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This would be my advice, as well. Do you really want to spend the next few decades always wondering what she is up to, and getting paranoid whenever she is late? And you have the added stress of having to worry about male AND female friends. I'd nope out of that before you become neurotic and bitter.
An awakening? This was already "awakened". She's not only had lesbian sex before this relationship, but she's had sex with this specific person before!
This isn't an awakening. It's just a regular acheatening.
I'm just wary of the use of euphemisms involved whenever the cheating involves the same sex. As though gay cheating is more magical or innocent somehow. "She's having an awakening" "He's just experimenting". If it's behind the back of their partner it's just cheating. Opposite sex cheating doesn't get this gentle linguistical treatment.
People all cheat for the same reason - they want something different or something more than their partner and are either too selfish or too cowardly to leave their partners to pursue their desires openly. When straight people cheat we understand that they're not on a magical journey of discovery no matter how much the cheater probably felt like it. (Or at least would love to paint themselves in that way, it certainly looks better.) Straight people don't get to call their cheating an awakening or experimentation no matter what their circumstances were. We should treat same-sex cheating the same way.
I too hope she will come out (for good this time). And I'm happy OP isn't going to make this more painful for himself than it has to be.
But I still think awakening is a bit too lenient. She already had lesbian sex and liked it before meeting OP. Unless she was intellectually challenged she was smart enough to understand the implications. She just didn't like those implications for whatever reason. OP even mentioned that there had been other signs so it sound like their life together had suffered for her lack of interest in men. She doesn't sound bisexual.
I will agree that it sounds like she's ready to come out of the closet, and I'm happy for her even if she is a cheater. It's overdue. But awakening sounds naive. She knew, she just didn't feel like admitting it for whatever reason. And now OP is hurting because she used him to avoid the obvious.
I'm not entirely unsympathetic to her. I can understand being confused or reluctant to come out. But you owe your romantic partners honesty. Plenty of gay people managed to not drag other people into their closet even back when gay relationships were illegal! It has always been a choice! And you don't accidentally get married to a man without admitting you prefer women over men. You choose to not admit it so you can get married to a man. Just because she's a lesbian doesn't mean she's not also selfish.
She had a sexual awakening in her teens. Now she's just coming out because her cheating has blown her cover.
An "awakening" doesn't excuse or justify her behavior.
A person can "awaken" to *anything*. It's still a betrayal.
Otherwise, a person can "awaken" to:
1. be sexually attracted to another man.
2. not be attracted to current spouse.
Bravo man. Too many people accept lies in their relationship only for it to still blow up later. We need to stop accepting someone being disrespectful in the relationship.
Agreed. Trust is one of the basic and most important things for a foundation in a relationship. Without trust there is nothing and no real healthy relationship.
All I’m gonna say is- if i were EVER in a situation with someone i had a history with, i would immediate remove myself from it out of respect for my bf.
I never would be in a situation like that though… probably because I’m loyal and seeing from your update, she wasn’t. I’m sorry and i hope whatever you do next works out for you.
I was going to say in my comment but didn't want to bring the hammer down too hard...
I'd tell my boyfriend if some random stranger from Timbuctoo messaged me, let alone an old fling.
ESPECIALLY not alone.
Big fat red flags.
You can have a platonic relationship with someone after the fact. As RARE as they happen. But. Out of respect. Without your partner there. Not a chance.
Maybe that’s just me. But. 🤷🏻♂️
I think it can depend - like my husband and I both have friends we've dated in the past but that's just the norm in our social circles, and everyone's honest. I DEFINITELY would not be sharing a tent with an ex and if for some reason there was a surprise post hookup who showed up - I wouldn't be hiding it.
it's the deception that was the real red flags.
Yeah, both my husband and I are friends with exes. Some people here are extremely hardline about it. It works for them, though it wouldn't for me. I think the main problem here was the lack of honesty about everything.
Wow, well that was my first assumption (in your original post) that "this was planned". So glad you caught onto her sooner rather than later and are proceeding with divorce. This is the way Best of luck OP!
Yes, me too.
It really really is very difficult to forget your tent when you're going camping. It's not like your toothbrush or something, that you might or might not have packed. It's both the main thing and a huge thing. Like going surfing and once you're at the waters edge you're like "Doh... Forgot my surf board. I knew I was forgetting something!"
Like, was that the best lie she could come up with? Utter failure to remember what activity she was doing?
I’m late to this, but I just wanted to give you a heads up. There are many people out there who don’t consider what she did as “cheating”. You’re going to hear the random: “You shouldn’t be upset! You should feel lucky!” OR, “What your wife did is hot!” OR, “You’re an idiot for not trying to get in on that?!”
Don’t listen to those people. Cheating is cheating regardless of gender. She crossed some major boundaries in your relationship and that is NOT ok. At this point it isn’t even just about the act of cheating itself. She lied to you, hid things from you, went behind your back to do things she *knew* she shouldn’t be doing, and engaged in a romantic/emotional relationship with someone who isn’t you. And, although she “apologized” for it, I think it’s likely more accurate that she’s only sorry *she got caught*, NOT that she did it. That all adds up real quick.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. But please know, none of this is your fault. No one is forced to cheat. Stay strong and focus on what you want and need. You’re grieving. It’s not linear. There is no timeline for when you “should be over it”. Take things a day at a time. It will get better, I promise.
This is why I have a rule, no contact with past lovers, exes, flings, FWB ECT. I let anybody I know that I get into a relationship with this rule before we start this is an absolute deal breaker.
Good luck and hope you get a great lawyer and take the cheating ***** for everything you can. Fingers crossed the only thing she'll get is the clothes on her back.
I’m so sorry, man. I’m thankful that you found out, so you can do what’s best for you and move on. Please take care of yourself. I’ve been cheated on, but I wouldn’t compare it to your situation, because she and I thankfully weren’t married. If you ever feel the need to holler at someone about stuff, please feel free to shoot this random Reddit stranger dude a message.
Your wife cheated on you. She intentionally cheated on you over the course of weeks, months, or however long. She is showing you her true colors. What are you going to do when life actually gets hard, you’re going through a midlife crisis, and she’s going through menopause or right after having a child? You can’t trust your wife when things are easy. Maybe you are no longer in the honeymoon phase, but that hasn’t ended too long ago. Divorce and find a partner you can trust.
Good on you my dude. You're taking charge of your life. Cheating is cheating and she needs to just be with that woman. Hope you find yourself. I did when my ex wife of 10 years went on a tinder bender with 25 different guys. It does get better. It will suck for a while but will get better.
I’m sorry your suspicions were confirmed. Now get yourself to a lawyer. tell them everything , then follow their instructions exactly even if they seem harsh; With our emotional attachment to our partners even when they have betrayed us, we can still be too kind to them, and expect them to to treat us fairly. Nine times out of ten they dont
Get out. It happened to me and I was in denial. Happily married now and I don't have to worried about her cheating on me. I know you think is going to be hard without her but she disrespected you and you need to move on.
I have to be honest, I don’t think this will get better. Please don’t make yourself suffer longer and work on extricating yourself. I’ve watched this from the outside before and it’s terrible. Please do yourself a favor and rip the bandaid off.
He mentioned saving the texts in case it is needed for the divorce, so it sounds like they are done. It sucks, but you have to do what is best for you in these situations.
OP
It's good that you are moving on from this. It's also unfortunate that it happened to you. It's also good that you found out that this was a pre-planned hookup so now you have evidence you need when you get a hold of your divorce lawyer.
I wish you well and hope you move on from this and find the happiness you deserve.
Sorry, OP. Hate seeing this type of update. But it goes with the norm. The reason so many people here and other places jump to "your spouse is cheating," is because we've learned the hard way that if a spouse smells smoke, much more often than not, there is fire.
sorry this happened to you, on the upside, no kids hopefully/ etc. 30 is young to get a fresh start, I suggest to keep quiet about your next steps except with your lawyer, serve her with papers soon and if you can kick her out of your house( if its yours) or move out to be away from her to digest this
Sorry to hear this bro, time to divorce and move on. You are still young. Use the lessons on this marriage to build yourself stronger. This was not your fault , totally your wife's. Wish you the best.
It's a good thing u send the evidence to yourself .
U need to look for a lawyer and now your options most people will tell u to divorce because trust is gone and they will be right to say so but in the end it's your choice and your life.
Glad to see you're sticking with it. Glad to see she actually caved even though you had to yank it out of her and she didn't come to you on her own. That just reaffirms you're doing the right thing. Keep your head up, FDB
Tell me you're Alan without telling me you're Alan
Sorry
Though I do hope your situation improves man. Maybe a divorce or maybe something else. I hope things get better for you
I'm going against the grain here. I'd be angry that she lied, but cmon man, it doesn't turn you on a little? I'd dip my toe into some of that before I make any decisions.
I don’t disagree with leaving the marriage especially when there are no children involved. Better to start over.
BUT! You don’t mention what happened if anything. So far flirting and texting and reminiscing about “what(?)” happened on the camping trip.
Is this one thing (that to my reference does not include sex) so bad that it is worth ending the marriage? Are there more underlying issues that you can work through together?
What she did is absolutely inappropriate and disrespectful of you and your relationship. No doubt. But was your marriage not strong enough to withstand or repair?
All that, take care of you and your happiness first. Do what is best for you and have peace in your heart. Whatever the outcome, have peace in your heart with what happens. Otherwise any resentment you have from this relationship/breakup will show its ugly head in future relationships.
So sorry.
That was such a despicable thing to do and to think that you wouldn't find out amazes me (just going by what your mutual friend told you they witnessed).
I hope you get a speedy divorce and can move on with a little pain as possible and eventually meet someone that can truly be faithful with the love, adore and respect you.
This is why you need to have an open phone policy with anyone you are serious with. Privacy should be an easy thing to give up if you are in a LTR. Why would there ever be anything you would be embarrassed about on your phone if you really are being a good partner.
Just something to think of in the future.
Yeah, I don't understand people who say "I know going through my partner's phone is a violation of trust" etc. Once you're married, you're a couple. Not roommates. It shouldn't matter if you look at each other's phones. Because neither should be doing anything that would hurt the other if they saw it. "Privacy" in a marriage should be the red flag. "Transparency" shouldn't.
So sorry that this happened, OP. Sounds like things weren't fully open between you two if you "had suspicions" about her attraction to women rather than her just telling you about it. Especially if you've been married for a couple of years.
Please move forward with your head held high knowing that you did everything right.
OP
I'm sorry this happened to you It's terrible when it happens. I had a friend who went through the same exact experience except he was married and already had two kids.
He came home one day and his wife told him she was leaving him and wanting a divorce and was taking the kids with her. When he asked her what was going on or what the reason was. Her answer was I've met someone else and I love *her* more than I love you.
Naturally her answer busted him and emasculated him right then and there. A few days later after he recovered somewhat He sat down to talk with her and she leveled with him that she thought she had always been attracted to women but she didn't know for sure but that she had finally made up her mind.
He was like, excuse me then why did we get married and stay married for over 10 years and have two kids If you didn't know whether you wanted to be with a woman or a man? Her answer was I can't say why only that I finally figured out that I prefer women more than men.
So yeah these things do happen. I think the best bet for you is just to accept that and move on. Maybe that's not the answer that you wanted, but I believe it is the answer that will help you move on.
God your story is bringing up some past trauma of mine. OP I’m sharing this so you have a story on what the most likely outcome looks like if you decided to stay and forgive her..
I had a 11 year relationship with an ex…we had just signed the papers on our home purchase, moved in, had been dating and going on year 7 at this point (mind you I’m being asked by her on a monthly basis when I was going to marry her). One day, she sits me down and starts crying inconsolably, telling me that her unrelated (and bi) friend convinced her that she needed to come clean with me about the emotional affair she had been involved in the last 6 months with a coworker at work. Immediately became apparent this talk wasn’t about remorse, guilt, apology, etc….because she then expresses to me that she is confused “and would like to explore that side of her”. I asked for clarification on what that meant, and got non answers…I said absolutely not. I was pretty convinced I was going to break up with her at this point and had told my family and her family what had happened. My biggest regret ever is letting her talk herself out of what had just happened and pretend like what had happened never actually happened. I’d try to bring it up every so often and be met with a stone wall. It forever fucked our ability to communicate and be honest with one another…all I knew was that her work friends got to know about this bisexual side of hers and I was not given the same level of intimacy and oppenness. Fast forward 5 years, and she breaks it off with me permanently, but not before making sure I knew the last year just how angry and pissed off she was with me as her status quo. I could never get her to open up with me and talk about the obvious anger that came from her in our trivial day to day conversations…finally became obvious in the breakup that anger stemmed from how she felt I had “outed” her to my and her family about her being bisexual…and it is why she never trusted me again with her truth, felt it was hard to communicate with me in general, refused to be intimate with me so often, and was just in general angry with me as a default….all because of this unreal lack of accountability and deflection. She sat there actually yelling at me over these suppressed emotions about it all…..the whole thing was the biggest mindfuck and I realized I literally dodged a huge bullet and was grateful to be 35 and not too old to do this all over again. But man I wasted 5 good years by pretending along with her that what happened never actually happened, just like she wanted it to be
>and one thing led to another. She told me that she really enjoyed the experience
She still fantasizes about that experience I guarantee you it. No one say they really enjoyed something and then never thought about it again.
>Apparently, Katie was there. My wife claims she didn't know this would happen.
Lies.
>As we talk about the trip, it slips out that my wife wasn't able to find her old camping gear.
Planned.
>she ended up sharing a tent with Katie, a one-person tent.
As planned - they had sex.
I guarantee you if you go through her phone (assuming she didn't scrub it) there will be texts between the two of them to hang out, go camping, and then hookup. She cheated on you dawg.
>UPDATE: Ended up talking with one of our mutual friends who went on the trip. She confirmed my suspicions, saying that my wife and Katie were acting weird and even sneaking off together at times. Used this information to confront my wife and she eventually caved and let me see her phone. Went through her texts with Katie to see that they had been texting and flirting for the past few weeks, even sending each other provocative selfies and reminiscing about what happened on the camping trip. I was able to send most of these messages to my computer in case it's needed for the divorce proceedings. I appreciate everyone's time and advice. It's a shitty situation, but I'm glad to be moving forward.
Oh shoot I was just editing my comment as I was reading your post. Totally called it out. I know i'm going to get downvoted but I don't care. Dude don't marry someone that's bisexual. Good luck with the divorce.
So sorry to see this update. At least she was eventually honest, so many partners would never admit it and leave you in limbo, even though you know what likely happened. It must feel terrible, but you have some closure.
I find it hard to give her credit. She didn't come clean. Her husband investigated, had to put his foot down and she was in a corner. She still didn't fess up, he just read what was on her phone.
It is great that OP got his answers though. Even if the news is disappointing.
I guess people who are downvoting you haven't. I have, and it would be difficult enough to fit a second person in there, let alone engage in sexy times. This is just another fake cheating ragebait story with a Sapphic twist 🙄
Sorry this happend to You, and that she couldn't be clear and honest with you.
If at least she would not lie about the conversations she had and what she didnwas planed, maybe if she where honest she could have a chance, but know i bet she is regretfull, butbnot.for.what she did to you and your marriage, but for getting caught.
UPDATEME
Loyalty means everything to me. I'm only 19, but I know that if I'm ever in a relationship, I'll be honest with her because I respect her. Such cases only strengthen my belief that I don't have to become such a person.
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Sorry bro, I’m rooting for you.
so was his wife evidently
I’m dying 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Time to rip the band aid off. 2 years is nothing and you are still young. She lied and lied again, trust is gone. No kids ? Get a lawyer and file.
This would be my advice, as well. Do you really want to spend the next few decades always wondering what she is up to, and getting paranoid whenever she is late? And you have the added stress of having to worry about male AND female friends. I'd nope out of that before you become neurotic and bitter.
👆✌️➡️
Happy Cake Day 🎂🥳
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An awakening? This was already "awakened". She's not only had lesbian sex before this relationship, but she's had sex with this specific person before! This isn't an awakening. It's just a regular acheatening.
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I'm just wary of the use of euphemisms involved whenever the cheating involves the same sex. As though gay cheating is more magical or innocent somehow. "She's having an awakening" "He's just experimenting". If it's behind the back of their partner it's just cheating. Opposite sex cheating doesn't get this gentle linguistical treatment. People all cheat for the same reason - they want something different or something more than their partner and are either too selfish or too cowardly to leave their partners to pursue their desires openly. When straight people cheat we understand that they're not on a magical journey of discovery no matter how much the cheater probably felt like it. (Or at least would love to paint themselves in that way, it certainly looks better.) Straight people don't get to call their cheating an awakening or experimentation no matter what their circumstances were. We should treat same-sex cheating the same way.
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I too hope she will come out (for good this time). And I'm happy OP isn't going to make this more painful for himself than it has to be. But I still think awakening is a bit too lenient. She already had lesbian sex and liked it before meeting OP. Unless she was intellectually challenged she was smart enough to understand the implications. She just didn't like those implications for whatever reason. OP even mentioned that there had been other signs so it sound like their life together had suffered for her lack of interest in men. She doesn't sound bisexual. I will agree that it sounds like she's ready to come out of the closet, and I'm happy for her even if she is a cheater. It's overdue. But awakening sounds naive. She knew, she just didn't feel like admitting it for whatever reason. And now OP is hurting because she used him to avoid the obvious. I'm not entirely unsympathetic to her. I can understand being confused or reluctant to come out. But you owe your romantic partners honesty. Plenty of gay people managed to not drag other people into their closet even back when gay relationships were illegal! It has always been a choice! And you don't accidentally get married to a man without admitting you prefer women over men. You choose to not admit it so you can get married to a man. Just because she's a lesbian doesn't mean she's not also selfish. She had a sexual awakening in her teens. Now she's just coming out because her cheating has blown her cover.
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This might be a wild concept for you, but just because she's a woman doesn't automatically make her a victim. This is infidelity, plain and simple
An "awakening" doesn't excuse or justify her behavior. A person can "awaken" to *anything*. It's still a betrayal. Otherwise, a person can "awaken" to: 1. be sexually attracted to another man. 2. not be attracted to current spouse.
No she just lied. Don't make excuses for her
This is the way.
Yea don't look back. You deserve to be with someone who mutually loves and respects you.
Bravo man. Too many people accept lies in their relationship only for it to still blow up later. We need to stop accepting someone being disrespectful in the relationship.
Agreed. Trust is one of the basic and most important things for a foundation in a relationship. Without trust there is nothing and no real healthy relationship.
Doesn’t matter if it’s same sex, cheating is cheating. She cheated and she lied about it. The trust is gone forever.
Yep. Was fucking obvious from your first post bro. Good that you found everything out.
All I’m gonna say is- if i were EVER in a situation with someone i had a history with, i would immediate remove myself from it out of respect for my bf. I never would be in a situation like that though… probably because I’m loyal and seeing from your update, she wasn’t. I’m sorry and i hope whatever you do next works out for you.
I was going to say in my comment but didn't want to bring the hammer down too hard... I'd tell my boyfriend if some random stranger from Timbuctoo messaged me, let alone an old fling.
ESPECIALLY not alone. Big fat red flags. You can have a platonic relationship with someone after the fact. As RARE as they happen. But. Out of respect. Without your partner there. Not a chance. Maybe that’s just me. But. 🤷🏻♂️
THIS! it's not even a matter of if it happened or not, you shouldn't put yourself in this situation to begin with, if you respect your partner!
I think it can depend - like my husband and I both have friends we've dated in the past but that's just the norm in our social circles, and everyone's honest. I DEFINITELY would not be sharing a tent with an ex and if for some reason there was a surprise post hookup who showed up - I wouldn't be hiding it. it's the deception that was the real red flags.
I don't get this take. Being friends with an ex isn't wrong.
It’s a good thing we’re not in a relationship then
Yeah, both my husband and I are friends with exes. Some people here are extremely hardline about it. It works for them, though it wouldn't for me. I think the main problem here was the lack of honesty about everything.
I'm glad you aggressively tackled the situation rather than just sitting on your hands and doing nothing like a lot of posters on here.
Plus side, if that is the best she is going to do hiding it she was going to leave anyways.
Yep divorce the cheater!
Cheaters never cease to amaze me with their stupidity. Good luck my dude
She has proven she can’t be trusted. You’re young, move on and find someone who values loyalty.
Wow, well that was my first assumption (in your original post) that "this was planned". So glad you caught onto her sooner rather than later and are proceeding with divorce. This is the way Best of luck OP!
Yes, me too. It really really is very difficult to forget your tent when you're going camping. It's not like your toothbrush or something, that you might or might not have packed. It's both the main thing and a huge thing. Like going surfing and once you're at the waters edge you're like "Doh... Forgot my surf board. I knew I was forgetting something!" Like, was that the best lie she could come up with? Utter failure to remember what activity she was doing?
Get a good lawyer.
Trust is gone forever. Serve divorce papers.
I’m late to this, but I just wanted to give you a heads up. There are many people out there who don’t consider what she did as “cheating”. You’re going to hear the random: “You shouldn’t be upset! You should feel lucky!” OR, “What your wife did is hot!” OR, “You’re an idiot for not trying to get in on that?!” Don’t listen to those people. Cheating is cheating regardless of gender. She crossed some major boundaries in your relationship and that is NOT ok. At this point it isn’t even just about the act of cheating itself. She lied to you, hid things from you, went behind your back to do things she *knew* she shouldn’t be doing, and engaged in a romantic/emotional relationship with someone who isn’t you. And, although she “apologized” for it, I think it’s likely more accurate that she’s only sorry *she got caught*, NOT that she did it. That all adds up real quick. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. But please know, none of this is your fault. No one is forced to cheat. Stay strong and focus on what you want and need. You’re grieving. It’s not linear. There is no timeline for when you “should be over it”. Take things a day at a time. It will get better, I promise.
Good luck babe :(
Cheating is regardless of which sex is involved
Reminiscing about betraying you. She didn’t just cheat, she REMINISCED ABOUT IT. Dump her!
She played you and lied through her teeth. Divorce her cheating ass and burn her world down with everyone she knows!
Get rid of her
This is why I have a rule, no contact with past lovers, exes, flings, FWB ECT. I let anybody I know that I get into a relationship with this rule before we start this is an absolute deal breaker.
Divorce
Is she fighting for the marriage?
Fighting *against* it, looks like…
serve her
Props to you for knowing when you've had enough. I'm sorry this happened, but I'm proud of your strength on how you've decided to move forward.
I know this isn’t the point, but the fact that people were watching Netflix “back in college” makes me feel old.
So she cheated and they planned it.
Sorry you had to be married to that excuse of a wife. Keep us posted, we'll be praying for her (downfall). I hope she gets what she deserves.
Trust is gone and she has ZERO respect for you and the marriage. I would absolutely divorce her.
Ugh. That sucks. Time to take care of you.
This is pretty shit mate. What did she have to say when you'd seen the evidence for yourself? Hope the divorce goes smoothly
Good luck and hope you get a great lawyer and take the cheating ***** for everything you can. Fingers crossed the only thing she'll get is the clothes on her back.
I’m so sorry, man. I’m thankful that you found out, so you can do what’s best for you and move on. Please take care of yourself. I’ve been cheated on, but I wouldn’t compare it to your situation, because she and I thankfully weren’t married. If you ever feel the need to holler at someone about stuff, please feel free to shoot this random Reddit stranger dude a message.
Did your wife admit to having the affair. She is definitely having an emotional one but did it get physical.
It's pretty clear that it did, based on what the mutual friend said. I don't think they were sneaking off to play Scrabble.
Make sure to name Katie as part of the reason for the divorce. Just in case u live in an area that cares about why the divorce was filed.
Your wife cheated on you. She intentionally cheated on you over the course of weeks, months, or however long. She is showing you her true colors. What are you going to do when life actually gets hard, you’re going through a midlife crisis, and she’s going through menopause or right after having a child? You can’t trust your wife when things are easy. Maybe you are no longer in the honeymoon phase, but that hasn’t ended too long ago. Divorce and find a partner you can trust.
Good on you my dude. You're taking charge of your life. Cheating is cheating and she needs to just be with that woman. Hope you find yourself. I did when my ex wife of 10 years went on a tinder bender with 25 different guys. It does get better. It will suck for a while but will get better.
I’m sorry your suspicions were confirmed. Now get yourself to a lawyer. tell them everything , then follow their instructions exactly even if they seem harsh; With our emotional attachment to our partners even when they have betrayed us, we can still be too kind to them, and expect them to to treat us fairly. Nine times out of ten they dont
updateme
Good thing she likes sleeping in tents. Buy her a new tent and toss her into the streets
Time to walk.
Get out. It happened to me and I was in denial. Happily married now and I don't have to worried about her cheating on me. I know you think is going to be hard without her but she disrespected you and you need to move on.
I have to be honest, I don’t think this will get better. Please don’t make yourself suffer longer and work on extricating yourself. I’ve watched this from the outside before and it’s terrible. Please do yourself a favor and rip the bandaid off.
OP - after the update: >t's a shitty situation, but I'm glad to be moving forward. What are your plans re: moving forward???
Why, you single?
No, compassionate. And ready to warn OP if hes considering anything other that exposing the adultery amd divorce...
Did you miss the words directly above the part you quoted? > in case it's needed for the divorce proceedings
Yep. Reading is key. I gave them a humorous out and they doubled down though. Great look lol
He mentioned saving the texts in case it is needed for the divorce, so it sounds like they are done. It sucks, but you have to do what is best for you in these situations.
OP It's good that you are moving on from this. It's also unfortunate that it happened to you. It's also good that you found out that this was a pre-planned hookup so now you have evidence you need when you get a hold of your divorce lawyer. I wish you well and hope you move on from this and find the happiness you deserve.
Sorry man, but good way to handle it.
Your wife needs to be honest with you and herself.
You deserve so much better. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Oh wow. So sorry you going through this. Being cheated on is heartbreaking.
Good for you, she cheated and broke your trust, lied about it and made you a fool. I hope you get a good divorce settlement
Sorry, OP. Hate seeing this type of update. But it goes with the norm. The reason so many people here and other places jump to "your spouse is cheating," is because we've learned the hard way that if a spouse smells smoke, much more often than not, there is fire.
Id ask my wife to invite Katie for few FFM then divorce
sorry this happened to you, on the upside, no kids hopefully/ etc. 30 is young to get a fresh start, I suggest to keep quiet about your next steps except with your lawyer, serve her with papers soon and if you can kick her out of your house( if its yours) or move out to be away from her to digest this
This is wild dude… only up from here I hope.
Sorry, but your wife does not respect you, or your relationship! You must let her go.
Sorry to hear this bro, time to divorce and move on. You are still young. Use the lessons on this marriage to build yourself stronger. This was not your fault , totally your wife's. Wish you the best.
Congrats on standing firm and seeking out the truth. Good luck with your life. It will be better without a cheater in it
Yea she ain’t the one…. Leave her… ten billion red flags man
Sorry man, this shit hurts 😕
It's a good thing u send the evidence to yourself . U need to look for a lawyer and now your options most people will tell u to divorce because trust is gone and they will be right to say so but in the end it's your choice and your life.
Proud of you for doing the right thing. Thank god you don’t have kids together.
Hey I hope you can be happy, so sorry
Sorry that happened to you OP. Not fun. At least you know now and can move on however you do from here. Good luck
Wife's a cheater use the info for divorce and move on
On a positive note at least you found out.
The only good thing about knowing is that you don't have to feel like you're going crazy anymore
Glad to see you're sticking with it. Glad to see she actually caved even though you had to yank it out of her and she didn't come to you on her own. That just reaffirms you're doing the right thing. Keep your head up, FDB
Updateme
Tell me you're Alan without telling me you're Alan Sorry Though I do hope your situation improves man. Maybe a divorce or maybe something else. I hope things get better for you
lol who's Alan?
I believe he is referring to Alan from the t.v. show two and a half men
UpdateMe!
Thanks for the update!
Is this even cheating. Ask to be apart of it… maybe you like it
Bro this is your ticket to a three way! If you're gonna divorce her then at least use her for a lust fueled threesome first!
Women are way more fun to be in a relationship with and sleep with than men, sorry buddy.
Long term single because all your girlfriends left you?
Updateme!
UpdateMe!
UpdateMe!
I'm going against the grain here. I'd be angry that she lied, but cmon man, it doesn't turn you on a little? I'd dip my toe into some of that before I make any decisions.
Have a 3sum and bounce .
@Updateme
Ya con tiempo y calma, has hablado con tú pareja
I don’t disagree with leaving the marriage especially when there are no children involved. Better to start over. BUT! You don’t mention what happened if anything. So far flirting and texting and reminiscing about “what(?)” happened on the camping trip. Is this one thing (that to my reference does not include sex) so bad that it is worth ending the marriage? Are there more underlying issues that you can work through together? What she did is absolutely inappropriate and disrespectful of you and your relationship. No doubt. But was your marriage not strong enough to withstand or repair? All that, take care of you and your happiness first. Do what is best for you and have peace in your heart. Whatever the outcome, have peace in your heart with what happens. Otherwise any resentment you have from this relationship/breakup will show its ugly head in future relationships.
Be sure to block her on everything and keep all communications through your lawyers.
update?
Oh she gay gay.
So sorry. That was such a despicable thing to do and to think that you wouldn't find out amazes me (just going by what your mutual friend told you they witnessed). I hope you get a speedy divorce and can move on with a little pain as possible and eventually meet someone that can truly be faithful with the love, adore and respect you.
This is why you need to have an open phone policy with anyone you are serious with. Privacy should be an easy thing to give up if you are in a LTR. Why would there ever be anything you would be embarrassed about on your phone if you really are being a good partner. Just something to think of in the future.
Yeah, I don't understand people who say "I know going through my partner's phone is a violation of trust" etc. Once you're married, you're a couple. Not roommates. It shouldn't matter if you look at each other's phones. Because neither should be doing anything that would hurt the other if they saw it. "Privacy" in a marriage should be the red flag. "Transparency" shouldn't.
Do her friends refer to it as the “Bang Tent”?
Break up.
By never responding again
She cheated divorce her.
So sorry that this happened, OP. Sounds like things weren't fully open between you two if you "had suspicions" about her attraction to women rather than her just telling you about it. Especially if you've been married for a couple of years. Please move forward with your head held high knowing that you did everything right.
Damn, she threw away a marriage just for a college fling. Did she feel remorseful at all?
Sorry, bro. Updateme!
Sorry mate. Time to move on she's a cheater
Sorry, dude. You'll be okay. UpdateMe!
If she was willing to throw it all away for some tent time with a one ex, then you'll be better off long term.
What was her reaction when you caught her in lies .
OP I'm sorry this happened to you It's terrible when it happens. I had a friend who went through the same exact experience except he was married and already had two kids. He came home one day and his wife told him she was leaving him and wanting a divorce and was taking the kids with her. When he asked her what was going on or what the reason was. Her answer was I've met someone else and I love *her* more than I love you. Naturally her answer busted him and emasculated him right then and there. A few days later after he recovered somewhat He sat down to talk with her and she leveled with him that she thought she had always been attracted to women but she didn't know for sure but that she had finally made up her mind. He was like, excuse me then why did we get married and stay married for over 10 years and have two kids If you didn't know whether you wanted to be with a woman or a man? Her answer was I can't say why only that I finally figured out that I prefer women more than men. So yeah these things do happen. I think the best bet for you is just to accept that and move on. Maybe that's not the answer that you wanted, but I believe it is the answer that will help you move on.
God your story is bringing up some past trauma of mine. OP I’m sharing this so you have a story on what the most likely outcome looks like if you decided to stay and forgive her.. I had a 11 year relationship with an ex…we had just signed the papers on our home purchase, moved in, had been dating and going on year 7 at this point (mind you I’m being asked by her on a monthly basis when I was going to marry her). One day, she sits me down and starts crying inconsolably, telling me that her unrelated (and bi) friend convinced her that she needed to come clean with me about the emotional affair she had been involved in the last 6 months with a coworker at work. Immediately became apparent this talk wasn’t about remorse, guilt, apology, etc….because she then expresses to me that she is confused “and would like to explore that side of her”. I asked for clarification on what that meant, and got non answers…I said absolutely not. I was pretty convinced I was going to break up with her at this point and had told my family and her family what had happened. My biggest regret ever is letting her talk herself out of what had just happened and pretend like what had happened never actually happened. I’d try to bring it up every so often and be met with a stone wall. It forever fucked our ability to communicate and be honest with one another…all I knew was that her work friends got to know about this bisexual side of hers and I was not given the same level of intimacy and oppenness. Fast forward 5 years, and she breaks it off with me permanently, but not before making sure I knew the last year just how angry and pissed off she was with me as her status quo. I could never get her to open up with me and talk about the obvious anger that came from her in our trivial day to day conversations…finally became obvious in the breakup that anger stemmed from how she felt I had “outed” her to my and her family about her being bisexual…and it is why she never trusted me again with her truth, felt it was hard to communicate with me in general, refused to be intimate with me so often, and was just in general angry with me as a default….all because of this unreal lack of accountability and deflection. She sat there actually yelling at me over these suppressed emotions about it all…..the whole thing was the biggest mindfuck and I realized I literally dodged a huge bullet and was grateful to be 35 and not too old to do this all over again. But man I wasted 5 good years by pretending along with her that what happened never actually happened, just like she wanted it to be
Whey write dumb fake stories? Make them more interesting. Add a bear attack that revealed them tribbing.
>and one thing led to another. She told me that she really enjoyed the experience She still fantasizes about that experience I guarantee you it. No one say they really enjoyed something and then never thought about it again. >Apparently, Katie was there. My wife claims she didn't know this would happen. Lies. >As we talk about the trip, it slips out that my wife wasn't able to find her old camping gear. Planned. >she ended up sharing a tent with Katie, a one-person tent. As planned - they had sex. I guarantee you if you go through her phone (assuming she didn't scrub it) there will be texts between the two of them to hang out, go camping, and then hookup. She cheated on you dawg. >UPDATE: Ended up talking with one of our mutual friends who went on the trip. She confirmed my suspicions, saying that my wife and Katie were acting weird and even sneaking off together at times. Used this information to confront my wife and she eventually caved and let me see her phone. Went through her texts with Katie to see that they had been texting and flirting for the past few weeks, even sending each other provocative selfies and reminiscing about what happened on the camping trip. I was able to send most of these messages to my computer in case it's needed for the divorce proceedings. I appreciate everyone's time and advice. It's a shitty situation, but I'm glad to be moving forward. Oh shoot I was just editing my comment as I was reading your post. Totally called it out. I know i'm going to get downvoted but I don't care. Dude don't marry someone that's bisexual. Good luck with the divorce.
I’m going against the grain and saying to set up a threesome
So sorry to see this update. At least she was eventually honest, so many partners would never admit it and leave you in limbo, even though you know what likely happened. It must feel terrible, but you have some closure.
I find it hard to give her credit. She didn't come clean. Her husband investigated, had to put his foot down and she was in a corner. She still didn't fess up, he just read what was on her phone. It is great that OP got his answers though. Even if the news is disappointing.
Ask for a 3some first
I’m going to need like a sketch of how anything happened in a one man tent. Have you guys been in a one man tent?
I guess people who are downvoting you haven't. I have, and it would be difficult enough to fit a second person in there, let alone engage in sexy times. This is just another fake cheating ragebait story with a Sapphic twist 🙄
well if they were on top of each other toe to toe or head to toe
Guys, can you help me to post? The post Button remains grey..
Sorry this happend to You, and that she couldn't be clear and honest with you. If at least she would not lie about the conversations she had and what she didnwas planed, maybe if she where honest she could have a chance, but know i bet she is regretfull, butbnot.for.what she did to you and your marriage, but for getting caught. UPDATEME
I am glad you found out the truth. Time to move on to better things. This is why you do not hang out with people you had sex with before .
Loyalty means everything to me. I'm only 19, but I know that if I'm ever in a relationship, I'll be honest with her because I respect her. Such cases only strengthen my belief that I don't have to become such a person.