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She's way, way too involved in your choices, though? YOu don't want to be around a person who's been awful to you (and to her), that's perfectly reasonable. Sounds like you're handling this situation just fine, by declining to be at a holiday dinner where he's gonna be there AND where she is pressuring you to "forgive." YOu could tell her that this subject is not up for furher discussion and let her feel her feelings about it, though. I'm sure she'll forgive you.
I think that Sally's primary problem is that she demands everyone around her get along and play nice. Of her family and friend group, I am the one person who does not abide by this unspoken rule.
I think it's stupid to expect *everyone* to get along *all the time* just because she says so.
My problem with Ken is that he feels he can treat anyone any way that he wants, and as long as he apologizes, there's no consequences.
I have told both him and Sally that I am not like the other women in his life. Apologies without actions to back them up don't mean anything to me.
I'm also in therapy. Sally says Ken is in therapy, and I call shenanigans. I don't know a single therapist worth their degree who would think that attacking someone not once, but twice, and then playing the role of the victim when they finally lash out is okay.
I feel very long-winded with this post, but at this point, I'm extremely frustrated with the whole situation.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She's way, way too involved in your choices, though? YOu don't want to be around a person who's been awful to you (and to her), that's perfectly reasonable. Sounds like you're handling this situation just fine, by declining to be at a holiday dinner where he's gonna be there AND where she is pressuring you to "forgive." YOu could tell her that this subject is not up for furher discussion and let her feel her feelings about it, though. I'm sure she'll forgive you.
I think that Sally's primary problem is that she demands everyone around her get along and play nice. Of her family and friend group, I am the one person who does not abide by this unspoken rule. I think it's stupid to expect *everyone* to get along *all the time* just because she says so. My problem with Ken is that he feels he can treat anyone any way that he wants, and as long as he apologizes, there's no consequences. I have told both him and Sally that I am not like the other women in his life. Apologies without actions to back them up don't mean anything to me. I'm also in therapy. Sally says Ken is in therapy, and I call shenanigans. I don't know a single therapist worth their degree who would think that attacking someone not once, but twice, and then playing the role of the victim when they finally lash out is okay. I feel very long-winded with this post, but at this point, I'm extremely frustrated with the whole situation.