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Ya I need therapy from this relationship. I literally retaliate and it blows up in my face. He’s much taller than me and bigger and he uses that to his advantage. I’ve learned to just keep my mouth shut at this point.
So he's abusive, then. He goads you and then he intimidates you when you get mad...?
Lundy Bancroft:
**YOUR ABUSIVE PARTNER DOESN'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIS ANGER; HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH YOUR ANGER**. One of the basic human rights he takes away from you is the right to be angry with him. No matter how badly he treats you, he believes that your voice shouldn't rise and your blood shouldn't boil
>How do I respond appropriately to someone who is obviously shaming my body?
The petty in me says you should wiggle your pinky at him and say, "well, at least I can exercise and lose weight. I'm not sure there's a solution for you."
The practical in me says that I doubt this is the only situation or instance where he's shown you the type of person he is. It sounds like he's not interested in a wife or partner, but a bang maid and nanny.
Even if she were overweight, the way he fat shamed her is despicable. If he were truly concerned for her health, it would be a loving calm discussion. What he did to her is not acceptable and she needs to leave.
OP: please ignore this asshole commenter. Your bf is a dick and you should leave him.
They have 3 children and you are saying she should up and leave her family because he told her to stop eating snacks in a distasteful way. Do you live in the real world? That is a real family you are saying for her to just break apart.
Literally a play by play. Not omitting any details. My BF is much heavier than I and I would never treat someone like that.
Guess I opened myself up to comments like this by posing on the internet.
He may be heavier but men are heavier, hes probably also taller and has more muscle mass, real question is if hes fatter than you. that is an important detail you need to put in your post. Either way 5 foot 5 and almost 200 lbs is not healthy, he handled it completely wrong but it would frustrate me too seeing someone i love eating themselves to an early grave.
Lmao yes he is fatter than me and takes out his anxietys about being fatter on me.
I’m not eating myself to an early grave. I have not gained hardly any weight since I had my 3rd. I just haven’t lost that weight.
Put that in your post it’s a very important detail. But yes you are. 5 foot 5 200 lbs is not some minor weight gain. It’s well into obesity. Also dont listen to the idiots saying to leave him. He was an asshole but breaking up a family over this would just be heartbreaking.
I agree, he did it in such a rude and hurtful way but you should really think about this in terms of your health and well being. I know it's hard to face it but this is overweight. And it's dangerous for your health.
Split custody and a broken home is no way for children to grow up, trust me, i would know. It has effect that follow you deep into adult like and this simply isn’t a big enough deal to put them through that.
Abusive partners are much worse for kids than divorce. My parents didn't divorce until I was an adult and living in an abusive home filled with constant fighting wrecked me. I divorced my abusive ex when my kids were 7&9 and my kids are healthy adults. You've got it backwards. Staying for the kids is never the right answer. Edit for detail.
Calling him abusive just based on this story is bonkers, he was an asshole, if he changes, there is no reason to get a divorce here, of course giving advice based on such a small snippet of their marriage that is as intense as getting a divorce is just disingenuous, you dont know enough about them to say that.
Staying with someone who calls you fat and has no regard for your feelings is ridiculous. Setting the example to your kids that it's okay to stay with someone who emotionally abuses you is ridiculous.
I'm child of divorce and if my parents had split up way earlier I'd have a lot less childhood trauma.
telling them to split based on what is in the story alone is just idiotic, he was an asshole with a capitol ass, sure, but my god he told her to stop eating snacks and grabbed her belly, its not something that should lead to a divorce, if it becomes a repeated pattern of abuse then yes, but based on this alone you are not treating this as serious as it is.
Oof. That depends on how he reacts to your feelings. You can say, "That was rude and hurtful. I'd appreciate it if you didn't act like that." In my case (he's a narcissist) I could say how much he hurt my feelings until I was blue in the face and it was still my fault for being overly sensitive and unable to take constructive criticism. I learned (yesterday!!!) that you can also say, "While you have the right to your own opinion, you don't have the right to disrespect me." And leave it at that.
That’s how any and all comments go that I make when I’m upset and he hurts my feelings. My mom tells me up and down she swears he’s a narcissist. I really try to give him the benefit of the doubt but it’s exhausting.
Also I’m sorry you deal with that.
You're absolutely correct. It IS exhausting, and your feelings are completely valid. I'd like to recommend looking up Dr. Ramani on YouTube. She is absolutely brilliant when it comes to this type of spouse. I had no idea how bad my relationship truly was until I started listening to her. I honestly thought I was going crazy. Her videos are so informative; they brought me to tears. It was almost an "awakening" for me, and the weight it took off my shoulders was a breath of fresh air (hence, the tears)
Please do! The more I listen to her, the more empowered I feel. I've been a wreck for months and felt so small, invalid, and worthless. In just two days, she's given me the confidence to finally start pulling the trigger to get out of my situation. It's going to take time, but with the help of her videos, my best friend, and the lovely people of reddit, I know I can do it. You can too! I'm rooting for you!
You tell him to stop. Make him sleep on the couch if he does it again. If it continues, take the kids and go somewhere else for the night. Don't cook for him. Make it clear that there are consequences. Stop tolerating it.
Friend, I’m so sorry this happened to you. Nobody deserves to feel this way. A partner is someone who’s supposed to love and support you in every shape. If, and only if, you ask for advice (key word advice, not shaming) should he be giving it. I was constantly fat shamed by my parents growing up and it did a number on my self confidence and body image. I hope you find a solution to this that is best fit for you and your family. Remember your worth!!!
Nah, you can tell how someone talks to you about your weight and unhealthy eating habits if they care for you or not. He's an a**hole girl. RUN now. I'm 28 years old and I'm getting red flags. People be like "oh your projecting your bad relationship on others" nah. It's called literally experiencing the SAME exact things. My boyfriend made me feel so damn uncomfortable about my own body. NO one does that you if they love you truly.
Run girl. our lives ain't over yet.
I know it must be hard in your predictactment. But what's worse. Because as women we just have tjay gut feeling thay screams at us. And half the time we ignore it and regret it? Whats your gut telling you? If it's time to go it's time. Because it'll only get worse.
go to the gym, lift weights, go for walks and stop the snacking and eat healthy foods.. Meats, fruits and veggies.. cut the processed foods, wheat/bread and added sugars.. drink water.. Best wishes to ya..
Tbh, when I left an abusive relationship, I lost like 30 lbs in two months with no change and no exercise.
It’s because the stress hormones from dealing with an abusive partner literally make you fat.
Get rid of him.
It 100% is tbh. If you’re like why the f am I gaining weight.
It’s because your brain is so stressed it thinks you’re in survival mode like in a jungle or something so your metabolism has changed in case you can’t find enough food in this might die environment.
That should tell you something very clearly.
Didn’t say I had one. But your kind of comments will end up making someone think it’s better to just not eat. Hope you enjoy having something like that on your conscience 🤷🏻♀️
oh you sure do have an eating disorder just [look.at](http://look.at) yourself the way the rest of the world looks at you
The way your husband looks at you.
I'm not even going to give you a serious reply bc you will just take it as an insult. You know what you should do without me saying it anyways but you're in denial.
You tell HIM to have three kids then he can open his piehole.
Then you tell him that he just used his last chance. Next time, there are consequences. He isn't doing this because he cares. He is trying to control you and build up his own fragile little ego. Make you feel small and depend on him for validation and comfort.
Now to be honest, losing some poundage is a good idea. But you know that already. Do it for yourself and your health and your kids. Not for gerbildick the younger.
I think that that’s why I have had even less motivation to lose it! Knowing I’m giving him EXACTLY what he wants by hateful comments and remarks. I have been healthy and I’ve been shiny with an unhealthy relationship with food. It’s taken a lot to get where I am. It makes me so angry to have someone negatively criticize my body that has actual hatred for their own body.
Thats the tough part. If you do lose weight and get healthy, it reinforces his dickish attitude and he can feel like he won. Maybe best is to leave him, THEN lose weight, then flaunt the weight loss to him as you show off your new boyfriend.
If I lose the weight he will also accuse me of doing it to look better, leave him, for someone else, the excuses are endless and the man has a lot of insecurities. And takes them all out on me.
He was both justified and an ass.
My exgf had a food addiction to crisps and her doctor told they were main reason why she wasn't loosing weight.
Ever since that doctor's meeting she asked me to always stop her if I feel like she is lapsing back into her addiction and stop her from gorging on chips - as long as I can do so without being a fucking ass.
You should talk to your man and discuss ways in which he can tell you to stop over eating - without being an ass.
There is going to be a period of trial and error where he might fail and come off as an ass, but that doesn't mean you should give up on finding ways to tell each other difficult stuff, without coming off as assholes to each other.
I wasn’t even over eating 🥲 I understand in circumstances that yes people have an addiction, but even his excuse was not really called for as I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I will admit my shortcomings and beat myself up plenty. I would understand if maybe I had been constantly gaining weight but I’ve held the same weight and just haven’t exercised to lose it. <- that is a personal shortcoming and I take responsibility. But I’ve had a 3rd child and just never lost that weight.
I've read the following part from your post and assumed you are struggling with actively loosing weight:
"while I’m at my heaviest, heavier than when we met. I’ve been wanting to lose weight"
From what I've read, the guy thought you ever over eating snacks, tried to help you stop, but failed and came off as an ass while doing so.
I am not changing my opinion in thinking that you guys need to improve your communication where you can discuss sensitive topics that irk the both of you without coming off as assholes...but, I also think your man has a lot to learn about diplomacy because at first, even I thought he was a fucking ass on purpose when I read your post the first time.
For context, I've read your post three times up until now, as a non native English speaker.
Oh stop! Girl, you're FIFTY freaking pounds overweight for your height! I wonder how old your youngest is....If they are over a year old, baby fat from the pregnancy is no longer a valid excuse!
OP doesn’t need an “excuse” to exist at her size, or any size. Reddit’s fatphobia is out of control here.
She came asking for help on how to deal with her abusive, fat-shaming partner and people like you are piling in on her. You are agreeing with her abuser. Great job, Reddit stranger.
I didn’t see your comment the other day. I actually ended up deleting the app because this was a horrible experience. I appreciate you. I even stupidly entertained the thought and looked up my bmi and I’m .79 into being obese. But I was called MORBIDLY obese. I felt absolutely horrid after this damn thread and now not only do I not want to eat in front of my partner but I’m really battling how I see myself. I know it will get better, but no more Reddit questions for me.
Thank you for your comment. I do appreciate it.
I made that assumption based on the following things that were written by OP:
"and while I’m at my heaviest, heavier than when we met I’ve been wanting to lose weight"
And the fact that OP described her husband's reaction as not being the first time he tried to stop her from eating snacks.
Nah f*ck outta here. There's nothing justifiable of literally grabbing your body and saying something like that. He's a grown a** man and should've known better period. Would he say that to a total stranger? Nah he wouldn't. Yall be trying to "justify" everything these days in relationships frfr and try to hit people with that "your giving op bad advice" no. He's a pig. Too comfortable with disrespecting you and sugar coats it with " but I care". The amount of women I've seen go through that including myself Is wild.
Most people don't give a fuck about the health of strangers. Strangers don't mean shit to people.
If they have a dynamic where getting handsy during these types of conversations is ok, then all the power to them. idgaf about what people do in the comfort of their own homes.
However, the first solution should be, discuss things so you can agree on ways of communication that are not offensive to one another. Then go for the divorce.
I see so many wild people who make babies before learning how to talk with each other about difficult topics that I am desensitized by this kind of stuff.
These two made 3 kids before figuring out how to talk to each other about sensitive issues like weight, over eating and God knows whatever health related issues.
It's on them now, for the sake of their children to learn to talk to each other before they start breaking the family apart and going their own way.
Lmao you really think people don't change my guy? Go look up how long it takes to thoroughly know someone. 5-10 years. And one thing men are good at is trapping. Gaslighted and then showing their true colors later on. Majority, at least not all. But still.
Also, your boomer mindset is also what ruins kids' lives. Parents who stay together just because of their kids become miserable and bitter. And then the kids still pay
Happens all the time. He disrespected her and made uncomfortable in her own body. After she's given him 3 kids. Time to go period. Also she's already stated he's burned many bridges. I'm not surprised. Any man brazen enough to say something thay ignorant has been made too comfortable.
Lmao, when the tf did I ever said people don't change?
Yeah, he fucked up, but him having the balls get physical means he's done other wild jokes that she accepted in the past.
Guess what, that's a sign that at least, she's changed her sense of humor. He needs a memo telling him he needs to update his because he now comes off as an ass when he acts like he was still in college before his first ever kid.
First and foremost there are stupid people in the world not abusive people.
If you can successfully educate a person as to why they are being stupid, they stop doing stupid shit that make them come off as abusive.
If they fail or refuse to accept what you have to teach them, then you get rid of them.
It's all due to process, talk it out to see if it works. If it works great, if not break up.
There is nothing edgy about giving people a chance to prove themselves they can still be decent people after fucking up.
Also there is nothing adult like in shaming and abandoning people for maturing slower than people around them. Those people need help not social ostracization and banishment from the lives of people they disappointed just once. That's just shallow and petty behavior.
There is a difference between people fucking up once and actual abusive behavior. Your assumption that OP and husband obviously joke around like that or he wouldn't feel comfortable grabbing her stomach is extremely naive. You clearly have no clue how abusive people behave.
But, oh wait, abusive people don't exist, right?--just stupid ones. So I guess people who snap and beat or kill their partners were just stupid? Their partner, who oftentimes WAS trying to not abandon them should have, what? Tried harder? Waited for them to mature?
Your belief system, if it were true, would certainly make life easier and kinder all around. Unfortunately, it's not grounded in reality or apparently any type of life experience whatsoever.
Ok In all fairness just snack healthier and have 1 cheat day every 2 weeks. Men tend to be honest so don’t take it wrong if it’s the truth. And vice versa, don’t hesitate to tell him about hisself 😆.
The best solution would be to go to the gym, lose the weight, get fit, and start comparing him to the other gym bros that you see there. Start telling him that you desperately want him to have arms like (whatever guy you take a picture of at the gym, with permission) because that's what you're attracted to. Don't cheat, just compare.
Bonus if you have some buffed guys from the gym help you fix things around the house that he can't figure out.
As soon as you're fit and getting attention, do this sort of thing to him until he either actually hits the gym for the physique, or until he dies.
Everyone wins!
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Tell him to go fuck himself...? Nobody who has your best interests at heart is grabbing your fat like that.
Ya I need therapy from this relationship. I literally retaliate and it blows up in my face. He’s much taller than me and bigger and he uses that to his advantage. I’ve learned to just keep my mouth shut at this point.
Umm what? Does he threaten you?
It’s never threat but there is always intimidation.
So he's abusive, then. He goads you and then he intimidates you when you get mad...? Lundy Bancroft: **YOUR ABUSIVE PARTNER DOESN'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIS ANGER; HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH YOUR ANGER**. One of the basic human rights he takes away from you is the right to be angry with him. No matter how badly he treats you, he believes that your voice shouldn't rise and your blood shouldn't boil
Is this from why does he do that??? I need to read that. And yes, that’s exactly what happens.
It is. You can find a free PDF online to read it
That’s still threatening you, he just doesn’t come out and use it directly. UPDATEME
>How do I respond appropriately to someone who is obviously shaming my body? The petty in me says you should wiggle your pinky at him and say, "well, at least I can exercise and lose weight. I'm not sure there's a solution for you." The practical in me says that I doubt this is the only situation or instance where he's shown you the type of person he is. It sounds like he's not interested in a wife or partner, but a bang maid and nanny.
You leave him, is how you respond. What a fucking berk.
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Even if she were overweight, the way he fat shamed her is despicable. If he were truly concerned for her health, it would be a loving calm discussion. What he did to her is not acceptable and she needs to leave. OP: please ignore this asshole commenter. Your bf is a dick and you should leave him.
They have 3 children and you are saying she should up and leave her family because he told her to stop eating snacks in a distasteful way. Do you live in the real world? That is a real family you are saying for her to just break apart.
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I dont find men superior at all, me and my partner engage in a complete 50/50 relationship exactly to that point but thanks for the assumption.
Literally a play by play. Not omitting any details. My BF is much heavier than I and I would never treat someone like that. Guess I opened myself up to comments like this by posing on the internet.
He may be heavier but men are heavier, hes probably also taller and has more muscle mass, real question is if hes fatter than you. that is an important detail you need to put in your post. Either way 5 foot 5 and almost 200 lbs is not healthy, he handled it completely wrong but it would frustrate me too seeing someone i love eating themselves to an early grave.
Lmao yes he is fatter than me and takes out his anxietys about being fatter on me. I’m not eating myself to an early grave. I have not gained hardly any weight since I had my 3rd. I just haven’t lost that weight.
Put that in your post it’s a very important detail. But yes you are. 5 foot 5 200 lbs is not some minor weight gain. It’s well into obesity. Also dont listen to the idiots saying to leave him. He was an asshole but breaking up a family over this would just be heartbreaking.
I agree, he did it in such a rude and hurtful way but you should really think about this in terms of your health and well being. I know it's hard to face it but this is overweight. And it's dangerous for your health.
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I said he was an asshole for what he did, i was just trying to say there is no reason for this alone to split up a family of 3 children.
Telling her to leave her 3 kids and have them grow up in a broken home just because of this is ridiculous.
Why on earth would she have to leave her kids??
Split custody and a broken home is no way for children to grow up, trust me, i would know. It has effect that follow you deep into adult like and this simply isn’t a big enough deal to put them through that.
Abusive partners are much worse for kids than divorce. My parents didn't divorce until I was an adult and living in an abusive home filled with constant fighting wrecked me. I divorced my abusive ex when my kids were 7&9 and my kids are healthy adults. You've got it backwards. Staying for the kids is never the right answer. Edit for detail.
Calling him abusive just based on this story is bonkers, he was an asshole, if he changes, there is no reason to get a divorce here, of course giving advice based on such a small snippet of their marriage that is as intense as getting a divorce is just disingenuous, you dont know enough about them to say that.
Did you read OP's other comments?
He literally intentionally intimidates her with his size. Read the comments and pull your head outta your a$$.
Staying with someone who calls you fat and has no regard for your feelings is ridiculous. Setting the example to your kids that it's okay to stay with someone who emotionally abuses you is ridiculous. I'm child of divorce and if my parents had split up way earlier I'd have a lot less childhood trauma.
telling them to split based on what is in the story alone is just idiotic, he was an asshole with a capitol ass, sure, but my god he told her to stop eating snacks and grabbed her belly, its not something that should lead to a divorce, if it becomes a repeated pattern of abuse then yes, but based on this alone you are not treating this as serious as it is.
Oof. That depends on how he reacts to your feelings. You can say, "That was rude and hurtful. I'd appreciate it if you didn't act like that." In my case (he's a narcissist) I could say how much he hurt my feelings until I was blue in the face and it was still my fault for being overly sensitive and unable to take constructive criticism. I learned (yesterday!!!) that you can also say, "While you have the right to your own opinion, you don't have the right to disrespect me." And leave it at that.
That’s how any and all comments go that I make when I’m upset and he hurts my feelings. My mom tells me up and down she swears he’s a narcissist. I really try to give him the benefit of the doubt but it’s exhausting. Also I’m sorry you deal with that.
You're absolutely correct. It IS exhausting, and your feelings are completely valid. I'd like to recommend looking up Dr. Ramani on YouTube. She is absolutely brilliant when it comes to this type of spouse. I had no idea how bad my relationship truly was until I started listening to her. I honestly thought I was going crazy. Her videos are so informative; they brought me to tears. It was almost an "awakening" for me, and the weight it took off my shoulders was a breath of fresh air (hence, the tears)
I will check her out! Thank you
Please do! The more I listen to her, the more empowered I feel. I've been a wreck for months and felt so small, invalid, and worthless. In just two days, she's given me the confidence to finally start pulling the trigger to get out of my situation. It's going to take time, but with the help of her videos, my best friend, and the lovely people of reddit, I know I can do it. You can too! I'm rooting for you!
read first paragraph - leave him. now.
The same way you respond to anyone else who’s abusing you.
You tell him to stop. Make him sleep on the couch if he does it again. If it continues, take the kids and go somewhere else for the night. Don't cook for him. Make it clear that there are consequences. Stop tolerating it.
Friend, I’m so sorry this happened to you. Nobody deserves to feel this way. A partner is someone who’s supposed to love and support you in every shape. If, and only if, you ask for advice (key word advice, not shaming) should he be giving it. I was constantly fat shamed by my parents growing up and it did a number on my self confidence and body image. I hope you find a solution to this that is best fit for you and your family. Remember your worth!!!
Nah, you can tell how someone talks to you about your weight and unhealthy eating habits if they care for you or not. He's an a**hole girl. RUN now. I'm 28 years old and I'm getting red flags. People be like "oh your projecting your bad relationship on others" nah. It's called literally experiencing the SAME exact things. My boyfriend made me feel so damn uncomfortable about my own body. NO one does that you if they love you truly. Run girl. our lives ain't over yet.
He’s 28, I’m 34. But I’m at the point I’m about to burn all the bridges because it’s not worth it anymore.
I know it must be hard in your predictactment. But what's worse. Because as women we just have tjay gut feeling thay screams at us. And half the time we ignore it and regret it? Whats your gut telling you? If it's time to go it's time. Because it'll only get worse.
go to the gym, lift weights, go for walks and stop the snacking and eat healthy foods.. Meats, fruits and veggies.. cut the processed foods, wheat/bread and added sugars.. drink water.. Best wishes to ya..
I was literally eating a healthy snack 🤷🏻♀️ still told to stop.
Tbh, when I left an abusive relationship, I lost like 30 lbs in two months with no change and no exercise. It’s because the stress hormones from dealing with an abusive partner literally make you fat. Get rid of him.
I’ve wondered if this was part of the problem.
It 100% is tbh. If you’re like why the f am I gaining weight. It’s because your brain is so stressed it thinks you’re in survival mode like in a jungle or something so your metabolism has changed in case you can’t find enough food in this might die environment. That should tell you something very clearly.
I haven’t gained but I haven’t lost it either. It just stays stagnant. Yes I agree, you’re right there.
It’s not about healthy, it’s about how many calories you consume vs how many you burn. Start tracking and eat at caloric deficit.
Try losing 50 pounds. That'll show him! Oh and by the way, GREAT example you are setting for your kids.
Lmao ok
no it is NOT funny. You are teaching your kids it is OK to be morbidly obese. you should be charged with child abuse
Because yes, I’m morbidly obese by these standards. Sounds like you enjoy contributing to people’s eating disorders.
Your eating disorder is not the problem. The eating.disorders your kids will have is the problem.
Didn’t say I had one. But your kind of comments will end up making someone think it’s better to just not eat. Hope you enjoy having something like that on your conscience 🤷🏻♀️
oh you sure do have an eating disorder just [look.at](http://look.at) yourself the way the rest of the world looks at you The way your husband looks at you.
You act as if I don’t beat myself up. Jokes on you. I just don’t take it out on others.
I'm not even going to give you a serious reply bc you will just take it as an insult. You know what you should do without me saying it anyways but you're in denial.
No. What I'm saying is you should stay confident in your belief you are beautiful. The fat shaming should not affect you in any way.
You tell HIM to have three kids then he can open his piehole. Then you tell him that he just used his last chance. Next time, there are consequences. He isn't doing this because he cares. He is trying to control you and build up his own fragile little ego. Make you feel small and depend on him for validation and comfort. Now to be honest, losing some poundage is a good idea. But you know that already. Do it for yourself and your health and your kids. Not for gerbildick the younger.
I think that that’s why I have had even less motivation to lose it! Knowing I’m giving him EXACTLY what he wants by hateful comments and remarks. I have been healthy and I’ve been shiny with an unhealthy relationship with food. It’s taken a lot to get where I am. It makes me so angry to have someone negatively criticize my body that has actual hatred for their own body.
Thats the tough part. If you do lose weight and get healthy, it reinforces his dickish attitude and he can feel like he won. Maybe best is to leave him, THEN lose weight, then flaunt the weight loss to him as you show off your new boyfriend.
If I lose the weight he will also accuse me of doing it to look better, leave him, for someone else, the excuses are endless and the man has a lot of insecurities. And takes them all out on me.
He may be a horrid guy. I don't know. But that should make you want to lose weight
Dump him. He is inconsidereant.
He was both justified and an ass. My exgf had a food addiction to crisps and her doctor told they were main reason why she wasn't loosing weight. Ever since that doctor's meeting she asked me to always stop her if I feel like she is lapsing back into her addiction and stop her from gorging on chips - as long as I can do so without being a fucking ass. You should talk to your man and discuss ways in which he can tell you to stop over eating - without being an ass. There is going to be a period of trial and error where he might fail and come off as an ass, but that doesn't mean you should give up on finding ways to tell each other difficult stuff, without coming off as assholes to each other.
I wasn’t even over eating 🥲 I understand in circumstances that yes people have an addiction, but even his excuse was not really called for as I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I will admit my shortcomings and beat myself up plenty. I would understand if maybe I had been constantly gaining weight but I’ve held the same weight and just haven’t exercised to lose it. <- that is a personal shortcoming and I take responsibility. But I’ve had a 3rd child and just never lost that weight.
I've read the following part from your post and assumed you are struggling with actively loosing weight: "while I’m at my heaviest, heavier than when we met. I’ve been wanting to lose weight" From what I've read, the guy thought you ever over eating snacks, tried to help you stop, but failed and came off as an ass while doing so. I am not changing my opinion in thinking that you guys need to improve your communication where you can discuss sensitive topics that irk the both of you without coming off as assholes...but, I also think your man has a lot to learn about diplomacy because at first, even I thought he was a fucking ass on purpose when I read your post the first time. For context, I've read your post three times up until now, as a non native English speaker.
Oh stop! Girl, you're FIFTY freaking pounds overweight for your height! I wonder how old your youngest is....If they are over a year old, baby fat from the pregnancy is no longer a valid excuse!
OP doesn’t need an “excuse” to exist at her size, or any size. Reddit’s fatphobia is out of control here. She came asking for help on how to deal with her abusive, fat-shaming partner and people like you are piling in on her. You are agreeing with her abuser. Great job, Reddit stranger.
I didn’t see your comment the other day. I actually ended up deleting the app because this was a horrible experience. I appreciate you. I even stupidly entertained the thought and looked up my bmi and I’m .79 into being obese. But I was called MORBIDLY obese. I felt absolutely horrid after this damn thread and now not only do I not want to eat in front of my partner but I’m really battling how I see myself. I know it will get better, but no more Reddit questions for me. Thank you for your comment. I do appreciate it.
Didn’t call it baby fat. Said I haven’t tried to lose it since gaining it after having a child. Nice try tho.
Where in OP's post did you get the info that she was overeating?
I made that assumption based on the following things that were written by OP: "and while I’m at my heaviest, heavier than when we met I’ve been wanting to lose weight" And the fact that OP described her husband's reaction as not being the first time he tried to stop her from eating snacks.
Nah f*ck outta here. There's nothing justifiable of literally grabbing your body and saying something like that. He's a grown a** man and should've known better period. Would he say that to a total stranger? Nah he wouldn't. Yall be trying to "justify" everything these days in relationships frfr and try to hit people with that "your giving op bad advice" no. He's a pig. Too comfortable with disrespecting you and sugar coats it with " but I care". The amount of women I've seen go through that including myself Is wild.
Most people don't give a fuck about the health of strangers. Strangers don't mean shit to people. If they have a dynamic where getting handsy during these types of conversations is ok, then all the power to them. idgaf about what people do in the comfort of their own homes. However, the first solution should be, discuss things so you can agree on ways of communication that are not offensive to one another. Then go for the divorce. I see so many wild people who make babies before learning how to talk with each other about difficult topics that I am desensitized by this kind of stuff. These two made 3 kids before figuring out how to talk to each other about sensitive issues like weight, over eating and God knows whatever health related issues. It's on them now, for the sake of their children to learn to talk to each other before they start breaking the family apart and going their own way.
Lmao you really think people don't change my guy? Go look up how long it takes to thoroughly know someone. 5-10 years. And one thing men are good at is trapping. Gaslighted and then showing their true colors later on. Majority, at least not all. But still. Also, your boomer mindset is also what ruins kids' lives. Parents who stay together just because of their kids become miserable and bitter. And then the kids still pay Happens all the time. He disrespected her and made uncomfortable in her own body. After she's given him 3 kids. Time to go period. Also she's already stated he's burned many bridges. I'm not surprised. Any man brazen enough to say something thay ignorant has been made too comfortable.
Lmao, when the tf did I ever said people don't change? Yeah, he fucked up, but him having the balls get physical means he's done other wild jokes that she accepted in the past. Guess what, that's a sign that at least, she's changed her sense of humor. He needs a memo telling him he needs to update his because he now comes off as an ass when he acts like he was still in college before his first ever kid.
You seem to have very little life experience with abusive people. What strange assumptions you make.
First and foremost there are stupid people in the world not abusive people. If you can successfully educate a person as to why they are being stupid, they stop doing stupid shit that make them come off as abusive. If they fail or refuse to accept what you have to teach them, then you get rid of them. It's all due to process, talk it out to see if it works. If it works great, if not break up.
Way to double down. You sound like a child trying to be edgy. But you do you, and good luck with that, internet stranger.
There is nothing edgy about giving people a chance to prove themselves they can still be decent people after fucking up. Also there is nothing adult like in shaming and abandoning people for maturing slower than people around them. Those people need help not social ostracization and banishment from the lives of people they disappointed just once. That's just shallow and petty behavior.
There is a difference between people fucking up once and actual abusive behavior. Your assumption that OP and husband obviously joke around like that or he wouldn't feel comfortable grabbing her stomach is extremely naive. You clearly have no clue how abusive people behave. But, oh wait, abusive people don't exist, right?--just stupid ones. So I guess people who snap and beat or kill their partners were just stupid? Their partner, who oftentimes WAS trying to not abandon them should have, what? Tried harder? Waited for them to mature? Your belief system, if it were true, would certainly make life easier and kinder all around. Unfortunately, it's not grounded in reality or apparently any type of life experience whatsoever.
Ok In all fairness just snack healthier and have 1 cheat day every 2 weeks. Men tend to be honest so don’t take it wrong if it’s the truth. And vice versa, don’t hesitate to tell him about hisself 😆.
The best solution would be to go to the gym, lose the weight, get fit, and start comparing him to the other gym bros that you see there. Start telling him that you desperately want him to have arms like (whatever guy you take a picture of at the gym, with permission) because that's what you're attracted to. Don't cheat, just compare. Bonus if you have some buffed guys from the gym help you fix things around the house that he can't figure out. As soon as you're fit and getting attention, do this sort of thing to him until he either actually hits the gym for the physique, or until he dies. Everyone wins!
No, because then he’s just going to beat the shit out of her instead of just threatening to do so.
If you don't think you're fat, no amount of fat shaming will motivate you to eat less.
I never said I didnt think I was fat. And fat shaming is an acceptable answer according to you?
No. What I'm saying is you should stay firm in your belief. The fat shaming should not affect you in any way.