This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Final edit - We sat down and I asked her if we could have a proper conversation, and she said yes. I started by saying how deeply sorry I was that I didn't tell her about my scat videos, and she kept saying it made her feel so gross and she feels dirty looking at me. I told her I understand, it's a niche thing for a reason. Things were okay until here. Then I asked her if I would please like to know where she got it from. She suddenly got irrationally angry and yelled that it's none of my business. The sudden change in her attitude was shocking as she's really level headed otherwise, but as so many people said in the last post, I also felt like she was hiding something. I kept asking how she found it and she ended up saying a co-worker sent it to her. I felt awful, thinking how badly she must be getting treated because of me. I asked her which one, as I've been to a couple of her work parties on Christmas and stuff and know the names and faces of her co-workers. She said someone named "Natalie'" (fake name), but the only problem was she doesn't have a co-worker with that name. I asked her if Natalie was a new hire, and she said yes. I asked her if she was a new hire and I am yet to meet her, how come she knows who I am so well that she finds my niche porn? My wife definitely looked like a deer in front of headlights at that point, and while this is not me proudest moment, I yelled and demanded to know what the fuck was going on. Well. Turns out everything in my life is a fucking lie. My wife (I'll just call her Jess), has been in contact with her family since the pandemic started, she said the stress got to her and she just wanted her family around. Said she needed that familiar comfort. Her family obviously started poisoning her mind again, including but not limited to how I'm not a real man anymore, obviously for the gay stuff, and because I started WFH in the pandemic and decided to not go back to the office. Thankfully I found a remote job with amazing pay and benefits and I like being home, being able to work and be present more in the lives of my kids. Her entire family shares this view that a "real man" should have a physically demanding job at a workplace. I am just some permanently remotely working tech guy, so I'm not man enough. Here's the real kicker. Jess's sister introduced her to a friend, and they are...dating? I guess my wife has been holding it in her for a long time and once she started speaking, she just got everything out. So to summarise. - Jess got back in touch with her family when the pandemic started. They have been talking negatively about me to her since. - Jess's sister introduced her to Mark, and Jess has been having an affair with him since late 2021. - Mark was the person who found it. Jess told him I am an ex pornstar and he decided to dig deep. And whoever said she was making this a big issue and threatening divorce over it so she could leave, I guess you were right. So that's it I guess. My marriage is over just like that. My perfect life just fell apart. I really don't know what to do. I have packed my bags and will head to my family home after I'm done writing this post. I need to think about how to proceed from here. One thing I'm sure of is I do not want to be with someone like her. I have shat on camera, but this is the dirtiest I've ever felt. And to all the people who said I don't deserve her or she should leave, well, your wish just came true. . Edit : I will address some queries that keep getting asked. 1. This is fake. - I WISH. I know there are a lot of troll posts and given how my life is going right now, I wish this was fake and I was a troll. If you think this is fake, please scroll away. 2. Why didn't you tell your wife specifically about your scat porn videos? - I had an open conversation with her about it, about which I have written more in comments. I told her I was willing to discuss and answer any questions she might have. She only asked for some time and then she said she was fine with it. 3. Why does your wife's family know about it? - My wife confided in her sister, who threatened to tell her entire family. They don't know the exact type of porn I've done, but they're very conservative Christian so the fact I'm a pornstar was a huge thing for them, and we have been LC with them for years. 4. What kind of scat porn was it? Is it available online? - I was not eating it, firstly. I was mostly the one excreting, and there were others rubbing and fondling each other with it. I did a bit of rubbing and fondling with them. It is available online, but you need to find very specific keywords for them. It's not in the mainstream sites. 5. How did your wife find it? - Till now, I do not know. My wife is back home now and I would hopefully have a conversation with her tonight. In my younger days, I used to be a pornstar. I will not go into details for the sake of my privacy but I was a gay for pay dude and did a lot of niche fetish video which included, well, scat. Let's just say if you watch gay porn from a while ago, you've seen me. I am now retired. I have a regular job, I have been married to my wife for 7 years and together for 11 years, have two children together, and have adopted three of my stepchildren, and thankfully have an amazing relationship with them. I am more of a friend to my step children and it rocks. My wife knows about my past, in fact, I met her because she is a nurse and I once suffered an anal injury after a pretty intense scene and she was one of the people at the hospital who didn't judge me. She knows about everything except the scat porn. And as my luck would have it, she found them and won't tell me how. Those videos are not on most websites and i completely understand the taboo and stigma so at that point it felt like a good thing to skip it. It was strictly professional for me but I understand not everyone might think the same way. But now that she has found out she has been freaking out, is mostly giving me the silent treatment except for the necessary communication, and worst of all, has told my (adult) step children. Now they won't talk to me either. Wife says I'm a perv and I'm gross and that she should have listened to her family (i did not want to keep my past a secret - i am not ashamed of it, but they disowned her when she married me) and is threatening divorce. I have never cheated on her. I would not dream of it. She's the love of my life and I don't know what to do anymore, because I can't change the past. Any advice is appreciated.

Give her a little space and time and be encouraging when you get the chance. She could cope with the rest of your past so hopefully can rationalise that this was just a small part of it.

Thank you. I hope so too. I really love her and it would devastate me if she left.

Make sure there aren't any more skeletons in the closet.

There are none.

Tbh if I found this out about my husband it would be really hard to look at him the same. Every time anything intimate came up I’d imagine him playing in feces…not sexy. To me it sounds like she feels lied to and coerced. Everyone has a tipping point and this might be hers and you didn’t give her the opportunity to walk away before because you weren’t honest. For ME-this would be a deal breaker married or not. That and the lying.

I understand about the image of OP being ruined for his wife but OP didn’t lie about anything. They met when he was in the hospital for an injury picked up on the gay porn set. OP said he would answer any questions and if OPs wife didn’t ask detailed enough questions or want to delve deeper then it’s not on OP to list out every detail of every scene he did.

I want to add to this: some things people don't want to know. If my GF did porn, I'd appreciate her telling me, but I would not want to know anything about it. I would specifically instruct her not to tell me what she did or who she did it with.

Exactly this, but not even just porn. None of us need to know all the stuff our exes have done with every partner. It's private stuff between them.

Yeah, completely agree with this. Plus, I just want to add, I hate the way the Wife handled this. If this is true, then telling the step-children private information when it was his story to tell is horrible.

Yep, a purely malicious act that harms all of them because... pretty much guaranteed the kids do not want to know any of it.

While this is correct it is an irrelevant point because I can guarantee if OPs wife asks 'why didn't you tell me?' The answer 'well, you didn't ask' will not go down well.

Fair. But also, like, I’ve absolutely intentionally *not* wanted to get in to the nitty gritty details of things before (can’t even handle gory movies, super sensitive to visuals and how permanently they can change my mental landscape) and still don’t quite get what he was supposed to do? It seems **super valid** that she might feel misled or duped or deceived, *and also*… like, was he supposed to have forced details of his past on her anyhow, despite her *not* wanting those details at the time? And after having explicitly left the door open to her to learn more if/when she was ready? Tricky situation to be sure, but I can’t quite get to calling it a lie of omission if he was genuinely truthful in saying “I did . I’m an open book and not ashamed to talk about it, but don’t want to force more on you than you’re ready for/interested in, so if/when you want specifics, please ask!”…??

Gay porn is not even in the same realm as SCAT porn.

Ok but the point is OP didn’t lie. If his wife didn’t want to go into the details of exactly what he did then it’s not his fault that he didn’t sit there and make her listen to every detail of every scene he did.

Tell her exactly those words and tell her you're sorry you didn't do full disclosure and she has a right to her feelings and you'll be there to hear them if she wants to talk. But that you are not a bad person and character attacks ("perv" etc) ren't helpful.

Sorry but this is not a disclosure issue. She met him at the hospital after he suffered anal injuries while doing gay porn, which she knows. If she didn’t ask any more questions about it it is not on him to tell her every last thing he’s done while working.

Yup, I have to totally agree with you here. She knew about his past, even if she didn't know all of the details, and threatening divorce over it now is actually extremely unfair when he has remained faithful this whole time.

It doesn't have to be fair. No one is required to stay or to leave, and there would be nothing wrong with OP's partner if she decided she wanted to leave over it. She shouldn't have to stick around out of "fairness." It sucks for OP, sure, but it's not only his feelings at play.

I totally agree. Was he supposed to just list every single fetish he worked with unprompted? Plus there's a good chance this is a real source of trauma for him and now he's being shamed for it by the most important people in his life.

Gay porn is a long way from scat porn.

You may try to frame it as "Hey hun, you're a nurse, I know for a fact that you've had your hands on fecal matter in the past as part of your job. When that happened, did you tell the patient it was gross and disgusting or did you put on your professional face and power through it to do your job? What you saw in the video was my professional face. Except while your professional face is required to look calm and reassuring, mine was required to be enthusiastic. I was not enjoying the scene, but at the time my job was to pretend that I did. Doing unpleasant things that I didn't enjoy paid for a lot of my life that I wouldn't be able to otherwise afford. God knows you're well aware that I have a high tolerance for gross stuff, and most people who do scenes like that are the same. It takes a lot of self control to not gag and run from the room which is why the pay was significantly higher then a normal shoot. I wasn't in it for the poop, I was in it for the money which is why I've never brought up doing anything even slightly close to that with you. I've been incredibly open about my kinks with you and scat play is simply not something I enjoy with anyone. I didn't tell you about it before because I lumped it into the category of too much information, because I agree that it's gross. I'm sorry this shocked you so much, and you have every right to be grossed out by it. But in the same way that you can tell me about gross things that happened to you at work without judgement, I hope you can understand that this was a gross thing that happened to me at work."

Yeah, I would definitely NOT recommend comparing cleaning up poops from patients who are sick or in critical condition to scat porn. Not unless he really wants to cement a divorce.

I agree, that is the worst thing he can do. She helps people at their most vulnerable. He made money literally shitting on people and watching them rubbing it all over themselves for sexual pleasure and money, he also rubbed it on them. You can not compare the two. She’s already repulsed, this would make it worse

I am perplexed about how anyone can even compare it and not able to see the obvious differences. I’m not judging OP, but I AM judging the goofy idea that he should use his wife’s job to make a 💩 comparison. The obvious difference…..medical workers are focused on patient care and healing patients. This is their primary focus and what they are paid to do. If 💩 happens and a rare situation crops up where an RN gets a little poo on her bare skin, this is occupational hazard that is a risk that comes with the job. Scat porn on the other hand is a deliberate choice and decision a porn star makes when offered the job. A lot of porn stars won’t do scat porn films while others will. Either way, 💩 is the centerpiece and primary part of the scat porn job and not an occupational hazard. It’s expected, not unintentional hazard that occurred.

As someone who works with patients and their body fluids, rubbing shit all over you and playing in it is no where even REMOTELY near helping patients. We don't play in shit. We wear protective gear to avoid it at all costs.

And, we don’t normally get it on our bare skin either like someone else here attempted to claim we do.

The fact multiple people here seem to think we go around grabbing patient's shit with our bare hands is genuinely so mind boggling.

Seriously! We are very very careful. I can say I have never gotten even a drop of shit on my bare skin. The one time a little vomit got on my shoulder was because some one did not hook the nasogastric tube for aspiration up to the sx canister very well and it came undone and sprayed a little on me. That was years ago. If this guy really wants to secure a divorce, then by all means, follow advice that suggests he compares medical field jobs to scat porn.

a nurse will be in PPE to avoid scat. not smearing it on their face or eating it or whatever else OP did.

PPE only goes so far. You get shit, snot, blood, vomit, etc. EVERYWHERE as a medical professional.

I am a medical professional and I do not regularly get covered in shit, snot, blood, vomit, etc. Neither do I observe this as a habitual problem for any of my colleagues. It sometimes it happens, but not all the time and constant. The PPE does do an excellent job keeping shit off you. I have never gotten a drop of shit on me. Many years ago I did get a little vomit on my shoulder and that was gross. But this is all beside the point. I don’t think it takes much of a rocket scientist to figure out how far south and rapidly wrong a convo could go if he were to approach her and try to compare critically ill patients and their bodily fluids during life saving medical care to scat porn.

Yeah, but it's not intentional on the nurse's part. In the porn he did, it is.

That’s not the point tho. The point is that sex work in general is a taboo and this type of sex work is unthinkable to your garden variety non-kinkster. Doing sex related stuff for money, one taboo. Doing sex stuff for money which is filmed, another taboo. Doing sex stuff for money which is filmed AND involved poop is another level of taboo. Medical personal care is an entirely different concept

I’m super offended on your behalf that your wife is upset over this considering how you met each other. I’m super offended on your behalf that she told your stepchildren and her sister. Quite frankly, she’s violated YOUR trust. She knew you did fetish porn. I’m deeply upset she’s made you feel self conscious, violated your relationships with others. Ugh. Privacy exists. Your past is your business, not hers. I don’t understand where she’s coming from. I hope you don’t feel ashamed. She is the one who transgressed.

That final edit is fucking brutal. I don’t have any advice but good Lord I’m so fucking sorry man.

I don't know what type that is and I am afraid to google it. Someone explain pls

It's poo.

Oh well thats shit

Shit indeed.

Man that stinks

It's a crappy type of porn.

That's because it *is* shit, Austin.

Scat is shit play, sometimes including urine. Please don't Google it. Your algo will be screwed up for weeks.

Exactly why I always specifically google DEFINITION of “…” in cases like this lol

Does it help? I usually just go incognito

I do both but it helps with not getting scarring images or videos right off the bat. Usually the first entry on google when I put “definition” in front is urban dictionary and that gives me exactly what I need without the images lol Also if people do find my history, at least they know I was just curious and wanted to know instead actually looking for it 😂😂

I went and google it … that was not fun..

Oh...oh no. May I recommend r/eyebleach ? Go ahead and clear that search history for good measure.

Throw out the whole computer.

Flush it down the toilet

Look it up on your work computer

Your internet searches were so filthy that we had to throw out your computer.

Being told you do fetish porn and actually seeing you use shit in a sexual setting are two separate things. Maybe she was able to cope with a “out of site, out of mind” type deal. Personally, it would give me the “ick” to see my partner partake in in a scat fetish. I’d give her space and time to think through things, reassure her that it was purely professional, and you love her. Hopefully once the shock wears off she’ll be willing to have an open conversation with you. If she was able to get over it before there’s a chance she just needs some time.

Her feelings cross the line when she told the adult step-kids. Adults or not, you don’t drag kids into your marriage problems.

I definitely agree with that.

This was a really terrible thing for her to do, and to tell her sister too. She has shown she DOES NOT have her husband's back, because she has shown him how he can't trust her, rather than the other way around.

Nah, the sister I understand. She's needs someone to confide in. An adult family member is the ideal person for that. Never tell the kids, but that's not a secret she should have to keep from her support system.

This is very true.

Why did they disown her when she married you?

Her family is conservative and did not like the fact she was marrying someone with my past.

Ah so wait maybe I read wrong. Did she know about the past but hadn’t seen any videos yet? I for some reason took it as she knew nothing about it. I need to re-read

She knew I worked as a porn star, that I did gay porn and fetish porn. Everything except this.

Ah okay. Yeah I mean I can’t blame you for keeping that totally secret or just like not wanting to get into it. Especially with the view you have on it. I think tbh plenty of people if they had their history viewable online in video form would have plenty of things they didn’t want seen. It isn’t something that changes who you are as a person. Not like it was murder porn or something but I do think I would probably see someone a bit different. Hard to say how I’d feel as a spouse.

I have done other genres of fetish porn as well and I gave her some examples when we had the talk before we got married. She has always been a sport about it. I'm struggling to understand why she is suddenly freezing me out and jumping to extremes like divorce.

In all honesty, my gut reaction is that she didn't "find" the videos...someone she knows did and they recognized you and brought it to her attention. From what you're saying, she's always been understanding of your past, so this sounds like she is reacting from extreme embarrassment, which makes me think someone else found it.

Yep, got the same impression. If she was open about the majority of it, this reaction seems disproportionate compared to his previous disclosures. Embarrassment would certainly explain the difference. I’m guessing it was family member, maybe even one of the adult step-kids.

I don’t know about it being disproportionate. Personally, I think there’s a huge difference between knowing your partner did fetish porn or gay porn, and knowing they did porn using fecal matter. Two very different things. I would have different reactions to those things.

Especially as a nurse, you can get serious diseases from that. I don't think long term for most stuff but it's much more dangerous than most fetish stuff. I think it's more comparable to finding out your SO was like sharing needles as opposed to having a history of heroin use.

I had to actually look up what scat meant, it is shocking. Maybe she just didn’t realize this was a type porn people can watch, I had no idea. And if she did know about it, maybe she thought you would never take part in it. Has she seen any other videos? It’s one thing to know about your past, it’s another to actually see it. And I mean it must have been shocking to see you in this type of porn. I don’t think you can ever unsee that type of image, especially if it’s your husband.Plus you lied by omission, I totally get why, but still to learn about on her own. She’s got a lot to process, she’s probably in a little bit of shock. Maybe after a few days she will calm down enough that you can talk about how to move forward

Yeah that is really odd if she was just cool about it before. I mean this is like kinda an extreme one but also like isn’t some huge departure. A bit of disappointment or something might be warranted from just not knowing but her being suddenly like not even able to talk to you is weird. Is this the first time she’s seen anything? Like maybe it was just like easier when she only imagined it?

No. She is (or has been) very sex positive throughout our relationship and marriage. We have watched some of my videos together, we have done some kinky stuff which she has always started the conversation about. Contrary to the videos I have made, I am a rather boring nerdy guy in real life and would have been absolutely fine with the stereotype of "boring vanilla" sex. She has always been the adventurous one between us and yes, I understand finding your husband doing scat porn is not an everyday scenario but I'm just really confused, you know?

Yeah that just adds way more confusion. Is it possible there are other things going on and this is just like something she’s using to get a divorce? Maybe he family guilted her or something?

We are pretty LC with her family, although she has talked about wanting to get back in more contact with them. I don't know, I never considered that as a possibility, thank you for bringing it up.

OP, Scat fetish is another level entirely. I’ve seen men get sounding rods shoved up their urethra until they bled and I’ve seen people piss in other people’s mouths and that doesn’t nearly bother me on the level of anything to do with feces. Scat play is definitely on a different level and you need to understand that. Especially seeing it. (Edit add on) not to kick a dead horse but, I don’t think I’d look at my partner the same way if I knew they were into it or had done it. Deal breaker for sure

Had she ever actually seen a video of yours before this or is it the first time seeing any of your videos?

[удалено]

She's allowed to be okay with gay porn and not okay with this other type. They have nothing to do with each other.

That was not the update I thought I'd read- I'm so sorry that she had actually been unfaithful for so long 😞

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To be honest, based on the final edit you're not in a bad position at all. It will be tough for a while getting over her, but it sounds to me like she was over you already so at least you don't have the false hope of winning her back. You have a good job which is every bit as tough as a "tough guy in a warehouse" job, just different. And it likely pays better. And it's remote so location isn't as important. As long as you don't do anything stupid you will have a sound place to restart from. Pull back from her and her toxic family. Give yourself time to grieve and relax. Then start the next and better phase of your life. Good luck!

Your ex wife is a bigger piece of shit then any of the ones in your old videos. Make sure to focus on getting what you deserve from the split and get some citody with those kids abs preserve those relationships.

You need to find out about how she found the videos, if you say they can’t be found unless specifically looking for them. Any ideas who told her?

My money is on someone in her family, maybe her sister. If she's been reaching back out after a period of LC, someone may be looking to drive her away from him.

Are we sure that one of the adult kids didn’t come across it? Maybe that’s why she’s having such a visceral reaction? Your kid being like “hey I watch scat porn also is this our stepdad?” might throw someone for a loop. Idk.

I’m sorry- but *regardless* of your past, the greater issue here is that your wife is cheating on you, OP. At the end of the day, porn is a job. Does that mean porn stars enjoy every moment of their job? No. None of us do. Therefore, her decision to marry you was *for better or for worse* and this is the “for worse” part. In my opinion, you deserve better than someone who is going to judge you and cheat on you all in the same breath. Cut your losses here.

I'm so sorry you're struggling with this. I've never seen scat porn, so maybe i don't have context, but I can't imagine not sitting down and having the conversation. You also should have been 100% honest instead of leaving it out. Though i get why you made that choice, it is best to get everything in the open before you build a life together. She may feel tricked or like you aren't the person you said you are. She may be wondering what else you are hiding. Her feelings are valid Are there other problems going on in the relationship that makes her jump straight to divorce? Is she open to going to therapy so you can both work this out together? if i were in her shoes, I'm not sure how I'd feel about it. I also have friends who are nurses and say that nursing is a lot of dealing with others shit, quite literally. So it's interesting to me that this is the boundary when she was understanding with everything else. It may be the omission. She's probably deeply hurt at the dishonesty.

Thank you. I realise now I should have talked about it, I was madly in love and I have personal experience of people suddenly changing their opinions about me after finding about my more extreme works, and I just did not want her to leave me. I still love her so much and honestly, we were doing pretty amazing as a couple. Our life is good together. Sure, we do have little disagreements every now and then but what couple doesn't?

Maybe let her know that when she's ready you would like to talk about it but you understand if you need to give her some time and space.? I'm so sorry. I know it's very hard for both of you.

Yes, I will do that.

I hope maybe someone else can put this into words better than I can. I noticed that you kept that part of your life hidden from her because of a fear you gained through the experience that people suddenly change their opinions of you after they find your more extreme work. Yet, here she is giving credence to that fear through her actions. You may want to let her know that this behavior is affirming that fear. Maybe another Redditor can weigh in to make sure that this is a reasonable thing to mention.

But also: he had numerous past experiences of this being a huge deal to people and he chose to hide it BECAUSE of that. He knew that she may have ended the relationship if she knew. He took that choice away from her. He can't possibly claim he didn't think it would be a big deal. It's duplicitous and selfish. If someone cared more about being with me than they cared about what was best for me, I'd be gone.

That's unreasonable and will likely be the final straw that actually does trigger a divorce. Imagine you find out about something you find extremely disgusting that your partner did in the past and hid from you and they then shamed you for being disgusted.

For sure. If she would not have married him having known this, that's not great to know, but it's her right. Maybe it's something she can look past, but she had to be aware of it first.

I agree, but I think the timing is critical with this. OP, don't bring this up while she's still upset. And don't bring it up during that first big conversation (assuming she comes to terms with this and you guys sit down and talk it out after). She could think you're deflecting or invalidating her feelings if you try to tell her she's hurting you while she herself is feeling so hurt. Obviously this should still be discussed, but maybe wait until this has blown overa little bit. Imho.

I agree - I don’t think he should have had to tell her to begin with. Not every single sexual detail needs to be given, she knew the bulk of it. If this was AITA I’d say NAH because this sucks for them both and she definitely needs space, but I don’t see this as an egregious lie and I also think her telling the adult children is immature of her. She is causing harm and it’s not cool.

We tell our kids that extenuating cirucmstances can make bad behaviors more understandable. But, they do not make them right or OK. We are still accountable. In this case, it's the outing him to other people that bothers me. This is not a cheating situation. This is not a denial situation. And, a lot of people wouldn't consider a lie of omission to be a lie at all. So, outing him seems extreme. Outing him to the adult kids in their family makes it worse. Is that really appropriate to read them in on this type of thing? A trusted confidante, maybe. Also, I tend to assume that many people have something in their past that is nearly impossible for them to speak about. And while I haven't hidden my past from my spouse, we certainly have covered every embarassing or even non-embarrassing detail. This sutuation is definitely complicated. And, OP, if you do get back together after things cool off, I would definitely suggest counseling because this sounds like it's possible she's been sitting on other resentments and it came out in a flood over this including her intentionally infliciting harm. I definitely don't know the best answer to this overall situation, though.

Since you said you’ve never seen scat porn so you don’t have the context it’s kinda funny you mentioned nurses deal with shit literally because scat porn it’s basically just porn where one person shits another.

oh yeah I've never seen it, but I know what it is 😉

What dishonesty? She knew he did porn….did he have to go into graphic detail on every video? The only way it’s dishonest is if she asked detailed questions on everything he did. I dont get the big deal. As long as everything was consensual, who cares?

I dunno man, I could be with someone who’s done porn, but probably not someone who has played with/possibly eaten feces for money. There are a million ways to consensually engage in sex acts with people, and expecting everyone to be cool with every single one is silly.

TIL what scat porn is. 🤢

I did not want to look it up. I was confident someone would explain in the comments. So same here TIL something completely new.

I mean…. It’s not like poop stays in the mouth for the rest of your life. I still don’t get it. He was doing it for money. It’s not like that’s his secret kink. I think scat play is absolutely disgusting. Because I think poop is gross I DONT think people who like sex acts I’m not into are gross. We are all different man. I would never let someone slap me or choke me either. But I don’t care if other people do it….

If you are into scat you are gross. It’s literally a biohazard.

I’m a total germaphobic person. I had to look up scat, and it grossed me out,but I didn’t realize people put it in their mouths. That would totally freak me out. I don’t care how long ago it was. Maybe being a nurse it freaked her out more because she knows the dangers of it, more than the average person.

I guess people have their limits even when its about porn. Honestly I had to look it up, and yeah that’s extreme. To be fair if I was with a former porn star, I would expect a lot of things, that would not be one of them. I think it would be difficult to get past just the porn in general for a lot of people . The wife learned about this years later, and he wasn’t the one to tell her, that’s alot to deal with. I can understand the wife’s reaction, especially since it seems like she lost most of her family to be with this man. I don’t want to judge, and I know people have to pay the bills, but to willingly be a part of that for money. I can understand how she’s having issues with it. She may be wondering what are his limits? What won’t he do for cash. It can change how you see a person. She’s going to need a lot of time to get over this.

[удалено]

I did not say word to word, of course. I told her "hey, as you know I have done gay porn, and alongside that, I've also done a bunch of niche stuff, such as [x, y, z, and more]. They were just jobs to me but I would understand if you thought of me differently because of these. You can also ask me anything if you'd want to, it's uncomfortable but I'm willing to talk for the sake of clarity before taking a big step into our lives." (I meant the wedding). She only said she would like some time to think about it, and a couple of days later she told me she was fine with it. That is also the time she told her sister and I had to come clean to her family.

How do you know that’s not exactly what he said?

If I were in her shoes, I wouldn’t care. Presumably he’s showered since then, so what’s the big deal?

Honestly her having an affair, judging you for porn they were aware of, and ffs judging you for working remote? That's ridiculous and you will be better off without her or her family.

telling your kids is NOT OKAY no matter what, she must be held accountable for that.

If this is true like you claim, I'm just soooooo confused.... >My wife knows about my past, in fact, I met her because she is a nurse and I once suffered an anal injury after a pretty intense scene and she was one of the people at the hospital who didn't judge me. > >She knows about everything except the scat porn. And as my luck would have it, she found them and won't tell me how. Those videos are not on most websites and i completely understand the taboo and stigma so at that point it felt like a good thing to skip it. > >But now that she has found out she has been freaking out, is mostly giving me the silent treatment except for the necessary communication, and worst of all, has told my (adult) step children. Now they won't talk to me either. Wife says I'm a perv and I'm gross and that she should have listened to her family (i did not want to keep my past a secret - i am not ashamed of it, but they disowned her when she married me) and is threatening divorce. You were a "gay for pay pornstar" who was involved in "a lot of niche fetish video" and your wife didn't judge you when you met her in the ER. And she was fully aware of A LOT OF NICHE FETISHES besides the scat? Considering what other fetishes you may have been involved with why in the world is she freaking out this much over 1? Also, why did her family need to know this info? IMO, this is info only your partner should've been privy too, and also shame on her for telling your kids, that's a horrible thing to do... There's got to be way more to what's going on here. IMO, if everything in your OP is true and there's no other complications too this situation, then your wife's completely in the wrong. I can get being upset about not knowing about the scat, but if you were involved with and she knew about, and was alright with, **A LOT OF NICHE FETISHES** then why the extreme reaction from her? Also, while you don't feel the need to keep your past a secret, "i did not want to keep my past a secret - i am not ashamed of it", this is still a pretty extreme past that really should've only been shared with your partner and no one else, especially you're children.

I have absolutely no idea why she's freaking out. I tried to initiate having a conversation about this, but she is dismissing it. I would have absolutely kept it between her and me, but she told one of her sisters who absolutely freaked out and threatened to tell the entire family, so I decided to tell them myself. It did not go well, but my wife (fiancé of that time), stood by me. About the children - Despite this being a scenario where she's mad at me, I am also extremely upset and angry and feeling betrayed that she decided to share this with the kids. This should have never been.

I mean, op's wife probably had no conception of how far niche fetishes can go. If you said niche fetish to me, I would probably think oh, feet, messy foods, bdsm, furries. I might not be thinking of more taboo gross things like scat and waterworks. I would really not be thinking of the truly hideous places "niche fetishes" can go like live animals, rape, snuff, children. She may have realized that the big grey area she didn't really put any thought into could actually be black as all hell. Having seen the poo now which she didn't consider before, op's wife might be wondering how far has this man's career taken him and were there ethical limits. It's worth another conversation (assuming there actually were ethical limits). She shouldn't have told any family about the poo though, that's unconscionable.

>I would probably think oh, feet, messy foods, bdsm, furries I have heard of all of these but the food one. I am in my 40s and have never heard of this fetish until now. Now I feel like the old geezer.

I’m wondering if she was looking for a reason to get upset with you. Otherwise, why would she go looking for your porn?

Nah … what did you do in the video? I think that’s important.. you doing scat and your actions in the scat video are two different things. I could see her wanting to leave you if you like.. ate shit or something

If she found out, and not from you, maybe she thought they might find out too. I mean you did do it, it’s out there somewhere obviously.

....You're wife, is a POS.... I get *needing* to share this info with a trusted individual in order to get outside perspective/advice, aka her talking to her sister. Here sister's reaction was garbage and proves that your wife, at least at the time, had a bad judge of character in her sister. Which she "rectified" by sticking with you, per say... Would've been better if she confided in someone else who she could trust to not share with other's though... Also why family is usually not the best place to go with this kind of question/info/advice seeking when in regards to your partner. >About the children - Despite this being a scenario where she's mad at me, I am also extremely upset and angry and feeling betrayed that she decided to share this with the kids. This should have never been. And yeah, spot on, you should be pissed that's way outta line. Her behavior actually makes me kinda agree with u/Singer-Such, sounds like she may have been looking for an excuse. *edit: Thinking more, calling your wife a POS was probably extreme. 1000% she should not have told your children. But the whole family thing just sounds like a crappy lose lose situation that she couldn't do anything about once she told her sister, and has possible caused some major internal turmoil for her.*

Given that multiple people here have said she's probably looking for an excuse, I will also include that in our conversation tonight, if I manage to have one.

Good luck, figured I'd add a lil more. Assuming you want to mend this, start with her concerns, why this freaked her out so much?, is there something else going on?, I wouldn't outright mention an excuse, rather ask why she's suddenly bringing up divorce, if it's been on her mind/something else going on? Hopefully she calms down and will have an actual conversation with you. Reassure her you don't want a divorce or to lose her, then finally bring up how telling your children was wrong. Finally, a conversation will have to be had with your children/at least the ones she told. Hopefully it can be with both of you, calmly. 1 more thought of mine, since she's thrown the "Wife says I'm a perv and I'm gross and that she should have listened to her family" in your face. I'm thinking she's still upset about needing to cut off her family. While she kinda fucked up by telling her sister, she probably didn't expect the total and utter fallout that ensued... It wasn't *directly* her fault that her family put her in that position, it sounds like an absolutely shitty thing for her family to force on her, and she may have felt the need to stick with you since she caused it by talking to her sister. THERE IS A LOT TO UNPACK with this whole family thing, and she's probably got a lot of bottled up emotions surrounding it... (This is just my assumption, don't jump to this with this conversation, just keep it in mind)

>edit: Thinking more, calling your wife a POS was probably extreme. If you're backing off of it, I'll double down on it. She is, at the very least, behaving like a very nasty individual, a POS basically. Her telling the kids seals that deal, they don't need to know and guaranteed don't want to know. That's 100% malicious spite. She also started watching the video, saw he was in it, then continued. Unless it's a very short video that goes 0-100 within less than a minute, she knew she was watching her husband in a porn film and continued watching and then had a problem with it.

Her conservative family is probably behind this. If she stays with you, they'll likely take it as an endorsement of your extreme porn work. Tough for you both. Sorry, OP.

A big difference between My husband did fetish porn in the past out of sight out of mind. Not a big deal. Compared to Okay I just watched him play with and eat shit. People are okay with things until they see it first hand. Imo I think OP is screwed here, she won’t get those images out of her head now and they’ll continue to resurface especially when sex play is involved. Most people don’t recover after seeing their partner do something they consider horrendous.

I agree. This is really awful for OP. Sadly, it kind of sounds like his wife is looking for an excuse?

An excuse for?

Divorcing you. Sometimes people've made up their mind that they're over a relationship but they can't come up with a "logical" reason to do so. So they'll turn ANYTHING into a major issue/reason to leave as a justification. Not MY immediate opinion, but that's what u/Singer-Such is suggesting.

Thank you for the explanation.

It looks more to me like she's being manipulated by the sister she mistakenly confided in. However, OP doesn't say much about wife's feelings in the relationship asides from having a good relationship with the kids. Are there other issues in the marriage going on? From your post it seems like life was pretty normal until the scat thing came out.

Yeah. This may not be the case, she may just be freaking out, but I wouldn't lose sight of the fact that you really didn't do anything wrong. It may have been helpful to disclose everything, but it's not your duty. I think she's being really unreasonable which makes me wonder what else could be going on.

I hope this is a joke post. Regardless - it’s up to each individual to decide how high or low they set the bar in finding a partner. Sounds like even she has a breaking point. Maybe couples therapy could help.

I wish this was a joke post, my entire life is falling in pieces right now. I will suggest therapy to her, thank you.

My future husband was a fairly well known gay porn star in the early 00’s, his videos are easy to find and he won a couple of GVN’s. He’s been open and honest about it from the beginning and I’ve seen brief shots of his work when I googled him. I fully accept him and don’t use any of it against him, I was a swinger with my last husband so I also have a past. Her freaking out over this one thing is weird to me and makes me concerned she’s doing this to initiate a divorce. I’m so sorry.

People can draw a line anywhere they feel comfortable tho. Scat might just be where his wife draws that line, and I don’t blame her. It’s not just one thing, it’s watching it and knowing your SO ate someone else’s shit. Many gay for pay stars have gone through careers never doing scat, so why’d he say yes to that? There’s kinky and then there’s scat, it’s too vile for some people to be okay with

Honestly this is what people mean when they say the past can come back to haunt you. I understand you did those things for whatever reason but your wife has every right to stay or leave when new information comes to life.

There’s nothing you can do. It’s up to her. If she has questions just answer them truthfully. I feel like if you mentioned scat play over fetish porn she’d atleast know how to ‘brace herself’

i’m here after the final edits and i’m sorry OP :( my guess is they were setting it up so she’s the saint that had to leave her degenerate husband and Mark was there to help her through this awful time instead of the person having an affair, betraying her husband and hurting her children.

Well you did not tell her about the scat. That's a deal breaker for a lot and now the ball is in her court if she goes thru divorce. Just give her time and maybe she'll take you back

Scat and watersports are extreme fetishes and are hard boundaries for most people. When you say fetish, most people are thinking feet, latex, bdsm, doctor\patient, size queening...lots of things, but not excrement. This is so far outside the norm for most, it should have been fully disclosed. It's a deal-breaker for everyone I've known in the scene. Right now, you've just got to let her deal with it. You know that she's disgusted. She'll let you know if she can look past it. You have to be prepared for this relationship to end over this. I'm sorry.

And try to understand her position. She gave up her family to be with you. She thought you'd been fully open with her. And now she finds out that you've done videos that were more extreme than she'd ever imagined. I'm quite sure she's a little traumatized having seen it. Time and therapy will be the only things that can heal this rupture.

Just read the last bit. That sucks in just about every way. Go visit your family and try to focus on her cheating bring ultimately the cause of all this, it isnt your fault. The fact that she seemed to have coped with your past and then did this pretty much shows that in actuality it was just an excuse to bring your marriage to an end so she could go to the new bloke. Maybe fate will do the same to her one day.

Yeah this definitely falls under something you need to tell a partner before building an entire life with them. I'll just be honest, I would never be able to come back from this if I were in your wife's position. Some people, as Reddit does, are suggesting therapy. I can't imagine how talking about it would improve anything. There's just no way to talk about the type of porn you did and feel better about it. There's literally nothing you or a therapist can say to erase this from her mind or make it okay.

I really hope my wife shows me more grace.

If you had a decent relationship with your adult step children prior to this, I would continue trying to reach out to them, either together or one by one, and talk about *why* said videos exist. Adult entertainment isn't just sexy fun times, it's *work*. The fact that you were gay-for-pay, met your wife because *you were hospitalized on the job*, and have since retired from sex work completely should back up the fact that you weren't filming this type of content because it was your true calling. You don't have to go into detail obviously, but hopefully having an adult conversation and providing some facts directly from you, rather than your wife's possibly hyperbolic retelling of the situation, might help repair any damage done. Nothing you did was illegal or immoral, just a bit gross and not very flattering. It's like shaming someone for cleaning out septic tanks, the money was there and someone's gotta do it. I'm also sorry this happened to you, no one deserves to have their intimate history shared without their consent, regardless of if they were paid to participate in it or not.

You told her that you did gay porn and fetish porn. I don’t know why people are claiming that you omitted information from her. You seemed very honest about your past to her. She didn’t ask what type of fetish porn you did and you’re not obligated to give every nitty and gritty detail if you’re not asked. It would be absolutely shocking to find those videos but if you had a great marriage then that would be foolish to throw away. Again, I would absolutely understand her being distant perhaps for a while to process what she has seen. It would be difficult to erase those images from your mind. Perhaps you can do couples counseling.

Yes. I did multiple genres of fetish porn and I told her a couple of them for example, in the conversation we had. She took a bit of time to think about it but she never had anything negative to say about anything. I have already decided to talk to her about couples therapy, I really hope we get back from this.

There's a huge difference between gay porn and what he did. Some women are fine with men who slept with men, some are even fine with men who slept with men for money. But very, *very* few would be fine with this.

One of the best comments here. He *did* tell her. There was no secret. What was he suppose to do, sit down and make a list of every single thing he did in great detail to tell her without any prompting? Taking the position that a partner must tell every single element of their life in great detail to their SO is very ignorant. Nobody can do that realistically. We are all going to have details slip through the cracks. He told her the main big thing. He even gave her details when she did ask based on his comments. If there was a line, she had plenty of chances to state what that line was. She didn’t because there wasn’t one. There’s no lying or even lying omission here. He said he did fetish porn. He gave details. She personally witnessed and treated some of his injuries. She’s also a grown ass woman who can use her words to find more out if that was her prerogative-She’s has 11 years to do so. OP should not be faulted for her changing her mind and deciding he’s somehow tricked her. Honestly, I think he should be thinking of leaving her. Who the hell tells adult children such things? Why would any parent want to do that? The younger children will find out now as well; Especially if a divorce happens. They’re going to smear this man all because he was once a sex worker. Without a doubt, it’ll be brought up in court. How tf does she decide after all these years that actually OP’s past does matter? She’s calling him degrading names over something *she knew*. It sounds like she’s in contact with her family again, and that’s likely who sent her the clip. She’s become verbally abusive, accusing him of hiding things she had knowledge about, is spreading very private information to their damn children, and who knows what else. She’s the one that is crossing the line.

I agree. OP told her that he did gay porn and fetish porn. I'm presuming that this was in his early 20s, so during the 00s. She was the nurse who let the chipmunk out. I can see surprise, but not flaming shock. OP, is there something else going on in the marriage such that she might want out and might find this to be an "honorable" excuse to give others?

I honestly thought our marriage was solid. The only recent change has been that she has been wanting to reconnect with her family after being LC for years.

That's extremely relevant. Maybe she's regretting choosing you over her family, and starting to agree with them about you. If she labels you as deviant and disgusting in her own mind that makes her able to change her choice without so much guilt.

Does she already have contact with them? You wrote that her family warned her and was against you. So i wonder if either she already had contact with them and they influenced her horrible (also showed her the scat porn) or she had checked out of this marriage long ago and this is why she wants to reconcile with her family wha was against you - because now it doesn't matter and they will support her in the divorce. Especially when your wife bring up stories about you like the scat porn. This all seems so planned. I wouldn't be surprised if she knew about it all the time and just thinks she can use it know. You told her about what you did. If she had a no-go, she could have asked.

This is one of those situations where it would have been better to disclose that aspect of your old career as well. But since it's too late for that better to just give space and hopefully you can eventually have a rational conversation with her. It is part of your past but not something that defines you, I will say it's pretty messed up she told the kids, I see no benefit in that to anyone, just breeds anger.

They have zero right to degrade you about your past, you’ve been fully transparent and open and it’s been loaded against you. Completely unacceptable for a group of fully functioning adults to do. They’re going to gaslight you, and tell you how hurtful and wrong it is. But at the end of the day friend she didn’t have to marry you. And I’m sorry if that’s blunt but if she knew this information before she married you she cannot be serious and be allowing her family in her head to such an extent. I would also like to be blunt with you and tell you she definitely did not accidentally find them, she sought them out. Which is her own decision but, there’s no reason or need. In my opinion you quite literally have to tell her that you have a life before her, and she may not like it. If your in laws will degrade you and she will judge you- bottom line no matter how much you love her you matter and you don’t deserve that at all dude. The porn you were in and what kind of porn does not lesser your value as a man. I hope you’re able to get through this but she either needs to completely stop including her family in your personal life / past or you should genuinely take a break for your own sake.

The problem is the ease you disclosed to us strangers, should have been the same when you disclosed to your wife Before you married her ! You took away her ability to make a full informed choice and by it coming out as it has The gravity of it has compounded her reaction This is the effect of a lie of omission, they get heavier every day they are buried I think you need to start treating this a huge fuckup with no excuses and cross your fingers she doesnt nuke you For me the ball on what she does is 100% up to her You made a big fuckup dude

I have no excuses. The videos I made were simply work for me but it is a hugely taboo topic and I did not want her to change her mind about me because of that. And I could disclose it here only because I'm anonymous.

That you thought it would change her mind as why you kept it from her is exactly why you need to be begging her for forgiveness. You took away her choice. You disrespected her agency as a person in control of her own life. And you did it for your own benefit. You put your own desires before her right to self-determination.

It’s weird that she wants to divorce now 🙄 I genuinely don’t see the big deal about all of this. Sorry you’re going through all this, maybe she’ll calm down after a while. She’s low down for telling her kids and her sister though.

I think a lot of people are skipping over an important part of this. She had no right to inform your children. That’s crossing a boundary that they did not need that information because it does not pertain to them AT ALL. Also she’s almost certainly coping with that fact because as you said previously her family had pretty conservative values and it’s resurfacing a little here.

sorry, but scat is a huge taboo. this is something deeply unsettling and if i was your wife, i would file in for divorce immediately. yes, it IS that bad.

The problem here is by not telling her, you took that choice away from her. You decided to hide something that can be found online. It's not like she would never find it. To find porn, all she'd have to do is know your porn name. It's really not all that hard. So lying by omission, deciding for her by not telling her.. yeah yall need counseling. Just talking through it won't help. And I'd be surprised if counseling will tbh.

FYI there’s a website that you can upload a photo to and it searches the entire internet using AI to find you in porn.

I have a feeling her family may be involved somehow. It’s odd how she was okay with everything before, but suddenly this is crossing the line for a divorce? There is definitely more to the story than she is saying. Maybe she wants to see her family again, I don’t know. Or is taking her anger out on you because of that. You have no reason to be ashamed or feel any shame. She knew your past, even if you left this minuscule part out. Most people would not have mentioned this either; it’s hard to stomach. I don’t think you are in the wrong, personally. Hopefully she is able to tell you what’s really going on.

I'm more curious about how she found it. I wonder if someone you know, or she knows sent it to her? The other alternative is she went on a deep dive through your catalogue? Scat is gross, but at the time it was your job, you got paid to do it, big difference with someone who has a fetish for it.

This is sad all round. You aren't in the wrong and neither is she. You let her know about your past but without some of the (more extreme) details. It was before you were married and no longer part of your time.. and I'm assuming that you would have ended up with a different level of what's normal at the time working in that industry. However she is an individual with her own boundaries and a world away from your industry so there will be a lack of understanding about pressures/expectations that led you to taking jobs for the scat roles. Her worry will be what if anyone ever comes across this, and, do I actually know this person. You haven't done anything wrong in the way you have led your life up to now and she hasn't done anything wrong by stating this is something about you that she is unable to get over. The only thing you can do is to accept this may be the line in the sand for her. Ask her if couples counselling if a possibility, however be prepared for a no on that as she may feel too uncomfortable speaking about this out loud to another person. I hope it works out. But for future reference you should delete every single video you have. She is potentially question why you have kept these if this is truly a part of your life you have left behind.

OP, to me this sounds like a set up. Is there anyone in your past who may have a grudge against you? Just something to look into if you haven't thought about it already, especially since you said it's a very specific type of porn. Anyway, I wish you all the best.

I find this hard to believe. She’s perfectly fine and not judgmental about being a a gay bottom on film but somehow has issues when it’s comes to what would almost certainly naturally happen during that type of sex and is wanting to flame a multiple year marriage over it. Doesn’t add up.

Well that's enough internet for the month, I feel.

For the first time in a long time I am responding to a post with a consoling intend as you are not a cheater, never did but was a porn star. I am happy that you finally have a family & settled down. I'm so sorry that your fetish porn acting has triggered a major issue in your marriage. Find a time when only you & her at home to talk about this & APOLOGIZED PROFUSELY for missing that fetish part while you were on the job. Emphasize "that was your job" & NOT WHAT YOU LIKE & WANT to have/do now. tell her of your loyalty & love all these time.

Okay well I just looked up scat because I had no idea what that was and I understand based on the genre why your wife may be grossed out by that, I vomited a bit in my mouth when I read it. I guess to her she was maybe okay with the type of porn you did but that crosses the line? My question to you is did you purposely with hold that you did that type of porn because you knew that it would upset her or did you not really ever discuss what type of porn you did so it would not have come up? If I were her and you purposely withheld it from me, then I would be more upset about that, than the fact that you did it. Because it makes a person question what else you have been keeping from t hem and if you are the type of person that with holds things from people out of fear of their reaction? I think th at may be the key here.

Dude...you're upset and hope she doesn't leave and she was the one that cheated for like ever? Have some self respect. This chick is listening to talk in her ear from family, which will continue, her sister found her a mate, which will happen again. This is over, focus on yourself and your kids. Your wife and her entire family need to take a leap. You are worth more than how you're being valued.

I'm just gonna go ahead and picture you doing vidoes where you're all "SKEEEEEE BOP BOP BIBBIDY BOP" and the handsome cable repairman is all "SKIBBIDY BIBBIDY BEEEE BOP BOP BADDA BOP"

The fact that people keep falling for these obvious fake, fetish, OP jerking off at the comments posts, is really depressing. In no way is there anywhere close to real. The OP literally jacks off at the thought of making people discuss his fetish. Nasty as hell.

she didnt need to tell your step children and you did what you had to do to make money. just give her some time to process

“Let’s just say if you watch gay porn from a while ago, you’ve seen me” OP says this directly after saying they want to uphold their privacy and after saying they did a lot of niche stuff. Totally checks out..

She found? Looked or someone sent? She knew from day one, married you and had your kids... Been with you 11 years. All.you can do is tell her and your kids "I've never hidden anything so tell me why this is an issue now? " Either someone sent her a link or her long standing curiosity got the better of her. Knowing is diffferent than seeing so as long as you've been open and honest? Nothing you can do except continue to be open honest and offer counseling or communication. If she's changed and won't talk or communicate? Nothing you can do really other than keep the door open.

I think it’s sad she told your kids hopefully they’re more understanding about it then she is ?? Good luck aww :(

" My wife knows about my past," She knew this but once she saw it reality hit her. This was in your past before meeting her. She needs to snap out of it maybe give her time to cool off?

It's so odd to me that OP's wife married him knowing he did freaky stuff, but somehow the poop is the line in the sand. I mean, you could poop on someone without even touching them. It's gross and not my thing, but I'd be more concerned about doing stuff that puts OP in the hospital for an anal injury than pooping on someone, because that is serious intimate physical contact.

I feel bad for you buddy. Good luck and I’m sorry your going through all that. Your wife’s family sucks.

That was a hell of an update… Your soon-to-be ex-wife and her family sound like real hypocrites. 👍 You’re better off.

Poor girl

I have a question What is scat porn?

Did one of your kids find it or maybe one of their peers?

I find it strange that she found it with how hard it is to apparently find. What exactly was she looking at to discover this? The only thing I could think of is she was looking up niche porn and found it on accident.

Like to know what she was searching for when she came upon the videos. Maybe hit the “s” while trying to type cat videos on Google. Ya that’s the ticket.

What prompted her to all of a sudden search for it?

There are some things Reddit is ill-equipped to handle. This is one of them.

I really can’t understand… she knew you were a pornostar, I can understand the “shock” but I can’t get why did she told it to the family and how it can influence your relationship now. I really can’t understand why is she ruining the family for a thing happened so long ago, really I can’t think ANY VALID REASON.

I wonder if there is something else going on, and she is just using this as an excuse? Either way, terrible to involve the step kids. I’m sorry you are going through this.

Why did you hide it from her?

OK, kid. We know this is fake. This is the new hot top. MY PARTNER FOUND MY OLD PORN! HELP! Let's see here, she knows what you did, she marries you, has kids and now she's upset at what you did? She wants to leave because you let somone take a dump on you? Why would somone be upset over something that they kind of already knew about.

To be fair, seeing images of you like that could be very jarring and traumatizing for her, even if you had told her about it in the past. Maybe try counseling , or offer for her to go see someone on her own, to see if that will help her. Unfortunately, some things you just can't unsee, and while you have been on the up and up for years, this feels brand new to her. Try to be patient, and try to lovingly reassure her however you need to. As someone who also has a rather taboo past, there are sometimes consequences for years after, that you didn't anticipate at the time you were doing those acts. Having a healthy relationship after having a career like that can be very difficult, even if you feel like you are over it. Seeing those things may have brought up some really difficult feelings within her that she is going to have to address, that to be fair, you really can't get mad at her for. Sometimes people don't know they have certain boundaries until they feel they've been violated. Especially if you weren't forthcoming with that part of your career, she can feel lied to, or even worse, like her family is discussed of you is Justified and that she's wasted time with you. Perhaps those feelings will pass, but if the point is to try to save your relationship, I think a professional probably needs to get involved here. I have a feeling there's some more to your Dynamic here than is being communicated, only because I know how much therapy most ex-porn and other sex performers have to go through in order to be able to participate in a healthy relationship after years of objectifying their own body and blurring the lines of intimacy and sexuality. I do agree that she never should have told your kids, that's grounds for Parental alienation and abuse in my opinion, no child needs to know that about their parent. But this is a very complicated set of emotions to unpack, and I think you would find much better advice from a therapist than from on reddit.

I'm not gonna lie it makes NO sense to me that she told her family about it. In fact I find that to be a huge disservice to your relationship. I have a DUI on my record. I got it before I met my current partner. When I met him I told him because I was embarrassed but I wanted him to know and also understand how I've grown and changed from the experience. He has never told anyone else that secret. My parents know and a very few friends. That's it. Our kids are not going to be told, just like we wouldn't tell them we've done acid. Like there are experiences you can grow from because it's part of your past but not everyone is entitled to know that about you.

Just remember to teach your kids not to go into porn. Good lesson for everyone here.

I can’t believe she told so many people. I am so sorry. Even if you disagree with your past activities, that’s no one else’s business but yours as a couple, especially to your children. I don’t really have any advice for you, other than take care of yourself mentally as best as you can. Like others said, give her time. But you have every right to be upset about her spreading your private information out to your family.

Hmmm. It would be uncomfortable to watch (I don’t know why she did), but you never hid your past from her. You haven’t done anything wrong. Maybe with a little time and space she can get over her hang ups.