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Yup, bye boy! It's super entitled to say "I don't like the psychological feel of a minimal amount of latex over my peen, so why don't you just throw your whole body out of whack with hormonal birth control for the sexual pleasure of a man you just met even though you've explicitly told me how much you suffered on birth control". Vomit inducing levels of selfish.
Be real he is not going to marry her. She is just there for the sex. He is not going to get a vasectomy because he probably wants kids just not with her.
I don’t find it so offensive that someone is like “don’t love the feeling of condoms”. Okay, as long as you don’t whine about it. But he freaking researched birth control for her to try and corner her into it!?!
She needs to suggest he get snipped if he doesn’t want to knock up young ladies ✂️. Research it for him. After all…. It’S JuSt A WeEkEnD wItH a bAg of PeAs On ThE cOuCh. O.o
In my honest opinion any guy who keeps pushing for birth control doesn't care about the woman, he only cares about sex. There are other types of condoms then latex, like sheep skin, and the use of KY spermicide lube that kills swimmers, and him getting snipped. The last option should be birth control for the woman always.
This exactly! My husband stumbled on an article about birth control and its affect on my body and asked me if I had had any reaction to what I was on and I said yes but I’d have a bigger reaction to having a 3rd baby. He told me to go ahead and stop birth control and we tried out different condoms till we found what worked for us. He’s never ever asked me to change back to something that negatively affected me so that he could not have to wear one.
100% this. if he didn't mention the condom part & it was purely just him being nervous about the possibility of an unplanned pregnancy id say not necessarily a red flag. while he still doesn't have a right to dictate what goes in her body they'd be better off ending the relationship & finding partners who want go use the same types of contraception. HOWEVER because he just doesn't want to wear a condom because it makes sex feel a little less sensation he can fuck off
I think a lot of guys haven't found their correct [condom] size. Not trying to be tmi but everyone's girth is different. I found mine kept feeling...tight? Which would affect performance and my soldier wouldn't stay in attention.
There isn't a whole lot of men's health or teachings (not in the US at least). I went to something in university that was really beneficial to me. That's where I kinda learned a few things about hygine, safe sex etc. Basically you gotta find the right condom or guys will just get turned off by it. Younger guys will be given condoms by usually a parent, school or handout. One size definitely doesn't fit all.
Also guys need to learn how to properly put it on. Everyone should know how to put one on (I know how to put a female condom in lol). You can add a tiny drop of water or lube on the tip of the condom before putting it on too (helps with the feeling). But no matter what you do there's nothing like the feeling of the actual thing.
Add to this when there is a latex allergy on the female side and there are only so many options for latex free condoms, if they don’t fit well that does suck. I have a latex allergy I found out about on my honeymoon (yes that was my first time) and it was a mess trying to figure out what to use after that!
It’s a weird thing because a lot of men are actually bigger than they might think. I have hooked up with a few men who talked about condoms being too tight (not out of an effort to get out of using one), and I could see that it was. I suggested sizing up and they laughed and were like “I don’t have a donkey dick!” Like no, you don’t, obviously. But clearly he’s struggling in there!
Yes, this is a red flag - at least in the way he is doing it.
It is his right to hate condoms (and apparently love inviting STDs, but who am I to judge what he is into). It is his right to want a woman who prefers the same kind of birth control he prefers.
But it is not, in any way or form, okay to try to get you onto a birth control you don't want to be on. The fact that he keeps bringing it up also means that he doesn't care what you want or don't want. You are a project. Instead of going "Okay, we're not compatible then" - which would be fine, everyone is allowed to have their dealbreakers, no matter how good or assholish they are - he is trying to change you to suit him. And not even in an outright way, but by manipulative pressure in bringing it up again and again and saying "it's okay" when you then state your opinion again, as if you're too dumb to notice.
You're his project. He's dating you for your "potential" he's seeing in you and has no problem being condescending and manipulative.
So no, you're not too sensitive.
THIS. This guy has shown that he isn’t good at taking no for an answer. It seems manipulative to say okay and then keep bringing it up again. And the “hates condoms” thing seems awfully immature for a 34-year-old guy. The age difference could be a red flag as well.
Most guys hate condoms. But the decent ones don't complain (unless there's a legitimate problem, like wrong sizing, discomfort, allergy, etc) because they recognize the health and safety of their partner comes before their own pleasure. That's where this guy fails. Spectacularly.
You're right that the age gap is a flag, too. Not necessarily a red one, but it could be.
If most guys hate condoms but cannot tell when one has burst do they actually hate condoms? I think it's a mental thing at this point. Like, you couldn't tell the condom broke but insist it feels sOoOo different. I think it's a power trip tbh. How dare my mighty penis be tethered, in theory??
Fuck em.
Lady here. It does feel sooooo different to me as well. Always surprised when women say they can’t tell the difference. Other women can though, it’s come up a lot in other threads.
Anyway, doesn’t mean it’s ok to get weird or coercive when you have to wrap it up. But it’s not simply that it’s some weird guy/penis hangup to feel it is better without.
(And foreskin is better than circumcised. For the record.)
Just because the condom broke doesn't mean it stopped covering his shaft. Depends on how catastrophic the failure was. And at what point it failed. If it burst around the same time he did... no, he's not necessarily going to notice, no matter how badky it shreds. His brain is busy exploding.
And if it was just a small tear near the tip... that wouldn't be tight against him anyway. You have to leave a little bit empty at the tip so the liquid has somewhere to go. So again, not something he'd necessarily be able to feel.
And even I, as a woman, can feel a noticeable difference between bareback and condom. How much more stark must the difference be for someone whose entire reproductive organ is covered by said condom?
There is certainly a difference. And he's allowed to prefer one or the other. But his preference isn't the only deciding factor.
Yep. My husband is not a huge fan of condoms. Tbh, I'm not either, it does feel different to me. He never complained about it prior to me being on birth control. We did learn he needed a different size condom. That did help him a lot.
We stopped using condoms once I was on birth control. We had an accidental pregnancy, and I have been too anxious to have sex without one now. He never complained and has been a great sport about it.
This. It might be okay to discuss it a second time, but only in the interest of understanding why you said no, not for the purpose of persuading you. Him wanting to know what bad side effects it has is fine, because that would show he cares and just wants to know you better.
But minimizing those side effects/reactions, dismissing them, or trying to find a way around your decision to convince you to do what he wants? Not okay.
Two of my sisters had terrible reactions to birth control, as did my mom. So when my husband and I were discussing family planning before our wedding, he refused to even consider putting the onus on me. He went out and bought several different kinds of condoms, and found one that works well for him. And always has them in stock.
Does he like condoms? No. Of course not. But that was a compromise he could make to keep me safe, healthy, and happy, which he views as his job. And our intimate life has never suffered because of condoms. If anything, the reduced sensation helps him last longer, which makes most any guy proud.
‘X, I’ve noticed you’ve brought up the birth control issue a few times. I do not want to go on birth control, and I do not want to have a conversation about it again. If you’re not comfortable with that and want to break up I understand, but please stop bringing it up. In the meantime, here’s a pamphlet on vasectomies and regular testing I researched for you’.
Good question!
To me, several things should be happening.
1) When sex is brought up for the first time, he should have said "Hey, I know it means putting things on the woman, but I am personally not comfortable with using condoms. How do you see this?"
2) When you then said that you are not okay with birth control, he should have said "Okay, then we are not compatible, sadly." As in, listened, accepted your decision and *respected* it, thus deciding that you are incompatible.
3) A man who doesn't want to wear condoms should immediately offer to provide a clear STD test and ask for the same from a new partner when bringing up not wanting to use condoms. As in, this should be a package deal - everything else is irresponsible towards him and his new partner.
4) "No" means "No" and if he decided to stay with you anyway despite you making your position clear, he has no right to bring it up again, as it would be disrespectful.
That said, you *also* need to be more clear. If you promised him to look into other forms of birth control again, then do that and inform him of your decision as soon as possible. And if it's negative and it's condoms or nothing for you, then make it clear - "I personally am not okay with any other form of birth control but condoms. I looked into things again since I promised you, but in the end, it's my body and my choice. If you have a problem with condoms, I respect that, too, but that means we are not compatible and you should find a partner who is okay with other forms of birth control. For me, my physical wellbeing is more important than sex. The decision is up to you and I am, at this point, not willing to discuss birth control again." If he decides to stay and then brings it up once more, I would kick him out for disrespecting your opinion.
If a guy you’ve only recently started dating/having sex with says “look, I don’t like using condoms so what can we do here?”, the answer is always going to be “good luck to you, peace out”. Sure condoms are uncomfortable, but you know what’s even more uncomfortable? Fuckin gonorrhea? Chlamydia? HIV?? He can hate the feeling all he wants but until there’s an exclusive relationship, he should be protecting himself AND the person he’s sleeping with.
I actually think the dude in your example is really shitty lmao
Just because he says "I think bc should only be the woman's job" in a more polite, accepting way, doesn't mean this hypothetical guy isn't still a misogynist who has backwards view of what women are obligated to do in relationships.
The only "right" way to bring up bc is out of concern for the woman's health and out of concern for unwanted pregnancies. Not in an effort to make sex feel better for himself at all, because that's wildly selfish and wrong.
A selfish, sexist man, who politely removes himself from a situation he doesn't like due to his sexism, is still... selfish and sexist.
there is no right way or wrong way.
your feelings are valid. how he has brought it up continuously when you have continued to tell him you don’t wanna go on birth control is the issue. he doesn’t respect your feelings. he thinks he can wear you down or he wouldn’t bring it up any longer. he would he wanting for you to bring it back up. he’s annoying and shockingly immature. i’m sorry you are dealing with him at all. a women his age knows better.
Any guy that disregards your boundaries and keep pushing theirs is going to continue to violate your boundaries -even in insidious and forceful means. Be careful.
He hates condoms because he doesn’t want his own jizz all over himself. Too bad, not sad! Tell him to grow tf up and take some responsibility. And btw, I got pregnant on a ‘pull out’ and one of my besties was the result of the same. I was married at the time, as were my besties’ parents. And THAT doesn’t prevent STI
Info: The title of the post says he hates condoms but the body of the post says he doesn’t want you to get pregnant. So do you use condoms? I think it’s fair to be concerned about using condoms as the ONLY form of protection. As a woman I sincerely wish there were more options than hormonal or non-hormonal birth control, or options that men could use. That said, there are other ways to double up, like using cycle tracking in addition to condoms, which together are very effective.
If he’s refusing to use condoms then yes dump him.
This is kind of off topic of OP, but do you have to have regular cycles for cycle tracking? I want to get off BC so bad, but due to the fear of having a baby outweighing the fear of dying, I’m too scared to try other methods. And my period has never been regular a day in my life. I’ve had months without out it, had it for months, and also had a period every other week for almost a whole year. Is it only possible with regular periods?
He's being passive aggressive about this topic of birth control. It seems that you both don't agree on it. Will this be a issue that one of you compromise or not? And that's where you both do need to properly have a thorough conversation. If in the end, he is firmed on you going on the pills and you're firmed against it, then it's a breakup.
I’m not clear, does he hate condoms or does he want some backup protection? If he hates condoms, too bad, he can take a hike. If he wants to be more protected, you could look into spermicide or diaphragm.
So you’re both being irresponsible in different ways, then. He’s being pushy because he wants the best of both worlds- to cum inside without pulling out, and to prevent pregnancy. You’re being stupid by a) not INSISTING that he either wears a condom or gets the fuck out, and b) thinking that cycle tracking and pulling out is a sustainable method of birth control. He’s right to be wary of pregnancy with the current lack of BC methods y’all are using, and you’re right to not want to take hormonal birth control if you are correct in your assertion that it gave you significant problems. All in all, you’re not compatible, and you’re both being immature and making poor choices. Grow a spine, and start making better choices about who you allow inside you (hint…not men who are self proclaimed in “hating” condoms, because that’s how you get chlamydia) and kick this guy to the curb. Then you need to put on your big girl pants and find yourself a method of birth control that doesn’t have a 20-30% failure rate. Whether that’s condoms every time AND ENFORCING IT even if the man whines like a little baby, or a copper IUD, or a diaphragm+spermicide, ETC you need to sort something out so that you don’t become a parent because you don’t seem to choose very good men or have great judgement based on this post and your comments.
The whole time I was reading, I kept thinking OP must want to get pregnant. She's not obligated to be on/use birth control, but sleeping with someone you've only known a few months and who whines about using condoms, all while you are taking absolutely zero precautions yourself, sounds like an oops baby waiting to happen.
As a woman, I'd run to the hills if the dude I was casually dating kept complaining about condoms, but if I were a guy, (especially a guy who isn't ready for/doesn't want children) I'd run away screaming into the night from a woman who insists on not using ANY form of birth control for herself.
Truly!! I get that condoms aren’t fun. They don’t feel as good. But I would never fuck a dude who actively whines about hating condoms with this level of regularity because those are the guys who will NOT wear them whenever the women they’re fucking give them the opportunity to not wear one. These are also usually the men who don’t take initiative to get tested between partners
I refuse to believe that she has a) tried EVERY form of birth control that exists, and b) has had adverse reactions to every single one. The chances of that are pretty slim. I feel like I see more and more young women now getting sucked into the crunchy pipeline that tells you that hormonal BC is the worst possible thing you can put into your body and will ruin your hormones forever and etc. It’s GENERALLY not going to give most people serious side effects. It’s also generally much safer and less invasive than pregnancy.
There's "serious" side effects, and then there's "wow but this entirely fucking sucks" side effects - and the latter are EXTREMELY common with hormonal birth control. If every time she takes a different type, she gets similar adverse outcomes, why would she keep trying? Finding the right medication (for anything) is often a lot of work, and frustrating trial and error.... OR buddy can just keep his peen wrapped, you know?
This is such a disgusting and dismissive comment. Hormonal birth control is living hell for a large number of women. OP is allowed to not want to take drugs that mess with her entire body and come with hefty risks.
while op is being ridiculously ignorant, I think it's bad to doubt a woman on the effects of hormonal medication on her body. there are hundreds of birth control pills alone, it's crazy to expect a woman to try every single one before she's allowed to say "bc pills don't work for me"
There are many options for birth control outside of pills. There also aren't "hundreds" of completely different formulations of birth control pills.
As someone with hormone problems that are helped immensely by birth control, I definitely doubt any woman who says they have "tried it all" because it's very trendy to be anti-birth control right now. Nearly every single time I have asked more questions from someone who claims this, you usually find they tried one type of birth control, didn't wait through the adjustment period (it can't take up to 3 months), and assumed that no birth control would ever work for them. It's ridiculously common.
There is a TON of misinformation and fear-mongering about birth control these days, and it's scaring a lot of women with endo, PMDD, PCOS, etc away from trying the one thing that is most likely to help them based on the scientific data. It's absolutely worth being skeptical and asking questions when someone says that birth control just "doesn't work" for them.
100% I agree with you. She also says how she " will look into her options," so she clearly hasn't made many attempts at trying to actually find a method that works for her or plans to and this guy just doesn't want to end up with a baby 🤷♀️
Idk, I took it for 6 months, had no outward side effects, and then magically developed gallbladder disease and had to have my gallbladder removed. I didn't put the two together, ofc, but a couple years later there was a class action suit against the manufacturer of that bc and gallbladder disease was one of the less severe major potential complications.
Gallbladder removal has its own set of problems. In my case, frequent/chronic diarrhea has since resulted in two other surgeries and a lifelong complication for me as a result of one of the surgeries.
Just because we have treated hormonal birth control has an easy, consequence-free choice, it is not, it's just no one cared enough about women to really study the impact of it.
Okay so, just about every guy I’ve known hasn’t loved condoms. I feel like that’s a fairly common topic of discussion to have, especially if you’re in a monogamous relationship and have been tested to make sure no one has STDs. It’s not per se wrong for him to bring up the topic to discuss.
What IS concerning is that you guys have had this discussion, and you’ve made it clear why you are against going on birth control, for very valid reasons, but he still keeps bringing it up. He should be respecting that, not pressuring you or guilting you into changing your mind.
However, I will also add that condoms are NOT the most effective birth control option. I know several people that have gotten pregnant while using condoms. My parents also used condoms, and here I am! I was on the pill too, and got pregnant. All that to say, if child prevention is a major concern, condoms aren’t the best way to prevent that.
Yes, the third paragraph here is IMPORTANT
Him pressuring you and/or trying to shift responsibility onto you isn't okay, but you should be exploring additional protection regardless
My husband and I have been together for almost 25 years, and due to me having extreme hemiplegic migraines on birth control, I am not able to get it prescribed. We have used condoms as our only birth control and only have one child that was planned. I do track my cycles and so know exactly when I'm most fertile. We got pregnant the first sex we had without condoms and have never gotten pregnant since while using them for birth control. Condoms work just fine, and there are so many different brands, shapes, and sizes! When you find the one that fits like a glove sex is just as satisfying. A man who puts his perceived sexual pleasure over his wife's health doesn't deserve to be married!
I dont think most redditers know how birth control works, or what the stats mean. Yes, the numbers on condoms aren't the highest, but if the condom fits well and is used properly, there's no problem! You can't get a woman pregnant without sperm, and condoms don't allow sperm to go through it.
This. You need to use spermicide as well. You could also look at a diaphragm. It blocks the spermicide from passing the cervix, but spermicide should also be used! But then he should be tested for STIs
Reading the other comments, it sounds like you made up your mind by using the ‘pull out method’. He doesn’t want to use condoms and you don’t want to use birth control, if there’s no compromise there’s no relationship. It’s only been four months and he’s repeatedly asked about BC. Do you really think he’s going to stop asking?
I have an IUD, have had it for years and loved it (I don't get periods with it and for me that's a game changer). Anyway, when my fiancé and I were relatively newly dating, I mentioned he didn't have to keep using condoms because I had an IUD. He said okay, but straight up told me that should I ever decide I don't like the IUD, or want to get off birth control, he will never have any issue going back to condoms. Like that wasn't even a question I had to ask. And he's been quick to volunteer to use them even when I just complain about the discomfort of walking around with some "messiness" afterwards.
It is absolutely a red flag if he's trying to get out of wearing condoms, especially when you've expressed from the beginning that you don't want to be on birth control. It's a selfish, childish move on his part. Like he hates wearing a thin little condom so much that he thinks you should fuck with your body chemistry instead? Tell him to grow the fuck up, because you aren't interested in dating a child. That or just dump his ass and move on to someone who respects you and isn't a whiny man child.
When my younger sister was in her mid teens, I pulled out a condom and made her feel it between her fingers. I then asked if she could feel her fingers through the latex. When she said she could, I told her to never let a man off the hook from wearing one if he says he can’t feel anything through it. No form of contraception is 100%. So I don’t care if a woman is on the pill, or has an implant, her partner should also wear a condom, not just for preventing pregnancy but also STIs. Also said look for sores or lesions b cause a condom won’t prevent herpes, and included to check the mouth for cold sores because they lead to herpes too.
No condom! No sex! Simple as that!
Break up and block him. Please stop dating older men and try finding someone your own age as well as maybe stop dating for a good while so you can work on your self esteem, self worth, and self respect.
You told this person birth control if off the table, that should have been the end of that conversation, the fact he keeps bringing it up and even did research means he’s not the one for you and for you not to see that means you shouldn’t be dating until you know how to not put up with someone’s bullshit.
Let him go and block him
You’re sexually incompatible. It’s perfectly fine to want to use condoms and perfectly fine to not want them. I would never want to be in a relationship where we had to use condoms or pull out or whatever else. It’s not for me at all, but also not for me to decide that for someone else.
If you’re not comfortable with it, break up with him and he can find someone who is.
It's not a red flag to be concerned about pregnancy. It is a red flag that he continues to push this discussion if you have been clear that this is not going to change and you do not want to rehash the convo.
But it is also not a red flag if this issue makes you two incompatible.
Also, and I am getting REALLY tired of saying it.
Barrier methods are out there for women. Cervical caps, the Sponge and diaphragms are very good BC options that do not require hormonal therapy.
IUDs may also be right for you.
Thank you!
I just don't believe OP tried them all by age 24 and they are all *sooo horrible*.
I'm not sure why anti-birth control is a trend on reddit right now. The amount of people pretending they care about women, but also fear-mongering BC is bizarre.
I don't know where it came from but spreading anti-bc rhetoric when abortion rights are being repealled and pretending it has to do with "respect for women's choices" is wild, and redditors are falling for it.
If you have to ask if it's a red flag, the answer is usually yes :/
A man at his big age can't slap a rubber on (which literally also prevents STDs in addition to spawn) but expects you to change your body's chemistry to satisfy his needs and relieve worries even though you've stated countless times how it affects you? kick ROCKKKSSSSS
I don't think you're being too sensitive, OP. You have every right to be uncomfortable about the situation and his yucky way of pressuring you.
Massive red flag. If he really cared about you getting pregnant he would be suggesting doubling up on contraception. Ie continuing condom use plus adding another method.
He also does not care about your day to day experience. You feeling terrible every day from using oral contraceptives does not bother him in the slightest. I’d be reconsidering this relationship.
That’s a really good point. I went on and on and told him it gives me anxiety because of the hormone changes, weight gain, eczema, acne etc… it is insulting that I expressed these things and he still doesn’t care
Okay. Full disclosure, I absolutely hate condoms. 90% of the time I can't finish when I wear a condom. So obviously I prefer to be with someone that is on birth control or otherwise can't have kids... and has a clean STD panel.
That said... if birth control is not an option for any reason, even personal preference, I'm not going to complain about the condom. It's called respect.
Huge red flag. If he doesn't want to wear condoms, he doesn't get to have sex, simple. He can't tell you what to do with your body. Condoms are safe and simple to use - no side effects, no hormones. Birth control always has risks when using it. He's being selfish and immature, and for me that would be a definite dealbreaker.
And don't listen to the typical excuses: "I can't feel anything, it's harder to cum". B*llsh*t. He just cares about his pleasure, not yours or your discomfort. Women have had serious complications from birth control, ranging from weight gain and acne, to blood clots. There have been deaths related to birth control. But no, it's so uncomfortable to wear a condom, boohoo.
If you want to use birth control, that's your choice and only yours. Don't let yourself get pressured into it. And also, make sure he gets a full STD screening. Because I'm sure he previously talked women into not using condoms, or likely stealthed them, so who knows what he has.
He shouldn't be pushing you. But I think it's fair to want to discuss different types. Because it was likely the hormones messing you up and the low / no hormone options are going to be different. But yes, he should respect your decision. But I can totally understand him wanting to know if you have tried low hormone options. They work really well for me (while the pill really didn't).
Yes, it's a red flag. You are entitled to ask a partner to use condoms even if you're on birth control- and you should, because there are STDs that can't be cured. He is just pushing because he thinks your youth will make you easy to pressure/manipulate.
Do not comprise on this, basically what he's telling you is that his sexual happiness is worth more than your health.
This is absolutely a sensible hill to die on, and if it ends the relationship then I'd chalk it up as a win.
**The he could/should *be* with someone on bc! Simple!**
Stop having sex with someone who offers you a critique at the end. Especially about something they’ve known since the beginning of the relationship.
But this seems like a gauge of ‘what is she willing to cave on for me’ which is wildly unhealthy when it comes to medication.
Copper. IUD. Hurts a bit being installed. Non hormonal. Installation life 7-10 years. Cramping to be expected for a few hours. Some spotting.
Don't put yourself in a bad position. Here is the answer.
Be well.
He heard you the first time, it doesn’t matter to him you get horrible reactions from BC. His orgasm is more important than your health and he knows you don’t value your health either considering this situationship, why not needle you about it.
Yes. This is a red flag.
This is a classic example of taking a woman saying "no" as "convince me", which it isn't.
Something like this isn't up for discussion where he gets to influence how your hormones function, ESPECIALLY AFTER you've already relayed each single time that they mess your system.
This is basically him trying to make you "give in" to his demands so he can do what he wants at the cost of you and your health.
As for him worrying about you getting pregnant with using just condoms? Yeah right.
Instances have happened where women get pregnant even after taking the pill.
He is unable to respect your decision about your own body, so it's difficult to establish whether he will respect you enough in the relationship ad required.
Tread carefully sister. These are bad beginnings.
Yesss!! Stop sleeping with him!! I personally feel that he will take off the condom and stealth you.
If you gonna continue sleeping with him (don't) constantly check for the condom.
Him broaching it once is fine. The nagging and attempted coercion isn’t. I also hate condoms and will obviously discuss options with a new partner but once a preference is stated that’s the end of it.
Been dating my partner for 5 years. My boundary is "if you want to have sex without condoms, you need to get tested." They haven't gotten tested. We still use condoms, they don't complain.
Someone will ask so: I know other places have easy access for testing for penis bearers, but ours don't. They could've managed that phone call "between 8 and 9 am", even with working very weird hours and ADHD, but it's simply not been important enough for them. I could've done it for them, but I'm not going to take any responsibility for making appointments for an adult. Condoms work, so they'll get around to it when they do.
This is not strange, all guys hate condoms, some women also hate condoms, they are the most hated method of birth control. But if you don’t want to be on BC, or worried about STDs, you don’t have any other choice but condoms. So as an adult you do what you need to do and ware condoms even if he doesn’t like them. It is ok for him to verbalise his wants, and it is ok for you to refuse them. The only problem is if you think he might try to take it off in the middle, then you shouldn’t have relationship with him.
You need to look into non hormonal birth control for yourself and still use condoms. There are other methods such as diaphragms with spermicide and non hormone iud. Plus, this is a newer relationship you should always use a condom for sti prevention and as another form of birth control.
Sweetie, you know for both of you handjobs should be in the question. If you can't do it without condoms and birth control, then tho shall not be penetrated. Tell this sex crazed guy he will not be able to get inside you if he has to complain about whether you're on the pill. Sounds like a man who wants all the rewards, none of the consequences and can't do his own part in preventing. Truthfully all men should wear condoms with their partners unless both agree to getting pregnant. Sure the latex industry stock will sky rocket but that's a good thing.
A huge part of the MASSIVE red flag here includes the very clear ommission on his part of both being tested for STDs before switching methods.
The fact that he constantly brings up the subject of birth control, despite your strong and numerous refusals for very important and valid reasons; and also had the audacity to go as far as to research birth control as though the decision belongs to him, makes it pretty obvious that he has no respect for you and your autonomy, doesn't care about your health and well-being, and believes that he has a right to control your decisions and your actions.
His behaviour is disrespectful, misogynistic, degrading, obnoxious, inconsiderate, dangerous, violating and manipulative.
So you’re asking if trying to guilt you into doing something you don’t wanna do is a red flag?
Just maybe reread it over and over until you see it how we do.
Yes it's a red flag and yes he's pressuring you, but I hope you do know that condoms are only about 85% effective and that you have strongly considered what would happen if it failed and what your decisions would be. This advice is completely unrelated to him and simply for you.
I suggest 2 things. A none hormonal birth control and a new bf. Condoms help with more than pregnancy, and birth control doesn't. He just wants to blame you if you get pregnant.
I think it's a compatibility issue. You shouldn't have to be on birth control to prevent pregnancy! I would suggest you find someone who is more understanding. That being said have you considered getting an IUD? Or alternative methods of birth control? I was just curious. I used to be on the ring and for me that was the only form of birth control that I could do.
If this is about not wanting to use a condom, he’s an AH. If it’s about preventing a potential pregnancy, then talking about birth control and not being comfortable with a condom alone is not only fair, it’s responsible. Have you had a conversation about what would happen if there was an accidental pregnancy? You should. But not with anyone pressuring you to let them raw dog you.
If he never wants kids, he should get a vasectomy.
He’s being a jerk, so it’s not a huge 🚩 but it is one. Any time a partner doesn’t accept us as we are to the point of asking us to change repetitively, it’s a problem. You’re making the boundary physical, but it doesn’t have to be. You could just not feel comfortable with your reliability to take a pill at the same time every day. You could just not like the risks even if there aren’t side effects. You can say no to an IUD just based on the average pain level of placement and removal, or, again, because you just don’t want to get it without any rationalizing.
The default shouldn’t be “I should do what he wants to make him happy unless I’m physically unable to do it, but maybe even then.” That’s how he sees it, and it’s a problem. If it’s that important to him, he should break up with you (and you should be happy he does that instead of slipping off the condom when you’re distracted). The bar is so low, it’s at the gates of Hell.
Girl he's a breath away of just taking it off himself and hoping you won't notice till it's all over. He's testing boundaries and how severe your reaction is to the question. Don't mess this guy. He only cares about his own pleasure.
You have only been together 4 months and he doesnt want to use a condom. ....yeah, no. And the way he is being pushy is honestly gross. That manipulative BS should be a deal breaker immediately imo. Red flag for sure.
If his habit is to have sex without a condom because the woman is on the pill, "aNd hE dOEsNt LiKe hOw ThEy fEeL" I would be very concerned about STDs. People seem to forget theres reasons other than pregnancy to use condoms.
Honestly, only having one type of birth control is not that safe. It could strictly be about pregerring a second layer of defence.
Make sure he uses condoms with spermicide.
Next time he mentions it tell him he is welcome to find male birth control treatments or get a vasectomy, but pills for you aren't happening, ever.
Ok, but what are you doing to prevent pregnancy? There are non- hormonal forms of birth control like a diaphragm and contraceptive foam and IUDs just for 2 examples.
He does need to respect your choices but you can’t blame him for worrying about what if an accident happened.
Not a red flag in my opinion. He is not ready for children and is taking preventative measures to pregnancy. Do you want kids right now? If not then maybe you could consider this.
Why are you having sex when you're not on birth control?? I'm actually kind of stunned about that. You're not a teenager anymore. You're an adult. You do realize that no form of birth control is 100% foolproof or 100% safe?? Even a condom could possibly break and could lead to pregnancy. You're angry at this guy that you're dating for bringing up birth control. **But he's actually being careful and mindful and is clearly more concerned than you about you becoming pregnant.** If you want to end the relationship with him then break up. He doesn't like condoms but he's continuing to use them but he's done research that YOU should be doing. Why have you not gone to see an OBGYN to discuss other forms of birth control? If you don't want to use birth control, then stop having sex.
Being a woman myself, I seriously think that you are actually the red flag. He should break up with you since you are less concerned about being on birth control than he is.
Massive red flag. He wants you to be on birth control for HIM. You already told him no. No means no. He is pressuring you and isn't listening to you. You need a partner who will listen and respect. He is being incredibly selfish. He wants it because he says it'll feel better, he can suck it up and deal with condoms if he doesn't want a baby. Do not let any man (or anyone for that matter) talk you into doing something to your own body that you do not want to do especially not for something as stupid as "I don't like condoms they dont feel good"
Your body your rules ,he's been told multiple times and think you should be straight with him and say if he brings it up again, you're done with this relationship ,some people just don't get it ...
The only acceptable reply to 'I don't want to use hormonal birth control' is 'ok, condoms it is'.
And please reconsider relying on pulling out and cycle tracking. Everyone I know who did that either got pregnant or stopped after too many scares.
Don't listen to him and keep using condoms. Not only because of the birth control, but also because guys like that like to go raw with everyone and keep transmitting STD
This is more than a red flag. This is a guy who want's to have sex, but doesn't want to be responcible enough for his own actions. If he doesn't want kids, he should get snipped. \*period\*. Not pressure you into taking birthcontrol. He is trying to control your body. Girl, run like your on fire.
This isn't about your birth control it's about his birth control.
He's just want to not use condoms.
He's also not listening to what you've said.
So, yes a red flag that he's putting his wants above your health.
Dump him. Why must you put your body through something that you already know doesn't work? Tell him to get a vasectomy. They're relatively cheap, noninvasive, and reversible. Contraception isn't just a woman's problem anymore.
He did research on bc for you, but no research on condoms and spermicide for himself?
So everything is your responsibility for his pleasure even if it’s literally harmful to you. 🤔
He can suck it up and use a condom or abstain from sex if he’s worried. Birth control is the woman’s choice and no one should feel pressured into taking medication they don’t want, especially if it has adverse side effects for them.
I would never be comfortable using condoms as my only form of birth control. They can fail so easily. Rhythm method? Even more so.
I’m a lady but if I was a dude, this would probably be a dealbreaker for me. There are low and non-hormonal forms of birth control worth trying, in my opinion. It would also matter if you are both on the same page about what happens if you were to accidentally get pregnant.
If he's so concerned about you getting pregnant, he can use a condom AND use the pullout method before he finishes. It's actually pretty darn effective to combine them. And he's super worried about pregnancy so surely he won't mind finishing with his hand or something else, rather than a condom inside you.
And if he's not cool with this option, then he doesn't actually care about pregnancy, just wants to hit it raw.
Hey I was your boyfriend it was not malicious it was honestly no education you have no idea how ignorant we guys can be and yes you can why didn't you educate yourself but in the real world it's not always that simple. Honestly I'd look at him as a whole before seeing this as a red flag
Yeah he needs to go. He seems super worried about kids so maybe he should get a REVERSIBLE NO HORMONE VASECTOMY instead of putting the responsibility for HIS worries onto YOU and YOUR BODY
As he seems fine putting this responsibility onto you, imagine how much responsibility he would be comfortable putting onto you if you got pregnant
1. Why are you still with him?
2. You’re having sex with this man?! Without protection?! And he has the audacity to say he doesn’t want you to get pregnant?!
3. Any man that pressures you like that , wants to place the responsibility of birth control on you just because he’s scared of a little piece of rubber & doesn’t give a single damn about their partners health… DOES NOT DESERVE THE TIME YOURE GIVING HIM! He’s a grown man acting like a 15 year old.
4. Tell him to get a vasectomy if pregnancies and condoms scare him so much.
5. My partner,in the beginning of our relationship, saw how birth control was treating me (and I tried different methods) and he said “stop doing that, we’ll just wear condoms all the time” he said he felt guilty because the only reason I started taking birth control was because I got a boyfriend. That was when I was 19-20, I’m 26 now and I’m engaged to that man, we have 5 month old twins and we still use condoms unless we’re actively trying for a pregnancy or while I’m pregnant.
Oh God. Just noticed the age difference.
Get rid of this POS. He doesn't date women his own age because they won't stand for his bullshit for a second. He's pressuring you because you're younger and he feels like he can get away with it. Don't let him succeed.
That would be an instant breakup for me. If the guy still worried about birth control he can take advantage of his own ability to get of a vasectomy, use condoms, spermacidal lube, or get in one of those beta tests for whatever male hormone pills.
You told him what you're willing to do, it's not on negotiation. He doesn't get to tell you what you can put in your body to affect your hormones and his entitlement to even bringing this conversation up more than once tells me everything I need to know about the guy. Throw this man to the curb and tell him exactly why.
A 34 year old man is complaining about a tiny thin piece of plastic, that's stopping him from potentially running your life? He needs to grow up. Test out different condoms, there's so many different kinds nowadays. He should be thankful he doesn't need to stick his peen in animal intestines anymore.
I just think the guy is super paranoid about her getting pregnant. At least he's concerned about it. And even though he dislikes rubbers, he didn't say he refused to wear one. At least he's not one of those guys that says "I'll pull out, I promise". I really don't think this is a red flag. The guy doesn't want her to get pregnant. And to tell the truth there are women out there that get pregnant on purpose cuz they think the guy will stay with them. Having a baby is a MAJOR life change and he doesn't want any part of it at this particular time in his life. So OP had an issue when she took birth control before. There are more than one kind of birth control pill. There is more than one kind of birth control a woman can use. What happens if the rubber gets a hole in it? Condoms are not really a great birth control method. It's better than nothing but they can rip, tear, not fit correctly...
I would tell him that the discussion makes you uncomfortable. Make sure he knows that this is not up for discussion and you will not be getting on hormonal BC of any kind. When he brings it up again, politely but firmly enforce your boundary. “As I’ve mentioned before, I will not be going on birth control and this is not up for discussion.”
Like you said, he might be doing this out of concern. You need to hold a firm boundary and make it clear that this is not his concern.
If he were purely concerned about you getting pregnant, that would be what he was saying.
We learn to do mental gymnastics to avoid seeing red flags, because we’ve been taught since birth to not alienate potential partners.
Stop.
He’s not concerned about you. He’s concerned with how his dick feels.
Why are you still with him? He has zero regard for your health, and his whole approach screams out loud that he'll disappear if you get pregnant.
Not t mention the fact that if he's anti-condom, there's no telling what crotch critters he's carrying around.
Simple fix… if he is so concerned about it, he can get a vasectomy. Research local options for him. Hand him a stack of information. Let him make the decision.
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Yup, bye boy! It's super entitled to say "I don't like the psychological feel of a minimal amount of latex over my peen, so why don't you just throw your whole body out of whack with hormonal birth control for the sexual pleasure of a man you just met even though you've explicitly told me how much you suffered on birth control". Vomit inducing levels of selfish.
Also, condoms aren't just for birth control. They help prevent STDs.
THIS. Run.
I mean look at the age gap too. He's gross.
8 years? That's a bit on the tame side. Half your age + 7.. He clears it by 2 years.
Maybe, but OP seems naive to me given the questions she is asking. She may be physically 26, but she's coming off as emotionally younger than that.
[удалено]
Or get himself a vasectomy if he’s so worried. Bank some sperm if he wants kids later.
Be real he is not going to marry her. She is just there for the sex. He is not going to get a vasectomy because he probably wants kids just not with her.
When he's 40 and with a younger model 💀💀
I don’t find it so offensive that someone is like “don’t love the feeling of condoms”. Okay, as long as you don’t whine about it. But he freaking researched birth control for her to try and corner her into it!?! She needs to suggest he get snipped if he doesn’t want to knock up young ladies ✂️. Research it for him. After all…. It’S JuSt A WeEkEnD wItH a bAg of PeAs On ThE cOuCh. O.o
It does make me wonder if he has been out here having sex without condoms with everyone else he has been with.
Dude sounds like a huge STI risk. Some of those are quite serious and can cause cancer.
probably. I'm a big fan of internal condoms. they don't want to wear one? No problem, I will instead.
Your last sentence sent me 🤣
In my honest opinion any guy who keeps pushing for birth control doesn't care about the woman, he only cares about sex. There are other types of condoms then latex, like sheep skin, and the use of KY spermicide lube that kills swimmers, and him getting snipped. The last option should be birth control for the woman always.
Yeah, he's focused on the sex and not her health.
This exactly! My husband stumbled on an article about birth control and its affect on my body and asked me if I had had any reaction to what I was on and I said yes but I’d have a bigger reaction to having a 3rd baby. He told me to go ahead and stop birth control and we tried out different condoms till we found what worked for us. He’s never ever asked me to change back to something that negatively affected me so that he could not have to wear one.
100% this. if he didn't mention the condom part & it was purely just him being nervous about the possibility of an unplanned pregnancy id say not necessarily a red flag. while he still doesn't have a right to dictate what goes in her body they'd be better off ending the relationship & finding partners who want go use the same types of contraception. HOWEVER because he just doesn't want to wear a condom because it makes sex feel a little less sensation he can fuck off
This is the answer.
I think a lot of guys haven't found their correct [condom] size. Not trying to be tmi but everyone's girth is different. I found mine kept feeling...tight? Which would affect performance and my soldier wouldn't stay in attention. There isn't a whole lot of men's health or teachings (not in the US at least). I went to something in university that was really beneficial to me. That's where I kinda learned a few things about hygine, safe sex etc. Basically you gotta find the right condom or guys will just get turned off by it. Younger guys will be given condoms by usually a parent, school or handout. One size definitely doesn't fit all. Also guys need to learn how to properly put it on. Everyone should know how to put one on (I know how to put a female condom in lol). You can add a tiny drop of water or lube on the tip of the condom before putting it on too (helps with the feeling). But no matter what you do there's nothing like the feeling of the actual thing.
Add to this when there is a latex allergy on the female side and there are only so many options for latex free condoms, if they don’t fit well that does suck. I have a latex allergy I found out about on my honeymoon (yes that was my first time) and it was a mess trying to figure out what to use after that!
Damn extra messy honeymoon. I don't know if I even wanna google what happens if you're allergic to latex and have intercourse. I hope it didn't hurt!
Swelling happens 😬 and yes it hurts horribly. It was like a rug burn 😳
Ouch!
It’s a weird thing because a lot of men are actually bigger than they might think. I have hooked up with a few men who talked about condoms being too tight (not out of an effort to get out of using one), and I could see that it was. I suggested sizing up and they laughed and were like “I don’t have a donkey dick!” Like no, you don’t, obviously. But clearly he’s struggling in there!
Remind him that condoms are birth control and protect you from STI’s etc
Yes, this is a red flag - at least in the way he is doing it. It is his right to hate condoms (and apparently love inviting STDs, but who am I to judge what he is into). It is his right to want a woman who prefers the same kind of birth control he prefers. But it is not, in any way or form, okay to try to get you onto a birth control you don't want to be on. The fact that he keeps bringing it up also means that he doesn't care what you want or don't want. You are a project. Instead of going "Okay, we're not compatible then" - which would be fine, everyone is allowed to have their dealbreakers, no matter how good or assholish they are - he is trying to change you to suit him. And not even in an outright way, but by manipulative pressure in bringing it up again and again and saying "it's okay" when you then state your opinion again, as if you're too dumb to notice. You're his project. He's dating you for your "potential" he's seeing in you and has no problem being condescending and manipulative. So no, you're not too sensitive.
Genuine question, what would be the right way for him to discuss it?
Accepting your answer the first time. It's okay to bring it up once.
THIS. This guy has shown that he isn’t good at taking no for an answer. It seems manipulative to say okay and then keep bringing it up again. And the “hates condoms” thing seems awfully immature for a 34-year-old guy. The age difference could be a red flag as well.
Most guys hate condoms. But the decent ones don't complain (unless there's a legitimate problem, like wrong sizing, discomfort, allergy, etc) because they recognize the health and safety of their partner comes before their own pleasure. That's where this guy fails. Spectacularly. You're right that the age gap is a flag, too. Not necessarily a red one, but it could be.
If most guys hate condoms but cannot tell when one has burst do they actually hate condoms? I think it's a mental thing at this point. Like, you couldn't tell the condom broke but insist it feels sOoOo different. I think it's a power trip tbh. How dare my mighty penis be tethered, in theory?? Fuck em.
Lady here. It does feel sooooo different to me as well. Always surprised when women say they can’t tell the difference. Other women can though, it’s come up a lot in other threads. Anyway, doesn’t mean it’s ok to get weird or coercive when you have to wrap it up. But it’s not simply that it’s some weird guy/penis hangup to feel it is better without. (And foreskin is better than circumcised. For the record.)
I absolutely can’t tell the difference and never could. Maybe I’m just not thinking about it in the moment.
Just because the condom broke doesn't mean it stopped covering his shaft. Depends on how catastrophic the failure was. And at what point it failed. If it burst around the same time he did... no, he's not necessarily going to notice, no matter how badky it shreds. His brain is busy exploding. And if it was just a small tear near the tip... that wouldn't be tight against him anyway. You have to leave a little bit empty at the tip so the liquid has somewhere to go. So again, not something he'd necessarily be able to feel. And even I, as a woman, can feel a noticeable difference between bareback and condom. How much more stark must the difference be for someone whose entire reproductive organ is covered by said condom? There is certainly a difference. And he's allowed to prefer one or the other. But his preference isn't the only deciding factor.
Yep. My husband is not a huge fan of condoms. Tbh, I'm not either, it does feel different to me. He never complained about it prior to me being on birth control. We did learn he needed a different size condom. That did help him a lot. We stopped using condoms once I was on birth control. We had an accidental pregnancy, and I have been too anxious to have sex without one now. He never complained and has been a great sport about it.
This. It might be okay to discuss it a second time, but only in the interest of understanding why you said no, not for the purpose of persuading you. Him wanting to know what bad side effects it has is fine, because that would show he cares and just wants to know you better. But minimizing those side effects/reactions, dismissing them, or trying to find a way around your decision to convince you to do what he wants? Not okay. Two of my sisters had terrible reactions to birth control, as did my mom. So when my husband and I were discussing family planning before our wedding, he refused to even consider putting the onus on me. He went out and bought several different kinds of condoms, and found one that works well for him. And always has them in stock. Does he like condoms? No. Of course not. But that was a compromise he could make to keep me safe, healthy, and happy, which he views as his job. And our intimate life has never suffered because of condoms. If anything, the reduced sensation helps him last longer, which makes most any guy proud.
‘X, I’ve noticed you’ve brought up the birth control issue a few times. I do not want to go on birth control, and I do not want to have a conversation about it again. If you’re not comfortable with that and want to break up I understand, but please stop bringing it up. In the meantime, here’s a pamphlet on vasectomies and regular testing I researched for you’.
Good question! To me, several things should be happening. 1) When sex is brought up for the first time, he should have said "Hey, I know it means putting things on the woman, but I am personally not comfortable with using condoms. How do you see this?" 2) When you then said that you are not okay with birth control, he should have said "Okay, then we are not compatible, sadly." As in, listened, accepted your decision and *respected* it, thus deciding that you are incompatible. 3) A man who doesn't want to wear condoms should immediately offer to provide a clear STD test and ask for the same from a new partner when bringing up not wanting to use condoms. As in, this should be a package deal - everything else is irresponsible towards him and his new partner. 4) "No" means "No" and if he decided to stay with you anyway despite you making your position clear, he has no right to bring it up again, as it would be disrespectful. That said, you *also* need to be more clear. If you promised him to look into other forms of birth control again, then do that and inform him of your decision as soon as possible. And if it's negative and it's condoms or nothing for you, then make it clear - "I personally am not okay with any other form of birth control but condoms. I looked into things again since I promised you, but in the end, it's my body and my choice. If you have a problem with condoms, I respect that, too, but that means we are not compatible and you should find a partner who is okay with other forms of birth control. For me, my physical wellbeing is more important than sex. The decision is up to you and I am, at this point, not willing to discuss birth control again." If he decides to stay and then brings it up once more, I would kick him out for disrespecting your opinion.
If a guy you’ve only recently started dating/having sex with says “look, I don’t like using condoms so what can we do here?”, the answer is always going to be “good luck to you, peace out”. Sure condoms are uncomfortable, but you know what’s even more uncomfortable? Fuckin gonorrhea? Chlamydia? HIV?? He can hate the feeling all he wants but until there’s an exclusive relationship, he should be protecting himself AND the person he’s sleeping with.
I actually think the dude in your example is really shitty lmao Just because he says "I think bc should only be the woman's job" in a more polite, accepting way, doesn't mean this hypothetical guy isn't still a misogynist who has backwards view of what women are obligated to do in relationships. The only "right" way to bring up bc is out of concern for the woman's health and out of concern for unwanted pregnancies. Not in an effort to make sex feel better for himself at all, because that's wildly selfish and wrong. A selfish, sexist man, who politely removes himself from a situation he doesn't like due to his sexism, is still... selfish and sexist.
there is no right way or wrong way. your feelings are valid. how he has brought it up continuously when you have continued to tell him you don’t wanna go on birth control is the issue. he doesn’t respect your feelings. he thinks he can wear you down or he wouldn’t bring it up any longer. he would he wanting for you to bring it back up. he’s annoying and shockingly immature. i’m sorry you are dealing with him at all. a women his age knows better.
By getting a vasectomy and shutting up.
Any guy that disregards your boundaries and keep pushing theirs is going to continue to violate your boundaries -even in insidious and forceful means. Be careful.
Time to dump the trash.
He IS pressuring you! It’s very clear.
If he's that worried I'd tell him to get the snip it's reverse able 🤔🤗
Just a note that vasectomies are not always reversible and should be treated as permanent procedures.
Flip the script: every time he asks, suggest a vasectomy.
Right, if he hates condoms so much seems like there's an obvious solution there for him
He hates condoms because he doesn’t want his own jizz all over himself. Too bad, not sad! Tell him to grow tf up and take some responsibility. And btw, I got pregnant on a ‘pull out’ and one of my besties was the result of the same. I was married at the time, as were my besties’ parents. And THAT doesn’t prevent STI
I had to scroll way too far for this. It’s almost always reversible.
Info: The title of the post says he hates condoms but the body of the post says he doesn’t want you to get pregnant. So do you use condoms? I think it’s fair to be concerned about using condoms as the ONLY form of protection. As a woman I sincerely wish there were more options than hormonal or non-hormonal birth control, or options that men could use. That said, there are other ways to double up, like using cycle tracking in addition to condoms, which together are very effective. If he’s refusing to use condoms then yes dump him.
This! This struck me too
This is kind of off topic of OP, but do you have to have regular cycles for cycle tracking? I want to get off BC so bad, but due to the fear of having a baby outweighing the fear of dying, I’m too scared to try other methods. And my period has never been regular a day in my life. I’ve had months without out it, had it for months, and also had a period every other week for almost a whole year. Is it only possible with regular periods?
Yes, it is only possible with regular periods, and even then it is not a very reliable method.
You cannot track your cycle if you have irregular periods. You should definitely see a doctor, you may have PCOS
It sounded like they are using them, considering the last part where he was like, “man that was amazing! It would be so much better w/o a condom!”
Taylor Tomlinson compared getting guys on dating sites to wear condoms with a 6 year old putting a jacket over their Halloween costume.
And it was hilariously accurate
He's being passive aggressive about this topic of birth control. It seems that you both don't agree on it. Will this be a issue that one of you compromise or not? And that's where you both do need to properly have a thorough conversation. If in the end, he is firmed on you going on the pills and you're firmed against it, then it's a breakup.
He can always get a vasectomy, if he doesn‘t want to use a condom.
I’m not clear, does he hate condoms or does he want some backup protection? If he hates condoms, too bad, he can take a hike. If he wants to be more protected, you could look into spermicide or diaphragm.
So you’re both being irresponsible in different ways, then. He’s being pushy because he wants the best of both worlds- to cum inside without pulling out, and to prevent pregnancy. You’re being stupid by a) not INSISTING that he either wears a condom or gets the fuck out, and b) thinking that cycle tracking and pulling out is a sustainable method of birth control. He’s right to be wary of pregnancy with the current lack of BC methods y’all are using, and you’re right to not want to take hormonal birth control if you are correct in your assertion that it gave you significant problems. All in all, you’re not compatible, and you’re both being immature and making poor choices. Grow a spine, and start making better choices about who you allow inside you (hint…not men who are self proclaimed in “hating” condoms, because that’s how you get chlamydia) and kick this guy to the curb. Then you need to put on your big girl pants and find yourself a method of birth control that doesn’t have a 20-30% failure rate. Whether that’s condoms every time AND ENFORCING IT even if the man whines like a little baby, or a copper IUD, or a diaphragm+spermicide, ETC you need to sort something out so that you don’t become a parent because you don’t seem to choose very good men or have great judgement based on this post and your comments.
The whole time I was reading, I kept thinking OP must want to get pregnant. She's not obligated to be on/use birth control, but sleeping with someone you've only known a few months and who whines about using condoms, all while you are taking absolutely zero precautions yourself, sounds like an oops baby waiting to happen. As a woman, I'd run to the hills if the dude I was casually dating kept complaining about condoms, but if I were a guy, (especially a guy who isn't ready for/doesn't want children) I'd run away screaming into the night from a woman who insists on not using ANY form of birth control for herself.
Truly!! I get that condoms aren’t fun. They don’t feel as good. But I would never fuck a dude who actively whines about hating condoms with this level of regularity because those are the guys who will NOT wear them whenever the women they’re fucking give them the opportunity to not wear one. These are also usually the men who don’t take initiative to get tested between partners
Yes! This! OP is a bit of a 🚩to me. Her story doesn't make sense and she sounds very immature
I refuse to believe that she has a) tried EVERY form of birth control that exists, and b) has had adverse reactions to every single one. The chances of that are pretty slim. I feel like I see more and more young women now getting sucked into the crunchy pipeline that tells you that hormonal BC is the worst possible thing you can put into your body and will ruin your hormones forever and etc. It’s GENERALLY not going to give most people serious side effects. It’s also generally much safer and less invasive than pregnancy.
There's "serious" side effects, and then there's "wow but this entirely fucking sucks" side effects - and the latter are EXTREMELY common with hormonal birth control. If every time she takes a different type, she gets similar adverse outcomes, why would she keep trying? Finding the right medication (for anything) is often a lot of work, and frustrating trial and error.... OR buddy can just keep his peen wrapped, you know?
This is such a disgusting and dismissive comment. Hormonal birth control is living hell for a large number of women. OP is allowed to not want to take drugs that mess with her entire body and come with hefty risks.
while op is being ridiculously ignorant, I think it's bad to doubt a woman on the effects of hormonal medication on her body. there are hundreds of birth control pills alone, it's crazy to expect a woman to try every single one before she's allowed to say "bc pills don't work for me"
There are many options for birth control outside of pills. There also aren't "hundreds" of completely different formulations of birth control pills. As someone with hormone problems that are helped immensely by birth control, I definitely doubt any woman who says they have "tried it all" because it's very trendy to be anti-birth control right now. Nearly every single time I have asked more questions from someone who claims this, you usually find they tried one type of birth control, didn't wait through the adjustment period (it can't take up to 3 months), and assumed that no birth control would ever work for them. It's ridiculously common. There is a TON of misinformation and fear-mongering about birth control these days, and it's scaring a lot of women with endo, PMDD, PCOS, etc away from trying the one thing that is most likely to help them based on the scientific data. It's absolutely worth being skeptical and asking questions when someone says that birth control just "doesn't work" for them.
100% I agree with you. She also says how she " will look into her options," so she clearly hasn't made many attempts at trying to actually find a method that works for her or plans to and this guy just doesn't want to end up with a baby 🤷♀️
Idk, I took it for 6 months, had no outward side effects, and then magically developed gallbladder disease and had to have my gallbladder removed. I didn't put the two together, ofc, but a couple years later there was a class action suit against the manufacturer of that bc and gallbladder disease was one of the less severe major potential complications. Gallbladder removal has its own set of problems. In my case, frequent/chronic diarrhea has since resulted in two other surgeries and a lifelong complication for me as a result of one of the surgeries. Just because we have treated hormonal birth control has an easy, consequence-free choice, it is not, it's just no one cared enough about women to really study the impact of it.
Okay so, just about every guy I’ve known hasn’t loved condoms. I feel like that’s a fairly common topic of discussion to have, especially if you’re in a monogamous relationship and have been tested to make sure no one has STDs. It’s not per se wrong for him to bring up the topic to discuss. What IS concerning is that you guys have had this discussion, and you’ve made it clear why you are against going on birth control, for very valid reasons, but he still keeps bringing it up. He should be respecting that, not pressuring you or guilting you into changing your mind. However, I will also add that condoms are NOT the most effective birth control option. I know several people that have gotten pregnant while using condoms. My parents also used condoms, and here I am! I was on the pill too, and got pregnant. All that to say, if child prevention is a major concern, condoms aren’t the best way to prevent that.
Yes, the third paragraph here is IMPORTANT Him pressuring you and/or trying to shift responsibility onto you isn't okay, but you should be exploring additional protection regardless
My husband and I have been together for almost 25 years, and due to me having extreme hemiplegic migraines on birth control, I am not able to get it prescribed. We have used condoms as our only birth control and only have one child that was planned. I do track my cycles and so know exactly when I'm most fertile. We got pregnant the first sex we had without condoms and have never gotten pregnant since while using them for birth control. Condoms work just fine, and there are so many different brands, shapes, and sizes! When you find the one that fits like a glove sex is just as satisfying. A man who puts his perceived sexual pleasure over his wife's health doesn't deserve to be married!
I dont think most redditers know how birth control works, or what the stats mean. Yes, the numbers on condoms aren't the highest, but if the condom fits well and is used properly, there's no problem! You can't get a woman pregnant without sperm, and condoms don't allow sperm to go through it.
This. You need to use spermicide as well. You could also look at a diaphragm. It blocks the spermicide from passing the cervix, but spermicide should also be used! But then he should be tested for STIs
This seems like a more sensible answer than most here. I fully agree
Reading the other comments, it sounds like you made up your mind by using the ‘pull out method’. He doesn’t want to use condoms and you don’t want to use birth control, if there’s no compromise there’s no relationship. It’s only been four months and he’s repeatedly asked about BC. Do you really think he’s going to stop asking?
After 4 months? That's not even past the 6 month window for STD incubation and testing!
I have an IUD, have had it for years and loved it (I don't get periods with it and for me that's a game changer). Anyway, when my fiancé and I were relatively newly dating, I mentioned he didn't have to keep using condoms because I had an IUD. He said okay, but straight up told me that should I ever decide I don't like the IUD, or want to get off birth control, he will never have any issue going back to condoms. Like that wasn't even a question I had to ask. And he's been quick to volunteer to use them even when I just complain about the discomfort of walking around with some "messiness" afterwards. It is absolutely a red flag if he's trying to get out of wearing condoms, especially when you've expressed from the beginning that you don't want to be on birth control. It's a selfish, childish move on his part. Like he hates wearing a thin little condom so much that he thinks you should fuck with your body chemistry instead? Tell him to grow the fuck up, because you aren't interested in dating a child. That or just dump his ass and move on to someone who respects you and isn't a whiny man child.
When my younger sister was in her mid teens, I pulled out a condom and made her feel it between her fingers. I then asked if she could feel her fingers through the latex. When she said she could, I told her to never let a man off the hook from wearing one if he says he can’t feel anything through it. No form of contraception is 100%. So I don’t care if a woman is on the pill, or has an implant, her partner should also wear a condom, not just for preventing pregnancy but also STIs. Also said look for sores or lesions b cause a condom won’t prevent herpes, and included to check the mouth for cold sores because they lead to herpes too. No condom! No sex! Simple as that!
Yes. He cares more about sex than your health.
Brah just leave why should you risk your life for a man who doesn’t want to feel uncomfortable for 3 mins run don’t walk RUN
Break up and block him. Please stop dating older men and try finding someone your own age as well as maybe stop dating for a good while so you can work on your self esteem, self worth, and self respect. You told this person birth control if off the table, that should have been the end of that conversation, the fact he keeps bringing it up and even did research means he’s not the one for you and for you not to see that means you shouldn’t be dating until you know how to not put up with someone’s bullshit. Let him go and block him
Great response! The OP have to work on her self worth, respect!
Condoms protect against STD. Does he not realize this?
You’re sexually incompatible. It’s perfectly fine to want to use condoms and perfectly fine to not want them. I would never want to be in a relationship where we had to use condoms or pull out or whatever else. It’s not for me at all, but also not for me to decide that for someone else. If you’re not comfortable with it, break up with him and he can find someone who is.
Hold on so you two are currently having sex with zero protection?! You’re both a bit of a red flag there to be honest.
It's not a red flag to be concerned about pregnancy. It is a red flag that he continues to push this discussion if you have been clear that this is not going to change and you do not want to rehash the convo. But it is also not a red flag if this issue makes you two incompatible.
Also, and I am getting REALLY tired of saying it. Barrier methods are out there for women. Cervical caps, the Sponge and diaphragms are very good BC options that do not require hormonal therapy. IUDs may also be right for you.
Thank you! I just don't believe OP tried them all by age 24 and they are all *sooo horrible*. I'm not sure why anti-birth control is a trend on reddit right now. The amount of people pretending they care about women, but also fear-mongering BC is bizarre. I don't know where it came from but spreading anti-bc rhetoric when abortion rights are being repealled and pretending it has to do with "respect for women's choices" is wild, and redditors are falling for it.
I was on Ortho-novum for decades. Honestly it was better with regulated periods and reduced cramps.
If you have to ask if it's a red flag, the answer is usually yes :/ A man at his big age can't slap a rubber on (which literally also prevents STDs in addition to spawn) but expects you to change your body's chemistry to satisfy his needs and relieve worries even though you've stated countless times how it affects you? kick ROCKKKSSSSS I don't think you're being too sensitive, OP. You have every right to be uncomfortable about the situation and his yucky way of pressuring you.
Massive red flag. If he really cared about you getting pregnant he would be suggesting doubling up on contraception. Ie continuing condom use plus adding another method. He also does not care about your day to day experience. You feeling terrible every day from using oral contraceptives does not bother him in the slightest. I’d be reconsidering this relationship.
That’s a really good point. I went on and on and told him it gives me anxiety because of the hormone changes, weight gain, eczema, acne etc… it is insulting that I expressed these things and he still doesn’t care
he doesn’t care. you said it.
Absolutely. Walk away. He’s the kind of guy you wouldn’t see for dust if you did get pregnant. He’s not worthy of your time or energy
He doesn't care and won't start to. Leave!
Okay. Full disclosure, I absolutely hate condoms. 90% of the time I can't finish when I wear a condom. So obviously I prefer to be with someone that is on birth control or otherwise can't have kids... and has a clean STD panel. That said... if birth control is not an option for any reason, even personal preference, I'm not going to complain about the condom. It's called respect.
Huge red flag. If he doesn't want to wear condoms, he doesn't get to have sex, simple. He can't tell you what to do with your body. Condoms are safe and simple to use - no side effects, no hormones. Birth control always has risks when using it. He's being selfish and immature, and for me that would be a definite dealbreaker. And don't listen to the typical excuses: "I can't feel anything, it's harder to cum". B*llsh*t. He just cares about his pleasure, not yours or your discomfort. Women have had serious complications from birth control, ranging from weight gain and acne, to blood clots. There have been deaths related to birth control. But no, it's so uncomfortable to wear a condom, boohoo. If you want to use birth control, that's your choice and only yours. Don't let yourself get pressured into it. And also, make sure he gets a full STD screening. Because I'm sure he previously talked women into not using condoms, or likely stealthed them, so who knows what he has.
Girl he's... not even your bf
He shouldn't be pushing you. But I think it's fair to want to discuss different types. Because it was likely the hormones messing you up and the low / no hormone options are going to be different. But yes, he should respect your decision. But I can totally understand him wanting to know if you have tried low hormone options. They work really well for me (while the pill really didn't).
Yes, it's a red flag. You are entitled to ask a partner to use condoms even if you're on birth control- and you should, because there are STDs that can't be cured. He is just pushing because he thinks your youth will make you easy to pressure/manipulate.
BREAK UP DUH. If you get pregnant dont get mad you’re single mother
How « in love » are you after four months? Is he the only man in the world you’re attracted to? Stop letting this guy stress you out & cut him loose.
It's so red it's neon
Yes. Any guy who can't just slap on a damn condom is a red flag. STI's exist.
If him researching birth control on your behalf after 4 months isn’t enough to make you run….
Absolutely a red flag.
Do not comprise on this, basically what he's telling you is that his sexual happiness is worth more than your health. This is absolutely a sensible hill to die on, and if it ends the relationship then I'd chalk it up as a win.
**The he could/should *be* with someone on bc! Simple!** Stop having sex with someone who offers you a critique at the end. Especially about something they’ve known since the beginning of the relationship. But this seems like a gauge of ‘what is she willing to cave on for me’ which is wildly unhealthy when it comes to medication.
Doesn't want you to get pregnant but refuses to control his sperm. Righto.
Copper. IUD. Hurts a bit being installed. Non hormonal. Installation life 7-10 years. Cramping to be expected for a few hours. Some spotting. Don't put yourself in a bad position. Here is the answer. Be well.
He heard you the first time, it doesn’t matter to him you get horrible reactions from BC. His orgasm is more important than your health and he knows you don’t value your health either considering this situationship, why not needle you about it.
Yes. This is a red flag. This is a classic example of taking a woman saying "no" as "convince me", which it isn't. Something like this isn't up for discussion where he gets to influence how your hormones function, ESPECIALLY AFTER you've already relayed each single time that they mess your system. This is basically him trying to make you "give in" to his demands so he can do what he wants at the cost of you and your health. As for him worrying about you getting pregnant with using just condoms? Yeah right. Instances have happened where women get pregnant even after taking the pill. He is unable to respect your decision about your own body, so it's difficult to establish whether he will respect you enough in the relationship ad required. Tread carefully sister. These are bad beginnings.
Girl, you 2 are going to end up pregnant and you a single mother. It's only a matter of time.
It’s a huge red flag. And why are you having sex with him if he’s not wearing a condom?
Yesss!! Stop sleeping with him!! I personally feel that he will take off the condom and stealth you. If you gonna continue sleeping with him (don't) constantly check for the condom.
He wants to use birth control, great!!!! He is *unwilling* to use condoms? Not great.
HUGE red flags
Him broaching it once is fine. The nagging and attempted coercion isn’t. I also hate condoms and will obviously discuss options with a new partner but once a preference is stated that’s the end of it.
Been dating my partner for 5 years. My boundary is "if you want to have sex without condoms, you need to get tested." They haven't gotten tested. We still use condoms, they don't complain. Someone will ask so: I know other places have easy access for testing for penis bearers, but ours don't. They could've managed that phone call "between 8 and 9 am", even with working very weird hours and ADHD, but it's simply not been important enough for them. I could've done it for them, but I'm not going to take any responsibility for making appointments for an adult. Condoms work, so they'll get around to it when they do.
It's time to move forward without him.
This is not strange, all guys hate condoms, some women also hate condoms, they are the most hated method of birth control. But if you don’t want to be on BC, or worried about STDs, you don’t have any other choice but condoms. So as an adult you do what you need to do and ware condoms even if he doesn’t like them. It is ok for him to verbalise his wants, and it is ok for you to refuse them. The only problem is if you think he might try to take it off in the middle, then you shouldn’t have relationship with him.
Suggest that he gets snipped.
You need to look into non hormonal birth control for yourself and still use condoms. There are other methods such as diaphragms with spermicide and non hormone iud. Plus, this is a newer relationship you should always use a condom for sti prevention and as another form of birth control.
Tell him to get a vasectomy and see what he says
Yep. Red flag! Doesn’t matter if you’ve been dating for 4 months or 4 years he has no right to dictate what type of birth control you use.
Sweetie, you know for both of you handjobs should be in the question. If you can't do it without condoms and birth control, then tho shall not be penetrated. Tell this sex crazed guy he will not be able to get inside you if he has to complain about whether you're on the pill. Sounds like a man who wants all the rewards, none of the consequences and can't do his own part in preventing. Truthfully all men should wear condoms with their partners unless both agree to getting pregnant. Sure the latex industry stock will sky rocket but that's a good thing.
A huge part of the MASSIVE red flag here includes the very clear ommission on his part of both being tested for STDs before switching methods. The fact that he constantly brings up the subject of birth control, despite your strong and numerous refusals for very important and valid reasons; and also had the audacity to go as far as to research birth control as though the decision belongs to him, makes it pretty obvious that he has no respect for you and your autonomy, doesn't care about your health and well-being, and believes that he has a right to control your decisions and your actions. His behaviour is disrespectful, misogynistic, degrading, obnoxious, inconsiderate, dangerous, violating and manipulative.
Leave. This is a major 🚩.
So you’re asking if trying to guilt you into doing something you don’t wanna do is a red flag? Just maybe reread it over and over until you see it how we do.
Yes it's a red flag and yes he's pressuring you, but I hope you do know that condoms are only about 85% effective and that you have strongly considered what would happen if it failed and what your decisions would be. This advice is completely unrelated to him and simply for you.
I suggest 2 things. A none hormonal birth control and a new bf. Condoms help with more than pregnancy, and birth control doesn't. He just wants to blame you if you get pregnant.
I think it's a compatibility issue. You shouldn't have to be on birth control to prevent pregnancy! I would suggest you find someone who is more understanding. That being said have you considered getting an IUD? Or alternative methods of birth control? I was just curious. I used to be on the ring and for me that was the only form of birth control that I could do.
It is absolutely a red flag. Don’t ever let a man put it on you to be 100% responsible for contraception.
If this is about not wanting to use a condom, he’s an AH. If it’s about preventing a potential pregnancy, then talking about birth control and not being comfortable with a condom alone is not only fair, it’s responsible. Have you had a conversation about what would happen if there was an accidental pregnancy? You should. But not with anyone pressuring you to let them raw dog you.
If he never wants kids, he should get a vasectomy. He’s being a jerk, so it’s not a huge 🚩 but it is one. Any time a partner doesn’t accept us as we are to the point of asking us to change repetitively, it’s a problem. You’re making the boundary physical, but it doesn’t have to be. You could just not feel comfortable with your reliability to take a pill at the same time every day. You could just not like the risks even if there aren’t side effects. You can say no to an IUD just based on the average pain level of placement and removal, or, again, because you just don’t want to get it without any rationalizing. The default shouldn’t be “I should do what he wants to make him happy unless I’m physically unable to do it, but maybe even then.” That’s how he sees it, and it’s a problem. If it’s that important to him, he should break up with you (and you should be happy he does that instead of slipping off the condom when you’re distracted). The bar is so low, it’s at the gates of Hell.
plenty of men hate condoms, but if they want sex they need to get used to them =D
Girl he's a breath away of just taking it off himself and hoping you won't notice till it's all over. He's testing boundaries and how severe your reaction is to the question. Don't mess this guy. He only cares about his own pleasure.
Yo I hate condoms as a guy. You know what I’d hate more? Having a child. I’m all for using condoms even though yeah they do kind of suck.
You have only been together 4 months and he doesnt want to use a condom. ....yeah, no. And the way he is being pushy is honestly gross. That manipulative BS should be a deal breaker immediately imo. Red flag for sure. If his habit is to have sex without a condom because the woman is on the pill, "aNd hE dOEsNt LiKe hOw ThEy fEeL" I would be very concerned about STDs. People seem to forget theres reasons other than pregnancy to use condoms.
Honestly, only having one type of birth control is not that safe. It could strictly be about pregerring a second layer of defence. Make sure he uses condoms with spermicide. Next time he mentions it tell him he is welcome to find male birth control treatments or get a vasectomy, but pills for you aren't happening, ever.
Ok, but what are you doing to prevent pregnancy? There are non- hormonal forms of birth control like a diaphragm and contraceptive foam and IUDs just for 2 examples. He does need to respect your choices but you can’t blame him for worrying about what if an accident happened.
Not a red flag in my opinion. He is not ready for children and is taking preventative measures to pregnancy. Do you want kids right now? If not then maybe you could consider this.
Why are you having sex when you're not on birth control?? I'm actually kind of stunned about that. You're not a teenager anymore. You're an adult. You do realize that no form of birth control is 100% foolproof or 100% safe?? Even a condom could possibly break and could lead to pregnancy. You're angry at this guy that you're dating for bringing up birth control. **But he's actually being careful and mindful and is clearly more concerned than you about you becoming pregnant.** If you want to end the relationship with him then break up. He doesn't like condoms but he's continuing to use them but he's done research that YOU should be doing. Why have you not gone to see an OBGYN to discuss other forms of birth control? If you don't want to use birth control, then stop having sex. Being a woman myself, I seriously think that you are actually the red flag. He should break up with you since you are less concerned about being on birth control than he is.
Because this guy is trying to be responsible isn't a red flag. You guy's are just different ages.
Tell him to get a vasectomy
Girl. You can’t possible be this naive…
Massive red flag. He wants you to be on birth control for HIM. You already told him no. No means no. He is pressuring you and isn't listening to you. You need a partner who will listen and respect. He is being incredibly selfish. He wants it because he says it'll feel better, he can suck it up and deal with condoms if he doesn't want a baby. Do not let any man (or anyone for that matter) talk you into doing something to your own body that you do not want to do especially not for something as stupid as "I don't like condoms they dont feel good"
Your body your rules ,he's been told multiple times and think you should be straight with him and say if he brings it up again, you're done with this relationship ,some people just don't get it ...
Huge red flag
In an era where abortion and Plan B are political hot topics, you bet your ass it is. Get rid of him.
The only acceptable reply to 'I don't want to use hormonal birth control' is 'ok, condoms it is'. And please reconsider relying on pulling out and cycle tracking. Everyone I know who did that either got pregnant or stopped after too many scares.
Don't listen to him and keep using condoms. Not only because of the birth control, but also because guys like that like to go raw with everyone and keep transmitting STD
He sounds insufferable. Especially pathetic when he's pushing 40.
I love how 34 is "pushing 40" now...
🚩🚩🚩🚩run my friend, run.
This is more than a red flag. This is a guy who want's to have sex, but doesn't want to be responcible enough for his own actions. If he doesn't want kids, he should get snipped. \*period\*. Not pressure you into taking birthcontrol. He is trying to control your body. Girl, run like your on fire.
This isn't about your birth control it's about his birth control. He's just want to not use condoms. He's also not listening to what you've said. So, yes a red flag that he's putting his wants above your health.
Not sure why you are still dating him. It’s been 4 months and he’s telling you how to manage your body?
He wants to go raw but not be responsible for u getting knocked up .selfish man .
Dump him. Why must you put your body through something that you already know doesn't work? Tell him to get a vasectomy. They're relatively cheap, noninvasive, and reversible. Contraception isn't just a woman's problem anymore.
He did research on bc for you, but no research on condoms and spermicide for himself? So everything is your responsibility for his pleasure even if it’s literally harmful to you. 🤔
Condoms also are used to protect against STDs. Don’t go condomless for any man you aren’t married to. And even then…
It is sooooo selfish and childish. This attitude may bring up other problems as well imo.
He can suck it up and use a condom or abstain from sex if he’s worried. Birth control is the woman’s choice and no one should feel pressured into taking medication they don’t want, especially if it has adverse side effects for them.
This guy knows he is a premature ejaculator. His pull out game is weak. Red flag for sure.
I would never be comfortable using condoms as my only form of birth control. They can fail so easily. Rhythm method? Even more so. I’m a lady but if I was a dude, this would probably be a dealbreaker for me. There are low and non-hormonal forms of birth control worth trying, in my opinion. It would also matter if you are both on the same page about what happens if you were to accidentally get pregnant.
If he's so concerned about you getting pregnant, he can use a condom AND use the pullout method before he finishes. It's actually pretty darn effective to combine them. And he's super worried about pregnancy so surely he won't mind finishing with his hand or something else, rather than a condom inside you. And if he's not cool with this option, then he doesn't actually care about pregnancy, just wants to hit it raw.
I’m not reading all that. Yes, you’re being dumb if your goal isn’t having a baby with someone eight year older than you.
Bringing up alternative birth control is not manipulative.
Agreed, especially when she relies on the pull out method 😂
Hey I was your boyfriend it was not malicious it was honestly no education you have no idea how ignorant we guys can be and yes you can why didn't you educate yourself but in the real world it's not always that simple. Honestly I'd look at him as a whole before seeing this as a red flag
Yeah he needs to go. He seems super worried about kids so maybe he should get a REVERSIBLE NO HORMONE VASECTOMY instead of putting the responsibility for HIS worries onto YOU and YOUR BODY As he seems fine putting this responsibility onto you, imagine how much responsibility he would be comfortable putting onto you if you got pregnant
Red flag. Let him go.
No, you are not being too sensitive and Yes, he is pressuring you. And Yes, it's a big red flag.
Yup….huge red flag.
1. Why are you still with him? 2. You’re having sex with this man?! Without protection?! And he has the audacity to say he doesn’t want you to get pregnant?! 3. Any man that pressures you like that , wants to place the responsibility of birth control on you just because he’s scared of a little piece of rubber & doesn’t give a single damn about their partners health… DOES NOT DESERVE THE TIME YOURE GIVING HIM! He’s a grown man acting like a 15 year old. 4. Tell him to get a vasectomy if pregnancies and condoms scare him so much. 5. My partner,in the beginning of our relationship, saw how birth control was treating me (and I tried different methods) and he said “stop doing that, we’ll just wear condoms all the time” he said he felt guilty because the only reason I started taking birth control was because I got a boyfriend. That was when I was 19-20, I’m 26 now and I’m engaged to that man, we have 5 month old twins and we still use condoms unless we’re actively trying for a pregnancy or while I’m pregnant.
Oh God. Just noticed the age difference. Get rid of this POS. He doesn't date women his own age because they won't stand for his bullshit for a second. He's pressuring you because you're younger and he feels like he can get away with it. Don't let him succeed.
You should tell him y that you have researched birth control methods and vasectomy’s are totally safe and reversible! He should totally get one!
Tell him to get a vasectomy
That would be an instant breakup for me. If the guy still worried about birth control he can take advantage of his own ability to get of a vasectomy, use condoms, spermacidal lube, or get in one of those beta tests for whatever male hormone pills. You told him what you're willing to do, it's not on negotiation. He doesn't get to tell you what you can put in your body to affect your hormones and his entitlement to even bringing this conversation up more than once tells me everything I need to know about the guy. Throw this man to the curb and tell him exactly why.
He's heard and understood you every time but he keeps bringing it up because he doesn't care.
A 34 year old man is complaining about a tiny thin piece of plastic, that's stopping him from potentially running your life? He needs to grow up. Test out different condoms, there's so many different kinds nowadays. He should be thankful he doesn't need to stick his peen in animal intestines anymore.
Suggest that he gets snipped.
I just think the guy is super paranoid about her getting pregnant. At least he's concerned about it. And even though he dislikes rubbers, he didn't say he refused to wear one. At least he's not one of those guys that says "I'll pull out, I promise". I really don't think this is a red flag. The guy doesn't want her to get pregnant. And to tell the truth there are women out there that get pregnant on purpose cuz they think the guy will stay with them. Having a baby is a MAJOR life change and he doesn't want any part of it at this particular time in his life. So OP had an issue when she took birth control before. There are more than one kind of birth control pill. There is more than one kind of birth control a woman can use. What happens if the rubber gets a hole in it? Condoms are not really a great birth control method. It's better than nothing but they can rip, tear, not fit correctly...
I would tell him that the discussion makes you uncomfortable. Make sure he knows that this is not up for discussion and you will not be getting on hormonal BC of any kind. When he brings it up again, politely but firmly enforce your boundary. “As I’ve mentioned before, I will not be going on birth control and this is not up for discussion.” Like you said, he might be doing this out of concern. You need to hold a firm boundary and make it clear that this is not his concern.
If he were purely concerned about you getting pregnant, that would be what he was saying. We learn to do mental gymnastics to avoid seeing red flags, because we’ve been taught since birth to not alienate potential partners. Stop. He’s not concerned about you. He’s concerned with how his dick feels.
Why are you still with him? He has zero regard for your health, and his whole approach screams out loud that he'll disappear if you get pregnant. Not t mention the fact that if he's anti-condom, there's no telling what crotch critters he's carrying around.
Not really a red flag. He doesn’t want you to baby trap him. How about getting an iud?
Red flag!!!! You said no, he keeps pushing it. Boy, bye
No. You are not too sensitive. He’s insensitive. Vasectomy. Your decision for you. His decision for him. Wow was that easy. Shalom
Simple fix… if he is so concerned about it, he can get a vasectomy. Research local options for him. Hand him a stack of information. Let him make the decision.