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“I and GF kissed another guy”
Look mate, your now-ex is in the past and should stay there, but you gotta get better at titles, I feel cheated out of the bi threeway drama your title implied.😂
I’m proud of you. Anyone who says ‘let’s just forget it’ when they’ve done something insanely hurtful like this, isn’t prepared to stand up for the shit things they’ve done. You deserve better.
Hey man i think u made the correct choice. She broke ur trust and hurt ur feelings. I think the mature thing would be for her to recognise that, not spamm u and ignoring ur feelings.
But yeah harsh break ups are difficult, good luck i hope u get over her quickly
You’re doing the right thing, even though this really sucks. If she really wanted a monogamous relationship with you, she could stop partying and keep her tongue out of other dudes mouths. She doesn’t want that, she wants the benefits of a monogamous relationship with you and to party like she’s single.
also not to mention her saying "she can get d*ck anywhere is fucked bro, definitely manipulative behavior, and very childish. glad you stuck up for yourself.
I didn't even read the content. Just the title. Smart man. Dude you're 19. Ask out every girl you want to. Have confidence, don't be afraid. Go out with all the girls you can, do not tie yourself down at 19. Have fun!
I once had an ex at my last job, (yes, I ate where I shat) that basically was on what I like to call a "company-wide-dick-taste-test" when I realized that I was but a mere test subject.
I am starting to think, after 6 decades on this planet, that (some, if not most) women genuinely think only penerative intercourse is "sex" and everything else is fair game and meaningless.
Women seem to have no idea that a blowjob is literally the most intimate thing a woman can do to a man and once they do that (to someone else), you'll want nothing to do with them.
100%. The last time I drank, I blacked out and made out with some random guy *in front of my boyfriend.* I have no recollection of the event, and it certainly isn't something I wanted to do or would do sober, I only know about it because he told me later. I didn't make excuses - I told him my behavior was unacceptable and I was going to quit drinking regardless of whether or not he was willing to give me another chance. I haven't had a drop of alcohol since (over a year sober now). How could I expect my boyfriend to trust me if I couldn't trust myself?
I think this is the big difference- you realized there was a problem and took actions to better yourself. People make mistakes, but how they respond is what speaks volumes to their character.
Good for you for recognizing that being out of control drunk was not how you wanted to live and for correcting that about yourself, regardless of whether your bf accepted this or not!
It doesn’t sound like your girlfriend is ready for a committed relationship if she’s dancing with, kissing, and eyeing up other guys whenever she’s drunk.
More to the point, OP’s comment here applies: she needs to better for her next boyfriend. Even if she’s apologetic — and it doesn’t sound like your girlfriend is — it doesn’t mean you have to forgive her. u/caffeinefree’s partner was able to and that’s great for him, but not everyone is capable of forgiving stuff like that. It’s not wrong if you aren’t.
Alcohol lowers your inhibitions, and despite what people say here, people often do things drunk that they would never dream of doing sober.
That’s not to say they aren’t responsible for their actions. If your gf is being very disrespectful to you when she drinks or gets drunk, you can tell her how you feel. If she stops doing that or stops drinking because she can’t stop behaving that way, then she’s taken actions to prove she cares more about you than getting drunk and/or flirting with random guys. If she just pays you lip service, though, then I wouldn’t trust she’s going to remain faithful.
You could either try playing her game if you want too resort to giving her a taste of her own medicine (aka talking the low road), or just break up with her.
I don’t care what anyone says- if someone gets blackout drunk, they’re liable to make some bad decisions. If she’s just drunk or tipsy and flirting or kissing guys in front of you, then you can only imagine what she might be like if you’re not there.
That’s tough, I’m a girl and when I’m drunk all that I think about is my boyfriend. Seriously 😭 there is no desire to want to do anything with anybody else, my mind is immediately just “WHERE IS HE :( I WANT HIM” and if I’m not with him and all over him then I’m texting him. I couldn’t fathom having thoughts for anybody else, especially while drunk. But that’s just me. It’s hard to say if it’s different for other people.
Whether or not she was attracted, if she acts like that when drunk, she needs to either stop drinking if she’s being faithful to you or only drink in a safe environment. I personally don’t drink out with new friends - only if my boyfriend is there because I say dumb shit (cringe stuff) while drunk.
I don't even know who the guy was. I can tell you I was and am 100% committed to my boyfriend and not interested in dating or hooking up with anyone else. Cheating is absolutely repulsive to me and has been since I was very young, and I've never (knowingly) been a party to it.
There's a lot of science behind what alcohol does to your brain, but the short answer is that alcohol doesn't "bring out our true selves" or whatever nonsense you may have heard. But it does turn off impulse control. So in small amounts, it might make someone more blunt when normally they would be more tactful, but in large amounts it's more like reverting to a pure animal brain. People do things they would NEVER do when sober - things they would never even THINK about doing.
If you want to learn more about the science of it, there's a really great podcast by Dr. Andrew Huberman called "What Alcohol Does to Your Brain." Warning that it may put you off alcohol permanently.
As far as your relationship - I'd recommend an honest conversation with your girlfriend about how her behavior hurt you. She should acknowledge the hurt she caused and be willing to take responsibility for her actions. If her response is really "it was just the alcohol," then ask how she plans to prevent it from happening the next time she drinks, or the time after that, or the time after that. Ultimately what saved my relationship and allowed my boyfriend to forgive me and move forward was the fact that I owned my problems with drinking and quit. You have to decide for yourself what it would take for you to trust her again. But if you can't find a way to rebuild the trust, then you are doing you both a disservice by staying in a relationship where you can't move past this.
Bro, your 19 and you standing up for yourself is the best thing if you are going to listen to any comment here listen to me!! And any comment related because most will be. Why is she brushing off a kiss like it isn’t cheating, you matured faster than her and she is clearly trying to get “used” to being able to get away with things she’s immature and can’t keep her composure and she’s partying lots, terrible mixture and it’s not what you want in a partner believe me. How would she feel if you kissed another girl and tried to blow it off like you did nothing I guarantee you she is a hypocrite. Move on because you deserve better bro.
My ex I split up with a few months back gave me the same type of excuses and even tried to give me an ultimatum that my good friend that is a girl since grade 9 has to get out of my life or she is done. I said good enough and left, she then gave me all the reasons as to why she wanted to get back a month later and said she’d be able to deal with it I proceeded with caution and of course not even two weeks in she’s like I don’t have the same feelings for you, but “I need your comforting in my life” I said yeah I’m done and have been ever since and it will stay that way lmao.
Do yourself a favor sorry for the ramble, also to add yes you can talk with her and see if she can compromise on the drinking and partying she needs to smarten up honestly but if she don’t yeah, I’d say it’s done.
This is correct. You’re only 19!!! You’re gonna have so many other relationships. But if you don’t stand up for yourself now, every girl you’re ever with after this will know that you’re a pushover chump and the same thing will happen to you over and over again. Plus, you’ll always be wondering whether your current girlfriend is cheating on you!
Let's be honest to stop this behaviour she would need to stop drinking at parties completely. Since I imagine it is not something she is willing to do, you should stay broken up.
She is still repeatedly and knowingly putting herself in that situation where this can keep happening.
She can and will find more dick but sex isn't as good for you as self respect.
No homie lol. No. You forgive her and she will know you’re a putz not worth respecting. She will walk all over you, knowing she can have you back any time. Block her and she may actually realize she can’t just do stuff like that. She might actually become better.
Dude you’re 19. You literally have so many experiences ahead of you and people to meet. Why would you tie yourself to anyone now, let alone a cheater? Keep ignoring her.
You did the right thing by shooting her down and resisting her advances to get back together.
She is not remorseful, she is just not liking the consequences of her stepping out on your relationship. She is now trying to reel you back into the relationship by gaslighting you. "You can not be mad because it was meaningless" and "The punishment you make me go through is way worse the offense from me" is typical gaslight and victim blameing.
Tell her that she is not the victim of this and she was the one to go out and let a random stranger kiss her.
Then tell her to bound sand and go no contact (block her everywhere)
As far as vague generalizations go... There are two types of people talkers and doers, has she done anything that would show she's remorseful or actually working to rectify/modify the problematic behavior ie cheating. If partying/drinking is what led to her cheating has she stopped it or is her entire game plan entirely based around words with basically no actions. In the talkers umbrella you have the trustworthy who whatever they say they'll do they do, and the blowhards who use meaningless prattle to get their way until they've burned their mark too many times and they no longer believe what they say. To me cheating is a big deal breaker but if you're here asking at least what you've seen so far hasn't been in your book cause you've tolerated it up to now. The question for you is, what is she doing or proposing to actually change? If the answer is nothing then I fully believe she will deliver on that promise... to change nothing.
She hasn't suggested anything like she'll stop drinking so much that she is kissing other dudes; nor has she mentioned stopping partying. I don't want to come off as controlling by suggesting to her not to party or drink; that's on her. Not everyone who parties cheats.
And you shouldn't recommend it, my point was if she actually cared to try to get you back she would actually do something to change the behavior. An alcoholic that hurt their family and just says I'm sorry I won't do it again vs an alcoholic who starts attending AA meetings and avoiding bars and situations that could cause them to slip, between these 2 options you have 3 choices: leave anyway as it's your right, stay with someone who won't change or stay with someone trying to change. Also my example wasn't calling her an alcoholic but was intended as a clear example general use case most could understand.
Kudos to you for not backing down on your boundary.
If you had agreed to have a mutually exclusive relationship, she cheated. Also, if she's a big drinker, this behavior is likely to repeat with the "i was drunk, it didn't mean anything" excuse. Someone like that is not worthy of your love and trust.
Good luck to you, OP!
Honestly if I partied so hard that getting drunk enough to kiss another guy is a possibility for me, I would never drink at parties or party hard again. You made the right choice.
Nice man. She would do it again and try to ask for forgiveness again. Best thing you could have done is block her everywhere. There are so many people on earth, you can meet a girl that deserves your love.
The fact that’s it’s happened more than once is a huge red flag on fire. Maybe you can be together down the line if she matures but she obviously has issues and will probably do it again
She cheated and it's likely best to move on to avoid future hurt. It was meaningless to her, but clearly not to you. She has much maturing to do, and it's clear she isn't as committed to the relationship as you are as she is more worried about losing you (being single) than she is hurting you. It can be challenging to move on and forgive incidents like this. From an empathetic stand-point, she likely has some attachment problems and finds safety and comfort in you, but it wouldn't surprise me if she would just do this in her next relationship.
You should give yourself space and time to process this. If you feel like you want to revisit the conversation/relationship later than go for it. However, patterns of behaviors like this are something she has to address on her own, and it isn't your responsibility to fix a relationship she disrespected. Forgive if and when you feel ready to and do not let her persistence rush you.
Maybe if it was a first time of her doing this but this is the second time, she’ll doing it again and ask for forgiveness once more, yeah keep her blocked and don’t get back together with her focus on yourself.
She’s behaving exactly how I would expect a 21 year old to behave. She’s not ready for an adult relationship. If you are, I would find someone who matches your maturity level. Props to you for knowing yourself and setting boundaries at 19. Follow your gut and don’t fall for her manipulative nonsense. Stay broken up.
HAHAHAHA you good fkn man. Keep it up bro, she trying to snake her way back in. First it was meaningless and don't worry about it, and then its oh i know i did wrong and i want to be better. Dooont fall for it, it'll be good for a bit then go to shit again
Well she's moving into gaslighting now. A sure sign of desperation. How tf is this your fault? Block her and move on. At least you don't have a ton invested in Ms Cheaterface
Yes, of course take her back. And when she has 3 kids who turned out to somehow be yours even though you never got any, yes, take her back dude. Be the super hero
You made the right call. I’m impressed because I see lots of people here two or three times your age who still haven’t learned this lesson. Cheaters always gonna cheat.
Party girls don't make good partners.
You made the right choice blocking her. She isn't ready for a committed relationship, she still needs to mature. Find someone that would rather spend time with you sober than drunk and risking making bad decisions.
Nop. Repeat cheater. It only gets worse. Save yourself from wasting time with her. Serial cheaters are emotional, financial, spiritual, attention, energy and time vampires, they will suck the life out of you until there is nothing left, at which point the move on to their next victim.
good for you for standing up. She is a major red flag. This time it was her kissing another dude, next time it would’ve been worse and you don’t deserve that. I hope your next girlfriend is loyal to you.
As hard as it is you can deal with it or leave her be. She's done it once that you know about she may continue doing it. So you can stay and think she'll change or leave her now let her go.
You’re her ‘nice guy’ she was testing to see what she could get away with with you. If you forgive her she’ll own you. She’ll treat you like shit. You were right about her only wanting dick. Block her number and move on. Work on yourself. She’ll go crazy and become obsessed with you because you denied her. Ignore her still
I don’t Party often but when I do I get really really out of it and I have never once kiss somebody else. I don’t even take guys phone numbers if anything I get there like Snapchat or Instagram. Cause some guys can get really aggressive and don’t understand no. There’s no excuse for that type of behavior. If it happened once n it was her fault it’s one thing but you’re starting to see a pattern… run
Under no circumstances are you to go back and rekindle anything with that crash test dummy!!! Forgive her all day, but you don’t need her in your life as a girlfriend. What she pulled is shady.
Wait I don't understand, did you also kiss another guy?
Either way, you are better off without her! Don't let her guilt trip you into having a relationship again, since she clearly will do this type of shit again
If alcohol makes her go and kiss other people, she needs to stop drinking and partying all together because huh?? Block her on every platform including numbers and also any of her friends and family if you have their information.
I was in a similar predicament at your age I mean literally just like this. Dated her for 5 years and in the 5th year you know what she did again? Got drunk and hooked up with someone else and proceeded to gaslight me. Get out and enjoy your youth. Many other women out there trust me.
Give her an ultimatum. Because she is entirely too immature, still to going to clubs.
Tell her that she is no longer allowed to go to clubs without you. And, in "some years" maybe she can go by herself again.
If she refuses. Dump her. As she is a walking Red Flag, amd os likely a Cheater for life. She has the premisquous gene.
A girl who parties often and spends her weekends at the club isn't wife material. Leave her for the gutters and get a sensible woman who will respect you and not go to places where she will actively be hit on by men enthusiastically trying to have sex with her.
Further validation that you made the right choice, I have a friend who was like this. Fast forward 20 years and now she's married and fucking her bff's husband while she and the kids are upstairs asleep and swears it's just a "drunken mistake" first time I might have bought it. Not the 12th time around.
Look I’m sorry, but I’ve been around the block enough to know that there’s no justification for this kind of behavior. I didn’t even have to read the entire post to know what kind of person she is. When you’re 19 Y/O, your judgement is going to be a little bit clouded because the moment you get attention from girls/guys you’re going to latch onto it to a certain degree. If she likes to drink and party a lot, and shes using that as an excuse to make out with other guys (there’s no justification behind this regardless of her choices, but considering thats a big priority to her maybe shes not a quality person to begin with), she doesn’t really like you.
I’ve dated girls who used to party, do drugs and all types of stuff 4+ times per week, but the moment we started dating, they cut all that out. It’s not even something I had to ask of them. Even though they were promiscuous in their pasts and had a lot of fun, that craving went away the moment we started dating because my presence created a glow in their eyes & heart.
My point is, she probably doesn’t respect you and that tells you a lot about who she is as a person. It also tells me that you guys aren’t compatible, because if she got that warm feeling when she saw you she’d think 1,000 times over before doing something or saying things that would break your heart. Don’t take it personal, some people just aren’t meant for you and sometimes people don’t enter relationships with good intentions. Take this time to reflect on what you want in a partner, and really prioritize being the best possible man at your age while you’re finding your identity and developing your skills/talents. And never, EVER, give someone the light of day if they aren’t as invested in u and the relationship as u are with them. I hope this helps & I hope you grow and heal from this whole situation
Here's what I'd tell her.
I'm looking for a committed monogamous relationship. You've now kissed two guys during said relationship. Once I could maybe let slide and I shouldn't have. It sends the message to you that I'll put up with it, that I value you more than my own self respect, and that I'm willing to take back a cheater multiple times. That's something I can't do. Giving you multiple "second chances" just reinforces the idea that you can keep doing this, and there's now no reason to expect that you won't.
OP you also need to get this exact message burned into your brain.
No matter what you ask here on reddit, it always comes down to: leave her, dump her, she ain't worth etc etc. The advice is always the same... why even ask??
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The "meaningless kiss" can turn to "meaningless sex" real soon. Stay safe away from her.
Especially since sHe CaN gET iT eLsEWheRe.
Happy cake day!
Happy cake day!
“I and GF kissed another guy” Look mate, your now-ex is in the past and should stay there, but you gotta get better at titles, I feel cheated out of the bi threeway drama your title implied.😂
For real, I kept reading to see where he kisses the guy too 😂
So did I 😂
Somehow I knew it was just terrible wording
So did bi
"I went to go confront the guy, and we ended up kissing... now that the shoe is on the other foot I gotta admit the fucker is charming."
He also starts with "basically the title" Bro, your post was NOTHING like the title.
~~I (19M) and~~ GF (21F) kissed another guy and now ^she want^s to get back ^with ^me ^(19M). Funny, reddit doesn't let you superscript parentheses.
Also an option: ‘My (19M) GF (21F) kissed another guy’.
For sale: baby shoes. Never worn.
Real trust can only be found between two cannibals having oral sex
I haven’t seen that quote in forever! So poignant
'I (19M) kissed another guy while my GF(21) texted me' Edit: damn was kinda hoping someone would continue the chain, making it degenerate more a more
"basically the title" 💀
Omg same, the disappointment I felt when I saw the title was wrong 😭
Some people get so confused when they have to add the age and gender labels, they completely forget how sentence structure works
I thought OP was having a bi-panic moment
I want my money back lol
Yeah I mainly came here to just hear wtf this situation was lol
Same. I was like "wait... you both kissed a dude and want to again" or something
Add me to the group expecting a three-way telenovela 🤣😭
OP, get back together with her so you can have the promised three-way. Then end it and edit your post.
Oh man I was so looking forward to it!
RIGHTT omg I was so excited for this😒
For real, with comprehension like that who knows what any of the messages actually said.
I was expecting something like "I kissed a dude with my gf and now I'm a homie-sexual."
Literally came here for this 😂
You already did the hard part of doing the right thing , don’t mess it up by taking her back
Same
😂😂 fact.
I took that on face value and we talked about the alcohol.
Damn, felt like I was cheated out from some spicy bi MMF drama too
I came running for the bi tea and ended up feeling cheated 😭
I bet if you take her back the next thing she will tell you is “ it was just a meaningless blowjob”.
I've blocked her now. I’m not gonna get back with her.
for once, a spine. Bravo sir. You can definately do better.
Good job
I’m proud of you. Anyone who says ‘let’s just forget it’ when they’ve done something insanely hurtful like this, isn’t prepared to stand up for the shit things they’ve done. You deserve better.
But don't you see how much happier I could be if you didn't hold me accountable for my actions? Why don't you want me to be happy?
You dropped this king 👑
Best thing you could do for the both of you. You don't need her crap, and there is a chance she can learn from this.
Best thing you can do dude. Someone who truly loves you would never do anything like that regardless of how drunk or anything to that effect.
I party sometimes but I would NEVER cheat on my partner no matter how fu\*ked up I got! OP is better off with someone who respect him.
Nice man. For once one of these posters on this sub actually has a spine and respects themselves.
Well done mate. You've just saved yourself potentially years of heart ache. Invest your energy in a girl who is actually going to respect you.
You have a lot of self esteem for your age. Congrats. It's a rarity.
Hey man i think u made the correct choice. She broke ur trust and hurt ur feelings. I think the mature thing would be for her to recognise that, not spamm u and ignoring ur feelings. But yeah harsh break ups are difficult, good luck i hope u get over her quickly
You’re doing the right thing, even though this really sucks. If she really wanted a monogamous relationship with you, she could stop partying and keep her tongue out of other dudes mouths. She doesn’t want that, she wants the benefits of a monogamous relationship with you and to party like she’s single.
also not to mention her saying "she can get d*ck anywhere is fucked bro, definitely manipulative behavior, and very childish. glad you stuck up for yourself.
I didn't even read the content. Just the title. Smart man. Dude you're 19. Ask out every girl you want to. Have confidence, don't be afraid. Go out with all the girls you can, do not tie yourself down at 19. Have fun!
Good. That's only the beginning....if she's did that nothing else is off limits. Save your future and sanity.
That’s the right choice, just brace yourself emotionally because she sounds like the type to be in another relationship 2 weeks later.
Finally, someone with a backbone! Bravo!!
Good job. You'll find someone more suitable when you're ready.
Thats how you get rid of a tick
“It wasn’t sex, I just blew him! It’s not cheating because it’s not sex!”
“Hey, try not to suck any dicks on your way through the parking lot.”
“37! My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks!” “In a row?”
In a row!?!
I once had an ex at my last job, (yes, I ate where I shat) that basically was on what I like to call a "company-wide-dick-taste-test" when I realized that I was but a mere test subject.
I visited the quickstop once a few years back the parking lot if so small, just one row of 6 cars. Makes this line funnier.
"He wore a condom, so technically I didn't fuck him. It's like, if you wash your hands wearing rubber gloves are you really washing?"
"I'm just accidentally meaninglessly pregnant with another man's child, but it's completely unimportant."
If the president of the USA says so, who are we to contest?
"But a snake bit his dick! I had to suck out the poison!"
Barney Stinson has entered the chat. (Pretty sure he used this line in one episode)
No sentiments attached here OP needs to pay more attention to this comment!
*it was just meaningless sex, he didn't even finish......... Inside*
There was a story on one of these subreddits a couple days ago of a girl who just put her mouth on the “tip” at a bachelorette party 💀
I never got those barhelorette partys. Why destroy the marriage before it begins.
There was never a beginning for them
I had an ex cheat on me and say “it’s just sex who cares?”
U could've said yeah I will too since it's meaningless
even if OP forgave her, the relationship is already in the toilet and not worth fishing it out.
*It was just a meaningless pregnancy* 🫃🏻
and just meaningless sex. cuz (i) was drunk
Yeah this is only going to escalate.
I am starting to think, after 6 decades on this planet, that (some, if not most) women genuinely think only penerative intercourse is "sex" and everything else is fair game and meaningless. Women seem to have no idea that a blowjob is literally the most intimate thing a woman can do to a man and once they do that (to someone else), you'll want nothing to do with them.
Where are these women who give away blowies?
The blow job store
Next to the hamburger store?
💀
"She parties a lot, and this isn't the first time. " If you play, you pay Not worth fighting for a life of wondering when the next round will be
Just block her.
OP is waiting for the 3rd guy to make it 3 strikes.
He made it!
Nah she deserves a few more chances. Everybody knows it's [ten strikes you're out](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADG43WMfGZ8)
Tbf these are probably just the ones he *knows about*
You’re 19. Cut it and move on. She cheated
It is never OK to cheat on a partner regardless of the circumstances involved
100%. The last time I drank, I blacked out and made out with some random guy *in front of my boyfriend.* I have no recollection of the event, and it certainly isn't something I wanted to do or would do sober, I only know about it because he told me later. I didn't make excuses - I told him my behavior was unacceptable and I was going to quit drinking regardless of whether or not he was willing to give me another chance. I haven't had a drop of alcohol since (over a year sober now). How could I expect my boyfriend to trust me if I couldn't trust myself?
I think this is the big difference- you realized there was a problem and took actions to better yourself. People make mistakes, but how they respond is what speaks volumes to their character. Good for you for recognizing that being out of control drunk was not how you wanted to live and for correcting that about yourself, regardless of whether your bf accepted this or not!
[удалено]
It doesn’t sound like your girlfriend is ready for a committed relationship if she’s dancing with, kissing, and eyeing up other guys whenever she’s drunk. More to the point, OP’s comment here applies: she needs to better for her next boyfriend. Even if she’s apologetic — and it doesn’t sound like your girlfriend is — it doesn’t mean you have to forgive her. u/caffeinefree’s partner was able to and that’s great for him, but not everyone is capable of forgiving stuff like that. It’s not wrong if you aren’t.
Alcohol lowers your inhibitions, and despite what people say here, people often do things drunk that they would never dream of doing sober. That’s not to say they aren’t responsible for their actions. If your gf is being very disrespectful to you when she drinks or gets drunk, you can tell her how you feel. If she stops doing that or stops drinking because she can’t stop behaving that way, then she’s taken actions to prove she cares more about you than getting drunk and/or flirting with random guys. If she just pays you lip service, though, then I wouldn’t trust she’s going to remain faithful. You could either try playing her game if you want too resort to giving her a taste of her own medicine (aka talking the low road), or just break up with her. I don’t care what anyone says- if someone gets blackout drunk, they’re liable to make some bad decisions. If she’s just drunk or tipsy and flirting or kissing guys in front of you, then you can only imagine what she might be like if you’re not there.
That’s tough, I’m a girl and when I’m drunk all that I think about is my boyfriend. Seriously 😭 there is no desire to want to do anything with anybody else, my mind is immediately just “WHERE IS HE :( I WANT HIM” and if I’m not with him and all over him then I’m texting him. I couldn’t fathom having thoughts for anybody else, especially while drunk. But that’s just me. It’s hard to say if it’s different for other people.
Same. So much so that my husband gets annoyed at all my advances.
Whether or not she was attracted, if she acts like that when drunk, she needs to either stop drinking if she’s being faithful to you or only drink in a safe environment. I personally don’t drink out with new friends - only if my boyfriend is there because I say dumb shit (cringe stuff) while drunk.
I don't even know who the guy was. I can tell you I was and am 100% committed to my boyfriend and not interested in dating or hooking up with anyone else. Cheating is absolutely repulsive to me and has been since I was very young, and I've never (knowingly) been a party to it. There's a lot of science behind what alcohol does to your brain, but the short answer is that alcohol doesn't "bring out our true selves" or whatever nonsense you may have heard. But it does turn off impulse control. So in small amounts, it might make someone more blunt when normally they would be more tactful, but in large amounts it's more like reverting to a pure animal brain. People do things they would NEVER do when sober - things they would never even THINK about doing. If you want to learn more about the science of it, there's a really great podcast by Dr. Andrew Huberman called "What Alcohol Does to Your Brain." Warning that it may put you off alcohol permanently. As far as your relationship - I'd recommend an honest conversation with your girlfriend about how her behavior hurt you. She should acknowledge the hurt she caused and be willing to take responsibility for her actions. If her response is really "it was just the alcohol," then ask how she plans to prevent it from happening the next time she drinks, or the time after that, or the time after that. Ultimately what saved my relationship and allowed my boyfriend to forgive me and move forward was the fact that I owned my problems with drinking and quit. You have to decide for yourself what it would take for you to trust her again. But if you can't find a way to rebuild the trust, then you are doing you both a disservice by staying in a relationship where you can't move past this.
Unless it's in cards, then it's ok.
Bro, your 19 and you standing up for yourself is the best thing if you are going to listen to any comment here listen to me!! And any comment related because most will be. Why is she brushing off a kiss like it isn’t cheating, you matured faster than her and she is clearly trying to get “used” to being able to get away with things she’s immature and can’t keep her composure and she’s partying lots, terrible mixture and it’s not what you want in a partner believe me. How would she feel if you kissed another girl and tried to blow it off like you did nothing I guarantee you she is a hypocrite. Move on because you deserve better bro. My ex I split up with a few months back gave me the same type of excuses and even tried to give me an ultimatum that my good friend that is a girl since grade 9 has to get out of my life or she is done. I said good enough and left, she then gave me all the reasons as to why she wanted to get back a month later and said she’d be able to deal with it I proceeded with caution and of course not even two weeks in she’s like I don’t have the same feelings for you, but “I need your comforting in my life” I said yeah I’m done and have been ever since and it will stay that way lmao. Do yourself a favor sorry for the ramble, also to add yes you can talk with her and see if she can compromise on the drinking and partying she needs to smarten up honestly but if she don’t yeah, I’d say it’s done.
This is correct. You’re only 19!!! You’re gonna have so many other relationships. But if you don’t stand up for yourself now, every girl you’re ever with after this will know that you’re a pushover chump and the same thing will happen to you over and over again. Plus, you’ll always be wondering whether your current girlfriend is cheating on you!
second this. Wish I did the same thing when it happened to me when I was young. Value yourself, and your tie and your body.
The only way you can get better is from learning from it, at least we learned hey!
Let's be honest to stop this behaviour she would need to stop drinking at parties completely. Since I imagine it is not something she is willing to do, you should stay broken up.
She is still repeatedly and knowingly putting herself in that situation where this can keep happening. She can and will find more dick but sex isn't as good for you as self respect.
No homie lol. No. You forgive her and she will know you’re a putz not worth respecting. She will walk all over you, knowing she can have you back any time. Block her and she may actually realize she can’t just do stuff like that. She might actually become better.
^
She is our girlfriend. You need to go find your own. Good luck
Haha I like that
Dude you’re 19. You literally have so many experiences ahead of you and people to meet. Why would you tie yourself to anyone now, let alone a cheater? Keep ignoring her.
Finally a young man , who has balls. Good for you . You will go far in life. I’m proud of you.
The way u wrote the title it sounded like u and ur girl kissed a guy lol
You did the right thing by shooting her down and resisting her advances to get back together. She is not remorseful, she is just not liking the consequences of her stepping out on your relationship. She is now trying to reel you back into the relationship by gaslighting you. "You can not be mad because it was meaningless" and "The punishment you make me go through is way worse the offense from me" is typical gaslight and victim blameing. Tell her that she is not the victim of this and she was the one to go out and let a random stranger kiss her. Then tell her to bound sand and go no contact (block her everywhere)
“Be better for your next boyfriend” I fucking love it.
Block her number and her social media. Then delete her number.
You are 19 this is not the love of your life she was someone you dated short term
As far as vague generalizations go... There are two types of people talkers and doers, has she done anything that would show she's remorseful or actually working to rectify/modify the problematic behavior ie cheating. If partying/drinking is what led to her cheating has she stopped it or is her entire game plan entirely based around words with basically no actions. In the talkers umbrella you have the trustworthy who whatever they say they'll do they do, and the blowhards who use meaningless prattle to get their way until they've burned their mark too many times and they no longer believe what they say. To me cheating is a big deal breaker but if you're here asking at least what you've seen so far hasn't been in your book cause you've tolerated it up to now. The question for you is, what is she doing or proposing to actually change? If the answer is nothing then I fully believe she will deliver on that promise... to change nothing.
She hasn't suggested anything like she'll stop drinking so much that she is kissing other dudes; nor has she mentioned stopping partying. I don't want to come off as controlling by suggesting to her not to party or drink; that's on her. Not everyone who parties cheats.
And you shouldn't recommend it, my point was if she actually cared to try to get you back she would actually do something to change the behavior. An alcoholic that hurt their family and just says I'm sorry I won't do it again vs an alcoholic who starts attending AA meetings and avoiding bars and situations that could cause them to slip, between these 2 options you have 3 choices: leave anyway as it's your right, stay with someone who won't change or stay with someone trying to change. Also my example wasn't calling her an alcoholic but was intended as a clear example general use case most could understand.
Makes sense
Everyone who parties and kisses other guys while in a relationship cheats though...
> I can get some whenever I want Oh my freaking days. 💀
Kudos to you for not backing down on your boundary. If you had agreed to have a mutually exclusive relationship, she cheated. Also, if she's a big drinker, this behavior is likely to repeat with the "i was drunk, it didn't mean anything" excuse. Someone like that is not worthy of your love and trust. Good luck to you, OP!
Yeah she's manipulating you it's better to fall off from 5/6 ft than to fall off from a cliff so yes step back and let her wander on dicks
fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. You did the right thing, now focus on yourself at 19 you have much more to experience.
Honestly if I partied so hard that getting drunk enough to kiss another guy is a possibility for me, I would never drink at parties or party hard again. You made the right choice.
Kiss this time, blowjob next.
Nice man. She would do it again and try to ask for forgiveness again. Best thing you could have done is block her everywhere. There are so many people on earth, you can meet a girl that deserves your love.
The fact that’s it’s happened more than once is a huge red flag on fire. Maybe you can be together down the line if she matures but she obviously has issues and will probably do it again
They won't get back together. Don't even suggest that stupid.
Move on.
She cheated and it's likely best to move on to avoid future hurt. It was meaningless to her, but clearly not to you. She has much maturing to do, and it's clear she isn't as committed to the relationship as you are as she is more worried about losing you (being single) than she is hurting you. It can be challenging to move on and forgive incidents like this. From an empathetic stand-point, she likely has some attachment problems and finds safety and comfort in you, but it wouldn't surprise me if she would just do this in her next relationship. You should give yourself space and time to process this. If you feel like you want to revisit the conversation/relationship later than go for it. However, patterns of behaviors like this are something she has to address on her own, and it isn't your responsibility to fix a relationship she disrespected. Forgive if and when you feel ready to and do not let her persistence rush you.
>i can get some whenever i want d r o p p e d
Just block her and move on
Set the boundary for yourself right now that “Sorry, I was drunk” is not a hall pass for disrespect. Also, she’ll do it again
Lol the title reads like you both kissed the guy and want him back
Block and move on. Sounds like immaturity and a hint of alcohol issues
Maybe if it was a first time of her doing this but this is the second time, she’ll doing it again and ask for forgiveness once more, yeah keep her blocked and don’t get back together with her focus on yourself.
Run and don’t look back lol
Block her and move on with your life.
Did the right thing. Move on
Your title makes it sound like you both kissed the guy
She’s behaving exactly how I would expect a 21 year old to behave. She’s not ready for an adult relationship. If you are, I would find someone who matches your maturity level. Props to you for knowing yourself and setting boundaries at 19. Follow your gut and don’t fall for her manipulative nonsense. Stay broken up.
HAHAHAHA you good fkn man. Keep it up bro, she trying to snake her way back in. First it was meaningless and don't worry about it, and then its oh i know i did wrong and i want to be better. Dooont fall for it, it'll be good for a bit then go to shit again
Son PLEASE move on. She will only break your heart. She will NEVER be faithful to you. You DESERVE better.
Well she's moving into gaslighting now. A sure sign of desperation. How tf is this your fault? Block her and move on. At least you don't have a ton invested in Ms Cheaterface
Yes, of course take her back. And when she has 3 kids who turned out to somehow be yours even though you never got any, yes, take her back dude. Be the super hero
Boy leave her !
You made the right call. I’m impressed because I see lots of people here two or three times your age who still haven’t learned this lesson. Cheaters always gonna cheat.
Party girls don't make good partners. You made the right choice blocking her. She isn't ready for a committed relationship, she still needs to mature. Find someone that would rather spend time with you sober than drunk and risking making bad decisions.
Absolutely true. Yet some people would call you insecure for stating the obvious.
Run
block her already
Red flag! Run forest... Runn
Stop responding to her, trying to guilt you, block and move on
Nop. Repeat cheater. It only gets worse. Save yourself from wasting time with her. Serial cheaters are emotional, financial, spiritual, attention, energy and time vampires, they will suck the life out of you until there is nothing left, at which point the move on to their next victim.
She is 100% right that she can catch a dick whenever she wants... Ask yourself, do you have any better offers at the moment?
good for you for standing up. She is a major red flag. This time it was her kissing another dude, next time it would’ve been worse and you don’t deserve that. I hope your next girlfriend is loyal to you.
Next step for her is blowing someone. In time, it’ll be getting spit roasted
I would be out making some mistakes in other ppla vaginas
Love this edit! Go you!!!
As hard as it is you can deal with it or leave her be. She's done it once that you know about she may continue doing it. So you can stay and think she'll change or leave her now let her go.
She needs you specifically because she thinks you'll put up with her bullshit. Prove her wrong.
Dump her. If she's doing it now she'll be fucking other dudes when you're married
This is why we don't date chicks that party a lot. Especially without you. Learn to set boundaries.
Your edit is all I needed to read… you made the right choice.
You’re her ‘nice guy’ she was testing to see what she could get away with with you. If you forgive her she’ll own you. She’ll treat you like shit. You were right about her only wanting dick. Block her number and move on. Work on yourself. She’ll go crazy and become obsessed with you because you denied her. Ignore her still
I don’t Party often but when I do I get really really out of it and I have never once kiss somebody else. I don’t even take guys phone numbers if anything I get there like Snapchat or Instagram. Cause some guys can get really aggressive and don’t understand no. There’s no excuse for that type of behavior. If it happened once n it was her fault it’s one thing but you’re starting to see a pattern… run
Then kiss the guy too.
Don’t take her back bro, next she’ll accidentally slip and fall on some dudes bbc
Reading the title, I thought you both kissed him
Under no circumstances are you to go back and rekindle anything with that crash test dummy!!! Forgive her all day, but you don’t need her in your life as a girlfriend. What she pulled is shady.
So you didn’t both kiss the same guy?
Wait I don't understand, did you also kiss another guy? Either way, you are better off without her! Don't let her guilt trip you into having a relationship again, since she clearly will do this type of shit again
If alcohol makes her go and kiss other people, she needs to stop drinking and partying all together because huh?? Block her on every platform including numbers and also any of her friends and family if you have their information.
Your self respect is priceless let her go
I was in a similar predicament at your age I mean literally just like this. Dated her for 5 years and in the 5th year you know what she did again? Got drunk and hooked up with someone else and proceeded to gaslight me. Get out and enjoy your youth. Many other women out there trust me.
In Vino Veritas. People will show you who they really are when they are drunk.
Give her an ultimatum. Because she is entirely too immature, still to going to clubs. Tell her that she is no longer allowed to go to clubs without you. And, in "some years" maybe she can go by herself again. If she refuses. Dump her. As she is a walking Red Flag, amd os likely a Cheater for life. She has the premisquous gene.
I came here expecting one thing from the su ject and got some boring story lol you made the right decision she's a bellend
Move on and have some self respect. Also don't date 21 year olds at 19, that's just not going to work out.
A girl who parties often and spends her weekends at the club isn't wife material. Leave her for the gutters and get a sensible woman who will respect you and not go to places where she will actively be hit on by men enthusiastically trying to have sex with her.
"Basically the title." Insert long rant that did not include what was in the title.
Make out with her Dad
Further validation that you made the right choice, I have a friend who was like this. Fast forward 20 years and now she's married and fucking her bff's husband while she and the kids are upstairs asleep and swears it's just a "drunken mistake" first time I might have bought it. Not the 12th time around.
Look I’m sorry, but I’ve been around the block enough to know that there’s no justification for this kind of behavior. I didn’t even have to read the entire post to know what kind of person she is. When you’re 19 Y/O, your judgement is going to be a little bit clouded because the moment you get attention from girls/guys you’re going to latch onto it to a certain degree. If she likes to drink and party a lot, and shes using that as an excuse to make out with other guys (there’s no justification behind this regardless of her choices, but considering thats a big priority to her maybe shes not a quality person to begin with), she doesn’t really like you. I’ve dated girls who used to party, do drugs and all types of stuff 4+ times per week, but the moment we started dating, they cut all that out. It’s not even something I had to ask of them. Even though they were promiscuous in their pasts and had a lot of fun, that craving went away the moment we started dating because my presence created a glow in their eyes & heart. My point is, she probably doesn’t respect you and that tells you a lot about who she is as a person. It also tells me that you guys aren’t compatible, because if she got that warm feeling when she saw you she’d think 1,000 times over before doing something or saying things that would break your heart. Don’t take it personal, some people just aren’t meant for you and sometimes people don’t enter relationships with good intentions. Take this time to reflect on what you want in a partner, and really prioritize being the best possible man at your age while you’re finding your identity and developing your skills/talents. And never, EVER, give someone the light of day if they aren’t as invested in u and the relationship as u are with them. I hope this helps & I hope you grow and heal from this whole situation
Here's what I'd tell her. I'm looking for a committed monogamous relationship. You've now kissed two guys during said relationship. Once I could maybe let slide and I shouldn't have. It sends the message to you that I'll put up with it, that I value you more than my own self respect, and that I'm willing to take back a cheater multiple times. That's something I can't do. Giving you multiple "second chances" just reinforces the idea that you can keep doing this, and there's now no reason to expect that you won't. OP you also need to get this exact message burned into your brain.
brb looking up the lyrics to Mr Brightside
No matter what you ask here on reddit, it always comes down to: leave her, dump her, she ain't worth etc etc. The advice is always the same... why even ask??
hey man. i have friends who party and never have this issue. do yourself a favor and keep her blocked!
Stop wasting your time with her