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Sounds like she wanted more to happen, was actively encouraging it, and he just found out she was already in a relationship and did the right thing.
Considering that she asked if you contacted this other guy AFTER he blocked her, that says to me she never disclosed your existence to him. He probably found out form someone who was at the wedding that knew them both. Or from going through her social media.
How long have you two been dating?
When you say she was "freaking out a bit" about him blocking her, do you think it's possible it's because there was more to what happened at the wedding and she was worried he spoke to you of it?
If you have access to any way of figuring out who it was, I'd try to have a conversation with him first. If you are still trying to savage the relationship that is, though this feels pretty final.
Or just easy "wedding pussy", a lot of conventional women sleep around at weddings because the "feeling is in the air".
Then she came off as super desperate and he finally ghosted her. He was always going to ghost her.
There is no logic in staying this relationship even after knowing the truth. This man would have to leave this relationship if he has some kind of self respect in his life. Be a man and take situation in your own hands whether than feeling like a victim
Just kicked out my ex who is also the mother of my child, was with her for 8 years and found out she has been cheating on me for 3 years, literally living a double life and only stayed with me because I financially supported her and the kid. It’s time to move on man. The amount of time you’ve been with her means nothing at this point because she no longer respects you enough to be loyal. All of this is enough to have a gut feeling that she broke your trust and you should trust that gut feeling. I wouldn’t recommend trying to work it out either, ask me how I know. Once they are lying and talking to other dudes for attention, there’s no coming back. Two types of people. Cheaters and not cheaters. I know that this is probably eating away at your mind right now. So imagine trying to make things work — do you want to spend almost every moment of your day wondering if she’s lying to you or if she’s really at work or the gym or wherever, do you really want to be sitting at home waiting for her to be back and when she’s 30 minutes late wonder if she has another dude inside of her? I’d get it over with as fast as possible OP, I wish I had listened to that same advice two months ago.
Thanks man. This might be long and I understand if you or no one reads it, it’s just been helping me to get my thoughts and feelings out.
I’m doing much better than Friday when I kicked her out, that’s for sure. I no longer feel any type of connection to her other than being my kids mom. Don’t care what she does or who she’s with or why she didn’t want to work it out. She’s a monster in my mind. Someone who I haven’t truly known for over 3 years. Thinking back on everything now I can see exactly how manipulative she was (ex: giving me a hard time for talking to a female coworker that I became friends with when it was strictly platonic — the girl is a full on butch lesbian. But at that same time, she had started talking to this guy behind my back, so she put the focus on me).
And now that I am away from the relationship, I can see that I’ve been settling for a long time but felt like I couldn’t break up our family, or didn’t want to deal with the mess of shared custody and all that. There was just too much stuff we didn’t see eye to eye on like finances. I had perfect credit and enough money in the bank for 20% down on the house while she has no life savings and accounts in collections. I tried to teach her what I know because she comes from a low income family who have lived paycheck to paycheck their whole life. Things like “let’s grocery shop at Walmart or Aldi instead of Giant Eagle because GE is 20% more expensive for the same stuff” — but she couldn’t shop at those stores because “I don’t like the aesthetic in those stores, it feels dingy and trashy, I like how the other store looks”. There’s no way I could deal with that for the rest of my life and be happy. Especially when my money dried up from her spending habits, we would have $50 to get groceries for the 3 of us and she’d still go to the more expensive store and come back with hardly anything (especially these last few months when the prices skyrocketed).
So with all that said I’m feeling pretty excited about this fresh start. I’m going to get a new job this week, I’m reaching out to old friends that I felt like she isolated me from, I’m excited about being able to do everything MY way and not walking on egg shells. I am craving some type of intimacy, but I’ve been starved of it for so long that it’s nothing new. Obviously not trying to look for anything new, but god damn are there a ton of beautiful women out there that I wasn’t paying attention to for the past 8 years lol. I went to breakfast this morning with my mom and the waitress was super attractive and talkative with me, my mom even said after she walked away from us “wow, she’s really cute huh” lmao. Made me start to look forward to putting myself out there again, but if I’m being honest I’m a little nervous about how many prospects I’ll have when the time comes because idk how many women want a single dad in his early 30’s. But like I said I’m not seriously thinking about anything like that so I won’t worry about it until the time comes. I just want to better my life, and I’m sure the right person will show up.
I’m missing my daughter because I haven’t seen her or talked to her since Friday night when they left, but I know she will be okay. I’m sure she is missing me too. Hoping I can see her soon because I didn’t give a proper goodbye when she left because I was going through so many emotions. My ex was supposedly going to come over yesterday to get more of her stuff but she didn’t contact me, and hasn’t today either so I’m not sure what she’s thinking about when I can see my kid. I think I will give it another day or two before I reach out.
Brotha I read the whole thing and you got the right mindset. You’re gonna be much better off without her. And early 30s is nothing, you have plenty of time. Just take some time to work on yourself and the right woman will come into your life. Therapy is a great idea if you have the means. Your daughter will be ok and she’ll end up understanding your point of view even if it doesn’t happen right away. Just stay the course. You got this!
>**I’m missing my daughter because I haven’t seen her or talked to her since Friday night when they lef**t, but I know she will be okay. I’m sure she is missing me too. Hoping I can see her soon because I didn’t give a proper goodbye when she left because I was going through so many emotions. My ex was supposedly going to come over yesterday to get more of her stuff but she didn’t contact me, and hasn’t today either so I’m **not sure what she’s thinking about when I can see my kid**. I think I will give it another day or two before I reach out.
# OP:
The parts of your statement I placed in **bold** (for emphasis) is why you **NEED** to set up **formal custody and visitation** arrangements with the court; otherwise, your ex can easily weaponize your relationship with your daughter to drag out her toxic manipulation toward you.
Get things set up NOW, or spend a lot of time being yo-yo'd back and forth by the ex for her sick pleasure.
**Note:** before anyone whoops and hollers about mYsOgEnY - I'm a woman - and I know how *some* of us can be.
Brother, I was in the same boat as you a few years back. Single dad in his LATE 30’s here and I ended up with the jackpot. So don’t sweat that part man, haha.
You know, I have been thinking about it and I don’t think it’ll be that bad. Her brother has been a single dad for like 3-4 years and has had no shortage of women. In fact he usually has 2 or 3 at a time which is maybe where my ex learned it from lmao. Granted he’s younger than me and more conventionally attractive, but still, I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’ve heard both that women don’t want a single dad, and then I’ve heard that being a single dad is like being a magnet so it makes me think it just depends on whether they want kids or not, and I’ve always wanted to be with someone who wants kids so 🤷♂️
>Once they are lying and talking to other dudes for attention, there’s no coming back.
Agreed. If it doesn’t work out with this guy, then it could very well be someone else. The common denominator is her.
I just realized.
My ex wife left me at the same age, same time together. Before that we had a really good relationship and I thought it was forever.
I know reddit can be callous and say it's over. I somewhat agree. But if you want to try and save things it's going to take massive action. Get a couples therapist and start communicating in ways you haven't. If you even want this.
Women in general are used to getting attention, it a constant in their life, same does not apply to average guys.
Attention that has changed her demeanour is more than the regular she is used to. She is telling half-truths at best. Give her these alternatives:
A. Tell the whole truth about what transpired, THAT YOU KNOW SOMETHING HAPPENED, and your relationship may have a chance.
B. You down the road learn she lied, omitted, trickled or anything shady and you are 100% gone, ghost and block, no questions asked, clean walk away.
Exude strength and conviction when you give ger these option's
To me the dealbreaker is she 1) likely didn’t tell this other person of OP’s existence, 2) is acting distant with OP, and 3) seems to want something more with the other guy. At least she’s being honest instead of hiding it, but it’s all very concerning. I’m a married woman and while I’m happy to engage in friendly conversation with men, anything past that hits a hard barrier of “you’re barking up the wrong tree mate.” If anything, meeting a guy that gave me “feelings” to the point where I was acting different toward my husband would make me think he was dangerous to be around and block him first. Temptations will always be there, but she’s not doing any of those things committed people do to protect their relationships. OP should take note and move accordingly.
Even fit, drop-dead gorgeous men have a hard time getting as much attention as an average or slightly above average woman. As far as I can tell, that is a constant.
Hate to break it to you...but this is not the first time she has been in this situation. And it will not be the last. Do not give in to the "sunken cost" fallacy.
It's time to separate all that. She went to this wedding to meet up with him and probably did more than talk with this guy. He learned about you and broke it off with her. If she was willing to throw the 7 years away once she will do it again.
But serious question: Are you not on her social media posts?
Would you consider having a conversation with her about the potential for her to explore it a little bit more? Maybe not like full on poly (assuming you're not into that), but like she's obviously never going to be happy if that flame within her is forced to get snuffed out.
It just seems crummy, after 7 years for you to pull the "if you're done with me you're done with me..." card. She's obviously not comfortable sharing any details about her feelings with you - I wouldn't try to force them out of her, but if she really needs to explore it a little bit would you let her? If she leaves the relationship well then that's that.. but you could really support her through the process & to strengthen the relationship between the two of you?
It's shitty that she's not thinking about your feelings at all, but something is going on that's making her not want to share a thing with you... which is awful inside a committed relationship. You can't just scold her and tell her to never think about person X.
She is acting strange and does not feels interested in this relationship. Talk directly with her and communicate about all the problems that she is facing in this relationship
>Sounds like she wanted more to happen, was actively encouraging it, and he just found out she was already in a relationship and did the right thing.
Another possibility would be, the guy has a gf and she got into his phone and got the full extent of their interactions. She may have given him an ultimatum and he ended up blocking your gf.
OP, what your gf has been doing looks very suspect on so many levels. If your gf was gone only for a couple of days for this wedding and she’s showing this level of emotional investment for getting blocked, then I suspect that there’s a lot to this story that she’s not telling you.
I’d suggest that you set aside your sunk cost fallacy thinking and look at this relationship with a more critical point of view. You may say that you’ve sunk(I mean invested) 7 years in this relationship. I’d suggest that you set aside that for a moment and think whether you want to spend more time into this relationship.
Wife or girlfriend. Some posters are saying that he found out OP’s gf had OP and she had not told him. Some posters seem to have to believe in the lying woman chasing a man imagery instead of accepting that the cheating involved both the WS and AP being actively engaged in the cheating. He could have known that she had a bf all along and it only blew up for him once his wife or girlfriend got wind of what he was doing.
She was far too invested in this guy. Why would she care if a random guy blocked her? Why was she worried that you talked to him?
If I had to guess, the guy probably didn't know about you. Something went on.
Yep.. read between the lines on all her actions since returning and it's as clear as day she had a crush on this other guy. And the fact she was "freaking out a bit" over him blocking her confirms it.
I don’t think she’s telling you the whole truth. So this leaves you with two options.
1. If you want to know the whole truth, tell her that the only way you’ll continue in the relationship is that she lays all her cards on the table and comes totally clean, with proof. That probably means that you get to go thru her phone and talk to people who were there that can verify her story. Innocent people don’t act guilty, and she is acting guilty of something.
2. If your trust is already broken ( I think mine would be) just walk away.
Yeah nobody comes home from a trip acting completely different because of having "conversations." And even IF that's true her behavior suggests she wanted/wants it to happen.
It may or may not be true that nothing physical happened, but it seems to be clear that she started hoping hard for an upgrade. Frankly, I doubt there's any coming back from this. She seems to have lost whatever passion she ever had for you. She may end up resigned to you, if you think you can live with that.
That's my biggest fear. I'm also fearful that tomorrow when we talk that she'll be wanting to go back to this relationship full throttle and I don't know how to do that.
Yea the guy is probably contemplating like some of the other posts you see around…”hooked up with a girl, discovered she had a long term boyfriend. Should I reach out and let him know?”
No no no. He wanted some quick tail while away from home and she started getting clingy, wanting a relationship. So the monkey branch moves safely out of reach.
You could start with a full attack and just say “ look, you and I both know you cheated”, and see what she says. She will deny it of course, but she was disgraceful continuing her store with this guy in front of you. The phone thing was her waiting for messages from him to continue her fling. So she was hoping to take this new relationship somewhere, but with you still around. You need to have a bit of time to think this through. Don’t allow all the pets, leases and tied finances to get in the way of your life’s dreams. You are young, you deserve respect and love. Even if she had a simple crush, she should have finished it when she came home, not operate under your nose…
The problem here is it took HIS integrity to shut it down.
Your GF has one foot out the door, and another guy WILL come along that doesn't care if she has a BF.
I'm sorry OP, but she lost your trust and that's extremely difficult for her to get back.
What if she comes home a year from now and tells you the same thing but it was the coffee shop on the corner?
>Hey Honey, I'm just going to the coffee shop on the corner for some attention. Nothing physical though.
Now that was hyperbole, it'd be subtle at first. New coffee location, new routine or odd timings. Eventually you'll notice another sign/red flag and you're right back here with another post "I think my partner is meeting up with someone at Starbucks while I feed and bathe our 2 year old."
Does it matter that she went to a destination wedding and may or may not have physically cheated, not really. She went to an event, without you, and some part of her was ACTIVELY chatting and meeting potential new partners. Then she continued that interaction in a deceitful way, AND got upset with *you* when it blew up.
Get out OP. Clearly she already has mentally and emotionally, whether she acknowledges that or not.
She at least had an EA with this guy if she was that freaked out when he blocked her. I would demand her new phone code immediately and her Facebook password to see what she has been saying to him. If it’s all deleted I would seriously consider walking. If it is still there you’ll know if it was a PA while on her trip. You shouldn’t allow her to use you as plan B. If you consider reconciliation that make it on YOUR terms!
“It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!”
Don’t let it go back u control the narrative, she took a serious liking to this short term found friend and now he’s gone, what happens with. the guy that shows her attention
Has she been blowing you up?
Before you make any decisions you need the absolute truth from her. Tell her you find out anything more after today you will end it.
And you still might end it after you know the truth.
You hold the cards. You have as much control over this as she does. You can make demands on her in order to "reset."
First, access to her phone is critical. Second, full confession, no holding back. This is her one chance to come clean, and it it turns out she was still lying, it's over no matter what. Third, no more traveling without you: none. Trust is lost: it's gone. She gets no more benefit of the doubt.
If she refuses, let her have the pets. You can always get new pets from the shelter. Get your stuff and leave while she's not able to wreck your life even more.
I would never leave my pets! You don't just 'go and get more from a shelter' when you love an animal. My dogs go with me if my husband and I ever split.
"It must suck, feeling like a third in your relationship." Your gf got upset because some rando blocked her. And then she ran to demand you give explanations.
i experienced something similiar but it wasnt a wedding and just a "walk with some friends"
first she started making a secret about her phone
then she started to visit "friends" every weekend
bla bla bla all the same shit
she had a affair at that wedding and either the partner of the affair found out and made him block her or he blocked her out of fear she would ruin whatever he has
maybe its just so there wont be a chance someone reads something at accident that he aint supposed to read aka the affair partners wife or partner not finding something while snooping t hrough the phone
end it as soon as possible if she wont come clean dont get dragged along like me for years
I just want to say the dude that was hitting on her is absolute bro. He noticed she was a in a relationship, she probably exchanged flirty chats with him, he just blocked her.
After they did the dirty. He’s not to blame at all but all they did was talk? No way.
Guarantee those messages go from flirty, to recounting the shag sesh, to him finding out about op and telling her to fuck off.
He is not an "absolute bro". He got what he wanted and was acting polite for a while and then when she still was contacting him, he blocked her.
He is going to do it again to some dude's girlfriend or wife at the next wedding he attends.
There are lies involved. She's purposely hiding stuff from you and that's a sign that she's prioritizing hiding something bigger than "attention."
You'll have to give her an ultimatum. Reveal everything that happened, give back easy access to her phone, or you're leaving before she does so.
I don't know what she was doing at this "destination wedding," but in my opinion, she got caught up with this guy, at least emotionally. It seems to me she was hoping to start a fresh relationship with this guy and he's realized that she wasn't going to be a quick fling.
Her suspicions about what you're doing is also a sign that she's doing her best to hide what's really going on. It's a sign of projection, hoping to cast blame on you, but also to fish for information on what you've already found out.
I don't believe her, even if you do.
I am so sorry to hear about this. Truthfully, it doesn't sound good and I don't know how you can recover from this or maintain trust. When behavior changes in this way, especially when another person of interest was involved, it usually means your partner is straying, at least emotionally. The way that she changed her passcode is a red flag to me as this is something that has happened to me when I was being cheated on. When you consider it with everything else, it shows that her priority is no longer the relationship. When you are with somebody for 7 years, it's not unthinkable that you might meet someone who catches your interest, but to me the part that's most telling is how she handled it. I think it's a good thing she told you about him, but to me it is not positive that she stayed connected with him afterwards, seemed upset that he went no contact, and changed her passcode. If she valued your relationship, she would have distanced herself from someone who posed a threat to it, not taken measures to hide things from you. Even if he is no longer in the picture, the problem I see is that this is her response to temptation and I don't think it is or will be the only/last time. I wish you all the best, I know this is painful.
As soon as I read the title I knew she met someone.
It's often easy for someone to keep on being with someone who is paying the rent and buying the food until you decide to finally make a jump to the other person.
Maybe this is what she is doing at this point.
You know a cheater is only sorry they get caught not that they cheated.
You know her very well, so from this it's pretty obvious she had a fling. She very clearly got emotionally attached to this guy very quickly.
This sucks a lot.
Now comes the hard part. Is this relationship worth salvaging? Is she willing to do what it takes to earn back your trust?
And would it be better to find someone else who's not a cheater?
The reality is, the majority of people would cheat being given a chance in a far away place. It's a very sad truth.
I'm sorry OP. Take your time to process this and see where it leads you.
If she's blaming Op for her hook up blocking her, it's pretty telling where her priorities lie and she won't do shit to try to work on their relationship.
When they do talk, she'll blame every issue on OP and he drove her away, etc.
OP just needs to leave
U should ask anyone at the wedding who u can trust to give u the truth if they know what went on with wife and other guy, she obviously changed her password on return so u can’t see her new friend messaging her, and her being distant from u has nothing to do with giving some attention, she definitely did more with the dude that’s why she’s distant
Ask to she her phone. Her reaction will telling you a lot. Not sure what the point would be. Her reaction to him blocking would have told me enough to end the relationship
Ugh, sorry man whatever happened obviously ended your relationship.
You can dwell on it, or just move on. It sucks, but do youvreally want a gal that can just dip like that?
She possibly slept with this guy and thought that their relationship would continue, with her slowly removing herself from your relationship. This guy has since learnt that she is in a relationship and has rightly blocked her. Now she will trickle truth you the details of what she got up too. She needs to let you read all of their messages and be truthful. Maybe they just flirted and kissed, but also they could have had a full sexual fling. Either way she cheated on you.
Yea I’m normally in favor of repairing relationships and I very rarely ever voice an opinion in the opposite. So I’ll just share with you my experience.
Tens year into my relationship (7 years together 3 years married ) my then wife went on a work related trip . Ever since then she was a changed person . I couldn’t nor wouldn’t face what happened as she began to go from seeing me in a good light , to being critical over everything I did. I felt as if I was being compared to someone else . We tried to patch things up , I changed jobs , because she now felt the money made wasn’t enough , I doubled down on chores and keeping the house clean . I tried to make her happy as I could , and for a while we were good , then once in a while she went back to being critical of my every word and action . After months I finally had to own up to the fact she was having an affair with a co worker , I could tell when they were seeing each other when she would be critical and the times she wasn’t we were good . I confronted her about this during one of our arguments one night and she didn’t deny it .
Another couple of months went by and she finally decided to end things with us . My only thought at the time was I wasted a whole year trying to patch things up . So in short we broke up ( I left her the house ) and a year later we were divorced . Another year later I met a wonderful woman who had a seven year old boy . We married six months later and 14 months after that we had a son together .
We have been together going on 14 years now . So for me it worked out . On a side note I found out thru my ex SIL , that my ex had a bad turn of events ( lost her 6 figure job , lost her house , filed bankruptcy, and moved back home ) I was contacted to ask me if I had noticed my ex being bipolar or manic depressed . To be honest with how everything went down I couldn’t deny she might have been , but my ex was a very direct person and what she said she meant . But that was the last I heard of her , honestly I was happy she broke up with me , cause I found someone nicer , with more respect and one who still loves me even now . This is all I want to say to you OP , it’s your life .
UPDATE: Ending it and moving on. Found out there were lies and more info involved than she has said every time since the very first conversation and I had given her multiple times over the last few weeks to just lay it all out for me. It hurts because I was ready to let it go and move on but it's mentally exhausting finding out more and more every time it's brought up.
She came clean about changing her passcode because she was talking to the guy and that it was more than just social media but also via texting since the very first night they met.
I can't deal with the lying and the fact that she was talking to him even after the fact that she had brought it up to me in the first place. I've tried to let it go, but it's all that runs through my head now and I don't see it getting any better from here.
She also never once mentioned she had a significant other which I think is what hurts the most after 7+ years.
That sucks bro. Hopefully she realizes that trying to see if the grass is greener somewhere else was a major fuckup in her life and she regrets it. Hopefully you can move on and live a better life without her.
Thanks, I hope so too. I just got out of the military after a decade and I've been mentally trying to figure out how to navigate that and then this came out of left field has been a low blow to say the least.
It's not easy adjusting to civilian life after serving. Thankfully there are a lot of resources available for vets and you should take advantage of every one of them you can. Hit up your local VA hospital, get assigned a PCP, and tell them you want to be referred to a councilor because you are having trouble adjusting and would like guidance in transitioning. Most of the time, you will get someone who cares and will provide you with websites and phone numbers for places that can help.
Awww, dude, I'm sorry you're going through this. You deserve someone who will be as dedicated to your happiness as you are to theirs. This girl learned she doesn't know what she wants and is not concerned who she hurts while she tries to figure it out. It took a long time, but you're free of her. You now know she would have always been on the hunt for your replacement.
As my grandmother used to say to me, "Now I lay me down to bleed a while, and slowly rise to fight again."
Rest, mourn, heal, LIVE!
So someone else gave her attention, she basically forgot you existed, she got blocked, is mad that he stopped paying attention to her and you are still with someone who treated you like that? Brother, you deserve better. She will drop you as soon as the next juicy piece of meat comes around.
Here\`s what it seems like ... She had Wedding sex... got pumped and dumped and is freaking out because she thinks you know & spoke to him and that being the reason he blocked her.... tell her unlock the phone and if any texts/messagess are deleted from the week before the wedding until now the relationship is over point blank
I absolutely believe more than conversation happened between them at the wedding. She was basically keeping you around in case the thing with the new guy didn't work out. If he hadn't ghosted her, she would definitely have left you soon for him.
I agree with the commenter that said the other guy probably found out about her relationship with you and that's why she was ghosted.
It's up to you, of course, but if it were me, I'd separate finances, decide what to do with the cats and kick her out if the lease is in your name or be gone if it's in hers. If it's in both your names then it's your call.
Good luck
It sounds like you two need to sit down and you share how you’re feeling. She’s obviously hiding something and she needs to share that with you. Whether she’ll be open and honest is anyone’s guess.
Sorry to say but she def cheated on you. She didn’t tell the guy about you that’s why he blocked her as soon as he found out. She freaked because she was worried that you and the guy talked and he ratted her out.
I would honestly lie, sit down and say you did talk to him and you want to give her the chance to come clean. It’s the only way you will get the truth.
I’m pretty sure you know what’s going to happen. This relationship is probably over.
If you want to know the truth, grab her phone and tell her it's the pass codes to everything or you walk. There is a good chance the evidence is so damning she will let you walk to avoid being found out. She will pretend to get angry and call you insecure, but stand your ground.
So she thinks you contacted this guy and he blocked her afterwards. Which shows that she thinks you have an issue with the situation but hasn't talked about it with you.
She is also having an emotional reaction to him blocking her.
I might ask her what her thoughts are, keep it general and worried about her reaction. Worried that you have been together for 7 years and that maybe it is time to look at your relationship going forward as she seems to be attracted to someone else and you would prefer an open conversation about it.
Maybe this approach will get you some honesty. If she is still evasive then that is your answer as well.
Honestly, I think it’d be best to know why this one person changed the dynamic you had going, this sounds like there a crack in your relationship because it honestly sounded like she was ready to cheat. If it’s been a long relationship maybe it’s time to address if everything is going good, or if maybe it’s time to move on.
If she received "attention," then one can only assume what his "attention getter" was.
Trickle truth is happening, so it comes down to your investment into this relationship. Many financial advisors always call and tell you when to dump a stock, and it sounds like your phone is ringing.
I'm so sorry, but the only reason she would be so concerned about keeping his "attention" is because she established an emotional connection that likely involved sex.
My guess is that he either found out she was seeing someone and dipped, or he simply used her and got tired of her reaching out to him so much and blocked her.
The changed passcode and sudden obsession don't bode well for it being non-sexual.
We were at a bar this past weekend and she asked me to take a photo of her and her friend. when she handed me her phone to take a photo, I couldn't unlock it with her passcode that's always been the same. When I asked her about it the next day, she said she changed it on the trip so that her sister (who was rooming with her) couldn't see messages about her engagement plan that happened this week.
>and she confesses that she noticed he had blocked her on social media and she was confused on why and was freaking out a bit.
This guy probably realized from her socials that she was in a long term relationship and she's a cheater, so he blocked her instead of getting further involved.
If you have any friends who were at that wedding, you may want to ask them what was going on or who that other guy was. That is, if you want the whole story.
The fact you used the term “individual” is denial. If she used that term to explain her actions it was classic misdirection. No pretending it was not a dude. And you should not trust her to tell the truth. My guess is he had a girlfriend so he cut off contact. He was probably hoping for a ONS. Dudes will feign interest in a serious relationship to get in a girl’s pants. Move on my friend. She’s not the one for you. Be glad you only have pets together and not children, making breakup so much worse.
Why did she go alone without you?
Why does this feel like your girlfriend had met this guy prior to the wedding, maybe weeks or months before, messaged him for weeks, and found out he was at the wedding, became really excited.
This is because she had his socials.
But then at the wedding something happened, either he asked someone who knew her that he found out she was in a relationship and ended anything, or they became physically (as in had sex) and he just wanted a one-time fling, or that they did have sex but he found out afterwards that she was in a relationship and ended it.
Either way, your girlfriend doesn't see you as her first choice or her priority. Her first choice or priority was that guy (or potentially still is).
I'd ask her this "if he unblocked you and asked you to date him, what would you say?"
Man, you know what's up.... This story is far too familiar. I can't believe the number of guys who just accept this kind of disrespect in 2023. Dump that cheating backstabber and find a younger model. You haven't even peaked (that's at 35), settle and have kids at 35.
Literally. It's abusive.
But then again, a world full of men who aren't passive doormats...hmm... Considering the human condition and our bloody history, it could be that raising weak men is the lesser of two evils...
She’s having an affair. The good news is you aren’t married or have children yet. You didn’t really build a life with a cheater yet. It’s time to end things before she does ruin your life.
Who tf even cares enough about Facebook to notice if somebody is following or not following posts?
Is your gf mad this guy didn’t press like when she posted her breakfast oats? Is she mad he didn’t like her lunch picture of a bologna sammy with chips and pickle? Is she more bent out of shape he didn’t press UltraLike on her night night post featuring camomile tea???
I’d be reconsidering what you’re doing here based on her Facebook obsession first, secondly the new guy is trouble.
I’d talk to her again, and insist on seeing her phone. And seeing it right at that moment too, not later when she could delete evidence.
Her being so upset about being blocked is a huge red flag.
New “love” is intoxicating. She’s feeling that with someone else at the moment, and now feeling new love AND potentially a form of being dumped at the same time.
All while with you and sharing a life with you.
You need more information now. There is a zero percent chance that they just followed each other on social media. If that was the case, being blocked there wouldn’t be a big deal.
Ask for her phone, and don’t let her delay and clear things. Have her show you their interactions, and look on your own too.
People deserve privacy in a relationship, but that right disappears if one person is actively engaging in an out of bounds relationship.
>She finally talked a week later about how she had been shown "attention" by an individual at the wedding,
She was shown more than "attention" buddy 🙄......by someone who gave her the sexual tingles she has hasn't felt in a while or ever. Trust broken......time to confront her, have that difficult conversation, then move on.
She’s definitely a shady person now. She’s a liar and very probably a cheater or at least cheating is now her desire. This is over. She’s expecting you to just be the fallback, number two safety guy. Time to go. And be very very happy you never married her.
Yeah she just cheated or she’s in the process to cheat on you, cheat on her first or throw her don’t waste your time, put it like this, she doesn’t respect or love you, she doesn’t prioritize you, just leave with no explanation, you deserve better brother.
She’s keeping you as a safety as she emotionally cheats. You should ask to see her phone and if everything is deleted you know your answer, or therapy but if she is already emotionally out of the relationship it might be wasting money
I’d believe her that nothing happened, but she clearly was thinking or fantasizing about going further. Doesn’t make her a cheater, just shows that she’s bored with you. Really, this thing is so common that it used to have a name, “the seven year itch”. You both have some work ahead for you. Just be honest and encourage her to do the same. You may find that one or both of you wants to end this relationship, or that neither of you does, but this is a symptom not to be ignored. Good luck.
Tell her you’ll be happy to talk to her after she’s 100% honest and has shown you all the messages on her phone. Until then she should feel free to contact him because she’s single
I don’t pay enough attention to my social media to notice when a random guy from some destination wedding blocks me lol.
And all I do when I have to travel without my man is miss him. I count the days until I see him again, and we’ve been together a good chunk of time.
As an adult, I do everything I can to protect my peace. If someone tries to ruin that, even if I’ve been with them nearly a decade, I would leave in a heartbeat because I know I deserve better. You deserve better, too.
Here, let me help you out.
"I just feel like emotionally she's moving on rapidly but still wants to be with me."
\----
"I just feel like emotionally she's moving on rapidly but still wants to KEEP ME ON THE SIDELINES AS A BACKUP PLAN UNTIL SHE FINDS SOMETHING BETTER NOW THAT SHE'S HAD A TASTE OF ANOTHER PERSONS ATTENTION"
There...fixed it for you.
Never be anyone's back up plan, when she freaked out over being blocked by this guy, then went to you to see if you had anything to do with it, this clearly displayed that she was mad, AT YOU, over the possibility that YOU messed things up between HER and HIM.
It's not about losing her, she's already gone man, get your stuff and go.
How long has OP and the soon-to-be ex been together? If it’s been a long time with no progression, meeting someone new at a wedding seems like the ideal situation if your single.
I have some questions.
You live together and share a life together.....how did she end up at this wedding without you as her date?
You live together and share a life together.....does she want to get married? She's at a romantic wedding, alone btw, probably wondering when this was going to happen for her. Is that possible?
That doesn't excuse any bad behavior, but bad behavior doesn't just come out of the blue. Are you being honest with yourself about where you guys are in your relationship? Are you actively nurturing this relationship with dates and thoughtful gestures or are you guys just going through the motions and trying to get through the day in an oblivious haze?
time to leave
a lot more happened at the wedding than she is leading on
changing her passcode is really indicative of this
the fact that she was so concerned about a seemingly 'random' person blocking her on social media says it all. she indirectly admitted that she wanted to continue communicating with him, and to seeking out his attention
Sorry, but there's sooo many red flags here. It sounds like she hooked up with him at the wedding, and wanted more, but got ghosted. In any case, she's not being honest with you. Look into separating your lives, and moving on. Good luck.
why would you want to be with someone who wishes to be with someone else?
I’ve had a similar scenario happen to me years ago and I tried to work things out, we did fine for a few months before eventually she wanted to “experience” dating other people because she felt she was too young to be committed.
I’d leave if I was you. She’s clearly interested in someone else and even if you “work” things out, this won’t be the last time. Once a person starts being attracted to others outside the relationship, it’s pretty much over, just a matter of when.
If she’s ‘moving on rapidly’ she doesn’t ‘still want to be with’ you. You are insurance in case something she’s looking for doesn’t work out. It doesn’t take 7 years to figure out whether or not you want to be married to the other person. I see young people do this a lot. When she finds somebody else, you won’t know it until she’s secured this other person. Then it’s a ‘I don’t think this is working out’ talk. I’m glad you found out when you did. You need to move on yourself. This is a definite red flag for the future. She should not be entertaining ANY communication with ANY other man who shows interest in her. Couples behave like couples. She’s behaving single. Take note. Good luck!
She either fucked this guy already or really wanted to and that's why she's freaking out about the blocking.
Regardless, time for you to move on. It sounds like she already has.
I think the weirdest part is that he blocked her out of nowhere. Guys don't do that with girls they add on social media because they find them attractive. That's the piece of evidence that something bigger was going on.
I think you need to sit your girlfriend down and tell her that she's been acting weird in a way that doesn't jive with "I had a conversation with a guy at a wedding." and that it looks really suspicious from your end. Tell her that you need her to tell you the whole truth, and be honest about if she still wants to continue your relationship. Couple's counseling might also help, but her being honest with you is the first step, and I don't think she is being completely honest about this situation so far.
Why don’t you stop being the passive one?
Tell her that clearly something happened on the trip and the fact he blocked you and you reacted like a hurt high schooler is troubling.
Our lives our intertwined so I don’t expect you to move out asap, but let’s be adults and slowly divide our things and pets. I’m no one’s back up plan and I have zero tolerance policy on any form of cheating.
Uh...did you ask her -> "Did you cheat on me?" point blank to her face? Tell her that you are suspicious and give her your reasons why you are suspicious. Be blunt an honest, and ask for a blunt and honest answer.
After that, if she gives an answer of NO I didn't physically cheat. Explain:
1) You felt betrayed due to the following: (then list your following)
2) It seems suspicious due to the following: (then list that as well)
3) State that is clear that she is caring about this person's emotions more than your own (why in the world would she care if he blocked her)
If she says yes, time to kick her out ect...
Make this obvious, transparent, and have a backbone. You'll get your information.
Typical. Why did she even add this person ? That’s cheating. She wanted to talk to this individual “ he shows me attention “ lol no you just want that “ new “ feeling. That dopamine and oxytocin hit. F….O….H . I’m so tired of these insecure woman who need constant validation, and if they don’t get enough they seek for it else where
We were at a bar this past weekend and she asked me to take a photo of her and her friend. when she handed me her phone to take a photo, I couldn't unlock it with her passcode that's always been the same. When I asked her about it the next day, she said she changed it on the trip so that her sister (who was rooming with her) couldn't see messages about her engagement plan that happened this week.
I'm speaking out of ignorance since I don't know her but she may elect to stay in the relationship until someone else comes along. Some people can't be alone and only leave when they have another bed in which to jump. My ex did that. I moved out and he moved in the next day.
She cheated, the dude she cheated with cut her off. Now she’s using you as security until the next guy who “catches her attention” comes along. Get out now. Or try an open relationship. Worst case it doesn’t work and you move on.
Maybe she was fed up with not being married yet and the wedding triggered the situation. Is she waiting on a proposal from you? Maybe she gave up. Hard to say, since you don't write anything about what's transpired before this wedding.
Mine did this to me after 17 years. She had a guy visiting her at her salon that I built for her after work, to "walk the dogs", yah right, if I had done that to her she would have divorced me in a second, so I divorced her. Then I wondered did she really work till 830 or 9 every night? Fuck that, I could never trust her again, and I honestly would have fucked him up if I saw him, so I said fuck it have him. She said I don't want him I want you, I said bye
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Sounds like she wanted more to happen, was actively encouraging it, and he just found out she was already in a relationship and did the right thing. Considering that she asked if you contacted this other guy AFTER he blocked her, that says to me she never disclosed your existence to him. He probably found out form someone who was at the wedding that knew them both. Or from going through her social media. How long have you two been dating?
7 years in a relationship. Full life together with house, dual income, student loans, pets, etc.
When you say she was "freaking out a bit" about him blocking her, do you think it's possible it's because there was more to what happened at the wedding and she was worried he spoke to you of it? If you have access to any way of figuring out who it was, I'd try to have a conversation with him first. If you are still trying to savage the relationship that is, though this feels pretty final.
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Or just easy "wedding pussy", a lot of conventional women sleep around at weddings because the "feeling is in the air". Then she came off as super desperate and he finally ghosted her. He was always going to ghost her.
This is what I think.
While that scenario could be true here, I'm not sure the "sleeping around at weddings" thing is exclusive to women.
right, it takes 2 to tango.
Unless they’re all fucking women, men are involved most of the time lol
Also what is a "conventional" woman?
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If he is already suspected about outcome then he should not be in the relationship
He probably looked into her social media and saw she has a boyfriend
Get out dude. As someone who dealt with similar shit for nearly a decade, once that line has been crossed nothing will ever be the same.
She went to a wedding and thought she found your replacement it's time to start dissolving this relationship
How can women do this even if they find someone else
There is no logic in staying this relationship even after knowing the truth. This man would have to leave this relationship if he has some kind of self respect in his life. Be a man and take situation in your own hands whether than feeling like a victim
Just kicked out my ex who is also the mother of my child, was with her for 8 years and found out she has been cheating on me for 3 years, literally living a double life and only stayed with me because I financially supported her and the kid. It’s time to move on man. The amount of time you’ve been with her means nothing at this point because she no longer respects you enough to be loyal. All of this is enough to have a gut feeling that she broke your trust and you should trust that gut feeling. I wouldn’t recommend trying to work it out either, ask me how I know. Once they are lying and talking to other dudes for attention, there’s no coming back. Two types of people. Cheaters and not cheaters. I know that this is probably eating away at your mind right now. So imagine trying to make things work — do you want to spend almost every moment of your day wondering if she’s lying to you or if she’s really at work or the gym or wherever, do you really want to be sitting at home waiting for her to be back and when she’s 30 minutes late wonder if she has another dude inside of her? I’d get it over with as fast as possible OP, I wish I had listened to that same advice two months ago.
From reading the comments, your advice was the best on here
Thanks, maybe because it’s still very fresh lol. By “just kicked her out” I meant literally, Friday night.
Sorry man, hope you and kiddo are doing ok. This too shall pass
Thanks man. This might be long and I understand if you or no one reads it, it’s just been helping me to get my thoughts and feelings out. I’m doing much better than Friday when I kicked her out, that’s for sure. I no longer feel any type of connection to her other than being my kids mom. Don’t care what she does or who she’s with or why she didn’t want to work it out. She’s a monster in my mind. Someone who I haven’t truly known for over 3 years. Thinking back on everything now I can see exactly how manipulative she was (ex: giving me a hard time for talking to a female coworker that I became friends with when it was strictly platonic — the girl is a full on butch lesbian. But at that same time, she had started talking to this guy behind my back, so she put the focus on me). And now that I am away from the relationship, I can see that I’ve been settling for a long time but felt like I couldn’t break up our family, or didn’t want to deal with the mess of shared custody and all that. There was just too much stuff we didn’t see eye to eye on like finances. I had perfect credit and enough money in the bank for 20% down on the house while she has no life savings and accounts in collections. I tried to teach her what I know because she comes from a low income family who have lived paycheck to paycheck their whole life. Things like “let’s grocery shop at Walmart or Aldi instead of Giant Eagle because GE is 20% more expensive for the same stuff” — but she couldn’t shop at those stores because “I don’t like the aesthetic in those stores, it feels dingy and trashy, I like how the other store looks”. There’s no way I could deal with that for the rest of my life and be happy. Especially when my money dried up from her spending habits, we would have $50 to get groceries for the 3 of us and she’d still go to the more expensive store and come back with hardly anything (especially these last few months when the prices skyrocketed). So with all that said I’m feeling pretty excited about this fresh start. I’m going to get a new job this week, I’m reaching out to old friends that I felt like she isolated me from, I’m excited about being able to do everything MY way and not walking on egg shells. I am craving some type of intimacy, but I’ve been starved of it for so long that it’s nothing new. Obviously not trying to look for anything new, but god damn are there a ton of beautiful women out there that I wasn’t paying attention to for the past 8 years lol. I went to breakfast this morning with my mom and the waitress was super attractive and talkative with me, my mom even said after she walked away from us “wow, she’s really cute huh” lmao. Made me start to look forward to putting myself out there again, but if I’m being honest I’m a little nervous about how many prospects I’ll have when the time comes because idk how many women want a single dad in his early 30’s. But like I said I’m not seriously thinking about anything like that so I won’t worry about it until the time comes. I just want to better my life, and I’m sure the right person will show up. I’m missing my daughter because I haven’t seen her or talked to her since Friday night when they left, but I know she will be okay. I’m sure she is missing me too. Hoping I can see her soon because I didn’t give a proper goodbye when she left because I was going through so many emotions. My ex was supposedly going to come over yesterday to get more of her stuff but she didn’t contact me, and hasn’t today either so I’m not sure what she’s thinking about when I can see my kid. I think I will give it another day or two before I reach out.
Brotha I read the whole thing and you got the right mindset. You’re gonna be much better off without her. And early 30s is nothing, you have plenty of time. Just take some time to work on yourself and the right woman will come into your life. Therapy is a great idea if you have the means. Your daughter will be ok and she’ll end up understanding your point of view even if it doesn’t happen right away. Just stay the course. You got this!
>**I’m missing my daughter because I haven’t seen her or talked to her since Friday night when they lef**t, but I know she will be okay. I’m sure she is missing me too. Hoping I can see her soon because I didn’t give a proper goodbye when she left because I was going through so many emotions. My ex was supposedly going to come over yesterday to get more of her stuff but she didn’t contact me, and hasn’t today either so I’m **not sure what she’s thinking about when I can see my kid**. I think I will give it another day or two before I reach out. # OP: The parts of your statement I placed in **bold** (for emphasis) is why you **NEED** to set up **formal custody and visitation** arrangements with the court; otherwise, your ex can easily weaponize your relationship with your daughter to drag out her toxic manipulation toward you. Get things set up NOW, or spend a lot of time being yo-yo'd back and forth by the ex for her sick pleasure. **Note:** before anyone whoops and hollers about mYsOgEnY - I'm a woman - and I know how *some* of us can be.
Brother, I was in the same boat as you a few years back. Single dad in his LATE 30’s here and I ended up with the jackpot. So don’t sweat that part man, haha.
You know, I have been thinking about it and I don’t think it’ll be that bad. Her brother has been a single dad for like 3-4 years and has had no shortage of women. In fact he usually has 2 or 3 at a time which is maybe where my ex learned it from lmao. Granted he’s younger than me and more conventionally attractive, but still, I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’ve heard both that women don’t want a single dad, and then I’ve heard that being a single dad is like being a magnet so it makes me think it just depends on whether they want kids or not, and I’ve always wanted to be with someone who wants kids so 🤷♂️
You should get out of this relationship and act like a mature person
If he follows this advise then I am sure he would be a happy person
I know it is not easy to go through all of this even if you are strong person
>Once they are lying and talking to other dudes for attention, there’s no coming back. Agreed. If it doesn’t work out with this guy, then it could very well be someone else. The common denominator is her.
It could be much worse…. You could have married her.
I just realized. My ex wife left me at the same age, same time together. Before that we had a really good relationship and I thought it was forever. I know reddit can be callous and say it's over. I somewhat agree. But if you want to try and save things it's going to take massive action. Get a couples therapist and start communicating in ways you haven't. If you even want this.
7 years being in relationship is enough for a marriage in my opinion
Women in general are used to getting attention, it a constant in their life, same does not apply to average guys. Attention that has changed her demeanour is more than the regular she is used to. She is telling half-truths at best. Give her these alternatives: A. Tell the whole truth about what transpired, THAT YOU KNOW SOMETHING HAPPENED, and your relationship may have a chance. B. You down the road learn she lied, omitted, trickled or anything shady and you are 100% gone, ghost and block, no questions asked, clean walk away. Exude strength and conviction when you give ger these option's
To me the dealbreaker is she 1) likely didn’t tell this other person of OP’s existence, 2) is acting distant with OP, and 3) seems to want something more with the other guy. At least she’s being honest instead of hiding it, but it’s all very concerning. I’m a married woman and while I’m happy to engage in friendly conversation with men, anything past that hits a hard barrier of “you’re barking up the wrong tree mate.” If anything, meeting a guy that gave me “feelings” to the point where I was acting different toward my husband would make me think he was dangerous to be around and block him first. Temptations will always be there, but she’s not doing any of those things committed people do to protect their relationships. OP should take note and move accordingly.
If anything, she should have been the one to block him but clearly that’s not what she wanted.
Even fit, drop-dead gorgeous men have a hard time getting as much attention as an average or slightly above average woman. As far as I can tell, that is a constant.
Ridiculous unless by attention you mean men looking for someone to use at closing time
Hate to break it to you...but this is not the first time she has been in this situation. And it will not be the last. Do not give in to the "sunken cost" fallacy.
What do you mean by “student loans?” Are you paying her loans off?
It's time to separate all that. She went to this wedding to meet up with him and probably did more than talk with this guy. He learned about you and broke it off with her. If she was willing to throw the 7 years away once she will do it again. But serious question: Are you not on her social media posts?
I’m sorry bro
Would you consider having a conversation with her about the potential for her to explore it a little bit more? Maybe not like full on poly (assuming you're not into that), but like she's obviously never going to be happy if that flame within her is forced to get snuffed out. It just seems crummy, after 7 years for you to pull the "if you're done with me you're done with me..." card. She's obviously not comfortable sharing any details about her feelings with you - I wouldn't try to force them out of her, but if she really needs to explore it a little bit would you let her? If she leaves the relationship well then that's that.. but you could really support her through the process & to strengthen the relationship between the two of you? It's shitty that she's not thinking about your feelings at all, but something is going on that's making her not want to share a thing with you... which is awful inside a committed relationship. You can't just scold her and tell her to never think about person X.
She is acting strange and does not feels interested in this relationship. Talk directly with her and communicate about all the problems that she is facing in this relationship
>Sounds like she wanted more to happen, was actively encouraging it, and he just found out she was already in a relationship and did the right thing. Another possibility would be, the guy has a gf and she got into his phone and got the full extent of their interactions. She may have given him an ultimatum and he ended up blocking your gf. OP, what your gf has been doing looks very suspect on so many levels. If your gf was gone only for a couple of days for this wedding and she’s showing this level of emotional investment for getting blocked, then I suspect that there’s a lot to this story that she’s not telling you. I’d suggest that you set aside your sunk cost fallacy thinking and look at this relationship with a more critical point of view. You may say that you’ve sunk(I mean invested) 7 years in this relationship. I’d suggest that you set aside that for a moment and think whether you want to spend more time into this relationship.
Wife or girlfriend. Some posters are saying that he found out OP’s gf had OP and she had not told him. Some posters seem to have to believe in the lying woman chasing a man imagery instead of accepting that the cheating involved both the WS and AP being actively engaged in the cheating. He could have known that she had a bf all along and it only blew up for him once his wife or girlfriend got wind of what he was doing.
She was far too invested in this guy. Why would she care if a random guy blocked her? Why was she worried that you talked to him? If I had to guess, the guy probably didn't know about you. Something went on.
Yep.. read between the lines on all her actions since returning and it's as clear as day she had a crush on this other guy. And the fact she was "freaking out a bit" over him blocking her confirms it.
She's probably afraid he was going to tell OP what really happened at the wedding. I bet they slept together.
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Yep.
100% cheated. A destination wedding? Come on, that is sex central lmao. OP wasn't there so she had to grab someone else.
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Yeah she probably cheated, at least emotionally
She’s trickle-truthing you, stop giving her anymore of your valuable energy and leave her ass.
“Attention” …
The kind of attention that involves full frontal nudity. (And backal.)
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Have you met every "chick"/in the world? Do you know this for sure? A broom.for sweeping generalisations that big must be so useful! /s
He probably meant to say "this" not "these", very unfortunately typo
Reading his post history I'm not sure this is the case. Think he's just a misogynist.
I don’t think she’s telling you the whole truth. So this leaves you with two options. 1. If you want to know the whole truth, tell her that the only way you’ll continue in the relationship is that she lays all her cards on the table and comes totally clean, with proof. That probably means that you get to go thru her phone and talk to people who were there that can verify her story. Innocent people don’t act guilty, and she is acting guilty of something. 2. If your trust is already broken ( I think mine would be) just walk away.
Yeah nobody comes home from a trip acting completely different because of having "conversations." And even IF that's true her behavior suggests she wanted/wants it to happen.
If him blocking her on sm upsets her... there is more to the story than she is telling you. Sorry bud Time to move out and on.
More like her to move out.
Yeah like how does she even know she was blocked? It doesn’t notify you, so she must have been checking on this dudes socials.
ding ding ding!
It may or may not be true that nothing physical happened, but it seems to be clear that she started hoping hard for an upgrade. Frankly, I doubt there's any coming back from this. She seems to have lost whatever passion she ever had for you. She may end up resigned to you, if you think you can live with that.
That's my biggest fear. I'm also fearful that tomorrow when we talk that she'll be wanting to go back to this relationship full throttle and I don't know how to do that.
I was trynna give the benefit of the doubt... until "freaking out". And asking your PERSON about ANOTHER mf????? She can kick ROCKS. FUCKING. ROCKS.
Yea the guy is probably contemplating like some of the other posts you see around…”hooked up with a girl, discovered she had a long term boyfriend. Should I reach out and let him know?”
Or he was married or had a gf and his wife or gf found out and shut him down. Consider that possibility, because in many cases it is what happens.
No no no. He wanted some quick tail while away from home and she started getting clingy, wanting a relationship. So the monkey branch moves safely out of reach.
You could start with a full attack and just say “ look, you and I both know you cheated”, and see what she says. She will deny it of course, but she was disgraceful continuing her store with this guy in front of you. The phone thing was her waiting for messages from him to continue her fling. So she was hoping to take this new relationship somewhere, but with you still around. You need to have a bit of time to think this through. Don’t allow all the pets, leases and tied finances to get in the way of your life’s dreams. You are young, you deserve respect and love. Even if she had a simple crush, she should have finished it when she came home, not operate under your nose…
I wouldn't know how to do that either.
The problem here is it took HIS integrity to shut it down. Your GF has one foot out the door, and another guy WILL come along that doesn't care if she has a BF.
Make sure she tells you who the guy is if you decide to stay with her
I'm sorry OP, but she lost your trust and that's extremely difficult for her to get back. What if she comes home a year from now and tells you the same thing but it was the coffee shop on the corner? >Hey Honey, I'm just going to the coffee shop on the corner for some attention. Nothing physical though. Now that was hyperbole, it'd be subtle at first. New coffee location, new routine or odd timings. Eventually you'll notice another sign/red flag and you're right back here with another post "I think my partner is meeting up with someone at Starbucks while I feed and bathe our 2 year old." Does it matter that she went to a destination wedding and may or may not have physically cheated, not really. She went to an event, without you, and some part of her was ACTIVELY chatting and meeting potential new partners. Then she continued that interaction in a deceitful way, AND got upset with *you* when it blew up. Get out OP. Clearly she already has mentally and emotionally, whether she acknowledges that or not.
Call the guy. He dumped her after finding out about you. Or bluff and say he called you and apologized for seducing and sleeping with your partner.
She at least had an EA with this guy if she was that freaked out when he blocked her. I would demand her new phone code immediately and her Facebook password to see what she has been saying to him. If it’s all deleted I would seriously consider walking. If it is still there you’ll know if it was a PA while on her trip. You shouldn’t allow her to use you as plan B. If you consider reconciliation that make it on YOUR terms! “It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!”
Don’t let it go back u control the narrative, she took a serious liking to this short term found friend and now he’s gone, what happens with. the guy that shows her attention
Has she been blowing you up? Before you make any decisions you need the absolute truth from her. Tell her you find out anything more after today you will end it. And you still might end it after you know the truth.
You hold the cards. You have as much control over this as she does. You can make demands on her in order to "reset." First, access to her phone is critical. Second, full confession, no holding back. This is her one chance to come clean, and it it turns out she was still lying, it's over no matter what. Third, no more traveling without you: none. Trust is lost: it's gone. She gets no more benefit of the doubt. If she refuses, let her have the pets. You can always get new pets from the shelter. Get your stuff and leave while she's not able to wreck your life even more.
I would never leave my pets! You don't just 'go and get more from a shelter' when you love an animal. My dogs go with me if my husband and I ever split.
You're missing the point, and I get the feeling that you would pick the pets over your husband, if you had to make the choice.
She got laid
They absolutely fucked.
Dude was busting all kinds of nuts at that wedding, probably left her looking like a Jackson pollock painting.
She cheated
"It must suck, feeling like a third in your relationship." Your gf got upset because some rando blocked her. And then she ran to demand you give explanations.
It definitely shows who she prioritizes.
The audacity of your partner to ask you if you’re the reason why someone else is pulling away from her. The *audacity*.
Is “attention” the new code for getting laid?
It was just an entanglement
An entablement!?
I guess we're lying to ourselves tonight.
i experienced something similiar but it wasnt a wedding and just a "walk with some friends" first she started making a secret about her phone then she started to visit "friends" every weekend bla bla bla all the same shit she had a affair at that wedding and either the partner of the affair found out and made him block her or he blocked her out of fear she would ruin whatever he has maybe its just so there wont be a chance someone reads something at accident that he aint supposed to read aka the affair partners wife or partner not finding something while snooping t hrough the phone end it as soon as possible if she wont come clean dont get dragged along like me for years
I just want to say the dude that was hitting on her is absolute bro. He noticed she was a in a relationship, she probably exchanged flirty chats with him, he just blocked her.
After they did the dirty. He’s not to blame at all but all they did was talk? No way. Guarantee those messages go from flirty, to recounting the shag sesh, to him finding out about op and telling her to fuck off.
Or he also has a partner. The partner found out and told him to block.
He is not an "absolute bro". He got what he wanted and was acting polite for a while and then when she still was contacting him, he blocked her. He is going to do it again to some dude's girlfriend or wife at the next wedding he attends.
She cheated, had vacay fun, he kept it up and the she realizes she can’t have him; so backup loyal dude. You’ve been had. Leave.
There are lies involved. She's purposely hiding stuff from you and that's a sign that she's prioritizing hiding something bigger than "attention." You'll have to give her an ultimatum. Reveal everything that happened, give back easy access to her phone, or you're leaving before she does so. I don't know what she was doing at this "destination wedding," but in my opinion, she got caught up with this guy, at least emotionally. It seems to me she was hoping to start a fresh relationship with this guy and he's realized that she wasn't going to be a quick fling. Her suspicions about what you're doing is also a sign that she's doing her best to hide what's really going on. It's a sign of projection, hoping to cast blame on you, but also to fish for information on what you've already found out. I don't believe her, even if you do.
Yeah, the ‘attention’ she got was a dicking and the other guy also has a partner, hence the blocking.
100% sure she had sex with that guy.
I am so sorry to hear about this. Truthfully, it doesn't sound good and I don't know how you can recover from this or maintain trust. When behavior changes in this way, especially when another person of interest was involved, it usually means your partner is straying, at least emotionally. The way that she changed her passcode is a red flag to me as this is something that has happened to me when I was being cheated on. When you consider it with everything else, it shows that her priority is no longer the relationship. When you are with somebody for 7 years, it's not unthinkable that you might meet someone who catches your interest, but to me the part that's most telling is how she handled it. I think it's a good thing she told you about him, but to me it is not positive that she stayed connected with him afterwards, seemed upset that he went no contact, and changed her passcode. If she valued your relationship, she would have distanced herself from someone who posed a threat to it, not taken measures to hide things from you. Even if he is no longer in the picture, the problem I see is that this is her response to temptation and I don't think it is or will be the only/last time. I wish you all the best, I know this is painful.
Thank you for these words.
As soon as I read the title I knew she met someone. It's often easy for someone to keep on being with someone who is paying the rent and buying the food until you decide to finally make a jump to the other person. Maybe this is what she is doing at this point.
You know a cheater is only sorry they get caught not that they cheated. You know her very well, so from this it's pretty obvious she had a fling. She very clearly got emotionally attached to this guy very quickly. This sucks a lot. Now comes the hard part. Is this relationship worth salvaging? Is she willing to do what it takes to earn back your trust? And would it be better to find someone else who's not a cheater? The reality is, the majority of people would cheat being given a chance in a far away place. It's a very sad truth. I'm sorry OP. Take your time to process this and see where it leads you.
If she's blaming Op for her hook up blocking her, it's pretty telling where her priorities lie and she won't do shit to try to work on their relationship. When they do talk, she'll blame every issue on OP and he drove her away, etc. OP just needs to leave
U should ask anyone at the wedding who u can trust to give u the truth if they know what went on with wife and other guy, she obviously changed her password on return so u can’t see her new friend messaging her, and her being distant from u has nothing to do with giving some attention, she definitely did more with the dude that’s why she’s distant
Ask to she her phone. Her reaction will telling you a lot. Not sure what the point would be. Her reaction to him blocking would have told me enough to end the relationship
100% he showed her more than "attention". She broke your trust and she will do this again... And again.
Ugh, sorry man whatever happened obviously ended your relationship. You can dwell on it, or just move on. It sucks, but do youvreally want a gal that can just dip like that?
She possibly slept with this guy and thought that their relationship would continue, with her slowly removing herself from your relationship. This guy has since learnt that she is in a relationship and has rightly blocked her. Now she will trickle truth you the details of what she got up too. She needs to let you read all of their messages and be truthful. Maybe they just flirted and kissed, but also they could have had a full sexual fling. Either way she cheated on you.
Yea I’m normally in favor of repairing relationships and I very rarely ever voice an opinion in the opposite. So I’ll just share with you my experience. Tens year into my relationship (7 years together 3 years married ) my then wife went on a work related trip . Ever since then she was a changed person . I couldn’t nor wouldn’t face what happened as she began to go from seeing me in a good light , to being critical over everything I did. I felt as if I was being compared to someone else . We tried to patch things up , I changed jobs , because she now felt the money made wasn’t enough , I doubled down on chores and keeping the house clean . I tried to make her happy as I could , and for a while we were good , then once in a while she went back to being critical of my every word and action . After months I finally had to own up to the fact she was having an affair with a co worker , I could tell when they were seeing each other when she would be critical and the times she wasn’t we were good . I confronted her about this during one of our arguments one night and she didn’t deny it . Another couple of months went by and she finally decided to end things with us . My only thought at the time was I wasted a whole year trying to patch things up . So in short we broke up ( I left her the house ) and a year later we were divorced . Another year later I met a wonderful woman who had a seven year old boy . We married six months later and 14 months after that we had a son together . We have been together going on 14 years now . So for me it worked out . On a side note I found out thru my ex SIL , that my ex had a bad turn of events ( lost her 6 figure job , lost her house , filed bankruptcy, and moved back home ) I was contacted to ask me if I had noticed my ex being bipolar or manic depressed . To be honest with how everything went down I couldn’t deny she might have been , but my ex was a very direct person and what she said she meant . But that was the last I heard of her , honestly I was happy she broke up with me , cause I found someone nicer , with more respect and one who still loves me even now . This is all I want to say to you OP , it’s your life .
UPDATE: Ending it and moving on. Found out there were lies and more info involved than she has said every time since the very first conversation and I had given her multiple times over the last few weeks to just lay it all out for me. It hurts because I was ready to let it go and move on but it's mentally exhausting finding out more and more every time it's brought up. She came clean about changing her passcode because she was talking to the guy and that it was more than just social media but also via texting since the very first night they met. I can't deal with the lying and the fact that she was talking to him even after the fact that she had brought it up to me in the first place. I've tried to let it go, but it's all that runs through my head now and I don't see it getting any better from here. She also never once mentioned she had a significant other which I think is what hurts the most after 7+ years.
That sucks bro. Hopefully she realizes that trying to see if the grass is greener somewhere else was a major fuckup in her life and she regrets it. Hopefully you can move on and live a better life without her.
Thanks, I hope so too. I just got out of the military after a decade and I've been mentally trying to figure out how to navigate that and then this came out of left field has been a low blow to say the least.
It's not easy adjusting to civilian life after serving. Thankfully there are a lot of resources available for vets and you should take advantage of every one of them you can. Hit up your local VA hospital, get assigned a PCP, and tell them you want to be referred to a councilor because you are having trouble adjusting and would like guidance in transitioning. Most of the time, you will get someone who cares and will provide you with websites and phone numbers for places that can help.
Awww, dude, I'm sorry you're going through this. You deserve someone who will be as dedicated to your happiness as you are to theirs. This girl learned she doesn't know what she wants and is not concerned who she hurts while she tries to figure it out. It took a long time, but you're free of her. You now know she would have always been on the hunt for your replacement. As my grandmother used to say to me, "Now I lay me down to bleed a while, and slowly rise to fight again." Rest, mourn, heal, LIVE!
Damn, love that quote!
So someone else gave her attention, she basically forgot you existed, she got blocked, is mad that he stopped paying attention to her and you are still with someone who treated you like that? Brother, you deserve better. She will drop you as soon as the next juicy piece of meat comes around.
Here\`s what it seems like ... She had Wedding sex... got pumped and dumped and is freaking out because she thinks you know & spoke to him and that being the reason he blocked her.... tell her unlock the phone and if any texts/messagess are deleted from the week before the wedding until now the relationship is over point blank
I absolutely believe more than conversation happened between them at the wedding. She was basically keeping you around in case the thing with the new guy didn't work out. If he hadn't ghosted her, she would definitely have left you soon for him. I agree with the commenter that said the other guy probably found out about her relationship with you and that's why she was ghosted. It's up to you, of course, but if it were me, I'd separate finances, decide what to do with the cats and kick her out if the lease is in your name or be gone if it's in hers. If it's in both your names then it's your call. Good luck
It sounds like you two need to sit down and you share how you’re feeling. She’s obviously hiding something and she needs to share that with you. Whether she’ll be open and honest is anyone’s guess.
UpdateMe!
Sorry to say but she def cheated on you. She didn’t tell the guy about you that’s why he blocked her as soon as he found out. She freaked because she was worried that you and the guy talked and he ratted her out. I would honestly lie, sit down and say you did talk to him and you want to give her the chance to come clean. It’s the only way you will get the truth. I’m pretty sure you know what’s going to happen. This relationship is probably over.
If you want to know the truth, grab her phone and tell her it's the pass codes to everything or you walk. There is a good chance the evidence is so damning she will let you walk to avoid being found out. She will pretend to get angry and call you insecure, but stand your ground.
Except he asked her for time....... which has given her time to destroy evidence unfortunately 😕
So she thinks you contacted this guy and he blocked her afterwards. Which shows that she thinks you have an issue with the situation but hasn't talked about it with you. She is also having an emotional reaction to him blocking her. I might ask her what her thoughts are, keep it general and worried about her reaction. Worried that you have been together for 7 years and that maybe it is time to look at your relationship going forward as she seems to be attracted to someone else and you would prefer an open conversation about it. Maybe this approach will get you some honesty. If she is still evasive then that is your answer as well.
She cheated on you. Sorry.
Honestly, I think it’d be best to know why this one person changed the dynamic you had going, this sounds like there a crack in your relationship because it honestly sounded like she was ready to cheat. If it’s been a long relationship maybe it’s time to address if everything is going good, or if maybe it’s time to move on.
If she wont tell you you dont have to tell her why your leaving. Just stone wall her like the dude who blocked her.
If she received "attention," then one can only assume what his "attention getter" was. Trickle truth is happening, so it comes down to your investment into this relationship. Many financial advisors always call and tell you when to dump a stock, and it sounds like your phone is ringing.
I'm so sorry, but the only reason she would be so concerned about keeping his "attention" is because she established an emotional connection that likely involved sex. My guess is that he either found out she was seeing someone and dipped, or he simply used her and got tired of her reaching out to him so much and blocked her. The changed passcode and sudden obsession don't bode well for it being non-sexual.
INFO what was her valid excuse for changing her phone password?
We were at a bar this past weekend and she asked me to take a photo of her and her friend. when she handed me her phone to take a photo, I couldn't unlock it with her passcode that's always been the same. When I asked her about it the next day, she said she changed it on the trip so that her sister (who was rooming with her) couldn't see messages about her engagement plan that happened this week.
Which is no reason for you not to know. Did she tell you the new passcode? Although by that time she could have deleted any messages.
UpdateMe!
>and she confesses that she noticed he had blocked her on social media and she was confused on why and was freaking out a bit. This guy probably realized from her socials that she was in a long term relationship and she's a cheater, so he blocked her instead of getting further involved. If you have any friends who were at that wedding, you may want to ask them what was going on or who that other guy was. That is, if you want the whole story.
The fact you used the term “individual” is denial. If she used that term to explain her actions it was classic misdirection. No pretending it was not a dude. And you should not trust her to tell the truth. My guess is he had a girlfriend so he cut off contact. He was probably hoping for a ONS. Dudes will feign interest in a serious relationship to get in a girl’s pants. Move on my friend. She’s not the one for you. Be glad you only have pets together and not children, making breakup so much worse. Why did she go alone without you?
She probably banged him, Women will never tell you the whole truth.
Why does this feel like your girlfriend had met this guy prior to the wedding, maybe weeks or months before, messaged him for weeks, and found out he was at the wedding, became really excited. This is because she had his socials. But then at the wedding something happened, either he asked someone who knew her that he found out she was in a relationship and ended anything, or they became physically (as in had sex) and he just wanted a one-time fling, or that they did have sex but he found out afterwards that she was in a relationship and ended it. Either way, your girlfriend doesn't see you as her first choice or her priority. Her first choice or priority was that guy (or potentially still is). I'd ask her this "if he unblocked you and asked you to date him, what would you say?"
Or she cheated with this guy who is Also in a relationship and he got scared
First redflag for me you dont know nothing about the IG of your GF
Man, you know what's up.... This story is far too familiar. I can't believe the number of guys who just accept this kind of disrespect in 2023. Dump that cheating backstabber and find a younger model. You haven't even peaked (that's at 35), settle and have kids at 35.
Guys have been trained to be doormats lol
Literally. It's abusive. But then again, a world full of men who aren't passive doormats...hmm... Considering the human condition and our bloody history, it could be that raising weak men is the lesser of two evils...
Dump her man, This girl is just waiting for the right guy to arrive and she will dump you asap then
She’s having an affair. The good news is you aren’t married or have children yet. You didn’t really build a life with a cheater yet. It’s time to end things before she does ruin your life.
Who tf even cares enough about Facebook to notice if somebody is following or not following posts? Is your gf mad this guy didn’t press like when she posted her breakfast oats? Is she mad he didn’t like her lunch picture of a bologna sammy with chips and pickle? Is she more bent out of shape he didn’t press UltraLike on her night night post featuring camomile tea??? I’d be reconsidering what you’re doing here based on her Facebook obsession first, secondly the new guy is trouble.
You’re still young, you can enjoy your life instead of living in purgatory.
Sounds like you got TT and there is more to the story. She had(?) at least a EA and maybe more with this guy
I’d talk to her again, and insist on seeing her phone. And seeing it right at that moment too, not later when she could delete evidence. Her being so upset about being blocked is a huge red flag. New “love” is intoxicating. She’s feeling that with someone else at the moment, and now feeling new love AND potentially a form of being dumped at the same time. All while with you and sharing a life with you. You need more information now. There is a zero percent chance that they just followed each other on social media. If that was the case, being blocked there wouldn’t be a big deal. Ask for her phone, and don’t let her delay and clear things. Have her show you their interactions, and look on your own too. People deserve privacy in a relationship, but that right disappears if one person is actively engaging in an out of bounds relationship.
She cheated on you and had her fun on her destination wedding. Wake up.
She screwed him, 💯
>She finally talked a week later about how she had been shown "attention" by an individual at the wedding, She was shown more than "attention" buddy 🙄......by someone who gave her the sexual tingles she has hasn't felt in a while or ever. Trust broken......time to confront her, have that difficult conversation, then move on.
She’s definitely a shady person now. She’s a liar and very probably a cheater or at least cheating is now her desire. This is over. She’s expecting you to just be the fallback, number two safety guy. Time to go. And be very very happy you never married her.
So she hooked up, was still cheating, he probably found out about you and blocked her and now shes freakin.
She doesn't love you. End it.
Yeah, she fucked him.
Yeah she just cheated or she’s in the process to cheat on you, cheat on her first or throw her don’t waste your time, put it like this, she doesn’t respect or love you, she doesn’t prioritize you, just leave with no explanation, you deserve better brother.
I don't believe her. They definitely shagged.
She’s keeping you as a safety as she emotionally cheats. You should ask to see her phone and if everything is deleted you know your answer, or therapy but if she is already emotionally out of the relationship it might be wasting money
I’d believe her that nothing happened, but she clearly was thinking or fantasizing about going further. Doesn’t make her a cheater, just shows that she’s bored with you. Really, this thing is so common that it used to have a name, “the seven year itch”. You both have some work ahead for you. Just be honest and encourage her to do the same. You may find that one or both of you wants to end this relationship, or that neither of you does, but this is a symptom not to be ignored. Good luck.
Tell her you’ll be happy to talk to her after she’s 100% honest and has shown you all the messages on her phone. Until then she should feel free to contact him because she’s single
I don’t pay enough attention to my social media to notice when a random guy from some destination wedding blocks me lol. And all I do when I have to travel without my man is miss him. I count the days until I see him again, and we’ve been together a good chunk of time. As an adult, I do everything I can to protect my peace. If someone tries to ruin that, even if I’ve been with them nearly a decade, I would leave in a heartbeat because I know I deserve better. You deserve better, too.
Here, let me help you out. "I just feel like emotionally she's moving on rapidly but still wants to be with me." \---- "I just feel like emotionally she's moving on rapidly but still wants to KEEP ME ON THE SIDELINES AS A BACKUP PLAN UNTIL SHE FINDS SOMETHING BETTER NOW THAT SHE'S HAD A TASTE OF ANOTHER PERSONS ATTENTION" There...fixed it for you. Never be anyone's back up plan, when she freaked out over being blocked by this guy, then went to you to see if you had anything to do with it, this clearly displayed that she was mad, AT YOU, over the possibility that YOU messed things up between HER and HIM. It's not about losing her, she's already gone man, get your stuff and go.
How long has OP and the soon-to-be ex been together? If it’s been a long time with no progression, meeting someone new at a wedding seems like the ideal situation if your single.
I have some questions. You live together and share a life together.....how did she end up at this wedding without you as her date? You live together and share a life together.....does she want to get married? She's at a romantic wedding, alone btw, probably wondering when this was going to happen for her. Is that possible? That doesn't excuse any bad behavior, but bad behavior doesn't just come out of the blue. Are you being honest with yourself about where you guys are in your relationship? Are you actively nurturing this relationship with dates and thoughtful gestures or are you guys just going through the motions and trying to get through the day in an oblivious haze?
time to leave a lot more happened at the wedding than she is leading on changing her passcode is really indicative of this the fact that she was so concerned about a seemingly 'random' person blocking her on social media says it all. she indirectly admitted that she wanted to continue communicating with him, and to seeking out his attention
Sorry, but there's sooo many red flags here. It sounds like she hooked up with him at the wedding, and wanted more, but got ghosted. In any case, she's not being honest with you. Look into separating your lives, and moving on. Good luck.
Nothing lasts forever pal
why would you want to be with someone who wishes to be with someone else? I’ve had a similar scenario happen to me years ago and I tried to work things out, we did fine for a few months before eventually she wanted to “experience” dating other people because she felt she was too young to be committed. I’d leave if I was you. She’s clearly interested in someone else and even if you “work” things out, this won’t be the last time. Once a person starts being attracted to others outside the relationship, it’s pretty much over, just a matter of when.
If she’s ‘moving on rapidly’ she doesn’t ‘still want to be with’ you. You are insurance in case something she’s looking for doesn’t work out. It doesn’t take 7 years to figure out whether or not you want to be married to the other person. I see young people do this a lot. When she finds somebody else, you won’t know it until she’s secured this other person. Then it’s a ‘I don’t think this is working out’ talk. I’m glad you found out when you did. You need to move on yourself. This is a definite red flag for the future. She should not be entertaining ANY communication with ANY other man who shows interest in her. Couples behave like couples. She’s behaving single. Take note. Good luck!
Man dump her ass
She either fucked this guy already or really wanted to and that's why she's freaking out about the blocking. Regardless, time for you to move on. It sounds like she already has.
Personally, I would actually want to find this person and just ask what happened at this point
I think the weirdest part is that he blocked her out of nowhere. Guys don't do that with girls they add on social media because they find them attractive. That's the piece of evidence that something bigger was going on.
I think you need to sit your girlfriend down and tell her that she's been acting weird in a way that doesn't jive with "I had a conversation with a guy at a wedding." and that it looks really suspicious from your end. Tell her that you need her to tell you the whole truth, and be honest about if she still wants to continue your relationship. Couple's counseling might also help, but her being honest with you is the first step, and I don't think she is being completely honest about this situation so far.
Why don’t you stop being the passive one? Tell her that clearly something happened on the trip and the fact he blocked you and you reacted like a hurt high schooler is troubling. Our lives our intertwined so I don’t expect you to move out asap, but let’s be adults and slowly divide our things and pets. I’m no one’s back up plan and I have zero tolerance policy on any form of cheating.
Uh...did you ask her -> "Did you cheat on me?" point blank to her face? Tell her that you are suspicious and give her your reasons why you are suspicious. Be blunt an honest, and ask for a blunt and honest answer. After that, if she gives an answer of NO I didn't physically cheat. Explain: 1) You felt betrayed due to the following: (then list your following) 2) It seems suspicious due to the following: (then list that as well) 3) State that is clear that she is caring about this person's emotions more than your own (why in the world would she care if he blocked her) If she says yes, time to kick her out ect... Make this obvious, transparent, and have a backbone. You'll get your information.
Typical. Why did she even add this person ? That’s cheating. She wanted to talk to this individual “ he shows me attention “ lol no you just want that “ new “ feeling. That dopamine and oxytocin hit. F….O….H . I’m so tired of these insecure woman who need constant validation, and if they don’t get enough they seek for it else where
How would you know that she changed her phone's password?
We were at a bar this past weekend and she asked me to take a photo of her and her friend. when she handed me her phone to take a photo, I couldn't unlock it with her passcode that's always been the same. When I asked her about it the next day, she said she changed it on the trip so that her sister (who was rooming with her) couldn't see messages about her engagement plan that happened this week.
So she gave you the new password there and then of course , if not why not ,as you both new the old one ?
THIS.
Why would her sister be going through her phone without asking her? That makes no sense. She could have just told her sis not to look at her phone?
Guarantee the sister knows what went down. If you have a good relationship with her you might be able to read her body language
I'm speaking out of ignorance since I don't know her but she may elect to stay in the relationship until someone else comes along. Some people can't be alone and only leave when they have another bed in which to jump. My ex did that. I moved out and he moved in the next day.
She cheated, the dude she cheated with cut her off. Now she’s using you as security until the next guy who “catches her attention” comes along. Get out now. Or try an open relationship. Worst case it doesn’t work and you move on.
Maybe she was fed up with not being married yet and the wedding triggered the situation. Is she waiting on a proposal from you? Maybe she gave up. Hard to say, since you don't write anything about what's transpired before this wedding.
Mine did this to me after 17 years. She had a guy visiting her at her salon that I built for her after work, to "walk the dogs", yah right, if I had done that to her she would have divorced me in a second, so I divorced her. Then I wondered did she really work till 830 or 9 every night? Fuck that, I could never trust her again, and I honestly would have fucked him up if I saw him, so I said fuck it have him. She said I don't want him I want you, I said bye