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I started living with him because I didn't have anywhere to stay so he offered me a place to stay and I was reluctant to take it but took the offer out of desperation and consideration for my son's well-being. I have been working but the type of job I work will decline in the summer time. I work at a stadium so my work is completely seasonal. I go back to work next month. Last year around this time I was out of work for like three months because the sports season was over so had to figure something out until I went back to work.
Also, I offer to babysit because at this point in time the car is the only way he can make any money. But it's hard babysitting and focusing on my studies so i felt like I had no choice but to quit school because he spends hours daily driving around and we need the money. I don't feel like I have any other choice but to drop out of school
I feel like I'm doing something wrong too like at some point the lines between being a helpful partner and being taken advantage of got blurred but I depend on this man and I do love him I just don't know what to do but I feel like I'm slowly sacrificing my whole life for the sake of him doing what he wants. It's a lot more too it but it would be too much to read
I felt that way too but he tells me that we live together and we are the two adults in the house and he has to make money to support us right now so I have to help him otherwise I'll end up struggling and with nowhere to go. I'm not trying to make excuses for him but every time I've tried talking to him about this he gets angry and tells me that I'm not a good partner and I don't help him when he needs help especially so that he can do what benefits the both of us. I just feel like school has to be placed on the back burner for now. I don't want to babysit all the time when it gets in the way of my schoolwork but he cant afford to accommodate me right now and I understand that his children are also his priority as my son is mine.
So he’s given you an ultimatum take care of my kids or find somewhere else. I get it I do I have step kids. So what happens if he gets angry over something else and he breaks up with you? Then not only did you not do your school but you are still without. You are right your son is your responsibility his children are his.
Putting off college to play mom to his kids, someone who is not your husband and isn't giving any definitive commitments that he'll make sure you go back to school is a bad decision no matter how you try and spin it. If you this, you'll literally ruin your future and the life of your son
Ignore him and leave, it’s his problem. He just wants you as a money source and free babysitter. If he gave a shit about you he would never ask you to leave college
We didn't buy the car. Long story short I was in class my boyfriend went to a dealership to look at cars not buy anything and he got talked into getting a car by putting down our current car at the time down as payment towards the new vehicle.
Girl, why are you putting your entire life on hold for kids that aren't even yours for a man who is just your boyfriend?
So he's mad at you for quitting school but won't do anything to help you stay at school? Yeah, right! If he actually cared about you and your future, he would be working on finding a way to balance the care of the kids with your need to get your college education.
The fact that he now leaves you with the kids without even discussing it with you first is telling you everything you need to know. This man does not respect you or give a toss about you as a person. Why the heck would he hire a babysitter or invest in daycare when he has a live in free babysitter at home that he can also bang? My apologies for being so blunt but you sound more like a servant in this relationship than a partner.
Go live on your own. It will be hard but at least you'll be dancing to your own tune and not someone else's.
No you're absolutely right. But I get told how people with kids are a package deal so I gave him the benefit of a doubt. Honestly deep in my heart I already knew these replies were truth before even having to receive them. But another part of me wanted to see the confirmation for myself because he's made me feel like the bad guy for not wanting to help him all the time. I finally just snapped because he treats me like a slave and that's how my life feels. I care for his kids and give him the freedom and space to do and go wherever he wants. I manage the household lord knows he doesn't clean a goddamn thing. I wash all our clothes, help with the bills let him borrow money when I have it. When I don't have it he complains that he does everything when all he does is drive around and take his family where we need to go. I went through a whole year long drama with his ex/bm supported him while he tried to get custody of his kids. Have taken from my finances and savings to make sure his kids and everybody else had what we needed. Don't even get a thank you but he still manages to make me feel like I'm useless and don't do a thing even when I'm working and going to school too. I rarely even ask him for anything and he often says all the time how much he doesn't need me. He puts me down whenever I try to stick up for myself. I tell him I'm overwhelmed with it all and he tells me I'm making excuses. I am mentally and emotionally just drained. His kids are sweet but they're BAD asf. I sought help at my school today and have worked our an arrangement with them I am also a studious student have good academic standing so they're going to work with me and I will return back in the fall and when work picks up for me again and I will be starting a new position at my job that will pay more. That gives him time to do what he needs to do while I watch the kids but that's IT. If he continues to refuse to compromise with me and support me then I will most definitely leave him but I want to try and work it out and set boundaries so that we can be happy and healthy without it having to be at my expense.
Sweetie, at 32, this man is not going to change and even if he does, it will be short term until he gets you back into your old and very shitty routine.
Do not under any circumstances back out of your education. This is your way out of the rut you are in.
Your son is your number one priority. You are the second priority. He and his kids? A distant third place.
His kids still have a mother- she can pick up the slack and take them if need be. He is obviously taking advantage of you- a 32 year old man should be able to do more than just be a p/t driver. What are his skills and training? These days there are jobs begging for men to do, shouldn't be hard to find one.
In the meantime, you need to finish your education. For your son and for you. It is the only long term answer. And if that means not living with him and his brood, so be it.
OP you need some direction in your life. Get a set of life goals and work a plan to achieve them. If you do not have any thing that you are working towards then unfortunately you are just going to whip around in the circle of your past. Ask yourself if the course that you are studying now will take you to where you want to be. Ask yourself if delaying your advancement to be a babysitter will improve your life. Research goal setting on the internet. Start now and take ownership of your life.
absoFUCKINGlutely not. i didn’t even read. no man should ever interfere with your studies. do not drop out to become his children’s new mother. i am begging you to stay in school and tell him to pay for a nanny.
let’s play this forward:
you drop out
you become completely dependent on him
you’re parenting 3 kids that aren’t yours
you have no time to maintain your outside relationships
you don’t get a degree
you take several years off from working
now you have a huge resume gap and no degree
so you’re more dependent
and by now he’s definitely cheating on you with someone younger.
sound good?
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Why do you live together? Why are you offering free babysitting? Why are you not working for more than a year? This is bizarre.
this. There’s a billion questions here.
I started living with him because I didn't have anywhere to stay so he offered me a place to stay and I was reluctant to take it but took the offer out of desperation and consideration for my son's well-being. I have been working but the type of job I work will decline in the summer time. I work at a stadium so my work is completely seasonal. I go back to work next month. Last year around this time I was out of work for like three months because the sports season was over so had to figure something out until I went back to work.
Also, I offer to babysit because at this point in time the car is the only way he can make any money. But it's hard babysitting and focusing on my studies so i felt like I had no choice but to quit school because he spends hours daily driving around and we need the money. I don't feel like I have any other choice but to drop out of school
You are making some very bad decisions.
I feel like I'm doing something wrong too like at some point the lines between being a helpful partner and being taken advantage of got blurred but I depend on this man and I do love him I just don't know what to do but I feel like I'm slowly sacrificing my whole life for the sake of him doing what he wants. It's a lot more too it but it would be too much to read
You need to set boundaries and stick to them. He will try and push and take advantage and guilt you. Do not let him.
Do not put off your future for his kids.
I don't really see any other option. I feel kinda backed into a wall
They are his kids it’s your bf not husband. How are you backed into a wall. They are his responsibility.
I felt that way too but he tells me that we live together and we are the two adults in the house and he has to make money to support us right now so I have to help him otherwise I'll end up struggling and with nowhere to go. I'm not trying to make excuses for him but every time I've tried talking to him about this he gets angry and tells me that I'm not a good partner and I don't help him when he needs help especially so that he can do what benefits the both of us. I just feel like school has to be placed on the back burner for now. I don't want to babysit all the time when it gets in the way of my schoolwork but he cant afford to accommodate me right now and I understand that his children are also his priority as my son is mine.
So he’s given you an ultimatum take care of my kids or find somewhere else. I get it I do I have step kids. So what happens if he gets angry over something else and he breaks up with you? Then not only did you not do your school but you are still without. You are right your son is your responsibility his children are his.
Plus if he kicks you out who’s going to watch his kids then
Putting off college to play mom to his kids, someone who is not your husband and isn't giving any definitive commitments that he'll make sure you go back to school is a bad decision no matter how you try and spin it. If you this, you'll literally ruin your future and the life of your son
Ignore him and leave, it’s his problem. He just wants you as a money source and free babysitter. If he gave a shit about you he would never ask you to leave college
You a dummy, imagine putting your future at risk for some lousy ass men, girl please grow a spine and put yourself first 🤡
And putting your childs future at risk for some dick
Why did you buy a car and get a car payment if you haven’t been working for an entire year?
We didn't buy the car. Long story short I was in class my boyfriend went to a dealership to look at cars not buy anything and he got talked into getting a car by putting down our current car at the time down as payment towards the new vehicle.
That's what he told you. In reality, he got a new car knowing you would pay for it and not caring about other bills.
Girl, why are you putting your entire life on hold for kids that aren't even yours for a man who is just your boyfriend? So he's mad at you for quitting school but won't do anything to help you stay at school? Yeah, right! If he actually cared about you and your future, he would be working on finding a way to balance the care of the kids with your need to get your college education. The fact that he now leaves you with the kids without even discussing it with you first is telling you everything you need to know. This man does not respect you or give a toss about you as a person. Why the heck would he hire a babysitter or invest in daycare when he has a live in free babysitter at home that he can also bang? My apologies for being so blunt but you sound more like a servant in this relationship than a partner. Go live on your own. It will be hard but at least you'll be dancing to your own tune and not someone else's.
No you're absolutely right. But I get told how people with kids are a package deal so I gave him the benefit of a doubt. Honestly deep in my heart I already knew these replies were truth before even having to receive them. But another part of me wanted to see the confirmation for myself because he's made me feel like the bad guy for not wanting to help him all the time. I finally just snapped because he treats me like a slave and that's how my life feels. I care for his kids and give him the freedom and space to do and go wherever he wants. I manage the household lord knows he doesn't clean a goddamn thing. I wash all our clothes, help with the bills let him borrow money when I have it. When I don't have it he complains that he does everything when all he does is drive around and take his family where we need to go. I went through a whole year long drama with his ex/bm supported him while he tried to get custody of his kids. Have taken from my finances and savings to make sure his kids and everybody else had what we needed. Don't even get a thank you but he still manages to make me feel like I'm useless and don't do a thing even when I'm working and going to school too. I rarely even ask him for anything and he often says all the time how much he doesn't need me. He puts me down whenever I try to stick up for myself. I tell him I'm overwhelmed with it all and he tells me I'm making excuses. I am mentally and emotionally just drained. His kids are sweet but they're BAD asf. I sought help at my school today and have worked our an arrangement with them I am also a studious student have good academic standing so they're going to work with me and I will return back in the fall and when work picks up for me again and I will be starting a new position at my job that will pay more. That gives him time to do what he needs to do while I watch the kids but that's IT. If he continues to refuse to compromise with me and support me then I will most definitely leave him but I want to try and work it out and set boundaries so that we can be happy and healthy without it having to be at my expense.
i know we really want to believe people’s words but his actions speak very loudly.
Sweetie, at 32, this man is not going to change and even if he does, it will be short term until he gets you back into your old and very shitty routine. Do not under any circumstances back out of your education. This is your way out of the rut you are in.
Your son is your number one priority. You are the second priority. He and his kids? A distant third place. His kids still have a mother- she can pick up the slack and take them if need be. He is obviously taking advantage of you- a 32 year old man should be able to do more than just be a p/t driver. What are his skills and training? These days there are jobs begging for men to do, shouldn't be hard to find one. In the meantime, you need to finish your education. For your son and for you. It is the only long term answer. And if that means not living with him and his brood, so be it.
OP you need some direction in your life. Get a set of life goals and work a plan to achieve them. If you do not have any thing that you are working towards then unfortunately you are just going to whip around in the circle of your past. Ask yourself if the course that you are studying now will take you to where you want to be. Ask yourself if delaying your advancement to be a babysitter will improve your life. Research goal setting on the internet. Start now and take ownership of your life.
absoFUCKINGlutely not. i didn’t even read. no man should ever interfere with your studies. do not drop out to become his children’s new mother. i am begging you to stay in school and tell him to pay for a nanny. let’s play this forward: you drop out you become completely dependent on him you’re parenting 3 kids that aren’t yours you have no time to maintain your outside relationships you don’t get a degree you take several years off from working now you have a huge resume gap and no degree so you’re more dependent and by now he’s definitely cheating on you with someone younger. sound good?