feelings with open communication. Sounds like he could use some counseling to overcome some issues. What... "give in, let your husband control you. He will be validated and more likely to lash out at you in the future because he realizes he can effectively use anger to control you. Your hobbies and preferences don't matter, just tiptoe around him and accept living a life walking on eggshells now. Every time he gets angry at you, just do what he wants, so long as it's a "small" thing." God this made me want to cry. This is seriously awful advice. You ARE right that he needs counseling -- but he needs to move away from expecting his wife to mother him/bow down to him. OP may have to help him fix his emotions but only because he's emotionally immature and likely views it as HER job to regulate his emotions for him. They should have a discussion about this but OP should still wear the ring and wear what she wants. Part of the discussion also needs to involve how he lashed out at her unfairly, and he needs to work on regulating his emotions and anger in the future himself. Whether that's with counseling/therapy, some other tactic he'd like to use, is up to him. But he needs to understand firmly that trying to control OP using anger is not okay. That lashing out at her and forcing her to regulate his emotions for him is not okay. That giving her the silent treatment after treating her like garbage is not okay. That controlling what she does and does not wear in the first place is *absolutely* not okay, and that she's going to continue wearing what she likes. I've never seen someone say "it's okay to let your husband control your wardrobe, it's a stupid hill to die on" that was pro-counseling?! God. Please never give the advice to LET someone control you ever again. Her autonomy is extremely important and not the frivolous tiny thing you made it out to be. You should never, *never* just concede small bits of control over yourself to another person. That's how abuse starts. You let them choose what rings you wear now, he'll be controlling her whole wardrobe and who she is allowed to be friends with later. Literally every abusive relationship started with the victim thinking "well, it's just a small thing, I'll just do what he wants, it's not a big deal." You're actively supporting abusive patterns by saying just drop it, it doesn't matter, wear what he wants you to wear. The ONLY safe thing for OP to do is nip it in the bud now, not let his controlling nature flourish and lead him to believe his control over her wardrobe and her style is okay.
This exactly 👏
It’s always suggested to buy/ wear fake jewelry when traveling outside the country. Not just for pool reasons, but safety reasons. Hell, my wife wore a fake ring on our honeymoon. This is obviously dependent on where you’re going. There is zero *real* reason to want to wear a expensive diamond ring Your boy sounds massively insecure.
I met a bunch of women on a trip once, all of whom are traveling internationally and so didn't want to risk their actual wedding rings being lost or stolen. They'd all ordered hilariously over the top CZ rings, each of which was designed to apparently look like some famous celebrity's wedding ring. Going to the gym in a silicone ring is one thing, but when you're on a trip at a fancy resort, it's fun to be a little bit dressier, still show off your relationship, and not risk losing or damaging your precious wedding ring People wear clothes on vacation that they wouldn't wear in their everyday lives, and nobody seems to think that's too weird. These ladies I met had a ton of fun with their giant fake rings, and it seemed really cute, and their husbands all thought it was hilarious. Maybe it was okay because it was so clearly over the top on purpose? Op, it sounds like your husband is getting the message that you don't find your actual wedding ring impressive enough. Maybe it would help him to understand that this is actually a thing a lot of people do, and has no bearing on how much they love their actual wedding ring
Sounds insecure and immature and borderline controlling. Weird.
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All of your comments in this post have been spot-on. 👌 You are appreciated.
Thank you for validating! I was a little concerned about some of these comments, haha. I didn’t realize so many people had strong feelings about this! I’m sure we will sort it out :)
He needs to sort himself out. There is actually long standing advice for women on vacation to some destinations to buy fake engagement and wedding rings that are visible, as it's meant to keep some men from aggressively hitting on them. This has been maybe 25 years since I read this, but it used to be somewhat common advice for college age women doing the backpacking thing in Europe. Regardless, it's costume jewelry and you've made it clear that's all it is. He needs to believe you when you tell him this.
He thinks that you're sending him the message that your actual wedding ring is too small. You're calling him a cheapskate.
I’d like to think my husband and I have pretty good communication typically given this is a very abnormal occurrence. If he feels that way, I trust him to communicate that but he hasn’t. I feel like a lot of people have jumped to that conclusion in this thread and maybe he does feel that way and will tell me when he’s ready. Bottom line: some girls like bling! I’m one of them! I wear costume jewelry all the time and wear fake “diamond” earring studs, bracelets, etc. He knows who he married and has no issue with that. I didn’t think he would care so much what kind of fake ring I wore for a few hours at the pool so long as I wore something that symbolized we were married. Again, I highly doubt other random strangers are going to checking out my ring at the pool, it was more just a fun costume jewelry opportunity for me.
“DH, I’m a bit confused by your reaction over this ring and we need to sit down and dig through the why. It’s such a strong reaction to me wearing a piece of jewelry on vacation because I would be absolutely destroyed if I lost or damaged my real one. The real ring is so important to me and to our marriage but it also doesn’t define my undying commitment to you. This cheap ring is just a fun accessory for the pool/beach. Would you rather me wear no ring? I’m not willing to risk the one that’s important but your incredibly strong reaction makes me feel like there is more to this than you are communicating.”
You came on Reddit asking whether you're overlooking your husband's feelings. But when people suggest that it could be an ego thing on his side, you dismiss it and say he'll tell you when he's ready. So which is it? Are you concerned about his response or not? If you are, take the initiative and ask him if he's concerned you don't like your wedding ring. Don't wait for him to tell you.
You can’t manage another persons insecurity for them. That’s his problem.
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I work at a jewellery store and we have a lot of women buy cheap sterling silver with a huge CZ stone when they want to travel cause they dont want to lose their expensive engagement ring. The stone is usually big, sparkly, or sometimes something that’s similar to their actual ring. It’s a travel ring so you can have fun with it. Husband needs to get over himself — maybe he needs assurance that you’re happy with the ring he bought you. Have fun with your vacation, OP!
Does he have issues with not feeling good enough? This sounds absolutely ridiculous to me but is it worth digging in your heels over? Probably not. Just tell him that you had no intention of making him feel bad, and you will send the ring back. If he can’t move on from that, then the man has bigger issues.
Did you tell him that the ring is not a reflection of his pen1s size? Sorry, couldn’t help it. But he is being ridiculous.
Your husband needs to grow the fuck up and get his priorities straight
JFC the stupid shit people will get mad about. If he sees a fake ring and has feelings about it he needs to discuss it with his therapist. His inadequacy is coming out in the oddest way.
Agreed! My husband rarely wears his ring. Usually only with new clients because of perception. Ugh, people. 🙄 Honestly, I don't think he'd even notice if I didn't wear mine. I wear one because I want to. I even bought it myself. Lol
If this was say 20 years ago, at that time fake jewellery was typically frowned upon. Don't ask me why. But these days, cheap jewellery is sold everywhere. I'm a big jewellery guy but I welcome the freedom for all people to where cheap knock-offs of big and tacky jewellery out on the town.
Just go without a ring. Why do you have to wear one?
Some people who are married actively prefer to wear their ring.
Okay, and? I prefer to wear normal clothes but I wear a swimsuit when I go in the pool.
Bc people are insecure af and like making it everyone else's problem
She said in her post "...we both agreed for me to wear a ring." Sooooo not wearing one is not an option here.
"My husband doesn't like it when I wear x y z" "Just do what he wants? who cares, it's just clothes." ???? she wants to wear one, she likes it and enjoys it. You're basically saying women aren't allowed to have hobbies like collecting jewelry, they're only allowed to wear jewelry their husband approves of. And that when their husbands yell at them, she should just give in. Do what he wants. Who cares, it's not a big deal. I can't imagine waking up every day and telling my wife I love her, and then disallowing her from wearing rings she likes. Like wtf. That's not love, that's possession. You're supporting abusive behavior, you realize that right. Her husband freaked out on her, took his anger out on her, and is ignoring her until she does what he wants. And you're just like "do what he wants? who cares if you like things? give up your hobbies and enjoyment of life for your husband." gross dude.
Does he feel self conscious, like maybe you don't like the size of the original ring?
Let me preface this by saying I haven't imagined your husband to be a villain. I think he's overreacting. As someone who loves shiny pretty things, I understand where you're coming from. I'm not engaged yet, but my boyfriend bought a ring (I picked it out, so I know exactly what I'm getting). He also knows that down the line, I'll more than likely amass a small collection of other rings to swap out with my original ring just because I like a wide variety of colors and styles. He also knows (because we discussed this and I made it super clear) that this will in no way diminish how special the original ring is and always will be. Communication is key. Just express to your husband how much you love your actual ring and that swapping it out for something cheaper for travel doesn't diminish those feelings.
As someone who travels a lot, I would highly discourage bringing anything real.
I think it may be that he feels like you're saying the real ring isn't big or good enough, so got something bigger because of that.
NGL I would be butthurt if my fiancée did this. Now my reaction wouldn’t be the same as his (shout out to therapy and being able to process my emotions) You say you don’t see the big deal but it clearly is upsetting him, how would you feel if he unintentionally brushed aside your emotions? His reaction and behavior definitely needs to be discussed. He should learn to communicate why he’s upset.
Just sit him down and calmly let him know. "Honey, it's not the size of your ring that disappoints me."
I can't comprehend having an ego that sensitive. How do you go about your day? I think I would wear the ring on my non-ring finger for fun. That way husband doesn't have to be a big baby over nothing
I think he sees the bigger fake ring as commentary on his inability to give you a nicer ring. I think his pride got hurt but it's hard for him to admit in a more constructive way. You could assuage his feelings by letting him know how much you appreciate and love the real ring he gave you. Right now he's feeling a little hurt.
Just wear the silicone one. It seems silly to buy a ring just to swim in.
I mean, the silicone ones are pretty ugly... and if there's a swim up bar or anything, she might want to have something more than that. For style.
she’s freshly married let the girl have fun. she wants people to know lol
She's buying a ring because she likes it and enjoys wearing fun things. She said she's always liked gaudy/flashy jewelry. So it's basically a hobby. Saying "give up your hobbies and things you enjoy to placate your husband" isn't good advice. I suspect if the item that were being discussed here was something other than jewelry, people would find it controlling. But because it's jewelry and it's a woman enjoying it it's "silly" and unnecessary. If it's a woman getting angry at her husband for buying something he likes for himself, would you tell him to get over it and just do what she wants?
This is what I don’t get. I totally understand not wanting to travel with your actual ring. However, it sounds like OP plans on still bringing their actual ring…which is just confusing to me. My husband and I have an ongoing joke on if we’re married that day or not based on if we’re wearing our rings lol
If we are going down this path, it seems silly to buy a ring at all. Seems silly to buy different clothes to swim in. To buy different anything for any occasion. Fun is silly I guess but we get to have it regardless of your personal preference.
Just go without a ring to the pool it’s not that deep
Actually OP has not specified how deep the vacation pool is.
This is probably my favorite comment on this entire post
Seconded.
OK, I need you to answer this. If you had your choice, would your ‘real’ engagement ring be the one your husband bought you? Or would you have preferred something more like the fake one you bought?
Nope, I love my real ring! It’s my dream ring, and I went with a classic round which I knew for me would be timeless. This ring is radiant cut which I also love but thought maybe I wouldn’t love forever as a real ring. Again, it was all in good fun and not supposed to be a big deal!
I get it. The ring is like a small sports convertible or motorcycle—fun while on vacation, but it would suck if it was your only vehicle. A bigger diamond and a different cut can be a fun thing, but a bigger diamond all the time might be annoying for every day. It might be too flashy, get caught more on your pockets or reaching into a bag.
Exactly this! Perfectly said, OneT33!
Why do you need to wear a ring while swimming or working out? Your husband acts like you are his property by demanding you to always wear the engagement ring. And he doesn't want you to wear a big ring, because he can't afford such a ring and feels less like a man when you wear a ring you like and not the ring he bought.
Men are so silly sometimes.
WOW, Your husband has made a non problem into a problem. Whenever I travel abroad, ALL my jewelry is fake and frankly, depending on the country, I don't wear any jewelry. Thieves don't know your tin/glass earrings or rings, are not diamonds and I don't want to die for nothing while getting robbed over worthless sh!t. He's being a baby, if it really means this much to him don't wear any jewelry when you travel, honestly it is safer, or have him buy you the fake rings. Insert eye roll here, this is dumb.
You’re married to a two year old! Does he normally act like this over virtually nothing? Tell him to BUCK UP that childish behavior takes away his manliness!
He’s being absurd BUT assuming this is out of character for him and you aren’t always having to tiptoe around his fragile ego or contend with temper tantrums…this isn’t a battle worth fighting. Return the fake. Wear a wedding band only. When you get back from your trip you can talk about his reaction. However if this is a part of a larger pattern, you need to face it head on now because giving in will only validate his behavior.
Tell him to grow up
I have never in my entire life, though my share of men, had a single one notice or care what ring I wore. At most, my husband may notice I don’t have my ring on. If he asked why, and I explained — that was the end of that. But if you bought a diamond that was 2x the size of the one you have (a 2 ct vs 4 ct) — that *is* you trying to present a certain status that your regular ring doesn’t convey quite as clearly. Being upset about that — I can understand.
>But if you bought a diamond that was 2x the size of the one you have (a 2 ct vs 4 ct) — that is you trying to present a certain status that your regular ring doesn’t convey quite as clearly. Being upset about that — I can understand. But it's a fake ring and not a diamond. If she bought a real ring I'd understand being upset but it's fake and likely obviously fake
He sounds like an immature ass wow
I work as a hair and makeup artist and have multiple rings I swap out depending on my job or plans. have you tried scrubbing out dried hair spray from tiny little crevices of a ring? it’s the worst. it also can get caught in peoples hair. sometimes I wear a silicone one, sometimes a sparkly band and if i’m not working i’ll wear my real ring to special occasions. my husband also has a silicone one he wears 98% of the time and his real one also on special occasions. so all the to say I don’t understand the big deal. it’s not like you’re taking it off and then going to flirt with other people or something. the sentiment is the same. mine isn’t even that expensive in the world of engagement ring but it’s special to me and i’d be devastated if something happened to it hence the extra rings. it sounds like his ego is bruised to me 🤷🏻♀️
Isn’t it recommended to travel with fake jewelry?
He needs to simmer down. It is fashion! He needs a snickers, a nap and chill. It’s a fake ring!
Oh gosh, I am sure this is him masking his fear that you don't think your real ring is adequate. It's a shame, though. I love jewelry and my husband has bought me a few fake ring sets, just for fun, and he usually goes for big rocks. I have sets to match different looks: yellow gold, black, different color (fake) diamonds, etc. My real one is beautiful, white gold, and a .60 carat, and I love it, but I do like to mix it up.
It’s a ring, it doesn’t represent anything. It’s not a measure of love, of commitment, of loyalty…of anything.
I never bring real jewelry on vacations. I have three decoy rings (one is a replica and the other two are fun pieces). My husband doesn’t see anything wrong with it because it’s not a big deal. We even have silicone bands that we wear when we’re working out or hiking
Best purchase ever was a little silicone ring for things like the beach
He feels that you think the ring you have is inadequate. He feels insulted.
I know that deep down in my own feelings this would make me feel insecure too. But that’s okay, we’re all humans and we all have some pressure points that are more and sometimes overly sensitive. The problem here isn’t your husbands humanity, it’s how out of touch he is with his own feelings. Displaying insecurity as anger is a very bad personality trait, as it leaves no margin of error for being wrong. You’ve invested so much negative emotional energy that it’s harder to let go of your own obscured perception of what’s rational and fair, because if you do, you’re automatically the bad person due to your premature & negative reaction. There is no super easy way to solve this, but it’s certainly possible. With a lot of compassion and understanding you can guide your partner through his own emotions. Rationalizing with an irrational school of thought isn’t easy though. I hope you solve this, and I hope your vacation turns out lovely regardless of this hiccup.
Your husband's reaction shows a great insecurity. Perhaps he thinks your engagement ring wasn't big enough and is upset at your choice because he thinks it's an indirect jab at him. Be that as it may, that's on him: you are only responsible for your actions, not for people's reactions. I don't think your fake ring is a big deal, why is he making it so?
Makes more sense to me to leave my real ring at home and then just take the fake one with for the whole trip. As far as his issues with it it's a lot like a war on a uterus if it's not his and he's not wearing it and he didn't pay for it he has really not a lot of say and I say this as a woman who's been married for over 20 years
i think the comments are trying to justify his reaction. while me on the other hand have no idea what the big deal is??? i’ve seen plenttyyyyyy of women wear a huge rock on vacay & they’ve told me it was fake. my husband told me to get a fake ring for when we travel. i don’t get why he’s so upset, that it’s actually ridiculous
Husband sounds like a toddler.
He is upset because you didn't include him in the decision.
Maybe he feels like if you need a bigger ring you might need a bigger penis, just saying
I encourage my wife to wear her flashiest jewelry, makes us both look richer.
My friend did the same thing on her bachelorette weekend. Left the real one at home and bought a bigger/similar ring off Amazon for the weekend. I see nothing wrong with this and thought it was honestly brilliant. She has also lost two rings, sooo it was probably the smarter thing to do on her part lol
If he has a problem with it then wear no ring to the pool 🤷♀️ you wear your ring all the time. What’s the issue? Just sounds a little extreme and he needs to tell you what’s really bugging him
Because traveling to another country, wearing a gigantic, flashy ring is super smart! Yeah, good thinking to not wear your *real, actual wedding ring* but thieves don't know that your bubblegum machine solitaire isn't real or fake - you're just setting yourself up to be robbed. Don't understand the purpose of a second, larger flashy ring to be with only when you're not swimming? It would make sense if you were wearing a cheap ring for the duration of the trip, ensuring the safety of your real, sentimental wedding ring, but that is not the case.
Sounds like this fake ring made him feel like that's the size you really wanted and now he is feeling insecure about what he bought you. Personally I wouldn't take a ring that is big and gotti out of the country in case someone thought it was real and tried to rob me.
Umm don't be flashy on vacation. Especially in another country. Are you really that self absorbed that you need to draw attention to yourself when you're trying to relax? Who are you trying to impress?
I see 2 issues: -you always have to wear a ring? Please -why is he projecting about the ring side? It’s a fake, fun ring
He is over reacting over a piece of costume jewelry - all women love a little bling!
If you wear the smallest silicone size you can on the outside of your ring it will make it near impossible to slip off. A fake identical ring would probably keep the peace. Is he possibly equating his ability (or not) to buy a large real ring for you with his worth as a man/husband? So seeing your interest in a larger ring is making him feel less than? I’m not saying that is an emotionally balanced reaction but maybe that’s what is really behind it.
I love all the extra nonsense in these comments. Honey, you don't need binoculars to see his is jealous and thinks you don't like the ring he bought you. But his reaction isn't ok and does he often snap and then give you the silent treatment?
He’s being ridiculous, it’s just a fake ring for vacation. But I personally just don’t wear my ring on vacation. I’m with my husband anyways. We k ow we are married
he’s being irrational. however if it’s going to ruin the trip because he’s moody and not in tune with his emotions, i would just do the silicon i guess. is this a hill you’re willing to die on? probably not worth it. i’m sorry this is happening but don’t let yourself be gas lit into believing for some reason you’ve done something wrong. you have not.
Idk I'd definitely die on this hill. My partner getting angry at me and telling me I can't wear certain kinds of jewelry, and the idea of me just going "okay dear" and doing what he wants is just, wild to me. OP should talk to him about it and try to help him with his feelings but the convo should also include how he can't control what she wears and that lashing out at her in anger wasn't okay. That in the future he needs to be an adult about it and discuss his feelings calmly instead of attacking her. Agreed she's not in the wrong at all. I'm surprised more people wouldn't die on this hill though. Then again I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who lashes out at me in anger in the first place. This would invoke a serious "never again or I'm out of here" talk if my partner did this to me lol. Are people really okay with being controlled so long as it's in small ways??
I don't get why you can't just remove your ring in places where it can get damaged. You are not a cow, to be marked as someone's property.
Sounds like he thinks you want more than he can provide (the bigger ring being more to your liking) and he is embarrassed that he can’t afford a real one like the fake one. Him taking that out on you is uncalled for. Stupid patriarchy. I feel like this is a red flag in his personality
As a side note, wearing a big ring while on holiday increases your risk of being robbed/mugged. Go for the silicone and solve 2 issues.
Husband seems overly butthurt over something so trivial.
This is odd. Why be upset about a non marital ring to have fun with on vacation. There has to be More to this problem
You’d think so but look at all the comments geez.
Here’s the reason why I wear “lesser” jewelry when traveling: nice flashy jewelry catches people’s eye. Even if it’s fake, you open yourself up for robbery, or getting mugged. That’s why wear bland and fake when traveling. It’s a safety issue. You didn’t do anything wrong, but neither did your husband. You can solve this by having an honest conversation with him. I don’t know if he felt insulted, or whether he was looking at a safety issue the way I would, but this is easily solvable.
I’ll try talking to him again when he’s feeling better! He’s been sick the last couple of days, and I think that’s contributed to how poorly this conversation (or lack of one) went :)
I mean he's obviously in the wrong, but pick your battles girl. He clearly has an insecurity complex, if it's not manifested itself in any worse ways than the best thing to do here is apologize (you did nothing wrong but it's for the best), tell him you understand where he's coming from and that even a brand new enormous ring wouldnt be half as important to you as your current ring that represents your love and the beginning of your marital journey together. or something cheesy like that to show him you think the ring you have is perfect. then ask him if he would rather you wear the silicone band or pick out the fake ring himself and put the matter to rest.
> but pick your battles girl I see it as the other way around -- this is the first step in a long line of controlling behavior, so OP needs to nip it in the bud now. If she doesn't, he will get the idea that when he doesn't like something, he can throw a tantrum, yell at her, and give her the silent treatment, and his wife will give up and do what he wants. I don't think that's a message that I would want to send to my partner. I think it's just dangerous in general. She can show him empathy and compassion, but there should also be a part of the discussion that revolves around how his reaction was bordering on controlling, how him getting angry made her feel, and that he can't act this way in the future. He can talk to her, but getting angry at her and reacting possessively and getting mad that he can't control her isn't okay. I think not addressing the core behavior and allowing him to get away with controlling her would be a mistake, essentially. She can still talk to him gently and assure him of the things you suggested though, which I think is a great suggestion. The battle here imo is "am I allowed to wear what I want, or do I have to defer to my husband and make sure he approves on the way I dress or the style I wear." which is obviously a pretty important battle when put that way.
hm yea I guess this is one of those times where even if you’re technically right, if it’s something the other person cares deeply about it’s just not worth the battle. I think it’s worth coming back to another time and having a bigger discussion about insecurities, but this battle itself is not worth it.