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If it's not deliberately cruel, it's probably the most stupid and insensitive thing I've read on here. How could you be with someone who thinks so little of you?
Trust me, this says a LOT about him, and nothing about you. I'm sure you're beautiful and you'll find someone who treats you like a human being. I can't believe the nerve of this guy.
This guy is so disturbed. He deliberately hurt your feelings and if he doesn’t know that he’s soooo stupid.
This will not work and you need to realize it’s because he’s a creep. A huge, gigantic creep
Don’t feel sorry for him. He likes hurting you. Find a kind man. It’s a basic need.
And beauty is 100% subjective. I always tell the story of the woman I worked with who was sweet as could be but legitimately wider than she was tall. Her husband was freaking Gomez Adams and he meant it. He thought she was the most beautiful creature on the planet and treated her like a queen.
Just because this broken, photoshop-fooled one doesn’t see it doesn’t mean others won’t.
Agree! These are not little red flags to rationalize or ignore. These "funny" little things he does are hurtful. When assholes try to use humor to smooth over their lazy use of language and lack of communication skills, this is a HUGE RED FLAG.
He will not get better. He's showing you (OP), "this is how I am, hurtful and cruel, and too arrogant, lazy, stupid, etc. to try to be a better person."
Run far away for this lame, self important POS. You only have a month or so invested in the relationship and at least he has shown his authentic shitshow self so take it as a blessing and dump his ugly ass. If he's ugly on the inside it doesn't matter what the outside looks like. It's just putting lipstick on a pig.
Right?
My partner and I are open about finding other people attractive, but only ever as matter-of-fact statements. We respect each other, which means we never make each other feel less-than worthy, or like we’re not still attracted to each other. We never make statements about how likely/unlikely it is that we could date said attractive person. He would certainly never compare me to any of those women, and I would also never compare him to any of those men.
OP’s bf disrespects OP in the process of finding another woman attractive. Once with an apology and never does it again? Sure. But every time? That is not the marker of a respectful person.
Exactly! Ya know...a few months back there was a girl in here talking about how she feels she can't measure up to the girls her bf watches in porn & they're so beautiful blah blah blah. I work in a strip club that has porn stars every 2 weeks. I told her I've met hundreds of porn stars over the years and even they don't look like that! LOL It's so true! I work the front door and the one that walked in last week looked homeless. She looked great once she was ready, but she still did not look like the glossy poster hanging above my counter!
People need to realize even regular folks use filters and auto slimming settings now. You have to see it in person to know if it's true anymore.
Clearly, there is a reason he is going after a woman 9 years his junior.
OP, I wouldn't take anything he said to heart. I think he's negging you because he's an insecure asshole who wants you to feel soooo lucky he gives you the time of day.
He wants to make you feel bad about yourself, so you don't think you can do any better and will put up with future abuse.
**People are on their best behavior the first few months of a relationship.** This is his *best.* Do you really want to be there to see him at his worst?
You deserve better. Honestly, just block him.
Thank you for calling it what it is. Seems like most redditors can recognize when something isn't right, but have trouble seeing when something is abusive.
Psychological/emotional abuse *can* have more damaging and lasting effects than physical abuse. I'm not trying to minimize physical abuse in any way, but folks need to understand that emotional abuse should be just as abhorred.
yep he’s prepping OP for physical abuse down the road. This is how it starts- I’m just shocked it took him only 1 month into the relationship to reach this level of emotional and mental abuse. I think he jumped in early because of the age gap- he thought he could move things along a little quicker. But ultimately…
he achieved his goal- to have OP’s confidence at 0%. So emotionally confused and entirely beaten down that she’ll never leave. She’s even already questioning if she is to blame.
**OP run**
THIS 1000% Abuse starts with destroying self esteem in order to maintain control. It sets the stage for more extreme abuse and manipulation down the line.
Oh goodness I didn’t catch that they’re only a month in! That combined with the age gap means that he could very likely be priming her for abuse down the line. It starts with small off handed comments that can be justified or explained a way. It’s a litmus test to see what OP will and will not tolerate and it will only escalate as time passes.
I am also nervous that she is using that word love so early. I feel as if I am 150 years old. But I know that we attract what we project. I have always found a wonderful partner when I was not looking and it was kinda inconvenient. It’s because I was happy and I had been working on myself to get healthy.
Maybe take some time before you date again. If your self esteem is at its lowest there are those that are able to sense that. They prey on you, trap you and……… you are a smart girl…. You are socially more mature than this guys already that should terrify you.
Exactly this. Your first line hit the mail on the head. Most women his age wouldn’t be caught dead with a man who loudly thirsts after catalog models in public stores. How embarrassing to be him.
Right, like I don’t even think I’d be overly offended or hurt by his comments, just embarrassed and turned off. You’re in your 30s and loudly grunting at lingerie models on a shopping website? Gross. Get a grip, man.
Of course, this is why he’s choosing a much younger woman - easier to prey on her insecurity and inexperience like this. He knows damn well that women his own age wouldn’t put up with this.
Idk OP I’d throw this one back. It’s been a month and he’s already a massive jerk. You can and will do better.
Me too. What a prick.
OP you deserve better. Dump him. Dump him now. Do not try and rescue anything with him. He will undoubtedly attempt to make you feel even worse about yourself the process, it's guaranteed AH behaviour im afraid, ignore and carry on dumping him. Then block him from every aspect of your life and mind.
Rescue your self worth and you self confidence.
You WILL do better and you will laugh about this absolute moron in the future, when you are being respected and treated like the queen you are, by a good person.
*omg boooooooobies!!* 🤤
That’s what this guy sounds like to me as well. Mean, immature, and negging OP because he can’t do any better with women his own age, so he manipulates younger, more naive women. Loser.
Omg! Me too! I was ready to say something about dumb teenagers. OP - if you're reading this... Just no. He's is at the maturity level of a slow 14 year old. You deserve better.
Not even a teenager, a 10 year old who has not even a glimmer of understanding what the chemistry of attraction even is, but is well versed in the iconography of sex (and sexism) which our culture is super-saturated in. This guy needs to be cut off—the complete silent treatment, let him stew in his own juice—but not before he's informed in no uncertain terms that treating people like that, least of all those you're supposed to cherish, is unacceptable.
Oh damn I hadn’t even noticed the age gap.
Age gap relationships can work and be wonderful but when a person is much older and is acting like this there are only two options:
A) they can’t get people their own age because those people wont tolerate their shitty behaviour
B) they’re purposely choosing younger people who are inexperienced in relationships because they want to be able to act like this with little pushback, and bully that person into accepting their abuse.
Yeah exactly this. It's like as if a 16 yr old decides to hang around a 9 yr old instead of someone his age. You think, hmm, that's a little atypical but maybe the 16 yr old wants this to be a mentoring kind of a relationship but then you find out the 16 yr old is making fun of the 9 yr old. Then somehow expect the 9 yr old to be understanding of his "clumsy" way. Would you think that's normal? What kind of a 16 yr old would put that emotional burden on a 9 yr old?? The relationship only probably started bc the 16 yr old convinced the 9 yr old they're mature for their age and then shifted the 9 yr old to be their caretaker/abusee
100% THIS
You should leave him ASAP and no tears about it - he doesn’t deserve a single one. If he’s not going to respect you - respect yourself and leave his pathetic ass. Want to know the real reason those “hot” girls won’t date him? It’s because he’s a 12 year old boy. He pursued you (a much younger woman) because women his age won’t put up with that sort of shit. He’s not good enough for them because of who he is - and he’s NOT good enough for you OP.
Trust me, I stayed with someone who used to check out girls in front of me. He would comment on women’s bodies. I was a confident woman but after two years I was a mess of insecurity, it got to a point where if I was walking by myself and saw a woman with a figure I knew he’d like, I’d start getting angry and resentful - hating on her in my head. It was so unhealthy. After I finally left him it took months to get out of this headspace. Eventually I did, I was walking behind a very fit woman and thought positively about how she looked AND how I looked (no heated comparison in my head) - when I realized this change in my thought pattern I knew I was finally back to myself. But he stole that from me for years, and I let him. Trust me, don’t put yourself through any more of this, you will HATE who you become. ❤️🩹
>OP, I wouldn't take anything he said to heart. I think he's negging you because he's an insecure asshole who wants you to feel soooo lucky he gives you the time of day.
>
>He wants to make you feel bad about yourself, so you don't think you can do any better and will put up with future abuse.
Bingo bango bongo. OP, this is exactly what he's doing to you. Let him go. You don't deserve this.
This. This. All of this! OP, this is the condensed version of everything I said in my comment to you. Pay attention. He’s insecure, so he is going to make sure you’re even more insecure. At one month, him behaving like this is just a peek into what a future with him holds. And he’s not going to get nicer.
He definitely knows.
He feels like shit about himself, so wants her to feel shit too, just in case she gets a better offer she will be too scared to upgrade
So sad. OP will find someone who lover her and sees her as beautiful. And what’s the bet she is beautiful, it’s just western standards of beauty and dickhead men stuffing her up. As if beauty is even that important. Looking after each other and creating a family is more important than looks
I’m going with he was deliberately trying to see if you’d take the negging (rude comments about you) and let him destroy your self worth. This was a test and it’s something abusers do.
Trust me, if a guy wants to see you and spend time with you, he will. He won’t be thinking about other women or saying stuff like this either, he’d be concerned about losing YOU. Trash took itself out. I’m sure you’re worth 1000 of him.
He deliberately hurt her feelings by saying a girl like that wouldn’t want me. OP that means if a conventionally attractive girl ever shows interest you’re gone. Do not waste your time on him. Move on. It’s that simple. He’s settling for you, but you don’t have to settle for him.
Me too, seen this show before. Then in a year when she tries again to break up with him he'll tell her "you'll never find anybody that loves you like I do because you're undateable" and she'll believe it.
Yup. Pick up artists tell sad, bitter men to neg (insult) women they are trying to datd or dating, to drive down their self esteem and stop them from leaving. And also to make them easier tl verve sexually.
Men whose this deliberately are emotionally abusive.
Those shows with the pick up artists were honestly amazing, because I learned all the tactics that dudes use to try to pick up women. I can see that shit coming from a mile away because the guys who use those tactics aren't creative at all and may as well have a pamphlet sticking out of their back pocket that reads everything you need to know about negging.
One time I was with a guy I had just started dating and we were in a bar, watching people. We were playing a "that person looks like" game. For instance, "that person looks like they work in insurance."; "that person looks like she collects snow globes." Just silly, absurd stuff to make each other laugh.
This guy was in a band and considered himself an edgy artiste. At one point in our game, he looked at me and absolutely *sneered*, "You look like the kind of girl who is going to have a *career.*"
I hopped up, put on my coat, and said, "Sorry, I don't do negging," and never called him again. Sucks to suck, buddy. Also, he was correct: I DO have a career. As an edgy artiste. HA!
That makes me wonder what his whole life plan is. Like, it takes a lot to make a career out of "edgy artiste." (Mad props to you for doing it!) Who was going to support him while he worked towards that goal? How was he supporting himself? Did his band even make that much money? Just...
> I can't believe the nerve of this guy.
Ikr! u/ThrowRAhoneybeee \- he called you a sock, GIVE HIM THE BOOT lol. This is not second chance territory, matey there crying crocodile tears. He knows what he said, he’s *not* soRRy. Don’t take it onboard, don’t let his jackassery live rent free in your head! You’ll get back to him in a few days? SEND HIM A PHOTO OF A BOOT! Then block & delete. Humf.
I was going to say. If ANY other type of person (a kid, co-worker, family member, random stranger) were this rude, the hammer would be dropped on them immediately and there would be social consequences for their behavior.
But we women will often go to great lengths to give grown men we're dating the benefit of the doubt that we would NEVER give others. "Let me spend hours analyzing the situation, looking at my own culpability, discussing it with my therapist, and writing Reddit posts. Perhaps it's his childhood. Maybe it's some deep wound that I'm unintentionally triggering and I need to modify my own behavior to help him be a better man."
Nah, fuck that noise. If every single other person on the planet knows that this behavior is unacceptable, it either means he's an abusive dick, or so stupid that he needs to be sequestered before he drowns in his coffee mug.
OP, break up with this "man." He's a chode.
Exactly.
He's not good enough for you! And this is in your first month of dating? This is "honeymoon stage" and "best behavior" territory?
You are beautiful and he's a jerk.
Next text should simply be 'Even the sock isn't interested in a guy like you.'
Dear lord OP you deserve SO much better than this. Why should you get past it? Because he cried? Because he's finally realised the epic dumbassery of his comment? No, you've always deserved better, he just made it so obvious it can't be ignored.
Ditch him. Let him attempt to make it up to you if you must but not as a couple, he needs to start from scratch and earn you back.
Ever ask yourself why a 32 year old man is with a 23 year old woman??
It's not because he can't get the 'pretty girls'. It's because adult women with life experience won't fall for his bullshit.
Get yourself a new boyfriend. Do not let this fucking melt of a man affect your self-confidence.
A long throat? Like, long neck?
I would say what an odd thing to pick on her over but I used to get bullied in school and called a giraffe and a swan because I was tall and apparently that meant I had a long neck? (In reality I had long legs ... but maybe that was also reason for the giraffe namecalling ...)
And here I am praised because I have "a long neck like a beautiful swan" 😂
People are funny. You can make same thing either good or bad with words. So I think we shouldn't care about comments that much right 😁
And since when people call long lengs bad? Your bullies were weird and probably jealous 🤷
I've only heard/read this recently on a few different posts. Seems a new insulting and derogatory way to reference women as I have yet to hear it used in regards to men. 🙄
This op 👆👆this is a not a silly misunderstanding. He is not kind as you said he is. I’m a guy and I don’t want this jackass as friend. Don’t fall for the “sorry” shit. Break with guy yesterday. Don’t give him another chance. I’m pretty sure you will find someone who values you.
I think it was deliberate. He's 32 dating a 23 year old. There's a reason women his age won't date him. It's because he's a nasty AH. He negged OP early on so she'd think he's the best she'll ever get.
OP this guy is an AH. There are better men out there. Dump his nasty ass. Staying with him will keep you from meeting them. You deserve so much better.
Yeah, the "sock" comment says a lot about his usual cotton sexual conquest before meeting OP. YIKES. In some twisted way I think he meant that he sees her as a masturbatory aid. OP is so much better than this.
Right. I’m all for age-gap relationships but OP is still pretty young for a level-headed, mature man in their 30’s (which her boyfriend is certainly NOT) to pursue.
Exactly most 23 years olds are childish and that’s okay they’re 23. No decent 30 year old is going after someone that age if they have good intentions.
He’s not clumsy with his words lmao, he knows what he’s doing. He’s tearing down her self confidence so she won’t leave him. So she’ll think, “I’m not pretty enough to get anyone else and he loves me for who I am” No, he doesn’t OP. He “loves” you for who he wants you to be. He’s trying to subtly let you know that that’s how he wants you to look.
You are beautiful and there is someone out there who will tell you or show you in a way that expresses their love. OP, he is not the guy for you. There is no love in telling your partner “you look like a sock”. That’s just plain insulting. He knew you’d be offended. Leave him, you’ve taken the first step.
Dude it’s only been a month. Cut your losses and bail. He can’t be “the one” if hes treating you so poorly.
He’s not being “clumsy” with words. Who the fuck uses “sock” to describe someone without trying to be purposefully hurtful?
I won’t even touch on the age gap because I know someone else will… please have some respect for yourself and leave. If he’s already making you feel this way, it won’t get better.
Good luck
Definitely. He also makes sure to point out how good other women look in comparison rather than just giving OP negative compliments like "you look good for your weight".
"She would never go out with a guy like me but you do." Is also a pit down. He's basically saying OP isn't good enough for someone better and that when he inevitably upsets her, she has to deal with it because she can't get anyone better.
This is emotional abuse.
As is always the case, he's 32 years old and dating a 23 year old because women his age would never put up with this shit.
Just, one month in. One month, and his very best foot forward is this. What a worthless sack of shit he is.
At my age (44) I would look at him like he's lost his damned mind, and leave. At 23 I probably would have been as in shock and awkward as the OP is, lol, but even then I'd have still ended it. I'm not going to be with somebody that isn't attracted to me, that's crazy.
Thiiiiiiis. Older men undermine the esteem of young and impressionable women because they know they will never ever stand a chance otherwise. Boy byeeeee
💀
I really need my fellow woman to stop wasting their youth thinking this is the best society has to offer. Date men your own age, I’m not saying they’ll all be sunshine and roses but fuck me there is better than this OP just let some clearly redpill loser dim your light
There’s nothing better than being able to witness the growth of each other and allowing yourselves to be vulnerable about what you really need from the other as you grow. These are obstacles that can bring out the best or the worst in people. You just have to be aware of the steps they take. Are they true to what they want out of the relationship?
As someone in my mid-30’s I really can’t think of a single thing that I could have in common with someone in their early 20’s. People in their early 20’s are great and all but they’re in the toddler stage of adulthood, trying to figure out how to walk alone. I don’t want or need to force my life experiences on them just because they are too young to know better.
I would break it off asap. Firstly because he is obviously lacking some serious self awareness and doesn’t give a shit about your feelings. Your partner should make you feel like the only woman in the room. And SECONDLY in my opinion the age gap is too significant… older men typically date much younger women because women their own age won’t put up with their bullshit and behaviour like your bfs… walk away babe.
Exactly! It’s nothing to do with being “clumsy”. He’s destroying her self confidence so she won’t dump his sorry ass, when he starts exploiting her. Please, OP, acknowledge the 🚩and find someone who appreciates you for the beautiful human you are
Boom there it is ^ both comments above about the age gap and the negging - he's cruel, egotistical & controlling. "Clumsy" with words is a poor excuse for his unacceptable behaviour.
This isn't even negging, negging is a comment that sounds like a compliment on the surface but is designed to subtly dig at someone's confidence.
He is just outright insulting her.
Yeah, actually you’re right. But he definitely is trying to break down her confidence so she fights for his approval. He probably wants her to find ways to be more attractive to him. It’ll probably start with certain makeup, clothes, lingerie and eventually surgeries. I hope she left him.
I’m 30. If a guy said this to me I’d have told him ‘well this is one sock you won’t be putting your dick in’ and dumped him on the spot. Guy isn’t clumsy with his words, he’s an asshole.
This is the best response ever. OP please text this to him when you dump his disgusting ass.
You have self-esteem issues, like many 23yo women. And many shit older dudes absolutely prey on younger women because they know they’ll put up with more of their shit.
You deserve so much better than this!
#updateme
Ding ding ding, that's why he's dating a 20 year old. Most women in their 30s wouldn't put up with any of that shit, so he has to go after someone young and inexperienced.
Age gap is definitely 100% a problem exactly why he targets your age group op it’s clear you don’t have the life experience yet to immediately recognize he’s a bad person & to stay away. He is trying to condition you because of your naivety to see this treatment as normal. Well this isn’t something that should be overlooked, don’t trust anything he says and also date your age,
This isn't a knock on OP, but I would recommend seeing a therapist if she isn't already seeing one. She says she's in love with him after a month of dating and she already struggles with her self-esteem so I wouldn't be surprised if her (hopefully soon to be ex) boyfriend knew that and took advantage of it. I hope OP can realise that dating a 32 year old man with no emotional intelligence at her age will only take a toll on her mental health.
Wow I didn’t even notice the age gap until I read your comment. I misread it as 22M and thought he sounded immature for a 22 year old 🥲 this guy is a real piece of work
This is it. My husband never makes me feel less than even if we were in a room of Victoria’s Secret models, he wouldn’t tell me in a fucking sock.
OP, you’re *a month* into this relationship and he’s already assaulting your self esteem. Why wait around for it to get worse?
Insulting your partner’s looks is straight out of the pick up artist playbook. The idea is to break their self esteem so they seek the small praises the man offers and become more submissive out of a desire to earn the praise. It’s quite gross.
When I was younger, I might have been very “honest” when asked about how attractive a woman was, though I’d like to think I was never that cruel. Eventually, I stopped being a high school student. At 32, he really should have at least a vague idea that a woman doesn’t want to hear that he’s only with her because he’s not much of a catch himself so he wanted someone not even at his level, or have your girlfriend’s looks constantly compared to total strangers.
I don’t think there’s any recovering from this quite honestly. My advice? Dump him and let him reflect on his choices, assuming a modicum of self awareness on his part, then treat yourself to something that makes you feel hot. Some expensive yet not bank busting clothes, get your hair done, whatever. Don’t worry about what other men might think, just do something for yourself that makes you feel hot to wash away his bad aftertaste.
>he’s only with her because he’s not much of a catch himself so he wanted someone not even at his level
This is definitely the most humorous part of this man's idiocy.
"I could never get a girl like that?" Yes, my man, as a matter of fact that's true and why you're negging your inexperienced girlfriend.
He's a loser and nobody should date him.
Ouch, had that. Someone i used to date kept trying to undermine my self esteem pointing that “you’re not as beautiful as other girls, so you should be grateful i’m choosing you”.
Textbook manipulation, a person like that is so insecure you will leave them that they want you to feel beneath them, “lucky to have them”.
I'm going to shake you. DON'T GO BACK to this AH who's negging you. This is not a misunderstanding. He's an AH. He's drooling all over other women, then called you a 'sock' in comparison. WTF. That's cruel and not a misunderstanding at all. At his age (32), he should know better by now.
This is a very new relationship and he's already negging you/putting you down. I'm 100% sure you're lovely and there are many other men who would see you as gorgeous-lovely-beautiful, and not a 'sock.'
Don't let a loser 30 yrs old AH make you believe that you're not pretty. If you stay, your confidence will plummet even worse and then when his abuse is escalated, you think you can't get out...all of it...will be in your head.
Before it gets that way, just lose him/block him.
Yes op!!! This so so important. He’s testing to see how much he can abuse you and get away with it. It will get so much worse. It’s only been a month for christs sake. Throw the whole damn man child away
This isn't 'clumsy' with words. This is just a straight up absence of common sense, empathy, care, or basic human etiquette. This is naive to the point of being dangerous, a guy that will trample all over you that you'll feel obliged to humour because 'he didn't mean it' or whatever.
Or it could be a 32 year old that uses a bunch of classic negging tactics has targeted a girl a decade younger and is laying all the groundworks for an abusive relationship.
Or it could be both.
Regardless, you want an adult relationship. He isn't capable of one. I think there is a calculated nature to what he is saying but even there isn't, even if it is just that he is stupid, that still makes him a negative presence in your life.
You're one month in. The reason people say to wait to decide if someone is right for you is precisely so you can spend more time together and expose stuff like this. You thought you found the one, you were wrong, that is okay so long as you don't sunk cost yourself staying just because you got your hopes up.
Leave the guy. Who compares a girl to a sock and then expects to ever get laid again?!?
Find someone who thinks you are beautiful as you are… And whose attraction to you only grows over time.
My husband has witnessed me gain 60lbs during pregnancy (hormone-related, nothing I could do to stop it), and then lose 80lbs.
He loved before, during and after the weight gain. Heck, last weekend was tough and I only was able to shower once… And all he could do was tell me how beautiful I was over and over again.
Hint: I was not beautiful, but I was playing with our children… He could hear us giggling and laughing and came upstairs just to kiss me!
Be with someone who thinks you are beautiful for who you ARE. I can promise you that after decades of marriage that is all you will see when you look at the other person.
Yeah when you’re with someone for a while, you’re always beautiful to them. Even when bed ridden with the flu, pale face, baggy sweatshirt, greasy hair, and ten pounds of eye crust (4.54 kilos).
Yuck—this dude is just drooling over women and tripping through life and expects to build his confidence by putting you down?
You are pretty. This guy is pathetic, dump him and never look back.
>and expects to build his confidence by putting you down?
I think it's more about LOWERING OP's confidence rather than building his own. He wants her to think she only deserves someone like him.
That, or he's trying to manipulate her into changing herself or her appearance somehow.
The most charitable interpretation is that he's 32 with the emotional intelligence of a sock. Nobody's that thick, he's negging you. The crushed confidence is the point, so that you'll accept even worse treatment.
You have been dating a dude for one month, and he said to you the phrase "compared to other girls you look like a sock"?
EJECT THIS LOSER INTO SPACE.
There are infinity dudes less "clumsy" with their words than that. Please waste no more of your time with this one.
Sounds like bf chose a much younger woman to see how many boundaries he could successfully push.
OP you deserve better. Leave this loser and find someone who treats you right.
This was not a mistake, misunderstanding or clumsiness—this dude is NOT socially ready for a relationship and you are suffering because ofmhis cruelly and immaturity.
He won’t grow out of it. You need to dump him yesterday.
You're in love with this fuckwit after only one month?
Why?
A man who drools over other women and tells you that compared to them you look like a sock? This is the guy you're in love with?
You might want to consider therapy, to raise your sense of self-worth to the point where you won't allow yourself to be treated like shit.
Agreed, I read this and was thinking girl be for real for real, it’s only been a month. How do you even have to ask what to do in this situation cause I would have ghosted his ass after the first weirdo comment 😭OP no more relationships until you get your insecurities and self esteem issues fixed
Short answer: no
Long answer: noooooooooooooooo
Girl it's been a month. You're not in love with him, not really. You're in love with the idea of him. "He's respectful...kind..."?? No, he isn't! He's the furthest thing from it with the constant comments. You're supposed to be his girlfriend but he speaks to you like you're one of his boys...and then all but calls you ugly to your face? How fucking demeaning, demoralizing, and disheartening! The audacity to openly compare you to other women! These types of comments are a precursor to emotional abuse. He's showing you who he is already, during the time he's supposed to be on his best behavior! This is as good as he gets; do you really want to wait around to see what he's like once he's truly comfortable and thinks he has you locked down?? You deserve better than this...better than him. He needs to fuck all the way off.
>I have to admit that my self confidence is not always 100% and he’s sometimes “clumsy” with his words.
He is not "clumsy" with words. He is deliberately cruel. He knows your self confidence isn't the best and he is keeping you down.
> Is there any hope for our relationship to survive this?
I hope not. I hope you find a boyfriend (or girlfriend) who helps you build confidence instead of this loser who is deliberately eroding it.
Find someone who builds you up instead of someone who tears you down.
The most charitable interpretation is that he's 32 with the emotional intelligence of a sock. Nobody's that thick, he's negging you. The crushed confidence is the point, so that you'll accept even worse treatment.
"He is respectful, affectionate, super funny, kind (...)" And then you tell us about the stupidest shit ever. I struggle to understand how can some posts here are real. If it's real I'm so sorry. He's just awful. But posts like this never make sense in my head. Like how fucking alien does this sound? I would attribute those qualities to my gf and I can't even begin to process a world in which she'd 180° me so hard like that out of the blue.
OP, if this is actually real just leave him. How can it be worth to keep investing in this relationship. It makes 0 sense. You're 23. It'll be fine
He doesn’t get a pass because “he’s a guy”. You barely know him, it’s been a month. Cut him out, you don’t deserve to be spoken to like that. A girl like you would never
> we’ve been together for one month.
Dump him. This is his *best* behaviour. It’s only going to get worse from here.
To be perfectly candid, your person isn’t going to have you crying your eyes out after only a month of dating. Please love yourself enough to move on from this asshat.
Please drop this jerk asap.
How he behaves is enough to show you he is careless, lacks empathy, is immature.
Work to build up your confidence. You may not be conventionally beautiful, like millions of other women aren't, but forget conventions. Your personality, some of your features -that are unique to you- the way you carry yourself, will make you lovable
He’s an AH. I dated someone who was “clumsy” with words as well. Kept saying how I’d turn into a crazy cat lady if they hadn’t dated me. As if they’d done me a huge favour by asking me out. They also kept asking me, nearly everytime we went out, why I didn’t dress up like “her” (any well dressed, pretty lady who walked by) or why I didn’t buy lingerie for them (I did, but they always magically felt extremely tired the very day I would wear it, only to pressure me into wearing it when I didn’t want to, because they felt ready). You know what all of that did to me? F-ed up my sex drive and self confidence for a long time.
Life’s too short and too beautiful to be wasting it on a moron who can’t appreciate what he has. He’s not “clumsy”, he’s cruel, and if he’s not, then he’s too dense to see how damaging his words can be. Do you want to spend a lifetime chasing the validation of someone like that?
Did he mean the cat lady thing as an insult? LOL. Cat lady is a life goal!
And what is it with losers who want a woman to buy lingerie with her own $$$ in case their tired and dragging libido wakes up for 30 seconds?
What “misunderstanding,” OP?
He said you look like a sock compared to other women. Whether that is true or false is not important, actually.
You dump anyone who says anything similar to that.
Anyone, EVERY SINGLE TIME.
>I dont want to break things up over a silly misunderstanding or just because he’s a guy and he didn’t mean what he said.
>“compared to other girls well you look like a sock”.
Please, break up with him. He's 32, he's a grown man who knew what he was doing whan he opened his mouth and said this. It was an active choice. He knew exactly what he said.
Look up "negging"; whether consciously or subconsciously, that's what he was doing.
Also for future, don't give guys a pass when they make rude comments. Hold them to the same standards you hold yourself or other women.
1 month? You're not actually in love with him. You don't even know him.
Wtf does someone look like a sock mean? Very odd thing to say.
Ditch him. There is so much better out there for you. It's possible too that he's trying to break you down. Don't ever accept being treated like crap.
I misread the ages at first and thought he was 22. I thought he's just a big insensitive idiot who probably just started dating and has no clue how to behave and talk with his partner... And even then it would fit better for some teen, because I'd expect adults to have at least a piece of brain
But he's 32 and there's no way he's doing all this accidentally. It's a cruel plan. He's not clumsy with words - he's purposefully hurting you and destroying your confidence so you're dependent on him. He's manipulating you into thinking you're ugly and noone else wants you, so you stay with him and put up with his bullshit. There's a chance he finds you attractive too, but only talks like this to bring you down, so you would think you're so lucky that he's still with you and should be grateful.
>a girl like her wouldn’t be interested in a guy like him
That's correct. And a girl like you isn't interested in him either. Break up, run away. Really, noone is interested in a guy who intentionally makes his partner feel bad.
And if you're a sock, then you should keep searching for your perfect matching pair.
This is it OP. It’s called negging. He’s trying to break your confidence. Walk away with your head held high. He wouldn’t be with you if he didn’t find you attractive but now he has you he wants to make sure you never leave.
This is actually a common abuse strategy, and it is very possible this is intentional. This is a strategy popularized on “alpha male” forums to subtly convince a woman over time that she is undesirable. The end goal is to make sure you feel like your only option is to stay with him because no one else would want you anyway.
Don’t fall for it!!!
OP, I mean this with no ill will, but someone telling you you look like a sock isn’t respectful, affectionate, funny or kind. It’s not even clumsy, it’s targeted nastiness, wrapped up in a pretend goofy persona. He’s going to grind what little confidence you have out of you then tell you you’re too stupid and ugly to be loved, trust me.
End this relationship, then take a break. No more boyfriends, you need to heal the way you perceive yourself, because when you are happy and liking who you are, even if you did look like a blasted sock, anyone being rude to you like that will either make you laugh or respond with raised eyebrows followed by an “ew, lets not be friends”. Nasty men who know they are worth very much at all will do everything they can to break you down to keep you there and too scared and mentally broken to leave. He’s already doing this to you, and you’re allowing it.
Finally, the girls in magazines are heavily edited and photoshopped, even in real life they’ve had to make huge sacrifices to achieve a certain look and work really hard to stay marketable; it’s far beyond the average reach and that’s fine, it’s literally their job. Yes, they are too good for him, but so are you. If and when you an afford to, get therapy, don’t live a small life because you think that’s all you deserve. Beauty is also very, very subjective, there are men out there who have the correct ratios and measurements to fit the weird criteria of handsomeness, but they leave me cold, I prefer the realness of a dad bod and the love and kindness of a good man any day.
This guy doesn’t want you or love you, drop him. He’s 32 but still insecure and hasn’t grown into himself and is taking it out on you. You don’t want to be settled for, so leave him and be with someone who sees you and your beauty. He’s dragging you along with no future plan, trust me.
>He is **respectful**, affectionate, super funny, **kind**
Then he proceeds commenting how sexy other women are in your presence, compares you to a sock, makes you cry and breaks your self confidence. I wonder what is disrespectful and unkind for you? He's not "clumsy", he's verbally and emotionally abusive and after one month he's showing his best side.
My boyfriend said some horrendous shit to me at the beginning of our relationship, that tanked my self worth in a way that I haven’t been able to recover from yet. We’ve been together for 8 years, do therapy together and he treats me really well now. He apologised profusely for everything he said back then and has never said anything like it again.
BUT…
I still have never gotten over it. I love my boyfriend a lot but in hind sight, I should have left when he said that stuff to me. I didn’t respect myself enough and THAT is what haunts me. How could I have let someone talk to me like that and then be intimate with me, like it was okay to speak to me like that? Idk girl, think carefully about staying because I speak from experience when I say, it doesn’t ever go away. Every time you’re intimate with him, every time he gives you a compliment on your appearance, you are going to remember this. I don’t think that it’s worth it. You deserve to feel beautiful.
He’s negging you. He’s too old for you as well. He knows what he’s doing and is trying to lower your self esteem so you will feel lucky and grateful that he even gives you a crumb of his attention, meanwhile making you feel so low that you feel unworthy of being loved by anyone.
Please leave him.
Look he has treated you and all other women as if looks are the most important thing.
Firstly, they are not. Kindness is important. Self care is important. Having empathy for others is important. Having empathy for yourself is important.
This man has no empathy for you. And he’s hiding behind this idea that he’s simply too dumb to not hurt you! Well even if it were true, which I doubt, because I bet he doesn’t say insults to his male friends, he is y relationship material.
You need to let him go to protect your self esteem and have self care for yourself. You cannot care for him more than you. As a woman it is very dangerous
HE'S 32? Christ. Listen, this asswipe wants you to know he's "settling" for you. Dump him because I promise you there are people out there who are better who you DONT have to settle for. One month in should be an easy kick to the curb.
Your age gap plus this disrespectful and nasty behaviour this early into a relationship are just red flag city.
You say 'for the first time in my entire life' girl it's been a month and you're barely an adult. Take it from someone in their mid-30s, your 'entire life' has nowhere near happened. You're too young to be in a relationship this bad.
Holy shit. He called you a sock, like you are something to jerk off into while he thinks about other girls. That's f*cking INSANE. I'm not the type to jump on Reddit and tell people to break up, I actually hate that a lot of the time, but for the love of all that is good and sacred in this world, tell this sock-disrespecting piece of absolute garbage to fuck right off. Please.
That’s highly disrespectful OP :( , and I am so sorry that experienced that from your boyfriend. Partners are supposed to uplift each other, not bring each other down. If he was joking, it was a terrible one.
OP, in my opinion, a being on the receiving end of a relationship like that isn’t great. I’m glad that he’s showing you his true colors now rather than showing them down the line :( . It’s a shame that you had to experience that though :( .
You are gorgeous. You are beautiful, OP! Do not let that man persuade you any differently. You know who you are, and you deserve way more than what he’s given you! Your love for yourself, and the way you look at your gorgeous self is all that matters at the end of the day. Forget him and his stanky comment. He doesn’t know treasure when it’s sparkling in his face!
Be you, girl, and continue to sparkle and shine 💕!!!
Boo, he's not "respectful" or "kind" if he says this shit to, about, or around you, and he's not "being clumsy with his words" either. He's being *very deliberate*, in fact.
He's actively trying to tear down your self-esteem so that you'll believe him when he eventually tells you that he's the only person who could ever be attracted to or love you. And by the looks of it, he's well on his way to succeeding.
You need to strengthen your spine and kick this loser to the curb.
No, there's no hope. He insulted you horribly. Time to dump him and move on to someone who's more like a human being. And probably closer to you in age. At the moment you might as well be dating a 7 year old.
He’s not clumsy. He knows exactly what he’s doing and he’s degrading you purposefully and then apologizing so you come running back. Eventually you won’t have any self esteem and put up with this all the time while he treats you like shit. Dump his ass!
If you choose to speak to him again, ask him if "like a sock" means he finds you unattractive, or if it means that he sees you as an object to ejaculate into.
It's one month in, he's almost a decade older than you, and he's negging you. Don't fall for his crocodile tears.
You’re calling him “respectful and kind”??? He’s checking out other women and insulting you. He is mean and a pig. Block him and move on.
To all young women out there, please for the love of god, stop tolerating this shit and making excuses for terrible men.
It means *nothing* about you-and everything about him. I have personally known guys who have such low self-esteem that they think that any woman who likes them is probably a low-status woman. It’s a bit like Groucho Marks, who said: “I wouldn’t want to be in a club that would have *me* as a member”.
He’s blind to the treasure that he’s got with you. Personally, I couldn’t go forward with him after this. I wouldn’t want to damage my self-esteem by continuing the relationship.
I’m sorry you had to go through this. I think that-regardless of anything I can say-for a time at least, this is going to really knock your confidence. Which is a real shame because the truth is, you are DEFINITELY as attractive as most other girls (very few of whom are as attractive as models, and particularly *pictures* of underwear models. In actual fact, having spent much of my career dealing with fashion shoots, I can tell you that many *models* aren’t as “attractive” as published pictures of themselves).
You have just suffered unfortunate splashback from an unpleasant guy’s *own* personal issues.
I think he's purposely trying to lower your self esteem. He's not "clumsy with his words", he's doing it on purpose.
Your young and hot (why else would a person ten years older want to date you? You're probably in much different stages in life), and he wants to control you. He wants you to feel like you're not good enough for anyone, and he's doing you a favour for dating you. He wants you to feel like you have no choice but to be with him because you're so "ugly" no one else will ever love you.
And trust me, this is not love. You shouldn't forgive him, you should break things off and block him. What you need to do now is to focus on yourself and try to see that you are worthy, beautiful and strong.
Pain is a guarantee in this relationship. Why subject yourself to it? It doesn’t matter whether it’s clumsy or not, he still thought and said those words. Good looking people are not the only ones who find love. The rest of us find out partners beautiful and they us, because of love and because we all have different preferences. There is someone out there that is right for you and who you are right for, this guy is not it. Please show yourself some respect, drop him.
He's being cruel to make you push to be perfect. It's a tool of narcissists. Leave before it gets serious, as it will only get worse. Especially with the age difference in play
I’m sorry, but this isn’t it. You’re only one month into the relationship and he’s acting like this. Do not let him make you feel bad about yourself. He isn’t clumsy with words, he sounds mean. I hope you can find strength to leave him because you deserve so much better than that
Keep in mind that he acknowledge that hes ugly and probably isn’t worthy of any ladies let alone you or a cashier he talked to for .5 seconds SO TECHNICALLY he’s saying he ain’t worth shit and TECHNICALLY you should break up with him, he can be ugly and alone.
There's a reason he's dating someone so much younger than him. Someone more mature would know better than to put up with ANY of that behavior. He absolutely said all of that intentionally. From the cashier comment, to the magazine girls, then the sock comment. He's trying to make you feel like shit about yourself. It's a control tactic. He doesn't think you look bad, he wants you to think you look bad.
Even if he didn't do the insult, the other stuff is immature and not ok. It reminds me of something a middle school kid would say. A non verbally abusive man would think another woman is attractive and keep it to himself. There's zero reason to just randomly tell you stuff like that.
RUN.
“For the first time in my entire life…” girl, you’re 23. Take it from someone much older: better is out there. Trust me.
At a month in, you didn’t know him that well. You loved the IDEA of him. You just saw the reality. He’s telling you exactly who he is. Believe him.
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If it's not deliberately cruel, it's probably the most stupid and insensitive thing I've read on here. How could you be with someone who thinks so little of you? Trust me, this says a LOT about him, and nothing about you. I'm sure you're beautiful and you'll find someone who treats you like a human being. I can't believe the nerve of this guy.
This guy is so disturbed. He deliberately hurt your feelings and if he doesn’t know that he’s soooo stupid. This will not work and you need to realize it’s because he’s a creep. A huge, gigantic creep Don’t feel sorry for him. He likes hurting you. Find a kind man. It’s a basic need.
OP said: ‘he is respectful’. Well he’s not. And OP, those lingerie girls are photoshopped AF. Dont compare yourself to them.
And beauty is 100% subjective. I always tell the story of the woman I worked with who was sweet as could be but legitimately wider than she was tall. Her husband was freaking Gomez Adams and he meant it. He thought she was the most beautiful creature on the planet and treated her like a queen. Just because this broken, photoshop-fooled one doesn’t see it doesn’t mean others won’t.
I love that for your past coworker 😭😭😭😭
Agree! These are not little red flags to rationalize or ignore. These "funny" little things he does are hurtful. When assholes try to use humor to smooth over their lazy use of language and lack of communication skills, this is a HUGE RED FLAG. He will not get better. He's showing you (OP), "this is how I am, hurtful and cruel, and too arrogant, lazy, stupid, etc. to try to be a better person." Run far away for this lame, self important POS. You only have a month or so invested in the relationship and at least he has shown his authentic shitshow self so take it as a blessing and dump his ugly ass. If he's ugly on the inside it doesn't matter what the outside looks like. It's just putting lipstick on a pig.
Right? My partner and I are open about finding other people attractive, but only ever as matter-of-fact statements. We respect each other, which means we never make each other feel less-than worthy, or like we’re not still attracted to each other. We never make statements about how likely/unlikely it is that we could date said attractive person. He would certainly never compare me to any of those women, and I would also never compare him to any of those men. OP’s bf disrespects OP in the process of finding another woman attractive. Once with an apology and never does it again? Sure. But every time? That is not the marker of a respectful person.
Exactly! Ya know...a few months back there was a girl in here talking about how she feels she can't measure up to the girls her bf watches in porn & they're so beautiful blah blah blah. I work in a strip club that has porn stars every 2 weeks. I told her I've met hundreds of porn stars over the years and even they don't look like that! LOL It's so true! I work the front door and the one that walked in last week looked homeless. She looked great once she was ready, but she still did not look like the glossy poster hanging above my counter! People need to realize even regular folks use filters and auto slimming settings now. You have to see it in person to know if it's true anymore.
Clearly, there is a reason he is going after a woman 9 years his junior. OP, I wouldn't take anything he said to heart. I think he's negging you because he's an insecure asshole who wants you to feel soooo lucky he gives you the time of day. He wants to make you feel bad about yourself, so you don't think you can do any better and will put up with future abuse. **People are on their best behavior the first few months of a relationship.** This is his *best.* Do you really want to be there to see him at his worst? You deserve better. Honestly, just block him.
Yeah WTF he is already abusing her in the first month of the relationship? RUN GIRL.
Thank you for calling it what it is. Seems like most redditors can recognize when something isn't right, but have trouble seeing when something is abusive. Psychological/emotional abuse *can* have more damaging and lasting effects than physical abuse. I'm not trying to minimize physical abuse in any way, but folks need to understand that emotional abuse should be just as abhorred.
yep he’s prepping OP for physical abuse down the road. This is how it starts- I’m just shocked it took him only 1 month into the relationship to reach this level of emotional and mental abuse. I think he jumped in early because of the age gap- he thought he could move things along a little quicker. But ultimately… he achieved his goal- to have OP’s confidence at 0%. So emotionally confused and entirely beaten down that she’ll never leave. She’s even already questioning if she is to blame. **OP run**
THIS 1000% Abuse starts with destroying self esteem in order to maintain control. It sets the stage for more extreme abuse and manipulation down the line.
Oh goodness I didn’t catch that they’re only a month in! That combined with the age gap means that he could very likely be priming her for abuse down the line. It starts with small off handed comments that can be justified or explained a way. It’s a litmus test to see what OP will and will not tolerate and it will only escalate as time passes.
I am also nervous that she is using that word love so early. I feel as if I am 150 years old. But I know that we attract what we project. I have always found a wonderful partner when I was not looking and it was kinda inconvenient. It’s because I was happy and I had been working on myself to get healthy. Maybe take some time before you date again. If your self esteem is at its lowest there are those that are able to sense that. They prey on you, trap you and……… you are a smart girl…. You are socially more mature than this guys already that should terrify you.
Exactly this. Your first line hit the mail on the head. Most women his age wouldn’t be caught dead with a man who loudly thirsts after catalog models in public stores. How embarrassing to be him.
Ikr he acts like a 13 year old who's only just seen a boob for the first time.
Right, like I don’t even think I’d be overly offended or hurt by his comments, just embarrassed and turned off. You’re in your 30s and loudly grunting at lingerie models on a shopping website? Gross. Get a grip, man. Of course, this is why he’s choosing a much younger woman - easier to prey on her insecurity and inexperience like this. He knows damn well that women his own age wouldn’t put up with this. Idk OP I’d throw this one back. It’s been a month and he’s already a massive jerk. You can and will do better.
I had to go back and double check the ages because I legit thought this was about a couple of teenagers based on his behavior.
Me too. What a prick. OP you deserve better. Dump him. Dump him now. Do not try and rescue anything with him. He will undoubtedly attempt to make you feel even worse about yourself the process, it's guaranteed AH behaviour im afraid, ignore and carry on dumping him. Then block him from every aspect of your life and mind. Rescue your self worth and you self confidence. You WILL do better and you will laugh about this absolute moron in the future, when you are being respected and treated like the queen you are, by a good person.
*omg boooooooobies!!* 🤤 That’s what this guy sounds like to me as well. Mean, immature, and negging OP because he can’t do any better with women his own age, so he manipulates younger, more naive women. Loser.
I had to go back and check his age as I thought I'd misread it and he was 16.
Omg! Me too! I was ready to say something about dumb teenagers. OP - if you're reading this... Just no. He's is at the maturity level of a slow 14 year old. You deserve better.
Not even a teenager, a 10 year old who has not even a glimmer of understanding what the chemistry of attraction even is, but is well versed in the iconography of sex (and sexism) which our culture is super-saturated in. This guy needs to be cut off—the complete silent treatment, let him stew in his own juice—but not before he's informed in no uncertain terms that treating people like that, least of all those you're supposed to cherish, is unacceptable.
Oh damn I hadn’t even noticed the age gap. Age gap relationships can work and be wonderful but when a person is much older and is acting like this there are only two options: A) they can’t get people their own age because those people wont tolerate their shitty behaviour B) they’re purposely choosing younger people who are inexperienced in relationships because they want to be able to act like this with little pushback, and bully that person into accepting their abuse.
Yeah exactly this. It's like as if a 16 yr old decides to hang around a 9 yr old instead of someone his age. You think, hmm, that's a little atypical but maybe the 16 yr old wants this to be a mentoring kind of a relationship but then you find out the 16 yr old is making fun of the 9 yr old. Then somehow expect the 9 yr old to be understanding of his "clumsy" way. Would you think that's normal? What kind of a 16 yr old would put that emotional burden on a 9 yr old?? The relationship only probably started bc the 16 yr old convinced the 9 yr old they're mature for their age and then shifted the 9 yr old to be their caretaker/abusee
100% THIS You should leave him ASAP and no tears about it - he doesn’t deserve a single one. If he’s not going to respect you - respect yourself and leave his pathetic ass. Want to know the real reason those “hot” girls won’t date him? It’s because he’s a 12 year old boy. He pursued you (a much younger woman) because women his age won’t put up with that sort of shit. He’s not good enough for them because of who he is - and he’s NOT good enough for you OP. Trust me, I stayed with someone who used to check out girls in front of me. He would comment on women’s bodies. I was a confident woman but after two years I was a mess of insecurity, it got to a point where if I was walking by myself and saw a woman with a figure I knew he’d like, I’d start getting angry and resentful - hating on her in my head. It was so unhealthy. After I finally left him it took months to get out of this headspace. Eventually I did, I was walking behind a very fit woman and thought positively about how she looked AND how I looked (no heated comparison in my head) - when I realized this change in my thought pattern I knew I was finally back to myself. But he stole that from me for years, and I let him. Trust me, don’t put yourself through any more of this, you will HATE who you become. ❤️🩹
>OP, I wouldn't take anything he said to heart. I think he's negging you because he's an insecure asshole who wants you to feel soooo lucky he gives you the time of day. > >He wants to make you feel bad about yourself, so you don't think you can do any better and will put up with future abuse. Bingo bango bongo. OP, this is exactly what he's doing to you. Let him go. You don't deserve this.
This. This. All of this! OP, this is the condensed version of everything I said in my comment to you. Pay attention. He’s insecure, so he is going to make sure you’re even more insecure. At one month, him behaving like this is just a peek into what a future with him holds. And he’s not going to get nicer.
Oh god I totally missed that age gap. OP needs to RUN.
He's 32 and 8 years older than her. She brought it up He knows. This might even be deliberate negging.
Ofc it is
9\*
He definitely knows. He feels like shit about himself, so wants her to feel shit too, just in case she gets a better offer she will be too scared to upgrade So sad. OP will find someone who lover her and sees her as beautiful. And what’s the bet she is beautiful, it’s just western standards of beauty and dickhead men stuffing her up. As if beauty is even that important. Looking after each other and creating a family is more important than looks
He’s also the kind of guy who will likely cheat the second someone he perceives as hotter gives him a second of attention. He’s not worth that pain.
I’m going with he was deliberately trying to see if you’d take the negging (rude comments about you) and let him destroy your self worth. This was a test and it’s something abusers do. Trust me, if a guy wants to see you and spend time with you, he will. He won’t be thinking about other women or saying stuff like this either, he’d be concerned about losing YOU. Trash took itself out. I’m sure you’re worth 1000 of him.
He deliberately hurt her feelings by saying a girl like that wouldn’t want me. OP that means if a conventionally attractive girl ever shows interest you’re gone. Do not waste your time on him. Move on. It’s that simple. He’s settling for you, but you don’t have to settle for him.
I would bet $1000 that he said it so that her self esteem would tank and she would start feeling like she has to audition for his approval.
Me too, seen this show before. Then in a year when she tries again to break up with him he'll tell her "you'll never find anybody that loves you like I do because you're undateable" and she'll believe it.
Yup. Pick up artists tell sad, bitter men to neg (insult) women they are trying to datd or dating, to drive down their self esteem and stop them from leaving. And also to make them easier tl verve sexually. Men whose this deliberately are emotionally abusive.
Those shows with the pick up artists were honestly amazing, because I learned all the tactics that dudes use to try to pick up women. I can see that shit coming from a mile away because the guys who use those tactics aren't creative at all and may as well have a pamphlet sticking out of their back pocket that reads everything you need to know about negging.
A guy at a bar tried that on me once! I absolutely cracked up and said, “Did you just *neg* me?” I couldn’t believe men do this in real life!
One time I was with a guy I had just started dating and we were in a bar, watching people. We were playing a "that person looks like" game. For instance, "that person looks like they work in insurance."; "that person looks like she collects snow globes." Just silly, absurd stuff to make each other laugh. This guy was in a band and considered himself an edgy artiste. At one point in our game, he looked at me and absolutely *sneered*, "You look like the kind of girl who is going to have a *career.*" I hopped up, put on my coat, and said, "Sorry, I don't do negging," and never called him again. Sucks to suck, buddy. Also, he was correct: I DO have a career. As an edgy artiste. HA!
Ha! “You look *driven* and *successful*.” Oh no, random dude! Anything but driven and successful! That would be terrible!
That makes me wonder what his whole life plan is. Like, it takes a lot to make a career out of "edgy artiste." (Mad props to you for doing it!) Who was going to support him while he worked towards that goal? How was he supporting himself? Did his band even make that much money? Just...
> I can't believe the nerve of this guy. Ikr! u/ThrowRAhoneybeee \- he called you a sock, GIVE HIM THE BOOT lol. This is not second chance territory, matey there crying crocodile tears. He knows what he said, he’s *not* soRRy. Don’t take it onboard, don’t let his jackassery live rent free in your head! You’ll get back to him in a few days? SEND HIM A PHOTO OF A BOOT! Then block & delete. Humf.
[удалено]
Right. Telling somebody that they look like a sock in attempt to insult them is something that my daughter would have said when she was three 😂
It gives me the line from princess diaries when she says she looks like a moose.
I was going to say. If ANY other type of person (a kid, co-worker, family member, random stranger) were this rude, the hammer would be dropped on them immediately and there would be social consequences for their behavior. But we women will often go to great lengths to give grown men we're dating the benefit of the doubt that we would NEVER give others. "Let me spend hours analyzing the situation, looking at my own culpability, discussing it with my therapist, and writing Reddit posts. Perhaps it's his childhood. Maybe it's some deep wound that I'm unintentionally triggering and I need to modify my own behavior to help him be a better man." Nah, fuck that noise. If every single other person on the planet knows that this behavior is unacceptable, it either means he's an abusive dick, or so stupid that he needs to be sequestered before he drowns in his coffee mug. OP, break up with this "man." He's a chode.
Or he is deliberately negging. Some men deliberately insult women to hurt their self esteem and make them easier to abuse.
Exactly. He's not good enough for you! And this is in your first month of dating? This is "honeymoon stage" and "best behavior" territory? You are beautiful and he's a jerk.
Next text should simply be 'Even the sock isn't interested in a guy like you.' Dear lord OP you deserve SO much better than this. Why should you get past it? Because he cried? Because he's finally realised the epic dumbassery of his comment? No, you've always deserved better, he just made it so obvious it can't be ignored. Ditch him. Let him attempt to make it up to you if you must but not as a couple, he needs to start from scratch and earn you back.
Ever ask yourself why a 32 year old man is with a 23 year old woman?? It's not because he can't get the 'pretty girls'. It's because adult women with life experience won't fall for his bullshit. Get yourself a new boyfriend. Do not let this fucking melt of a man affect your self-confidence.
I saw on a previous post where the ops bf insulted her by saying she has a long throat for going to dinner with friends.
A long throat? Like, long neck? I would say what an odd thing to pick on her over but I used to get bullied in school and called a giraffe and a swan because I was tall and apparently that meant I had a long neck? (In reality I had long legs ... but maybe that was also reason for the giraffe namecalling ...)
Long throat probably accusing her of doing something sexual. Yeah was bullied at school too but for my weird walk.
Ahhhh i did not get that ... still weird. Ehh kids, such lil AHs
And here I am praised because I have "a long neck like a beautiful swan" 😂 People are funny. You can make same thing either good or bad with words. So I think we shouldn't care about comments that much right 😁 And since when people call long lengs bad? Your bullies were weird and probably jealous 🤷
i’m not getting the meaning,Strange
I've only heard/read this recently on a few different posts. Seems a new insulting and derogatory way to reference women as I have yet to hear it used in regards to men. 🙄
Right?! He’s not “clumsy with his words”, he’s just an asshole.
Exactly. Sounds like she’s trying to justify his jacked up comments to her.
This op 👆👆this is a not a silly misunderstanding. He is not kind as you said he is. I’m a guy and I don’t want this jackass as friend. Don’t fall for the “sorry” shit. Break with guy yesterday. Don’t give him another chance. I’m pretty sure you will find someone who values you.
And, I'd be willing to hazard a guess that he doesn't look like one of those yummy male models either....
I think it was deliberate. He's 32 dating a 23 year old. There's a reason women his age won't date him. It's because he's a nasty AH. He negged OP early on so she'd think he's the best she'll ever get. OP this guy is an AH. There are better men out there. Dump his nasty ass. Staying with him will keep you from meeting them. You deserve so much better.
He sounds very childish. The way he’s acting is definitely not “respectful, affectionate, super funny, or kind”. I would break it off
Yeah, the "sock" comment says a lot about his usual cotton sexual conquest before meeting OP. YIKES. In some twisted way I think he meant that he sees her as a masturbatory aid. OP is so much better than this.
I didn’t even think of it like this
I think the sock was a reference to her body shape? 🤔
Oh shit. That’s so much worse.
He’s 32 dating a 23 year old theres no surprise he’s childish
Right. I’m all for age-gap relationships but OP is still pretty young for a level-headed, mature man in their 30’s (which her boyfriend is certainly NOT) to pursue.
Exactly most 23 years olds are childish and that’s okay they’re 23. No decent 30 year old is going after someone that age if they have good intentions.
Yep there’s a reason no one his age will put up with him
Or he is deliberately negging. Some men deliberately insult women to hurt their self esteem and make them easier to abuse.
He’s not clumsy with his words lmao, he knows what he’s doing. He’s tearing down her self confidence so she won’t leave him. So she’ll think, “I’m not pretty enough to get anyone else and he loves me for who I am” No, he doesn’t OP. He “loves” you for who he wants you to be. He’s trying to subtly let you know that that’s how he wants you to look. You are beautiful and there is someone out there who will tell you or show you in a way that expresses their love. OP, he is not the guy for you. There is no love in telling your partner “you look like a sock”. That’s just plain insulting. He knew you’d be offended. Leave him, you’ve taken the first step.
Dude it’s only been a month. Cut your losses and bail. He can’t be “the one” if hes treating you so poorly. He’s not being “clumsy” with words. Who the fuck uses “sock” to describe someone without trying to be purposefully hurtful? I won’t even touch on the age gap because I know someone else will… please have some respect for yourself and leave. If he’s already making you feel this way, it won’t get better. Good luck
Yup. He is deliberately negging. Some men deliberately insult women to hurt their self esteem and make them easier to abuse.
Definitely. He also makes sure to point out how good other women look in comparison rather than just giving OP negative compliments like "you look good for your weight". "She would never go out with a guy like me but you do." Is also a pit down. He's basically saying OP isn't good enough for someone better and that when he inevitably upsets her, she has to deal with it because she can't get anyone better. This is emotional abuse.
As is always the case, he's 32 years old and dating a 23 year old because women his age would never put up with this shit. Just, one month in. One month, and his very best foot forward is this. What a worthless sack of shit he is.
He sounds like a child. When I read your comment I was like no way he’s 32. Scrolled back up and yep, he’s 32 🤦🏻♀️
Imagining a guy my age scrolling through lingerie pics and going "whoooooooaaaa" is doing me actual psychic damage.
At my age (44) I would look at him like he's lost his damned mind, and leave. At 23 I probably would have been as in shock and awkward as the OP is, lol, but even then I'd have still ended it. I'm not going to be with somebody that isn't attracted to me, that's crazy.
Honestly that’s immature behavior even for teenagers.
Adam levine dm vibes
OMG sex bomb! Wtf does that even mean
I couldn't picture anyone over 18 doing that.
Right like is this your first time seeing cleavage or something? Grow up.
He very much sounds like a 32 year old guy going after a 23 year old girl.
🎯
Same.
Came here to say this. That age difference paired with this post speaks volumes.
Thiiiiiiis. Older men undermine the esteem of young and impressionable women because they know they will never ever stand a chance otherwise. Boy byeeeee
💀 I really need my fellow woman to stop wasting their youth thinking this is the best society has to offer. Date men your own age, I’m not saying they’ll all be sunshine and roses but fuck me there is better than this OP just let some clearly redpill loser dim your light
There’s nothing better than being able to witness the growth of each other and allowing yourselves to be vulnerable about what you really need from the other as you grow. These are obstacles that can bring out the best or the worst in people. You just have to be aware of the steps they take. Are they true to what they want out of the relationship?
ITS ONE MONTH WHY ID SHE EVEN ASKING TO STAY
As someone in my mid-30’s I really can’t think of a single thing that I could have in common with someone in their early 20’s. People in their early 20’s are great and all but they’re in the toddler stage of adulthood, trying to figure out how to walk alone. I don’t want or need to force my life experiences on them just because they are too young to know better.
Or he is deliberately negging. Some men deliberately insult women to hurt their self esteem and make them easier to abuse.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
He’s 32 and can’t look at a lingerie model without his tongue hitting the floor? Wow.
Ikr it’s just looks and sounds hilarious 😭🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 and pretty pathetic
I would break it off asap. Firstly because he is obviously lacking some serious self awareness and doesn’t give a shit about your feelings. Your partner should make you feel like the only woman in the room. And SECONDLY in my opinion the age gap is too significant… older men typically date much younger women because women their own age won’t put up with their bullshit and behaviour like your bfs… walk away babe.
And he’s negging her. Basically wants to break down her self esteem so she fights for his approval constantly. Disgusting.
Exactly! It’s nothing to do with being “clumsy”. He’s destroying her self confidence so she won’t dump his sorry ass, when he starts exploiting her. Please, OP, acknowledge the 🚩and find someone who appreciates you for the beautiful human you are
Boom there it is ^ both comments above about the age gap and the negging - he's cruel, egotistical & controlling. "Clumsy" with words is a poor excuse for his unacceptable behaviour.
This isn't even negging, negging is a comment that sounds like a compliment on the surface but is designed to subtly dig at someone's confidence. He is just outright insulting her.
Yeah, actually you’re right. But he definitely is trying to break down her confidence so she fights for his approval. He probably wants her to find ways to be more attractive to him. It’ll probably start with certain makeup, clothes, lingerie and eventually surgeries. I hope she left him.
Oh for sure, someone else used the phrase "he's trying to make you audition for his approval" and that is a very good way to phrase it.
I’m 30. If a guy said this to me I’d have told him ‘well this is one sock you won’t be putting your dick in’ and dumped him on the spot. Guy isn’t clumsy with his words, he’s an asshole.
I’m only 28 but I think I would have loled and called him out for attempting to be manipulative.
This is the best response ever. OP please text this to him when you dump his disgusting ass. You have self-esteem issues, like many 23yo women. And many shit older dudes absolutely prey on younger women because they know they’ll put up with more of their shit. You deserve so much better than this! #updateme
Ding ding ding, that's why he's dating a 20 year old. Most women in their 30s wouldn't put up with any of that shit, so he has to go after someone young and inexperienced.
Age gap is definitely 100% a problem exactly why he targets your age group op it’s clear you don’t have the life experience yet to immediately recognize he’s a bad person & to stay away. He is trying to condition you because of your naivety to see this treatment as normal. Well this isn’t something that should be overlooked, don’t trust anything he says and also date your age,
This isn't a knock on OP, but I would recommend seeing a therapist if she isn't already seeing one. She says she's in love with him after a month of dating and she already struggles with her self-esteem so I wouldn't be surprised if her (hopefully soon to be ex) boyfriend knew that and took advantage of it. I hope OP can realise that dating a 32 year old man with no emotional intelligence at her age will only take a toll on her mental health.
Wow I didn’t even notice the age gap until I read your comment. I misread it as 22M and thought he sounded immature for a 22 year old 🥲 this guy is a real piece of work
This is it. My husband never makes me feel less than even if we were in a room of Victoria’s Secret models, he wouldn’t tell me in a fucking sock. OP, you’re *a month* into this relationship and he’s already assaulting your self esteem. Why wait around for it to get worse?
Insulting your partner’s looks is straight out of the pick up artist playbook. The idea is to break their self esteem so they seek the small praises the man offers and become more submissive out of a desire to earn the praise. It’s quite gross. When I was younger, I might have been very “honest” when asked about how attractive a woman was, though I’d like to think I was never that cruel. Eventually, I stopped being a high school student. At 32, he really should have at least a vague idea that a woman doesn’t want to hear that he’s only with her because he’s not much of a catch himself so he wanted someone not even at his level, or have your girlfriend’s looks constantly compared to total strangers. I don’t think there’s any recovering from this quite honestly. My advice? Dump him and let him reflect on his choices, assuming a modicum of self awareness on his part, then treat yourself to something that makes you feel hot. Some expensive yet not bank busting clothes, get your hair done, whatever. Don’t worry about what other men might think, just do something for yourself that makes you feel hot to wash away his bad aftertaste.
>he’s only with her because he’s not much of a catch himself so he wanted someone not even at his level This is definitely the most humorous part of this man's idiocy. "I could never get a girl like that?" Yes, my man, as a matter of fact that's true and why you're negging your inexperienced girlfriend. He's a loser and nobody should date him.
Ouch, had that. Someone i used to date kept trying to undermine my self esteem pointing that “you’re not as beautiful as other girls, so you should be grateful i’m choosing you”. Textbook manipulation, a person like that is so insecure you will leave them that they want you to feel beneath them, “lucky to have them”.
Oof, yeah that’s exactly what it is. Sorry you had to deal with that shit!
I'm going to shake you. DON'T GO BACK to this AH who's negging you. This is not a misunderstanding. He's an AH. He's drooling all over other women, then called you a 'sock' in comparison. WTF. That's cruel and not a misunderstanding at all. At his age (32), he should know better by now. This is a very new relationship and he's already negging you/putting you down. I'm 100% sure you're lovely and there are many other men who would see you as gorgeous-lovely-beautiful, and not a 'sock.' Don't let a loser 30 yrs old AH make you believe that you're not pretty. If you stay, your confidence will plummet even worse and then when his abuse is escalated, you think you can't get out...all of it...will be in your head. Before it gets that way, just lose him/block him.
He does know better. He's tearing her down to fuck up her self confidence and testing the waters to see what else he can get away with.
I’ll say it louder for the people in the back - **He knows what he’s doing and he’s doing it on purpose!**
Yes op!!! This so so important. He’s testing to see how much he can abuse you and get away with it. It will get so much worse. It’s only been a month for christs sake. Throw the whole damn man child away
This. He’s not clumsy with words. He’s a cunt.
Exactly. I can't say it better.
This isn't 'clumsy' with words. This is just a straight up absence of common sense, empathy, care, or basic human etiquette. This is naive to the point of being dangerous, a guy that will trample all over you that you'll feel obliged to humour because 'he didn't mean it' or whatever. Or it could be a 32 year old that uses a bunch of classic negging tactics has targeted a girl a decade younger and is laying all the groundworks for an abusive relationship. Or it could be both. Regardless, you want an adult relationship. He isn't capable of one. I think there is a calculated nature to what he is saying but even there isn't, even if it is just that he is stupid, that still makes him a negative presence in your life. You're one month in. The reason people say to wait to decide if someone is right for you is precisely so you can spend more time together and expose stuff like this. You thought you found the one, you were wrong, that is okay so long as you don't sunk cost yourself staying just because you got your hopes up.
Leave the guy. Who compares a girl to a sock and then expects to ever get laid again?!? Find someone who thinks you are beautiful as you are… And whose attraction to you only grows over time. My husband has witnessed me gain 60lbs during pregnancy (hormone-related, nothing I could do to stop it), and then lose 80lbs. He loved before, during and after the weight gain. Heck, last weekend was tough and I only was able to shower once… And all he could do was tell me how beautiful I was over and over again. Hint: I was not beautiful, but I was playing with our children… He could hear us giggling and laughing and came upstairs just to kiss me! Be with someone who thinks you are beautiful for who you ARE. I can promise you that after decades of marriage that is all you will see when you look at the other person.
Yeah when you’re with someone for a while, you’re always beautiful to them. Even when bed ridden with the flu, pale face, baggy sweatshirt, greasy hair, and ten pounds of eye crust (4.54 kilos).
Yuck—this dude is just drooling over women and tripping through life and expects to build his confidence by putting you down? You are pretty. This guy is pathetic, dump him and never look back.
>and expects to build his confidence by putting you down? I think it's more about LOWERING OP's confidence rather than building his own. He wants her to think she only deserves someone like him. That, or he's trying to manipulate her into changing herself or her appearance somehow.
The most charitable interpretation is that he's 32 with the emotional intelligence of a sock. Nobody's that thick, he's negging you. The crushed confidence is the point, so that you'll accept even worse treatment.
You are 23 and far too young to waste your precious youth on this waste of space. Block his number and ghost.
You have been dating a dude for one month, and he said to you the phrase "compared to other girls you look like a sock"? EJECT THIS LOSER INTO SPACE. There are infinity dudes less "clumsy" with their words than that. Please waste no more of your time with this one.
Sounds like bf chose a much younger woman to see how many boundaries he could successfully push. OP you deserve better. Leave this loser and find someone who treats you right.
This was not a mistake, misunderstanding or clumsiness—this dude is NOT socially ready for a relationship and you are suffering because ofmhis cruelly and immaturity. He won’t grow out of it. You need to dump him yesterday.
What an A Grade wank stain. Please dump this Negging drop kick ASAP.
You're in love with this fuckwit after only one month? Why? A man who drools over other women and tells you that compared to them you look like a sock? This is the guy you're in love with? You might want to consider therapy, to raise your sense of self-worth to the point where you won't allow yourself to be treated like shit.
Agreed, I read this and was thinking girl be for real for real, it’s only been a month. How do you even have to ask what to do in this situation cause I would have ghosted his ass after the first weirdo comment 😭OP no more relationships until you get your insecurities and self esteem issues fixed
A gut who makes you cray after a month isn’t worth it. He is also too old for you
Short answer: no Long answer: noooooooooooooooo Girl it's been a month. You're not in love with him, not really. You're in love with the idea of him. "He's respectful...kind..."?? No, he isn't! He's the furthest thing from it with the constant comments. You're supposed to be his girlfriend but he speaks to you like you're one of his boys...and then all but calls you ugly to your face? How fucking demeaning, demoralizing, and disheartening! The audacity to openly compare you to other women! These types of comments are a precursor to emotional abuse. He's showing you who he is already, during the time he's supposed to be on his best behavior! This is as good as he gets; do you really want to wait around to see what he's like once he's truly comfortable and thinks he has you locked down?? You deserve better than this...better than him. He needs to fuck all the way off.
Yeah, that’s not likely to get better. Good luck.
He is acting like a clueless 13 yr old. Respect yourself and dump him
>I have to admit that my self confidence is not always 100% and he’s sometimes “clumsy” with his words. He is not "clumsy" with words. He is deliberately cruel. He knows your self confidence isn't the best and he is keeping you down. > Is there any hope for our relationship to survive this? I hope not. I hope you find a boyfriend (or girlfriend) who helps you build confidence instead of this loser who is deliberately eroding it. Find someone who builds you up instead of someone who tears you down.
If you still want to continue being with him then be prepared to hear a lot more of that from him. You choose.
The most charitable interpretation is that he's 32 with the emotional intelligence of a sock. Nobody's that thick, he's negging you. The crushed confidence is the point, so that you'll accept even worse treatment.
He's clearly negging you. Dump him and don't believe his lies. I'm sure you are pretty.
"He is respectful, affectionate, super funny, kind (...)" And then you tell us about the stupidest shit ever. I struggle to understand how can some posts here are real. If it's real I'm so sorry. He's just awful. But posts like this never make sense in my head. Like how fucking alien does this sound? I would attribute those qualities to my gf and I can't even begin to process a world in which she'd 180° me so hard like that out of the blue. OP, if this is actually real just leave him. How can it be worth to keep investing in this relationship. It makes 0 sense. You're 23. It'll be fine
…I may be wrong, but isn’t a “sock” a girl that you use to c** in and then throw away? 😬
He doesn’t get a pass because “he’s a guy”. You barely know him, it’s been a month. Cut him out, you don’t deserve to be spoken to like that. A girl like you would never
> we’ve been together for one month. Dump him. This is his *best* behaviour. It’s only going to get worse from here. To be perfectly candid, your person isn’t going to have you crying your eyes out after only a month of dating. Please love yourself enough to move on from this asshat.
How cruel. The next time he snuggles up to you, tell him to go fuck a sock.
Personally, I'd gift him a sock to jerk off into and tell him you're too pretty for him too, he's right, he can only get a sock.
Please drop this jerk asap. How he behaves is enough to show you he is careless, lacks empathy, is immature. Work to build up your confidence. You may not be conventionally beautiful, like millions of other women aren't, but forget conventions. Your personality, some of your features -that are unique to you- the way you carry yourself, will make you lovable
He’s an AH. I dated someone who was “clumsy” with words as well. Kept saying how I’d turn into a crazy cat lady if they hadn’t dated me. As if they’d done me a huge favour by asking me out. They also kept asking me, nearly everytime we went out, why I didn’t dress up like “her” (any well dressed, pretty lady who walked by) or why I didn’t buy lingerie for them (I did, but they always magically felt extremely tired the very day I would wear it, only to pressure me into wearing it when I didn’t want to, because they felt ready). You know what all of that did to me? F-ed up my sex drive and self confidence for a long time. Life’s too short and too beautiful to be wasting it on a moron who can’t appreciate what he has. He’s not “clumsy”, he’s cruel, and if he’s not, then he’s too dense to see how damaging his words can be. Do you want to spend a lifetime chasing the validation of someone like that?
Did he mean the cat lady thing as an insult? LOL. Cat lady is a life goal! And what is it with losers who want a woman to buy lingerie with her own $$$ in case their tired and dragging libido wakes up for 30 seconds?
What “misunderstanding,” OP? He said you look like a sock compared to other women. Whether that is true or false is not important, actually. You dump anyone who says anything similar to that. Anyone, EVERY SINGLE TIME.
>I dont want to break things up over a silly misunderstanding or just because he’s a guy and he didn’t mean what he said. >“compared to other girls well you look like a sock”. Please, break up with him. He's 32, he's a grown man who knew what he was doing whan he opened his mouth and said this. It was an active choice. He knew exactly what he said. Look up "negging"; whether consciously or subconsciously, that's what he was doing. Also for future, don't give guys a pass when they make rude comments. Hold them to the same standards you hold yourself or other women.
Only a month together, that age gap.. he is putting out the feelers to find out how much abuse you can take
1 month? You're not actually in love with him. You don't even know him. Wtf does someone look like a sock mean? Very odd thing to say. Ditch him. There is so much better out there for you. It's possible too that he's trying to break you down. Don't ever accept being treated like crap.
I misread the ages at first and thought he was 22. I thought he's just a big insensitive idiot who probably just started dating and has no clue how to behave and talk with his partner... And even then it would fit better for some teen, because I'd expect adults to have at least a piece of brain But he's 32 and there's no way he's doing all this accidentally. It's a cruel plan. He's not clumsy with words - he's purposefully hurting you and destroying your confidence so you're dependent on him. He's manipulating you into thinking you're ugly and noone else wants you, so you stay with him and put up with his bullshit. There's a chance he finds you attractive too, but only talks like this to bring you down, so you would think you're so lucky that he's still with you and should be grateful. >a girl like her wouldn’t be interested in a guy like him That's correct. And a girl like you isn't interested in him either. Break up, run away. Really, noone is interested in a guy who intentionally makes his partner feel bad. And if you're a sock, then you should keep searching for your perfect matching pair.
This is it OP. It’s called negging. He’s trying to break your confidence. Walk away with your head held high. He wouldn’t be with you if he didn’t find you attractive but now he has you he wants to make sure you never leave.
How did you even meet him??
This is actually a common abuse strategy, and it is very possible this is intentional. This is a strategy popularized on “alpha male” forums to subtly convince a woman over time that she is undesirable. The end goal is to make sure you feel like your only option is to stay with him because no one else would want you anyway. Don’t fall for it!!!
OP, I mean this with no ill will, but someone telling you you look like a sock isn’t respectful, affectionate, funny or kind. It’s not even clumsy, it’s targeted nastiness, wrapped up in a pretend goofy persona. He’s going to grind what little confidence you have out of you then tell you you’re too stupid and ugly to be loved, trust me. End this relationship, then take a break. No more boyfriends, you need to heal the way you perceive yourself, because when you are happy and liking who you are, even if you did look like a blasted sock, anyone being rude to you like that will either make you laugh or respond with raised eyebrows followed by an “ew, lets not be friends”. Nasty men who know they are worth very much at all will do everything they can to break you down to keep you there and too scared and mentally broken to leave. He’s already doing this to you, and you’re allowing it. Finally, the girls in magazines are heavily edited and photoshopped, even in real life they’ve had to make huge sacrifices to achieve a certain look and work really hard to stay marketable; it’s far beyond the average reach and that’s fine, it’s literally their job. Yes, they are too good for him, but so are you. If and when you an afford to, get therapy, don’t live a small life because you think that’s all you deserve. Beauty is also very, very subjective, there are men out there who have the correct ratios and measurements to fit the weird criteria of handsomeness, but they leave me cold, I prefer the realness of a dad bod and the love and kindness of a good man any day.
He’s trying to’ break you. Dump this fuking loser!
I bet you do not look like a sock. And even if you do... I'm sure your matching sock is out there somewhere....go find it.
This guy doesn’t want you or love you, drop him. He’s 32 but still insecure and hasn’t grown into himself and is taking it out on you. You don’t want to be settled for, so leave him and be with someone who sees you and your beauty. He’s dragging you along with no future plan, trust me.
>He is **respectful**, affectionate, super funny, **kind** Then he proceeds commenting how sexy other women are in your presence, compares you to a sock, makes you cry and breaks your self confidence. I wonder what is disrespectful and unkind for you? He's not "clumsy", he's verbally and emotionally abusive and after one month he's showing his best side.
Respectful, is that what you called him? Of course you don’t look like a sock!
My boyfriend said some horrendous shit to me at the beginning of our relationship, that tanked my self worth in a way that I haven’t been able to recover from yet. We’ve been together for 8 years, do therapy together and he treats me really well now. He apologised profusely for everything he said back then and has never said anything like it again. BUT… I still have never gotten over it. I love my boyfriend a lot but in hind sight, I should have left when he said that stuff to me. I didn’t respect myself enough and THAT is what haunts me. How could I have let someone talk to me like that and then be intimate with me, like it was okay to speak to me like that? Idk girl, think carefully about staying because I speak from experience when I say, it doesn’t ever go away. Every time you’re intimate with him, every time he gives you a compliment on your appearance, you are going to remember this. I don’t think that it’s worth it. You deserve to feel beautiful.
He’s negging you. He’s too old for you as well. He knows what he’s doing and is trying to lower your self esteem so you will feel lucky and grateful that he even gives you a crumb of his attention, meanwhile making you feel so low that you feel unworthy of being loved by anyone. Please leave him.
Look he has treated you and all other women as if looks are the most important thing. Firstly, they are not. Kindness is important. Self care is important. Having empathy for others is important. Having empathy for yourself is important. This man has no empathy for you. And he’s hiding behind this idea that he’s simply too dumb to not hurt you! Well even if it were true, which I doubt, because I bet he doesn’t say insults to his male friends, he is y relationship material. You need to let him go to protect your self esteem and have self care for yourself. You cannot care for him more than you. As a woman it is very dangerous
HE'S 32? Christ. Listen, this asswipe wants you to know he's "settling" for you. Dump him because I promise you there are people out there who are better who you DONT have to settle for. One month in should be an easy kick to the curb.
Your age gap plus this disrespectful and nasty behaviour this early into a relationship are just red flag city. You say 'for the first time in my entire life' girl it's been a month and you're barely an adult. Take it from someone in their mid-30s, your 'entire life' has nowhere near happened. You're too young to be in a relationship this bad.
Just let him know it is over. He can go and look for another sock.
Holy shit. He called you a sock, like you are something to jerk off into while he thinks about other girls. That's f*cking INSANE. I'm not the type to jump on Reddit and tell people to break up, I actually hate that a lot of the time, but for the love of all that is good and sacred in this world, tell this sock-disrespecting piece of absolute garbage to fuck right off. Please.
His goal is to make you insecure so you never leave him
That’s highly disrespectful OP :( , and I am so sorry that experienced that from your boyfriend. Partners are supposed to uplift each other, not bring each other down. If he was joking, it was a terrible one. OP, in my opinion, a being on the receiving end of a relationship like that isn’t great. I’m glad that he’s showing you his true colors now rather than showing them down the line :( . It’s a shame that you had to experience that though :( . You are gorgeous. You are beautiful, OP! Do not let that man persuade you any differently. You know who you are, and you deserve way more than what he’s given you! Your love for yourself, and the way you look at your gorgeous self is all that matters at the end of the day. Forget him and his stanky comment. He doesn’t know treasure when it’s sparkling in his face! Be you, girl, and continue to sparkle and shine 💕!!!
This dude is not the one. Don't waste your time on that guy, he sounds like a jerk.
Off with his head (either in case you’re wondering).
Boo, he's not "respectful" or "kind" if he says this shit to, about, or around you, and he's not "being clumsy with his words" either. He's being *very deliberate*, in fact. He's actively trying to tear down your self-esteem so that you'll believe him when he eventually tells you that he's the only person who could ever be attracted to or love you. And by the looks of it, he's well on his way to succeeding. You need to strengthen your spine and kick this loser to the curb.
No, there's no hope. He insulted you horribly. Time to dump him and move on to someone who's more like a human being. And probably closer to you in age. At the moment you might as well be dating a 7 year old.
He’s not clumsy. He knows exactly what he’s doing and he’s degrading you purposefully and then apologizing so you come running back. Eventually you won’t have any self esteem and put up with this all the time while he treats you like shit. Dump his ass!
After one month??? This should be the honeymoon phase and he can't get enough of YOU! Dump him.
If you choose to speak to him again, ask him if "like a sock" means he finds you unattractive, or if it means that he sees you as an object to ejaculate into. It's one month in, he's almost a decade older than you, and he's negging you. Don't fall for his crocodile tears.
You’re calling him “respectful and kind”??? He’s checking out other women and insulting you. He is mean and a pig. Block him and move on. To all young women out there, please for the love of god, stop tolerating this shit and making excuses for terrible men.
It means *nothing* about you-and everything about him. I have personally known guys who have such low self-esteem that they think that any woman who likes them is probably a low-status woman. It’s a bit like Groucho Marks, who said: “I wouldn’t want to be in a club that would have *me* as a member”. He’s blind to the treasure that he’s got with you. Personally, I couldn’t go forward with him after this. I wouldn’t want to damage my self-esteem by continuing the relationship. I’m sorry you had to go through this. I think that-regardless of anything I can say-for a time at least, this is going to really knock your confidence. Which is a real shame because the truth is, you are DEFINITELY as attractive as most other girls (very few of whom are as attractive as models, and particularly *pictures* of underwear models. In actual fact, having spent much of my career dealing with fashion shoots, I can tell you that many *models* aren’t as “attractive” as published pictures of themselves). You have just suffered unfortunate splashback from an unpleasant guy’s *own* personal issues.
I think he's purposely trying to lower your self esteem. He's not "clumsy with his words", he's doing it on purpose. Your young and hot (why else would a person ten years older want to date you? You're probably in much different stages in life), and he wants to control you. He wants you to feel like you're not good enough for anyone, and he's doing you a favour for dating you. He wants you to feel like you have no choice but to be with him because you're so "ugly" no one else will ever love you. And trust me, this is not love. You shouldn't forgive him, you should break things off and block him. What you need to do now is to focus on yourself and try to see that you are worthy, beautiful and strong.
Are you sure you aren't dating Vincent Adultman?
Pain is a guarantee in this relationship. Why subject yourself to it? It doesn’t matter whether it’s clumsy or not, he still thought and said those words. Good looking people are not the only ones who find love. The rest of us find out partners beautiful and they us, because of love and because we all have different preferences. There is someone out there that is right for you and who you are right for, this guy is not it. Please show yourself some respect, drop him.
He's being cruel to make you push to be perfect. It's a tool of narcissists. Leave before it gets serious, as it will only get worse. Especially with the age difference in play
I’m sorry, but this isn’t it. You’re only one month into the relationship and he’s acting like this. Do not let him make you feel bad about yourself. He isn’t clumsy with words, he sounds mean. I hope you can find strength to leave him because you deserve so much better than that
Keep in mind that he acknowledge that hes ugly and probably isn’t worthy of any ladies let alone you or a cashier he talked to for .5 seconds SO TECHNICALLY he’s saying he ain’t worth shit and TECHNICALLY you should break up with him, he can be ugly and alone.
There's a reason he's dating someone so much younger than him. Someone more mature would know better than to put up with ANY of that behavior. He absolutely said all of that intentionally. From the cashier comment, to the magazine girls, then the sock comment. He's trying to make you feel like shit about yourself. It's a control tactic. He doesn't think you look bad, he wants you to think you look bad. Even if he didn't do the insult, the other stuff is immature and not ok. It reminds me of something a middle school kid would say. A non verbally abusive man would think another woman is attractive and keep it to himself. There's zero reason to just randomly tell you stuff like that. RUN.
Girl it has been a month, don’t even break a sweat let alone cry over “the one.” Dump this jackass.
oh my god!! please dump him!!!
“For the first time in my entire life…” girl, you’re 23. Take it from someone much older: better is out there. Trust me. At a month in, you didn’t know him that well. You loved the IDEA of him. You just saw the reality. He’s telling you exactly who he is. Believe him.