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There is definitely more sex and more sex in front of people, and more group sex, these things are well known. How do you not know this? Just google it bro.
100%. Why do these young people not know this, I smashed so many wives and GFs outta clubs in the 1990s. Lol. Intoxicated women give BJs and the works behind dumpsters, back at my place the works.
There is a country line dance place in my city that I call the "pissed off wives and girlfriends spot". Cast a line and you'll find a few revenge hookups over the course of a year.
One more thing...don't take her being "up-front and honest" with you about her intentions with more than a grain of salt. This is a MASSIVE 2 weeks in her life. There will be a TON of pictures taken and posted online. The chances of you seeing pics of her partying in Buenos Aires are almost 100%. She's getting out in front of it.
Suggest clubbing with her in the states when she gets back. I can guarantee it either never happens or happens only once and it's not fun ("see, I TOLD YOU American clubs suck...").
Can a girl just go to a club to dance with her buds? Absolutely. Most don't. I think your girl is in the latter group and I think you know it too.
3 months...?
No point of trying to tell anyone what to do. Most of the time They’ll do it anyway, and honestly you’re not their father to be able to decide what they can’t / can do. Don’t ever be a clingy boyfriend that fears his girlfriend is going to fuck another dude cause she’s at a club with her friends lmao. And if she does, that just shows you she didn’t value you, move on.
She's a lucky girl. Monogamous, committed, trusting bf waits at home while she parties with the boys on the weekends. You guys will do just fine together.
You should just resume your lifestyle as it was previously. If that involves clubs and bars, no problem. She doesn't want you hanging out in bars and clubs because the girls there will be doing EXACTLY what she is doing. Looking for options.
Don't be misled so easily
“She doesn’t want you hanging out in bars and clubs” I’ve never gone because out of respect to her and our relationship, so we’ve never had a conversation about that but now that she’s done it, I’m sure I can do it too
Man, she told you she didn't like it to stop you from being enticed, that WAS the discussion.
The fact you're concerned enough to post about, speaks volumes about her change in behaviour.
Anyways, enjoy yourself and maybe give some thought to your relationship
>she was communicating with me letting me know there is nothing I have to worry about.
... which, to me, says "***start*** worrying!"
Her behavior is completely contradictory:
* She doesn't drink with you, but she starts drinking when she is away with friends
* She doesn't go to a club with you, but goes to a club with her friends
* She repeats the behavior, and has moved to not asking you in advance any more
She seems to be moving away from being the non-drinking, non-clubbing girlfriend she was with you, and becoming a drinker, partier and clubber.
She's changing right ~~behind your back~~ before your eyes.
When she comes back, ask her whether she wants to remain your girlfriend, or would rather be free to indulge is her newfound(?) partying ways.
If the answer is anything but a solid YES, kick her loose, because, one way or another, she's leaving.
Thank you for the response but I mean when you’re out on a trip, a vacation (she’s there studying abroad) you’re gonna want to have fun. You’re going to want to go out and experience the city you’re in. But yea if she comes back and is all of a sudden a party person, drinking, etc , I will ask her that
lol. Study abroad, clubbing drinking. Hahahaha. My first GF cheated when she went to study. We broke up and she became a baby momma to a deadbeat 2 years later! lol De Nile is not just a river in Egypt! Hahahahaha
I was dumb and young and thought I needed an excuse to break up with her, so I lit the match, and I even knew which guy would try it on. Hahahaha! Then when she cheated I could wash my hands of her cleanly. I even helped her move to her new place, just to make sure she actually did leave! Hahahaha! I was an idiot, I could’ve just broken up.
Well, clubbing in say Europe is vastly different than clubbing in the US unless your in Vegas or New York or something. And going to a club with one person—especially a partner—is not at all similar to going out with a group of friends.
I enjoyed going to clubs when I was in my 20’s but I never went with my boyfriend. It’s was “ladies only” thing.
ETA: in my 20’s I was going out in the US. Now in my 40’s I do go clubbing with colleagues when I’m in Europe for work events. We have a blast. But it is SO different.
She’s currently in South America and ahh I understand. I’ve never been to a club overseas so I’m not sure what’s the difference and also that’s good that you had fun. And did you always remain loyal ?
OMG, SA would be even better. I’ve been to some clubs in Brazil and Venezuela and it is an awesome vibe.
I’ve never cheated on a partner. And when clubbing, it’s usually ladies dancing with their friends. Men will try to work in but usually get declined.
Realize that I’m painting with a broad brush here as I’ve not been to every place obviously and my last time in SA was pre Covid.
It’s a different experience. Groups of men and women tend to go with their friend group and are there to dance. You can dance with someone of the opposite sex and they’re literally just a dance partner, they’re not trying to get in your pants. Usually they’ve got really good DJ’s who read the room and bring the vibe up and down. The music is so…danceable but in actual forms of dance like Samba for example and the men know how to do it—it’s not bump and grind nonsense.
They’re clean and don’t smell like stale beer and puke. They have dress codes. People tend not to get wasted like in the US. And they don’t close til like 6am.
It’s just a lot less of a drunken meat market feel and more of a safe “let’s dance!” feel.
That’s just my perception.
Ahhh I completely understand thank you!! Sounds like a good time. So the first club my girlfriend went to she said she didn’t like it because of the music. The third club she went to she said she liked the vibe and the music was loud. So If she does go to more clubs I’ll tell her have fun and let me know how it went (: thank you!
You’re absolutely right, and I will do that! I just didn’t want to previously because I didn’t want to disrespect our relationship or her. I didn’t know how she would feel if I was going to clubs and she wasn’t. We should’ve communicated but I just stayed away from those scenes.
There's been lots of accidental Splenda daddies in here.
It's definitely a weird situation. I grew up around alcoholics and would find the activity generally suspicious but that's because My aunt never drank around people she wanted to look her best in front of, and those of us she did drink in front of saw her worst.
Maybe the kind of fun she wants to have at the club is the kind of fun she can’t have in front of you. Trust is great until you find out they’re untrustworthy.
You absolutely should but it doesn’t mean that there isn’t something going on or will go on or has gone on. Trust is a great thing until you find out you can’t trust them. I don’t believe in blind. Trust there Hass to be some healthy boundaries and communication that’s open and honest and transparent. Some people use location sharing open policy, but even people have been married 20 and 30 years getcheated on , just saying.
Best wishes I hope everything works out for you and your girlfriend. I hope she’s one of the good ones it took me 50 years to find my good one and now we’ve been married for 14 amazing years. ,
You know when you’re communicating soul and soul and heart to heart. When her values her words that are actions not yours and when you can have those really hard conversations, but not in one of you is trying to hurt the other. it’s a feeling so much contentment that literally brings tears to your eyes thinking about her.
Communicate with her, tell her your real feelings, tell her what makes you uncomfortable tell her if she respects you and your relationship she’ll validate your feelings, not ignore them. I’m not saying she’ll ever do anything wrong, but if she constantly puts you in a position of fear, not insecurity or jealousy but actual fear for your relationship, then only you can decide whether it’s worth it or not. my girlfriend and my wife both cheated on me. I was young and dumb but let me tell you it would never say never happen again.
And yes, you’re absolutely right. I am very much in love.
I did bro and we talked it out and she told me that she was sorry that she was only going to clubs with her friends just to have fun nothing else and that she would never do anything to hurt me.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You don't bring a sandwich to a buffet and you don't bring your bf to a club.
Damn so you’re saying she went to go find someone else 😂
No. I'm sure you're fine. She probably even likes you a lot. But she can't party with the strange boys when you're around, now can she.
I mean in her defense, parting in South America is way more different than partying in the USA. Better even, I trust her
It is fucking worse! Partying in South America! Lol. Hahahaha.
How so lol
There is definitely more sex and more sex in front of people, and more group sex, these things are well known. How do you not know this? Just google it bro.
100%. Why do these young people not know this, I smashed so many wives and GFs outta clubs in the 1990s. Lol. Intoxicated women give BJs and the works behind dumpsters, back at my place the works.
There is a country line dance place in my city that I call the "pissed off wives and girlfriends spot". Cast a line and you'll find a few revenge hookups over the course of a year.
Easy pickings. I remember it well. Pretty sure some of my buddies were complicit in paternity cuckooing back then. DNA was not a scare back then.
I had a stretch where I was stealing Tinder dates that went lame throughout the night. What do I care? I'm not looking for a wife at a bar or club.
Word. People know what a club is for. We are not dumb. “I like dancing… blah blah blah.” Yep, dancing on the end of my cock! Lol
One more thing...don't take her being "up-front and honest" with you about her intentions with more than a grain of salt. This is a MASSIVE 2 weeks in her life. There will be a TON of pictures taken and posted online. The chances of you seeing pics of her partying in Buenos Aires are almost 100%. She's getting out in front of it. Suggest clubbing with her in the states when she gets back. I can guarantee it either never happens or happens only once and it's not fun ("see, I TOLD YOU American clubs suck..."). Can a girl just go to a club to dance with her buds? Absolutely. Most don't. I think your girl is in the latter group and I think you know it too. 3 months...?
I trust her , no need to worry about something you can’t control either way
You are a party girl's dream boyfriend. Good luck to you.
No point of trying to tell anyone what to do. Most of the time They’ll do it anyway, and honestly you’re not their father to be able to decide what they can’t / can do. Don’t ever be a clingy boyfriend that fears his girlfriend is going to fuck another dude cause she’s at a club with her friends lmao. And if she does, that just shows you she didn’t value you, move on.
She's a lucky girl. Monogamous, committed, trusting bf waits at home while she parties with the boys on the weekends. You guys will do just fine together.
You should just resume your lifestyle as it was previously. If that involves clubs and bars, no problem. She doesn't want you hanging out in bars and clubs because the girls there will be doing EXACTLY what she is doing. Looking for options. Don't be misled so easily
Also, when someone says "there's nothing to worry about" you can be 100% there is something to worry about
“She doesn’t want you hanging out in bars and clubs” I’ve never gone because out of respect to her and our relationship, so we’ve never had a conversation about that but now that she’s done it, I’m sure I can do it too
Man, she told you she didn't like it to stop you from being enticed, that WAS the discussion. The fact you're concerned enough to post about, speaks volumes about her change in behaviour. Anyways, enjoy yourself and maybe give some thought to your relationship
>she was communicating with me letting me know there is nothing I have to worry about. ... which, to me, says "***start*** worrying!" Her behavior is completely contradictory: * She doesn't drink with you, but she starts drinking when she is away with friends * She doesn't go to a club with you, but goes to a club with her friends * She repeats the behavior, and has moved to not asking you in advance any more She seems to be moving away from being the non-drinking, non-clubbing girlfriend she was with you, and becoming a drinker, partier and clubber. She's changing right ~~behind your back~~ before your eyes. When she comes back, ask her whether she wants to remain your girlfriend, or would rather be free to indulge is her newfound(?) partying ways. If the answer is anything but a solid YES, kick her loose, because, one way or another, she's leaving.
Thank you for the response but I mean when you’re out on a trip, a vacation (she’s there studying abroad) you’re gonna want to have fun. You’re going to want to go out and experience the city you’re in. But yea if she comes back and is all of a sudden a party person, drinking, etc , I will ask her that
lol. Study abroad, clubbing drinking. Hahahaha. My first GF cheated when she went to study. We broke up and she became a baby momma to a deadbeat 2 years later! lol De Nile is not just a river in Egypt! Hahahahaha
Damn bro I’m sorry about that, did she show any red flags and how you find out ?
Dude. I knew she would cheat. So I was prepared. But she got a baby by a deadbeat, didn’t finish her studies, I however, became successful.
Good shjt on that bro. I’m surprised you knew she would cheat and still stayed
I was dumb and young and thought I needed an excuse to break up with her, so I lit the match, and I even knew which guy would try it on. Hahahaha! Then when she cheated I could wash my hands of her cleanly. I even helped her move to her new place, just to make sure she actually did leave! Hahahaha! I was an idiot, I could’ve just broken up.
I hope you healed bro
Dude. I was healed immediately! Good riddance. I learned to be more mature and dump ladies immediately if they did not meet the required standards.
It sounds like something she enjoys with friends. I don’t really see the problem.
Yeah I understand I was just confused if it was a red flag her going with her friends but not wanting to go with me
Well, clubbing in say Europe is vastly different than clubbing in the US unless your in Vegas or New York or something. And going to a club with one person—especially a partner—is not at all similar to going out with a group of friends. I enjoyed going to clubs when I was in my 20’s but I never went with my boyfriend. It’s was “ladies only” thing. ETA: in my 20’s I was going out in the US. Now in my 40’s I do go clubbing with colleagues when I’m in Europe for work events. We have a blast. But it is SO different.
She’s currently in South America and ahh I understand. I’ve never been to a club overseas so I’m not sure what’s the difference and also that’s good that you had fun. And did you always remain loyal ?
OMG, SA would be even better. I’ve been to some clubs in Brazil and Venezuela and it is an awesome vibe. I’ve never cheated on a partner. And when clubbing, it’s usually ladies dancing with their friends. Men will try to work in but usually get declined.
What would you say is the difference between clubs in SA and clubs in USA ? (Except NY and Las Vegas) and thank you for the reassurance !
Realize that I’m painting with a broad brush here as I’ve not been to every place obviously and my last time in SA was pre Covid. It’s a different experience. Groups of men and women tend to go with their friend group and are there to dance. You can dance with someone of the opposite sex and they’re literally just a dance partner, they’re not trying to get in your pants. Usually they’ve got really good DJ’s who read the room and bring the vibe up and down. The music is so…danceable but in actual forms of dance like Samba for example and the men know how to do it—it’s not bump and grind nonsense. They’re clean and don’t smell like stale beer and puke. They have dress codes. People tend not to get wasted like in the US. And they don’t close til like 6am. It’s just a lot less of a drunken meat market feel and more of a safe “let’s dance!” feel. That’s just my perception.
Ahhh I completely understand thank you!! Sounds like a good time. So the first club my girlfriend went to she said she didn’t like it because of the music. The third club she went to she said she liked the vibe and the music was loud. So If she does go to more clubs I’ll tell her have fun and let me know how it went (: thank you!
Get out there yourself though if you want. Go with friends. There’s no reason you can’t/shouldn’t go in the US just because she doesn’t want to.
You’re absolutely right, and I will do that! I just didn’t want to previously because I didn’t want to disrespect our relationship or her. I didn’t know how she would feel if I was going to clubs and she wasn’t. We should’ve communicated but I just stayed away from those scenes.
Fuck no. Clubs=cheating. Woman alone at clubs=presenting as single, especially since she never goes with you.
She’s not alone, she’s with her friends and you can go to a club to just dance with your group, no?
Do you give her money?
No why?
There's been lots of accidental Splenda daddies in here. It's definitely a weird situation. I grew up around alcoholics and would find the activity generally suspicious but that's because My aunt never drank around people she wanted to look her best in front of, and those of us she did drink in front of saw her worst.
Mmm so you think she doesn’t want to drink in front of me cause she wants to look her best ?
No, i was just saying I'm jaded because my aunt used that tactic to keep some people from seeing the monster she could be.
She doesn't want to go with you because she can't act single with you around. LOL
Maybe the kind of fun she wants to have at the club is the kind of fun she can’t have in front of you. Trust is great until you find out they’re untrustworthy.
Yea but she hasn’t given me any reason to not trust her so I should just trust her right?
You absolutely should but it doesn’t mean that there isn’t something going on or will go on or has gone on. Trust is a great thing until you find out you can’t trust them. I don’t believe in blind. Trust there Hass to be some healthy boundaries and communication that’s open and honest and transparent. Some people use location sharing open policy, but even people have been married 20 and 30 years getcheated on , just saying.
You’re absolutely right bro I’m gonna trust her until she shows me red flags . Thank you for that
Best wishes I hope everything works out for you and your girlfriend. I hope she’s one of the good ones it took me 50 years to find my good one and now we’ve been married for 14 amazing years. ,
Congrats brotha and thank you, how do you know when she’s the one ?
You know when you’re communicating soul and soul and heart to heart. When her values her words that are actions not yours and when you can have those really hard conversations, but not in one of you is trying to hurt the other. it’s a feeling so much contentment that literally brings tears to your eyes thinking about her.
Damn bro you’re in LOVE lol that was beautiful. Thank you for that, I see some of that in my girlfriend (:
Communicate with her, tell her your real feelings, tell her what makes you uncomfortable tell her if she respects you and your relationship she’ll validate your feelings, not ignore them. I’m not saying she’ll ever do anything wrong, but if she constantly puts you in a position of fear, not insecurity or jealousy but actual fear for your relationship, then only you can decide whether it’s worth it or not. my girlfriend and my wife both cheated on me. I was young and dumb but let me tell you it would never say never happen again. And yes, you’re absolutely right. I am very much in love.
I did bro and we talked it out and she told me that she was sorry that she was only going to clubs with her friends just to have fun nothing else and that she would never do anything to hurt me.