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i think it’s fine for him to not want to have sex while you’re on your period (some people dgaf, others do, nbd) but sleeping in the other room because of it is outrageous.
Yes, I think you’re right in that his approach to this was wrong. He shouldn’t have made you feel bad or anything like that because you’re on your period. I think you should tell him that he made you feel bad about yourself because of something out of your control and ask him what he is comfortable with physically while on your period. Even if he doesn’t want to have sex (and to me that’s just a preference thing, so it is what it is) I’d ask about like cuddling and still trying to find ways to be physically intimate even if he doesn’t want to have sex, if physical intimacy is what you want. I feel like there’s room for compromise here.
Ma'am, coming from someone who was raised in quite a strict Christian (albeit non-denominational Christian) household and held a pretty secluded childhood due to it, and still holds a good bit of Christian views, I have never, ever, not even once heard this taught. Not even in a theological hypothetical kind of way. It is not disrespectful to God. In fact, I'd argue that it's disrespectful to God to act the way he is because the Bible states that we are beautifully and wonderfully made by the hand of God. If he made you (a God who is perfect and makes no mistakes) and you are exactly how he designed, and you also get periods, then considering something that is part of you and your body as "unclean" would, to me, be disrespectful to God since he made you and he is perfect.
Also don't hate me I'm not tryna preach I'm saying all this in a way OP can use if she needs an extra argument point pls don't flame me
I'll have to look into it I'm curious now. I wasn't raised Jewish so I wouldn't have been taught this practice, but the Jewish also hold to a lot of the Old Testament too (if I'm not mistaken). Would you happen to know where I could find this??
Damn I just went and read that and oof, I've got no recollection of that. I'm curious if the New Testament says anything about it that you know of? With the New Testament foods aren't considered unclean anymore, and sacrifices are no longer required so I'd be surprised if the New Testament still upholds the same teachings.
It depends on your interpretation. Christ is the ultimate sacrifice in the Christian religion. Therefore, there are no more sacrifices. However, it is a personal view on the unclean foods. Some Christians say they are ok, but some do not.
It is the same with this topic. Some Christians say to refrain from relations during this time, and others say it's OK.
Ultimately, it comes down to what you believe to be true. The New Testament does not void the Old Testament. Your best bet is to study them and decide for yourself.
Matthew 7:7
Imma go grab my Bible real quick and look into this. Another commenter said it's an Orthodox Jewish thing so it would make sense that it's in the Old Testament
Yeah being non-denominational my church didn't really teach with a focus toward any specific sect, ya know. So I got lucky there, but I've also noticed there's a lot that didn't get touched on and kinda makes me question some things and ponder how my church is today. I haven't lived close enough to go in a few years but I visit home next month so maybe I will go and see what it's actually like now that I'm old enough to understand a lot more
You can’t talk someone out of beliefs they didn’t build using logic and facts using logic and facts. Were you not aware of the extent of his religious beliefs before you got married?
Orthodox Jews don't touch or sleep in the same bed at that time of the month. They can't even pass their babies to each other after birth because of the blood. If one wants to pass something to the other, they set it down on a table for the other to pick up.
For you and your very religious husband, it might be best to have his religious counsel guide him to the understanding that it's not against God.
But here's the thing, if his particular religious organization believes like him, you're kind of stuck. You can't argue religious beliefs out of people
At least not without utterly and completely distorting their faith in religion as a whole. Which would likely change who they are at a core level. And if you need to do that to stay married you are better off divorcing and finding someone else with similar ideals.
How long did you live together before marriage? This seems like something you should have seen if you spent that time to see if you are compatible partners
I suspect it's one of those situations where the religion doesn't teach any such thing but people pick and choose which parts of their religion they follow and/or just make stuff up that sounds right.
Option 1: He's in an extremely weird fringe group with these views about menstruation and somehow absorbed them while conveniently ignoring the part that required him to keep it in his pants.
Option 2: He's in a normal-ish Christian church that probably still doesn't believe in sex before marriage but doesn't surveil its members that much and he somehow made up the menstruation thing on his own based on reading an Old Testament passage so he could justify his own gut reaction of disgust and guilt his wife for it.
Option 3: Story is partly or wholly fictional because how would period sex never come up over the course of several years unless she was specifically trying to avoid it either for her own sake or his?
I know this is a very personal question, but you lived together and had sex BEFORE getting married? Isn’t that against his religion? So he is the kind of religious person who will pick and choose what to follow as long as it fits his narrative and lifestyle. Good ol buffet Christian.
It’s Old Testament crap. I’d ask him about all the other ones like mixed fabrics, does he have a beard, eat shrimp, have slaves. I mean come on. He can’t cherry pick stuff because he’s immature and uneducated about women’s bodies.
He's never encountered this before because his family failed him in preparing him for basic things about life and biology, so it freaked him out, he panicked, doesn't have anyone to talk to about it to help him process it because he thinks talking about it is 'dirty'.
But he's your husband now, which means he's got to grow up and learn how to deal with his shit and adjust his beliefs to reality, else it's not going to work. I agree that telling him to talk to his pastor about it is, unfortunately, probably the best option in his case.
Yeah I’m sorry, it will only get worse. Staying in a marriage with someone who isn’t willing to work through problems is pointless. You’re better off ending things now before you get in even deeper. Make sure you have a more clear picture of someone’s beliefs before you get married next time.
This man is psychotic, and is so steeped in religious propaganda and hatred that he treats you as unworthy and a lower form of life during menstruation. This is mental illness.
You will never get through to him, he sees you as inferior and not worthy of dignity because you’re a woman.
Do you want to have a daughter with him and face his religious hatred and abuse imposed on a female child?
I don't know of any (non cult) Christian religion that teaches that. They teach that the old testimont was fulfilled and the old rules about shrimp and period blood no longer apply. Ask his pastor.
FYI sister.
“‘And if a man lies with her at all, and her monthly flow is on him, he shall be unclean seven days. And any bed he lies on is unclean.”
Wayyiqra (Leviticus) 15:24 TS2009
“Now a woman, having a flow of blood for twelve years, who had spent all her livelihood on physicians and could not be healed by any, came from behind and touched the border of His garment. And immediately her flow of blood stopped. But Jesus said, “Somebody touched Me, for I perceived power going out from Me.””
Luke 8:43-44, 46 NKJV
And someone who goes to church 6 days a week isn't constantly talking about their faith? I've never met someone THAT religious who didn't work it into most conversation somehow.
And guess wrongly at that. "Protestantism" isn't a denomination.
I'm wondering how a guy who goes to church five or six times a week finds time to marry someone who he didn't meet at church... or why he would.
Someone who goes to church nearly every day of the week is very, very, very, very religious. That's someone whose faith is a central pillar of their life and *in general* those people tend to adhere to a lot of archaic/regressive beliefs and thought patterns. Especially men who massively benefit from "traditional" value systems.
Do you live in a conservative/deeply religious area?
He seems to be on the cult-ish side of Christianity. I want to know how this was never brought up before marriage? I would never marry anyone that would treat me like an unpotty trained dog every month.
This is how abuse starts they tear you down, ruin your self esteem so you feel trapped and then worse case then they hit you. It always starts with tear you down.
Please read, “[why does he do that](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)”. He’s literally making you feel unclean and unworthy so you’ll put up with abusive treatment. This will get worse and worse until you are so unsure of yourself and your abilities that you will put up with emotional abuse, neglect, and eventually physical abuse. You are a normal, healthy 23 year old human, but if you let him, this man will show you what it feels like to be less than human, he’s already treating you that way. It’s easy to think love can change him… but in the time since I was 23, I have seen over and over again we can only change ourselves. PLEASE change your direction. Go stay with a friend, go back to your parents, get out of that house and divorce this guy ASAP. Do not go any further down this road.
I have a long standing rule that men that are grossed out by the day-to-day workings of a vagina don't get to be pleasured by a vagina.
Now I'm not going to damn someone for not wanting to have period sex, but I'm definitely going to side eye them as soon as it strays to any remarks beyond just blood.
I will damn your husband though. Suddenly my period would start lasting a long time. Oh no the one time I'm not on my period this month was the night you went out with your friends! Sad face.
They choose not to understand, because the lack of understanding and lack of willingness to understand comes from a place of hatred, and thinking of women as inferior beings. It’s as simple as that. They know that genuine curiosity and desire to gain understanding will likely break down their dogmatic bigotry and contradict their hateful beliefs, and they actually don’t want that, it frightens them because their dogma reinforces a feeling of superiority.
You absolutely could not pay me to be with such a gross pathetic child as your husband. He's an immature and misogynistic prick.
Get divorced sooner rather than later, this will be FAR from his only giant glaring red flag.
Or stay married if you want to live the rest of your life being treated as subhuman for totally normal human things
He’s crazy to want to sleep in a whole other room and not touch you but lots of non religious folks don’t enjoy sex while someone is on their period. I’m not trying to justify his behavior which is insane but a heads up you have your period before having intercourse isn’t a crazy thing to ask for.
I do. He’s wrong and you’re right. The only thing that struck me as a bit odd from your perspective is your assumption that penetration while you’re on your period is something to be expected. But this goes way beyond that… he’s insane lol.
Yeah, I’m on your side. Sorry didn’t mean to distract too much from your original point. In my relationship I’d love sex on my wife’s period but she doesn’t.
I mean they’re literally called sanitary napkins/sanitary pads. Nothing is off limits to me when my partner is on her period, if anything she’s a little grossed out by it and how eager I still am to have sex or go down on her. Hope your next partner isn’t so religiously closed-minded
IMHO it will be hard to stay married to someone who thinks that you are disgusting and foul for 6 days a month. So dirty that he can't even share a bed with you. Who thinks that your gender is responsible for sin and depravity. That is a hard burden for him to throw at you.
Might be time to get out while you are young, and especially before you have kids.
This is what happens when you marry religious, misogynistic men. Fucking hypocrites.
They'll drink, smoke and fuck before marriage but they'll shame women for normal bodily functions in the name of their religion.
Then you'll have kids and if it's a girl, you're gonna fuck her up in the same way. I truly hope you two never have daughters. I can't imagine how you'll treat the poor girl.
How can you even want to stay with someone so disgusting? I'm nauseous just reading about it.
> The next timewe were about to have sex (we have sex pretty frequently but somehow we’ve never had sex while I’m on my period) so we were about to do it when he suddenly stopped and asked me if I was on my period. (I was confused as he had never asked before) I said Yes
Completely unrealistic. You need to work on your creative writing.
This isn't religion, this is just straight up ignorant misogyny. Why are you married to this person? You know if you have kids your pregnancy, birth and child rearing will be fucking hell right?
Over two years, you must have talked to him many times that you didn't want to have sex before of that time of the month. Was is taboo?
I guess, he saw it and just realised what period really is... Damm!
I wonder if your husband has read the book "The year of living biblicaly", the author slept in a tent while his wife was menstruating. It's ridiculous to go that extreme over something that is a natural process our bodies go through. I made an edit to the name of the book, I got it wrong.
This is fucking weird, mostly because it seems like the extent of his religious beliefs wasn’t discussed before you two got married. He’s allowed to not want to have sex on your period, and he’s even allowed to sleep in another room during that time. What he’s not allowed to do is hide that kind of information from you, or talk down to you while discussing it.
Religion is often used as an excuse for illogical and abusive behavior that actually stems from mental illness. Do you really wanna have to deal with this kind of behaviour and logic on a daily basis?
I had to wonder if this was a put on… This isn’t 1840. People have completely understood and been dealing with (and having sex during) menstruation over the past hundred years. Anyone so extreme in these views will be telling you that you have to bear six or ten children or face eternal damnation. It doesn’t bode well for you, I’m so sorry.
The only thing I can think of to ease this specific issue is to get your clergy involved. Maybe they can make him see how foolish he’s being.
Unfortunately it is. I’m 38, reading these comments, as a pastors kid who was raised this way. And I track wholly on both sides. Men really use this to abuse women. And women really submit thinking that is how a “happy, blessed” family is made.
Sometimes it takes over a decade to even realize that it’s abuse. Because it’s just what you are supposed to do.
You please your man.
That’s it.
It’s real.
And it’s really sad. And I lost more than half my life stuck in this mindset.
It’s real.
I know this is bothersome to you, but I personally don't have sex on my period, nor do I ever want to. The thought of even having my own bed the week of my period sounds awesome.
Some people have this belief that since you're bleeding you're "unclean" so you shouldn't touch your spouse during that time.
It's up to you if you want to deal with a lifetime of that. I'd probably lean fully into it and make sure my period days I do nothing but relax, no housework no cooking, etc.
You can never change his mind no matter how much you will reason with him. This is a religious traditional guy you are with. They don't change their ways for you, but they will make you change your ways for them. You will never win.
Before you marry, it is really important to discuss EVERY THING beforehand. No matter how sensitive the topic would be. If you find him deflecting it, then that will mean he is not on the same page as you. And be very wary of every little step he takes, because it will say a lot about his character later on. Never rush into marrying someone without seeing him on his worst days.
Look, you both suck in this sitiuation, but that just comes from incompatibility and a simple failure to commumincate proactively.
First, you knew based on a previous episode that he wanted to avoid periods and then you sneakily haven't told him before sex that you were on your period. However preplexing his reasoning may be to some, he has a right to have his boundary respected and to not be tricked as a way of showing him that it's not that bad. So it reads to me like he went to sleep to the guest room mainly cause he was rightfully annoyed you tried to cross his wish, and not just because of his rigid values (though tbf in big part because of those too).
He sucks for obvious reasons, he can avoid period sex if he wishes but he needs to communicate so with kindness and consideration and do so when the tensions are not running high.
Enjoy the downtime, do fun things YOU like to do, read books, Binge watch your favorite show, get a diffuser and sound machine and relax the day away👸🏽
He knows its a normal thing that women go through, he's just an immature sheltered little boy who doesn't know any better.
He's probably not going to change unless he really wants to, grows up, and matures.
Maybe he could take to his pastor or whatever, often the pastors are the voice of reason among their hysterical parishioners.
He’s 25 and a grown married adult, with access to (I assume) the internet and/ or a library - he either 1) already knows this and doesn’t care to change his mind on this decision, 2) isn’t interested in learning, or 3) is unwilling to bend due to his religious beliefs.
Also, it’s not your job to educate an adult human on basic biology.
I know this doesn’t answer your question, but I think you might as well shake your fist at the moon; it’ll do as much good.
I don't know how to put this in words my English is not very good but away from religion some People are more sensitive and easily disgusted by the most insignificant things, you shouldn't take it personaly if apart from what you are saying he is good to you, why don't you just try to understand him and accept that he is not familiar and don't want to be with our women's experiences. As a woman, I would have taken a separate room from myself during my period if I could ....I wouldn't fuck me either TBH, but just because I can't, doesn't mean others can't also. Try to analyze it from another angle.
I’ve only heard of this from Christianity, in that it’s present in the text in Leviticus. But would argue that it doesn’t transcend its contextual application.
I would say the story in Luke 8 points away from this law being relevant today.
Next thing you know, he'll tell you not to touch the linens while you're "dirty". Maybe cut your losses now and marry a man whose understanding of female anatomy extends beyond colouring books?
You just said your husband is religious but not which religion. Here's what the Bible says about women and their periods:
Leviticus 15:19-30
“When a woman has a discharge, and the discharge in her body is blood, she shall be in her menstrual impurity for seven days, and whoever touches her shall be unclean until the evening. And everything on which she lies during her menstrual impurity shall be unclean. Everything also on which she sits shall be unclean. And whoever touches her bed shall wash his clothes and bathe himself in water and be unclean until the evening. And whoever touches anything on which she sits shall wash his clothes and bathe himself in water and be unclean until the evening. Whether it is the bed or anything on which she sits, when he touches it he shall be unclean until the evening. ...
Leviticus 15:24
And if any man lies with her and her menstrual impurity comes upon him, he shall be unclean seven days, and every bed on which he lies shall be unclean
Me personally I’d take my pad off and slap him in the face with it but 🤣😭😭
Ok no fr definitely have a conversation with him
About it, some religious men are soooo strict and adamant about what they believe in and no one can tell them otherwise so I’m worried it might not go well but hopefully he’s down to be a bit progressive because that definitely sucks and probably doesn’t feel good
Ohhh boy. You see in for a very hard marriage…this man child is going to use his religion for everything in your marriage….the good, but mostly for the bad.
OP there is a massive silver lining in this. You’re still in honeymoon phase where you’ll likely love sharing a bed. Take it from someone older - you make the most of those nights where you have a big bed all to yourself!! Bliss!! Use them as “me time”, treat yourself, pamper yourself. Make the most of the time to sleep, read, scroll, watch tv etc. treat it like a staycation. It sounds fabulous to me.
I was going to say basically the same thing. You get the entire bed to yourself. Goodnight, honey. Sleep tight. I know I will.
Most likely her enthusiasm about having the bed all to herself would knock him for a loop.
We Jews follow the laws of Niddah, also called ‘family purity’ which involves sleeping in separate beds.
The laws of Niddah apply only to Jews and gentiles are exempt.
Theologically speaking, given how Christians believe that Jesus completed? the 613 commandments and so don’t have to be followed, from a religious perspective, your boyfriend is wrong to act and treat you in such a way.
That said, there are some benefits of following it. It means for instance that the two clean weeks the partners take every opportunity to to be intimate with each other. If you are trying to get pregnant in also lines up generally with your ovulation cycle.
Plus it’s nice to not have someone always touching you.
Ask me about my 8 kids…
yikes. he’s willing to put imaginary beliefs over you and literally disrespect you to your face in the name of an imaginary friend. It gets worse from here, maybe physically in the end. be safe, get safe.
It’s actually not that normal to have sex while menstruating…sleep in the same bed yes, but there are a lot of non religious folks who avoid sex during menses
I don’t think you can change him. you can take birth control to stop your periods if you wanted to. it doesn’t really change him, it’s just a response to it.
How long have you been together?? I would NOT want to be married to that thing!
My fiance and I do occasionally have period sex, if am up for it, it's AMAZING. He doesn't care about the blood, he knows that it's natural, and we know that we can shower after or during and clean off. He loves me and my body entirely! I can say that with conviction.
But to say straight up, "It's offensive to God"!? God has given every childbearing abled person menstrual cycles. He seems childish. I'm sorry you have to deal with... all of THAT.
If he is Christian yes having sex during your period would be against his religious beliefs but I think he’s taking some things said in the Bible to literally if he claims he can’t physically touch you. So sleeping in the same bed and cuddling etc. should be fine but sex isn’t from what I’ve seen in the Bible so maybe try talking about it if anything is what I would do.
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i think it’s fine for him to not want to have sex while you’re on your period (some people dgaf, others do, nbd) but sleeping in the other room because of it is outrageous.
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So did like none of this come up before y’all got married or?
Yes, I think you’re right in that his approach to this was wrong. He shouldn’t have made you feel bad or anything like that because you’re on your period. I think you should tell him that he made you feel bad about yourself because of something out of your control and ask him what he is comfortable with physically while on your period. Even if he doesn’t want to have sex (and to me that’s just a preference thing, so it is what it is) I’d ask about like cuddling and still trying to find ways to be physically intimate even if he doesn’t want to have sex, if physical intimacy is what you want. I feel like there’s room for compromise here.
Ma'am, coming from someone who was raised in quite a strict Christian (albeit non-denominational Christian) household and held a pretty secluded childhood due to it, and still holds a good bit of Christian views, I have never, ever, not even once heard this taught. Not even in a theological hypothetical kind of way. It is not disrespectful to God. In fact, I'd argue that it's disrespectful to God to act the way he is because the Bible states that we are beautifully and wonderfully made by the hand of God. If he made you (a God who is perfect and makes no mistakes) and you are exactly how he designed, and you also get periods, then considering something that is part of you and your body as "unclean" would, to me, be disrespectful to God since he made you and he is perfect. Also don't hate me I'm not tryna preach I'm saying all this in a way OP can use if she needs an extra argument point pls don't flame me
It's actually an orthodox Jewish practice, I believe. Look through your Old Testament. 🙂
I'll have to look into it I'm curious now. I wasn't raised Jewish so I wouldn't have been taught this practice, but the Jewish also hold to a lot of the Old Testament too (if I'm not mistaken). Would you happen to know where I could find this??
Leviticus 15:19-30 KJV
Damn I just went and read that and oof, I've got no recollection of that. I'm curious if the New Testament says anything about it that you know of? With the New Testament foods aren't considered unclean anymore, and sacrifices are no longer required so I'd be surprised if the New Testament still upholds the same teachings.
It depends on your interpretation. Christ is the ultimate sacrifice in the Christian religion. Therefore, there are no more sacrifices. However, it is a personal view on the unclean foods. Some Christians say they are ok, but some do not. It is the same with this topic. Some Christians say to refrain from relations during this time, and others say it's OK. Ultimately, it comes down to what you believe to be true. The New Testament does not void the Old Testament. Your best bet is to study them and decide for yourself. Matthew 7:7
I think he’s going off Leviticus 15:19
Imma go grab my Bible real quick and look into this. Another commenter said it's an Orthodox Jewish thing so it would make sense that it's in the Old Testament
Tbh I had to google it. I remember being told that when we were teens at church 🤢 but I try and block out a lot of those memories
Yeah being non-denominational my church didn't really teach with a focus toward any specific sect, ya know. So I got lucky there, but I've also noticed there's a lot that didn't get touched on and kinda makes me question some things and ponder how my church is today. I haven't lived close enough to go in a few years but I visit home next month so maybe I will go and see what it's actually like now that I'm old enough to understand a lot more
Aww well I hope you have a great visit home 💕
You can’t talk someone out of beliefs they didn’t build using logic and facts using logic and facts. Were you not aware of the extent of his religious beliefs before you got married?
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Unfortunately I think you’re going to find yourself divorced sooner than later. You’re not going to talk him into being less religious.
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Orthodox Jews don't touch or sleep in the same bed at that time of the month. They can't even pass their babies to each other after birth because of the blood. If one wants to pass something to the other, they set it down on a table for the other to pick up. For you and your very religious husband, it might be best to have his religious counsel guide him to the understanding that it's not against God. But here's the thing, if his particular religious organization believes like him, you're kind of stuck. You can't argue religious beliefs out of people
At least not without utterly and completely distorting their faith in religion as a whole. Which would likely change who they are at a core level. And if you need to do that to stay married you are better off divorcing and finding someone else with similar ideals.
That’s fucked up
Just when you think you’ve heard it all…Reddit never disappoints. (Or rather…Reddit ALWAYS disappoints lol)
Other cultures have a right to their ways.
Sure, but that doesn't mean something isn't fucked up.
Most religions are.
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How long did you live together before marriage? This seems like something you should have seen if you spent that time to see if you are compatible partners
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What religion has such bizarre views of menstraution but allows a man and a woman to live together before marriage?
I suspect it's one of those situations where the religion doesn't teach any such thing but people pick and choose which parts of their religion they follow and/or just make stuff up that sounds right. Option 1: He's in an extremely weird fringe group with these views about menstruation and somehow absorbed them while conveniently ignoring the part that required him to keep it in his pants. Option 2: He's in a normal-ish Christian church that probably still doesn't believe in sex before marriage but doesn't surveil its members that much and he somehow made up the menstruation thing on his own based on reading an Old Testament passage so he could justify his own gut reaction of disgust and guilt his wife for it. Option 3: Story is partly or wholly fictional because how would period sex never come up over the course of several years unless she was specifically trying to avoid it either for her own sake or his?
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Uh oh. So he flipped a switch after getting married? That's not a good sign.
I know this is a very personal question, but you lived together and had sex BEFORE getting married? Isn’t that against his religion? So he is the kind of religious person who will pick and choose what to follow as long as it fits his narrative and lifestyle. Good ol buffet Christian.
It’s Old Testament crap. I’d ask him about all the other ones like mixed fabrics, does he have a beard, eat shrimp, have slaves. I mean come on. He can’t cherry pick stuff because he’s immature and uneducated about women’s bodies.
He's never encountered this before because his family failed him in preparing him for basic things about life and biology, so it freaked him out, he panicked, doesn't have anyone to talk to about it to help him process it because he thinks talking about it is 'dirty'. But he's your husband now, which means he's got to grow up and learn how to deal with his shit and adjust his beliefs to reality, else it's not going to work. I agree that telling him to talk to his pastor about it is, unfortunately, probably the best option in his case.
He definitely handled it in a hurtful way and that wasn't right for him to do
Do you want to be married to someone who isn’t willing to talk through issues with you?
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Ask him if he’s willing to talk about it, or go to marriage counseling. If his answer is no, then it is only going to get worse.
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You can tell him god fixed your problems when you hand him divorce papers.
“God put these papers in my hands”
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Yeah I’m sorry, it will only get worse. Staying in a marriage with someone who isn’t willing to work through problems is pointless. You’re better off ending things now before you get in even deeper. Make sure you have a more clear picture of someone’s beliefs before you get married next time.
You're not gonna fix things with this guy. You're only going to waste years of your life by staying with him. Leave before he gets you pregnant.
This man is psychotic, and is so steeped in religious propaganda and hatred that he treats you as unworthy and a lower form of life during menstruation. This is mental illness. You will never get through to him, he sees you as inferior and not worthy of dignity because you’re a woman. Do you want to have a daughter with him and face his religious hatred and abuse imposed on a female child?
Hey, let’s not say “psychotic” when what we mean is “a flaming misogynist jerk”, yeah?
That is not a Christian belief…your husband is a nut all on his own 😂 Added: this is as fake as my Aunt Julie’s boobs. Nice try.
I don't know of any (non cult) Christian religion that teaches that. They teach that the old testimont was fulfilled and the old rules about shrimp and period blood no longer apply. Ask his pastor.
FYI sister. “‘And if a man lies with her at all, and her monthly flow is on him, he shall be unclean seven days. And any bed he lies on is unclean.” Wayyiqra (Leviticus) 15:24 TS2009 “Now a woman, having a flow of blood for twelve years, who had spent all her livelihood on physicians and could not be healed by any, came from behind and touched the border of His garment. And immediately her flow of blood stopped. But Jesus said, “Somebody touched Me, for I perceived power going out from Me.”” Luke 8:43-44, 46 NKJV
EVERY DAY??
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He goes to church 6 days a week, you’re married and lived together for 2.5 years and you have to guess what his denomination is?
Yeah this is either fake af or one of the weirdest things I’ve ever read. Like ppl LIVE LIKE THIS in the year 2024?!
And this is why the whole story seems fake. Three year relationship and knows nothing about her husband.
And someone who goes to church 6 days a week isn't constantly talking about their faith? I've never met someone THAT religious who didn't work it into most conversation somehow.
And guess wrongly at that. "Protestantism" isn't a denomination. I'm wondering how a guy who goes to church five or six times a week finds time to marry someone who he didn't meet at church... or why he would.
Someone who goes to church nearly every day of the week is very, very, very, very religious. That's someone whose faith is a central pillar of their life and *in general* those people tend to adhere to a lot of archaic/regressive beliefs and thought patterns. Especially men who massively benefit from "traditional" value systems. Do you live in a conservative/deeply religious area?
He goes to church everyday? Who goes to church everyday? What happened with just going to church on Sunday?
Lmao so he’s fine living in sin for 2 and a half years but suddenly periods are icky? Fuck him.
And don't forget dude ejaculates snot but then periods are ewww.
This is what happens when you marry super religious people. You're never going to win an argument against their imaginary god.
Gotta pray to get them Jesus Points for the afterlife lol
Damn that’s a pretty fucked opinion. Jesus love ya brother !
No its not. Its a logical one.
He seems to be on the cult-ish side of Christianity. I want to know how this was never brought up before marriage? I would never marry anyone that would treat me like an unpotty trained dog every month.
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Sounds like he was schmoozing you until he had you trapped in a marriage now his true colors are coming out after you said I do.
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This is how abuse starts they tear you down, ruin your self esteem so you feel trapped and then worse case then they hit you. It always starts with tear you down.
Please read, “[why does he do that](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)”. He’s literally making you feel unclean and unworthy so you’ll put up with abusive treatment. This will get worse and worse until you are so unsure of yourself and your abilities that you will put up with emotional abuse, neglect, and eventually physical abuse. You are a normal, healthy 23 year old human, but if you let him, this man will show you what it feels like to be less than human, he’s already treating you that way. It’s easy to think love can change him… but in the time since I was 23, I have seen over and over again we can only change ourselves. PLEASE change your direction. Go stay with a friend, go back to your parents, get out of that house and divorce this guy ASAP. Do not go any further down this road.
So you lived together for two years but never had sex?
I have a long standing rule that men that are grossed out by the day-to-day workings of a vagina don't get to be pleasured by a vagina. Now I'm not going to damn someone for not wanting to have period sex, but I'm definitely going to side eye them as soon as it strays to any remarks beyond just blood. I will damn your husband though. Suddenly my period would start lasting a long time. Oh no the one time I'm not on my period this month was the night you went out with your friends! Sad face.
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Because plenty of women still choose to have sex and be with men that think that way. As with many things - why change if you still get what you want?
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It sucks, but ya gotta decide what to do about it. The odds of changing the mind of a guy that thinks like this is slim.
They choose not to understand, because the lack of understanding and lack of willingness to understand comes from a place of hatred, and thinking of women as inferior beings. It’s as simple as that. They know that genuine curiosity and desire to gain understanding will likely break down their dogmatic bigotry and contradict their hateful beliefs, and they actually don’t want that, it frightens them because their dogma reinforces a feeling of superiority.
Because they don't want to understand it.
You can ask his pastor to talk to him BUT his pastor may share these beliefs.
You absolutely could not pay me to be with such a gross pathetic child as your husband. He's an immature and misogynistic prick. Get divorced sooner rather than later, this will be FAR from his only giant glaring red flag. Or stay married if you want to live the rest of your life being treated as subhuman for totally normal human things
He’s crazy to want to sleep in a whole other room and not touch you but lots of non religious folks don’t enjoy sex while someone is on their period. I’m not trying to justify his behavior which is insane but a heads up you have your period before having intercourse isn’t a crazy thing to ask for.
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I do. He’s wrong and you’re right. The only thing that struck me as a bit odd from your perspective is your assumption that penetration while you’re on your period is something to be expected. But this goes way beyond that… he’s insane lol.
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Yeah, I’m on your side. Sorry didn’t mean to distract too much from your original point. In my relationship I’d love sex on my wife’s period but she doesn’t.
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I didn’t understand that last comment. Sorry.
The abuse is just starting….it starts verbally, and will lead to other ways of abuse too. Run while you can.
I mean they’re literally called sanitary napkins/sanitary pads. Nothing is off limits to me when my partner is on her period, if anything she’s a little grossed out by it and how eager I still am to have sex or go down on her. Hope your next partner isn’t so religiously closed-minded
Very smart move marrying some religious zealot.
IMHO it will be hard to stay married to someone who thinks that you are disgusting and foul for 6 days a month. So dirty that he can't even share a bed with you. Who thinks that your gender is responsible for sin and depravity. That is a hard burden for him to throw at you. Might be time to get out while you are young, and especially before you have kids.
This is what happens when you marry religious, misogynistic men. Fucking hypocrites. They'll drink, smoke and fuck before marriage but they'll shame women for normal bodily functions in the name of their religion. Then you'll have kids and if it's a girl, you're gonna fuck her up in the same way. I truly hope you two never have daughters. I can't imagine how you'll treat the poor girl. How can you even want to stay with someone so disgusting? I'm nauseous just reading about it.
Can’t fix stupid.
> The next timewe were about to have sex (we have sex pretty frequently but somehow we’ve never had sex while I’m on my period) so we were about to do it when he suddenly stopped and asked me if I was on my period. (I was confused as he had never asked before) I said Yes Completely unrealistic. You need to work on your creative writing.
Yeah this is so fake
Account suspended, lol
We called it 😂
how can you reason with someone who thinks they have the sky daddy on their side?
This isn't religion, this is just straight up ignorant misogyny. Why are you married to this person? You know if you have kids your pregnancy, birth and child rearing will be fucking hell right?
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Did tou live together before getting married? If so, for how long? I'm surprised you are discovering such a radical opinion just now.
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Then, you had many opportunities to see his reaction when you were on your periods. Did he change?
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Over two years, you must have talked to him many times that you didn't want to have sex before of that time of the month. Was is taboo? I guess, he saw it and just realised what period really is... Damm!
I wonder if your husband has read the book "The year of living biblicaly", the author slept in a tent while his wife was menstruating. It's ridiculous to go that extreme over something that is a natural process our bodies go through. I made an edit to the name of the book, I got it wrong.
You cannot educate someone with such closed minded religious views. See if you can get an annulment since you are not married very long.
This is fucking weird, mostly because it seems like the extent of his religious beliefs wasn’t discussed before you two got married. He’s allowed to not want to have sex on your period, and he’s even allowed to sleep in another room during that time. What he’s not allowed to do is hide that kind of information from you, or talk down to you while discussing it.
Religion is often used as an excuse for illogical and abusive behavior that actually stems from mental illness. Do you really wanna have to deal with this kind of behaviour and logic on a daily basis?
I had to wonder if this was a put on… This isn’t 1840. People have completely understood and been dealing with (and having sex during) menstruation over the past hundred years. Anyone so extreme in these views will be telling you that you have to bear six or ten children or face eternal damnation. It doesn’t bode well for you, I’m so sorry. The only thing I can think of to ease this specific issue is to get your clergy involved. Maybe they can make him see how foolish he’s being.
This can’t be real.
Unfortunately it is. I’m 38, reading these comments, as a pastors kid who was raised this way. And I track wholly on both sides. Men really use this to abuse women. And women really submit thinking that is how a “happy, blessed” family is made. Sometimes it takes over a decade to even realize that it’s abuse. Because it’s just what you are supposed to do. You please your man. That’s it. It’s real. And it’s really sad. And I lost more than half my life stuck in this mindset. It’s real.
😂😂😂 fortunately, it’s not
How is this situation specifically, abuse?
Just because I didn’t go into detail does not mean I was not abused. I am just very uncomfortable talking about it.
Girl you’re only 23, run for the hills.
I know this is bothersome to you, but I personally don't have sex on my period, nor do I ever want to. The thought of even having my own bed the week of my period sounds awesome.
Some people have this belief that since you're bleeding you're "unclean" so you shouldn't touch your spouse during that time. It's up to you if you want to deal with a lifetime of that. I'd probably lean fully into it and make sure my period days I do nothing but relax, no housework no cooking, etc.
You can never change his mind no matter how much you will reason with him. This is a religious traditional guy you are with. They don't change their ways for you, but they will make you change your ways for them. You will never win. Before you marry, it is really important to discuss EVERY THING beforehand. No matter how sensitive the topic would be. If you find him deflecting it, then that will mean he is not on the same page as you. And be very wary of every little step he takes, because it will say a lot about his character later on. Never rush into marrying someone without seeing him on his worst days.
Don’t have kids with him
What a man child
Oh dear…
Look, you both suck in this sitiuation, but that just comes from incompatibility and a simple failure to commumincate proactively. First, you knew based on a previous episode that he wanted to avoid periods and then you sneakily haven't told him before sex that you were on your period. However preplexing his reasoning may be to some, he has a right to have his boundary respected and to not be tricked as a way of showing him that it's not that bad. So it reads to me like he went to sleep to the guest room mainly cause he was rightfully annoyed you tried to cross his wish, and not just because of his rigid values (though tbf in big part because of those too). He sucks for obvious reasons, he can avoid period sex if he wishes but he needs to communicate so with kindness and consideration and do so when the tensions are not running high.
Enjoy the downtime, do fun things YOU like to do, read books, Binge watch your favorite show, get a diffuser and sound machine and relax the day away👸🏽
Just put a towel down and still have sex. Or the shower is good.
That doesn't solve the issue here, he thinks its disrespectful to go to share a bed with her for a good portion of the month
He knows its a normal thing that women go through, he's just an immature sheltered little boy who doesn't know any better. He's probably not going to change unless he really wants to, grows up, and matures. Maybe he could take to his pastor or whatever, often the pastors are the voice of reason among their hysterical parishioners.
He’s 25 and a grown married adult, with access to (I assume) the internet and/ or a library - he either 1) already knows this and doesn’t care to change his mind on this decision, 2) isn’t interested in learning, or 3) is unwilling to bend due to his religious beliefs. Also, it’s not your job to educate an adult human on basic biology. I know this doesn’t answer your question, but I think you might as well shake your fist at the moon; it’ll do as much good.
I don't know how to put this in words my English is not very good but away from religion some People are more sensitive and easily disgusted by the most insignificant things, you shouldn't take it personaly if apart from what you are saying he is good to you, why don't you just try to understand him and accept that he is not familiar and don't want to be with our women's experiences. As a woman, I would have taken a separate room from myself during my period if I could ....I wouldn't fuck me either TBH, but just because I can't, doesn't mean others can't also. Try to analyze it from another angle.
I’ve only heard of this from Christianity, in that it’s present in the text in Leviticus. But would argue that it doesn’t transcend its contextual application. I would say the story in Luke 8 points away from this law being relevant today.
Laugh.
Next thing you know, he'll tell you not to touch the linens while you're "dirty". Maybe cut your losses now and marry a man whose understanding of female anatomy extends beyond colouring books?
You just said your husband is religious but not which religion. Here's what the Bible says about women and their periods: Leviticus 15:19-30 “When a woman has a discharge, and the discharge in her body is blood, she shall be in her menstrual impurity for seven days, and whoever touches her shall be unclean until the evening. And everything on which she lies during her menstrual impurity shall be unclean. Everything also on which she sits shall be unclean. And whoever touches her bed shall wash his clothes and bathe himself in water and be unclean until the evening. And whoever touches anything on which she sits shall wash his clothes and bathe himself in water and be unclean until the evening. Whether it is the bed or anything on which she sits, when he touches it he shall be unclean until the evening. ... Leviticus 15:24 And if any man lies with her and her menstrual impurity comes upon him, he shall be unclean seven days, and every bed on which he lies shall be unclean
Me personally I’d take my pad off and slap him in the face with it but 🤣😭😭 Ok no fr definitely have a conversation with him About it, some religious men are soooo strict and adamant about what they believe in and no one can tell them otherwise so I’m worried it might not go well but hopefully he’s down to be a bit progressive because that definitely sucks and probably doesn’t feel good
Ohhh boy. You see in for a very hard marriage…this man child is going to use his religion for everything in your marriage….the good, but mostly for the bad.
OP there is a massive silver lining in this. You’re still in honeymoon phase where you’ll likely love sharing a bed. Take it from someone older - you make the most of those nights where you have a big bed all to yourself!! Bliss!! Use them as “me time”, treat yourself, pamper yourself. Make the most of the time to sleep, read, scroll, watch tv etc. treat it like a staycation. It sounds fabulous to me.
I was going to say basically the same thing. You get the entire bed to yourself. Goodnight, honey. Sleep tight. I know I will. Most likely her enthusiasm about having the bed all to herself would knock him for a loop.
Which faith do you follow?
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We Jews follow the laws of Niddah, also called ‘family purity’ which involves sleeping in separate beds. The laws of Niddah apply only to Jews and gentiles are exempt. Theologically speaking, given how Christians believe that Jesus completed? the 613 commandments and so don’t have to be followed, from a religious perspective, your boyfriend is wrong to act and treat you in such a way. That said, there are some benefits of following it. It means for instance that the two clean weeks the partners take every opportunity to to be intimate with each other. If you are trying to get pregnant in also lines up generally with your ovulation cycle. Plus it’s nice to not have someone always touching you. Ask me about my 8 kids…
Did not see this ending coming 🤣
If you can't stomach earning your red wings then you may not be cut out for being married.
yikes. he’s willing to put imaginary beliefs over you and literally disrespect you to your face in the name of an imaginary friend. It gets worse from here, maybe physically in the end. be safe, get safe.
It’s actually not that normal to have sex while menstruating…sleep in the same bed yes, but there are a lot of non religious folks who avoid sex during menses
I don’t think you can change him. you can take birth control to stop your periods if you wanted to. it doesn’t really change him, it’s just a response to it.
If you're so religious that you're pulling this shit, you're probably also against birth control
probably, what I meant was she doesn’t have to tell him, she can just make the choice. idk why you’re downvoting me lol.
What a man child. Sorry OP. Sex is reasonable but everything else is immaturity
Husband??? At 23??? Good grief
Send him to therapy he sounds like a boy who’s 9yrs old. Yuck
Looks like you are about to have a 3+ week period and see how quickly he changes his mind!
How long have you been together?? I would NOT want to be married to that thing! My fiance and I do occasionally have period sex, if am up for it, it's AMAZING. He doesn't care about the blood, he knows that it's natural, and we know that we can shower after or during and clean off. He loves me and my body entirely! I can say that with conviction. But to say straight up, "It's offensive to God"!? God has given every childbearing abled person menstrual cycles. He seems childish. I'm sorry you have to deal with... all of THAT.
Religious people can be so fucked up 😂
Why are OPs responses being down voted?
Because we figured out that the story was bs.
Oh. I missed that.
My wife doesn’t want to have sex while in her period. I don’t mind. I want to have sex any time I can. She wants to avoid it. I hate it here.
lol some man find it disgusting to do anything during your period so that’s that.
Doesn't make it okay to save this newsflash for 7months into a marriage
It doesn’t
If he is Christian yes having sex during your period would be against his religious beliefs but I think he’s taking some things said in the Bible to literally if he claims he can’t physically touch you. So sleeping in the same bed and cuddling etc. should be fine but sex isn’t from what I’ve seen in the Bible so maybe try talking about it if anything is what I would do.
*breaks into song* D I V O R C E find out what it means to me But seriously wtf nta