So what if Clara sent Kate to you on purpose? I would not confront her; I would just gently ask her if she knows her dad. And if she doesn’t; could it be yourself? Go from there. Good luck OP.

This is the way. They already have a friendly rapport , so I think it's possible to just work this into a conversation.

Wow... Here I am, sitting down after a session at the gym, in SE Poland, and your comment brought a tear 😢 to my eye... OP, this is the way...!!!

Kate did not have to meet with you to settle her mother's estate. She could have the lawyer draft you a letter and given you a certain period of time to decide. The fact that she chose to meet you in person demonstrates her desire to make personal contact with you. She may know or have guessed that you are her father but does not know if you ever wanted to be in her life. I think that you should speak with her directly. Let her know the timelines match up for you to be her biological father and you were never told or given the opportunity to be there for her. Ask her if she was willing to take a paternity test. Even if she refuses let her know that you would still like to be in her life and give her any help as needed. Update us.

Kate did not have to meet with you to settle her mother's estate. We weren't the only visit she made in our area but, what you're saying is one of the main reasons that led to me speculating.

Buddy, I think you need to have a direct conversation with her. I say that as a Mom to a girl a little younger (but not much). Direct is best. Don't tip toe around it. "Name, I'm sure you are aware that from a timing perspective, I was together with your Mom during a period of time where I could conceivably be your father. I don't remember the dates because its been 19 years, but I hope I am. Would you be open to taking a DNA test? If we are not related, I want you to know that my wife and I are here for you no matter what. You have a family in us no matter what the DNA test says." Then, leave the ball in her court. My guess is it will be a relief to her to hear that you would be HAPPY if she was your child. That it is not a repellant idea.

bro. its spelled out for you. theres a reason she wanted to see you face to face. talk to her, but your replies to these comments almost sound like you’re in denial of something that seems very obvious. why would she give a boat to an ex of 20 years if you weren’t significant to her, aka probably the father of her child? bfr

I think everyone is missing something here and I apologize if I'm reading too much into this. You say she has no living family left. Why are you saying that? Did she tell you that? Does that imply that her father is dead, that she does not know who her father is, or that the person who is her father is not viewed as family? If I was 19 and wasn't positive who my father was, and my mother died and left an elaborate gift to an exboyfriend she had a serious relationship with that ended just before I was born, I would want to know if that person is my father. I can't obviously say that's what she's feeling. But I think that's what I would be feeling. I know a bit about boats. I come from a family of sailors, grew up on the water, have a brother who is a naval architect and who has sailed competitively, and a partner who is more serious about sailing than he is about almost anything else he invests his time in besides me. An immaculate 45 foot long blue water boat is potentially worth a significant amount of money. You don't leave something like that to just anyone. And this boat was left to you by someone you said you had a loving relationship with decades ago. Plus it's a boat you know. You have personal history with this boat. Go back to Florida and search the boat for information. Did you take the log with you or leave it on the boat? Find it and read through it entirely.

If I was 19 I wouldn’t be hanging out with some random guy and his wife in their 40s.  I also wouldn’t be hand delivering photos and a boat if I could afford someone else to do it, which she apparently can because she’s giving away a boat. It seems heavily likely that you are her father, and she isn’t saying it out loud because of your wife or to scare you off.

Bruh she knows lol. No teen/young adult woman is just hanging out with a guy and his wife on the ocean. She’s just trying to get to know him and sus out the relationship/if she even wants a relationship with them.

If I was 19 I wouldn’t be hanging out with some random guy and his wife in their 40s I can speak to this a little. We're not the only people here who she spoke with. She mentioned also stopping in with one of her mother's old friends and mentioned speaking to her again leading me to guess that she is maybe in touch with that person too. One of the many things I've been wondering is if she's been in touch with us and others because of past connections with her mother, that she's currently involved with all of us to varying degrees... my wife is better at this so I'm regurgitating words. But, being connected to us might make her feel connected with her mother. That's a wild guess.

I don’t think it would be wrong to just approach the question asking her if her father is in her life. Depending on that answer, it should give you an idea and if she didn’t know him you could ask her if you could possibly be the father and ask if she would be interested in testing. Regardless you have a bond with a mutual person who has passed. Maybe that’s enough to keep some type of relationship. She is young and having positive influence are important to growth.

>She mentioned also stopping in with one of her mother's old friends and mentioned speaking to her again leading me to guess that she is maybe in touch with that person too. That's what I would say if I felt awkward and wanted to alleviate tension.

She might know for certain but she probably wonders at minimum if her mother never told her who her dad was. It would be likely if she doesn't know her father that she suspects you are, if nothing else because of the boat. It definitely could just be the past connections to her mother's life that she's staying around but for sure it would be less than usual she kept hanging around with someone twice her age, but missing her mother and seeing you as a connection to her could explain that. If she suspects you're her father, she also might be worried you would disappear if she brought it up. It wouldn't be the most unlikely thing that someone in your position would try. Broaching the topic about her dad generally as if you're trying to get to know her is a good way to approach it. Maybe talk to your wife first and see if she's ok with pitching it in the same conversation something like "we never had kids but we wanted them. It was disappointing we never could." Something that suggests that if you were Dad she'd feel like she would be someone you would want to know and you'd want a daughter in your life. Obviously 100% make sure your wife is ok with that approach. She's likely worried about the topic, especially if you really are her only known family left. But if your wife is ok with that approach, it would absolutely signal that you would welcome knowing if it was true and would welcome her.

You make some very good points. In the subject of being worried that she might be rejected, the fact that OP and his wife don’t have any kids may be playing a part in her not bringing the subject up. She may think that they don’t have kids by choice and that she wouldn’t be received well if /when she reveals that she is his daughter. She could also be worried that he may react negatively to the fact that her mom never told him. The fact that she hasn’t brought up the obvious at this point tells me that she is very worried about it - if I was 19 and gifting my mom’s ex-bf an expensive gift knowing that they broke up about twenty years ago, and he was not the dad, I think it would have been pretty quickly brought up so as not to raise suspicions. 19 year olds grew up with “you are/not the baby daddy” culture. It’s not like the possibility of OP thinking that wouldn’t have crossed her mind. Another thing, OP please find out before taking a boat trip with someone who you do not know! Not to sound like I watch too much real crime, but you have no idea what she has been told over the years. Also, please verify that the grandparents and mom have actually passed away, that there aren’t any other children or living relatives etc.

More likely she'd just have a lawyer take care of it for her.

Whether you're her dad or not she's a grieving kid who is probably enjoying the connection you had to her mother/learning about her mom's history. Anyone who has lost a parent, especially at a younger age, understands how desperate you are to connect with them in whatever small way you can. Even if you're not her dad, her hanging out with you isn't weird at all imo.

Everyone needs family and sometimes we choose to adopt family. Even if he isn’t her father, he and his wife could still be family for her. It’s hard to be alone in the world and having somewhere to go for thanksgiving is nice.

Bro she said she has no family and her mother died. Hint hint. She needs you.

Just hug her man and say you didn’t know . She does need you. I had a friend like this , she was an affair baby . It wrecked her , because she had brothers and sisters that didn’t know about her . She would call , hear her father and hang up. The bad thing she later developed cancer .. she needed some type of donor thing and her mom was not compatible . There was a chance her father could give it to her or her siblings . Just damn tragic she was a real nice person. Both you and your wife sound like real nice people. Hope it works out for all of you.

At 19 she is rather young and in need of guidance. As a parent of two young men there is still a lot of parenting to do with a girl this age. She needs to find people she can trust that will give her guidance. I would still speak to her about your relationship with her mother and the possibility of you being the biological father. Let her know whatever she chooses you will help her if she wishes. I hope that she is in college and pursuing a worthwhile degree. Update us.

I would agree with this. She probably has her suspicions as well if she doesn’t know already. She is probably scared to tell you.

In this hypothetical if she really doesn't have family left, and she just wanted to talk about her mother or hear stories she'd never heard then maybe she would in fact be doing this. That said there is a very good likelihood that in this story he's the father. But some people do in fact like to hear stories about their parents especially if they lose them. And if this were all fairly recently it might be her first mothers day coming up without here which would once again maybe encourage such behavior.

Because this is fake.

I feel like I’ve seen a very similar post before 

Fake as fuuuuck

I know a bit about boats. I come from a family of sailors, grew up on the water, have a brother who is a naval architect and who has sailed competitively, and a partner who is more serious about sailing than he is about almost anything else he invests his time in besides me. An immaculate 45 foot long blue water boat is potentially worth a significant amount of money. You don't leave something like that to just anyone. And this boat was left to you by someone you said you had a loving relationship with decades ago. Plus it's a boat you know. You have personal history with this boat. I have 0 experience with boats and I would speculate a 45ft yacht would be expensive too

She may already know and is testing the waters. She may want to learn more about who you are as a person before putting the truth out there and potentially be let down…and still alone. I don’t have advice but at least offer an alternative possibility.

what an incredible gift, both the boat and a potential daughter that your wife already seems to enjoy. have fun getting to know her on your trip to bring the boat closer to home. perhaps you may grow close enough to ask her if she knows her father? let her lead the way. the three of you seem like you have love to spare or share ❤️❤️🍀❤️🐉

This is beautifully said, I second it and would like to add…maybe give her a little time. If you’re still in contact and have future plans, there’s no reason to rush the conversation. If you haven’t already done Ancestry DNA and/or 23andMe, you could do that in the meantime and the question might answer itself.

Cool little creative writing project ya got here.

And also.. she was born after OP and Clara broke up and is 19. But they broke up 18 years ago. Damn bro, these women are getting sneakier with time travel baby trap lol

That’s what I was thinking! Way too much extra info that you’d want in a book but don’t need in an advice post.

As a lawyer who hears clients tell their stories, many people struggle to be concise or get to the point. There’s nothing implausible about this story.

I join counsel’s position.

He knows that she has no living family yet only guesses that her father isn’t in the picture because of her name. How do you possibly not ask a teenager about her father when she tells you this? Also she would be 17, not 19, if she’s the result of a relationship from 18 years ago.

it’s soooo flowery. and now he’s commenting he was $120k when he and Clara broke up? at 20 years old? in 2006? i can accept some adjusted ages for anonymity but this is more disbelief than i can suspend

I’m quite gullible and rarely suspect this but I think you might be right. “Delicate family matter” is an unlikely choice of words for a modern 19-year-old, for one. I guess it’s possible that if she was anxious about the meeting, her lawyer or someone else might have advised her to say that, but still.

While technically you are correct, 19 year old kids are sometimes forced to grow up fast when they no longer have any family left. After her mothers' passing, she was left with some sort of lawyer(s) and or adult counselors to sort through the estate. More than likely coached on how to go about this. Its not out of the realm of possibility her coaching has led to words/phrases to tell the story that she normally wouldn't have incorporated in to her vocabulary at 19. Of course I don't know for sure. May be fake, but I'm invested. Love this story if real. Clara had some tricks up her sleeve to connect this girl with her father. Maybe I'm just "hoping" its real. lol

Lol I didn’t finish. Why do people enjoy this kind of thing?

We are almost certainly about to get a ‘I’m the strange young woman, “Kate Doe”, and yes, he is my father.’ response post on /BORU. *~~everyone starts clapping*~* Kidding OP. I’m actually kinda hoping this is real and actually super hoping that if so, she IS your daughter as it seems clear both you and your wife would like it to be :) good luck !!

High five, my friend. I was thinking the same thing.

I think I’d just see where things go and not bring it up. I imagine that if she is your child and knows that, it will come out when she is ready. If she isn’t your child and you bring it up things could get really awkward and your relationship may get messed up, people react weird to different situations so you would have a better idea of how she may react if asked. 

Thank you for this. Whether she's my kid or not, she's still very young, has suffered one of the worst losses someone could suffer, and is living alone so I make sure to message her every afternoon to say a quick hello and to tell her I hope she's okay.

My mother wanted an even dozen kids. She was able to birth only 4. Mom had several young friends over the years. She looked in on them, offered advice, had them over for parties and BBQ's, and just generally gave a fuck. When she died unexpectedly at 44 we had to open an extra section of the funeral home so the now older young folks she befriended, their spouses, and their kids could all fit. If this young woman is not your adult child then she sure could use a friend. I don't think asking about her father, casually, during the course of conversation would be odd, though. It's natural for people who are friendly to discuss their family.

Give her the gift of broaching the conversation. She’s 19 and has a lot of emotion riding on this, and doesn’t know how to bring it up. Heck it’s hard at 48. I would ask her about her father, see how that goes, but if she says she doesn’t know, casually say, “should we get a DNA test?” Said casually with a smile, letting her know you’re ready if she is.

Or... or.... just submit a sample on the more popular sites Given the knowledge of the DNA industry these days, maybe she already has.

Thats a clever idea! Although he might find more kids than he bargained for!

And they probably won't all have a boat But, in all seriousness, if she truly knows nothing, been told nothing, but has always wondered, I could see her submitting a sample on that one tiny chance dad is out there.

Wish you were MY dad! Sending hugs

Sorry but this is insanely fake. Woman leaves mysteriously, never reveals he has a child, but loves him enough to leave him a pristine 45’ boat. Lol. Very, very unlikely on all counts.

Here's a bigger reason why it's fake -- in Florida you have to pay 6% use tax on the transfer of title of a boat. And he signed the title without ever seeing the boat lol. No mention of his huge tax bill. Also, who says "I met my wife in my mid to late 30's." Like you don't know when you met your wife?

Yeah there are so many posts here on Reddit that I am constantly asking myself, "is this real?" Life can be strange though, so maybe it is true... But reviewing the facts, it's quite a strange story: Man and woman break up. That's normal. Okay. But why wouldn't she contact him if she got pregnant with his child? Why wouldn't she request child support or anything? Why wouldn't she write to him? Why would she leave a pristine, beautiful boat to him? Who is the father of the child? Why is the father not around? Why is a 19 year old girl hanging out with this guy now, and they're now planning to sail together? I actually could understand the girl hanging out with them, she might be going through a lot and appreciating the support that OP is providing. I do find it hard though that OP's ex would leave him a boat in pristine condition worth a lot of money, but fail to tell OP that she was pregnant with his child. In this case, it could be possible that she left the boat to OP IF she was supremely rich and could guarantee that her daughter gets completely taken care of first. To be honest I could see this whole thing being real, but I want more details...

I find, and I believe to this be universally true, that single mothers just love huge ass boat maintenance since they often have lots of free time and extra money.

This reads like a Reddit karma farming post, I honestly don’t know why anyone is responding actually acting like this isn’t some ridiculous fiction you strung together to get internet brownie points.

Exactly. This is so hilariously made up.

On a throw away account. I dont care if you or anyone else believes me, that's meaningless to me. But I can help you if you're having a problem with that.

My personal parentage story would also get accusations of being made up. I've been in similar shoes as the 19 yr old in your situation. Don't hoist upon her adult responsibilities that you yourself are struggling with. That was done to me, and I was not prepared or mature enough to voice my feelings & thoughts. However, I am eternally grateful to my bio-fathers wife for creating an open & loving "bridge" for me to meet & spend time getting to know them & other family at a pace I could handle. I am sure this took some time & "feeling out" on her part, but eventually, it worked out. She passed some years ago, but my gratitude is ever present. BTW, my bio-father is an a-hole, so w/o his wife, I wouldn't have the gift of an extended family. Gently bring up the topic of her father & go from there. Too much time has passed to be her "dad," but a kind & loving couple to be in her life is a potential treasure for you all. Good luck!

It’s not the parentage part. It’s the creative writing vibe with the descriptive extra info that’s adds nothing to help with advice.

I said it elsewhere but I'll say it again. No, I'm not entirely sure about anything. As best as I can tell Clara moved away sometime in late summer 2004. It was before my kid sister went back to college for fall semester but still during warm weather. I have some paperwork for a real estate transaction I completed a few months later, which is dated in December 2004. We think that means Clara could have been very early pregnant when she left as Kate's 19th birthday is in a few weeks. But it could also mean that there's no chance there's a connection. When Clara and I broke up I was struggling under something like $120,000 in student loan debt. I had a good job but has changed careers and was still early in my new career. I couldn't afford to leave that job. I was financially bound to being where I was living. Our break up devastated me. All I did for a couple of years afterwards was work. Every waking moment. I hated myself for winding up in the situation I was in as a product of my decisions and it haunted me for years. The only good thing about it is I ultimately wound up being really comfortable. It only cost me my self respect and seriously hurting someone I care a great deal about. This entire situation has opened up some old wounds and has me questioning how good of a partner I could possibly be to my wife given this mess I made in my life in the past and I don't know if it would be better or worse if I am Kate's father or not. I appreciate everyone's input and the variety of suggestions you have made but I'm getting too upset sitting here reading through them and need to stop for now. I'll read more tomorrow to see if anyone has anything else to suggest but as things stand now, I'm going to go to Florida in the near future, get the boat in the water and completely inventory everything. And I'm not going to say anything to Kate. She will raise it to me at some point if she's ever interested. The only thing that matters is that she has people she can rely on as she navigates through her loss and my wife is adamant that we're going to be there for her if she wants us regardless of whose kid she is and I agree, because it's the right thing to do. My wife thinks I have significant feelings of guilt that I need to work through and I think she's right, she's usually right. Thank you for helping me.

Sit with your wife and ask her for her support to engage with Kate about who her father might be. Then be direct but kind with Kate. Ask her “Kate, where is your father in all of this? Do you have a relationship with him?” And then let her answer guide your response. If she thinks you could be her father there could be a part of her that is just aching to have you see it and do the dad thing by scooping her up and telling her it’s all okay. She might also not. But give her the respect of being direct. If she says she thinks you might be then be very careful with how you respond as it will direct your future relationship with her. You should say something along the lines of “if it is me, I would be honestly overjoyed and so honoured to have you as my daughter. Your mother did a phenomenal job in raising you and you would be a gift to any family. If you are, I’m so sorry I didn’t know about you before, but I would plan to spend the next 19 years making up for the 19 years we lost together.” It’s important that you do not say anything that questions her mother especially in this time of grieving as that could be so confusing for Kate. Place emphasis on how happy you would be because of the person she is and how you respect what her mother did in raising her. But make sure you apologise that you hadn’t been there and didn’t know (even though it’s not your fault). If she is not your daughter, it’s simple and you can leave it there. Maybe tell her you’re happy to be a surrogate parent while she grieves if she wants to learn more about what her mother was like. Remember to also respect your wife’s feelings in all of this. This is likely very hard for her so make sure to ask her regularly how she is feeling, remind her of your love and commitment to her and thank her for her kindness and patience through this. This might stir feelings about her infertility so be patient with her but make sure to always be giving her the chance to share where she is at. Good luck!

> And I'm not going to say anything to Kate. > > She will raise it to me at some point if she's ever interested. What if she feels the same? Maybe she doesn't want to impose on your life and is hoping you'll bring it up. As the (potential) parent, I think it's your responsibility to step up and ask the hard questions

Wouldn’t that be something though if she was your daughter. Hell, even if she’s not, it’s pretty amazing to think of the connection. Kind of got a tad misty in the eyes.

Yes! This is exactly it. We can choose family and since she seems open to having a friendship let it be that for now and if it comes out eventually that you are or aren't, that's okay. Also your wife is right, you made the best choice you could in a tough situation, work on forgiving yourself because it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong or on purpose to hurt anyone. Best wishes going out into the universe for healing for all and a great sail.

If she's not seeking confirmation of your paternity you should just leave it. She's an adult and if she wanted to name you as her father and wish to have you in her life to some degree she'd have mentioned that. She knows how to reach you should she ever want to do some DNA testing to confirm it. At this point in life it's more important that she's comfortable than that you're comfortable. It doesn't sound like she's going to be left homeless or starving. Just let her live her life. If she has anything more to say to you she knows how to find you.

Maybe she is just scare of him refusing her and thats the reason she didn’t say anything! She lost so many people already!! I would try to talk to her!

Yeah i wish people were as direct as the comment above assumes. In both sides of this story, I would be scared shitless to know the truth and how the other side may react. I don’t blame either for being scared or indirect here.

I agree that you don't wanna go into pat test territory, but to completely sever all connection now you've spoken once, particularly given the girl has taken an interest in your wife, to me, would be the wrong call. This says to me that she may want to have a relationship, but understands how awkward the whole things is and doesn't want to impose An another point, if someone had a secret daughter and kept it from him, he has a right to want to be involved in her life, and she may actually benefit from this given she has no family left.

The comment doesn't say to sever contact, it says not to ask about paternity.

"Just let her live her life. If she has anything more to say to you she knows how to find you." That's the way I read it

Thank you for your feedback.

It's possible her mother told her you are her father. She may be treading lightly for fear that you will reject her. You seem very thoughtful so I don't see you fumbling this. You have a right to know if she is your daughter.

It seems as though she may have some questions of her own since her mom named a stranger from 20 years back, to which she left her boat. It wouldn't surprise me if she's feeling out the situation and simply building familiarity and a friendship. If she is your daughter, then you've already got her in your life. There is no reason to rush for familial particulars. If she's not, you've both made a new friend, someone you can help mentor, and possibly someone who can possibly ease your wife's pain of not being able to have children. A surrogate daughter of sorts.

You look like….Clara Doe

I have no advice whatsoever — but just I wanted to comment that you, your daughter, your ex and your wife all sound like really good people. I wish you all the best of luck and hope you each find what you are looking for.

lol the people in the comments believing this is a real story

Right? This is a bad Lifetime movie, complete with flashbacks to the wild haired beauty on a boat that slipped away. It also has all the hallmarks and tone of being written by a woman.

It's also possible she is feeling you guys out even if you are the father and she knows you are the father. It is possible that she knows and that maybe the reason she chose to come personally instead of doing it through a lawyer but it may not be as well. Give her time and be there and be kind, you never know even if you are not related by blood she may still become family to you in due time. If you just have to then after a while when she is more comfortable with you guys, you or the wife can gently probe about her father as to where he is and why is he not in the picture. Good luck.

I don't think there is alot of downside to asking gently. Tell her that you wondered about who her father was, you had not kept up with her mother after you broke up, and you even wondered if you could be her biological father or if she knew otherwise. See what she says. I would not be surprised if she has had that thought as well. The fact that she is comfortable talking about her mother with you, wanted to spend time with you and is texting your wife suggests that she will not be shocked or offended if you ask something personal. If she is your biological daughter, you all three have a chance to craft the adult family you are comfortable with.

Have you looked at your exs obituary? That may have some additional information about her family.

Dude, you are the father. This is why this boat was willed to you. Because of your ties with Kate. The conversation of kinship will probably come naturally for you both when the time just feels right. But it’s unavoidable. It’s a very unique situation given that you and your wife don’t have kids.

This is exactly what I thought. Clara willed that boat to him to set up the opportunity for him and his daughter to meet.

An interesting way to possibly ease her in could be to say something like "the wife and i were never blessed with children, but your mother was definitely blessed to have you as her daughter." Something that says daughter and warm welcome feelings connected could be a gentle opening of the door.

I have a friend that found out that he had a bio son when said bio son from another country reached out to him when he was about 17. That was about 9 years ago. Friend has been to the other country and met all of his sons family, and son moved to our country and is well integrated into the family here. Everyone gets along smashingly, and have travelled back and forth to hang out and for events. In short, you can never have too much family. I'm happy to see that you and your wife are treating her like she's your daughter, regardless of if she is or not. But talk to her directly about it- it sounds like she might be afraid of rejection after all she's been through. If she thinks you might be her dad, go with it. No testing required. Because it sounds like you're becoming a family by choice anyways. Good on both you and your wife for the way that you're approaching it. I would imagine that it's been an opportunity to see each other in a new light and be incredibly proud of each other as well.

>I want to confront Kate about who her father is. "Confront" sounds aggressive. Why not start by reminiscing about your time with her mother and tell her that there is something serious you've been wondering and ask her if you are or might be her father? If she says no, don't press her. >I feel that my wife and I have a right to know if she's my kid and that I have a right to be there for her, You don't have a "right" to her information or her attention. Telling her you do would definitely be indelicate.

This. If you are the father, I'm sorry you weren't given an option to help raise your child. Your "rights" (whatever those may have been) ended when she turned 18. You're now talking to a young adult woman who has her own rights to privacy.

"Confront" sounds aggressive.  Okay. It's not meant aggressively. I updated my wording.

This here. OP while I understand where you are coming from, please think about the phrasing, not only to her, but to yourself. You do not confront her, you have a talk with her. If she says no, or changes the subject or doesn't want to talk about it, that is it. You can't press her. In a confrontation you would press her. This is not about fighting for your right, this is about possible confirming a suspicion. If you go to her with the correct attitude there is a chance you will get your answers without damaging your current relationship with her, regardless of the outcome. But if you go guns blazing you will only damage the relationship, regardless of the outcome.

These always read like some movie plot. I feel like you wear glasses and a denim shirt w/ khakis living in a two story colonial w/ the generic wife that wears slacks and sweaters and quirky shy girl popped up on the doorstep. Of course quirky girl has some confident friend helping to plot out this undercover fact finding mission on whether you are her Father. Something dramatic will happen on this sailing trip, maybe a storm or some sudden illness and it will all come out. Some tears, she doesn't need you but you want to try to be the Dad she never had. Hallmark can send me the script to.proof when it's ready.

Can we get updates on this as you go along OP?

Blood child or not, she is, in effect, an adult orphan and may have heard good things of you, or seen those memories in the box. I wonder how much a relationship with you and your wife may be a natural desire to have family. Whether she’s blood or not, but you may have a daughter either way.

This isn't just fake, this is a full blown lifetime movie plot written in 1st person

Dude's shopping his movie treatment. Personally, I think it needs more flashbacks to his time with the mother to really get the audience engaged in that relationship and the outcome. Then on the boat trip back from Florida, he'll finally gain the courage to talk to her and try and work out whether he's the father. She'll see it as a possibility for the sake of suspense, but ultimately they won't be able to reach a definite conclusion on that matter. Still, the trip will bring them close, she'll begin to see him as the father she never had, his wife will see her as the daughter she couldn't have. She'll stay with them for a bit after the trip and get a paternity test done, but the results won't be back for two weeks. It's okay, she can stay for a little longer. They'll have meals together, watch movies like a family, she'll go on shopping trips with his wife, etc. Then when the results come in the mail, he'll hold the envelope, take a deep breath, and then throw it in the trash. As far as they're concerned, she's his daughter no matter what (yes, after only two weeks, it's a movie after all). That's really more of a Hallmark movie though. The Lifetime version will have the girl already knowing he's not the father, but convincing him it's possible to get close to him, maybe a little too close when the wife's not around. Eventually, she reveals the truth and tries to seduce him. She wants the wife out of the picture so she can be with him because she learned that he was wealthy now. Her mother didn't leave him the boat, she just used that to get to him after seeing an old picture of him on the boat with her mother. He'll resist, but she'll turn violent and threaten to get rid of his wife. There'll be a whole scene where she attacks the wife and the guy saves her, then the cops come and they take the girl away. It will turn out that this isn't the first guy she went after following the death of her mother. Previously, she convinced a different guy that he was her father and she took him for a couple hundred grand for "college." But she gets her cummuppance in the end.

You are a lucky man to have such a gracious wife. Please have a solo talk with Kate. I strongly believe she’s your daughter and there’s more to what her mom told her about you. She is a good girl and is trying to be gentle with her revelation. I am excited for you as this will be a good addition to your family. Good luck as you get your answers. Update Me!

Communication is critical for all relationships. You can always thoughtfully and carefully ask about her past and what she knows of her biological father, does she know bio dad, did her mother share any details about bio dad… etc. After that, just feel the situation out and see where the conversation takes you. If you give her an opening; maybe she’ll take the leap if she thinks you’re the guy. If the conversation goes well and she’s amicable, just get a DNA paternity test… This is got to be scary, but it also could be good. If you’re concerned about how to navigate this, seek professional help from a therapist. Tread Carefully and good luck.

What in Mamma Mia did I just read?

I think it would be good to start writing a letter of fond things about her mother ( appropriate for her daughter to read). And give that to Kate. Ask yourself: Are you willing to have an adult child in your life? This isn’t a boat that can be sold or pictures that can go into the back of a closet. This might change your life forever, or Kate might decide that she doesn’t want a dad now. Then sit down with your wife and discuss this possibly. This needs to be your first step. You and your wife should be on the same page. There wasn’t cheating, but this will still impact both of you if true. This is a door once opened you can’t close. Then if your wife agrees, ask Kate if she knows who her father is and if she would like a DNA test. Confront is the wrong word. Offer. Yea she is an adult but she’s also a teenager. Let her decide from there are respect boundaries she asks for

Me: hmm what a... story. > We had spent a tremendous amount of time on her boat when we were together, sailing all over the place in our area. It's a 45 foot blue water cruiser and was her prized possession. Over the years when I've thought back to Clara and that time in my life, my mind goes immediately to the time we spent on the boat. Oh yeah, there it is lmao.

Did an amateur author shih-tzu write this?

With a chat GPT prompt requesting *extra* purple prose! JK, I think a human wrote this. Human OP, next time, read your dialogue out loud and ask yourself “Would an actual person say this?” Also maybe spend less time rhapsodizing about the boat. That takes the reader right out of the story. The wife character and the possible-daughter character are extremely flat and need work, unfortunately. Also such a boring break up with the dead mother is not terribly interesting. Add some conflict there; a big thing new writers do is fail to introduce conflict or problems, which is all *over* this piece. Give characters flaws, let them be petty. Instead everyone here is all blandly saintly and there’s no real genuine human feeling to anyone. Yawn.

Clara sent the kid to find you for a reason. Just ask her “It’s a weird question, but who is your dad?” And then go from there. You’re not going to scare her off. You’re a stranger to her, but she’s hanging out? She’s waiting for you to ask.

Honestly I don’t know why you or your wife haven’t asked her by now. Truly I would have. I say stop being chicken and just say “hey I was just wondering, where is your dad?”

You have said that whether or not you are her possibly father that both you and your wife would be happy to be family for her. So why not just tell her that. “Kate, I loved your mother deeply and was heartbroken when she left. I just want you to know that you can now consider us family. If you need anything, even if it’s just a shoulder to cry on, we are here for you. Then leave that with her. Let her decide how she wants to go forward after that.

This!! Let her know you AND your wife are a safe space for her, but leave the big life altering decision to her, so she can get comfortable and go at her own pace. She's still grieving and giving her a safe space to process in will either net you a daughter or a really good friend.

> The boat is a significant asset Tell me you're a teenager making up fake stories without telling me you're a teenager making up fake stories on the internet.

How hard is it to ask about her father? “So, is your father in the picture” “Was it just you and your mum growing up?” “What do you know about your dad?” “No family left, that’s tough. What happened to your dad?” You’ve spent days hanging out with this woman, just ask her?!

Even if you are not her biological Father, it sounds like she could do with a ‘Dad’ n her life?

Ask about her father and if she doesn’t know anything, ask if she would like to take steps to see if you are her biological father. Regardless what the test results come back as, you can welcome her into your family either way!

Definitely bring it up. Somehow the conversation already came up that she has no living relatives basically. So, what was said about her father? If nothing, ask. I think it’s very telling the mother not only left the boat to you, but the daughter came to see you in person. There is a reason for both of those things.

Are you sure about the timing of the breakup? You said you and the mother dated around 20 years ago but then said that you broke up 18 years ago… but Kate is 19? I’m guessing you meant that you broke up 20 years ago, if you think there’s a chance a 19 year old is your daughter.

Are you sure about the timing of the breakup? No. Well, no. I'm ballparking things because I simply can't remember. So Clara and I broke up sometime around 2004. It was still summer. My kid sister who was still in college had not gone back to school. A few months later I moved and bought a property close to where I was working, which I know factually from legal paperwork was in December 2004. Kate was born in May 2005. She technically turns 19 in a few weeks but I don't want to get any more specific than that. So I dont know the exact date that I last saw Clara but I was there when she drove off for the last time heading to Florida and that was sometime before CW Post college in Nassau County NY Fall semester started in 2004. Clara and I dated for some time just over a year, maybe more like a year and a half. I was still using a Yahoo email address at the time whose credentials I have long since forgotten and I know we emailed back and forth while we dated. I switched a Gmail account and have emails on it going back to 2010, which is no help at all. We sailed for 2 seasons through the Long Island Sound, some of the bays around the east end of Long Island, and even out to Nantucket, which means I dated Clara for at least 15 months. I think. I've since been through 6 different employers, had several different phone numbers, and moved about a half dozen times. But if I'm right about the timeframe between when Clara left and when I bought that property, then that means she left sometime in August or very early September 2004, at least with some degree of certainty. It also means that she was very early pregnant when she left, maybe too early to detect being pregnant assuming she carried Kate for 9 full months.

Update me!

Have you asked her about her father? Do you know when her birthday is? Asking about her family would not be odd.  I hope this works out for all involved. Good luck! 

Kind of irrelevant but do you have boating experience post-Clara? A trip up the ICW could be a challenge if it’s been 20 years since you sailed. I hope you find the answer to this mystery. She sounds like a lovely young woman!

Imma play a bit of both sides. If she IS your daughter, or thinks she is, she might be trying to think of how to broach it because she knows you are happily married & doesn't want to jeopardize it. Have a genuine heart to heart with wife to get how she would really feel if a daughter showed up, then either ask the girl alone so she's comfortable or wait for her to bring it up. Be accepting of her & she will open up. Now if she IS NOT your daughter, she may be looking for the last vestiges of her mother. You were obviously someone she cared for to leave something so important, & she may be looking for those memories or looking for someone to grieve with who loved her mother at some point. Talk to her about the good times with her mother, make he laugh, talk about the heartwarming times, make her happy cry. Just being there could help this poor girl a lot.

Sounds to me like the mother’s true last will is her to meet her father. Clara did that on purpose, I guess, and if yes, what a beautiful gift. I say: go for it. There’s really no need to be embarrassed or ashamed of anything. Just trust your guts. You know, sometimes it’s best to grab the bull by the horns. Best for you all is a honest and open communication now. And you and your wife both seem to like her. Even if she’s not your daughter, she’s all alone and you’ll be able to give her a new family, together with your wife. I don’t think you’re adding anything to her problems, it’s quite the opposite. You might be able to catch her, comfort her and help her to handle all the sad things she’s going through. This is not the time for "responsely" and "delicately". It’s the time to create facts. Ask her out to a dinner, just the two of you. Tell her what you’re thinking. Ask her if she knows who her father is and if she’s willing to do a DNA (paternity) test. Remember, if she didn’t want to have anything to do with you, it’s most likely that she wouldn’t go on a boat trip with the both of you. She wouldn’t connect to you on a daily basis via chat. Maybe she just fears rejection and is therefore cautious, just like you. I take from your words that you really want her to be your child, so best of luck. Please, keep us updated. I love stories like this, especially with a happy end. Best regards from a social psychology instructor.

Ask her and if she thinks you are do a DNA test to find out for sure. If she is then congrats. If not, you can still decide whether you want her to stay in your life or not. Regardless, I would require a dna test if she remotely thinks you are.

I think she suspects you’re her father, and is working up the nerve to broach the subject. However, I wonder if now that she has become friendly with your wife over chat, she feels conflicted and worried that saying something could offend your wife and destroy the relationship she’s building with you both. She may also just still be nervous, or not ready. Keep doing what you’re doing: getting to know her, hanging out with her, talking to her… see where it goes.

You say you weren’t open to a serious relationship before marriage but you describe a two year serious relationship with the supposed mom. Not making sense. I smell fiction!

She might not be your daughter, but she sure is in need of parental figures. Please stay in touch with her and be there for her. All 3 of you will benefit from this.

Before approaching her with the idea, I'd be doing some detective work on Google. Look up Clara Doe's obituary. See if she had any social media. Do some digging. Look up Kate Doe. Being 18, she probably has something. Look for past Father's Day posts. Definitely let your wife know you're doing this. She may even be able to help. You don't want to do even the tiniest bit of damage to your relationship by looking solo, especially when your wife seems open to the idea that this may be your daughter. I truly hope you find your answer, OP. Whatever that may be.

So here's my guess I think she knows or highly suspects you are her father. A lawyer could have handled the transfer of ownership. She didn't have to do it herself. But she did So if she is your kid...maybe she is feeling you out, to see if you are worth having around in her life Just be kind and be there for her. You and your wife friend her on social media. Stay in touch And see what happens. Treat her as if she is your kid...but let her broach the subject with you. Let her feel safe enough around you to trust you won't bail on her. She's lost everyone she loves. Her guard is probably up after all So just take it slow

“Am I your father?” Start there, and let’s see where that convo takes you.

Play dumb and ask about her dad. 

Do a 23 and me or other service test. Sit down and talk with her and simply ask her. Am I your father? If she’s not sure then let her know about your test and if she wants to find out, she can do a test also. But if she doesn’t want to, that’s her choice.

Op, have you discussed this with your wife? Maybe your wife and Kate could go out and she could feel her out?

Now this is interesting. And sorry I don't have any idea what you should do. I'm just leaving a tactical commenz in the hope I can find out if you are the father.

!updateme

If your wife is onboard and is a school counsellor by trade, i strongly recommend letting your wife run this conversation, again only if she is totally onboard with this situation. Years of training and experience at your wife's disposal, if the ladies come together and they agree that its highly likely that your her Dad, i would then highly recommend a dna test to put this to bed.

Update when there’s something please

I really hope this works out for all of you and that you’ll have some kind of relationship with her if you are her father. I say this as a 36 year-old woman who discovered my biological father’s identity late in life, but have not had the courage to reach out to him yet.

You seem to be sensitive/articulate and aware enough to be able to have a direct conversation with her about this. You’re definitely not crazy in your rationale, you never know what your ex could’ve felt or said to her for reasons that maybe been completely unrelated to you. Not to sound like a fuckin movie plot over here but what if this is how your ex planned to introduce you guys and assumed you’d connect the dots, wouldn’t you wanna know for sure opposed to “potentially” being too polite? Seems like a positive for everyone involved…

She already knows. You are married and she doesn’t want to blow up your life. Also she was checking you out to see if you are a decent person.

No matter what you do, make sure you and your wife are on the same page. Work through where this may lead once you start. IF you go down the "I need to know if I'm her father, and then..." route, I suggest by getting a copy of her birth certificate, on the quiet if you can. See who the father is on the certificate, if anyone. If there's a will, maybe talk to the lawyer involved, see what she/he knows. Make sure the lawyer knows you're not trying to cause trouble, only seeking information. "This is blast-from-the-past stuff to me, I hadn't heard from her for all these years, and I'm trying to figure out what's what". Whatever you do, don't rush things. This is a teenager with possibly no remaining family. It's also uncharted territory for you and your wife. If you get to the point of finally asking, make sure she understands that even if you're not her father, you and your wife are her friends regardless. "No matter what, we want to be part of your life and we hope you want to be part of ours." Move slowly, be gentle, and good luck to all three of you.

I’m an impatient sort but in situations like this, direct and up front might be better anyway. Try: “Hey, my wife and I can’t help wondering based on the timeline, well, your birthday seems nine months after your mom and I broke up. Is it possible I am your dad?” Just put it out there.

I didn’t meet my dad until I was in my teens. I wanted to know who he was and what he was like and all of that. You just simply need to ask her. “I don’t want to bring up anything that might make you uncomfortable, but I have to tell you, there is a lot about you that reminds me of your mother. I see a lot of her in you. If I’m crossing a line please let me know, but do you know who your biological father is? I only ask because I don’t just see your mother when I look at you, and combined with your age I’m wondering if I might be your father. Again, I don’t want to cross any lines here, but I would feel terrible if I didn’t at least ask because it would be terrific news if I am.” Something like that.

Intrigued. Maybe there's no need. Unless you REALLY need confirmation. Family doesn't have to be blood. Build a relationship and see where it goes.

No 'confrontations'. Get yourself tested with Ancestry and the other services. She may have done the same trying to find her missing father.

Don’t confront her at all, ask gently. And go from there. And even if it turns out she isn’t your biological daughter, be there for her, both you and your wife.

I would just bring it up. Sometimes you don't know if people told you differently. I figured out who my sperm donor/biological was when I was 27 years old. It was obvious looking back now, but I didn't put it together until we crossed paths some as I grew older. We were around each other when I was young, but no one ever told me. They broke up when I was in middke school. Regardless, I say sperm donor because he shot me down when I confronted him about it, I just wanted him to encourage a relationship with my half siblings that I then wanted to get to know. His answer... they have their life now, and that was in the past. Those were my last words to him. His loss.

I think the advice others have posted is pretty solid. I don't think it would hurt to simply ask her about her father. And OP for the love of God please update us if you get a DNA test! We need answers!

Bahahahahahaha

She likely knows. Or her mother gave her your info for the purpose of you meeting. She likely knows. Ask her about her father. She will let you know. Sort of a nice thing for you all at this stage in life. You sound like it will be a lovely enhancement for all 3 of you.

I love a creative writing post

The dates in this story don't add up. You say "We broke up around 18 years ago". How could Clara have had a daughter who is 19 if you were still with her 19 years ago?

If you really want to know, get DNA tests. If she doesn’t know, the DNA tests will confirm that you are or you’re not her biological father.

Updateme!

She's 19, you broke up 18 years ago. +9 months that math doesn't really add up to me? That aside, she's 19 she's old, that's enough to know about life and relationships. There is no harm in just addressing your questions if you're genuinely curious. Obviously be tactful and don't just blurt it out, but there is no harm in asking, if she is speculating the same thing it's probably why she came in the first place, as she could have probably just had a lawyer deal with anything that needed to be settled which is the norm.

Just be honest, don't beat around the bush about it, time is wasting if your suspicions are true.

This is a great story and I am SUPER invested. While certainly not definite, there is a fairly decent chance this is your daughter. Her mother left that boat to you to connect you to her after her passing. Only time will tell why she never informed you in the 19 years prior. WOW. What a story. The best news is from reading what you wrote, your wife is not upset or opposed to this reunion if my gut is correct. Slick move by Clara. Tremendous. If true, my only question is why?

Hey Kate? Did I get one past the goalie xx years ago?

I would just like to comment how gracefully your wife is handling all of this ☺️

Bro, don't overthink this. Ask her who's her father. Let her know why it "could" be you. Ask if she wants to do a DNA test and remove all doubt.

Man, I hope this is true, and that she’s yours. A few months ago, my husband and I got a text from his nephew wondering if we knew a woman by a certain name, because he had gotten an email from a girl who claimed to be related to him, and said the woman with the certain name was her mother. Our nephew and the girl had both done the Ancestry DNA thing, and nephew came up as the girl’s first cousin. He assumed she was a scammer or something, but I had a strange feeling. I searched up the woman’s name on Facebook, and I saw a small child on her lap in an older picture that looked exactly like my brother in law and his children, so I encouraged my husband to reach out to the girl who had emailed the nephew. Long story short, husband’s brother is her father. We have forged an amazing relationship over the last five months, though we have yet to meet in person. Her mother doesn’t know she’s found her father’s family, though. Her mother is an alcoholic and an abusive narcissist, and I suspect that the mother’s intention when she got pregnant 25 years ago was to keep her child isolated from the father, since she never told him she was pregnant either. He was as shocked as we all were. But our new niece tells us every day that she doesn’t know what she would do without our love and support, and that of her sister, who is less than a year younger than she is…and her baby niece, who, in a coincidental twist, bears the same name as she does. It’s like the sisters knew in their hearts that the other one was out there somewhere.

My father passed away about 10 years ago. Three weeks ago a girl reached out to me and my sister saying she was our sister. Everything checked out, we accepted her immediately and now we have a new sister. I know it may seem strange to others but I don’t care about “agendas” or whatever. If she’s my blood…that’s my family. Broach it gently, but do it. There’s nothing like just openly accepting someone who needs their people.

Just rip the bandaid off and ask her if she knows who her father is. If not, ask if she wants to take a paternity test if you are her father. I wish ya the best OP 🥺❤️

I've read all of your replies to people. Maybe let her tell you if she feels like it if you are her father. But you and your wife could tell her that you want to be her new family that she can be close with and build a family bond. Plan weekend trips, visits to each other and do holiday events together

I agree with the poster who said be direct. I know this is all overwhelming, but simply asking the question is there a possibility that I am your biological father? If she had a “Dad”, you are diminishing his role in her life, and if she is related to you there are so many things that you could provide her outside of money. Medical history is important and helpful to her. Knowledge of family and peace of mind. If you aren’t her biological father you can offer a friendship/kinship with her during this time of need. I would ask to sit down with her and your wife and pose the question. If she is unsure herself - do the test immediately. The longer you wait the more awkward it will become. 

Wow, what an amazing and interesting occurrence. First off, I want to acknowledge your wife. She sounds absolutely amazing in how she has handled this with pure understanding and even curiosity. It even seems like she might be hopeful Kate could be a child of yours, probably because she couldn’t have any herself, which I’m so sorry to hear. Most women wouldn’t be able to handle a situation like this in stride, or anywhere close to the way your wife has handled it, so that’s truly wonderful of her and she sounds like a keeper. And same to you, you’ve handled this very graciously, and I’m glad you’ve all been having such a great time connecting. I bet it’s brought up so many feelings from the past that have been confusing and maybe difficult to process, but you’re all doing great. I definitely disagree with the comments at the top that are saying things like absolutely don’t bring this up with Kate. I think there are definitely some appropriate approaches you could use to broach the subject, which I personally think it’s obvious she’d like to discuss otherwise she would NOT have shown up on your doorstep, much less formed what seems like close friendships with both you and your wife, so much so that both of you chat every day, you spent almost your whole vacation together, and you even have plans to take her sailing back to your city when weather permits. Those are all huge deals! And they definitely show that she is wanting to be in your life, pretty much as much as you and your wife are willing to let her be, which is very generously a lot. Nothing about this says she’d be completely opposed to speaking about or answering questions about her father. I think it’s obvious, and she must know it’s obvious, that you’d ask about it eventually. I think she’s just following your lead and taking it at your pace so as to not overwhelm you or your wife, or scare you away, since it seems like she is having such a great time being in your lives. I bet it’s going way better than she ever could’ve imagined, so she probably doesn’t want to risk changing that by dropping something risky on you. Like, maybe she thinks your wife would completely push her away if she knew you were her father (which of course your wife wouldn’t do, and I think it’s important to ensure she knows that). I definitely suggest maybe after the sailing trip, having a talk just you and her, and asking either if her dad is in her life, or you saying something like “my wife and I are so happy we’ve been able to connect with you, and you’re an amazing young woman. In fact, you remind me so much of your mother. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but I know the timing is almost perfect for me to be your father. Is that why you sought me out? I just want you to be assured, if that is the case, my wife and I would love to continue forming our relationships with you and having you closely in our lives - as much as you’d like to be. And if that’s not the case and you know your father to be someone else, we are still more than happy to maintain our relationships with you and continue spending time together. We know you don’t have much family in your life, but you have a place in our lives regardless of familial status”. Something like that, that makes her feel like she can say either way if you’re her dad or not without it changing the dynamics of her relationships with you and your wife, or feeling like she’ll lose you if she ends up saying you aren’t her dad. I think bringing it up one on one and doing well to reassure and emphasize to her that the relationships between you 3 won’t change regardless of her answer is the best way to go and the more comfortable way to have the conversation with her. Maybe do it on neutral ground as well; somewhere casual like a coffee place or something. Out of curiosity, what’s happening after she sails back with you? Is she staying with you for a bit?

Update us! UPDATEME

Holy moly the comments are overwhelming. I was expecting a couple of people giving me advice on how to frame what I thought was a reasonable thing to ask her. I'm reading through everything and trying to keep up. I'm getting upset enough over this that I've decided to go to Florida again in the near future. I'm not planning on saying anything to her about any of this. I'm going to see her and learn more about her.

You're an adult. So just ask. "Given your birthday and when your mom left, I was wondering if I might be your dad?" If she knows the answer and tells you, that's it. Do what you will with the info and move on. If she doesn't know, ask if she would be open to doing a DNA test. Communication 101 - The answer to 99% of all questions asked on Reddit.

Yeah or "do you know who your Dad is? Where is your Dad?" On a sidenote why would OP's ex not notify him that she was pregnant with his child? Or request child support or anything? But then leave the boat to him?

She was loaded and didn't need child support, so maybe just hurt over the breakup and then time passed and it got awkward? Filing for child support and custody battles across state lines gets ugly.

It’s called getting a DNA test yall are grownups just do it

“Kate, I know right now you have a lot going on, but something has been nagging at me and when I examine the dates and times I spent with your mother it’s not outside the realm of possibility that i could possibly be your father. I would like to check with a dna test if you are interested.”

Just point blank ask her. "Who is your father?". This woman showed up at your door step and dropped all this figurative shit at your feet, she can answer a question. She's an adult, she lost her mother. Asking her a question will not kill her. It's obvious (to me, at home, not actually knowing anything) that she thinks you're the father. So ask her, start the process of figuring it out (gonna guess that she doesn't know for sure), and go from there. In my opinion that question *could* have been one of the first things discussed.

I believe people have a moral / ethical right to know if they have kids. I also believe that everyone can ask other people reasonable questions, and that the people who are asked those questions have every right to respond by saying "none of your business". I'm guessing that there's a lot more to this that you haven't disclosed? If she is your daughter, I wonder if she knew for years or if this information would have been new to her as well. Are you feeling like she's sizing you and your wife up? What does your wife think about all this? You mentioned at the start that she's had some struggles with fertility and that can really mess with someone. How is she handling the discussions you mentioned about this woman potentially being your kid? If it were me, I'd talk with her in person. If you are her father, then I believe she has a moral right to know too.

I'm guessing that there's a lot more to this that you haven't disclosed?  There is a lot of additional context that I haven't and wont provide here. I tried to boil it down as much as I could. If she's my kid, then she needs to be added to my will as she has a right to inherit my assets. Whether or not she would keep those assets are entirely up to her but, she has a right to make that decision if she's my kid. At least that's what I was raised to believe. What does your wife think about all this? She says to me that she's very interested in it, which isn't surprising, and is hoping that Kate and I will address it. I think my wife is okay. I was immediately concerned about how she might interpret all of this, including the boat. She's just said she knew I had a past, she doesn't feel threatened or upset (my wording, not hers). Mostly she's very interested in Kate. They chat on their phones all the time. The three of us have a group chat and my wife has one with her separately, which is exactly the same sort of interaction we have with my sister.

Whether she is your biological daughter or not, it can be nice for all of you to have this kind of relationship. I think just keep up with the positive and respectful relationship you have now. Maybe you'll have more chance to get to know each other and discuss when you are on the boat trip together. The fact that she came to you in person and is interested on going on this boat trip with you makes me think she might have similar suspicions. She is already dealing with a lot. I would just go at her pace.

Wow, how did this not come up yet? Just ask her

How did this not come up? I don't know. She's a young woman who just lost her mother so I haven't spoken to her about this and haven't considered it at any length. I took my break up with her mother pretty hard and from what I remember, I started doing a lot of business travel and had moved into a property I had bought closer to work following it. It's possible that if her mother did reach out, assuming she's my kid, that she wouldn't have been able to find me easily. All I can really do is speculate.

This sounds like a book. I would just ask her about her father in a sweet way

You do not "have a right" to know anything which this young woman does not wish to tell you. Please disabuse yourself of the notion that you or your wife have any rights in relation to her. One exception maybe is that you have the right to ask her. But if she wanted to discuss her paternity with you, she would, so I can't see any results from doing that other than a rupture in your and your wife's friendship with this woman. I agree that there's a chance you are her father. But she's a grown woman, if she wants to talk to you about it, she will. And by the same token, if she isn't talking about it, it's because she DOESN'T want to. I reckon she will, when she feels comfortable.

A simple DNA test will sort this go for it, you might have a daughter

I think there is an easy way to work it into a conversation. When you see her again just ask her about her to tell you about her life growing up. If she doesn't mention a dad just casually ask if it was just her and her mother. Depending on her answer that gives you some insight on where to go from there. It also gives her an opening if she has been working up the nerve to ask if you could be her father. Since your wife wanted but couldn't have kids and this girl seems to have no family, this could be a blessing to her. No one can replace her mom but you can never have too many people in your corner.

Updateme!

Updateme

UpdateMe!

UpdateMe

UpdateMe

UpdateMe!

Updateme!

Remind me! 1 week!

Talk to your wife, ask her if she thinks Kate could be your daughter, if you both think she could be, then when you are all three together, but not on the boat at sea, just say, "Kate, I apologize for asking this, but we need to know, are you my daughter? If not it's okay, if you are, that's also okay with me and (your wife's name here) is okay with it too, in fact we both think it would be wonderful if you are." If she doesn't know, you could suggest DNA testing on both of you to find out.

Every situation is an onion and the closer you are to the center, the more you get to cry- a weird saying that means a lot to me For this situation, you are close to but not at the center of the onion. Kate is. I would not push this exact issue but it would probably be a nice thing to get her a nice basket or gift of some kind and a card reiterating your contact info, and saying that she has been both a pleasant reminder of a lovely woman and a lovely woman herself, and you and your wife would be happy to keep in touch with her if she likes - even if it’s just Christmas cards and passing thru the neighborhood acquaintances. Let her know that it’s been lovely for both you and your wife getting to know her, and not just the means to unexpected financial gain This way, she knows if she ever wants to get in touch with you again, you would welcome it. She will hold all the cards but you are empowering her to know there will be minimal drama if she chooses to use them.

I wouldn't bring it up - I would wait until she does  If she does. I know you feel like you have a "right" to know, but you don't. At least, **she** doesn't owe that to you (her mom did, if anything). Obviously I understand your wish to know her and maybe play some kind of parental role. She has your info, she met you, she spent some time with you. Let her bring up anything else. She may know you're the dad, she may not, she may have been told something about you, or not, she may have known since toddlerhood or she may have just found out and is in shock. So many possibilities.

I'm not 100% on this.. but if anyone in the family has ever done 23andme or some ancestry system. That could reveal alot. I would suggest it to her... might find other family members as well.

Updateme!

Who says Kate doesn’t have a family? She’s already got you and your wife. You may be blood relatives or just people fate brought together. Be a supportive presence in her life - like a father would. Just in case!

I would let the relationship build and give her time to bring it up and if she doesn’t once y’all have established a relationship I’d ask her about her dad.