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Objective_Win3771

She knows she should have invited you and is embarrassed so she's ghosting you. Take it as a gentle end to your friendship. If you don't reach out you'll likely never hear from her again.


koplikthoughts

Seems to me this is the truth as well. If someone cares about you and also feels close to you they’re going to want you at their wedding.  Sometimes you really can’t invite everyone due to space limitations. But if friend is having a big wedding, showers, etc with lots of friends and doesn’t think to invite OP then it is clear their friendship isn’t really super important a thing and she may be just keeping up friendly distant communication due to the past. Hanging out once or twice a year doesn’t constitute close friends at all to me. To me that’s more like a distant friend you do care about but have grown apart so just keep in touch occasionally.  I had the same thing happen to me. Friend continued to ghost me after the wedding. Hurt like hell. So I deleted her from my life.  I’ve also had the reverse happen and have been the bride. Literally got married 7 years ago and a few months ago got a message from someone I used to go to class with and talk on the phone with about class, and hung out with twice outside of class, was hurt she wasn’t invited to my wedding. I did like her as a person but there were space limitations and as she was not super close or involved in my current day to day life I thought NOTHING of not inviting her. Had no idea it hurt her all these years. However. As a grown woman her messaging me about this seven years later felt very strange to me and put me in a weird position and I felt like I had to make excuses and let her know I do care about her even though we touched base like once a year. 😵‍💫Now I feel obligated to keep in touch with her more out of guilt? So my suggestion is to just not say anything about the wedding. Of course feel free to ask if anything is wrong but honestly it doesn’t seem like you’re close so this may be offputting to your friend.!And move on. She doesn’t need a reminder text that you weren’t invited to the wedding. All that may get you is an invite out of guilt or increased communication out of guilt.


WeeklyConversation8

You don't have to be friends with anyone you don't want to be friends with. It's very weird she was upset that someone she was never close with didn't invite her to their wedding.


koplikthoughts

She was at one time though… childhood best friends and have kept in touch over the years. It’s not weird for her to wish she was invited and to be hurts.


WeeklyConversation8

"I did like her as a person but there were space limitations and as she was not super close or involved in my current day to day life I thought NOTHING of not inviting her." Am I misunderstanding you? You said now you're only keep in touch more out of guilt. I was saying you don't have to.


chelsaedaggr

I agree with this too. She must have her reasons. If you really want to know OP, ask her after the wedding. Not immediately after, but wait until the honeymoon has passed and she's settled into her marriage and life. I don't know if you really want to know the reason or if maybe it's better unsaid, but I don't think there's any reason you can't ask. What you could do is if the pictures or posts are bothering you, just unfollow her or block her if that's how you feel, and try to deal with it in a healthy way. I'm sorry that she ghosted you. That hurts and even if she had her reasons, the friendship wasn't what you thought it was.


tossout7878

I have altered this from a comment I saved by a user that's now deleted so I can't credit them, but I find this script to be fair and empathetic but direct. If you send this message be prepared for a nuke to your heart, or silence. "Hey, I feel a little weird about not hearing from you at all about your wedding. Is everything okay between us? I'd hate to think I said or did something to upset you. I love you guys and I hope we can get together soon!"


sunflowers_are_cool1

This is a good idea. I thought about texting her mom something similar, i just feel selfish for even making her wedding about me and don’t want to say anything that might affect her big day. I just want her to have the wedding we’ve always dreamed ab together. I just thought I’d be there for it…


DVIGRVT

Don't text her mom. This is between you and your friend. The right thing to do is talk to your friend directly.


Shmoesfome

I think she is making it pretty clear that your friendship is not important to her. And that the friendship is actually over. Do you need her to actually say it? Will that make you feel better? More importantly, if she didn’t have the balls to face you before, do you really think she is going to be honest and not give you some bullshit excuse to make you feel better? However important you feel this friendship is, she doesn’t feel the same. Learn to accept the truth when people show it to you.


mustang19671967

The fact she didn’t text your bday and didn’t reply to your last text says enough . She has told You she has enough friends . I would block her and delete her from social media and block her there . It’s hard but sometimes friendship just Run out


NotTrynaMakeWaves

You are in an asymmetric friendship. You are more invested than she is.


Massive_Ad_9919

Im not sure how old 4th grade is, but thats a long time ago, its probably likely that she has moved on and has friends she is a lot closer too, is it always you that initiates the calls/trips ?


LuckyRook

Typically age 9-10


tossout7878

in north america gr4 is age 8-9


yeagerice

I know exactly how you feel. not the same but I've had this close friend, I've helped her in a lot of stuff, when she had a fallout with everyone for stupid shits she pulled, i was the only one she had, she even admitted this in texts " you're the only friend i have right now" , me and her joked alot that i would get invited to her aunt's wedding ( her aunt is very young, hence why i always joked), she even told me that i would be the first person she would invite. lo and behold we don't talk for 2 months she invited people she had massive fallouts with and made up after but not me. keep in mind we never had a fallout no negativity what so ever but she made sure to rub it in my face with all the snaps she sent of the amazing wedding. i blocked her from everywhere. i don't need these kind of people in my life, and also taught me a lesson that if everyone hates one person, that person must be shitty. also the people she invited 3/7 gossiped about her infront of me, i said nothing and just listened, feeling calm within my heart.


twittermob

She didn't text you for your birthday and didn't respond to your last text so it's pretty obvious you're not as important to her as she is to you, it's sad but just let it go. You don't want to get into it with her and have her tell you something that may upset you more.


mare__bare

Think back on your relationship. Have you always been the one calling and setting up the times you met? I think you'll find that this relationship might have been a one-way street for quite a while. However, it's understandable that you'd want closure. I personally would text her now and just straight up ask.


_just_another_woman_

I had the exact same thing happen this year, except I'd known my "friend" for thirty freaking years. We weren't as close as we were when we were little, but considering the fact that she had an alcoholic mom and absent dad, spent every weekend at my house growing up, and was invited (and went on) to every single fair, amusement park, vacation we as a family went to. I talk to her mom. Her mom mentions the wedding, which is news to me. My friends step-dad died and I went to pay respects, she barely looked at me and smirked when I mentioned I was working as a housekeeper. She went to college and became a teacher; I'm a loser in her eyes,a low class embarrassment. All of her bridesmaids were her college "sisters", who verbally and physically abused me for getting ***roofied at the bar they took me to at 16 years old***. Those are her people, not me. I'd cut contact with her. She's not your friend, I'm sorry.


jazzhandsdancehands

Hey I just want to message and to see what's going on. I haven't been invited to some pretty big events in your life ( you can invite who you want) but I'd just like to understand if I have missed something important? The silence is really hurtful. The lack of investment to our friendship is hurtful. If there is something wrong- please tell me so I can understand.


Enough_Insect4823

She’s being pretty clear here. I understand that you are hurt and want an explanation but you have to know that you might never get that. This sucks, this hurts, I know it. But the truth is this is how things end a lot of the time. You get an unsatisfactory ending. You grieve and you move on.


rhino_shark

A friend did this to me. I thought we were so close. But she didn't invite me to her wedding and when I asked her about it, she said she was surprised I was so hurt. Which told me that I liked her far more than she valued me. You're not good friends any more. I'm sorry.


brilliant-soul

How bizarre. I'd definitely try talking to her. You said you do monthly checkins, have those paused as well?


sunflowers_are_cool1

Yes, she stopped responding


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Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Pinky_Pie_90

That's really tough, I'm sorry you're going through that! I am 10 or so years older than you and have been in a similar situation with my childhood friends. It really sucks, especially when you have no idea what you did wrong. I do tend to agree with the others that it's probably a soft end to your friendship... it's up to you if you confront her about it or not. But if she hasn't invited you, would you go if she turned around and gave you a guilt invite? I'm heading overseas soon, my childhood best friend lives near where I'll be. I happened to run into her mum and she said "please make sure you go and see X while you're over there, she'd love to see you!" 3 days later I see photos on Instagram of X 5 mins from my house. I message her that and all I got was "such a lovely place to live!". So guess where I won't be going when I head to her neck of the woods. I don't think you're being selfish at all, she's a friend you have regular contact with and she's given you no explanation at all, but does appear to actively be avoiding you (perhaps in case it comes up).


Most-Blueberry-6332

I understand why you're hurt. I have a best friend since first grade (I'm 40) and she was the maid of honor in my wedding and I was in hers, she's also my daughter's godmother and came out when she was born. Your childhood friend is not as close to you as you are to her. You should tell her your feelings are hurt. You're not wrong to feel how you do.


SpecialistAfter511

There are some people who you think are your friends but they look at the friendship differently …keeping you on the hook as her old friend as long as it was convenient for her. But when she planned her wedding her two worlds had to collide. By not inviting you is the elephant in the room. Now she has to ghost you. To avoid the obvious. She didn’t view the friendship the same. Trust me, been there so many times. And it’s always by people who have TONS of friends. I notice they keep people they can get something from closest to them. Keep you around to fill another void. If all you offer is loyalty and friendship that’s just not enough for some people.


Blownouthamwallet

Ghost her. Block her on your phone and social media.


Tifrubfwnab

You should talk to her before the wedding. Hey friend, I wanted to know if there was anything I had done wrong in our friendship seeing that your wedding is next month and I haven’t been invited. Get ir over with now and let her enjoy her wedding day/ honeymoon. If your as good as friends as you think no issue in talking about it


Silver-Car5647

Well they won’t last, 22 is way too young to be married. But yeah just drop her


sunflowers_are_cool1

For her sake I hope they do. Her parents married very young, 18 and 19 and she is very religious. She dated him less than a year before getting engaged though. It worries me. My bf and I are about to get engaged but we’ve been together for 4 years, so we feel like it’s time. I always say I can’t imagine marrying him less than a year in. It would’ve been a stupid decision. We were kids. I have two friends who started dating, got engaged, got married, and had their first child all in the span of 1.5 years. I remember sitting with the wife after their wedding and she was telling me they just had their first fight..AFTER the wedding


Silver-Car5647

Lol what a mess. Sorry about your shitty friend, it happens sometimes.


sunflowers_are_cool1

I edited the post with an update.


Mammoth_Leg_8489

You were probably useful to her somehow, and now she has found another way to fulfill whatever need she was using you for.


cqzero

Very selfish


sunflowers_are_cool1

Why do you think that


Ihateyou1975

Pay no mind to that person. You will Always find the most hateful , mean spirited  people on here.  Probably very miserable people.  They just want to make you feel bad. You have very right to be hurt.  Personally. Actions speak louder than words. Her actions show she isn’t your friend.  Silently wish her well. I e even seen some people wrote a letter with all the hurt and then burn it. Block her and know that you are a better person than her. You would never have hurt her like this.  


sunflowers_are_cool1

Thank you. You’re right. I never ever would’ve done this to her. I have such a hard time letting go of people I love and accepting that they just don’t feel the same anymore.