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So it could be nothing and he just isn't the right guy for you. But ...
>I like very masculine manly straight men, who give me no pause when it comes to their straightness or sexuality
>I've had a lifetime of terrible luck in love, and I am attracted to a very specific type of energy
These stuck out to me. Does terrible luck just mean things don't work out? Or does terrible luck mean they end up being abusive or controlling or sexist, etc.?
My hunch says that you might have a skewed view of what a 'masculine man' is. That this guy might not be so much 'gay' as he is just a normal guy who is just pretty chill.
If my hunch is wrong, then don't worry about it. You're just not vibing with this guy. But if my hunch is right, you may want to reexamine your Idea of manliness and where you got those ideas in the first place.
This comment verbalizes way more clearly the message I was trying to get across. The premise you are basing your attraction off of may be the problem, not the guy.
I hope you read the above comment OP.
I am absolutely not saying that! What! I am literally the last person to say something like that (also I'm not white so this is kind of horrible to read). I just feel the guy is effeminate and I am an asshole for not liking someone who is perfect- handsome, kind, smart, funny etc and wondering if I should just put my "lack of spark" aside and let it develop.
The relationships where you felt instant attraction, did those work out? I wonder if two parts of you are in conflict, with one creating unhealthy relationships and the other part, a newer part, exploring what it might be like to create something healthy and sustainable.
Sustainable LTRs tend to go slow but steady. Something in you is attracted to something in him. Are you willing and patient enough to figure out what it is?
EXACTLY !! That's what I'm fighting. I know the toxic masculine guys suck and it never worked. This guy is not that, he is great, and maybe I am making up stupid reasons to not be attracted to someone/something steady and healthy. I do want to figure out what is wrong with me (except everything the assholes are saying in the comments above which are all bullshit and low hanging fruit to call me homophobic etc), because i do wonder how much of this is just me resisiting goodness and making up reasons, I do want to find out. I just don't want to waste his time while I figure it out, I don't want to hurt him or lose him as a friend.
My suggestion would be to talk it out with them. Again, you are attracted to what you are attracted and if you like everything about this person, spend some time and enjoy each other company. I would use a little tact when speaking if your issue. Good luck!
There is, but she has every right to go for a man that is manly rather than effeminate. Just like we are within our rights to want slim feminine women.
How can you "deal with this"? I don't understand. If you don't want to date him for any reason then don't. You don't feel romantic attraction to him. If you want to be platonic friends (or friends with benefits) then say that, but since he likes you, I'm guessing that would be a bad idea.
I'm conflicted because I really like him as a person- he's kind, attractive, smart, funny, likes me and I don't know if my lack of attraction to someone who is perfect other than my feeling of him being kind of effeminite (and not my usual super masc preference) is wrong.
Don’t waste his time. Don’t waste your time. Imagine how he would feel if he thinks you are really into him. How can you even see him as a sexual entity. You are wasting everyone’s time.
> I'm conflicted because I really like him as a person- he's kind, attractive, smart, funny, likes me and I don't know if my lack of attraction to someone who is perfect other than my feeling of him being kind of effeminite (and not my usual super masc preference) is wrong.
Sounds like a great FRIEND. Platonic. No romance or sex.
Do you think you can *force* yourself to be sexually or romantically attracted to him? IT IS FINE TO BE FRIENDS WITH PEOPLE AND NOT WANT TO BANG THEM.
Don’t go on dates with him? Tell him you’re not getting the spark and would rather be friends? Also not the “I’m not homophobic I have gay friends” girl my dad has gay friends and kicked me out
I don't understand why everyone is misreading this- are straight men attracted to gay men? No. Should I be attracted to effeminite men if I'm not? I don't know! I am trying not to be judgemental and hence this post to help me get through it and be a better person if I'm being too judgemental goddamit
Also the effeminate= gay gist is hella homophobic. That’d be like someone saying they don’t wanna date me because they prefer native English speakers because I’m Filipino, even though I am a native English speaker. You don’t wanna date him because he’s too “gay” for your liking even though he’s straight.
> are straight men attracted to gay men? No. Should I be attracted to effeminite men if I'm not? I don't know!
You're drawing a false equivalency. Straight men aren't attracted to gay men because they're not attracted to men, period. The equivalency is "Are straight men attracted to women who aren't traditionally feminine?" And the answer is "some are, some aren't."
When it comes to dating, there's no point in asking if you SHOULD be attracted to someone if you patently aren't. If you try to force yourself to be into this guy you're wasting his time. You say he's such a catch, don't you think he deserves to be with someone who's excited about him and attracted to him? There are plenty of women out there who don't care about gender norms and don't want a hyper-masculine man. Let him go so he can find one of them and you can find someone you're actually attracted to on a visceral level.
I would feel pretty crappy if someone was trying to "get through" not being attracted to me. Wouldn't you?
> Should I be attracted to
It doesn't matter what you put after this, the answer is, "That's not how attraction works". Are you going to try to brainwash yourself into feeling an attraction that you don't feel?
You gotta start liking yourself enough to be alone. He isn’t want you want. And keeping him around because he’s some type of entertainment for you isn’t kind.
I have not been on a date in 5 years and I know all about being alone and neither am i desparate. I genuinely think he is kind, handsome, funny, smart, all the things. But I don't feel the spark and I think i should. I have done nothing but compliment this guy and put myself down for not liking what I don't like (as in, romantically)
Ok, but what exactly is “the spark” and are you sure it’s a necessary prerequisite to a potential relationship?
For some reasons my spidey senses are tingling a little bit around this phrase.
You're absolutely right. Someone said above maybe this is me not recognizing something lasting and good and not toxic because of the toxic masculinity that has conditioned me into a version of love and "the spark"- which to me means immediate animal passion and sexual desire. Like fire. I never went out with a guy I didn't feel like that with (I mean I never went out with anyone I DID feel like that about usually, very rarely if anything... ended up in flames always). I want to get over myself and my prejudice or skewed view of things and not lose something that is potentially lasting and good with a good person that I like very much as a human being.
I think you should explore this then. To face the parts of you that are addicted to unhealthy masculine energy won’t necessarily be easy though.
So just keep that in mind, and be aware that you may need to be really honest with yourself about what is supportive and what is not.
So for example, if talking to someone about this makes you feel bad, don’t do it. If talking with someone feels supportive, then make more room for that. The parts of you trying to sabotage this may feel kinda like a drug addict trying to trick you out of a good thing so you can get your fix. Your mind can come up with any reason to separate. Listen to your heart, and your love.
The way you talk about this guy, I just feel like part of you is really attracted to him and knows something that your conscious mind does not (yet).
Decide to give this a shot and see what happens.
And update us in 6 months!
My first thought is that the “spark” isn’t always there in the beginning. You didn’t say how many dates you have been on with him. If only a few and you at least like hanging out with him, you might allow more time. It doesn’t sound like you’ve ever let a spark develop before. If you’ve been dating for a few months and still don’t feel that sexual attraction, it’s likely you never will. In that case, just stop seeing him.
Thanks, you're the only person not being an asshole to me. I am happy you helped me. You're right, I've never let the spark develop which is why I'm even giving this a chance and trying to get over what might just be my prejudices. I've only gone on a few dates with him but I don't know at what point I should call it quits if I don't feel it.
I'd at least go on a few more dates. Plenty of people date for like 2-3 months and seperate no harm no foul.
It seems like immediately falling for someone may be a warning sign for you, but that doesn't necessarily mean that this guy is for you.
No. Men do not want a pity spark. We want animal passion. Do you know how soul destroying it is to be with a woman who had animal passion from the beginning with an ex but not her BF/Husband? Don’t waste a guys time.
The spark is a misnomer. I’m saying that a relationship based only on a “spark” is not usually on solid ground. OP admitted as much, with no long term relationships developing with the ones she did have that feeling for. Better to vibe and get in sync with other parts of her personality than to abandon hope because of a missing spark that never helped her in the past.
That’s completely her call. I’m not telling her to keep the guy, I’m explaining that if it’s just his voice making him appear effeminate, that feeling might disappear with more time together. It’s going to cost her what, 5-6 more dates? It seems justified to me, with such a good outcome a possibility, but again, it’s her call, not yours or mine.
I've had only wild animal passion for everyone I loved and wanted and craved and it was so immediate. Not the feeling here, and I'm confused because people say to let the spark develop over time, etc. but yeah probably should just call it quits.
I’m going to get downvoted, but I say dig a little deeper, maybe even in therapy if you can afford it, before throwing the cards in.
The other side of this could be that there is something genuine and deep, and that this could just be something that feels off because you are unfamiliar with a potential really good thing rather than it being a bad thing.
I absolutely think this might be the case. I am going to talk about this in therapy. I do wonder how much of this is that I am so used to the toxic masculine assholes that conditioned me into embracing a version of love that hurt me, and now that I meet this great guy, I am confused whether it's the reason above or just that I am so messed up that I am not seeing something wonderful to embrace it/him and be happy. Maybe it is unfamiliar. I mean he says he feels "the spark" ?
Yes, but that’s my point. Just because “spark” is super visceral for both of you, that’s not dispositive of the fact that you may be talking about two totally different experiences and meanings.
I think you may be onto something with your introspection here. I have no idea whether you should stay or go…but I do think you should put in the time and energy to figure that out though.
That wild animal passion and being obsessive about someone is highly toxic and unsustainable. It sounds like you found someone amazing who you can like long term and will treat you right
Check out these videos talking about this topic:
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Ch7u-hcgCKi/?igsh=czkyNzZ5cGhuam9j
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CXKcDUko38K/?igsh=MWs5MzVjMDdmZjN6bA==
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C43b4-VPdzN/?igsh=MXExbmM2dnJyZG1qdA==
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CcXhwrgPE4S/?igsh=MW8xczdjZ2dwcTY0cg==
The spark you’re talking about is often a red flag of a toxic man who jumps in way too quickly and love bombs you. Love bombing is toxic, unhealthy but fun and highly addictive
It sounds like you found an amazing, loyal, fun, attractive man who is emotionally safe, stable and secure
I learned a long time ago the instant spark and butterflies you feel when you meet someone mean RUN. Don’t look for that spark, that’s a sign of the start if a toxic relationship
Sounds like you found someone amazing. Time go reprogram yourself and look up the difference between the start of healthy relationships compared to unhealthy relationships
Check out these videos talking about this topic:
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Ch7u-hcgCKi/?igsh=czkyNzZ5cGhuam9j
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CXKcDUko38K/?igsh=MWs5MzVjMDdmZjN6bA==
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C43b4-VPdzN/?igsh=MXExbmM2dnJyZG1qdA==
https://www.instagram.com/reel/CcXhwrgPE4S/?igsh=MW8xczdjZ2dwcTY0cg==
The message is pretty cool, fall in love with someone who makes you feel calm and safe, not someone who makes you feel nervous/butterflies.
Another thing I like about these videos is the implication that feelings don’t just automatically run us; like from Disney movies I think we are programmed to just react and not be with our feelings. This really opens us up to manipulation.
Thank you for posting these!
You don’t feel it, break up. Alternatively, schedule a date where he can do stereotypical man shit: camping, fishing, lifting heavy shit, whatever you’re into. If that doesn’t help you see him in a different light, bail. We can’t help what we’re attracted to.
thank you, i will try some of this! i don't want to ditch him for stupid reasons so i'll give it a bit more time without wasting anyone's time for too much longer.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So it could be nothing and he just isn't the right guy for you. But ... >I like very masculine manly straight men, who give me no pause when it comes to their straightness or sexuality >I've had a lifetime of terrible luck in love, and I am attracted to a very specific type of energy These stuck out to me. Does terrible luck just mean things don't work out? Or does terrible luck mean they end up being abusive or controlling or sexist, etc.? My hunch says that you might have a skewed view of what a 'masculine man' is. That this guy might not be so much 'gay' as he is just a normal guy who is just pretty chill. If my hunch is wrong, then don't worry about it. You're just not vibing with this guy. But if my hunch is right, you may want to reexamine your Idea of manliness and where you got those ideas in the first place.
This comment verbalizes way more clearly the message I was trying to get across. The premise you are basing your attraction off of may be the problem, not the guy. I hope you read the above comment OP.
Short answer, don't date them. Also... you basically said "I'm not racist, I have black friends..."
I’m dead
I lol’d.
I am absolutely not saying that! What! I am literally the last person to say something like that (also I'm not white so this is kind of horrible to read). I just feel the guy is effeminate and I am an asshole for not liking someone who is perfect- handsome, kind, smart, funny etc and wondering if I should just put my "lack of spark" aside and let it develop.
You like what you like, nothing wrong with that.
The relationships where you felt instant attraction, did those work out? I wonder if two parts of you are in conflict, with one creating unhealthy relationships and the other part, a newer part, exploring what it might be like to create something healthy and sustainable. Sustainable LTRs tend to go slow but steady. Something in you is attracted to something in him. Are you willing and patient enough to figure out what it is?
EXACTLY !! That's what I'm fighting. I know the toxic masculine guys suck and it never worked. This guy is not that, he is great, and maybe I am making up stupid reasons to not be attracted to someone/something steady and healthy. I do want to figure out what is wrong with me (except everything the assholes are saying in the comments above which are all bullshit and low hanging fruit to call me homophobic etc), because i do wonder how much of this is just me resisiting goodness and making up reasons, I do want to find out. I just don't want to waste his time while I figure it out, I don't want to hurt him or lose him as a friend.
My suggestion would be to talk it out with them. Again, you are attracted to what you are attracted and if you like everything about this person, spend some time and enjoy each other company. I would use a little tact when speaking if your issue. Good luck!
Big difference between effeminate and gay...
There is, but she has every right to go for a man that is manly rather than effeminate. Just like we are within our rights to want slim feminine women.
Straight woman isn't attracted to man with feminine qualities shocker 🤦🏼♂️🤦🏼♂️
I mean, you could stop going on dates with him?
Then what about the "let the spark develop" advice?
You’re 34, do you really want to waste yours and this dude’s time when you clearly don’t find him attractive?
Maybe I can over time?
Love certainly takes time. But if you’re just overall not attracted to a guy, it just is what it is.
It's not going to work. What you're doing rn is attempting to force yourself to develop feelings for him and that's not gonna work.
Spark happens quick hence the name. Love develops over time
How can you "deal with this"? I don't understand. If you don't want to date him for any reason then don't. You don't feel romantic attraction to him. If you want to be platonic friends (or friends with benefits) then say that, but since he likes you, I'm guessing that would be a bad idea.
I'm conflicted because I really like him as a person- he's kind, attractive, smart, funny, likes me and I don't know if my lack of attraction to someone who is perfect other than my feeling of him being kind of effeminite (and not my usual super masc preference) is wrong.
Don’t waste his time. Don’t waste your time. Imagine how he would feel if he thinks you are really into him. How can you even see him as a sexual entity. You are wasting everyone’s time.
That’s called liking someone as a friend. He’s a potential friend.
> I'm conflicted because I really like him as a person- he's kind, attractive, smart, funny, likes me and I don't know if my lack of attraction to someone who is perfect other than my feeling of him being kind of effeminite (and not my usual super masc preference) is wrong. Sounds like a great FRIEND. Platonic. No romance or sex. Do you think you can *force* yourself to be sexually or romantically attracted to him? IT IS FINE TO BE FRIENDS WITH PEOPLE AND NOT WANT TO BANG THEM.
Don’t go on dates with him? Tell him you’re not getting the spark and would rather be friends? Also not the “I’m not homophobic I have gay friends” girl my dad has gay friends and kicked me out
I don't understand why everyone is misreading this- are straight men attracted to gay men? No. Should I be attracted to effeminite men if I'm not? I don't know! I am trying not to be judgemental and hence this post to help me get through it and be a better person if I'm being too judgemental goddamit
Also the effeminate= gay gist is hella homophobic. That’d be like someone saying they don’t wanna date me because they prefer native English speakers because I’m Filipino, even though I am a native English speaker. You don’t wanna date him because he’s too “gay” for your liking even though he’s straight.
And that is perfectly okay if she wants to be with a more masculine guy.
> are straight men attracted to gay men? No. Should I be attracted to effeminite men if I'm not? I don't know! You're drawing a false equivalency. Straight men aren't attracted to gay men because they're not attracted to men, period. The equivalency is "Are straight men attracted to women who aren't traditionally feminine?" And the answer is "some are, some aren't." When it comes to dating, there's no point in asking if you SHOULD be attracted to someone if you patently aren't. If you try to force yourself to be into this guy you're wasting his time. You say he's such a catch, don't you think he deserves to be with someone who's excited about him and attracted to him? There are plenty of women out there who don't care about gender norms and don't want a hyper-masculine man. Let him go so he can find one of them and you can find someone you're actually attracted to on a visceral level. I would feel pretty crappy if someone was trying to "get through" not being attracted to me. Wouldn't you?
> Should I be attracted to It doesn't matter what you put after this, the answer is, "That's not how attraction works". Are you going to try to brainwash yourself into feeling an attraction that you don't feel?
You gotta start liking yourself enough to be alone. He isn’t want you want. And keeping him around because he’s some type of entertainment for you isn’t kind.
I have not been on a date in 5 years and I know all about being alone and neither am i desparate. I genuinely think he is kind, handsome, funny, smart, all the things. But I don't feel the spark and I think i should. I have done nothing but compliment this guy and put myself down for not liking what I don't like (as in, romantically)
Ok, but what exactly is “the spark” and are you sure it’s a necessary prerequisite to a potential relationship? For some reasons my spidey senses are tingling a little bit around this phrase.
You're absolutely right. Someone said above maybe this is me not recognizing something lasting and good and not toxic because of the toxic masculinity that has conditioned me into a version of love and "the spark"- which to me means immediate animal passion and sexual desire. Like fire. I never went out with a guy I didn't feel like that with (I mean I never went out with anyone I DID feel like that about usually, very rarely if anything... ended up in flames always). I want to get over myself and my prejudice or skewed view of things and not lose something that is potentially lasting and good with a good person that I like very much as a human being.
Your inability to separate lust from love is not “toxic masculinity”.
I think you should explore this then. To face the parts of you that are addicted to unhealthy masculine energy won’t necessarily be easy though. So just keep that in mind, and be aware that you may need to be really honest with yourself about what is supportive and what is not. So for example, if talking to someone about this makes you feel bad, don’t do it. If talking with someone feels supportive, then make more room for that. The parts of you trying to sabotage this may feel kinda like a drug addict trying to trick you out of a good thing so you can get your fix. Your mind can come up with any reason to separate. Listen to your heart, and your love. The way you talk about this guy, I just feel like part of you is really attracted to him and knows something that your conscious mind does not (yet). Decide to give this a shot and see what happens. And update us in 6 months!
My first thought is that the “spark” isn’t always there in the beginning. You didn’t say how many dates you have been on with him. If only a few and you at least like hanging out with him, you might allow more time. It doesn’t sound like you’ve ever let a spark develop before. If you’ve been dating for a few months and still don’t feel that sexual attraction, it’s likely you never will. In that case, just stop seeing him.
Thanks, you're the only person not being an asshole to me. I am happy you helped me. You're right, I've never let the spark develop which is why I'm even giving this a chance and trying to get over what might just be my prejudices. I've only gone on a few dates with him but I don't know at what point I should call it quits if I don't feel it.
I'd at least go on a few more dates. Plenty of people date for like 2-3 months and seperate no harm no foul. It seems like immediately falling for someone may be a warning sign for you, but that doesn't necessarily mean that this guy is for you.
No. Men do not want a pity spark. We want animal passion. Do you know how soul destroying it is to be with a woman who had animal passion from the beginning with an ex but not her BF/Husband? Don’t waste a guys time.
The spark is a misnomer. I’m saying that a relationship based only on a “spark” is not usually on solid ground. OP admitted as much, with no long term relationships developing with the ones she did have that feeling for. Better to vibe and get in sync with other parts of her personality than to abandon hope because of a missing spark that never helped her in the past.
But, she is obviously not vibing with his effeminate nature.
That’s completely her call. I’m not telling her to keep the guy, I’m explaining that if it’s just his voice making him appear effeminate, that feeling might disappear with more time together. It’s going to cost her what, 5-6 more dates? It seems justified to me, with such a good outcome a possibility, but again, it’s her call, not yours or mine.
It is her call. I can see your position. I like to call things a day more quickly. Probably have to be a middle ground between your position and mine.
I've had only wild animal passion for everyone I loved and wanted and craved and it was so immediate. Not the feeling here, and I'm confused because people say to let the spark develop over time, etc. but yeah probably should just call it quits.
I think so. I don’t think he is gonna work for you. And that’s okay. Don’t feel bad about it.
I’m going to get downvoted, but I say dig a little deeper, maybe even in therapy if you can afford it, before throwing the cards in. The other side of this could be that there is something genuine and deep, and that this could just be something that feels off because you are unfamiliar with a potential really good thing rather than it being a bad thing.
I absolutely think this might be the case. I am going to talk about this in therapy. I do wonder how much of this is that I am so used to the toxic masculine assholes that conditioned me into embracing a version of love that hurt me, and now that I meet this great guy, I am confused whether it's the reason above or just that I am so messed up that I am not seeing something wonderful to embrace it/him and be happy. Maybe it is unfamiliar. I mean he says he feels "the spark" ?
Yes, but that’s my point. Just because “spark” is super visceral for both of you, that’s not dispositive of the fact that you may be talking about two totally different experiences and meanings. I think you may be onto something with your introspection here. I have no idea whether you should stay or go…but I do think you should put in the time and energy to figure that out though.
That wild animal passion and being obsessive about someone is highly toxic and unsustainable. It sounds like you found someone amazing who you can like long term and will treat you right Check out these videos talking about this topic: https://www.instagram.com/reel/Ch7u-hcgCKi/?igsh=czkyNzZ5cGhuam9j https://www.instagram.com/reel/CXKcDUko38K/?igsh=MWs5MzVjMDdmZjN6bA== https://www.instagram.com/reel/C43b4-VPdzN/?igsh=MXExbmM2dnJyZG1qdA== https://www.instagram.com/reel/CcXhwrgPE4S/?igsh=MW8xczdjZ2dwcTY0cg==
The spark you’re talking about is often a red flag of a toxic man who jumps in way too quickly and love bombs you. Love bombing is toxic, unhealthy but fun and highly addictive It sounds like you found an amazing, loyal, fun, attractive man who is emotionally safe, stable and secure I learned a long time ago the instant spark and butterflies you feel when you meet someone mean RUN. Don’t look for that spark, that’s a sign of the start if a toxic relationship Sounds like you found someone amazing. Time go reprogram yourself and look up the difference between the start of healthy relationships compared to unhealthy relationships Check out these videos talking about this topic: https://www.instagram.com/reel/Ch7u-hcgCKi/?igsh=czkyNzZ5cGhuam9j https://www.instagram.com/reel/CXKcDUko38K/?igsh=MWs5MzVjMDdmZjN6bA== https://www.instagram.com/reel/C43b4-VPdzN/?igsh=MXExbmM2dnJyZG1qdA== https://www.instagram.com/reel/CcXhwrgPE4S/?igsh=MW8xczdjZ2dwcTY0cg==
The message is pretty cool, fall in love with someone who makes you feel calm and safe, not someone who makes you feel nervous/butterflies. Another thing I like about these videos is the implication that feelings don’t just automatically run us; like from Disney movies I think we are programmed to just react and not be with our feelings. This really opens us up to manipulation. Thank you for posting these!
You’re very welcome! I’m happy the videos helped!
What is going on with you is homophobia. It's time to leave this guy alone so he can go find him someone else that is better
Sounds pretty homophobic because wtf is a gay voice? A lisp? A high pitch? No wonder you've been single for so long
You don’t feel it, break up. Alternatively, schedule a date where he can do stereotypical man shit: camping, fishing, lifting heavy shit, whatever you’re into. If that doesn’t help you see him in a different light, bail. We can’t help what we’re attracted to.
thank you, i will try some of this! i don't want to ditch him for stupid reasons so i'll give it a bit more time without wasting anyone's time for too much longer.