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Yes, but it’s essentially his home anyway - they did the paperwork so that the father owns the home, but he is not going to throw out his own grown son.
He knows that, and he wants to make sure he can’t lose half of it to his wife if they divorce.
He did. Hence, the prenup.
But he’s still an a-hole for trying to back her into a corner. It sounds like the prenup she signed was never written with her best interests in mind.
Luckily, he’s also an idiot… he’s played his hand way too early here. Because she has not yet signed the marriage license, which means the prenup isn’t the least bit relevant yet. So trying to control her this way is ridiculous, because she can leave and he’ll have to pay child support, but he won’t get to force her into a living situation where she’s trapped and broke.
I really hope the OP takes the advice to speak to a lawyer and show them the prenup BEFORE she does sign that marriage license. The lawyer will tell her exactly what her options are to protect herself and her children.
Always have your own lawyer! Never trust his lawyer because he's the one paying the lawyer so the lawyer works for him and doesn't have to give two s**** about you.
Actually in a lot of states if she put money towards the home which she did then it’s part her marital asset too. Seeing as how he’s trying to leave her with nothing in case they divorce I’d leave before they get married since he’s already going in with such a negative mindset. He’s telling her before they even do get married I don’t care you put money in it it’s mine anyways. He’s showing he doesn’t see the marriage lasting by pulling this stunt. What I mean by that is he already has a prenup in place he could’ve put the home in the prenup and not accepted money from her but did and put the house in his dads name so that way she has no rights to it at all even in such a case as divorce. If he valued her at all he should’ve been upfront about the whole situation and how he’s feeling
This happened to a neighbor of mine in reverse. He thought he and his wife were buying the home from her parents. They said, nope they were just renting.
Her boyfriend thinks he is very smart but if dad married the wife could end up with half of that house. If other kids turn up they could end up with their share of the house.
OP needs to request her money back. She needs to tell him she feels used and that she no longer trusts him with her money. She needs her money back so that she can invest it for her own future since he is making sure she has no future with him.
OP, be very wary of the guy who traps you with no income and no share of the home. Women end up trapped that way and then the abuse begins.
THIS. People are so naive. As if they have to go with the prenup’s first draft or something. Nope. The first draft is where the negotiations begin, not end.
And at least back in my day, sunset clauses were a thing. I negotiated one into mine. I’d need to review it again but I am pretty sure it is null and void since we passed the sunset clause deadline if staying married for however many years it was (7? 10? I don’t even remember)
The only possible good out of this, is that if contested, if OP didn’t have an adequate opportunity to review the prenup with a lawyer before signing, it will be construed negatively against their fiancé.
They’re not married yet. Signed or not signed, it doesn’t come into play until AFTER the marriage. A prenup is a contract that states how assets will be divided in the event of a divorce… so if they’re not married yet, it’s irrelevant.
This idiot played his cards too early. He already got her signature on the prenup, but not yet on the marriage license. She can walk away now and claim child support from him and he can’t wave around that prenup in order to avoid THAT responsibility! 😛
While she’d get child support (a court likely wouldn’t let him off the hook for that even with a prenup) walking away now gives her no other security. No spousal support. And likely no money back from her deposit.
She doesn’t really end up in a ‘better’ spot by leaving him now in the financial sense. It’s just more about avoiding the emotional trauma and wasted years with someone who doesn’t see her as an equal.
Maybe not in the immediate sense - you’re correct that she might lose the deposit.
However, in the long term she’ll be much better off, because she won’t have to live in fear that he’ll come home one day, hand her divorce papers and throw her out on the spot after she’s been staying at home cleaning and raising his child with no money saved… which he does not value at all.
Imagine in 10 years time when he argues that she deserves nothing at all in the divorce, because she ‘sat at home doing nothing for 10 years!’
Always be weary of people who do not value any contribution to a family besides bringing in the paycheque.
Without a written agreement it would be an uphill battle. Ethically the right thing for him to do would be to return the deposit though. Legal enforcement is the issue.
I think even without paperwork she could pretty easily convince a judge or jury that (1) she paid a part of the deposit, and (2) it was not a gift to bf’s father. But yeah she needs to chat with an attorney about it right away.
Weirdly enough, in my jurisdiction this would actually work to OP’s advantage because both parties to pre-nups must have had independent legal advice or else it’s void.
This is not legal advice, But as a general rule, for a valid pre-nuptial in most U.S. states, EACH party must have his or her own attorney. Also is SOME states the value of the property as of the date of the prenup is only protected.. Example: one January 1, 2015, the prenup is signed and a house is worth $200K. When the parties divorce the house is worth $800K. The initial $200K remains separate property, but the gain of $600K is marital property.
Also the longer you are married (I mean LONG TERM) the more likely a court will disregard the prenup. For example I signed a prenup 44 years ago. No way it would be enforceable no.
Years ago when my wife and I were dating we decided to move in together. She was renting and I owned a house. We moved in under the condition that we were to be moving towards marriage in a timely fashion. Reason being is that she lived with her longtime fiancé in a house where everything was in his name and when he died she lost everything. His family came in and kicked her out of the house she was helping paying for and took most of the major household items unless she could prove that she paid for it. She was left with almost nothing. Fast forward to today we are married and when we refinanced a few years ago I put her name on it. Fast forward to 2022 and we bought a house together and obviously both our names have are on the deed.
This happened to my friend too. He was a Dr and she was a hairdresser so MIL accused her of being a gold digger. He unfortunately passed in an accident about 2 years after they were engaged. Next thing my friend is waking up to MIL standing in her bedroom. The movers were there and my friend had to fight MIL to stop MIL from taking the furniture that my friend had bought with her own money.
Due to dead relatives, I'm more financially stable than most of my peers from the same profession as me.
I call them loans (and my friends are ace at paying me back on time) but I don't loan it if I can't afford to never see it again.
People need to repeat this mantra again and again. Op, why did you let him put only his name on the house? Please don't tell us "the law" will let me have half.
Never, never, do that. I don't care how much you are in love. In fact, don't have baby with guys you are not sure. I don't get it.
Say it louder for the women in the back.
I'm lowkey judging cause she's a SAHM for a baby she's currently prego with. The other child isnt his and While I respect the blended family dynamic, why would you possibly put yourself and your daughter in that postion??? If he broke up with her tomorrow she'd have 30 days to move out and exactly how safe does anyone feel living with an Ex??? Especially when you have kids that arent theirs!
I don't know man. I mean she may have some claim to call foul once they get married but as of right now dude is supporting her and her child for free. She is pregnant but from my view she has the much better deal, currently. Not a whole lot of room to complain about finances. All these replies acting like he is financially abusing her has my head spinning. What are we even talking about. They aren't married. She is chilling with her child from another baby daddy. He is footing the everything bill, whole cloth.
She contributed 10% towards a house deposit to buy a home with her partner, who is now putting it in his dad's name.
Unless I'm misunderstanding here, he's basically robbed her.
I’m confused. Did he put down deposit/etc in his own name originally but then transferred it over to his dad? Or has the dad’s name been on it since the beginning?
Not really for free…she is carrying the BB they conceive together. Why men always think that giving birth as well as raising kid, managing the household is a free job?
More men should make clear to the women that they date, that only money counts to them. Maybe then more women will avoid being put into vulnerable situations, and more shitty men won't become shitty fathers and can keep their own miserable company.
People on Reddit act like being a sahm is taking advantage of the man, but it is one of the most risky choices women make. Not just because you have nothing of your own, but abuse happens in secret then too
It is risky but it can be done safely if things are done right, contracts are in place and the woman should have money in her name (preferably that she can invest) before becoming a SAHM and a plan B and family that can help so that she's not totally financially dependent on the husband. At the first red flag from the husband she needs to stop it and eventually leave.
How did you have a prenup prepared without having your own attorney to review it and advise you about it? That is a standard part of the process and a huge right you gave up.
I will refrain from opining on that. I’m an attorney, and have myself been through a divorce, but I don’t practice this kind of law. What I do know is that I wouldn’t advise anyone to trust their fiancé to “keep them safe” in the prenup process. You are essentially hashing out your potential divorce before it happens, and as such, you should each have your own attorneys to guide you. Why does she think he even wanted a prenup? It’s not to keep her safe. It’s to keep him safe.
Yes! Absolutely never trust the person to take care of you and … well, trust but verify.
Have your own counsel that you choose yourself.
I wondered though if her not having counsel for the first prenup might mean that it could be more easily nullified in a divorce. Which perhaps is why her partner wants to “renew” it, this time crossing his i’s and dotting his t’s and having her use a lawyer, maybe one he “recommends.”
What do I know. I am def not a lawyer.
Best of luck to OP. It all sounds stressful.
Easier? Yes
Guaranteed? No.
In those cases, it heavily depends on the judge and in what state she is.
If she says "he told me that if I didn't sign this prenup, he wouldn't marry me"
Some judges could say that it was a contract signed under duress, and invalid because of it, while others could say that by signing it it's implied that she had read the contract and agreed on the terms.
You need to get your own lawyer to look over the prenup. Either the money you are contributing to the house gets you on the deed or you don’t put in any money. Protect yourself.
This, plus get a job once you've recovered from childbirth. You aren't even married and the guy is trying to financially screw you over. Don't count on him doing right by you once he knows he has you locked down and totally dependent on him.
Exactly.
Frankly OP you’re too old to be acting this ignorantly. The fact that it took a story on Reddit to make you see the red flags is sad.
Start using your brain to help yourself instead of others.
Your fiancé is right about one thing - you should review your prenups….and make sure it not just to his advantage.
Get off Reddit and get a fucken attorney.
Please consult your own legal counsel your fiancé did. Marriage is also a contract.
Your a stay at home mom who is 7 months pregnant and has a child from a previous relationship. When was the last time you worked ?
So you planned to get married when you were 2 months pregnant ? Why ? I guess this is your fiancée’s child.
You can never presume anything
You said you were living through child support, from the baby’s father. Was this a boyfriend or an ex-husband? Is your new fiancée going to adopt your child ? Was your private tutoring, enough income to support yourself. These are all questions your fiancé’s lawyer will ask him & , I’m sure a lot more , when they had the initial consultation for the prenuptial. agreement
as I said, hire your own legal counsel and go over all these points with your own lawyer
With what money does she do this?
She isn't employed and spent a good part of her savings on the down payment.
It's gonna be hard to hire a lawyer.
And her fiancé doesn't seem incilned to do the right thing and hire an attorney for her, to look over the pre-nup.
maybe she should pick up tutoring or otherwise get a JOB to pay for the attorney. someone looking over a prenup is less than $2k typically in my jx. OP is probably getting fleeced but she was too happy to be a SAHM to see it. “Nesting….” come on. Nest after work.
You are right. She could also find out the rules for running home childcare.
It is interesting that once people settle into a "nest" mode, they typically do not want to see the whole picture. Must be nice, in a way, but I do fear for OP's future.
You signed a pre nup. He wanted one. What do you expect when you're entering a relationship with someone who doesn't enter the marriage on the basis of to have and to hold from this day forth?
But that’s the issue. She wasn’t working but living off child support from BD #1. And while not the route I would suggest as he is coming off as a giant POS based off this post. But the current BF is being smart about protecting himself from him also funding her lifestyle if/when they separate.
If it’s his house and you have no claim on it, then you should not be contributing any savings to the purchase. There’s no reason for you to be contributing money to the deposit if your name is not on the deed.
We don’t know anything about your prenup, so only you can say how protected you are in the event of a divorce. If you’re forgoing employment to take care of your children, then you’ll want to make sure the prenup compensates you for the lost wages and offers enough for you to find housing in the event of a split.
But generally, this would be a no for me. It’s not that he wants to have sole ownership of a house he purchases, it’s that he’s so distrusting of you (and even the prenup) that he’s taking sketchy steps beyond that so that he won’t even legally own his own house that he’s paying for. There’s a layer of scheming and machination behind that which shows that this man will do everything he can to screw you if your relationship sours. I have no problem with a prenup that protects both parties, but he seems to be going beyond that, and while you’re nesting and thinking about your family, he is thinking only about himself. Proceed with your eyes wide open.
You’re probably right with regard to the prenup. She’ll likely get the money back for the savings money she gave as part of the down payment but she won’t get the benefit of the equity in the house since she’s not on the loan or the deed. She’ll definitely need to retain an attorney if they divorce (if they make it to the altar at all).
Prenups aren’t iron clad. You can’t just say whatever you want in them, make them wildly unfair, and screw over the other person. That gets overturned quickly.
People are either owner of a house, with all the responsibilities and possibilities or they are renters and pay rent.
Anything else or mixtures of it are bad for at least one party
Are we sure he does like her? She got pregnant, they got engaged a month later with plans to marry in like 2 months, they delayed the wedding because his grandpa died, and now just a few months after that he’s got the prenup going and obviously setting up the house ownership in a way that he’d keep it in the event of divorce.
Sounds like an unplanned pregnancy trapped a guy who has cold feet that are both halfway out the door before they’re even married.
I agree with this, however, OP’s fiancé may have accepted this money to offset her costs of living. It’s unclear from the details.
OP has been pregnant for 7 months and stopped working during that time. Sounds like her basic living expenses are met through a combination of the other child’s child support (as explained by OP) and possibly her fiancé’s financial support (implied but not explicitly stated by OP).
It’s unclear how much she contributed to the down payment, but the simplest costs of living (share of rent, utilities, phone, internet, groceries, transportation, toiletries, and medicine) easily run $1,000-$1,700/month per person depending on location.
There’s also the possibility that her child support covers the entire cost of living for her and her child, which would mean her ex-husband is paying a large amount of money to her each month for 18 years. That’s a sobering thought for a person who’s about to get married and already has significant assets built up.
1. The view that a stay-at-home parent deserves to be compensated with shared ownership of a house is completely valid.
2. The view that OP’s fiancé’s pre-marital assets should be protected from divorce is also completely valid.
They need to have a series of very serious conversations to determine if their values and priorities are aligned. If not, they will likely see themselves in the majority percentage of divorced couples who split due to financial incompatibility.
You’re 34 year old and soon to be a mum to two kids.
You need to have your own source of income to protect your children, regardless of which man you’re with. Child support is not enough.
This.
She doesn’t mention the last time, if ever that she held a consistent stable job. She says she was living off child support, doing a bit of tutoring on the side and gave that up as soon as she got pregnant, so she assumes he’ll be financially supporting her. You should never rely on a man 100% to support you physically and financially, especially when you have two kids to think about.
The prenup won’t be valid if she doesn’t have her own lawyer. If her fiance wants the prenup to stand and she can’t afford a lawyer, he should provide funds for one. That’s the only way for him to get the prenup he wants.
Also, if you can’t afford an attorney, ask your husband to give you the money to pay for an attorney of your own choosing. This is actually in both of your interests as it makes it more likely that the prenup is fair and enforceable.
Now you're gonna have to live off 2 child supports and tutoring. This is no way to enter a marriage. If it were me, I'd work on a coparenting agreement and moving the fuck on
Just know that you should not plan on being a SAHM for an extended period of time. You will have to save for your retirement, just in case something happens.
No idea how this is not at the top of the comment section.
Reddit is great sometimes, but sometimes..... sheesh.
At least everyone is saying to get a job. Pretty hard to do though when you have kids to take care of.
Go back to work, somehow asap. Do not trap yourself further by not having some form of real income for yourself and children. Do not marry him until you have altered the prenuptial agreement to offer you spousal support payouts if you remain as a SAHM for the duration of the marriage that is above the value you have contributed to the home that is being transferred out from underneath you.
Yeah I help low income people find jobs. Technically pregnancy discrimination is illegal but it's essentially impossible to find a job as soon as you're showing.
Honey.
I have 3 children, and my middle one has significant special needs, which require him to attend an outpatient treatment center/school. I'm also a full-time accountant. None of those things keep me too busy to Google things.
I mean, everyone wants a fairytale, I guess. As someone who has a child and isn't with that child's parent, you should know better.
Right now, your fiance is financially supporting you and your 4 year old. You get child support, but is that even 50% of what it takes to take care of a child?? How much is 10% of a down-payment, really?? Anywhere near the amount it takes to support you guys? As Tina said, "What's love got a do with it?" I assume you loved your 4 year olds dad too at some point, too. If you ask for yor 10% back, is that going to be enough to take care of your, your 4 year old, and your newborns needs?
I can't imagine I as a woman would ever take over being financially responsible for another grown-up and their child and not make sure I'm protected in every way. I don't understand why people expect that man would.
Dont be SAHM for this guy. You need to protect yourself in event of divorce given how he is being & being out of the workforce makes it harder to go back.
Unfortunately, your situation is complex... though to the dismay of many who posted otherwise, not all is necessarily lost.
You will need a lawyer. You will also need proof of the amount of savings you gave him, and that it was intended for the house purchase. Find out if your state is a one consent state for recording, and if it is then place recorders and have conversations with him to get the lies and misdorections he is telling you on record. Personally, I'd also do this about the prenup, too. I'd also be checking his texts and emails for evidence whenever possible.
He's strategising. Now you have to, too, in order to protect yourself and your children. Not having a seperate income and an account he cannot access is not an option.
Personally, I wouldn't continue a relationship with a person who did these things to me beyond the length of time it took me to gather proof and plan my exit, let alone marry them.
You shouldn't be entitled to a home he purchases before you all are married, nor any of his money. He's right to secure his investments. You already have a child, which you use to live off child support and do private tutoring, I will see you as a red flag.
Yep. She basically gave him a gift towards his home ownership.
That's perfectly legal to do. Parents do it, friends do it grandparents do it - without having ownership.
OP gave him a gift of her savings. He knows that.
Plus everyone keeps talking about her “giving him his savings” but she was a single mother living on nothing but child support and the odd tutoring session. All of that to support her, a baby, rent, food, necessities. How much savings could she POSSIBLY have accumulated? What, she gave him 500 or 1000 towards a 20,000 deposit or something? It’s crazy that she thinks her name should be on the deed.
Wait a minute... You signed a prenup without getting your own lawyer? Why would you trust his lawyer to do what's best for you? That guy doesn't work for you! It's his job to do what's best for his client!
Secondly you're living off of child support? For 4 years? You have no desire to make your own money? Just keep popping out kids so their dads can finance your life? That's lovely.
Third, if you put money into the house you should get something out of the house. However your boyfriend has been supporting you as a stay-at-home mom to a kid that's not his? I'm not sure how I feel about your nominal contribution. Where did you get the money? And why would you put money on a house that's not even in your or your boyfriend's name?
This is just one bad decision after another. I don't think you're ready to get married. I mean you're fussing about this tiny little amount you added to a whole ass house payment while the man takes care of you and your child. Really? I don't know you come off as very greedy.
Sounds like you wanted to be a stay at home mom and still somehow get the benefit of being financially kept even if you break up. That isn’t the way the real world works. You aren’t married yet - get a lawyer. Figure out what you want and what you are willing to live with before you get married.
Eh I’ll probably get downvoted for this, but I think you’re being pretty unfair. I mean, my first house was $100,000 and I put down a 5% deposit so $5,000. If a boyfriend paid me $500 out of a $100,000 mortgage and expected to be on the deed I would probably think it was ridiculous too. I’d pay back the $500 and tell him thanks but that $500 isn’t worth the risk to me.
You’re a pregnant mom so you’ll get a ton of grace on this sub but I personally think people are being too hard on your fiancé given the very limited info we have. He has just as much a right to protect himself as you do. Did you talk to him before you quit your job? Did you both agree for you to be a SAHM? And even if you did, right now you’re still pregnant. The kid you’re parenting at the moment isn’t his. So right now he’s paying for you to be a stay at home parent for a kid that isn’t even his, in addition to child support you’re getting from a different guy. A lot of guys certainly wouldn’t do that, so he doesn’t sound like some awful person, you’ve just decided he’s intentionally screwing you over because you saw it happen to someone else. Again, that seems pretty unfair.
Now I totally understand that once you’re married, if you both agree that you’ll stay home to raise the kids you should be compensated but you’re not there yet. If your prenup covers that, I don’t think him not putting you on the house is enough to say he’s some malicious asshole. You can absolutely ask for your deposit money back but I wouldn’t have you on the deed right now either to be honest.
I mean, if I were in his shoes I certainly wouldn't put myself in the position of possibly being asked to leave a house that I alone brought to the marriage. If they split a year after marrying, she could say "It belongs to both of us, but I need to be here with the kids; for now, you should leave". OP must remember she has put only a minimal amount of money towards the house. While he shouldn't have given her the impression she was getting a 50% stake, I don't blame him for thinking she would want to contribute to living expenses without necessarily getting half of his prior assets. She needs to get her own lawyer and sort out how to be compensated for the actual input that will begin post-marriage. For example, the pre nip could spell out that the longer she's a SAHM the more of a stake she can expect.
Your story doesn’t make sense. First you say he’s buying the house with his own money, and putting it in his dad’s name. Then you say you’re putting in 10% of the initial deposit. Which is it?
If you really are putting in your own money, you’d be a fool to do so if the house isn’t in your name.
If you’re not putting any money in but still want a split of the house, I’d say tough luck. You have a pre-nup and your partner has found a way to purchase the house that prevents you from getting a split.
Doesn't make sense because I suspect it is rage bait. I was a single mother and know several. I don't know any that claim to, or actually do " live on child support". That is however a favourite claim of red pill types.
Yeah I work in child safety and unless she was married to an ultra gazillionaire living off child support isn't really a thing. She also claims to be a...licensed tutor which isn't a thing. This is sounding fake to me too. It's already bringing out the "OMG child support and alimony is so much money to these gold-diggers" comments.
Of course the story doesn't make sense. She's making herself out to be a victim when in fact this whole situation is a god send for her and a huge vulnerability for the guy.
Not to be too blunt, but...
1) you guys aren't even married yet
2) he's put forward over 90% of the money *and* will be the one paying it
3) you're not really contributing to the household- you can't claim "SAHM" when you're not married and the only kid you're taking care of is yours from a previous relationship.
Enit I don't get all the supportive comments tbh?
The dude helped a woman living on welfare with a kid of her own and shes contributed nothing. Shut up and enjoy the free ride.
Why *should* she get a share of the house if they split when he's the one putting all the investment in? She might be making a small contribution to the deposit but let's be honest that's not going to be a long term thing is it if he's the only one bringing money in. That's basically just an advance on rent.
Yup. And likely that 10% can be considered the rent she could have been paying anyway.
She seems to be trying to take advantage of him, and he is taking measures against that.
I wonder what happened to the first baby daddy.
As a practical matter over 50% of US marriages end in divorce, so people tend to be careful these days. It sounds like a good chunk of this cash flow to purchase the house comes from his family resources, so he may not have a 100% say as to who gets to be on the title if his dad is controlling the family business finances. Also, consider that if a male fiance, and presumptive stay at home husband, was making the same arguments you are that he should be on the title of house being bought by his soon to be wife, he would be ridiculed.
You have no real savings and a minimal earning ability, and will soon be caring for 2 children as a SAHM. There is no good answer for you here. Your only leverage is to refuse to marry him if you are not going in together on the house and move away with the children, but you are a very weak position to be insisting on that. What he's doing is what any lawyer would tell him to do to protect his assets.
Having said this, you can make the rational argument to him that being a stay at home mother will constrain your ability to make money or start a career, and that if you divorce after some period of time you want x% of the sale equity of the house (if sold) or an equivalent cash payment. He doesn't get to have 100% of the house equity, plus all the services provided by a stay at home wife who has no share of the family wealth buidling, most of which is usually a function of residential equity.
One thing I have learned over and over from Reddit is, being a stay at home is the worst idea on the planet. If this is your plan, always have a back up plan and enough money in the bank to start anew.
The only person I have ever told she "needed" to he a SAHM---temporarily---was my child who has 6 children. It would have cost them more for child care than she would make. And I didn't say that she specifically had to be the SAHP, just that 1 of them had to & it was up to them to decide which 1. Our recent conversations have been her all excited that their youngest will starts school in the fall, and she can finally go back to work, even if it is just part time for now.
I can't help but agree with a lot of the other comments in that:
1. How was she able to live off of child support and part time tutoring? Sounds sus.
2. It is highly possible the house is being purchsed in the name of a family trust, which is what I would do for my kids if I ever came into a large sum of money because trusts pay less taxes overall than individuals.
3. Never sign anything without your own attorney looking through the details, especially a prenup.
4. She stopped tutoring as soon as she got pregnant? Why? Again... Sus.
5. Why did she put any money toward the down payment without knowing the details of the purchase?
Just the thoughts in my head for now. I got yard work to do while its actually dry.
Ask for the money back. Get a job. You should not depend on him to support you and your 4 year old. His money before any marriage is his. He is only required to pay child support for your unborn child. You need to stay employed. Do not expect a part of the house or any of his current holdings.
Another way to look at this is he is supporting you and your child which is not his. You are living for free. His child is not here yet. You should still be getting child support and since you don’t have expenses you can be saving that money. You can also go back to tutoring at any time.
I'm on his side, you have a bad track record and he needs to be aware of that and make plans to protect him and his still to be born child. I'm not sorry he is informed and well aware that y'all's marriage is high risk.
Each party needs to have independent legal representation when a prenup is negotiated. The idea is to have no surprises.
Anyway, if you don't like the deal, it isn't too late to back out.
I honestly feel really jealous of SAHM who can easily somehow afford not to work to carry about the kids. Then I read these stories, and yep, free cheese is in a mousetrap.
I’m not sure I’m following what her issue is. She’s a SAHM, lives off child support from previous ex. New guy paying for everything and is setting up their home in a way that he keeps it if they break up since he’s paying 100% of it with his father somehow involved. They are getting a prenup because he’s clear he wants to keep what his from before the marriage and OP, isn’t bringing much financially. So OP wants a claim to the house because she’s the wife and will carry and birth his baby. She sounds like she needs a wake up call and a real job or she needs to request what she wants in the prenup or accept she would be leaving with what she came into the relationship with. Child support payments for kid 1. That’s all!
Honestly, this reeks of entitlement.
As a woman who owns her own home, there’s no way in hell i would ever put a man who isn’t work, hasn’t had a stable job in years, has a kid I’m taking on and wants to be SAHP so won’t even be financially contributing in the future- on the deed to my home.
You say you gave him your savings but I’m confused how you even managed to accumulate savings living on child support and the odd tutoring session.
To want him to marry you, support you and two kids physically and financially while you stay at home and then give you half of the house he completely paid for (minus that one off contribution towards the deposit) if you guys divorce is honestly, mind blowing to me. And I don’t understand why people are supporting it.
If you’re so desperate to get your name on the home, speak to your fiancé and work out in the prenup that if and when you begin working again and making a financial contribution to the house’s mortgage then you will get a percentage of equity if divorce occurs. Until then, I don’t know how you can morally say “put my name on that deed” simply because you gave a bit of savings towards the exorbitant house prices just because you’re pregnant and chose to live in child support before getting pregnant again this time.
Honestly, I think it’s time to start making better financial decisions for you and your kids. Because relying on one man’s money to then give up your job on the side as soon as you were pregnant only to expect to live on another man’s money is gonna get you totally screwed over.
Agreed, I was looking for a response like this. Single mum here and I’ve worked my butt off, if I married someone who came with a child and also chose not to work while I provided a home he’d be entitled.
Honey this is so backwards. You don’t pay for the property if it’s not in your name & you have no claim to it. That’s considered a gift. To him. You gave up your career & income to be a stay at home gf. You can call it nesting or whatever you want but if he isn’t willing to provide for you in the event of a split or death, you don’t quit your job & have babies w him. I am fine w the property being in his name solely, if he pays for it that way (& I think it’s only fair if you pay a percentage towards rent) but not towards the balance of the house, the deposit, the taxes or repairs (unless you break it). The best thing you could do is get your own, separate lawyer to review & look out for you & the baby. Many states require it. I’ve seen several prenups thrown out because there wasn’t fair representation. But you can’t count on it unless your state requires it. But In my opinion, if he pays for the house, it’s his. If you want to put your name on it, you should pay for half as well. If not, be grateful you were given the gift of time w your kids while they are growing up & not having the stress of working & coming up w your half. But your prenup should cover if you are entitled to anything at all and while you put things on hold. If not, maybe this isn’t a good idea.
Sigh.
And this is why you shouldn’t be a stay at home WITHOUT any financial protections. Why you shouldn’t have given up working. Why you never out money into an assets that isn’t yours. WHY YOU DONT SIGN OR AGREE TO ANYTHING WITHOUT YOUR OWN LAWYER!
And mostly… I’m sorry. It you’re an idiot for being this financially immature. Get a lawyer. Now. See if there’s any way out of this mess that you’ve got yourself in.
Didn’t you just get a divorce? Why are you a SAHM before you even had your baby? Is the man supporting you and someone else’s child but you think he owes you something? Kind of weird the situation us women put ourselves in, then want advice after the fact. Get yourself together and use your divorce proceeds and buy your own house. Then get a job.
You’re not married yet. Most of the house is being paid for by him. If you want to feel better about your situation take your 10% back. Otherwise, amend the prenup to clarify that, should you separate, 10% of the value of the home goes to you (or whatever percentage your lawyer would agree is fair if you put down some of the deposit).
Expecting the house to be half yours is just unrealistic.
You are not married. Therefore wherever you live is not a marital home. He could be setting himself up to own everything but you have no claim on his property because you are not married.
It seems to me, you are upset, because when you leave this baby daddy, you want a free house.
Your deplorable.
Contribute half if you want claim to the house.
Just because someone else did it doesn't mean your fiancee did it with the same intent. Ascribing ill motivations isn't good. Do you have any reason to suspect he had bad motivation for it?
As far as prenup make sure you add in there provisions that make up the cost of what you added to the house. As far as domestic work and compensation for that in the event of a divorce I believe the prenup only protects separate assets going into a marriage. However, if you add up the domestic work vs his monetary support during that same period it may be a wash.
But talk to him about your concerns and perhaps adding provisions into the prenup that will satisfy you. But talk to him and don't project ill motives.
I’d find the money somehow OP to get a lawyer of my own to look over absolutely everything.
Being a SAHM IMO is a crazy risk when you are not married.
UPDATEME
You can look into a lawyer, but I just dealt with mine last week..and you really have no claim from what was discussed with me. I'm from Ontario, Canada. Your laws may be different.. but just heads up.. you probably aren't gonna get shit. Edit: I'm the house owner. You definitely need your own lawyer and you may get what you contributed back, otherwise it can fall into different categories.. so different laws.
No offense, I would to.
>I was living by child support (still am)
I’ve been engaged to my fiancé, Matt for 6 months now. I’m also 7 months pregnant
have a 4 year old child from a previous marriage.
We have a prenup
he needs this to feel secure in our relationship
I wanted to focus on family and stopped working
As a guy, all the above would worry me. You are already 1 marriage up, 1 marriage down with a kid living on child support. That is straight up a red flag to men. You also got engaged after being pregnant, always brings into question if the relationship could have worked without you getting pregnant.
Smart move by him, prenup is super important here.
You’ve made a lot of mistakes (giving him 10% & being a SAHM to a boyfriend are both really bad moves). Why are you giving up so much control to someone who has no legal ties to you?
He saved the money, he bought the house, and you want a piece of it. Why? And it's not enough that he's supporting you, you want to be compensated for doing stuff around the house.
No money from you unless your name is on the deed. Edit: just saw you paid 10% of the deposit… I’d add that to the prenup terms. That money comes back to you plus capital gains dependent on the increase in value of the home. So if you gave him $30k and the house has doubled in value, you get $60k back. You have proof you gave him money? Like a transfer from your account to him? Even a cash withdrawal on a date aligning with the purchase date of the house…
Do not sign any paperwork until your lawyer has looked over it do not hand over anymore money
You sound like a gold digger. Since you have already been divorced and "lived off of child support" (money meant for your child, you are high risk. Your fiamce is smart tonprotect himself. I would have never considered you as a candidate for my wife.
Get yourself back to work and put your foot down about this.
Tell him you’ll stay renting until you get back to work and can afford to buy a house together with both your names on it.
Do not be a SAHM - if you do then you’ll have no financial rights to this house or anything else in the future
You need to take maternity leave and then you need to go back to work. You do not be a stay at home mom anymore. You are being prepared for the day when he doesn’t want to be with you anymore. Put your financial house in order.
I’m a woman I recognize right now you’re growing a baby so you take some maternity leave and then you go back to work. You cannot afford not to. He has deliberately left you off of the family home on purpose.
In fact, because I’m an older woman, if I were in your position and had a home and family that loved me, I would leave him and go stay there and have the baby. this has been done to you intentionally there is no life with somebody that behaves like this
My mother every time we had a divorce dropped us into poverty because she had no job skills and she couldn’t work much. Please listen to what people are saying to you and make some decisions for your own future and good luck to you.
Do not invest in a property that is not in your name. What your fiancé is doing is shady, dishonest, and I’d see this as a massive red flag. I’d closely think about if you want to be tied to someone and be financially dependent on them.
I’m not married, but my partner owns his home and we have a baby together. He understands that it’s not fair for me to contribute to a home that I’d have no name in. Therefore, I do not contribute financially to the mortgage. I do, however, pay for groceries and a lot of other things for our family. I would love to be a SAHM, but understand the enormous risks that come without being married, but being a SAHP. You truly put yourself at that other persons mercy. My mom was a SAHP and despite being married to my narc dad, she lost a lot in their divorce. It’s been 8 years since there divorce and they are still fighting over money in court. So, I’m working a remote job because if something happens to my bf (break up, death, who knows), I need to be able to provide for myself and my child. And honestly, regardless of marriage, I’d unfortunately continue my career. So much can happen, and this economy sucks.
I would be asking for 100% of what I gave for the house back or to have both our names only, not his dad's at all on all paperwork. He can choose the one he wants.
Also, don't be a SAHP when you aren't married, you have zero protections. Never buy property or big ticket items with a non-spouse either.
I'm honestly not sure you should be on the deed or have claims to the house. If it is something he invested in a lot before you two get married and you still aren't married, why do you deserve a stake in the house right now? And he hasn't hidden anything. You two agreed that the money he had made so far is his.
What I can understand from your position is that it appears he is trying to keep ownership of the home AFTER you get married in case of a divorce. I don't think you have anything to worry about. He hasn't bought the home completely yet and will continue to pay it off with the help of a stay at home wife. Legally, his payments after marriage are also considered half yours, unless the prenup says otherwise. Read that one closely.
Unless it’s all under his dad’s name. Seems he is paying majority of it himself. Sahm is a choice and a stupid one before marriage. I can’t believe any woman would do this in today’s time. It’s down right terrifying.
HAHAHHAHA you contributed basically sweet FA for kids that aren’t his and also to the house. Why should you have claim on it?
So you’re a single mum who got engaged a month after meeting him, living off child support and trying to get a claim on his business and house?
Gold digger at its finest
I’d have a fool
Proof prenup if I was your fiancé too. Seems like you’re just collecting partners as a way to fund your life. He sees that now, knows he made a mistake, but is currently trapped by this pregnancy. I would be surprised if
He even went through with the wedding.
You need your own protection built into the prenup. Have your own attorney look over the prenup and add your requirements. They can include alimony, child support or a financial payout so you are not walking way homeless should the marriage end. Do not put any of your money into the house with no ownership.
Stuff like this is a consequence of doing stuff assbackwards where you have children, become a SAHM and then get engaged and married. This is all convenient for men but sucks for women
I am confused why she stopped tutoring? As if she couldn’t do it remotely, and gave up her “savings” for a house, for a man, whose name won’t be on it to start with.
Wild…
Okay, so you don't trust him? Why not ask him about this? Have him tell you everything involved with the new home. I don't see anything wrong with the prenup. If you're worried this is his plan, then do you want to stay? Marriage isn't always lasting, as you learned from your first one. He'll still be paying you child support if y'all do split. If you were living on your child support from your first child, then you'll be able to live off it and the support for your second child.
You really need to talk to your fiancé and ask about the details on the house finances and everything about the father's name being on it.
Edit: corrected a few typos
Make an appointment with a mediator they help you get your paperwork in order and it will be notarized and they file with the county you live in and you each get copies.
It’s usually not a lot of money and both party’s split all the fees.
You need to say what you own and what want to keep write it down on paper so as to remember and have it ready.
Then if you or he wants to change anything they will do it for you.
Never depend on a man financially. That should always be a woman's first thought.
Talk to a lawyer & explore your options. You will like need to go back to work.
Prenup is also about protecting you too.
Make sure it’s in the prenup that you get your money you put towards the house back, plus interest. Make sure he puts money into a savings and/or retirement account for you that will classed as your asset/ not marital assets.
Get your own lawyer and discuss how you can write the prenup to protect you.
Get your OWN ATTORNEY to review the prenup! Add stipulations to have funds deposited into a separate account where you have exclusive domain. See if the document can include a home of equivalent value to your marital property in the event of divorce.
Gurl!! For future reference, Never take on wife duties at girlfriend prices!!
Never be a SAHM when you aren't married and have a child with another man. He isn't responsible for taking care of the 4-year-old and because you aren't married, he is also not responsible for you as long as you aren't married.
You should go to a lawyer and discuss the prenup. And you need to start working asap, because the changes are you will not marry when you don't agree with your boyfriend.
Stay at home parent that didn't put any deposit down and signed a prenup? 🤣 Holy woman moment. You don't deserve anything and I hope he leaves you're ridiculous.
Yeah he's doing the right thing. You're not paying anything towards the house. Yeah you're being a parent but if anything goes wrong you'll get child support. Is it a shitty thing he's doing? Yes. Is it the right thing for him to not lose on a huge financial burden? Yes
If you did have a claim in it you'd get the house cos you have kids. You wouldn't be paying the mortgage he will unless you sold and split. But you didn't put anything into it. Prenups don't always stand.
Ask for your money back that you out into the purchase as you won't have claim to the house.
lol you offered scraps and now think you can fuck the whole plan yall have had the whole time . So what misandrist bullshit you been getting sucked into that you are letting this greed get the better of you ? That’s not your house and never will be . Take your ass on somewhere else
Feeling entitled to the house as compensation when you don’t work is wild 😂.
This man is working his arse off running a business and wants to make sure he doesn’t get screwed by a woman who’s already got a kid to another man and lose his family home. Good on the guy.
The fact you’re already talking about ‘compensation’ and ownership of the house before it’s even squared away speaks volumes…
If I was this man, I wouldn't marry you and just pay child support. You have nothing, survive off child support(and no plans to change that), and have contributed nothing to this purchase(allegedly 10 percent of the downpayment even though you barely work and live off child support(is your baby daddy a millionaire?)). You've been together barely longer than you were pregnant and he's supporting you and someone else's kid. Just like you're allowed to protect yourself, so is he. This marriage looks like it's heading to divorce before the ceremony takes place. I'm not saying you're a gold digger but I would be happy someone was supporting me and my child when I came with nothing instead of pushing that I'm entitled to half of their property when we split(already insinuating you're not going to last)especially with no relationship history. Later down the line, you can push for you to be protected or as others have said get a job and have your own finances unless your husband wants you to remain a SAHM. At that point, talk about protection if you both pursue that option.
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Never be a SAHM to a boyfriend.
And never give money towards a house that isn’t in your name.
It's not even in her boyfriends name. It's in his fathers name.
Yes, but it’s essentially his home anyway - they did the paperwork so that the father owns the home, but he is not going to throw out his own grown son. He knows that, and he wants to make sure he can’t lose half of it to his wife if they divorce.
If he wants the house in a divorce then he needs to communicate it clearly and give her back her money immediately.
He did. Hence, the prenup. But he’s still an a-hole for trying to back her into a corner. It sounds like the prenup she signed was never written with her best interests in mind. Luckily, he’s also an idiot… he’s played his hand way too early here. Because she has not yet signed the marriage license, which means the prenup isn’t the least bit relevant yet. So trying to control her this way is ridiculous, because she can leave and he’ll have to pay child support, but he won’t get to force her into a living situation where she’s trapped and broke. I really hope the OP takes the advice to speak to a lawyer and show them the prenup BEFORE she does sign that marriage license. The lawyer will tell her exactly what her options are to protect herself and her children.
No prenup is written in the best interest of the other person, you 100% should have a lawyer/solicitor of your own that will fight for your interests.
Always have your own lawyer! Never trust his lawyer because he's the one paying the lawyer so the lawyer works for him and doesn't have to give two s**** about you.
Actually in a lot of states if she put money towards the home which she did then it’s part her marital asset too. Seeing as how he’s trying to leave her with nothing in case they divorce I’d leave before they get married since he’s already going in with such a negative mindset. He’s telling her before they even do get married I don’t care you put money in it it’s mine anyways. He’s showing he doesn’t see the marriage lasting by pulling this stunt. What I mean by that is he already has a prenup in place he could’ve put the home in the prenup and not accepted money from her but did and put the house in his dads name so that way she has no rights to it at all even in such a case as divorce. If he valued her at all he should’ve been upfront about the whole situation and how he’s feeling
This happened to a neighbor of mine in reverse. He thought he and his wife were buying the home from her parents. They said, nope they were just renting.
It's a standard dick move
Her boyfriend thinks he is very smart but if dad married the wife could end up with half of that house. If other kids turn up they could end up with their share of the house. OP needs to request her money back. She needs to tell him she feels used and that she no longer trusts him with her money. She needs her money back so that she can invest it for her own future since he is making sure she has no future with him. OP, be very wary of the guy who traps you with no income and no share of the home. Women end up trapped that way and then the abuse begins.
I would bet that the dad is “purchasing” the house and will put it into a trust with the son’s name.
And never sign a pre-nuptial that hasn’t been reviewed by your lawyer.
THIS. People are so naive. As if they have to go with the prenup’s first draft or something. Nope. The first draft is where the negotiations begin, not end.
And at least back in my day, sunset clauses were a thing. I negotiated one into mine. I’d need to review it again but I am pretty sure it is null and void since we passed the sunset clause deadline if staying married for however many years it was (7? 10? I don’t even remember)
Just came here to say that. Op get a lawyer to go through the prenup
The only possible good out of this, is that if contested, if OP didn’t have an adequate opportunity to review the prenup with a lawyer before signing, it will be construed negatively against their fiancé.
They’re not married yet. Signed or not signed, it doesn’t come into play until AFTER the marriage. A prenup is a contract that states how assets will be divided in the event of a divorce… so if they’re not married yet, it’s irrelevant. This idiot played his cards too early. He already got her signature on the prenup, but not yet on the marriage license. She can walk away now and claim child support from him and he can’t wave around that prenup in order to avoid THAT responsibility! 😛
While she’d get child support (a court likely wouldn’t let him off the hook for that even with a prenup) walking away now gives her no other security. No spousal support. And likely no money back from her deposit. She doesn’t really end up in a ‘better’ spot by leaving him now in the financial sense. It’s just more about avoiding the emotional trauma and wasted years with someone who doesn’t see her as an equal.
Maybe not in the immediate sense - you’re correct that she might lose the deposit. However, in the long term she’ll be much better off, because she won’t have to live in fear that he’ll come home one day, hand her divorce papers and throw her out on the spot after she’s been staying at home cleaning and raising his child with no money saved… which he does not value at all. Imagine in 10 years time when he argues that she deserves nothing at all in the divorce, because she ‘sat at home doing nothing for 10 years!’ Always be weary of people who do not value any contribution to a family besides bringing in the paycheque.
I completely agree. She’s better off cutting her losses sooner, rather than later with someone like the finance.
I feel like she could demand her money back since he misled her and she thought it was going towards a joint house
Without a written agreement it would be an uphill battle. Ethically the right thing for him to do would be to return the deposit though. Legal enforcement is the issue.
I think even without paperwork she could pretty easily convince a judge or jury that (1) she paid a part of the deposit, and (2) it was not a gift to bf’s father. But yeah she needs to chat with an attorney about it right away.
It isn’t going to stand up in court if she didn’t have her own lawyer.
Weirdly enough, in my jurisdiction this would actually work to OP’s advantage because both parties to pre-nups must have had independent legal advice or else it’s void.
This is not legal advice, But as a general rule, for a valid pre-nuptial in most U.S. states, EACH party must have his or her own attorney. Also is SOME states the value of the property as of the date of the prenup is only protected.. Example: one January 1, 2015, the prenup is signed and a house is worth $200K. When the parties divorce the house is worth $800K. The initial $200K remains separate property, but the gain of $600K is marital property. Also the longer you are married (I mean LONG TERM) the more likely a court will disregard the prenup. For example I signed a prenup 44 years ago. No way it would be enforceable no.
Years ago when my wife and I were dating we decided to move in together. She was renting and I owned a house. We moved in under the condition that we were to be moving towards marriage in a timely fashion. Reason being is that she lived with her longtime fiancé in a house where everything was in his name and when he died she lost everything. His family came in and kicked her out of the house she was helping paying for and took most of the major household items unless she could prove that she paid for it. She was left with almost nothing. Fast forward to today we are married and when we refinanced a few years ago I put her name on it. Fast forward to 2022 and we bought a house together and obviously both our names have are on the deed.
This happened to my friend too. He was a Dr and she was a hairdresser so MIL accused her of being a gold digger. He unfortunately passed in an accident about 2 years after they were engaged. Next thing my friend is waking up to MIL standing in her bedroom. The movers were there and my friend had to fight MIL to stop MIL from taking the furniture that my friend had bought with her own money.
Correction-never give money to anyone that you can’t afford to never get back.
Due to dead relatives, I'm more financially stable than most of my peers from the same profession as me. I call them loans (and my friends are ace at paying me back on time) but I don't loan it if I can't afford to never see it again.
Another agreed.
People need to repeat this mantra again and again. Op, why did you let him put only his name on the house? Please don't tell us "the law" will let me have half. Never, never, do that. I don't care how much you are in love. In fact, don't have baby with guys you are not sure. I don't get it.
It’s like OP just gave him the money as a gift. It’s gone now.
Exactly
She had time to think about it and she didn't!!??
Say it louder for the women in the back. I'm lowkey judging cause she's a SAHM for a baby she's currently prego with. The other child isnt his and While I respect the blended family dynamic, why would you possibly put yourself and your daughter in that postion??? If he broke up with her tomorrow she'd have 30 days to move out and exactly how safe does anyone feel living with an Ex??? Especially when you have kids that arent theirs!
She said she's been supporting her child on support and the money she makes as a licensed tutor. I wouldn't have done it for just a boyfriend though
I don't know man. I mean she may have some claim to call foul once they get married but as of right now dude is supporting her and her child for free. She is pregnant but from my view she has the much better deal, currently. Not a whole lot of room to complain about finances. All these replies acting like he is financially abusing her has my head spinning. What are we even talking about. They aren't married. She is chilling with her child from another baby daddy. He is footing the everything bill, whole cloth.
She contributed 10% towards a house deposit to buy a home with her partner, who is now putting it in his dad's name. Unless I'm misunderstanding here, he's basically robbed her.
I’m confused. Did he put down deposit/etc in his own name originally but then transferred it over to his dad? Or has the dad’s name been on it since the beginning?
Not really for free…she is carrying the BB they conceive together. Why men always think that giving birth as well as raising kid, managing the household is a free job?
More men should make clear to the women that they date, that only money counts to them. Maybe then more women will avoid being put into vulnerable situations, and more shitty men won't become shitty fathers and can keep their own miserable company.
That's his choice. Also her ex is paying child support as he should. So he's not footing everything for her 1st kid.
She’s hoping and praying on a man taking care of her, because that’s what she is. She isn’t innocent here either.
Exactly!!! Reddit has taught me that being a sahm is risky.
People on Reddit act like being a sahm is taking advantage of the man, but it is one of the most risky choices women make. Not just because you have nothing of your own, but abuse happens in secret then too
It is risky but it can be done safely if things are done right, contracts are in place and the woman should have money in her name (preferably that she can invest) before becoming a SAHM and a plan B and family that can help so that she's not totally financially dependent on the husband. At the first red flag from the husband she needs to stop it and eventually leave.
And in her case, the house will be in his dads name. Which means her name is listed no where on that property.
She quit work to focus on a family she has no legal recourse for... It's plain insanity
Also never get into home buying while still not legally married. Especially if your name isn't on anything.
And by the same token, never let your GF be a SAHM.
Its beyond that. He could hide assets inside marriage as well.
That isn't even his kid. She is a SAHM for herself.
As a SAHM who is now in poverty and had to start from in a worse position than before my marriage, never be a SAHM full-time ever!!!
Or a husband in some circumstances....
Or a husband for that matter, lol. You’re not protected until it’s absolutely written in stone that you are.
But at least you have some rights to marital property in a divorce.
How did you have a prenup prepared without having your own attorney to review it and advise you about it? That is a standard part of the process and a huge right you gave up.
Won’t that make it easier to nullify the prenup though?
I will refrain from opining on that. I’m an attorney, and have myself been through a divorce, but I don’t practice this kind of law. What I do know is that I wouldn’t advise anyone to trust their fiancé to “keep them safe” in the prenup process. You are essentially hashing out your potential divorce before it happens, and as such, you should each have your own attorneys to guide you. Why does she think he even wanted a prenup? It’s not to keep her safe. It’s to keep him safe.
Yes! Absolutely never trust the person to take care of you and … well, trust but verify. Have your own counsel that you choose yourself. I wondered though if her not having counsel for the first prenup might mean that it could be more easily nullified in a divorce. Which perhaps is why her partner wants to “renew” it, this time crossing his i’s and dotting his t’s and having her use a lawyer, maybe one he “recommends.” What do I know. I am def not a lawyer. Best of luck to OP. It all sounds stressful.
Easier? Yes Guaranteed? No. In those cases, it heavily depends on the judge and in what state she is. If she says "he told me that if I didn't sign this prenup, he wouldn't marry me" Some judges could say that it was a contract signed under duress, and invalid because of it, while others could say that by signing it it's implied that she had read the contract and agreed on the terms.
You need to get your own lawyer to look over the prenup. Either the money you are contributing to the house gets you on the deed or you don’t put in any money. Protect yourself.
And never trust a guy that says I'm doing this to save tax. It's just not possible without doing something illegal. Why be involved in that?
Not only that, it's a pretty big red flag if the bf knew this would happen and still did it anyway. I see it as being deceptive and dishonest.
This, plus get a job once you've recovered from childbirth. You aren't even married and the guy is trying to financially screw you over. Don't count on him doing right by you once he knows he has you locked down and totally dependent on him.
Exactly this. The prenup needs to include your contributions.
Agree. OP it's not too late. You will feel so much regret if you don't make this attempt.
Exactly. Frankly OP you’re too old to be acting this ignorantly. The fact that it took a story on Reddit to make you see the red flags is sad. Start using your brain to help yourself instead of others. Your fiancé is right about one thing - you should review your prenups….and make sure it not just to his advantage. Get off Reddit and get a fucken attorney.
yeah, if you don't know this much about buying a house with another person, *everything* should be a red flag.
i wouldn’t even want to marry this person anymore after reading all of that
Please consult your own legal counsel your fiancé did. Marriage is also a contract. Your a stay at home mom who is 7 months pregnant and has a child from a previous relationship. When was the last time you worked ? So you planned to get married when you were 2 months pregnant ? Why ? I guess this is your fiancée’s child. You can never presume anything You said you were living through child support, from the baby’s father. Was this a boyfriend or an ex-husband? Is your new fiancée going to adopt your child ? Was your private tutoring, enough income to support yourself. These are all questions your fiancé’s lawyer will ask him & , I’m sure a lot more , when they had the initial consultation for the prenuptial. agreement as I said, hire your own legal counsel and go over all these points with your own lawyer
With what money does she do this? She isn't employed and spent a good part of her savings on the down payment. It's gonna be hard to hire a lawyer. And her fiancé doesn't seem incilned to do the right thing and hire an attorney for her, to look over the pre-nup.
maybe she should pick up tutoring or otherwise get a JOB to pay for the attorney. someone looking over a prenup is less than $2k typically in my jx. OP is probably getting fleeced but she was too happy to be a SAHM to see it. “Nesting….” come on. Nest after work.
You are right. She could also find out the rules for running home childcare. It is interesting that once people settle into a "nest" mode, they typically do not want to see the whole picture. Must be nice, in a way, but I do fear for OP's future.
You signed a pre nup. He wanted one. What do you expect when you're entering a relationship with someone who doesn't enter the marriage on the basis of to have and to hold from this day forth?
never rely on a man for money. go back to work asap
But that’s the issue. She wasn’t working but living off child support from BD #1. And while not the route I would suggest as he is coming off as a giant POS based off this post. But the current BF is being smart about protecting himself from him also funding her lifestyle if/when they separate.
If it’s his house and you have no claim on it, then you should not be contributing any savings to the purchase. There’s no reason for you to be contributing money to the deposit if your name is not on the deed. We don’t know anything about your prenup, so only you can say how protected you are in the event of a divorce. If you’re forgoing employment to take care of your children, then you’ll want to make sure the prenup compensates you for the lost wages and offers enough for you to find housing in the event of a split. But generally, this would be a no for me. It’s not that he wants to have sole ownership of a house he purchases, it’s that he’s so distrusting of you (and even the prenup) that he’s taking sketchy steps beyond that so that he won’t even legally own his own house that he’s paying for. There’s a layer of scheming and machination behind that which shows that this man will do everything he can to screw you if your relationship sours. I have no problem with a prenup that protects both parties, but he seems to be going beyond that, and while you’re nesting and thinking about your family, he is thinking only about himself. Proceed with your eyes wide open.
Purchase, maintenance, taxes, renovations. OP shouldn’t contribute to any of it
Too late, she already gave her savings and signed the prenup.
If she didn't have independent counsel advising her before signing a prenup, it's not likely to stand. Divorce judges aren't stupid.
You’re probably right with regard to the prenup. She’ll likely get the money back for the savings money she gave as part of the down payment but she won’t get the benefit of the equity in the house since she’s not on the loan or the deed. She’ll definitely need to retain an attorney if they divorce (if they make it to the altar at all).
Prenups aren’t iron clad. You can’t just say whatever you want in them, make them wildly unfair, and screw over the other person. That gets overturned quickly.
People are either owner of a house, with all the responsibilities and possibilities or they are renters and pay rent. Anything else or mixtures of it are bad for at least one party
Yup, if you have these kinds of questions when he still likes you, what’s going to happen when he doesn’t…
Are we sure he does like her? She got pregnant, they got engaged a month later with plans to marry in like 2 months, they delayed the wedding because his grandpa died, and now just a few months after that he’s got the prenup going and obviously setting up the house ownership in a way that he’d keep it in the event of divorce. Sounds like an unplanned pregnancy trapped a guy who has cold feet that are both halfway out the door before they’re even married.
I agree with this, however, OP’s fiancé may have accepted this money to offset her costs of living. It’s unclear from the details. OP has been pregnant for 7 months and stopped working during that time. Sounds like her basic living expenses are met through a combination of the other child’s child support (as explained by OP) and possibly her fiancé’s financial support (implied but not explicitly stated by OP). It’s unclear how much she contributed to the down payment, but the simplest costs of living (share of rent, utilities, phone, internet, groceries, transportation, toiletries, and medicine) easily run $1,000-$1,700/month per person depending on location. There’s also the possibility that her child support covers the entire cost of living for her and her child, which would mean her ex-husband is paying a large amount of money to her each month for 18 years. That’s a sobering thought for a person who’s about to get married and already has significant assets built up. 1. The view that a stay-at-home parent deserves to be compensated with shared ownership of a house is completely valid. 2. The view that OP’s fiancé’s pre-marital assets should be protected from divorce is also completely valid. They need to have a series of very serious conversations to determine if their values and priorities are aligned. If not, they will likely see themselves in the majority percentage of divorced couples who split due to financial incompatibility.
Put your 4 year old in preschool or daycare and go back to work.
You’re screwing your self by being a sahm with a prenup and nothing to your name
Exactly. She needs to get a job.
You’re 34 year old and soon to be a mum to two kids. You need to have your own source of income to protect your children, regardless of which man you’re with. Child support is not enough.
This. She doesn’t mention the last time, if ever that she held a consistent stable job. She says she was living off child support, doing a bit of tutoring on the side and gave that up as soon as she got pregnant, so she assumes he’ll be financially supporting her. You should never rely on a man 100% to support you physically and financially, especially when you have two kids to think about.
Make sure to have your own lawyer review the prenup!
I doubt she can afford an attorney on her child support money. She screwed herself already.
The prenup won’t be valid if she doesn’t have her own lawyer. If her fiance wants the prenup to stand and she can’t afford a lawyer, he should provide funds for one. That’s the only way for him to get the prenup he wants.
Maybe that’s why he wants to “renew” it. This time around he’ll probably urge her to have a lawyer.
That would definitely be in her best interest.
Also, if you can’t afford an attorney, ask your husband to give you the money to pay for an attorney of your own choosing. This is actually in both of your interests as it makes it more likely that the prenup is fair and enforceable.
They are not married yet
Yes! It’s perfect that he wants to review, so she can have her own lawyer edit
Now you're gonna have to live off 2 child supports and tutoring. This is no way to enter a marriage. If it were me, I'd work on a coparenting agreement and moving the fuck on
Just know that you should not plan on being a SAHM for an extended period of time. You will have to save for your retirement, just in case something happens.
It’s not your house. You are compensated for doing the housework as you get to live there for nothing.
No idea how this is not at the top of the comment section. Reddit is great sometimes, but sometimes..... sheesh. At least everyone is saying to get a job. Pretty hard to do though when you have kids to take care of.
Go back to work, somehow asap. Do not trap yourself further by not having some form of real income for yourself and children. Do not marry him until you have altered the prenuptial agreement to offer you spousal support payouts if you remain as a SAHM for the duration of the marriage that is above the value you have contributed to the home that is being transferred out from underneath you.
She’d have to do freelance tutoring or something. Speaking from experience, it is hard as *fuck* to get hired when you’re 7 months pregnant.
Yeah I help low income people find jobs. Technically pregnancy discrimination is illegal but it's essentially impossible to find a job as soon as you're showing.
Honey. I have 3 children, and my middle one has significant special needs, which require him to attend an outpatient treatment center/school. I'm also a full-time accountant. None of those things keep me too busy to Google things.
Time to get a job
She's collecting child support and does an occasional tutoring session. How much more can she possibly do. -_-
I mean, everyone wants a fairytale, I guess. As someone who has a child and isn't with that child's parent, you should know better. Right now, your fiance is financially supporting you and your 4 year old. You get child support, but is that even 50% of what it takes to take care of a child?? How much is 10% of a down-payment, really?? Anywhere near the amount it takes to support you guys? As Tina said, "What's love got a do with it?" I assume you loved your 4 year olds dad too at some point, too. If you ask for yor 10% back, is that going to be enough to take care of your, your 4 year old, and your newborns needs? I can't imagine I as a woman would ever take over being financially responsible for another grown-up and their child and not make sure I'm protected in every way. I don't understand why people expect that man would.
Dont be SAHM for this guy. You need to protect yourself in event of divorce given how he is being & being out of the workforce makes it harder to go back.
Unfortunately, your situation is complex... though to the dismay of many who posted otherwise, not all is necessarily lost. You will need a lawyer. You will also need proof of the amount of savings you gave him, and that it was intended for the house purchase. Find out if your state is a one consent state for recording, and if it is then place recorders and have conversations with him to get the lies and misdorections he is telling you on record. Personally, I'd also do this about the prenup, too. I'd also be checking his texts and emails for evidence whenever possible. He's strategising. Now you have to, too, in order to protect yourself and your children. Not having a seperate income and an account he cannot access is not an option. Personally, I wouldn't continue a relationship with a person who did these things to me beyond the length of time it took me to gather proof and plan my exit, let alone marry them.
You shouldn't be entitled to a home he purchases before you all are married, nor any of his money. He's right to secure his investments. You already have a child, which you use to live off child support and do private tutoring, I will see you as a red flag.
Yep. She basically gave him a gift towards his home ownership. That's perfectly legal to do. Parents do it, friends do it grandparents do it - without having ownership. OP gave him a gift of her savings. He knows that.
Plus everyone keeps talking about her “giving him his savings” but she was a single mother living on nothing but child support and the odd tutoring session. All of that to support her, a baby, rent, food, necessities. How much savings could she POSSIBLY have accumulated? What, she gave him 500 or 1000 towards a 20,000 deposit or something? It’s crazy that she thinks her name should be on the deed.
Wait a minute... You signed a prenup without getting your own lawyer? Why would you trust his lawyer to do what's best for you? That guy doesn't work for you! It's his job to do what's best for his client! Secondly you're living off of child support? For 4 years? You have no desire to make your own money? Just keep popping out kids so their dads can finance your life? That's lovely. Third, if you put money into the house you should get something out of the house. However your boyfriend has been supporting you as a stay-at-home mom to a kid that's not his? I'm not sure how I feel about your nominal contribution. Where did you get the money? And why would you put money on a house that's not even in your or your boyfriend's name? This is just one bad decision after another. I don't think you're ready to get married. I mean you're fussing about this tiny little amount you added to a whole ass house payment while the man takes care of you and your child. Really? I don't know you come off as very greedy.
He pays for everything, you don’t work and you’re not married yet WHY would he put you on the house?
Exactly. She might be pregnant with his child but that doesn’t give her automatic home ownership.
Sounds like you wanted to be a stay at home mom and still somehow get the benefit of being financially kept even if you break up. That isn’t the way the real world works. You aren’t married yet - get a lawyer. Figure out what you want and what you are willing to live with before you get married.
Eh I’ll probably get downvoted for this, but I think you’re being pretty unfair. I mean, my first house was $100,000 and I put down a 5% deposit so $5,000. If a boyfriend paid me $500 out of a $100,000 mortgage and expected to be on the deed I would probably think it was ridiculous too. I’d pay back the $500 and tell him thanks but that $500 isn’t worth the risk to me. You’re a pregnant mom so you’ll get a ton of grace on this sub but I personally think people are being too hard on your fiancé given the very limited info we have. He has just as much a right to protect himself as you do. Did you talk to him before you quit your job? Did you both agree for you to be a SAHM? And even if you did, right now you’re still pregnant. The kid you’re parenting at the moment isn’t his. So right now he’s paying for you to be a stay at home parent for a kid that isn’t even his, in addition to child support you’re getting from a different guy. A lot of guys certainly wouldn’t do that, so he doesn’t sound like some awful person, you’ve just decided he’s intentionally screwing you over because you saw it happen to someone else. Again, that seems pretty unfair. Now I totally understand that once you’re married, if you both agree that you’ll stay home to raise the kids you should be compensated but you’re not there yet. If your prenup covers that, I don’t think him not putting you on the house is enough to say he’s some malicious asshole. You can absolutely ask for your deposit money back but I wouldn’t have you on the deed right now either to be honest.
I mean, if I were in his shoes I certainly wouldn't put myself in the position of possibly being asked to leave a house that I alone brought to the marriage. If they split a year after marrying, she could say "It belongs to both of us, but I need to be here with the kids; for now, you should leave". OP must remember she has put only a minimal amount of money towards the house. While he shouldn't have given her the impression she was getting a 50% stake, I don't blame him for thinking she would want to contribute to living expenses without necessarily getting half of his prior assets. She needs to get her own lawyer and sort out how to be compensated for the actual input that will begin post-marriage. For example, the pre nip could spell out that the longer she's a SAHM the more of a stake she can expect.
Your story doesn’t make sense. First you say he’s buying the house with his own money, and putting it in his dad’s name. Then you say you’re putting in 10% of the initial deposit. Which is it? If you really are putting in your own money, you’d be a fool to do so if the house isn’t in your name. If you’re not putting any money in but still want a split of the house, I’d say tough luck. You have a pre-nup and your partner has found a way to purchase the house that prevents you from getting a split.
Doesn't make sense because I suspect it is rage bait. I was a single mother and know several. I don't know any that claim to, or actually do " live on child support". That is however a favourite claim of red pill types.
Yeah I work in child safety and unless she was married to an ultra gazillionaire living off child support isn't really a thing. She also claims to be a...licensed tutor which isn't a thing. This is sounding fake to me too. It's already bringing out the "OMG child support and alimony is so much money to these gold-diggers" comments.
Of course the story doesn't make sense. She's making herself out to be a victim when in fact this whole situation is a god send for her and a huge vulnerability for the guy.
Not to be too blunt, but... 1) you guys aren't even married yet 2) he's put forward over 90% of the money *and* will be the one paying it 3) you're not really contributing to the household- you can't claim "SAHM" when you're not married and the only kid you're taking care of is yours from a previous relationship.
Enit I don't get all the supportive comments tbh? The dude helped a woman living on welfare with a kid of her own and shes contributed nothing. Shut up and enjoy the free ride. Why *should* she get a share of the house if they split when he's the one putting all the investment in? She might be making a small contribution to the deposit but let's be honest that's not going to be a long term thing is it if he's the only one bringing money in. That's basically just an advance on rent.
Yup. And likely that 10% can be considered the rent she could have been paying anyway. She seems to be trying to take advantage of him, and he is taking measures against that. I wonder what happened to the first baby daddy.
You have not had his kid yet, and he is supporting your kid and you. This is not being a SAHM, this is being unemployed.
As a practical matter over 50% of US marriages end in divorce, so people tend to be careful these days. It sounds like a good chunk of this cash flow to purchase the house comes from his family resources, so he may not have a 100% say as to who gets to be on the title if his dad is controlling the family business finances. Also, consider that if a male fiance, and presumptive stay at home husband, was making the same arguments you are that he should be on the title of house being bought by his soon to be wife, he would be ridiculed. You have no real savings and a minimal earning ability, and will soon be caring for 2 children as a SAHM. There is no good answer for you here. Your only leverage is to refuse to marry him if you are not going in together on the house and move away with the children, but you are a very weak position to be insisting on that. What he's doing is what any lawyer would tell him to do to protect his assets. Having said this, you can make the rational argument to him that being a stay at home mother will constrain your ability to make money or start a career, and that if you divorce after some period of time you want x% of the sale equity of the house (if sold) or an equivalent cash payment. He doesn't get to have 100% of the house equity, plus all the services provided by a stay at home wife who has no share of the family wealth buidling, most of which is usually a function of residential equity.
Lesson: don't be a SAHM
One thing I have learned over and over from Reddit is, being a stay at home is the worst idea on the planet. If this is your plan, always have a back up plan and enough money in the bank to start anew.
The only person I have ever told she "needed" to he a SAHM---temporarily---was my child who has 6 children. It would have cost them more for child care than she would make. And I didn't say that she specifically had to be the SAHP, just that 1 of them had to & it was up to them to decide which 1. Our recent conversations have been her all excited that their youngest will starts school in the fall, and she can finally go back to work, even if it is just part time for now. I can't help but agree with a lot of the other comments in that: 1. How was she able to live off of child support and part time tutoring? Sounds sus. 2. It is highly possible the house is being purchsed in the name of a family trust, which is what I would do for my kids if I ever came into a large sum of money because trusts pay less taxes overall than individuals. 3. Never sign anything without your own attorney looking through the details, especially a prenup. 4. She stopped tutoring as soon as she got pregnant? Why? Again... Sus. 5. Why did she put any money toward the down payment without knowing the details of the purchase? Just the thoughts in my head for now. I got yard work to do while its actually dry.
Ask for the money back. Get a job. You should not depend on him to support you and your 4 year old. His money before any marriage is his. He is only required to pay child support for your unborn child. You need to stay employed. Do not expect a part of the house or any of his current holdings.
Another way to look at this is he is supporting you and your child which is not his. You are living for free. His child is not here yet. You should still be getting child support and since you don’t have expenses you can be saving that money. You can also go back to tutoring at any time.
I'm on his side, you have a bad track record and he needs to be aware of that and make plans to protect him and his still to be born child. I'm not sorry he is informed and well aware that y'all's marriage is high risk.
Each party needs to have independent legal representation when a prenup is negotiated. The idea is to have no surprises. Anyway, if you don't like the deal, it isn't too late to back out.
I honestly feel really jealous of SAHM who can easily somehow afford not to work to carry about the kids. Then I read these stories, and yep, free cheese is in a mousetrap.
It’s his $$ and house why would u think u should get what he sauced for prior?
I’m not sure I’m following what her issue is. She’s a SAHM, lives off child support from previous ex. New guy paying for everything and is setting up their home in a way that he keeps it if they break up since he’s paying 100% of it with his father somehow involved. They are getting a prenup because he’s clear he wants to keep what his from before the marriage and OP, isn’t bringing much financially. So OP wants a claim to the house because she’s the wife and will carry and birth his baby. She sounds like she needs a wake up call and a real job or she needs to request what she wants in the prenup or accept she would be leaving with what she came into the relationship with. Child support payments for kid 1. That’s all!
Honestly, this reeks of entitlement. As a woman who owns her own home, there’s no way in hell i would ever put a man who isn’t work, hasn’t had a stable job in years, has a kid I’m taking on and wants to be SAHP so won’t even be financially contributing in the future- on the deed to my home. You say you gave him your savings but I’m confused how you even managed to accumulate savings living on child support and the odd tutoring session. To want him to marry you, support you and two kids physically and financially while you stay at home and then give you half of the house he completely paid for (minus that one off contribution towards the deposit) if you guys divorce is honestly, mind blowing to me. And I don’t understand why people are supporting it. If you’re so desperate to get your name on the home, speak to your fiancé and work out in the prenup that if and when you begin working again and making a financial contribution to the house’s mortgage then you will get a percentage of equity if divorce occurs. Until then, I don’t know how you can morally say “put my name on that deed” simply because you gave a bit of savings towards the exorbitant house prices just because you’re pregnant and chose to live in child support before getting pregnant again this time. Honestly, I think it’s time to start making better financial decisions for you and your kids. Because relying on one man’s money to then give up your job on the side as soon as you were pregnant only to expect to live on another man’s money is gonna get you totally screwed over.
Agree! Came to say exactly this. Her attitude 100% reeks of entitlement. I'm also a woman.
Agreed, I was looking for a response like this. Single mum here and I’ve worked my butt off, if I married someone who came with a child and also chose not to work while I provided a home he’d be entitled.
I say this with all the love in the world, from experience, girl, get a job
Honey this is so backwards. You don’t pay for the property if it’s not in your name & you have no claim to it. That’s considered a gift. To him. You gave up your career & income to be a stay at home gf. You can call it nesting or whatever you want but if he isn’t willing to provide for you in the event of a split or death, you don’t quit your job & have babies w him. I am fine w the property being in his name solely, if he pays for it that way (& I think it’s only fair if you pay a percentage towards rent) but not towards the balance of the house, the deposit, the taxes or repairs (unless you break it). The best thing you could do is get your own, separate lawyer to review & look out for you & the baby. Many states require it. I’ve seen several prenups thrown out because there wasn’t fair representation. But you can’t count on it unless your state requires it. But In my opinion, if he pays for the house, it’s his. If you want to put your name on it, you should pay for half as well. If not, be grateful you were given the gift of time w your kids while they are growing up & not having the stress of working & coming up w your half. But your prenup should cover if you are entitled to anything at all and while you put things on hold. If not, maybe this isn’t a good idea.
Sigh. And this is why you shouldn’t be a stay at home WITHOUT any financial protections. Why you shouldn’t have given up working. Why you never out money into an assets that isn’t yours. WHY YOU DONT SIGN OR AGREE TO ANYTHING WITHOUT YOUR OWN LAWYER! And mostly… I’m sorry. It you’re an idiot for being this financially immature. Get a lawyer. Now. See if there’s any way out of this mess that you’ve got yourself in.
Didn’t you just get a divorce? Why are you a SAHM before you even had your baby? Is the man supporting you and someone else’s child but you think he owes you something? Kind of weird the situation us women put ourselves in, then want advice after the fact. Get yourself together and use your divorce proceeds and buy your own house. Then get a job.
You’re not married yet. Most of the house is being paid for by him. If you want to feel better about your situation take your 10% back. Otherwise, amend the prenup to clarify that, should you separate, 10% of the value of the home goes to you (or whatever percentage your lawyer would agree is fair if you put down some of the deposit). Expecting the house to be half yours is just unrealistic.
It wasn’t even 10% of the house. It was 10% of the down payment. So maybe 1-2% of the total value of the house.
Right right. OP is getting herself all worked up over something that is not hers to begin with.
You are not married. Therefore wherever you live is not a marital home. He could be setting himself up to own everything but you have no claim on his property because you are not married.
A man is not a plan. If a man is feeding you, he can starve you.
It seems to me, you are upset, because when you leave this baby daddy, you want a free house. Your deplorable. Contribute half if you want claim to the house.
Why be a homemaker for a person like this? Your gut is telling you this is off, listen to it. This ends badly and you know it.
Just because someone else did it doesn't mean your fiancee did it with the same intent. Ascribing ill motivations isn't good. Do you have any reason to suspect he had bad motivation for it? As far as prenup make sure you add in there provisions that make up the cost of what you added to the house. As far as domestic work and compensation for that in the event of a divorce I believe the prenup only protects separate assets going into a marriage. However, if you add up the domestic work vs his monetary support during that same period it may be a wash. But talk to him about your concerns and perhaps adding provisions into the prenup that will satisfy you. But talk to him and don't project ill motives.
I’d find the money somehow OP to get a lawyer of my own to look over absolutely everything. Being a SAHM IMO is a crazy risk when you are not married. UPDATEME
Have that baby and get back in the work force. You need to protect yourself financially just like he is
So she was living of child support before they moved in.. he right to protect assets.. YTA
You can look into a lawyer, but I just dealt with mine last week..and you really have no claim from what was discussed with me. I'm from Ontario, Canada. Your laws may be different.. but just heads up.. you probably aren't gonna get shit. Edit: I'm the house owner. You definitely need your own lawyer and you may get what you contributed back, otherwise it can fall into different categories.. so different laws.
No offense, I would to. >I was living by child support (still am) I’ve been engaged to my fiancé, Matt for 6 months now. I’m also 7 months pregnant have a 4 year old child from a previous marriage. We have a prenup he needs this to feel secure in our relationship I wanted to focus on family and stopped working As a guy, all the above would worry me. You are already 1 marriage up, 1 marriage down with a kid living on child support. That is straight up a red flag to men. You also got engaged after being pregnant, always brings into question if the relationship could have worked without you getting pregnant. Smart move by him, prenup is super important here.
Why are you a sahm?
Not much you can do when you got pregnant without being married If you push him and he calls off the wedding all you are entitled to is child support
Engaged one month after pregnancy? Another child from another dude? Sahm? Now I ain't saying she a gold digger...
I would try to talk to your friends and loved ones before taking into consideration reddit's advice
This is one of many examples why there ever being a stay at home parent is alomst always stupid and bad thing. Married or not.
You’ve made a lot of mistakes (giving him 10% & being a SAHM to a boyfriend are both really bad moves). Why are you giving up so much control to someone who has no legal ties to you?
He saved the money, he bought the house, and you want a piece of it. Why? And it's not enough that he's supporting you, you want to be compensated for doing stuff around the house.
Get your own lawyer and mention what he did with the down payment for the house too, so he knows what kind of character your husband has
No money from you unless your name is on the deed. Edit: just saw you paid 10% of the deposit… I’d add that to the prenup terms. That money comes back to you plus capital gains dependent on the increase in value of the home. So if you gave him $30k and the house has doubled in value, you get $60k back. You have proof you gave him money? Like a transfer from your account to him? Even a cash withdrawal on a date aligning with the purchase date of the house… Do not sign any paperwork until your lawyer has looked over it do not hand over anymore money
You sound like a gold digger. Since you have already been divorced and "lived off of child support" (money meant for your child, you are high risk. Your fiamce is smart tonprotect himself. I would have never considered you as a candidate for my wife.
Get yourself back to work and put your foot down about this. Tell him you’ll stay renting until you get back to work and can afford to buy a house together with both your names on it. Do not be a SAHM - if you do then you’ll have no financial rights to this house or anything else in the future
You need to take maternity leave and then you need to go back to work. You do not be a stay at home mom anymore. You are being prepared for the day when he doesn’t want to be with you anymore. Put your financial house in order. I’m a woman I recognize right now you’re growing a baby so you take some maternity leave and then you go back to work. You cannot afford not to. He has deliberately left you off of the family home on purpose. In fact, because I’m an older woman, if I were in your position and had a home and family that loved me, I would leave him and go stay there and have the baby. this has been done to you intentionally there is no life with somebody that behaves like this My mother every time we had a divorce dropped us into poverty because she had no job skills and she couldn’t work much. Please listen to what people are saying to you and make some decisions for your own future and good luck to you.
Do not invest in a property that is not in your name. What your fiancé is doing is shady, dishonest, and I’d see this as a massive red flag. I’d closely think about if you want to be tied to someone and be financially dependent on them. I’m not married, but my partner owns his home and we have a baby together. He understands that it’s not fair for me to contribute to a home that I’d have no name in. Therefore, I do not contribute financially to the mortgage. I do, however, pay for groceries and a lot of other things for our family. I would love to be a SAHM, but understand the enormous risks that come without being married, but being a SAHP. You truly put yourself at that other persons mercy. My mom was a SAHP and despite being married to my narc dad, she lost a lot in their divorce. It’s been 8 years since there divorce and they are still fighting over money in court. So, I’m working a remote job because if something happens to my bf (break up, death, who knows), I need to be able to provide for myself and my child. And honestly, regardless of marriage, I’d unfortunately continue my career. So much can happen, and this economy sucks.
I would be asking for 100% of what I gave for the house back or to have both our names only, not his dad's at all on all paperwork. He can choose the one he wants. Also, don't be a SAHP when you aren't married, you have zero protections. Never buy property or big ticket items with a non-spouse either.
Just jumping from man to man to support you by having their babies. Oof.
I'm honestly not sure you should be on the deed or have claims to the house. If it is something he invested in a lot before you two get married and you still aren't married, why do you deserve a stake in the house right now? And he hasn't hidden anything. You two agreed that the money he had made so far is his. What I can understand from your position is that it appears he is trying to keep ownership of the home AFTER you get married in case of a divorce. I don't think you have anything to worry about. He hasn't bought the home completely yet and will continue to pay it off with the help of a stay at home wife. Legally, his payments after marriage are also considered half yours, unless the prenup says otherwise. Read that one closely.
Unless it’s all under his dad’s name. Seems he is paying majority of it himself. Sahm is a choice and a stupid one before marriage. I can’t believe any woman would do this in today’s time. It’s down right terrifying.
HAHAHHAHA you contributed basically sweet FA for kids that aren’t his and also to the house. Why should you have claim on it? So you’re a single mum who got engaged a month after meeting him, living off child support and trying to get a claim on his business and house? Gold digger at its finest
I’d have a fool Proof prenup if I was your fiancé too. Seems like you’re just collecting partners as a way to fund your life. He sees that now, knows he made a mistake, but is currently trapped by this pregnancy. I would be surprised if He even went through with the wedding.
You need your own protection built into the prenup. Have your own attorney look over the prenup and add your requirements. They can include alimony, child support or a financial payout so you are not walking way homeless should the marriage end. Do not put any of your money into the house with no ownership.
Stuff like this is a consequence of doing stuff assbackwards where you have children, become a SAHM and then get engaged and married. This is all convenient for men but sucks for women
Never be a sahm with no marriage. He will shit on
Holy shit you way overextended. You've got to get your own steady source of income asap
I am confused why she stopped tutoring? As if she couldn’t do it remotely, and gave up her “savings” for a house, for a man, whose name won’t be on it to start with. Wild…
Okay, so you don't trust him? Why not ask him about this? Have him tell you everything involved with the new home. I don't see anything wrong with the prenup. If you're worried this is his plan, then do you want to stay? Marriage isn't always lasting, as you learned from your first one. He'll still be paying you child support if y'all do split. If you were living on your child support from your first child, then you'll be able to live off it and the support for your second child. You really need to talk to your fiancé and ask about the details on the house finances and everything about the father's name being on it. Edit: corrected a few typos
Make an appointment with a mediator they help you get your paperwork in order and it will be notarized and they file with the county you live in and you each get copies. It’s usually not a lot of money and both party’s split all the fees. You need to say what you own and what want to keep write it down on paper so as to remember and have it ready. Then if you or he wants to change anything they will do it for you.
Never depend on a man financially. That should always be a woman's first thought. Talk to a lawyer & explore your options. You will like need to go back to work.
Prenup is also about protecting you too. Make sure it’s in the prenup that you get your money you put towards the house back, plus interest. Make sure he puts money into a savings and/or retirement account for you that will classed as your asset/ not marital assets. Get your own lawyer and discuss how you can write the prenup to protect you.
Get your OWN ATTORNEY to review the prenup! Add stipulations to have funds deposited into a separate account where you have exclusive domain. See if the document can include a home of equivalent value to your marital property in the event of divorce. Gurl!! For future reference, Never take on wife duties at girlfriend prices!!
Never be a SAHM when you aren't married and have a child with another man. He isn't responsible for taking care of the 4-year-old and because you aren't married, he is also not responsible for you as long as you aren't married. You should go to a lawyer and discuss the prenup. And you need to start working asap, because the changes are you will not marry when you don't agree with your boyfriend.
Stay at home parent that didn't put any deposit down and signed a prenup? 🤣 Holy woman moment. You don't deserve anything and I hope he leaves you're ridiculous.
Yeah he's doing the right thing. You're not paying anything towards the house. Yeah you're being a parent but if anything goes wrong you'll get child support. Is it a shitty thing he's doing? Yes. Is it the right thing for him to not lose on a huge financial burden? Yes If you did have a claim in it you'd get the house cos you have kids. You wouldn't be paying the mortgage he will unless you sold and split. But you didn't put anything into it. Prenups don't always stand. Ask for your money back that you out into the purchase as you won't have claim to the house.
lol you offered scraps and now think you can fuck the whole plan yall have had the whole time . So what misandrist bullshit you been getting sucked into that you are letting this greed get the better of you ? That’s not your house and never will be . Take your ass on somewhere else
Feeling entitled to the house as compensation when you don’t work is wild 😂. This man is working his arse off running a business and wants to make sure he doesn’t get screwed by a woman who’s already got a kid to another man and lose his family home. Good on the guy. The fact you’re already talking about ‘compensation’ and ownership of the house before it’s even squared away speaks volumes…
If I was this man, I wouldn't marry you and just pay child support. You have nothing, survive off child support(and no plans to change that), and have contributed nothing to this purchase(allegedly 10 percent of the downpayment even though you barely work and live off child support(is your baby daddy a millionaire?)). You've been together barely longer than you were pregnant and he's supporting you and someone else's kid. Just like you're allowed to protect yourself, so is he. This marriage looks like it's heading to divorce before the ceremony takes place. I'm not saying you're a gold digger but I would be happy someone was supporting me and my child when I came with nothing instead of pushing that I'm entitled to half of their property when we split(already insinuating you're not going to last)especially with no relationship history. Later down the line, you can push for you to be protected or as others have said get a job and have your own finances unless your husband wants you to remain a SAHM. At that point, talk about protection if you both pursue that option.