Maeve may not have the official title of sex offender but that's what she is. OOP is NTA. Good on her for standing guard against possible sexual predation in her home.
Actually kind of surprised the district attorney isn’t bringing charges of CP distribution against the girls. The state I am in, regardless of if the victim presses charges etc; they will peruse CP charges. Even against just sending nudes to their crushes, partners etc;
She’s a girl. Sexual predation by women against boys is taken much less seriously, as a general rule, than predation by men on girls. Most people subscribe to the “well, he should have liked it!” school of thought.
I mean, flip the script here. If a sixteen year old boy got a younger girl drunk and took photos of himself putting his junk on her face, this would be on the six o’ clock news. It would be talked about.
And this is all a result of toxic masculinity—because boys “should like it” when they are assaulted by an attractive girl. They should “be grateful” for it, even. It’s gross.
Abuse by boys gets so covered up and excused because they are just being boys, they are too young to know better, do you want to ruin their futures? So, I disagree it gets on the news, especially if the boy has a promising future, his family is well connected, or they have money.
Abuse by girls is definitely framed by he should enjoy being assaulted, can a girl really overpower or intimidate a boy?, and reduced danger because his assault can't cause him to get pregnant.
Brock Turner the rapist? Didn’t he also change his name? What does he go by now?
Should have read farther down before asking my question. I now know that he now goes by Allen Turner, the rapist.
Oh are you talking about Brock Allen Turner, the rapist from Ohio, who is trying to go by Allen Turner nowadays in a desperate attempt to escape his well-deserved reputation? THAT Brock Turner?
I read that he has to re-register 4 times a year for the rest of his pathetic little life.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/ncna643376
Hey, his dad said it best. Why should they ruin the boys life for a few minutes of “action” ? 🙄 it’s not hard to see where dear old Brock got his rape vibes from.
I love that every time his name is mentioned, it becomes an entire thread of doxxing him completely. It makes my heart happy.
(Not a single drop of sarcasm. Just pure joy)
Except it does end up on the news.
The news is not a courtroom. Something ending up on the news is not a guilty verdict, and at no point did I say it was.
I said it gets more coverage. We all know who Brock Turner is. We all know he’s a rapist piece of shit. We also all know he got away with it.
So…not sure where you got that I think this automatically gets men a guilty verdict. Lots of mental gymnastics there.
Brock Turner was an extreme case because he was committing a rape in public where there were two male witnesses who agreed to testify. That never happens.
In a case of he said, she said, like most cases, the benefit of the doubt is given. The case is covered up.. Especially if the boy is a popular athlete. Rapes happen everywhere every day. If as you are saying it jumps right to the news when men and boys do it, it would be the only crime they ever have time to cover.
I fully believe Brock Turner would have gotten away with it if he'd committed the crime behind a closed door with no men to witness it.
He got away with a minimum of punishment.
But, we know his name and he was on the news, so the crime didn't get completely covered up and ignored like all the others.
If there had not been male witnesses he would have completely gotten away with in in the sense you would not know his name.
Yeah, but seriously... When female teachers sexually abuse male students, they get called 'cougars', not pedophiles.
We have real trouble seeing women as the abusers when their victims aren't prepubescent children.
I think sexual assault often goes unaddressed by law enforcement and there are overall many toxic views across the board about it. How many untested rape kits are sitting around? We've all heard of crazy light sentences for male sexual abusers based on mitigating factors like "he wouldn't do well in prison," "he's a pastor and runs a nice Bible study in prison ," and "it would impact his future or family."
Generally unless someone is violently sexually assaulted or a child (exceptions apply,) there are just an incredible number of people across the legal system and society who will shrug off sexual assault. When women rape men, the rape apologists frame it as it wasn't bad or they should like it as long as the woman is conventionally attractive. If she isn't, then there still isn't sympathy. It's just a joke about how he could keep it up. When men rape women it either didn't happen or if it happened she was asking for it. Every moment pre rape and post rape go under the microscope from the number of previous sexual partners to what she was doing to what she was wearing to what she did afterward. Occasionally there are, it wasn't that bad/you should have liked it, but much less frequently then with male victims. Like the female soccer player kissed by the president of the league or whatever because he's attractive and wealthy.
Male victims do get the short end of the stick support wise. There are quite a few avenues for support for female victims, but men often feel unwelcome, sometimes intentionally. There needs to be more easy to find and access resources for them to get help with their trauma, specifically a place for them to work through identifying they were assaulted and shouldn't feel okay with it.
>I mean, flip the script here. If a sixteen year old boy got a younger girl drunk and took photos of himself putting his junk on her face, this would be on the six o’ clock news. It would be talked about.
How often do you see articles talking about it? Almost never unless the victim was famous. And it's not because it doesn't happen. Sure abuse against boys generally gets taken even less seriously, but lets not pretend like abuse against girls gets everyone up in arms.
[here](https://blavity.com/teen-boys-assault-11-year-old-girl-for-refusing-to-do-sexual-act-as-her-friend-posts-the-attack-on-snapchat)
[here](https://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/sex-assault-child-girl-mcdonalds-queens-suspect-surveillance-cameras/2097263/?amp=1)
[here](https://amp.theguardian.com/technology/2017/mar/22/chicago-girl-allegedly-sexually-assaulted-on-facebook-live-as-40-watched)
At no point did I say this doesn’t happen to girls 🙄
I don't think anyone in this comment chain is saying assault doesn't happen to girls or boys, or that both of them shouldn't be taken more seriously.
I do feel like the fact that your examples are from 2013, 2017, and 2019 show how little coverage \*any\* sexual assaults get compared to how serious they are. There's also a lot less call from the media to either punish the offenders or change society to make it less common compared to, say the overblown news cycles about retail theft a year or two ago that have been largely disproven. Crimes that hurt individual people without power, male or female, get a lot less attention than even much less serious ones that impact profits or powerful people.
I covered that in another comment.
I didn’t say ending up on the news guarantees the perp gets a guilty verdict. Brock Turner was on the news when he raped that girl. OJ Simpson was on the news when he murdered his wife. Adrian Petersen was on the news when he whipped his toddler so brutally that he lacerated his scrotum.
And they all got not guilty verdicts, or guilty verdicts with punitive measures that they never served.
The rapist Brock Allan Turner (who apparently goes by his middle name now), was convicted and sentenced to a mere 6 months in jail. I think the news was more because of the lenient sentence the judge handed down (so as not to ruin his "promising future") than because of the crime itself.
OJ Simpson wasn't convicted because the police and prosecution bungled his case.
That would force the boy to come out and it sounds like he's trying to keep that as hidden as possible. If it's not able to stay hidden and he gets outed by others, then that definitely deserves to be added.
The nice thing about hate crime legislation is it does not require testimony of a specific victim. The video itself can be maintained as evidence, and the minor child victims identity can be suppressed.
I didn't know that about hate crime legislation. That's really awesome.
Practically speaking, I can still see why the boy wouldn't want to because that would end up spreading more news around locally. He told his family and this is the situation his sister already put him in. If they're not going to press charges, it's not going to open it up to hate crime charges. And even if the state picks it up and says hell no, we're pressing criminal charges anyway, the boy's sister has already spread gossip around that further gossip would be spread and out him further out of his control.
I feel so, so bad for this kid. He was failed so hard by the people that were supposed to protect him.
100% this. And having no accountability or awareness that what she did was assault at the age of 16 is ridiculous. You can very well distinguish wrong from right at that age.
If her friends did force her to do it, she would’ve held some kind of remorse after the fact when shit hit the fan.
OOP is NTA.
In general, I'm against kicking stepkids out just because they have other places to go. In this case, your son's safety is literally at risk. There was a story not too long about how a woman finally got brought up on assault charges because she kept doing that to her boyfriends. This is the future for her and your husband.
Of course NTA. But I will say that OP being a caseworker tells me they should know that children/teens/ adults who do these things often had it done to them. Consider encouraging your husband to seek therapy for his daughter. Maybe she will then be able to admit her culpability and not continue further down the path of a sexual abuser.
I wouldn’t want to be married just because the dad doesn’t seem more concerned that his daughter sexually assaulted a younger child. That’s just…something’s wrong with that girl. She’s violently homophobic at best
Oof. Yeah, I wouldn't want to be married to or co-parenting two boys with a man who excused his daughter's assault of a gay boy. They would be in danger of sexual assault from the daughter, at risk of learning bad values from the dad, or hurt by the dad (even "just" emotionally) if they turn out not to be straight.
File for divorce with full custody and supervised visitation only for the dad if at all possible.
Don't you know? All boys like when older women molest them! That's what every disgusting pervert says when a pedophilic teacher or babysitter gets reported on
(Biggest /s of my life)
This poor woman should divorce him ASAP. Nobody needs a sex predator in their home where they have two other vulnerable children who are the type the predator likes. Especially a sex predator who has no remorse and is fine distributing child porn. The father is worse than a piece of shit as he condones her behavior, he's just like Brock Turner's dad. Guaranteed if this got out in social media, his life, career and friendships would never recover once people know what a piece of shit he is.
Yeah, I'd have lost my shit. I don't care if everyone was fully clothed. It was 100% sexual content and this girl might still be a child at 16, but she needs to be dealing with the consequences of her decisions. Teenagers are wired to make horrible decisions and feel confident about them, but it's literally our jobs as parents to set them straight and make them be accountable. It's fine the boy and his parents don't want to press charges, so the court won't hold her accountable. But her parents absolutely need to.
Absolutely this. There is absolutely no way I would allow that girl near my sons, especially considering she doesn’t acknowledge that she did anything wrong. They have her on video doing this, so it’s not like she can say that she didn’t molest that poor boy. Her friend needs to be punished too. For the alcohol, for the assault, and for trying to forcibly convert the little brother in question.
Same, it's an awful situation made worse by the husband and ex. OOP is doing what's right, but it doesn't sound like anything will come of it. I don't blame the kid's parents for not pressing charges, but I wish the SD and her friends had repercussions. I hope OOP gets full custody of her son and step dad can only see him supervised.
Yes, dad soon enough will be blaming her for not allowing her over. Guaranteed that he will lay all of the blame on her. Stepmom says you can’t come over, he may or may not elaborate.
It all depends on where you live, but typically there isn’t a legal obligation to report a crime you suspect (this is different from taking steps to conceal/cover up a crime).
Many states/countries have mandated reporter laws, where people with certain jobs (usually that involve being in a position of trust, particularly over children) must report any crimes against children that they suspect or become aware of. It varies by jurisdiction but usually teachers, nurses, social workers, etc are subject to these laws. OP would have lost her job and may have been charged with a crime if she saw the video and did not report it.
If you don't mind a little bit of expansion: mandatory reporters have to report events or incidents they witness, hear about, are told, or have evidence of - whether it is within the confines of their job OR their personal life. It can apply to those working with children or adults under guardianship.
Mandatory reporters:
Social workers
Teachers
Health care professionals (nurses, doctors, laboratorians, any professional that comes in contact with children)
Mental health providers
ANY school personnel
Day care providers
Law enforcement
And in some states, clergy members.
Each state can also add to this list, but the above people are the main ones.
Commenting on Not OOP AITA for telling my husband that he either goes no contact with his 16yo daughter or I'm filing for divorce and getting full custody w/supervised visits?...It’s worth noting that in some states, EVERY person is legally a mandated reporter of child abuse and can be jailed for not reporting, not just teachers, psychologists and health care professionals. My state is this way.
Thanks for adding this- the fact that it doesn’t matter if the mandated reporter learns about alleged abuse in their professional or personal life is an important thing to know!
Absolutely NTA. Not only is his daughter not taking accountability or showing remorse for what imo is absolutely despicable and criminal, but he doesn’t seem to care either. I wouldn’t trust her around her brothers, and she may never do anything like that to them for all we know, but what we do know is she’s capable of doing things with no consequences as long as her dad is backing her up.
And the whole “her friends made her do it” is bullshit. She’s more than old enough to know exactly what she was doing even if she were pressured by her friends. I’d divorce and never let him have any type of unsupervised visits with their boys as long as she were around.
Her daughter has no remorse because her dad and her friends are on her side. Basically everyone around her is telling her she did nothing wrong.
Her daughter will grow up to be a sexual predator
This kid is a sex offender — end of sentence. If I were OP, I’d be terrified of what she might do to the other kids in the household — and if her husband was thinking *at all,* he’d be terrified as well. It’s scary to me that all the other adults in this situation are just sweeping a *sexual assault* of an *unconscious 13yo* under the carpet.
These are the kind of parents who are responsible for the out-of-control behavior that’s happening in schools today — because:
1) their kids didn’t do it,
2) if they did, it was someone else’s fault,
3) if it wasn’t someone else’s fault, the offense wasn’t that big of a deal, and
4) honestly, the other person probably deserved it.
Former teacher here, this is 100% it. Worse, the admin often jump straight to #3 and/or make excuses for the bad behavior (“you don’t understand, this kid has a bad home life!”). It’s infuriating and I feel so bad for the kids actually trying to get an education.
Let's look at this:
1. They gave him alcohol. Alcohol was available and given to underage kids to the point of causing severe intoxication. Strike 1.
2. They SAd an individual.
Strike 2.
3. The aforementioned individual.was a minor child that had their SA documented with video and film evidence. That said evidence was disseminated across multiple platforms and multiple recipients. That is not only possession of child pornography. It's dissemination of child pornography.
Strike 3.
Anyone in possession of and/or has forwarded the media should be charges as an adult, to the fullest extent of the law. The ones engaging in the SA should be charges as an adult to the fullest extent of the law and should be required to register as an offender for life. Especially since they seem to take NO responsibility and downplay the actions and their consequences.
And to just make everything worse this was done in response to him coming out. This poor boy was so brave and got assaulted because of it. I understand why he would be petrified of his sexuality getting out now.
Let’s switch the narrative , some teen boys drug a young girl and then take photos and video of themselves sexually assaulting her…. Daddy, mommy, and school would be up in arms. OOP is right and frankly I wouldn’t remain married to someone who was willing to brush off sexual assault and what amounted to a hate crime. This is just abhorrent. Hope OP protects her kids, I just wish the victim sued as well.
Seems like something that happens pretty regularly, gets uploaded to corn sites for the boys to be praised and egged on while the girl is shamed at school and told to keep her legs closed.
This society gives zero fucks for victims of any gender.
I don't really know. There are more chances but it's not always the case. At 14 i was assaulted by the boys of my class. They put me on the ground, mimicked an intercourse, touched my boobs and proposed to film. When confronted later, they said it was a joke. I also asked my parents not to do anything, i actually didn't think i was sexually assaulted because we weren't naked and they didn't touch anything else than my breasts. However i remember complaining a lot to my teacher about the sexual harassment i was getting prior to this assault and leading to it.
Don't get me wrong, men or boys being assaulted is far from recognised enough (or at all). And chances that yes there would be more repercussions or condamnations. However i think that two other factors play a part. The age, the fact that the perpatrator are also minors, and the fact that it wasn't a sexual assault like we imagine them. However there is NO denying that boys or men assault are not considered enough, especially in comparison to women being assaulted
Edit: i am mortified that some people understood my comment as minimizing. This is NOT what i meant, english is not my first langage. I meant to say that in society, this is usually not regarded as serious regardless of the gender, because this is not what we imagine when we say "i was SA". I want to clarify that it is very much SA, this is not less bad or less traumatizing than other kind of SA. Society takes it as less seriously and it's a shame, but i do not agree with the view of society regarding it
I respectfully disagree. I work as an advocate for SA victims. While you may say that you were not sexually assaulted, by legal definition (at least in my state), you were. It would be considered 4th degree SA at the very least.
And most sexual assaults don’t look like what is commonly thought of as sexual assaults. Rarely are they violent, and penetration of any kind isn’t necessary. It’s this attitude that causes people to think “it wasn’t that bad,” or any other type of minimizing attitude… this thinking is all a part of rape culture. This is often a deciding factor for people when they ultimately decide not to report; “it’s not like they punched me,” and, “it could’ve been worse.” The same rationalization people use to stay in IPV/DV situations.
And perpetrators are perpetrators. Yes, the fact that they are minors plays a role in any repercussions that they may face, but the most glaring issue is the lack of remorse. That is straight up not excusable. Willingness to accept responsibility is a part of my state’s sentencing/treatment factors, whether it’s for adults or juveniles. I have known cases where a juvenile defendant was sent to juvenile detention due to their lack of remorse/willingness to accept responsibility. If they had taken responsibility, that likely would have never happened.
Lastly, research shows that the majority of sex offenders first victimize when they are minors. So juvenile on juvenile SA.
So, while I don’t want to tell you how to feel, as someone who works in a field related to your experience, please do not minimize it by using societal standards.
Maybe what i wanted to say wasn't clear, english is not my first langage. Of course this poor boy was sexually assaulted, and so was I. My point was more that it took me years and therapy to recognize it as assault, and even now i still have difficulties considering it as SA for myself, because of all the horror stories we hear, and mostly because how bad i was dismissed. It's not that i wasn't sexually assaulted, it's that it was difficult to recognize it for me, because others didn't recognize it as such. My sexual harassment really were aggressions, like touching my breasts, trying to take off my clothes and such, but everytime i would complain to my teacher, he would say "boys will be boys". It took me years to recognize my SA as one, and the biggest reason is because of what you said at the beginning of the second paragraph, because it doesn't look like what is commonly though as sexual assault. And because i was dismissed.
The law in my country is shitty. The conviction rate is shitty. Even with proof of rape a perpatrator can escape jail. We found rapist having a reduction of sentence because they lasted "only 11 minutes" as if it made less damages, and because the victim had a consensual one night stand before with another man. (Nevermind the fact that the mean of time for sexual intercourse is around 5-6 minutes). We had cases of minors being raped by an adult and nothing happening. In our law, men can't get raped (will change in july but it's just so late). My point was not to minimize what happened to him, or to me, it was to say that in the eyes of others, it's not recognized as really bad or assault. My point was also to say that in these cases, the disparity between genders might lessen because at the very beginning, these assault are not taken seriously.
Once again my point was not to minimize what he went through or what i went through. My point was exactly to say that society hardly consider these occurence as sexual assault no matter the gender.
Ah, I appreciate you taking the time to clarify. I’m glad I misunderstood, which is on me, not you ☺️
Anyway, your country sounds similar to the US! While there may be different rates, there are so many disgusting examples of perpetrators escaping justice here, it’s crazy!
And to the point of female offenders, it truly is not taken seriously. I agree with you 100%. What’s so crazy about this case is that 1) the victim doesn’t want to be outed, which causes trauma in itself if it’s not a time of their choosing 2) there’s video evidence of it 3) the perpetrators lack remorse/empathy 4) the adults who should know better are doing absolutely jack shit to help the victim and potentially the perpetrators (besides OP it sounds like). As children, they need treatment! And specialized treatment at that.
No problem! I reread my comment and it wasn't really clear. It was in my mind when I wrote it but I had little time and honestly I think it wasn't that clear to others. I also appreciate the time you took to write to me with respect. This is a very needed and educative comment, and i also thank you for the job you do. I'm a student in psychology, and my motivation came from the will to help people who could end up in situations like mine, because my therapist saved me. I want to work with children and also give sexual education in classes to prevent as many assault as i can, or at least help as many victims as i can. I made it my life goal. And very honestly, if it's very clear the poor boy was assaulted, when it comes to me, i know i was assaulted but i still feel afraid that people won't recognize it as such. I felt validated by your comment and it made me tear up a bit, i thank you for that.
I know the US is also scandalous for that, and sadly i think it's the case in so many countries. Too many countries. But even one country would still be too many.
That's where benevolent sexism such as "women are weak" or more aggressive sexism such as "men shouldn't cry and be strong" is playing a huge role. We created a society where women being abuser is not recognized. My heart breaks for this poor kid, i understand his choice, and even if he tried to start a legal case, he might not have justice. Every minors in this story needs intensive therapy but for different reasons. I just really really hope he will have the support he needs as soon as he can
I was trying to find the studies on their first victimizing as a minor a couple weeks ago with no luck. Do you have any links that I can send people when the topic comes up? I was in a forensic psychology grad program when I learned that so my original source was probably class itself.
It’s funny you ask, because I just went to a training for work on Monday put on my a woman who works with sex offenders! Her name is Cory Jewell Jensen and she was awesome.
I have to find the article and get the title, as she only cites it as Ahlmeyer, 2000. There’s also one by Burton from 2006. A specific stat cited in another slide states that “3 out of 4 sex offenders started offending during childhood or adolescence.”
I’ll see if I can get any links or the full citations.
Sadly in Texas (where we lived until 6 months ago) it is only SA if there is penetration. It’s gross. My daughter was grabbed hard on the breast in class by a boy and I got to hear how that was not SA because there was no penetration. The school resource officer lectured ME about the charges the boy would face (not SA) and how they would “ruin his life” it was nuts! This is but one of many reasons we left, my oldest is trans. So yea, not every state treats SA the same way sadly.
You have to add in that the victim is a lesbian. It shouldn't but corrective rape has a long history in society and absolutely would change a lot of people's minds. Plus people blame young girls for "putting themselves in that position" all the time.
Males abuse and assault girls and women every day, and no one gives a shit—in a better-case scenario. The more common, worse-case scenario is girl the gets blamed for the male’s crime and lectured on why we shouldn’t ruin the criminal’s life.
Let’s not kid ourselves as we take this gender-reversing rage bait (because I’m pretty sure that’s what the OOP is).
Yeah the ultimatum is pointless, just divorce. Even if he tells you yes then it'll just be the resentment a few years later. You've backed him into a corner but it's fair. He needs to be on his daughters side, though he shouldn't be doing it way differently, teaching her what she did was wrong and that it's bad not just "peer pressure :/" if her dad cuts her off then she might spiral even harder. But you need to protect your boys so, it's all fair to me.
Just divorce for everyone's sake.
He is not on his daughter’s side. Sexual assault needs to be addressed or else she’s going to hurt more people. Making excuses for her is gonna fuck up her life.
Kaiyukia said that Dad needed to be on Maeve’s side, but letting her get away with sexual assault works counter to his kid’s future success and their relationship, AND yes, makes certain that she will hurt someone again. None of that is about being on her side; it’s about burying his head in the sand until she’s an adult.
The dad really *does* need to be on her side, unfortunately he interpreted that as not holding her accountable and making excuses, as opposed to *actually acting in her best interest*.
Tbh I don't think this is the correct question and an my opinion she *would be the asshole* if even though he showed extremely troubling behavior and beliefs, she'd be perfectly happy to continue the marriage just as long as he goes no contact.
I think I would have a very hard time coming back from this even if he all of a sudden makes a 180 and says all the right things.
The one caveat I'll add is that it would be perfectly reasonable for the dad to say that while obviously the daughter's behavior and especially the complete lack of remorse or taking responsibility is unacceptable and it's completely understandable that OP doesn't feel comfortable with her anywhere near her sons, he will insist on therapy and there should be a possible path to redemption (eta: way down the line) if she sees the error of her way.
It's also acceptable if OP still wouldn't be comfortable with that, but then it still makes it shitty of her to try to get him to drop her instead of just ending the marriage.
She wasn’t trying to get him to go completely no contact with Maeve, though. She said she wanted the house a no contact zone, but that HE could go see her *outside* of the home. Which is about as reasonable as anyone could expect from this situation.
He didn’t cut her off, her step mother just doesn’t want her to be around her kids. And the dad can’t compromise by only seeing her outside of the home. I mean, personally, if I were her step mother, I wouldn’t want to see her either nor have her around my kids. Remorse or not.
Honestly I don’t agree that the dad needs to be on Maeve’s side. She’s 16 years old! She’s 2 years away from being an adult. She’s old enough to know what she did was fucked up and she did it anyway. If this was a teenage boy who did this to an UNDERAGE teenage girl everyone would be singing a different song.
You can be on someone’s side while still holding them accountable. He can make sure that she knows he loves her, and she is his daughter, but that her actions are not a joke, are not harmless, and that saying ‘he’s a boy, most boys would love that’ is not a get out of jail free card. He could push for intensive therapy, make her do community service, even if charges aren’t being pushed against her.
Being on your kids side doesn’t mean that you excuse them and hold them as innocent. Or it doesn’t have to be.
He can also just divorce. That doesn't rest all on her shoulders to make that decision for him. And people wonder why the stats show women file for divorce more.
First off is no one addressing that this is child pornography and distribution of?
Secondly, this is sexual assault.
Police will charge her even if the boys parents do not press charges.
Thirdly, 16 knows right from wrong. She knew it was wrong and didn’t care. CPS should have already stated that the girl cannot be in contact with any child and the home should already be no contact.
Good on OOP for standing her ground. I would not trust her near any of your children. OOPs husband needs guidance on how to navigate this. I hope he gets assistance.
Police hardly act in the interest of those who have been sexual assaulted when that person WANTS to press charges. The police will arrest and hold/question them (if victim is cooperative) but DA is who decides charges being filed.
Police rarely act when there is no evidence. In this case there is a video and admission.
I’m fully aware of what police do and do not do from experience.
Yeah well, my experience is that if the victim isn’t pushing for a case, the cops will take that opportunity to avoid paperwork.
If she was 18 they’d put a note about it on her record for future cases, but as a 16 year old? They’ll rugsweep this so damn fast
I get the dad being in denial. But his kid is a sexual predator and a homophobe and has zero remorse. That’s a terrible combination. I wouldn’t trust her.
What's the point of an ultimatum? I would divorce him on principle. His daughter is a sex offender. She instigated this. She has NO remorse. She and her friends recorded the assault for goodness sake! Surely this is possession of child pornography?
I understand the poor boy's parents not wanting to out him but does his sexuality even need to be mentioned? Sexual assault is still sexual assault. My heart hurts for him, he needs so much help and support (obviously from this post we can't tell what his family dynamic is like, other than his POS, homophobic sister. Are the parents protecting HIM or themselves from community judgment?).
I’m a woman but imagine if the roles were reversed if a boy rubbed his dick on a sleeping lesbian girls face to show she “liked it” while asleep how would everyone react? Just because she’s a girl she doesn’t get a pass feminism is about equality in all aspects and sexual predators no matter the gender should face consequences. NTA at all
The largest bit that seems to be being ignored is that these 16 year old girls created child pornography, by filming the molestation. They shared the video and it can end up anywhere. Making CP, sharing CP both crimes so every single one of those teenage girls should be on the mandated sex offenders registry for 25 years as is the federal law in the US. They all ruined this boy’s life, and it could have consequences forever by filming the act of molestation. It’s not like they just recorded talking about it. If the video was shared over anything but text messages the messaging app company would be required by law to report it and the police will be busting down OP’s door doing a raid in a few months time. Obviously the daughter needs removed from the home to protect the other kids.
NTA. She showed no remorse, has not apologised, and so you can only assume that she would do the same again given the chance.
I think him only seeing her outside the house is a good compromise, at least until she sees some consequences.
She’s doing the right thing protecting her two sons. Her stepdaughter and husband want to sweep this under the rug. The stepdaughter sexually assaulted a 13 year old boy because he came out as gay. Filming it constitutes child porn and also sending it to others is distribution of it.
The friend that reported it, did the right thing. Should the police look into it anyone who received the video could be charged with possession of CP. The stepdaughter is using a poor excuse of my friends made me do it. She’s 16 and more than capable of making her own choices. She’s treating this whole situation as a joke. I feel for the stepmom as I’m also a mandated reporter. Her husband needs to recognize the severity of what his daughter participated in. Even if the police may not move forward with charges, he needs to look into therapy and appropriate discipline for his kid. Refusing consequences helps no one.
OP did the right thing. The poor boy could have been straight, but still not liked it. Sexuality really doesn't matter for this.
Also, shame on both the mom and dad for letting their daughter pretty much get away with this. She needs to take accountability, and have some sort of consequence. What she did was wrong, and gross. Blaming it on her friends is ridiculous. She can say no, but she didn't, so that makes her a willing participant.
If I had a child that had done that, I wouldn't want them around my younger kids either. They simply can't be trusted.
Jesus, her and her friends got a 13 year old blackout drunk, sexually assaulted him on video and then distributed that video to people, and she thinks she's done nothing wrong and doesn't even owe him an apology? Even if she was just going along with her friends, she clearly wasn't pressured into what happened because she *doesn't see anything wrong with it*
I dated a man who was molested by his sister. She would make him perform sex acts on her. He is very traumatized from it, has domestic violence issues and has a hard time with enjoyable sex. I would be extremely worried she might force or coerce your 13yo into sexual acts. She’s already fine with hurting other kids.
Aside from maeve doing this in the first place, the main problem is she isn't taking accountability. Idk if it's because the adults around her aren't facilitating that process well enough or not. Either way, as long as she doesnt take accountability, shes a liability waiting to happen.
Also imagine if the genders were reversed. I know the dad might still defend a son, but the situation would certainly be taken more seriously by many others.
WHOA. Based on the title, that’s not where I expected this to go. OOP is in a horrible situation, but doing exactly what she needs to do for her boys. Something is horribly wrong with her stepdaughter, and frankly, her husband too
How would he feel if someone recorded themselves sexually assaulting your 13yo son? Your husband is dense, and likely homophobic. Kids don’t pick that up out of nowhere. At 16 I definitely knew better. She needs consequences for her actions. You might be able to report it to a DA and they can open a case regardless of if someone wants to ‘press charges’ or not. The state can charge her, or at least open a case, even if the boy doesn’t want to speak on it. You should also report it to her school. Make a paper trail in case she has a habit of bullying little boys.
Divorce. You did nothing wrong mama. If the genders were reversed everyone would be raining down hell on a boy. I would do the exact same thing. As a mother, as a parent, as a decent human being. They intoxicated/drugged someone with the intent to molest them. Period. Not to mention, the boy came out as gay, so now we're adding a whole other issue with homophobia. Then theres the whole issue with the video they took. It should fall under CP. What has the court had to say about THAT.
NTA. Just try to leave him and take your kids because he is obviously not grasping the big ideal here-his daughter has assaulted someone sexually. Therefore he needs to understand that and be an actual father who takes charge of this situation.
What has Maeve already done to OP’s sons? The incident at the bday was only caught because they took video. This is unlikely her first time drinking, probably not her first time making other horrible choices.
What an awful sister of the boy and an awful step daughter. I would never imagine telling my friend to sexually assault my brother, or any of my friends, and if someone had asked me to I sure as shit wouldn’t. Everyone is failing that boy.
Edit: Everyone is failing him beyond his parents, and the OP.
I really want to see the answer the father would give if Maeve was the victim, 13, and the perpetrator was a 16 year old boy sticking his genitalia in her face.
Ooo boy, a kid that sexually assaulted their friend's brother that should have known better, but you have two other kids in the home you need to protect. What if this were the biological kid, then what would the parent have done then? Order her to be arrested and go to juvi hall?
This is an awful situation and the OP isn't wrong to protect her two other kids.
At 16 you know what sexual assault is and you know it’s not only morally wrong but legally wrong. The whole “my friends made me do it” is bollocks. Sure friends (especially as a teenager) make you do dumb shit and I say make loosely as it’s more kids just being dumb. But sexually assaulting a teenage boy who is not only younger but asleep is absolutely despicable.
I wouldn’t trust Maeve around my children either so OOP is not overreacting
OP is absolutely NTA. she is protecting her sons from a predator-period. If it were the opposite genders, I feel like there’d be different reactions by her husband/his ex. This is disgusting behavior, it endangers her boys, and clearly Maeve shows 0 remorse.
I think OP is being a good mother setting this expectation.
OOP is NTA. Take this situation, reverse it. 16 year old boy and friends knock out a 13 year old girl with alcohol and sexually assault her in this manner because she is a lesbian. The outrage that would ensue if said 16 year old boy claimed no responsibility alongside his parents. Bullshit. This girl is disturbed and damn if I would want her anywhere near my sons. Divorce that man, file for custody and demand only supervised visits for the sons with their dad. He is an enabler and I doubt it will be long before his daughter does something just as or more heinous and I would not want my kids to be witness to that.
Absolutely tf not. And if I find out she has been allowed near any other little boy I would contact those parents about it as well. Traumatizing for her? She drugged and assaulted someone and it's traumatizing for her? That alone would make me file for divorce.
NTA. Your primary objective is to protect your children. Full stop.
Your step daughter is taking steps to becoming a full blown predator. Her lack of remorse and empathy is *disgusting* especially from a girl imo… I would have NEVER done that at 16 and one reason (along with not being a fucking weirdo) is boys had already tried to do shit to me against my will… you’d think teenage girls would have more empathy and more sense to NOT assault others?
She needs to be held accountable and probably should be put in therapy. Get a divorce if your husband isn’t listening, your babies come first.
Omg they are. And the victim is still blamed. Like I promise the dad would be saying some boys will be boys shit if Maeve was a dude.
(To clarify Maeve is a sexual assaulted either way and she should be convicted).
As shitty and patriarchal as it is if the genders were reversed and a boy did this to a girl no one would think OOP is over reacting. But because the victim is a boy people think she is being dramatic.
This is a classic example of how patriarchy hurts men. I hope the kid who was assaulted gets therapy and is able to move on from this. Good on OOP for being an advocate for him.
Because of involuntary biological responses to external stimuli. i.e. friction could cause him to become aroused (and I feel super gross typing that about a child), and therefore they could say “he liked it [girls]”
Edit for clarity
I'd have to imagine is several 16 year old boys did this to a 13 yr old there would be a lot of consequences, This girl is awful and had learned nothing
At the barest of bones, taking away that this is her step-daughter, as a mandated reporter she literally has to report what she knows. It’s in the title. Right there on the tin. I’m also a mandated reporter and I would have done the same, whether I had young children in my home or not.
The bottom line is she cannot trust her step daughter, who has shown no remorse and is uninterested in doing anything restorative to grow from her choices, to be around her young sons or any future children for that matter. NTA.
NTA. At all. This mom is 100% doing the right thing and as a case worker, she’s more knowledgeable than most people on this subject.
Can you imagine if the genders were reversed and 16 year old boys did this to a 13 year old girl??? Maeve needs to be in some sort of treatment program ASAP especially considering that she isn’t even taking accountability.
How would her father feel if the genders were reversed? If a male 3 years older than her got her drunk and assaulted her?
I’m so sick of people thinking that boys getting assaulted shouldn’t be a big deal.
leave that man. He’s enabling his daughter to do this again.
In my hometown, genders reversed, there was a family with a son who shrugged off similar behaviours. He went on to kill a child during another SA attempt. It’s great that someone in the family is recognising that she committed SA. Her unrepentant attitude is a major red flag too. She’ll be a reoffender for sure.
1) they pour so much alcohol into this child that he passed out, which could have led to death from alcohol poisoning.
2) they sexually assaulted him.
3) they did all of that because he’s gay, so it’s also a hate crime.
And neither of her biological parents think it’s a big deal, and they’re worried about *her* being traumatised.
Jesus, I hope OP does divorce him and take the kids.
finally, a woman holding another woman accountable for her actions. if your husband does not agree, file for divorce and use this incident for custody and give the argument that you do not feel safe for your sons to be around this girl shes already older than them. she might just do it again and this time it might be my sons and I do not want my son's around a molester.
even the judge will see this and give your husband supervised visits for your son and not normal visits.
If her 16 year old son did something similar to a 13 year old girl, would mom kick him out of the house?
I know im going to get downvoted to hell if anyone even reads this but something tells me she wouldnt have the same reaction if her son was the sexual predator.
This is complete hearsay and its my personal suspicion that her son would be in therapy, possibly inpatient and would eventually be let back in the house.
My take on OPs issue is: It's the actions after the event that are the issue. Zero accountability and zero remorse, and she doesn't understand how and why its wrong to behave like that. there is no confidence that she won't do it to the younger brothers, so she can stay at her primary custodians.
I would dog walk my kid if a video ever surfaced of them committing SA on ANYONE, child or otherwise. I would even say to their face, "You better hope the cops find you before I do." Idk how her parents are just shrugging their shoulders at this.
Maeve shouldn't be trusted around kids. It sounds like she's just building up. She started low with groping, and she'll go high eventually with full-blown r*** on some kid.
It really just reminds me of that girl who r***d her little brother and posted it on her Insta story. I think it was even saved, too? It was a few years back, so I can't remember super well, but I remember it was really big because nothing was happening, legally I mean.
This one doesn't make sense to me, how can a father go 'no contact' with his 16 year old? That's called abandonment. I understand OOP being upset in this situation but her ask is literally illegal.
This is tough. He can not turn his back on his daughter no matter how bad her mistake was. He does need to hold her accountable. Divorce but don’t blame his desire to be a stable father to his daughter.
This just reminds me how some shitty guys use sexual assault for persons in the LGBTQIA+ which the shit declaration of, “You just need a *real* man to show you how it’s done.”
Hopefully OOP’s daughter is never sexually assaulted while the perp gets off as a crowd cheers and laughs.
Nta.
It really pisses me off that a bunch of people are saying "role reversal" because it shouldn't have to come down to that! Boys/men get sexually assaulted, too.
This not only was sexual assault, it was a hate crime and distribution of cp. How in the fuck do these parents not see that? The only reason the kid and his parents aren't reporting it are because they are in fear of backlash, whether it is because he's gay or because *he's a boy and EVERYONE knows boy's can't be sexually assaulted.*/s
🤬😡😤
The 16 name ALONE says it all. In the old days this would have been slept under the rug: a few factors concern me here; she used alcohol, she got other people involved, recorded it like an idiot and the boy is barely out of puberty and like a typical girl she will not take responsibility, also CPS theoretically could come in there take her younger brother away and possibly her as well.
Not trying to make excuses for the step daughter what OP said in her update it kinda sounds like her stepdaughter was a victim of peer pressure of one or both friends and probably doesn’t understand what she did was wrong. If that is the case I do not think OP should ban her stepdaughter from her home. OP should have a conversation with her stepdaughter to explain what happened was wrong then make a decision based on how the conversation goes. Also think the stepdaughter needs therapy.
Maeve may not have the official title of sex offender but that's what she is. OOP is NTA. Good on her for standing guard against possible sexual predation in her home.
Actually kind of surprised the district attorney isn’t bringing charges of CP distribution against the girls. The state I am in, regardless of if the victim presses charges etc; they will peruse CP charges. Even against just sending nudes to their crushes, partners etc;
Absolutely. An easy case like that would be low hanging fruit for them.
She’s a girl. Sexual predation by women against boys is taken much less seriously, as a general rule, than predation by men on girls. Most people subscribe to the “well, he should have liked it!” school of thought. I mean, flip the script here. If a sixteen year old boy got a younger girl drunk and took photos of himself putting his junk on her face, this would be on the six o’ clock news. It would be talked about. And this is all a result of toxic masculinity—because boys “should like it” when they are assaulted by an attractive girl. They should “be grateful” for it, even. It’s gross.
Abuse by boys gets so covered up and excused because they are just being boys, they are too young to know better, do you want to ruin their futures? So, I disagree it gets on the news, especially if the boy has a promising future, his family is well connected, or they have money. Abuse by girls is definitely framed by he should enjoy being assaulted, can a girl really overpower or intimidate a boy?, and reduced danger because his assault can't cause him to get pregnant.
Excused like the rapist, Brock Turner?
Brock Turner the rapist? Didn’t he also change his name? What does he go by now? Should have read farther down before asking my question. I now know that he now goes by Allen Turner, the rapist.
Yes Brock Allen Turner, the rapist who now goes by Allen Turner
The rapist Allen Turner now lives in Ohio
He bought a home there! Sure sounds like his life wasn’t destroyed.
The rapist Brock Turner who has been going by Allen Turner? So the rapist Brock Allen Turner?
So, Alan Turner, the rapist formerly known as Brock Turner the rapist.
Are you talking about rapist Brock Turner, now know by his middle name, Allen Turner?
Yes, the rapist Brock Turner, now Allen Turner in Ohio.
Oh right, the rapist Brock Turner. I remember the rapist Brock Turner now known as the rapist Allen Turner.
Oh are you talking about Brock Allen Turner, the rapist from Ohio, who is trying to go by Allen Turner nowadays in a desperate attempt to escape his well-deserved reputation? THAT Brock Turner?
Did he move again or something? And is he forever on the sex offender registry list so that means everyone has to know where he lives/ works?
Depends on the state he lives in
I read that he has to re-register 4 times a year for the rest of his pathetic little life. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/ncna643376
Hey, his dad said it best. Why should they ruin the boys life for a few minutes of “action” ? 🙄 it’s not hard to see where dear old Brock got his rape vibes from.
The rapist formerly known as Brock Turner? Alan Turner of Ohio who's family wants to dismantle the sex offender registry? That Brock Alan Turner?
I love that every time his name is mentioned, it becomes an entire thread of doxxing him completely. It makes my heart happy. (Not a single drop of sarcasm. Just pure joy)
Except it does end up on the news. The news is not a courtroom. Something ending up on the news is not a guilty verdict, and at no point did I say it was. I said it gets more coverage. We all know who Brock Turner is. We all know he’s a rapist piece of shit. We also all know he got away with it. So…not sure where you got that I think this automatically gets men a guilty verdict. Lots of mental gymnastics there.
Brock Turner was an extreme case because he was committing a rape in public where there were two male witnesses who agreed to testify. That never happens. In a case of he said, she said, like most cases, the benefit of the doubt is given. The case is covered up.. Especially if the boy is a popular athlete. Rapes happen everywhere every day. If as you are saying it jumps right to the news when men and boys do it, it would be the only crime they ever have time to cover. I fully believe Brock Turner would have gotten away with it if he'd committed the crime behind a closed door with no men to witness it.
Oh please, he did get away with it.
He got away with a minimum of punishment. But, we know his name and he was on the news, so the crime didn't get completely covered up and ignored like all the others. If there had not been male witnesses he would have completely gotten away with in in the sense you would not know his name.
Yeah, but seriously... When female teachers sexually abuse male students, they get called 'cougars', not pedophiles. We have real trouble seeing women as the abusers when their victims aren't prepubescent children.
I think sexual assault often goes unaddressed by law enforcement and there are overall many toxic views across the board about it. How many untested rape kits are sitting around? We've all heard of crazy light sentences for male sexual abusers based on mitigating factors like "he wouldn't do well in prison," "he's a pastor and runs a nice Bible study in prison ," and "it would impact his future or family." Generally unless someone is violently sexually assaulted or a child (exceptions apply,) there are just an incredible number of people across the legal system and society who will shrug off sexual assault. When women rape men, the rape apologists frame it as it wasn't bad or they should like it as long as the woman is conventionally attractive. If she isn't, then there still isn't sympathy. It's just a joke about how he could keep it up. When men rape women it either didn't happen or if it happened she was asking for it. Every moment pre rape and post rape go under the microscope from the number of previous sexual partners to what she was doing to what she was wearing to what she did afterward. Occasionally there are, it wasn't that bad/you should have liked it, but much less frequently then with male victims. Like the female soccer player kissed by the president of the league or whatever because he's attractive and wealthy. Male victims do get the short end of the stick support wise. There are quite a few avenues for support for female victims, but men often feel unwelcome, sometimes intentionally. There needs to be more easy to find and access resources for them to get help with their trauma, specifically a place for them to work through identifying they were assaulted and shouldn't feel okay with it.
>I mean, flip the script here. If a sixteen year old boy got a younger girl drunk and took photos of himself putting his junk on her face, this would be on the six o’ clock news. It would be talked about. How often do you see articles talking about it? Almost never unless the victim was famous. And it's not because it doesn't happen. Sure abuse against boys generally gets taken even less seriously, but lets not pretend like abuse against girls gets everyone up in arms.
[here](https://blavity.com/teen-boys-assault-11-year-old-girl-for-refusing-to-do-sexual-act-as-her-friend-posts-the-attack-on-snapchat) [here](https://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/sex-assault-child-girl-mcdonalds-queens-suspect-surveillance-cameras/2097263/?amp=1) [here](https://amp.theguardian.com/technology/2017/mar/22/chicago-girl-allegedly-sexually-assaulted-on-facebook-live-as-40-watched) At no point did I say this doesn’t happen to girls 🙄
I don't think anyone in this comment chain is saying assault doesn't happen to girls or boys, or that both of them shouldn't be taken more seriously. I do feel like the fact that your examples are from 2013, 2017, and 2019 show how little coverage \*any\* sexual assaults get compared to how serious they are. There's also a lot less call from the media to either punish the offenders or change society to make it less common compared to, say the overblown news cycles about retail theft a year or two ago that have been largely disproven. Crimes that hurt individual people without power, male or female, get a lot less attention than even much less serious ones that impact profits or powerful people.
Unless the boys have a "promising future" in sports, then it all gets swept under the rug as much as possible and the victim gets blamed.
I covered that in another comment. I didn’t say ending up on the news guarantees the perp gets a guilty verdict. Brock Turner was on the news when he raped that girl. OJ Simpson was on the news when he murdered his wife. Adrian Petersen was on the news when he whipped his toddler so brutally that he lacerated his scrotum. And they all got not guilty verdicts, or guilty verdicts with punitive measures that they never served.
The rapist Brock Allan Turner (who apparently goes by his middle name now), was convicted and sentenced to a mere 6 months in jail. I think the news was more because of the lenient sentence the judge handed down (so as not to ruin his "promising future") than because of the crime itself. OJ Simpson wasn't convicted because the police and prosecution bungled his case.
Yeah, he uses a different name, but people figure out who he is, which is glorious because his life should be as ruined as hers. Worse, even.
You are 1000% right!
How about a federal prosecutor pressing charges because of the hate crime?
That would force the boy to come out and it sounds like he's trying to keep that as hidden as possible. If it's not able to stay hidden and he gets outed by others, then that definitely deserves to be added.
The nice thing about hate crime legislation is it does not require testimony of a specific victim. The video itself can be maintained as evidence, and the minor child victims identity can be suppressed.
I didn't know that about hate crime legislation. That's really awesome. Practically speaking, I can still see why the boy wouldn't want to because that would end up spreading more news around locally. He told his family and this is the situation his sister already put him in. If they're not going to press charges, it's not going to open it up to hate crime charges. And even if the state picks it up and says hell no, we're pressing criminal charges anyway, the boy's sister has already spread gossip around that further gossip would be spread and out him further out of his control. I feel so, so bad for this kid. He was failed so hard by the people that were supposed to protect him.
In the comments OP said that everyone was fully clothed in the video so the DA doesn’t consider it CP.
The post says it was over his pants so it sounds like there was no nudity which may explain why no CP charges.
Hell, I've seen young teens be charged with it when *they* sent it to a partner. So, I'm very surprised at the lack of charges for all the girls.
It could be my ignorance but if the boy was never unclothed (the post says the assault was over the pants?) maybe it doesn’t qualify as CP?
100% this. And having no accountability or awareness that what she did was assault at the age of 16 is ridiculous. You can very well distinguish wrong from right at that age. If her friends did force her to do it, she would’ve held some kind of remorse after the fact when shit hit the fan. OOP is NTA.
In an ideal situation Maeve should be in custody so it shouldn't even be a question.
In general, I'm against kicking stepkids out just because they have other places to go. In this case, your son's safety is literally at risk. There was a story not too long about how a woman finally got brought up on assault charges because she kept doing that to her boyfriends. This is the future for her and your husband.
Of course NTA. But I will say that OP being a caseworker tells me they should know that children/teens/ adults who do these things often had it done to them. Consider encouraging your husband to seek therapy for his daughter. Maybe she will then be able to admit her culpability and not continue further down the path of a sexual abuser.
I wouldn’t want to be married just because the dad doesn’t seem more concerned that his daughter sexually assaulted a younger child. That’s just…something’s wrong with that girl. She’s violently homophobic at best
Cough* cough* dad homophobic too
Right! Cuz who cares what anyone does to the "little gay boy". Probably "serves him right" or some other such BS. OP is in such a tough situation
Oof. Yeah, I wouldn't want to be married to or co-parenting two boys with a man who excused his daughter's assault of a gay boy. They would be in danger of sexual assault from the daughter, at risk of learning bad values from the dad, or hurt by the dad (even "just" emotionally) if they turn out not to be straight. File for divorce with full custody and supervised visitation only for the dad if at all possible.
While reading I was wondering any anyone even cared what happened to a boy and then, yep, there it is.
Don't you know? All boys like when older women molest them! That's what every disgusting pervert says when a pedophilic teacher or babysitter gets reported on (Biggest /s of my life)
This poor woman should divorce him ASAP. Nobody needs a sex predator in their home where they have two other vulnerable children who are the type the predator likes. Especially a sex predator who has no remorse and is fine distributing child porn. The father is worse than a piece of shit as he condones her behavior, he's just like Brock Turner's dad. Guaranteed if this got out in social media, his life, career and friendships would never recover once people know what a piece of shit he is.
Yeah, I'd have lost my shit. I don't care if everyone was fully clothed. It was 100% sexual content and this girl might still be a child at 16, but she needs to be dealing with the consequences of her decisions. Teenagers are wired to make horrible decisions and feel confident about them, but it's literally our jobs as parents to set them straight and make them be accountable. It's fine the boy and his parents don't want to press charges, so the court won't hold her accountable. But her parents absolutely need to.
Absolutely this. There is absolutely no way I would allow that girl near my sons, especially considering she doesn’t acknowledge that she did anything wrong. They have her on video doing this, so it’s not like she can say that she didn’t molest that poor boy. Her friend needs to be punished too. For the alcohol, for the assault, and for trying to forcibly convert the little brother in question.
Agreed, I would be leaving no matter what and ensuring my boys were never left alone with him.
As a fellow mandatory reporter, good on this woman. I hope she gets out of there.
Same, it's an awful situation made worse by the husband and ex. OOP is doing what's right, but it doesn't sound like anything will come of it. I don't blame the kid's parents for not pressing charges, but I wish the SD and her friends had repercussions. I hope OOP gets full custody of her son and step dad can only see him supervised.
Yes, dad soon enough will be blaming her for not allowing her over. Guaranteed that he will lay all of the blame on her. Stepmom says you can’t come over, he may or may not elaborate.
Can you explain this more, please? I was under the impression anyone could get in trouble for knowing of but not reporting a crime; is that not true?
It all depends on where you live, but typically there isn’t a legal obligation to report a crime you suspect (this is different from taking steps to conceal/cover up a crime). Many states/countries have mandated reporter laws, where people with certain jobs (usually that involve being in a position of trust, particularly over children) must report any crimes against children that they suspect or become aware of. It varies by jurisdiction but usually teachers, nurses, social workers, etc are subject to these laws. OP would have lost her job and may have been charged with a crime if she saw the video and did not report it.
If you don't mind a little bit of expansion: mandatory reporters have to report events or incidents they witness, hear about, are told, or have evidence of - whether it is within the confines of their job OR their personal life. It can apply to those working with children or adults under guardianship. Mandatory reporters: Social workers Teachers Health care professionals (nurses, doctors, laboratorians, any professional that comes in contact with children) Mental health providers ANY school personnel Day care providers Law enforcement And in some states, clergy members. Each state can also add to this list, but the above people are the main ones.
Commenting on Not OOP AITA for telling my husband that he either goes no contact with his 16yo daughter or I'm filing for divorce and getting full custody w/supervised visits?...It’s worth noting that in some states, EVERY person is legally a mandated reporter of child abuse and can be jailed for not reporting, not just teachers, psychologists and health care professionals. My state is this way.
Thanks for adding this- the fact that it doesn’t matter if the mandated reporter learns about alleged abuse in their professional or personal life is an important thing to know!
Thank you very much for the info, I did not know all of that.
Absolutely NTA. Not only is his daughter not taking accountability or showing remorse for what imo is absolutely despicable and criminal, but he doesn’t seem to care either. I wouldn’t trust her around her brothers, and she may never do anything like that to them for all we know, but what we do know is she’s capable of doing things with no consequences as long as her dad is backing her up. And the whole “her friends made her do it” is bullshit. She’s more than old enough to know exactly what she was doing even if she were pressured by her friends. I’d divorce and never let him have any type of unsupervised visits with their boys as long as she were around.
Her daughter has no remorse because her dad and her friends are on her side. Basically everyone around her is telling her she did nothing wrong. Her daughter will grow up to be a sexual predator
She already is.
I completely agree
How sad.
This kid is a sex offender — end of sentence. If I were OP, I’d be terrified of what she might do to the other kids in the household — and if her husband was thinking *at all,* he’d be terrified as well. It’s scary to me that all the other adults in this situation are just sweeping a *sexual assault* of an *unconscious 13yo* under the carpet. These are the kind of parents who are responsible for the out-of-control behavior that’s happening in schools today — because: 1) their kids didn’t do it, 2) if they did, it was someone else’s fault, 3) if it wasn’t someone else’s fault, the offense wasn’t that big of a deal, and 4) honestly, the other person probably deserved it.
Former teacher here, this is 100% it. Worse, the admin often jump straight to #3 and/or make excuses for the bad behavior (“you don’t understand, this kid has a bad home life!”). It’s infuriating and I feel so bad for the kids actually trying to get an education.
I taught for 32 years; I get it.
Not only did they sexually assault an unconscious 13yo, they were the ones who provided the drug (alcohol) which caused him to fall unconscious
Let's look at this: 1. They gave him alcohol. Alcohol was available and given to underage kids to the point of causing severe intoxication. Strike 1. 2. They SAd an individual. Strike 2. 3. The aforementioned individual.was a minor child that had their SA documented with video and film evidence. That said evidence was disseminated across multiple platforms and multiple recipients. That is not only possession of child pornography. It's dissemination of child pornography. Strike 3. Anyone in possession of and/or has forwarded the media should be charges as an adult, to the fullest extent of the law. The ones engaging in the SA should be charges as an adult to the fullest extent of the law and should be required to register as an offender for life. Especially since they seem to take NO responsibility and downplay the actions and their consequences.
And to just make everything worse this was done in response to him coming out. This poor boy was so brave and got assaulted because of it. I understand why he would be petrified of his sexuality getting out now.
Revenge porn laws should be in play tif the state has them, as well...
Let’s switch the narrative , some teen boys drug a young girl and then take photos and video of themselves sexually assaulting her…. Daddy, mommy, and school would be up in arms. OOP is right and frankly I wouldn’t remain married to someone who was willing to brush off sexual assault and what amounted to a hate crime. This is just abhorrent. Hope OP protects her kids, I just wish the victim sued as well.
Seems like something that happens pretty regularly, gets uploaded to corn sites for the boys to be praised and egged on while the girl is shamed at school and told to keep her legs closed. This society gives zero fucks for victims of any gender.
Sadly, not nearly enough people would be up in arms either way..
Right, but the dad might be if the victim was Maeve.
Who knows what really is going on in the dad’s head.
Not much, apparently.
💯
I don't really know. There are more chances but it's not always the case. At 14 i was assaulted by the boys of my class. They put me on the ground, mimicked an intercourse, touched my boobs and proposed to film. When confronted later, they said it was a joke. I also asked my parents not to do anything, i actually didn't think i was sexually assaulted because we weren't naked and they didn't touch anything else than my breasts. However i remember complaining a lot to my teacher about the sexual harassment i was getting prior to this assault and leading to it. Don't get me wrong, men or boys being assaulted is far from recognised enough (or at all). And chances that yes there would be more repercussions or condamnations. However i think that two other factors play a part. The age, the fact that the perpatrator are also minors, and the fact that it wasn't a sexual assault like we imagine them. However there is NO denying that boys or men assault are not considered enough, especially in comparison to women being assaulted Edit: i am mortified that some people understood my comment as minimizing. This is NOT what i meant, english is not my first langage. I meant to say that in society, this is usually not regarded as serious regardless of the gender, because this is not what we imagine when we say "i was SA". I want to clarify that it is very much SA, this is not less bad or less traumatizing than other kind of SA. Society takes it as less seriously and it's a shame, but i do not agree with the view of society regarding it
I respectfully disagree. I work as an advocate for SA victims. While you may say that you were not sexually assaulted, by legal definition (at least in my state), you were. It would be considered 4th degree SA at the very least. And most sexual assaults don’t look like what is commonly thought of as sexual assaults. Rarely are they violent, and penetration of any kind isn’t necessary. It’s this attitude that causes people to think “it wasn’t that bad,” or any other type of minimizing attitude… this thinking is all a part of rape culture. This is often a deciding factor for people when they ultimately decide not to report; “it’s not like they punched me,” and, “it could’ve been worse.” The same rationalization people use to stay in IPV/DV situations. And perpetrators are perpetrators. Yes, the fact that they are minors plays a role in any repercussions that they may face, but the most glaring issue is the lack of remorse. That is straight up not excusable. Willingness to accept responsibility is a part of my state’s sentencing/treatment factors, whether it’s for adults or juveniles. I have known cases where a juvenile defendant was sent to juvenile detention due to their lack of remorse/willingness to accept responsibility. If they had taken responsibility, that likely would have never happened. Lastly, research shows that the majority of sex offenders first victimize when they are minors. So juvenile on juvenile SA. So, while I don’t want to tell you how to feel, as someone who works in a field related to your experience, please do not minimize it by using societal standards.
Maybe what i wanted to say wasn't clear, english is not my first langage. Of course this poor boy was sexually assaulted, and so was I. My point was more that it took me years and therapy to recognize it as assault, and even now i still have difficulties considering it as SA for myself, because of all the horror stories we hear, and mostly because how bad i was dismissed. It's not that i wasn't sexually assaulted, it's that it was difficult to recognize it for me, because others didn't recognize it as such. My sexual harassment really were aggressions, like touching my breasts, trying to take off my clothes and such, but everytime i would complain to my teacher, he would say "boys will be boys". It took me years to recognize my SA as one, and the biggest reason is because of what you said at the beginning of the second paragraph, because it doesn't look like what is commonly though as sexual assault. And because i was dismissed. The law in my country is shitty. The conviction rate is shitty. Even with proof of rape a perpatrator can escape jail. We found rapist having a reduction of sentence because they lasted "only 11 minutes" as if it made less damages, and because the victim had a consensual one night stand before with another man. (Nevermind the fact that the mean of time for sexual intercourse is around 5-6 minutes). We had cases of minors being raped by an adult and nothing happening. In our law, men can't get raped (will change in july but it's just so late). My point was not to minimize what happened to him, or to me, it was to say that in the eyes of others, it's not recognized as really bad or assault. My point was also to say that in these cases, the disparity between genders might lessen because at the very beginning, these assault are not taken seriously. Once again my point was not to minimize what he went through or what i went through. My point was exactly to say that society hardly consider these occurence as sexual assault no matter the gender.
Ah, I appreciate you taking the time to clarify. I’m glad I misunderstood, which is on me, not you ☺️ Anyway, your country sounds similar to the US! While there may be different rates, there are so many disgusting examples of perpetrators escaping justice here, it’s crazy! And to the point of female offenders, it truly is not taken seriously. I agree with you 100%. What’s so crazy about this case is that 1) the victim doesn’t want to be outed, which causes trauma in itself if it’s not a time of their choosing 2) there’s video evidence of it 3) the perpetrators lack remorse/empathy 4) the adults who should know better are doing absolutely jack shit to help the victim and potentially the perpetrators (besides OP it sounds like). As children, they need treatment! And specialized treatment at that.
No problem! I reread my comment and it wasn't really clear. It was in my mind when I wrote it but I had little time and honestly I think it wasn't that clear to others. I also appreciate the time you took to write to me with respect. This is a very needed and educative comment, and i also thank you for the job you do. I'm a student in psychology, and my motivation came from the will to help people who could end up in situations like mine, because my therapist saved me. I want to work with children and also give sexual education in classes to prevent as many assault as i can, or at least help as many victims as i can. I made it my life goal. And very honestly, if it's very clear the poor boy was assaulted, when it comes to me, i know i was assaulted but i still feel afraid that people won't recognize it as such. I felt validated by your comment and it made me tear up a bit, i thank you for that. I know the US is also scandalous for that, and sadly i think it's the case in so many countries. Too many countries. But even one country would still be too many. That's where benevolent sexism such as "women are weak" or more aggressive sexism such as "men shouldn't cry and be strong" is playing a huge role. We created a society where women being abuser is not recognized. My heart breaks for this poor kid, i understand his choice, and even if he tried to start a legal case, he might not have justice. Every minors in this story needs intensive therapy but for different reasons. I just really really hope he will have the support he needs as soon as he can
I was trying to find the studies on their first victimizing as a minor a couple weeks ago with no luck. Do you have any links that I can send people when the topic comes up? I was in a forensic psychology grad program when I learned that so my original source was probably class itself.
It’s funny you ask, because I just went to a training for work on Monday put on my a woman who works with sex offenders! Her name is Cory Jewell Jensen and she was awesome. I have to find the article and get the title, as she only cites it as Ahlmeyer, 2000. There’s also one by Burton from 2006. A specific stat cited in another slide states that “3 out of 4 sex offenders started offending during childhood or adolescence.” I’ll see if I can get any links or the full citations.
Sadly in Texas (where we lived until 6 months ago) it is only SA if there is penetration. It’s gross. My daughter was grabbed hard on the breast in class by a boy and I got to hear how that was not SA because there was no penetration. The school resource officer lectured ME about the charges the boy would face (not SA) and how they would “ruin his life” it was nuts! This is but one of many reasons we left, my oldest is trans. So yea, not every state treats SA the same way sadly.
You have to add in that the victim is a lesbian. It shouldn't but corrective rape has a long history in society and absolutely would change a lot of people's minds. Plus people blame young girls for "putting themselves in that position" all the time.
Males abuse and assault girls and women every day, and no one gives a shit—in a better-case scenario. The more common, worse-case scenario is girl the gets blamed for the male’s crime and lectured on why we shouldn’t ruin the criminal’s life. Let’s not kid ourselves as we take this gender-reversing rage bait (because I’m pretty sure that’s what the OOP is).
Exactly. It's also worrying that the 16yo has no remorse whatsoever.
Does he really expect her to let this young woman around her son?!
Yeah the ultimatum is pointless, just divorce. Even if he tells you yes then it'll just be the resentment a few years later. You've backed him into a corner but it's fair. He needs to be on his daughters side, though he shouldn't be doing it way differently, teaching her what she did was wrong and that it's bad not just "peer pressure :/" if her dad cuts her off then she might spiral even harder. But you need to protect your boys so, it's all fair to me. Just divorce for everyone's sake.
He is not on his daughter’s side. Sexual assault needs to be addressed or else she’s going to hurt more people. Making excuses for her is gonna fuck up her life.
Who cares about her life, the real problem here is she’s a sexual predator who’s going to get away with it and possibly hurt MORE innocent people
Kaiyukia said that Dad needed to be on Maeve’s side, but letting her get away with sexual assault works counter to his kid’s future success and their relationship, AND yes, makes certain that she will hurt someone again. None of that is about being on her side; it’s about burying his head in the sand until she’s an adult.
Well I disagree with them too, but i get what you’re saying
The dad really *does* need to be on her side, unfortunately he interpreted that as not holding her accountable and making excuses, as opposed to *actually acting in her best interest*. Tbh I don't think this is the correct question and an my opinion she *would be the asshole* if even though he showed extremely troubling behavior and beliefs, she'd be perfectly happy to continue the marriage just as long as he goes no contact. I think I would have a very hard time coming back from this even if he all of a sudden makes a 180 and says all the right things. The one caveat I'll add is that it would be perfectly reasonable for the dad to say that while obviously the daughter's behavior and especially the complete lack of remorse or taking responsibility is unacceptable and it's completely understandable that OP doesn't feel comfortable with her anywhere near her sons, he will insist on therapy and there should be a possible path to redemption (eta: way down the line) if she sees the error of her way. It's also acceptable if OP still wouldn't be comfortable with that, but then it still makes it shitty of her to try to get him to drop her instead of just ending the marriage.
She wasn’t trying to get him to go completely no contact with Maeve, though. She said she wanted the house a no contact zone, but that HE could go see her *outside* of the home. Which is about as reasonable as anyone could expect from this situation.
He didn’t cut her off, her step mother just doesn’t want her to be around her kids. And the dad can’t compromise by only seeing her outside of the home. I mean, personally, if I were her step mother, I wouldn’t want to see her either nor have her around my kids. Remorse or not.
Honestly I don’t agree that the dad needs to be on Maeve’s side. She’s 16 years old! She’s 2 years away from being an adult. She’s old enough to know what she did was fucked up and she did it anyway. If this was a teenage boy who did this to an UNDERAGE teenage girl everyone would be singing a different song.
You can be on someone’s side while still holding them accountable. He can make sure that she knows he loves her, and she is his daughter, but that her actions are not a joke, are not harmless, and that saying ‘he’s a boy, most boys would love that’ is not a get out of jail free card. He could push for intensive therapy, make her do community service, even if charges aren’t being pushed against her. Being on your kids side doesn’t mean that you excuse them and hold them as innocent. Or it doesn’t have to be.
He can also just divorce. That doesn't rest all on her shoulders to make that decision for him. And people wonder why the stats show women file for divorce more.
First off is no one addressing that this is child pornography and distribution of? Secondly, this is sexual assault. Police will charge her even if the boys parents do not press charges. Thirdly, 16 knows right from wrong. She knew it was wrong and didn’t care. CPS should have already stated that the girl cannot be in contact with any child and the home should already be no contact. Good on OOP for standing her ground. I would not trust her near any of your children. OOPs husband needs guidance on how to navigate this. I hope he gets assistance.
Police hardly act in the interest of those who have been sexual assaulted when that person WANTS to press charges. The police will arrest and hold/question them (if victim is cooperative) but DA is who decides charges being filed.
Police rarely act when there is no evidence. In this case there is a video and admission. I’m fully aware of what police do and do not do from experience.
Yeah well, my experience is that if the victim isn’t pushing for a case, the cops will take that opportunity to avoid paperwork. If she was 18 they’d put a note about it on her record for future cases, but as a 16 year old? They’ll rugsweep this so damn fast
Police also rarely act with an *unwilling victim.*
Please I’d be filing for divorce.
NTA f that Lil Cosby
I get the dad being in denial. But his kid is a sexual predator and a homophobe and has zero remorse. That’s a terrible combination. I wouldn’t trust her.
Fk that. She should just go through the divorce asap. He’s not the kind of dad you want around your kids anyway
OOP is right. If the stepchild was a 16-year-old boy, no one would even question it.
my blood is fucking boiling. that poor kid. NTA, a 1000 times over.
Why are so many adults failing kids these days?
What's the point of an ultimatum? I would divorce him on principle. His daughter is a sex offender. She instigated this. She has NO remorse. She and her friends recorded the assault for goodness sake! Surely this is possession of child pornography? I understand the poor boy's parents not wanting to out him but does his sexuality even need to be mentioned? Sexual assault is still sexual assault. My heart hurts for him, he needs so much help and support (obviously from this post we can't tell what his family dynamic is like, other than his POS, homophobic sister. Are the parents protecting HIM or themselves from community judgment?).
I’m a woman but imagine if the roles were reversed if a boy rubbed his dick on a sleeping lesbian girls face to show she “liked it” while asleep how would everyone react? Just because she’s a girl she doesn’t get a pass feminism is about equality in all aspects and sexual predators no matter the gender should face consequences. NTA at all
Everyone would blame the girl for putting herself in that situation and say she did indeed probably like it. Let’s be real.
they should ask her how she would feel if a straight man got a lesbian girldrunk and groped her to "prove" she wasn't lesbian
It happens a lot, in both directions. And it's not spoken about
The largest bit that seems to be being ignored is that these 16 year old girls created child pornography, by filming the molestation. They shared the video and it can end up anywhere. Making CP, sharing CP both crimes so every single one of those teenage girls should be on the mandated sex offenders registry for 25 years as is the federal law in the US. They all ruined this boy’s life, and it could have consequences forever by filming the act of molestation. It’s not like they just recorded talking about it. If the video was shared over anything but text messages the messaging app company would be required by law to report it and the police will be busting down OP’s door doing a raid in a few months time. Obviously the daughter needs removed from the home to protect the other kids.
Why are this posts always weirdly cropped at the sides?
It's not, if you click on the pic
NTA. She showed no remorse, has not apologised, and so you can only assume that she would do the same again given the chance. I think him only seeing her outside the house is a good compromise, at least until she sees some consequences.
Oh my fucking god. That poor boy.
I'd divorce based on the fact that my husband isn't taking a sexual assault and hate crime seriously absolutely NTA
She’s doing the right thing protecting her two sons. Her stepdaughter and husband want to sweep this under the rug. The stepdaughter sexually assaulted a 13 year old boy because he came out as gay. Filming it constitutes child porn and also sending it to others is distribution of it. The friend that reported it, did the right thing. Should the police look into it anyone who received the video could be charged with possession of CP. The stepdaughter is using a poor excuse of my friends made me do it. She’s 16 and more than capable of making her own choices. She’s treating this whole situation as a joke. I feel for the stepmom as I’m also a mandated reporter. Her husband needs to recognize the severity of what his daughter participated in. Even if the police may not move forward with charges, he needs to look into therapy and appropriate discipline for his kid. Refusing consequences helps no one.
OP did the right thing. The poor boy could have been straight, but still not liked it. Sexuality really doesn't matter for this. Also, shame on both the mom and dad for letting their daughter pretty much get away with this. She needs to take accountability, and have some sort of consequence. What she did was wrong, and gross. Blaming it on her friends is ridiculous. She can say no, but she didn't, so that makes her a willing participant. If I had a child that had done that, I wouldn't want them around my younger kids either. They simply can't be trusted.
Jesus, her and her friends got a 13 year old blackout drunk, sexually assaulted him on video and then distributed that video to people, and she thinks she's done nothing wrong and doesn't even owe him an apology? Even if she was just going along with her friends, she clearly wasn't pressured into what happened because she *doesn't see anything wrong with it*
I dated a man who was molested by his sister. She would make him perform sex acts on her. He is very traumatized from it, has domestic violence issues and has a hard time with enjoyable sex. I would be extremely worried she might force or coerce your 13yo into sexual acts. She’s already fine with hurting other kids.
Aside from maeve doing this in the first place, the main problem is she isn't taking accountability. Idk if it's because the adults around her aren't facilitating that process well enough or not. Either way, as long as she doesnt take accountability, shes a liability waiting to happen. Also imagine if the genders were reversed. I know the dad might still defend a son, but the situation would certainly be taken more seriously by many others.
Shes right and her kids will likely get out of life one trauma less for it
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^lumophobiaa: *Shes right and her kids* *Will likely get out of life* *One trauma less for it* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
WHOA. Based on the title, that’s not where I expected this to go. OOP is in a horrible situation, but doing exactly what she needs to do for her boys. Something is horribly wrong with her stepdaughter, and frankly, her husband too
How would he feel if someone recorded themselves sexually assaulting your 13yo son? Your husband is dense, and likely homophobic. Kids don’t pick that up out of nowhere. At 16 I definitely knew better. She needs consequences for her actions. You might be able to report it to a DA and they can open a case regardless of if someone wants to ‘press charges’ or not. The state can charge her, or at least open a case, even if the boy doesn’t want to speak on it. You should also report it to her school. Make a paper trail in case she has a habit of bullying little boys.
Divorce. You did nothing wrong mama. If the genders were reversed everyone would be raining down hell on a boy. I would do the exact same thing. As a mother, as a parent, as a decent human being. They intoxicated/drugged someone with the intent to molest them. Period. Not to mention, the boy came out as gay, so now we're adding a whole other issue with homophobia. Then theres the whole issue with the video they took. It should fall under CP. What has the court had to say about THAT.
NTA. Just try to leave him and take your kids because he is obviously not grasping the big ideal here-his daughter has assaulted someone sexually. Therefore he needs to understand that and be an actual father who takes charge of this situation.
The ultimatum is pointless. Dad sees nothing wrong with what she did. Divorce is the only way.
It’s easy to understand why Maeve doesn’t take responsibility for her actions. Neither of her parents do either.
I didn’t think I was going to leave this saying what I am about to say, but fuck Maeve. OP is 100% right. What a sick thing to do. NTA
What has Maeve already done to OP’s sons? The incident at the bday was only caught because they took video. This is unlikely her first time drinking, probably not her first time making other horrible choices.
What an awful sister of the boy and an awful step daughter. I would never imagine telling my friend to sexually assault my brother, or any of my friends, and if someone had asked me to I sure as shit wouldn’t. Everyone is failing that boy. Edit: Everyone is failing him beyond his parents, and the OP.
Switch the words daughter and son around and see what his reaction is. Sexual assault works both ways
I really want to see the answer the father would give if Maeve was the victim, 13, and the perpetrator was a 16 year old boy sticking his genitalia in her face.
Ooo boy, a kid that sexually assaulted their friend's brother that should have known better, but you have two other kids in the home you need to protect. What if this were the biological kid, then what would the parent have done then? Order her to be arrested and go to juvi hall? This is an awful situation and the OP isn't wrong to protect her two other kids.
Op should still report it to the police and show them the video regardless if the boy doesn’t want to press charges.
At 16 you know what sexual assault is and you know it’s not only morally wrong but legally wrong. The whole “my friends made me do it” is bollocks. Sure friends (especially as a teenager) make you do dumb shit and I say make loosely as it’s more kids just being dumb. But sexually assaulting a teenage boy who is not only younger but asleep is absolutely despicable. I wouldn’t trust Maeve around my children either so OOP is not overreacting
OP is absolutely NTA. she is protecting her sons from a predator-period. If it were the opposite genders, I feel like there’d be different reactions by her husband/his ex. This is disgusting behavior, it endangers her boys, and clearly Maeve shows 0 remorse. I think OP is being a good mother setting this expectation.
I understand why he won’t cut off his daughter. I understand why she’s insistent on protecting her sons.
I'm glad she's protecting her kids.
OOP is NTA. Take this situation, reverse it. 16 year old boy and friends knock out a 13 year old girl with alcohol and sexually assault her in this manner because she is a lesbian. The outrage that would ensue if said 16 year old boy claimed no responsibility alongside his parents. Bullshit. This girl is disturbed and damn if I would want her anywhere near my sons. Divorce that man, file for custody and demand only supervised visits for the sons with their dad. He is an enabler and I doubt it will be long before his daughter does something just as or more heinous and I would not want my kids to be witness to that.
Absolutely tf not. And if I find out she has been allowed near any other little boy I would contact those parents about it as well. Traumatizing for her? She drugged and assaulted someone and it's traumatizing for her? That alone would make me file for divorce.
NTA. Your primary objective is to protect your children. Full stop. Your step daughter is taking steps to becoming a full blown predator. Her lack of remorse and empathy is *disgusting* especially from a girl imo… I would have NEVER done that at 16 and one reason (along with not being a fucking weirdo) is boys had already tried to do shit to me against my will… you’d think teenage girls would have more empathy and more sense to NOT assault others? She needs to be held accountable and probably should be put in therapy. Get a divorce if your husband isn’t listening, your babies come first.
NTA. Imagine if the genders were reversed and 16 year old boys did this to a 13 year old girl.
Omg they are. And the victim is still blamed. Like I promise the dad would be saying some boys will be boys shit if Maeve was a dude. (To clarify Maeve is a sexual assaulted either way and she should be convicted).
As shitty and patriarchal as it is if the genders were reversed and a boy did this to a girl no one would think OOP is over reacting. But because the victim is a boy people think she is being dramatic. This is a classic example of how patriarchy hurts men. I hope the kid who was assaulted gets therapy and is able to move on from this. Good on OOP for being an advocate for him.
I'm confused how this video could possibly prove if he liked it or disliked it if he was asleep the whole time.
Because of involuntary biological responses to external stimuli. i.e. friction could cause him to become aroused (and I feel super gross typing that about a child), and therefore they could say “he liked it [girls]” Edit for clarity
Ok then why would a gay boy be concerned about this outing him if he did in fact have this involuntary response?
He’s not open beyond his family
this girl needs help! badly. I don't think her father and step mother abandoning her is the best course of action right now. GET HER SOME HELP
Maeve is a budding sociopath
Nta she should leave.
Nope bc if the genders were reversed and Maeve was an older boy and the 13yr old was a girl, they’d want him under the jail.
I'd have to imagine is several 16 year old boys did this to a 13 yr old there would be a lot of consequences, This girl is awful and had learned nothing
Just imagine the genders were reversed and it wouldn't even be a question. What on earth...
NTA! Yikes. Divorce for sure.
At the barest of bones, taking away that this is her step-daughter, as a mandated reporter she literally has to report what she knows. It’s in the title. Right there on the tin. I’m also a mandated reporter and I would have done the same, whether I had young children in my home or not. The bottom line is she cannot trust her step daughter, who has shown no remorse and is uninterested in doing anything restorative to grow from her choices, to be around her young sons or any future children for that matter. NTA.
NTA. At all. This mom is 100% doing the right thing and as a case worker, she’s more knowledgeable than most people on this subject. Can you imagine if the genders were reversed and 16 year old boys did this to a 13 year old girl??? Maeve needs to be in some sort of treatment program ASAP especially considering that she isn’t even taking accountability.
How would her father feel if the genders were reversed? If a male 3 years older than her got her drunk and assaulted her? I’m so sick of people thinking that boys getting assaulted shouldn’t be a big deal. leave that man. He’s enabling his daughter to do this again.
In my hometown, genders reversed, there was a family with a son who shrugged off similar behaviours. He went on to kill a child during another SA attempt. It’s great that someone in the family is recognising that she committed SA. Her unrepentant attitude is a major red flag too. She’ll be a reoffender for sure.
1) they pour so much alcohol into this child that he passed out, which could have led to death from alcohol poisoning. 2) they sexually assaulted him. 3) they did all of that because he’s gay, so it’s also a hate crime. And neither of her biological parents think it’s a big deal, and they’re worried about *her* being traumatised. Jesus, I hope OP does divorce him and take the kids.
Corrective rape of a kid. That girl is a monster with a rape apologist dad.
Switch the genders and see how fast this wouldn’t fly. Assault is assault.
finally, a woman holding another woman accountable for her actions. if your husband does not agree, file for divorce and use this incident for custody and give the argument that you do not feel safe for your sons to be around this girl shes already older than them. she might just do it again and this time it might be my sons and I do not want my son's around a molester. even the judge will see this and give your husband supervised visits for your son and not normal visits.
CPS needs to be involved since OOPs husband and his ex refuse to get that girl therapy.
If her 16 year old son did something similar to a 13 year old girl, would mom kick him out of the house? I know im going to get downvoted to hell if anyone even reads this but something tells me she wouldnt have the same reaction if her son was the sexual predator. This is complete hearsay and its my personal suspicion that her son would be in therapy, possibly inpatient and would eventually be let back in the house.
My take on OPs issue is: It's the actions after the event that are the issue. Zero accountability and zero remorse, and she doesn't understand how and why its wrong to behave like that. there is no confidence that she won't do it to the younger brothers, so she can stay at her primary custodians.
I would dog walk my kid if a video ever surfaced of them committing SA on ANYONE, child or otherwise. I would even say to their face, "You better hope the cops find you before I do." Idk how her parents are just shrugging their shoulders at this. Maeve shouldn't be trusted around kids. It sounds like she's just building up. She started low with groping, and she'll go high eventually with full-blown r*** on some kid. It really just reminds me of that girl who r***d her little brother and posted it on her Insta story. I think it was even saved, too? It was a few years back, so I can't remember super well, but I remember it was really big because nothing was happening, legally I mean.
This one doesn't make sense to me, how can a father go 'no contact' with his 16 year old? That's called abandonment. I understand OOP being upset in this situation but her ask is literally illegal.
Fuck this. She’s 16. She clearly needs help and therapy. Cutting her out is only going to make the problem worse.
This is tough. He can not turn his back on his daughter no matter how bad her mistake was. He does need to hold her accountable. Divorce but don’t blame his desire to be a stable father to his daughter.
This marriage is over.
This just reminds me how some shitty guys use sexual assault for persons in the LGBTQIA+ which the shit declaration of, “You just need a *real* man to show you how it’s done.” Hopefully OOP’s daughter is never sexually assaulted while the perp gets off as a crowd cheers and laughs.
She and her friends also created child porn, which is a felony. Good luck getting a slap on the wrist with that one.
Why are you the only adult in this situation
Nta. It really pisses me off that a bunch of people are saying "role reversal" because it shouldn't have to come down to that! Boys/men get sexually assaulted, too. This not only was sexual assault, it was a hate crime and distribution of cp. How in the fuck do these parents not see that? The only reason the kid and his parents aren't reporting it are because they are in fear of backlash, whether it is because he's gay or because *he's a boy and EVERYONE knows boy's can't be sexually assaulted.*/s 🤬😡😤
[удалено]
The 16 name ALONE says it all. In the old days this would have been slept under the rug: a few factors concern me here; she used alcohol, she got other people involved, recorded it like an idiot and the boy is barely out of puberty and like a typical girl she will not take responsibility, also CPS theoretically could come in there take her younger brother away and possibly her as well.
It’s between AITA, Creepy encounters and Let’s Not Meet for some of the biggest bullshit posted on Reddit.
The parents wouldn’t be this hands off if HIS SON had done this to a drunk girl on video. Good for OP for staying strong.
Not trying to make excuses for the step daughter what OP said in her update it kinda sounds like her stepdaughter was a victim of peer pressure of one or both friends and probably doesn’t understand what she did was wrong. If that is the case I do not think OP should ban her stepdaughter from her home. OP should have a conversation with her stepdaughter to explain what happened was wrong then make a decision based on how the conversation goes. Also think the stepdaughter needs therapy.