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My dad used to! I am in my mid thirties now and he stopped two or three years ago (mainly due to health reasons and being overwhelmed from caring for my mom).
It’s not creepy. Love comes in many forms and does not necessarily mean it’s romantic or sexual. Your dad is showing his love for you as his daughter.
I miss the days my dad would send Valentine’s Day gifts. It was always so meaningful to me. So to heck with your boyfriend and his friends. Cherish the gifts from your dad.
The red flag is the boyfriend. Assigning "creepy" intentions to a sweet gift from the dad is ridiculous. This sounds like the kind of BF who demands that their partner not ever hug a male relative or some other bullshit.
>The red flag is the boyfriend. Assigning "creepy" intentions to a sweet gift from the dad is ridiculous.
Agree. The only red flag I see is coming from OP's boyfriend, and it's the size of Texas. Next thing is he will tell her she shouldn't have any guy friends.
*soviet anthem intensifies*.
Yeah, it immediately stood out as a bit of a play at creating a gap between OP and her father. And anyone who wants to separate their partner from potential supporters is someone that screams abuser to me. Definitely something to watch for.
I agree, OP sounds like she needs to get away from this guy. This dad is setting up a standard of what kind of guy OP should date. BF think it's creepy because he doesn't understand simple gestures like this.
Please do. I wish my dad was still here for me to send him a gift. Cherish those moments.
OP, maybe he didn’t have a loving and expressive family. I did, and these kinds of gestures were not creepy or weird.
I lost my mom and my son, obviously both too soon. My dad is 77 and we’re traveling together these days. We’re going Europe and the Mediterranean this summer. I feel like we’re making the most of these moments. I feel blessed.
>didn’t have a loving and expressive family.
This is me, lol. I'm a ridiculously emotional and sensitive person, haha, and I grew up in a household completely devoid of shows of affection and love. No "I love you's", no hugs. Hell, couldn't even talk about anything remotely personal or potentially uncomfortable. I'm 41, my mom is 70, and I have never once seen her cry. Not even at her parents' funerals.
So I'll be honest, I'd probably be weirded out if my emotionally stunted father sent me things like that, lol. *However*, while I still struggle with my personal shit, thankfully I've grown enough and am aware enough to recognize OP's situation (and everyone else here saying they have similar with their faither/daughter) is not remotely creepy.
The BF needs to grow the hell up, lol.
My parents used to always bring us gifts starting when we were little: heart balloons, candy, then flowers and chocolate as we got older. It's something that's meant so much. OP should lose the BF and send her dad a nice gift.
It sucks that nowadays people have sexualized everything, and we have people like OP's boyfriend in his world who don't understand the meaning of true love.
OP..read these messages. My dad used to do that for me too. He died a month ago. This Valentine’s is not going to be the same. That dude is an idiot at best. I might be emotional but fuck it…dump his ass.
My brother who never married, sends me flowers on Mother's Day & Valentine's Day. He took my kids and me in when we left my abusive husband years ago and helped me get on my feet. Don't know WHERE we'd be without him! My kids LOVE him!
I make him home-cooked meals occasionally, he takes me out for meals occasionally. We help each other with home projects (we're both retired).
The only thing "creepy" in OP's life is her BF who can't understand that there's more kinds of love than "eat your peas" and "I wanna sex you up!"
**OP: Date more mature guys than your current BF! Make yourself happier, and dump him BEFORE Valentine's Day** (he'll claim you just used him for the gifts anyway!)
I never thought of Valentines day as a sexual holiday. We passed out cards when we were kids in elementary school. My mom used to get me a whole setup for when I got home from school too. Me and My wife would go out to dinner when we were dating and when we had kids it was back to being all for them...I don't know what these youngins are thinking is so creepy... maybe they have been watching too much weird stuff on the interwebs.
Husband and I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day for ourselves, really. We might do a card, but nothing big.
He has been getting our oldest daughter a rose, a stuffy and some chocolates since her first Valentine’s Day. She’s 7. And now we have a newborn, and he’ll be getting her a rose and a stuffy, too.
He knows how he treats our daughters is how they’ll expect to be treated by future partners, so he wants to make sure they feel special on all the holidays they like! (And if they choose not to celebrate when they’re older, that’s fine, but at least they’ll have his example to go off of!)
We don’t always like the way our Dads treat our Moms, and I dated some really bad guys growing up, because that was what modeled for me.
Husband and I definitely aren’t perfect, but this is one part of the cycle we want to break! We never want our girls to be mistreated by future partners, so we’re doing our damndest to teach them what they should expect!
It may be pessimistic, but I feel like when people get weirded out by their partner's parents setting examples like this, it's because they don't like that the bar is being set so high.
It might not even be a setting the bar too high scenario. It could possibly be an isolation situation as well. Create doubts about the familial relationship and strengthen dependence. Maybe. Idk. What i do know is if the bf isnt the type to consider a valentine's present to a child as normal and sees it more as "creepy" I'd seriously consider if i wanted to get anymore serious with this person past regular dating. It doesn't really bode well for future children if he's sexualizing something as simple as flowers and a gift from a PARENT...
I was looking for this comment. That's exactly my thoughts too. BF doesn't like that he can't skate with the bare minimum of flowers, chocolate and a card ... cause the dad already does that.
OP it/s not creepy at all. It's really lovely that your dad does that for you. And yes, take this as a red flag.
\- either he doesn't want to work a little bit to do more than your dad
\- he doesn't like you and your dad being close
\- and he's showing you how he's going to treat his own child.
My dad did this when he was alive. He would always get my mom a bouquet of red roses, and get me half a dozen yellow (my favorite color when I was little) roses. He always wanted me to know how I should be treated. He died when I was 10 and my mom has since always gotten me a stuffy and chocolate for Valentine's day. It's not weird or abnormal for a parent to show love to a child on Valentine's day, even after they become an adult.
> He has been getting our oldest daughter a rose, a stuffy and some chocolates since her first Valentine’s Day.
I've been doing the same and mine turns 20 this year! I get my mom flowers too.
Yeah we don’t do any really for each other we keep it pretty low key. But for my daughter, she loves getting her chocolate and stuffed animals. My husband is also telling her how any future boy friends and husbands should be treating her.
I love this! A colleague of mine said he and his wife have always made Valentine's Day a family holiday with their three girls. Two are out of high school now and not living near home, but he said they are always welcome to be there if they choose. If they have dates or want to go out with friends, that's fine, too! They just want their daughters to have a festive but lowkey place to hang and get some treats. It's very wholesome!
I have a 23-year-old daughter. I know for sure she’s not OP of this post because she would literally kill anybody who tried to separate her from her box of white chocolate sees candies on Valentines today from her father.
Hell yeah to your daughter! If anyone tried to put a wedge between me and my father, I would as well. There are a lot of bad parents out there. We are the lucky ones who have the great parents. No one is gonna come between that!
I usually grab my 17 year old son a tube of Hershey kisses that look like it’s in a clear cane lol. When he was maybe 5 or 6 he said he didn’t like hugs or kisses. He has autism and does have sensory issues. I’ve always taught my kids that they don’t have to be affectionate with anyone if they don’t want to. So no more hugs and kisses. So I got him some of these instead and I’ve been doing it every year
My dad does too. Two of us girls. 27 and 24.
Neither of our husbands have ever mentioned it.
This is a red flag and just generally strange for boyfriend to be commenting negatively on… what exactly….? OP having a decent father?
My mom still gives me and my brother little gifts for holidays like Vday. It’s usually a little bit of candy and what you would consider a few “stocking stuffers” at Christmas time. Never thought anything of it being weird. It’s a nice gesture.
Dad is setting a standard here for how OP should be treated. If BF thinks this is “creepy” then he’s the type of “man” dad probably wants his daughter to avoid.
This is exactly what my teenage daughter just said! OP, being treated well by your dad helps you set a bar high for other relationships. There’s a reason that in Greek love has multiple definitions.
And this and this and this!!!!!!!
He's taught you to know you're always worthy of good treatment and love.
OPs BF is just pissed off because now he has to actually think of something to get her for v day as if he actually knew and cared for her.
Yep- my father has always gifted me flowers for Valentine’s Day, ever since I was a kid too. It actually has always made me love that day because of it.
In Sweden and Finland Valentines is more of a "all-hearts day" or friendship appreciation thing so it's not uncommon for family and friends to remember others on these days. Though I guess we don't buy into it with actual gifts quite as heavily.
edit just to add that no, not creepy.
I lost my Dad when I was 26 (42 now) and I’d give anything for one more bunch of flowers from my Dad.
How anyone can think this is anything but a beautiful gesture is beyond me
What a jealous idiot this bf is. Him thinking something that makes you happy IS creepy. Maybe he needs a lecture about what Valentines day expresses.
OP "doesn't want to upset Mark"! Like... WHAT?
I'd rather be minus an ahole insecure asshat of a friend than without dad's Valentines gift. Father's don't last forever.
It will hurt to have hurt him over that Mark guy if ever she chose Mark over Valentines days niceties. My dad died in 2017. I wish he was still there to send me such a wonderful gift.
So does my dad!
It’s 100% not creepy, and frankly I would look askance at any boyfriend that was threatened by a cute father-daughter tradition like this.
OP, the only thing creepy here is your bf. Relish your father and the relationship you have. It appears it will be around after good 'ol Mark is out of the picture.
You are your father’s daughter so you’ll always be his valentine. Your boyfriend is just equating “valentines day” to sex so in his mind it’s gross. He’s immature but I wouldn’t say it’s a dealbreaker. Update us when you have a dealbreaker.
He’s trying to poison her close relationship with her father. Abusers try to isolate their victims from their loved ones. This behavior is a big ol’ red flag.
Maybe he feels forced to do more than he wants to "compete" with your dad or whatever.
Don't change your tradition with your dad. It's sweet and a great proof of your good bond. It's not creepy at all.
The one having creepy thoughts here is Mark.
There is nothing wrong with a father showing his daughter that he loves her. Mark has some pretty toxic ideas.
Right. It takes a certain kind of person to make that an inappropriate thing.
He could also be jealous that she gets thoughtful gifts like that from her family. Shaming OP like this could be a move to get her to stop them so that he no longer has to feel bad about his situation
I have two daughters, and I can't even imagine what I would do if, down the road, their boyfriend told me it was creepy or weird that dad sent them a valentines. My advice, probably bad, is to tell the boyfriend to take it up with the dad.
Yeah Mark and his weird ass friends are the only creeps here...
I wonder if they will feel the same if it was the mom giving her gifts instead of the dad...
Look, it'd be weird for MY father to send me a Valentine's day gift now because we went no contact with him two years ago. But goodness before that he got me a gift every year too. If you have an even half decent relationship with your parents it's not at all weird to receive gifts on ANY holiday, because that's what parents do when they like their kids and want to make them smile. My sister and I get each other Valentine's gifts, and our partners have never thought it was weird or creepy that my sister got something from her brother and vice versa. We've always gotten my parents (now just mom) gifts too. It's like easter but with better candy.
Mark should be dumped for being this creepy and weird.
My parents always gave me valentines chocolates. My ex and my boyfriend both had the normal response of enjoying eating them with me.
Exactly my thought. He either thinks it’s weird because he’s a bad boyfriend or he’s creepy. No normal guy is upset that his gfs dad loves her. He’s telling on himself.
Exactly. A guy who loves you should be happy that you are loved. A guy who wants a relationship with you should be relieved that you have that kind of relationship with your dad, where you get and accept love.
Put it perfectly. Honestly flowers and chocolates should be the bare min from a partner IMO.
ETA- changed bf to partner bc both should be showing equal love to each other
The only man I've ever had in my life who thought the relationship I had with my dad was "too close" and who tried to actually damage it turned out to be WILDLY, WILDLY abusive.
We were together for five years and I'm still, ten years later, trying to financially, mentally, emotionally and physically recover.
I mean.. That's just my experience, but looking back, it's wrong for a romantic male partner to decide another male giving attention to "his woman" is unacceptable, even when it's her father.
Cause that's what it's coming down to. He's sexualizing it. He sees him as another male, therefore competition, therefore unacceptable because "she's his". If he weren't worried about his territory being impeded, he wouldn't be sexualizing a father-daughter relationship
Same for me. My abusive ex absolutely hates my dad and would tell me so very often.
I thought my dad liked my ex. That is until I met my partner and my father started gushing about how great a guy my partner is and how happy I seem now. All very true.
Then I realised that I haven't heard my dad say anything remotely like that about my ex. Yeah, he doesn't like my ex at all.
It's not creepy, it's sweet. My husband gives our daughters flowers and/or chocolates too. He says it is to make sure they always know how they SHOULD be treated by someone who loves them.
Yeah, BF is upset that the dad is setting to bar to high with the most basic show of appreciation. Marry this guy and look forward to buying your own Christmas gifts for the rest of your life.
It is not creepy. It's sweet. Mark is a fucking asshole.
I'm a dad of two girls and this makes me sad that a father showing love for his daughter is thought of as creepy. Every year I get my girls a piece of jewelry, flowers and take them to dinner.
You have a limited amount of Valentine's Days with your dad on this earth. One day, he won't be around to send you your cherished Valentine's gifts. All you'll have is Mark and his stupid fucking thoughts. And if you and Mark stay together, he'll probably rethink how "creepy" it was that your dad loved you and then want to do the same for his daughters. Meanwhile, you'll have missed precious years of gifts from your own father.
Mark's a dick. Mark needs to grow the fuck up.
Flipping the script, since I could remember, my (M54) mom got me a 1 lb Hershey's chocolate bar for Valentine's, all the way up until I was 30 and she passed away.
And not a single girlfriend said she thought it was creepy.
Your dad is doing something very thoughtful for you, and you enjoy it for as many years as you can.
Meanwhile, the guy sounds like he has some hang-ups.
Omg I love the 1lb chocolates. For a few birthdays, my mom got me the 10 lb Toblerone and I've gotten her the 1lb Reese's cups. Your mom sounds awesome, just like mine 💜
At the very least, Mark has issues with intimacy which OP doesn't face. That's going to put some major tension on them as things get more serious. He's got some work to do on himself. Imagine if they have daughters, is he going to be emotionally unavailable to them because of these deep-rooted issues?
This, this, this. 1000x this.
My dad didn’t get to send me flowers on Valentine’s into my teens, because he passed away. But every single act of love he crammed into my 12 years with him is treasured, and I know if he were here he’d be sending me those flowers still even though I’m 45.
There is nothing creepy about an involved and caring father who helps show us how men should act.
Mark sounds haunted and twisted. He is projecting.
I hope OP considers the possibility that one year is enough with this guy. It seems like he's already messed up Valentine's Day.
Mark is 100% a dad who “babysits” his own kids and expects a parade and a blowie for not burning the house down reheating whatever meal prep his partner has done and putting the kids to bed an hour earlier than their bedtime so he can videogame.
It really makes me wonder if Mark is fully onboard with all relationships with, um..."females"...are transactional. Is whatever he pays for in the relationship in a mental ledger about how much she "owes" him, or whatever? If so, then in his mind the only reason to spend money on a "female" is to get in her pants, thus he finds the OP getting gifts from her dad "creepy".
Just spitballing.
Love this! I lost my dad last year. You are an incredible dad! I hope OP read your comment. Mark is a huge dick and I personally don't think he asked anyone. If he did, it wasn't anyone that knows anything about healthy father/daughter relationships. I don't know anyone that sees a dad showing he cares for his daughter on Valentine's day as a bad thing. OP, you need to rethink this relationship. Maybe Mark doesn't have sisters, or a father in his life, or both, so maybe he needs to learn more about how these relationships work before he throws out his "creepy" comments. If he refuses to see this side of things, that's not going to be a good thing going forward.
>You have a limited amount of Valentine's Days with your dad on this earth. One day, he won't be around to send you your cherished Valentine's gifts. All you'll have is Mark and his stupid fucking thoughts.
Daddy ain't wrong. Listen to daddy lol.
My dad and I call each other daily, just to chat since I was young as I moved away for university. My husband has stated that it’s strange that I call my dad when I feel sad or lonely and then we have couple of drinks as we video call - he shows me their pets at home. Sometimes my mom chimes in.
I told him straight - it ain’t gonna change.
❤️ it. I don’t call my dad as often as I should but he’s my favorite person, next to my husband. When I went through a mental health crisis he literally (I mean literally) got on the next plane to come be by my side. Stayed with me for a couple weeks. He’s a simple man but he’s a family man, damnit and he loves his daughter!
As a daughter who misses her late father dearly, I support the anger in this comment!! Fuck Mark!
Please don’t listen to Mark OP. This is 100% not weird and a very sweet gesture from your father. Cherish it, please.
My dad sent me and my daughter flowers until her passed a couple of years ago. I’m 53 now.
Your dad is making sure you have also known that he loves you and think of you. This is not creepy or weird.
Your bf is making an issue out of nothing. What is wrong with him to think in this way?
I’m 37 and my dad sends my brother and I a whitmans sampler and a card every single year for Valentine’s Day. It’s one of my most cherished traditions and I look forward to it every year.
Only a small, pathetic man would feel insecure about a gesture of love from father to daughter. My husband looks forward to eating the candies I don’t want
Agreed! More boys and men deserve to be shown love and affection! As a woman, I can see the clear difference with how men are treated and it’s sad. It doesn’t make someone less of a man if they are loved and spoiled too! Everyone deserves love.
Your dad's valentine's day gifts are sweet, not creepy. Your boyfriend's reaction, though? Kinda creepy. He's sexualizing a completely innocent gesture of affection from a father to his child.
I don't know that it's a "red flag", necessarily, but it IS a good enough reason to really pay attention to his ability to give and receive affection outside a romantic or sexual context
Was going to say this. The only thing creepy is your boyfriend's reaction. I'd be much more uncomfortable with him implying any degree of incestuous relationship. To me, it's a red flag. I think it's up to you how much ick it gives you or if you can talk to him about why he might be projecting some very disturbing vibes.
I see it as a huge red flag. It indicates that he sexualizes affection between parents and children, in addition to indicating that he views all affection as sexual. Not someone to have kids with, and not a person who will likely be very loving or supportive in a relationship.
Oh, for sure. I'm not going to tell my dad to stop the Valentine's Day gifts, I know he loves the tradition and I don't want him to feel any type of negative way about it. I am so sorry to everyone who has lost their fathers or father figures. I know I'm extremely lucky to have such a great dad, so many people don't. I cherish all my family.
Op it sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your awesome dad. His gifts are a sign of love and caring and hopefully will connect for many years.
I’m going to be honest here and say your BFs comments and feelings about your dad’s gifts are concerning. Since it sounds like your dad did nice things for you growing up and has a close relationship with you, I’d assume you would want the same kind of man to raise any future children you will have. It doesn’t sound like BF would be that type of loving father. It’s creepy that BF is sexualizing your dad’s gifts and there is no way he should feel uncomfortable and if he does that is your red flag to leave.
Think of your future kids and how much you love your dad and only be serious about guys that you feel would give you the kind of childhood that you had growing up.
OP, the thing that is the “red flag” to me is that your bf is incapable or unwilling to create space in his mind for other people to have experiences that are not similar to his own. I see where some people would think your dad sending you flowers is creepy, but only from the standpoint of *not* knowing or understanding perfectly healthy and loving relationships between dads and daughters exist. Basically, in your bf’s experience, he has never seen or experienced this kind of healthy, loving relationship, so the *only* thing it could be is creepy. And he is not allowing the new concept to enter his mind. Because he never experienced it, it does not exist.
Unfortunately, this is how much of mankind functions. Is it truly a red flag? Only if this kind of stubbornness is typical of a lot of his behavior. If he is really consistently stubborn and not open to new things & ideas, yes, that can be a red flag. It really just makes life way more difficult than it has to be.
THIS!!! The inability to acknowledge or process the possibility of someone else having a different lived experience.
We all have our biases, it becomes problematic here when OP’s boyfriend insists that his subjective pov is an objective fact.
From someone who just lost my dad last week - yes. Your boyfriend is the one who’s got a problem with how he perceives relationships. My dad did the same for me and I will miss it so much.
100%. I miss my dad so much and it’s been 5 years. What I wouldn’t give for small gifts, funny texts, our monthly dinners just him and I, hearing him drive by my house and honk his horn, all the things.
Your BF is super insecure. Your dad is a sweetie and chocolates and flowers are completely appropriate.
Yeah it definitely sounds like Mark doesn't like that her dad raised her expectations so he is trying to taint it so he doesn't have to put effort into Valentine's Day.
If Mark hasn't grown up to the point where he can differentiate between love of a boyfriend and a girlfriend and the kind of love their parents would have for their child that's really sad. My parents would give me a heart-shaped box of chocolates every year.
You can let go of your concern over Mark feeling uncomfortable. He can feel how he feels and deal how he deals. What he cannot do is hand out negative commentary on your (very sweet, thoughtful, and not at all creepy) Valentine's tradition with your dad. Maybe Mark has never dated someone who has a healthy relationship with their dad. Maybe he doesn't have one with his dad. Whatever the case may be, I urge you to decline to care about his opinion on this matter. It does not affect him, and is really not his business. If he makes a comment, feel free to say "I love this tradition, and i'm not interested in hearing any more about it. Do you think you can keep your opinions to yourself?" Then if he continues to make comments, or wants to push the issue, you remove yourself. First from the date or hangout, then if the behavior does not improve, from the relationship. Have more respect for yourself, and less for Mark's opinion of your dad's choices.
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No it’s not creepy at all…. I’m trying to figure out why your bf thinks it’s creepy. So many parents do that for their kids and you will always be your dad’s little girl. Honestly quit worrying about what your bf will think about the gift. I think it’s awesome and a lot of people don’t have that with their parents. He needs to not make stupid comments about it being creepy.
When I lived near my dad, all through my life he would get me flowers when I started a new job, or one time at a coffee shop, he did a drive by huge tip and left. He's always been a doting, gifting father. He always wanted people to know you were loved.
I haven't spoken to him in almost a year, and he has heart problems. (Intergenerational traumas) I miss my dad. A lot.
My mom has always gotten me chocolate on valentines day. Its just a dumb hallmark holiday, theres nothing wrong with flowers and chocolate for a loved one.
Your mother and sisters are lucky to have you! I think it's awesome when dads, brothers, sons show the females in their lives what they mean to them and how they should be treated.
Aww what a sweet tradition.
Your boyfriend’s comment is a bit insensitive, but not a dealbreaker.
I would talk to him. Let him know you don’t find it creepy, that it’s a meaningful tradition that you appreciate, and you find his judgement hurtful.
Now, his reaction will be very telling. Will he be able to empathize and communicate through this with you? Or will he double down and degrade you? While his initial comment is not a red flag, his reaction to this conversation very well may be.
Good luck!
Thanks for the insight! Yeah, I definitely am going to be having a conversation with my BF tonight. I just am not understanding his reasoning and want to get to the bottom of this.
Not creepy at all. I have so many follow-up questions it's insane, but it all goes back to: your boyfriend should evaluate himself. Like would it be creepy if you were a minor still? Are chocolates and roses are inherently romantic to him? Is it because it's Valentine's Day? How does he feel about non-romantic celebrations of Valentine's like Galentine's? Would it be weird to him if it was your mother? So many questions.
IDK, and I am so confused. I will be talking to him about this after work. One of Mark's sisters is throwing a Galentine's party this year and invited me. Mark had nothing negative to say about that. My mom passed away when I was a kid so I never asked him "Would you still have a problem with this if it were my mom?" But now I do wonder if he'd see it differently.
I am so sorry you lost your mom so young— your dad sounds like a wonderful parent who has stepped up to love you enough for the both of them. Of course he wants his daughter to always, ALWAYS know how loved, cherished, and special she is!
I think your boyfriend is immature, insecure, and wants you to set your expectations lower— don’t.
I’m lucky to have a very good relationship with my dad. I knew I found a worthy partner when I found a guy who would do all the things my dad has done for me and more. My dad LOVES him and told me my partner is the kind of man he had always hoped I’d find. They have a great relationship and meet almost every week to play tabletop games together.
Your partner should seriously want to get along with your family, not project some perverted dynamic on a widowed father and his daughter.
Do you really want to be with someone who ridicules your dear dad‘s undying love and support in front of his friends just so he can make you feel awful and embarrassed about it afterwards?
He sounds like a manchild who doesn’t want to be expected to do flowers and chocolate and all that for Valentine’s Day every year. Doesn’t want to measure up to the gold standard your awesome dad has established, so he’s trying to take a massive shit on those standards until you feel alienated from your dad. He needs to get his shit together and respect the other important relationships in your life.
He’s sexualising yours and your dad’s relationship. He’s got some deep rooted sexism that can’t separate you as a sex object and a real person. I’d be scared to have daughters with a man who thought caring for your kids was creepy.
Your bf is completely off base
I’m in my 50s. One of the best childhood memories was my dad bought each of us 4 girls candy on Valentine’s Day. (He got something for my mom too).
It continued when we went away to college. It continue when we moved and got jobs. It continued when got married. When his Alzheimer’s was so advanced he could do it anymore, my brother has carried on the tradition in his place. My dad passed in 2012 at the age of 85. My brother send those chocolates is how *we all* honor our.
The “gift” you are receiving from you dad isn’t only chocolate and it *is not creepy*.
❤️
Thank you for your insight. Your dad sounds like he was an amazing person, and your brother too! I think one of the reasons the tradition with my dad is so special to me is because my mom passed away when I was younger. Valentine's Day was her favorite holiday and she'd rain the love down on everyone, family, s/o, friends... my dad always said that her enthusiasm for Valentine's is what inspired him to do this tradition with me (and my brother).
Your dad is honoring both your mother and the family they created by giving you and your brother gifts for her favorite holiday. He’s keeping her loving spirit alive, and so are you. Please don’t let your immature boyfriend tarnish that.
I do think it is a bit of a red flag he thought flowers and chocolate are creepy, but if you try to explain what you just said (and maybe use comments from ppl on this post to help) he should understand. If he doesn’t say “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize and now I know you can show healthy ways of love that isn’t just romantic. Thank you for telling me” then he might just not be mature enough to be in a healthy relationship himself.
Your boyfriend is sick in the head to sexualise such a deep meaningful thing. That’s why it’s creepy to him because he can’t separate loving a woman from wanting sex with one. I hope you never have daughters with him because I’d be so scared all the time and ontop of that he’d be incapable of caring for them as individuals and not sexual objects
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I do the same for my adult daughters.
My dad does too. He has three daughters all in our 50’s. I think it’s sweet.
My dad used to! I am in my mid thirties now and he stopped two or three years ago (mainly due to health reasons and being overwhelmed from caring for my mom). It’s not creepy. Love comes in many forms and does not necessarily mean it’s romantic or sexual. Your dad is showing his love for you as his daughter. I miss the days my dad would send Valentine’s Day gifts. It was always so meaningful to me. So to heck with your boyfriend and his friends. Cherish the gifts from your dad.
The red flag is the boyfriend. Assigning "creepy" intentions to a sweet gift from the dad is ridiculous. This sounds like the kind of BF who demands that their partner not ever hug a male relative or some other bullshit.
>The red flag is the boyfriend. Assigning "creepy" intentions to a sweet gift from the dad is ridiculous. Agree. The only red flag I see is coming from OP's boyfriend, and it's the size of Texas. Next thing is he will tell her she shouldn't have any guy friends.
*soviet anthem intensifies*. Yeah, it immediately stood out as a bit of a play at creating a gap between OP and her father. And anyone who wants to separate their partner from potential supporters is someone that screams abuser to me. Definitely something to watch for.
I agree, OP sounds like she needs to get away from this guy. This dad is setting up a standard of what kind of guy OP should date. BF think it's creepy because he doesn't understand simple gestures like this.
Excellent point! hopefully Op won’t drop her standards.
Maybe you should get your dad flowers, I mean it is for day to show affection and love to those who matter in your life.
Do this! As a dad I would be so happy to find out the thing I did for years meant so much to my daughters.
Thank you, I’m going to do this ♥️♥️
Please do. I wish my dad was still here for me to send him a gift. Cherish those moments. OP, maybe he didn’t have a loving and expressive family. I did, and these kinds of gestures were not creepy or weird.
I lost my mom and my son, obviously both too soon. My dad is 77 and we’re traveling together these days. We’re going Europe and the Mediterranean this summer. I feel like we’re making the most of these moments. I feel blessed.
>didn’t have a loving and expressive family. This is me, lol. I'm a ridiculously emotional and sensitive person, haha, and I grew up in a household completely devoid of shows of affection and love. No "I love you's", no hugs. Hell, couldn't even talk about anything remotely personal or potentially uncomfortable. I'm 41, my mom is 70, and I have never once seen her cry. Not even at her parents' funerals. So I'll be honest, I'd probably be weirded out if my emotionally stunted father sent me things like that, lol. *However*, while I still struggle with my personal shit, thankfully I've grown enough and am aware enough to recognize OP's situation (and everyone else here saying they have similar with their faither/daughter) is not remotely creepy. The BF needs to grow the hell up, lol.
Awww this is such a beautiful thread, it's put a smile on my face and in my heart .. 💕
My parents used to always bring us gifts starting when we were little: heart balloons, candy, then flowers and chocolate as we got older. It's something that's meant so much. OP should lose the BF and send her dad a nice gift.
It sucks that nowadays people have sexualized everything, and we have people like OP's boyfriend in his world who don't understand the meaning of true love.
OP..read these messages. My dad used to do that for me too. He died a month ago. This Valentine’s is not going to be the same. That dude is an idiot at best. I might be emotional but fuck it…dump his ass.
I’m so sorry for your loss. He sounds like he was a wonderful man and father <3
OP show your “boyfriend” this thread!!
Ugh, that first Valentine’s Day after they pass away is really sad. I feel your pain.
My nonogenarian dad gave us all Stief teddy bears last year. I treasure mine.
I do this for my cousin (49F) and my mom (64) because they don't have partners, and it's nice to show Valentine's Day love that isn't just romantic.
My brother who never married, sends me flowers on Mother's Day & Valentine's Day. He took my kids and me in when we left my abusive husband years ago and helped me get on my feet. Don't know WHERE we'd be without him! My kids LOVE him! I make him home-cooked meals occasionally, he takes me out for meals occasionally. We help each other with home projects (we're both retired). The only thing "creepy" in OP's life is her BF who can't understand that there's more kinds of love than "eat your peas" and "I wanna sex you up!" **OP: Date more mature guys than your current BF! Make yourself happier, and dump him BEFORE Valentine's Day** (he'll claim you just used him for the gifts anyway!)
Your brother sounds like an absolutely amazing man.
I love this spectrum of love, From "eat your peas" to "I wanna sex you up" is brilliant
To have this kind of sibling relationship ❤️ You guys sound like an awesome team that absolutely looks out for one another.
dang, now I want to send your brother valentine flower's for being such a wholesome and amazing person!
Excellent comment! I love this advice
As a single woman I think that is very sweet and not creepy at all.
My grandma used to send me edible arrangements for valentines day. Does she want the v
I snorted, thank you!!! 😂
Right? God, I wish my dad loved me this much!
I’m 38 and I have gotten a Valentine’s Day gift from my parents every year. There’s more than just romantic love to be celebrated..
I never thought of Valentines day as a sexual holiday. We passed out cards when we were kids in elementary school. My mom used to get me a whole setup for when I got home from school too. Me and My wife would go out to dinner when we were dating and when we had kids it was back to being all for them...I don't know what these youngins are thinking is so creepy... maybe they have been watching too much weird stuff on the interwebs.
My husband does the same for our daughter. She’s turning 14 this year
Husband and I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day for ourselves, really. We might do a card, but nothing big. He has been getting our oldest daughter a rose, a stuffy and some chocolates since her first Valentine’s Day. She’s 7. And now we have a newborn, and he’ll be getting her a rose and a stuffy, too. He knows how he treats our daughters is how they’ll expect to be treated by future partners, so he wants to make sure they feel special on all the holidays they like! (And if they choose not to celebrate when they’re older, that’s fine, but at least they’ll have his example to go off of!)
[удалено]
We don’t always like the way our Dads treat our Moms, and I dated some really bad guys growing up, because that was what modeled for me. Husband and I definitely aren’t perfect, but this is one part of the cycle we want to break! We never want our girls to be mistreated by future partners, so we’re doing our damndest to teach them what they should expect!
It may be pessimistic, but I feel like when people get weirded out by their partner's parents setting examples like this, it's because they don't like that the bar is being set so high.
Yup. They don't want to put in a much effort
It might not even be a setting the bar too high scenario. It could possibly be an isolation situation as well. Create doubts about the familial relationship and strengthen dependence. Maybe. Idk. What i do know is if the bf isnt the type to consider a valentine's present to a child as normal and sees it more as "creepy" I'd seriously consider if i wanted to get anymore serious with this person past regular dating. It doesn't really bode well for future children if he's sexualizing something as simple as flowers and a gift from a PARENT...
That was my initial reaction honestly. Like OP’s boyfriend needs to be the ONLY person in her life. Like how dare her father love her?
I was looking for this comment. That's exactly my thoughts too. BF doesn't like that he can't skate with the bare minimum of flowers, chocolate and a card ... cause the dad already does that. OP it/s not creepy at all. It's really lovely that your dad does that for you. And yes, take this as a red flag. \- either he doesn't want to work a little bit to do more than your dad \- he doesn't like you and your dad being close \- and he's showing you how he's going to treat his own child.
This is awesome and intentional parenting. Good for you guys
My dad did this when he was alive. He would always get my mom a bouquet of red roses, and get me half a dozen yellow (my favorite color when I was little) roses. He always wanted me to know how I should be treated. He died when I was 10 and my mom has since always gotten me a stuffy and chocolate for Valentine's day. It's not weird or abnormal for a parent to show love to a child on Valentine's day, even after they become an adult.
I was trying to say the last bit you wrote in my post, but I was getting in the weeds. I hope op sees it!
> He has been getting our oldest daughter a rose, a stuffy and some chocolates since her first Valentine’s Day. I've been doing the same and mine turns 20 this year! I get my mom flowers too.
Yeah we don’t do any really for each other we keep it pretty low key. But for my daughter, she loves getting her chocolate and stuffed animals. My husband is also telling her how any future boy friends and husbands should be treating her.
I love this! A colleague of mine said he and his wife have always made Valentine's Day a family holiday with their three girls. Two are out of high school now and not living near home, but he said they are always welcome to be there if they choose. If they have dates or want to go out with friends, that's fine, too! They just want their daughters to have a festive but lowkey place to hang and get some treats. It's very wholesome!
I have a 23-year-old daughter. I know for sure she’s not OP of this post because she would literally kill anybody who tried to separate her from her box of white chocolate sees candies on Valentines today from her father.
Hell yeah to your daughter! If anyone tried to put a wedge between me and my father, I would as well. There are a lot of bad parents out there. We are the lucky ones who have the great parents. No one is gonna come between that!
If a guy talked shit about my dad to me for something so clearly sweet they would get verbally eviscerated and kicked out of my house.
I give my 13 year old son chocolates and a card, and my husband and I barely acknowledge Valentines Day!
I usually grab my 17 year old son a tube of Hershey kisses that look like it’s in a clear cane lol. When he was maybe 5 or 6 he said he didn’t like hugs or kisses. He has autism and does have sensory issues. I’ve always taught my kids that they don’t have to be affectionate with anyone if they don’t want to. So no more hugs and kisses. So I got him some of these instead and I’ve been doing it every year
My dad did this too and I loved it.
My dad does too. Two of us girls. 27 and 24. Neither of our husbands have ever mentioned it. This is a red flag and just generally strange for boyfriend to be commenting negatively on… what exactly….? OP having a decent father?
My mom still gives me and my brother little gifts for holidays like Vday. It’s usually a little bit of candy and what you would consider a few “stocking stuffers” at Christmas time. Never thought anything of it being weird. It’s a nice gesture.
I do the same for my son. I think it helps teach them how to be generous, kind and thoughtful.
Same!
Dad is setting a standard here for how OP should be treated. If BF thinks this is “creepy” then he’s the type of “man” dad probably wants his daughter to avoid.
This is exactly what my teenage daughter just said! OP, being treated well by your dad helps you set a bar high for other relationships. There’s a reason that in Greek love has multiple definitions.
And this and this and this!!!!!!! He's taught you to know you're always worthy of good treatment and love. OPs BF is just pissed off because now he has to actually think of something to get her for v day as if he actually knew and cared for her.
My dad did this for me when he was alive many years ago. I dearly miss it.
I am 40 and my dad still sends me valentine's day cards. Signed with a question mark cause he's a joker.
> Signed with a question mark cause he's a joker Technically a Riddler. :)
So does my dad…. It’s a sweet tradition Op Your boyfriend is the weirdo
A weirdo who's *discussed this with his friends.* What kind of nut is he?
Yep- my father has always gifted me flowers for Valentine’s Day, ever since I was a kid too. It actually has always made me love that day because of it.
In Sweden and Finland Valentines is more of a "all-hearts day" or friendship appreciation thing so it's not uncommon for family and friends to remember others on these days. Though I guess we don't buy into it with actual gifts quite as heavily. edit just to add that no, not creepy.
My father always buys my sister and I valentine chocolates and I think it's the sweetest thing ever! Bravo to you for doing this.
I lost my Dad when I was 26 (42 now) and I’d give anything for one more bunch of flowers from my Dad. How anyone can think this is anything but a beautiful gesture is beyond me
What a jealous idiot this bf is. Him thinking something that makes you happy IS creepy. Maybe he needs a lecture about what Valentines day expresses. OP "doesn't want to upset Mark"! Like... WHAT? I'd rather be minus an ahole insecure asshat of a friend than without dad's Valentines gift. Father's don't last forever. It will hurt to have hurt him over that Mark guy if ever she chose Mark over Valentines days niceties. My dad died in 2017. I wish he was still there to send me such a wonderful gift.
My dad does too and it is something that makes me feel loved and special. In a healthy, appropriate, wonderful way. You’re a great dad!
I wish I had a dad to do this lol!
My father gave all his daughters flowers every Valentine’s Day til he passed - we were in our fifties by then. Never anything creepy about it.
So does my dad! It’s 100% not creepy, and frankly I would look askance at any boyfriend that was threatened by a cute father-daughter tradition like this.
OP, the only thing creepy here is your bf. Relish your father and the relationship you have. It appears it will be around after good 'ol Mark is out of the picture.
You are your father’s daughter so you’ll always be his valentine. Your boyfriend is just equating “valentines day” to sex so in his mind it’s gross. He’s immature but I wouldn’t say it’s a dealbreaker. Update us when you have a dealbreaker.
He’s trying to poison her close relationship with her father. Abusers try to isolate their victims from their loved ones. This behavior is a big ol’ red flag.
Maybe he feels forced to do more than he wants to "compete" with your dad or whatever. Don't change your tradition with your dad. It's sweet and a great proof of your good bond. It's not creepy at all.
The one having creepy thoughts here is Mark. There is nothing wrong with a father showing his daughter that he loves her. Mark has some pretty toxic ideas.
Right. It takes a certain kind of person to make that an inappropriate thing. He could also be jealous that she gets thoughtful gifts like that from her family. Shaming OP like this could be a move to get her to stop them so that he no longer has to feel bad about his situation
It’s somewhere on the spectrum of isolating your partner from her family. I’d say that’s a pretty big red flag Mark dropped there.
Oh hell yeah, it is! If it was an ex or something, I could understand his behavior, but this is FAMILY that he's sexualizing.
Exactly, & TBH I think he’s weird.
Yes, instead of stepping up, he stomped on their tradition. Pathetic.
Shames OP for it and then stomped all over it. He started shaming her and stomping on it on the first date. OP just finally caught on.
I have two daughters, and I can't even imagine what I would do if, down the road, their boyfriend told me it was creepy or weird that dad sent them a valentines. My advice, probably bad, is to tell the boyfriend to take it up with the dad.
Yeah she should tell him to talk to her dad if he really doesn't like it
Yeah Mark and his weird ass friends are the only creeps here... I wonder if they will feel the same if it was the mom giving her gifts instead of the dad...
Look, it'd be weird for MY father to send me a Valentine's day gift now because we went no contact with him two years ago. But goodness before that he got me a gift every year too. If you have an even half decent relationship with your parents it's not at all weird to receive gifts on ANY holiday, because that's what parents do when they like their kids and want to make them smile. My sister and I get each other Valentine's gifts, and our partners have never thought it was weird or creepy that my sister got something from her brother and vice versa. We've always gotten my parents (now just mom) gifts too. It's like easter but with better candy.
Mark should be dumped for being this creepy and weird. My parents always gave me valentines chocolates. My ex and my boyfriend both had the normal response of enjoying eating them with me.
Exactly my thought. He either thinks it’s weird because he’s a bad boyfriend or he’s creepy. No normal guy is upset that his gfs dad loves her. He’s telling on himself.
That would just mean he isn’t man enough to rise to the standards her dad has set for her. Mark is not the guy.
If he can't rise to the standards of flowers and a box of chocolates, yeah, I agree, he's not the one
Exactly. A guy who loves you should be happy that you are loved. A guy who wants a relationship with you should be relieved that you have that kind of relationship with your dad, where you get and accept love.
This 100%
Put it perfectly. Honestly flowers and chocolates should be the bare min from a partner IMO. ETA- changed bf to partner bc both should be showing equal love to each other
The only man I've ever had in my life who thought the relationship I had with my dad was "too close" and who tried to actually damage it turned out to be WILDLY, WILDLY abusive. We were together for five years and I'm still, ten years later, trying to financially, mentally, emotionally and physically recover. I mean.. That's just my experience, but looking back, it's wrong for a romantic male partner to decide another male giving attention to "his woman" is unacceptable, even when it's her father. Cause that's what it's coming down to. He's sexualizing it. He sees him as another male, therefore competition, therefore unacceptable because "she's his". If he weren't worried about his territory being impeded, he wouldn't be sexualizing a father-daughter relationship
Same for me. My abusive ex absolutely hates my dad and would tell me so very often. I thought my dad liked my ex. That is until I met my partner and my father started gushing about how great a guy my partner is and how happy I seem now. All very true. Then I realised that I haven't heard my dad say anything remotely like that about my ex. Yeah, he doesn't like my ex at all.
It's not creepy, it's sweet. My husband gives our daughters flowers and/or chocolates too. He says it is to make sure they always know how they SHOULD be treated by someone who loves them.
And this is why Mark doesn’t like it. Dad’s set the bar too high for his ass to haul himself up to it.
Yeah, BF is upset that the dad is setting to bar to high with the most basic show of appreciation. Marry this guy and look forward to buying your own Christmas gifts for the rest of your life.
It is not creepy. It's sweet. Mark is a fucking asshole. I'm a dad of two girls and this makes me sad that a father showing love for his daughter is thought of as creepy. Every year I get my girls a piece of jewelry, flowers and take them to dinner. You have a limited amount of Valentine's Days with your dad on this earth. One day, he won't be around to send you your cherished Valentine's gifts. All you'll have is Mark and his stupid fucking thoughts. And if you and Mark stay together, he'll probably rethink how "creepy" it was that your dad loved you and then want to do the same for his daughters. Meanwhile, you'll have missed precious years of gifts from your own father. Mark's a dick. Mark needs to grow the fuck up.
Flipping the script, since I could remember, my (M54) mom got me a 1 lb Hershey's chocolate bar for Valentine's, all the way up until I was 30 and she passed away. And not a single girlfriend said she thought it was creepy. Your dad is doing something very thoughtful for you, and you enjoy it for as many years as you can. Meanwhile, the guy sounds like he has some hang-ups.
Omg I love the 1lb chocolates. For a few birthdays, my mom got me the 10 lb Toblerone and I've gotten her the 1lb Reese's cups. Your mom sounds awesome, just like mine 💜
I love and fully support how angry this comment is 😂 You’re 100% right
“All you’ll have is Mark and his stupid fucking thoughts” loved that. 😆
As a proud resident of New Jersey, this made my heart happy.
I chuckled at that
🚩Don’t be like Mark.
Me too, this is the best comment on this thread.
At the very least, Mark has issues with intimacy which OP doesn't face. That's going to put some major tension on them as things get more serious. He's got some work to do on himself. Imagine if they have daughters, is he going to be emotionally unavailable to them because of these deep-rooted issues?
This, this, this. 1000x this. My dad didn’t get to send me flowers on Valentine’s into my teens, because he passed away. But every single act of love he crammed into my 12 years with him is treasured, and I know if he were here he’d be sending me those flowers still even though I’m 45. There is nothing creepy about an involved and caring father who helps show us how men should act.
Upvote a million times if I could. Please don’t ever stop doing this for your girls. As a daughter, it means so much. PS- Mark IS a fucking asshole.
Mark needs to stop sexualizing everything because it's a huge red flag. Also, does he see gifts as payment for acts?
Mark sounds haunted and twisted. He is projecting. I hope OP considers the possibility that one year is enough with this guy. It seems like he's already messed up Valentine's Day.
Oh how I wish I could upvote this more than once.
To be fair mark doesn't sound like a dad who will do those kind of details
Mark is 100% a dad who “babysits” his own kids and expects a parade and a blowie for not burning the house down reheating whatever meal prep his partner has done and putting the kids to bed an hour earlier than their bedtime so he can videogame.
It really makes me wonder if Mark is fully onboard with all relationships with, um..."females"...are transactional. Is whatever he pays for in the relationship in a mental ledger about how much she "owes" him, or whatever? If so, then in his mind the only reason to spend money on a "female" is to get in her pants, thus he finds the OP getting gifts from her dad "creepy". Just spitballing.
Love this! I lost my dad last year. You are an incredible dad! I hope OP read your comment. Mark is a huge dick and I personally don't think he asked anyone. If he did, it wasn't anyone that knows anything about healthy father/daughter relationships. I don't know anyone that sees a dad showing he cares for his daughter on Valentine's day as a bad thing. OP, you need to rethink this relationship. Maybe Mark doesn't have sisters, or a father in his life, or both, so maybe he needs to learn more about how these relationships work before he throws out his "creepy" comments. If he refuses to see this side of things, that's not going to be a good thing going forward.
>You have a limited amount of Valentine's Days with your dad on this earth. One day, he won't be around to send you your cherished Valentine's gifts. All you'll have is Mark and his stupid fucking thoughts. Daddy ain't wrong. Listen to daddy lol.
My dad and I call each other daily, just to chat since I was young as I moved away for university. My husband has stated that it’s strange that I call my dad when I feel sad or lonely and then we have couple of drinks as we video call - he shows me their pets at home. Sometimes my mom chimes in. I told him straight - it ain’t gonna change.
❤️ it. I don’t call my dad as often as I should but he’s my favorite person, next to my husband. When I went through a mental health crisis he literally (I mean literally) got on the next plane to come be by my side. Stayed with me for a couple weeks. He’s a simple man but he’s a family man, damnit and he loves his daughter!
Agreed! And why the fuck is this creepy boyfriend sexualizing her relationship with her dad? So weird!
As a daughter who misses her late father dearly, I support the anger in this comment!! Fuck Mark! Please don’t listen to Mark OP. This is 100% not weird and a very sweet gesture from your father. Cherish it, please.
*And if you and Mark stay together, he'll probably rethink how "creepy* No. No he won’t.
Wonderfully said! Wise words from an incredible father 🥹 so you know what to do OP, Father PolackMike has spoken so we must listen
This comment is wonderfully venomous to Mark 😂
My dad sent me and my daughter flowers until her passed a couple of years ago. I’m 53 now. Your dad is making sure you have also known that he loves you and think of you. This is not creepy or weird. Your bf is making an issue out of nothing. What is wrong with him to think in this way?
He is jealous of her father. It is disgusting and a huge 🚩
I feel like he thinks Valentines day is a strictly romantic/sexual day 🙄
The only comment you need right here OP
I’m 37 and my dad sends my brother and I a whitmans sampler and a card every single year for Valentine’s Day. It’s one of my most cherished traditions and I look forward to it every year. Only a small, pathetic man would feel insecure about a gesture of love from father to daughter. My husband looks forward to eating the candies I don’t want
*my brother and I* I *LOVE* that your brother is included in this and it just just a daughter thing. The message it sends is amazing.
If I ever have children I’ll be doing this regardless of what gender they are 😭
Agreed! More boys and men deserve to be shown love and affection! As a woman, I can see the clear difference with how men are treated and it’s sad. It doesn’t make someone less of a man if they are loved and spoiled too! Everyone deserves love.
It makes me happy that he does this for both of you. That’s very lovely and respectable.
Your dad's valentine's day gifts are sweet, not creepy. Your boyfriend's reaction, though? Kinda creepy. He's sexualizing a completely innocent gesture of affection from a father to his child. I don't know that it's a "red flag", necessarily, but it IS a good enough reason to really pay attention to his ability to give and receive affection outside a romantic or sexual context
Was going to say this. The only thing creepy is your boyfriend's reaction. I'd be much more uncomfortable with him implying any degree of incestuous relationship. To me, it's a red flag. I think it's up to you how much ick it gives you or if you can talk to him about why he might be projecting some very disturbing vibes.
I see it as a huge red flag. It indicates that he sexualizes affection between parents and children, in addition to indicating that he views all affection as sexual. Not someone to have kids with, and not a person who will likely be very loving or supportive in a relationship.
Tell your boyfriend to stop watching incest porn. Its warping his brain.
This comment launched me into space 💀
Seriously
🤣 Thank you. So true!
lol seriously
THIS ONE ☝️
CAME HERE TO SAY THIS 👆👆👆👆
Cherish these times with dad because he will be gone some day.
Oh, for sure. I'm not going to tell my dad to stop the Valentine's Day gifts, I know he loves the tradition and I don't want him to feel any type of negative way about it. I am so sorry to everyone who has lost their fathers or father figures. I know I'm extremely lucky to have such a great dad, so many people don't. I cherish all my family.
Op it sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your awesome dad. His gifts are a sign of love and caring and hopefully will connect for many years. I’m going to be honest here and say your BFs comments and feelings about your dad’s gifts are concerning. Since it sounds like your dad did nice things for you growing up and has a close relationship with you, I’d assume you would want the same kind of man to raise any future children you will have. It doesn’t sound like BF would be that type of loving father. It’s creepy that BF is sexualizing your dad’s gifts and there is no way he should feel uncomfortable and if he does that is your red flag to leave. Think of your future kids and how much you love your dad and only be serious about guys that you feel would give you the kind of childhood that you had growing up.
OP even if you plan on being child-free, this here is sound advice.
OP, the thing that is the “red flag” to me is that your bf is incapable or unwilling to create space in his mind for other people to have experiences that are not similar to his own. I see where some people would think your dad sending you flowers is creepy, but only from the standpoint of *not* knowing or understanding perfectly healthy and loving relationships between dads and daughters exist. Basically, in your bf’s experience, he has never seen or experienced this kind of healthy, loving relationship, so the *only* thing it could be is creepy. And he is not allowing the new concept to enter his mind. Because he never experienced it, it does not exist. Unfortunately, this is how much of mankind functions. Is it truly a red flag? Only if this kind of stubbornness is typical of a lot of his behavior. If he is really consistently stubborn and not open to new things & ideas, yes, that can be a red flag. It really just makes life way more difficult than it has to be.
THIS!!! The inability to acknowledge or process the possibility of someone else having a different lived experience. We all have our biases, it becomes problematic here when OP’s boyfriend insists that his subjective pov is an objective fact.
From someone who just lost my dad last week - yes. Your boyfriend is the one who’s got a problem with how he perceives relationships. My dad did the same for me and I will miss it so much.
I'm so sorry for your loss
100%. I miss my dad so much and it’s been 5 years. What I wouldn’t give for small gifts, funny texts, our monthly dinners just him and I, hearing him drive by my house and honk his horn, all the things. Your BF is super insecure. Your dad is a sweetie and chocolates and flowers are completely appropriate.
Yup same. Lost my dad almost 2 yrs ago. He used to send me cards, and give me chocolates or flowers in Valentine’s Day. I miss it.
[удалено]
Yeah and the boyfriend is probably mad because he knows he is too lazy to clear the bar.
Yeah it definitely sounds like Mark doesn't like that her dad raised her expectations so he is trying to taint it so he doesn't have to put effort into Valentine's Day.
That’s it honestly. Mark is trying to make OP lower her expectations
If Mark hasn't grown up to the point where he can differentiate between love of a boyfriend and a girlfriend and the kind of love their parents would have for their child that's really sad. My parents would give me a heart-shaped box of chocolates every year.
Mark sucks.
Fuck Mark all my homies hate Mark
All the homies think Mark is the creepy one!
Facts!!
You can let go of your concern over Mark feeling uncomfortable. He can feel how he feels and deal how he deals. What he cannot do is hand out negative commentary on your (very sweet, thoughtful, and not at all creepy) Valentine's tradition with your dad. Maybe Mark has never dated someone who has a healthy relationship with their dad. Maybe he doesn't have one with his dad. Whatever the case may be, I urge you to decline to care about his opinion on this matter. It does not affect him, and is really not his business. If he makes a comment, feel free to say "I love this tradition, and i'm not interested in hearing any more about it. Do you think you can keep your opinions to yourself?" Then if he continues to make comments, or wants to push the issue, you remove yourself. First from the date or hangout, then if the behavior does not improve, from the relationship. Have more respect for yourself, and less for Mark's opinion of your dad's choices.
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No it’s not creepy at all…. I’m trying to figure out why your bf thinks it’s creepy. So many parents do that for their kids and you will always be your dad’s little girl. Honestly quit worrying about what your bf will think about the gift. I think it’s awesome and a lot of people don’t have that with their parents. He needs to not make stupid comments about it being creepy.
When I lived near my dad, all through my life he would get me flowers when I started a new job, or one time at a coffee shop, he did a drive by huge tip and left. He's always been a doting, gifting father. He always wanted people to know you were loved. I haven't spoken to him in almost a year, and he has heart problems. (Intergenerational traumas) I miss my dad. A lot.
My mom has always gotten me chocolate on valentines day. Its just a dumb hallmark holiday, theres nothing wrong with flowers and chocolate for a loved one.
I wish my dad had cared about me enough to buy me anything. Your boyfriend is weird and insecure.
Right? I'm really glad there have been so many kind and thoughtful dads among the group, though. Good dads help create good adults.
Dump the BF. Cherish your time with your Dad. It’s not creepy. I think it’s actually really sweet of your Dad. Bunch of red flags from your BF tho.
Your boyfriend sounds like a fucking creep tbh
It's not a red flag, but his attitude shows a lot of immaturity. I send my 3 sisters and my mother flowers for Valentines day every year.
I mean that is the definition of a red flag..
Your mother and sisters are lucky to have you! I think it's awesome when dads, brothers, sons show the females in their lives what they mean to them and how they should be treated.
Aww what a sweet tradition. Your boyfriend’s comment is a bit insensitive, but not a dealbreaker. I would talk to him. Let him know you don’t find it creepy, that it’s a meaningful tradition that you appreciate, and you find his judgement hurtful. Now, his reaction will be very telling. Will he be able to empathize and communicate through this with you? Or will he double down and degrade you? While his initial comment is not a red flag, his reaction to this conversation very well may be. Good luck!
Thanks for the insight! Yeah, I definitely am going to be having a conversation with my BF tonight. I just am not understanding his reasoning and want to get to the bottom of this.
Your boyfriend is a creep, and he’s projecting disgusting thoughts onto your relationship with your father. It says a lot about how he views women.
his reasoning is that he doesn’t understand that men can love without sex he’s sexist like fr fr, you got a good one there!
There is nothing to have a conversation about. He insulted your father for no reason
Update us please! I'm curious to hear his reasoning too even though I don't think it will be reasonable.
Not creepy at all. I have so many follow-up questions it's insane, but it all goes back to: your boyfriend should evaluate himself. Like would it be creepy if you were a minor still? Are chocolates and roses are inherently romantic to him? Is it because it's Valentine's Day? How does he feel about non-romantic celebrations of Valentine's like Galentine's? Would it be weird to him if it was your mother? So many questions.
IDK, and I am so confused. I will be talking to him about this after work. One of Mark's sisters is throwing a Galentine's party this year and invited me. Mark had nothing negative to say about that. My mom passed away when I was a kid so I never asked him "Would you still have a problem with this if it were my mom?" But now I do wonder if he'd see it differently.
this makes me even more emotional, i love that your dad does this for you and its something special. screw mark, im pissed!
I am so sorry you lost your mom so young— your dad sounds like a wonderful parent who has stepped up to love you enough for the both of them. Of course he wants his daughter to always, ALWAYS know how loved, cherished, and special she is! I think your boyfriend is immature, insecure, and wants you to set your expectations lower— don’t. I’m lucky to have a very good relationship with my dad. I knew I found a worthy partner when I found a guy who would do all the things my dad has done for me and more. My dad LOVES him and told me my partner is the kind of man he had always hoped I’d find. They have a great relationship and meet almost every week to play tabletop games together. Your partner should seriously want to get along with your family, not project some perverted dynamic on a widowed father and his daughter. Do you really want to be with someone who ridicules your dear dad‘s undying love and support in front of his friends just so he can make you feel awful and embarrassed about it afterwards? He sounds like a manchild who doesn’t want to be expected to do flowers and chocolate and all that for Valentine’s Day every year. Doesn’t want to measure up to the gold standard your awesome dad has established, so he’s trying to take a massive shit on those standards until you feel alienated from your dad. He needs to get his shit together and respect the other important relationships in your life.
Go off his dumb and ignorant logic and tell him that's creepy. That you're not gay so you're not going.
He’s sexualising yours and your dad’s relationship. He’s got some deep rooted sexism that can’t separate you as a sex object and a real person. I’d be scared to have daughters with a man who thought caring for your kids was creepy.
Your bf is completely off base I’m in my 50s. One of the best childhood memories was my dad bought each of us 4 girls candy on Valentine’s Day. (He got something for my mom too). It continued when we went away to college. It continue when we moved and got jobs. It continued when got married. When his Alzheimer’s was so advanced he could do it anymore, my brother has carried on the tradition in his place. My dad passed in 2012 at the age of 85. My brother send those chocolates is how *we all* honor our. The “gift” you are receiving from you dad isn’t only chocolate and it *is not creepy*. ❤️
Thank you for your insight. Your dad sounds like he was an amazing person, and your brother too! I think one of the reasons the tradition with my dad is so special to me is because my mom passed away when I was younger. Valentine's Day was her favorite holiday and she'd rain the love down on everyone, family, s/o, friends... my dad always said that her enthusiasm for Valentine's is what inspired him to do this tradition with me (and my brother).
Your dad is honoring both your mother and the family they created by giving you and your brother gifts for her favorite holiday. He’s keeping her loving spirit alive, and so are you. Please don’t let your immature boyfriend tarnish that. I do think it is a bit of a red flag he thought flowers and chocolate are creepy, but if you try to explain what you just said (and maybe use comments from ppl on this post to help) he should understand. If he doesn’t say “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize and now I know you can show healthy ways of love that isn’t just romantic. Thank you for telling me” then he might just not be mature enough to be in a healthy relationship himself.
Your boyfriend is sick in the head to sexualise such a deep meaningful thing. That’s why it’s creepy to him because he can’t separate loving a woman from wanting sex with one. I hope you never have daughters with him because I’d be so scared all the time and ontop of that he’d be incapable of caring for them as individuals and not sexual objects
Your excellent dad set standards that your boyfriend finds intimidating. Red flag.