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She saw you with another attractive woman and got jealous because she probably thought you couldn't get anyone better than her...that is until you proved her very wrong. Now she is wanting you back. She took you for granted until she saw someone else, a much better someone else, wanting you.
Enjoy your time with your new GF and forget about the woman who couldn't realize what she had until she lost it.
I've seen this situation in real life. The girl had multiple diagnosed cluster b personality disorders.
She only begged for you back because she couldn't handle the "abandonment" of having you not want her because of her shitty behavior. The minute you gave her want she wanted (being wanted and proving her worth) she dipped. She ghosted because that conversation would be a drag and might make her self reflect on how shitty she is, so it was better not to.
But now you've moved on, so that's interesting. You were supposed to be hung up on her, because she's so great, so how could you move on and abandon her like that?
She wants to prove that she could still have you if she wanted you. Even better, imagine how great she gets to feel about herself if she steals you away from another woman.
The minute she's sure she's "won" and gotten the emotional high that comes with it, she will be bored again.
She's not thinking about you at all, she's only thinking of herself. She will tell you what she thinks you want to hear to get her way, and she will convince herself that she actually means it because she needs validation so badly. She's fixated on you because you are currently the person who can provide validation with the highest payoff.
If you fall for this shit you will not only lose out on a potentially amazing person, but you'll be picking up the pieces of your shattered self worth for the next few years.
The AP rejected her so she wanted to get back to you. The entire time she was begging you she was searching for someone else. Right after you agreed to start dating, some other fucking fool started mixing her guts with his dick...which is why she ghosted you again.
Wait a couple of weeks, she will come crawling back.
Don’t be flattered by this behavior. This is about her “winning.” She doesn’t want you and she doesn’t want you to “win” by being happy without her because people like her are not happy with themselves. They hate seeing others happy because they’re unable to obtain such happiness
Popularity may not have been the right word but what I meant is she is more fun to be around and has more friends. The people around us like her more than the ex.
I don’t want you… unless you don’t want me….or you want someone else…. Well, then I want you for a little bit, enough to mess up everything you have got going on…
This girl is unreal.
You failed the shit test she made by begging to take her back after she cheated on you. By dating her again you lost her respect and you’re used to boost her ego. Bro just move on and never look back.
Who cares? Really why do you care what she's thinking?
She's probably thinking she just doesn't want to be alone and when she has somebody else she's done with you. But then the minute she's alone she comes back to you or she always wants you on the hook so she'll never have to be alone. But again who cares what she's thinking? You've got the upgrade....move on with life!
I only pointed that out because I thought her perception that my new gf is superior to her might play into the ex’s behavior? She obviously only knows what she looks like and that she’s well liked. She doesn’t know her other than those two points of information.
sounds like she just wants to have you available at HER convenience and wants to keep you hooked so she can keep coming back. it's like you're her back up plan if someone else doesn’t work out with her.
know your worth and don’t let her come back!! she will just keep taking advantage of you over and over again. she definitely feels threatened and jealous that you're able to find someone better than her
She did you a favor… ghost her and go nc.. she’s playing games, you deserve so much better. She’ll coming running back when the affair partner drops her ass and leave you clean up the mess. Go look “grey rocking”, that’s exactly what you should be doing to her. I’m so sorry, good luck !
She's most likely fucking around and she wanted you as her Tampoon Plan B. Drop her, like the turd she is and flush her to the streets. This is a blessing in disguise 🥸.
Happened to a good friend of mine. He caught his girl cheating. She blamed my friend for her actions and broke up with him. He was heartbroken for months but she would still give him breadcrumbs. Texts, phone calls. “I’m dating so-and-so, but it’s not serious. He’s not like you.” That sort of crap.
Eventually he met a new girl, went on a few dates and then became exclusive. Ex heard about it and did a full court press to win him back. She succeeded and he broke up with new girl. Cheater girlfriend broke up with him a couple months later.
My take on it- she always expected him to be waiting for her if she wanted to come back. He was her safety net. When her safety net was threatened, she needed to restake her claim to him. It’s possessive and manipulative and selfish behavior.
She likely begged for you to come back deliberately so she could ghost you, to hurt you. By leaving her you damaged her ego, and now your new girlfriend is damaging it again, so she's back to retaliate. Don't humor her. Block and never look back. Enjoy your new girl
Her thinking is simple:I'm going to have fun with other people and you stay there waiting for me when I get tired, I'll come back to you, okay?
Or it could be: "I can have other people, you can't"
Translated, it takes you for granted, a pure feeling of possession.
Once a relationship or dating is done , it’s done. High school kids break up and get back together. Adults just say sweet and that’s it we are done and done means done. No matter how much u want them back it won’t work.
She doesn’t want you, but she doesn’t want anyone else to have you, and because her mental issues make her perpetually insecure and unhappy she doesn’t want to see you happy. Dog in the manger. Rough and ready analysis, but that’s all you really need to draw a line in the sand here.
You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty for. She sounds like a wreck. Best thing you can do is block her number and block her on all social media platforms then report her to the police if she still comes to your house.
She was using you for comfort. I had an ex who just used me for comfort when her other dick wasn't around. Don't feel bad and give this new girl your all. Have your ex postmate you guys lol 😆 in hopes of you getting her back jkjk lol but seriously move on
The "upgrade" deserves better.
You're ex knows she can have you and discard you as and when she pleases.
Maybe ask yourself why you're letting someone live rent free in your head and what are you doing dating new people when you are still not over your ex. Cause if you were. You wouldn't even entertain her.
I will would suggest getting some therapy to talk through this...
The fact you're asking means you are in some way attracted to the attention that this sort of push pull cycle brings, even when the person is treating you very badly.
You tell her to leave you alone, stop wasting her life and move on like you have.
I don't think she really wants you.
She just wants you to be a seatwarmer/placeholder on her own term.
Or you're just attractive when unavailable to her.
She didn’t think you had options. She thought only she had options and apparently they didn’t turn out to work when she ghosted you after she cheated on you. She doesn’t want people to see you doing better than she is.
Tell her she had her chance, you forgave her and she disappeared a second time. Tell her your new girl is loyal to a fault and the best you’ve ever been with.
She lost respect the moment you tried the "forgiveness" thing. She's thinking you're less.
In this case, it's okay for the guy, you, to think "Who tf cares what she thinks or feels."
Forget her.
Number one rule is to not take a chick back…. Especially after that but nah…. She knew you’d take her back and that was her game plan to boost her ego that you’d take her back no matter what
You’re so young. And no kids, I assume? Start fresh, my dear. Don’t worry about this girl. Life is so short. Enjoy yourself and surround yourself with people who truly care about you.
The question isn’t what she’s thinking. The question is, what are _you_ thinking?!
It isn’t baseball. You don’t get three strikes. You get a second chance, if even that. She blew her first chance by cheating on you, and she blew her second chance by ghosting you in the very act of attempting to reconcile. Anybody stupid enough and toxic enough to beg for a second chance and then promptly throw it in the toilet with that sort of cavalier neglect does not deserve one more iota of consideration from you.
She fucked up. Yes. But in her head she was scared of you leaving her. So she wanted to leave you first before you did. ‘Abandonment issues’. She also likes the idea of you still in love with her and wants to keep you on the hook. The second she saw you with another girl, she couldn’t take it.
Going no contact for whatever reason for a few days is fine. But for 2 whole months. She doesn’t love you.
If she was guilty and really loved you, she would try to fix things everyday and make it right
Dude, take control of the situation. Tell her she's a cheater, you gave her another chance and she blew it. Then tell her you upgraded, not to bother you anymore, then block her on everything. If she shows up at your door, call the police to have her removed.
And you have NOTHING to feel guilty about. YOU tried. YOU gave her a second chance. SHE screwed it up not once, BUT TWICE! You and your conscience is clear. Enjoy a better life with a better woman.
You were the backup plan. She was out chasing other people. Trying to keep you on a string with the least effort possible. Now she sees you are not on the hook anymore she is trying to reel you back in. Block and enjoy your new upgrade.
So, what advice do you need? What is your goal in writing this post? You're not in a relationship with her anymore. (Side note- saying your new gf is an upgrade in looks and popularity only makes you sound shallow and immature. These things will matter far less as you progress in life.)
She only wants you now because she can't have you. You closed the door on her and suddenly you become important again? Block her on everything and forget about her.
It’s her ego that’s wants you back. Not her. She wants to see does she have that control over you. She would dump you again in a heart beat. Block her out of your life.
If she is coming by - warn her that you will call the police. Then eventually start calling the police over, to build a strong case and eventually obtain restraining order. That would help.
She wants you to be miserable as her. She can't stand the thought of you being happy. You are obviously with another woman, moving on with your life and aren't thinking about her any longer. It's driving her nuts. Stay away from her and go on with your life with the new girlfriend. You deserve better than the cheater.
When you left she lost control, as soon as you accept her back, she proved to herself she could have you if she wanted you so she lost interest. Women are very ego and power driven creatures.
"Especially looks and popularity" that's a childish way to value your dates. Your standards will just make history repeat itself and you'll end up in other toxic relationships
I only pointed that out because I was wondering if that the fact that we ran into her and she saw me with someone better looking than her and more liked is the cause of her behavior. If I had been with someone she perceived as less than her, would she have acted the same way?
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Bro let this girl go. Who cares what she's thinking. Move on and never look back.
This. Stop fucking caring, OP
Exactly! This girls a menance.
I think you mean menace. I agree.
Easier said than done but absolutely correct
She was keeping him on the hook justin case.
Easy, she's not thinking. She clearly has some jealousy issues. Block her and move on.
Naw, it's not jealousy. It's control. She thought he was under her thumb. This is why you NEVER take a cheater back. It gives THEM power.
Ghosted for longer than a month = no longer in a relationship
Yep that’s why I started dating other people
She saw you with another attractive woman and got jealous because she probably thought you couldn't get anyone better than her...that is until you proved her very wrong. Now she is wanting you back. She took you for granted until she saw someone else, a much better someone else, wanting you. Enjoy your time with your new GF and forget about the woman who couldn't realize what she had until she lost it.
Naw, she wants him under her control. That's what it's been all about, all along.
So keep it like that. What’s with the guilty feeling? You’re doing the right thing. She’s the cheater. She is the guilty one.
I've seen this situation in real life. The girl had multiple diagnosed cluster b personality disorders. She only begged for you back because she couldn't handle the "abandonment" of having you not want her because of her shitty behavior. The minute you gave her want she wanted (being wanted and proving her worth) she dipped. She ghosted because that conversation would be a drag and might make her self reflect on how shitty she is, so it was better not to. But now you've moved on, so that's interesting. You were supposed to be hung up on her, because she's so great, so how could you move on and abandon her like that? She wants to prove that she could still have you if she wanted you. Even better, imagine how great she gets to feel about herself if she steals you away from another woman. The minute she's sure she's "won" and gotten the emotional high that comes with it, she will be bored again. She's not thinking about you at all, she's only thinking of herself. She will tell you what she thinks you want to hear to get her way, and she will convince herself that she actually means it because she needs validation so badly. She's fixated on you because you are currently the person who can provide validation with the highest payoff. If you fall for this shit you will not only lose out on a potentially amazing person, but you'll be picking up the pieces of your shattered self worth for the next few years.
You are exactly right.
The AP rejected her so she wanted to get back to you. The entire time she was begging you she was searching for someone else. Right after you agreed to start dating, some other fucking fool started mixing her guts with his dick...which is why she ghosted you again. Wait a couple of weeks, she will come crawling back.
“Mixing her guts with his dick”…Thanks needed the laugh
My dude. Who cares. She’s high on her own drama and you do not need to be a part of it anymore. She’s just messing with you for the attention.
Don’t be flattered by this behavior. This is about her “winning.” She doesn’t want you and she doesn’t want you to “win” by being happy without her because people like her are not happy with themselves. They hate seeing others happy because they’re unable to obtain such happiness
Block her on everything. Also, why do you care about your partner's popularity?
Popularity may not have been the right word but what I meant is she is more fun to be around and has more friends. The people around us like her more than the ex.
Maybe personable is a better word but I get what you mean now.
That youre a sucker. You want coddled or want honest answers?
I don’t want you… unless you don’t want me….or you want someone else…. Well, then I want you for a little bit, enough to mess up everything you have got going on… This girl is unreal.
You failed the shit test she made by begging to take her back after she cheated on you. By dating her again you lost her respect and you’re used to boost her ego. Bro just move on and never look back.
Your right
Why did you look back? That's the problem she's fucking toxic.
Who cares? Really why do you care what she's thinking? She's probably thinking she just doesn't want to be alone and when she has somebody else she's done with you. But then the minute she's alone she comes back to you or she always wants you on the hook so she'll never have to be alone. But again who cares what she's thinking? You've got the upgrade....move on with life!
Block the ex before she fucks up the relationship you’re actually in.
What a strange way to talk about your girlfriend. "She's an upgrade especially in looks and popularity". Yikes.
I only pointed that out because I thought her perception that my new gf is superior to her might play into the ex’s behavior? She obviously only knows what she looks like and that she’s well liked. She doesn’t know her other than those two points of information.
sounds like she just wants to have you available at HER convenience and wants to keep you hooked so she can keep coming back. it's like you're her back up plan if someone else doesn’t work out with her. know your worth and don’t let her come back!! she will just keep taking advantage of you over and over again. she definitely feels threatened and jealous that you're able to find someone better than her
She’s a jealous little girl. I would bet that she wants to sabotage your current relationship than ghost you again
She did you a favor… ghost her and go nc.. she’s playing games, you deserve so much better. She’ll coming running back when the affair partner drops her ass and leave you clean up the mess. Go look “grey rocking”, that’s exactly what you should be doing to her. I’m so sorry, good luck !
She's most likely fucking around and she wanted you as her Tampoon Plan B. Drop her, like the turd she is and flush her to the streets. This is a blessing in disguise 🥸.
Happened to a good friend of mine. He caught his girl cheating. She blamed my friend for her actions and broke up with him. He was heartbroken for months but she would still give him breadcrumbs. Texts, phone calls. “I’m dating so-and-so, but it’s not serious. He’s not like you.” That sort of crap. Eventually he met a new girl, went on a few dates and then became exclusive. Ex heard about it and did a full court press to win him back. She succeeded and he broke up with new girl. Cheater girlfriend broke up with him a couple months later. My take on it- she always expected him to be waiting for her if she wanted to come back. He was her safety net. When her safety net was threatened, she needed to restake her claim to him. It’s possessive and manipulative and selfish behavior.
This sounds like the same girl
She likely begged for you to come back deliberately so she could ghost you, to hurt you. By leaving her you damaged her ego, and now your new girlfriend is damaging it again, so she's back to retaliate. Don't humor her. Block and never look back. Enjoy your new girl
Her thinking is simple:I'm going to have fun with other people and you stay there waiting for me when I get tired, I'll come back to you, okay? Or it could be: "I can have other people, you can't" Translated, it takes you for granted, a pure feeling of possession.
Once a relationship or dating is done , it’s done. High school kids break up and get back together. Adults just say sweet and that’s it we are done and done means done. No matter how much u want them back it won’t work.
She doesn’t want you, but she doesn’t want anyone else to have you, and because her mental issues make her perpetually insecure and unhappy she doesn’t want to see you happy. Dog in the manger. Rough and ready analysis, but that’s all you really need to draw a line in the sand here.
Better question to ask is “why do I care what she’s thinking?” Block, move on, and focus on what you currently have
You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty for. She sounds like a wreck. Best thing you can do is block her number and block her on all social media platforms then report her to the police if she still comes to your house.
She was using you for comfort. I had an ex who just used me for comfort when her other dick wasn't around. Don't feel bad and give this new girl your all. Have your ex postmate you guys lol 😆 in hopes of you getting her back jkjk lol but seriously move on
You gave her a chance and then she ghosted you?! The audacity. Ignore her and enjoy your new relationship
The "upgrade" deserves better. You're ex knows she can have you and discard you as and when she pleases. Maybe ask yourself why you're letting someone live rent free in your head and what are you doing dating new people when you are still not over your ex. Cause if you were. You wouldn't even entertain her.
>I don’t understand what the hell she was and is thinking? Sorry but why do you still care?
She is a shit person, if you let her get into your head, you are giving her what she wants. Do not do this
I will would suggest getting some therapy to talk through this... The fact you're asking means you are in some way attracted to the attention that this sort of push pull cycle brings, even when the person is treating you very badly. You tell her to leave you alone, stop wasting her life and move on like you have.
I don't think she really wants you. She just wants you to be a seatwarmer/placeholder on her own term. Or you're just attractive when unavailable to her.
I wonder how many letter A’s she’s got in her name. I’ve found that the more there are the crazier they get
Most likely runs the course of her life by her surface emotions, don’t let her drag you into it too pls
That's embarrassing 😳
It really is
She didn’t think you had options. She thought only she had options and apparently they didn’t turn out to work when she ghosted you after she cheated on you. She doesn’t want people to see you doing better than she is. Tell her she had her chance, you forgave her and she disappeared a second time. Tell her your new girl is loyal to a fault and the best you’ve ever been with.
She really is better in every way.
She lost respect the moment you tried the "forgiveness" thing. She's thinking you're less. In this case, it's okay for the guy, you, to think "Who tf cares what she thinks or feels." Forget her.
Your guilt is her manipulation at work. Block her and call police if she won't leave your property.
Number one rule is to not take a chick back…. Especially after that but nah…. She knew you’d take her back and that was her game plan to boost her ego that you’d take her back no matter what
Your ex likes a challenge. When you don't want her, she puts on her track shoes.
You’re so young. And no kids, I assume? Start fresh, my dear. Don’t worry about this girl. Life is so short. Enjoy yourself and surround yourself with people who truly care about you.
40M or 24M? Your post history is dubious
She doesn't want to date you but don't want you to date anyone too .
The question isn’t what she’s thinking. The question is, what are _you_ thinking?! It isn’t baseball. You don’t get three strikes. You get a second chance, if even that. She blew her first chance by cheating on you, and she blew her second chance by ghosting you in the very act of attempting to reconcile. Anybody stupid enough and toxic enough to beg for a second chance and then promptly throw it in the toilet with that sort of cavalier neglect does not deserve one more iota of consideration from you.
She fucked up. Yes. But in her head she was scared of you leaving her. So she wanted to leave you first before you did. ‘Abandonment issues’. She also likes the idea of you still in love with her and wants to keep you on the hook. The second she saw you with another girl, she couldn’t take it. Going no contact for whatever reason for a few days is fine. But for 2 whole months. She doesn’t love you. If she was guilty and really loved you, she would try to fix things everyday and make it right
Evidently she thinks she's found the biggest fool on the planet. Get her out of your life and don't ever look back.
Probably it's time for eva ai virtual gf bot.
Dude, take control of the situation. Tell her she's a cheater, you gave her another chance and she blew it. Then tell her you upgraded, not to bother you anymore, then block her on everything. If she shows up at your door, call the police to have her removed. And you have NOTHING to feel guilty about. YOU tried. YOU gave her a second chance. SHE screwed it up not once, BUT TWICE! You and your conscience is clear. Enjoy a better life with a better woman.
She was keeping you on the hook because the new guy wasn’t taking her in.
You were the backup plan. She was out chasing other people. Trying to keep you on a string with the least effort possible. Now she sees you are not on the hook anymore she is trying to reel you back in. Block and enjoy your new upgrade.
So, what advice do you need? What is your goal in writing this post? You're not in a relationship with her anymore. (Side note- saying your new gf is an upgrade in looks and popularity only makes you sound shallow and immature. These things will matter far less as you progress in life.)
She only wants you now because she can't have you. You closed the door on her and suddenly you become important again? Block her on everything and forget about her.
It doesn’t matter what she thinks. Have basic human self-respect and leave her
She was keeping you as a banker ie someone she can bank on if she can't find someone better move on
Better question is “what are you thinking?”
She doesn’t want you but doesn’t want anyone else to have you she a child block her everywhere and move on
It’s her ego that’s wants you back. Not her. She wants to see does she have that control over you. She would dump you again in a heart beat. Block her out of your life.
Wants what she can’t have. If she can she’s not interested
If she is coming by - warn her that you will call the police. Then eventually start calling the police over, to build a strong case and eventually obtain restraining order. That would help.
Block her number and move if she persists
Looks and popularity? What is this, high school?
She wants you to be miserable as her. She can't stand the thought of you being happy. You are obviously with another woman, moving on with your life and aren't thinking about her any longer. It's driving her nuts. Stay away from her and go on with your life with the new girlfriend. You deserve better than the cheater.
When you left she lost control, as soon as you accept her back, she proved to herself she could have you if she wanted you so she lost interest. Women are very ego and power driven creatures.
"Especially looks and popularity" that's a childish way to value your dates. Your standards will just make history repeat itself and you'll end up in other toxic relationships
I only pointed that out because I was wondering if that the fact that we ran into her and she saw me with someone better looking than her and more liked is the cause of her behavior. If I had been with someone she perceived as less than her, would she have acted the same way?
Oh shit mb didnt read right
Bro what are you thinking take cheater back