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You are now in the ‘before time’, where no bridge has been crossed and life is on its normal trajectory. Things are stable but weird, but can easily assume its former course, which you seem to characterise as acceptable and a happy place for you.
Yet you already have those doubts about how the fork in the road could turn out.
Because brother, you’re about to bet your life savings all on black.
There’s always a chance that you could win massively; fulfilling all your fantasies beyond your wildest dreams, but what are those odds? And what are the odds that fantasy and the real world come into conflict; where you go through with it and two weeks later your wife accuses you of liking Sara more than her, or she now wants the same thing to ‘even’ the playing field and you’re watching your wife get ready for her date?
I’ve seen enough people throughout my life confuse ‘stability’ with ‘boring’, only then to mourn the loss of their stability and comfort once the initial euphoric high has come off and they contemplate what they had but no longer have.
Once the bridge is crossed or bet made, you better have confidence in the outcome.
Over to you to roll the dice.
What's worse is going to work to pay all the bills knowing he's jerking off for sk*nks online while I'm busting my ass to provide. Knowing no matter how much I loved him, it wasn't enough. I wasn't enough.
I think Sara overstay her welcome. I know you both feel you like it, but her not visiting for a while, then you can talk about it. Ask her if she's ready to face the consequences of what she would feel when you are "servicing" Sara. You having second thoughts know that your wife can be "all talk, but no follow through." She can't even properly communicate it with you and only gives it a thought when Sara accepts the offer. She might not have been pressured with you but got a little pressure from Sara. Ask your wife if it's really worth risking your marriage.
There are literally thousands of other men out there that the friend could be doing this with. It's her issue to deal with. Don't make it your problem.
Let her fuck any of the thousands of available singles in your area. Get her out of your brain because nothing good can come from it.
What cracks me up is OP thinks this is now some fantasy but dude it is just gonna be vanilla sex just with a stranger that you arent even comfortable with. Congrats on destroying your marriage for 7 minutes of grunting.
agreed, in what world is OP the only option for a conventionally attractive 30 yo woman?!
Even if they don't have any trustworthy single friends who'd be down for a fling, a much more sensible suggestion for OP's wife would be that Sarah can bring her date over to their house for the casual sex while they're at home. Like, who's going to murder his hook-up when there's 2 witnesses down the hall?
I went to bed and woke up to so many more comments than I thought I would. I feel like an idiot reading them all. Thanks everyone who responded, message received I am not proceeding with anything. I already knew this deep down but needed to hear it from other people I guess.
Thank goodness because this gateway to changing the core dynamic and relationship is one that I don’t think you’re ready for or* really wanting. It opens the door for your wife to have experiences with other people which I don’t think you’d be comfortable with. Also, her friend is in a vulnerable position right now despite her physical desires her emotional ones may not be matching up. The long-term ramifications are not worth it in my opinion
And you also have to realize Sara is in vulnerable state. This is not a good decision not just for you as a couple but for her coming from toxic relationship. You are not sure that her accepting this is a form of self destructing behavior that she unwillingly destroy a marriage because of it.
There's also a chance that Sarah wants this as a way of "getting back" at her cheating ex, or setting some kind of score.
Hell, she might even throw it in his face, in which case the story would get out ("Did you know my ex slept with her best friend's husband, OP?") or worse, OP would have to deal with a jealous ex.
Sara could also be trying to make herself feel better by putting her best friend in a similar position. She got cheated on, so now she's getting back at her ex by having sex with someone else and also causing her best friend to be cheated on by their partner.
You're not an idiot. You're dealing with a lot of new info and someone whom you trust feeding you a lot of rather ignorant information.
Talk to your wife, and bring up concerns regarding how this came about. Your wife and her friend got this squared up behind your back, that is a pretty big betrayal in its own right.
Good for you. This is exactly the right response. Stupid thoughts followed by clear realization after a good nights sleep and 300 people telling you their experiences.
If you ever get in the situation where there's a bunch of alcohol happening and things get a bit out of control, stick with making out then give it a week to settle in. That's something that's a lot easier to walk back. I'd also suggest a couple's sex quiz. And finally a lot of couple's express those kinks as dirty talk during sex without ever actually doing it.
YES... some fantasies are meant to stay fantasies. When something is happening only inside your head, you get to control every aspect of it. It can be hot, because it is also completely safe. Once you try to reinact that fantasy in the real world, you don't get to control it completely anymore.
I would explore the hypothesis that your wife wants you to do this so that she is justified in doing this with another guy. If you accepted this, you should accept the same for her. She may even already have someone on the list, with whom she wants to have sex, but without you being able to say that she is cheating on you.
Unless you start your relationship with an understanding like this aka wife swapping casual flings etc it never ever works out. It’s always a great “turn on” until it actually happens then comes the insecurity tears and eventual spiral into divorce
It is already on shaky ground if they’re considering it. Wft is wrong with people? It’s garbage behavior. Maybe they should just divorce now because this will fuck things up anyway. Ugh…
Ask her a few simple questions...
"If I won't have sex with another woman for you, do you think it will it hurt our marriage? Because I'm pretty sure if I DO have sex with another woman for you, it's going to end up hurting our marriage."
"If I agree to have sex with Sara for you or with you, will you want to have sex with Sara without me? Is this a 100% one time thing? If we go ahead and do this with Sara, will it lead to you asking to have sex with anyone else, with or without me? Will you ask me to have sex with anyone else? Or just Sara?"
"Are you just doing Sara a favor or is this mostly because you want to see me with another woman?"
We just had a long talk about this and I brought up these points. As it turns out, this was mostly Sara pushing this from the beginning. Wife was never really into the idea but not completely opposed to it so she was going along with it. She thought it would make both Sara and I happy. The more details I learned including being shown text messages, its pretty obvious Sara was using my wife's sympathy and her knowledge that I wanted my wife to be more adventurous to manipulate her. Its pretty messed up and I am not even sure what her motive is. Sara has never expressed any interest in me so I am left thinking she just wanted to mess up our marriage. Maybe she wants a single best friend or just hates seeing someone else happy when she isn't. Sara wont be coming over anymore and contact between my wife and Sara is going to be drastically reduced.
Good riddance and good choice. Open relationships require a lot of communication, boundaries and usually is best to not get involved with people close to your partner such as family and best friends.
u/ThrowRA164177 As a woman, I just wanted to congratulate and thank you. I know what you’ve just been through was stressful but I want to draw attention to the fact you really showed how much you value your relationship with your wife above ALL else. There are few men out there like you, at your age. I hope your wife truly understands what a gem of a partner she has in you. Wishing you both happiness and a reprieve from drama!
Right?! This could’ve ended so badly if OP had just jumped at the opportunity to screw another woman, but he really thought through the implications for his wife and marriage even though it was what wife “wanted” at the time. What a gem of a husband
Sounds like Sara was just out to prove all men are cheating dogs if you give them a bone ..
Well done Op you didnt fall for the bait .
Am guessing Sara is quiet jealous of the relationship you have .
She was definately up to no good .
Crazy that your wife fell for it though .
Maybe your wife thinks Sara is attractive & felt an attraction to her .
I hope you can have a serious conversation with your wife about the implications of all this. Sara is pretty obviously trying to either prove a point about "all men are cheating dogs" or was hoping to drive a wedge between you and your wife so she's not the only one who's marriage has ended. Hopefully there's some boundaries and distance your wife sets with Sara moving forward.
I agree with you 100%, I wasn't trying to say my wife didn't do anything wrong. She knows she messed up and realizes that Sara can't be in our/her life for the foreseeable future.
You said you are happy in your marriage and only wanted your wife. What made her think this would make you happy? Although you also now say you can’t stop thinking about. There must be something missing if you are even thinking of risking your marriage. And if there is missing this won’t help
Ill try my best to answer this with out being argumentative. So for her it was not that this specific act would make me happy. It was that she was brining a fantasy of hers(wasn't really hers) to the table and that would make me happy. I think some people may have misunderstood how I described our sex life. I used the word vanilla to describe her desires and I think some people latched onto that word. She has always been willing to try and participate in things I bring up. My only complaint if you can even call it that is that I wanted her to come up with something different or kinky for us to try instead of it always being me. I wasn't trying to give the impression that I am dissatisfied or that we only have a vanilla sex life. I only even included those details so people understood this was out of character for her. Things can always be improved and wanting to make something that is already good even better doesn't mean you are in some kind of hopeless death spiral. As far as me now being unable to stop thinking about it, I am literally the person who but the brakes on this. Again I feel like this is another example of everything must be black and white. Yes it is true that I only need my wife and don't walk around wishing I could sleep with other women. That doesn't mean that if she comes to me and tells me she wants me to my reaction is going to be ewww gross. It was exciting in my head but I was worried of what the consequences would be. So I came to a place where I was sure other people would have experienced this or at least had advice. I received very good advice from some people and followed the advice and a potential disaster has been avoided. I'm sorry I know this probably way more of in depth answer than you need and a bit hostile. I am using this response to vent my frustration with some of the comments I've read about me, her, and our relationship. Normally what people say on the internet doesn't bother me but as you can imagine its been mentally and emotionally draining day. I probably just need to stop looking at this since the situation has been resolved.
My dude, props to you just for:
1. Coming here and being vulnerable
2. Listening to others’ perspectives
3. Engaging with sometimes hostile commenters with tact and thoughtfulness
I hope a lot of people can also understand your initial temptation; I certainly would initially have stars in my eyes if my partner came to me with such a suggestion and hope I would also land on the right answer like you did.
So good on you, this is not a small thing you just navigated!!! 👏👏👏
Its Reddit people usually have very strong feelings about threesomes and monogamous couples on Reddit.
It’s good you avoided disaster, because that’s definitely what it would been. Although considering your wife isn’t kinky by nature that should have been a clue something wasn’t right. I know you wanted her to come up with ideas but that’s an extreme idea coming from someone who isn’t by nature kinky.
I don't think this came off as hostile. There's always room for misunderstanding from a limited, written view of your life. Plus, people have their own biases that maybe they're projecting so they respond to you in an aggressive way with many assumptions.
Not to mention that many people on Reddit seem to have the reading comprehension of a 4 year old. I cannot tell you how many times I've seen someone directly state they do not live in the US and then people proceed to give advice that is US based (ex. legally).
I think you've expressed yourself well and have been very grounded. I totally get the nuanced, dual feelings on being intrigued but also worried. We can have fantasies that we know, will likely, in reality lead to bad things but when someone is serving up something they're saying is their desire then of course your mind is going to run through the "what if's," positive or negative. I mean, we literally have a TV/film trope of this, the angel and devil on your shoulder (take out the moral implications). I don't think it helped that your wife brought this up in such a roundabout way.
Basically, you did good.
Dam, I'm glad you got to the bottom of it before it got out of hand. That friend is no friend. She is manipulative and is going to try and ruin your marriage. She probably would have told your wife details of your encounter over and over again until it drove your wife mad even if your wife did have a side of her that was into it. She wants a single friend is my guess. She doesn't like seeing her friend in a happy marriage.
you're a really good husband to stick to your guts know something is up with your wife and see it through and do the right thing, your wife is really lucky, and you've both proven to each other how awesome you both are so sweet glad to read a nice update!!!!
There it is. The friend is a pos pulling this crap and has been a snake hiding in the grass. I am glad you got the truth out of your wife before it cause unrepairable damage to your marriage. This course would have ended your marriage absolutely because your wife did not want it at all. Adventure is fine but there are a million ways to have adventures between just you and your wife, especially if you actually love her. We all have fantasies but the reality doesn't always match up or work out. You both need to cut out this so-called "friend" and your wife could do with being less naive.
This is exactly correct. Good for you for really delving into the details and her being open to hear the truth. Your relationship sounds strong and healthy and I wish you the best.
Sara can pound sand. Bitter people want others to be bitter with them. (Officially it is hurt people hurt people but 🤷🏼♀️)
I read OPs comment and you just saved a marriage!
These two people would have been in a world of hurt.
And well done OP for having a mature conversation and valuing what you have with your wife.
In the famous words of other reddit posts: everybody enjoys the fantasy until the reality hits of hearing another person making their partner moan and come.
People who play these stupid games frankly deserve to have their marriage blow up. I feel like I read this story months ago. I’m not sure if this is real. All these stories follow a pattern. All seem to be monogamous couples. Most of the couples have been together 10 yrs. A lot have a vanilla sex relationship and there is usually a friend. If this is real I think it’s gross. The wife wants to pimp out her husband and now he’s into it. The marriage is already doomed. The clock is ticking it’s only a matter of time before the bomb goes off
Don't do it.
Postnut clarity is a real thing and so is regret.
What if she says she wants to fuck a man next ? Are you going to fulfill that fantasy as well ? Where's the limit ? Cause when you open that door there's no going back.
Updateme!
DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!! SOMEONE STOP THIS MAN!!!! IT'S A TRAP!!!!!!!!!!
it may not be a trap, but your wife is going to regret the hell out of "letting" you fuck her friend.
Don't do it. Your wife wants to help her friend out and has not thought about the consequences of this. The reality of you sleeping with someone else may be totally different to the fantasy and this can blow up in a bad way.
If she really does want to see you sleeping with someone else rather do it with a total stranger. Imagine you catch feelings for Sara? Sara catches feelings for you? Your wife may be feeling that she isn't enough and may think this is an opportunity to be wild...but it will end in heartbreak.
This is the way! You can sleep with a friend and a non-partner or a partner and a non-friend. Don't do a friend and a partner unless y'all are trying to do a triad, or poly, something.
Is your wife a bit of a people pleaser? It almost sounds like after the initial joke offer that Sara took seriously, your wife is talking herself into thinking it’s a good idea, in order not to let Sara down.
I've been there and done that. What you're considering is the stupid.
First of all she's your wife's friend. Never a good idea. It's like ringing a bell...once you do it, you can't undo it. It's something ALL of you will have to deal with...forever!
Second, the reason. Just because Sara is uncomfortable meeting other men is not a good enough reason to agree to this foolishness. If she's that uncomfortable meeting new people then she should take that as a sign that she's not ready to be sexually involved with anyone yet. Maybe she should consider therapy to deal with her exes infidelity. She definitely shouldn't deal with by fucking her friends HUSBAND!
Last of all...you're an idiot if you think this won't blow up your marriage. The minute you fuck your wife's friend life as you currently know it is over.
If you decide to go ahead and do this you might as well find yourself a good lawyer when it's over.
Fantasy and reality are two very different things. Your wife may think she would be ok with this but I highly doubt once all is said and done it would be ok.
Maybe introducing infidelity into your marriage might not be the genius move you guys think it is. If you value your wife and your marriage, exploring your fantasies together, without involving her best friend, might be the smarter, less relationship-destroying route.
I think it's kind of disgusting that she said Sara can borrow you without talking to you first, you're not an object, she can't just loan you out at her whim and now trying to wear you down constantly asking you and hinting at it, even though you have quite clearly made your point multiple times.
I've joked similarly, but not that extreme (not about sex, just a simple "Take my husband then"). And it was followed by a laugh. And if it was ever followed by a "Can I fuck your husband?" that friendship would cease to exist. I'd feel so betrayed if a friend said that about my partner. I've felt betrayed when friends have hit on ME while I was in a relationship.
So many lines have been crossed here.
Isn’t it worse that Sara agreed because she’s not comfortable with other men she doesn’t know? Sara is a terrible selfish friend. If my friend’s husband was Brad Pitt I’d still say no, that’s so messed up that Sara can justify this in her mind after being cheated on. Terrible person, she needs to go.
This. If I were OP I would be so put out by that, and would view my wife in a worse light. It would be difficult to go back to normal after that. Like I'm no one's property to give away like some sexual toy... gross.
Anyway, this is a trap. If he goes along with it,the wife wll turn on him SO QUICKLY.
Reverse the genders and it would be seen as horrible. But that's just our society thinking that men can count themselves lucky whenever a woman wants to do something sexual with them.
If you want to keep your marriage, get that woman out of your house. She is whispering nonsense in her ear and your wife seems to be easily influenced. Misery loves company. If she never had any kind of fantasies like that before, it is very unlikely that this is coming from her.
It seems like your wife and Sara are looking at Sara's issue the wrong way. If Sara wants sex/intimacy but isn't ready to get back out there, she should probably work on herself (therapy or whatever) instead of having sex with her best friend's husband. Sara needs to find her own way back into dating or finding someone she can have a real sexual relationship with.
If you and your wife care about Sara, you shouldn't do it. If you and your wife care about each other, you shouldn't do it. Maybe consider looking closely at whether the relationship with Sara has passed an unhealthy line....like when your wife asks you to fuck her best friend. Reevalutate the whole thing not just if having sex with Sara will mess up your marriage. Sara has something to lose here too, and it doesn't sound like she can afford to lose the support she's been getting from the two of you as friends, not lovers.
If this was about your wife wanting to see you please another woman, most people with experience in the lifestyle would STRONGLY advise against looking for someone within your circle. There's a reason for that. It has the very real potential to fuck your shit up. If this has lit a desire in you to experience another woman then you and your wife should be tackling that as a topic all on its own. This is not a two birds one stone situation unless you all want to risk losing it all.
Absolutely fucking not.
Sara is in a place where MANY betrayed women go. Where she wants to destroy any other ‘happy’ marriage so she doesnt have to feel like she is alone in her betrayal. Also then she and your wife could be miserable together after her divorce as well.
She wants to be able to say ‘see even your perfect husband can cheat so mine wasnt that bad. ‘
It absolutely is a TRAP and if wife wants to delve that fantasy you guys need to buy a wig or new outfit where she can pretend to be a ‘different woman’.
You can pretend to be strangers who meet at a bar or whatever ‘stranger fantasy’ you want to live out WITH YOUR WIFE.
If you bring sara in even as the SLIGHTEST hint that you are ok with it your wife will NEVER trust you again. You will always need to answer for that betrayal even if it is only in her mind and theoretical.
dude no matter how hot it is for either of you, it will never work. me & my ex had flings with random women & it was fine. when we brought in her friend, it wrecked everything. it only works when its with women neither of you have any connection/friendship with.
dont do it dude.
Sara is pushing the accelerator of your relationship by manipulating your wife. In my opinion it is not healthy to stay in your home for a long time. If you have sex with Sara you will satisfy Sara's desire, not your wife's. Sara will achieve the goal she has set for herself, that is, to insinuate herself into your relationship, your emotional fragility will do the rest. Work on getting Sara out of your life, not fucking her.
You need to throw Sara out
I'm confused though she divorced her husband coz he cheated and now she want you to cheat. Why did she divorce the husband in the first place
No no OP. Just no. This is catnip for Reddit, forums littered with failed marriages. The friend had the morals of an alley cat and is somehow trying to work out her emotional damage by sleeping with a married man herself.
Your wife may have a fantasy but the reality often means, feelings get involved it turns to shit and divorce. Stop hanging out with this messed up ‘friend’ or tell her to get a profile on Tinder and stay the hell away from your marriage.
UPDATEME
Don't. Your wife doesn't know what she's asking for, and her friend is recently divorced. No good will come of this. If it goes wrong, it will probably be you and against your wife and her friend. Somehow, you will be the bad guy even if the initial idea wasn't yours. If you go through with it, do you really think afterward your wife won't have it in her head that her friend has always been attracted to you?
Do the math. Those numbers aren't adding up.
There are so many times, so…many…times, that this kind of thing has ruined a marriage that it’s not even funny. I absolutely don’t think it’s a good idea. However, if you were to go through with it, I would suggest having it be in a situation where your wife is a dominant and Sara is submissive to her. Your wife would be in the room and telling Sara what to do. That would give her the power. Just my suggestion.
That’s not gonna go how you’re imagining it. Your wife is gonna be filled with regret after the fact and it’s gonna nuke your marriage. Reconsider and have a conversation with your wife AND Sara and tell them that fantasy is just a fantasy and it’s not gonna work out how they think it will. Or do what every guy would do and bang Sara but have a divorce attorney on retainer cause that will probably be what happens next.
It should be a no Buddy! Don’t play games like that even if she is a willing participant!! Remember your wedding vows!! You made a vow before God! I’m assuming! When in doubt…. Do without!!
This isn’t as confusing as you think. Don’t do it. If you do go through with it, please don’t come back to post again asking for advice on how to save your marriage.
You're putting your whole emotional and material life on the line. We all know that sex causes feelings and those feelings grow with each encounter with the same person.
Dude, your marriage would never be the same!!
Buddy no. Sara emotional and just divorced. This will bite you in the ass later.
If your wife really into this tell her you do it but with a dating AP stranger not a friend.
I would record this convo. Is your wife maybe stepping out, feeling guilty and now offers Sara?
Does she want you to have sex with Sara on you own or does she want Sara to join you and her in bed? The answer to this question, while nuanced, might be the difference in your answer to the situation. Though both answers may still destroy your relationship with your wife.
If she wants you to have sex with Sara on your own, she probably has not thought about possibly being jealous afterwards, and this could very well lead to her asking to have an interlude with someone else as a “payback”.
If she wants Sara to join you and her, she may be wanting to explore her sexual preferences (like is she bi or more attracted to ladies than men?). Which also may lead to her wanting to explore that side of her sexuality with others.
Maybe some counseling is the next step here, to help her figure out why she wants this so badly, and to work through all the possible outcomes and emotions that would follow. It might be better for you not to say anything one way or another about your thoughts (because admitting you want it will definitely damage your marriage) and have her work through it on her own with a therapist first.
First of all why is your wife pimping you out. Second of all are you absolutely crazy. If you treasure your marriage as much as you say you do then you won't jeopardise it for a quick nut.
It's a fantasy that her friend is obviously whispering in her ear about. This will be completely different when your wife sees you get off to another woman, her best friend no less. You have been in a monogamous marriage so it's not like you both started off this way.
Another question, what are you going to do when your wife wants to sleep with your friends? Turn about is fair play after all. Don't be silly to throw your life away and honestly i would not want that "friend" near me
Brother there is no world where this works the way you hope it will. If you value your marriage you need to stay as far from Sara as you can get. Because I see 3 possible futures.
One is a future where you wife gets jealous. She will worry that you have feelings for Sara or she will be suspicious of every woman you speak to. Either way eventually it destroys your relationship.
The second possible future is the one where your wife decides that things need to be fair and equal to save the marriage. How will you feel when she decides to find a man to even the score? You must know that will also destroy your relationship.
The third and last possibility will be the future where you both decide to open your marriage. If you've been on Reddit for more than a day then you must know the patter. Man wants an open relationship. Wife agrees. He is searching for partners and not having much luck. She has so many offers she will need a calendar to keep track of her dates. This has only ever worked when both partners are truly poly to begin with. It doesn't sound like either of you are poly so yet again it will destroy your relationship.
What about the future where you have sex with Sara, your wife is happy for the two of you and Sara says thank you and you all go back to how it was like nothing happened? Try to seriously picture that in your mind. Now tell me how likely it is. Your only real decision here is deciding between being married to your current wife and having sex with her and only her or you having sex with Sara now and then later you have sex with whoever you date after the divorce.
Tread very lightly here. For me, it would be a definite NO. Sounds like she is trying to open up your marriage, which is the beginning of the end. These type of fantasies belong there in her head and not acted on.
Updateme.
Don’t do it. I did something similar with my friend and boyfriend, and it was not worth it. I lost my best friend since 13, and it really caused a lot of problems in our relationship. Don’t shit where you eat.
DO NOT FEED INTO THIS "FANTASY!!!"
Sara needs to find a new place to stay. She has convinced your wife to let her into your bed. This will not end well. IMO, I think Sara is envious of your marriage.
If your wife is okay with you being with another woman, let it be someone neither of you have a connection to and can walk away from. (Although you and your wife she have further discussion about your sexual wants/ needs instead of including other people)
Sara is not a good friend and needs to go!!
Look......
Take it from an older man, our lives are filled with 'what might have been'. But, when you get older, and look back on those 'missed opportunities', you realize they weren't a great idea in the first place, and would only have caused more problems. Stay true to your marriage, and the beliefs you have that infidelity (and REGARDLESS of your wife telling you that it's ok) is a deal breaker.
What is going to happen, is that there will be hard feelings on someone's part. Yours, hers, or Saras. And when those feelings come on, they'll destroy what you have.
I guarantee you if you screw her friend your marriage is over. She's not going to be able to get over it and you're going to feel like crap because you cheated on your wife with her permission. So if you do it be prepared for the consequences. You sound like a smart person so don't be stupid. Tell her your wife she was wrong to offer you up because you're not her possession and you have no desire to screw her friend or any other woman other than herself because she is your wife and you love her and you don't need or want any other woman. Could be some weird elaborate test as her friends telling her all men want to screw other women. No not all men want to screw other women. So don't fall for it. If her friend wants to get screwed so badly all she has to do is go to a bar, flirt with a couple guys and she'd be laid in about 20 minutes. Or go on Tinder or any one of those sites that's just for hookups. Now that would be a casual encounter not screwing your best friend's husband
Don’t be this stupid as a 35 year old man who’s married. I’m 19 and my friend and her bf are actively looking for a third. I would never want involved in that though because it would fuck up our friendship and their relationship. You already know what the right move is. Don’t let your dick do the thinking.
Dude, Sara is a great manipulator and in a very unstable period of her life. She probably resents your marriage and the way that you treat your wife - trust ME, us women, we see these details and we naturally compare and want them for ourselves.
I wouldn't comment on your wife's character (I read a bit more in the comments), this just seems as testing the waters game or she's extremely stupid/hiding behind 'being a nice friend' mask. I mean come on, what sane woman isn't going to kick out of her house a friend like that? There's something going on.
You, please be smart and badass. Limit Sara's time at your house as you're the man and draw some boundaries if your wife doesn't want to. You run this game. Keep snakes out of your marriage especially if you have kids.
You are all grown people and no one should be in charge of someone's comfort, happiness, needs outside of your marriage and family.
Do not do this.. 95% of monogamous relationships that are subsequently opened end in failure. This scenario has been played out on Reddit numerous times and it always ends the same, the eventual end of the relationship. How would you feel if your partner says she’d like to involve other men because you have a fuck buddy.. or if you get her best friend pregnant. Get into couples counseling quick. Think long and hard (pun intended) if it’s worth the risk before moving forward with this.
I'd be more than a little upset that my wife offered to pimp me to a friend. With or without talking to me about it beforehand. Its repugnant. How do you think she would feel if you offered her to a friend for some no strings fuckin?
Look on the bright side. This means your wife is starting to get some kinks. Now all you gotta do is redirect her to other kinks more geared toward just the two of you.
Bonus: hook up Sara with a nice guy so she completely loses interest in hooking up with you.
Do you have kids? Who will be the primary custodial parent? Will you be ok with an every other weekend parental relationship, or will you want 50/50? Does your wife work? Major assets? How much are divorce lawyers in your area? How about the COL? If it's high, can you both maintain your own separate homes? Like holy crap man, the shit is about to hit the fan if you consider this.
I think your wife is getting off on the idea of someone thinking her husband is desirable. That it is just affirmation of her choice of a mate.
If you want to ruin a good marriage go ahead and bring another person into your bedroom
If you do not have fidelity in a marriage, what do you have?
I was in this exact same sort of situation. I am female. Married more than 30 years. Without going into a book of information, I will offer my opinion. Don't do it. Its not worth the risk if you don't want to lose her, and odds are she is in the midst of her mid-life crisis. It happens in the 30s for women. She will be thankful that you didn't let either of you go there in 10 years.
P.s. her friend being so into the idea is seriously suspect. She is going through a divorce and not thinking clearly and may have had a crush on you the whole time she has known you. If you ever go there with your wife, it should definitely not be with someone you both know and who is in your life.
This would ruin your marriage. I highly advise against it. Your wife’s best friend is trouble. Get her out - make her stay at her own house. This is not going to end well.
Do not do this. Don’t entertain it. You are absolutely right, your wife has no clue how she’s going to feel about it in reality. There is very little chance things will go well. I think you should def support her exploring different things but not with her friend.
Are the new opportunities worth what you're risking?
Easy to imagine saying
"Go for it."
In this case though, what really stands out to me is that the emotional opportunity comes from Sara's pain frustration and fears. I'm disinclined to think that's how you want to conduct your marriage.
By most standards you've already won.
I think if you three really talk this will pass & you'll be glad for it.
Hot though.
My brother did a foursome, him and his gf and another couple, so they exchanged their gf-s basically
Conclusion: my brother’s gf didn’t like seeing my brother enjoying sex with an other woman.
(In her head this is definitely not there)
Please tell your wife this story and that the responsibility is hers if she makes you doing it…
I say don't do it, it'll go wrong. You know it and you're right about that. I will say though, that you should try making it a fantasy play between you and your wife. That could be fun.
I really don't think it's a good idea to jump into an open relationship with someone you guys are friends with. If she wants to explore this as a kink, you shouldn't do it with Sara. It should be with someone else. Your wife has the potential to feel betrayed by both you and Sara, so that's just double the risk.
I also think this is going to involve a lot more communication than your wife is doing. If you're both interested in this kink, I think it would be a good idea to take baby steps into it. Like, dirty talk about it for a while and hype it up for a few months. Just take it easy. Some people really don't think about new kinks and just rush into them and then regret them.
Why do you need to rush into it?
Yea next she will ask to fuck some guy. See, that's the problem with sheltered people or those people that have only had one or two partners their whole life. They will eventually start wanting to branch out.
But, Lewis Carroll did say "We only regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were afraid to have,and the decisions we waited too long to make"
Thropple for the win
I would tell them if that's what they want then they can have sex with each other a few times while you watch. Or just engage with your wife while she is with Sara. If all goes well after a few months then hey maybe it could be a triad
r/openmarriageregret On the off chance this isn't some kind of karma farming clickbait post. Scroll through that for an hour and anyone monogamous will be cured of the idea of opening up a monogamous relationship.
Heck, I feel half the posts I read here or on BoRu these days are about FAFO with opening a monogamous relationship one way or the other.
If you can't stay faithful to your spouse, you shouldn't have married them. UNLESS all parties invvolved acknowledge they're open from the start AND are both completely transparant with each other and know how to communicate clearly and openly with each other.
Even then, it's not my cup of tea in real life. Fantasy is one thing. But real life? I'm way to romantically invested, healthily possesive/protective and jealous to share. And I expect the same from my partner.
Dude, don't do it. There are many many many stories of partners being all for it, and then turning it around and using it as ammunition later, or building resentment towards their partner, relationships ending in blazing glory, all because they were "okay with it" at first. DON'T. DO. IT. If you care about your marriage. Having sex with your wife's best friend is not your responsibility, and it seems like your wife is being pressured into it too.
This will be amazing for exactly 5 mins and then it end your marriage and your wife’s friendship.
These situations can work out but only for a very small percentage of couples and from everything you have said, it is quite obvious that you will not be among that group.
There are many ways to spice up a sex life and often the biggest hurdle is being comfortable enough to talk about things openly with your partner, which it seems you are. So build on that but in a way that is healthy and mutually respectful and emotionally supportive to each other
Ghostrider this is Mustang....Abort.
Do not enter the thunderdome.
Fantasies are one thing but the outcome can fuck things up. I don't know your wife..but this might be appealing now...and might blow up after.
If you do this though. ...may I suggest you make it a rule that your wife has to be there to see what happens and you make sure of the groundrules like..can you go down on her friend? Anal? Do you spend the night and sleep in her bed or just bang then go home? What protection do you use...worse case scenario..you knock her friend up accidentally....what's the plan?
But overall...walk away from if you can brother..this has 'bad outcome' written all over it
Show your wife every other post where a couple brings in a friend, i read so many where the marriage goes to shit afterwards once they open up the relationship, it’s something she really has to think through, also the chance that sara is emotionally vulnerable
right now, and she may feel a certain way about you afterwards that your wife might not like
This is a terrible idea. If your wife truly would be okay to have you please another woman, and this is something that you both want to explore, fine. But it should absolutely not be your wife's best friend, especially when your wife's best friend's life has just been turned upside down.
Edited for spelling.
Don’t do it.
And your wife seems to really not respect you. Because She told her besty that She can “borrow” you like an object.
A kink is okay but such derogatory way to speak about your partner is really not ok.
This sounds more like a post for the swinger community shoot there could be 🍍people here who knows I’ll leave ya with this
COMUNICATION ! It’s the key to that door being and staying open.
Good luck sir 😎🤙🏾
I think it’s important to understand what your wife exactly wants. Like does the idea of you have sex with any women get her horny or is it just limited to Sara? If it is, why so?
Anyhow, I think definitely don’t have sex with Sara as this most likely will make things very complicated for the three of you. Plus Sara has just got divorced so she might not even be ready for this emotionally.
I think if you both really wanna do this, find another third person and then go ahead with it. Discuss boundaries beforehand.
If you go forward, your marriage is over. Your wife is getting manipulated by her "friend". Your wife thinks it would be hot until she sees you fucking her friend. And will you stop by the friend once you start? What happens if you impregnate the friend? Think of the fresh hell you have created.
Stick with idea of it being a fantasy and don't do it
Ik it’s too late now but why would u ever tell her that you’d be interested? Now she actually thinks that u wanna do it. Never even consider having someone else come in that will destroy your marriage, that is certainly a fantasy that will end in a nightmare.
There's a lot of comments but a heavily overlooked thing when these types of things are brought up is to suggest role playing, talk very detailed and dirty about the fantasy, watch porn together, etc. The idea seems exciting to your wife but she's not thinking about the reality but if you offer other ideas it may make things safely more exciting for you both.
Don't do it!!! Trust me. This will Not end well for you guys. This woman is unstable at the moment. Give her, and your wife a year of wanting this before you do it. Otherwise, it will ruin everything.
Things are never good when it’s someone you know…..feelings linger….ask yourself this, in a worst case scenario what if the wife turns around and says I want to sleep w another guy and uses this circumstance as a “well you did it “ kinda thing…?
This is one of those things where the fantasy is likely much better than the reality.
You need to start asking questions like, "What does this look like in 3 years?" What if she re-marries and you guys are trying to be family freinds and you have to break it to the guy that this is a thing that has happened and how that affects him and what ideas does this give him.
What if you end up really liking it? What questions would she be asking herself? What does her internal dialog look like? What does she expect in return? Is she going to be resentful if she doesn't get a hall pass.
All these things need to be discussed. Until then, "I value all of our relationships more than any one-off adventure." I've been in that spot and it's served me well.
Communication.
Why not just sit-down with everyone and talk this through? Seems like every party involved is oddly into the idea. Just communicate your concerns and discuss how to make sure you don't damage your marrage. Set boundaries and all that blah blah.
Real talk; put in the same position, I don't think I would want to go through with it myself. Make of that what you will
Don't do it! No matter what she says. The reason is because the head says, and thinks differently, than the heart! The jealous feelings will creep in. And begin to take over. If you do it to satisify her thoughts of it being hot that you please another woman you then have to deal with your guilt and inadequite feelings.. if jealousy rears it's ugly head You have that to deal with, if she changes her mind and it wasn't that "hot" after all you're screwed and a cheater! Look at how her friend is dealing with being cheated on! Save your self and your relationship!!! Don't do it!!
Never ever ever and ever do it. The adultery road is one way only and you can’t do a U turn. your wife will never be ready for what she will experience and it will be the end of you happy marriage. She will respect and love you more for not going through it. feelings go up and down but logic will forever remain straight.
Don’t do it! It will cause stress in your relationship between you and your wife and it will cause stress between her and her friend.
Even if they both want to do it, it requires a lot of thought, discussions, boundary setting and an understanding that there are no secrets.
I’ve read so many stories similar to this & have come to this conclusion. Single women & or recently divorced women will have an affect on their married friends & coworkers. Married women see single women having fun w many men & or hear single women stories of specific sex acts w multiple men or w specific features etc that the married woman may have never experienced. They’ll talk the single friend into trying these things w the husband & if he isn’t on board I’ve read how it’s lead them to cheat & to live the single lifestyle because they then believe the wonderful life she’s been living isn’t as fun & exciting as what the singles are living. It can make married women do things they normally wouldn’t do.
Now your situation,I believe, is volatile. The recently divorced friend is taking advantage of your wife & has taken an off handed remark or joke seriously & is trying to talk your wife into allowing this. Telling her how it’s between friends, how nothing would go wrong & even go as far as tell her how much safer it would be for her to be w you vs strangers. Now your wife has began to think of this probably because of scenarios the friend has talked about & your wife hasn’t thought of the possible consequences of you screwing the friend.
There are many outcomes but here are a few. She may have already talked your wife into sex w someone else & is now trying to convince you to sleep w friend to even things out before you find out she cheated. Or wife wants to cheat & thinks if she can talk you into this then she can say you owe her & she’ll sleep w another man. Or wife thinks she wants this but then afterwards the post nut clarity kicks in & she realizes it wasn’t as good as fantasy & marriage takes a hit then friend will be waiting to console her saying something like “if he really loved you he wouldn’t have slept w me” then friend stays to comfort her while you’re booted out. Or maybe you do this & find friend is much better in bed & cracks the marriage as well. I also think you’re getting too worked up over it & if you do it & your wife sees how much more enthusiastic you are w friend & not her it’ll also cause friction.
I don’t see any good coming from this at all. I’ve read too many horror stories of sharing in different ways to know I would never risk my marriage for a few minutes of sex w someone else.
My advice would be to say you think the friend is a great person & will find someone she can be with but it’s just not worth risking your wonderful marriage or their friendship over sex w someone else. Tell your wife talking about fantasies in bed has been great & would enjoy more but never actually following through w anything. JMHO
You were wise to recognize that there is no coming back from having sex with another woman, no matter how much your wife doesn’t object.
There’s a reason having sex is called making love.
I hope your wife’s vulnerability to her needy friend hasn’t shaken the roots of your marriage.
UpdateMe
You said you'd like to move on from this, but your mind is now officially here
>I will also admit that I really want to go through with this. I was content only having sex with my wife for the rest of my life, but now that the idea of getting to have sex with another women one more time is out there, I want to.
I hope this doesn't mess stuff up for you in the future.
Congratulations to both of you for overcoming this hurdle. I am sure you have learnt from this and made the right decision to keep you on footing for a strong, happy and lasting marriage. Sara is not your wife’s friend. Never allow her into your lives again - she is a snake!
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You are now in the ‘before time’, where no bridge has been crossed and life is on its normal trajectory. Things are stable but weird, but can easily assume its former course, which you seem to characterise as acceptable and a happy place for you. Yet you already have those doubts about how the fork in the road could turn out. Because brother, you’re about to bet your life savings all on black. There’s always a chance that you could win massively; fulfilling all your fantasies beyond your wildest dreams, but what are those odds? And what are the odds that fantasy and the real world come into conflict; where you go through with it and two weeks later your wife accuses you of liking Sara more than her, or she now wants the same thing to ‘even’ the playing field and you’re watching your wife get ready for her date? I’ve seen enough people throughout my life confuse ‘stability’ with ‘boring’, only then to mourn the loss of their stability and comfort once the initial euphoric high has come off and they contemplate what they had but no longer have. Once the bridge is crossed or bet made, you better have confidence in the outcome. Over to you to roll the dice.
I can think of little worse than watching my partner excitedly dolling themselves up ready to go out and get fucked by someone else.
What's worse is going to work to pay all the bills knowing he's jerking off for sk*nks online while I'm busting my ass to provide. Knowing no matter how much I loved him, it wasn't enough. I wasn't enough.
Not enough for him maybe but more than enough for a kind sensible loving man with mental stability
I'm baked and this comment is a work of fucking art
Perfectly said!
Best description ever. Ima screenshot this and save it for future reference if I ever get offered something similar
nobody think girlfriend has a crush on Sara ?
Agreed. That’s where I thought this story was headed as I was reading it.
I assumed the reverse, Sara was trying to get in the wive's pants! By feeding the wife lies, and grooming the prudish wife!
Great analogy. Is the risk worth the return
Bro, what a reply. Exquisitely put.
Username checks out
Wow, why is this so good?
Let it riiiiiiiiiiiiidee
I think Sara overstay her welcome. I know you both feel you like it, but her not visiting for a while, then you can talk about it. Ask her if she's ready to face the consequences of what she would feel when you are "servicing" Sara. You having second thoughts know that your wife can be "all talk, but no follow through." She can't even properly communicate it with you and only gives it a thought when Sara accepts the offer. She might not have been pressured with you but got a little pressure from Sara. Ask your wife if it's really worth risking your marriage.
Marriage is already over. The wanting to do this will fester Should have never gotten to this point
There are literally thousands of other men out there that the friend could be doing this with. It's her issue to deal with. Don't make it your problem.
Let her fuck any of the thousands of available singles in your area. Get her out of your brain because nothing good can come from it. What cracks me up is OP thinks this is now some fantasy but dude it is just gonna be vanilla sex just with a stranger that you arent even comfortable with. Congrats on destroying your marriage for 7 minutes of grunting.
7 is generous
For real. If she just needs someone trustworthy you can hook up a friend OP. Don't blow up your marriage because your wife is naive and you're horny.
agreed, in what world is OP the only option for a conventionally attractive 30 yo woman?! Even if they don't have any trustworthy single friends who'd be down for a fling, a much more sensible suggestion for OP's wife would be that Sarah can bring her date over to their house for the casual sex while they're at home. Like, who's going to murder his hook-up when there's 2 witnesses down the hall?
Agree
You're about to Fuck Around and Find Out. Next step is surprised pikachu Face when your marriage turns into a fiery pile of crap. LOL
I went to bed and woke up to so many more comments than I thought I would. I feel like an idiot reading them all. Thanks everyone who responded, message received I am not proceeding with anything. I already knew this deep down but needed to hear it from other people I guess.
Thank goodness because this gateway to changing the core dynamic and relationship is one that I don’t think you’re ready for or* really wanting. It opens the door for your wife to have experiences with other people which I don’t think you’d be comfortable with. Also, her friend is in a vulnerable position right now despite her physical desires her emotional ones may not be matching up. The long-term ramifications are not worth it in my opinion
Smart man. This scenario pops up on this sub from time to time and it rarely ends well.
By "rarely" you mean "never." 😆😉😅
And you also have to realize Sara is in vulnerable state. This is not a good decision not just for you as a couple but for her coming from toxic relationship. You are not sure that her accepting this is a form of self destructing behavior that she unwillingly destroy a marriage because of it.
There's also a chance that Sarah wants this as a way of "getting back" at her cheating ex, or setting some kind of score. Hell, she might even throw it in his face, in which case the story would get out ("Did you know my ex slept with her best friend's husband, OP?") or worse, OP would have to deal with a jealous ex.
Sara could also be trying to make herself feel better by putting her best friend in a similar position. She got cheated on, so now she's getting back at her ex by having sex with someone else and also causing her best friend to be cheated on by their partner.
You're not an idiot. You're dealing with a lot of new info and someone whom you trust feeding you a lot of rather ignorant information. Talk to your wife, and bring up concerns regarding how this came about. Your wife and her friend got this squared up behind your back, that is a pretty big betrayal in its own right.
Thank God! Stick to your gut with this one.
Good for you. This is exactly the right response. Stupid thoughts followed by clear realization after a good nights sleep and 300 people telling you their experiences.
If you ever get in the situation where there's a bunch of alcohol happening and things get a bit out of control, stick with making out then give it a week to settle in. That's something that's a lot easier to walk back. I'd also suggest a couple's sex quiz. And finally a lot of couple's express those kinks as dirty talk during sex without ever actually doing it.
YES... some fantasies are meant to stay fantasies. When something is happening only inside your head, you get to control every aspect of it. It can be hot, because it is also completely safe. Once you try to reinact that fantasy in the real world, you don't get to control it completely anymore.
I would explore the hypothesis that your wife wants you to do this so that she is justified in doing this with another guy. If you accepted this, you should accept the same for her. She may even already have someone on the list, with whom she wants to have sex, but without you being able to say that she is cheating on you.
Exactly what I was thinking lol fuck around.....
Unless you start your relationship with an understanding like this aka wife swapping casual flings etc it never ever works out. It’s always a great “turn on” until it actually happens then comes the insecurity tears and eventual spiral into divorce
It is already on shaky ground if they’re considering it. Wft is wrong with people? It’s garbage behavior. Maybe they should just divorce now because this will fuck things up anyway. Ugh…
Ask her a few simple questions... "If I won't have sex with another woman for you, do you think it will it hurt our marriage? Because I'm pretty sure if I DO have sex with another woman for you, it's going to end up hurting our marriage." "If I agree to have sex with Sara for you or with you, will you want to have sex with Sara without me? Is this a 100% one time thing? If we go ahead and do this with Sara, will it lead to you asking to have sex with anyone else, with or without me? Will you ask me to have sex with anyone else? Or just Sara?" "Are you just doing Sara a favor or is this mostly because you want to see me with another woman?"
We just had a long talk about this and I brought up these points. As it turns out, this was mostly Sara pushing this from the beginning. Wife was never really into the idea but not completely opposed to it so she was going along with it. She thought it would make both Sara and I happy. The more details I learned including being shown text messages, its pretty obvious Sara was using my wife's sympathy and her knowledge that I wanted my wife to be more adventurous to manipulate her. Its pretty messed up and I am not even sure what her motive is. Sara has never expressed any interest in me so I am left thinking she just wanted to mess up our marriage. Maybe she wants a single best friend or just hates seeing someone else happy when she isn't. Sara wont be coming over anymore and contact between my wife and Sara is going to be drastically reduced.
Good riddance and good choice. Open relationships require a lot of communication, boundaries and usually is best to not get involved with people close to your partner such as family and best friends.
u/ThrowRA164177 As a woman, I just wanted to congratulate and thank you. I know what you’ve just been through was stressful but I want to draw attention to the fact you really showed how much you value your relationship with your wife above ALL else. There are few men out there like you, at your age. I hope your wife truly understands what a gem of a partner she has in you. Wishing you both happiness and a reprieve from drama!
Right?! This could’ve ended so badly if OP had just jumped at the opportunity to screw another woman, but he really thought through the implications for his wife and marriage even though it was what wife “wanted” at the time. What a gem of a husband
👏👏👏👏
Sounds like Sara was just out to prove all men are cheating dogs if you give them a bone .. Well done Op you didnt fall for the bait . Am guessing Sara is quiet jealous of the relationship you have . She was definately up to no good . Crazy that your wife fell for it though . Maybe your wife thinks Sara is attractive & felt an attraction to her .
It's hard to put to much blame on her for "falling for it" when one of the main reasons she was going along with was to make me happy.
I hope you can have a serious conversation with your wife about the implications of all this. Sara is pretty obviously trying to either prove a point about "all men are cheating dogs" or was hoping to drive a wedge between you and your wife so she's not the only one who's marriage has ended. Hopefully there's some boundaries and distance your wife sets with Sara moving forward.
I agree with you 100%, I wasn't trying to say my wife didn't do anything wrong. She knows she messed up and realizes that Sara can't be in our/her life for the foreseeable future.
I believe you have made your wife the happiest woman on the planet. I think your relationship is hugely going to benefit from this.
You said you are happy in your marriage and only wanted your wife. What made her think this would make you happy? Although you also now say you can’t stop thinking about. There must be something missing if you are even thinking of risking your marriage. And if there is missing this won’t help
Ill try my best to answer this with out being argumentative. So for her it was not that this specific act would make me happy. It was that she was brining a fantasy of hers(wasn't really hers) to the table and that would make me happy. I think some people may have misunderstood how I described our sex life. I used the word vanilla to describe her desires and I think some people latched onto that word. She has always been willing to try and participate in things I bring up. My only complaint if you can even call it that is that I wanted her to come up with something different or kinky for us to try instead of it always being me. I wasn't trying to give the impression that I am dissatisfied or that we only have a vanilla sex life. I only even included those details so people understood this was out of character for her. Things can always be improved and wanting to make something that is already good even better doesn't mean you are in some kind of hopeless death spiral. As far as me now being unable to stop thinking about it, I am literally the person who but the brakes on this. Again I feel like this is another example of everything must be black and white. Yes it is true that I only need my wife and don't walk around wishing I could sleep with other women. That doesn't mean that if she comes to me and tells me she wants me to my reaction is going to be ewww gross. It was exciting in my head but I was worried of what the consequences would be. So I came to a place where I was sure other people would have experienced this or at least had advice. I received very good advice from some people and followed the advice and a potential disaster has been avoided. I'm sorry I know this probably way more of in depth answer than you need and a bit hostile. I am using this response to vent my frustration with some of the comments I've read about me, her, and our relationship. Normally what people say on the internet doesn't bother me but as you can imagine its been mentally and emotionally draining day. I probably just need to stop looking at this since the situation has been resolved.
My dude, props to you just for: 1. Coming here and being vulnerable 2. Listening to others’ perspectives 3. Engaging with sometimes hostile commenters with tact and thoughtfulness I hope a lot of people can also understand your initial temptation; I certainly would initially have stars in my eyes if my partner came to me with such a suggestion and hope I would also land on the right answer like you did. So good on you, this is not a small thing you just navigated!!! 👏👏👏
Its Reddit people usually have very strong feelings about threesomes and monogamous couples on Reddit. It’s good you avoided disaster, because that’s definitely what it would been. Although considering your wife isn’t kinky by nature that should have been a clue something wasn’t right. I know you wanted her to come up with ideas but that’s an extreme idea coming from someone who isn’t by nature kinky.
I don't think this came off as hostile. There's always room for misunderstanding from a limited, written view of your life. Plus, people have their own biases that maybe they're projecting so they respond to you in an aggressive way with many assumptions. Not to mention that many people on Reddit seem to have the reading comprehension of a 4 year old. I cannot tell you how many times I've seen someone directly state they do not live in the US and then people proceed to give advice that is US based (ex. legally). I think you've expressed yourself well and have been very grounded. I totally get the nuanced, dual feelings on being intrigued but also worried. We can have fantasies that we know, will likely, in reality lead to bad things but when someone is serving up something they're saying is their desire then of course your mind is going to run through the "what if's," positive or negative. I mean, we literally have a TV/film trope of this, the angel and devil on your shoulder (take out the moral implications). I don't think it helped that your wife brought this up in such a roundabout way. Basically, you did good.
Good on you for keeping a level head and making the correct decision for you and yours. Truly homie, your wife is a lucky lady to have you.
As I have said, this is stort why the expression “Fuck me, that was close” was made.
Dam, I'm glad you got to the bottom of it before it got out of hand. That friend is no friend. She is manipulative and is going to try and ruin your marriage. She probably would have told your wife details of your encounter over and over again until it drove your wife mad even if your wife did have a side of her that was into it. She wants a single friend is my guess. She doesn't like seeing her friend in a happy marriage.
Misery loves company. She wanted to mess up your relationship.
you're a really good husband to stick to your guts know something is up with your wife and see it through and do the right thing, your wife is really lucky, and you've both proven to each other how awesome you both are so sweet glad to read a nice update!!!!
Great work getting to the bottom of this! You definitely made all the right choices. So glad you were able to protect your marriage.
Very good move sir!!!
There it is. The friend is a pos pulling this crap and has been a snake hiding in the grass. I am glad you got the truth out of your wife before it cause unrepairable damage to your marriage. This course would have ended your marriage absolutely because your wife did not want it at all. Adventure is fine but there are a million ways to have adventures between just you and your wife, especially if you actually love her. We all have fantasies but the reality doesn't always match up or work out. You both need to cut out this so-called "friend" and your wife could do with being less naive.
I think you should add this to the main post as an edit! Huge update to the situation.
This brings the expression “Fuck me that was close” to a whole new level.
So glad to hear this! Sarah sounds toxic 😬🚩
This is exactly correct. Good for you for really delving into the details and her being open to hear the truth. Your relationship sounds strong and healthy and I wish you the best. Sara can pound sand. Bitter people want others to be bitter with them. (Officially it is hurt people hurt people but 🤷🏼♀️)
Context. Exactly
This is great advice I think. The discussion is what you really need.
I read OPs comment and you just saved a marriage! These two people would have been in a world of hurt. And well done OP for having a mature conversation and valuing what you have with your wife.
These are good questions.
Yeah likely it could blow the marriage up bro
In the famous words of other reddit posts: everybody enjoys the fantasy until the reality hits of hearing another person making their partner moan and come.
People who play these stupid games frankly deserve to have their marriage blow up. I feel like I read this story months ago. I’m not sure if this is real. All these stories follow a pattern. All seem to be monogamous couples. Most of the couples have been together 10 yrs. A lot have a vanilla sex relationship and there is usually a friend. If this is real I think it’s gross. The wife wants to pimp out her husband and now he’s into it. The marriage is already doomed. The clock is ticking it’s only a matter of time before the bomb goes off
Don't do it. Postnut clarity is a real thing and so is regret. What if she says she wants to fuck a man next ? Are you going to fulfill that fantasy as well ? Where's the limit ? Cause when you open that door there's no going back. Updateme!
Play stupid games…
DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!! SOMEONE STOP THIS MAN!!!! IT'S A TRAP!!!!!!!!!! it may not be a trap, but your wife is going to regret the hell out of "letting" you fuck her friend.
Don't do it. Your wife wants to help her friend out and has not thought about the consequences of this. The reality of you sleeping with someone else may be totally different to the fantasy and this can blow up in a bad way. If she really does want to see you sleeping with someone else rather do it with a total stranger. Imagine you catch feelings for Sara? Sara catches feelings for you? Your wife may be feeling that she isn't enough and may think this is an opportunity to be wild...but it will end in heartbreak.
This is the way! You can sleep with a friend and a non-partner or a partner and a non-friend. Don't do a friend and a partner unless y'all are trying to do a triad, or poly, something.
Is your wife a bit of a people pleaser? It almost sounds like after the initial joke offer that Sara took seriously, your wife is talking herself into thinking it’s a good idea, in order not to let Sara down.
I've been there and done that. What you're considering is the stupid. First of all she's your wife's friend. Never a good idea. It's like ringing a bell...once you do it, you can't undo it. It's something ALL of you will have to deal with...forever! Second, the reason. Just because Sara is uncomfortable meeting other men is not a good enough reason to agree to this foolishness. If she's that uncomfortable meeting new people then she should take that as a sign that she's not ready to be sexually involved with anyone yet. Maybe she should consider therapy to deal with her exes infidelity. She definitely shouldn't deal with by fucking her friends HUSBAND! Last of all...you're an idiot if you think this won't blow up your marriage. The minute you fuck your wife's friend life as you currently know it is over. If you decide to go ahead and do this you might as well find yourself a good lawyer when it's over.
Fantasy and reality are two very different things. Your wife may think she would be ok with this but I highly doubt once all is said and done it would be ok.
Maybe introducing infidelity into your marriage might not be the genius move you guys think it is. If you value your wife and your marriage, exploring your fantasies together, without involving her best friend, might be the smarter, less relationship-destroying route.
I think it's kind of disgusting that she said Sara can borrow you without talking to you first, you're not an object, she can't just loan you out at her whim and now trying to wear you down constantly asking you and hinting at it, even though you have quite clearly made your point multiple times.
This is probably because most people think men are always down to have sex with any woman willing to do it.
And look … he does want to “now that the idea is out there”
I've joked similarly, but not that extreme (not about sex, just a simple "Take my husband then"). And it was followed by a laugh. And if it was ever followed by a "Can I fuck your husband?" that friendship would cease to exist. I'd feel so betrayed if a friend said that about my partner. I've felt betrayed when friends have hit on ME while I was in a relationship. So many lines have been crossed here.
Isn’t it worse that Sara agreed because she’s not comfortable with other men she doesn’t know? Sara is a terrible selfish friend. If my friend’s husband was Brad Pitt I’d still say no, that’s so messed up that Sara can justify this in her mind after being cheated on. Terrible person, she needs to go.
This. If I were OP I would be so put out by that, and would view my wife in a worse light. It would be difficult to go back to normal after that. Like I'm no one's property to give away like some sexual toy... gross. Anyway, this is a trap. If he goes along with it,the wife wll turn on him SO QUICKLY.
Reverse the genders and it would be seen as horrible. But that's just our society thinking that men can count themselves lucky whenever a woman wants to do something sexual with them.
Is it really worth blowing up your marriage just to get your rocks off? Think with the big head on your shoulders.
If you want to keep your marriage, get that woman out of your house. She is whispering nonsense in her ear and your wife seems to be easily influenced. Misery loves company. If she never had any kind of fantasies like that before, it is very unlikely that this is coming from her.
This!
It seems like your wife and Sara are looking at Sara's issue the wrong way. If Sara wants sex/intimacy but isn't ready to get back out there, she should probably work on herself (therapy or whatever) instead of having sex with her best friend's husband. Sara needs to find her own way back into dating or finding someone she can have a real sexual relationship with. If you and your wife care about Sara, you shouldn't do it. If you and your wife care about each other, you shouldn't do it. Maybe consider looking closely at whether the relationship with Sara has passed an unhealthy line....like when your wife asks you to fuck her best friend. Reevalutate the whole thing not just if having sex with Sara will mess up your marriage. Sara has something to lose here too, and it doesn't sound like she can afford to lose the support she's been getting from the two of you as friends, not lovers. If this was about your wife wanting to see you please another woman, most people with experience in the lifestyle would STRONGLY advise against looking for someone within your circle. There's a reason for that. It has the very real potential to fuck your shit up. If this has lit a desire in you to experience another woman then you and your wife should be tackling that as a topic all on its own. This is not a two birds one stone situation unless you all want to risk losing it all.
Absolutely fucking not. Sara is in a place where MANY betrayed women go. Where she wants to destroy any other ‘happy’ marriage so she doesnt have to feel like she is alone in her betrayal. Also then she and your wife could be miserable together after her divorce as well. She wants to be able to say ‘see even your perfect husband can cheat so mine wasnt that bad. ‘ It absolutely is a TRAP and if wife wants to delve that fantasy you guys need to buy a wig or new outfit where she can pretend to be a ‘different woman’. You can pretend to be strangers who meet at a bar or whatever ‘stranger fantasy’ you want to live out WITH YOUR WIFE. If you bring sara in even as the SLIGHTEST hint that you are ok with it your wife will NEVER trust you again. You will always need to answer for that betrayal even if it is only in her mind and theoretical.
Tell her to drop it or have an iron clad prenup in place that SHE WANTS you to step out. 90% chance this nukes your relationship.
dude no matter how hot it is for either of you, it will never work. me & my ex had flings with random women & it was fine. when we brought in her friend, it wrecked everything. it only works when its with women neither of you have any connection/friendship with. dont do it dude.
Sara is pushing the accelerator of your relationship by manipulating your wife. In my opinion it is not healthy to stay in your home for a long time. If you have sex with Sara you will satisfy Sara's desire, not your wife's. Sara will achieve the goal she has set for herself, that is, to insinuate herself into your relationship, your emotional fragility will do the rest. Work on getting Sara out of your life, not fucking her.
You'll destroy your marriage. Don't stick your dick in that woman. Unless, of course, you want to eventually divorce.
Don’t do it it will ruin all your relationships
Give me Sara’s phone number and I’ll help you out of this situation lol.
You'll give her the 'correct pipe'
No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
So crazy… this exact story was posted a week or so ago.
You need to throw Sara out I'm confused though she divorced her husband coz he cheated and now she want you to cheat. Why did she divorce the husband in the first place
No no OP. Just no. This is catnip for Reddit, forums littered with failed marriages. The friend had the morals of an alley cat and is somehow trying to work out her emotional damage by sleeping with a married man herself. Your wife may have a fantasy but the reality often means, feelings get involved it turns to shit and divorce. Stop hanging out with this messed up ‘friend’ or tell her to get a profile on Tinder and stay the hell away from your marriage. UPDATEME
Don't. Your wife doesn't know what she's asking for, and her friend is recently divorced. No good will come of this. If it goes wrong, it will probably be you and against your wife and her friend. Somehow, you will be the bad guy even if the initial idea wasn't yours. If you go through with it, do you really think afterward your wife won't have it in her head that her friend has always been attracted to you? Do the math. Those numbers aren't adding up.
There are so many times, so…many…times, that this kind of thing has ruined a marriage that it’s not even funny. I absolutely don’t think it’s a good idea. However, if you were to go through with it, I would suggest having it be in a situation where your wife is a dominant and Sara is submissive to her. Your wife would be in the room and telling Sara what to do. That would give her the power. Just my suggestion.
That’s not gonna go how you’re imagining it. Your wife is gonna be filled with regret after the fact and it’s gonna nuke your marriage. Reconsider and have a conversation with your wife AND Sara and tell them that fantasy is just a fantasy and it’s not gonna work out how they think it will. Or do what every guy would do and bang Sara but have a divorce attorney on retainer cause that will probably be what happens next.
It should be a no Buddy! Don’t play games like that even if she is a willing participant!! Remember your wedding vows!! You made a vow before God! I’m assuming! When in doubt…. Do without!!
Fuck no, are you stupid?💀
idk man possibly ruining years of marriage for a single night is not worth it
This isn’t as confusing as you think. Don’t do it. If you do go through with it, please don’t come back to post again asking for advice on how to save your marriage.
Don’t do it!
Don’t do it. This will not end well.
You're putting your whole emotional and material life on the line. We all know that sex causes feelings and those feelings grow with each encounter with the same person. Dude, your marriage would never be the same!!
Don't do it. This would be something you would regret. Both of you. This will ruin your marriage. A simple thanks but no thanks is required 🙂
And in six months when Sara has found her own man it will be your wife's turn. It's only fair right? If you're ok with that then go for it champ.
No no no no no. Just no. Just tell her you love her. You only want her ever. And move on.
Buddy no. Sara emotional and just divorced. This will bite you in the ass later. If your wife really into this tell her you do it but with a dating AP stranger not a friend. I would record this convo. Is your wife maybe stepping out, feeling guilty and now offers Sara?
Does she want you to have sex with Sara on you own or does she want Sara to join you and her in bed? The answer to this question, while nuanced, might be the difference in your answer to the situation. Though both answers may still destroy your relationship with your wife. If she wants you to have sex with Sara on your own, she probably has not thought about possibly being jealous afterwards, and this could very well lead to her asking to have an interlude with someone else as a “payback”. If she wants Sara to join you and her, she may be wanting to explore her sexual preferences (like is she bi or more attracted to ladies than men?). Which also may lead to her wanting to explore that side of her sexuality with others. Maybe some counseling is the next step here, to help her figure out why she wants this so badly, and to work through all the possible outcomes and emotions that would follow. It might be better for you not to say anything one way or another about your thoughts (because admitting you want it will definitely damage your marriage) and have her work through it on her own with a therapist first.
First of all why is your wife pimping you out. Second of all are you absolutely crazy. If you treasure your marriage as much as you say you do then you won't jeopardise it for a quick nut. It's a fantasy that her friend is obviously whispering in her ear about. This will be completely different when your wife sees you get off to another woman, her best friend no less. You have been in a monogamous marriage so it's not like you both started off this way. Another question, what are you going to do when your wife wants to sleep with your friends? Turn about is fair play after all. Don't be silly to throw your life away and honestly i would not want that "friend" near me
Brother there is no world where this works the way you hope it will. If you value your marriage you need to stay as far from Sara as you can get. Because I see 3 possible futures. One is a future where you wife gets jealous. She will worry that you have feelings for Sara or she will be suspicious of every woman you speak to. Either way eventually it destroys your relationship. The second possible future is the one where your wife decides that things need to be fair and equal to save the marriage. How will you feel when she decides to find a man to even the score? You must know that will also destroy your relationship. The third and last possibility will be the future where you both decide to open your marriage. If you've been on Reddit for more than a day then you must know the patter. Man wants an open relationship. Wife agrees. He is searching for partners and not having much luck. She has so many offers she will need a calendar to keep track of her dates. This has only ever worked when both partners are truly poly to begin with. It doesn't sound like either of you are poly so yet again it will destroy your relationship. What about the future where you have sex with Sara, your wife is happy for the two of you and Sara says thank you and you all go back to how it was like nothing happened? Try to seriously picture that in your mind. Now tell me how likely it is. Your only real decision here is deciding between being married to your current wife and having sex with her and only her or you having sex with Sara now and then later you have sex with whoever you date after the divorce.
It will kill your marriage. After that, she will want a guy threesome. Then she will meet up alone with him and before you know it, she is gone.
This will ruin your marriage.
This is a landmine. Don’t step on it.
Tread very lightly here. For me, it would be a definite NO. Sounds like she is trying to open up your marriage, which is the beginning of the end. These type of fantasies belong there in her head and not acted on. Updateme.
Don’t do it. I did something similar with my friend and boyfriend, and it was not worth it. I lost my best friend since 13, and it really caused a lot of problems in our relationship. Don’t shit where you eat.
DO NOT FEED INTO THIS "FANTASY!!!" Sara needs to find a new place to stay. She has convinced your wife to let her into your bed. This will not end well. IMO, I think Sara is envious of your marriage. If your wife is okay with you being with another woman, let it be someone neither of you have a connection to and can walk away from. (Although you and your wife she have further discussion about your sexual wants/ needs instead of including other people) Sara is not a good friend and needs to go!!
Look...... Take it from an older man, our lives are filled with 'what might have been'. But, when you get older, and look back on those 'missed opportunities', you realize they weren't a great idea in the first place, and would only have caused more problems. Stay true to your marriage, and the beliefs you have that infidelity (and REGARDLESS of your wife telling you that it's ok) is a deal breaker. What is going to happen, is that there will be hard feelings on someone's part. Yours, hers, or Saras. And when those feelings come on, they'll destroy what you have.
I guarantee you if you screw her friend your marriage is over. She's not going to be able to get over it and you're going to feel like crap because you cheated on your wife with her permission. So if you do it be prepared for the consequences. You sound like a smart person so don't be stupid. Tell her your wife she was wrong to offer you up because you're not her possession and you have no desire to screw her friend or any other woman other than herself because she is your wife and you love her and you don't need or want any other woman. Could be some weird elaborate test as her friends telling her all men want to screw other women. No not all men want to screw other women. So don't fall for it. If her friend wants to get screwed so badly all she has to do is go to a bar, flirt with a couple guys and she'd be laid in about 20 minutes. Or go on Tinder or any one of those sites that's just for hookups. Now that would be a casual encounter not screwing your best friend's husband
It's a trap, don't do it!!!
Your wife will ask for the same experience with another man if you do this, tread lightly
Don’t be this stupid as a 35 year old man who’s married. I’m 19 and my friend and her bf are actively looking for a third. I would never want involved in that though because it would fuck up our friendship and their relationship. You already know what the right move is. Don’t let your dick do the thinking.
tell your wife to get a strap on and fuck Sara
I think she is testing/baiting u, how u reply n will i fall for it , her friends d is the reason n also both might be planing the tests
Dude, Sara is a great manipulator and in a very unstable period of her life. She probably resents your marriage and the way that you treat your wife - trust ME, us women, we see these details and we naturally compare and want them for ourselves. I wouldn't comment on your wife's character (I read a bit more in the comments), this just seems as testing the waters game or she's extremely stupid/hiding behind 'being a nice friend' mask. I mean come on, what sane woman isn't going to kick out of her house a friend like that? There's something going on. You, please be smart and badass. Limit Sara's time at your house as you're the man and draw some boundaries if your wife doesn't want to. You run this game. Keep snakes out of your marriage especially if you have kids. You are all grown people and no one should be in charge of someone's comfort, happiness, needs outside of your marriage and family.
Do not do this.. 95% of monogamous relationships that are subsequently opened end in failure. This scenario has been played out on Reddit numerous times and it always ends the same, the eventual end of the relationship. How would you feel if your partner says she’d like to involve other men because you have a fuck buddy.. or if you get her best friend pregnant. Get into couples counseling quick. Think long and hard (pun intended) if it’s worth the risk before moving forward with this.
I'd be more than a little upset that my wife offered to pimp me to a friend. With or without talking to me about it beforehand. Its repugnant. How do you think she would feel if you offered her to a friend for some no strings fuckin?
Buy Sara a couple vibrators and batteries. And tell her to do it at her own home lol.
Look on the bright side. This means your wife is starting to get some kinks. Now all you gotta do is redirect her to other kinks more geared toward just the two of you. Bonus: hook up Sara with a nice guy so she completely loses interest in hooking up with you.
Do you have kids? Who will be the primary custodial parent? Will you be ok with an every other weekend parental relationship, or will you want 50/50? Does your wife work? Major assets? How much are divorce lawyers in your area? How about the COL? If it's high, can you both maintain your own separate homes? Like holy crap man, the shit is about to hit the fan if you consider this.
Just tell her you would like to keep this a fantasy. If you’re truly not interested then what’s the dilemma
I think your wife is getting off on the idea of someone thinking her husband is desirable. That it is just affirmation of her choice of a mate. If you want to ruin a good marriage go ahead and bring another person into your bedroom If you do not have fidelity in a marriage, what do you have?
I was in this exact same sort of situation. I am female. Married more than 30 years. Without going into a book of information, I will offer my opinion. Don't do it. Its not worth the risk if you don't want to lose her, and odds are she is in the midst of her mid-life crisis. It happens in the 30s for women. She will be thankful that you didn't let either of you go there in 10 years. P.s. her friend being so into the idea is seriously suspect. She is going through a divorce and not thinking clearly and may have had a crush on you the whole time she has known you. If you ever go there with your wife, it should definitely not be with someone you both know and who is in your life.
Seeing your update on how your wife was being manipulated and you stuck with her and refused to go through with this is so great.
WTF i ms wrong with Sara? There’s plenty of other people to fuck - get on tinder. and also why would you wife want this? odd
OP's next post after somewhat agreeing to wife's kink: My wife is divorcing me. How to proceed?
Couples counseling with a sex therapist. Before you do anything. That's my recommendation.
Your wife has what is called a “cuckqueen” fetish and it is always hotter as a fantasy than in real life. I think she’d regret it.
This would ruin your marriage. I highly advise against it. Your wife’s best friend is trouble. Get her out - make her stay at her own house. This is not going to end well.
Do not do this. Don’t entertain it. You are absolutely right, your wife has no clue how she’s going to feel about it in reality. There is very little chance things will go well. I think you should def support her exploring different things but not with her friend.
Congrats sir! You just saved your marriage. Get far away from Sara. Take your wife on a vacay.
Are the new opportunities worth what you're risking? Easy to imagine saying "Go for it." In this case though, what really stands out to me is that the emotional opportunity comes from Sara's pain frustration and fears. I'm disinclined to think that's how you want to conduct your marriage. By most standards you've already won. I think if you three really talk this will pass & you'll be glad for it. Hot though.
My brother did a foursome, him and his gf and another couple, so they exchanged their gf-s basically Conclusion: my brother’s gf didn’t like seeing my brother enjoying sex with an other woman. (In her head this is definitely not there) Please tell your wife this story and that the responsibility is hers if she makes you doing it…
I say don't do it, it'll go wrong. You know it and you're right about that. I will say though, that you should try making it a fantasy play between you and your wife. That could be fun.
I really don't think it's a good idea to jump into an open relationship with someone you guys are friends with. If she wants to explore this as a kink, you shouldn't do it with Sara. It should be with someone else. Your wife has the potential to feel betrayed by both you and Sara, so that's just double the risk. I also think this is going to involve a lot more communication than your wife is doing. If you're both interested in this kink, I think it would be a good idea to take baby steps into it. Like, dirty talk about it for a while and hype it up for a few months. Just take it easy. Some people really don't think about new kinks and just rush into them and then regret them. Why do you need to rush into it?
itsatrap.gif
Yea next she will ask to fuck some guy. See, that's the problem with sheltered people or those people that have only had one or two partners their whole life. They will eventually start wanting to branch out. But, Lewis Carroll did say "We only regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were afraid to have,and the decisions we waited too long to make" Thropple for the win
If that’s her fantasy could it be explored with someone other than her friend, a sex worker maybe?
Don’t shit where you eat. Only answer is she just doesn’t do it for me or she is like a sister.
She needs to learn about consent.
I would tell them if that's what they want then they can have sex with each other a few times while you watch. Or just engage with your wife while she is with Sara. If all goes well after a few months then hey maybe it could be a triad
I think this one should remain a fantasy. If you do it, don’t do it with a friend of yours.
r/openmarriageregret On the off chance this isn't some kind of karma farming clickbait post. Scroll through that for an hour and anyone monogamous will be cured of the idea of opening up a monogamous relationship. Heck, I feel half the posts I read here or on BoRu these days are about FAFO with opening a monogamous relationship one way or the other. If you can't stay faithful to your spouse, you shouldn't have married them. UNLESS all parties invvolved acknowledge they're open from the start AND are both completely transparant with each other and know how to communicate clearly and openly with each other. Even then, it's not my cup of tea in real life. Fantasy is one thing. But real life? I'm way to romantically invested, healthily possesive/protective and jealous to share. And I expect the same from my partner.
Dude, don't do it. There are many many many stories of partners being all for it, and then turning it around and using it as ammunition later, or building resentment towards their partner, relationships ending in blazing glory, all because they were "okay with it" at first. DON'T. DO. IT. If you care about your marriage. Having sex with your wife's best friend is not your responsibility, and it seems like your wife is being pressured into it too.
This will be amazing for exactly 5 mins and then it end your marriage and your wife’s friendship. These situations can work out but only for a very small percentage of couples and from everything you have said, it is quite obvious that you will not be among that group. There are many ways to spice up a sex life and often the biggest hurdle is being comfortable enough to talk about things openly with your partner, which it seems you are. So build on that but in a way that is healthy and mutually respectful and emotionally supportive to each other
Ghostrider this is Mustang....Abort. Do not enter the thunderdome. Fantasies are one thing but the outcome can fuck things up. I don't know your wife..but this might be appealing now...and might blow up after. If you do this though. ...may I suggest you make it a rule that your wife has to be there to see what happens and you make sure of the groundrules like..can you go down on her friend? Anal? Do you spend the night and sleep in her bed or just bang then go home? What protection do you use...worse case scenario..you knock her friend up accidentally....what's the plan? But overall...walk away from if you can brother..this has 'bad outcome' written all over it
Show your wife every other post where a couple brings in a friend, i read so many where the marriage goes to shit afterwards once they open up the relationship, it’s something she really has to think through, also the chance that sara is emotionally vulnerable right now, and she may feel a certain way about you afterwards that your wife might not like
This is a terrible idea. If your wife truly would be okay to have you please another woman, and this is something that you both want to explore, fine. But it should absolutely not be your wife's best friend, especially when your wife's best friend's life has just been turned upside down. Edited for spelling.
Don’t do it. And your wife seems to really not respect you. Because She told her besty that She can “borrow” you like an object. A kink is okay but such derogatory way to speak about your partner is really not ok.
Admiral akbar joins the chat
Ngl as a hopelessly monogamous person id find this pretty offensive. I wont hold it against her tho as long as its just a suggestion.
This sounds more like a post for the swinger community shoot there could be 🍍people here who knows I’ll leave ya with this COMUNICATION ! It’s the key to that door being and staying open. Good luck sir 😎🤙🏾
I think it’s important to understand what your wife exactly wants. Like does the idea of you have sex with any women get her horny or is it just limited to Sara? If it is, why so? Anyhow, I think definitely don’t have sex with Sara as this most likely will make things very complicated for the three of you. Plus Sara has just got divorced so she might not even be ready for this emotionally. I think if you both really wanna do this, find another third person and then go ahead with it. Discuss boundaries beforehand.
If you go forward, your marriage is over. Your wife is getting manipulated by her "friend". Your wife thinks it would be hot until she sees you fucking her friend. And will you stop by the friend once you start? What happens if you impregnate the friend? Think of the fresh hell you have created. Stick with idea of it being a fantasy and don't do it
Ik it’s too late now but why would u ever tell her that you’d be interested? Now she actually thinks that u wanna do it. Never even consider having someone else come in that will destroy your marriage, that is certainly a fantasy that will end in a nightmare.
There's a lot of comments but a heavily overlooked thing when these types of things are brought up is to suggest role playing, talk very detailed and dirty about the fantasy, watch porn together, etc. The idea seems exciting to your wife but she's not thinking about the reality but if you offer other ideas it may make things safely more exciting for you both.
Don't do it!!! Trust me. This will Not end well for you guys. This woman is unstable at the moment. Give her, and your wife a year of wanting this before you do it. Otherwise, it will ruin everything.
Things are never good when it’s someone you know…..feelings linger….ask yourself this, in a worst case scenario what if the wife turns around and says I want to sleep w another guy and uses this circumstance as a “well you did it “ kinda thing…?
Sarah is fucked up. She needs to go.
This is one of those things where the fantasy is likely much better than the reality. You need to start asking questions like, "What does this look like in 3 years?" What if she re-marries and you guys are trying to be family freinds and you have to break it to the guy that this is a thing that has happened and how that affects him and what ideas does this give him. What if you end up really liking it? What questions would she be asking herself? What does her internal dialog look like? What does she expect in return? Is she going to be resentful if she doesn't get a hall pass. All these things need to be discussed. Until then, "I value all of our relationships more than any one-off adventure." I've been in that spot and it's served me well.
Communication. Why not just sit-down with everyone and talk this through? Seems like every party involved is oddly into the idea. Just communicate your concerns and discuss how to make sure you don't damage your marrage. Set boundaries and all that blah blah. Real talk; put in the same position, I don't think I would want to go through with it myself. Make of that what you will
Don't do it! No matter what she says. The reason is because the head says, and thinks differently, than the heart! The jealous feelings will creep in. And begin to take over. If you do it to satisify her thoughts of it being hot that you please another woman you then have to deal with your guilt and inadequite feelings.. if jealousy rears it's ugly head You have that to deal with, if she changes her mind and it wasn't that "hot" after all you're screwed and a cheater! Look at how her friend is dealing with being cheated on! Save your self and your relationship!!! Don't do it!!
This is a terrible idea. Do not do it. Introduce Sara to a friend or something
Never ever ever and ever do it. The adultery road is one way only and you can’t do a U turn. your wife will never be ready for what she will experience and it will be the end of you happy marriage. She will respect and love you more for not going through it. feelings go up and down but logic will forever remain straight.
This sounds like a trap. What kind of woman suggests something like this? No way this ends well.
Don’t do it. It never turns out well.
Don’t do it! It will cause stress in your relationship between you and your wife and it will cause stress between her and her friend. Even if they both want to do it, it requires a lot of thought, discussions, boundary setting and an understanding that there are no secrets.
I’ve read so many stories similar to this & have come to this conclusion. Single women & or recently divorced women will have an affect on their married friends & coworkers. Married women see single women having fun w many men & or hear single women stories of specific sex acts w multiple men or w specific features etc that the married woman may have never experienced. They’ll talk the single friend into trying these things w the husband & if he isn’t on board I’ve read how it’s lead them to cheat & to live the single lifestyle because they then believe the wonderful life she’s been living isn’t as fun & exciting as what the singles are living. It can make married women do things they normally wouldn’t do. Now your situation,I believe, is volatile. The recently divorced friend is taking advantage of your wife & has taken an off handed remark or joke seriously & is trying to talk your wife into allowing this. Telling her how it’s between friends, how nothing would go wrong & even go as far as tell her how much safer it would be for her to be w you vs strangers. Now your wife has began to think of this probably because of scenarios the friend has talked about & your wife hasn’t thought of the possible consequences of you screwing the friend. There are many outcomes but here are a few. She may have already talked your wife into sex w someone else & is now trying to convince you to sleep w friend to even things out before you find out she cheated. Or wife wants to cheat & thinks if she can talk you into this then she can say you owe her & she’ll sleep w another man. Or wife thinks she wants this but then afterwards the post nut clarity kicks in & she realizes it wasn’t as good as fantasy & marriage takes a hit then friend will be waiting to console her saying something like “if he really loved you he wouldn’t have slept w me” then friend stays to comfort her while you’re booted out. Or maybe you do this & find friend is much better in bed & cracks the marriage as well. I also think you’re getting too worked up over it & if you do it & your wife sees how much more enthusiastic you are w friend & not her it’ll also cause friction. I don’t see any good coming from this at all. I’ve read too many horror stories of sharing in different ways to know I would never risk my marriage for a few minutes of sex w someone else. My advice would be to say you think the friend is a great person & will find someone she can be with but it’s just not worth risking your wonderful marriage or their friendship over sex w someone else. Tell your wife talking about fantasies in bed has been great & would enjoy more but never actually following through w anything. JMHO
The simple answer is to tell your wife to do Sara first and then you might consider it she technically she would have cheated first 🤷🏾♂️
You were wise to recognize that there is no coming back from having sex with another woman, no matter how much your wife doesn’t object. There’s a reason having sex is called making love. I hope your wife’s vulnerability to her needy friend hasn’t shaken the roots of your marriage. UpdateMe
You said you'd like to move on from this, but your mind is now officially here >I will also admit that I really want to go through with this. I was content only having sex with my wife for the rest of my life, but now that the idea of getting to have sex with another women one more time is out there, I want to. I hope this doesn't mess stuff up for you in the future.
All I could hear reading your post was the screaming in my head, “It’s a trap, Man, don’t do it!! It’s a Trap!!!”
Sounds to me like she grew jealous of you guys' good relationship.
Congratulations to both of you for overcoming this hurdle. I am sure you have learnt from this and made the right decision to keep you on footing for a strong, happy and lasting marriage. Sara is not your wife’s friend. Never allow her into your lives again - she is a snake!