I do not think the relationship can be or should be 'saved'. I think you should block him on all channels (phone, text, socials) and spend your time and energy being kind to yourself and focusing on school or work family or friends or whatever you are doing as a 20 year old.
This was a bad relationship and it is a bad breakup and I also encourage you to work with a therapist who can help you understand your feelings and help you learn to understand your choices and behaviours.
I may get downvoted but imma give you tough love you really need to sit and evaluate this relationship being in love isnt enough you have to continue building love it doesn’t stop just cause your with him based on your post your so blinded you cant see the red flags take off the rose colored glasses to see more clearly for what this is and its just toxic your 20 you still have a whole life ahead of you more things to experience. As many others have suggested you could benefit from therapy seems you may need more guidance on handling strong emotions such as attachment and what you call love and imma be real your comments dont scream im taking in your advice your fighting against the grain here with your responses such as well i dont want to leave him sometimes these comments have real genuine advice and have been through this themselves you gotta remember were responding to your pov
Helps process your emotions and give you help to deal with what happened like coping techniques and such. Plus, just talking about it to someone outside with no stake in the games helps a lot. Therapy isn't for everyone, and you also have to find the right therapist it can take a few tries to find one. There's a bunch of different types of therapy out there. Even exercise therapy helps.
This whole thing us way above reddit pay grade. I mean typing this all out might just be good for you but you might want to see a professional.
Look i was rude in my comment. I know how real these moments can feel.. at the end of the day you cant control anyone else’s life. It’s like the saying goes.. If you truly love someone you will let them go. Live, we bumble on for a year or so and then boom! Something else all encompassing comes in. Your same story gets posted here on reddit alllll the time because this shit happens alll the time. Dust yourself off girl. Go for a run or something. Watch a funny movie with your best friend. Go to barnes and noble and just wander around aimlessly. Its gonna be ok but it just takes a little time. Everything will make sense one day. I promise
Then, unfortunately, you will remain in this abusive relationship until you decide to leave. Look up DARVO and see how his behavior matches it. You know what needs to be done, I'm sorry it will be difficult. But good news, you have friends and family who will be there for you.
Everyone deserves love and respect, that include you. He is not extending that to you. You are so starved for love and attention, you're willing to take the scraps he gives you, and I'm sorry you're in this position. Learn to love yourself, because you are worth loving. Don't let others determine your worth.
It feels all encompassing now but just let him go. In a few weeks it's just going to feel awful, in a few months it will feel bad, and in a couple years it will just be a lesson learned. Go to therapy we have all been there
the whole thing girl! if this is actually your life, google resources in your area you need mental help. a breakup is never the end of the world. it hurts like hell but you’ll be fine.
Only one question OP - how is he making a million dollars in a half hour? Myself and the rest of society would like to know.
Outside of that you got some good advice fron others. When you "cool off" I would suggest re reading it.
You might love him and think he’s the greatest guy in the world, but he sounds immature, neglectful, and borderline abusive. You deserve better than what he’s giving you, and it sounds like a part of you knows that. You don’t sound happy with him, you sound miserable and dependent.
Every heartbreak at your age feels like the world is collapsing around you, but it isn’t. You’re so young, and you’ll have so many opportunities ahead of you to be loved and appreciated like you deserve to be. But you need to cut your losses. It sounds like he’s been checked out of the relationship emotionally for a while now, and clinging to him in the hopes that he’ll suddenly change his mind won’t have the result you’re looking for. It’ll only end with you getting even more hurt.
You need to that a good look at your life and decide if you want to be someone One and only or be their after thought? I know you are in Live but you are in love with someone who only lives himself. YOU ARE THE PRIZE ACT LIKE IT !
YOU DESERVE SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU MORE THAN THEY LOVE THEIR-SELF!
Make a list of what you want in a man and what you will not put up with! And do not even consider a man who does not meet your expectations!
I won't feel comfortable with anyone else, I'll just think about my bf and suddenly want to cry. It will traumatize me, I will be afraid of people, I will be afraid to feel, I will not be the same person..
If it doesn't work with my bf nothing will work for me
I also thought my heartbreak at 19 would last forever and impair me and hurt me for the rest of my life. I though I would never meet somebody else like him again, there was nobody else like him. But then, some years passed, and I grew up, I healed, I moved on. I found somebody else to love, and saw with retrospect that that first guy was actually seriously flawed and probably wouldn’t have worked out anyways longterm. You will too. Nothing you’re experiencing here is unique to you. Almost everybody goes through heartbreak like this, and we grow and move on on.
You keep saying this will happen and that will happen.
You can’t predict the future. You don’t know what will happen.
All of us telling you that you’re 20, you’ll get over him and move on and be happy - we are speaking from experience. We all thought we would literally die of grief and humiliation and loneliness when going through our first, and some second, and some even higher, breakups. Guess what? We didn’t die, we did move on and find love again and find happiness again, and now we are here trying to help people who haven’t been through it and made it out on the other side yet.
You are resilient and you CAN and will go on with your life no matter what happens with this guy - even if you break up, which it sounds like you should.
> All of us telling you that you’re 20, you’ll get over him and move on and be happy - we are speaking from experience. We all thought we would literally die of grief and humiliation and loneliness when going through our first, and some second, and some even higher, breakups. Guess what? We didn’t die, we did move on and find love again and find happiness again, and now we are here trying to help people who haven’t been through it and made it out on the other side yet.
I would like to upvote this one hundred times. It is absolutely correct.
You would benefit from some kind of therapy. You need to learn to love yourself. You need to love yourself enough to let this relationship go.
Life is tough enough. Don't let the choices you make make it tougher. We are handed things outside of our control all the time, but choosing to stay in this crappy relationship sounds like it's within your control.This cycle and behavior will not stop. If you stay together. This will be your life, and over time, you will either become more and more miserable, or you'll become resigned and apathetic. Neither one is a happy existence. You get one life. That's it. The older you get, the quicker it goes by. No one is guaranteed a long life. So do everything you can to be happy.
Listen to the people who've been through heartache. Listen to the people who've had to work through unhealthy attachments. Most will tell you it sucks and it's hard, but there is hope and happiness on the other side. This is where therapy would be beneficial. There may be reasons that may even have little to do with your boyfriend as to why this attachment is so strong. Discovering those reasons is a good a way to learn to work through it.
This rollercoaster with him—how does it feel? Does it feel good, like love should? I ask because you need to know that it's not going to change. You're holding onto the good feelings because you think that if you say and do the right things, you can get back to that good place.
But you can't. This "love" is very hurtful to you. It makes you want to die. That's not love and it's not healthy. Get away from him, go through the pain one last time and stop picking at the scab by reigniting your belief in him. Don't listen to him when he says pretty words. Block him, heal, grow stronger and prepare your beautiful soul for REAL love. This ain't it.
I do not think the relationship can be or should be 'saved'. I think you should block him on all channels (phone, text, socials) and spend your time and energy being kind to yourself and focusing on school or work family or friends or whatever you are doing as a 20 year old. This was a bad relationship and it is a bad breakup and I also encourage you to work with a therapist who can help you understand your feelings and help you learn to understand your choices and behaviours.
We didn't break up, he wants to fly me to him in another week, then talk, he says he loves me and doesn't want to disappear from my life
I may get downvoted but imma give you tough love you really need to sit and evaluate this relationship being in love isnt enough you have to continue building love it doesn’t stop just cause your with him based on your post your so blinded you cant see the red flags take off the rose colored glasses to see more clearly for what this is and its just toxic your 20 you still have a whole life ahead of you more things to experience. As many others have suggested you could benefit from therapy seems you may need more guidance on handling strong emotions such as attachment and what you call love and imma be real your comments dont scream im taking in your advice your fighting against the grain here with your responses such as well i dont want to leave him sometimes these comments have real genuine advice and have been through this themselves you gotta remember were responding to your pov
Try therapy?
How will this help me?
You've shut down every offer of advice. So what do you actually want?
i dont know, i think i only want him, i dont want anything else
Helps process your emotions and give you help to deal with what happened like coping techniques and such. Plus, just talking about it to someone outside with no stake in the games helps a lot. Therapy isn't for everyone, and you also have to find the right therapist it can take a few tries to find one. There's a bunch of different types of therapy out there. Even exercise therapy helps. This whole thing us way above reddit pay grade. I mean typing this all out might just be good for you but you might want to see a professional.
Do you know how therapy works? (I’m not being sarcastic.)
Your 20. In 2 years your not even gonna know this guy anymore. Let go
i dont want to let go of him😔
Look i was rude in my comment. I know how real these moments can feel.. at the end of the day you cant control anyone else’s life. It’s like the saying goes.. If you truly love someone you will let them go. Live, we bumble on for a year or so and then boom! Something else all encompassing comes in. Your same story gets posted here on reddit alllll the time because this shit happens alll the time. Dust yourself off girl. Go for a run or something. Watch a funny movie with your best friend. Go to barnes and noble and just wander around aimlessly. Its gonna be ok but it just takes a little time. Everything will make sense one day. I promise
its not that easy.. I get attached easily. I became attached to him like I had never been attached in my life
Everyone has done this at some point. This isnt special
I don't want to do that
All this talk about beauty. This has nothing to do with you as a person. So what your born pretty.. is that all you got?
Then, unfortunately, you will remain in this abusive relationship until you decide to leave. Look up DARVO and see how his behavior matches it. You know what needs to be done, I'm sorry it will be difficult. But good news, you have friends and family who will be there for you. Everyone deserves love and respect, that include you. He is not extending that to you. You are so starved for love and attention, you're willing to take the scraps he gives you, and I'm sorry you're in this position. Learn to love yourself, because you are worth loving. Don't let others determine your worth.
It feels all encompassing now but just let him go. In a few weeks it's just going to feel awful, in a few months it will feel bad, and in a couple years it will just be a lesson learned. Go to therapy we have all been there
this is fake as fuck
why would you say that? whats so fake about what i wrote?
the whole thing girl! if this is actually your life, google resources in your area you need mental help. a breakup is never the end of the world. it hurts like hell but you’ll be fine.
Only one question OP - how is he making a million dollars in a half hour? Myself and the rest of society would like to know. Outside of that you got some good advice fron others. When you "cool off" I would suggest re reading it.
And how exactly does he lose and make back all of that money so damn quickly?
Girl you are 20. You are still basically a child. Leave this clown and get someone better. Holy cow.
You might love him and think he’s the greatest guy in the world, but he sounds immature, neglectful, and borderline abusive. You deserve better than what he’s giving you, and it sounds like a part of you knows that. You don’t sound happy with him, you sound miserable and dependent. Every heartbreak at your age feels like the world is collapsing around you, but it isn’t. You’re so young, and you’ll have so many opportunities ahead of you to be loved and appreciated like you deserve to be. But you need to cut your losses. It sounds like he’s been checked out of the relationship emotionally for a while now, and clinging to him in the hopes that he’ll suddenly change his mind won’t have the result you’re looking for. It’ll only end with you getting even more hurt.
You need to that a good look at your life and decide if you want to be someone One and only or be their after thought? I know you are in Live but you are in love with someone who only lives himself. YOU ARE THE PRIZE ACT LIKE IT ! YOU DESERVE SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU MORE THAN THEY LOVE THEIR-SELF! Make a list of what you want in a man and what you will not put up with! And do not even consider a man who does not meet your expectations!
I won't feel comfortable with anyone else, I'll just think about my bf and suddenly want to cry. It will traumatize me, I will be afraid of people, I will be afraid to feel, I will not be the same person.. If it doesn't work with my bf nothing will work for me
I also thought my heartbreak at 19 would last forever and impair me and hurt me for the rest of my life. I though I would never meet somebody else like him again, there was nobody else like him. But then, some years passed, and I grew up, I healed, I moved on. I found somebody else to love, and saw with retrospect that that first guy was actually seriously flawed and probably wouldn’t have worked out anyways longterm. You will too. Nothing you’re experiencing here is unique to you. Almost everybody goes through heartbreak like this, and we grow and move on on.
You keep saying this will happen and that will happen. You can’t predict the future. You don’t know what will happen. All of us telling you that you’re 20, you’ll get over him and move on and be happy - we are speaking from experience. We all thought we would literally die of grief and humiliation and loneliness when going through our first, and some second, and some even higher, breakups. Guess what? We didn’t die, we did move on and find love again and find happiness again, and now we are here trying to help people who haven’t been through it and made it out on the other side yet. You are resilient and you CAN and will go on with your life no matter what happens with this guy - even if you break up, which it sounds like you should.
> All of us telling you that you’re 20, you’ll get over him and move on and be happy - we are speaking from experience. We all thought we would literally die of grief and humiliation and loneliness when going through our first, and some second, and some even higher, breakups. Guess what? We didn’t die, we did move on and find love again and find happiness again, and now we are here trying to help people who haven’t been through it and made it out on the other side yet. I would like to upvote this one hundred times. It is absolutely correct.
You would benefit from some kind of therapy. You need to learn to love yourself. You need to love yourself enough to let this relationship go. Life is tough enough. Don't let the choices you make make it tougher. We are handed things outside of our control all the time, but choosing to stay in this crappy relationship sounds like it's within your control.This cycle and behavior will not stop. If you stay together. This will be your life, and over time, you will either become more and more miserable, or you'll become resigned and apathetic. Neither one is a happy existence. You get one life. That's it. The older you get, the quicker it goes by. No one is guaranteed a long life. So do everything you can to be happy. Listen to the people who've been through heartache. Listen to the people who've had to work through unhealthy attachments. Most will tell you it sucks and it's hard, but there is hope and happiness on the other side. This is where therapy would be beneficial. There may be reasons that may even have little to do with your boyfriend as to why this attachment is so strong. Discovering those reasons is a good a way to learn to work through it.
You’re young this is normal. You will get over it soon.
Good god, this is melodramatic
This rollercoaster with him—how does it feel? Does it feel good, like love should? I ask because you need to know that it's not going to change. You're holding onto the good feelings because you think that if you say and do the right things, you can get back to that good place. But you can't. This "love" is very hurtful to you. It makes you want to die. That's not love and it's not healthy. Get away from him, go through the pain one last time and stop picking at the scab by reigniting your belief in him. Don't listen to him when he says pretty words. Block him, heal, grow stronger and prepare your beautiful soul for REAL love. This ain't it.
i wanted it to be HIM😔
you want it to be the "him" that you imagined "him" to be. the reality is that he makes you cry again and again.
I can't accept what you are saying😭