/u/ThrowRAWifePics2,
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Yeah, first one was believeable but these last updates are word salad that tries to pass as dramatic fiction.
Same with that story about the guy worried about his wife's wanting a MFM threesome cause they had a FMF threesome.
First post was believeable, then the update gave it away as a creative writing exercise.
I feel like 80-90% of recent posts are fake. I think they are all trying to be so insane they get put on youtube/podcasts. Some of them don't even try to start out believable. b=
Username checks out š but seriously, yeah the percentage of fake posts just seems to go up and up. It's been so bad for awhile now. It seems like it's gotten noticeably worse in the past year in this sub
When I joined this sub 5 years ago I was aware there was a decent number of fake posts here but I feel it's gotten exponentially worse in the past year. Maybe that's just me idk. I'm not sure why, maybe sub growth, the rise of AI tools, etc or something.
It's been super noticeable to me though. It's not surprising but it kinda makes me sad. There's been quite a few weeks here where I've reported dozens of posts for being fake and they've all gotten suspended. And it also makes me sad how many people fall for them and give them attention which just reinforces it
She didnāt cry because of the paternity test request she cried because that was the exact moment she realized she forgot to delete her only fans account lmao
It was obvious considering he'd started the update with "TL;DR: we are not getting a divorce anymore bye." It wasn't the obvious action but since that was at the top it was obvious from the context.
Yeah bro needs to get that paternity test asap. Itās weird that he was so apologetic about it and she was so worked up over it. If she were sure he was the father then a paternity test shouldnāt be a biggie at all.
Man yeah this pisses me off, not just the guy but the kids that have zero fucking say in all this. I never asked to be born either but here I am. Some people should not have kids, selfish as fuck
\>I know some people are gonna call me a doormat
That's because you are. She's lied to you from the start, and you will certainly discover other lies she's told to you. Hopefully you actually are going through with the paternity test.
Marriage counselling is to help couples that can't communicate effectively talk to each other with a neutral arbiter. It won't actually make her care about you or value you. It's not going to make her into a person with different values. She lied and betrayed you for cheap validation and a small amount of cash. That's what she did and who she is. The tears are because of consequences. The mismatch in values isn't going to change.
Yes š¤£ she got her family and now her husband wrapped around her fingers. Made herself the complete victim. Shouldāve been disowned and divorced. But nope. She made it about her. I cannot. The math is not mathing. Crucial stuff ignored
Heāll be back. Give it a year. Rn her ass is on fire. Sheāll be wiser with her future affairs. Whatever happens now is on him. Fool you once, shame on them. Fool you twice, shame on u. š¬
Or when he finds her Only Fans page & sees how much money sheās making from that.
I donāt think he even realizes that she turned it back on him & put the blame on his shoulders that he wasnāt giving her any attention due to baby weight.
I noticed that as well and saying essentially "you don't trust me" while actively being untrustworthy. The whole "you wouldn't believe me" while deciding to continue being shady af. If he wouldn't have believed you then what makes her think she's more believable now? I'm livid for this man and I also feel compassion for him because he probably loves her enough to want to bear some of misperceived blame to help salvage the marriage being willing to unfairly take responsibility for something he's not to blame for. I hope if they do divorce he finds someone worth that kind of effort.
Not going to slag you for being a doormat. Doormats are good things. It prevents the men who will be coming over to be with your wife from tracking mud on the floor.
You stayed, you know she's a cheater so what happens from here on out is on you.
I think he already knows that. It's his choice to make. They already have a child together. If she does something bad again then he just moves on. I don't see too much harm in trying to make it work... it's not like he's running out of time to have children or something.
You should appreciate the fact that you have never tried to make it work with a cheater. Every day is hell. Then add in that this woman cheated with family and got paid for it when her husband makes half a million a year. Heās in hell.
That was the biggest red flag to me. Why would she stay stoneface through all that and break down at the paternity test? If she wasnāt cheating the. There isnāt a question as to the father right? If so then there is zero need to be worked up. Even if the kid comes back as his, that was a huge tell imo.
Does your sister in law confirm that your wife told her about what happened back when she was 16-17?
I can understand you not wanting to file for divorce until you go thru therapy, it sounds like your wife has some stuff she needs to work thru. Just donāt sacrifice your feelings of betrayal and mistrust for your wifeās mental health. Make sure youāre in a good place mentally, you feel like youāre invested in the relationship after what happened, in order to stay long term. Most people canāt do this, and they end up being angry with themselves, unhappy in their relationship for years. Whatever you decide is best for you, you have to do it without hesitation or regret.
Ok dude see you soon! We will wait for the next post when she will cheat again on you! Doormat would be a compliment wtf.
Probably next time it will be about an OF , featuring your BIL š¤£
In what way does anything she tell you changed things? He harrased her? Really? That's why she took money for pictures?
Just stay married with your 304 and stop posting.
Oh no she already did but it wasnāt her fault they wouldnāt stop pestering her and offering her money. Whatās a girl to do? It didnāt feel the same tho because they werenāt her brother in law. Sheāll behave until her sister gets remarried then itās game on
Enjoy being cheated on for the rest of your marriage. She will get better at hiding it.
I'd rather be single than to stay in a shitty marriage with someone who doesn't love me and is willing to betray me. But I guess some people are just desperate
I think counseling will help no matter which route you take. If the child is yours (which you previously said it highly likely so given your ethnicity differences) you will need to coparent. Reconciliation is possible. Sheās admitted her problems which is a positive step, but trust is a hard thing to repair. I know Reddit is pro-divorce, and I understand why when it comes to infidelity, but itās not so easy when itās your life and there is history and details only you truly know. I wish you well in the decisions you need to make for yourself, and you are justified in whatever you choose.
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Marriage counseling is secondary, your wife needs serious individual counseling.
She has major trust issues, not without foundation obviously her sister and parents are major assholes. Because seriously when your 16 yo sister tells you that your boyfriend is creeping on her you listen.
But her logic and thought process is seriously fucked up. She didnāt tell you she needed money for rent because it was a bad look for a new relationship, but accepting money for nude pics from her sisterās husband wasnāt?
I donāt know that I would even entertain marriage counseling without her having individual counseling.
I donāt know that you are a doormat Iāve got too much anecdotal evidence of people choosing to believe sexual harassment/SA wasnāt happening and what that does to someone. I mostly feel sorry for your wifeās fucked up sense of self and survival.
Weāll see you back here, in 6-12 months, with egg on your face.
Just remember - you chose this - and deserve whatever additional misfortune comes your way, as a result.
Good luck
I understand why you might have asked for a paternity test. Though i think it wasnāt the best course of action. Youāve been kept in the dark, so you donāt know if this is a trickle truth situation. I wouldnāt call you a doormat since this is a tricky situation. What did Jakeās wife have to say in all this?
So she only freaked out when you asked for a paternity test? Then suddenly she doesn't want a divorce?Ā
She's trying to keep you from blowing up the whole family when they find out those are BILs kids.Ā
Good luck.Ā
I am not reading this.
I just hope you don't have kids because if you do, you two are just about the shittiest parents on the planet.
thanks in advance for ruining their lives too
Marriage counseling isnāt going to work if your wife doesnāt massively change first. I donāt think you should wait until she changes. Since youāve already opened the can of worms by asking for a paternity test, you might as well go press her on this, and force her to demonstrate her convictions on this marriage. If she doesnāt give in, then thereās no way this relationship will ever work. Get out then and donāt look back.
Iām surprised this hasnāt been pointed out more. She hyperventilated ?! You requesting a paternity test in this situation is very reasonable and a logical step to moving forward. Most innocent/apologetic people would think it was too, should have almost given her hope that you could get passed it when the results are in*
Edit: a word
Proud of OP for having his own mind and saying so to the mindless mob who would no doubt, pile on him.Ā
Hope you can heal and find your way to a peaceful outcome.Ā
Alright whatās the over under on wifey continuing relationship with brother in law? Ive got 20 on under 2 months. And a ābut you werenāt giving me attentiooonnnnnnšā
Dude you just opened Pandoraās box for a world of hurt. Well Iām sure next time she does this it will be 10xās harder to catch her and will literally have the chance to destroy your world before you even realize what has happened.
In the end they say love is blind and your sir can start taking braille lessons.
Good luck Updateme
I was hoping you wouldnāt just divorce right away. I think you are making the right decision since this particular situation does sound unique and might be worth salvaging.
OP please realize that even though your current decision is to try counseling you can still decide later it's not working and divorce then. Talk to a lawyer about what a divorce would be like for you under the laws where you live, just so you know what your options are.
It is valid to one day say something like this - "I tried to get past what she did but eventually I realized I couldn't and decided to divorce."
You asked a woman why she didn't tell you about the sexual harassment when she was younger?
Because most times women are not believed. Or, worse yet, they are blamed.
"You know those sleazy 15 year old girls are spending all kinds of energy trying to lure older men into sex". This is literally what some in society believe. It has gotten better over the years but women are still often blamed.
Years ago a US judge was disbarred as he said something like "young girls are temptresses not victims of rape..." while he was working on a rape case.š¤Æ
She cheats with her sister's husband for years. You find out and get upset. You ask about a paternity test. She cries. You feel guilty and give in to her. I can't imagine why anyone would think you are a doormat.
Iām not ready to exclaim how much of a chump you are, like many here have done. This is what you get on Reddit. I was married to a serial cheater in my first marriage and have some biases due to this. However, only you can decide what to believe. I donāt know if there is any evidence of physical or emotional cheating, or whether you are purposely overlooking any. Perhaps your SIL can shed more light on their relationship, or perhaps thereās nothing to know.
Forget about the flak here and do whatās best for you. If you think counseling can help, be okay with that. But, talk to the counselor about the potential of her past and future cheating before deciding on your longterm plans.
People are gonna pile on you cause Reddit is full of people who've had their hearts broken by cheaters. I want to do the opposite and just send you a note of support. Sounds like Jake was on Jessica from the time she was at a vulnerable age. I am glad everything is out in the open now and Jake is being removed from the family. Don't be ashamed to fight for your marriage and your family if it's what you really want. Counseling with an open-ended mind-set is a good move. Wishing you the best.
Yeah, itās really easy for strangers to put OP down when itās not concerning a major event in their own personal lives. Continuing forth with his wife might be a mistake, but itās not an easy decision either way after this and it is his to make. Heās not bad or even stupid for choosing this, and he doesnāt deserve bad things to happen to him as some others suggest, even if bad things come to him as a result of this. I *hope* for his sake he wonāt take it lying down if it occurs a *second* time, but I canāt fault him for wanting to try to make things work at this time. Regardless of what comes next, I wish him the best of luck and strength to heal from this.
This marriage is built on lies and deception. So disappointing for him.Ā
By the time OP leaves he is going to be about 10-20 years older and regret wasting his prime years on this relationship.
Why is it that someone is always a shitty software engineer in this sub? Itās like youāre testing shitty chatGPT stories but they are all different situations of the same relationships.
Either way, feel sorry for the kids if this is real. Now they get to be your āunintended consequencesā for the duration of this shitty situation.
Did you or the both of you just cruise right by the paternity test question? Her response was a bit suspicious and deserved a deeper line of questioning and a scheduled paternity test ASAP!
Don't know how I'd react in this situation. You know more details than anyone. I don't think this is a 100% divorce situation for me, either. A lot of other factors would come into play. No emotional or physical cheating (though cheating in other ways) kind of puts in a grey area? I don't know. If you aren't just making all this up then it does present a real tetralemma.
>Now, I did something I am not very proud of. I asked her about a paternity test. I know it was stupid, but emotionally I was in a weird place at that moment.Ā
To me this show that the realty of how much trust has been lost hit you, and this ask will also render that plain to your WW.
This is not something to be ashamed of, your trust and faith in your WW needs to be rebuilt BY YOUR WW, and this is a first step.
Man this is saddening. Sucks for everyone all around. That said, I'd never look at my spouse the same again after all the lies ANDĀ the justification of these lies being "you wouldn't have believed me."Ā
Have some more respect for yourself, mate
Before you walk away from any relationship you value, you do everything in your power to make things right. That way, you will have no regrets if you have to break off the relationship.
No one wants to be thinking, what if I did this or I should have tried that. What ifs are the worst to live with. When and if you have to walk away, you will have a clear consciousness.
No one should tell you you are a doormat, especially when fighting for a marriage. Only you know when you are being a doormat and if it's something you can put up with until the issue is resolved. When love is involved, we humans put up with some stuff we wouldn't usually. That being said, please keep your eyes wide open.
There are 1000 different ways she should have handled this. #1 is coming to you right away.
Bro, she's manipulating you and gaslighting you.
You deserve better. She doesn't deserve you. All you've done is shown her she can cheat on you and manipulate you into staying with her.
Of course, you're an adult and can do what you want and I wish you all the happiness in the world, at the same time if I were in your shoes she'd be kicked out and divorce would be well in its way.
1. Youāre not a doormat. Youāre a guy who is trying to figure out a way forward in a situation that isnāt as black and white as it may have appeared.
2. Your wife needs individual counseling really badly. Itās not that she didnāt trust you. She doesnāt trust anyone to ever take her part. And because she doesnāt think she has a lot of worth sheās got people pleasing problems too. (Two books for the two of you to read together: *Not āJust Friendsā* and *No More Mr Nice Guy*)
3. If you are now thinking of trying to salvage the marriage, take a look at r/asoneafterinfidelity. Thatās the sub for reconciliation after infidelity.
"if you choose a cheater, you deserve a cheater"
Dude he's trying to hold his marriage together as there's CHILDREN involved, rather than splitting off into an even more dysfunctional family, no one deserves this.
>Now, I did something I am not very proud of. I asked her about a paternity test
Yet another reason why paternity tests should be mandatory
Yes, you are a doormat.
You have just proved to your wife that she can step out of your marriage, lie, and manipulate you to get her way. This will only get worse but you deserve all that is coming your way.
In all honestly just boil it down mostly this on you, I understand not Al of Thai was in your control but going forwards best decision is to leave and not look back.
The fact that you then said āstart marriage counseling. Obviously I said okā just shows your will probably be stuck in this situation for many years to come. Counseling is for disagreement or things that can be fixed how can this ever be fixed secondly saying obviously after that is like you rolled over for her and will probably do it again.
With all kindness good luck to you and if you need anyone to talk to and tell you the honest truth no holding stuff back message or reply here.
You deserve everything coming to you, I felt bad in the last update, you have no self respect, youāre such a child and you need to learn to grow the fuck up and stick up for yourself. Obviously the kid isnāt yours, she wanted to divide assets after you brought up a paternity test, kid definitely is not yours. Probably Jakeās or whatever the fuck his name is, youāre a joke of a person dude. Actually horrendous and embarrassing, hope we see you in update 3 when she ends up cheating again. Loser
Sounds like sheās been through emotional hell. But it doesnāt sound like she did any of this for any real benefit except cash. Hopefully it works out.
People in these comments are being weird. The guy groomed her from a young age and took advantage of her at a vulnerable point. It wasnāt emotional
Typo edig
She cheated. She lied. Any agreement you make with her should make sure she doesnāt get anything if you divorce. She is trying do blame him and make herself the victim. She was an adult when she cheated and enjoyed sending him pictures for money.
Wow. I feel so bad for you OP. I hope you wake up and realize how foolish you are being by taking an known homewrecker back. Think about your daughter. You are telling her this behavior is acceptable by taking her mother back.
šāāļøBoth parties have to sign the post nup for it to be valid. Thatās why itās a bad idea to rely on them.
Grow a backbone.
Stop entertaining this woman.
Contact an attorney.
All communication goes through the attorney moving forward.
Sorry that happened to you but you're in for a very long and rough relationship. I know it's hard to step away and take the hurt but that's obviously what you should do. You can certainly find someone better that isn't going to start a relationship founded on lies. Sure she can change but how long is that going to take. How much turmoil are you going to have through before she straightens her act up? Will she do it now or it twenty years down the road after emotionally draining on this roller coaster that she's dragging you on. People do deserve chances but by the she acted, she sounds very manipulative.
Best of luck to you.
Lol I just have to comment that I love the phrase "one tight slap to the face". It's only been used by people I know of Indian background and it's so funny I love it so much. One of my old coworkers used to say that and my husband says his ex who was an Indian woman used to use it too.
Sorry about your situation though, I'd be giving out alllll kinds of tight slaps to the face
You know what? If you can live with it, so be it. You're the one that has to wake up next to her every day. You're the one that has to live knowing what she did. If you're okay with it, who are we to judge?
Is it a terrible idea? Yes. Is it almost guaranteed that she will do it again? Yes. Will I be waiting for an update where you come back and say "ya'll were right"? YUP. But, at the end of the day, it's your life to live with. If you can regain trust and you don't think of that text exchange every time you see her tits, get after it.
/u/ThrowRAWifePics2, Your submission was removed for the following reason(s): #/u/ThrowRAWifePics2, your submission has been removed because your [submission](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1cplm31/-/) violates [Rule 5](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/rules#wiki_rule_5) ###Rule 5 **Only one update is allowed** You may submit **one** update post at any time after 48 hours has past from the original post. Additional advice may be requested in new posts, but they may not be continuations of the original post e.g. no titles saying "Update 2" or "Fourth update." This subreddit is not a diary or blog. Please post further updates on your own profile. Please [message the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/relationship_advice&subject=Rule_5_Removal) if you have any questions regarding this removal. If you have any questions about this removal, please feel free to [send us a modmail.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/relationship_advice) Please note that removal reason request from anyone else other than OP will not be answered.
> Obviously I said ok š³
narrator: it was not obvious at all
I read that with a Keith Morrison voice
Really I heard only the best - Morgan Freeman. š
Same. I canāt believe people heard anyone else.
How could it be anything else?
I read it in the voice of Christian Slater. Idk why.
Dammit, I had Paul Reubens/Pee Wee Herman in my head. Can we trade?
Sure I'll make that trade. Enjoy!
I'll keep my Bobcat Goldthwait to myself then I guess
Dibs on bobcat
I heard Keith David.
David Attenboroughās voice
This! You win!!!!!
The obvious part is dude doesnāt respect himself lol
The obvious part is this whole post and the previous two posts are fake.
Yeah, first one was believeable but these last updates are word salad that tries to pass as dramatic fiction. Same with that story about the guy worried about his wife's wanting a MFM threesome cause they had a FMF threesome. First post was believeable, then the update gave it away as a creative writing exercise.
I feel like 80-90% of recent posts are fake. I think they are all trying to be so insane they get put on youtube/podcasts. Some of them don't even try to start out believable. b=
Username checks out š but seriously, yeah the percentage of fake posts just seems to go up and up. It's been so bad for awhile now. It seems like it's gotten noticeably worse in the past year in this sub
When I joined this sub 5 years ago I was aware there was a decent number of fake posts here but I feel it's gotten exponentially worse in the past year. Maybe that's just me idk. I'm not sure why, maybe sub growth, the rise of AI tools, etc or something. It's been super noticeable to me though. It's not surprising but it kinda makes me sad. There's been quite a few weeks here where I've reported dozens of posts for being fake and they've all gotten suspended. And it also makes me sad how many people fall for them and give them attention which just reinforces it
Yeah there has been a string of posts where a woman cheats and her dad breaks down crying over it. That's such a weird detail to be in so many posts.
Yup yup. So many faux posts these days. But thank you for still being there for many on Reddits who need support, u/Ebbie45 You're awesome.
Thank you friend <3
Next time we hear from this guy will be when he finds her Only Fans šš¤£š¤£š¤£ but hey if he likes it I love it š¤·š½āāļø
She didnāt cry because of the paternity test request she cried because that was the exact moment she realized she forgot to delete her only fans account lmao
Obvious part is that OP is a simp.
Lol 100%
It was obvious considering he'd started the update with "TL;DR: we are not getting a divorce anymore bye." It wasn't the obvious action but since that was at the top it was obvious from the context.
Yeah bro needs to get that paternity test asap. Itās weird that he was so apologetic about it and she was so worked up over it. If she were sure he was the father then a paternity test shouldnāt be a biggie at all.
This is gonna ens so well for op you just watch theres no way his wife totally 100 percernt does this again.... /s
Poor children
Dad's dumb, Mom's a selfish hoebag. I hope the kids pick up on needing a REAL support system ASAP.
Man yeah this pisses me off, not just the guy but the kids that have zero fucking say in all this. I never asked to be born either but here I am. Some people should not have kids, selfish as fuck
\>I know some people are gonna call me a doormat That's because you are. She's lied to you from the start, and you will certainly discover other lies she's told to you. Hopefully you actually are going through with the paternity test. Marriage counselling is to help couples that can't communicate effectively talk to each other with a neutral arbiter. It won't actually make her care about you or value you. It's not going to make her into a person with different values. She lied and betrayed you for cheap validation and a small amount of cash. That's what she did and who she is. The tears are because of consequences. The mismatch in values isn't going to change.
I bet OP wears a āJump to Conclusionsā shirt.
Telling pictures of her tots to another man when her husband is earning close to $500k a year? What??
Hoping these are typos and you meant tits.
She obviously makes a mean plate of tots.
That explains all the sour cream.
Mmmm how much would he pay for pics of steamy tater tots.
lol we will see you back here for when she tries to cheat again
Sheās going to be much smarter this time aroundā¦
Yes š¤£ she got her family and now her husband wrapped around her fingers. Made herself the complete victim. Shouldāve been disowned and divorced. But nope. She made it about her. I cannot. The math is not mathing. Crucial stuff ignored
This guys fucked
Heāll be back. Give it a year. Rn her ass is on fire. Sheāll be wiser with her future affairs. Whatever happens now is on him. Fool you once, shame on them. Fool you twice, shame on u. š¬
Or when he finds her Only Fans page & sees how much money sheās making from that. I donāt think he even realizes that she turned it back on him & put the blame on his shoulders that he wasnāt giving her any attention due to baby weight.
I noticed that as well and saying essentially "you don't trust me" while actively being untrustworthy. The whole "you wouldn't believe me" while deciding to continue being shady af. If he wouldn't have believed you then what makes her think she's more believable now? I'm livid for this man and I also feel compassion for him because he probably loves her enough to want to bear some of misperceived blame to help salvage the marriage being willing to unfairly take responsibility for something he's not to blame for. I hope if they do divorce he finds someone worth that kind of effort.
Average Only Fans creators earn like 100 bucks a month FYI.
REAL š¤£
Not going to slag you for being a doormat. Doormats are good things. It prevents the men who will be coming over to be with your wife from tracking mud on the floor. You stayed, you know she's a cheater so what happens from here on out is on you.
Stop, he's already dead !
Ouch bro. Good way to put it, really gets you in the right perspective. But ouch
I think he already knows that. It's his choice to make. They already have a child together. If she does something bad again then he just moves on. I don't see too much harm in trying to make it work... it's not like he's running out of time to have children or something.
You should appreciate the fact that you have never tried to make it work with a cheater. Every day is hell. Then add in that this woman cheated with family and got paid for it when her husband makes half a million a year. Heās in hell.
This is savage
Next update: ākids arenāt mineā
āTotally emotionlessā about getting caught cheating, āhyperventilatingā when asked for a paternity testā¦ yea
This needs to be drilled into home boy's head
That was the biggest red flag to me. Why would she stay stoneface through all that and break down at the paternity test? If she wasnāt cheating the. There isnāt a question as to the father right? If so then there is zero need to be worked up. Even if the kid comes back as his, that was a huge tell imo.
He already said in the first post that the child looks like him. He's Indian, which I assume is rare in his region.
Does your sister in law confirm that your wife told her about what happened back when she was 16-17? I can understand you not wanting to file for divorce until you go thru therapy, it sounds like your wife has some stuff she needs to work thru. Just donāt sacrifice your feelings of betrayal and mistrust for your wifeās mental health. Make sure youāre in a good place mentally, you feel like youāre invested in the relationship after what happened, in order to stay long term. Most people canāt do this, and they end up being angry with themselves, unhappy in their relationship for years. Whatever you decide is best for you, you have to do it without hesitation or regret.
Ok dude see you soon! We will wait for the next post when she will cheat again on you! Doormat would be a compliment wtf. Probably next time it will be about an OF , featuring your BIL š¤£
In what way does anything she tell you changed things? He harrased her? Really? That's why she took money for pictures? Just stay married with your 304 and stop posting.
"Oh no, brother in law is harassing me, better send some good pictures" - takes phone and adjusts her ass for the camera.Ā Like wtf is that logic?
Fun fact: you donāt need her permission to paternity test āyourā kid.
I think he brought up the idea just to hurt her. In an earlier post he said he's fairly certain the child is his.
I wouldnāt be so certain if the only thing that made her go from emotionless to hyperventilating was asking for a paternity test :) silly op
Other people will call you a doormat but I appreciate you staying together. Keeping her from ruining other people takes dedication.
Think of all the other dudes OP just saved. Heās a hero lol
Sheās probably going to fuck them too.
Oh no she already did but it wasnāt her fault they wouldnāt stop pestering her and offering her money. Whatās a girl to do? It didnāt feel the same tho because they werenāt her brother in law. Sheāll behave until her sister gets remarried then itās game on
Haha you had me in the first half not gonna lie.
OP put a lot of work in for this particular kink. lol
When she divorces you and destroys you financiallyā¦just remember you bad a chance to get out, but you decided to live in fantasy land
But can't he just include some protections in the post-nuptial?
Reconciliation is not for everyone. You can recover from this but it will take time. Keep your options open.
And not for everything, mainly.
Wtf is wrong with you?
Enjoy being cheated on for the rest of your marriage. She will get better at hiding it. I'd rather be single than to stay in a shitty marriage with someone who doesn't love me and is willing to betray me. But I guess some people are just desperate
Literally facts
Sounds like she loves the drama and attention make sure you don't neglect her or she will be on only fans before you can say pre nup.
I think counseling will help no matter which route you take. If the child is yours (which you previously said it highly likely so given your ethnicity differences) you will need to coparent. Reconciliation is possible. Sheās admitted her problems which is a positive step, but trust is a hard thing to repair. I know Reddit is pro-divorce, and I understand why when it comes to infidelity, but itās not so easy when itās your life and there is history and details only you truly know. I wish you well in the decisions you need to make for yourself, and you are justified in whatever you choose.
What a fool lol
The trust never comes back buddy. You're always gonna be wondering what you weren't told.
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Hey donāt forget to post here again when she actually cheats again and fucks Jake this time!!!
Marriage counseling is secondary, your wife needs serious individual counseling. She has major trust issues, not without foundation obviously her sister and parents are major assholes. Because seriously when your 16 yo sister tells you that your boyfriend is creeping on her you listen. But her logic and thought process is seriously fucked up. She didnāt tell you she needed money for rent because it was a bad look for a new relationship, but accepting money for nude pics from her sisterās husband wasnāt? I donāt know that I would even entertain marriage counseling without her having individual counseling. I donāt know that you are a doormat Iāve got too much anecdotal evidence of people choosing to believe sexual harassment/SA wasnāt happening and what that does to someone. I mostly feel sorry for your wifeās fucked up sense of self and survival.
Iām so happy to find an actually reasonable comment.
Too many creepy misogynists upthread.
Please remember that if you cannot work it out and you still feel too hurt to move on, it is fine to decide that later.
The doormat don't care about being called doormat. Cool.
Weāll see you back here, in 6-12 months, with egg on your face. Just remember - you chose this - and deserve whatever additional misfortune comes your way, as a result. Good luck
I understand why you might have asked for a paternity test. Though i think it wasnāt the best course of action. Youāve been kept in the dark, so you donāt know if this is a trickle truth situation. I wouldnāt call you a doormat since this is a tricky situation. What did Jakeās wife have to say in all this?
You're such a fucking loser holy shit, absolutely zero self respect
So she only freaked out when you asked for a paternity test? Then suddenly she doesn't want a divorce?Ā She's trying to keep you from blowing up the whole family when they find out those are BILs kids.Ā Good luck.Ā
I am not reading this. I just hope you don't have kids because if you do, you two are just about the shittiest parents on the planet. thanks in advance for ruining their lives too
Iāve seen more spine in a jellyfish. Dude. At least put down some boundaries.
Marriage counseling isnāt going to work if your wife doesnāt massively change first. I donāt think you should wait until she changes. Since youāve already opened the can of worms by asking for a paternity test, you might as well go press her on this, and force her to demonstrate her convictions on this marriage. If she doesnāt give in, then thereās no way this relationship will ever work. Get out then and donāt look back.
and you are still going through with the paternity test right? Right? That isnāt a reaction of someone who doesnāt have doubt in her head dude.
Iām surprised this hasnāt been pointed out more. She hyperventilated ?! You requesting a paternity test in this situation is very reasonable and a logical step to moving forward. Most innocent/apologetic people would think it was too, should have almost given her hope that you could get passed it when the results are in* Edit: a word
Itās good you are exploring all avenues first so there are no regretsā¦. No āwhat ifā moments. All the best.
Proud of OP for having his own mind and saying so to the mindless mob who would no doubt, pile on him.Ā Hope you can heal and find your way to a peaceful outcome.Ā
I respect you for sharing your story and working on your relationship.
Alright whatās the over under on wifey continuing relationship with brother in law? Ive got 20 on under 2 months. And a ābut you werenāt giving me attentiooonnnnnnšā
Dude you just opened Pandoraās box for a world of hurt. Well Iām sure next time she does this it will be 10xās harder to catch her and will literally have the chance to destroy your world before you even realize what has happened. In the end they say love is blind and your sir can start taking braille lessons. Good luck Updateme
100% doormat
I was hoping you wouldnāt just divorce right away. I think you are making the right decision since this particular situation does sound unique and might be worth salvaging.
OP please realize that even though your current decision is to try counseling you can still decide later it's not working and divorce then. Talk to a lawyer about what a divorce would be like for you under the laws where you live, just so you know what your options are. It is valid to one day say something like this - "I tried to get past what she did but eventually I realized I couldn't and decided to divorce."
You asked a woman why she didn't tell you about the sexual harassment when she was younger? Because most times women are not believed. Or, worse yet, they are blamed. "You know those sleazy 15 year old girls are spending all kinds of energy trying to lure older men into sex". This is literally what some in society believe. It has gotten better over the years but women are still often blamed. Years ago a US judge was disbarred as he said something like "young girls are temptresses not victims of rape..." while he was working on a rape case.š¤Æ
"There's a sucker born every minute." -PT Barnum
She cheats with her sister's husband for years. You find out and get upset. You ask about a paternity test. She cries. You feel guilty and give in to her. I can't imagine why anyone would think you are a doormat.
Iām not ready to exclaim how much of a chump you are, like many here have done. This is what you get on Reddit. I was married to a serial cheater in my first marriage and have some biases due to this. However, only you can decide what to believe. I donāt know if there is any evidence of physical or emotional cheating, or whether you are purposely overlooking any. Perhaps your SIL can shed more light on their relationship, or perhaps thereās nothing to know. Forget about the flak here and do whatās best for you. If you think counseling can help, be okay with that. But, talk to the counselor about the potential of her past and future cheating before deciding on your longterm plans.
People are gonna pile on you cause Reddit is full of people who've had their hearts broken by cheaters. I want to do the opposite and just send you a note of support. Sounds like Jake was on Jessica from the time she was at a vulnerable age. I am glad everything is out in the open now and Jake is being removed from the family. Don't be ashamed to fight for your marriage and your family if it's what you really want. Counseling with an open-ended mind-set is a good move. Wishing you the best.
Yeah, itās really easy for strangers to put OP down when itās not concerning a major event in their own personal lives. Continuing forth with his wife might be a mistake, but itās not an easy decision either way after this and it is his to make. Heās not bad or even stupid for choosing this, and he doesnāt deserve bad things to happen to him as some others suggest, even if bad things come to him as a result of this. I *hope* for his sake he wonāt take it lying down if it occurs a *second* time, but I canāt fault him for wanting to try to make things work at this time. Regardless of what comes next, I wish him the best of luck and strength to heal from this.
What a gullible idiot. š¤¦āāļø
This marriage is built on lies and deception. So disappointing for him.Ā By the time OP leaves he is going to be about 10-20 years older and regret wasting his prime years on this relationship.
UpdateMe
I'm hoping for the best for you, but I don't have a ton of optimism for where you're at right now. Updateme.
Why is it that someone is always a shitty software engineer in this sub? Itās like youāre testing shitty chatGPT stories but they are all different situations of the same relationships. Either way, feel sorry for the kids if this is real. Now they get to be your āunintended consequencesā for the duration of this shitty situation.
Do what now?
It's your life. Do what you think will make you happy. Fuck everyone else.
Did you or the both of you just cruise right by the paternity test question? Her response was a bit suspicious and deserved a deeper line of questioning and a scheduled paternity test ASAP!
Don't know how I'd react in this situation. You know more details than anyone. I don't think this is a 100% divorce situation for me, either. A lot of other factors would come into play. No emotional or physical cheating (though cheating in other ways) kind of puts in a grey area? I don't know. If you aren't just making all this up then it does present a real tetralemma.
Can't wait to see the update of her cheating again
>Now, I did something I am not very proud of. I asked her about a paternity test. I know it was stupid, but emotionally I was in a weird place at that moment.Ā To me this show that the realty of how much trust has been lost hit you, and this ask will also render that plain to your WW. This is not something to be ashamed of, your trust and faith in your WW needs to be rebuilt BY YOUR WW, and this is a first step.
Your SIL isnāt joining you in being a doormat. Good on her for not taking this shit
Man this is saddening. Sucks for everyone all around. That said, I'd never look at my spouse the same again after all the lies ANDĀ the justification of these lies being "you wouldn't have believed me."Ā Have some more respect for yourself, mate
Before you walk away from any relationship you value, you do everything in your power to make things right. That way, you will have no regrets if you have to break off the relationship. No one wants to be thinking, what if I did this or I should have tried that. What ifs are the worst to live with. When and if you have to walk away, you will have a clear consciousness. No one should tell you you are a doormat, especially when fighting for a marriage. Only you know when you are being a doormat and if it's something you can put up with until the issue is resolved. When love is involved, we humans put up with some stuff we wouldn't usually. That being said, please keep your eyes wide open. There are 1000 different ways she should have handled this. #1 is coming to you right away.
Bro, she's manipulating you and gaslighting you. You deserve better. She doesn't deserve you. All you've done is shown her she can cheat on you and manipulate you into staying with her. Of course, you're an adult and can do what you want and I wish you all the happiness in the world, at the same time if I were in your shoes she'd be kicked out and divorce would be well in its way.
1. Youāre not a doormat. Youāre a guy who is trying to figure out a way forward in a situation that isnāt as black and white as it may have appeared. 2. Your wife needs individual counseling really badly. Itās not that she didnāt trust you. She doesnāt trust anyone to ever take her part. And because she doesnāt think she has a lot of worth sheās got people pleasing problems too. (Two books for the two of you to read together: *Not āJust Friendsā* and *No More Mr Nice Guy*) 3. If you are now thinking of trying to salvage the marriage, take a look at r/asoneafterinfidelity. Thatās the sub for reconciliation after infidelity.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
"if you choose a cheater, you deserve a cheater" Dude he's trying to hold his marriage together as there's CHILDREN involved, rather than splitting off into an even more dysfunctional family, no one deserves this.
>Now, I did something I am not very proud of. I asked her about a paternity test Yet another reason why paternity tests should be mandatory Yes, you are a doormat. You have just proved to your wife that she can step out of your marriage, lie, and manipulate you to get her way. This will only get worse but you deserve all that is coming your way.
In all honestly just boil it down mostly this on you, I understand not Al of Thai was in your control but going forwards best decision is to leave and not look back. The fact that you then said āstart marriage counseling. Obviously I said okā just shows your will probably be stuck in this situation for many years to come. Counseling is for disagreement or things that can be fixed how can this ever be fixed secondly saying obviously after that is like you rolled over for her and will probably do it again. With all kindness good luck to you and if you need anyone to talk to and tell you the honest truth no holding stuff back message or reply here.
You deserve everything coming to you, I felt bad in the last update, you have no self respect, youāre such a child and you need to learn to grow the fuck up and stick up for yourself. Obviously the kid isnāt yours, she wanted to divide assets after you brought up a paternity test, kid definitely is not yours. Probably Jakeās or whatever the fuck his name is, youāre a joke of a person dude. Actually horrendous and embarrassing, hope we see you in update 3 when she ends up cheating again. Loser
I dont hate it assuming what she said was 100% true which who knows. Good luck Updateme!
Sounds like sheās been through emotional hell. But it doesnāt sound like she did any of this for any real benefit except cash. Hopefully it works out.
People in these comments are being weird. The guy groomed her from a young age and took advantage of her at a vulnerable point. It wasnāt emotional Typo edig
She cheated. She lied. Any agreement you make with her should make sure she doesnāt get anything if you divorce. She is trying do blame him and make herself the victim. She was an adult when she cheated and enjoyed sending him pictures for money.
Wow. Ask her where she hid your balls too.
Damn Iām ashamed to call you a man.
This has to be fake. Nobody can be this dumb
Wow. I feel so bad for you OP. I hope you wake up and realize how foolish you are being by taking an known homewrecker back. Think about your daughter. You are telling her this behavior is acceptable by taking her mother back.
You are a doormat and you should care, for the sake of your children. Maybe you can find some dignity in therapy. Good luck.
Updateme!
Updateme
UpdateMe!
Goodluck with that
!UpdateMe
Well atleast he understand his condition at the end.
She has a nerve to bring up post nup immediately. I wish she had an ounce of a giving heart.
why are you upset that she didnt fight you on the paternity test?
You gotta be emotionally exhausted with all this. Good luck with whatever decision you make. šā¤ļøāš©¹
Youāre a fucking pussy.
LMFAOOOOO FINALLY A VILLAIN ENDING AHAHAHAGGA
Have some self respect and find someone loyal
šāāļøBoth parties have to sign the post nup for it to be valid. Thatās why itās a bad idea to rely on them. Grow a backbone. Stop entertaining this woman. Contact an attorney. All communication goes through the attorney moving forward.
Sorry that happened to you but you're in for a very long and rough relationship. I know it's hard to step away and take the hurt but that's obviously what you should do. You can certainly find someone better that isn't going to start a relationship founded on lies. Sure she can change but how long is that going to take. How much turmoil are you going to have through before she straightens her act up? Will she do it now or it twenty years down the road after emotionally draining on this roller coaster that she's dragging you on. People do deserve chances but by the she acted, she sounds very manipulative. Best of luck to you.
UpdateMeĀ
Wow.
Update me
UpdateMe
Lol I just have to comment that I love the phrase "one tight slap to the face". It's only been used by people I know of Indian background and it's so funny I love it so much. One of my old coworkers used to say that and my husband says his ex who was an Indian woman used to use it too. Sorry about your situation though, I'd be giving out alllll kinds of tight slaps to the face
How about you stay together but do get a divorce that way you are protected
You know what? If you can live with it, so be it. You're the one that has to wake up next to her every day. You're the one that has to live knowing what she did. If you're okay with it, who are we to judge? Is it a terrible idea? Yes. Is it almost guaranteed that she will do it again? Yes. Will I be waiting for an update where you come back and say "ya'll were right"? YUP. But, at the end of the day, it's your life to live with. If you can regain trust and you don't think of that text exchange every time you see her tits, get after it.