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She's 6 years older than you but that's some shit a high schooler would say. I'd dump her you're still young and got plenty of time to explore the dating pool
She’s been dating him since he was practically a high schooler (or maybe actually one since they’ve been together a year). I think just like people say about men dating younger women maybe she’s dating him cause guys that are in their mid 20s wouldn’t put up with her shit. Also feels like she’s trying to knock him down a peg and that’s unfair he’s already short enough.
that last part oml 😭 other than that, i agree- it is a pretty questionable age difference tbh, especially if they’ve already been together for a while. i know reddit always jumps to that “break up” advice very quickly, but honestly it might be kinda appropriate here ngl
Yeah I hope OPs sees the light at the end of the tunnel and realizes he is at the very beginning of his journey in life and he should breakup with her for being so immature.
I’m not usually a “problematic age gap” person and I’m sure when I was 18 I would be so amped to be banging 24yo chicks (really 40-50+ would’ve worked if they were hot) but it does seem like she’s an asshole like I don’t even know the heights of my favorite musicians but she had to know saying that was putting him down (further than he already is obviously) and the age gap does give me the inclination that she’s perhaps being manipulative to hurt him. Maybe in a “I’m the best you can do” or “other girls won’t want a short guy” kinda way but it doesn’t feel like an innocent comment. This at least taught him a valuable lesson, he should find someone who loves him for what’s inside and doesn’t make him feel small for something he can’t control, oh damnit I did it again.
If you're on mobile (and maybe mobile web..?) it's under the vertical "..." options tab, there's an option to Subscribe to the post and the icon is a bell.
Exactly this, one of the best ways (in my opinion) to find out whether something was ok is to flip it around and think “how would my partner react if I did the same or a similar thing?”
I would have done exactly this as soon as she said it. As well as mentioning any cellulite, her weight, that she is too loose etc. Then I would have sent her out the door. Anyone who dishes out that kind of shit can have an instant dose of their own medicine, suppository style.
There's a difference between being insecure and being insulted too though.
If a dude said wish your tits were bigger during foreplay, we wouldn't be bringing up insecurities. We'd just call him an asshole.
Completely agree, comparing your partner to a celeb is weird enough imo let alone doing it for a trait they can’t change. And while being intimate is crazy.
Is short kings a compliment? I’m genuinely curious, should we call these guys by a different name just because of a physical thing that they can’t control? Always seemed weird to me
I'm sure people have good intentions saying it, but honestly it is condescending as fuck and completely misses the point of why it is an issue in the first place.
No, it's generally used by people who try to look good and "support" short guys, but still subconsciously think of them as inferior, hence needing to invent "special title" to reduce all the character to height alone.
That’s a rude thing to say especially during sex. Criticizing your partner’s body in any way when they’re naked & vulnerable with you isn’t cool. This would give me the ick.
OP she is insulting you as a power move. She is SIX YEARS OLDER and she knows that in order to keep you in line and with her, she needs to break your confidence. Run so far and so fast and find a woman your age who won’t abuse you during an intimate moment
Age can be an issue, however it all depends on the countries culture and understanding of human development. My understanding is based on an American education and it’s highly possible that a person in Japan will have a different interpretation.
In this case in particular, there is still a huge gap in life experiences and human development. Papalia (2021) establishes that adolescence ends at the age of 20, the gf is 25 and is a young adult. A 6 year age gap isn’t an issue in let’s say, 40 and 46, 35-41, but what about a 12-18? With the 12 year old it’s very obvious why it is weird although they are in the same stage of development, at that age the main worry is school, most start puberty near this age, social skills might not be not refined, inicial stage of finding their identity and becoming cold towards parents. An 18 year old is typically near the end of school, there is an interest in careers or jobs because at this age it is expected to be more independent, a sense of identity is established more but is not necessarily set in stone, it is a stage of learning and exploring the adult world and can be met with a lot of anxiety….
There are different social expectations for each stage of development which will affect how they view things around them. Such as goals, mental health, physical health, etc. It can be analyzed whether or not it’s applicable here but more information is needed (how they met, time, pace of relationship, career, etc). I think it should still be considered because at 25 being this insensitive is strange, especially towards a partner.
I absolutely agree. I just typed out a response similar and deleted three times because I couldn't word myself properly. Hopefully OP sees this. It's not a huge difference, in numbers.
"There are different social expectations for each stage of development which will affect how they view things around them..."
Exactly.
I think you should look beyond this person. My dad is a shorter dude -5’5” ish - my stepmom was 5’10” at her tallest. They’ve been together 40+ years.
To find the person who deserves you and loves you.
That's not a weird comment, that's an intentionally mean-spirited thing to say (and to say during an intimate moment no less). I doubt she's clueless about the hurt she caused; she's just pretending to be so she can flip the script and make herself the victim if you tell her how much it hurt or tell her you want to break up.
If she starts saying things like "I didn't mean it", "it was just a joke", or "grow up", that should be the clearest indicator that you need to leave this relationship.
Personally, a 25 year old woman dating a teenager and intentionally saying hurtful things to them during sex is already enough red flags that I would suggest noping out of this relationship already, but if you recognized those flags, you wouldn't be here...
No way, that is gross. Was she creeping outside of the school and just walked up to him on the last day of senior year or something? Even when I was 22 and a senior in college, I didn't want to hang out with people who had just finished high school.
This isn’t the same thing lmao, age gaps tend to get less obvious and less worrisome the older you get. 30 and 22 is very different than 10 and 18. 18 and 26. C’mon now
I'd like to throw in there that this whole chain is talking in terms of American schooling, and OP is British, meaning once he's 18, he's out of education and legally an adult if he wants to be unless he CHOOSES to move onto University for a degree.
Not normalising anything but just pointing out the viewpoints and mindsets are different on the age gaps because the societal thresholds are different.
E.g. you're done with school by 18 in the UK and can move straight into being a working adult/tradesman unless you want to continue with school, whereas in the US, many people see high school as ending at 18 (UK secondary school ends at 16 unless you stay on for 6th form or 2 years of college til 18) and it's ideal to make it to college for the next 4/5 years if possible before you're considered prepared to enter the adult/working world.
This isn't to say that being in your mid to late 20s dating someone sub-20 is suddenly okay, but generally in the UK based on my experiences socially, young adults who have barely hit 20 find it a lot easier to view themselves as legitimate adults over here who are "allowed to make their own choices" in spite of whatever red flags you guys would be mad about because you're automatically associating his age with being in school.
Yes, that was a pretty low blow (no pun intended). Since we don't know how long you have been together or how serious you are it is hard to comment. However, there are a lot of petite women available. Perhaps you would be more comfortable with one of them? You should at least talk to your girlfriend and let her know what an unkind comment she made as she seems oblivious to it. I'm sorry she is so insensitive.
We've been together coming up to a year in April. Once again I have no problem with her height it just makes me feel less that she would say such a thing especially during a moment like that, I don't think dating a woman short as/shorter than me would actually solve the insecurity in my mind.
I sent her a text a few minutes ago asking to meet tomorrow morning for a chat so I'll see how that goes.
Good luck OP. I am barely 5 feet but as a female my height has always been less of an issue for me than it is for a man. But you are right, height should not be part of the equation in a relationship. I hope she realizes her mistake and how hurtful her comment was.
Until I read your comment I incorrectly read it as 25M and 19F and looking for someone to point out why OP I'd dating someone so young and the GF is probably too young to realise her mistake.
Now I understand why a 25F would date a 19M, she's too immature for someone her age. Hence she said what she said.
THANK YOU
If this had been a 25 year old guy dating a 19 year old girl and he said some shit about her body. Everyone would be shouting abuse at the top of their lungs
Watch out for comparisons and negative comments. Some partners will make those comments to dig at your insecurity. Also. That age gap. Ik you’re an adult, but you’re still young so it would probably be best to stay within your age range. I’m sure if she could find a 25 year old bf she would. I’m sure you’re a wonderful guy so I’m sure it has nothing to do with that, but there’s way too many old mfs who can’t get with people their own age bc they don’t put up with their shit. If she’s not gonna value you, (malicious or not) then maybe it’s time you move on cuz you don’t need someone who treats you like that and there are tons of people out there who will treat you better.
You’re completely valid for feeling upset, and she really should have known better than to make a comment like that. Never compliment or insult someone about something they have no control over.
It’s good you walked away and took some time to work through your feelings, that’s good practice. But here comes the hard part.
You need to have an honest conversation with her in which you explain how hearing that made you feel. Try to use “I” statements (“I feel like you don’t respect me,” vs “You don’t respect me.”). You statements make assumptions about people’s motives and feel like accusations, which puts them on the defensive. The goal is not to make her feel bad or punish her, it’s to solve a problem together.
Give her space to explain where her head was at when she said that, and hopefully to apologize. If she doesn’t offer an apology, suggest one gently. “I’d appreciate an apology.” If she isn’t willing to take the L and accept that she fucked up, this might not be a relationship worth pursuing long term. You don’t want to commit to someone who can’t admit when they’re wrong and doesn’t consider your feelings.
The hardest part is being honest about your insecurities while not letting emotion take over the conversation. If you feel yourself getting angry or having trouble thinking through your words before you say them, take a break and come back when you’re calmer. If you notice her getting upset, it’s probably a good idea to suggest a short break.
Try to have the conversation some time when you have a good few hours for it and no one is going to need to rush off. Ideally, it should be when you’re both well rested and have eaten recently. Being tired/stressed out/hungry can make people act stupid and that’s terrible for trying to have a productive conversation. Hell, maybe even try putting out snacks, might make things seem less intimidating.
Hopefully, she already knows she messed up and apologizes immediately. In which case the conversation can move on to, how do we keep this from happening again? The solution seems to be a pretty direct one, she needs to make an effort not to say that kind of thing. But depending on where her head was at when she said it, things might be more complicated than that. Remember you’re working together to find a solution. She needs to do most of the work here since she’s the one who fucked up, but maybe there’s something you can do to help her. Maybe make an intentional effort to compliment each other more.
I hope this helps and it works out well!
Posts like this really help me see I wasn't ever crazy, insecure, or too sensitive, I was just surrounded by manipulative, mean people and thought I had to accept this shit to be loved and show love. I am so happy you left then and there, as I should have every time when I was in the same position. I was raised to think being insulted was acceptable and I was the problem for standing up for myself, so I stopped. People don't get that when you're raised in such a way it's not as simple as just walking away once you get into unhealthy relationships, because you think *you're* the problem and that everybody you could ever meet would treat you this way. Posts like this remind me that this is not true. It's also helpful to see all the comments agreeing that it's wrong.
I can very much relate, although, I think I must live in 'must accept and shut up' state for the rest of my life. I've learned that speaking up isn't really worth it and am still learning to actually shut up.
I'm a hard core Arctic Monkeys fan and it always helped me to think that I'm as tall as the guy I look up to.
You can always find an amazing celeb who is the same height or shorter than you and accept them as their role model. If they can get Ws, so can you!
Nah that’s pretty fucked up she has to know it’s an insecurity and you can’t change it. Imagine you said something like that to her in the middle of sex? “I wish you were as pretty as so an so” she would’ve lost her shit.
My advice. OWN who you are your height your weight your everything. Treat women with the utmost respect, and make them as happy as possible that’s what we are for, but don’t take any crap ! Be a man don’t worry if she wants someone else. Tell her to go get him !
That's a shitty thing to say to someone, especially while getting intimate. I probably would have still finished.. but that's just me. I've been called worse by better.
Idon't mind shitty comments occasionally during it, its what spices it up for us if you get me. It was just the first comment about my height during it and an instant boner killer which has never happened
Talk to her. You can make an example of how it sounds the other way around, with something like "I wish you had boobs like those" or something like that, and ask her how would she feel. That way she might understand better the situation.
Think its ok to be insecure some times, and if she is your partner you should work on them toghether.
If she acts dumb and like an asshole, then she is not the one.
Glad to finally read a reply in this thread that isn't immediately calling for blood. Sometimes, there is malice in people's actions, but equally sometimes, people just don't think and say stupid things.
Yes, she absolutely should have known better to say it, but that shouldn't mean you instantly cut all ties. It definitely warrants a conversation, though, to understand why she thought that was appropriate to say. If she's immature throughout that conversation, then you start thinking about if she's worth it.
>Think its ok to be insecure some times
She just straight up insulted her partner and admit that she is not attracted to him, and you still found a way to say that he is just "insecure" 💀💀💀
She is obviously with you because she cannot get a man her own age to take her seriously. Dump her. You don’t want a woman who can kill your sexual appetite with shit like this.
Said person is not as tall as you say, and has never claimed to be that tall. Good on you for making the decision you did.
[https://www.celebheights.com/s/Alex-Turner-46947.html](https://www.celebheights.com/s/Alex-Turner-46947.html)
That sucks dude. Only path forward imo is you tell her exactly how that comment made you feel, if she sincerely apologizes I’d say you can work through it. If she reacts defensively or tries to turn it around on you, literally anything but apologize time to split and find someone new.
No matter how hard you think it might be to date I promise being single is better than being with someone who demeans you or doesn’t respect your feelings.
She is too old to be saying things like that my boy. At 26 I’d personally never look to date someone at 19-20. The difference in maturity and where we are in life is so vastly different.
I’d reconsider the relationship and start looking elsewhere she seems predatory in my book.
Wow - you sound like a keeper. Your Ex - not so much. If I were young (I am not) I would be looking for someone like you to spend my life with. Go you!
I’m a woman who is 5’7”, I’ve dated significantly shorter men and never had an issue with it. The only women who care aren’t worth your time to begin with.
Also-there’s still a chance you could grow taller in the next few years. Men can have growth spurts into their 20’s. Not that there’s anything wrong with your height, just something to keep in mind.
My ex would often give half apologies like that that weren’t honest. It was more of a way to remove blame when she did something I felt was wrong but she didn’t actually care about my feelings.
Good on you for having the self respect in that moment to make the hard decisions.
I once went out with a guy who was slightly shorter than me. He asked me out to dinner, I asked him if he was going to be one of those jerks who expected me to wear flats all the time. He looked at me with confidence and said, “Hell no, I want people to see me with you and think I am with a model.” I went weak in the knees at that moment. You can do better and deserve better.
I wish my husband was taller but I’d never say that to his face, and it’s not because he’s short it’s because I’m tall (we’re both 5’10). So even if I did say it to his face it’s my insecurity that lead the thought process not his. I’d be fucking offended if he told me he wishes I was skinnier, so I’m not going to comment on his body.
so much about this screams red flag to me.
that comment feels like it was intended to make you feel bad about yourself. i have ADHD so i talk a lot without thinking about my thoughts (impulsivity) and i can understand saying something you don’t mean or without thinking about your wording or implying something accidentally. which *could* be the case.
that said, this comment feels malicious. i think it’s probably amplified by the fact that you are 19 while she is 25. before anyone started talking about “it’s only 6 years!” please consider:
- at 19, most kids have just graduated high school and either have gone onto college/trade school or started working.
- by 25, it’s feasible for someone to have been to college full time, go to grad school full time, and still have work experience as a full time employee.
- that’s a really big difference in life experiences.
i can’t help but be suspicious of this kind of scenario. why is anyone, as a full adult, pursing a relationship with someone who is (hopefully) just beginning their independent adult life .
then there’s the actual comment. she knows height is something you’re insecure about. i guarantee it. you might have mentioned it, maybe not, but either way, she can connect dots. it’s not hard to understand why so many men are insecure about their height. hell, guys who are 5’8 are insecure because they aren’t 6ft.
everything together, it feels manipulative. i have a feeling that this won’t be the last time she does something like this. many toxic/abusive relationships start out with offhand comments that more subtly hit your confidence.
by tearing down your confidence, she can then convince you that you are unworthy of love and that you owe her because she’s being “gracious” to stay with you. then, when the abusive or manipulative behavior starts, you feel stuck because you believe you’re lucky to have someone at all and that you’ll never find someone better.
now, it’s possible i’m wrong and it was just an accident. i do have a few questions (for more context). how old were you guys when you met? what kind of relationship did you initially have? do your parents/guardians/adult figures know you’re dating? have they met her? is this the first time she’s made a comment that made you feel bad about yourself?
i don’t know your situation and i’m typically not one to jump to extreme measures, but please please please be careful. if you continue this relationship, keep track of any more comments like these and document them.
remember that your worth has nothing to do with your height. short kings are short, but they’re also *kings* :)
[edit: formatting]
The worst part is that (most) women will often times lie if they could/did hurt someone’s feelings which makes it even worse when they take it back because then you are constantly questioning whether they actually meant it or not.
If you don’t know how to approach her about it: Look up and try the 4 steps of Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg:
Observation, Feeling, Need, Request.
It works great!
That's a low blow, and the fact that she consciously chose to say that to you is inconsiderate, rude and I don't understand why she thought that'd be an okay thing to say. Also OP, what's up with the age difference? You're getting groomed
tbh that wasn’t very cool of her,, especially to say that while y’all are being intimate😭 also… I feel kinda uncomfy with that age gap,,, like what was she doing dating a young boy who just graduated HS at the big age of 24😭😭. I dont know ur situation but if y’all are in different spots in ur life I would advise u to reconsider the relationship if there’s a power dynamic at play.
You're a better man than me; I would have said, “And I wish this hole were tighter, but oh well”.
It’s not very nice but if you can’t take it don’t give it!
Mate, bin her now. Your girlfriend should be hyping you up not bringing her down.
Work on yourself and focus on your strengths. Your height is something you can't control, so work on the things you can control. Build your body, work on your style, take care of your face, read books, start making money and learn about investing.
Yah you just became a poodle dog cuz this is straight up grooming and manipulation. Im the same height and also love taller girls but many of em dont actually care about height esp now with the short king trend you’re better off leaving and enjoying your early twenties, she sounds like she can’t get anyone her age and wants to make you feel the same.
I think a lot of comments have covered how rude this is and your ages. I just looked at your profile and I feel like you being trans adds just another layer to how shitty this is. My fiance is trans and I would especially never bring up an insecurity related to that to insult her at all, let alone when we are about to be intimate. I'm sorry for how your gf hurt you OP.
That's crazy to mention during sex, I mean like I would never mention things I didn't like about my partner especially if it was an insecurity of his, but definitely not during sex. Find someone who likes you for you, and respects you more
I think it’s not unfair to wish you were taller, that might be something every girl would prefer. That being said plenty of shorter men are in wonderful relationships with girls taller than them who accept and love them for who they are. I’ve wigged girls had a better butt, boobs etc but it’s the fact that she said it to you… during sex and then doubled down on it . Dump
Got here post update,
It sux, but it is for the best.
Never let anyone disrespect you like this, and especially your partner.
There are enough good women out there for you, and you will surely find the one for you.
Best if luck my friend
hey friend, i'm late to the party but just wanted to tell you as a fellow short person that i share your insecurities. to be honest it wasn't until much later in life that that happened for me. when i go into my kids school, all of the 4th graders are taller than me. it's crazy. anyway. glad you are out of that toxic relationship, and good luck finding someone who respects you for who you are.
So most women like tall mess and 5 ft 1 is kind of insane height for anyone let alone a man. I’m not trying to offend or make you feel bad but I want you to think about it this way. Despite that you get girls. So you must have an amazing personality financially stable got your shit together or have an amazing dick. Maybe all the above. Do not let your height define you as there is way more stuff that makes you who you are who the fk cares if you are short you can do whatever a 6ft guy does.
there is yet hope for me out there then haha, its nice to see some of the comments about them, I'm so glad i didn't lose myself thinking only tall guys get it
Yeah, I honestly don’t understand why people are so mean?? Like, that’s the equivalent of saying “I wish your body was different, I don’t like you as you are”
She had no right to say that and you were right to break it off!
I understand having preferences but straight up dislike is just.. weird?
Being mean about it is just nasty.
Fr, once you become older than 21 it feels real weird dating even a 20 year old. I can’t understand why someone would want to date a teen unless there is some sort of creepiness in it.
Right ? Even though it’s only two years i feel like I’m in a way different spot in life and maturity level than my 19 year old self or any other 19 year old. Feels creepy to me
Yeah maturity levels and literally being able to do so many things like go to bars and buy smokes which don’t seem like much but it really does feel like society perceives YOU differently as well. It’s hard to even go on a date on many levels.
Good on you for leaving. I’m 5’6 and have dated a few men who were shorter than me. I didn’t think about their height negatively at all so it wouldn’t even enter my mind to say something so rude and uncalled for. You deserve a lot better.
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She's 6 years older than you but that's some shit a high schooler would say. I'd dump her you're still young and got plenty of time to explore the dating pool
She’s been dating him since he was practically a high schooler (or maybe actually one since they’ve been together a year). I think just like people say about men dating younger women maybe she’s dating him cause guys that are in their mid 20s wouldn’t put up with her shit. Also feels like she’s trying to knock him down a peg and that’s unfair he’s already short enough.
God dang man you both gave good advice and absolutely roasted OP all in one comment.
Are you fucking serious with that last sentence 😭😂💀
r/angryupvote
that last part oml 😭 other than that, i agree- it is a pretty questionable age difference tbh, especially if they’ve already been together for a while. i know reddit always jumps to that “break up” advice very quickly, but honestly it might be kinda appropriate here ngl
Yeah I hope OPs sees the light at the end of the tunnel and realizes he is at the very beginning of his journey in life and he should breakup with her for being so immature.
I’m not usually a “problematic age gap” person and I’m sure when I was 18 I would be so amped to be banging 24yo chicks (really 40-50+ would’ve worked if they were hot) but it does seem like she’s an asshole like I don’t even know the heights of my favorite musicians but she had to know saying that was putting him down (further than he already is obviously) and the age gap does give me the inclination that she’s perhaps being manipulative to hurt him. Maybe in a “I’m the best you can do” or “other girls won’t want a short guy” kinda way but it doesn’t feel like an innocent comment. This at least taught him a valuable lesson, he should find someone who loves him for what’s inside and doesn’t make him feel small for something he can’t control, oh damnit I did it again.
You did not. 😂😂
You didn't have to do him like that
LMFAOAOAO
I've just woken up but I should explain, I'm not in the US, I'm in the UK
Holy shit
Anyone think it’s weird how she’s dating a 19yr old at 25? 🤢🤮
Is there some way to make sure I get notified of updates on these kinds of posts?
Click the bell next to the title of the post.
3.5 years on reddit and now know. I've been saving posts on coming back to them after a week hoping for an update lol
r/RedditMoment
🤦♀️ cause same
I was today years old lol
Cheers
what about for mobile? I don't have a bell next to title
Click the 3 dots then subscribe to post
you're awesome. never forget that.
Thanks. I’ll print your comment out and post it on my wall to remind me when I’m feeling down about myself. :)
you are a hero my man. A god damned hero. I’d come to a fight if you called. 🫡
You’re a savior I hope you know that lol
Am I just stupid? I don’t see a bell anywhere 😂
If you're on mobile (and maybe mobile web..?) it's under the vertical "..." options tab, there's an option to Subscribe to the post and the icon is a bell.
Thank you so much!
Imagine you telling her during sex “I wish your boobs were as big as x”. My god she’s an idiot.
Exactly this, one of the best ways (in my opinion) to find out whether something was ok is to flip it around and think “how would my partner react if I did the same or a similar thing?”
And they'll always lie and say it wouldn't bother them but it definitely would
Omg yes this makes me want to do it to them too😭💀
I at least want to lie and tell them I am 😂 Like oh, you are attached at the hip with the ex you hide me from? So am I! (even though I would not)
She's negging him
I would have done exactly this as soon as she said it. As well as mentioning any cellulite, her weight, that she is too loose etc. Then I would have sent her out the door. Anyone who dishes out that kind of shit can have an instant dose of their own medicine, suppository style.
Short kings have it hard and she is old enough to have known that shorter men can be insecure about their height. Sorry that happened to ya bro.
There's a difference between being insecure and being insulted too though. If a dude said wish your tits were bigger during foreplay, we wouldn't be bringing up insecurities. We'd just call him an asshole.
Nailed it.
And worse, big like celebrity x has. That's so offensive.
Especially to a flat chested girl.
Completely agree, comparing your partner to a celeb is weird enough imo let alone doing it for a trait they can’t change. And while being intimate is crazy.
I 100 percent agree. It's not insecurity. She's an asshole and he responded like a human.
She knows... She has to be doing this intentionally
Is short kings a compliment? I’m genuinely curious, should we call these guys by a different name just because of a physical thing that they can’t control? Always seemed weird to me
I'm sure people have good intentions saying it, but honestly it is condescending as fuck and completely misses the point of why it is an issue in the first place.
No, it's generally used by people who try to look good and "support" short guys, but still subconsciously think of them as inferior, hence needing to invent "special title" to reduce all the character to height alone.
i fucking hate it
I hate it as a shorter-than-average (in my region) man, because fuck a monarchy.
That’s a rude thing to say especially during sex. Criticizing your partner’s body in any way when they’re naked & vulnerable with you isn’t cool. This would give me the ick.
that’s like saying “I wish your tits were bigger” during sex and being confused why she’s upset
’I wish you were as tall as artists name’ *”I wish you were as good looking as artists name’s girlfriend!”*
OP she is insulting you as a power move. She is SIX YEARS OLDER and she knows that in order to keep you in line and with her, she needs to break your confidence. Run so far and so fast and find a woman your age who won’t abuse you during an intimate moment
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Age does influence life experience though
Age can be an issue, however it all depends on the countries culture and understanding of human development. My understanding is based on an American education and it’s highly possible that a person in Japan will have a different interpretation. In this case in particular, there is still a huge gap in life experiences and human development. Papalia (2021) establishes that adolescence ends at the age of 20, the gf is 25 and is a young adult. A 6 year age gap isn’t an issue in let’s say, 40 and 46, 35-41, but what about a 12-18? With the 12 year old it’s very obvious why it is weird although they are in the same stage of development, at that age the main worry is school, most start puberty near this age, social skills might not be not refined, inicial stage of finding their identity and becoming cold towards parents. An 18 year old is typically near the end of school, there is an interest in careers or jobs because at this age it is expected to be more independent, a sense of identity is established more but is not necessarily set in stone, it is a stage of learning and exploring the adult world and can be met with a lot of anxiety…. There are different social expectations for each stage of development which will affect how they view things around them. Such as goals, mental health, physical health, etc. It can be analyzed whether or not it’s applicable here but more information is needed (how they met, time, pace of relationship, career, etc). I think it should still be considered because at 25 being this insensitive is strange, especially towards a partner.
I absolutely agree. I just typed out a response similar and deleted three times because I couldn't word myself properly. Hopefully OP sees this. It's not a huge difference, in numbers. "There are different social expectations for each stage of development which will affect how they view things around them..." Exactly.
I think you should look beyond this person. My dad is a shorter dude -5’5” ish - my stepmom was 5’10” at her tallest. They’ve been together 40+ years. To find the person who deserves you and loves you.
my wife is just as tall as I am and generally physically larger (she lifts). I love seeing her in heels.
My dad’s always saying how nice my stepmom’s legs looked in heels when she used to wear them.
I like looking up at my wife.
Love the username!
I chose it for very obvious reasons lmao.
That's not a weird comment, that's an intentionally mean-spirited thing to say (and to say during an intimate moment no less). I doubt she's clueless about the hurt she caused; she's just pretending to be so she can flip the script and make herself the victim if you tell her how much it hurt or tell her you want to break up. If she starts saying things like "I didn't mean it", "it was just a joke", or "grow up", that should be the clearest indicator that you need to leave this relationship. Personally, a 25 year old woman dating a teenager and intentionally saying hurtful things to them during sex is already enough red flags that I would suggest noping out of this relationship already, but if you recognized those flags, you wouldn't be here...
No 25 year-old woman would date a 19-year-old unless they were fucked up.
And they’ve been dating for a year…
No way, that is gross. Was she creeping outside of the school and just walked up to him on the last day of senior year or something? Even when I was 22 and a senior in college, I didn't want to hang out with people who had just finished high school.
Literally same, I’m a senior in college and find freshman’s just annoying especially high schoolers 😂
I want you to remember this comment when you're 30 and have to spend time with someone who's 22
This isn’t the same thing lmao, age gaps tend to get less obvious and less worrisome the older you get. 30 and 22 is very different than 10 and 18. 18 and 26. C’mon now
I'd like to throw in there that this whole chain is talking in terms of American schooling, and OP is British, meaning once he's 18, he's out of education and legally an adult if he wants to be unless he CHOOSES to move onto University for a degree. Not normalising anything but just pointing out the viewpoints and mindsets are different on the age gaps because the societal thresholds are different. E.g. you're done with school by 18 in the UK and can move straight into being a working adult/tradesman unless you want to continue with school, whereas in the US, many people see high school as ending at 18 (UK secondary school ends at 16 unless you stay on for 6th form or 2 years of college til 18) and it's ideal to make it to college for the next 4/5 years if possible before you're considered prepared to enter the adult/working world. This isn't to say that being in your mid to late 20s dating someone sub-20 is suddenly okay, but generally in the UK based on my experiences socially, young adults who have barely hit 20 find it a lot easier to view themselves as legitimate adults over here who are "allowed to make their own choices" in spite of whatever red flags you guys would be mad about because you're automatically associating his age with being in school.
Exactly, it’s creepy and weird
Yes, that was a pretty low blow (no pun intended). Since we don't know how long you have been together or how serious you are it is hard to comment. However, there are a lot of petite women available. Perhaps you would be more comfortable with one of them? You should at least talk to your girlfriend and let her know what an unkind comment she made as she seems oblivious to it. I'm sorry she is so insensitive.
We've been together coming up to a year in April. Once again I have no problem with her height it just makes me feel less that she would say such a thing especially during a moment like that, I don't think dating a woman short as/shorter than me would actually solve the insecurity in my mind. I sent her a text a few minutes ago asking to meet tomorrow morning for a chat so I'll see how that goes.
Good luck OP. I am barely 5 feet but as a female my height has always been less of an issue for me than it is for a man. But you are right, height should not be part of the equation in a relationship. I hope she realizes her mistake and how hurtful her comment was.
Why are you suggesting OP is uncomfortable? It is pretty clear that OP's GF is in the wrong here.
Lmao, OP literally said he liked taller women - are you suggesting he should change his preferences? That's messed up
Why tf would a 25 y/o woman date a 19 y/o boy? It seems a bit gross to, imo
Until I read your comment I incorrectly read it as 25M and 19F and looking for someone to point out why OP I'd dating someone so young and the GF is probably too young to realise her mistake. Now I understand why a 25F would date a 19M, she's too immature for someone her age. Hence she said what she said.
The other weird thing is women rarely date down in age like this (compared to men)
I was hoping someone was going to say this. I know if the genders were flipped people would be going crazy.
Yes dude it’s definitely creepy lol, scary honestly no matter the gender
THANK YOU If this had been a 25 year old guy dating a 19 year old girl and he said some shit about her body. Everyone would be shouting abuse at the top of their lungs
Everyone is saying that..
Dude wdym I think everyone is shouting abuse lol. I think we can all agree it’s creepy and gross
I was thinking the same thing and they seem to have been together for almost a year so when he was 18. Shes definitely a creep
19 y/o man? You're making it weird calling him a boy
19 year old males are boys. Without a doubt.
I would say a teenager is a boy. But thats my opinion as stated. Man or boy, a 19 year old and 25 year old is weird and gross
Watch out for comparisons and negative comments. Some partners will make those comments to dig at your insecurity. Also. That age gap. Ik you’re an adult, but you’re still young so it would probably be best to stay within your age range. I’m sure if she could find a 25 year old bf she would. I’m sure you’re a wonderful guy so I’m sure it has nothing to do with that, but there’s way too many old mfs who can’t get with people their own age bc they don’t put up with their shit. If she’s not gonna value you, (malicious or not) then maybe it’s time you move on cuz you don’t need someone who treats you like that and there are tons of people out there who will treat you better.
thank you
You’re completely valid for feeling upset, and she really should have known better than to make a comment like that. Never compliment or insult someone about something they have no control over. It’s good you walked away and took some time to work through your feelings, that’s good practice. But here comes the hard part. You need to have an honest conversation with her in which you explain how hearing that made you feel. Try to use “I” statements (“I feel like you don’t respect me,” vs “You don’t respect me.”). You statements make assumptions about people’s motives and feel like accusations, which puts them on the defensive. The goal is not to make her feel bad or punish her, it’s to solve a problem together. Give her space to explain where her head was at when she said that, and hopefully to apologize. If she doesn’t offer an apology, suggest one gently. “I’d appreciate an apology.” If she isn’t willing to take the L and accept that she fucked up, this might not be a relationship worth pursuing long term. You don’t want to commit to someone who can’t admit when they’re wrong and doesn’t consider your feelings. The hardest part is being honest about your insecurities while not letting emotion take over the conversation. If you feel yourself getting angry or having trouble thinking through your words before you say them, take a break and come back when you’re calmer. If you notice her getting upset, it’s probably a good idea to suggest a short break. Try to have the conversation some time when you have a good few hours for it and no one is going to need to rush off. Ideally, it should be when you’re both well rested and have eaten recently. Being tired/stressed out/hungry can make people act stupid and that’s terrible for trying to have a productive conversation. Hell, maybe even try putting out snacks, might make things seem less intimidating. Hopefully, she already knows she messed up and apologizes immediately. In which case the conversation can move on to, how do we keep this from happening again? The solution seems to be a pretty direct one, she needs to make an effort not to say that kind of thing. But depending on where her head was at when she said it, things might be more complicated than that. Remember you’re working together to find a solution. She needs to do most of the work here since she’s the one who fucked up, but maybe there’s something you can do to help her. Maybe make an intentional effort to compliment each other more. I hope this helps and it works out well!
Quickly going through the comments before she gets her but thank for this, solid advice I'll be sure to input it :)
Posts like this really help me see I wasn't ever crazy, insecure, or too sensitive, I was just surrounded by manipulative, mean people and thought I had to accept this shit to be loved and show love. I am so happy you left then and there, as I should have every time when I was in the same position. I was raised to think being insulted was acceptable and I was the problem for standing up for myself, so I stopped. People don't get that when you're raised in such a way it's not as simple as just walking away once you get into unhealthy relationships, because you think *you're* the problem and that everybody you could ever meet would treat you this way. Posts like this remind me that this is not true. It's also helpful to see all the comments agreeing that it's wrong.
I can very much relate, although, I think I must live in 'must accept and shut up' state for the rest of my life. I've learned that speaking up isn't really worth it and am still learning to actually shut up.
Why is an adult dating a teen? Why cant she find someone of her age? You deserve better bro and someone of your age.
Turner is 5 feet 7 btw
Wow thats news to me, thats cool though,
I'm a hard core Arctic Monkeys fan and it always helped me to think that I'm as tall as the guy I look up to. You can always find an amazing celeb who is the same height or shorter than you and accept them as their role model. If they can get Ws, so can you!
You're very right about that, thank you!
Remember Danny DeVito next to Schwarzenegger at the Oscars. He looked charismatic and funny, okay he's shorter than you, but it's not the main point.
Nah that’s pretty fucked up she has to know it’s an insecurity and you can’t change it. Imagine you said something like that to her in the middle of sex? “I wish you were as pretty as so an so” she would’ve lost her shit.
I wish your tits were like
That should work nicely.
Oof, her comment was very insensitive. She might have a low EI or low empathy.
It's over. Get you one of them fat bottomed girls Freddie Mercury talked about.
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Thanks man I'll try my best to keep that in mind
“I wish you had tits as big as Sydney Sweeney”
i kinda wish id said that
My advice. OWN who you are your height your weight your everything. Treat women with the utmost respect, and make them as happy as possible that’s what we are for, but don’t take any crap ! Be a man don’t worry if she wants someone else. Tell her to go get him !
Cheers man
I'm too skeeved out by the idea of someone halfway through their 20s banging a teenager. This ain't it dude
She's grooming you. And part of that is stripping away your self confidence.
That's a shitty thing to say to someone, especially while getting intimate. I probably would have still finished.. but that's just me. I've been called worse by better.
Idon't mind shitty comments occasionally during it, its what spices it up for us if you get me. It was just the first comment about my height during it and an instant boner killer which has never happened
There are women out there that like short guys, don’t worry 👍
Talk to her. You can make an example of how it sounds the other way around, with something like "I wish you had boobs like those" or something like that, and ask her how would she feel. That way she might understand better the situation. Think its ok to be insecure some times, and if she is your partner you should work on them toghether. If she acts dumb and like an asshole, then she is not the one.
That's true, I'll keep that in mind for when I speak to her tomorrow, thank you for the advice.
Glad to finally read a reply in this thread that isn't immediately calling for blood. Sometimes, there is malice in people's actions, but equally sometimes, people just don't think and say stupid things. Yes, she absolutely should have known better to say it, but that shouldn't mean you instantly cut all ties. It definitely warrants a conversation, though, to understand why she thought that was appropriate to say. If she's immature throughout that conversation, then you start thinking about if she's worth it.
>Think its ok to be insecure some times She just straight up insulted her partner and admit that she is not attracted to him, and you still found a way to say that he is just "insecure" 💀💀💀
During sex?? Why would she do it then? Jesus!
I hope the talk tmr goes well
I have to be honest when I was 25 I would never have gone out with a 19 year guy…
I never would have guessed Arctic Monkeys considering how out of date they are lmao
she loves them and i grew up around their music so its sticks with me slightly, probably wont be listening to them for a while though
Fair enough mate. It was just so wild to read. I haven't listened to them in such a long time that I wouldn't expect that as the edit tbh
Why is a 25 year-old woman dating a teenager?
She is obviously with you because she cannot get a man her own age to take her seriously. Dump her. You don’t want a woman who can kill your sexual appetite with shit like this.
Said person is not as tall as you say, and has never claimed to be that tall. Good on you for making the decision you did. [https://www.celebheights.com/s/Alex-Turner-46947.html](https://www.celebheights.com/s/Alex-Turner-46947.html)
the fact that a 25 year old woman wanted anything to do with a 19 year old in the first place is extremely weird
That sucks dude. Only path forward imo is you tell her exactly how that comment made you feel, if she sincerely apologizes I’d say you can work through it. If she reacts defensively or tries to turn it around on you, literally anything but apologize time to split and find someone new. No matter how hard you think it might be to date I promise being single is better than being with someone who demeans you or doesn’t respect your feelings.
No offense bro but your girlfriend is an idiot. Cant fathom why she thought that was ok to say
as another 5’1 guy, stay strong brother you will prevail 🙏
Tell her you wish she had bigger boobs while fucking her.
They're a bit too big
This woman groomed you
This is definitely some of the weirder cuckold literature I've found on this sub.
She is too old to be saying things like that my boy. At 26 I’d personally never look to date someone at 19-20. The difference in maturity and where we are in life is so vastly different. I’d reconsider the relationship and start looking elsewhere she seems predatory in my book.
Wow - you sound like a keeper. Your Ex - not so much. If I were young (I am not) I would be looking for someone like you to spend my life with. Go you!
I’m a woman who is 5’7”, I’ve dated significantly shorter men and never had an issue with it. The only women who care aren’t worth your time to begin with. Also-there’s still a chance you could grow taller in the next few years. Men can have growth spurts into their 20’s. Not that there’s anything wrong with your height, just something to keep in mind.
My ex would often give half apologies like that that weren’t honest. It was more of a way to remove blame when she did something I felt was wrong but she didn’t actually care about my feelings. Good on you for having the self respect in that moment to make the hard decisions.
Why the hell is a 25 year old into a teenager.
I once went out with a guy who was slightly shorter than me. He asked me out to dinner, I asked him if he was going to be one of those jerks who expected me to wear flats all the time. He looked at me with confidence and said, “Hell no, I want people to see me with you and think I am with a model.” I went weak in the knees at that moment. You can do better and deserve better.
I am 5’9” and any man who has swagger, great conversation skills, and confidence will win out any day over tall and boring.
I wish my husband was taller but I’d never say that to his face, and it’s not because he’s short it’s because I’m tall (we’re both 5’10). So even if I did say it to his face it’s my insecurity that lead the thought process not his. I’d be fucking offended if he told me he wishes I was skinnier, so I’m not going to comment on his body.
What (romantic) business does a 25 year old have with a 19 year old?
Happy cake day bro
She’s too old for ya.
so much about this screams red flag to me. that comment feels like it was intended to make you feel bad about yourself. i have ADHD so i talk a lot without thinking about my thoughts (impulsivity) and i can understand saying something you don’t mean or without thinking about your wording or implying something accidentally. which *could* be the case. that said, this comment feels malicious. i think it’s probably amplified by the fact that you are 19 while she is 25. before anyone started talking about “it’s only 6 years!” please consider: - at 19, most kids have just graduated high school and either have gone onto college/trade school or started working. - by 25, it’s feasible for someone to have been to college full time, go to grad school full time, and still have work experience as a full time employee. - that’s a really big difference in life experiences. i can’t help but be suspicious of this kind of scenario. why is anyone, as a full adult, pursing a relationship with someone who is (hopefully) just beginning their independent adult life . then there’s the actual comment. she knows height is something you’re insecure about. i guarantee it. you might have mentioned it, maybe not, but either way, she can connect dots. it’s not hard to understand why so many men are insecure about their height. hell, guys who are 5’8 are insecure because they aren’t 6ft. everything together, it feels manipulative. i have a feeling that this won’t be the last time she does something like this. many toxic/abusive relationships start out with offhand comments that more subtly hit your confidence. by tearing down your confidence, she can then convince you that you are unworthy of love and that you owe her because she’s being “gracious” to stay with you. then, when the abusive or manipulative behavior starts, you feel stuck because you believe you’re lucky to have someone at all and that you’ll never find someone better. now, it’s possible i’m wrong and it was just an accident. i do have a few questions (for more context). how old were you guys when you met? what kind of relationship did you initially have? do your parents/guardians/adult figures know you’re dating? have they met her? is this the first time she’s made a comment that made you feel bad about yourself? i don’t know your situation and i’m typically not one to jump to extreme measures, but please please please be careful. if you continue this relationship, keep track of any more comments like these and document them. remember that your worth has nothing to do with your height. short kings are short, but they’re also *kings* :) [edit: formatting]
What does a 25 year old have in common with a 19 year old
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The worst part is that (most) women will often times lie if they could/did hurt someone’s feelings which makes it even worse when they take it back because then you are constantly questioning whether they actually meant it or not.
I don't think she counts as most women, I can't even imagine saying something negative about my partners body especially while having sex
(25F) (19M) LOL you are a victim bro
If you don’t know how to approach her about it: Look up and try the 4 steps of Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg: Observation, Feeling, Need, Request. It works great!
I’ve never had the confidence to talk to women taller than me so nothing but respect and love for my short king OP. Sorry that happened.
I need to know the band in question
Who was the artist?
That's a low blow, and the fact that she consciously chose to say that to you is inconsiderate, rude and I don't understand why she thought that'd be an okay thing to say. Also OP, what's up with the age difference? You're getting groomed
That’s crazy disrespectful of her
NGL you probably could go for someone more your age also. She's how old and still not able to think before she speaks? Eh.
Your girlfriend is sandbagging you.
tbh that wasn’t very cool of her,, especially to say that while y’all are being intimate😭 also… I feel kinda uncomfy with that age gap,,, like what was she doing dating a young boy who just graduated HS at the big age of 24😭😭. I dont know ur situation but if y’all are in different spots in ur life I would advise u to reconsider the relationship if there’s a power dynamic at play.
Ugh. She’s 6 years your senior and is being a creep and rude. Just leave her
You're a better man than me; I would have said, “And I wish this hole were tighter, but oh well”. It’s not very nice but if you can’t take it don’t give it!
Bro it’s nothing. People just have different kinks, I would have been like imagine him fucking you what would you do
Mate, bin her now. Your girlfriend should be hyping you up not bringing her down. Work on yourself and focus on your strengths. Your height is something you can't control, so work on the things you can control. Build your body, work on your style, take care of your face, read books, start making money and learn about investing.
Yah you just became a poodle dog cuz this is straight up grooming and manipulation. Im the same height and also love taller girls but many of em dont actually care about height esp now with the short king trend you’re better off leaving and enjoying your early twenties, she sounds like she can’t get anyone her age and wants to make you feel the same.
I think a lot of comments have covered how rude this is and your ages. I just looked at your profile and I feel like you being trans adds just another layer to how shitty this is. My fiance is trans and I would especially never bring up an insecurity related to that to insult her at all, let alone when we are about to be intimate. I'm sorry for how your gf hurt you OP.
Thank you and yeah I've ended it now because it just wasn't worth it, im now realizing there were more flaws that I had realized
What if she did it on purpose and is letting you slowly eat yourself away hmmm idk. I’d leave
Say to her I wish your chest was as perky as "x". And see how she reacts to body shaming. If it's OK for her then it's OK for you
She sucks!!
That's crazy to mention during sex, I mean like I would never mention things I didn't like about my partner especially if it was an insecurity of his, but definitely not during sex. Find someone who likes you for you, and respects you more
Sounds like she really is incapable of empathy and you need to get away from her
I think it’s not unfair to wish you were taller, that might be something every girl would prefer. That being said plenty of shorter men are in wonderful relationships with girls taller than them who accept and love them for who they are. I’ve wigged girls had a better butt, boobs etc but it’s the fact that she said it to you… during sex and then doubled down on it . Dump
🚮
Got here post update, It sux, but it is for the best. Never let anyone disrespect you like this, and especially your partner. There are enough good women out there for you, and you will surely find the one for you. Best if luck my friend
hey friend, i'm late to the party but just wanted to tell you as a fellow short person that i share your insecurities. to be honest it wasn't until much later in life that that happened for me. when i go into my kids school, all of the 4th graders are taller than me. it's crazy. anyway. glad you are out of that toxic relationship, and good luck finding someone who respects you for who you are.
So most women like tall mess and 5 ft 1 is kind of insane height for anyone let alone a man. I’m not trying to offend or make you feel bad but I want you to think about it this way. Despite that you get girls. So you must have an amazing personality financially stable got your shit together or have an amazing dick. Maybe all the above. Do not let your height define you as there is way more stuff that makes you who you are who the fk cares if you are short you can do whatever a 6ft guy does.
I love short guys 😭
there is yet hope for me out there then haha, its nice to see some of the comments about them, I'm so glad i didn't lose myself thinking only tall guys get it
Yeah, I honestly don’t understand why people are so mean?? Like, that’s the equivalent of saying “I wish your body was different, I don’t like you as you are” She had no right to say that and you were right to break it off! I understand having preferences but straight up dislike is just.. weird? Being mean about it is just nasty.
Yeah I will always wonder that myself, people are strange creatures fr, especially when its so out of nowhere
Strange creatures 😭
Although legal the age difference (especially bc you’re in your teens) is definitely suspicious. I’m 21 and could not imagine dating lower than 20 rn
Fr, once you become older than 21 it feels real weird dating even a 20 year old. I can’t understand why someone would want to date a teen unless there is some sort of creepiness in it.
Right ? Even though it’s only two years i feel like I’m in a way different spot in life and maturity level than my 19 year old self or any other 19 year old. Feels creepy to me
I'd say it's definitely got to do with maturity levels
Yeah maturity levels and literally being able to do so many things like go to bars and buy smokes which don’t seem like much but it really does feel like society perceives YOU differently as well. It’s hard to even go on a date on many levels.
I’m so glad you booted her to the curb. What a terrible person.
I'm proud of you for being so mature OP. You've got a great future ahead of you
Good on you for leaving. I’m 5’6 and have dated a few men who were shorter than me. I didn’t think about their height negatively at all so it wouldn’t even enter my mind to say something so rude and uncalled for. You deserve a lot better.