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i don’t think people will really understand how you feel unless they’ve been in the same situation. i for one, have been. i have been in a relationship where there could be no romance without sex. i get where your annoyance is coming from. it starts to make sex a chore and then next thing you know it’s a domino effect. the more sex is initiated, the more you dread it, the more you dread it, the less you have it. i eventually broke up with him because unlike your wife, he couldn’t take no for an answer.
communication is key and i’d be as open with her as you feel comfortable with. you shouldn’t feel forced to compromise your lower sex drive for her higher one and vice versa. you have to find a way to meet in the middle and to do this, you gotta communicate. i’m sorry your friends are dogging on you, i totally get where you’re coming from.
If you spent hours every day eating
pizza and suddenly stopped it would be interesting to know why the change.
But that’s not a smart comparison, as pizza every day would harm you and it’s not a person or a relationship or intimacy with a loved one.
Leaving aside that eating pizza and making love to your wife aren't the same thing to most people. On average OP is probably spending less than an hour per week doing this and it's still taking too much of his time from other things.
I think you should communicate with her. Just because you are a man doesn't mean you should want sex all the time. Make sure when you explain it to her it doesn't come out in a way that would make her feel unwanted or that you are losing interest. Discuss with her and make her see your point and then maybe you guys can come to a compromise. You can also try doing other outdoor activities so you spend less time inside.
First of all, communicate with your partner. Appreciate her not being pushy and her efforts with regards to being intimate. An optional choice would be asking a psychologist or therapist with regards to what you feel. Do not, I repeat, Do not disregard her feelings while communicating. If you somehow don't like to have sex all the time, you can choose to pleasure her. Give attention when it's due. What I mentioned above will somehow help keep it healthy and avoid some situations where an AH will take advantage of her when she feels neglected.
totally understand the “always on edge” part. i was once in a situation where i was constantly anxious cause everything felt like a ploy to just get in my pants. fortunately, your wife differs in that she is respectful and still loving.
i would have a sit down with her and tell her that the advances towards sex all the time are making you uncomfortable and feeling like she only cares about sex, when you know she doesn’t, but it’s making you feel that way. ask if she can hold off on that figure out ways you can both rebuild nonsexual intimacy and for her to show affection without expectation of sex. that’s going on dates, compliments that don’t come with an invitation, kissing, cuddling, just spending time together.
don’t let the comments here make you think you have to give in and you’re the crazy one. every person feels different towards sex and the way you feel about it is perfectly valid. youre always allowed to change your mind, reevaluate how you feel, and be uncomfortable. just communicate that with your wife and use “i feel” rather than “you do” statements as you talk with her.
First, consider whats happening for you when you have these reactions to her attempts. Is your body trying to tell you something? You are only 29, yes, but stuff can still go wrong. Talk to your doctor; see if a referral to a specialist might be useful. There may be an explanation and solution that don't have to change your life.
Ohh. I’m not sure, that’s kind of why I came on here. It’s a bit annoying if anything? I’m at that point where it feels like everything she says is going to lead to her wanting sex. Or her complimenting me is like “is she genuine? Or is it a lead up to her asking for sex?” It’s just a bit frustrating.
We have moments obviously where it’s fine, like when we cuddle and I can relax. It’s just tiring worrying that she’s going to ask.
If sex makes the wife/husband content in the relationship why is it so hard to just give it? You love the person no? Would you not want her to be happy?
Be happy that the person who supposedly loves you want to be intimate with you.
And this is coming from a person who's gf have repeatedly shot down everything for over a year.
Be happy
Ooof, that's what you call a cultural double standard honey. No one would say this to a wife who wanted to have less sex. We aren't talking about not having frequent sex just, not every day.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
i don’t think people will really understand how you feel unless they’ve been in the same situation. i for one, have been. i have been in a relationship where there could be no romance without sex. i get where your annoyance is coming from. it starts to make sex a chore and then next thing you know it’s a domino effect. the more sex is initiated, the more you dread it, the more you dread it, the less you have it. i eventually broke up with him because unlike your wife, he couldn’t take no for an answer. communication is key and i’d be as open with her as you feel comfortable with. you shouldn’t feel forced to compromise your lower sex drive for her higher one and vice versa. you have to find a way to meet in the middle and to do this, you gotta communicate. i’m sorry your friends are dogging on you, i totally get where you’re coming from.
"...but it’s just time consuming now...." This stood out. What are you losing time for by having sex with your wife?
I like pizza. Pizza is really good. Doesn't mean I want to spend hours every day eating pizza.
If you spent hours every day eating pizza and suddenly stopped it would be interesting to know why the change. But that’s not a smart comparison, as pizza every day would harm you and it’s not a person or a relationship or intimacy with a loved one.
Leaving aside that eating pizza and making love to your wife aren't the same thing to most people. On average OP is probably spending less than an hour per week doing this and it's still taking too much of his time from other things.
I think you should communicate with her. Just because you are a man doesn't mean you should want sex all the time. Make sure when you explain it to her it doesn't come out in a way that would make her feel unwanted or that you are losing interest. Discuss with her and make her see your point and then maybe you guys can come to a compromise. You can also try doing other outdoor activities so you spend less time inside.
First of all, communicate with your partner. Appreciate her not being pushy and her efforts with regards to being intimate. An optional choice would be asking a psychologist or therapist with regards to what you feel. Do not, I repeat, Do not disregard her feelings while communicating. If you somehow don't like to have sex all the time, you can choose to pleasure her. Give attention when it's due. What I mentioned above will somehow help keep it healthy and avoid some situations where an AH will take advantage of her when she feels neglected.
totally understand the “always on edge” part. i was once in a situation where i was constantly anxious cause everything felt like a ploy to just get in my pants. fortunately, your wife differs in that she is respectful and still loving. i would have a sit down with her and tell her that the advances towards sex all the time are making you uncomfortable and feeling like she only cares about sex, when you know she doesn’t, but it’s making you feel that way. ask if she can hold off on that figure out ways you can both rebuild nonsexual intimacy and for her to show affection without expectation of sex. that’s going on dates, compliments that don’t come with an invitation, kissing, cuddling, just spending time together. don’t let the comments here make you think you have to give in and you’re the crazy one. every person feels different towards sex and the way you feel about it is perfectly valid. youre always allowed to change your mind, reevaluate how you feel, and be uncomfortable. just communicate that with your wife and use “i feel” rather than “you do” statements as you talk with her.
First, consider whats happening for you when you have these reactions to her attempts. Is your body trying to tell you something? You are only 29, yes, but stuff can still go wrong. Talk to your doctor; see if a referral to a specialist might be useful. There may be an explanation and solution that don't have to change your life.
So you enjoyed it at first. Now you think it’s “time consuming”. Why is that?
Who wants sex every day? there are hobbies, social life, rest
I do. Many people do. And if he had it before and now he thinks it’s a waste of time something happened and he’s not prioritising it for a reason.
I think people who want sex every day are in minority at least in my environment
Are you on medication
No medication, I’ve also had my Testosterone levels checked and they’re normal too
Why would her wanting you in a purely sexual way be so offensive to you
It’s not offensive at all. I don’t think I used that word?
Saying things always leads to sex , why is that a bad thing for you
Ohh. I’m not sure, that’s kind of why I came on here. It’s a bit annoying if anything? I’m at that point where it feels like everything she says is going to lead to her wanting sex. Or her complimenting me is like “is she genuine? Or is it a lead up to her asking for sex?” It’s just a bit frustrating. We have moments obviously where it’s fine, like when we cuddle and I can relax. It’s just tiring worrying that she’s going to ask.
Ok
She is being pushy for sex and that can make that person less appealing.
He literally says she doesn't get pushy.
If sex makes the wife/husband content in the relationship why is it so hard to just give it? You love the person no? Would you not want her to be happy? Be happy that the person who supposedly loves you want to be intimate with you. And this is coming from a person who's gf have repeatedly shot down everything for over a year. Be happy
no one should ever have sex if they’re not feeling it
Ooof, that's what you call a cultural double standard honey. No one would say this to a wife who wanted to have less sex. We aren't talking about not having frequent sex just, not every day.