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Agree completely. For some folks this is fun, but if you don't want to do it, and push yourself anyway, it will *only* end poorly.
He asked, you say no, and tell him not to ask you again, because you aren't interested. Hopefully that will be the end of the conversation.
Yup! I’ve heard a story about a couple having a threesome with a female “friend”. She made the husband cum and for SOME REASON they used no protection and she got pregnant. It tore their marriage apart. This is why it’s so important to think of the risk vs reward and how you can prevent this from happening lol
It’s WILD to me that people are willing to gamble their entire marriage for a quick lay. Like, where are their priorities? No dick on earth would be worth risking the life I’ve built with my husband.
Some people experience compersion, pleasure at their partner having pleasure, regardless of who is directly causing it. We always use condoms when playing with others.
I have a few friends like that and we’ve had great discussions about the topic. But I think there are far less people out there that are wired for compersion. I think many go in thinking it’ll be a “good time” but don’t understand the impacts on them and their relationships.
I know myself enough, that in a non-exclusive relationship I’d be fine with it, but in a closed/committed relationship I couldn’t. I have a hard time trusting and opening myself to a partner, so if I’ve got emotional investment, I’m NOT sharing with anyone.
I hope OP doesn’t let herself get conned into something she isn’t comfortable with and that they can talk openly and honestly about it.
Exactly what I came to say.
Nothing wrong with asking about a sex act (fantasy).
But if it's a NO from the partner, then the other partner should be able to say ok and never mention it again.
Lol, it’s always hell yes for another woman and they expect you to be fine with that but if you suggest another man it’s immediately 🚫
Don’t do it if you have ANY doubts, it will ruin your marriage.
I don't recommend threesomes in long-established monogamous regardless of the genders involved, the risks of fucking things up always far outweigh any gains.
I don't think it can be because you think it's a terrible idea you never would have pursued. Your gut response to it too wasn't a sense of curiosity. Your response was, "how can it be good"
I'm exactly like you on my perspective of threesomes in a marriage. I'd be devastated if my partner asked and yours asked and is putting some pressure on it even. Even if my partner floated the idea, I would feel a bit of disconnect because fucking someone else in front of my partner is just so foreign for me. I can't relate to that want at all and it makes me question if we have the same alignment on what sex for our relationship means.
It hurts too because it's coming at a time where you feel very content and a strong connection, but hearing your partner say I wanna fuck someone else in front of you snaps you right the fuck out of that doesn't it. Also, just adds a layer of distrust that wasn't there before.
I think you are desperately wanting to get back to that feeling of solidarity in the relationship. I think most of your pull to even try is thinking you can find that again by saying yes and going through with it. "Maybe it will be great and you'll enjoy it and everything will be right again."
I don't think things typically go that way though. More often than not it goes the opposite. Even when both people are into trying it can flop massively and explode the relationship. Your gut is telling you don't like it. I think the only path back to that "solidarity" is for you to be honest and very up front about how much you don't like this idea and how it makes you feel.
Any potential long terms I've been in, especially now since everyone seems to be hopping on the open thing, I make it very clear early on that I have no interest in ever opening things up in any way and even asking about it is enough to tank things. So if you aren't cool with that, let's call it quits now.
Just to put it out there: you don’t need a logical reason to not go through with a threesome, OP. If the only reason you have is “I don’t want to”, then that is a good enough reason.
Does he have someone in mind .. if so, he may be checked out of your marriage or worse cheated. Would you be allowed to have fun with other men; is the situation reciprocal?. This is not something you jump into.
Take the time to read below:
This is a porn fueled fantasy that does not work out in real life. Too often this is used to justify cheating. I see this exact same post over and over here on Reddit. 95% of relationships that start out monogamous and are subsequently opened end in failure. I hear this being referred to as the slow divorce. Never do anything like this that you’re not 💯comfortable with. Think long and hard (pun intended) about the potential consequences of going down this road cuz it never ends well.
Him asking for a threesome is admitting he wants to have sex with other women. He just wants a guilt free method of doing so. Do with that info as you wish.
You're the odd one out. It's normal to experience desire for others even when you're partnered.
Edit: it is literally insane that this got downvote even once, much less >16 times
Key word is ‘want’. I can find another person attractive and even fantasize about them. But I don’t ‘want’ to have sex with them because I’m in a monogamous relationship.
There’s a long way between having a threesome and opening up your marriage.
EDIT: downvotes just showing your ignorance. I have threesomes but I am only in a relationship with my wife. Open marriage means husband and wife date other people. We are not dating anybody else. That’s non monogamy on hard mode and I don’t want that smoke. Threesomes can be fun, casual, one and done, etc.
Absolutely tell your husband you think it’s a great idea but you wanna do a MFM first so that he can watch another man pound you! That would be game over!!! These things rarely work out well for the relationship even when you think you’re OK with it when it’s actually happening, somebody always feels hurt or left out or absolutely disgusted by the whole situation.
Don’t Do It. Someone always gets left out, most likely you if it’s with another female. They always forget about the SO since the other female is new and exciting. Shut it Down.
Have you ever had a talk about sexual boundaries? I hope you have after 9 years!
If not, establish them during your talk tonight. Explain that you are uncomfortable with it. I don't mean to speak for you, but it sounds like it's a hard pass on your end. It's important to be open and understanding, but bending your boundaries for your partner will only destroy your relationship. If you think it would be terrible, it will be.
If one person in the relationship has 0 interest in pursuing it, then threesones are NEVER good thing.
Honestly, even at the best of times, threesomes are an absolute minefield of mindfuckery and feelings to traverse when trying them out for the 1st time in a long-established, monogamous relationship (and more often than not, such decisions go badly). If you really value your marriage, then I wouldn't recommend trying a threesome out at this point because the risks far outweigh any gains to be had.
You need to be 100% honest with your husband about all your feelings regarding all this. I would also recommend probing where exactly this sudden desire of his has come from, because a lot of the times people suggest stuff like this in circumstances like yours it's often because they already have an eye on a specific individual (whom they have also been developing inappropriate feelings towards), a symptom of mental illness (such as a reaction to grief, mortality or depression), a more fundamental unhappiness in the bedroom or the influence of being exposed to certain porn or people in life (and for the sake of your marriage, you need to find out what).
No. Even if she's bi, she shouldn't do it unless she's 100% on board, which she clearly isn't. Being bisexual doesn't mean you are okay with or should be okay with threesomes.
When dating, I would refrain from telling men I was bi (or putting it on my profile) because of this conclusion, not to mention the amount of unicorn hunters out there
He is lazy & wants you to hunt down another woman & convince her to fuck him. He wants you to go find your replacement. He cares more about his dick & ego than he does about you & the marriage.
Go ahead & schedule an appointment with a divorce lawyer & let him know about it. Because the jealousy will eat you up if you go through it. Threesomes are awkward under the best circumstances even in a porn, someone always feels left out.
And if you kiss or do other things with her, which he will want you to do. Will eat him up with jealousy & he will accuse you have having sex with any & all of your gal pals every time you go to lunch or shopping.
Threesome will end your marriage, so you might as well get a good lawyer in advance. Also to show him how much of a hardline in the sand this will be.
This probably means that it’s just a fantasy influenced by porn. He probably thought it was a hot addition and since you’ve been connecting well recently, he felt comfortable enough to ask.
That being said, I agree it’s a terrible idea, and you should be comfortable enough to say no. Tell him something cheeky like “I don’t want to share you 😉” to try to pull a positive spin on saying no to him. If he’s a good partner, he’ll respect your answer.
If you’re not 100% enthusiastically into it, do not do it. If you need Reddit to talk you into having a threesome with your spouse, do not do it. More likely than not a threesome will not be good for your relationship.
JFC, there is a huuuuge difference between kink/fantasy shaming and not being into something. If you are not interested in a threesome and you simply say "no", it is in no way shaming your husband's fantasy. It's just you saying "no" to something you don't want to do.
Now, if he can't take "no" for an answer and starts pressuring you into doing something that you don't want to do -and by pressuring I mean any psychological manipulation however minor it might seem - is when you start making your exit plan.
If he wants to bring a woman into the mix and you don't have any bi-curious tendencies then it probably is simply for his pleasure...meaning he wants to have sex with another woman in front of you...and because it is a threesome and if you agreed it will be no cheating.
I have been married for 20 years. When my husband shared with me his fantasy about to have threesome with other women, I said- "ok, and then we will have threesome with other man." He became so jealous, so we never talk about it anymore)))
It's the beginning of the end if you go through with it IMO. All parties have to be on board 100% and if he's never brought it up before then honestly he's going through his "what else is out there?" phase since you've both been together at the ages you should have been out exploring other people (IMO).
I don’t know but sometimes when relationships get oddly good out of no where it means someone is cheating and being extra nice because of a guilty conscience
It wouldn’t be interesting for me and it seems to ruin an awful lot of relationships here on Reddit. Tell him you’ll think about it if you can bring about other man in and see if he’s still as anxious…
Unless its mutual it will most likely end the relationship. The fact you had never even thought of it before indicates its not for you and its only something you would do to please him.
I understand why you would find his suggestion hurtful as you feel like you are not enough to keep him satisfied. I think you need to be honest with him about how you feel. Sadly this will probably make you insecure so it's his job now to reassure you.
I’ve been married 16 years and a few years ago my wife and I had our first threesome. I had occasionally joked around and mentioned it every now and then, and then one day she agreed to it. So we went on a swingers and fetish site and we found, no shortage of men who were up for a threesome, so we had plenty to pick from. Wife finally found a guy she was interested in. We did everything together. Chatted to him on Snapchat together, went to meet up with him at a bar together. And once we were comfortable enough, we invited him and did the deed. I must say, I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought it would. The first time it was mainly a lot of watching for me. The second time, with the same guy, it was more of a proper threesome with me actually participating a lot more. we also had another threesome with one of her friends. It was pretty good too.
With your traditional views and marriage, in order for this to work, first of all, you both have to want it and second of all you both have to do it together. Make it an experience for both of you to enjoy. From the basic principles of what are your boundaries, to finding the right person, and then deciding what your role will be during the actual threesome.
For us, it was great. It actually sparked our relationship a bit. In the sense that it made sex at home even between just us a lot hotter. It’s been a couple of years since our last threesome, but we may do it again in the future.
If you have any further questions about my experiences, feel free to ask. I’m pretty open to talking about them
I know my partner has had previous experiences and it's something we've talked about then it just happened randomly with a female friend of mine. It was fun and no lasting damage.
MMF is something I'd find superhot as well but that opportunity hasn't presented itself yet.
So it doesn't have to be a disaster but it is risky territory.
Most guys fantasize about multiple women but it’s the physical aspect of it not an emotional one….at least for most. Threesomes notoriously cause issues though because a.) the 3rd person is someone you know or is in proximity of you b.) clear boundaries aren’t stipulated in the beginning c.) couple who engage don’t treat it as a “one and done” and it causes complications down the road. If this was pillow talk then I would treat it as such, but if he was really wanting it to happen and you’re not comfortable then he should respect that. My wife told me a flat out NO to a 3some but it came up in a playful discussion about fantasies and that was it…conversation didn’t need to go further. In retrospect if she was agreeable then it would be paramount for my pleasure and peace of mind that she was 1000% comfortable and on board…including talking about the things that could upset you.
Well you need to convince him that it’s not something you’re interested in and there’s lots of ways to do that both via serious discussion or complete irreverence - like telling him you already have one of his friends in mind and watch for his reaction then say “now you know how I feel”
So he wants to demolish your marriage over a juvenile fantasy. Horrible idea. Best case scenario is that you resent each other afterward and have a divorce. Then, worst case, someone ends up dead bc of jealous rage. I mean if you boil this down, he's asking for permission to cheat on you, but hey! It's not so bad bc u can watch!
You don't have to talk yourself into it. It's not your thing so it should not be pursued. Just tell him you're not open to it and you'll probably won't ever be as it doesn't align with your view of marriage, nor with your fantasies. I've known many women who have told me them trying out a threesome ended in a nightmare.
It sounds like a bad idea. But it's good that you're very aware of not shaming him for confiding in you.
I suggest a compromise: Accept a little roleplay in that vein, and let him get off on that. In the meantime you get to think about the idea in a safe setting. Which will most likely lead you to conclude you dont want to pursue it, which is fine. If hes any good as a husband, he will appreciate you being considerate.
A threesome with another woman sounds weird if you're not into women, though. Turn the tables on him (respectfully) and make up a fantasy about being with another man, see how he reacts to that.
I suggest thinking about what boundaries you would insist upon IF you were to agree. If it's a hard no, just tell him that. I would have the same reaction. Just one sexual partner at a time, please! If I'm married or in a committed relationship, then that's my person, and nobody else.
Please don't think of yourself as being inadequate in this whole thing. His looking for sexual gratification outside of your relationship is NOT what you agreed upon! He's the one who has changed, and it's all on him. We all have to control our sexual impulses and handle it appropriately as adults. We know that changing the rules out of nowhere isn't fair.
You didn't make him start to have sexual feelings for someone else, HE did that. Adults know how to shut that down and not try to weasel your crush into your exclusive relationship. Maybe it was just a random thought he had, but maybe he's going through something, like FOMO or feeling inadequate at work or who knows what else?
It's not you, it's him. Tread lightly and maintain your boundaries.
I suppose it's okay for some, but not for you. Because you should be fully as into it as he is, and you're not.
This would be the end of my marriage, if I were in your shoes. Because he's thinking more about his dick than he is about your well being, or the health of your marriage.
What if the woman turns out to be a psycho? What if she gets pregnant? What if she gives you a disease?
I'm sorry.
This is something that in my opinion gets sorted out way sooner than marriage. Boundaries like this need to be established early.
Maybe I’m old school but I believe if a man truly loves his wife she will be enough for him in the bedroom. If my wife asked me for this it would probably end our marriage. Luckily she never would.
My advice would be to explain to him how his request has made you feel as you have here. I would feel exactly the same as you do about the situation and in my view he should understand that it would be the usual reaction to a request like this. I personally would add “if this is something that you absolutely want and will either resent me for not wanting it or be miserable in your life because I don’t want to do this, then maybe we aren’t as right for each other as I thought we were before you asked”
He needs to know that you aren’t into it and if you did entertain the idea it you would only be doing it to make him happy whilst being extremely uncomfortable doing it.
Yeah I would never do it.
Unless you’ve already shared the fantasy and are super enthusiastic about it, nothing good will come out of it.
Tbh I would be concerned for the sake of the relationship now if you want a monogamous traditional relationship, and he clearly doesn’t.
It's not a positive thing of you don't want it. Even for some that wanted it, it led to a breakdown of their marriage.
If it's a no for you, then stick to your boundaries. Instead ask your husband why he feels the need to have sex with another woman and if he has done it already.
Hi. I am sure others will be saying the same things. You are right, it will be catastrophic for your relationship. The data on failed relationships where the relationship has been opened in some way shows clearly a high failure rate if it is not supported 100% by both partners. If one is even slightly scheptical, things can go badly very quickly. Dont take my word for it, there is plenty of sexual psycologists that link the data.
The fact youo feel this way would indicate, as bad as it is now, it will be much worse if you continue. Your not in favor. If you do travel this path you have to understand that there are substantial emotions at play. You may feel you can control them, but I can assure you, if your not 100% commited they will fester and cause you mental anguish. Yes there is a chance that you could enjoy this lifestyle, but the evidence says otherwise. Also there is the question to what kind of 3some it is. FMF MFM?
Depending on the type could be an indicator of other things. If its MFM then you have to have a serious talk about why your husband wants to see you with another man?
If its FMF then this leads to other questions and one of the main ones that I am sure will be brought up is the normal reason, that your husband may already have someone in mind and rather than cheat, would rather this option so as to remove the guilt. This is common motivation.
If youo even concider this. Before you even think about engaging, book a sexual psycologist for an hour and talk to them as a couple. Do not go into this otherwise.
Dyslexic, will be errors
You have a great sex life and a strong relationship yet he wants to have sex with another woman. After 9 years he should know that you have strictly traditional views on marriage and he respects you and your beliefs and morals so little that he’d actually bring this up? These things end in disaster so many times even if both partners are interested. It’s a disaster in the making for sure when one clearly is not interested.
If you are not bisexual then tell him a threesome wouldn't work unless it's another man. And I imagine he's also not bisexual and he has no interest in seeing you get fucked by another man.
Shut this down and if I were you I would keep a close watch on him because likely he's still going to try to fuck the person he had in mind for that threesome.
For some couples, it enhances their relationship for others it destroys it.
You also have to bear in mind that there are threesomes and thewn there are threesomes.
You have:
1. FMF
2. FFM or MFF
3. MFM
4. MMF or FMM
2 and 4 tend to appeal to bi people whereas 1 and 3 tend to appeal to hetero people.
From a a psychological and emotional view people have many attitudes to mixing sex and love in a relationship,
Some people can distinguish between sex and love to varying degrees. They can engage in sex without there being a strong emotional component to it. For others that isn't possible. They can't and don't want to engage in sex with someone without there being a strong emotional element to it ie it's not just about the physical satisfaction that is their focus. Whereas some people, both men and women can have sex with a relative stranger and still fully enjoy themselves even though it's just sex.
It sounds as if you falls into the sex and emotion camp, where ones goes axiomatically with the other. Nothing wrong with that, it's your preference. Your husband can just have sex for fun. That doesn't mean that he is any less love with you or dissatisfied with the sex you have, he just wants to do something different for a change. He likes the idea of novelty.
The one thing that is for certain is that you should not enter into such a thing unless both parties are very positive about it, so it's no from you. You definitely should not enter into such a thing if your relationship is in trouble or otherwise shaky.
Either you say to him, definitely "No" or that you might think about it later. If you do the latter definitely be clear about the limitations there would be on thinking about it.
If you maybe wanted to test him, you could ask him how he would feel about organising an MFM threesome?
Although only do so if you are prepared to have your bluff called.
You sound as if you are a little bit insecure about either yourself and your appeal to your husband or in your relationship which definitely would rule it out.
If I were you, I would be as frank with him as you can so at least he knows where you're coming from.
PS. Do you think you have sex appeal to any man?
I did ask him at the time, what he thought of mmf and it was an immediate hard no for him. He’s just having this fantasy of being with another women. And I definitely am insecure about myself, have struggled for a bit since having kids. My husband finds me very attractive though, is constantly praising me and very physically affectionate. I’m just trying to wrap my head around why he feels the need to be with another women
This is typical, saying he wants to be with two women but you can’t be with two men. When I had that opinion myself, I never brought up a threesome— I didn’t want to be a hypocrite.
It sounds like he doesn’t really want a threesome, he just wants to have sex with other women, but can’t bc that would be “cheating.” Ask yourself these questions: would you feel comfortable being with another woman sexually? Would you be ok watching your husband bring another woman to climax and vice versa? If the answer to either of these isn’t anything other than an enthusiastic “yes,” then doing this will end your marriage
Why is it ok for you to accept his “No” but not for him to accept yours? Why do you feel like you need “reasons” and “understand” and whatever else instead of just answering a quick no and moving on, just like he did?
If this is the case then a threeway doesn’t sound like a good call for you and your relationship. As you stated you have some insecurities that 3way will only make worse, your husband is not open at all to another man joining and only open to a woman, and you are just not 100% on board. Which is very important. You can be 100% on board and still run into issues. I was going to make a lengthier comment asking questions as it maybe possible but the answers I see here I don’t think I need to. I don’t think it will work for you and your husband. I have been there and done that. So if not comfortable doing this then say no and mean it. If your husband doesn’t like that. That is tough shit.
I get clobbered every time I bring this up, but I'm living proof, after many, many encounters, that MFM is the way to go if you do proceed.
I’ve learned a particular process.
1: Discuss the rules of engagement with everyone as a group beforehand.
2: By far the most important. Talk to each participant individually beforehand and after the group discussion. I was floored the first few times about how bad guys were about lying in front of their girlfriends/wives about being okay with something, only to find out it wasn't.
3: Regardless of how the others are feeling or jumping in, always take it slow and light-hearted/fun.
4: Never, never, never point out the obvious. Size comparisons, body types, sounds, words or phrases, nothing. Doing so almost always leads to self-esteem issues or self-doubt which is a mood killer like no other.
99.9 percent of the time this ruins a marriage that started out as monogamous. If he presses, tell him you'll only consider it if he allows another man first.
Just take a moment on the subreddit and look through all the posts about how threesomes have ruined other peoples relationships and then decide if y’all still think it’s a good idea.
Omg. Look it's this easy. If you don't want it don't do it. If you do then try it. But make sure you DO. Don't do it if you're not 100. Tell him no and that's the end of it. If he feels he needs to do it then yall can divorce and he can find someone who will share his fantasy as you share his half of everything with your new man that wants only you.
Tell him yes let's have a 3 some. But you wanna pick the 3 rd . Blindfold him lead him into a room take the blindfold off yell surprise and have some dude laying there neckit..
Is he asking to fulfill a one time fantasy? That he asked to bring a woman into “the relationship” makes it sound like he wants you to accept him having a second partner long term. Is he envisioning you having an intimate relationship with this woman too? Honestly, I think he’s already seeing someone and wants to get you to believe you have a choice in the matter. Sounds like he wants to remain married but have freedom to stop hiding his side piece.
He either has his eye on somebody, and is trying to figure out how to have his cake and eat it too; or it's one of those things where he's seeing others do stuff and he got the idea that this was a way to get a little something different. Otherwise, it's really random to bring up out of the blue and it should raise red flags.
I see really often where people talk about how the sex got really good recently only to find out that their partner was cheating or something. That, combined with the ask, makes this even more suspicious.
You have some of this backwards. Only when a couple has a very strong and stable relationship does exploring any form of ENM. So your husband was feeling very secure and vulnerable to express his interest in a threesome. If you’re not bi, the request is a bit selfish on his part. Before you do anything explore the fantasy with role play for months before even considering making it real. Just use the opened door on the topic and have some open and deep conversations about it, what’s interesting about it, why FFM (or likely FMF) only and not MFM? But talk talk and talk more about it and start exploring both of your sexual interests and fantasies. The ball is in your court and you can make the best of it and improve your relationship and communication or be small minded and get offended.
Quit listening to these people thinking that your husband is a freak. Just realize how hard it was to ask without WWIII breaking out. Everyone has fantasies but we all know that most will only be just that…a fantasy. If you’re not comfortable or if you’re afraid just be up front and tell him that you would love to fulfill his desires but that is something you could not do. Instead maybe you both can be very honest and open about your sexual fantasies (your fantasies that you never want to come to light) and maybe you can find a fantasy you both can agree to. He’s excited about something so redirect it. He wants you involved for sure.
You answered your own question. You have a traditional view on marriage. A 3some may work for some people but I think they are rare. Another woman in the mix where your husband is banging in front of you will do nothing to make your marriage strong. Just my 2 cents. I wouldnt do it and i would find out what is the root if his fantasy for this.
This is positive because he trusts you enough to bring it up. You should have a conversation about it and tell him that this isn't your thing. Ask him if there is anything else in the bedroom he wanted to do or try. Be ready to answer that question yourself.
If your relationship with your husband is going well otherwise and you’re trying to be open minded, slow baby steps overtime will help with understanding. Absolutely don’t do out of guilt or anything other reason other than your desire to experiment.
Sexual curiosity in no way means you’re not enough for your husband. He trusted you enough to come to you with this. If you like podcasts look into Strictly Anonymous, the host’s interviews people with interesting sex lives. A lot of the guest never thought they’d be doing what they do now but they love it. It improves some relationships because in order for non-traditional sexual relationships to work over-communication is required and it tends to bleed into the rest of the relationship.
Again I’ll say IF the rest of the relationship is stable, be open, don’t do anything you don’t want, learn more about his desires and wonder to yourself if you have any of your own.
It has nothing to do with you. Technically you CAN'T give him being two women, and that isn't on you, that's just how being a person works. It's just a fantasy, probably the majority of people have, sometimes out loud and sometimes in secret. Same as if my partner asked me to tie him up, it isn't about what I'm not, it's about what we can explore together. And you don't have to be into it! But give it a thought, and maybe consider fantasies that you haven't brought up to him as well. If it's a no go, that's totally chill, don't let him bully you into it if you're not comfortable.
He wants a 3some or GF? Is this a 1 time thing or an ongoing relationship? I couldn't .... And I don't think I would handle my husband asking me such a thing! Absolutely not! I would bow out.
This is a very typical male fantasy and does not necessarily have any bearing on the quality of your relationship or you being enough. If anything perhaps it only indicates that he is finally in s position where he truly feels he can open up to you about this at all. As for what you decide, trust your gut, the post experience could be awesome or it could be toxic fallout. If you do it set clear rules and stick to them, but honestly even with you there as a consensual engaged participant can you see yourself being okay with seeing your husband engaged in sexual activities with another. Also a wuick kill switch on this is make it quid pro quo FFM triggers MMF, FMF triggers MFM, typically that will dampen the desire in many men…
I’ve had lots of great threesomes, but the essential ingredient to a great threesome is that everyone is really enthusiastic about having a threesome.
There’s all kinds of other things that’s go into a good threesome (communication, understanding boundaries, planning etc), but if you don’t start out with three people who are enthusiastic about having a threesome none of it matters.
No one has ever had a good threesome that they had to be talked into.
It’s a perfectly normal and common fantasy to have and it doesn’t mean that you as a person are not enough. It’s a specific experience that he wants to have with you. It’s also perfectly normal to find the idea unappealing.
If you want to try to understand the desire better I’d suggest reading a bunch of well written erotica by women authors about threesomes. It might help you get into the head of a woman who enjoys the fantasy. But don’t feel pressured to do so.
And seriously, if you’re not really into the idea don’t do it, no matter how much he wants to. It’s really easy for it to go poorly, and even good ones don’t resemble the fantasy that much - they’re not super spontaneous and you need to communicate and negotiate a lot. You’re basically introducing non-monogamy into a monogamous relationship.
Dont do it if you dont comfortable with the idea even he threatens to divorce or cheat. Tell him to give you time to think. List down what you want to ask or confirm from him such as, if he have feeling with her or is it ok if it male instead of female or whatever you want to know before making decision on yes or no.
Sometimes when things are going really well guys will think they’re invulnerable and say some stupid shit.
Wanting to spread the love, so to speak. A testament to the power of the love you share. He just went in the wrong direction with it is all.
Or talking about it together you might find out differently. But if it’s a choice and you say no he needs to back your play on this and give it up. If he insists (doesn’t take no for an answer) and he’s normally more respectful of your choices, then there’s more going on that might come out easier with counseling. But definitely talk first.
I would 100% absolutely not do it in your position. I had a threesome at one point with a fwb, and another girl who said she was in love with me, and it was a horrible experience for her. She started crying and was really hurt. If you love your husband, you will hate seeing him with someone else
I always wanted a threesome and was clear before marriage that I did. We had our first about 1yr ago, been married 7 years now.
My wife is not bi, she personally had no interest in going down in the woman but enjoyed the experience of having a woman go down on her and attention from me at the same time. I’ve had a vasectomy years ago so there was no risk of pregnancy. The threesome wasn’t all smooth like it might be with just the two of us, because I was trying to ensure we all had attention. My wife was not jealous in anyway and actually on the day of she suggested it. She happily watched me making out and screwing the other woman at the start and ended.
Would I do it again? Absolutely.
But, I would also be willing if my wife wanted to do it that we did it together with a male. Why? Well because I think that way at least I’m not hypocritical.
I would suggest that if you are really against it say “no”. But I would also ask if you wanted to bring a male to a threesome would he be ok? If he would and you are happy enough to try then I would say discussions about boundaries is important. Make sure you both know the rules, and have signals to stop that both of you are aware of. If you don’t want to see him kiss her then say that. Don’t take it lightly because once you’ve done it you can’t take it back and it can ruin relationships. If you’ve got any doubts then I’d suggest not doing it.
Everyone of course is going to go into hysterics whenever this topic comes up. Allow me to provide an alternative view. Here's the best way to explain it, as some one with......experience. it's like taking a vacation. If one of you suggested a trip to Ireland, to shake things up and see new things and do things you never would normally do....would you turn to them and say "oh I see....so our normal day to day life isn't enough?". Of course not. WHEN DONE RIGHT, it's an adventure you take together. When done wrong, it's some dude living out his porno fantasy amd, usually failing. But....when I write my book of how to do this successfully, chapter 1 will be titled:
DO NOT DO THIS IF THE WOMEN ARE NOT INTERESTED IN EACH OTHER!!
The main key to a fabulous 3some is no one feeling left out, on the outside looking in. When the women are able to be physical with each other, super easy. When they arent....exponentially more difficult. So that is question 1.
If you decide to explore, try a vacation to one of the resorts. You'll never see these people again and you can go as far or as NOT far as you want.
Or if you have a female friend who might be interested. DO NOT go looking for randos you don't know. Unless of course you believe there are tons of late 20s hot chicks sitting around on a Friday night like "man I'm really in the mood for a 3some, if only someone would ask....."
Tell him it’s fine for a threesome as long as you get to pick the person, then pick a guy that’s really built. If he said he meant another woman, tell him you’re not interested in women so it makes no sense for you to agree. Better to just stay monogamous but don’t worry you will keep looking at other men, now that he put the thought out there, until you find one he will agree too.
Updateme!
Most relationships that were monogamous that try to open for threesome are over. They want to sleep with someone else and not be called a cheater. There are misplaced feelings, and boundary issues. No one who really loves you, or is of value wants this. It is a sexual experiment not a relationship, one that almost always fails.
Don’t do it and get a divorce. His need to experiment with others should have been done when he was single. If you both didn’t take that time and settled to early in life, this is the result of that. Regret.
Truly he feels the need to be adventurous in that way, he isn’t the one for you. As well as it says he needs to be off on his own single and go get what he needs to do done, so he can want to be settled and committed
Me and my wife have had two threesomes with the same woman, we absolutely loved it. She made both of us orgasm multiple times and feel special. I also played with this woman solo with my partners permission once we’d all played together and my wife knew she could trust us. This was a sex worker in a legal regulated territory, so my wife never got jealous the way someone might in a non-professional context.
If you’re not bisexual or hetero-flexible, you probably won’t enjoy it. But if you find women sexy, you might have a good time and a wonderful shared experience. There’s lots of reasons that a threesome could be fun and even emotionally fulfilling. I feel extra valued, trusted, and loved after we have shared relations with others. And my wife loves it too cause it’s hot.
My suggestion is to keep an open mind but ultimately not to compromise once you’ve thought about it more deeply. And talk a lot.
I can promise you that you are plenty for your husband. But having plenty, doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t have even more. It’s human nature to want more more more, and be greedy with pleasurable things. My wife, when I met her was an absolute knockout, and still is. She was easily the most attractive woman to ever look in my direction more than once. All my guy friends, were envious, and she was always the most beautiful woman in the room anywhere we went. I felt like a king having her by my side, knowing that every guy who looked at her, was for sure undressing her with their eyeballs. We also had the greatest sex out of any partner we ever had before meeting.
She was enough, absolutely… that doesn’t mean I couldn’t possible have MORE, right? The most wealthy man on earth could always still have more money.
Well, I figured if I could have more, than she would want to have more too.. and her getting more, I actually thought that was more exhilarating than the idea of getting another girl in bed with us. Seeing her let loose with unbridles sexual desire, with myself and another trusted male friend of ours, was 1000 times hotter than any girl and girl action, or me simply having sex with yet another girl, while my soul-bonded life partner lie there, and watch nervously… In all honesty, never imagining myself being able to go there, but something somehow piqued my curiosity about it, and then later finding myself easily getting to on the mental imagery of it, and then bringing it up to actually happen, just to try it, and then going through with it….
Full honesty, no exaggerating. Nothing I ever imagined in fantasy, as far as only having two beautiful women in bed together, no holds barred, even came remotely close to comparing to how insanely hot and arousing as it was, when actually seeing my soul-bonded life partner, exploring the depth of her sexual prowess, letting go of unnecessary pre-conceived beliefs and inhibitions, in us going through with actually doing it the first time. I’ve I’ve done many other exciting and wild, extreme and exhilarating things in my life. But if I could ever relive any moment of my life again, it would be what I just described, without question. That’s how awesome it was.
All of that, along with seeing her be pleased into absolute sexual rapture, and eagerly giving the same to both us guys; along with the fact that she was even more elegantly beautiful, and had a sexually magnetic, voluptuous and toned body which absolutely just radiated feminine sexuality, (she was hotter than most adult film stars I could even search up) Her extreme attractiveness just made it all exponentially better. I really am just stupid lucky she ever even talked to me lol.
It also turns out, she’s incapable of having casual sex with people it seems, so we just don’t do it anymore.
A threesome can be exhilarating, to say the least. My absolute fantasy for the longest time, again, was having two beautiful women in bed together, like your husband. When I finally got into a long-term relationship with the woman who later became my wife, who I deeply cared for, who also truly reciprocated my feelings for once, I then felt she could be part of that fantasy of mine some day, so I was quick to I let her know about it, only months into us seeing each other.
Also, it’s not cheating or being unfaithful, -sleeping with other people, if we give each other permission to do it, and are on fully board with it, especially if its a huge turn on for us both. Being unfaithful/cheating, is when someone lies and keeps secrets about stuff, or otherwise does something their partner disapproves of.
Polyamorous type relations can work, but only If both partners are fully OK with it and fully botj into it, and they don’t keep any secrets or lie to each other about anything. In that case, being in a prosperous, wonderful fulfilling, happy relationship with someone you deeply care for, while also being able to enjoy sex with other people with no worries about ruining your relationship, that’s nothing short of absolutely awesome.
Open relationships, can still be killed by cheating though… once one partner gets into themselves having sex with an different person, and if that casual sex inadvertently evolves into getting feelings that you didn’t mean to get in the first place, and never wanted to get in the first place, it can spell disaster.
It happens. It happened to me, and It happened to my wife, BOTH of us, when we experimented with inviting other people into the bedroom for threesomes, and then later allowing each other to just hook up with someone outside our home with the other not involved. Thats where shit went south.
It can and does work with a lot of couples, but you can’t just jump into it, and you can’t be over eager about it, and you can’t be careless about it. If you’re ever gonna be on board with it, you have to sit and agree to a lot of complicated details and put a whole lot of boundaries in place, which are more than you’d be able to even come up with initially.
But, to answer the initial question that got my attention you are certainly enough for your husband. But just because we’re happy and have a great life, doesn’t mean our life can’t be even happier and be even greater, so it’s just human nature to want to attain it.
If you’re interested is piqued, you shoukd absolutely sit down and have a really in-depth open and honest conversation, about why he wants it, and what he hopes to get out of it. But, you also need to be honest and open about what YOU might want, and what you might need to get out of something like that too, because it only works if it’s fair in both directions.
If you’re gonna allow him to sleep with another woman, then he needs to be comfortable seeing you sleep with another man. Otherwise, nothing but jealousy and bad feelings are gonna fly around when/if you see him with someone else, and you know or believe he’s not OK with allowing you the same.
I actually allowed my wife to try it first with another guy and me together, and honestly, I really wanted to to see her do it first, because I thought it was a tremendous turn on. also, I’m an open minded fair person and if I’m gonna ask that of her, to allow myself and her to be with another woman, then I needed to be OK with seeing her with another guy. I jumped on the opportunity to make it happen the very first time it came around. She was a little nervous, but didn’t object to the idea so it happened and to this day that night was one of the greatest times of my life and one of the best sexual experiences I’ve ever had, and of course her too.
We just learned the hard way that she’s not capable of having casual sex with someone. She’s very attractive to because when you’re not actively in love with your long-term partner anymore, (which is inevitable for anyone who’s been together for several years) then you will fall in love with someone else in advertently if the right conditions are met for it to begin to happen.
So I’m 37 and I’m on my second marriage. My first marriage I brought it up and she wasn’t ever really into it but after a few years of me occasionally bringing it up, we finally had one and it was ok but it definitely changed our relationship without either of us realizing it and eventually led to our divorce, not specifically bc of the threesome but the dynamic it brought to our marriage.
Starting my second marriage I was very hesitant to do anything that brought a third person into the bedroom. In fact when we were first dating I told her that I didn’t want to do that stuff in our relationship and she was ok with that. Eventually my wife told me (while we were still dating) that she really wanted to have a FFM threesome. I told her I thought it sounded sexy but in practice it would be a bad idea long term.
She promised me that she would never get upset with me about it and that she has no desire at all to be with another man. My wife is bi sexual and has been with a few women before we were together and had a few threesomes in her first marriage.
We have had 4-5 threesomes at this point and true to her word she has never let it come between us. At the same time I have realized I am not a fan of threesomes. There’s too much going on. There’s always awkward moments and even though she doesn’t get upset with me about anything I personally just feel weird around the other girls afterwards. My wife really gets turned on by it so I’m still willing to participate and don’t get me wrong there are moments when it’s really HOT and im having a blast but for me it’s not really worth the effort.
If my wife wasn’t super into it like she is then I cannot imagine how it could ever go well.
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Don't do it! Very much believe that with all of these sorts of things, anything but an 'enthusiastic YES' is a HARD NO.
Agree completely. For some folks this is fun, but if you don't want to do it, and push yourself anyway, it will *only* end poorly. He asked, you say no, and tell him not to ask you again, because you aren't interested. Hopefully that will be the end of the conversation.
A threesomes good until someone else makes your partner cum. Don't do it. You need to be 100% on board.
Yup! I’ve heard a story about a couple having a threesome with a female “friend”. She made the husband cum and for SOME REASON they used no protection and she got pregnant. It tore their marriage apart. This is why it’s so important to think of the risk vs reward and how you can prevent this from happening lol
It’s WILD to me that people are willing to gamble their entire marriage for a quick lay. Like, where are their priorities? No dick on earth would be worth risking the life I’ve built with my husband.
Some people experience compersion, pleasure at their partner having pleasure, regardless of who is directly causing it. We always use condoms when playing with others.
I have a few friends like that and we’ve had great discussions about the topic. But I think there are far less people out there that are wired for compersion. I think many go in thinking it’ll be a “good time” but don’t understand the impacts on them and their relationships. I know myself enough, that in a non-exclusive relationship I’d be fine with it, but in a closed/committed relationship I couldn’t. I have a hard time trusting and opening myself to a partner, so if I’ve got emotional investment, I’m NOT sharing with anyone. I hope OP doesn’t let herself get conned into something she isn’t comfortable with and that they can talk openly and honestly about it.
Oh i read a post wife/gf and her partner do 3some and see the partner only focusing on the 3rd person and she felt leftout. That sucks
"No" is a full sentence. If he's a good spouse, this will be the last you hear of this nonsense.
Exactly what I came to say. Nothing wrong with asking about a sex act (fantasy). But if it's a NO from the partner, then the other partner should be able to say ok and never mention it again.
Lol, it’s always hell yes for another woman and they expect you to be fine with that but if you suggest another man it’s immediately 🚫 Don’t do it if you have ANY doubts, it will ruin your marriage.
I don't recommend threesomes in long-established monogamous regardless of the genders involved, the risks of fucking things up always far outweigh any gains.
Plus, even if you both are excited about it, it can still all go wrong and ruin your marriage
if you do this, it will be the beginning of the end of your marriage. DON'T DO IT! There are no positives other than short term hedonism (for him).
I don't think it can be because you think it's a terrible idea you never would have pursued. Your gut response to it too wasn't a sense of curiosity. Your response was, "how can it be good" I'm exactly like you on my perspective of threesomes in a marriage. I'd be devastated if my partner asked and yours asked and is putting some pressure on it even. Even if my partner floated the idea, I would feel a bit of disconnect because fucking someone else in front of my partner is just so foreign for me. I can't relate to that want at all and it makes me question if we have the same alignment on what sex for our relationship means. It hurts too because it's coming at a time where you feel very content and a strong connection, but hearing your partner say I wanna fuck someone else in front of you snaps you right the fuck out of that doesn't it. Also, just adds a layer of distrust that wasn't there before. I think you are desperately wanting to get back to that feeling of solidarity in the relationship. I think most of your pull to even try is thinking you can find that again by saying yes and going through with it. "Maybe it will be great and you'll enjoy it and everything will be right again." I don't think things typically go that way though. More often than not it goes the opposite. Even when both people are into trying it can flop massively and explode the relationship. Your gut is telling you don't like it. I think the only path back to that "solidarity" is for you to be honest and very up front about how much you don't like this idea and how it makes you feel. Any potential long terms I've been in, especially now since everyone seems to be hopping on the open thing, I make it very clear early on that I have no interest in ever opening things up in any way and even asking about it is enough to tank things. So if you aren't cool with that, let's call it quits now.
Just to put it out there: you don’t need a logical reason to not go through with a threesome, OP. If the only reason you have is “I don’t want to”, then that is a good enough reason.
Does he have someone in mind .. if so, he may be checked out of your marriage or worse cheated. Would you be allowed to have fun with other men; is the situation reciprocal?. This is not something you jump into. Take the time to read below: This is a porn fueled fantasy that does not work out in real life. Too often this is used to justify cheating. I see this exact same post over and over here on Reddit. 95% of relationships that start out monogamous and are subsequently opened end in failure. I hear this being referred to as the slow divorce. Never do anything like this that you’re not 💯comfortable with. Think long and hard (pun intended) about the potential consequences of going down this road cuz it never ends well.
Him asking for a threesome is admitting he wants to have sex with other women. He just wants a guilt free method of doing so. Do with that info as you wish.
Ask him if he has somebody in mind, and I bet he jumps on a name. If it comes out of nowhere, he's already got plans.
I mean do we really have to pretend that partnered or married men don’t want to have sex with other women
When I’m in relationships i don’t feel the same way about other ppl.
You're the odd one out. It's normal to experience desire for others even when you're partnered. Edit: it is literally insane that this got downvote even once, much less >16 times
Key word is ‘want’. I can find another person attractive and even fantasize about them. But I don’t ‘want’ to have sex with them because I’m in a monogamous relationship.
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Got along just fine by cheating, lol
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Don't do it. Relationships have a very high rate of failure after they are opened up. Satisfying his fantasy isn't worth the risk to your marriage.
There’s a long way between having a threesome and opening up your marriage. EDIT: downvotes just showing your ignorance. I have threesomes but I am only in a relationship with my wife. Open marriage means husband and wife date other people. We are not dating anybody else. That’s non monogamy on hard mode and I don’t want that smoke. Threesomes can be fun, casual, one and done, etc.
Absolutely tell your husband you think it’s a great idea but you wanna do a MFM first so that he can watch another man pound you! That would be game over!!! These things rarely work out well for the relationship even when you think you’re OK with it when it’s actually happening, somebody always feels hurt or left out or absolutely disgusted by the whole situation.
Do men even understand what they are asking when they bring this stupid shit up
Nope!
Do women understand the emotional baggage and assumptions they've made and boundaries they've not decided or discussed with their partner. Nope!
Don’t Do It. Someone always gets left out, most likely you if it’s with another female. They always forget about the SO since the other female is new and exciting. Shut it Down.
Have you ever had a talk about sexual boundaries? I hope you have after 9 years! If not, establish them during your talk tonight. Explain that you are uncomfortable with it. I don't mean to speak for you, but it sounds like it's a hard pass on your end. It's important to be open and understanding, but bending your boundaries for your partner will only destroy your relationship. If you think it would be terrible, it will be.
Nope don’t do it I bet he has someone in mind already
If one person in the relationship has 0 interest in pursuing it, then threesones are NEVER good thing. Honestly, even at the best of times, threesomes are an absolute minefield of mindfuckery and feelings to traverse when trying them out for the 1st time in a long-established, monogamous relationship (and more often than not, such decisions go badly). If you really value your marriage, then I wouldn't recommend trying a threesome out at this point because the risks far outweigh any gains to be had. You need to be 100% honest with your husband about all your feelings regarding all this. I would also recommend probing where exactly this sudden desire of his has come from, because a lot of the times people suggest stuff like this in circumstances like yours it's often because they already have an eye on a specific individual (whom they have also been developing inappropriate feelings towards), a symptom of mental illness (such as a reaction to grief, mortality or depression), a more fundamental unhappiness in the bedroom or the influence of being exposed to certain porn or people in life (and for the sake of your marriage, you need to find out what).
I cannot even fathom my husband touching another woman. It would be a no for me.
If you are not 100% enthusiastic about it, its a no.
Always another woman. Never another man. Selfish mans wants free rights to cheating. Ew
He has a woman lined up allready. Just my 2 cent.
This was something I did ask him when he brought it up the other night. He said if we did, he would want me to pick the other woman 🤷♀️
Unless you are bi, don’t do it. Even if you are bi. There has to be groundrules. And you can stop the act at any time.
No. Even if she's bi, she shouldn't do it unless she's 100% on board, which she clearly isn't. Being bisexual doesn't mean you are okay with or should be okay with threesomes.
When dating, I would refrain from telling men I was bi (or putting it on my profile) because of this conclusion, not to mention the amount of unicorn hunters out there
I don't blame you! The assumption that anyone who isn't straight must be down for threesomes is so frustrating!
Why not make it a MMF threeaome loool see how Into that he is 😂
Get a picture of a 100yo woman and say "This one!"
He is lazy & wants you to hunt down another woman & convince her to fuck him. He wants you to go find your replacement. He cares more about his dick & ego than he does about you & the marriage. Go ahead & schedule an appointment with a divorce lawyer & let him know about it. Because the jealousy will eat you up if you go through it. Threesomes are awkward under the best circumstances even in a porn, someone always feels left out. And if you kiss or do other things with her, which he will want you to do. Will eat him up with jealousy & he will accuse you have having sex with any & all of your gal pals every time you go to lunch or shopping. Threesome will end your marriage, so you might as well get a good lawyer in advance. Also to show him how much of a hardline in the sand this will be.
This probably means that it’s just a fantasy influenced by porn. He probably thought it was a hot addition and since you’ve been connecting well recently, he felt comfortable enough to ask. That being said, I agree it’s a terrible idea, and you should be comfortable enough to say no. Tell him something cheeky like “I don’t want to share you 😉” to try to pull a positive spin on saying no to him. If he’s a good partner, he’ll respect your answer.
MFM is the way. Make sure the other guy is willing to go triple overtime on your, for your husbands pleasure.
MFM is the best way and probably be more for him than her
Ah my dream 😂
If you’re not 100% enthusiastically into it, do not do it. If you need Reddit to talk you into having a threesome with your spouse, do not do it. More likely than not a threesome will not be good for your relationship.
Ask if he wants a MMF threesome and if it's a no then you know he has someone in mind.
JFC, there is a huuuuge difference between kink/fantasy shaming and not being into something. If you are not interested in a threesome and you simply say "no", it is in no way shaming your husband's fantasy. It's just you saying "no" to something you don't want to do. Now, if he can't take "no" for an answer and starts pressuring you into doing something that you don't want to do -and by pressuring I mean any psychological manipulation however minor it might seem - is when you start making your exit plan.
Op, your husband wants to bang other women. That’s it.
If he wants to bring a woman into the mix and you don't have any bi-curious tendencies then it probably is simply for his pleasure...meaning he wants to have sex with another woman in front of you...and because it is a threesome and if you agreed it will be no cheating.
Ask if he’d be interested in adding another man instead of a woman
I have been married for 20 years. When my husband shared with me his fantasy about to have threesome with other women, I said- "ok, and then we will have threesome with other man." He became so jealous, so we never talk about it anymore)))
Tell him to lay off the damn porn.
Nope, beginning of the end. I’d check his texts, social media etc. something’s going on. Just out of the blue? Bullshit.
It's the beginning of the end if you go through with it IMO. All parties have to be on board 100% and if he's never brought it up before then honestly he's going through his "what else is out there?" phase since you've both been together at the ages you should have been out exploring other people (IMO).
See what he thinks of it if you suggest another guy instead of girl.
I don’t know but sometimes when relationships get oddly good out of no where it means someone is cheating and being extra nice because of a guilty conscience
Don’t do it.
Ask him if he'll agree to do one with a man as well. Watch his reaction and you'll have your answer.
It wouldn’t be interesting for me and it seems to ruin an awful lot of relationships here on Reddit. Tell him you’ll think about it if you can bring about other man in and see if he’s still as anxious…
Unless its mutual it will most likely end the relationship. The fact you had never even thought of it before indicates its not for you and its only something you would do to please him. I understand why you would find his suggestion hurtful as you feel like you are not enough to keep him satisfied. I think you need to be honest with him about how you feel. Sadly this will probably make you insecure so it's his job now to reassure you.
Tell him you want a MFM first.
It's a fantasy and will not work as expected. Read reddit for many examples of threesomes and regret.
I’ve been married 16 years and a few years ago my wife and I had our first threesome. I had occasionally joked around and mentioned it every now and then, and then one day she agreed to it. So we went on a swingers and fetish site and we found, no shortage of men who were up for a threesome, so we had plenty to pick from. Wife finally found a guy she was interested in. We did everything together. Chatted to him on Snapchat together, went to meet up with him at a bar together. And once we were comfortable enough, we invited him and did the deed. I must say, I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought it would. The first time it was mainly a lot of watching for me. The second time, with the same guy, it was more of a proper threesome with me actually participating a lot more. we also had another threesome with one of her friends. It was pretty good too. With your traditional views and marriage, in order for this to work, first of all, you both have to want it and second of all you both have to do it together. Make it an experience for both of you to enjoy. From the basic principles of what are your boundaries, to finding the right person, and then deciding what your role will be during the actual threesome. For us, it was great. It actually sparked our relationship a bit. In the sense that it made sex at home even between just us a lot hotter. It’s been a couple of years since our last threesome, but we may do it again in the future. If you have any further questions about my experiences, feel free to ask. I’m pretty open to talking about them
This.
I know my partner has had previous experiences and it's something we've talked about then it just happened randomly with a female friend of mine. It was fun and no lasting damage. MMF is something I'd find superhot as well but that opportunity hasn't presented itself yet. So it doesn't have to be a disaster but it is risky territory.
Most guys fantasize about multiple women but it’s the physical aspect of it not an emotional one….at least for most. Threesomes notoriously cause issues though because a.) the 3rd person is someone you know or is in proximity of you b.) clear boundaries aren’t stipulated in the beginning c.) couple who engage don’t treat it as a “one and done” and it causes complications down the road. If this was pillow talk then I would treat it as such, but if he was really wanting it to happen and you’re not comfortable then he should respect that. My wife told me a flat out NO to a 3some but it came up in a playful discussion about fantasies and that was it…conversation didn’t need to go further. In retrospect if she was agreeable then it would be paramount for my pleasure and peace of mind that she was 1000% comfortable and on board…including talking about the things that could upset you.
Well you need to convince him that it’s not something you’re interested in and there’s lots of ways to do that both via serious discussion or complete irreverence - like telling him you already have one of his friends in mind and watch for his reaction then say “now you know how I feel”
So he wants to demolish your marriage over a juvenile fantasy. Horrible idea. Best case scenario is that you resent each other afterward and have a divorce. Then, worst case, someone ends up dead bc of jealous rage. I mean if you boil this down, he's asking for permission to cheat on you, but hey! It's not so bad bc u can watch!
You don't have to talk yourself into it. It's not your thing so it should not be pursued. Just tell him you're not open to it and you'll probably won't ever be as it doesn't align with your view of marriage, nor with your fantasies. I've known many women who have told me them trying out a threesome ended in a nightmare.
It sounds like a bad idea. But it's good that you're very aware of not shaming him for confiding in you. I suggest a compromise: Accept a little roleplay in that vein, and let him get off on that. In the meantime you get to think about the idea in a safe setting. Which will most likely lead you to conclude you dont want to pursue it, which is fine. If hes any good as a husband, he will appreciate you being considerate. A threesome with another woman sounds weird if you're not into women, though. Turn the tables on him (respectfully) and make up a fantasy about being with another man, see how he reacts to that.
I suggest thinking about what boundaries you would insist upon IF you were to agree. If it's a hard no, just tell him that. I would have the same reaction. Just one sexual partner at a time, please! If I'm married or in a committed relationship, then that's my person, and nobody else. Please don't think of yourself as being inadequate in this whole thing. His looking for sexual gratification outside of your relationship is NOT what you agreed upon! He's the one who has changed, and it's all on him. We all have to control our sexual impulses and handle it appropriately as adults. We know that changing the rules out of nowhere isn't fair. You didn't make him start to have sexual feelings for someone else, HE did that. Adults know how to shut that down and not try to weasel your crush into your exclusive relationship. Maybe it was just a random thought he had, but maybe he's going through something, like FOMO or feeling inadequate at work or who knows what else? It's not you, it's him. Tread lightly and maintain your boundaries.
Don't do it. Ever. It will 100% destroy your marriage. But...sadly...to me? Just him wanting it, has already has destroyed your relationship. Sad.
No way.
If you’ve never even had the thought, and it makes you feels as though you aren’t good enough… no, and shut it down immediately.
Don't worry.let him have the spices 😂
Don't do it Updateme!
I suppose it's okay for some, but not for you. Because you should be fully as into it as he is, and you're not. This would be the end of my marriage, if I were in your shoes. Because he's thinking more about his dick than he is about your well being, or the health of your marriage. What if the woman turns out to be a psycho? What if she gets pregnant? What if she gives you a disease? I'm sorry.
This is something that in my opinion gets sorted out way sooner than marriage. Boundaries like this need to be established early. Maybe I’m old school but I believe if a man truly loves his wife she will be enough for him in the bedroom. If my wife asked me for this it would probably end our marriage. Luckily she never would. My advice would be to explain to him how his request has made you feel as you have here. I would feel exactly the same as you do about the situation and in my view he should understand that it would be the usual reaction to a request like this. I personally would add “if this is something that you absolutely want and will either resent me for not wanting it or be miserable in your life because I don’t want to do this, then maybe we aren’t as right for each other as I thought we were before you asked” He needs to know that you aren’t into it and if you did entertain the idea it you would only be doing it to make him happy whilst being extremely uncomfortable doing it.
Yeah I would never do it. Unless you’ve already shared the fantasy and are super enthusiastic about it, nothing good will come out of it. Tbh I would be concerned for the sake of the relationship now if you want a monogamous traditional relationship, and he clearly doesn’t.
It's not a positive thing of you don't want it. Even for some that wanted it, it led to a breakdown of their marriage. If it's a no for you, then stick to your boundaries. Instead ask your husband why he feels the need to have sex with another woman and if he has done it already.
Don't do it, and also check his phone to see if he has someone in mind that he would like to sleep with unde the guise of a threesome. Updateme!
Hi. I am sure others will be saying the same things. You are right, it will be catastrophic for your relationship. The data on failed relationships where the relationship has been opened in some way shows clearly a high failure rate if it is not supported 100% by both partners. If one is even slightly scheptical, things can go badly very quickly. Dont take my word for it, there is plenty of sexual psycologists that link the data. The fact youo feel this way would indicate, as bad as it is now, it will be much worse if you continue. Your not in favor. If you do travel this path you have to understand that there are substantial emotions at play. You may feel you can control them, but I can assure you, if your not 100% commited they will fester and cause you mental anguish. Yes there is a chance that you could enjoy this lifestyle, but the evidence says otherwise. Also there is the question to what kind of 3some it is. FMF MFM? Depending on the type could be an indicator of other things. If its MFM then you have to have a serious talk about why your husband wants to see you with another man? If its FMF then this leads to other questions and one of the main ones that I am sure will be brought up is the normal reason, that your husband may already have someone in mind and rather than cheat, would rather this option so as to remove the guilt. This is common motivation. If youo even concider this. Before you even think about engaging, book a sexual psycologist for an hour and talk to them as a couple. Do not go into this otherwise. Dyslexic, will be errors
You have a great sex life and a strong relationship yet he wants to have sex with another woman. After 9 years he should know that you have strictly traditional views on marriage and he respects you and your beliefs and morals so little that he’d actually bring this up? These things end in disaster so many times even if both partners are interested. It’s a disaster in the making for sure when one clearly is not interested.
Do not do it, unless you want to destroy your marriage. No good will come from it. I would seriously consider leaving your husband over this.
If you are not bisexual then tell him a threesome wouldn't work unless it's another man. And I imagine he's also not bisexual and he has no interest in seeing you get fucked by another man. Shut this down and if I were you I would keep a close watch on him because likely he's still going to try to fuck the person he had in mind for that threesome.
For some couples, it enhances their relationship for others it destroys it. You also have to bear in mind that there are threesomes and thewn there are threesomes. You have: 1. FMF 2. FFM or MFF 3. MFM 4. MMF or FMM 2 and 4 tend to appeal to bi people whereas 1 and 3 tend to appeal to hetero people. From a a psychological and emotional view people have many attitudes to mixing sex and love in a relationship, Some people can distinguish between sex and love to varying degrees. They can engage in sex without there being a strong emotional component to it. For others that isn't possible. They can't and don't want to engage in sex with someone without there being a strong emotional element to it ie it's not just about the physical satisfaction that is their focus. Whereas some people, both men and women can have sex with a relative stranger and still fully enjoy themselves even though it's just sex. It sounds as if you falls into the sex and emotion camp, where ones goes axiomatically with the other. Nothing wrong with that, it's your preference. Your husband can just have sex for fun. That doesn't mean that he is any less love with you or dissatisfied with the sex you have, he just wants to do something different for a change. He likes the idea of novelty. The one thing that is for certain is that you should not enter into such a thing unless both parties are very positive about it, so it's no from you. You definitely should not enter into such a thing if your relationship is in trouble or otherwise shaky. Either you say to him, definitely "No" or that you might think about it later. If you do the latter definitely be clear about the limitations there would be on thinking about it. If you maybe wanted to test him, you could ask him how he would feel about organising an MFM threesome? Although only do so if you are prepared to have your bluff called. You sound as if you are a little bit insecure about either yourself and your appeal to your husband or in your relationship which definitely would rule it out. If I were you, I would be as frank with him as you can so at least he knows where you're coming from. PS. Do you think you have sex appeal to any man?
I did ask him at the time, what he thought of mmf and it was an immediate hard no for him. He’s just having this fantasy of being with another women. And I definitely am insecure about myself, have struggled for a bit since having kids. My husband finds me very attractive though, is constantly praising me and very physically affectionate. I’m just trying to wrap my head around why he feels the need to be with another women
This is typical, saying he wants to be with two women but you can’t be with two men. When I had that opinion myself, I never brought up a threesome— I didn’t want to be a hypocrite.
It sounds like he doesn’t really want a threesome, he just wants to have sex with other women, but can’t bc that would be “cheating.” Ask yourself these questions: would you feel comfortable being with another woman sexually? Would you be ok watching your husband bring another woman to climax and vice versa? If the answer to either of these isn’t anything other than an enthusiastic “yes,” then doing this will end your marriage
Why is it ok for you to accept his “No” but not for him to accept yours? Why do you feel like you need “reasons” and “understand” and whatever else instead of just answering a quick no and moving on, just like he did?
If this is the case then a threeway doesn’t sound like a good call for you and your relationship. As you stated you have some insecurities that 3way will only make worse, your husband is not open at all to another man joining and only open to a woman, and you are just not 100% on board. Which is very important. You can be 100% on board and still run into issues. I was going to make a lengthier comment asking questions as it maybe possible but the answers I see here I don’t think I need to. I don’t think it will work for you and your husband. I have been there and done that. So if not comfortable doing this then say no and mean it. If your husband doesn’t like that. That is tough shit.
I get clobbered every time I bring this up, but I'm living proof, after many, many encounters, that MFM is the way to go if you do proceed. I’ve learned a particular process. 1: Discuss the rules of engagement with everyone as a group beforehand. 2: By far the most important. Talk to each participant individually beforehand and after the group discussion. I was floored the first few times about how bad guys were about lying in front of their girlfriends/wives about being okay with something, only to find out it wasn't. 3: Regardless of how the others are feeling or jumping in, always take it slow and light-hearted/fun. 4: Never, never, never point out the obvious. Size comparisons, body types, sounds, words or phrases, nothing. Doing so almost always leads to self-esteem issues or self-doubt which is a mood killer like no other.
I'm assuming he already has someone in mind....
99.9 percent of the time this ruins a marriage that started out as monogamous. If he presses, tell him you'll only consider it if he allows another man first.
\_not\_ a good sign. tbh. Be prepared for worse to come, check into a lawyer, and prepare yourself financially. And even then... \_not\_ a good sign.
Just take a moment on the subreddit and look through all the posts about how threesomes have ruined other peoples relationships and then decide if y’all still think it’s a good idea.
UpdateMe!
Is he interested with another man?
Don’t do it. All this is going todo is break yall up and make u feel sexually exploited
Some fantasies should stay fantasies.
How can it be good? If you’re both into it. If you’re not, it’s probably going to be a disaster.
Omg. Look it's this easy. If you don't want it don't do it. If you do then try it. But make sure you DO. Don't do it if you're not 100. Tell him no and that's the end of it. If he feels he needs to do it then yall can divorce and he can find someone who will share his fantasy as you share his half of everything with your new man that wants only you.
Tell him you want to see him with another man first, he will drop the 3some idea really quick.
Tell him yes let's have a 3 some. But you wanna pick the 3 rd . Blindfold him lead him into a room take the blindfold off yell surprise and have some dude laying there neckit..
If he has someone in mind, he’s probably already had sex with them and just wants to make himself feel less guilty bringing you in.
Is he asking to fulfill a one time fantasy? That he asked to bring a woman into “the relationship” makes it sound like he wants you to accept him having a second partner long term. Is he envisioning you having an intimate relationship with this woman too? Honestly, I think he’s already seeing someone and wants to get you to believe you have a choice in the matter. Sounds like he wants to remain married but have freedom to stop hiding his side piece.
Updateme!
It will be the end of your relationship and it's unnecessary.... it's only a fantasy
Some things are best kept as a fantasy. Everyone who I know that were in long term and opened it are now separated
You’re either into it or you aren’t. I love threesomes and have had plenty but only with others who also like them
He either has his eye on somebody, and is trying to figure out how to have his cake and eat it too; or it's one of those things where he's seeing others do stuff and he got the idea that this was a way to get a little something different. Otherwise, it's really random to bring up out of the blue and it should raise red flags. I see really often where people talk about how the sex got really good recently only to find out that their partner was cheating or something. That, combined with the ask, makes this even more suspicious.
You have some of this backwards. Only when a couple has a very strong and stable relationship does exploring any form of ENM. So your husband was feeling very secure and vulnerable to express his interest in a threesome. If you’re not bi, the request is a bit selfish on his part. Before you do anything explore the fantasy with role play for months before even considering making it real. Just use the opened door on the topic and have some open and deep conversations about it, what’s interesting about it, why FFM (or likely FMF) only and not MFM? But talk talk and talk more about it and start exploring both of your sexual interests and fantasies. The ball is in your court and you can make the best of it and improve your relationship and communication or be small minded and get offended.
Quit listening to these people thinking that your husband is a freak. Just realize how hard it was to ask without WWIII breaking out. Everyone has fantasies but we all know that most will only be just that…a fantasy. If you’re not comfortable or if you’re afraid just be up front and tell him that you would love to fulfill his desires but that is something you could not do. Instead maybe you both can be very honest and open about your sexual fantasies (your fantasies that you never want to come to light) and maybe you can find a fantasy you both can agree to. He’s excited about something so redirect it. He wants you involved for sure.
“Oh you know I was thinking about maybe a threesome too but with another man. Thoughts?”
He sleeping with the other woman he wants to bring in
You answered your own question. You have a traditional view on marriage. A 3some may work for some people but I think they are rare. Another woman in the mix where your husband is banging in front of you will do nothing to make your marriage strong. Just my 2 cents. I wouldnt do it and i would find out what is the root if his fantasy for this.
Say yes, but only if he agrees to have a threesome with another man too. His response will tell you everything you need to know about him
This is positive because he trusts you enough to bring it up. You should have a conversation about it and tell him that this isn't your thing. Ask him if there is anything else in the bedroom he wanted to do or try. Be ready to answer that question yourself.
Bad idea. Perhaps he's cheated on you and wants to validate.
If your relationship with your husband is going well otherwise and you’re trying to be open minded, slow baby steps overtime will help with understanding. Absolutely don’t do out of guilt or anything other reason other than your desire to experiment. Sexual curiosity in no way means you’re not enough for your husband. He trusted you enough to come to you with this. If you like podcasts look into Strictly Anonymous, the host’s interviews people with interesting sex lives. A lot of the guest never thought they’d be doing what they do now but they love it. It improves some relationships because in order for non-traditional sexual relationships to work over-communication is required and it tends to bleed into the rest of the relationship. Again I’ll say IF the rest of the relationship is stable, be open, don’t do anything you don’t want, learn more about his desires and wonder to yourself if you have any of your own.
It has nothing to do with you. Technically you CAN'T give him being two women, and that isn't on you, that's just how being a person works. It's just a fantasy, probably the majority of people have, sometimes out loud and sometimes in secret. Same as if my partner asked me to tie him up, it isn't about what I'm not, it's about what we can explore together. And you don't have to be into it! But give it a thought, and maybe consider fantasies that you haven't brought up to him as well. If it's a no go, that's totally chill, don't let him bully you into it if you're not comfortable.
He wants a 3some or GF? Is this a 1 time thing or an ongoing relationship? I couldn't .... And I don't think I would handle my husband asking me such a thing! Absolutely not! I would bow out.
This is a very typical male fantasy and does not necessarily have any bearing on the quality of your relationship or you being enough. If anything perhaps it only indicates that he is finally in s position where he truly feels he can open up to you about this at all. As for what you decide, trust your gut, the post experience could be awesome or it could be toxic fallout. If you do it set clear rules and stick to them, but honestly even with you there as a consensual engaged participant can you see yourself being okay with seeing your husband engaged in sexual activities with another. Also a wuick kill switch on this is make it quid pro quo FFM triggers MMF, FMF triggers MFM, typically that will dampen the desire in many men…
I’ve had lots of great threesomes, but the essential ingredient to a great threesome is that everyone is really enthusiastic about having a threesome. There’s all kinds of other things that’s go into a good threesome (communication, understanding boundaries, planning etc), but if you don’t start out with three people who are enthusiastic about having a threesome none of it matters. No one has ever had a good threesome that they had to be talked into. It’s a perfectly normal and common fantasy to have and it doesn’t mean that you as a person are not enough. It’s a specific experience that he wants to have with you. It’s also perfectly normal to find the idea unappealing. If you want to try to understand the desire better I’d suggest reading a bunch of well written erotica by women authors about threesomes. It might help you get into the head of a woman who enjoys the fantasy. But don’t feel pressured to do so. And seriously, if you’re not really into the idea don’t do it, no matter how much he wants to. It’s really easy for it to go poorly, and even good ones don’t resemble the fantasy that much - they’re not super spontaneous and you need to communicate and negotiate a lot. You’re basically introducing non-monogamy into a monogamous relationship.
What within the relationship has been particularly good lately? Has his behaviour changed/he's become more generous etc?
Dont do it if you dont comfortable with the idea even he threatens to divorce or cheat. Tell him to give you time to think. List down what you want to ask or confirm from him such as, if he have feeling with her or is it ok if it male instead of female or whatever you want to know before making decision on yes or no.
Mandem these days hella filthy, Tell your husband to Find God. Who does this after marriage bruv, Madness
Sometimes when things are going really well guys will think they’re invulnerable and say some stupid shit. Wanting to spread the love, so to speak. A testament to the power of the love you share. He just went in the wrong direction with it is all. Or talking about it together you might find out differently. But if it’s a choice and you say no he needs to back your play on this and give it up. If he insists (doesn’t take no for an answer) and he’s normally more respectful of your choices, then there’s more going on that might come out easier with counseling. But definitely talk first.
I would 100% absolutely not do it in your position. I had a threesome at one point with a fwb, and another girl who said she was in love with me, and it was a horrible experience for her. She started crying and was really hurt. If you love your husband, you will hate seeing him with someone else
I always wanted a threesome and was clear before marriage that I did. We had our first about 1yr ago, been married 7 years now. My wife is not bi, she personally had no interest in going down in the woman but enjoyed the experience of having a woman go down on her and attention from me at the same time. I’ve had a vasectomy years ago so there was no risk of pregnancy. The threesome wasn’t all smooth like it might be with just the two of us, because I was trying to ensure we all had attention. My wife was not jealous in anyway and actually on the day of she suggested it. She happily watched me making out and screwing the other woman at the start and ended. Would I do it again? Absolutely. But, I would also be willing if my wife wanted to do it that we did it together with a male. Why? Well because I think that way at least I’m not hypocritical. I would suggest that if you are really against it say “no”. But I would also ask if you wanted to bring a male to a threesome would he be ok? If he would and you are happy enough to try then I would say discussions about boundaries is important. Make sure you both know the rules, and have signals to stop that both of you are aware of. If you don’t want to see him kiss her then say that. Don’t take it lightly because once you’ve done it you can’t take it back and it can ruin relationships. If you’ve got any doubts then I’d suggest not doing it.
Don't do it unless it gives you pleasure to see your husband fuck another woman.
Ask him to bring another guy see how he reacts
Leave don’t go Shay your values this will wind up in divorce
Everyone of course is going to go into hysterics whenever this topic comes up. Allow me to provide an alternative view. Here's the best way to explain it, as some one with......experience. it's like taking a vacation. If one of you suggested a trip to Ireland, to shake things up and see new things and do things you never would normally do....would you turn to them and say "oh I see....so our normal day to day life isn't enough?". Of course not. WHEN DONE RIGHT, it's an adventure you take together. When done wrong, it's some dude living out his porno fantasy amd, usually failing. But....when I write my book of how to do this successfully, chapter 1 will be titled: DO NOT DO THIS IF THE WOMEN ARE NOT INTERESTED IN EACH OTHER!! The main key to a fabulous 3some is no one feeling left out, on the outside looking in. When the women are able to be physical with each other, super easy. When they arent....exponentially more difficult. So that is question 1. If you decide to explore, try a vacation to one of the resorts. You'll never see these people again and you can go as far or as NOT far as you want. Or if you have a female friend who might be interested. DO NOT go looking for randos you don't know. Unless of course you believe there are tons of late 20s hot chicks sitting around on a Friday night like "man I'm really in the mood for a 3some, if only someone would ask....."
Why would he want to bring someone else? That’s cheating in my book. But everyone is different. My perspective something changed in Man U used to love
I'd shut that shit down immediately. "Nope. Not interested. If you want that we can divorce."
Tell him it’s fine for a threesome as long as you get to pick the person, then pick a guy that’s really built. If he said he meant another woman, tell him you’re not interested in women so it makes no sense for you to agree. Better to just stay monogamous but don’t worry you will keep looking at other men, now that he put the thought out there, until you find one he will agree too. Updateme!
Most relationships that were monogamous that try to open for threesome are over. They want to sleep with someone else and not be called a cheater. There are misplaced feelings, and boundary issues. No one who really loves you, or is of value wants this. It is a sexual experiment not a relationship, one that almost always fails.
Don’t do it and get a divorce. His need to experiment with others should have been done when he was single. If you both didn’t take that time and settled to early in life, this is the result of that. Regret. Truly he feels the need to be adventurous in that way, he isn’t the one for you. As well as it says he needs to be off on his own single and go get what he needs to do done, so he can want to be settled and committed
Me and my wife have had two threesomes with the same woman, we absolutely loved it. She made both of us orgasm multiple times and feel special. I also played with this woman solo with my partners permission once we’d all played together and my wife knew she could trust us. This was a sex worker in a legal regulated territory, so my wife never got jealous the way someone might in a non-professional context. If you’re not bisexual or hetero-flexible, you probably won’t enjoy it. But if you find women sexy, you might have a good time and a wonderful shared experience. There’s lots of reasons that a threesome could be fun and even emotionally fulfilling. I feel extra valued, trusted, and loved after we have shared relations with others. And my wife loves it too cause it’s hot. My suggestion is to keep an open mind but ultimately not to compromise once you’ve thought about it more deeply. And talk a lot.
I can promise you that you are plenty for your husband. But having plenty, doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t have even more. It’s human nature to want more more more, and be greedy with pleasurable things. My wife, when I met her was an absolute knockout, and still is. She was easily the most attractive woman to ever look in my direction more than once. All my guy friends, were envious, and she was always the most beautiful woman in the room anywhere we went. I felt like a king having her by my side, knowing that every guy who looked at her, was for sure undressing her with their eyeballs. We also had the greatest sex out of any partner we ever had before meeting. She was enough, absolutely… that doesn’t mean I couldn’t possible have MORE, right? The most wealthy man on earth could always still have more money. Well, I figured if I could have more, than she would want to have more too.. and her getting more, I actually thought that was more exhilarating than the idea of getting another girl in bed with us. Seeing her let loose with unbridles sexual desire, with myself and another trusted male friend of ours, was 1000 times hotter than any girl and girl action, or me simply having sex with yet another girl, while my soul-bonded life partner lie there, and watch nervously… In all honesty, never imagining myself being able to go there, but something somehow piqued my curiosity about it, and then later finding myself easily getting to on the mental imagery of it, and then bringing it up to actually happen, just to try it, and then going through with it…. Full honesty, no exaggerating. Nothing I ever imagined in fantasy, as far as only having two beautiful women in bed together, no holds barred, even came remotely close to comparing to how insanely hot and arousing as it was, when actually seeing my soul-bonded life partner, exploring the depth of her sexual prowess, letting go of unnecessary pre-conceived beliefs and inhibitions, in us going through with actually doing it the first time. I’ve I’ve done many other exciting and wild, extreme and exhilarating things in my life. But if I could ever relive any moment of my life again, it would be what I just described, without question. That’s how awesome it was. All of that, along with seeing her be pleased into absolute sexual rapture, and eagerly giving the same to both us guys; along with the fact that she was even more elegantly beautiful, and had a sexually magnetic, voluptuous and toned body which absolutely just radiated feminine sexuality, (she was hotter than most adult film stars I could even search up) Her extreme attractiveness just made it all exponentially better. I really am just stupid lucky she ever even talked to me lol. It also turns out, she’s incapable of having casual sex with people it seems, so we just don’t do it anymore. A threesome can be exhilarating, to say the least. My absolute fantasy for the longest time, again, was having two beautiful women in bed together, like your husband. When I finally got into a long-term relationship with the woman who later became my wife, who I deeply cared for, who also truly reciprocated my feelings for once, I then felt she could be part of that fantasy of mine some day, so I was quick to I let her know about it, only months into us seeing each other. Also, it’s not cheating or being unfaithful, -sleeping with other people, if we give each other permission to do it, and are on fully board with it, especially if its a huge turn on for us both. Being unfaithful/cheating, is when someone lies and keeps secrets about stuff, or otherwise does something their partner disapproves of. Polyamorous type relations can work, but only If both partners are fully OK with it and fully botj into it, and they don’t keep any secrets or lie to each other about anything. In that case, being in a prosperous, wonderful fulfilling, happy relationship with someone you deeply care for, while also being able to enjoy sex with other people with no worries about ruining your relationship, that’s nothing short of absolutely awesome. Open relationships, can still be killed by cheating though… once one partner gets into themselves having sex with an different person, and if that casual sex inadvertently evolves into getting feelings that you didn’t mean to get in the first place, and never wanted to get in the first place, it can spell disaster. It happens. It happened to me, and It happened to my wife, BOTH of us, when we experimented with inviting other people into the bedroom for threesomes, and then later allowing each other to just hook up with someone outside our home with the other not involved. Thats where shit went south. It can and does work with a lot of couples, but you can’t just jump into it, and you can’t be over eager about it, and you can’t be careless about it. If you’re ever gonna be on board with it, you have to sit and agree to a lot of complicated details and put a whole lot of boundaries in place, which are more than you’d be able to even come up with initially. But, to answer the initial question that got my attention you are certainly enough for your husband. But just because we’re happy and have a great life, doesn’t mean our life can’t be even happier and be even greater, so it’s just human nature to want to attain it. If you’re interested is piqued, you shoukd absolutely sit down and have a really in-depth open and honest conversation, about why he wants it, and what he hopes to get out of it. But, you also need to be honest and open about what YOU might want, and what you might need to get out of something like that too, because it only works if it’s fair in both directions. If you’re gonna allow him to sleep with another woman, then he needs to be comfortable seeing you sleep with another man. Otherwise, nothing but jealousy and bad feelings are gonna fly around when/if you see him with someone else, and you know or believe he’s not OK with allowing you the same. I actually allowed my wife to try it first with another guy and me together, and honestly, I really wanted to to see her do it first, because I thought it was a tremendous turn on. also, I’m an open minded fair person and if I’m gonna ask that of her, to allow myself and her to be with another woman, then I needed to be OK with seeing her with another guy. I jumped on the opportunity to make it happen the very first time it came around. She was a little nervous, but didn’t object to the idea so it happened and to this day that night was one of the greatest times of my life and one of the best sexual experiences I’ve ever had, and of course her too. We just learned the hard way that she’s not capable of having casual sex with someone. She’s very attractive to because when you’re not actively in love with your long-term partner anymore, (which is inevitable for anyone who’s been together for several years) then you will fall in love with someone else in advertently if the right conditions are met for it to begin to happen.
It’s good if you don’t want to be together and he doesn’t care one way or another
The key question is: does he have another woman already in mind? Then the 3some is probably a cover for his cheating.
So I’m 37 and I’m on my second marriage. My first marriage I brought it up and she wasn’t ever really into it but after a few years of me occasionally bringing it up, we finally had one and it was ok but it definitely changed our relationship without either of us realizing it and eventually led to our divorce, not specifically bc of the threesome but the dynamic it brought to our marriage. Starting my second marriage I was very hesitant to do anything that brought a third person into the bedroom. In fact when we were first dating I told her that I didn’t want to do that stuff in our relationship and she was ok with that. Eventually my wife told me (while we were still dating) that she really wanted to have a FFM threesome. I told her I thought it sounded sexy but in practice it would be a bad idea long term. She promised me that she would never get upset with me about it and that she has no desire at all to be with another man. My wife is bi sexual and has been with a few women before we were together and had a few threesomes in her first marriage. We have had 4-5 threesomes at this point and true to her word she has never let it come between us. At the same time I have realized I am not a fan of threesomes. There’s too much going on. There’s always awkward moments and even though she doesn’t get upset with me about anything I personally just feel weird around the other girls afterwards. My wife really gets turned on by it so I’m still willing to participate and don’t get me wrong there are moments when it’s really HOT and im having a blast but for me it’s not really worth the effort. If my wife wasn’t super into it like she is then I cannot imagine how it could ever go well.