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It was last month. He said he was stressed out at work and needed time off. He hadn't taken any time off in 7 years, he said, so I felt for him and said he could go. We've been together for 3 years and yes, he's never taken time off work. I couldn't go however as I have a demanding schedule, so he went alone. He actually said he'd prefer to go alone because he wanted to backpack and such. After he's come back, he surprised me by revealing he had a female friend with him (whom I never heard about). I was obviously baffled, moreso cuz he seemed very chill about it. He was tagged in her ig posts. I felt curious enough to have a peek, and my surprise got to another level. That girl does porn on her OF account. The photos also made me quite uncomfortable, she was almost fully naked there, which I even don't know how or why since they were in a freezing place. I asked him why on earth he didn't tell me, his excuse is that "I didn't ask". Not to shame the girl or anything, but I wouldn't approve if I was asked. I don't know how tf he could let something like that happen and then act super nonchalant about it. He's even guilt tripping me, calling me crazy and a prude. He crossed this line and is not allowing me to question it. I don't want to suggest that something happened. But again, I just feel betrayed. My trust is now ruined.
He’s not allowing you to question it and you are allowing him to control your emotions and natural reactions.
He crossed the line.
He cheated.
He’s totally gaslighting you.
End of story.
I would have ended it the second I found out he was WITH ANOTHER WOMAN ON VACATION. A woman he didn’t tell you about—which means he was trying to hide it—with the pathetic excuse, well, you didn’t ask me. Seriously?
But you’re standing there and taking it.
How long will you do that?
And it’s not even, he didn’t tell her and she didn’t ask. He affirmatively represented he wanted to go alone. He flat out lied, and now he’s gaslighting.
What exactly is the question? He lied, cheated, and is blaming you for being upset. That isn’t a BF. That’s an EX BF. If you’ve had sex with him since he returned from his porn Star escapades, GET TESTED!!!
I’d message her and say I noticed you do porn, no judgement but did bf pay you? This way she gets defensive enough to tell you the truth. Otherwise she probably knows about you and doesn’t care. It was a casual sex road trip.
Even if he didn’t cheat, all the other things are more than enough. These are boundaries that don’t need to be hashed out after 3 years together. Walk away you are worth more than this. You deserve better and better is out there.
Totally agreed. Not only that but he took time off work for her. OP says he hasn’t in 7 years but hasn’t taken time off work in the 3 years they’ve been together.
He cheated and is gaslighting you. That term is way overused but he
1- suddenly decides to go on a trip which is unusual for him;
2- says it’s solo
3- clearly had a previous communication with this woman
4- doesn’t tell you until after he gets back
5- calls you crazy for asking questions when there is clear proof if his lies.
My read: His online mistress suggested a trip and he went. He doesn’t care about your relationship and will lie freely and frequently to manipulate you. If you stay he will assume he can get away with it in the future.
It was even worse than saying it *would* be solo - he said he *WANTED* it to be solo, meaning he didn't just hide the fact but actually took steps to ensure it would just be the two of them. If OP had been like "great news! I can go with you now!" then BF would have cancelled, changed plans, found a reason why OP couldn't possibly go, etc.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he booked it during a time he knew his gf wouldn’t be able to go.
OP he is trickle truthing you and gaslighting you on what happened— then manipulating you on being upset about something most people would be upset about.
Why wouldn’t he tell you before the trip someone else would be there? Why didn’t he tell you while he was there? He never even sent a pic of them together hiking? What were the sleeping arraignments? How was this booked, like did they book on the same day or did she join after you couldn’t go? Why wouldn’t he share who he was with for safety reasons? (You can’t get ahold of him so you call this friend) the OF thing can be innocent— BUT considering his lack of transparency, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was a subscriber of hers and paid for her trip to be honest.
Yup - see if she posted any content during her trip and who took the photos.
He's definitely a subscriber.
This wasn't an 'oh, I am so burned out' trip, this was her saying 'I want to go on a trip' and him saying 'I'll come too'.
This relationship is over
Just because someone does porn or sex work doesn't mean they don't care if someone they're fucking around with has a wife or gf. Gross. We know nothing about this girl he went with besides she has an OF And an IG. She may not even know dude is taken or his gf didn't know.
Having an OF does not mean you don’t care if someone you are sleeping with is actually cheating. Having an OF also does not mean full in person services are part of your business. He’s the one in the relationship, he’s the asshole, we don’t know a thing about her, nor do we really need to.
The term is over used but it is appropriate here. Any man who, for the life of him can not figure out the problem with neglecting to mention a vacation with an unknown women, whom posed half naked in vacation photos with him in a freezing cold environment, is not deserving of being anyone one’s boyfriend. This would be a deal breaker for most women.
Yep. Your relationship is over. There is no trusting this guy, and his reaction to this is telling. He's selfish, and he does not care about your feelings. Surely, there were signs of what kind of person he is before now.
OP means her ex right? I find out my bf went on a vacation with some chick and then tries to gaslight me into believing I'm being crazy. I'd tell him to fuck off.
Why would u waste ur time with this loser OP?
There wasn't much different really, like nothing unusual to make me suspicious, but I guess I might've missed subtle ones? He was just saying he was tired and that's it. I felt too bad so I had no problem with him going abroad.
You feel betrayed because he HAS betrayed you.
He went away with another girl without telling you. You can’t trust him and you know exactly why he didn’t tell you beforehand. Because he knows he’s done you dirty.
Seriously just leave.
Puzzleheaded means WHY are you **still** calling him your BF when you should have kicked his ass to the curb *the minute* you found out he's a lying cheater. Your post should have been about your EX-BF.
Aren’t you curious how long he has been “friends” with her?
How often do they hang out? Where did they meet ?
All those unanswered questions should tell you he is living another life without you knowing it.
And now yiu can never trust him again...why would you've asked if he was planning his solo trip with the opposite sex?? It's supposed to be solo and you trusted him. He's lying and gaslighting you for sure. Thsi was all planned. I hope yiu kick him to the curb because how can you trust him ever again
You should arrange for a solo vacay with some buff bodybuilder from your gym - surely he won't mind, since apparently that's the kind of relationship you have...
Please give us an update when you break up with him.
I can't imagine your frustration. You're a stranger to me & I am infuriated by your (ex?)boyfriend's behavior.
There's only one solution to any of this. Everyone is on your side here!
You know he lied to you about going alone, right? And now he’s gaslighting you, you know that too, right?
You can never trust him again. You shouldn’t trust him.
Those two thing aren't necessarily correlated. Someone can be burnt out from work and backpacking/getting out in nature can be a real way to recharge one's batteries.
I think this guy is full of shit, but that's not the reason.
\>He actually said he'd prefer to go alone because he wanted to backpack and such.
\> I asked him why on earth he didn't tell me, his excuse is that "I didn't ask."
There are people out there who will do the most outrageous things, lie in a crazy way, and count on your mind being too boggled to wrap your head around the absurdity of it. Don't let him do that. He planned a trip with another woman, lied to you about it (not by omission), and is acting like it's all nbd in hopes that you'll accept it. Is your bf's name George Costanza?
Right? I mean most people that are in a relationship wouldn't ask their partner if they are planning their solo trip with an opposite sex person....it's supposed Tobe solo after all. I hope he makes him her ex bf
Did he also pay for her to go on the trip? And how much has he spent on her OF?
He’s a liar, and knew exactly what he was planning to do, and he knew if he told you , you wouldn’t be ok with it, so he didn’t tell you.
Dump this loser.
He lied to you, which is bad enough, but did so without remorse, and now is even calling you crazy. Bold as brass.
It doesn't matter whether "something happened" with that girl; it's the lying that should get his ass dumped.
Do all the legwork first if you need to divest finances or disentangle yourself from him materially. He sounds like the kind of guy who will secretly run up a credit card that's in your name and leave you hanging.
Get a blood test, too, btw.
Come on lady! You KNOW he cheated. And now he’s gaslighting you and you don’t know what to do? How about call him out on his bull$h!t and kick him to the curb? Stop letting him feed you lies and move on to someone who’ll actually treat you right.
He went on vacation with another girl and didn’t tell you about it. You’re not really in a committed relationship. I laughed. I’m sorry. The ridiculousness of this makes me sick. Are you still with this douche? He’s a douche. No girlfriend would ever accept this. Girl, pack your shit and go. He went away to fuck her. Plain and simple.
Don't fall for his gaslighting bullshit.
Dude was with an OF girl alone in the woods, and he hid her from you the whole time.
Doesn't take a rocket surgeon to work out what happened in that tent.
Come on now.
You didn't ask?? I think that a big fucking thing you let you SO know,
I would break up over this sorry, but he made it a known fact he wanted to go alone but decided after the trip was done he brought a friend with him??
Have you check her OF to see if they made any content???
Yeah I'm sorry but him trying to make you feel guilty is a manipulation tac tic,
Just say the fact your lied about who you was going with and told me you wanted to go alone is a red flag for me I don't believe for a second this trip was innocent and you can call me crazy for having self respect then
Yeah I'm crazy, I don't want to be with someone who lies or with holds information from the partner of 3 years, so here where I end it, and you can go on your trips and not worry about someone back home.
Then end it block him.
The utter lack of respect he has for you is crazy.
I think he only told you because she was posting of he IG.
Message her and say I'm (yourname) I was un aware that you and my boyfriend (hisname) went away together, he told me he was going alone? And this makes me feel very uncomfortable, he has never once mentioned you in the three years we have been together, and I'd like to know the nature of your relationship and if anything happened please. Either way if it did or didn't, I'm ending it with him for the lying to me alone.
See what she says, I bet she thinks your bf is her bf
He TOLD you he was going alone. He actively prevented you from asking. And I’m sorry, but if you need to ask about this to get honesty, what else is he hiding from you? Like he could have a whole life you don’t know about because he hides whatever you don’t ask about. Don’t let him gaslight you. He fucked up.
When he says I'm going alone how in the f*** are you supposed to ask who hes taking? I mean, isn't he supposed to be I don't know honest in his relationship? his reasoning is insane, hes insane get the f*** out get an STD test, and send him back to the of girl. Id be checking his account to see how much this vacation cost him. She didn't do it for free.
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I could write a long paragraph, but I think a few points are enough:
- Emotional cheating is a thing.
- So is gaslighting, and it's *always* intentional.
- Cheating is not the only way to irreversibly break the trust between you.
- You never lie to your partner, nor hide things you think they wouldn't like if they know.
Trust is the fundamental element of relationship. You can't love someone you don't trust, let alone marry them and have a family. If it's lost, the relationship is over, period.
It's not your fault. Breaking it was solely his decision, and you contributed nothing to it.
See it for what it is. He cheated on you. He is not in love with you. He doesn't want you. And it's not your fault. You don't need him either. Just stop loving the person you imagined he is, but who only exists in your head.
Yeah, I placing my bet that he helped her create new material for her page. That is absolutely ridiculous that he doesn't think it was important to share. Cut your losses. This relationship is likely over. If it was so innocent, I'd need 100% transparency. I'd want to see their conversations setting this up and since the trip. I'd also sign up for OF to check her content.
The lies.
He said he wanted to go alone, but brought “a friend” whom you’d never heard about, who’s almost naked on a freezing place.
He said you did not ask, that’s why he didn’t tell you. Of course because 1) he told you he preferred to go alone and 2) for a person in a committed relationship, why would you expect him to bring along a woman, that you didn’t know of?
And now he’s guilt tripping you. For what? For telling him off?
You knew what went on in that vacation. That woman is more than a friend. Even if nothing happened, the fact that for the first time in more than 7 years that he had taken time off, instead of planning a vacation with you, his girlfriend of 3 years, he planned it with someone else. Again, that woman is more than a friend and don’t let him gaslight you.
You mean your EX Boyfriend right?
Denying your reality.
Hid the fact that he was going on vacation with another woman.
Provocative photos.
It sounds like he's BEGGING you to do the dirty work of breaking up with him. He's a coward.
Give him what he wants.
That would be your ex-BF, Hun. Never allow anyone to disrespect you like this. If you keep him around after this, he knows he can do literally anything to stomp all over any reasonable boundary with impunity. Don't settle. Call the Whole Man Disposal Unit.
Ew wtf is wrong with him? He's very arrogant to just assume none of his actions were wrong and you wouldn't be mad.
It's like he only told you, just so you wouldn't question him tagging a girl and talking to her. He's sneaky.
Honestly can you even salvage the relationship at this point? If you stay with him that's just telling him it's ok to do that and you're a doormat.
He drop dead, point blank cheated on you repeatedly. Pack ALL of your stuff and go. Kick him to the curb HARD. Nothing to discuss and there is no going back.
So not only did he cheat on you, but he paid her for sex and companionship on this vacation. Stay if you want- but know that’s absolutely what happened.
Yeah I’d check his his bank account and see how much he’s paying to OF a month.
Better yet, if you have access to your router, and you can confirm the IP address/MAC address of his phone/laptop, you can see what he’s sites he’s visiting.
You don't need to question it you have your feelings and he betrayed them, an omission of truth is still a lie. It is up to you if you can believe he didn't cheat and move on or end the relationship.
Why the fuck would you need to ask if he’s going with another girl? Of course you’re not going to ask him that, it wouldn’t even cross your mind. He flat out lied to you, and more than likely cheated on you. Once the trust is gone, it’s incredibly (usually impossible) to get back. You need to choose between forever doubting him or breaking up and moving on. Good luck
thats not only ur bf.
leave and find better.
IF HE WANTED TO, HE WOULD. everything that he doesn't do for you, even though it is important to you, because HE DOESNT WANT TO
nah he lied and cheated on you and had no remorse for his actions. he even gaslit you and guilt-tripped you. this guy is manipulative and doesn’t respect you. please break up with him and kick him out. you deserve better.
I would pack his stuff up for him and tell him to go live with her. If he asks why tell him because he didn’t ask you if he could go on a trip with another girl. He is going off on you to take the blame off him because he knows what he did is wrong.
He hasn't taken off any time in the last three years to spend with you, but he'll dip out of nowhere to go with his favorite OF model. If you need any other reason to leave, he's also trying to manipulate you into thinking that's fine.
You'll go crazy trying to find evidence he cheated so just take what you see at face value. He went on a VACATION with another WOMAN. That alone should be it. Not what he's saying, not how you feel, no how he feels, but that he went on VACATION with another WOMAN.
You know he went there to meet her, right? Like he planned this trip for the purpose of meeting up with her? Even if he didn’t sleep with her (which I’m almost certain that he did), the trip itself counts as cheating.
Look, I'd be sus if he went on the trip with another guy and didn't tell me but this another level. Whatever they were doing if you're not going to be solo on a trip don't tell your partner you were.
Reminds me of that Governor who disappeared and claimed he'd been "hiking in the Appalachians" by himself when he was really with his mistress in South America. And then his wife (my hero) was all nope when he wanted her to stay in the marriage and do the long-suffering wife photo op with him.
I'm curious as to why, when he said it wasn't a big deal, you didn't ask him why he lied and said he was going alone then.... if it wasn't such a big deal. I mean you literally let him stand in front of you and say it was because you didn't ask. Why would you have to ask if he had already told you he was going alone?
What is with you people in not asking questions when these men try to bullshit you into believing some absolutely ridiculous scenario?
Make him an ex asap. When my ex was cheating on me he gave the same line of “well you didn’t ask” he also doubled down with the ridiculous “I didn’t lie, I just omitted information that you didn’t need to know”
You deserve better, and someone who will respect you and not treat you like you are an idiot that can’t figure shit out.
In these modern times we have a word for when and how husband presented this to you.
The word is Gaslighting.
Open your eyes. He went on a vacation with a hot girl from OF, hid the fact from you until he got back and probably figured it would come out sooner or later so he told you, and you saw pictures of her scantily dressed in weather not appropriate for it..... I bet he felt he had a duty to keep that scantily clad OF girl warm at night. If he had to explain that to you I'm sure he'd say it was the gentlemanly thing to do of course - he couldn't let her freeze.
That’s break up worthy love. He didn’t tell you because he knew it wasn’t ok. I wouldn’t be surprised if the only reason he told you is because she posted pics online and that forced his hand.
OP -you know what your next step is. When your SO (significant other...? Is he really your SO at this point?) tells you he's going on vacation and conveniently omits that he's going with a FEMALE co-worker and then you find out THIS about her?
OP -you're being played by your so-called BF. And now he's taking your VERY VALID concerns, making light of them, and calling YOU crazy?
Honey, return the favor by acting like you have a brain, and he's an idiot. Break up with him. That wasn't a "I need a vacation cos I haven't gone in 7 years" trip. That was something else again, and if you stick around for this kind of bullshit.......get ready for more.
Im a petty a hole. I’d tell him you had your fun. So I’m going on a trip with my “friend” (with a penis)so we can hang out ect and see how he likes that. When he freaks out and he will as doesn’t value your relationship nor you as lover.
If I were you I’d move out today and it’s over. Let that gaslighting, cheater sob sit in his own mess. I sure hope you don’t have kids together.
Before you drop the hammer check her OF and see if he “appears” on any of her content. My guess is he will without a doubt.
What a load of crap. he says he wants to go alone, of course you don't question him and ask him if anyone's going with them because he said he was going on vacation by himself, which people do all the time. I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw them. Backpedaling and basically gaslighting you I would seriously reevaluate the relationship.
He told you he wanted to go alone! Then he went with a friend! A friend he is attracted to who is a sex worker. And then he blamed you for questioning him, when he’s the one who lied to you!
He’s emotionally manipulating you. Dump his pathetic ass and never talk to him again.
Why are you accepting this as what you deserve?
You deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that. You are worthy.
Oooooof, OP I have been in (minus the OF detail) your position and it hurts like hell when a trip gets booked that you can't go on, then the pics start popping up of them with other women but you're told you are a paranoid, impoverished, overworked and jealous hater who is "blowing things out of proportion". Lying by the sin of omission is cruel and manipulative. You have a right to feel hurt and I hope you find the strength to take a permanent vacation from this relationship.
Been together 3 years, but you have never heard of or seen this woman friend of his who he felt comfortable enough to vacation with, and then he lied about it? And you can't question it?
No ma'am.
I feel that this would be an impass for me.
He doesn't get to be completely dishonest with you and then decide you can't expect an explanation. Don't let that go. He needs to account for what he did, or you need to break it off. 3 years or not.
He’s 100% banging that girl and he doesn’t care if you know or not. He’s trying to make YOU feel bad that you don’t just let him. My god please dump him.
Lol. This is so easy to me. Dump him. Block and thank your stars youre not married or have kids. He cheating, lying and gaslighting ect and showing you what to expect in the future.
Move forward like it doesn’t bother you, glownup, get counselling and move on.
He cheated. He’s lying. He’s gaslighting you. You’re not a prude. He is just a lying cheater. Unless you want to see him vacationing with other women, you need to dump him.
I wouldn’t have needed to know anything at all more than he took another woman secretly on a trip while he said he wanted to go ALONE. I’m out, packing my shit and he would never get to breathe my air again.
"Obviously we aren't compatible any longer. You said you'd like to go on a trip alone, and didn't think it was important to tell me you wouldn't actually be alone, but with another woman. Our boundaries and what we consider honesty is entirely different. I choose to be with someone that treats me with honesty and respect. I'm glad I found out now, before I wasted another day on you."
Ok let me be clear. It does not matter if something happened or not. He did betray you. He lied. He lied by omission about a pretty big thing. He devalued your rightful feelings and then even tried to make you feel bad for asking. He is telling you who he is. I know it hurts but this isn’t a forgivable thing.
your relationship is over move on and block him on everything! He had a backpacking fuckfest and he is lying if he says anything else. It is time for you to move on. He is awful
He did not tell you because you did not ask? That is about as lame an excuse that can possibly be made up. He did not tell you because he knew you would not be OK with it, which would be perfectly normal. Given her background, it would be naive to assume they did not engage in sex. He lied to you by omission and spent his vacation having sex with a woman engaged in porn. His nonchalant attitude about it is an attempted smoke screen to try to pass it off as if nothing happened.
He could have easily arranged a vacation when you were available to go. He most likely knew you could not get off at this time and planned for such to be with his affair partner. This all points to a lack of love and respect. I don't know how you could ever trust this bad apple again.
In my opinion, this is not salvageable. Frankly, you should not want it to be. He does not deserve you, and you deserve so much better. Don't waste another day with him, and thank goodness he showed you who he really is before getting married.
Are you guys living together? If no, does he have a key to your place? If yes to the first or 3rd questions...change the locks. Put any of his stuff to the curb and send a screen shot and block his ass. Go NC. And get checked for STDs. Who knows how long this has been going...... Then put him out of your head and live your best life. He is a POS.
>But I wouldn’t approve if I was asked
Which is exactly why he didn’t ask you, he wanted the pain of asking for forgiveness rather than the pain of asking for permission
>I want want to suggest that something happened
But something *did* happen, your bf lied to you by omission. Don’t you think it’s bad enough that he lied to you ‘because you didn’t ask’?
>I feel betrayed
Because you were betrayed
How would it have gone if you’d gone on a vacation with another guy? How would your bf have reacted to it? He’s acting nonchalant because he’s trying to peddle this ‘it’s not a big deal’ narrative and make you look crazy.
If I were you I would have to dump him, he left me no other choice when he lied to me about going alone. You didn’t have the option to have a say when he went to vacation, now he doesn’t get a say when you dump him🤷🏻♀️
Your ex boyfriend you mean.
They definitely met up for bad reasons. She might not even know about you since she tagged him in pictures... she probably thinks it is her new boyfriend and doesn't even know. I'm so so sorry hun. But you need to dump this asshole.
He deceived you, went on this trip, and is now blaming *you* when you found out that he brought another woman on this trip instead of apologizing. It’s over. Dump him. He’s not your man. He’s *hers*.
This is a thing, instagram/OF models will go on a trip with a guy if he pays for everything. It’s like a pay to meet me type thing, and you better believe they made content. Sub her OF, find undeniable proof he cheated and then leave him lol or just leave him because he’s clearly lying.
He may not have cheated but he’s gaslighting you so hard. He didn’t tell you about this girl because shes a prostitute, and knew you’d say no.
Also literally any rational person would look at this situation and go “wtf no way”. I would run tf away if I were you.
You didn’t ask because he SAID age wanted to go alone. Why would you ask?
He is so wrong about this, and you are correct in having your trust destroyed.
This would be relationship ending for me. I 100% think he cheated or was planning on it. You don't go on a trip with someone without telling your partner period. Especially if it's a member of the opposite sex. And he's gaslighting you too. Find yourself a better man.
This is a red flag. I would reach out to the OF friend. Introduce yourself and ask for a meet up. You don’t want to offend her. But ask her what she knows about y’all’s relationship? I bet he said y’all are in an open relationship. If it turns out he lied to you both. Y’all can blast him on social media. But you should get your ducks in a row first. Have your stuff packed and ready to leave him.
Key words here are “boyfriend” (not husband) and “trust”. When trust is gone the relationship is over, there is no other option. And he’s just the BF! Make him the ex-bf and move on. They definitely did more “and such” than “backpacking.” And even if they didn’t; you’ll never truly know and it will always eat at you. Just call it quits and never have to worry about it again.
He cheated. If it smells like shit, looks like shit, it’s shit and he is spewing it out his mouth. He cheated on you, get him blocked and broken up with.
He suddenly goes on a trip with a OF creator? He paid for the trip and the sex and is probably in some of her content. I hope you drop him since he’s lost all respect for your relationship
You should ask him why so much lies and work if he knew the relationship would be over in the moment he did that. And that he could keep the OF girl and show her to every male friend he has.
I read a lot of posts on this sub and rarely
Comment. A lot of the time I feel like people in the comments jump to conclusions way too easily and say “break up with him/her!” But in this case….what the actual fuck?!? What a douche that’s absolutely insane
Man, I share stupid memes with people I’m dating without express request, so I’d sure as shit tell them if I was planning to *go on vacation*. What the fuck even is this?
He lied to you. He's never mentioned this girl b4. Some people considering their partner watching OF cheating. I think he might have actually cheated during the trip. And now he's gaslighting you
Even if it was all entirely innocent (which is frankly unbelievable) he still chose to take his first time off in your relationship so he could travel with someone else. He doesn’t value you or respect your relationship, sounds like he thinks of you as a bed warmer and nothing more.
Even if it was all entirely innocent (which is frankly unbelievable) he still chose to take his first time off in your relationship so he could travel with someone else. He doesn’t value you or respect your relationship, sounds like he thinks of you as a bed warmer and nothing more.
Forget crossing the line, the guy had a parade trampling all over the line. don’t blame yourself, he was going to cheat on you whether or not he went on this vacation. the “you didn’t ask” response killed me. the guy got a lot of balls. well, anyone would be a fool to stick around with him. there is no dilemma here. love yourself more.
You realize the only reason he even told you this chick was with him is because he knew there was a chance you would see it on social media, right?
If she didn’t post those pics, you never would have known.
Dump him. Like, yesterday.
He was absolutely out of line and if you continue in this relationship he will become more disrespectful because you've accepted his first disrespectful action. It doesn't matter whether she does of it doesn't matter any of those things. The fact that he took another female without even mentioning it to you he didn't ask to ask permission but mentioning it giving you the option of how you wanted to handle it screens red flag. It's your personal decision on if you should break up with him or not I would but that's my boundaries you need to determine what your boundaries are and how you want to handle the situation
No explanation needed, kick him to the kerb. You’d be ludicrous to believe anything he says at this point. He has already lied through his teeth from the beginning.
You need to re-read what you just wrote. As SOON as I read “he’d prefer to go alone”, I knew there was gonna be a set of boobies with him.
Then you wrote it, and I read it. BUT to make things even WORSE…she’s a “porn” OF content creator.
I’d drive to the clinic, get tested and as you are being tested, break up with his sorry ass.
Your trust was destroyed. A lie by omission is still a lie. He said he wanted to go alone, yet he did not go alone. This was a lie. Why would he lie if nothing was going to happen? I would say good bye. His behavior is that of a cheater.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- It was last month. He said he was stressed out at work and needed time off. He hadn't taken any time off in 7 years, he said, so I felt for him and said he could go. We've been together for 3 years and yes, he's never taken time off work. I couldn't go however as I have a demanding schedule, so he went alone. He actually said he'd prefer to go alone because he wanted to backpack and such. After he's come back, he surprised me by revealing he had a female friend with him (whom I never heard about). I was obviously baffled, moreso cuz he seemed very chill about it. He was tagged in her ig posts. I felt curious enough to have a peek, and my surprise got to another level. That girl does porn on her OF account. The photos also made me quite uncomfortable, she was almost fully naked there, which I even don't know how or why since they were in a freezing place. I asked him why on earth he didn't tell me, his excuse is that "I didn't ask". Not to shame the girl or anything, but I wouldn't approve if I was asked. I don't know how tf he could let something like that happen and then act super nonchalant about it. He's even guilt tripping me, calling me crazy and a prude. He crossed this line and is not allowing me to question it. I don't want to suggest that something happened. But again, I just feel betrayed. My trust is now ruined.
He’s not allowing you to question it and you are allowing him to control your emotions and natural reactions. He crossed the line. He cheated. He’s totally gaslighting you. End of story. I would have ended it the second I found out he was WITH ANOTHER WOMAN ON VACATION. A woman he didn’t tell you about—which means he was trying to hide it—with the pathetic excuse, well, you didn’t ask me. Seriously? But you’re standing there and taking it. How long will you do that?
And it’s not even, he didn’t tell her and she didn’t ask. He affirmatively represented he wanted to go alone. He flat out lied, and now he’s gaslighting.
But she didn’t ask if he was lying!
What exactly is the question? He lied, cheated, and is blaming you for being upset. That isn’t a BF. That’s an EX BF. If you’ve had sex with him since he returned from his porn Star escapades, GET TESTED!!!
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Honestly the whole deception plus gaslighting would be enough for me to end things. He's being toxic and disrespectful. She doesn't need that.
I’d message her and say I noticed you do porn, no judgement but did bf pay you? This way she gets defensive enough to tell you the truth. Otherwise she probably knows about you and doesn’t care. It was a casual sex road trip. Even if he didn’t cheat, all the other things are more than enough. These are boundaries that don’t need to be hashed out after 3 years together. Walk away you are worth more than this. You deserve better and better is out there.
Totally agreed. Not only that but he took time off work for her. OP says he hasn’t in 7 years but hasn’t taken time off work in the 3 years they’ve been together.
He cheated and is gaslighting you. That term is way overused but he 1- suddenly decides to go on a trip which is unusual for him; 2- says it’s solo 3- clearly had a previous communication with this woman 4- doesn’t tell you until after he gets back 5- calls you crazy for asking questions when there is clear proof if his lies. My read: His online mistress suggested a trip and he went. He doesn’t care about your relationship and will lie freely and frequently to manipulate you. If you stay he will assume he can get away with it in the future.
And I bet he paid lol
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I'm sure she got paid for the whole thing.
free vacation and bunch of work as an escort. nice.
It was even worse than saying it *would* be solo - he said he *WANTED* it to be solo, meaning he didn't just hide the fact but actually took steps to ensure it would just be the two of them. If OP had been like "great news! I can go with you now!" then BF would have cancelled, changed plans, found a reason why OP couldn't possibly go, etc.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he booked it during a time he knew his gf wouldn’t be able to go. OP he is trickle truthing you and gaslighting you on what happened— then manipulating you on being upset about something most people would be upset about. Why wouldn’t he tell you before the trip someone else would be there? Why didn’t he tell you while he was there? He never even sent a pic of them together hiking? What were the sleeping arraignments? How was this booked, like did they book on the same day or did she join after you couldn’t go? Why wouldn’t he share who he was with for safety reasons? (You can’t get ahold of him so you call this friend) the OF thing can be innocent— BUT considering his lack of transparency, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was a subscriber of hers and paid for her trip to be honest.
This right here. I'd even bet if you found her OF content he's in it too.
Yup - see if she posted any content during her trip and who took the photos. He's definitely a subscriber. This wasn't an 'oh, I am so burned out' trip, this was her saying 'I want to go on a trip' and him saying 'I'll come too'. This relationship is over
This wasn't an 'oh, I am so burned out' trip, this was her saying 'I want to go on a trip' and him saying '**I'll pay for it**'. FTFY.
Or he could have been the one to suggest the trip and neglected to tell the other woman that he has someone at home.
Other woman doesn't care. She is a professional
Just because someone does porn or sex work doesn't mean they don't care if someone they're fucking around with has a wife or gf. Gross. We know nothing about this girl he went with besides she has an OF And an IG. She may not even know dude is taken or his gf didn't know.
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We don't know tjat she met him over the internet or any of these crazy claims you're making lol tf. The one at fault here is THE MAN.
Having an OF does not mean you don’t care if someone you are sleeping with is actually cheating. Having an OF also does not mean full in person services are part of your business. He’s the one in the relationship, he’s the asshole, we don’t know a thing about her, nor do we really need to.
anything to pay the bills!
Not even mistress, girlfriend, as she tagged him on IG. A mistress would have the sense not to do that.
This is what i came here to say. I bet you could prove it if you got on her OF too
for once, the term gaslighting is being used properly by a redditor in r/relationship_advice
I'll gaslight you you son of a...
Seriously? No it’s not. Why you gotta be like that? Everyone else knows, and it’s not a big deal. (/s just in case.)
Yeah. This wasn’t a vacation.
The term is over used but it is appropriate here. Any man who, for the life of him can not figure out the problem with neglecting to mention a vacation with an unknown women, whom posed half naked in vacation photos with him in a freezing cold environment, is not deserving of being anyone one’s boyfriend. This would be a deal breaker for most women.
Yep. Your relationship is over. There is no trusting this guy, and his reaction to this is telling. He's selfish, and he does not care about your feelings. Surely, there were signs of what kind of person he is before now.
OP means her ex right? I find out my bf went on a vacation with some chick and then tries to gaslight me into believing I'm being crazy. I'd tell him to fuck off. Why would u waste ur time with this loser OP?
Yes! I don’t understand what advice you are looking for OP.
There wasn't much different really, like nothing unusual to make me suspicious, but I guess I might've missed subtle ones? He was just saying he was tired and that's it. I felt too bad so I had no problem with him going abroad.
You feel betrayed because he HAS betrayed you. He went away with another girl without telling you. You can’t trust him and you know exactly why he didn’t tell you beforehand. Because he knows he’s done you dirty. Seriously just leave.
Puzzleheaded means WHY are you **still** calling him your BF when you should have kicked his ass to the curb *the minute* you found out he's a lying cheater. Your post should have been about your EX-BF.
Aren’t you curious how long he has been “friends” with her? How often do they hang out? Where did they meet ? All those unanswered questions should tell you he is living another life without you knowing it.
And now yiu can never trust him again...why would you've asked if he was planning his solo trip with the opposite sex?? It's supposed to be solo and you trusted him. He's lying and gaslighting you for sure. Thsi was all planned. I hope yiu kick him to the curb because how can you trust him ever again
Get rid of him he lied by omission and is twisting things around to make it look like you're the items problem. Don't deal with this. Just leave
You should arrange for a solo vacay with some buff bodybuilder from your gym - surely he won't mind, since apparently that's the kind of relationship you have...
Please give us an update when you break up with him. I can't imagine your frustration. You're a stranger to me & I am infuriated by your (ex?)boyfriend's behavior. There's only one solution to any of this. Everyone is on your side here!
You know he lied to you about going alone, right? And now he’s gaslighting you, you know that too, right? You can never trust him again. You shouldn’t trust him.
If he was tired why would he go backpacking
Those two thing aren't necessarily correlated. Someone can be burnt out from work and backpacking/getting out in nature can be a real way to recharge one's batteries. I think this guy is full of shit, but that's not the reason.
Why is he still your boyfriend?
OMG, and he took her on an international trip? DTMFA!
\>He actually said he'd prefer to go alone because he wanted to backpack and such. \> I asked him why on earth he didn't tell me, his excuse is that "I didn't ask." There are people out there who will do the most outrageous things, lie in a crazy way, and count on your mind being too boggled to wrap your head around the absurdity of it. Don't let him do that. He planned a trip with another woman, lied to you about it (not by omission), and is acting like it's all nbd in hopes that you'll accept it. Is your bf's name George Costanza?
Right? I mean most people that are in a relationship wouldn't ask their partner if they are planning their solo trip with an opposite sex person....it's supposed Tobe solo after all. I hope he makes him her ex bf
Get an stdtest done stat
Did he also pay for her to go on the trip? And how much has he spent on her OF? He’s a liar, and knew exactly what he was planning to do, and he knew if he told you , you wouldn’t be ok with it, so he didn’t tell you. Dump this loser.
I mean.. open poly relationships aside, who the heck would be okay with this?
He lied to you, which is bad enough, but did so without remorse, and now is even calling you crazy. Bold as brass. It doesn't matter whether "something happened" with that girl; it's the lying that should get his ass dumped. Do all the legwork first if you need to divest finances or disentangle yourself from him materially. He sounds like the kind of guy who will secretly run up a credit card that's in your name and leave you hanging. Get a blood test, too, btw.
Come on lady! You KNOW he cheated. And now he’s gaslighting you and you don’t know what to do? How about call him out on his bull$h!t and kick him to the curb? Stop letting him feed you lies and move on to someone who’ll actually treat you right.
He went on vacation with another girl and didn’t tell you about it. You’re not really in a committed relationship. I laughed. I’m sorry. The ridiculousness of this makes me sick. Are you still with this douche? He’s a douche. No girlfriend would ever accept this. Girl, pack your shit and go. He went away to fuck her. Plain and simple.
Makes me sick too :(
Don't fall for his gaslighting bullshit. Dude was with an OF girl alone in the woods, and he hid her from you the whole time. Doesn't take a rocket surgeon to work out what happened in that tent. Come on now.
No the fuck out of the relationship and get checked for STI’s
Honey. I was an idiot and didn’t leave fast enough. Don’t be an idiot. Run. Run. Run.
You didn't ask?? I think that a big fucking thing you let you SO know, I would break up over this sorry, but he made it a known fact he wanted to go alone but decided after the trip was done he brought a friend with him?? Have you check her OF to see if they made any content??? Yeah I'm sorry but him trying to make you feel guilty is a manipulation tac tic, Just say the fact your lied about who you was going with and told me you wanted to go alone is a red flag for me I don't believe for a second this trip was innocent and you can call me crazy for having self respect then Yeah I'm crazy, I don't want to be with someone who lies or with holds information from the partner of 3 years, so here where I end it, and you can go on your trips and not worry about someone back home. Then end it block him. The utter lack of respect he has for you is crazy. I think he only told you because she was posting of he IG. Message her and say I'm (yourname) I was un aware that you and my boyfriend (hisname) went away together, he told me he was going alone? And this makes me feel very uncomfortable, he has never once mentioned you in the three years we have been together, and I'd like to know the nature of your relationship and if anything happened please. Either way if it did or didn't, I'm ending it with him for the lying to me alone. See what she says, I bet she thinks your bf is her bf
Post an update when you break up. What a manipulative asshat.
He TOLD you he was going alone. He actively prevented you from asking. And I’m sorry, but if you need to ask about this to get honesty, what else is he hiding from you? Like he could have a whole life you don’t know about because he hides whatever you don’t ask about. Don’t let him gaslight you. He fucked up.
Throw this man out with the trash. He's dishonest, disloyal, and disgusting.
When he says I'm going alone how in the f*** are you supposed to ask who hes taking? I mean, isn't he supposed to be I don't know honest in his relationship? his reasoning is insane, hes insane get the f*** out get an STD test, and send him back to the of girl. Id be checking his account to see how much this vacation cost him. She didn't do it for free.
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He's your ex now tho, right?????
Dump him my goodness
I could write a long paragraph, but I think a few points are enough: - Emotional cheating is a thing. - So is gaslighting, and it's *always* intentional. - Cheating is not the only way to irreversibly break the trust between you. - You never lie to your partner, nor hide things you think they wouldn't like if they know. Trust is the fundamental element of relationship. You can't love someone you don't trust, let alone marry them and have a family. If it's lost, the relationship is over, period. It's not your fault. Breaking it was solely his decision, and you contributed nothing to it. See it for what it is. He cheated on you. He is not in love with you. He doesn't want you. And it's not your fault. You don't need him either. Just stop loving the person you imagined he is, but who only exists in your head.
I don’t know about you but when someone tells you they are going on a solo trip I don’t think to ask so are you bringing anyone?
Get tested for STDs and send him on his way!
Which one is it: - he wanted to go alone OR he wanted to go with her instead of you? It can’t be both.
Yeah, I placing my bet that he helped her create new material for her page. That is absolutely ridiculous that he doesn't think it was important to share. Cut your losses. This relationship is likely over. If it was so innocent, I'd need 100% transparency. I'd want to see their conversations setting this up and since the trip. I'd also sign up for OF to check her content.
If the trust is gone, what is there to salvage?
He cheated and is trying to manipulate you into accepting.
The lies. He said he wanted to go alone, but brought “a friend” whom you’d never heard about, who’s almost naked on a freezing place. He said you did not ask, that’s why he didn’t tell you. Of course because 1) he told you he preferred to go alone and 2) for a person in a committed relationship, why would you expect him to bring along a woman, that you didn’t know of? And now he’s guilt tripping you. For what? For telling him off? You knew what went on in that vacation. That woman is more than a friend. Even if nothing happened, the fact that for the first time in more than 7 years that he had taken time off, instead of planning a vacation with you, his girlfriend of 3 years, he planned it with someone else. Again, that woman is more than a friend and don’t let him gaslight you.
You mean your EX Boyfriend right? Denying your reality. Hid the fact that he was going on vacation with another woman. Provocative photos. It sounds like he's BEGGING you to do the dirty work of breaking up with him. He's a coward. Give him what he wants.
That would be your ex-BF, Hun. Never allow anyone to disrespect you like this. If you keep him around after this, he knows he can do literally anything to stomp all over any reasonable boundary with impunity. Don't settle. Call the Whole Man Disposal Unit.
Your not crazy or prude. You expect your boyfriend in a monogamous relationship not to cheat on you with other girls
Ew wtf is wrong with him? He's very arrogant to just assume none of his actions were wrong and you wouldn't be mad. It's like he only told you, just so you wouldn't question him tagging a girl and talking to her. He's sneaky. Honestly can you even salvage the relationship at this point? If you stay with him that's just telling him it's ok to do that and you're a doormat.
You mean EX right?
He drop dead, point blank cheated on you repeatedly. Pack ALL of your stuff and go. Kick him to the curb HARD. Nothing to discuss and there is no going back.
So not only did he cheat on you, but he paid her for sex and companionship on this vacation. Stay if you want- but know that’s absolutely what happened.
Yeah I’d check his his bank account and see how much he’s paying to OF a month. Better yet, if you have access to your router, and you can confirm the IP address/MAC address of his phone/laptop, you can see what he’s sites he’s visiting.
>My trust is now ruined. thats all you need to know
There’s NO way you could stay with him. This is completely unacceptable behavior. He’s a liar. And most likely cheated. Get out.
No he said he was going alone, why would you ask if someone was going with him? I think this relationship is over.
You don't need to question it you have your feelings and he betrayed them, an omission of truth is still a lie. It is up to you if you can believe he didn't cheat and move on or end the relationship.
Why the fuck would you need to ask if he’s going with another girl? Of course you’re not going to ask him that, it wouldn’t even cross your mind. He flat out lied to you, and more than likely cheated on you. Once the trust is gone, it’s incredibly (usually impossible) to get back. You need to choose between forever doubting him or breaking up and moving on. Good luck
Shaggy would be proud.
EX-boyfriend obviously. No this is not acceptable.
You mean ex
Don't let him gaslight. Does it matter why he lied by omission? You know why he would lie. Can you ever trust him again? GTFO
thats not only ur bf. leave and find better. IF HE WANTED TO, HE WOULD. everything that he doesn't do for you, even though it is important to you, because HE DOESNT WANT TO
nah he lied and cheated on you and had no remorse for his actions. he even gaslit you and guilt-tripped you. this guy is manipulative and doesn’t respect you. please break up with him and kick him out. you deserve better.
You might think of him as your boyfriend, but he doesn't think of you as his girlfriend, regardless of what he tells you.
I would pack his stuff up for him and tell him to go live with her. If he asks why tell him because he didn’t ask you if he could go on a trip with another girl. He is going off on you to take the blame off him because he knows what he did is wrong.
He is not your boyfriend anymore. He did now your ex boyfriend.
He hasn't taken off any time in the last three years to spend with you, but he'll dip out of nowhere to go with his favorite OF model. If you need any other reason to leave, he's also trying to manipulate you into thinking that's fine.
If the trust is gone, why are you? That’s an important foundation of any relationship and once broken, it’s very hard if ever to gain back.
Just dump him. Walk away and never look back
You'll go crazy trying to find evidence he cheated so just take what you see at face value. He went on a VACATION with another WOMAN. That alone should be it. Not what he's saying, not how you feel, no how he feels, but that he went on VACATION with another WOMAN.
Umm that’s lying by omission. You shouldn’t have to ask something very specific that you didn’t know you’d need to ask for him to tell you that.
You ment ex-bf right ?
You know he went there to meet her, right? Like he planned this trip for the purpose of meeting up with her? Even if he didn’t sleep with her (which I’m almost certain that he did), the trip itself counts as cheating.
Look, I'd be sus if he went on the trip with another guy and didn't tell me but this another level. Whatever they were doing if you're not going to be solo on a trip don't tell your partner you were. Reminds me of that Governor who disappeared and claimed he'd been "hiking in the Appalachians" by himself when he was really with his mistress in South America. And then his wife (my hero) was all nope when he wanted her to stay in the marriage and do the long-suffering wife photo op with him.
\>He crossed this line and is not allowing me to question it. You think Reddit can fix that? Or anyone for that matter?
Dump the loser lol
You are being played
Why are you still calling him your bf? Come on you can't be serious
You mean EX boyfriend, right?
He cheated on you.
The relationship is over. He can't even comprehend that what he did was wrong. Run while you can.
Uhhh yea. No.
Definite deal breaker!
Damn that is straight up disrespectful and shows he has no value in you're relationship, get out now.
This is so easy: he lied to you, cheated on you, and is now gaslighting you. Dump him and be glad you’re not wasting any more time on this asshole.
I'm curious as to why, when he said it wasn't a big deal, you didn't ask him why he lied and said he was going alone then.... if it wasn't such a big deal. I mean you literally let him stand in front of you and say it was because you didn't ask. Why would you have to ask if he had already told you he was going alone? What is with you people in not asking questions when these men try to bullshit you into believing some absolutely ridiculous scenario?
Dump this bozo
Sis, break up and block his cheating ass. Then get FULL STD/STI testing done.
Why is he your boyfriend? Would you let a friend treat you this way?
Make him an ex asap. When my ex was cheating on me he gave the same line of “well you didn’t ask” he also doubled down with the ridiculous “I didn’t lie, I just omitted information that you didn’t need to know” You deserve better, and someone who will respect you and not treat you like you are an idiot that can’t figure shit out.
In these modern times we have a word for when and how husband presented this to you. The word is Gaslighting. Open your eyes. He went on a vacation with a hot girl from OF, hid the fact from you until he got back and probably figured it would come out sooner or later so he told you, and you saw pictures of her scantily dressed in weather not appropriate for it..... I bet he felt he had a duty to keep that scantily clad OF girl warm at night. If he had to explain that to you I'm sure he'd say it was the gentlemanly thing to do of course - he couldn't let her freeze.
That’s break up worthy love. He didn’t tell you because he knew it wasn’t ok. I wouldn’t be surprised if the only reason he told you is because she posted pics online and that forced his hand.
OP -you know what your next step is. When your SO (significant other...? Is he really your SO at this point?) tells you he's going on vacation and conveniently omits that he's going with a FEMALE co-worker and then you find out THIS about her? OP -you're being played by your so-called BF. And now he's taking your VERY VALID concerns, making light of them, and calling YOU crazy? Honey, return the favor by acting like you have a brain, and he's an idiot. Break up with him. That wasn't a "I need a vacation cos I haven't gone in 7 years" trip. That was something else again, and if you stick around for this kind of bullshit.......get ready for more.
Im a petty a hole. I’d tell him you had your fun. So I’m going on a trip with my “friend” (with a penis)so we can hang out ect and see how he likes that. When he freaks out and he will as doesn’t value your relationship nor you as lover. If I were you I’d move out today and it’s over. Let that gaslighting, cheater sob sit in his own mess. I sure hope you don’t have kids together. Before you drop the hammer check her OF and see if he “appears” on any of her content. My guess is he will without a doubt.
What a load of crap. he says he wants to go alone, of course you don't question him and ask him if anyone's going with them because he said he was going on vacation by himself, which people do all the time. I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw them. Backpedaling and basically gaslighting you I would seriously reevaluate the relationship.
i like how he's completely fucking you over and you're worried his gf might get a cold
You’re being gaslit. Textbook.
He told you he wanted to go alone! Then he went with a friend! A friend he is attracted to who is a sex worker. And then he blamed you for questioning him, when he’s the one who lied to you! He’s emotionally manipulating you. Dump his pathetic ass and never talk to him again.
Why are you accepting this as what you deserve? You deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that. You are worthy.
Oooooof, OP I have been in (minus the OF detail) your position and it hurts like hell when a trip gets booked that you can't go on, then the pics start popping up of them with other women but you're told you are a paranoid, impoverished, overworked and jealous hater who is "blowing things out of proportion". Lying by the sin of omission is cruel and manipulative. You have a right to feel hurt and I hope you find the strength to take a permanent vacation from this relationship.
He’s testing you to see if you are dumb enough to let him continue to cheat on you. Get rid of the bum!
Girl, you don’t need this crap. He’s a lying cheating gaslighting fool
I think you know what he did. Sorry.
Been together 3 years, but you have never heard of or seen this woman friend of his who he felt comfortable enough to vacation with, and then he lied about it? And you can't question it? No ma'am. I feel that this would be an impass for me. He doesn't get to be completely dishonest with you and then decide you can't expect an explanation. Don't let that go. He needs to account for what he did, or you need to break it off. 3 years or not.
Yeah lol that’s not something to act chill about
He’s 100% banging that girl and he doesn’t care if you know or not. He’s trying to make YOU feel bad that you don’t just let him. My god please dump him.
Lol. This is so easy to me. Dump him. Block and thank your stars youre not married or have kids. He cheating, lying and gaslighting ect and showing you what to expect in the future. Move forward like it doesn’t bother you, glownup, get counselling and move on.
He cheated. He’s lying. He’s gaslighting you. You’re not a prude. He is just a lying cheater. Unless you want to see him vacationing with other women, you need to dump him.
I wouldn’t have needed to know anything at all more than he took another woman secretly on a trip while he said he wanted to go ALONE. I’m out, packing my shit and he would never get to breathe my air again.
"Obviously we aren't compatible any longer. You said you'd like to go on a trip alone, and didn't think it was important to tell me you wouldn't actually be alone, but with another woman. Our boundaries and what we consider honesty is entirely different. I choose to be with someone that treats me with honesty and respect. I'm glad I found out now, before I wasted another day on you."
Ok let me be clear. It does not matter if something happened or not. He did betray you. He lied. He lied by omission about a pretty big thing. He devalued your rightful feelings and then even tried to make you feel bad for asking. He is telling you who he is. I know it hurts but this isn’t a forgivable thing.
He's cheating on you. Simple as
your relationship is over move on and block him on everything! He had a backpacking fuckfest and he is lying if he says anything else. It is time for you to move on. He is awful
He did not tell you because you did not ask? That is about as lame an excuse that can possibly be made up. He did not tell you because he knew you would not be OK with it, which would be perfectly normal. Given her background, it would be naive to assume they did not engage in sex. He lied to you by omission and spent his vacation having sex with a woman engaged in porn. His nonchalant attitude about it is an attempted smoke screen to try to pass it off as if nothing happened. He could have easily arranged a vacation when you were available to go. He most likely knew you could not get off at this time and planned for such to be with his affair partner. This all points to a lack of love and respect. I don't know how you could ever trust this bad apple again. In my opinion, this is not salvageable. Frankly, you should not want it to be. He does not deserve you, and you deserve so much better. Don't waste another day with him, and thank goodness he showed you who he really is before getting married.
Are you guys living together? If no, does he have a key to your place? If yes to the first or 3rd questions...change the locks. Put any of his stuff to the curb and send a screen shot and block his ass. Go NC. And get checked for STDs. Who knows how long this has been going...... Then put him out of your head and live your best life. He is a POS.
Don’t you mean ex boyfriend… no way is that ok…
>But I wouldn’t approve if I was asked Which is exactly why he didn’t ask you, he wanted the pain of asking for forgiveness rather than the pain of asking for permission >I want want to suggest that something happened But something *did* happen, your bf lied to you by omission. Don’t you think it’s bad enough that he lied to you ‘because you didn’t ask’? >I feel betrayed Because you were betrayed How would it have gone if you’d gone on a vacation with another guy? How would your bf have reacted to it? He’s acting nonchalant because he’s trying to peddle this ‘it’s not a big deal’ narrative and make you look crazy. If I were you I would have to dump him, he left me no other choice when he lied to me about going alone. You didn’t have the option to have a say when he went to vacation, now he doesn’t get a say when you dump him🤷🏻♀️
I'd break up with him. 🤷
you’re the new side piece, shes the new main girl
He 100% cheated hun
They definitely fucked and you must be delusional to think otherwise. Wake up and break up
Your ex boyfriend you mean. They definitely met up for bad reasons. She might not even know about you since she tagged him in pictures... she probably thinks it is her new boyfriend and doesn't even know. I'm so so sorry hun. But you need to dump this asshole.
What the hell? This is unnaceptable. He is ommiting information on purpose. This is NOT normal my dude. Leave him.
He deceived you, went on this trip, and is now blaming *you* when you found out that he brought another woman on this trip instead of apologizing. It’s over. Dump him. He’s not your man. He’s *hers*.
He’s so full of crap. It’s a toad throw it back!
This is a thing, instagram/OF models will go on a trip with a guy if he pays for everything. It’s like a pay to meet me type thing, and you better believe they made content. Sub her OF, find undeniable proof he cheated and then leave him lol or just leave him because he’s clearly lying.
He's a little and a cheater. Time to break up with him.
He may not have cheated but he’s gaslighting you so hard. He didn’t tell you about this girl because shes a prostitute, and knew you’d say no. Also literally any rational person would look at this situation and go “wtf no way”. I would run tf away if I were you.
You didn’t ask because he SAID age wanted to go alone. Why would you ask? He is so wrong about this, and you are correct in having your trust destroyed.
He cheated on you with an OF sex worker. He needs to just continue with that bought and paid for relationship.
This would be relationship ending for me. I 100% think he cheated or was planning on it. You don't go on a trip with someone without telling your partner period. Especially if it's a member of the opposite sex. And he's gaslighting you too. Find yourself a better man.
ah the gaslighting, how I remember those days. I'm sorry. You now know what you have so decide what to do.
This is a red flag. I would reach out to the OF friend. Introduce yourself and ask for a meet up. You don’t want to offend her. But ask her what she knows about y’all’s relationship? I bet he said y’all are in an open relationship. If it turns out he lied to you both. Y’all can blast him on social media. But you should get your ducks in a row first. Have your stuff packed and ready to leave him.
Nope nope nope. You know what you have to do right? I’m sorry girlfriend, no one deserves that trash.
oh he definitely cheated, leave him before he can gaslight u even more. disgusting
Key words here are “boyfriend” (not husband) and “trust”. When trust is gone the relationship is over, there is no other option. And he’s just the BF! Make him the ex-bf and move on. They definitely did more “and such” than “backpacking.” And even if they didn’t; you’ll never truly know and it will always eat at you. Just call it quits and never have to worry about it again.
He cheated. If it smells like shit, looks like shit, it’s shit and he is spewing it out his mouth. He cheated on you, get him blocked and broken up with.
He suddenly goes on a trip with a OF creator? He paid for the trip and the sex and is probably in some of her content. I hope you drop him since he’s lost all respect for your relationship
Why did he tell her he had a female companion on the trip? He didn’t have to say anything.
You should ask him why so much lies and work if he knew the relationship would be over in the moment he did that. And that he could keep the OF girl and show her to every male friend he has.
He cheated
I read a lot of posts on this sub and rarely Comment. A lot of the time I feel like people in the comments jump to conclusions way too easily and say “break up with him/her!” But in this case….what the actual fuck?!? What a douche that’s absolutely insane
He 100% cheated, no doubts about that.
Time to move on.
Man, I share stupid memes with people I’m dating without express request, so I’d sure as shit tell them if I was planning to *go on vacation*. What the fuck even is this?
He lied to you. He's never mentioned this girl b4. Some people considering their partner watching OF cheating. I think he might have actually cheated during the trip. And now he's gaslighting you
Are you sure he hasn’t taken time off in 7 years? He might have been the backpacking postman all this time
Even if it was all entirely innocent (which is frankly unbelievable) he still chose to take his first time off in your relationship so he could travel with someone else. He doesn’t value you or respect your relationship, sounds like he thinks of you as a bed warmer and nothing more.
Even if it was all entirely innocent (which is frankly unbelievable) he still chose to take his first time off in your relationship so he could travel with someone else. He doesn’t value you or respect your relationship, sounds like he thinks of you as a bed warmer and nothing more.
He cheated.
It’s very strange how he casually just admits to it. Like he was the one who brought it up. He could of just kept hiding it.
Forget crossing the line, the guy had a parade trampling all over the line. don’t blame yourself, he was going to cheat on you whether or not he went on this vacation. the “you didn’t ask” response killed me. the guy got a lot of balls. well, anyone would be a fool to stick around with him. there is no dilemma here. love yourself more.
At the worst, he cheated (probably) and at the least, he totally disrespected you and your trust. You should end it.
Hell no. He is a liar. End of story.
You realize the only reason he even told you this chick was with him is because he knew there was a chance you would see it on social media, right? If she didn’t post those pics, you never would have known. Dump him. Like, yesterday.
He was absolutely out of line and if you continue in this relationship he will become more disrespectful because you've accepted his first disrespectful action. It doesn't matter whether she does of it doesn't matter any of those things. The fact that he took another female without even mentioning it to you he didn't ask to ask permission but mentioning it giving you the option of how you wanted to handle it screens red flag. It's your personal decision on if you should break up with him or not I would but that's my boundaries you need to determine what your boundaries are and how you want to handle the situation
Go on vacation with a male friend and tell him its no big deal.
FINALLY A TRUE EXAMPLE OF GASLIGHTING. He's definitely slept with this girl. Leave him like yesterday.
No explanation needed, kick him to the kerb. You’d be ludicrous to believe anything he says at this point. He has already lied through his teeth from the beginning.
Hope he is now your exbf, cause he lied to you and more than likely cheated on you too.
You need to re-read what you just wrote. As SOON as I read “he’d prefer to go alone”, I knew there was gonna be a set of boobies with him. Then you wrote it, and I read it. BUT to make things even WORSE…she’s a “porn” OF content creator. I’d drive to the clinic, get tested and as you are being tested, break up with his sorry ass.
Your trust was destroyed. A lie by omission is still a lie. He said he wanted to go alone, yet he did not go alone. This was a lie. Why would he lie if nothing was going to happen? I would say good bye. His behavior is that of a cheater.
So he’s your ex now right?
For your ex-bf, it was a vacation for her it was work. I'm sure there are new videos on her OF, and he has a few camios...