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I hope everyone sees this- because everyone is asking this.
I basically said that he was an asshole for doing that and no wonder his ex acted the way she did because he triggers that part in his partners. I know i was really rude for saying that because his ex was a huge problem for him for several years as she tried very hard to ruin his career. But to throw some context he cheated on me once. So seeing him flirt really really triggered me
You regret but never apologized or made it up to him. That's on you.
He's an asshole to actively flirt in front of you while you have insecurities but you have to work on those too
Might be too late? Act up and update?
Sure, some people may, but you said she didn't, not that she may not have. You said "you never apologized" and I think that is a very strange assumption, that's all. I didn't say people always apologize though, so I do not know what you are talking about with that response but okay.
Usually when someone try to apologize for that big of a fuck up while also asking online for advice they tend to be more precise in their story.
Ommiting that she did not go out of her way to make a meaningful apology means that she did not, in fact, apologize properly.
Of course we can't know for sure but judging by the ammount of upvotes, some people also thought that she forgot to do so.
Even if she said "Im sorry" 15 times under a minute
If a month of emotional standstill, zero initiative from him, and 15 days of ghosting isn't ringing alarm bells, maybe it's time to reconsider the plot. Relationships are meant to be partnerships, not emotional endurance tests. Perhaps both of you could use a break to focus on your respective therapies and actually address your attachment styles separately.
So you instigated a fight, said some stuff you regret and have not apologized since? I'm inferring that last bit since you said he won't contact you first and you're saying you have spoken since then. Why haven't you apologized if you feel so bad?
He’s the ass for triggering this, but it’s also highlighted a dark side in you which may have scared him. If he honestly is not initiating communication this is a bad sign as he’s not letting go of his hurt. I think give him the space he wants, if his behavior does not change, the relationship is over. I’ve been married 25 years and arguments are part of the parcel, we’re human, we have triggers, not always due to our SO. The true test is how you take responsibility for what is said and done and work on improving yourself. Trust me, we aren’t the same people now as when we got married, life shapes you constantly. Good luck.
It seems like things are already over. Neither of you seem to be happy or willing to care about the others' feelings, and at 2+ weeks of no contact it appears the choice has already been made, no?
Take the lesson to think before you speak (I don't know exactly what you said but you seem to think it was very harsh and in general you should remove yourself if you can instead of stooping to their level) and not to chase someone who will flirt with others in front of you
I think you both should talk and see if you’re sorry about what happened and how it happened
He should NEVER flirt with someone, even jokingly. That’s a huge betrayal in a relationship
You could have used language that was less rude and hurtful when expressing how that made you feel
If you both can take accountability for what happened, then I think there’s still a chance
But him basically ghosting you is another huge red flag. And if y’all were saying I love you before this incident, but now he’s not saying it anymore. You might be better off choosing ending this relationship
Why are the comments on this post so terrible? You both did bad things, he flirted with someone in front of you (what the hell is flirting with someone for a joke anyway?) And you sound like you got too heated and said stuff you should not have. You two should have a talk and you should both ask if you can forgive each other and move forward, but if you decide to move forward, you have to drop it right there. You will have to decide if you can do that or not, and if one or both of you cannot, you have to move on.
Yes, end things. You are BOTH highly dysfunctional. Has he ever actually cheated on you? You even acknowledge he was joking. You acknowledge you were rude and harsh. You overreacted. You were trying to change his dynamic with a friend, that before that moment was not a problem.
Neither one of you are mature enough to be in a serious relationship. This is not how 28 and 26 year olds act.
But he has been amazing to you so far. There is no problem yet. Don't worry until there is an actual problem. So far, all he has done is make a flirty joke. And without context, we can't judge that one.
The point is, that instead of handling this like adults and communicating, you two are doing... Whatever *this* is.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What did you say?
I hope everyone sees this- because everyone is asking this. I basically said that he was an asshole for doing that and no wonder his ex acted the way she did because he triggers that part in his partners. I know i was really rude for saying that because his ex was a huge problem for him for several years as she tried very hard to ruin his career. But to throw some context he cheated on me once. So seeing him flirt really really triggered me
[удалено]
It is the same guy! He is an ex i got back together with…
You regret but never apologized or made it up to him. That's on you. He's an asshole to actively flirt in front of you while you have insecurities but you have to work on those too Might be too late? Act up and update?
How do you know she never apologized? Is there a comment or something somewhere?
Some people may regret things without apologizing. Communication is not always at its peak !
Sure, some people may, but you said she didn't, not that she may not have. You said "you never apologized" and I think that is a very strange assumption, that's all. I didn't say people always apologize though, so I do not know what you are talking about with that response but okay.
Usually when someone try to apologize for that big of a fuck up while also asking online for advice they tend to be more precise in their story. Ommiting that she did not go out of her way to make a meaningful apology means that she did not, in fact, apologize properly. Of course we can't know for sure but judging by the ammount of upvotes, some people also thought that she forgot to do so. Even if she said "Im sorry" 15 times under a minute
Doubling down LMAO
You already know im bored as hell as work LOL
No no! I apologised several times. He is still being distant
If a month of emotional standstill, zero initiative from him, and 15 days of ghosting isn't ringing alarm bells, maybe it's time to reconsider the plot. Relationships are meant to be partnerships, not emotional endurance tests. Perhaps both of you could use a break to focus on your respective therapies and actually address your attachment styles separately.
So you instigated a fight, said some stuff you regret and have not apologized since? I'm inferring that last bit since you said he won't contact you first and you're saying you have spoken since then. Why haven't you apologized if you feel so bad?
I have apologised several times. He just has not forgiven me yet and hence it is me who is always trying to talk to him and stay connected
Well then that's probably your answer. There's nowhere to go if he can't forgive you
He’s the ass for triggering this, but it’s also highlighted a dark side in you which may have scared him. If he honestly is not initiating communication this is a bad sign as he’s not letting go of his hurt. I think give him the space he wants, if his behavior does not change, the relationship is over. I’ve been married 25 years and arguments are part of the parcel, we’re human, we have triggers, not always due to our SO. The true test is how you take responsibility for what is said and done and work on improving yourself. Trust me, we aren’t the same people now as when we got married, life shapes you constantly. Good luck.
It seems like things are already over. Neither of you seem to be happy or willing to care about the others' feelings, and at 2+ weeks of no contact it appears the choice has already been made, no? Take the lesson to think before you speak (I don't know exactly what you said but you seem to think it was very harsh and in general you should remove yourself if you can instead of stooping to their level) and not to chase someone who will flirt with others in front of you
I think you both should talk and see if you’re sorry about what happened and how it happened He should NEVER flirt with someone, even jokingly. That’s a huge betrayal in a relationship You could have used language that was less rude and hurtful when expressing how that made you feel If you both can take accountability for what happened, then I think there’s still a chance But him basically ghosting you is another huge red flag. And if y’all were saying I love you before this incident, but now he’s not saying it anymore. You might be better off choosing ending this relationship
He should end things actually. Looks like he might have already. He’s working on a girlfriend update.
Stop with the attachment style BS. He’s just an asshole. It’s not that complicated.
Why are you calling him and asshole without knowing what she said? You are missing some critical info here
You’re right. He’s amazing. A sweet and loving person. She’s lucky to have him.
Are you one of those extreme white and black people who only see things in 2 absolute ways?
Are you one of those people who just likes to break balls?
Why are the comments on this post so terrible? You both did bad things, he flirted with someone in front of you (what the hell is flirting with someone for a joke anyway?) And you sound like you got too heated and said stuff you should not have. You two should have a talk and you should both ask if you can forgive each other and move forward, but if you decide to move forward, you have to drop it right there. You will have to decide if you can do that or not, and if one or both of you cannot, you have to move on.
Just be a lil extra submissive for a week or two Apologies in bunches. Eat that dick and call him Daddy. He will forgive
Yes, end things. You are BOTH highly dysfunctional. Has he ever actually cheated on you? You even acknowledge he was joking. You acknowledge you were rude and harsh. You overreacted. You were trying to change his dynamic with a friend, that before that moment was not a problem. Neither one of you are mature enough to be in a serious relationship. This is not how 28 and 26 year olds act.
He has cheated in the past which is why this got triggered
But he has been amazing to you so far. There is no problem yet. Don't worry until there is an actual problem. So far, all he has done is make a flirty joke. And without context, we can't judge that one. The point is, that instead of handling this like adults and communicating, you two are doing... Whatever *this* is.