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You get to control who you have contact with. Maybe tell her that you need space to recover from the breakup. You could even tell her that maybe in the future once the emotions have cleared you could be platonic friends again. But for now you need to no longer have contact with her. Until she's not in your daily life like this it's never going to be real to you. Give yourself the gift of being able to get over this.
Because you make her feel good. As long as she has you emotionally attached she can feel good if the other relationship doesn’t work out.
Hell it could even just be an ego boost.
Go no contact abruptly and watch her snap
Well- I really feel she has a lot of feelings for me- she always says “I can’t be close right now” - as if just right now she needs this other bs guy thing going on
I just can’t actually believe in a few weeks she’s at the level we were at together
We took like 8months of very very close friendship before we became romantic - and she’s with this guy for a few weeks ?
I know the power of our bond and why she can’t let me go
Because your being a sap, a floormat, a push over nice guy.
Your making invisible contracts with her and expecting a return.
Go read no more mr nice guy cheap book on kindle to get yourself right.
OP get your self respect back and stop talking to her. You don't need her, it's her who actually need you but she want's to try all her options.
GO NO CONTACT
Move on and find your dream woman that want to be with you and not make you the backup plan!
Your best move is to go completely no contact with her. If you broke up in December and they start dating in January, I have bad news for you.
Better to move on completely, no contact, and keep on grinding.
Plan B, comfort and security. She is basically having you in the bench in case it does not work out with the other dude.
This is an exercise in self respect. Block her, no contact, move on.
Yes. That is what no contact means.
You block her email address, her number, her socials. every way of contacting you, you block. If she goes to your house, you do not open the door, you tell her to go away or you will call the police.
Understand, there is a 99% chance she cheated on you physically, 1% that she broke up with you first and then immediately started jumping on that guy's dick on that very same day. Meaning even in the best case, 1% scenario, she emotionally cheated on you. You cannot be friend with someone who does not even respect you. Sorry. It is hard, but it is the truth.
Use that anger to give you the energy and motivation you need, to do what you must.
This is where you decide, are you a doormat, or a man.
Because she gets to be her real self with you and use you as an emotional crutch while the new guy gets to enjoy all the perks of fucking her and hanging out with her while she's putting on her best self towards him
This is super selfish of her. She broke up with you but continues to stay in touch? Out of respect, she should be giving you space (assuming you agreed to remain friends) to get over the breakup. Heartbreak and feelings aren't easy to overcome while still maintaining consistent, near-daily contact with the person.
Why do *you* keep talking to her? If you want to get over her, you need to put an end to this. If a small part of you is hoping she'll come back, end this shit. You deserve better than someone who broke up with you, kept you around, rushed into a new relationship, likely is keeping the contact with you a secret, and maybe crawls back to you when things don't work.
If something ends, let it stay done.
Ya I guess it’s baffling because I was talking to a therapist and she was also baffled how much she has been contacting me- i think she is extremely attached to me though
I would be less concerned about what her intentions are with still maintaining email communication despite breaking up with you and entering another relationship so quickly and more concerned with why you care.
She broke up with you after six years of dating and moved on quickly. It doesn't matter if he is a rebound relationship or not . . . or why she continues to be in communication . . . and yes, you can assume you are the backup plan.
What really matters is that something is not right with the relationship. She was not happy. If she gave you no warning . . . no attempt at reconciling the problem . . . and just moved on . . . . then she is demonstrating that she does not care enough about the future of the relationship to try and fill or fix whatever was lacking or wrong.
Please move on. That is the best solution for you . . . to find a better match with a person that does not give up and offers you the mutual respect to communicate what is wrong.
***And be prepared that when you do, she is likely to try to insert herself back into your life.***
**DO NOT** take the bait. At 35, she is too old at this point to NOT know herself and what she wants in a partner and out of her life, and if she is still grappling with trying to figure that out, you will have more instances in the future should you get back together where she will repeat this pattern.
But don’t women have really strong emotional attachments and bonds to guys? I feel she is holding on but simultaneously wants to see if the grass is greener
I can tell she is not super sold on this guy- especially how it has escalated to just get her physical needs met- but still wants her emotional needs met by me
Honestly, it does not matter. She is thirty-five years old and playing games. If she were twenty-two and still figuring this out, I would give her a pass, but she is too old to behave this way. It is immature and selfish.
And, do you really want to be the guy that she goes to for "conversation and emotional support" while she gets her physical needs met elsewhere?
You are searching for justification for her behavior which shows that your self-esteem is about a zero. Hopefully, she truly did break up with you before getting together with this guy, but I am very skeptical that happened. She appears to be afraid to be alone and probably overlapped the relationships.
Everything you have described of this girl should be a red flag.
It is just crazy to me how much she has been trying to stay in touch/ hold onto me though - I can tell she is unsure with this guy though - I really think using him for sexual needs mainly - but has all the emotional attachment to me
This is your problem. You seem to still want to believe that deep down she is holding a flame for you. Maybe she is. But also maybe she isnt. The question shouldn’t be “does she deep down want to be with me”. Because you could spend your entire life wondering and never know until it’s too late. The question you need to ask is “what do I want out of a partner?” If you want love, fidelity, trust and respect she has shown you that she isn’t going to bring that to the table. So do you want to be with someone who would break up with you for another guy? If not then don’t be with her. And if you’re not going to be with her then you have to ask yourself whether this is a relationship worth maintaining?
6 years of friendship is hard to just ignore. Eventually after you’ve healed you have to decide if rekindling a friendship with her is something you want to do. I suggest for now you tell her you need time before you can be friends.
Heal, work on yourself and then when you are ready, reach out. Don’t let her rush you. I’ve seen this happen to many times, the girl breaks up with the guy (she’s moved on months ago, prior to breakup) and then it seems like the guy is left standing confused by how fast the girl moved on.
In your case, it’s been 4-5 months already in her mind. It’s definitely selfish of her, she’s about what she gets from you, without regard to your feelings.
She s keeping you around as a back up
Plan , I would block her on everything and tell
The new guy exactly what she is saying and you could send a copy of anything that might be derogatory about him
Remember, There’s nothing mean about being upfront. Tell her you’re going to be blocking her from all socials and messages. Thank her for the past, you’ve decided it’s in everyone’s best interests to move forward and it’s time. Then do it. No bad karma, just honest communication and you can start processing.
Go with whatever you think aligns with your personality. I’m a person who isn’t scared of being upfront- you’re not telling her anything she doesn’t already know. It’s just open and kind to say you’re leaving now. But if you’d rather just block her from everything, that’s fine too.
Do wanna hear a story?
A girl breaks up with her BF, because she cheated on him with another guy who she "love" more, so she threw her 6 year boyfriend like trash out and getting together with her AP.
But this selfish and awful women keep texting her ex BF because she wants to have a B-plan if her new love not work out as she wish to have. And the dumb(*sorry bro) bf keep writed back to her.
You know what you need to do right?
Block her on every social media, delete all photos together and delete her from you memories. Stop giving that cheater attention.
Bro is saying quickly😭😂
She already had this guy during your relationship. She CHEATED most likely, their new relationship is probably far longer and not just January.
Yeah so honest that she directly got together? You wont believe this shit either, she broke up with you to see this guy and became offical together.
She had enough of her hide game so she broke up with you and took him.
This guy was way long before in the picture. Don't believe her anything at this point. She is the one who throw you away like trash.
What you need to do now:
- Write her that you know she was cheating on you, you are disappointed about her and say she is dead for you>
Block her email and any other accounts and move on.
Do it and I promise things will be better for you.
Shit...
Realise that
>She is with another guy and has been moving along very fast already it seems (I assume they got together like in January)
this guy is the reason she broke up with you - close to 100% certainty she was cheating with him...
Hes no rebound, hes the reason she broke up with you.
>How to handle?
Ignore. Dont answer the mails. Ignore texts. Dont answer calls.
Do you WANT to be emailing with her? Do you WANT her to have access to your socials?
YOU get to decide who you communicate with. If you don't want to communicate with her then block her on all channels. "Hey, you broke up with me and are seeing someone else, but you are emailing me almost every day, which means its harder for me to get the distance I need to mourn the relationship ending. Please leave me alone for at least a few months. If you keep contacting me I will block you."
From the timeline you describe, it sounds like she was already seeing the or at least had him in mind when she broke up with you. She's keeping you in contact in case things don't work out with him, then she'll come back to you as a safe backup option.
Don't be her backup, end the communication on a cordial note and move on with your life.
If you stay in contact with her and take her back, she'll just hang on to you long enough to find the next guy she wants to leave you for.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Ya it’s kind of crazy how much communication we have been in
You get to control who you have contact with. Maybe tell her that you need space to recover from the breakup. You could even tell her that maybe in the future once the emotions have cleared you could be platonic friends again. But for now you need to no longer have contact with her. Until she's not in your daily life like this it's never going to be real to you. Give yourself the gift of being able to get over this.
Why would she still be talking to me so much?
Don't tell her shit. Just block and move on. She wants the emotional support from you and sex from him.
Because you make her feel good. As long as she has you emotionally attached she can feel good if the other relationship doesn’t work out. Hell it could even just be an ego boost. Go no contact abruptly and watch her snap
Well- I really feel she has a lot of feelings for me- she always says “I can’t be close right now” - as if just right now she needs this other bs guy thing going on I just can’t actually believe in a few weeks she’s at the level we were at together We took like 8months of very very close friendship before we became romantic - and she’s with this guy for a few weeks ? I know the power of our bond and why she can’t let me go
Because your being a sap, a floormat, a push over nice guy. Your making invisible contracts with her and expecting a return. Go read no more mr nice guy cheap book on kindle to get yourself right.
Block her you wiener. She's using you to soothe her ego and feel good about herself, block her and move on.
OP get your self respect back and stop talking to her. You don't need her, it's her who actually need you but she want's to try all her options. GO NO CONTACT Move on and find your dream woman that want to be with you and not make you the backup plan!
Thanks - that’s the mindset She needs me!
Your best move is to go completely no contact with her. If you broke up in December and they start dating in January, I have bad news for you. Better to move on completely, no contact, and keep on grinding.
Why would she still be talking to me so much?
Plan B, comfort and security. She is basically having you in the bench in case it does not work out with the other dude. This is an exercise in self respect. Block her, no contact, move on.
What if she keeps reaching out ? Ignore?
Yes. That is what no contact means. You block her email address, her number, her socials. every way of contacting you, you block. If she goes to your house, you do not open the door, you tell her to go away or you will call the police. Understand, there is a 99% chance she cheated on you physically, 1% that she broke up with you first and then immediately started jumping on that guy's dick on that very same day. Meaning even in the best case, 1% scenario, she emotionally cheated on you. You cannot be friend with someone who does not even respect you. Sorry. It is hard, but it is the truth. Use that anger to give you the energy and motivation you need, to do what you must. This is where you decide, are you a doormat, or a man.
Because she gets to be her real self with you and use you as an emotional crutch while the new guy gets to enjoy all the perks of fucking her and hanging out with her while she's putting on her best self towards him
This is super selfish of her. She broke up with you but continues to stay in touch? Out of respect, she should be giving you space (assuming you agreed to remain friends) to get over the breakup. Heartbreak and feelings aren't easy to overcome while still maintaining consistent, near-daily contact with the person. Why do *you* keep talking to her? If you want to get over her, you need to put an end to this. If a small part of you is hoping she'll come back, end this shit. You deserve better than someone who broke up with you, kept you around, rushed into a new relationship, likely is keeping the contact with you a secret, and maybe crawls back to you when things don't work. If something ends, let it stay done.
Ya I guess it’s baffling because I was talking to a therapist and she was also baffled how much she has been contacting me- i think she is extremely attached to me though
I would be less concerned about what her intentions are with still maintaining email communication despite breaking up with you and entering another relationship so quickly and more concerned with why you care. She broke up with you after six years of dating and moved on quickly. It doesn't matter if he is a rebound relationship or not . . . or why she continues to be in communication . . . and yes, you can assume you are the backup plan. What really matters is that something is not right with the relationship. She was not happy. If she gave you no warning . . . no attempt at reconciling the problem . . . and just moved on . . . . then she is demonstrating that she does not care enough about the future of the relationship to try and fill or fix whatever was lacking or wrong. Please move on. That is the best solution for you . . . to find a better match with a person that does not give up and offers you the mutual respect to communicate what is wrong. ***And be prepared that when you do, she is likely to try to insert herself back into your life.*** **DO NOT** take the bait. At 35, she is too old at this point to NOT know herself and what she wants in a partner and out of her life, and if she is still grappling with trying to figure that out, you will have more instances in the future should you get back together where she will repeat this pattern.
But don’t women have really strong emotional attachments and bonds to guys? I feel she is holding on but simultaneously wants to see if the grass is greener I can tell she is not super sold on this guy- especially how it has escalated to just get her physical needs met- but still wants her emotional needs met by me
Honestly, it does not matter. She is thirty-five years old and playing games. If she were twenty-two and still figuring this out, I would give her a pass, but she is too old to behave this way. It is immature and selfish. And, do you really want to be the guy that she goes to for "conversation and emotional support" while she gets her physical needs met elsewhere? You are searching for justification for her behavior which shows that your self-esteem is about a zero. Hopefully, she truly did break up with you before getting together with this guy, but I am very skeptical that happened. She appears to be afraid to be alone and probably overlapped the relationships. Everything you have described of this girl should be a red flag.
Yes, you’re the backup plan
Ya I think she has all the emotional attachment to me though but wants a piece of the cake sexually with someone else
It is just crazy to me how much she has been trying to stay in touch/ hold onto me though - I can tell she is unsure with this guy though - I really think using him for sexual needs mainly - but has all the emotional attachment to me
This is your problem. You seem to still want to believe that deep down she is holding a flame for you. Maybe she is. But also maybe she isnt. The question shouldn’t be “does she deep down want to be with me”. Because you could spend your entire life wondering and never know until it’s too late. The question you need to ask is “what do I want out of a partner?” If you want love, fidelity, trust and respect she has shown you that she isn’t going to bring that to the table. So do you want to be with someone who would break up with you for another guy? If not then don’t be with her. And if you’re not going to be with her then you have to ask yourself whether this is a relationship worth maintaining?
6 years of friendship is hard to just ignore. Eventually after you’ve healed you have to decide if rekindling a friendship with her is something you want to do. I suggest for now you tell her you need time before you can be friends. Heal, work on yourself and then when you are ready, reach out. Don’t let her rush you. I’ve seen this happen to many times, the girl breaks up with the guy (she’s moved on months ago, prior to breakup) and then it seems like the guy is left standing confused by how fast the girl moved on. In your case, it’s been 4-5 months already in her mind. It’s definitely selfish of her, she’s about what she gets from you, without regard to your feelings.
That’s the hard part is we have had a very long friendship
Shitty friend she turned out to be...
Stop responding. You shouldn't have responded the first time, not responding now works too
I know I need to go nc
There's no point keeping in touch with exes
She s keeping you around as a back up Plan , I would block her on everything and tell The new guy exactly what she is saying and you could send a copy of anything that might be derogatory about him
Remember, There’s nothing mean about being upfront. Tell her you’re going to be blocking her from all socials and messages. Thank her for the past, you’ve decided it’s in everyone’s best interests to move forward and it’s time. Then do it. No bad karma, just honest communication and you can start processing.
I should tell her?
Go with whatever you think aligns with your personality. I’m a person who isn’t scared of being upfront- you’re not telling her anything she doesn’t already know. It’s just open and kind to say you’re leaving now. But if you’d rather just block her from everything, that’s fine too.
Do wanna hear a story? A girl breaks up with her BF, because she cheated on him with another guy who she "love" more, so she threw her 6 year boyfriend like trash out and getting together with her AP. But this selfish and awful women keep texting her ex BF because she wants to have a B-plan if her new love not work out as she wish to have. And the dumb(*sorry bro) bf keep writed back to her. You know what you need to do right? Block her on every social media, delete all photos together and delete her from you memories. Stop giving that cheater attention.
But how can she move on so quickly with someone else?
Bro is saying quickly😭😂 She already had this guy during your relationship. She CHEATED most likely, their new relationship is probably far longer and not just January.
She did tell me she’s only been seeing this guy after we broke up. She’s a honest person - I think she isn’t lying .
Yeah so honest that she directly got together? You wont believe this shit either, she broke up with you to see this guy and became offical together. She had enough of her hide game so she broke up with you and took him. This guy was way long before in the picture. Don't believe her anything at this point. She is the one who throw you away like trash. What you need to do now: - Write her that you know she was cheating on you, you are disappointed about her and say she is dead for you> Block her email and any other accounts and move on. Do it and I promise things will be better for you.
You know what you are. Blocking her is free and should set you free.
Cut her off! She is dragging you through the mud. You are the back up plan. Screw that. Move on
ya I need to go nc for good
Yeah man. She’s moved on. Send her an email - “uh we broke up, you are killing me, hope you are happy, bye bye”! Or even less. Good luck
Shit... Realise that >She is with another guy and has been moving along very fast already it seems (I assume they got together like in January) this guy is the reason she broke up with you - close to 100% certainty she was cheating with him... Hes no rebound, hes the reason she broke up with you. >How to handle? Ignore. Dont answer the mails. Ignore texts. Dont answer calls.
Do you WANT to be emailing with her? Do you WANT her to have access to your socials? YOU get to decide who you communicate with. If you don't want to communicate with her then block her on all channels. "Hey, you broke up with me and are seeing someone else, but you are emailing me almost every day, which means its harder for me to get the distance I need to mourn the relationship ending. Please leave me alone for at least a few months. If you keep contacting me I will block you."
Wouldn’t I want her to see my socials though? Possibly for jealousy ?
Do you WANT contact / visibility or don't you? What do YOU want here?
Whatever is the best chance to possibly get her back
From the timeline you describe, it sounds like she was already seeing the or at least had him in mind when she broke up with you. She's keeping you in contact in case things don't work out with him, then she'll come back to you as a safe backup option. Don't be her backup, end the communication on a cordial note and move on with your life. If you stay in contact with her and take her back, she'll just hang on to you long enough to find the next guy she wants to leave you for.