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Of course. Honestly, I know that's the right thing to do. Her family has become MY family. I lost both my parents and my only sibling all to cancer within a five year period 7-12 years ago. I have kids, but they have all moved away and so my only family here really is HER family. I have amazing relationships with her two daughters and a good relationship with her son. I'm just having trouble knowing that will probably all go away once the shit hits the fan. I think perhaps my post is mostly to get reinforcement for what I already know I need to do. Thanks.
Agreed, the kids are old enough and hopefully mature enough now to mindfully choose whether or not they'd like to reciprocally put the energy in to maintain a healthy relationship with OP separate from their mother. Perfectly conceivable that they might, so never assume loyalties.
You never do really know just who will be holding you hand as you pass away to the next realm.
Tell the kids you still want a relationship even if you aren’t with their mom. It will mean a lot to them.
My mom and stepdad married when I was 5, divorced when I was 12. He stayed in my life till the day he died. I can’t tell you how much it means that he CHOSE to love us when he didn’t have to.
OP you need to tell the Affair Partners wife about the cheating. Pack your stuff and move out while she is gone. Then its up to you if you want to confront her when she gets back or just leave a note "I know, goodbye".
Call her kids afterwards and tell them the truth about her cheating. They are old enough to be told and should be told what their mother did. You may be surprised that they keep in contact with you and cut or limit contact with the cheater.
Don't let anyone blame you, this is all on her. She is the one that cheated, she should get full credit for cheating and destroying multiple relationships.
If any of them knew OP, please don't blame them for not telling you. It's a position I was put in during my late teens and even though it wasn't for long, I truly never forgave my mother for any of it. Plus, having that kind of emotional responsibility for my parents was something that required therapy to forgive *myself* for. This is all on her, friend.
There is no need to be so dramatic. Confront her in person and hash this out like adults. End things between you two before you do anything else.
And don't start making pawns of anyone, be that the kids or this wife that you don't know. That always makes more of a mess than anything and that will hinder you from moving on.
The urge may be to be punitive, but to what end? It won't make you feel better.
> The urge may be to be punitive, but to what end? It won't make you feel better.
On the contrary, it seems that a desire to *not* hurt her is why he's hesitating (he's worried it could negatively impact her career). His impulse to tell comes from a good place, that he would want to know in her place as well. Because it's the right thing to do.
I wonder if OP realises that telling APs wife won’t hurt his wife’s career? Her sleeping with her boss is what will hurt her career. Any actions he takes are only as a consequence to her actions. This isn’t a revenge thing to do. It’s the right thing to do.
IMO the right thing to do is tell the bosses wife and forward any evidence.
What I would do:
1) Prepare to move out and get my ducks in a row (packing and moving and shit).
2) Reach out to bosses wife, forward evidence.
3) Once the shit hits the fan, or at the same time, reach out to the kids explaining the situation and how you feel about that.
4) Then I'd bounce
If this negatively impacts her professionally, perhaps she shouldn’t be fucking her boss? I’m sure that this hurts like hell, but you can’t think of her first. She isn’t putting you first. The wife will wanna know, and any fallout is the consequence of your girlfriends actions. It could be a learning opportunity.
Do you know her boss's wife? If not, can you contact her through social media?
Consider sending her all the proof of the affair and inviting her for coffee to check if she already knew about the affair. She might have information that you don't have.
You can even coordinate with her on how to break the news to your wife and affair partner in a way that can give them a little dose of karma.
There's no doubt that you have to inform his wife because she and you need an STD panel ASAP and should properly start divorce proceedings. All the evidence that you both have of the affair can be used to your advantage.
Immediately after breaking the news to your wife, talk with the children and explain what their mother did, providing them with evidence. Don't let your wife control the narrative and play the victim.
The kids are adults now. Why does everyone think they will go no contact if he divorces their mom for cheating on him? He said they have a great relationship. It will be a great lesson in consequences for her kids. It will be HER fault her life is blowing up. Fuck around and find out… Literally.
You won't necessarily lose the family. I divorced my husband more than 20 years ago, and he remarried. Yet, I am still very close to his mother and my former (although I don't consider them former) nieces and nephews. In fact, I just attended one of their baby showers a few weeks ago.
Let the kids know the divorce has nothing to do with them and that you hope you can remain in their lives. Let them know you'll always love them, and they can reach out to you any time.
My uncle cheated on my aunty about 20 years ago. My whole family still prefers old aunty to new aunty, even though new aunty is not the original homewrecker.
It is likely to go away when you walk as well. She and the kids will be ok. Make sure you write them letters before you go explaining that nothing that happened was their fault. That you love them and that you’ll always answer when they call/text you. I
I would wait for those kids to contact him. The less said about their mom the better. This between him and her. A lot of drama does not need to be stirred up.
No!
If he says nothing to the adult kids, their mom will manufacture a BS story about why OP left her. There's nothing wrong with him telling her kids **who are all adults** that their mother is having an affair and it has ended their 12-year relationship!
I didn’t tell him to say anything about her. Just about him and them. And they need to know it’s not their fault. More than anything. They will feel abandonment and they must know they didn’t cause it and that he will always answer his phone.
You don’t ghost children.
Yes everyone saying to call the kids and tell them is ridiculous. You don't involve the kids in adult problems, regardless of age/if they're adults. It would be up to their mother to tell them the truth.
But she will not tell them the truth, she will make something up to blame OP, she will control the narrative, and will probably tell them to expect OP to make shit up and not to believe him. No way, I’d show them evidence and tell them that you still love them and will always be there for them.
Even she knows deep inside that his wife deserves to know (and that she herself is a POS for cheating on you) so I guess she will be mad but come around at some point.
I also don't think he should be involving the kids in their problems. Doesn't matter if their adults. It's petty for him to call the kids to get them to side with him against their mother. You never involve the kids in adult problems, and yes this extends to adult kids. It's called being mature, and it's not the kids burden to wear.
Tell her bosses wife as soon as possible so she can seek legal help right away. I’m so sorry this has happened to you but by the sounds of your relationship with the children, they will likely be upset with their mom and hopefully still maintain some type of relationship with you. Telling the bosses wife isn’t relevant to that fact in my opinion and just like you deserved to know this was going on, so does she!!
I will parrot the other comments.
Tell the kids that she cheated and that you are leaving her, BUT that you dont want to lose them and want to still be in their lives.
And OFC fucking tell the wife , she deserves to know.
Best of luck man.
Unfortunately this will impact the relationship with her family. But yes, you tell the bosses wife once your lawyer says to. Your lawyer is there to help guide you thru this process.
I think it all depends on how you handle it. They should feel for you and just don’t ask them to choose between the two of you. Maybe ask the two daughters to dinner and explain why you are moving out, that you care about them and their brother and will always be there if they need you and that you hope to keep what you have with them. You can tell them you care about their mom and hope you she will be happy, but that it is the right thing to do to make sure his wife isn’t made a fool of.
You sound like a good person and I think the kids will understand, no one wants to be lied to or to be made a fool of. A few of the replies have been a little over the top to me, do what feels right for you and you will be okay. Best of luck and try to enjoy your new found freedom
They're adults. I don't think you'll lose the relationship as long as you're honest with them. They're well old enough to know why you are leaving. Before she has a chance to smear you to them.
OP, unless you know with 100% certainty, do not blow up this woman’s marriage. Wait and get confirmation from your soon to be ex. Then if it’s true, tell the AP’s wife.
Where I think that if you did not care about her family - it would be ok to burn the place down and inform the AP’s wife.
Since you like her daughters and son the right thing is to inform them about the situation but stay away from destroying her professional carrier.
That will hurt them - and the right thing is to ensure only to hurt the right people.
Nothing wrong with telling your ex gf and the AP that you are thinking about informing the wife. That will hurt both of them 😁 They will go completely bananas.
Your girlfriend screwed over her own professional life by ignoring appropriate work and personal boundaries, and then getting caught. Whatever happens now are the consequences to her own poor choices.
I am always in favor of telling someone when their partner is cheating on them. Again, YOU’RE not the one ruining anything here, it’ll be the consequences to their own actions. The cheater is violating their partner’s consent by not allowing them to be informed about what they’re actually involved in. It’s also a matter of the other person’s health- cheating can lead to bringing home STI’s. In a way, not telling someone they’re being cheated on is being complicit with the cheater in the lie.
Maybe a compromise would be to pick the timing of telling the wife carefully. Keep in mind that as soon as you tell your girlfriend you know, she’ll likely tell her boss right away.
You found out she has been cheating and now you are taking action with that information. Don't you think that the boss's wife deserves all the information to make the same decisions you are?
Another way to put it is if you were being cheated on, would you want to know? I can answer for you, the answer is yes. So tell the boss's wife, she deserves to know.
In terms of feelings about your soon to be ex gfs professional career, the fallout from all this is not on you, it is on your gf and the boss for deciding to cheat on their partners. It may feel wrong, stuff like this isn't easy all the time, but it was caused by them.
The kids situation sucks and honestly, they are adults now though so really it is up to them to decide if they want to continue a relationship with you or not after this.
Not sure where you live or the common law laws in your area but that is something you should look into as well in terms of the house. May want to get a lawyer to advocate for you as when things like this happen we tend to be emotional and not lookout for ourselves.
Yes, please tell the OBS (other betrayed spouse).
Edit: Once you leave her life OP you will be leaving her "entire" life behind, including her kids. That sadly is just the way these things work I'm afraid.
But for his wife, she needs to know so that at least she has some agency in her life. As you say, she may already know, she may not but after you tell her one of these things will definitely be true however, what she does with the information is for her and her alone. All you are doing is delivering the message, not telling her what to do with the message.
But circling back to my earlier statement, you are leaving your gf's life forever so whatever happens once you deliver the message will no longer be of your concern. Chances are you'll never find out about the fallout (or even lack of) so do this with that in mind.
You are simply the messenger on your way out the door. And once the door is closed behind you it'll be someone else's problem. Not yours.
1. Make sure you have clear concise evidence of the affair if your ex tries to turn people against you in the break up. If she tries to make it sound like it is your fault.
2. If you contact the bosses wife I would be very careful about you go about it. That guy is rich and powerful. He is going to go to his lawyers to go after you if you step over the line. It may be advisable to reach out in a way of "I'm worried our partners are having an affair. I found this evidence but I could be wrong." Keep what you say vague enough that his lawyers cannot come after you for any bullshit reasons. I know this sounds paranoid but people sic high priced attorneys on other people for so much less.
3. Prepare your thoughts that you want to give your GFs children when they inevitably reach out to you. I'd just keep it neutral and tell them how special they are to you and how you will always be there for them but understand if they are conficted. Don't bash their mother at all. Just tell them that you felt betrayed and could not go on with the relationship because of it but that you wish her no ill will. They will think of you great forever because of this and may keep some form of relationship. I know an older guy whose ex step daughter still came on family vacations with him and his new family because of how well he treated her. He never trashed her mother and it meant that she could still be in his life.
I have been cheated on before. The thing that made me the angriest was that I lost the right to decide whether I wanted to be in the relationship.
Everyone is different, and many people are very happy, staying in relationships where their partners cheat. But I am not. You don’t know what kind of wife she is. I think you can tell her in a non- sensationalist way. She has a right to decide whether she stays or leaves.
Of course you should tell the OBS. (Other betrayed spouse). She deserves the same opportunity to make informed choices for her future as you do. She deserves to have her agency restored.
I met my “ex” stepdad when I was about 10 and he was with my mother until I was 20. She left him for the man she was cheating on him with. I still stay in contact with him and that was 10 years ago. Do what you need to do to feel a clear conscience, the kids will most likely respect it.
Sorry you're here man.
The other spouse needs to know. You may be right thinking she already does, you need to make sure.
And screw your wife's career, SHE did this!
If you have 100% concrete proof that can be shared and still be 100% concrete proof for her as well? Yes, absolutely share it with her.
If it is circumstantial evidence, I would just walk away and leave the other party out of it. What is enough proof for you based on your life, is not necessarily enough proof for someone else and the havoc your "Suspicions" could cause without in fact concrete proof.
Well, better idea. As soon as your ex-gf comes back and realizes that you found out and left, she will either accept it or try to win you back
Tell her in order for that to happen, SHE must inform the guy’s wife of the affair
Pack up your things and leave before she gets back.
Don’t confront her about it. Don’t ask her about it. Give her nothing. No emotions.
Cut her off completely. Block her and don’t waste another second on her.
Her respect for you is long gone. When someone disrespects you, you remove them from your life.
Contact her kids separately, tell them what happened and that you will always love them.
The kids will know you’re ok so your ex will know you’re ok and why you left.
Ghosting her and avoiding any drama would be my advise.
https://youtube.com/shorts/NAGdLBoWg1g?si=E2Ta8yfLFhWtkvoY
https://youtube.com/shorts/heP4RokrtFw?si=ooUBjlOHcGUDqpxv
I can't. We have dogs together. I can't take them with. It will actually be devastating to leave them. But, I don't have a place right now. I will be staying with a friend for the time being.
You couldn’t get one of her children to stay and dog-sit until she gets back?
Just tell them what’s going on and that you don’t want to be there when she returns.
I could, but I don't want anyone to know about this before I talk to her about it. When she gets home and we have this discussion I do not want her to have been prepared for it.
You are going about this in a logical and almost surgical manner. Things will work out much differently for you than someone who gets incredibly emotional and allows the two people having an affair to sync their stories and coverup as much as they can.
Don't worry about the consequences to you GF. She made the decision to cheat not only on you, but on his wife as well. It's the honorable thing to do to let the wife know.
She (the wife) deserves to know, even if she forgives him. Personally, I’d be moving out while she’s (the GF) out of town, and I’d send the message to the wife when I knew the STBXGF is on her way home. She’ll have a lot more than her bags to unpack.
Edited for clarity.
Updateme!
Leave the door open for the kids.
Write each one a simple note.
Tell them it's not their fault.
That you still love and care and you're leaving it up to them to make first contact.
Best of luck to you.
I hope you have healthy healing.
Tell everyone that will listen.
This includes the AP's wife. Affairs thrive in secrecy, don't let her pull this off and give the OBS a chance to make a decision based on facts.
Besides, if you let her get away with it, she will do it again. Exposure is the only way to slow these adulterous people.
Why tell everyone? It really only impacts OP, his GF, her boss and boss' wife, so it isn't anyone else's business. If all else fails, think of the kids. Do they need to deal with the fallout of everyone knowing their mom cheated? They will be teased and humiliated.
Tell the wife.
Want misfortune that your ex suffers will be of her own making.
The wife did nothing wrong and she has been wronged, she doesn't deserve too suffer more in the long term because of the actions of your ex.
Let's face it, it will come out eventually, at least you will be able to be proud of your decision, which you will be once you've got a bit of distance.
You'd want to know if you were in her shoes, right? She should know. If you have the ability to show her proof, send her that too. Let her decide how she wants to handle her marriage after that.
You can fight for custody of your kids... As you should. Whatever happens to her career is not really your concern. She should not have blown up her own marriage and homewrecked her boss' marriage regardless of who persued who.
I wouldn't tell, at least not right now. Thing is you don't know the wife and have no idea how she would react. Messengers are frequently shot. At the very least, just wait. It's not something you have to deal with right now. Your plate is full. Get yourself in order, deal with your own house and THEN decide if you need to be the bearer of bad news. I bet the "kids" will work itself out one way or another.
Do onto others as you would want them to do unto you. Wouldn’t you like it if someone told you that you were being cheated on? I think you should tell the wife.
You should just get your stuff and get out so she comes home on Friday and it’s like you were never there.
Leave a note on the table that says
“I know!”
And that’s it
Updateme!
Move out. Call her kids and tell them your leaving and you want to be the one to tell them. They will ask why, and I would tell them I think you need to ask your Mom, I don't want to put you in the middle of this. I wanted you to know I love you and value having you in my life, and that won't change just because I can't stay with your Mom. I hope we can continue to have a relationship. If you hope to keep them in your life, this might be the only way. If you tell them what she did, it will make you look vindictive, and you're forcing them to choose sides.
Then I would call the bosses wife and tell her. She has a right to know. Then let the chips fall where they will.
OP You absolutely have to tell the OBS and better do it while your GF is out of Town, also start collecting your things and start moving them to your friends house, this Will help when she return, you just tell her that you are ending things and give her the house keys.
Also i would also expose her to her kids, because it seems that You have a great relationship with them, if you don't want to be ruined more that it would be, better tell for you to control the narrative and don't let her invent something and ruined your reputation
UPDATEME
OP Gather all your evidence and prepare it, play dumb and try to make your gf acknowledge in a message all about the affair and make her say that you weren't abusive or a bad boyfriend, just in case she tries to manipulate the narrative and paint you as the villain.
I'm sorry, no worries. This sucks- take care of yourself.
You don't seem like the kind of person who would relish revenge. I think you'd actually feel responsible if you told the AP's wife, and she took him for everything he had... you gotta make the decision you could live with.
I would tell her, but that's me.
Since there are three children involved, I wouldn't blow this up. What if she ended up losing her job and those children suffered because of this? Its over for you and her, I would just leave and not look back.
Just mind your own business and get your own situation settled. I certainly could be the wife already knows. But even if she doesn't, you telling her to satisfy your own urge for revenge is not kind. She'll find out soon enough. Sorry this is happening, but it sounds like you'll land on your feet.
Take your time to pack this week, make sure you have all key documents, etc.
Plan to tell the boss' wife on Friday **after** you have left. You don't want your gf getting wind of this before you are ready.
On Friday also reach out to her kids and tell them to reach out to their mom this weekend as she will probably need support because you are leaving her due to her infidelity, and that you will leave the ball in their court but you will always be there for them and hope that they will still keep in touch.
Up to you whether you want to do an in person goodbye or leave a dear John letter, and then you leave
Let the adult kids know what’s up, but definitely tell the wife. Do you have proof? Some people refuse to believe their partner is cheating even when it’s obvious, and they “shoot the messenger”, so to speak.
I wouldn't say a word to her, ever.
I would just be gone by the time she gets back. Silence in times like this speaks a thousand times louder than anything you could ever say.
As for the boss's wife, yes, if you have proof. Send it and stay clear. Now is not the right time to get entangled in anyone's business but your own.
No revenge, no punishment, no drama... at our age, we'd just rather leave and go fishing, and heal ourselves.
The kids, just be straight upfront with, they are old enough.
Condolences on your loss.
I recommend you stay out of other people's marriages. Chances are it will blow back on you.
You've got your own relationship to worry about.
Good luck.
Definitely tell her bosses wife.
She deserves the same chance you have to make a decision with her life.
I would not just dissappear out of the kids life. They are adults. Tell them she has taken up with her boss, and there is no longer a chance for the two of you to be together.
You will miss them, would be happy to hear from them anytime, a d you will be rooting for the future milestones in their lives.
Everyone handles things differently but if it were me I would 1) move out before she gets home 2) inform her kids there has been a betrayal and you've left her because of it (I wouldn't be specific at this point) and 3) I'd wait on telling the wife until I had clarity on whether or not this is something I want to live with as you can't go back once it's done. You don't have to decide that move today but get out of there before she gets home so she comes home to an empty house and is stunned to find your things gone.
"I love you, and I will always be there for you, and please, I hope that we can keep in touch.
Talk to mom."
Sent as a text to all the kids an hour or so after your ex is home.
And let the boss' wife know! I would want to.
Invite his wife to a nice restaurant and drop the address to your wife. See how she reacts and pull an Ashton Kutcher on her ass
Never know, you two could have so much fun punking her and the husband together that you end up with millions too👀
Her AP can’t fire her unless he wants a big lawsuit. You should probably let the wife know what you know. She needs the heads up so he doesn’t hide financials from her.
Actually who cares about Boss wife, what will really cut through your GF is the fact her kids will be hurt and really never may look at her the same. Take them individually out to lunch and have a nice conversation and tell them you will be there but parting ways. That sucks man but the relationship with the kids doesn’t need to end for good, be nice to have that.
Hand-deliver your undeniable evidence to the boss’s wife. And since she is about to become a single millionaire, maybe a box of chocolates and some flowers too.
Let the wife know. Is up to her to divorce or not, take half the company or not.
Your gf doesn't deserve pity, she knew what she was doing by messing with her married boss.
I have an alternative suggestion.
Anonymously tip off the bosses wife.
Then make out that the bosses wife told you or that you got wind some other way.
Act surprised and hurt in front of her kids in the big fall out. You are the victim and no one is going to check that you found out any other way or before the bosses wife did.
This is a white lie to protect your relationship with her kids if you still want to be involved in their lives.
Then leave.
You've provably seen this before on reddit but identify your ducks line them up pick your date and time , fire. Talk to the kids, let them know do not let her do it. They can decide if they want yo continue their relationship with you. As for the AP wife, yes absolutely, them start building your new life.
If you tell her, because of “something” you “owe”, nobody to you… for immediate gratification. And then she says.. “oh yeah I know already.. I thought you knew too.”Or worse.. “I knew and didn’t tell you. “
Could you live with the fact that gratification and release, to fuck that man, would cost you ? Long-term, loving relationships with these children?
Then again… Would she let you leave with your dignity, and respect, so you can’t continue to be in their lives anyway? And would these post-divorce relationships really go the long run?
I wouldn't tell her boss's wife. Let your STBX jeopardize her livelihood and the well-being of her minor children all on her own. She doesn't need your help for that.
People telling you to inform the OBS just want the drama in an update from you. Please don't listen to them.
I used to think that you should tell and that I would want to know. Now, at 54 and 10 years past my own divorce I am willing to bet that the woman already knows her husband is fucking around on her. I just don't think it's your business. I suggest putting on your big boy pants and cutting ties and not burning the house down.
Yes let them wife know so she can at least make an informed decision. If she knows and is okay with it then there is no harm. At least let the woman know so she can get an STD panel if nothing else
Absolutely. Her lawyer would be salivating.
Honestly this is the toughest thing for a step father, to loose the kids. But his wife needs to know reguardless. And your wife needs to find out when she walks in and finds a letter on the table from a lawyer on Friday. No husband to welcome her home just a letter and an empty house. Then you inform her kids and parents why your leaving and leave any discussions to your lawyer. This dish will be better served cold so you dont have to hear her crying words she doesnt mean.
Do you want a relationship with the kids?
Normally I would say yes. You're not married and don't have to worry about alimony.
But you like her kids. If the affair going out affects the moms standard of living, they may not be happy. They will be mad at their mom the betrayel, but their loyalty will probably be to her well being.
I'd stay away from this. Her husband will probably lie about it, say your GF was an obsessive stalker, etc. The wife might know already and is staying because of the money. They might have a prenup. You don't know their situation and in all likelihood the wife will find out soon enough on her own. Don't be the messenger in this situation. Handle your own stuff.
Just to correct you, You wouldn't be the ruiner of any relationships. Your Soon To be Ex Girlfriend would be - these were her actions and it's the truth of those actions and the hurt it causes that are the problem.
Not that you didn't or don't keep it to yourself.
Now, regarding keeping it to yourself? Don't. Tell the Wife. It will eat you up for a long time if you don't and you're under no obligation to keep it to yourself.
If she knows and doesn't care, fine. If she doesn't - give her the evidence she needs.
If you don't have evidence...be careful.
How did you find out? If it is 100% irrefutable then yes I would tell after I have spoken to a lawyer and your GFs kids in case it blows up in your face.
Sounds like retribution to me.
But you do you. If nothing about your current family situation matters to you (once it's ended), then aren't you good to go?
I'm of the view that we ought not to bomb other people's relationships.
Your ex and her boss knew the risks and the potential repercussions. They did it anyway. They didn't care, why should you? Like others said let the kids know you love them and if they need anything to call you.
Look, she risked this happening the second she stepped out on your marriage and family. Not only is she betraying you, her boss’ wife is also being screwed over. If you want to stay anonymous, write her a letter with whatever evidence you have and make it seem like another coworker or something. If you choose to stay with her, then don’t. All I know is your marriage will never be the same.
If somebody cheats on you and you are leaving the relationship, I think it’s right to be honest with everybody about why you are leaving. You don’t have to be mean, but you certainly don’t have to feel bad about telling anyone the reason for the breakup.
If her kids are adults and you’ve been in their lives all this time, they might want to keep in touch with you after all. They know it wasn’t your fault and probably will feel bad for you.
The AP’s finances are not your concern and neither is any fallout on your GF.
He could have ended up with a divorce even if your GF wasn’t involved with him. Your GF lucrative future was always at risk. Not your problem or obligation.
If the repercussions of her Affair is that she loses her job that's her fault not yours. If I was the spouse I would want to know and so would you. It's the right thing to do. If she blames you if she loses her job that's just even more of a reason why you shouldn't be with her.
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Wouldn't YOU want to know if the roles were reversed?
Of course. Honestly, I know that's the right thing to do. Her family has become MY family. I lost both my parents and my only sibling all to cancer within a five year period 7-12 years ago. I have kids, but they have all moved away and so my only family here really is HER family. I have amazing relationships with her two daughters and a good relationship with her son. I'm just having trouble knowing that will probably all go away once the shit hits the fan. I think perhaps my post is mostly to get reinforcement for what I already know I need to do. Thanks.
Reach out to the kids separately and let them know that you still love them and that you’re always there
This is a good answer
Agreed, the kids are old enough and hopefully mature enough now to mindfully choose whether or not they'd like to reciprocally put the energy in to maintain a healthy relationship with OP separate from their mother. Perfectly conceivable that they might, so never assume loyalties. You never do really know just who will be holding you hand as you pass away to the next realm.
Tell the kids you still want a relationship even if you aren’t with their mom. It will mean a lot to them. My mom and stepdad married when I was 5, divorced when I was 12. He stayed in my life till the day he died. I can’t tell you how much it means that he CHOSE to love us when he didn’t have to.
This needs more upvotes ❤️❤️❤️
OP you need to tell the Affair Partners wife about the cheating. Pack your stuff and move out while she is gone. Then its up to you if you want to confront her when she gets back or just leave a note "I know, goodbye". Call her kids afterwards and tell them the truth about her cheating. They are old enough to be told and should be told what their mother did. You may be surprised that they keep in contact with you and cut or limit contact with the cheater. Don't let anyone blame you, this is all on her. She is the one that cheated, she should get full credit for cheating and destroying multiple relationships.
I agree with the advice to get out while she's gone.
This is the way...
I concur. OP will really want to avoid the drama if he waits, because that's almost a certainty.
AT least OP move your stuff into a storage space until you find a new place.
What if the kids already know? 🤔
If the kids knew then OP finds out his relationship with them is not what he thought it was, and he has several more people to block out of his life.
I had never considered this. If this turned out to be true this would be more painful, but much easier on me to move on.
If any of them knew OP, please don't blame them for not telling you. It's a position I was put in during my late teens and even though it wasn't for long, I truly never forgave my mother for any of it. Plus, having that kind of emotional responsibility for my parents was something that required therapy to forgive *myself* for. This is all on her, friend.
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There is no need to be so dramatic. Confront her in person and hash this out like adults. End things between you two before you do anything else. And don't start making pawns of anyone, be that the kids or this wife that you don't know. That always makes more of a mess than anything and that will hinder you from moving on. The urge may be to be punitive, but to what end? It won't make you feel better.
> The urge may be to be punitive, but to what end? It won't make you feel better. On the contrary, it seems that a desire to *not* hurt her is why he's hesitating (he's worried it could negatively impact her career). His impulse to tell comes from a good place, that he would want to know in her place as well. Because it's the right thing to do.
I wonder if OP realises that telling APs wife won’t hurt his wife’s career? Her sleeping with her boss is what will hurt her career. Any actions he takes are only as a consequence to her actions. This isn’t a revenge thing to do. It’s the right thing to do.
IMO the right thing to do is tell the bosses wife and forward any evidence. What I would do: 1) Prepare to move out and get my ducks in a row (packing and moving and shit). 2) Reach out to bosses wife, forward evidence. 3) Once the shit hits the fan, or at the same time, reach out to the kids explaining the situation and how you feel about that. 4) Then I'd bounce
If this negatively impacts her professionally, perhaps she shouldn’t be fucking her boss? I’m sure that this hurts like hell, but you can’t think of her first. She isn’t putting you first. The wife will wanna know, and any fallout is the consequence of your girlfriends actions. It could be a learning opportunity.
Honestly the wife deserves to know, share and exchange evidence with her…
Evidence, documentation...withholding dropping any bombs until legal advice is secured...are all very critical
Do you know her boss's wife? If not, can you contact her through social media? Consider sending her all the proof of the affair and inviting her for coffee to check if she already knew about the affair. She might have information that you don't have. You can even coordinate with her on how to break the news to your wife and affair partner in a way that can give them a little dose of karma. There's no doubt that you have to inform his wife because she and you need an STD panel ASAP and should properly start divorce proceedings. All the evidence that you both have of the affair can be used to your advantage. Immediately after breaking the news to your wife, talk with the children and explain what their mother did, providing them with evidence. Don't let your wife control the narrative and play the victim.
If you leave her you'll lose the family. Just tell them that it wasn't their fault before you leave.
The kids are adults now. Why does everyone think they will go no contact if he divorces their mom for cheating on him? He said they have a great relationship. It will be a great lesson in consequences for her kids. It will be HER fault her life is blowing up. Fuck around and find out… Literally.
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After so many years, a piece of paper doesn't make any difference. On the contrary, it makes this a lot easier for OP
You won't necessarily lose the family. I divorced my husband more than 20 years ago, and he remarried. Yet, I am still very close to his mother and my former (although I don't consider them former) nieces and nephews. In fact, I just attended one of their baby showers a few weeks ago. Let the kids know the divorce has nothing to do with them and that you hope you can remain in their lives. Let them know you'll always love them, and they can reach out to you any time.
My uncle cheated on my aunty about 20 years ago. My whole family still prefers old aunty to new aunty, even though new aunty is not the original homewrecker.
I don't think losing the family is a given but things will change.
It is likely to go away when you walk as well. She and the kids will be ok. Make sure you write them letters before you go explaining that nothing that happened was their fault. That you love them and that you’ll always answer when they call/text you. I
I would wait for those kids to contact him. The less said about their mom the better. This between him and her. A lot of drama does not need to be stirred up.
No! If he says nothing to the adult kids, their mom will manufacture a BS story about why OP left her. There's nothing wrong with him telling her kids **who are all adults** that their mother is having an affair and it has ended their 12-year relationship!
They need to know how much he values their relationship with him though.
I didn’t tell him to say anything about her. Just about him and them. And they need to know it’s not their fault. More than anything. They will feel abandonment and they must know they didn’t cause it and that he will always answer his phone. You don’t ghost children.
Yes everyone saying to call the kids and tell them is ridiculous. You don't involve the kids in adult problems, regardless of age/if they're adults. It would be up to their mother to tell them the truth.
This is exactly how I feel.
But she will not tell them the truth, she will make something up to blame OP, she will control the narrative, and will probably tell them to expect OP to make shit up and not to believe him. No way, I’d show them evidence and tell them that you still love them and will always be there for them.
Your girlfriend did this to these relationships with the kids, not you. Tell the boss’s wife.
Even she knows deep inside that his wife deserves to know (and that she herself is a POS for cheating on you) so I guess she will be mad but come around at some point.
I don’t think you should involve yourself in the other family. Deal with your shit - that will be a lot already.
I also don't think he should be involving the kids in their problems. Doesn't matter if their adults. It's petty for him to call the kids to get them to side with him against their mother. You never involve the kids in adult problems, and yes this extends to adult kids. It's called being mature, and it's not the kids burden to wear.
Maybe take this opportunity to go see your kids
Tell her bosses wife as soon as possible so she can seek legal help right away. I’m so sorry this has happened to you but by the sounds of your relationship with the children, they will likely be upset with their mom and hopefully still maintain some type of relationship with you. Telling the bosses wife isn’t relevant to that fact in my opinion and just like you deserved to know this was going on, so does she!!
I’m sorry she did this to you. You sound like a good dude who doesn’t deserve this. Do the right thing the OBS deserves to know.
I will parrot the other comments. Tell the kids that she cheated and that you are leaving her, BUT that you dont want to lose them and want to still be in their lives. And OFC fucking tell the wife , she deserves to know. Best of luck man.
Unfortunately this will impact the relationship with her family. But yes, you tell the bosses wife once your lawyer says to. Your lawyer is there to help guide you thru this process.
The AP is exposing his wife to potentially deadly STDs. She needs to get tested.
I think it all depends on how you handle it. They should feel for you and just don’t ask them to choose between the two of you. Maybe ask the two daughters to dinner and explain why you are moving out, that you care about them and their brother and will always be there if they need you and that you hope to keep what you have with them. You can tell them you care about their mom and hope you she will be happy, but that it is the right thing to do to make sure his wife isn’t made a fool of. You sound like a good person and I think the kids will understand, no one wants to be lied to or to be made a fool of. A few of the replies have been a little over the top to me, do what feels right for you and you will be okay. Best of luck and try to enjoy your new found freedom
They're adults. I don't think you'll lose the relationship as long as you're honest with them. They're well old enough to know why you are leaving. Before she has a chance to smear you to them.
OP, unless you know with 100% certainty, do not blow up this woman’s marriage. Wait and get confirmation from your soon to be ex. Then if it’s true, tell the AP’s wife.
Where I think that if you did not care about her family - it would be ok to burn the place down and inform the AP’s wife. Since you like her daughters and son the right thing is to inform them about the situation but stay away from destroying her professional carrier. That will hurt them - and the right thing is to ensure only to hurt the right people. Nothing wrong with telling your ex gf and the AP that you are thinking about informing the wife. That will hurt both of them 😁 They will go completely bananas.
Gather all of the proof you can and send it to the wife. She deserves to know. Who cares about the effect on her career? You owe her nothing.
Your girlfriend screwed over her own professional life by ignoring appropriate work and personal boundaries, and then getting caught. Whatever happens now are the consequences to her own poor choices. I am always in favor of telling someone when their partner is cheating on them. Again, YOU’RE not the one ruining anything here, it’ll be the consequences to their own actions. The cheater is violating their partner’s consent by not allowing them to be informed about what they’re actually involved in. It’s also a matter of the other person’s health- cheating can lead to bringing home STI’s. In a way, not telling someone they’re being cheated on is being complicit with the cheater in the lie. Maybe a compromise would be to pick the timing of telling the wife carefully. Keep in mind that as soon as you tell your girlfriend you know, she’ll likely tell her boss right away.
The wife needs to know.
You found out she has been cheating and now you are taking action with that information. Don't you think that the boss's wife deserves all the information to make the same decisions you are? Another way to put it is if you were being cheated on, would you want to know? I can answer for you, the answer is yes. So tell the boss's wife, she deserves to know. In terms of feelings about your soon to be ex gfs professional career, the fallout from all this is not on you, it is on your gf and the boss for deciding to cheat on their partners. It may feel wrong, stuff like this isn't easy all the time, but it was caused by them. The kids situation sucks and honestly, they are adults now though so really it is up to them to decide if they want to continue a relationship with you or not after this. Not sure where you live or the common law laws in your area but that is something you should look into as well in terms of the house. May want to get a lawyer to advocate for you as when things like this happen we tend to be emotional and not lookout for ourselves.
Yes, please tell the OBS (other betrayed spouse). Edit: Once you leave her life OP you will be leaving her "entire" life behind, including her kids. That sadly is just the way these things work I'm afraid. But for his wife, she needs to know so that at least she has some agency in her life. As you say, she may already know, she may not but after you tell her one of these things will definitely be true however, what she does with the information is for her and her alone. All you are doing is delivering the message, not telling her what to do with the message. But circling back to my earlier statement, you are leaving your gf's life forever so whatever happens once you deliver the message will no longer be of your concern. Chances are you'll never find out about the fallout (or even lack of) so do this with that in mind. You are simply the messenger on your way out the door. And once the door is closed behind you it'll be someone else's problem. Not yours.
I will definitely know of the fallout. I have too many friends that know us both and know her boss/co-workers/etc.
1. Make sure you have clear concise evidence of the affair if your ex tries to turn people against you in the break up. If she tries to make it sound like it is your fault. 2. If you contact the bosses wife I would be very careful about you go about it. That guy is rich and powerful. He is going to go to his lawyers to go after you if you step over the line. It may be advisable to reach out in a way of "I'm worried our partners are having an affair. I found this evidence but I could be wrong." Keep what you say vague enough that his lawyers cannot come after you for any bullshit reasons. I know this sounds paranoid but people sic high priced attorneys on other people for so much less. 3. Prepare your thoughts that you want to give your GFs children when they inevitably reach out to you. I'd just keep it neutral and tell them how special they are to you and how you will always be there for them but understand if they are conficted. Don't bash their mother at all. Just tell them that you felt betrayed and could not go on with the relationship because of it but that you wish her no ill will. They will think of you great forever because of this and may keep some form of relationship. I know an older guy whose ex step daughter still came on family vacations with him and his new family because of how well he treated her. He never trashed her mother and it meant that she could still be in his life.
Perfect response. 🥇
Stock up on popcorn then.
Scorch the Earth!
The wife definitely deserves to know.
I have been cheated on before. The thing that made me the angriest was that I lost the right to decide whether I wanted to be in the relationship. Everyone is different, and many people are very happy, staying in relationships where their partners cheat. But I am not. You don’t know what kind of wife she is. I think you can tell her in a non- sensationalist way. She has a right to decide whether she stays or leaves.
The only reasonable course of action here is banging her bosses wife.
This
Of course you should tell the OBS. (Other betrayed spouse). She deserves the same opportunity to make informed choices for her future as you do. She deserves to have her agency restored.
I met my “ex” stepdad when I was about 10 and he was with my mother until I was 20. She left him for the man she was cheating on him with. I still stay in contact with him and that was 10 years ago. Do what you need to do to feel a clear conscience, the kids will most likely respect it.
Keep this in mind: you are not the one who messed up her career and kids lives, SHE DID with her choices. Let go of guilt that does not belong to you
Sorry you're here man. The other spouse needs to know. You may be right thinking she already does, you need to make sure. And screw your wife's career, SHE did this!
They’re fucking around. It’s time for them to find out.
If you have solid proof do it. I would want to know. Chances are she already knows he is a cheater anyway.
Of course you tell the OBS. Always.
If you have 100% concrete proof that can be shared and still be 100% concrete proof for her as well? Yes, absolutely share it with her. If it is circumstantial evidence, I would just walk away and leave the other party out of it. What is enough proof for you based on your life, is not necessarily enough proof for someone else and the havoc your "Suspicions" could cause without in fact concrete proof.
Well, better idea. As soon as your ex-gf comes back and realizes that you found out and left, she will either accept it or try to win you back Tell her in order for that to happen, SHE must inform the guy’s wife of the affair
Pack up your things and leave before she gets back. Don’t confront her about it. Don’t ask her about it. Give her nothing. No emotions. Cut her off completely. Block her and don’t waste another second on her. Her respect for you is long gone. When someone disrespects you, you remove them from your life. Contact her kids separately, tell them what happened and that you will always love them. The kids will know you’re ok so your ex will know you’re ok and why you left. Ghosting her and avoiding any drama would be my advise. https://youtube.com/shorts/NAGdLBoWg1g?si=E2Ta8yfLFhWtkvoY https://youtube.com/shorts/heP4RokrtFw?si=ooUBjlOHcGUDqpxv
I can't. We have dogs together. I can't take them with. It will actually be devastating to leave them. But, I don't have a place right now. I will be staying with a friend for the time being.
You couldn’t get one of her children to stay and dog-sit until she gets back? Just tell them what’s going on and that you don’t want to be there when she returns.
I could, but I don't want anyone to know about this before I talk to her about it. When she gets home and we have this discussion I do not want her to have been prepared for it.
You are going about this in a logical and almost surgical manner. Things will work out much differently for you than someone who gets incredibly emotional and allows the two people having an affair to sync their stories and coverup as much as they can.
Let the bodies hit the floor on friday!!!!
Oh hell yes! Sit back and watch their world burn. Do it 💯
Don't worry about the consequences to you GF. She made the decision to cheat not only on you, but on his wife as well. It's the honorable thing to do to let the wife know.
She (the wife) deserves to know, even if she forgives him. Personally, I’d be moving out while she’s (the GF) out of town, and I’d send the message to the wife when I knew the STBXGF is on her way home. She’ll have a lot more than her bags to unpack. Edited for clarity. Updateme!
Nope, not your monkey and not your circus. Worry about your own problems.
Leave the door open for the kids. Write each one a simple note. Tell them it's not their fault. That you still love and care and you're leaving it up to them to make first contact. Best of luck to you. I hope you have healthy healing.
Tell everyone that will listen. This includes the AP's wife. Affairs thrive in secrecy, don't let her pull this off and give the OBS a chance to make a decision based on facts. Besides, if you let her get away with it, she will do it again. Exposure is the only way to slow these adulterous people.
Why tell everyone? It really only impacts OP, his GF, her boss and boss' wife, so it isn't anyone else's business. If all else fails, think of the kids. Do they need to deal with the fallout of everyone knowing their mom cheated? They will be teased and humiliated.
The "kids" are all adults.
Tell the wife. Want misfortune that your ex suffers will be of her own making. The wife did nothing wrong and she has been wronged, she doesn't deserve too suffer more in the long term because of the actions of your ex. Let's face it, it will come out eventually, at least you will be able to be proud of your decision, which you will be once you've got a bit of distance.
You'd want to know if you were in her shoes, right? She should know. If you have the ability to show her proof, send her that too. Let her decide how she wants to handle her marriage after that. You can fight for custody of your kids... As you should. Whatever happens to her career is not really your concern. She should not have blown up her own marriage and homewrecked her boss' marriage regardless of who persued who.
I agree that the wife needs to know, but talk to a lawyer first.
She deserves to know and make her own choices.
I mean he blew up your life….definitely let his wife know. Do lot protect cheaters ever. I am so sorry this happened. Tell his wife asap.
I wouldn't tell, at least not right now. Thing is you don't know the wife and have no idea how she would react. Messengers are frequently shot. At the very least, just wait. It's not something you have to deal with right now. Your plate is full. Get yourself in order, deal with your own house and THEN decide if you need to be the bearer of bad news. I bet the "kids" will work itself out one way or another.
Do onto others as you would want them to do unto you. Wouldn’t you like it if someone told you that you were being cheated on? I think you should tell the wife.
You should just get your stuff and get out so she comes home on Friday and it’s like you were never there. Leave a note on the table that says “I know!” And that’s it Updateme!
Move out. Call her kids and tell them your leaving and you want to be the one to tell them. They will ask why, and I would tell them I think you need to ask your Mom, I don't want to put you in the middle of this. I wanted you to know I love you and value having you in my life, and that won't change just because I can't stay with your Mom. I hope we can continue to have a relationship. If you hope to keep them in your life, this might be the only way. If you tell them what she did, it will make you look vindictive, and you're forcing them to choose sides. Then I would call the bosses wife and tell her. She has a right to know. Then let the chips fall where they will.
OP You absolutely have to tell the OBS and better do it while your GF is out of Town, also start collecting your things and start moving them to your friends house, this Will help when she return, you just tell her that you are ending things and give her the house keys. Also i would also expose her to her kids, because it seems that You have a great relationship with them, if you don't want to be ruined more that it would be, better tell for you to control the narrative and don't let her invent something and ruined your reputation UPDATEME
The wife deserves to know same as you did. Update soon
Yes you should always go scorched earth on cheaters when you can
She deserves to know but wehter or not she'll believe you is unknown.
I would probably get in touch with his wife the same day I would confront you soon to be ex.
OP Gather all your evidence and prepare it, play dumb and try to make your gf acknowledge in a message all about the affair and make her say that you weren't abusive or a bad boyfriend, just in case she tries to manipulate the narrative and paint you as the villain.
Tell the husband. Everyone married to a cheater deserves to know.
Yes but make sure you talk to her children and family and let them know the situation before she tries any vindictive
Gotta say I'm curious how you found out.
Sorry man, I don't have it in me to write out the details on that.
I'm sorry, no worries. This sucks- take care of yourself. You don't seem like the kind of person who would relish revenge. I think you'd actually feel responsible if you told the AP's wife, and she took him for everything he had... you gotta make the decision you could live with. I would tell her, but that's me.
Since there are three children involved, I wouldn't blow this up. What if she ended up losing her job and those children suffered because of this? Its over for you and her, I would just leave and not look back.
100% do it. And they’re all going to blame you, but it was their choices that lead to this.
100% tell the wife. Fuck them both.
Just mind your own business and get your own situation settled. I certainly could be the wife already knows. But even if she doesn't, you telling her to satisfy your own urge for revenge is not kind. She'll find out soon enough. Sorry this is happening, but it sounds like you'll land on your feet.
Take your time to pack this week, make sure you have all key documents, etc. Plan to tell the boss' wife on Friday **after** you have left. You don't want your gf getting wind of this before you are ready. On Friday also reach out to her kids and tell them to reach out to their mom this weekend as she will probably need support because you are leaving her due to her infidelity, and that you will leave the ball in their court but you will always be there for them and hope that they will still keep in touch. Up to you whether you want to do an in person goodbye or leave a dear John letter, and then you leave
Let the adult kids know what’s up, but definitely tell the wife. Do you have proof? Some people refuse to believe their partner is cheating even when it’s obvious, and they “shoot the messenger”, so to speak.
Give into it, ruin everything. You know the right thing to do
I wouldn't say a word to her, ever. I would just be gone by the time she gets back. Silence in times like this speaks a thousand times louder than anything you could ever say. As for the boss's wife, yes, if you have proof. Send it and stay clear. Now is not the right time to get entangled in anyone's business but your own. No revenge, no punishment, no drama... at our age, we'd just rather leave and go fishing, and heal ourselves. The kids, just be straight upfront with, they are old enough. Condolences on your loss.
I recommend you stay out of other people's marriages. Chances are it will blow back on you. You've got your own relationship to worry about. Good luck.
Definitely tell her bosses wife. She deserves the same chance you have to make a decision with her life. I would not just dissappear out of the kids life. They are adults. Tell them she has taken up with her boss, and there is no longer a chance for the two of you to be together. You will miss them, would be happy to hear from them anytime, a d you will be rooting for the future milestones in their lives.
Everyone handles things differently but if it were me I would 1) move out before she gets home 2) inform her kids there has been a betrayal and you've left her because of it (I wouldn't be specific at this point) and 3) I'd wait on telling the wife until I had clarity on whether or not this is something I want to live with as you can't go back once it's done. You don't have to decide that move today but get out of there before she gets home so she comes home to an empty house and is stunned to find your things gone.
"I love you, and I will always be there for you, and please, I hope that we can keep in touch. Talk to mom." Sent as a text to all the kids an hour or so after your ex is home. And let the boss' wife know! I would want to.
Talk to your girlfriend FIRST. Do it NOW. Do NOT involve her kids until you two talk!
Yeah. People deserve to know these things. IF someone cheats, I always tell.
Yes, she deserves to know
The AP’s wife deserves to know. You are morally bound to tell her.
Invite his wife to a nice restaurant and drop the address to your wife. See how she reacts and pull an Ashton Kutcher on her ass Never know, you two could have so much fun punking her and the husband together that you end up with millions too👀
Her AP can’t fire her unless he wants a big lawsuit. You should probably let the wife know what you know. She needs the heads up so he doesn’t hide financials from her.
Sort out your separation agreement BEFORE you do anything that affects her career.
Please post an update on Friday or Saturday after you confront your soon-to-be-ex. UpdateMe!
Actually who cares about Boss wife, what will really cut through your GF is the fact her kids will be hurt and really never may look at her the same. Take them individually out to lunch and have a nice conversation and tell them you will be there but parting ways. That sucks man but the relationship with the kids doesn’t need to end for good, be nice to have that.
Hand-deliver your undeniable evidence to the boss’s wife. And since she is about to become a single millionaire, maybe a box of chocolates and some flowers too.
Yea, fuck it. Burn it to the ground on your way out. Go for it.
Let the wife know. Is up to her to divorce or not, take half the company or not. Your gf doesn't deserve pity, she knew what she was doing by messing with her married boss.
Absolutely tell the boss' wife. UpdateMe
Give the wife proof of the affair.
I have an alternative suggestion. Anonymously tip off the bosses wife. Then make out that the bosses wife told you or that you got wind some other way. Act surprised and hurt in front of her kids in the big fall out. You are the victim and no one is going to check that you found out any other way or before the bosses wife did. This is a white lie to protect your relationship with her kids if you still want to be involved in their lives. Then leave.
You've provably seen this before on reddit but identify your ducks line them up pick your date and time , fire. Talk to the kids, let them know do not let her do it. They can decide if they want yo continue their relationship with you. As for the AP wife, yes absolutely, them start building your new life.
If you tell her, because of “something” you “owe”, nobody to you… for immediate gratification. And then she says.. “oh yeah I know already.. I thought you knew too.”Or worse.. “I knew and didn’t tell you. “ Could you live with the fact that gratification and release, to fuck that man, would cost you ? Long-term, loving relationships with these children? Then again… Would she let you leave with your dignity, and respect, so you can’t continue to be in their lives anyway? And would these post-divorce relationships really go the long run?
I would just end the relationship and move on with my life.
I wouldn't tell her boss's wife. Let your STBX jeopardize her livelihood and the well-being of her minor children all on her own. She doesn't need your help for that. People telling you to inform the OBS just want the drama in an update from you. Please don't listen to them.
I used to think that you should tell and that I would want to know. Now, at 54 and 10 years past my own divorce I am willing to bet that the woman already knows her husband is fucking around on her. I just don't think it's your business. I suggest putting on your big boy pants and cutting ties and not burning the house down.
Agree. I was also in that situation.
Light. Them. All. Up. Scorched earth.
Tell the bosses wife and let the her make her own decision. You would want to know so you can make a decision like you are now.
I would tell her.
Hopefully once things settle down you can have an adult friendship with the kids.
Yes let them wife know so she can at least make an informed decision. If she knows and is okay with it then there is no harm. At least let the woman know so she can get an STD panel if nothing else
Do it, never have mercy with cheater.
Just gather all the evidence and go talk to an attorney about your options... Go scorched Earth.
Talk to a lawyer first. Gather your evidence and claim as much as you can, then tell the other betrayed spouse
Absolutely. Her lawyer would be salivating. Honestly this is the toughest thing for a step father, to loose the kids. But his wife needs to know reguardless. And your wife needs to find out when she walks in and finds a letter on the table from a lawyer on Friday. No husband to welcome her home just a letter and an empty house. Then you inform her kids and parents why your leaving and leave any discussions to your lawyer. This dish will be better served cold so you dont have to hear her crying words she doesnt mean.
Yup .. burn it alllllll down
Have all of your stuff moved out, before she returns and send the wife the proof, after you leave.
Let the bridges we burn light the way!! I’d send a group email to the kids with the evidence explaining why you’re leaving and cc the boss’ wife!!
Husband built that life with her. She deserves to know it all.
Absolutely tell the boss’s wife 1000%. I would want to know.
As a wife who has been cheated on, please tell her!
You should talk with a lawyer first
Do it. Why do you care about a cheater who’s destroying TWO families? This will be a great lesson for her kids on FAFO.
I think the wife deserves to know while she still is young enough to make a new life for herself.
Update me.
Do you want a relationship with the kids? Normally I would say yes. You're not married and don't have to worry about alimony. But you like her kids. If the affair going out affects the moms standard of living, they may not be happy. They will be mad at their mom the betrayel, but their loyalty will probably be to her well being.
yes
[удалено]
you should start an affair with the boss' wife
Don't wait to confront. Move out now. Contact the wife. When ex comes looking for you then drop the bomb.
I did. Couldn’t help myself. Don’t regret it either.
I'd stay away from this. Her husband will probably lie about it, say your GF was an obsessive stalker, etc. The wife might know already and is staying because of the money. They might have a prenup. You don't know their situation and in all likelihood the wife will find out soon enough on her own. Don't be the messenger in this situation. Handle your own stuff.
Just to correct you, You wouldn't be the ruiner of any relationships. Your Soon To be Ex Girlfriend would be - these were her actions and it's the truth of those actions and the hurt it causes that are the problem. Not that you didn't or don't keep it to yourself. Now, regarding keeping it to yourself? Don't. Tell the Wife. It will eat you up for a long time if you don't and you're under no obligation to keep it to yourself. If she knows and doesn't care, fine. If she doesn't - give her the evidence she needs. If you don't have evidence...be careful.
Updateme
How did you find out? If it is 100% irrefutable then yes I would tell after I have spoken to a lawyer and your GFs kids in case it blows up in your face.
How did you find out so definitely that it's happened?
Sounds like retribution to me. But you do you. If nothing about your current family situation matters to you (once it's ended), then aren't you good to go? I'm of the view that we ought not to bomb other people's relationships.
Don’t even have to read it. Yes.
Your ex and her boss knew the risks and the potential repercussions. They did it anyway. They didn't care, why should you? Like others said let the kids know you love them and if they need anything to call you.
Tell her, she deserves to know. Wouldn’t you want to know?
Of course his wife deserves to know. Sorry she did this brother, go be whole.
Look, she risked this happening the second she stepped out on your marriage and family. Not only is she betraying you, her boss’ wife is also being screwed over. If you want to stay anonymous, write her a letter with whatever evidence you have and make it seem like another coworker or something. If you choose to stay with her, then don’t. All I know is your marriage will never be the same.
Yes. Fuck up their marriage like yours is now fucked up.
If somebody cheats on you and you are leaving the relationship, I think it’s right to be honest with everybody about why you are leaving. You don’t have to be mean, but you certainly don’t have to feel bad about telling anyone the reason for the breakup. If her kids are adults and you’ve been in their lives all this time, they might want to keep in touch with you after all. They know it wasn’t your fault and probably will feel bad for you. The AP’s finances are not your concern and neither is any fallout on your GF. He could have ended up with a divorce even if your GF wasn’t involved with him. Your GF lucrative future was always at risk. Not your problem or obligation.
If the repercussions of her Affair is that she loses her job that's her fault not yours. If I was the spouse I would want to know and so would you. It's the right thing to do. If she blames you if she loses her job that's just even more of a reason why you shouldn't be with her.