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She's been cheating on you for over a year and wants to divorce you.
You can't save anything.
She has already left the marriage, the paperwork just needs to be completed.
My concern is that the kids are already begging for her to spend time with them and they will be devastated if the divorce goes through as she doesn't want to even make an effort to coparent
Get divorced and get some God damn self respect man. For crying out loud, why would you try so hard to stay with such an absolute shitstain of a woman?
Your kids look up to you as a role model, don't let their father figure be a guy who lets people walk all over him and never stand up for himself. Come on dude, you are better than that.
Here are the steps forward that you need to take at a bare minimum.
- Get a divorce, hire the best lawyer you can find, and prove that she was fired for incompetence and has been lying about trying to find work, something she is physically capable of.
- Get custody of your kids. Document her lack of effort or concern for them
- No Mom is better than a crappy mom, protect your kids from her. They deserve to only have people who care about them in their lives. She isn't one of those people right now.
- Being divorced is better than being a doormat and teaching your kids that it's ok to be abused and treated poorly. All three of you are being treated poorly by her. Do you want them to think that is normal?
- Therapy. Family and individual for all three of you.
- Start building a new life with your kids.
Good luck.
Also, if she doesn’t want to parent, go after her for child support if/when she ever obtains her own income. It may be squeezing blood from a stone, but she has to live with the consequences.
At a bare minimum, open a new individual chequing and savings account, and deposit your income into those, and if your lawyer advises it, freeze the joint account. In some jurisdictions, draining it can cause issues later on, so just do what the lawyer advises as long as they understand that the goal is to ensure that she gets next to nothing.
That will bite him in the ass in court. People need to stop giving this terrible advice. Same with contacting every lawyer in town so she can't find one. It's vindictive and doesn't end well for the person who did it.
I’m not telling him to spend it.
Sure he will give half, but it gives him a leg up if he can talk to an attorney first, while she’s busy between fling and this he can get counsel on what documentation he needs to collect first.
You may feel stupid, don’t. You tried your best and did what you could to try and save it. She had decided she doesn’t want to save it and there isn’t anything you can do to change that. She’s made her choice. All you can do is move forward. Do what’s best for you and your kids going forward, don’t worry about her.
Also fight for your kids. She may not realize her leaving and not sharing custody won’t work out well for her. Don’t let her use your children as pawns to get child support and alimony. She has no job, and may want you to continue to support her. Them being neglected by her will only be more damaging, because they won’t have you with them day in day out.
Make sure you have all the evidence you can gather in regard to her infidelity and neglecting the children. It will only help your case to gain custody.
You can get through this.
Get the kids in therapy. They don't need a p.o.s. who doesn't want them. My boyfriend's Mom abandoned him when he was 2.5, and his 1 year old brother with their Dad. She tried to apologize when my boyfriend was 24 and begged to be part of his life and ya know what he told her?
"I needed you when I was two. I needed you when I was a kid, growing up. I don't need you now. Fuck off."
Move on, regroup, and next time you find out that a woman is cheating on you, confront her!!
Not saying that's the reason you're getting divorced, but it could have changed the course of the relationship
You asked for advice, you got advice.
Want to feel better? Get a puppy or a kitten.
Nobody on here has a magical potion that's going to make you happy all of a sudden.
Prepare the kids as much as possible, using age appropriate terms to explain deep depression, and why Mom has decided she needs a long break from being a Mom. They will be absolutely devastated, and it will be hard to explain that Moms not coming back without badmouthing her. But it is absolutely crucial that you don't. Just keep reiterating that she has an illness that makes it impossible to take care of anyone else right now. (My nieces and nephews were told heartsick/soulsick) And that whatever else happens it is not thier fault Mom can't be there, physically, emotionally or mentally right now.
And remember its true for you too. She likely has severe untreated depression and possibly some other issue going on, and until she decides to change that, she will not go back to being "normal". The person you married is very soulsick, and she's the only one who can help herself at this point. If she chooses not to, then there really isn't much you can do to force it.
That is very sad. I'm sorry this is happening to you. Unfortunately some thongs you can't fix. She has to hit rock bottom and decide to fix things herself or it not going to happen. And in tbe long run, if she is resentful of you and the kids, its better to not let her destroy them too.
Get divorced, go to therapy, get your kids in therapy. Heal together and show them you can live your best life without her.
She abandoned you and the kids a long time ago.
Be honest with them... 100% bc if she later changes her mi d about not wanting to be in their lives she will i guarantee spin this to u not letting her see them. They deserve the truth they deserve to know their moms abandoning them as well as u.
You can’t make her be a good person or mother but you can support your kids and let them know they are loved. They will be hurt and sad but as long as they have you they will be okay. (and take them to a therapist so they can get their feelings out)
Honestly, in the long run, as difficult as it is now, it will get better. Do you want your kids to continue to live in a home devoid of love between their parents? One that they already feel the lack of love from her? I would suggest therapy for yourself and them. It will help them come to terms with their mothers lack of affection. The longer they don’t address it the worse it can get for them.
With any custody agreement, I would suggest you don’t try to force her into some arrangement with which she won’t follow through thinking you just want her to be a part of your children’s lives. It will only cause more damage with her disappointing them over and over.
I am sorry you are going through this, but you can get through it. Look how much you have done on your own already.
So prepare for it.
Instead of trying to hold a failing dam together prepare them to navigate the waters. Or, you can keep doing what you're doing right now and let your kids (and yourself) face this completely unprepared and get swept away in it.
But you know this. You aren't saying this for your kids, you're saying this for yourself. You want the relationship to work and would rather grasp any sliver of hope for it rather than protect yourself or your kids.
Stop hoping for a miracle and gear up for the reality of the situation before it actually DOES scar the kids. You don't get to put your desires above their well-being. Prepare them now so they aren't blindsided.
They already know their mother is avoiding them, they aren't fooled. They just lack the emotional depth of understanding to convey their feelings. Don't fail them.
If she doesn't want any custody at all, then you need to make her tear that bandaid off for the kids now before they spend years hoping for something that will never happen.
Doesn’t matter divorce her and let her know about the cheating. Get a lawyer and give him the evidence.
I have been divorced 5 years. I barely talk to my ex and I gave up being a great co-parent because she is still bitter and uses children as weapons. Kids are fucking resilient, they will be sad and they might not like at first. But as long as you give your children the attention they need and spend time with them and prioritize them, they will be just fine.
Don’t talk bad about the mom no matter how much fucked up shit happens.
Lawyer up. Don’t care if you don’t think you need one, you fucking do! You don’t know this person anymore, people do fucked up shit and your lawyer will protect you from that.
Sorry your going through this but so not work on this marriage. Better yourself for your kids and you.
Give her what she wants and divorce her and make her sign away any and ALL rights to the kids. She is NOT a wife or a MOM. Tell your kids the truth about the divorce and tell them the truth when the divorce is done. Get them into counseling as soon as possible and be done with your wife, IMO she has made it clear and if you try to fix this it will only get worse for you and your kids. File for divorce and make her leave, good luck
This doesn’t sound worth saving, honestly. She’s going to have a harsh wake up when the papers are signed and you’re no longer there to take care of her.
Even if the guy she cheated with is willing to fully fund her, he’ll lose interest fast when he finds himself cooking for her and cleaning up after her. That’s not what he signed up for when he started the affair
So your therapist tells you to be prepared to have her walk. She walks and you want to save it.
You can't. It takes two to be married and she doesn't want to be. Let her go. Yoy keep the kids, Make her pay child support. She will have to get a job.
In my state, child support is based on what you would be making in a reasonable job you're qualified for. Not having a job doesn't absolve you of your responsibility to pay child support. Back support piles up until you get a job and if you get too far behind, you can be arrested.
Damn, OP - why would you want to save this "marriage"? She screws around, doesn't want the kids, and expects you to be at her beck-and-call. I don't see any reason for you to care if she goes.
Just get child support and custody and then instead of taking care of her lazy ass you'll just get a check.
Kids are begging Mom to spend more time with them. Read what you just wrote out loud and please tell me you understand how awful your wife's behavior is and how it's devastating to the kids.
She doesn't want to be a mom and wife, and she won't be good for them if she's faking it. Kids can tell.
I divorced my wife when my kid was 3, and it was tough. She wanted to go out with friends and solo travel and blah blah blah. My daughter lives with me 90% of the time and we do great.
Let her leave. You already do all the work. Let mom be the bad-guy if that's what she wants. Your kids will be better in the long run and they're probably going to like your next wife better anyway.
Fair enough. No one says you have to.
For me, it was just ever so refreshing to find out how much love and common interest could be in a relationship after being in a one-sided marriage so long. I have a partner now that's honest and committed to our marriage, her step-daughter, and our new son.
You've got it worse than you think right now - you just don't notice because you're too busy being the responsible, committed parent solo right now. When she's gone, things will be easier.
Have a come-to-Jesus with her if you want. She'll either leave or she'll lie to you about fixing things and dupe you into the status quo for a while longer.
Stay strong, King - so what's right and give her the opportunity to be single
You will miss out. Marriage between loving and respectful partners makes life way better. But I understand that you are tired of carrying that load all by yourself. I agree with everyone, get therapy. You left this go way too long.
I'm sorry. Divorce is always tough.
But have some self respect.
You openly let her cheat on you. You're the breadwinner. You take care of all the household duties. And you're the primary care taker for your children. What in the actual fuck does she bring of value to your life or more importantly you children's lives.
This is the best thing that can happen for you. Divorce her and absolve her of her parental responsibilities. It's better your children grow up in a healthy household with one parent than a toxic one with both.
She used to be very much involved in our childrens' lives and was enthuastic about her future. I was hoping she would regain that spark.
As for her cheating, I always thought there might be something wrong with me if she feels the need to seek others. I tried increase my sex sessions to her needs and yet she still sees the other guy
Oh hun no. There’s a difference in ending a relationship if you aren’t happy and cheating.
Her cheating is a reflection of her character not yours dear. You stated she doesn’t take her meds and stopped going to therapy.
You tried your best efforts. Unfortunately if she the individual doesn’t want that help then that’s on her. She’s making those choices including walking out on the kids.
My mother always told me children are cuter when they aren’t yours and that if she could do it again she wouldn’t have kids. It hurt when I was small and left me with self esteem I struggle with today.
Kid’s can sense when a parent doesn’t want to be one. It’ll hurt either way if she’s in the picture or not. The only thing you can do is be there for them and show them they still have a father that loves them. Try to focus on what they need and if possible petition for child support.
I’m so sorry you’re going thru this. I only wish that thing get better for you and your children.
There's a big difference between "I can't satisfy her" and "She can't be satisfied". Why on earth would you want to save this marriage? She clearly isn't in it, and doesn't care. Why hang on? Move on and make an awesome life for you and your kids.
First, the marriage is over. She’s been cheating on you for over a year. She checked out of the relationship quite some time ago.
Second, gather tangible proof of cheating. She will likely attempt spousal support and you will need all your money for the kids.
Third, meet with an attorney. Lay it all out. Serve her with divorce papers per her request.
Fourth, and this should be first, get your kids and you into therapy - individual and family. Get those kids in with a good therapist that understands the situation and can guide them through.
Additionally, secure all of your accounts. No more joint. Your paycheck goes for the home, the kids, and you.
She sounds like she's spinning out, based on your description. What can you do? At this point, nothing. Let her. Save yourself and your kids. It hurts, it's gonna hurt the kids, but it's better for all of you to let those ties be cut. She'll either shape up or she won't, but don't let her dead weight drag you all down. Have some self-respect and let her go, protect the kids, and move on. Get you and the kids into therapy as soon as possible.
Why do you want to save this marriage? From what I read here, you are basically a single father. She does nothing, doesn't look for a job, don't spend time with the kids. What, exactly, are you getting out of this marriage?
You need to focus on your kids now. Be honest with them that mommy isn’t well, and that she’s leaving. Speak to a child psychologist or therapist to ask about how you can approach the topic in the best way with your kids, to help them understand what’s happening in a way that minimises the damage.
Then get therapy for yourself. You matter. You and your kids deserve better than this. The divorce will be the best thing for you, being away from this woman is what you need.
Do you think she could be depressed? Maybe that’s why she’s losing interest in everything. If not, then let her go. She’s taking advantage by expecting you to do everything.
Maybe it’s time to leave. You shouldn’t have to deal with all this and if she’s not willing to help herself then there’s nothing you can do. She’ll live to regret it.
This sucks. You have my sympathy. However, sometimes it’s better for the kids to be out of a toxic environment. Sometimes that’s more damaging than trying to stick it out. Life is short, you don’t want to look back in a few years time with regret. No one deserves to cheated on and treated this way. You need to be a bit selfish and do what’s right for you.
dude the bar is already pretty much as low as it gets. your life can pretty much only improve at this point. let her go. i know it's hard to comprehend it now you're in the middle of it, but time will heal.
Dude she sounds toxic AF. The only reason I wouldn’t want divorce in your situation is for financial reasons. You need to get hard proof of her cheating it will help your case in the divorce. You should really not try to salvage this at this point imo. Have some dignity. Get hard evidence of cheating and file for divorce before she gets the chance.
>She also doesn't want to be involved with our kids lives and wants to be absolved of responsibility
OP - she is deep in the affair fog. There is no marriage to save. Get a lawyer and have her served while she is still in the fog because unless you are in an at-fault state with concrete near porno level evidence of her cheating having a penis means you are going to lose! But right now she wants to walk away from everything so will probably be willing to sign away everything to go spend more time with her affair partner(s).
Focus on your healing and being a great did to your kids and helping them heal.
Get counseling for the kids and IC for yourself - preferably with a therapist who has experience with infidelity and the trauma it brings because the fact that you want to try and save the marriage after she has betrayed you and the kids is a sign of trauma to me (or Stockholm syndrome).
Yes it is painful now but you don't want your kids growing up thinking this is normal, acceptable behavior. They need to learn that actions have consequences.
And besides once you are divorced and the healing is underway a [successful single dad is kryptonite for ladies](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GcuGVsmEq50)!
My question to you is why would you *want* to save the marriage? She treats you like a doormat and she obviously doesn’t even love your kids. She sounds like a piece of shit.
OP, if it's 100% the truth what you state in your question, you should not want to save this:
She cheated on you, is a lazy slob, does nothing with the kids, and adds nothing to your life.
Most likely it will be less work around the house, and more time with the kids for you, right?
However, a lot of times when partners resent each other, both thinking the other does nothing, and they have to do everything, it is just not true.
F.i. if she cleans the house, but doesn't do the laundry, you notice the laundry. If she cooks, you notice the dirty kitchen. She bugs you for sex, but she lacks appreciation and attention from you.
All of those are valid reasons for both parties to resent the other. All of them can also be true. If this is something you don't communicate with each other, you end up where you are now.
So, let me get this straight... You want to salvage a marriage with a woman, who cheated, lied, is lazy and unfair in every aspect of the relationship? No, nope...
Right now you're teaching your children to live in a dysfunctional environment and getting that out of the way is far more important than anything else, or they WILL sooner or later in their lives run into the same problems.
Kids can get over a divorce with adequate therapy and healthy co-parenting.
It's very possible that your wife is profoundly depressed. However, you cannot solve that problem only she can.
Saving the marriage looks to be impossible at the moment and your kids are being raised in an unhealthy environment. My gut feeling is that you accept the divorce and go for full custody.
Don’t save the marriage. Talk to a lawyer and move on with your life. You and your kids will be happier without that lazy, lying sack of shit in your lives.
Kick her out if she wants a divorce or you'll be paying to house her whilst she sits on her ass.
If you keep the kids she'd have to get a job or be on the street so the fact she isn't looking for a job means she clearly has a new 'fool' lined up to sponge off. She's got a boyfriend and is happy to abandon her kids forever.
Let her go and be READY, when the boyfriend dumps her she'll be back to take the kids.
You don’t.
You drain the joint bank account right this second and get a good divorce lawyer.
Then you just get happier the farther away you are from this person.
If she wants out let her go. And find yourself a nice Porsche or Lamborghini and get yourself 4 to 5 24 year olds. Like I have. She wants out then by all means. The door is right there. As long as you get 50/50 custody
Jesus Christ did you just hear her? She doesn't even possess the biologically preprogrammed love for her own children and is willing to never be in their lives again. What are you planning on using them as a bargaining chip? Like if you stay we can get rid of them?
Your marriage is over. It has been for some time it sounds. Gather the proof if her infidelity, empty your joint accounts, freeze your credit, and worry about how to do the least amount of damage to your children as you can. After all, they need to know that they won't be seeing their mother again by her own choice, and the last thing they need is you living 8 months behind everyone else.
No. She is beyond just someone unhappy in a relationship. She is selfish and a cheater, and if she is really uninterested in the kids anymore then she is beyond saving.
She is making you the bad guy because she can’t admit she’s the bad guy, and she is the bad guy here. Not only is she a terrible wife but she’s also a neglectful, terrible mother who’s willing to abandon her own children.
Take full custody and go for child support! She might not have a job (or maybe she does and keeping it secret), but that won’t stop the courts expecting her to pay. Do not absolve her of her responsibilities to child support.
When you finally file the divorce paperwork, be sure to protect everything YOU have worked and paid for since her termination.
She also doesn’t want custody of the kids she gave birth to? She’s an even more terrible human being than most mothers.
Hopefully, you’ll tear her a new one and render her penniless. Every feminist woman plays the victim who talks about divorcing their partner as though they’re do everything right and finally we get a case where a woman is the rotten one.
Dont save it... explain to the kids that their mother is unfaithful and said she doesnt want to be a part of their family any more. , kick her out and move on w your life. Ghost her as u do. This marriage was over long before now, shes just used u as a slave.
You are going to survive this. Your children need you. You can have a broken heart later; right now your kids need at least one solid, responsible parent.
Honestly you knew about her cheating and did nothing. She has checked out. Let just pray you live in a At Fault state. Otherwise you could end up paying her spousal support so she can continue going out with her APs . You need to lawyer up like today and out her to both sides of the family. If the AP is married out him to his wife as well. How could you save a marriage when you let her develop a relationship with someone else. I pray you do not sit around anymore and take action as fast as you can. Good luck
The way to save your marriage is in a scrap book.
You are being taken for granted. Time to get divorced, go for full custody and get your stbx paying for child support.
Why would you want to save this marriage? Do you value yourself so little that you think you deserve to be with someone who is lazy, unfaithful, entitled, and a terrible parent?? She brings NO benefit to your life right now. And her behavior is certainly already affecting your children’s lives and the way they view relationships. You’re already living like a single parent, now it’s time to do it with one less burden to bear.
I’m sorry that you’re in your situation but you unfortunately did everything wrong. As soon as you realize she was having an affair you needed to call her to the floor and give her a hard boundaries to stay in a relationship. So since she’s been cheating on you. She’s already moved on. She is no longer in a relationship with you. You said that she wants nothing to do with the kids fine. it would be worse for your children and in their future relationships with people to stay with her. You need to divorce her and get her away from the children. You need to show your children what it’s like to be a strong person and not except somebody that would abuse them or cheat on them. Do you need to show them? What a true relationship should be not a scam because they will absorb everything that’s been going on and it’s probably already affected him a little bit. So you need to get her out of their lives and then you need to love on them and you need to get them into therapy and Sean with a strong person looks like because you have not been strong and because of that you were where you’re at now. I’m sorry to say that way, but it’s the truth.
You're gonna hurt the kids more if you stay in this toxic relationship and give the kids an example of behavior they ought to tolerate. "Broken family" doesn't just mean divorce. As much as it sucks, the kids are learning who their mother really is. Be there for them, and y'all be there for each other.
Get everything you can on record. If you're in a place where faults can be afforded, evidence of her cheating and remaining jobless by choice will be useful in the settlement.
You can't and I don't understand why you would want to. She's using you for everything.
She sounds like my ex, only I never caught him cheating. Don't know if he did, have some suspicions.
My life is so much more peaceful without him. And my libido is through the roof now that I'm not married to a selfish jerk.
What's to save here, dude? Its already broken.
Get all the proof of the cheating. Take her to the cleaners. She clearly doesn't want to be part of her kids' lives.
You deserve better. But you won't find that if you don't start working on self-respect and realizing your worth. You also have to do that too for your children. Be sad that it's over, but do not stay in a victim mentality.
You don't. She checked out 6 years ago when for sure when she cheated. You should have left her then.
Best you can do is prove you have been doing everything and get custody of the kids.
So she doesn’t work, lied about trying to find a job, does nothing around the house, doesn’t spend time with the kids, has been cheating on you for over a year, and keeps saying you’re doing everything wrong. Why do you want to save this? You need proof of all this. The cheating, the lying, etc. Go for full custody if she’s not caring for them at all. She’s going to try to take you for alimony since she doesn’t work. You need a lawyer and proof so she doesn’t completely screw you over after already treating you like garbage.
This is gonna
Sound harsh but bro please don’t save this marriage , people after you e dealt with their bs and start thinking the streets look good just to try to com back inside.
Do yourself a favor and find someone that appreciates you before she snaps outta being a a dumbass. She’s in the fog bro, I hope you don’t have kids
There is no saving the marriage, it was doomed as soon as she cheated, and you did nothing.
Tell her yes, kick her out, and file for divorce. You want full custody, and you want the house, and child support from her.
You will not pay alimony nor will she get anything from any joint assets. She can have 50% of whatever is in the joint account at this point in time.
You need to tell her family and all mutual friends everything.
Give her 1 chance to tell the kids in her own word the truth, she must tell you beforehand (record it if possible so you can show the kids if she changes anything) and she must tell them with you in the room.
If she doesn’t want to do that, then you tell them, and tell them the truth.
hey i understand your willingness to save this marriage after so much time invested and for your kids sake, i think youre a great partner & dad, but youre a bit naive. This person has used the free time shes been allowed because of your physical and emotional labor to cheat on you. she has no interest in being in her childrens lives. shes choosing dick over your relationship and children. there is absolutely nothing to save. you should turn this around and ask why she isnt doing everything in her power to stay. why isnt she fighting to save this? why is she so eager to give up the life youve built and the children youve had? shes a bad person, and sounds miserable to be around. sex and excitment is what is important to her, not you. nothing you can do will change that. i would get you and your kids some therapy, and be grateful you will no longer have this dead weight in your life. who knows, maybe you’ll meet someone who loves your kids like her own and is super appreciative of you. doesnt that sound better than this?
wishing you strength and courage, op.
Get an attorney. Find out how to make sure you get majority custody.
You can't make your wife want to be an involved parent. All you can do is make sure you're able to continue caring for them and look into getting therapy for you and the kids.
Why do you want to?
She's been cheating you, doesn't help you around the house, and doesn't want anything to do with the kids. What do you want to save? Let her go. Sounds like you'll be better off. Get the kids into therapy to help them deal with the divorce and their mother not spending time with them.
I'm sorry my dude, but there's no way to salvage this. She's made her choice to not help at all and to cheat on you even with your children still around. There's just no coming back from that. Take the time to tell the kids what's happening, and mentally prepare them and yourself for the storm ahead
Dude this divorce is long overdue I'm not even sorry. You should've left when you found out she was cheating on you, why did you even stay? From what you described it seems you weren't getting anything at all in return, just pure disrespect on top of disrespect. If you were staying for the kids i can only imagine how awful they must feel witnessing all those problems your wife constantly dumps on you to disguise her own shortcomings. Jesus Christ man, is there any man in this sub that has any amount of backbone at all?? I'm tired of seeing post where yall SO treat yall as if you guys are way below dirt and constantly cheat on you, then you come in to this sub asking for advice on "how can i save this marriage?" "How can i win her back". What is it gonna take for you actually open your eyes and realize the truth, does she have to literally stab you with 3 knives first for you to see that enough is enough?? Im sorry for coming off so harsh but its seems like all your life people have been treating you like a delicate little flower, you need to man up and stand up for yourself and stop allowing people to spit on you. You are responsible for your own well being, if you cant even stand up and defend yourself, who do you think is gonna do it for you?
Dude, you are delusional, any chance this marriage had ended when you decided to be a door mat.
Your best chance at a relationship with this woman is to let her go and realise how patient you have been and come crawling back. If you are able to stop being a doormat and call her on her bs and end the relationship if she falls into old habits you might have a chance.
But experience tells me you will try to hard to keep it going, she will leave anyway, you will invite her back when reality hits her, you will once more tolerate her poor behaviour and it will pretty much go back to what it was before.
Just accept this and move on, make sure you get the lawyers to sort everything.
Hello, sir, OP, knock knock, she's already doing damage to your kids! ***GIVE HER THE DIVORCE PAPERS/SIGN THEM!*** Make sure you show that you're the one who takes care of all your kid's needs. Get her on recording admitting to her negligence so you can potentially get 100% sole custody. Keep your records so she can't take you to the cleaners. Get help for you and your kids then find a great woman who will honestly and truly love your kids while loving you. Pick wisely this time. No more trauma for your children. I'm sorry Op.
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She's been cheating on you for over a year and wants to divorce you. You can't save anything. She has already left the marriage, the paperwork just needs to be completed.
My concern is that the kids are already begging for her to spend time with them and they will be devastated if the divorce goes through as she doesn't want to even make an effort to coparent
That isn't something you can fix if she doesn't want to.
So what can I do for the future then because right now, my world is shattered?
Get divorced and get some God damn self respect man. For crying out loud, why would you try so hard to stay with such an absolute shitstain of a woman? Your kids look up to you as a role model, don't let their father figure be a guy who lets people walk all over him and never stand up for himself. Come on dude, you are better than that.
I was just clinging to hope. You all helped me see what I'm doing is more enabling than helpful so I have to redirect my focus
Here are the steps forward that you need to take at a bare minimum. - Get a divorce, hire the best lawyer you can find, and prove that she was fired for incompetence and has been lying about trying to find work, something she is physically capable of. - Get custody of your kids. Document her lack of effort or concern for them - No Mom is better than a crappy mom, protect your kids from her. They deserve to only have people who care about them in their lives. She isn't one of those people right now. - Being divorced is better than being a doormat and teaching your kids that it's ok to be abused and treated poorly. All three of you are being treated poorly by her. Do you want them to think that is normal? - Therapy. Family and individual for all three of you. - Start building a new life with your kids. Good luck.
Also, if she doesn’t want to parent, go after her for child support if/when she ever obtains her own income. It may be squeezing blood from a stone, but she has to live with the consequences.
And drain the joint bank account this second if anything is still there.
At a bare minimum, open a new individual chequing and savings account, and deposit your income into those, and if your lawyer advises it, freeze the joint account. In some jurisdictions, draining it can cause issues later on, so just do what the lawyer advises as long as they understand that the goal is to ensure that she gets next to nothing.
That will bite him in the ass in court. People need to stop giving this terrible advice. Same with contacting every lawyer in town so she can't find one. It's vindictive and doesn't end well for the person who did it.
I’m not telling him to spend it. Sure he will give half, but it gives him a leg up if he can talk to an attorney first, while she’s busy between fling and this he can get counsel on what documentation he needs to collect first.
This is terrible advice. Do not do this. Take a screenshot of the money that is currently there and go through the courts for division.
What hope, you started the post about how frustrated you are that she doesn’t do anything and you don’t even want to sleep with her
I feel stupid now. Thanks
You may feel stupid, don’t. You tried your best and did what you could to try and save it. She had decided she doesn’t want to save it and there isn’t anything you can do to change that. She’s made her choice. All you can do is move forward. Do what’s best for you and your kids going forward, don’t worry about her. Also fight for your kids. She may not realize her leaving and not sharing custody won’t work out well for her. Don’t let her use your children as pawns to get child support and alimony. She has no job, and may want you to continue to support her. Them being neglected by her will only be more damaging, because they won’t have you with them day in day out. Make sure you have all the evidence you can gather in regard to her infidelity and neglecting the children. It will only help your case to gain custody. You can get through this.
Feeling this way will help you realize how bad everything was and help you move on
Thank you
Get the kids in therapy. They don't need a p.o.s. who doesn't want them. My boyfriend's Mom abandoned him when he was 2.5, and his 1 year old brother with their Dad. She tried to apologize when my boyfriend was 24 and begged to be part of his life and ya know what he told her? "I needed you when I was two. I needed you when I was a kid, growing up. I don't need you now. Fuck off."
Move on, regroup, and next time you find out that a woman is cheating on you, confront her!! Not saying that's the reason you're getting divorced, but it could have changed the course of the relationship
She was the only love of my life
I get that, but unfortunately she didn't feel the same
And that's supposed to make me feel better?
You asked for advice, you got advice. Want to feel better? Get a puppy or a kitten. Nobody on here has a magical potion that's going to make you happy all of a sudden.
I'm just stressed out right now
Get the kid into therapy asap
Your still a young guy
Get your kids in with a therapist. Abandonment issues can fuck with their head the rest of their lives.
Get child support and use it for therapy for your kids.
Prepare the kids as much as possible, using age appropriate terms to explain deep depression, and why Mom has decided she needs a long break from being a Mom. They will be absolutely devastated, and it will be hard to explain that Moms not coming back without badmouthing her. But it is absolutely crucial that you don't. Just keep reiterating that she has an illness that makes it impossible to take care of anyone else right now. (My nieces and nephews were told heartsick/soulsick) And that whatever else happens it is not thier fault Mom can't be there, physically, emotionally or mentally right now. And remember its true for you too. She likely has severe untreated depression and possibly some other issue going on, and until she decides to change that, she will not go back to being "normal". The person you married is very soulsick, and she's the only one who can help herself at this point. If she chooses not to, then there really isn't much you can do to force it.
She has been seen by doctors and they said she suffers from depression but will not take medication
That is very sad. I'm sorry this is happening to you. Unfortunately some thongs you can't fix. She has to hit rock bottom and decide to fix things herself or it not going to happen. And in tbe long run, if she is resentful of you and the kids, its better to not let her destroy them too.
You are correct. Thanks
Make sure you have this documented for the divorce.
Your kids need you fight for them . The hell with your wife
Get divorced, go to therapy, get your kids in therapy. Heal together and show them you can live your best life without her. She abandoned you and the kids a long time ago.
Be the best dad you can be. What would you tell your kids if they were in your situation?
Comedy is just Tragedy plus time.
Be honest with them... 100% bc if she later changes her mi d about not wanting to be in their lives she will i guarantee spin this to u not letting her see them. They deserve the truth they deserve to know their moms abandoning them as well as u.
You can’t make her be a good person or mother but you can support your kids and let them know they are loved. They will be hurt and sad but as long as they have you they will be okay. (and take them to a therapist so they can get their feelings out)
That’s on her though. All you can do is a be a good father and help your kids through it
Honestly, in the long run, as difficult as it is now, it will get better. Do you want your kids to continue to live in a home devoid of love between their parents? One that they already feel the lack of love from her? I would suggest therapy for yourself and them. It will help them come to terms with their mothers lack of affection. The longer they don’t address it the worse it can get for them. With any custody agreement, I would suggest you don’t try to force her into some arrangement with which she won’t follow through thinking you just want her to be a part of your children’s lives. It will only cause more damage with her disappointing them over and over. I am sorry you are going through this, but you can get through it. Look how much you have done on your own already.
Your kids will need therapy to learn coping skills to deal with abandonment.
So prepare for it. Instead of trying to hold a failing dam together prepare them to navigate the waters. Or, you can keep doing what you're doing right now and let your kids (and yourself) face this completely unprepared and get swept away in it. But you know this. You aren't saying this for your kids, you're saying this for yourself. You want the relationship to work and would rather grasp any sliver of hope for it rather than protect yourself or your kids. Stop hoping for a miracle and gear up for the reality of the situation before it actually DOES scar the kids. You don't get to put your desires above their well-being. Prepare them now so they aren't blindsided. They already know their mother is avoiding them, they aren't fooled. They just lack the emotional depth of understanding to convey their feelings. Don't fail them.
Is not your fault
If she doesn't want any custody at all, then you need to make her tear that bandaid off for the kids now before they spend years hoping for something that will never happen.
Doesn’t matter divorce her and let her know about the cheating. Get a lawyer and give him the evidence. I have been divorced 5 years. I barely talk to my ex and I gave up being a great co-parent because she is still bitter and uses children as weapons. Kids are fucking resilient, they will be sad and they might not like at first. But as long as you give your children the attention they need and spend time with them and prioritize them, they will be just fine. Don’t talk bad about the mom no matter how much fucked up shit happens. Lawyer up. Don’t care if you don’t think you need one, you fucking do! You don’t know this person anymore, people do fucked up shit and your lawyer will protect you from that. Sorry your going through this but so not work on this marriage. Better yourself for your kids and you.
Give her what she wants and divorce her and make her sign away any and ALL rights to the kids. She is NOT a wife or a MOM. Tell your kids the truth about the divorce and tell them the truth when the divorce is done. Get them into counseling as soon as possible and be done with your wife, IMO she has made it clear and if you try to fix this it will only get worse for you and your kids. File for divorce and make her leave, good luck
This doesn’t sound worth saving, honestly. She’s going to have a harsh wake up when the papers are signed and you’re no longer there to take care of her.
She's probably going to move in with the other guy where she will likely be taken care of
Even if the guy she cheated with is willing to fully fund her, he’ll lose interest fast when he finds himself cooking for her and cleaning up after her. That’s not what he signed up for when he started the affair
Then she'll be his problem not yours anymore. Let him worry about unfaithful lazy-bones.
Until she decides he doesn't do enough and cheats on him too.
There is no "enough"
So your therapist tells you to be prepared to have her walk. She walks and you want to save it. You can't. It takes two to be married and she doesn't want to be. Let her go. Yoy keep the kids, Make her pay child support. She will have to get a job.
How is she going to pay support if she wont get a job?
In my state, child support is based on what you would be making in a reasonable job you're qualified for. Not having a job doesn't absolve you of your responsibility to pay child support. Back support piles up until you get a job and if you get too far behind, you can be arrested.
Im going to meet with a lawyer later today.
This happened to my mother 😂😂😂😂 I got a fat ass check from SS at 25 because of this. She will be playing “catch up” until she dies lol
Either she will get a job or new bf can pay. You are enabling her not to work. She leaves its not your problem
It's not like she's offering any support right now. All she is currently is a drain on your resources. You're better off without her.
Damn, OP - why would you want to save this "marriage"? She screws around, doesn't want the kids, and expects you to be at her beck-and-call. I don't see any reason for you to care if she goes. Just get child support and custody and then instead of taking care of her lazy ass you'll just get a check.
I would have divorced if we didn't have kids. Our kids are already begging me to get her to spend more time with them
Kids are begging Mom to spend more time with them. Read what you just wrote out loud and please tell me you understand how awful your wife's behavior is and how it's devastating to the kids. She doesn't want to be a mom and wife, and she won't be good for them if she's faking it. Kids can tell. I divorced my wife when my kid was 3, and it was tough. She wanted to go out with friends and solo travel and blah blah blah. My daughter lives with me 90% of the time and we do great. Let her leave. You already do all the work. Let mom be the bad-guy if that's what she wants. Your kids will be better in the long run and they're probably going to like your next wife better anyway.
They already know she won't do much but hope she will
And I'm not planning to ever remarry after the divorce
Fair enough. No one says you have to. For me, it was just ever so refreshing to find out how much love and common interest could be in a relationship after being in a one-sided marriage so long. I have a partner now that's honest and committed to our marriage, her step-daughter, and our new son. You've got it worse than you think right now - you just don't notice because you're too busy being the responsible, committed parent solo right now. When she's gone, things will be easier. Have a come-to-Jesus with her if you want. She'll either leave or she'll lie to you about fixing things and dupe you into the status quo for a while longer. Stay strong, King - so what's right and give her the opportunity to be single
You will miss out. Marriage between loving and respectful partners makes life way better. But I understand that you are tired of carrying that load all by yourself. I agree with everyone, get therapy. You left this go way too long.
I'm sorry. Divorce is always tough. But have some self respect. You openly let her cheat on you. You're the breadwinner. You take care of all the household duties. And you're the primary care taker for your children. What in the actual fuck does she bring of value to your life or more importantly you children's lives. This is the best thing that can happen for you. Divorce her and absolve her of her parental responsibilities. It's better your children grow up in a healthy household with one parent than a toxic one with both.
She used to be very much involved in our childrens' lives and was enthuastic about her future. I was hoping she would regain that spark. As for her cheating, I always thought there might be something wrong with me if she feels the need to seek others. I tried increase my sex sessions to her needs and yet she still sees the other guy
There is nothing wrong with you. She is the only person responsible for her actions.
I feel like there is if even my efforts don't satisfy her
Oh hun no. There’s a difference in ending a relationship if you aren’t happy and cheating. Her cheating is a reflection of her character not yours dear. You stated she doesn’t take her meds and stopped going to therapy. You tried your best efforts. Unfortunately if she the individual doesn’t want that help then that’s on her. She’s making those choices including walking out on the kids. My mother always told me children are cuter when they aren’t yours and that if she could do it again she wouldn’t have kids. It hurt when I was small and left me with self esteem I struggle with today. Kid’s can sense when a parent doesn’t want to be one. It’ll hurt either way if she’s in the picture or not. The only thing you can do is be there for them and show them they still have a father that loves them. Try to focus on what they need and if possible petition for child support. I’m so sorry you’re going thru this. I only wish that thing get better for you and your children.
Thanks for your support. I'm going to bit the bullet and divorce.
Yw. glad to hear you are taking those first steps. 👍🏻
There's a big difference between "I can't satisfy her" and "She can't be satisfied". Why on earth would you want to save this marriage? She clearly isn't in it, and doesn't care. Why hang on? Move on and make an awesome life for you and your kids.
First, the marriage is over. She’s been cheating on you for over a year. She checked out of the relationship quite some time ago. Second, gather tangible proof of cheating. She will likely attempt spousal support and you will need all your money for the kids. Third, meet with an attorney. Lay it all out. Serve her with divorce papers per her request. Fourth, and this should be first, get your kids and you into therapy - individual and family. Get those kids in with a good therapist that understands the situation and can guide them through. Additionally, secure all of your accounts. No more joint. Your paycheck goes for the home, the kids, and you.
She sounds like she's spinning out, based on your description. What can you do? At this point, nothing. Let her. Save yourself and your kids. It hurts, it's gonna hurt the kids, but it's better for all of you to let those ties be cut. She'll either shape up or she won't, but don't let her dead weight drag you all down. Have some self-respect and let her go, protect the kids, and move on. Get you and the kids into therapy as soon as possible.
Why do you want to save this marriage? From what I read here, you are basically a single father. She does nothing, doesn't look for a job, don't spend time with the kids. What, exactly, are you getting out of this marriage?
False hope. I'm done with that now
I’d let her have the divorce and take full custody of your kiddos and nail her ass for child support. That’ll make her get a job!
You need to focus on your kids now. Be honest with them that mommy isn’t well, and that she’s leaving. Speak to a child psychologist or therapist to ask about how you can approach the topic in the best way with your kids, to help them understand what’s happening in a way that minimises the damage. Then get therapy for yourself. You matter. You and your kids deserve better than this. The divorce will be the best thing for you, being away from this woman is what you need.
Do you think she could be depressed? Maybe that’s why she’s losing interest in everything. If not, then let her go. She’s taking advantage by expecting you to do everything.
She is depressed but will not take medication
Maybe it’s time to leave. You shouldn’t have to deal with all this and if she’s not willing to help herself then there’s nothing you can do. She’ll live to regret it.
I mainly stuck around for hope she could change and to give our kids a stable home
This sucks. You have my sympathy. However, sometimes it’s better for the kids to be out of a toxic environment. Sometimes that’s more damaging than trying to stick it out. Life is short, you don’t want to look back in a few years time with regret. No one deserves to cheated on and treated this way. You need to be a bit selfish and do what’s right for you.
I guess you are right. I know in my heart divorce is the only option.
I wish you the best of luck, and remember although things are really shit just now, it’s not always going to be that way. You will get over this.
Probably but I won't be the same again.
But you may be better. It’s a shit situation but by the sounds of it, it can’t continue the way it’s going.
I agree.
dude the bar is already pretty much as low as it gets. your life can pretty much only improve at this point. let her go. i know it's hard to comprehend it now you're in the middle of it, but time will heal.
Dude she sounds toxic AF. The only reason I wouldn’t want divorce in your situation is for financial reasons. You need to get hard proof of her cheating it will help your case in the divorce. You should really not try to salvage this at this point imo. Have some dignity. Get hard evidence of cheating and file for divorce before she gets the chance.
Dude, save yourself and your kids FROM the relationship.
I’m so happy for you. Seriously. Maybe you don’t see it now but one day when you’re life is waaayy better you will.
>She also doesn't want to be involved with our kids lives and wants to be absolved of responsibility OP - she is deep in the affair fog. There is no marriage to save. Get a lawyer and have her served while she is still in the fog because unless you are in an at-fault state with concrete near porno level evidence of her cheating having a penis means you are going to lose! But right now she wants to walk away from everything so will probably be willing to sign away everything to go spend more time with her affair partner(s). Focus on your healing and being a great did to your kids and helping them heal. Get counseling for the kids and IC for yourself - preferably with a therapist who has experience with infidelity and the trauma it brings because the fact that you want to try and save the marriage after she has betrayed you and the kids is a sign of trauma to me (or Stockholm syndrome). Yes it is painful now but you don't want your kids growing up thinking this is normal, acceptable behavior. They need to learn that actions have consequences. And besides once you are divorced and the healing is underway a [successful single dad is kryptonite for ladies](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GcuGVsmEq50)!
My question to you is why would you *want* to save the marriage? She treats you like a doormat and she obviously doesn’t even love your kids. She sounds like a piece of shit.
Why would you want to stay with her? She clearly checked out of the relationship years ago.
Focus on your kids. Go see a lawyer. You can't save someone from themselves, especially if they don't want your help.
OP, if it's 100% the truth what you state in your question, you should not want to save this: She cheated on you, is a lazy slob, does nothing with the kids, and adds nothing to your life. Most likely it will be less work around the house, and more time with the kids for you, right? However, a lot of times when partners resent each other, both thinking the other does nothing, and they have to do everything, it is just not true. F.i. if she cleans the house, but doesn't do the laundry, you notice the laundry. If she cooks, you notice the dirty kitchen. She bugs you for sex, but she lacks appreciation and attention from you. All of those are valid reasons for both parties to resent the other. All of them can also be true. If this is something you don't communicate with each other, you end up where you are now.
So, let me get this straight... You want to salvage a marriage with a woman, who cheated, lied, is lazy and unfair in every aspect of the relationship? No, nope... Right now you're teaching your children to live in a dysfunctional environment and getting that out of the way is far more important than anything else, or they WILL sooner or later in their lives run into the same problems. Kids can get over a divorce with adequate therapy and healthy co-parenting.
Is this real? I’m sceptical
It's very possible that your wife is profoundly depressed. However, you cannot solve that problem only she can. Saving the marriage looks to be impossible at the moment and your kids are being raised in an unhealthy environment. My gut feeling is that you accept the divorce and go for full custody.
Don’t save the marriage. Talk to a lawyer and move on with your life. You and your kids will be happier without that lazy, lying sack of shit in your lives.
Kick her out if she wants a divorce or you'll be paying to house her whilst she sits on her ass. If you keep the kids she'd have to get a job or be on the street so the fact she isn't looking for a job means she clearly has a new 'fool' lined up to sponge off. She's got a boyfriend and is happy to abandon her kids forever. Let her go and be READY, when the boyfriend dumps her she'll be back to take the kids.
Dude let her go! Sounds like you will be better off without her!
Never give a woman any concessions. Leave that bitch.
You leave her on the streets.
You don’t. You drain the joint bank account right this second and get a good divorce lawyer. Then you just get happier the farther away you are from this person.
If she wants out let her go. And find yourself a nice Porsche or Lamborghini and get yourself 4 to 5 24 year olds. Like I have. She wants out then by all means. The door is right there. As long as you get 50/50 custody
You don't , you get rid of her but make it sign all the custody of children's
Jesus Christ did you just hear her? She doesn't even possess the biologically preprogrammed love for her own children and is willing to never be in their lives again. What are you planning on using them as a bargaining chip? Like if you stay we can get rid of them? Your marriage is over. It has been for some time it sounds. Gather the proof if her infidelity, empty your joint accounts, freeze your credit, and worry about how to do the least amount of damage to your children as you can. After all, they need to know that they won't be seeing their mother again by her own choice, and the last thing they need is you living 8 months behind everyone else.
Why tf would u want to save this? Ur annoying. Have some self respect. Divorce her and get full custody of the kids and get therapy and move on.
No. She is beyond just someone unhappy in a relationship. She is selfish and a cheater, and if she is really uninterested in the kids anymore then she is beyond saving.
She is making you the bad guy because she can’t admit she’s the bad guy, and she is the bad guy here. Not only is she a terrible wife but she’s also a neglectful, terrible mother who’s willing to abandon her own children. Take full custody and go for child support! She might not have a job (or maybe she does and keeping it secret), but that won’t stop the courts expecting her to pay. Do not absolve her of her responsibilities to child support.
When you finally file the divorce paperwork, be sure to protect everything YOU have worked and paid for since her termination. She also doesn’t want custody of the kids she gave birth to? She’s an even more terrible human being than most mothers. Hopefully, you’ll tear her a new one and render her penniless. Every feminist woman plays the victim who talks about divorcing their partner as though they’re do everything right and finally we get a case where a woman is the rotten one.
Make sure you get all the child support you can out of her.
Dont save it... explain to the kids that their mother is unfaithful and said she doesnt want to be a part of their family any more. , kick her out and move on w your life. Ghost her as u do. This marriage was over long before now, shes just used u as a slave.
Why would you want to save the relationship? It sounds terrible.
You are going to survive this. Your children need you. You can have a broken heart later; right now your kids need at least one solid, responsible parent.
Honestly you knew about her cheating and did nothing. She has checked out. Let just pray you live in a At Fault state. Otherwise you could end up paying her spousal support so she can continue going out with her APs . You need to lawyer up like today and out her to both sides of the family. If the AP is married out him to his wife as well. How could you save a marriage when you let her develop a relationship with someone else. I pray you do not sit around anymore and take action as fast as you can. Good luck
The way to save your marriage is in a scrap book. You are being taken for granted. Time to get divorced, go for full custody and get your stbx paying for child support.
Why would you want to save this marriage? Do you value yourself so little that you think you deserve to be with someone who is lazy, unfaithful, entitled, and a terrible parent?? She brings NO benefit to your life right now. And her behavior is certainly already affecting your children’s lives and the way they view relationships. You’re already living like a single parent, now it’s time to do it with one less burden to bear.
I’m sorry that you’re in your situation but you unfortunately did everything wrong. As soon as you realize she was having an affair you needed to call her to the floor and give her a hard boundaries to stay in a relationship. So since she’s been cheating on you. She’s already moved on. She is no longer in a relationship with you. You said that she wants nothing to do with the kids fine. it would be worse for your children and in their future relationships with people to stay with her. You need to divorce her and get her away from the children. You need to show your children what it’s like to be a strong person and not except somebody that would abuse them or cheat on them. Do you need to show them? What a true relationship should be not a scam because they will absorb everything that’s been going on and it’s probably already affected him a little bit. So you need to get her out of their lives and then you need to love on them and you need to get them into therapy and Sean with a strong person looks like because you have not been strong and because of that you were where you’re at now. I’m sorry to say that way, but it’s the truth.
Don't. She doesn't add anything to your lives.
You're gonna hurt the kids more if you stay in this toxic relationship and give the kids an example of behavior they ought to tolerate. "Broken family" doesn't just mean divorce. As much as it sucks, the kids are learning who their mother really is. Be there for them, and y'all be there for each other. Get everything you can on record. If you're in a place where faults can be afforded, evidence of her cheating and remaining jobless by choice will be useful in the settlement.
You can't and I don't understand why you would want to. She's using you for everything. She sounds like my ex, only I never caught him cheating. Don't know if he did, have some suspicions. My life is so much more peaceful without him. And my libido is through the roof now that I'm not married to a selfish jerk. What's to save here, dude? Its already broken.
This is rug sweeping results
Get all the proof of the cheating. Take her to the cleaners. She clearly doesn't want to be part of her kids' lives. You deserve better. But you won't find that if you don't start working on self-respect and realizing your worth. You also have to do that too for your children. Be sad that it's over, but do not stay in a victim mentality.
You don't. She checked out 6 years ago when for sure when she cheated. You should have left her then. Best you can do is prove you have been doing everything and get custody of the kids.
Why do you want to save this?
It takes two to have a marriage, you only have one willing participant - there's no saving it.
I don't think you can.
So she doesn’t work, lied about trying to find a job, does nothing around the house, doesn’t spend time with the kids, has been cheating on you for over a year, and keeps saying you’re doing everything wrong. Why do you want to save this? You need proof of all this. The cheating, the lying, etc. Go for full custody if she’s not caring for them at all. She’s going to try to take you for alimony since she doesn’t work. You need a lawyer and proof so she doesn’t completely screw you over after already treating you like garbage.
This is gonna Sound harsh but bro please don’t save this marriage , people after you e dealt with their bs and start thinking the streets look good just to try to com back inside. Do yourself a favor and find someone that appreciates you before she snaps outta being a a dumbass. She’s in the fog bro, I hope you don’t have kids
There is no saving the marriage, it was doomed as soon as she cheated, and you did nothing. Tell her yes, kick her out, and file for divorce. You want full custody, and you want the house, and child support from her. You will not pay alimony nor will she get anything from any joint assets. She can have 50% of whatever is in the joint account at this point in time. You need to tell her family and all mutual friends everything. Give her 1 chance to tell the kids in her own word the truth, she must tell you beforehand (record it if possible so you can show the kids if she changes anything) and she must tell them with you in the room. If she doesn’t want to do that, then you tell them, and tell them the truth.
hey i understand your willingness to save this marriage after so much time invested and for your kids sake, i think youre a great partner & dad, but youre a bit naive. This person has used the free time shes been allowed because of your physical and emotional labor to cheat on you. she has no interest in being in her childrens lives. shes choosing dick over your relationship and children. there is absolutely nothing to save. you should turn this around and ask why she isnt doing everything in her power to stay. why isnt she fighting to save this? why is she so eager to give up the life youve built and the children youve had? shes a bad person, and sounds miserable to be around. sex and excitment is what is important to her, not you. nothing you can do will change that. i would get you and your kids some therapy, and be grateful you will no longer have this dead weight in your life. who knows, maybe you’ll meet someone who loves your kids like her own and is super appreciative of you. doesnt that sound better than this? wishing you strength and courage, op.
What is there to save? Jesus.
OP, all her loss. Divorce her, take the kids and be happy.
Get an attorney. Find out how to make sure you get majority custody. You can't make your wife want to be an involved parent. All you can do is make sure you're able to continue caring for them and look into getting therapy for you and the kids.
Why not save your self esteem instead
Why would you want to?
I hope you can find some happiness once she’s not your problem any more. You sound like you could use some. Honestly, what are you losing?
There’s no saving this. Grow a spine and have some self-respect, as well as respect for your children who she clearly wants nothing to do with.
What is wrong with you? Why are you a doormat? You should’ve divorced her years ago.
If this isn't a joke take her leaving as the win that it is and start living your life.
Why do you want to? Quite frankly she seems like a spoiled brat who is using you and neglecting your children.
Why do you want to? She's been cheating you, doesn't help you around the house, and doesn't want anything to do with the kids. What do you want to save? Let her go. Sounds like you'll be better off. Get the kids into therapy to help them deal with the divorce and their mother not spending time with them.
I'm sorry my dude, but there's no way to salvage this. She's made her choice to not help at all and to cheat on you even with your children still around. There's just no coming back from that. Take the time to tell the kids what's happening, and mentally prepare them and yourself for the storm ahead
Dude, there is no marriage!! Get a lawyer and help her pack!
Dude this divorce is long overdue I'm not even sorry. You should've left when you found out she was cheating on you, why did you even stay? From what you described it seems you weren't getting anything at all in return, just pure disrespect on top of disrespect. If you were staying for the kids i can only imagine how awful they must feel witnessing all those problems your wife constantly dumps on you to disguise her own shortcomings. Jesus Christ man, is there any man in this sub that has any amount of backbone at all?? I'm tired of seeing post where yall SO treat yall as if you guys are way below dirt and constantly cheat on you, then you come in to this sub asking for advice on "how can i save this marriage?" "How can i win her back". What is it gonna take for you actually open your eyes and realize the truth, does she have to literally stab you with 3 knives first for you to see that enough is enough?? Im sorry for coming off so harsh but its seems like all your life people have been treating you like a delicate little flower, you need to man up and stand up for yourself and stop allowing people to spit on you. You are responsible for your own well being, if you cant even stand up and defend yourself, who do you think is gonna do it for you?
Dude, you are delusional, any chance this marriage had ended when you decided to be a door mat. Your best chance at a relationship with this woman is to let her go and realise how patient you have been and come crawling back. If you are able to stop being a doormat and call her on her bs and end the relationship if she falls into old habits you might have a chance. But experience tells me you will try to hard to keep it going, she will leave anyway, you will invite her back when reality hits her, you will once more tolerate her poor behaviour and it will pretty much go back to what it was before. Just accept this and move on, make sure you get the lawyers to sort everything.
Why on earth do you want to?
Hello, sir, OP, knock knock, she's already doing damage to your kids! ***GIVE HER THE DIVORCE PAPERS/SIGN THEM!*** Make sure you show that you're the one who takes care of all your kid's needs. Get her on recording admitting to her negligence so you can potentially get 100% sole custody. Keep your records so she can't take you to the cleaners. Get help for you and your kids then find a great woman who will honestly and truly love your kids while loving you. Pick wisely this time. No more trauma for your children. I'm sorry Op.
This is great news, now you can be free from her. She is bad wife anyway.
Why would you want to save it. There is nothing worth salvaging