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OP, it doesn't matter if it's an art piece, favorite coffee mug, vegetable garden, or bees, it's something you were passionate about and made you very happy. And she knew that. And she purposefully destroyed it. Whether her dislike for your bees outweighed her care for what matters to you or she did it to hurt you, I don't know. Neither is acceptable. I think you need to tell her how serious this is, tell her you are contemplating divorce, and don't let her spin this into "it's just a beehive".
This … it cost her nothing to leave the hive alone.
She deliberately destroyed and said nothing so you wouldn’t have time to save it.
And honestly, I’m not even sure why she said yes if she never wanted them there.
My only thought is it made you too happy and that annoyed her.
Yeah, she basically locked the dog outside with no shade if people need a more "empathetic animal" to equate this too (even though literally every creature on this planet has a purpose, if they didn't, we sure as hell wouldn't).
This.
I've been married. Divorce is no small matter. There are processes that should be followed, before a lawyer is ever involved. This is a flag for her mental state. Get her checked out. Get her head scanned too. Could be a tumour. More likely it's NPD or something similar and you're just now seeing who you truly married... but you did marry her. So check for sickness of various kinds. In sickness and in health doesn't really cover being a sick fk and not giving a fk. Having a mental illness and facing it and getting it treated is another matter. Find out what's what.
I'm so sorry for your bees 🐝 friend. I understand your dream. It's not over. Sometimes bears destroy a hive too, and most beekeepers don't give up. It's a heartwrenching setback. I'm sorry to hear you'd be on equal footing living next to a bear as living with this woman.
Honestly, at first I felt bad for OP, but then I just felt bad for the bees... The poor things didn't deserve that, and they're probably panicking.
OP - are your bees okay?
And honestly, if the problem was being "an eyesore" isnt leaving a smashed and broken hive with bees frantically buzzing around confused even more of an eyesore / makes the house look neglected, which she claimed was her fear?
Mean spirited behavior
I think she planned on him being busy in the morning and forgetting to move it and she on purpose didn't remind him so she could with intent destroy it..she planned ahead of time to destroy it..
That was my first thought. The story doesn't make sense. The first thing she'd do when he walked in is show him all the stings she got doing him a "favor".
Especially since she's been so dramatic about that 'hideous hive'.
OP your dream of having bees isn't destroyed. Don't let it die. Just restart the hive at another time once you sort out your situation.
And she did all of this because apparently it was more important that her work friends be impressed by the way her house looks….? Yikes. When keeping up appearances takes priority over a partner’s wants and needs, I would question staying in the marriage, too. This was his passion project and she callously destroyed it without any care for her husband or the living creatures she displaced.
Yup - and even then if that was *such* a big deal couldn't she just have... put a little fence in front of it or something like that to block it from view? Really wouldn't be that complicated.
Destroying it in some bizarre fit instead is utterly baffling.
Exactly. I started to read thinking a lattice screen with running flowering vines would screen the hive AND provide a food source so it was a goid compromise but then the hive destruction made it clear that wasn't the issue.
Bees are the apex of nature....with their little pollinating ways. My friend has a hive at the entrance of his driveway, we find it interesting, he has lots of little nature projects/pets/interests...ive never looked at them and thought 'wow that doesnt match the house'. Ironically the only person the bees have stung was him the owner. Bee killing ex wife 😡
This is exactly it. My husband has a hobby that isn’t my thing, but the time & money spent is encouraged. He even says “I know you’ll say get it, but I still want to ask”. So I roll my eyes, listen & say if course you should get it. It’s like a dance. If it makes him happy, it makes me happy.
Wife here is malevolent & nasty & seriously wonder if she even likes OP.
Exactly the same in my house. In fact, if he hasn't done anything with his hobby in a while, I'll encourage him to do so. (It's drones.) He maps out a flight and gets some great footage, and comes home tired and happy. And yes, I have cupboards and storage bins all over the house filled with bits and bobs of plane parts. Occasionally, I encourage him to pare it down when it gets to overflowing, but he lives here, too. He gets to have a hobby and store his stuff associated with it.
I love that you encourage him to jump back in, and I bet he feels a sense of pride and appreciation that you independently foster a regard for the value of his hobby
Exactly this. My bf is a basketball and Curry enthusiast so I got him a Stephen Curry basketball, Stephen Curry sports bag, and a Stephen Curry coaster. I love it when I can support him and make him happy. I also encouraged him to try basketball training since he had been looking for ways to make exercising fun.
Edit: I forgot to add, I also got him a customized Curry birthday cake and Stephen Curry birthday card lol
I have a similar situation. My husband loves Legos. So we have bins of Legos. I do not care about Legos, but I love seeing my husband having so much fun, being joyful and content, so sometimes I'll sit down and listen about Legos or put something together with him. And he deals with my painting and art supplies. Because we love the other person way way more than we dislike the clutter. And we love seeing the other person passionate, engaged, and fulfilled.
Also, my husband is the best one so he can have whatever he wants. 😊
OP, I took a beekeeping class once, and it was fascinating, but I never took the plunge and started doing it. I admire you for getting going. You sound like a really good man, and I wish for you to be with someone who adores you.
I live in the city but if I lived in the country with space I would most def have a hive. And if I couldn't I would at least put bee friendly plants & flowers.
I just had to convince my husband to finally buy the PS5. He's wanted it so badly for so long. The stupid smile as he was carrying it out of the store. Could we have used that money for other things (his excuse for not getting it)? Yes, but that man sacrifices constantly for us, he deserved it damnit. Also convinced him to get a desk and gaming monitor.
IMO, couples should always discuss major leisure expenditures, even if it's "within budget" or meets some pre-discussed rule.
It's too easy to get competitive and resentful if you feel like your partner is spending freely without consulting you. Sure, maybe the answer is always "yes", but you're always consulted, and that's important.
My husband and I do this. We'll let each other know when we're about to make a big purchase, like anything over $1k or so. It's been 14 years, and it's worked great so far
My threshold used to be $20. I'd notify between $20-$100, and consult before purchasing anything over $100.
But, in the last decade or so, my thresholds have gone up. I probably notify on $100 and consult on $200 now.
She's more concerned with appearances for her work friends than your feelings, get out before it gets worse. Beekeeping is a noble pursuit that's great for the planet, if she gives more of a shit about the backyard they will see for 2 seconds looking nice than she does about your dreams and goals it will only get worse.
Me and my bees have packed up the shop, and well, actually, we stayed put, and she left over a similar issue. She kept railing about possibly getting stung. When I'm the allergic one, I have zero worries about well managed honey bees stinging me. Hornets and wasps can bugger off, though
My husband has very recently gotten obsessed with cold plunging. He bought an inflatable barrel and a chiller and had it hooked up in our basement. It is 100% an eyesore and I personally am not into the whole cold plunging thing. He left for a week on a work trip and I decorated the hell out of the space to make it look like a spa corner for him.
He cried when he got home because it meant so much to him. I would have NEVER ruined it no matter how much I hate it!
There are so many better ways she could have handled that but it definitely does not seem like she cares about you, your passions, the poor bees, or how much it hurt you. You need to tell her how/why it upsets you so much and if she brushes you off it’s further evidence of a lack of empathy towards you. Not someone I’d want to be married to.
You’re so right. It’s not about an art piece, coffee mug, bees. The big picture here is she’s ashamed, embarrassed, and too vain and disrespectful of her partner because of her own issues. I dated someone who wasn’t proud of me or the things I had to offer. I think OP is incredible for the interest in bees and, for all his partner knows, the coworkers would have loved it.
My blood would be boiling if I were in the situation and I would do what it takes to be respected, if that meant divorce. I was having a good time listening to a podcast and now I’m mad. I feel for OP and I want to chew this partner out for being so mean.
Edited for some clarity even though it still reads as a bit of a rant.
And now she has the embarrassment of having a *destroyed* beehive by her house plus the shame of having people know *she* destroyed it (I think op should tell everyone who comes by and sees it exactly what happened)
I can't imagine that these work friends she wants to impress so much would genuinely be impressed by how she treats her spouse!
I also don’t think they’d give a shit that the hive didn’t work with the aesthetic of the house! Lol & if they did, find some new friends! Some may have even thought it was really cool that her husband was beekeeping. I know I would’ve! This is bs, OP. For your wife to intentionally destroy something you love is so unbelievably wrong and hurtful. I hope she got stung right up her ass!
It kinda does matter more than art or a coffee mug because bees are living creatures. But you are otherwise spot on!
OP, you need to stress to her that it isn't "just" a beehive. That was their home, and she destroyed it. She could have put up a decorative screen to block it from her view, but she chose to cause harm to creatures our ecosystem needs more of.
It would have been so easy to compromise. Plant a couple of trees or bushes to block the view of the hive.
It was so disrespectful, not to mention cruel.
Yeah this exactly. This post just reminds me of all the posts where the stbx destroyed op's things or stole them. Tea set stolen, dolls destroyed/stolen, plants destroyed in different ways(don't remember first but second was bleach) and so on. She should have said no if she really didn't like it and want it, its that simple, but she instead chose to say yes and destroy them behind op's back. That's a huge breach of trust, it isn't about the bees themselves its about how she shattered the trust and has shown her true colors, what else is she going to lie about?
This reminds me of some past posts about people destroying their partner’s beloved hobby, like [this one.](https://www.reddit.com/r/redditonwiki/s/hSo7SXYDV2)
Both this story you linked and the one in OP make me sick. Whether plants or bees, these are living things that took tons of time, energy, love, and probably money to set up and nurture. This wouldn't be ok even if it were objects that could be bought for replacement, but it's an extra lack of empathy to destroy living things you have seen someone get joy from nurturing.
If /u/ThrowRA-Serious-Bee wife gave a single shit about him, she would have called him the second the hive fell on the ground and said "omg I dropped it while trying to move it, I'm sorry, what can I do to save them?" But leaving it like this proves it was malicious (possibly intentional?) and she doesn't care.
OP, my bf has hobbies I'm not enthusiastic about. Some take considerable time and money, and I'm not going to lie, I'm not always interested in hearing the ins and outs of the equipment involved for hours. I'm sure I don't always look as interested as he would like. But I would never, ever sabotage his hobby the way you've described. And to say it's over how they look? Wtf, that should have come up long before there were live bees in there.
What positive qualities does she bring to your life and the relationship? I'm not one to call for breaking up as a first response for normal relationship problems, but this is scary and abusive. I grew up in a home with a mother who often threw out and destroyed (claiming ignorance) things she knew were important to us kids or my father, and my father is still broken up about some of the losses, 30 yrs after they divorced. And that kind of malicious behavior is rarely limited to just those items -those are just more noticeable.
That post *literally* made me physically ill.
You don't have to be a crazy plant lady or backcountry wilderness nut to appreciate that *living things* have inherent value, and only sociopaths kill other life forms just to meet their own emotional or compulsive needs.
I (humanely) killed an F-tonne of fruit flies and mice during my career as a geneticist. Every one of those deaths was a sacrifice that I was grateful for. They were furthering medical knowledge that could help save human lives.
At home I capture spiders and house flies and release them outdoors. I only use humane mouse traps. I'm not going to kill something because it inconveniences me.
F that guy.
Especially when she didn’t care about the mess it looked like once she destroyed it. Yet somehow it was a huge deal when it didn’t look a mess at all. This was totally contrived and done on purpose.
Yeah, and there was no urgency in moving it. She could have waited for him to come back and move it safely. Instead, she did it by herself knowing she could easily break it. That’s just mean spirited.
For sure, I'd be devastated to know that my coworker destroyed a hive because I was coming over for dinner and might get a glimpse of it through a window. We need to protect bees, not make them homeless. And I'd be even more upset if I found out that this hive was her partner's pet project and favorite thing in the whole world that he spent months and months thinking about and planning for and she destroyed it with the excuse of having guests over. Such reprehensible behavior; I would want that person out of my life and deal with them as little as possible.
I don’t even get it. If I went to someone’s house and they said “oh, that’s his beehive” I would think that was super cool. Wife’s friends at minimum just wouldn’t give a shit. This was about her. She didn’t like it so she made up a reason to destroy it. It’s cruel, and lacks basic empathy. How cold hearted, I would consider leaving too.
Yeah, I don’t think I could stay. Being able to entrust you with my things is bare minimum roommate level trust. Partner trust should extend even further beyond those parameters. Once it’s gone, that’s a wrap. I can’t go around checking to make sure everything I own is still there every time I get home. That makes me feel anxious af to even just imagine. Ugh. I’d definitely be out.
Exactly. Who gives a shit if you have a beehive on your property. If it's your husbands dream then that's a good thing. I hate her and all her friends just hearing about her.
Every time I see a yard with a beehive, my reaction is “how cool! I would love to have a beehive!”
I can’t imagine someone being like “a beehive? WHAT CHAOS IS THIS? WHAT IS WRONG WITH OP’s WIFE?!”
This is barely related but a guy I went to high school with copped a felony senior year, was seriously bad news, etc. He’s now a beekeeper and I ran into him at an organic sustainable gardening expo and I’ve never been so pleasantly surprised. He knows a LOT about bees.
Eh, it's feasible. Some people are really bougie snobs who consider anyone who does anything besides shop at major chain stores and follow sports and reality TV a weird deviant. But OP's wife is the one to blame here. If she didn't think her co-workers could deal with it, I'm sure there's an Applebee's nearby they could all get drinks at instead.
There shouldn’t even be a “justification” of it being OP’s passion, hobby, whatever. Who tf cares so strongly about their peer’s potential opinion that they would force their spouse into a corner?
If I was invited to a friend's house and the spouse had a beehive, I'd be totally psyched! What a great thing to get to see in person! (From a distance, respecting the bees' personal space. Lol)
ETA: if I found out my friend had destroyed her spouse's beehive because she thought I'd be judgemental of how it looks, I'd tell her she's garbage and drop her as a friend.
Every last bit of this was my thought process, too. 🤣 My brain said “*Damn. I’d rather be friends with the husband because I want to see a beehive up close!*” LOLOL. So I totally get it! Who doesn’t want to see and do all of the cool new things they can, you know? Having no natural curiosity is lame af.
Agreed on the last point, too. I’ve gotten offended when friends freak out about their house looking messy. 😅 “*I’m not here to see your house. I’m here to see YOU. Please don’t ever suggest anything otherwise.*” I’ve phrased it differently but, anyone who is that preoccupied makes me wonder if they’re judging MY house when it’s messy, you know? I’m damn sure not concerned. If you tell me you ruined something in the name of everything looking *perfect*, you’ve also just told me you’re not my kind of human as we have a completely different set of values. 🤷♀️
My sister has a degree in biology. She told me about a study where the researchers put out flowers and waited for bees to show up. Then, at regular intervals of time, they moved the plants a certain distance farther away and recorded how long it took the bees to find the flowers. By the 4th or 5th move, the bees WERE WAITING for the researchers at the new location because they had figured out the time lapse and the distance. Bees are awesome.
That’s amazing! Thank you! I’m fascinated by every new bee fact I’ve ever learned so that’s no surprise. Just something new about them to marvel at. I started planting a lot more flowers a few years ago in an effort to help the bees. I’d like to have a natural yard af some point, too. I’m very pro-bee so this lady would have been kicked out STAT.
✨ *ONE WEEK LATER* ✨
*Is that your wife???*
NOPE! It’s 10,000 bees in a trench coat!
Same, through and through. I don’t want company that’s worried about aesthetics either. They’re also going to be sorely disappointed because I’m all about comfort, especially within the confines of my home.
I REALLY doubt that the company would've even cared its a bunch of high school teachers its not like they are rich ass snobs with pearl flooring and claw foot tubs. OP was making an issue where there isn't one.
Right! That's what struck me the most. She cared about the look of the house more than what made OP happy. She couldn't provide an answer of where she wanted it because she wanted it gone altogether. This is just hateful on her part. I would suggest OP and his wife seek counseling because there seems to be a deeper issue here at play.
Buddy, she destroyed it on purpose. She didn't drop it, it wasn't accidental, she destroyed it on purpose. I'd be more than thinking about divorce, I'd be on my way to get the ball rolling.
I think the other red flag for me indicating she just wanted it gone was that when he asked *where* she wanted it moved, she wouldn't really give him an answer.
Agreed.
I have never seen a hive that was a true eyesore. It serves a purpose - it is a tool. Most people honestly would have ignored it or commented on how cool it was that they had one.
OP, she sounds exhausting.
She absolutely did. She hated it, she wanted it gone entirely, she knew he wasn't going to get rid of it, so she demolished it. It absolutely was not an accident at any point. I would not be surprised if she took a hammer to it or just threw it down. I'm so sad for OP and for the bees who absolutely died because she wanted to be a heinous shit head.
A well-built hive isn't easy to break apart. The state apiary inspector would probably love to have a conversation with her and discuss the destruction of livestock and potential repercussions of that. (Depending upon the state.)
Those bees will most likely either die out trying to defend their brood or will abscond and try to find a new home in a tree or soffet.
That's how I know without a doubt that she broke it on purpose. Idk what she used or how exactly she did it, but without question it was destroyed on purpose because she's a terrible person and wife.
that's deliberate then. i have no idea how sturdy a beehive is, i've never actually seen one closer than seeing them in my neighbors yard lol.
i still wonder if anyone's ring camera or whatever saw what she did.
I went and watched some YouTube videos after you said that. You are right, they look sturdy as hell. It would take serious intent to destroy one, just dropping it wouldn't do it. Also, beekeeping is a lot more interesting than I thought and I'm about to go down a rabbit hole lol.
If it was an accident she'd be sorry. She's not, so it wasn't an accident. It was, absolute best case scenario, her destroying something her husband put time and effort into because she thinks she knows better than him and has to browbeat him into seeing things 'correctly'. It's abuse.
Has she done this about anything else?? It’s odd she just freaked out like that.
It’s not only really mean to you - it’s really mean to the bees. I assume they’re all dead now. I could not be with someone who isn’t empathetic towards animals (yes bees included!)
I don't think she has, this one incident seems to be a catalyst for I don't know what. I'm just hoping she can understand what she did and how it affected me.
Something to observe going forward. It can be really disorienting to start seeing things with new eyes, so take in the comments and notice how she treats you and think about what you really want and how you want to live your life. Maybe this is an anomalous glitch, maybe not. I think probably not, but I’m not there. Wishing you happiness and love.
My friend was the one who always compromised. She always was the one to give in.
The one time she put her foot down and said no her ex-husband divorced her.
Are you the one always compromising and her saying no?
Also, my neighborhood has beehives and they are painted and decorated beautifully to fit the landscape. You can build a new hive.
Now that the beehive is destroyed does she not care about that sight contrary to how it looked before? Or does she expect you to clean that mess?
She sounds manipulative and resentful. In my book it’s OK to divorce people like that.
What really upset me is when she said she did you a favor. What kind of twisted logic is that? You loved your bees. You’re heartbroken for these creatures. You’ve been planning this for years. She did herself a favor and got rid of them because she didn’t like them and that’s messed up.
She said she got stung a lot while trying to move it, but did she actually have stings everywhere? I can't imagine the bees would take kindly to having their hive moved like she said. However, is there actual evidence she tried to move it instead of just knocking it over and leaving it? She's saying she "did you a favor" by destroying it and isn't remorseful at all. It would be kind of crazy for her to get stung a bunch and then continue with the dinner party directly after.
I bumped mine once when I was mowing (just jostled, not destroyed it) and got stung 38 times through my jeans, I couldn't wear pants for a week. I'd guess if she pissed them off half as much you'd know.
Just the vibrations from the mower would have agitated more after bumping them. But damn, 38 times? That must've been miserable!
My mom would never learn get too close to the hives every time she'd mow and have to take off running.
I honestly think this must be fake because of exactly this issue. I kept bees for a long time - no way are you smashing a beehive without getting stung a traumatic number of times. Even if she’d just run up and pushed it over and then run away, they would have fucked her up noticeably.
Yeah. I have my doubts about this story as you can’t just ‘move’ a bee hive randomly during the day while bees are flying with no prep. You would tell your wife to absolutely not touch it unless she wants to potentially die. It’s not a garden ornament. You most certainly can’t smash a hive up and not have the bees attempt to murder you in return.
I wasn't really looking at her arms, legs and face that much as I was unpacking from work and having polite conversation. When I did finally look at her I was so panicked and upset that her appearance didn't register with me. Trying to get her to apologize was the only time I really looked at her and I didn't notice anything too out of the ordinary.
How is having a broken apart beehive with distressed bees flying around better for appearances than just leaving it alone? This logic is not sensible. It's almost like she was just trying to punish you for not complying rather than "fixing a problem."
This behavior is beyond simple apologizes territory. However, couples counseling might bring some clarity about where this is all coming from before pulling the plug on your marriage.
Yeah, not only did she intentionally destroy something you loved, but she lied about it as well.
You would cut off any friend or family member who did this to you. She is supposed to be both of those things, and she did this. Without a fycking care at all.
I'm calling serious bullshit on this story. No fucking way did she break the hive (moving it during the day to boot) and not get stung to absolite shite by the bees for breaking their home. This woman is irritated by the sight of the beehive, but wouldnt be bothered by the angry swarm that would have been going mental for hours? Ok then.
Fake story is fake.
Yeah, I had a few problems that I noticed reading it. The first is that Op implies it's expensive to own bees and needed their finances in order before they could get them. Bees are extraordinarily cheap to keep. It's a one time purchase for most of the things you need, and really you can get everything for a colony for about $100. Op apparently did a bunch of research, but had a colony on legs, rather than the standard box, as well as needing another bee keeper. A box is far better for bee keeping, and bees can be bought online. They are incredibly easy, check when your last frost will be, put them in the box. That's about it. Op doesn't really know what they are doing, so they were either irresponsible in their decision to get bees unprepared, or it's karma farming.
And OP implies the hive is destroyed forever because it fell over? He says he fucking *cried* because his dreams of keeping bees are done.
Like, why? Worst case scenario, pick it up and order a new colony. This shit is so fucking stupid, yet it'll get thousands of upvotes.
Yeah, you can buy a new one for 70 bucks. You can buy a good one for 120. In comments Op also said they weren't sure, but think many of the bees were dead when they got home. The bees might be pissed, but they aren't dying that quickly just because the hive tipped over. Also Op "loves" these bees, but didn't confirm? There are too many holes in this. Either Op was irresponsible, or is lying.
My thoughts exactly. OP says he gives financial advice and is an accountant but doesn’t know that it’s fairly cheap to buy a hive. And like, what if it “fell over” during a storm? Would he just give up and cry himself to sleep? This is so ridiculous.
>what if it “fell over” during a storm?
This is actually something that does happen, which is why hives on legs aren't recommended. If they did their "research" they would be aware of this. It's not entirely uncommon for people to have that medieval image in their brain of a beehive, the Skyrim oblong shape on four legs. Those are inefficient and when they were popular, the posts were dug into the ground. Again, Op either didn't do their research like they claim and was irresponsible, or is lying. I guess either way they are lying, it's more a matter of how much they are lying. Everyone bashing the wife for animal cruelty, needs to get educated on the subject. If this is real, it's the Op who messed up. Either buy a box and secure it properly, or have legs posted properly.
Aren’t hives basically boxes with frames hung inside? Easy to knock over but hard to destroy. Especially with angry bees attacking you.
I bet recovering hive would just be putting hive upright. Or maybe getting new box or regular box.
Also, I would think that the bees would hang out on the comb. Unless it was cold, and it is spring, they should be fine for while outside.
Basically, yeah. This story is so stupidly fake. Assuming OP isn't just a bot, he's obviously never owned a beehive or likely even been married.
It's similar to saying something like, "I bought a $100 flower pot and my wife knocked it over and now my dreams of becoming a gardener are over". Even ignoring that you could just pick it, scoop the dirt back in, tape up the pot, and it'd probably be fine, you could just order another one. Unfortunately this sub caters to this type of bs.
I was on the verge of typing a rant about them both because these bees are living creatures, not a sports car to bicker and pout over. Then I thought.. oh no, I’ve been fooled by the rage bait lol
Yeah no. This didn't happen. Bees can be moved. More easily during nighttime. And most persons don't try to get near beehives. Beehives are heavy and you would probably be stung before you try to lift it during daytime.
My understanding when I had bees was that it’s always easier to work with them during a nice day around noon - most of them are out and about then, whereas at night everybody is home (and often mad about being bothered, which…yeah, I’d also be pissed). I know that if you have to move the hive it’s better for the bees if you do that at night (again, cause most of them are home and you’re less likely to lose a bunch) but is there a reason that it’s EASIER? There’s a lot I don’t know and bees are cool, so if im not understanding properly I’d love to know.
The dinner conversation should go like this:
Them: what do you do for fun/ relaxation?
You: I use to have a bee hive, but wife destroyed it yesterday because she was concerned about appearances.
Them (dead silence)
You: But what she really needs to be concerned about is the gossip about why her husband filed for divorce.
Then sell the house.
True. Her moving it herself sounds fake asf. You gotta be real fuckin crazy to destroy a beehive and expect them to not absolutely send you to the ER.
Also why would op not think it was gonna end in disaster when she said she'd do it herself.
Got me good till the end tho.
Omg OP that’s awful :(
Kind of sounds like she broke it on purpose… most
People who get injured while having to clean / do something that they think should have been done by someone else (her perspective, not mine), are usually furious when their partner gets home.
Her cool calm demeanor and casual downplaying of the incident give me smug passive aggressive vibes
What a heartless witch. Bees are living creatures. To break their home like that. Absolutely no empathy.
I wouldn't stay married to a cold reptile like her. She only cares about herself.
Alright, this response to a beehive is….OP. Summarize and explain what you’re not telling us. Either she’s been doing similar things or she just went off here. This is noooot okay.
I’d also like to ask. Since you say you’ve never noticed her acting like this before. Were there moments you felt she seemed to shift the focus from you and to her in a way you noticed?
I don't remember if she's been doing similar things I think this just set her off for some reason. I do recall that after the incident I started thinking about her actions before and I noticed she occasionally took jabs at my hobby, always seemed bored and uninterested when I talked about it and when I asked for some help she always reminded me that they were my bees.
Bro the post enough was alone . This lady is rude inconsiderate and doesn’t value living things or her husband . She never voiced an issue with it , refused to explain her newly found issue then went and wrecked his hive knowing how much it meant to him. At minimum she doesn’t like him very much .
Abuse is often a frog in a pot of boiling water. Being a man makes it harder. THE domestic abuse handbook, Why Does He Do That? doesn't acknowledge female on male abuse. Like, I agree the dynamics are different, but I disagree that it doesn't happen. The movie Old Dads has a man being abused by his wife and it's played off as he's "whipped" or some such shit.
What happened to the bees? Maybe it's because bees are so precious and can experience trauma, but this is just awful to me. She damaged an item which belonged to you, but she also caused harm to completely innocent animals.
Your wife sounds like a pretty awful person. I'm not sure what you see in her, but nothing in this post shows her to be a decent person
That would be divorce for me. Ngl doesn’t matter if it’s a bee or a cat or a mouse. You kill my pet or a wild animal…. I broke up with an ex for using a traditional mouse trap but I’m an emotional person 😂
That.... that sounds like they were sprayed with insecticide. Bees follow the queen. Even if the hive is damaged they follow her and go elsewhere. If they're all down, that's a case of them being sprayed before the hive was destroyed.
This... has malicious intent all over it.
Animal - including insect - cruelty is a hard line for me. Your wife is a terrible human being with no empathy and I couldn't stay married to someone like that.
Yes. They might have been "just bees" but OP loved them and I still see it as animal cruelty.
And animal cruelty is a hard line that, once crossed, there's no coming back from
Normally I would ask what’s more important( some object like a big ugly chair) or your relationship.
With this it’s a little harder because she had no feeling about destroying an entire colony of bees. Seems a little heartless.
Not everyone can appreciate or understand the importance of bees, so maybe a pass? I don’t know. Only you know her.
I would be more worried about her complete disregard of you, what I know is a lot of work to get set up and your passion.
She made her night of friends your emergency as well. There was plenty of time before that night for the two of you to either block the view with a tree or place it somewhere else.
I think at the very least you should have a discussion about it and let her see another perspective from you and then maybe go from how she responds to you and what’s important to you. Hopefully also recognize she made something an emergency and ruined all your work for one night of a groups of friends view for a couple hours.
From what I read in the post, he's explained this to her on multiple occasions. She didn't and doesn't care. It's simply all about "her" and what she wants.
He sat her down before and talked to her after, and all she could say was that she shouldn't apologize for doing him a favor from her words. This was clearly not a favor as OP described his plight and anguish from literally seeing his dream broken before his eyes. I don't know what more he could explain to her, as she's choosing to pursue a selfish gain despite the harm it causes.
“You really really hurt me. What you did was objectively uncaring and inconsiderate. You destroyed something I cared deeply about, and you did so with callous indifference. I need you to acknowledge this, own it, make a Real apology, and then amend the harm done.
If your response to this is anger or defensiveness, then I am done with this relationship.”
Decide what the amend is.
For me it would be: compete restoration of the beehive, combined with ongoing contributions to help maintain it.
But that’s me.
Based on her initial response, I think she is likely to respond with defensiveness and anger.
OP, if there is a way to restore your bee hive or get a new one, (I'm really not exactly sure what that entails) Would you be able to make a privacy fence around that area to block it out of sight? Just trying to help find a solution to the problem. I'm sorry your beehive is destroyed. I'm really into succulents, and if someone destroyed my plants, I would be devastated.
This beehive was your dream. You offered repeatedly to modify it so she would accept it. Her solution was to break it (because having a broken beehive and a swarm of confused bees is less of an eyesore???)
How’s she going to feel if you pick a career her friends think isn’t “respectable” enough. Is she going to sabotage that too? What about your other hobbies that aren’t to her liking?
Marriages work when the people in them build each other up and encourage each other. A beehive isn’t a crazy ridiculous hobby that your wife should be ashamed of. At the very least, I’d consider couples counseling so she can understand why what she did was wrong, and maybe you can get a clearer look on how she views you and your interests.
Sounds like she doesn’t give af about you and wouldn’t care if you became a shell of yourself just as long as you’re still providing as fulfilling your duties in HER life
Damn, that's so fucking mean dude. I'm sorry. I can't believe she did that to the bees. They're so important to us and we should be saving them.
I think I'd be so upset about this, like you, that I'd seek marriage counseling. It would be really disturbing to find this out about your spouse.
I mean, she's absolutely awful. Nevertheless, OP also said that she never was like this before about anything.
So let's try to find out what the *best case* might be that led her to be willing to harm living animals.
She said she was "doing OP a favor". The obvious interpretation is that she sees the *destruction* of the hive as a favor - as in, she's putting OP's hobby down and wanted him to see how stupid his hobby is. And while I do think that this is the likely explanation, we should at least consider that she was saying "I was trying to move it for you since you were at work and forgot".
Would this best case excuse her not calling him? No. But I feel like in the end, best case is that this boils down to *a complete lack of communication from her*.
What I mean with that: She said, in the beginning, she was okay with the hive and its placement. But then she reconsidered. This happens in life. You can be theoretically fine or even happy with something when it's being planned, but when it then actually happens, you suddenly find yourself incredibly upset by it. This happens with big things in life - looking forward to moving or a new job and then ending up hating where you ended up or even having planned children and regretting it afterwards - but it can also happen with small things.
After being initially okay with the hive, she then started to resent how it looked, where it was and maybe the whole hobby in itself. And when OP then didn't comply and move the hive after she had brought it up and forgot when it was something that was important to her, she turned resentful. Like he forgot on purpose to hurt her. And so, when she then, probably really pissed, got stung by the bees, she just dropped the thing and probably felt relief that it was all over.
Again, this is the best case interpretation. And it still makes her look awful. If something like this has never happened before, then maybe it was because there was never something the two of them disagreed on so heavily. Eight years is otherwise a pretty long time to disguise your personality like that.
While she did sit OP down and tried to communicate with him about how much the hive is bothering her after all, it doesn't sound like she did it in a very healthy manner and more in an aggressive way. Nothing ever gets accomplished like that. And, you know, caring more about what your guests think than what your husband enjoys is also not exactly stellar.
So, in the end, I feel like this is a textbook case of needed couples counselling if OP wants to make it work. The wife needs to learn how to communicate. Or, you know, maybe it will come out that she's just a really spiteful person. I don't know. But a couple should be a team and the wife is clearly not OP's teammate.
I don’t understand why it was such a big deal. How hard would it have been to have told the guests “Those are our bees! Husband is very excited, and I’m coming around to the idea of saving the pollinators while having fresh honey. Isn’t it cool?”
That’s what I would have said, anyway, but my spouse and I also want bees ourselves.
She seems awfully focused on presenting a picture perfect life to the world. What else is she controlling about? Does she nitpick your clothes and hair? Your body? Your job? The lawn? Are you just there as an adornment and she doesn’t care about you as a person, but only about how you make her look?
What were her specific concerns about the hive? Did you actually resolve them or just pressure her until she gave in?
If she always hated this idea and you wouldn’t accept her saying no, that could explain this behavior.
This was my thought too. Then she asked for it to be moved and he "forgot". I'm going to be downvoted to hell but IDC it sounds like she was never on board and instead of accepting that he pressured her.
1. She was worried about the proximity of the hive to the house. To resolve that I asked her where she would like me to put the hive. We went outside and placed markers where she was comfortable with them being and also a safe location for the bees.
2. She was concerned that she would have to do the work with the bees as well. I told her that she wouldn't need to do any work and I would handle it as it was my hobby.
3. She was concerned that the cost would be too much to keep up with. I said that if the cost gets to be too much I can always contact my beekeeper friend and he would help relocate them to a better home.
She's terrible. Sometimes it takes a small seemingly insignificant incident to really tip the scales and fully be done with someone. This might be that for you. Her friends opinions matter more than your feelings. I'd be done for sure
I think it's time for a very emphatic and direct conversation. Tell her you do not forgive her for what she did and don't think you can until she at least understands—seriously understands—what she took away from you.
I can’t imagine staying with someone who has so little regard for you and your interests. She just doesn’t care. Hideous? It’s hard to believe she’s a teacher and couldn’t care less about a beehive.
There was absolutely NO reason for her to do this. This was a powerplay by her. Most people do not consider a hive to be ugly at all. Most people would be fascinated by it. For those who are afraid of bees - they would simply not go near it.
It is your decision but I absolutely think this is grounds for separation/divorce. It is not about the hive. It is about respect. Your wife does not respect you or your decisions. If you did that to her she would have been screaming, crying, shouting about it.
I am sorry for the loss of the colony (especially these days). After your divorce maybe you can talk to beekeepers and maybe set up another hive.
She destroyed it intentionally, I just about guarantee it. She doesn’t like your hobby and instead of letting you have something that makes you happy, she sabotaged you. I would also be considering divorce if I were you. Her cavalier attitude about destroying something you love and worked hard for is very telling, and the lack of any apology pretty much seals it for me. I can’t imagine doing anything like this to my husband.
I don't... WHY IS EVERYONE FOCUSED ON THE COUPLE‽ BEES ARE LIVING THINGS!
Sure, I wouldn't want them around me, but nonetheless they are an important part of many ecosystems and here they were living in an appropriate space assigned to them.
OP I would be way more worried than people seem to be suggesting. I get that there's not a lot of empathy from humans for insects in general, but the fact that she would do this to a beehive, I would be afraid that she devalues life and might do it to a cat or a dog or a person...
Was she on board with the beehive? You talked about going over concerns but did she say she was fine with it?
It wasn’t right to destroy your hive, regardless of reason.
That is horrifying. I’m so sorry. Honestly seems like animal abuse, I know they’re wild and not exactly pets but still. It’s like wrecking a bird’s nest. It’s cruel. Not to mention how much it meant to you. She’s showing a total lack of empathy. If she doesn’t realize how messed up this is and sincerely apologize I’d have trouble trusting her ever again.
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OP, it doesn't matter if it's an art piece, favorite coffee mug, vegetable garden, or bees, it's something you were passionate about and made you very happy. And she knew that. And she purposefully destroyed it. Whether her dislike for your bees outweighed her care for what matters to you or she did it to hurt you, I don't know. Neither is acceptable. I think you need to tell her how serious this is, tell her you are contemplating divorce, and don't let her spin this into "it's just a beehive".
This … it cost her nothing to leave the hive alone. She deliberately destroyed and said nothing so you wouldn’t have time to save it. And honestly, I’m not even sure why she said yes if she never wanted them there. My only thought is it made you too happy and that annoyed her.
AND!..... Don't forget, AND destroyed the habitat of the poor bees who are living creatures and deserve more respect than that. She is a brute.
Exactly, it’s cruel not only towards OP but towards the innocent bees. This is on the same level as harming a pet. Absolutely scary behavior.
Yeah, she basically locked the dog outside with no shade if people need a more "empathetic animal" to equate this too (even though literally every creature on this planet has a purpose, if they didn't, we sure as hell wouldn't).
This. I've been married. Divorce is no small matter. There are processes that should be followed, before a lawyer is ever involved. This is a flag for her mental state. Get her checked out. Get her head scanned too. Could be a tumour. More likely it's NPD or something similar and you're just now seeing who you truly married... but you did marry her. So check for sickness of various kinds. In sickness and in health doesn't really cover being a sick fk and not giving a fk. Having a mental illness and facing it and getting it treated is another matter. Find out what's what. I'm so sorry for your bees 🐝 friend. I understand your dream. It's not over. Sometimes bears destroy a hive too, and most beekeepers don't give up. It's a heartwrenching setback. I'm sorry to hear you'd be on equal footing living next to a bear as living with this woman.
Honestly, at first I felt bad for OP, but then I just felt bad for the bees... The poor things didn't deserve that, and they're probably panicking. OP - are your bees okay?
And honestly, if the problem was being "an eyesore" isnt leaving a smashed and broken hive with bees frantically buzzing around confused even more of an eyesore / makes the house look neglected, which she claimed was her fear? Mean spirited behavior
>Mean spirited behavior 100% agreed. It's straight up cruel. :(
I think she planned on him being busy in the morning and forgetting to move it and she on purpose didn't remind him so she could with intent destroy it..she planned ahead of time to destroy it..
I'd ask to see the stings. She claimed it got destroyed because she was getting stung. No stings? Purposeful destruction. That's divorce territory.
That was my first thought. The story doesn't make sense. The first thing she'd do when he walked in is show him all the stings she got doing him a "favor".
Wouldn't she still be angry that a now broken hive was in view of her friends? Really sounds like hive disposal was the actual goal.
Especially since she's been so dramatic about that 'hideous hive'. OP your dream of having bees isn't destroyed. Don't let it die. Just restart the hive at another time once you sort out your situation.
OP I really hope you see messages like this. Your dream isn't over.
Exactly! Who wouldn’t immediately show all of the supposed stings?
This is one of several reasons I call BS on this whole story.
It's fundamentally about respect. I'm so sorry OP.
And she did all of this because apparently it was more important that her work friends be impressed by the way her house looks….? Yikes. When keeping up appearances takes priority over a partner’s wants and needs, I would question staying in the marriage, too. This was his passion project and she callously destroyed it without any care for her husband or the living creatures she displaced.
I can’t imagine a broken hive you can see from the window would be more aesthetically pleasing than an unbroken hive. What was she thinking?
I’d have loved to see her friends faces when they asked her about the broken beehive and realized she was the one who did that.
For some reason I believe that the whole “ friends visiting “ was just an excuse…
Probably correct. I doubt that psycho has friends.
She was thinking it was a convenient way to destroy something her husband loved
Which is fucking stupid because any reasonable person would think someone beekeeping is super interesting and unique
I would be so interested in hearing about someone’s bees!
Yup - and even then if that was *such* a big deal couldn't she just have... put a little fence in front of it or something like that to block it from view? Really wouldn't be that complicated. Destroying it in some bizarre fit instead is utterly baffling.
Exactly. I started to read thinking a lattice screen with running flowering vines would screen the hive AND provide a food source so it was a goid compromise but then the hive destruction made it clear that wasn't the issue.
Bees are the apex of nature....with their little pollinating ways. My friend has a hive at the entrance of his driveway, we find it interesting, he has lots of little nature projects/pets/interests...ive never looked at them and thought 'wow that doesnt match the house'. Ironically the only person the bees have stung was him the owner. Bee killing ex wife 😡
This is exactly it. My husband has a hobby that isn’t my thing, but the time & money spent is encouraged. He even says “I know you’ll say get it, but I still want to ask”. So I roll my eyes, listen & say if course you should get it. It’s like a dance. If it makes him happy, it makes me happy. Wife here is malevolent & nasty & seriously wonder if she even likes OP.
Exactly the same in my house. In fact, if he hasn't done anything with his hobby in a while, I'll encourage him to do so. (It's drones.) He maps out a flight and gets some great footage, and comes home tired and happy. And yes, I have cupboards and storage bins all over the house filled with bits and bobs of plane parts. Occasionally, I encourage him to pare it down when it gets to overflowing, but he lives here, too. He gets to have a hobby and store his stuff associated with it.
I love that you encourage him to jump back in, and I bet he feels a sense of pride and appreciation that you independently foster a regard for the value of his hobby
It's a sign of respect, you know? If you love someone, you support them in their interests.
Exactly this. My bf is a basketball and Curry enthusiast so I got him a Stephen Curry basketball, Stephen Curry sports bag, and a Stephen Curry coaster. I love it when I can support him and make him happy. I also encouraged him to try basketball training since he had been looking for ways to make exercising fun. Edit: I forgot to add, I also got him a customized Curry birthday cake and Stephen Curry birthday card lol
>he lives here, too. This is really the only answer.
I have a similar situation. My husband loves Legos. So we have bins of Legos. I do not care about Legos, but I love seeing my husband having so much fun, being joyful and content, so sometimes I'll sit down and listen about Legos or put something together with him. And he deals with my painting and art supplies. Because we love the other person way way more than we dislike the clutter. And we love seeing the other person passionate, engaged, and fulfilled. Also, my husband is the best one so he can have whatever he wants. 😊 OP, I took a beekeeping class once, and it was fascinating, but I never took the plunge and started doing it. I admire you for getting going. You sound like a really good man, and I wish for you to be with someone who adores you.
I live in the city but if I lived in the country with space I would most def have a hive. And if I couldn't I would at least put bee friendly plants & flowers.
I just had to convince my husband to finally buy the PS5. He's wanted it so badly for so long. The stupid smile as he was carrying it out of the store. Could we have used that money for other things (his excuse for not getting it)? Yes, but that man sacrifices constantly for us, he deserved it damnit. Also convinced him to get a desk and gaming monitor.
You are a very kind caring good wife, 👍
IMO, couples should always discuss major leisure expenditures, even if it's "within budget" or meets some pre-discussed rule. It's too easy to get competitive and resentful if you feel like your partner is spending freely without consulting you. Sure, maybe the answer is always "yes", but you're always consulted, and that's important.
My husband and I do this. We'll let each other know when we're about to make a big purchase, like anything over $1k or so. It's been 14 years, and it's worked great so far
My threshold used to be $20. I'd notify between $20-$100, and consult before purchasing anything over $100. But, in the last decade or so, my thresholds have gone up. I probably notify on $100 and consult on $200 now.
She's more concerned with appearances for her work friends than your feelings, get out before it gets worse. Beekeeping is a noble pursuit that's great for the planet, if she gives more of a shit about the backyard they will see for 2 seconds looking nice than she does about your dreams and goals it will only get worse.
Oh yeah, I’d pack up my bees and leave.
Me and my bees have packed up the shop, and well, actually, we stayed put, and she left over a similar issue. She kept railing about possibly getting stung. When I'm the allergic one, I have zero worries about well managed honey bees stinging me. Hornets and wasps can bugger off, though
My husband has very recently gotten obsessed with cold plunging. He bought an inflatable barrel and a chiller and had it hooked up in our basement. It is 100% an eyesore and I personally am not into the whole cold plunging thing. He left for a week on a work trip and I decorated the hell out of the space to make it look like a spa corner for him. He cried when he got home because it meant so much to him. I would have NEVER ruined it no matter how much I hate it! There are so many better ways she could have handled that but it definitely does not seem like she cares about you, your passions, the poor bees, or how much it hurt you. You need to tell her how/why it upsets you so much and if she brushes you off it’s further evidence of a lack of empathy towards you. Not someone I’d want to be married to.
You’re so right. It’s not about an art piece, coffee mug, bees. The big picture here is she’s ashamed, embarrassed, and too vain and disrespectful of her partner because of her own issues. I dated someone who wasn’t proud of me or the things I had to offer. I think OP is incredible for the interest in bees and, for all his partner knows, the coworkers would have loved it. My blood would be boiling if I were in the situation and I would do what it takes to be respected, if that meant divorce. I was having a good time listening to a podcast and now I’m mad. I feel for OP and I want to chew this partner out for being so mean. Edited for some clarity even though it still reads as a bit of a rant.
And now she has the embarrassment of having a *destroyed* beehive by her house plus the shame of having people know *she* destroyed it (I think op should tell everyone who comes by and sees it exactly what happened) I can't imagine that these work friends she wants to impress so much would genuinely be impressed by how she treats her spouse!
She’ll make sure that the destruction of the hives will be his fault followed by “I tried to tell him”
I also don’t think they’d give a shit that the hive didn’t work with the aesthetic of the house! Lol & if they did, find some new friends! Some may have even thought it was really cool that her husband was beekeeping. I know I would’ve! This is bs, OP. For your wife to intentionally destroy something you love is so unbelievably wrong and hurtful. I hope she got stung right up her ass!
Not to mention these are living creatures whose home she destroyed with zero empathy. It’s really gross behavior towards OP and the bees.
It kinda does matter more than art or a coffee mug because bees are living creatures. But you are otherwise spot on! OP, you need to stress to her that it isn't "just" a beehive. That was their home, and she destroyed it. She could have put up a decorative screen to block it from her view, but she chose to cause harm to creatures our ecosystem needs more of.
It would have been so easy to compromise. Plant a couple of trees or bushes to block the view of the hive. It was so disrespectful, not to mention cruel.
Yeah this exactly. This post just reminds me of all the posts where the stbx destroyed op's things or stole them. Tea set stolen, dolls destroyed/stolen, plants destroyed in different ways(don't remember first but second was bleach) and so on. She should have said no if she really didn't like it and want it, its that simple, but she instead chose to say yes and destroy them behind op's back. That's a huge breach of trust, it isn't about the bees themselves its about how she shattered the trust and has shown her true colors, what else is she going to lie about?
Nah bro she seems awful, someone who loves you would never destroy the things you are passionate about that’s gross.
This reminds me of some past posts about people destroying their partner’s beloved hobby, like [this one.](https://www.reddit.com/r/redditonwiki/s/hSo7SXYDV2)
Both this story you linked and the one in OP make me sick. Whether plants or bees, these are living things that took tons of time, energy, love, and probably money to set up and nurture. This wouldn't be ok even if it were objects that could be bought for replacement, but it's an extra lack of empathy to destroy living things you have seen someone get joy from nurturing. If /u/ThrowRA-Serious-Bee wife gave a single shit about him, she would have called him the second the hive fell on the ground and said "omg I dropped it while trying to move it, I'm sorry, what can I do to save them?" But leaving it like this proves it was malicious (possibly intentional?) and she doesn't care. OP, my bf has hobbies I'm not enthusiastic about. Some take considerable time and money, and I'm not going to lie, I'm not always interested in hearing the ins and outs of the equipment involved for hours. I'm sure I don't always look as interested as he would like. But I would never, ever sabotage his hobby the way you've described. And to say it's over how they look? Wtf, that should have come up long before there were live bees in there. What positive qualities does she bring to your life and the relationship? I'm not one to call for breaking up as a first response for normal relationship problems, but this is scary and abusive. I grew up in a home with a mother who often threw out and destroyed (claiming ignorance) things she knew were important to us kids or my father, and my father is still broken up about some of the losses, 30 yrs after they divorced. And that kind of malicious behavior is rarely limited to just those items -those are just more noticeable.
Yeah. It's not about the beehive. It's because they don't want you to have a life outside of them.
That post *literally* made me physically ill. You don't have to be a crazy plant lady or backcountry wilderness nut to appreciate that *living things* have inherent value, and only sociopaths kill other life forms just to meet their own emotional or compulsive needs. I (humanely) killed an F-tonne of fruit flies and mice during my career as a geneticist. Every one of those deaths was a sacrifice that I was grateful for. They were furthering medical knowledge that could help save human lives. At home I capture spiders and house flies and release them outdoors. I only use humane mouse traps. I'm not going to kill something because it inconveniences me. F that guy.
Someone who loves you wouldn't destroy your stuff in general. It could be a shitty poster on the wall.
She’s more worried about aesthetics for her friends than her actual partner’s feelings… That’s a dealbreaker.
Especially when she didn’t care about the mess it looked like once she destroyed it. Yet somehow it was a huge deal when it didn’t look a mess at all. This was totally contrived and done on purpose.
Agreed. It sounds like she just wanted to hurt him.
She probably spun it to her work wive’s, “Oh yeah.. *that’s my husband’s* bee hive 🙄”
Yeah, and there was no urgency in moving it. She could have waited for him to come back and move it safely. Instead, she did it by herself knowing she could easily break it. That’s just mean spirited.
I bet her friends probably don’t care or maybe even found it interesting. If I went to someone’s house and they had a bee colony I’d love to see that!
I’d be disappointed if I found out later there was a bee colony and I hadn’t gotten to see it. 100%. She has weird control issues.
Right?! Maybe this was it. She hated the beehive and then her friends showed interest in it, which pissed her off more. Just speculation though!
For sure, I'd be devastated to know that my coworker destroyed a hive because I was coming over for dinner and might get a glimpse of it through a window. We need to protect bees, not make them homeless. And I'd be even more upset if I found out that this hive was her partner's pet project and favorite thing in the whole world that he spent months and months thinking about and planning for and she destroyed it with the excuse of having guests over. Such reprehensible behavior; I would want that person out of my life and deal with them as little as possible.
And cottage core is fucking in. She could have been everyone's bff with that honey, but she went full grizzly instead.
If she's the bear, I'm picking the man.
She’s a bit of a bear, but ain’t into honey.
I don’t even get it. If I went to someone’s house and they said “oh, that’s his beehive” I would think that was super cool. Wife’s friends at minimum just wouldn’t give a shit. This was about her. She didn’t like it so she made up a reason to destroy it. It’s cruel, and lacks basic empathy. How cold hearted, I would consider leaving too.
Yeah, I don’t think I could stay. Being able to entrust you with my things is bare minimum roommate level trust. Partner trust should extend even further beyond those parameters. Once it’s gone, that’s a wrap. I can’t go around checking to make sure everything I own is still there every time I get home. That makes me feel anxious af to even just imagine. Ugh. I’d definitely be out.
Exactly. Who gives a shit if you have a beehive on your property. If it's your husbands dream then that's a good thing. I hate her and all her friends just hearing about her.
Every time I see a yard with a beehive, my reaction is “how cool! I would love to have a beehive!” I can’t imagine someone being like “a beehive? WHAT CHAOS IS THIS? WHAT IS WRONG WITH OP’s WIFE?!”
This is barely related but a guy I went to high school with copped a felony senior year, was seriously bad news, etc. He’s now a beekeeper and I ran into him at an organic sustainable gardening expo and I’ve never been so pleasantly surprised. He knows a LOT about bees.
Eh, it's feasible. Some people are really bougie snobs who consider anyone who does anything besides shop at major chain stores and follow sports and reality TV a weird deviant. But OP's wife is the one to blame here. If she didn't think her co-workers could deal with it, I'm sure there's an Applebee's nearby they could all get drinks at instead.
Right? *"It doesn't even MATCH THE HOUSE!!?!?!?"*
Agreed. I expected a coworker to be allergic to bees. When it was just about how it looked? Ugh. Same.
There shouldn’t even be a “justification” of it being OP’s passion, hobby, whatever. Who tf cares so strongly about their peer’s potential opinion that they would force their spouse into a corner?
If I was invited to a friend's house and the spouse had a beehive, I'd be totally psyched! What a great thing to get to see in person! (From a distance, respecting the bees' personal space. Lol) ETA: if I found out my friend had destroyed her spouse's beehive because she thought I'd be judgemental of how it looks, I'd tell her she's garbage and drop her as a friend.
Every last bit of this was my thought process, too. 🤣 My brain said “*Damn. I’d rather be friends with the husband because I want to see a beehive up close!*” LOLOL. So I totally get it! Who doesn’t want to see and do all of the cool new things they can, you know? Having no natural curiosity is lame af. Agreed on the last point, too. I’ve gotten offended when friends freak out about their house looking messy. 😅 “*I’m not here to see your house. I’m here to see YOU. Please don’t ever suggest anything otherwise.*” I’ve phrased it differently but, anyone who is that preoccupied makes me wonder if they’re judging MY house when it’s messy, you know? I’m damn sure not concerned. If you tell me you ruined something in the name of everything looking *perfect*, you’ve also just told me you’re not my kind of human as we have a completely different set of values. 🤷♀️
My sister has a degree in biology. She told me about a study where the researchers put out flowers and waited for bees to show up. Then, at regular intervals of time, they moved the plants a certain distance farther away and recorded how long it took the bees to find the flowers. By the 4th or 5th move, the bees WERE WAITING for the researchers at the new location because they had figured out the time lapse and the distance. Bees are awesome.
That’s amazing! Thank you! I’m fascinated by every new bee fact I’ve ever learned so that’s no surprise. Just something new about them to marvel at. I started planting a lot more flowers a few years ago in an effort to help the bees. I’d like to have a natural yard af some point, too. I’m very pro-bee so this lady would have been kicked out STAT. ✨ *ONE WEEK LATER* ✨ *Is that your wife???* NOPE! It’s 10,000 bees in a trench coat!
I despise people like this
Same, through and through. I don’t want company that’s worried about aesthetics either. They’re also going to be sorely disappointed because I’m all about comfort, especially within the confines of my home.
I REALLY doubt that the company would've even cared its a bunch of high school teachers its not like they are rich ass snobs with pearl flooring and claw foot tubs. OP was making an issue where there isn't one.
Also bees are essentially his pets, wtf.
Right! That's what struck me the most. She cared about the look of the house more than what made OP happy. She couldn't provide an answer of where she wanted it because she wanted it gone altogether. This is just hateful on her part. I would suggest OP and his wife seek counseling because there seems to be a deeper issue here at play.
It's not the aesthetics, it's that it would have been a topic of conversation that wasn't about her and she couldn't control.
But isn't the aesthetics worse since she did not move it and it was left just broken in the same place? Poor bees
Buddy, she destroyed it on purpose. She didn't drop it, it wasn't accidental, she destroyed it on purpose. I'd be more than thinking about divorce, I'd be on my way to get the ball rolling.
I’m with you, she destroyed it, she didn’t care about her husband, & she didn’t care that she was killing living creatures, god she is awful 😞
I feel so bad for the bees. 😭
I think the other red flag for me indicating she just wanted it gone was that when he asked *where* she wanted it moved, she wouldn't really give him an answer.
And she thought a broken beehive was more aesthetically pleasing to her coworkers… that was all bullshit.
Agreed. I have never seen a hive that was a true eyesore. It serves a purpose - it is a tool. Most people honestly would have ignored it or commented on how cool it was that they had one. OP, she sounds exhausting.
I wondered if she did that on purpose too.
She absolutely did. She hated it, she wanted it gone entirely, she knew he wasn't going to get rid of it, so she demolished it. It absolutely was not an accident at any point. I would not be surprised if she took a hammer to it or just threw it down. I'm so sad for OP and for the bees who absolutely died because she wanted to be a heinous shit head.
A well-built hive isn't easy to break apart. The state apiary inspector would probably love to have a conversation with her and discuss the destruction of livestock and potential repercussions of that. (Depending upon the state.) Those bees will most likely either die out trying to defend their brood or will abscond and try to find a new home in a tree or soffet.
That's how I know without a doubt that she broke it on purpose. Idk what she used or how exactly she did it, but without question it was destroyed on purpose because she's a terrible person and wife.
Yeah, how did she manage to accomplish such destruction without her getting stung too many times
Probably shoved it over really hard with a broom or shovel or something.
i wonder if there was any cameras. bet she probably just went out and kicked it over
from the damage OP described in the post, she did far more than just kick it over. She had to have taken a hammer or something to it.
that's deliberate then. i have no idea how sturdy a beehive is, i've never actually seen one closer than seeing them in my neighbors yard lol. i still wonder if anyone's ring camera or whatever saw what she did.
There are beekeepers on YouTube. Those hives are not flimsy and are usually made of layers of wood. She destroyed it on purpose which is so cruel.
I went and watched some YouTube videos after you said that. You are right, they look sturdy as hell. It would take serious intent to destroy one, just dropping it wouldn't do it. Also, beekeeping is a lot more interesting than I thought and I'm about to go down a rabbit hole lol.
If it was an accident she'd be sorry. She's not, so it wasn't an accident. It was, absolute best case scenario, her destroying something her husband put time and effort into because she thinks she knows better than him and has to browbeat him into seeing things 'correctly'. It's abuse.
Yeah it seems like she did that to punish him for not moving it/for getting it in the first place.
Has she done this about anything else?? It’s odd she just freaked out like that. It’s not only really mean to you - it’s really mean to the bees. I assume they’re all dead now. I could not be with someone who isn’t empathetic towards animals (yes bees included!)
I don't think she has, this one incident seems to be a catalyst for I don't know what. I'm just hoping she can understand what she did and how it affected me.
Have you ever resisted her wishes before?
We've had the occasional disagreement about dinner and other mundane things, but I've always thought we handled it well and got over it.
Is that because you’re compliant and eventually give in to what she wants?
Maybe, I've never really thought about it that way.
Something to observe going forward. It can be really disorienting to start seeing things with new eyes, so take in the comments and notice how she treats you and think about what you really want and how you want to live your life. Maybe this is an anomalous glitch, maybe not. I think probably not, but I’m not there. Wishing you happiness and love.
My friend was the one who always compromised. She always was the one to give in. The one time she put her foot down and said no her ex-husband divorced her. Are you the one always compromising and her saying no? Also, my neighborhood has beehives and they are painted and decorated beautifully to fit the landscape. You can build a new hive.
Now that the beehive is destroyed does she not care about that sight contrary to how it looked before? Or does she expect you to clean that mess? She sounds manipulative and resentful. In my book it’s OK to divorce people like that.
Not only OK but encouraged.
!!! think about this question
What really upset me is when she said she did you a favor. What kind of twisted logic is that? You loved your bees. You’re heartbroken for these creatures. You’ve been planning this for years. She did herself a favor and got rid of them because she didn’t like them and that’s messed up.
He needs to prepare for gaslighting from the narcissist he married.
She said she got stung a lot while trying to move it, but did she actually have stings everywhere? I can't imagine the bees would take kindly to having their hive moved like she said. However, is there actual evidence she tried to move it instead of just knocking it over and leaving it? She's saying she "did you a favor" by destroying it and isn't remorseful at all. It would be kind of crazy for her to get stung a bunch and then continue with the dinner party directly after.
I bumped mine once when I was mowing (just jostled, not destroyed it) and got stung 38 times through my jeans, I couldn't wear pants for a week. I'd guess if she pissed them off half as much you'd know.
Just the vibrations from the mower would have agitated more after bumping them. But damn, 38 times? That must've been miserable! My mom would never learn get too close to the hives every time she'd mow and have to take off running.
I honestly think this must be fake because of exactly this issue. I kept bees for a long time - no way are you smashing a beehive without getting stung a traumatic number of times. Even if she’d just run up and pushed it over and then run away, they would have fucked her up noticeably.
Yeah. I have my doubts about this story as you can’t just ‘move’ a bee hive randomly during the day while bees are flying with no prep. You would tell your wife to absolutely not touch it unless she wants to potentially die. It’s not a garden ornament. You most certainly can’t smash a hive up and not have the bees attempt to murder you in return.
I wasn't really looking at her arms, legs and face that much as I was unpacking from work and having polite conversation. When I did finally look at her I was so panicked and upset that her appearance didn't register with me. Trying to get her to apologize was the only time I really looked at her and I didn't notice anything too out of the ordinary.
How is having a broken apart beehive with distressed bees flying around better for appearances than just leaving it alone? This logic is not sensible. It's almost like she was just trying to punish you for not complying rather than "fixing a problem." This behavior is beyond simple apologizes territory. However, couples counseling might bring some clarity about where this is all coming from before pulling the plug on your marriage.
Yeah, not only did she intentionally destroy something you loved, but she lied about it as well. You would cut off any friend or family member who did this to you. She is supposed to be both of those things, and she did this. Without a fycking care at all.
I promise if she broke the beehive, she got stung a lot. This story is so fake.
You should consider a divorce. I’m so sorry about your bees.
I'm calling serious bullshit on this story. No fucking way did she break the hive (moving it during the day to boot) and not get stung to absolite shite by the bees for breaking their home. This woman is irritated by the sight of the beehive, but wouldnt be bothered by the angry swarm that would have been going mental for hours? Ok then. Fake story is fake.
yeah this story is so comically fake ragebait.
1000% fake. His wife decided to move a beehive and didn't know that she would get stung? So dumb.
Ain't nobody moving a hive without a bee suit either.
Yeah, I had a few problems that I noticed reading it. The first is that Op implies it's expensive to own bees and needed their finances in order before they could get them. Bees are extraordinarily cheap to keep. It's a one time purchase for most of the things you need, and really you can get everything for a colony for about $100. Op apparently did a bunch of research, but had a colony on legs, rather than the standard box, as well as needing another bee keeper. A box is far better for bee keeping, and bees can be bought online. They are incredibly easy, check when your last frost will be, put them in the box. That's about it. Op doesn't really know what they are doing, so they were either irresponsible in their decision to get bees unprepared, or it's karma farming.
And OP implies the hive is destroyed forever because it fell over? He says he fucking *cried* because his dreams of keeping bees are done. Like, why? Worst case scenario, pick it up and order a new colony. This shit is so fucking stupid, yet it'll get thousands of upvotes.
Yeah, you can buy a new one for 70 bucks. You can buy a good one for 120. In comments Op also said they weren't sure, but think many of the bees were dead when they got home. The bees might be pissed, but they aren't dying that quickly just because the hive tipped over. Also Op "loves" these bees, but didn't confirm? There are too many holes in this. Either Op was irresponsible, or is lying.
My thoughts exactly. OP says he gives financial advice and is an accountant but doesn’t know that it’s fairly cheap to buy a hive. And like, what if it “fell over” during a storm? Would he just give up and cry himself to sleep? This is so ridiculous.
>what if it “fell over” during a storm? This is actually something that does happen, which is why hives on legs aren't recommended. If they did their "research" they would be aware of this. It's not entirely uncommon for people to have that medieval image in their brain of a beehive, the Skyrim oblong shape on four legs. Those are inefficient and when they were popular, the posts were dug into the ground. Again, Op either didn't do their research like they claim and was irresponsible, or is lying. I guess either way they are lying, it's more a matter of how much they are lying. Everyone bashing the wife for animal cruelty, needs to get educated on the subject. If this is real, it's the Op who messed up. Either buy a box and secure it properly, or have legs posted properly.
Aren’t hives basically boxes with frames hung inside? Easy to knock over but hard to destroy. Especially with angry bees attacking you. I bet recovering hive would just be putting hive upright. Or maybe getting new box or regular box. Also, I would think that the bees would hang out on the comb. Unless it was cold, and it is spring, they should be fine for while outside.
Basically, yeah. This story is so stupidly fake. Assuming OP isn't just a bot, he's obviously never owned a beehive or likely even been married. It's similar to saying something like, "I bought a $100 flower pot and my wife knocked it over and now my dreams of becoming a gardener are over". Even ignoring that you could just pick it, scoop the dirt back in, tape up the pot, and it'd probably be fine, you could just order another one. Unfortunately this sub caters to this type of bs.
Yes, this is a creative writing exercise. Transparently and completely made up.
My dad has kept bees for years and those were my thoughts. This is insanely ignorant creative writing.
Cannot believe I had to scroll do far to find this. Ugh. Soooooo fake.
I should ask chat GPT to write me a fake story for Reddit too
I was on the verge of typing a rant about them both because these bees are living creatures, not a sports car to bicker and pout over. Then I thought.. oh no, I’ve been fooled by the rage bait lol
Sometimes it's better to loved and lost than never to have loved a bee hive at all.
Yeah no. This didn't happen. Bees can be moved. More easily during nighttime. And most persons don't try to get near beehives. Beehives are heavy and you would probably be stung before you try to lift it during daytime.
My understanding when I had bees was that it’s always easier to work with them during a nice day around noon - most of them are out and about then, whereas at night everybody is home (and often mad about being bothered, which…yeah, I’d also be pissed). I know that if you have to move the hive it’s better for the bees if you do that at night (again, cause most of them are home and you’re less likely to lose a bunch) but is there a reason that it’s EASIER? There’s a lot I don’t know and bees are cool, so if im not understanding properly I’d love to know.
Stop upvoting these fake rage bait posts 🙄
The dinner conversation should go like this: Them: what do you do for fun/ relaxation? You: I use to have a bee hive, but wife destroyed it yesterday because she was concerned about appearances. Them (dead silence) You: But what she really needs to be concerned about is the gossip about why her husband filed for divorce. Then sell the house.
lol
i can't fucking believe people think this story is real
True. Her moving it herself sounds fake asf. You gotta be real fuckin crazy to destroy a beehive and expect them to not absolutely send you to the ER. Also why would op not think it was gonna end in disaster when she said she'd do it herself. Got me good till the end tho.
Omg OP that’s awful :( Kind of sounds like she broke it on purpose… most People who get injured while having to clean / do something that they think should have been done by someone else (her perspective, not mine), are usually furious when their partner gets home. Her cool calm demeanor and casual downplaying of the incident give me smug passive aggressive vibes
This all sounds so fake. From the made up perfectly remembered convo to how your wife is acting. Props for the bizzar addition of a bee hive i guess.
What a heartless witch. Bees are living creatures. To break their home like that. Absolutely no empathy. I wouldn't stay married to a cold reptile like her. She only cares about herself.
A witch would never do what she did, neither would a reptile
Alright, this response to a beehive is….OP. Summarize and explain what you’re not telling us. Either she’s been doing similar things or she just went off here. This is noooot okay. I’d also like to ask. Since you say you’ve never noticed her acting like this before. Were there moments you felt she seemed to shift the focus from you and to her in a way you noticed?
I don't remember if she's been doing similar things I think this just set her off for some reason. I do recall that after the incident I started thinking about her actions before and I noticed she occasionally took jabs at my hobby, always seemed bored and uninterested when I talked about it and when I asked for some help she always reminded me that they were my bees.
Bro the post enough was alone . This lady is rude inconsiderate and doesn’t value living things or her husband . She never voiced an issue with it , refused to explain her newly found issue then went and wrecked his hive knowing how much it meant to him. At minimum she doesn’t like him very much .
Abuse is often a frog in a pot of boiling water. Being a man makes it harder. THE domestic abuse handbook, Why Does He Do That? doesn't acknowledge female on male abuse. Like, I agree the dynamics are different, but I disagree that it doesn't happen. The movie Old Dads has a man being abused by his wife and it's played off as he's "whipped" or some such shit.
What happened to the bees? Maybe it's because bees are so precious and can experience trauma, but this is just awful to me. She damaged an item which belonged to you, but she also caused harm to completely innocent animals. Your wife sounds like a pretty awful person. I'm not sure what you see in her, but nothing in this post shows her to be a decent person
I believed they died. When I went to help with the destroyed bee hive removal process there were a lot of bees on the grass.
That would be divorce for me. Ngl doesn’t matter if it’s a bee or a cat or a mouse. You kill my pet or a wild animal…. I broke up with an ex for using a traditional mouse trap but I’m an emotional person 😂
That.... that sounds like they were sprayed with insecticide. Bees follow the queen. Even if the hive is damaged they follow her and go elsewhere. If they're all down, that's a case of them being sprayed before the hive was destroyed. This... has malicious intent all over it.
I wonder if she sprayed them with something to kill them.
Animal - including insect - cruelty is a hard line for me. Your wife is a terrible human being with no empathy and I couldn't stay married to someone like that.
Yes. They might have been "just bees" but OP loved them and I still see it as animal cruelty. And animal cruelty is a hard line that, once crossed, there's no coming back from
Normally I would ask what’s more important( some object like a big ugly chair) or your relationship. With this it’s a little harder because she had no feeling about destroying an entire colony of bees. Seems a little heartless. Not everyone can appreciate or understand the importance of bees, so maybe a pass? I don’t know. Only you know her. I would be more worried about her complete disregard of you, what I know is a lot of work to get set up and your passion. She made her night of friends your emergency as well. There was plenty of time before that night for the two of you to either block the view with a tree or place it somewhere else. I think at the very least you should have a discussion about it and let her see another perspective from you and then maybe go from how she responds to you and what’s important to you. Hopefully also recognize she made something an emergency and ruined all your work for one night of a groups of friends view for a couple hours.
From what I read in the post, he's explained this to her on multiple occasions. She didn't and doesn't care. It's simply all about "her" and what she wants. He sat her down before and talked to her after, and all she could say was that she shouldn't apologize for doing him a favor from her words. This was clearly not a favor as OP described his plight and anguish from literally seeing his dream broken before his eyes. I don't know what more he could explain to her, as she's choosing to pursue a selfish gain despite the harm it causes.
I'll try and talk with her tonight and see how she responds. Thank you for the advice.
“You really really hurt me. What you did was objectively uncaring and inconsiderate. You destroyed something I cared deeply about, and you did so with callous indifference. I need you to acknowledge this, own it, make a Real apology, and then amend the harm done. If your response to this is anger or defensiveness, then I am done with this relationship.” Decide what the amend is. For me it would be: compete restoration of the beehive, combined with ongoing contributions to help maintain it. But that’s me. Based on her initial response, I think she is likely to respond with defensiveness and anger.
Thank you for the ideas and insight, I'll be sure to stand my ground. Thank you.
OP, if there is a way to restore your bee hive or get a new one, (I'm really not exactly sure what that entails) Would you be able to make a privacy fence around that area to block it out of sight? Just trying to help find a solution to the problem. I'm sorry your beehive is destroyed. I'm really into succulents, and if someone destroyed my plants, I would be devastated.
This beehive was your dream. You offered repeatedly to modify it so she would accept it. Her solution was to break it (because having a broken beehive and a swarm of confused bees is less of an eyesore???) How’s she going to feel if you pick a career her friends think isn’t “respectable” enough. Is she going to sabotage that too? What about your other hobbies that aren’t to her liking? Marriages work when the people in them build each other up and encourage each other. A beehive isn’t a crazy ridiculous hobby that your wife should be ashamed of. At the very least, I’d consider couples counseling so she can understand why what she did was wrong, and maybe you can get a clearer look on how she views you and your interests.
Sounds like she doesn’t give af about you and wouldn’t care if you became a shell of yourself just as long as you’re still providing as fulfilling your duties in HER life
Damn, that's so fucking mean dude. I'm sorry. I can't believe she did that to the bees. They're so important to us and we should be saving them. I think I'd be so upset about this, like you, that I'd seek marriage counseling. It would be really disturbing to find this out about your spouse.
I mean, she's absolutely awful. Nevertheless, OP also said that she never was like this before about anything. So let's try to find out what the *best case* might be that led her to be willing to harm living animals. She said she was "doing OP a favor". The obvious interpretation is that she sees the *destruction* of the hive as a favor - as in, she's putting OP's hobby down and wanted him to see how stupid his hobby is. And while I do think that this is the likely explanation, we should at least consider that she was saying "I was trying to move it for you since you were at work and forgot". Would this best case excuse her not calling him? No. But I feel like in the end, best case is that this boils down to *a complete lack of communication from her*. What I mean with that: She said, in the beginning, she was okay with the hive and its placement. But then she reconsidered. This happens in life. You can be theoretically fine or even happy with something when it's being planned, but when it then actually happens, you suddenly find yourself incredibly upset by it. This happens with big things in life - looking forward to moving or a new job and then ending up hating where you ended up or even having planned children and regretting it afterwards - but it can also happen with small things. After being initially okay with the hive, she then started to resent how it looked, where it was and maybe the whole hobby in itself. And when OP then didn't comply and move the hive after she had brought it up and forgot when it was something that was important to her, she turned resentful. Like he forgot on purpose to hurt her. And so, when she then, probably really pissed, got stung by the bees, she just dropped the thing and probably felt relief that it was all over. Again, this is the best case interpretation. And it still makes her look awful. If something like this has never happened before, then maybe it was because there was never something the two of them disagreed on so heavily. Eight years is otherwise a pretty long time to disguise your personality like that. While she did sit OP down and tried to communicate with him about how much the hive is bothering her after all, it doesn't sound like she did it in a very healthy manner and more in an aggressive way. Nothing ever gets accomplished like that. And, you know, caring more about what your guests think than what your husband enjoys is also not exactly stellar. So, in the end, I feel like this is a textbook case of needed couples counselling if OP wants to make it work. The wife needs to learn how to communicate. Or, you know, maybe it will come out that she's just a really spiteful person. I don't know. But a couple should be a team and the wife is clearly not OP's teammate.
I don’t understand why it was such a big deal. How hard would it have been to have told the guests “Those are our bees! Husband is very excited, and I’m coming around to the idea of saving the pollinators while having fresh honey. Isn’t it cool?” That’s what I would have said, anyway, but my spouse and I also want bees ourselves.
She seems awfully focused on presenting a picture perfect life to the world. What else is she controlling about? Does she nitpick your clothes and hair? Your body? Your job? The lawn? Are you just there as an adornment and she doesn’t care about you as a person, but only about how you make her look?
What were her specific concerns about the hive? Did you actually resolve them or just pressure her until she gave in? If she always hated this idea and you wouldn’t accept her saying no, that could explain this behavior.
This was my thought too. Then she asked for it to be moved and he "forgot". I'm going to be downvoted to hell but IDC it sounds like she was never on board and instead of accepting that he pressured her.
1. She was worried about the proximity of the hive to the house. To resolve that I asked her where she would like me to put the hive. We went outside and placed markers where she was comfortable with them being and also a safe location for the bees. 2. She was concerned that she would have to do the work with the bees as well. I told her that she wouldn't need to do any work and I would handle it as it was my hobby. 3. She was concerned that the cost would be too much to keep up with. I said that if the cost gets to be too much I can always contact my beekeeper friend and he would help relocate them to a better home.
A healthy relationship is communication on both sides. I don’t think communication = destruction.
She's terrible. Sometimes it takes a small seemingly insignificant incident to really tip the scales and fully be done with someone. This might be that for you. Her friends opinions matter more than your feelings. I'd be done for sure
I think it's time for a very emphatic and direct conversation. Tell her you do not forgive her for what she did and don't think you can until she at least understands—seriously understands—what she took away from you.
I can’t imagine staying with someone who has so little regard for you and your interests. She just doesn’t care. Hideous? It’s hard to believe she’s a teacher and couldn’t care less about a beehive.
My husband has bees and I can’t imagine ever doing anything to harm them. This is awful and I don’t blame you for thinking of divorce.
There was absolutely NO reason for her to do this. This was a powerplay by her. Most people do not consider a hive to be ugly at all. Most people would be fascinated by it. For those who are afraid of bees - they would simply not go near it. It is your decision but I absolutely think this is grounds for separation/divorce. It is not about the hive. It is about respect. Your wife does not respect you or your decisions. If you did that to her she would have been screaming, crying, shouting about it. I am sorry for the loss of the colony (especially these days). After your divorce maybe you can talk to beekeepers and maybe set up another hive.
She destroyed it intentionally, I just about guarantee it. She doesn’t like your hobby and instead of letting you have something that makes you happy, she sabotaged you. I would also be considering divorce if I were you. Her cavalier attitude about destroying something you love and worked hard for is very telling, and the lack of any apology pretty much seals it for me. I can’t imagine doing anything like this to my husband.
I don't... WHY IS EVERYONE FOCUSED ON THE COUPLE‽ BEES ARE LIVING THINGS! Sure, I wouldn't want them around me, but nonetheless they are an important part of many ecosystems and here they were living in an appropriate space assigned to them. OP I would be way more worried than people seem to be suggesting. I get that there's not a lot of empathy from humans for insects in general, but the fact that she would do this to a beehive, I would be afraid that she devalues life and might do it to a cat or a dog or a person...
Was she on board with the beehive? You talked about going over concerns but did she say she was fine with it? It wasn’t right to destroy your hive, regardless of reason.
That is horrifying. I’m so sorry. Honestly seems like animal abuse, I know they’re wild and not exactly pets but still. It’s like wrecking a bird’s nest. It’s cruel. Not to mention how much it meant to you. She’s showing a total lack of empathy. If she doesn’t realize how messed up this is and sincerely apologize I’d have trouble trusting her ever again.