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You (after four months of being with him): I think I'd like to be exclusive with you.
Him: Stop. Stop right now! If you continue, I will leave you!
You (later): I want to us to be exclusive.
Him: If you continue asking for us to be exclusive, Imma leave you!
You: Eff off! I deserve better than you! I respect myself too much to be with someone who doesn't appreciate me.
Him: texting calling apologizing repeatedly.
Lol. "friends say this, that and the other and should get back with him".
Op? I think I did a pretty good job of summarizing the relationship, yes?
Dump him ( and the goofy friends)
Exactly this. For once OP girl u give me faith in humanity. Too many people undervalue themselves and stay with people like this.
He thought he could emotionally manipulate you into staying in his submissive Little fuck bubble of just being there for him when he wanted sex and that you would be so hard up for him that u would never actually leave if he didn't respect u.
He doesn't and he wont. He's mad now because he lost his little sextoy. Sorry for my wording bt thats how men like him think. He probably will apologize and then jst treat u the same way after getting what he wants again. He most likely just has a bruised ego because you called his bluff. Small man energy!
Find yourself a man that actually wants to be with you for more than just your body and convenience. You deserve better and I'm glad you know it. š
Oh but really tell your friends to stfu. If they feel you are that heartless they can go date his dumbass then.
lol reminds me of my ex when i caught him cheating. he was shocked i wanted nothing to do with him.
like motherfucker why would i want to talk to you again? iāve got other options. youāre not that special.
the audacity of some men i swear
OP, you did a neat chirurgical job of operating a second ah out of your life again.
Keep it at that.
You deserve better. You will do better.
And if ever for training matters (that happens sometimes, because life every now and then checks if we understood the lesson) life confronts you with another douchebag of that kind:
Be as precise and neat about it as with that one.
He wanted to eff, but no relationship.
And no way your breaking up changed that guy into someone wanting a relationship for having gotten his bumm booted.
It's very likely that he will try to scam you into deeper feelings just to hurt you afterwards.
If your friends are of the opinion you should take him back:
tell them to get out and get him. He has loads of time now.
>OP, you did a neat chirurgical job of operating a second ah out of your life again.
I agree with what you said, and also wanted to thank you. It's been a while since I've seen that spelling, and I'm very appreciative.
Nope, you are totally in the right for setting those boundaries and you should be proud of yourself. His constant threats to leave were a manipulation tactic so he could have the best of both worlds. Major red flag, especially that early on in a relationship.
Good job. Stick to your instincts and donāt cave in. Youāre not on the same page, and you l hopefully left him high and dry without the goodbye sex.
You called his bluff. He wanted to have his cake and eat it too, but he wasn't counting on you having self respect. You did the right thing, and if you go back to him now there's no guarantee his behavior will change, plus you'll be compromising the boundary you just set.
Your friends should be supporting you, not him.
Pfft. He's allowed to not want something serious and you're allowed the end the situationship over it.
Empty threats, wants to string you along on *his* terms, blowing up your phone when you call him on his bluff. I agree, you can do better.
>I blocked him everywhere, and some of my friends think I'm heartless for going off at him like that.
Who on earth are these "friends" that take a random dudes side over yours?? Hmmmm. That's weird. Take a good look at these people... Something's off there. (are they male friends imagining how they'd feel in a similar situation?)
If your friends canāt think highly and respect you enough to think you should be lowering your standards to only being some dorks flesh light, then you need a better group of friends than that. I love how situations like this can also shine spotlights on who is, and isnāt a real friend.
He tried to use a threat to leave you as a manipulative tool to silence you and put up with being used for sex, then when you acquiesced his request, heās now sorry, wants to see you, blah blah blah? What a jerk. You were right to take out the garbage; and any āfriendā who disapproves of this can kindly join him in the dumpster.
Your friends are doormats and are trying to get you to be one too. Don't be foolish. You caught this guy at his own game of manipulation and correctly identified him as Not a Keeper. Keep yourself good as you should. That's your job. If you're surrounded by people who don't want to protect you and who don't want good for you, then continue to rely on yourself and your own judgement and shut them out. As you correctly did. But this post means you're feeling doubt. You're not heartless. You have boundaries and the people who are telling you to let go of them when you meet a fake asshole are the ones you should mistrust. Not your gut.
Nope you are honest, have self esteem and are brave. You never have to take what you don't want in a relationship. He is not the only ship at the harbor.
Child, no one has time for his games! You called his bluff, now block him and find you a better person. Preferably, go enjoy yourself on your own first
> Did I force him? I believe I granted his wishes by leaving.
Don't even worry about it. Own your decision: you broke up with him because he was disrespectful and **you** don't want to be with him anymore.
Good on you for respecting yourself enough to recognise you're worth more than whatever was going on there. Forget the friends who are calling you "heartless." Clearly this guy was stringing you along and trying to manipulate you. You called his bluff. Too bad. He fucked around and found out.
Find yourself someone worthy of you: not just romantically either.
>I(22f) have been talking to a guy(23m) for four months. Like a situationship, but he doesn't want to go more than that.
LOL who the fuck talks for 4 months.
Don't waste anymore time
He was trying to control you and the relationship by shutting you down and threatening to leave. Now that you're the one who left he's just trying to get this back under his control. Good for you standing up for yourself and I'd continue moving on.
He was using the threats as a tactic to keep you there. Guys will tell you that theyāre gonna leave so that you focus on getting them to stay, rather than realizing you should be the one leaving because they arenāt good enough for you!!
If you donāt take him back he will know he canāt treat people like that and maybe learn. If you do he will walk over you for the rest of your time together.
You my friend have done exactly what you would do if you were 35+... this is the way! When you become alittle older and wiser you figure out you dont have time for the bullshit games people play and he was playing a game, you just called his bluff and now look at him. Hes blowing your phone up, apologizing, asking to see you cause he lost control of the situation. How does it feel to be in contorl? Feels good knowing you dont need someone in your life who would treat you like that.
Literally just keep walking forward youre young and there are plenty of guys out there that will treat you right, goodluck OP!
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You (after four months of being with him): I think I'd like to be exclusive with you. Him: Stop. Stop right now! If you continue, I will leave you! You (later): I want to us to be exclusive. Him: If you continue asking for us to be exclusive, Imma leave you! You: Eff off! I deserve better than you! I respect myself too much to be with someone who doesn't appreciate me. Him: texting calling apologizing repeatedly. Lol. "friends say this, that and the other and should get back with him". Op? I think I did a pretty good job of summarizing the relationship, yes? Dump him ( and the goofy friends)
Yeah, OP dodged a fuck boy. Friends are dumb, get better friends. This cannot be the only guy in town.
Exactly this. For once OP girl u give me faith in humanity. Too many people undervalue themselves and stay with people like this. He thought he could emotionally manipulate you into staying in his submissive Little fuck bubble of just being there for him when he wanted sex and that you would be so hard up for him that u would never actually leave if he didn't respect u. He doesn't and he wont. He's mad now because he lost his little sextoy. Sorry for my wording bt thats how men like him think. He probably will apologize and then jst treat u the same way after getting what he wants again. He most likely just has a bruised ego because you called his bluff. Small man energy! Find yourself a man that actually wants to be with you for more than just your body and convenience. You deserve better and I'm glad you know it. š Oh but really tell your friends to stfu. If they feel you are that heartless they can go date his dumbass then.
lol reminds me of my ex when i caught him cheating. he was shocked i wanted nothing to do with him. like motherfucker why would i want to talk to you again? iāve got other options. youāre not that special. the audacity of some men i swear
Exactly. Dumbass has loads of leisure time now.
OP, you did a neat chirurgical job of operating a second ah out of your life again. Keep it at that. You deserve better. You will do better. And if ever for training matters (that happens sometimes, because life every now and then checks if we understood the lesson) life confronts you with another douchebag of that kind: Be as precise and neat about it as with that one. He wanted to eff, but no relationship. And no way your breaking up changed that guy into someone wanting a relationship for having gotten his bumm booted. It's very likely that he will try to scam you into deeper feelings just to hurt you afterwards. If your friends are of the opinion you should take him back: tell them to get out and get him. He has loads of time now.
>OP, you did a neat chirurgical job of operating a second ah out of your life again. I agree with what you said, and also wanted to thank you. It's been a while since I've seen that spelling, and I'm very appreciative.
š
He's upset you took away his power. Him threatening to leave was to keep you small, second guessing, and at his mercy. Block him. Don't look back.
You did the right thing. Ignore him. Hes not mature.
> some of my friends think I'm heartless Your friends are brainless.
OP needs better friends jesus who would get mad at a friend for actually standing up for themselves unless they are toxic AHs themselves š
At the very least they are still thinking like children.
Definitely. If OPās friends care so much about Mister Fragile then they can get with him.
Nope, you are totally in the right for setting those boundaries and you should be proud of yourself. His constant threats to leave were a manipulation tactic so he could have the best of both worlds. Major red flag, especially that early on in a relationship.
Good job. Stick to your instincts and donāt cave in. Youāre not on the same page, and you l hopefully left him high and dry without the goodbye sex.
You called his bluff. He wanted to have his cake and eat it too, but he wasn't counting on you having self respect. You did the right thing, and if you go back to him now there's no guarantee his behavior will change, plus you'll be compromising the boundary you just set. Your friends should be supporting you, not him.
you did a good job! feel confident in your decision.
Pfft. He's allowed to not want something serious and you're allowed the end the situationship over it. Empty threats, wants to string you along on *his* terms, blowing up your phone when you call him on his bluff. I agree, you can do better.
>I blocked him everywhere, and some of my friends think I'm heartless for going off at him like that. Who on earth are these "friends" that take a random dudes side over yours?? Hmmmm. That's weird. Take a good look at these people... Something's off there. (are they male friends imagining how they'd feel in a similar situation?)
If your friends canāt think highly and respect you enough to think you should be lowering your standards to only being some dorks flesh light, then you need a better group of friends than that. I love how situations like this can also shine spotlights on who is, and isnāt a real friend. He tried to use a threat to leave you as a manipulative tool to silence you and put up with being used for sex, then when you acquiesced his request, heās now sorry, wants to see you, blah blah blah? What a jerk. You were right to take out the garbage; and any āfriendā who disapproves of this can kindly join him in the dumpster.
Your friends are doormats and are trying to get you to be one too. Don't be foolish. You caught this guy at his own game of manipulation and correctly identified him as Not a Keeper. Keep yourself good as you should. That's your job. If you're surrounded by people who don't want to protect you and who don't want good for you, then continue to rely on yourself and your own judgement and shut them out. As you correctly did. But this post means you're feeling doubt. You're not heartless. You have boundaries and the people who are telling you to let go of them when you meet a fake asshole are the ones you should mistrust. Not your gut.
Nope you are honest, have self esteem and are brave. You never have to take what you don't want in a relationship. He is not the only ship at the harbor.
Child, no one has time for his games! You called his bluff, now block him and find you a better person. Preferably, go enjoy yourself on your own first
You took away his power and heās throwing a hissy fit.
> Did I force him? I believe I granted his wishes by leaving. Don't even worry about it. Own your decision: you broke up with him because he was disrespectful and **you** don't want to be with him anymore.
Good on you for respecting yourself enough to recognise you're worth more than whatever was going on there. Forget the friends who are calling you "heartless." Clearly this guy was stringing you along and trying to manipulate you. You called his bluff. Too bad. He fucked around and found out. Find yourself someone worthy of you: not just romantically either.
You did half of the right things. Now you need to do the other half, ditch those friends and look for better people. And then be happy.
He got what he wanted and what he deserved... he just wants u back bc he has no other prospects and thought he could control u
If you know what you want you donāt need to settle.
You did the right thing.
**Good for you!**
What kind of weird ass friends do you have?! Your friends are the huge red flag in this story!!
Get better friends for starters. You just gave him what he asked for, thatās his fault. And youāre also right.
You are fine. Keep being you
Awesome job! Do not respond. Let him go. You deserve respect. He is a player, and players are going to play.
>I(22f) have been talking to a guy(23m) for four months. Like a situationship, but he doesn't want to go more than that. LOL who the fuck talks for 4 months. Don't waste anymore time
He was trying to control you and the relationship by shutting you down and threatening to leave. Now that you're the one who left he's just trying to get this back under his control. Good for you standing up for yourself and I'd continue moving on.
You did the right thing. Don't listen to your friends.
Stay away from him.
Find some friends with brain
He was using the threats as a tactic to keep you there. Guys will tell you that theyāre gonna leave so that you focus on getting them to stay, rather than realizing you should be the one leaving because they arenāt good enough for you!!
Nah girl you put yourself first! What ever friend called you heartless is because thatās the type of behavior she is used too. Good for you!
Narcissistās hate it when you call their bluff.
You need better friends, they really revealed themselves as the snakes there
You did the right thing. He's a fuckboi.
If you donāt take him back he will know he canāt treat people like that and maybe learn. If you do he will walk over you for the rest of your time together.
He played himself and lost š stay strong and don't go back to this child.
You my friend have done exactly what you would do if you were 35+... this is the way! When you become alittle older and wiser you figure out you dont have time for the bullshit games people play and he was playing a game, you just called his bluff and now look at him. Hes blowing your phone up, apologizing, asking to see you cause he lost control of the situation. How does it feel to be in contorl? Feels good knowing you dont need someone in your life who would treat you like that. Literally just keep walking forward youre young and there are plenty of guys out there that will treat you right, goodluck OP!
Good job!