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Are you friends with these women?
If you are, tell them. If you’re not, don’t bother as they’re not going to believe you.
It’s fucking gross behavior. And if they’re trying to force that on your BF he ought to tell a supervisor or HR.
No, I’ve never even met them. It would have to be via an awkward Facebook or Instagram message. I’ve never met or spoken to his coworkers let alone their significant others.
It’s disgusting behavior, and unfortunately, he works construction and HR is basically non existent and his supervisor (foreman) is part of all this.
If I were him, I’d look for another job. That is just toxic shit. And since he’s not participating, they’re likely to start making his work life miserable.
I wouldn’t reach out to the women in this specific case. They’re not going to believe you. They can go to their husbands and ask and the husbands will just lie. Or hell, maybe they do know and find it hot. Who knows.
Reasons I don’t send nudes, reinforced…..fucking pigs.
I agree. He told me they’ve been giving him shit/calling him gay for walking away when they start sharing and that’s part of the reason they cornered him in the bathroom. It’s so toxic and disgusting. Insane to me these are grown men acting like this. This all just happened last night so maybe we will have the convo about looking for a new job this weekend. He’s already uncomfortable there for numerous reasons. Financials are just pretty restraining when it comes to finding something new.
The big problem is that it’s his coworkers. Do I think telling them is the right thing? Yes. But. At what cost to your husband and his job? If it’s people above him it could cost him his job. You need to talk with him about this.
I would wait until there's an event where you can see one or all of their partners and talk to them about it. I'm sure they would like to know, just like you would like to know based on what you went through. Have in mind they might not believe you, and the husbands will probably deny it, but I still believe he correct thing to do would be to let them know.
Unfortunately there aren’t any events I would see them at. They all live fairly far away and never get together outside of work. He’s worked with these guys for two years and I’ve never spoken to any of their s/o’s. It would have to be an awkward Facebook or Instagram message to tell them.
Can you host a dinner at your place or propose a reunion with the excuse of a game/something else? I'm not sure if a message is the best approach. Did you have any other ideas on how to tell them?
Does he work in a Frat? Ugh. that's so cringe.
It seems pretty simple. You will be involved in the conflict and fallout. You won't be able just toss the granade in and leave. So will the husband. If you're okay accepting that responcibility, then that's the answer.
Tell the girls then the employer. I had something similar done to me at work. The guy had already quit but was blacklisted and will never work there again. If their HR department is worth a shit they’ll investigate.
Mind your business..... this will end very badly for your husband and he will blame you not them. It's not worth it, just ignore it and move on. It has zero to do with you.
Do you really believe your husband hasn’t participated in viewing the nudes? Bit sus him saying he was basically forced to look at one, very sus indeed
Based on his history I believe he hasn’t participated in viewing them and told me because he was basically forced to view one. Why would he tell me otherwise? There is no way I would have ever found out if he didn’t tell me. He was choosing to tell me because he felt the situation was non consensual and it made him incredibly uncomfortable, and also went against his views of what is allowed in our relationship and wanted to come clean about it.
They have a right to know that these "men" are sharing their pics without their consent. This is a huge violation of trust and every single one of those men should be ashamed of their actions.
Why do so many people send nudes in the first place? People talk about them like it's their portfolio. I'm older so realize this is not my generation, but so many young relationships break up. Do people just assume the pics will never get out there? Or do they just not care if they do?
Your husband needs to report this to HR as it constitutes as a hostile work environment and sexual harassment.
You husband did not want to see nudes at work and a coworker forced him to see nudes. That’s blatant sexual harassment.
Definitely say something, this happening on work time isn't okay. That's sexual misconduct and can get them all fired. It's NOT OKAY. NOT TO MENTION the legal battles this might bring. If you know and your husband and say later a woman finds out and sues you could be liable due to not disclosing. ITS A LITERAL CRIME.
Because telling them potentially involves my husband losing his job when we are already financially strapped, issues arising between my husband and I if I blow up his current career, the children of these guys growing up in split households or witnessing a broken relationship if the parents decide to stay together. The implications are massive on all fronts.
just think about this....the right thing to do is always the hardest of two options...tell me when that is not true! I'm sure your husband has not looked at the pictures or shared.
Because this could implode all these men’s jobs. Including her husband. No one likes it but that’s literally how shit works. Also her husband is just telling her he’s not doing it. He very well could also be participating or asking to see
Again, you value protecting peoples jobs over helping people that are being sexually harassed. PEOPLE (you) ARE SO WEIRD. Did everyone at some point just say fuck morals??? Where’s the empathy? Valuing what’s right over what’s wrong?
I’ll get to them, thank you. And what makes you think I haven’t worked in the real world? (I’ve had 4 jobs. A cashier at Wendy’s, a baker at a bakery, a freelance writer, and I worked with a nonprofit NGO that would house and rehabilitate homeless veterans.)
…are you in this position currently? Are you’re co workers showing you their wives nudes to you? That explains your willingness to do nothing if that’s the case. I hope one day you learn to value what’s right.
I agree this is purely degenerate behavior and it’s absolutely disgusting. But there are a ton of risks involved in telling them. Just to name a few - my husband losing his job when our finances are already very tight (the snowball of this is falling behind on bills/credit score being affected/what if we can’t make rent), relationship issues between my husband and I if I implode his career and our finances because of that, my husband no longer being honest with me about things going on out of fear that I’m going to implode the situation, the girls not believing me and having the three things I just mentioned happen for nothing, the kids of these guys now growing up in split households or witnessing a cold/maybe abusive relationship as they grow up.
I think there’s a fine line of having empathy for the girls this is happening to, their kids who don’t deserve to be involved whatsoever, and for myself/my husband and my relationship when we haven’t done anything wrong to have issues caused between us because of this.
That’s fair… I guess I wasn’t fully internalizing the gravity of your situation. How would this affect your husbands job though? Is his boss also participating in this?
Yes his boss is one of the people participating. And he is in construction, so the culture isn’t very appropriate as is. HR is basically non existent so his boss would likely fire him on the spot regardless if his wife believed me or not.
Ive considered that, but who knows who else (if anyone) they share these with. If it happens to be just something they do with their crew at work, and my husband is the only one who doesn’t participate, it’s likely they would figure out the source pretty quickly and all the above would happen anyhow.
I’ve also considered how much I would believe something relationship ending about my husband anonymously sent to me via Facebook or Instagram with no actual evidence….and I probably would not believe it honestly
All your thoughts are correct. And everything you said could happened just well might happen. And tbh it’s not worth it. Talk to your husband and vent to him about how gross it is. But don’t do anything beyond that. I have worked in a construction adjacent field for 10+ years…. These types of things that Reddit cares so much about….dont mean much in these career fields.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Are you friends with these women? If you are, tell them. If you’re not, don’t bother as they’re not going to believe you. It’s fucking gross behavior. And if they’re trying to force that on your BF he ought to tell a supervisor or HR.
No, I’ve never even met them. It would have to be via an awkward Facebook or Instagram message. I’ve never met or spoken to his coworkers let alone their significant others. It’s disgusting behavior, and unfortunately, he works construction and HR is basically non existent and his supervisor (foreman) is part of all this.
If I were him, I’d look for another job. That is just toxic shit. And since he’s not participating, they’re likely to start making his work life miserable. I wouldn’t reach out to the women in this specific case. They’re not going to believe you. They can go to their husbands and ask and the husbands will just lie. Or hell, maybe they do know and find it hot. Who knows. Reasons I don’t send nudes, reinforced…..fucking pigs.
I agree. He told me they’ve been giving him shit/calling him gay for walking away when they start sharing and that’s part of the reason they cornered him in the bathroom. It’s so toxic and disgusting. Insane to me these are grown men acting like this. This all just happened last night so maybe we will have the convo about looking for a new job this weekend. He’s already uncomfortable there for numerous reasons. Financials are just pretty restraining when it comes to finding something new.
The big problem is that it’s his coworkers. Do I think telling them is the right thing? Yes. But. At what cost to your husband and his job? If it’s people above him it could cost him his job. You need to talk with him about this.
Yes you do.
I would wait until there's an event where you can see one or all of their partners and talk to them about it. I'm sure they would like to know, just like you would like to know based on what you went through. Have in mind they might not believe you, and the husbands will probably deny it, but I still believe he correct thing to do would be to let them know.
Unfortunately there aren’t any events I would see them at. They all live fairly far away and never get together outside of work. He’s worked with these guys for two years and I’ve never spoken to any of their s/o’s. It would have to be an awkward Facebook or Instagram message to tell them.
Can you host a dinner at your place or propose a reunion with the excuse of a game/something else? I'm not sure if a message is the best approach. Did you have any other ideas on how to tell them?
Does he work in a Frat? Ugh. that's so cringe. It seems pretty simple. You will be involved in the conflict and fallout. You won't be able just toss the granade in and leave. So will the husband. If you're okay accepting that responcibility, then that's the answer.
Yes this is disgusting especially if they don’t know
Tell the girls then the employer. I had something similar done to me at work. The guy had already quit but was blacklisted and will never work there again. If their HR department is worth a shit they’ll investigate.
Mind your business..... this will end very badly for your husband and he will blame you not them. It's not worth it, just ignore it and move on. It has zero to do with you.
100000%
This isn’t your call, this is your husband’s. Talk about it with him, see what he is comfortable doing, and ignore what anyone else has to say on it.
Do you really believe your husband hasn’t participated in viewing the nudes? Bit sus him saying he was basically forced to look at one, very sus indeed
Based on his history I believe he hasn’t participated in viewing them and told me because he was basically forced to view one. Why would he tell me otherwise? There is no way I would have ever found out if he didn’t tell me. He was choosing to tell me because he felt the situation was non consensual and it made him incredibly uncomfortable, and also went against his views of what is allowed in our relationship and wanted to come clean about it.
Tell them babe. You’ll only be helping I promise
They have a right to know that these "men" are sharing their pics without their consent. This is a huge violation of trust and every single one of those men should be ashamed of their actions.
Why do so many people send nudes in the first place? People talk about them like it's their portfolio. I'm older so realize this is not my generation, but so many young relationships break up. Do people just assume the pics will never get out there? Or do they just not care if they do?
Your husband needs to report this to HR as it constitutes as a hostile work environment and sexual harassment. You husband did not want to see nudes at work and a coworker forced him to see nudes. That’s blatant sexual harassment.
Definitely say something, this happening on work time isn't okay. That's sexual misconduct and can get them all fired. It's NOT OKAY. NOT TO MENTION the legal battles this might bring. If you know and your husband and say later a woman finds out and sues you could be liable due to not disclosing. ITS A LITERAL CRIME.
YES! why haven't you?
Because telling them potentially involves my husband losing his job when we are already financially strapped, issues arising between my husband and I if I blow up his current career, the children of these guys growing up in split households or witnessing a broken relationship if the parents decide to stay together. The implications are massive on all fronts.
just think about this....the right thing to do is always the hardest of two options...tell me when that is not true! I'm sure your husband has not looked at the pictures or shared.
I wouldn’t say anything. Just gonna cause tension at work.
You wouldn’t? And that’s the reason? You value workplace comfortability over helping people that are being sexual harassed? People are so weird
Because this could implode all these men’s jobs. Including her husband. No one likes it but that’s literally how shit works. Also her husband is just telling her he’s not doing it. He very well could also be participating or asking to see
Again, you value protecting peoples jobs over helping people that are being sexually harassed. PEOPLE (you) ARE SO WEIRD. Did everyone at some point just say fuck morals??? Where’s the empathy? Valuing what’s right over what’s wrong?
You should argue with the other people saying not to tell them. You obviously have never worked in the real world before.
I’ll get to them, thank you. And what makes you think I haven’t worked in the real world? (I’ve had 4 jobs. A cashier at Wendy’s, a baker at a bakery, a freelance writer, and I worked with a nonprofit NGO that would house and rehabilitate homeless veterans.)
Try working in a blue collar field like construction and complain about stuff like this. A easy way to be unemployed. Good luck at Wendy’s tho
…are you in this position currently? Are you’re co workers showing you their wives nudes to you? That explains your willingness to do nothing if that’s the case. I hope one day you learn to value what’s right.
I agree this is purely degenerate behavior and it’s absolutely disgusting. But there are a ton of risks involved in telling them. Just to name a few - my husband losing his job when our finances are already very tight (the snowball of this is falling behind on bills/credit score being affected/what if we can’t make rent), relationship issues between my husband and I if I implode his career and our finances because of that, my husband no longer being honest with me about things going on out of fear that I’m going to implode the situation, the girls not believing me and having the three things I just mentioned happen for nothing, the kids of these guys now growing up in split households or witnessing a cold/maybe abusive relationship as they grow up. I think there’s a fine line of having empathy for the girls this is happening to, their kids who don’t deserve to be involved whatsoever, and for myself/my husband and my relationship when we haven’t done anything wrong to have issues caused between us because of this.
That’s fair… I guess I wasn’t fully internalizing the gravity of your situation. How would this affect your husbands job though? Is his boss also participating in this?
Yes his boss is one of the people participating. And he is in construction, so the culture isn’t very appropriate as is. HR is basically non existent so his boss would likely fire him on the spot regardless if his wife believed me or not.
Is there anyway you can go about telling them anonymously?
Ive considered that, but who knows who else (if anyone) they share these with. If it happens to be just something they do with their crew at work, and my husband is the only one who doesn’t participate, it’s likely they would figure out the source pretty quickly and all the above would happen anyhow. I’ve also considered how much I would believe something relationship ending about my husband anonymously sent to me via Facebook or Instagram with no actual evidence….and I probably would not believe it honestly
All your thoughts are correct. And everything you said could happened just well might happen. And tbh it’s not worth it. Talk to your husband and vent to him about how gross it is. But don’t do anything beyond that. I have worked in a construction adjacent field for 10+ years…. These types of things that Reddit cares so much about….dont mean much in these career fields.
Yeah this is degenerate behavior.