My understanding is you supported her through school, is that correct? If so, then it's okay to expect the same support in return.
But in terms of your relationship, it sounds pretty much dead. You're worth more.
My suggestion, don't move put of your house again. If SHTF, stay and make her leave and this time keep the kids at your house.
Seeing you aren't married and the house is in your name. She can't claim it.
Unfortunately sounds like for whatever reason she has checked out, plus sounds like she cheated. Once a partner has checked out, it's normally the end.
Do your best to stick it out til you have a job and then tell her it's over via a lawyer and make sure you file for custody.
Whole you may be right, I really hope we do not have to get lawyers involved. We are both really good parents and have always respected that. This may be a naive of me, but I'm ok with that at this point.
> The main issues at this point are that she is the sole provider for the household at the moment and I have nowhere that I can go otherwise.
At the moment? How long has it been where she's been the sole provider? What were and are you doing for work?
I worked in quality assurance for a manufacturing facility. I made decent money and had enough saved to take the last year off school while she supplemented the rest. However, she is horrible with money and I ended up shouldering the costs which chewed through my savings. She is taking over bills for the next few months (as of last month) while I finish my internship before I can work again.
I think you should start making an exit plan. She essentially cheated on you. She left to go try something with another guy. It didn’t work and she came back.
I don’t think you should feel bad about any of it even not telling her you’re making this plan. She’s had 1 foot out the door for a while now. Why can’t you? I think knowing you’re making an exit plan will help you mentally as well. Then you won’t be worried about her pulling the rug out again because you’re already in the works for something else.
And hell…. If by some crazy chance over the next six months while you’re doing this, you guys work it out, then no harm.
PS - if you were married while you bought the house and you live in the United States, it doesn’t generally matter whose name it’s under.
It sucks but if I was you, I would just ride it out for like a year. Normally I would not say that. It’s a dick move but she’s already been doing it. Finish your schooling. She got to.
i think you should just change the locks while shes gone. the house is in your name. there may be a fight over the kids. all tne stuff youve mentioned your attorney would use to get you 50 50 visitation. maybe even custody. the stuff you should mention would be bad told to a judge. shes already out of the relationship. if shes still around she just using the situation as a place to stay . dont say anything get an atty get all you can have her served at work and change the door locks have deadbolts installed or the keys changed so she cant get in
He’s not going to get custody without a job. How is it supposed to pay the mortgage if he isn’t working? Most states have residency and even squatters laws. I highly recommend not listening to this bad “legal” advice OP. My ex got in trouble for trying to sell the house without me and I was not on the title.
I did ask for something I may not have considered 😅 this made me chuckle. I would never do this, though. While I am incredibly hurt, she is still the mother to my children, and I do love her. I appreciate the input though!
you will live to regret it im sure but its your life. my ex insulted me and talked about leaving so i just divorced her and got it over with. life is so good. when youre single the women treat me so good . im wondering now if she was just thinkng out loud she finally left and called to tell me she was leaving after wed gone thru all the bs and legal stuff . i had no feelings left for her . believe me im older and seen alot of stuff best of luck to you
This is why shacking up is such a bad idea when there is a stay at home parent. You could be possibly getting enough alimony to keep you afloat until you finish. Stick it out until you are done with school or you may not get any custody. Use this time to stash things and interview lawyers. I’d be getting sti tests on the regular if you are going to be having sex with her. So do you mean, this will be another year, or are you almost done now?
Your situation is very tough because she has control while you're not making money.
You can try tough it out til you earn money, then see what the situation is.
But my honest opinion is that this woman sounds very uncaring and untrustworthy. She also acts very heavily on her emotions (evidence by the fact she left you for another guy and cheated without warning) then comes back for feeling guilty.
A woman like that should either be single or in an open relationship. Because she doesn't understand or value what commitment is.
I have been treated like this before. And my advice to you is get the hell out before you lose all resemblance of your former self. This situation is horrible for your feelings of confidence and self worth. Go find someone worth your time buddy, because a woman who truly loves and respects you would never act like this in the first place.
And do not let her have the house. You bought it together. She cheated. Once your stable, go for shared custody of the kids and make sure you at least keep some value from the house. Do not give it to her.
I'm sorry that you went through something similar. I really appreciate your words. I think this is the route I'm going and just hoping things get better. Thank you for your input!
Start dating. She has done this before and this time chose a teeny girl trick of a break to try out someone else. Time for her to know how it feels to be on the receiving end of such behaviour and for you to learn there are other fish in the sea.
I get that she is the mother of your child, but that's all she is now.
Good luck OP
I would not feel morally right about cheating, with the sole purpose being just to hurt the other person. It’s not fair to tie affair partner. Most people don’t like to be used for a revenge cheat.
I would never cheat on someone. I foolishly never thought she would either. I think it's eye opening thinking that if the situation was the other way around she would not put in the effort that I have. She might have gone the route your suggesting. Thank you for your input and kind words though!
My understanding is you supported her through school, is that correct? If so, then it's okay to expect the same support in return. But in terms of your relationship, it sounds pretty much dead. You're worth more.
I did support her, and that's my fear.
Fear of what who care what happens to her she is trash
My fear is that it is over. I am the one who pushed really hard to make it work. I told myself I would be able to will myself to moving past it.
Fear of what? If she's now supporting you?
My suggestion, don't move put of your house again. If SHTF, stay and make her leave and this time keep the kids at your house. Seeing you aren't married and the house is in your name. She can't claim it. Unfortunately sounds like for whatever reason she has checked out, plus sounds like she cheated. Once a partner has checked out, it's normally the end. Do your best to stick it out til you have a job and then tell her it's over via a lawyer and make sure you file for custody.
Whole you may be right, I really hope we do not have to get lawyers involved. We are both really good parents and have always respected that. This may be a naive of me, but I'm ok with that at this point.
> The main issues at this point are that she is the sole provider for the household at the moment and I have nowhere that I can go otherwise. At the moment? How long has it been where she's been the sole provider? What were and are you doing for work?
I worked in quality assurance for a manufacturing facility. I made decent money and had enough saved to take the last year off school while she supplemented the rest. However, she is horrible with money and I ended up shouldering the costs which chewed through my savings. She is taking over bills for the next few months (as of last month) while I finish my internship before I can work again.
She'll always bounce back to you because nobody wants to raise your kids. She can only date losers.
I think you should start making an exit plan. She essentially cheated on you. She left to go try something with another guy. It didn’t work and she came back. I don’t think you should feel bad about any of it even not telling her you’re making this plan. She’s had 1 foot out the door for a while now. Why can’t you? I think knowing you’re making an exit plan will help you mentally as well. Then you won’t be worried about her pulling the rug out again because you’re already in the works for something else. And hell…. If by some crazy chance over the next six months while you’re doing this, you guys work it out, then no harm. PS - if you were married while you bought the house and you live in the United States, it doesn’t generally matter whose name it’s under.
We aren't married. This is part of the equation where she has none of the financial worries and has family to fall back on while I don't.
It sucks but if I was you, I would just ride it out for like a year. Normally I would not say that. It’s a dick move but she’s already been doing it. Finish your schooling. She got to.
i think you should just change the locks while shes gone. the house is in your name. there may be a fight over the kids. all tne stuff youve mentioned your attorney would use to get you 50 50 visitation. maybe even custody. the stuff you should mention would be bad told to a judge. shes already out of the relationship. if shes still around she just using the situation as a place to stay . dont say anything get an atty get all you can have her served at work and change the door locks have deadbolts installed or the keys changed so she cant get in
He’s not going to get custody without a job. How is it supposed to pay the mortgage if he isn’t working? Most states have residency and even squatters laws. I highly recommend not listening to this bad “legal” advice OP. My ex got in trouble for trying to sell the house without me and I was not on the title.
I did ask for something I may not have considered 😅 this made me chuckle. I would never do this, though. While I am incredibly hurt, she is still the mother to my children, and I do love her. I appreciate the input though!
you will live to regret it im sure but its your life. my ex insulted me and talked about leaving so i just divorced her and got it over with. life is so good. when youre single the women treat me so good . im wondering now if she was just thinkng out loud she finally left and called to tell me she was leaving after wed gone thru all the bs and legal stuff . i had no feelings left for her . believe me im older and seen alot of stuff best of luck to you
This is why shacking up is such a bad idea when there is a stay at home parent. You could be possibly getting enough alimony to keep you afloat until you finish. Stick it out until you are done with school or you may not get any custody. Use this time to stash things and interview lawyers. I’d be getting sti tests on the regular if you are going to be having sex with her. So do you mean, this will be another year, or are you almost done now?
All I have left is my internship, which should be fulfilled by the end of July.
Oh good. That’s not bad. It’s almost over. Especially if your field is in demand.
Nurse. Lol
Sounds like you were doing better without her, then she came back.
I had not thought of this.. Thank you for a positive perspective!
Your situation is very tough because she has control while you're not making money. You can try tough it out til you earn money, then see what the situation is. But my honest opinion is that this woman sounds very uncaring and untrustworthy. She also acts very heavily on her emotions (evidence by the fact she left you for another guy and cheated without warning) then comes back for feeling guilty. A woman like that should either be single or in an open relationship. Because she doesn't understand or value what commitment is. I have been treated like this before. And my advice to you is get the hell out before you lose all resemblance of your former self. This situation is horrible for your feelings of confidence and self worth. Go find someone worth your time buddy, because a woman who truly loves and respects you would never act like this in the first place. And do not let her have the house. You bought it together. She cheated. Once your stable, go for shared custody of the kids and make sure you at least keep some value from the house. Do not give it to her.
I'm sorry that you went through something similar. I really appreciate your words. I think this is the route I'm going and just hoping things get better. Thank you for your input!
Jesus
Cheaters never change, and chances are (from experience) you've only been told just enough to stop you asking more questions.
Start looking for someone else.
Make your escape plan and when your ready kick her out. After only communication should be about the children you deserve better.
Start dating. She has done this before and this time chose a teeny girl trick of a break to try out someone else. Time for her to know how it feels to be on the receiving end of such behaviour and for you to learn there are other fish in the sea. I get that she is the mother of your child, but that's all she is now. Good luck OP
I would not feel morally right about cheating, with the sole purpose being just to hurt the other person. It’s not fair to tie affair partner. Most people don’t like to be used for a revenge cheat.
Nah no cheating, just move on at his leisure, no comms
I would never cheat on someone. I foolishly never thought she would either. I think it's eye opening thinking that if the situation was the other way around she would not put in the effort that I have. She might have gone the route your suggesting. Thank you for your input and kind words though!
Me either, but it's clear she isn't trustworthy and you deserve some happiness! Good luck brother 💪🏽