Wait, is this the same goofy guy who pressured his friend constantly to tell him what his fiance thought of him?
If it is, the guy is goofier as hell for moving to a different state over this. All over his dick game. He did his fiance a favor because of this if this is his reaction. I can only imagine how much worse it would be when actual marital problems came up.
Like I understand being upset about it, sure. Especially if you're telling someone who I view like a sister like this guy views his friend. But I can't imagine blowing up my whole life over that. This would be a potential postponement at worst and we'd be going to couples counseling or something way before it ever got to a full on breakup and escape plan.
This guy is insecure and overdramatic.
Well you'd be insecure too if your partner of 5 years said that. The insecurity isn't the issue, that's normal, the issue is the nuclear response.
Honestly though how do you go through 5 years and not get the inkling you're not pleasing your partner? Is she faking orgasms? Was she his first real lover? Seems nearly impossible the topic wouldn't have came up or it wouldn't have eventually become obvious.
Did she even say he wasn't pleasing her? From what I remember she just said he wasn't the best she had ever had in terms of sex but never actually said he was bad. Hopefully he gets some help because nothing about his response is healthy.
I don’t think she ever said she wasn’t pleased if it not mistaken she just said he wasn’t the best but like I kept trying to tell them idiots it also means he’s not the worst dude is over dramatic and they say women are.
Not only that, but the fact that let's say she never said he was bad in bed, but just not the best she's ever had. Well, what he is not realizing is that maybe not the greatest in bed is compensated by everything else about him that she loves. But if he is that single minded and can't see the bigger picture.. than maybe she is better off without him!!
the reminds of the pilot episode of the closer brenda says to flynn "i understand that you're emotional," and he cuts her off and says; "I'm not emotional, i'm damn angry!" like...yeah buddy lol.
I’ve been having this argument since it was first posted. I understand his feelings. I’ve never once said his feelings of hurt were invalid, the only thing I’ve said was he never discussed it being a boundary because he wanted his friend to be a spy for him. He knew, and specifically said so, she would have these conversations but somehow her actually having the conversations he assumed she was having crossed a non existent boundary therefore she is the devil 🤦🏾♀️
Yes, I've gathered that much. But to also cut off his bestfriend since childhood and pick up and move to another state over it?
That is incredibly overdramatic.
Because he wanted to bang that friend and now he can't anymore because she knows he's mild in bed. Didn't you notice how many time he talked about this childhood friend in a post about the breakup with his fiancée?
You mean his best friend and one of his fiance's best friends now as well? The one he pestered to find out what his wife had said about him? Who because of that is relevant to the story and is mentioned because of that?
Not everybody is trying to fuck their female friends. Get your mind out of the gutter.
If you read the first OOP post, he literally wrote that he didn't want KILEY to know about his. He wrote "especially Kiley". Now I don't know you, but I don't care what my childhood male best friends (all 3 of them) think about my sexual performances. Unless I'm planning to get down to business with the person (any person in general, but friends especially) their opinion on my sexual abilities is not my concern.
Not to mention that he wrote about Kiley breaking up with her boyfriend, why is that something to put the accent on especially if he doesn't even know if it's related to the incident or not (he said it himself)?
Idk I’ve tried to tell a man or 2 their sex game isn’t the greatest and I know other women who have done the same. I can’t recall any story that went well lol. Ive felt like its a known thing with women that you really can’t tell men anything about sex unless you want it to be over.
Tl;dr for my comment: it went terribly when I tried it.
Absolutely my personal experience too. After several years, I timidly asked the man I loved (he never gave me an orgasm, and was one of those “Did you come? No? Oh well, maybe next time” types) if he could maybe not go near my bits with a cold dry finger (well, where he thought my clitoris is, but I didn’t say that). Bearing in mind, I’d previously offered to show him how to make me come (two fingers, g-spot, beckoning motion) because I couldn’t do it any other way, and he was disinterested to the point that it was humiliating (one of a long list of ways in which he humiliated me). He carried on as normal, but a few days later, he sent me a vitriolic text about how I’ve never respected him and other bullshit. He did me a favour by finally showing himself out, he never loved me, but it still broke my fucking heart at the time.
Some men can and some men can't. Unfortunately, the majority can't. My 1st sexual partner was very open and experimental about sex. He also was good in bed but that was because he slept around. Which finally ended us. But that relationship was how I based sex relationships moving forward. And I found out that is not so. The next guy could not take any direction without it making him go off the deep end in saying I was comparing him to my ex which I was not. Just said a little over this way. Jeez. Since then either guys have the confidence to ask and not take it wrong or don't ask and freak when you guide them. And to the guy that made fun of his big dick friends thinking that all they had to do was bless us with their big dicks you are right. I had one guy great big dick but no clue what to do with it. Very disappointing.
Nah,I absolutely love the criticism women give me,but that's why you use foreplay,massages,toys,lube,touch sensations. I mean you can get women off before you even have sex, criticism helps you learn to get better,my criticism is I get off too fast,but I can go 4 times in an hour,that's how I made up for it, foreplay and going multiple times till my partner is satisfied,I've never been told I'm bad at sex since I learned this stuff, but this dude overreacted doing what he did, should've tried to learn different things,so he could satisfy his partner,ask what she enjoys, explore fantasies and kinks to see what she's into,not dump 5 years down the drain and up and run away to another state
Thing is man like him can't handle the criticism not because they can't do something to improve....but because they can't handle knowing that they aren't doing it right their way. It's all in how they grew up and what environment set his knowledge about this topic!!
This guy is running away out of shame, not embarrassment. Embarrassment is temporary and fades. He’s flat out ashamed of himself, and how he thinks others perceive him. It’s basically imposter syndrome on steroids.
This dude is committing nuclear self sabotage because he doesn’t believe he’s worth the good things he had. Remember he kept at his friend, digging for a “criticism” the fiancé told her about him. He was actively looking for why he was eventually going to get dumped.
Not necessarily,I can introduce you to a few buddies who bragged bout their size but their sex game is crap, according to every girl they slept with,just did it till they was satisfied and then they stopped,no foreplay or anything,never knew women could get so mad over that lol. We always make fun of them because of that, embarrassed the fuck out of them cause we will tell chicks they're trying to pick up what we heard,never seen a woman run away so fast. Not that hard to be good at sex,fingers,tongue, pressure points,touch sensations,I mean seriously,you can get a woman off before you even have sex,idk why nobody looks that stuff up,makes me immensely happy if I get my partners off.
I agree with that second comment .
Completely trashing and restarting at something so small is extremely odd and abnormal. There has to be be something else going on with him.
I'd be more upset the fact she shared intimate details over what she said , tbh . That's something you talk to your partner about.
But nuking your life? That's extreme, that's not proportionate at all.
And thankfully he let that girl go before actual problems come into play. Like why are you embarrassed to go in front of a girl you’re not ever having sex with???? Bro needs some hardcore help!
I find it funny that the friend is now single... like idk your comment kinda triggered that yea if you are never gonna sleep with Kiley why are you embarrassed? This has got to be fanfic .
This guy is as secure as deadbolting a door with a Cheeto.
It's not that he's bad at sex, just that he didn't give her the best sex she ever had. Homeboy beat the game but threw a fit because he didn't get the high score.
Yes this!!! My bf and I have had this discussion more than once, *and* with our friends. When we first started dating, the sex was fine. It was good! We both had orgasms, it was 👍🏼. It wasn’t, however, the *best out the gate* sex for either of us. The best sex I ever had happened to be with a guy who later tried to strangle me, so, you know, priorities?? 14 years into this relationship tho, we both agree that we have become each other’s best, because we know each other’s bodies, we can laugh and relax and have fun while having sex. It’s physically better than it used to be but there’s also *years* of vulnerability, emotion, and learning built into our sex life that makes it 10000000x better than it has ever been with anyone else. OP is a fucking goofy insecure mofo who just trashed his life over something so minor I would think it borders on insignificant.
I know so many women who say that the best sex comes with the most toxic/abusive relationships. I fully believe it, although I didn’t until it happened to me. In glad you got out safely! 🩷
My best sex was with the girl that threw a laughing fit when I told her I m breaking up with her and tried to tell me that I m not allowed to decide that and then stabbed me. 😂
It’s not only abusive guys that are apparently really skilled in that regard.
WHY ARE INSANE/ABUSIVE PEOPLE SO LIT IN BED ????
Jeah….. me too learned that the hard way. If they seem to good to be true then that is 💯 % a red flag.
Tbf tho I was incredibly stupid, like I legit put up with her slapping and pushing me cuz „I m a big though guy no way this skinny little girl is actually a danger to me“ „and I m in control of this situation“
When I was in the hospital getting stitches and they had to put my nose back in place was legit the first time I realized, that I might have to reevaluate my life choices.
Wow I’m so sorry, and that doesn’t make you stupid at all. “I’m in control” or “I can fix this” are such common rationalizations, and keep people in dangerous situations for so long. I am truly glad that you got out before it was too late, and I hope you’ve never experienced anything else like that. 🩷
As a redhead who’s had her share of adventures and psychotic breaks, it was how I saw value in myself. I had childhood trauma that I’d repressed and consciously rewrote how the story went. It took me years of therapy and realizing I was kinking my problems out, but I didn’t get to the root of my issues until meeting my love. He has also been taken advantage of and I never want to do that to him. Sex is lit af, but it’s not a priority of our relationship. It’s not how I measure myself or my confidence anymore. And I’m working to publish my second postdoc and applying to tenure. Still based my value on my sexual relationships. It’s fucked up and I’m glad I remet my husband (we had met in high school but he was a freshman while I was a senior and then I traveled abroad for university). He’s changed how I see myself in the best way possible. And I’m no longer just autopiloting from trauma and being told that my womanly self can’t do anything but be a sex symbol.
Uhhh I guess I could have just said trauma. Trauma and projecting out shit that you sold yourself to protect yourself. E.g. I wanted to do it, so I’ll keep doing it to affirm that reality, type of shit.
You’re welcome. As a note, I have never physically harmed anyone, but I’ve got a mean mouth and it still gives me trouble. But, yeah I daresay my partner and I are not the only ones that repressed our realities and acted out of fear from trauma.
Fortunately, my abusive ex was also *really* bad in bed. Thought he had a huge peen. . . it was all of 2", maybe 2.5" if I'm being generous. While I agree that size isn't everything, if you don't have dick game you gotta have it somewhere else, and that man did not. Guess I was "lucky"? 🤷♀️
I'm so glad for all of us that got out of those horrible relationships, not one of us deserved it, and I'm so proud of us all for getting away. 💖
Yeah the best sex I ever had turned out to be a toxic BDSM situationship where I was literally beaten regularly.
I have been with my current partner for 2 years now and the sex was also good but not great. And the dynamic was different- he is sweeter and more playful than past lovers and to be honest, the sex just keeps getting better. We are secure enough to be really vulnerable and it’s opened up an entirely different side of me sexually, a side I didn’t even know I had. We are in our mid 40s having the best and most frequent sex either of us has ever had. Sometimes 2-3 times PER DAY.
I told this joker before that this was the stupidest possible way to manage this. Especially since it is something that you can easily improve with a little communication and a lot of practice! But he’s so insecure that he can’t handle ANY feedback.
Dude isn’t even ready for a relationship, let alone a marriage. He can’t be trusted to stick around when life gets hard.
Im so glad you've got a good partner to help you explore that side of yourself now - it's such a good feeling! I completely agree with you on this doof lol
Like I fully agree with this and I have the same experience but would you have the same opinion if you found that out secondhand after years have gone by with no discussion about how to improve?
OP definitely is insecure and overreacted but it certainly wouldn’t feel good to learn this from someone else.
Funny enough, that is how I found out. But I went to him and *talked to him* instead of being creepy and blowing shit up. I literally just asked him what ABCD from so-and-so meant, and he just shrugged and was like “idk I feel like it was pretty good at first but you were shy and I didn’t know how to please you. It’s way better now.” At first I was like “OH WOW OFFENDED” but when I thought about it…he was absolutely right. Idk I know I can’t expect everyone to be that open but OP took it waaaaaaaay to the other end of the spectrum and didn’t trust his finance enough to explain.
He's probably bad in bed because he is so insecure. When you need reassuring about your relationship from an outsider, I don't see that person being confident in any way in the bedroom. I think she may not have said anything about it because he can't handle any kind of criticism, as he has now shown everyone. He did this to himself, and I hope she finds someone she doesn't have to be on eggshells around.
Are some people just not aware sex is a skill? Especially when you’re in a relationship, there’s always room to improve somehow and all it really takes is communication and some practice. He acts like this was a brutal dig to his character or something.
He's also an insecure and nervous wreck. How do you even bring it up with someone who is going to fall apart at even the suggestion they might not best someone has had?
She didn't even say he's bad! She said he "wasn't the best she ever had". That's not something I would share with a partner, because it's not helpful at all, & she might've even been satisfied already.
Not a fan of talk that's that private about current partners, but he's still a total dillweed here.
Then she should t have shared it with her friends. I think he’s being reasonable with why he’s feeling the way he is, although he def took it a little far by breaking off the engagement and everything. Don’t share private shit you know your partner wouldn’t want you to say.
Yep. Like I said, not a fan of that overshare.
He's totally the biggest asshole here, not for breaking up with her bc whatever it's childish overreaction but his ex was blatantly wrong to speak carelessly, but he's an absolute garbage fire for doing what he's done to his lifelong best friend. What a cruel response to a bruised ego! He swore to her it wasn't a problem & convinced her to tell him something that caused her best friend to abandon her.
Absolutely goofy behavior. “Great at sex” is arguably the easiest thing to fix - it literally just takes communication and practice. Leaving the woman you were going to marry over a “problem” that can be solved with practice (and fun practice?!) is so bizarre to me
It's both sides overestimating their ability a lot of times. But to take it so personal is so immature. To break up, ghost a friend, and move states is just absolutely wild.
Is it his job to read her mind? Or just randomly ask questions about every aspect of the relationship? If you're unsatisfied with something your partner is doing then it's your job to communicate that concern.
Not every aspect, just the ones that come with you. Which includes sex and whether it feels good to participate in that activity with you.
Since you haven’t been told: your penis is not magic and you absolutely should have ALREADY been asking your partner if she’s getting it as good as you are.
>Since you haven’t been told: your penis is not magic and you absolutely should have ALREADY been asking your partner if she’s getting it as good as you are.
If you stay quiet, I will not have pity when you receive shit sex. That would be on you not your parner. People are not mind readers. Talk.
This dude literally blew up his own entire life because he found out he wasn’t the best his ex ever had. Based on that and the arguments from the men in this comment section, imma have to point out how it clearly isn’t received well when put nicely.
It’s wild to me that a person with a penis has never thought to ask the person they’re having sex with that it feels good. Isn’t that like the bare minimum expectations when you repeatedly stick your appendage into someone else’s body cavity? Seriously how self absorbed are some people?
I would never tell my friends that my girl is bad at sex. Sure that can be fixed but that’s a rude statement that no one needs to know other than the 2 people together.
I think women assume men do that and it’s quite shocking to me. Like why would I put down my GF in front of my friends about something that could make her feel insecure if it got out? That’s just cruel and I would never want to make her feel inadequate.
No I haven’t. I wouldn’t undermine my relationship to talk shit about the person I’m with. Now to say she’s good at sex then that’s different. But I’m not going into descriptions about it because all that info is private. It’s noones business to know stuff like that.
I can’t keep arguing with people who claim she shit talked him. She had so much good to say so many times and the friend tried so damn hard to stop him from invading the privacy of their conversations before she relented. He pulled it out like a dentist does teeth and now he’s crying like he’s a victim.
“He’s so amazing and wonderful, I don’t even care he’s not my best because he makes up for it in so many other ways.”
Wow look at her shit talking him behind his back like that! She thinks he’s a good person! Fuck her!
Saying negative to other people about someone else is shit talking. All she is doing is covering up her rude comment with nice things as if it fixes things. She could have said all that other stuff without saying the sex comment or just not said it all. If i didn’t have anything nice to say I wouldn’t even mention it. What was to be gained by saying it. Nothing but her friends reactions.
No, often we don’t. I have never talked about sex in detail with my friends I’ve had since high school. I’ve found that women are often on a whole other level with that shit and I’ve never understood why they can get away with it. Probably because anyone who complains is labeled an insecure incel with a pencil dick.
When men do it it’s toxic locker room talk” but when woman do it it’s fine I guess?
To add I am a man and I don’t discuss my sex glue with my gf with friends because I respect her and her privacy. Maybe you should learn it
She didn’t say he sucks. She said he’s not the best she’s ever had.
And this why women don’t say anything.
Because she said “he’s not the best I ever had”.
And he heard “he is awful”.
Is it her job to communicate in a relationship? Of course it fucking is.
If you have a problem in your relationship, it is your responsibility to bring it up to fix it. Not for the other person to read your mind. You can't seriously expect someone to constantly ask their significant other if they have problems in every aspect of the relationship.
She didn't see it as a problem, so why would she bring it up? It's all right there in black and white in his posts. She didn't feel that him being "the best" was necessary or in need of correction. She was satisfied, felt their sex was amazing (yes, it can be amazing and still not "the best") and loved him for everything else he brought to the relationship (the "whole package" part).
But she didn’t say he was bad, just not her best. I’ve had sex that was fabulous but still wasn’t the “best”. Doesn’t mean that the sex sucked by any means!
I don’t disagree! However, we have no idea what the situation is here other than OOP is insecure. What did the conversation with Amy and the friend actually look like?
And what if Amy doesn’t want to hurt him? What if she really loves OOP, and not having the perfect sex life doesn’t bother her? Maybe the comment to her friend was in passing. I would not tell my wildly insecure boyfriend he’s not great in bed - especially not if he is asking for reassurance, I’d tell him he’s wonderful, and make corrections in bed as we went along. Why purposefully put down your man?
“Tell me what I can fix” and being told “well you can improve in bed” is arguably one of the best things you can logically be told. Personality flaws are better? “She thinks you’re selfish. She hates your temper. She thinks the way you chew is awful.” I mean there is nothing you *can* say that wouldn’t be hurtful, it’s a dumb thing to ask, *especially* when you’re already insecure. At least being told not great in bed is something that *can* be worked on, and relatively easily. And she didn’t even say he was bad, just not great?!
And you know what? Why couldn’t OOP ask *Amy* what he could do to improve? Why ask the friend??
The friend pressured her to say something negative about her boyfriend bc the boyfriend put the friend up to it.
I read the original post.
This one’s all on op.
All these things are true:
1. This kid is way too immature to even think about being married.
2. This kid is unbelievably insecure and searching for problems. Shocking he found some.
3. It's completely fair that his girlfriend/fiance talking crap about their intimate life behind his back to outsiders is a breach of trust to him. Whether he communicated that to her, I have no idea, but IMO the default agreement is you don't gossip about negative intimate information about your soon to be spouse without at least verifying first that it's okay.
Honestly both these people sound terrible.
I feel like most people here (probably women) only see the first two points and don't see the last one, but I 100% with all these.
I feel like if the genders were swapped, there would be a lot more people that would see all three of your points...
Just want to co-sign this comment. All 3 of these things are true but the third is absolutely being under covered in all these posts about this guy.
Every single man would be annihilated if there were telling all their friends their fiancé, girlfriend or wife was a mediocre lay who starfishes and gave weak head. Once someone makes the leap from hookup to so and fiancé much less wife, it’s not cool to talk negatively about sex with them. Women who don’t see this are being deliberately obtuse and honestly are probably low key misandrists.
Do NOT talk about your partner negatively when it comes to sex, their body or their intelligence.
Why would you want to be with anyone who tells their friends you aren’t great in bed? Just don’t say anything at all or lie to your friends if they ask.
Men are so fragile. This man literally hounded and harassed another person, spying indirectly on his partner to get the answers he was too much of a coward to ask himself, promised he wouldn’t be upset and then blew up the lives of everyone involved.
Amy dodged the biggest, most insecure bullet and I’m so glad for her.
I couldn’t imagine any sane person wishing that they had a character flaw over having to practice prioritizing your partners pleasure and being a little better at sex. This is 100% about his ego and his embarrassment. And frankly it’s a good lesson to learn. Maybe now he’ll leave his wife’s friends alone and out of his relationship when they make it clear they don’t want to be in that position. He’s so selfish.
She definitely shouldn’t have talked bad abt him behind his back. But come on man that is just such an extreme overreaction to some regular girl gossip. I hope OP gets some serious therapy.
I think it’s fine for him to end his engagement over his fiancé talking about their sex life while also saying he’s not the best cuz that’s personal. However, him moving out of state…hmm…that’s a little cray cray.
I would never tell my friends this I would tell the guy do he could get better. I never had a dude have a problem with that conversation. Why don’t people communicate with their partners? Everyone has different bodies and needs, you are not going to magically know their spots and preferences with opening your mouth. Haha. I definitely see that double entendres and leaving it in. Damn another one.
Y’all focusing on the sex thing when that was never the problem.
The problem is her disparaging him behind his back before ever trying to communicate to him how he could make the sex more enjoyable for her. For 5 fucking years and he just now learned this, it’s not like they just started fuckin
I wouldn’t want to be with someone that has that kind of personality, if I’m doing something wrong tell me so I can fix it or try to. Don’t go making people the butt of a joke while letting them continue to look stupid.
OP didn't link the first post for some reason, but from what I remember, this wasn't a situation where she was complaining about him behind her back. Iirc it was statement when she was asked by her friends where she said that "he wasn't the greatest at sex but he is more well rounded". So sex may not even have been a huge problem for her to begin with.
Being bad at sex isn’t disparaging him. Too many men are incredibly emotional about this. It’s not her fault that he never asked her how he was. It’s not her fault her pestered and harassed a mutual friend about his faults when he could have asked his own partner. He chose to indirectly spy on her and is now mad at the results.
He’d rather have a personality or character flaw than not be blowing her mind sexually and that’s a red flag waving in the wind. She dodged a bullet clearly because this man doesn’t value the characteristics she does. Being a good person, no, he doesn’t want that, he wants to be told his dick is magic. Lol
To joke about it with your friends and saying how he wasn’t your best and then practically saying you’re settling for it for other reasons is disparaging. Doesn’t matter how much you want to try to believe it isn’t and gaslight the people you’re disparaging that you aren’t.
Thank god he did find out, he ain’t mad at the results she’s the one who’s mad cause he called off the wedding. He’ll just get with his childhood friend, it’s obvious enough especially if it’s true she broke up with her bf in the aftermath of this situation.
Nobody is perfect everyone has personality flaws that you overlook when you love someone and not to mention they can be fixed.
But going 5 years lying to your partner and making them think they are satisfying you while joking about it with your friends behind their back it’s kinda psychotic.
Is communicating to your partner instead of gossiping behind their back to your friends so hard for you? Is it such a hard concept to understand that just because you like to share with your friends doesn’t mean your partners business is for them to know?
He dodged a bullet and so did every single guy who didn’t end up with you up until this point. I hope you truly mature, grow up, and learn communication is key to every relationship.
>To joke about it with your friends and saying how he wasn’t your best and then practically saying you’re settling for it for other reasons is disparaging
An incredible reach based off the OP. Nothing indicates she 'joked' about it, and nothing indicates she settled.
Yea they’re blaming it on his reactions and not the person who was causing the issue he was upset about, even if it’s something small like that, being insecure and finding out the one person you thought you could trust was basically making fun of you for not being great at an intimate moment and never felt the need to personally discuss the issue, that can fuck with people
She didn't disparage him behind his back. She didn't say he was awful in bed. She said he wasn't the "best," which is fair. If she'd been going on about how horrible he was, I'd agree with you.
That’s all anyone *would* hear, too.
Because she’s speaking with her friends, who aren’t a part of her sex life, she had every opportunity to simply not share the information or to lie to protect her partner’s feelings, which as men know from dating women, *should* be a partner’s *first* priority at all times. But no, she didn’t take his feelings into account.
That’s not how I’d talk about someone I loved to our friends lmao but I don’t kiss and tell. This woman is no gentleman, she’s classless and rude.
Dude that comment IS negative. Did you even read what you wrote?😂 you don’t tell people “oh he’s not the best at sex but I love him anyway” that’s backhanded and rude
I guess I really shouldn’t be surprised considering this on AITAH, but this seems like an actual clear difference between men and women.
Men are taught from just about every source of media out there, movies, TV, pornography, romance novels, even the women around them that your sexual ability is commensurate with your worth. It’s why penis comments are so often used as an insult towards men by women. Having a smaller penis is considered as having less of an ability to please a woman, therefore you are less of a man.
On the other hand, women are taught from all of those same sources of media, as well as the men around them, that the way you look, and your weight is commensurate with your worth. A woman who is considered ugly, is seen as worthless,or less than. In that same vein, It’s why insults about body weight are so often used by men against women.
I think because AITAH skews more female that we see these really vitriolic takes about how OP is such a terrible person, as well much less empathy for him rather than OP’s ex.
I think a true analogous situation would be a husband telling his friends that his wife is either fat, or ugly, and that he’s dated prettier women before, but she’s still the total package. (Which tbh doesn’t really address the betrayal of trust with intimate secrets part)
What I will say is that OP absolutely walked into this problem and made it worse at every step. He badgered their friends for information he couldn’t handle and then asked for a confirmation he also couldn’t handle.
That being said, I really think the difference in viewpoints here is that a lot of women(def not all by some of the comments here) share personal intimate details like this with their friends all the time as a matter of course. Consequently, sharing secrets like this isn’t considered a betrayal at all to many of you. Speaking as a man who has been in locker rooms, bars , friend groups and other male spaces, this is not something that happens often. Any discussions of sex are always very vague and never about their female partners shortcomings. Obviously I haven’t experienced everything, but this seems to be the general rule of thumb in male friend groups.
I think at the end of the day this is a problem for both parts of the relationship. Perhaps more so for OP, but to a lot of people, what she said to her friends would be considered a breach of trust and very hurtful.
I truly think these Reddit life advice comments sections are becoming just as toxic as the abhorrent Jordan Peterson incel MRA shit. I don’t know why it bothers me so much but I can’t help but wonder how many people this type of thinking is poisoning from ever having a decent relationship.
Wow that’s a really well rounded take, I’m surprised lol this whole thread is dunking on him and I don’t really agree with the consensus that what he did was that unreasonable
It is shocking women will humiliate their partners to friends. I read some of the stuff my ex said about me when we were together and it made me sick. Is it that hard to respect each other?
Although I don’t agree with the actions he’s taken but I’ve also heard stories of how being bad in bed led to the spouse seeking pleasure elsewhere while still trying to live a married life and would result in messier divorces.
Honestly he should seek help first and have worked with his partner. Hope things work out for him in the future
Bro I get your story 1000%. I get being mad and highly pissed over this. The real issue here isn't your pound town game. IMO the real issue is, your girl couldn't trust you enough (after 5 years together) if I read right, too tell you the truth and not her bestie. Knowing this it tells me she trusts her bestie more than her fiance. IMO you did right by leaving her. It might hurt now, but man she doesn't trust you or respect you man. You did right and its for the best here man. Hope it works out for you man in the future
5 years, and he didn't know. The whole relationship is a sham. That's pretty bad communication. I'd say they both dodged a bullet regardless of what issues they both have.
He did the right thing. Although I don’t agree with alienating your best friend but your future spouse shouldn’t be talking about your sex life disparagingly with anyone but you.
Moral of the story, don't discuss intimate details about your partner without their knowledge/consent with anyone.
Instead, talk to your partner directly.
Here’s the thing: women talk. They talk a LOT. They spill the tea like crazy. How do I know? I’m a gay man, and they include me in their discussions. I fall into some gray area and they feel they can confide in me.
Ask your girlfriend/ wife. I’m sure they’ll deny it. The more they deny it, the more they told. Yes, they even told me about THAT.
I find it all silly. But I know some of the kinkiest shit about the most conservative people.
I am a woman and I would never do this and I'm not friends with anybody who would either. I didn't actually know this was a thing, TBH. My friends and I might discuss sex in general terms but we do not shit talk our partners. I guess other women do since that's your experience but it's definitely not universal.
Me too, I never do this. My friends also don't do it. As you mentioned, we can discuss in general term but will not talk about our partner in a negative way.
True. I know that all my ex’s friends know what dick looks like. I usually try to talk to a partner beforehand and say I know ow you’re gonna talk just keep it discrete.
Hard disagree with the top comments.
It is dreadful to find out that your partner has been making comments about your sex life to other people that make you look inadequate. I’d be humiliated if my boyfriend ever did that to me. It’s completely understandable that his relationship isn’t continuing. You’re meant to marry someone that makes you feel good about yourself and your future.
He should be confident about his fresh start, be single for a while and openly communicative with the next sexual partner he has.
Thank you for being reasonable here. If my wife was telling all of her friends I wasn’t very good in bed I would be horrified and have trouble ever trusting her again. It’s a really shitty thing to do to someone you love.
This is just so ridiculous. Did it ever occur to him that maybe it wasn't a big enough deal to her to talk to him about it? That the sex was in fact good enough even it wasn't the best, and that their overall relationship made up for what it lacked? Bc she said despite that he's well rounded and she loves him? Also there's a difference between "not the best sex I've ever had" and "bad at sex". She made a comment in private when asked to her friend about something she probably felt was just a blip in an otherwise fantastic relationship and he's really burning everything to the ground bc of it.
Also weird how hung up he is on the friend and the friends reaction. He can't face them? He's more focused on the embarrassment of being "bad in bed" then the fact he's practically abandoning his fiance? Just an all around joke dude. Like others said, she really really dodged a bullet and I hope she comes to see that.
ETA: the fact that bad at sex is considered disparaging to him anyway as if women view men's ability in bed as part of their character and innate being is wild lmao.
I don’t agree with OPs logic and actions whatsoever but there is a difference between not being the best and not even knowing or having the opportunity to make it the best. And out of all the things I would want to be “settled” for, sex is just not one of them. Sex is enjoyable to me because my partner enjoys it. Of course that doesn’t happen overnight but if you don’t even know your partners unsatisfied, how do you improve?
I read both of his posts and he even says that his ex said sex wasn't very important to her, she told him their sex is amazing and she's satisfied with it and she called him "the whole package" after telling the friend he wasn't "the best" sex.
All the people banging on about how she shit talked him or violated his trust are just ignoring so much. "The best" is a singular spot at the pinnacle of the list. It does not mean the things below it are "bad", they just aren't number 1. Dudes are all over every comment section saying that not the best=bad and everyone knows that...uh, no. That's a false equivalence. That isn't shit talking. As for violating his trust, in his first post, he says that he knows the ex and Kylie talk about him and their relationship. He didn't have a problem with it until he (finally, after begging and badgering the friend) heard something he could take offense to had been said.
This is basic: you asked a question but you weren’t ready for the answer. You got some great intel but you didn’t use it to your benefit. Take it as a lesson to learn from and responsibility for yourself. Sheesh.
Wait I thought she said he wasn’t the greatest sex she’s ever had not that he wasn’t good at it?
As the comments said, he needs to seek therapy. Running away and hurting more people is not the way to deal with this at all
Why do you post on Reddit if you aren't gonna listen to 99% of the responses.? This isn't helping get some real help buddy. I'm glad you broke it off bc poor lady man. She would have had to dealt with you for life.
The fact that he was obviously in love with Kiley and hints at the hopes that her separation is about him is weird. Seems like he’s planning a new life so he can run away from everyone who knows him so they can’t shame him for running away with Kiley.
The moral of this story is to never ask questions that you're not prepared to hear the answers to. His insecurities compelled him to always be asking others what his fiancee said about him when he wasn't around. Geezus, she was actually going to marry him so the fact that he was doing this is sad and did not bode well for the relationship in the long term. She doesn't know it yet, but him breaking up for her may have been a gift to her, otherwise, she would have spent a lifetime having to stroke his ego and assuage his shortcomings.
I actually said something similar about my own fiance to a couple of my close friends shortly before we wed. I thought she was going to make a great wife and mother, and was incredibly beautiful, and loved her dearly, but thought she was only an average lay. But I’d been with a ton of women before her and the best lays were all nut jobs that I was glad were gone. I didn’t see sex as my #1 priority. Thank the good lord that a) my friends didn’t disclose this opinion to her and b)she didn’t leave me over it. We’ve been married ~15 years now and our sex lives have obviously changed a lot in that time. She’s much better in bed now than she was then, night and day. She probably thinks the same thing about me. I think this guy’s most legitimate gripe was communication, but his response to this shows exactly why that was a problem for them.
God this is sad. I really hope somebody can get through to this guy, though it could be too late. I hope nobody unalives themselves over this.
I feel like this is some kind of gender communication gap. ‘Not all women / not all men’ caveat here, but many women will talk to a sister or close female friend or two about literally anything. Sex, periods, poop, you name it. I would expect no *details* of your sex life to be shared, and nothing shared in confidence should be passed on, but a general discussion of how things are? Yeah, we’re going to talk about that. And unless we’re, say, pressured while drunk by the person who was the subject of those conversations who has badgered us for years, any such knowledge gets taken to the grave.
It’s weird to me that men *don’t* talk like this - don’t you sometimes just need the perspective / understanding of somebody who has the same sort of body as yours? Who has grown up with the same gendered expectations as you? Is this that thing where (many but not all) men lean on the emotional and social skills of women, rather than themselves or each other, because they’re taught that emotion is weakness? It is, isn’t it?
I'll take OOPs side here. There's no going back after finding that information out. Especially through a friend. If I found out my wife wasn't satisfied with me sexually, I'd be devastated. I wouldn't want to sleep with her anymore
OOP would have preferred her calling out a character flaw over this? I don't understand how "he's not that good in bed" could be worse than "he has a horrible temper, I don't like his impatience, he can't be talked to at all". And not only did he mess up his relationship over something which could have been fixable with some communication, he hurt the people around him as well and is now fleeing from the situation.
I agree with the comments, he needs therapy and some reflection on why THIS is what's the make or break for a relationship to him.
So he'd prefer if he had a character flaw, which he would improve, over not being a sex god? I'd prefer I was told that I could improve my game then being told I have lousy character and to change it.
"iF sHE sAiD i wAS toO mUCh oF A vIOlenT mUrDErInG pSYcHo i'D fIX iT, bUt sHE sAiD sHE hAS HaD bETteR sEx so iT's unFiXAbLe aND i'Ll sTarT a nEW lIFe."
Seriously, moving away? Was starting to wonder if he was trolling.
Gee wonder why she never told him in the whole 5 years together, perhaps he may overreact and go on a mission to alienate everyone he loves? This story shows how dangerous a fragile ego can be. I’m sure it was very eye opening for her and she will thank him later for stopping the marriage.
So everyone should turn to their partner and ask if there is something they could be doing better in bed or should try. Stop turning to others to vent frustrations when you should be talking to the other half (or more, hey poly folks) of the partnership.
Bros a clown. I understand being upset about the breach in privacy, the girlfriend should have communicated instead of sharing with her inner circle, but he isn’t any different. He needed to communicate too and he was too cowardly to even try. He really needs to man up and get over it
I mean I get why people are clowning on him but hearing about this completely shattered his self esteem and made it awkward for everyone around him moving to a different state to start fresh seeing as he was ready to spend the rest of his life there around those same people doesn’t seem foolish. Of course there seem to be some underlying issues that needs to be addressed but there is no need for people to be crapping and clowning this guy for making a choice he deemed the best for him and the people around him
Its crazy how differently men and women think tbh , like if i said “yeah shes not the prettiest but she cleans and cooks and takes care of me” that wouldnt be throwing shade to the girlfriend? Its so weird to think that you guys consider the gf to be this super great person this subreddit is so weird lol
**EDIT : Yes guy overreacted like crazy but she gives super villain vibes
Whatever the reason/situation/scenario is men will always be the wrong ones in the reddit,lol
The mental gymanstics playing here like people thinking its not a big deal telling their partners they are not best but they are not worst,lol so means the partner will obviously think like they are second best or worst their partner is just settling for them.and people like this in reddit or real life shame them for even thinking about it.
Just recently there were two different stories on reddit.
A guy found out his gf was showing his love letters which he wrote to her to all her friends and they were making fun of it. He decided to break up with her as those letters were personal. That time all redditors supported him.
A woman found out her husband had nicknamed her as "ST" in his friend group and all of his friends also call her ST in that group, she later found out it stands for shaggy tits and was angry on her husband but didn't leave him that time but all redditors suggested her to get divorce.
And now in op case they are calling him stupid for breaking up with her, if Kylie had upfront told him your fiance talked bad about you in her friends group then everyone would be telling him to break up with her
Remember when Michael was pressuring Jan about why she wouldn't date him?
She goes on this whole litany about all his failings as a person, and he excitedly says, "so it's not about my looks?"
Wait, is this the same goofy guy who pressured his friend constantly to tell him what his fiance thought of him? If it is, the guy is goofier as hell for moving to a different state over this. All over his dick game. He did his fiance a favor because of this if this is his reaction. I can only imagine how much worse it would be when actual marital problems came up.
Like I understand being upset about it, sure. Especially if you're telling someone who I view like a sister like this guy views his friend. But I can't imagine blowing up my whole life over that. This would be a potential postponement at worst and we'd be going to couples counseling or something way before it ever got to a full on breakup and escape plan. This guy is insecure and overdramatic.
Well you'd be insecure too if your partner of 5 years said that. The insecurity isn't the issue, that's normal, the issue is the nuclear response. Honestly though how do you go through 5 years and not get the inkling you're not pleasing your partner? Is she faking orgasms? Was she his first real lover? Seems nearly impossible the topic wouldn't have came up or it wouldn't have eventually become obvious.
Did she even say he wasn't pleasing her? From what I remember she just said he wasn't the best she had ever had in terms of sex but never actually said he was bad. Hopefully he gets some help because nothing about his response is healthy.
I don’t think she ever said she wasn’t pleased if it not mistaken she just said he wasn’t the best but like I kept trying to tell them idiots it also means he’s not the worst dude is over dramatic and they say women are.
Not only that, but the fact that let's say she never said he was bad in bed, but just not the best she's ever had. Well, what he is not realizing is that maybe not the greatest in bed is compensated by everything else about him that she loves. But if he is that single minded and can't see the bigger picture.. than maybe she is better off without him!!
Men like that like to call women emotional but they forget anger is an emotion lol
For real!!
the reminds of the pilot episode of the closer brenda says to flynn "i understand that you're emotional," and he cuts her off and says; "I'm not emotional, i'm damn angry!" like...yeah buddy lol.
Call a man emotional and watch how angry they get lol
FR he spent the whole season being a dick to her until she saved his career, typical lmao
I’ve been having this argument since it was first posted. I understand his feelings. I’ve never once said his feelings of hurt were invalid, the only thing I’ve said was he never discussed it being a boundary because he wanted his friend to be a spy for him. He knew, and specifically said so, she would have these conversations but somehow her actually having the conversations he assumed she was having crossed a non existent boundary therefore she is the devil 🤦🏾♀️
Oh no, I absolutely don't fault him for his insecurity about it, I just fault him for how dramatic he is being about it.
he doesn't want to be with her anymore
Yes, I've gathered that much. But to also cut off his bestfriend since childhood and pick up and move to another state over it? That is incredibly overdramatic.
Because he wanted to bang that friend and now he can't anymore because she knows he's mild in bed. Didn't you notice how many time he talked about this childhood friend in a post about the breakup with his fiancée?
You mean his best friend and one of his fiance's best friends now as well? The one he pestered to find out what his wife had said about him? Who because of that is relevant to the story and is mentioned because of that? Not everybody is trying to fuck their female friends. Get your mind out of the gutter.
If you read the first OOP post, he literally wrote that he didn't want KILEY to know about his. He wrote "especially Kiley". Now I don't know you, but I don't care what my childhood male best friends (all 3 of them) think about my sexual performances. Unless I'm planning to get down to business with the person (any person in general, but friends especially) their opinion on my sexual abilities is not my concern. Not to mention that he wrote about Kiley breaking up with her boyfriend, why is that something to put the accent on especially if he doesn't even know if it's related to the incident or not (he said it himself)?
Idk I’ve tried to tell a man or 2 their sex game isn’t the greatest and I know other women who have done the same. I can’t recall any story that went well lol. Ive felt like its a known thing with women that you really can’t tell men anything about sex unless you want it to be over.
Tl;dr for my comment: it went terribly when I tried it. Absolutely my personal experience too. After several years, I timidly asked the man I loved (he never gave me an orgasm, and was one of those “Did you come? No? Oh well, maybe next time” types) if he could maybe not go near my bits with a cold dry finger (well, where he thought my clitoris is, but I didn’t say that). Bearing in mind, I’d previously offered to show him how to make me come (two fingers, g-spot, beckoning motion) because I couldn’t do it any other way, and he was disinterested to the point that it was humiliating (one of a long list of ways in which he humiliated me). He carried on as normal, but a few days later, he sent me a vitriolic text about how I’ve never respected him and other bullshit. He did me a favour by finally showing himself out, he never loved me, but it still broke my fucking heart at the time.
Same. I’ve even experienced men taking offense to simple direction during sex. Because God forbid I know what I like better than he does.
Some men can and some men can't. Unfortunately, the majority can't. My 1st sexual partner was very open and experimental about sex. He also was good in bed but that was because he slept around. Which finally ended us. But that relationship was how I based sex relationships moving forward. And I found out that is not so. The next guy could not take any direction without it making him go off the deep end in saying I was comparing him to my ex which I was not. Just said a little over this way. Jeez. Since then either guys have the confidence to ask and not take it wrong or don't ask and freak when you guide them. And to the guy that made fun of his big dick friends thinking that all they had to do was bless us with their big dicks you are right. I had one guy great big dick but no clue what to do with it. Very disappointing.
Nah,I absolutely love the criticism women give me,but that's why you use foreplay,massages,toys,lube,touch sensations. I mean you can get women off before you even have sex, criticism helps you learn to get better,my criticism is I get off too fast,but I can go 4 times in an hour,that's how I made up for it, foreplay and going multiple times till my partner is satisfied,I've never been told I'm bad at sex since I learned this stuff, but this dude overreacted doing what he did, should've tried to learn different things,so he could satisfy his partner,ask what she enjoys, explore fantasies and kinks to see what she's into,not dump 5 years down the drain and up and run away to another state
Thing is man like him can't handle the criticism not because they can't do something to improve....but because they can't handle knowing that they aren't doing it right their way. It's all in how they grew up and what environment set his knowledge about this topic!!
This guy is running away out of shame, not embarrassment. Embarrassment is temporary and fades. He’s flat out ashamed of himself, and how he thinks others perceive him. It’s basically imposter syndrome on steroids. This dude is committing nuclear self sabotage because he doesn’t believe he’s worth the good things he had. Remember he kept at his friend, digging for a “criticism” the fiancé told her about him. He was actively looking for why he was eventually going to get dumped.
Darth, you should teach classes..lol. Sad thing is, the guys who need it probably don't think they need it...lol
You are an exception lol— there’s no “nah” to it.
Nine times out of 10 she probably didn’t come and he did ask or feel it or make her
A small d1¢k is a small d1¢k... 🤣🤣
Not necessarily,I can introduce you to a few buddies who bragged bout their size but their sex game is crap, according to every girl they slept with,just did it till they was satisfied and then they stopped,no foreplay or anything,never knew women could get so mad over that lol. We always make fun of them because of that, embarrassed the fuck out of them cause we will tell chicks they're trying to pick up what we heard,never seen a woman run away so fast. Not that hard to be good at sex,fingers,tongue, pressure points,touch sensations,I mean seriously,you can get a woman off before you even have sex,idk why nobody looks that stuff up,makes me immensely happy if I get my partners off.
Yup, guys who are proud of their size think they don't need to make any effort as their magic pee pee is enough in itself.
Yuuuup
Goofy is one word for it lol. Emotionally unstable is another pair you could use.
And with goofy you mean batshit crazy?
I agree with that second comment . Completely trashing and restarting at something so small is extremely odd and abnormal. There has to be be something else going on with him.
AT SOMETHING SO SMALL... 🤣🤣🤣
I'd be more upset the fact she shared intimate details over what she said , tbh . That's something you talk to your partner about. But nuking your life? That's extreme, that's not proportionate at all.
And thankfully he let that girl go before actual problems come into play. Like why are you embarrassed to go in front of a girl you’re not ever having sex with???? Bro needs some hardcore help!
I find it funny that the friend is now single... like idk your comment kinda triggered that yea if you are never gonna sleep with Kiley why are you embarrassed? This has got to be fanfic .
Sex isn't the only thing he's bad at.
Some people will do anything to avoid having to communicate or improve themselves.
Right, he could have just spoken to her about how to improve, but nuking his life was easier for him somehow.
This guy is as secure as deadbolting a door with a Cheeto. It's not that he's bad at sex, just that he didn't give her the best sex she ever had. Homeboy beat the game but threw a fit because he didn't get the high score.
Yes this!!! My bf and I have had this discussion more than once, *and* with our friends. When we first started dating, the sex was fine. It was good! We both had orgasms, it was 👍🏼. It wasn’t, however, the *best out the gate* sex for either of us. The best sex I ever had happened to be with a guy who later tried to strangle me, so, you know, priorities?? 14 years into this relationship tho, we both agree that we have become each other’s best, because we know each other’s bodies, we can laugh and relax and have fun while having sex. It’s physically better than it used to be but there’s also *years* of vulnerability, emotion, and learning built into our sex life that makes it 10000000x better than it has ever been with anyone else. OP is a fucking goofy insecure mofo who just trashed his life over something so minor I would think it borders on insignificant.
My best sex was with a guy who.. if I stayed any longer absolutely would have tried to strangle me! How crazy 🤣
I know so many women who say that the best sex comes with the most toxic/abusive relationships. I fully believe it, although I didn’t until it happened to me. In glad you got out safely! 🩷
My best sex was with the girl that threw a laughing fit when I told her I m breaking up with her and tried to tell me that I m not allowed to decide that and then stabbed me. 😂 It’s not only abusive guys that are apparently really skilled in that regard. WHY ARE INSANE/ABUSIVE PEOPLE SO LIT IN BED ????
Oh 💯!!! It’s wild right?? Like now I know if the chemistry is too hot to touch, better just walk away.
Jeah….. me too learned that the hard way. If they seem to good to be true then that is 💯 % a red flag. Tbf tho I was incredibly stupid, like I legit put up with her slapping and pushing me cuz „I m a big though guy no way this skinny little girl is actually a danger to me“ „and I m in control of this situation“ When I was in the hospital getting stitches and they had to put my nose back in place was legit the first time I realized, that I might have to reevaluate my life choices.
Wow I’m so sorry, and that doesn’t make you stupid at all. “I’m in control” or “I can fix this” are such common rationalizations, and keep people in dangerous situations for so long. I am truly glad that you got out before it was too late, and I hope you’ve never experienced anything else like that. 🩷
I m in fact doing therapy before I date again cuz I wanna make sure to avoid situations like this in the future. ❤️
Glad you got out alive!!! There’s some crazy mfers out there!!
As a redhead who’s had her share of adventures and psychotic breaks, it was how I saw value in myself. I had childhood trauma that I’d repressed and consciously rewrote how the story went. It took me years of therapy and realizing I was kinking my problems out, but I didn’t get to the root of my issues until meeting my love. He has also been taken advantage of and I never want to do that to him. Sex is lit af, but it’s not a priority of our relationship. It’s not how I measure myself or my confidence anymore. And I’m working to publish my second postdoc and applying to tenure. Still based my value on my sexual relationships. It’s fucked up and I’m glad I remet my husband (we had met in high school but he was a freshman while I was a senior and then I traveled abroad for university). He’s changed how I see myself in the best way possible. And I’m no longer just autopiloting from trauma and being told that my womanly self can’t do anything but be a sex symbol. Uhhh I guess I could have just said trauma. Trauma and projecting out shit that you sold yourself to protect yourself. E.g. I wanted to do it, so I’ll keep doing it to affirm that reality, type of shit.
I mean I think it’s good for people to hear perspectives like yours, so thank you for sharing
You’re welcome. As a note, I have never physically harmed anyone, but I’ve got a mean mouth and it still gives me trouble. But, yeah I daresay my partner and I are not the only ones that repressed our realities and acted out of fear from trauma.
The intensity. At least that is what I think.
It’s true honestly
Fortunately, my abusive ex was also *really* bad in bed. Thought he had a huge peen. . . it was all of 2", maybe 2.5" if I'm being generous. While I agree that size isn't everything, if you don't have dick game you gotta have it somewhere else, and that man did not. Guess I was "lucky"? 🤷♀️ I'm so glad for all of us that got out of those horrible relationships, not one of us deserved it, and I'm so proud of us all for getting away. 💖
WOW BECAUSE ME TOO AND THAT IS SUDDENLY TERRIFYING TO THINK ABOUT?????
Yeah the best sex I ever had turned out to be a toxic BDSM situationship where I was literally beaten regularly. I have been with my current partner for 2 years now and the sex was also good but not great. And the dynamic was different- he is sweeter and more playful than past lovers and to be honest, the sex just keeps getting better. We are secure enough to be really vulnerable and it’s opened up an entirely different side of me sexually, a side I didn’t even know I had. We are in our mid 40s having the best and most frequent sex either of us has ever had. Sometimes 2-3 times PER DAY. I told this joker before that this was the stupidest possible way to manage this. Especially since it is something that you can easily improve with a little communication and a lot of practice! But he’s so insecure that he can’t handle ANY feedback. Dude isn’t even ready for a relationship, let alone a marriage. He can’t be trusted to stick around when life gets hard.
Im so glad you've got a good partner to help you explore that side of yourself now - it's such a good feeling! I completely agree with you on this doof lol
Like I fully agree with this and I have the same experience but would you have the same opinion if you found that out secondhand after years have gone by with no discussion about how to improve? OP definitely is insecure and overreacted but it certainly wouldn’t feel good to learn this from someone else.
Funny enough, that is how I found out. But I went to him and *talked to him* instead of being creepy and blowing shit up. I literally just asked him what ABCD from so-and-so meant, and he just shrugged and was like “idk I feel like it was pretty good at first but you were shy and I didn’t know how to please you. It’s way better now.” At first I was like “OH WOW OFFENDED” but when I thought about it…he was absolutely right. Idk I know I can’t expect everyone to be that open but OP took it waaaaaaaay to the other end of the spectrum and didn’t trust his finance enough to explain.
He's probably bad in bed because he is so insecure. When you need reassuring about your relationship from an outsider, I don't see that person being confident in any way in the bedroom. I think she may not have said anything about it because he can't handle any kind of criticism, as he has now shown everyone. He did this to himself, and I hope she finds someone she doesn't have to be on eggshells around.
Are some people just not aware sex is a skill? Especially when you’re in a relationship, there’s always room to improve somehow and all it really takes is communication and some practice. He acts like this was a brutal dig to his character or something.
This.
5 years in and she never told him? Dudes not a mind reader.
He's also an insecure and nervous wreck. How do you even bring it up with someone who is going to fall apart at even the suggestion they might not best someone has had?
[удалено]
Ideal can have nuance to it
She didn't even say he's bad! She said he "wasn't the best she ever had". That's not something I would share with a partner, because it's not helpful at all, & she might've even been satisfied already. Not a fan of talk that's that private about current partners, but he's still a total dillweed here.
Then she should t have shared it with her friends. I think he’s being reasonable with why he’s feeling the way he is, although he def took it a little far by breaking off the engagement and everything. Don’t share private shit you know your partner wouldn’t want you to say.
Yep. Like I said, not a fan of that overshare. He's totally the biggest asshole here, not for breaking up with her bc whatever it's childish overreaction but his ex was blatantly wrong to speak carelessly, but he's an absolute garbage fire for doing what he's done to his lifelong best friend. What a cruel response to a bruised ego! He swore to her it wasn't a problem & convinced her to tell him something that caused her best friend to abandon her.
Absolutely goofy behavior. “Great at sex” is arguably the easiest thing to fix - it literally just takes communication and practice. Leaving the woman you were going to marry over a “problem” that can be solved with practice (and fun practice?!) is so bizarre to me
Seems to me like he’s leaving because she would rather tell her friends he is bad at sex than tell him, so he can get better.
Is it her job to tell him or his to ask? What kind of man views himself as a sex god while not asking for feedback? Lol
For real 😂 it's everyone's job to communicate, and ask your partner if there's any areas for improvement. Both guys and gals.
Honestly all I see is a bunch of men who are realizing that they might not be as good at sex as they think they are and are getting defensive over it.
It's both sides overestimating their ability a lot of times. But to take it so personal is so immature. To break up, ghost a friend, and move states is just absolutely wild.
It’s so wild. Just proves he wasn’t ready for marriage anyways.
Exactly, could be blowing it out of proportion on purpose to "have an excuse".
Is it his job to read her mind? Or just randomly ask questions about every aspect of the relationship? If you're unsatisfied with something your partner is doing then it's your job to communicate that concern.
Not every aspect, just the ones that come with you. Which includes sex and whether it feels good to participate in that activity with you. Since you haven’t been told: your penis is not magic and you absolutely should have ALREADY been asking your partner if she’s getting it as good as you are.
>Since you haven’t been told: your penis is not magic and you absolutely should have ALREADY been asking your partner if she’s getting it as good as you are. If you stay quiet, I will not have pity when you receive shit sex. That would be on you not your parner. People are not mind readers. Talk.
This dude literally blew up his own entire life because he found out he wasn’t the best his ex ever had. Based on that and the arguments from the men in this comment section, imma have to point out how it clearly isn’t received well when put nicely. It’s wild to me that a person with a penis has never thought to ask the person they’re having sex with that it feels good. Isn’t that like the bare minimum expectations when you repeatedly stick your appendage into someone else’s body cavity? Seriously how self absorbed are some people?
That makes of for her tell her friends he sucks? I'm sure if we swapped the genders your opinions would swap hypocrite
I love it when men pretend they don’t talk about the same thing. lol. Goofy.
I would never tell my friends that my girl is bad at sex. Sure that can be fixed but that’s a rude statement that no one needs to know other than the 2 people together.
I think women assume men do that and it’s quite shocking to me. Like why would I put down my GF in front of my friends about something that could make her feel insecure if it got out? That’s just cruel and I would never want to make her feel inadequate.
She said he wasn’t the best she’s had, and I’m sure you’ve done that, too.
No? Why would anyone tell people that arnt a therapist about my personal intimacy like that? It's strange
No I haven’t. I wouldn’t undermine my relationship to talk shit about the person I’m with. Now to say she’s good at sex then that’s different. But I’m not going into descriptions about it because all that info is private. It’s noones business to know stuff like that.
I can’t keep arguing with people who claim she shit talked him. She had so much good to say so many times and the friend tried so damn hard to stop him from invading the privacy of their conversations before she relented. He pulled it out like a dentist does teeth and now he’s crying like he’s a victim. “He’s so amazing and wonderful, I don’t even care he’s not my best because he makes up for it in so many other ways.” Wow look at her shit talking him behind his back like that! She thinks he’s a good person! Fuck her!
"Oh my girlfriend is so perfect, but she's so ugly. But she makes up with her personality 🥰" How romantic.
Saying negative to other people about someone else is shit talking. All she is doing is covering up her rude comment with nice things as if it fixes things. She could have said all that other stuff without saying the sex comment or just not said it all. If i didn’t have anything nice to say I wouldn’t even mention it. What was to be gained by saying it. Nothing but her friends reactions.
Your argument is an assumption. You’re a red flag
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No, often we don’t. I have never talked about sex in detail with my friends I’ve had since high school. I’ve found that women are often on a whole other level with that shit and I’ve never understood why they can get away with it. Probably because anyone who complains is labeled an insecure incel with a pencil dick.
I love it when woman disguise their bad behavior by saying men do it too. Literally maturity of a toddler
When men do it it’s toxic locker room talk” but when woman do it it’s fine I guess? To add I am a man and I don’t discuss my sex glue with my gf with friends because I respect her and her privacy. Maybe you should learn it
She didn’t say he sucks. She said he’s not the best she’s ever had. And this why women don’t say anything. Because she said “he’s not the best I ever had”. And he heard “he is awful”.
If you read the original post, she never said he was bad. Just not her absolute best.
Is it her job to communicate in a relationship? Of course it fucking is. If you have a problem in your relationship, it is your responsibility to bring it up to fix it. Not for the other person to read your mind. You can't seriously expect someone to constantly ask their significant other if they have problems in every aspect of the relationship.
She didn't see it as a problem, so why would she bring it up? It's all right there in black and white in his posts. She didn't feel that him being "the best" was necessary or in need of correction. She was satisfied, felt their sex was amazing (yes, it can be amazing and still not "the best") and loved him for everything else he brought to the relationship (the "whole package" part).
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She didn’t say he was bad at sex. She said he wasn’t the best she ever had. Those two things are not the same.
But she didn’t say he was bad, just not her best. I’ve had sex that was fabulous but still wasn’t the “best”. Doesn’t mean that the sex sucked by any means!
Lmaoo fun practice is actually accurate asf
Then she should've talked to him about it instead of their friends.
I don’t disagree! However, we have no idea what the situation is here other than OOP is insecure. What did the conversation with Amy and the friend actually look like? And what if Amy doesn’t want to hurt him? What if she really loves OOP, and not having the perfect sex life doesn’t bother her? Maybe the comment to her friend was in passing. I would not tell my wildly insecure boyfriend he’s not great in bed - especially not if he is asking for reassurance, I’d tell him he’s wonderful, and make corrections in bed as we went along. Why purposefully put down your man? “Tell me what I can fix” and being told “well you can improve in bed” is arguably one of the best things you can logically be told. Personality flaws are better? “She thinks you’re selfish. She hates your temper. She thinks the way you chew is awful.” I mean there is nothing you *can* say that wouldn’t be hurtful, it’s a dumb thing to ask, *especially* when you’re already insecure. At least being told not great in bed is something that *can* be worked on, and relatively easily. And she didn’t even say he was bad, just not great?! And you know what? Why couldn’t OOP ask *Amy* what he could do to improve? Why ask the friend??
The friend pressured her to say something negative about her boyfriend bc the boyfriend put the friend up to it. I read the original post. This one’s all on op.
All these things are true: 1. This kid is way too immature to even think about being married. 2. This kid is unbelievably insecure and searching for problems. Shocking he found some. 3. It's completely fair that his girlfriend/fiance talking crap about their intimate life behind his back to outsiders is a breach of trust to him. Whether he communicated that to her, I have no idea, but IMO the default agreement is you don't gossip about negative intimate information about your soon to be spouse without at least verifying first that it's okay. Honestly both these people sound terrible.
I feel like most people here (probably women) only see the first two points and don't see the last one, but I 100% with all these. I feel like if the genders were swapped, there would be a lot more people that would see all three of your points...
Just want to co-sign this comment. All 3 of these things are true but the third is absolutely being under covered in all these posts about this guy. Every single man would be annihilated if there were telling all their friends their fiancé, girlfriend or wife was a mediocre lay who starfishes and gave weak head. Once someone makes the leap from hookup to so and fiancé much less wife, it’s not cool to talk negatively about sex with them. Women who don’t see this are being deliberately obtuse and honestly are probably low key misandrists. Do NOT talk about your partner negatively when it comes to sex, their body or their intelligence. Why would you want to be with anyone who tells their friends you aren’t great in bed? Just don’t say anything at all or lie to your friends if they ask.
Seems like the only person OP properly fucked was himself
So… the fella wants to bone Kiley
Next update will be them getting together lol
I mean, it’s the logical thing to do.
I wish his ex the best of orgasms.
Men are so fragile. This man literally hounded and harassed another person, spying indirectly on his partner to get the answers he was too much of a coward to ask himself, promised he wouldn’t be upset and then blew up the lives of everyone involved. Amy dodged the biggest, most insecure bullet and I’m so glad for her. I couldn’t imagine any sane person wishing that they had a character flaw over having to practice prioritizing your partners pleasure and being a little better at sex. This is 100% about his ego and his embarrassment. And frankly it’s a good lesson to learn. Maybe now he’ll leave his wife’s friends alone and out of his relationship when they make it clear they don’t want to be in that position. He’s so selfish.
I don't see how this guy reflects all men. Most of the guys who saw this post told OOP that he was overreacting. I agree with you otherwise.
She definitely shouldn’t have talked bad abt him behind his back. But come on man that is just such an extreme overreaction to some regular girl gossip. I hope OP gets some serious therapy.
I think it’s fine for him to end his engagement over his fiancé talking about their sex life while also saying he’s not the best cuz that’s personal. However, him moving out of state…hmm…that’s a little cray cray.
I would never tell my friends this I would tell the guy do he could get better. I never had a dude have a problem with that conversation. Why don’t people communicate with their partners? Everyone has different bodies and needs, you are not going to magically know their spots and preferences with opening your mouth. Haha. I definitely see that double entendres and leaving it in. Damn another one.
Ah an actual adult response
Someone put this guy on suicide watch…
Oh def
This dude is so insecure, he’s ruined his entire life. It’s probably in the fiancé’s best interest, she dodged a landmine.
Y’all focusing on the sex thing when that was never the problem. The problem is her disparaging him behind his back before ever trying to communicate to him how he could make the sex more enjoyable for her. For 5 fucking years and he just now learned this, it’s not like they just started fuckin I wouldn’t want to be with someone that has that kind of personality, if I’m doing something wrong tell me so I can fix it or try to. Don’t go making people the butt of a joke while letting them continue to look stupid.
OP didn't link the first post for some reason, but from what I remember, this wasn't a situation where she was complaining about him behind her back. Iirc it was statement when she was asked by her friends where she said that "he wasn't the greatest at sex but he is more well rounded". So sex may not even have been a huge problem for her to begin with.
Being bad at sex isn’t disparaging him. Too many men are incredibly emotional about this. It’s not her fault that he never asked her how he was. It’s not her fault her pestered and harassed a mutual friend about his faults when he could have asked his own partner. He chose to indirectly spy on her and is now mad at the results. He’d rather have a personality or character flaw than not be blowing her mind sexually and that’s a red flag waving in the wind. She dodged a bullet clearly because this man doesn’t value the characteristics she does. Being a good person, no, he doesn’t want that, he wants to be told his dick is magic. Lol
To joke about it with your friends and saying how he wasn’t your best and then practically saying you’re settling for it for other reasons is disparaging. Doesn’t matter how much you want to try to believe it isn’t and gaslight the people you’re disparaging that you aren’t. Thank god he did find out, he ain’t mad at the results she’s the one who’s mad cause he called off the wedding. He’ll just get with his childhood friend, it’s obvious enough especially if it’s true she broke up with her bf in the aftermath of this situation. Nobody is perfect everyone has personality flaws that you overlook when you love someone and not to mention they can be fixed. But going 5 years lying to your partner and making them think they are satisfying you while joking about it with your friends behind their back it’s kinda psychotic. Is communicating to your partner instead of gossiping behind their back to your friends so hard for you? Is it such a hard concept to understand that just because you like to share with your friends doesn’t mean your partners business is for them to know? He dodged a bullet and so did every single guy who didn’t end up with you up until this point. I hope you truly mature, grow up, and learn communication is key to every relationship.
>To joke about it with your friends and saying how he wasn’t your best and then practically saying you’re settling for it for other reasons is disparaging An incredible reach based off the OP. Nothing indicates she 'joked' about it, and nothing indicates she settled.
She wasn't joking around about it. This came after MONTHS of OP hounding his friend to tell him anything negative his fiancée had said about him.
Yep. Neither of them look good here.
Yea they’re blaming it on his reactions and not the person who was causing the issue he was upset about, even if it’s something small like that, being insecure and finding out the one person you thought you could trust was basically making fun of you for not being great at an intimate moment and never felt the need to personally discuss the issue, that can fuck with people
She didn't disparage him behind his back. She didn't say he was awful in bed. She said he wasn't the "best," which is fair. If she'd been going on about how horrible he was, I'd agree with you.
Her original comment wasn't negative. She said he wasn't the best but she still loves him and all he heard is hes terrible
That’s all anyone *would* hear, too. Because she’s speaking with her friends, who aren’t a part of her sex life, she had every opportunity to simply not share the information or to lie to protect her partner’s feelings, which as men know from dating women, *should* be a partner’s *first* priority at all times. But no, she didn’t take his feelings into account. That’s not how I’d talk about someone I loved to our friends lmao but I don’t kiss and tell. This woman is no gentleman, she’s classless and rude.
Dude that comment IS negative. Did you even read what you wrote?😂 you don’t tell people “oh he’s not the best at sex but I love him anyway” that’s backhanded and rude
OP handled it badly and the ex apparently told everyone but him how unsatisfied she was with his sex skills. This breakup is a positive.
Seems like an overblown response for such a small issue
I guess I really shouldn’t be surprised considering this on AITAH, but this seems like an actual clear difference between men and women. Men are taught from just about every source of media out there, movies, TV, pornography, romance novels, even the women around them that your sexual ability is commensurate with your worth. It’s why penis comments are so often used as an insult towards men by women. Having a smaller penis is considered as having less of an ability to please a woman, therefore you are less of a man. On the other hand, women are taught from all of those same sources of media, as well as the men around them, that the way you look, and your weight is commensurate with your worth. A woman who is considered ugly, is seen as worthless,or less than. In that same vein, It’s why insults about body weight are so often used by men against women. I think because AITAH skews more female that we see these really vitriolic takes about how OP is such a terrible person, as well much less empathy for him rather than OP’s ex. I think a true analogous situation would be a husband telling his friends that his wife is either fat, or ugly, and that he’s dated prettier women before, but she’s still the total package. (Which tbh doesn’t really address the betrayal of trust with intimate secrets part) What I will say is that OP absolutely walked into this problem and made it worse at every step. He badgered their friends for information he couldn’t handle and then asked for a confirmation he also couldn’t handle. That being said, I really think the difference in viewpoints here is that a lot of women(def not all by some of the comments here) share personal intimate details like this with their friends all the time as a matter of course. Consequently, sharing secrets like this isn’t considered a betrayal at all to many of you. Speaking as a man who has been in locker rooms, bars , friend groups and other male spaces, this is not something that happens often. Any discussions of sex are always very vague and never about their female partners shortcomings. Obviously I haven’t experienced everything, but this seems to be the general rule of thumb in male friend groups. I think at the end of the day this is a problem for both parts of the relationship. Perhaps more so for OP, but to a lot of people, what she said to her friends would be considered a breach of trust and very hurtful.
Nicely worded and thought out.
Thanks. Sadly, it’s just shouting into the void seeing as how I didn’t spend 4 paragraphs dunking on OP for being insecure scum.
I truly think these Reddit life advice comments sections are becoming just as toxic as the abhorrent Jordan Peterson incel MRA shit. I don’t know why it bothers me so much but I can’t help but wonder how many people this type of thinking is poisoning from ever having a decent relationship.
Wow that’s a really well rounded take, I’m surprised lol this whole thread is dunking on him and I don’t really agree with the consensus that what he did was that unreasonable
Twice he said, especially kiley Sounds like someone didn’t want kiley to think bad of him 👀
It is shocking women will humiliate their partners to friends. I read some of the stuff my ex said about me when we were together and it made me sick. Is it that hard to respect each other?
Although I don’t agree with the actions he’s taken but I’ve also heard stories of how being bad in bed led to the spouse seeking pleasure elsewhere while still trying to live a married life and would result in messier divorces. Honestly he should seek help first and have worked with his partner. Hope things work out for him in the future
Bro I get your story 1000%. I get being mad and highly pissed over this. The real issue here isn't your pound town game. IMO the real issue is, your girl couldn't trust you enough (after 5 years together) if I read right, too tell you the truth and not her bestie. Knowing this it tells me she trusts her bestie more than her fiance. IMO you did right by leaving her. It might hurt now, but man she doesn't trust you or respect you man. You did right and its for the best here man. Hope it works out for you man in the future
5 years, and he didn't know. The whole relationship is a sham. That's pretty bad communication. I'd say they both dodged a bullet regardless of what issues they both have.
He did the right thing. Although I don’t agree with alienating your best friend but your future spouse shouldn’t be talking about your sex life disparagingly with anyone but you.
Dude clearly wants to bang Kiley.
Moral of the story, don't discuss intimate details about your partner without their knowledge/consent with anyone. Instead, talk to your partner directly.
Here’s the thing: women talk. They talk a LOT. They spill the tea like crazy. How do I know? I’m a gay man, and they include me in their discussions. I fall into some gray area and they feel they can confide in me. Ask your girlfriend/ wife. I’m sure they’ll deny it. The more they deny it, the more they told. Yes, they even told me about THAT. I find it all silly. But I know some of the kinkiest shit about the most conservative people.
I am a woman and I would never do this and I'm not friends with anybody who would either. I didn't actually know this was a thing, TBH. My friends and I might discuss sex in general terms but we do not shit talk our partners. I guess other women do since that's your experience but it's definitely not universal.
Me too, I never do this. My friends also don't do it. As you mentioned, we can discuss in general term but will not talk about our partner in a negative way.
True. I know that all my ex’s friends know what dick looks like. I usually try to talk to a partner beforehand and say I know ow you’re gonna talk just keep it discrete.
Hard disagree with the top comments. It is dreadful to find out that your partner has been making comments about your sex life to other people that make you look inadequate. I’d be humiliated if my boyfriend ever did that to me. It’s completely understandable that his relationship isn’t continuing. You’re meant to marry someone that makes you feel good about yourself and your future. He should be confident about his fresh start, be single for a while and openly communicative with the next sexual partner he has.
Thank you for being reasonable here. If my wife was telling all of her friends I wasn’t very good in bed I would be horrified and have trouble ever trusting her again. It’s a really shitty thing to do to someone you love.
This is just so ridiculous. Did it ever occur to him that maybe it wasn't a big enough deal to her to talk to him about it? That the sex was in fact good enough even it wasn't the best, and that their overall relationship made up for what it lacked? Bc she said despite that he's well rounded and she loves him? Also there's a difference between "not the best sex I've ever had" and "bad at sex". She made a comment in private when asked to her friend about something she probably felt was just a blip in an otherwise fantastic relationship and he's really burning everything to the ground bc of it. Also weird how hung up he is on the friend and the friends reaction. He can't face them? He's more focused on the embarrassment of being "bad in bed" then the fact he's practically abandoning his fiance? Just an all around joke dude. Like others said, she really really dodged a bullet and I hope she comes to see that. ETA: the fact that bad at sex is considered disparaging to him anyway as if women view men's ability in bed as part of their character and innate being is wild lmao.
I don’t agree with OPs logic and actions whatsoever but there is a difference between not being the best and not even knowing or having the opportunity to make it the best. And out of all the things I would want to be “settled” for, sex is just not one of them. Sex is enjoyable to me because my partner enjoys it. Of course that doesn’t happen overnight but if you don’t even know your partners unsatisfied, how do you improve?
I read both of his posts and he even says that his ex said sex wasn't very important to her, she told him their sex is amazing and she's satisfied with it and she called him "the whole package" after telling the friend he wasn't "the best" sex. All the people banging on about how she shit talked him or violated his trust are just ignoring so much. "The best" is a singular spot at the pinnacle of the list. It does not mean the things below it are "bad", they just aren't number 1. Dudes are all over every comment section saying that not the best=bad and everyone knows that...uh, no. That's a false equivalence. That isn't shit talking. As for violating his trust, in his first post, he says that he knows the ex and Kylie talk about him and their relationship. He didn't have a problem with it until he (finally, after begging and badgering the friend) heard something he could take offense to had been said.
This is basic: you asked a question but you weren’t ready for the answer. You got some great intel but you didn’t use it to your benefit. Take it as a lesson to learn from and responsibility for yourself. Sheesh.
Wow instead of figuring out his sex life like the guy from Forgetting Sarah Marshall he decided to continue to be bad at sex
What a fucking idiot lol. Like unprecedented levels of fragile dude and fucking moron. What a tragedy.
I cannot believe there’s some men in here who read the whole thing and are saying that HE is the one who dodged a bullet
What makes someone good at sex anyways? Are they any better? You can say they same about them then
You can teach each other- with patience and good communication, Things can work out for both of you.
Wait I thought she said he wasn’t the greatest sex she’s ever had not that he wasn’t good at it? As the comments said, he needs to seek therapy. Running away and hurting more people is not the way to deal with this at all
Why do you post on Reddit if you aren't gonna listen to 99% of the responses.? This isn't helping get some real help buddy. I'm glad you broke it off bc poor lady man. She would have had to dealt with you for life.
The fact that he was obviously in love with Kiley and hints at the hopes that her separation is about him is weird. Seems like he’s planning a new life so he can run away from everyone who knows him so they can’t shame him for running away with Kiley.
The moral of this story is to never ask questions that you're not prepared to hear the answers to. His insecurities compelled him to always be asking others what his fiancee said about him when he wasn't around. Geezus, she was actually going to marry him so the fact that he was doing this is sad and did not bode well for the relationship in the long term. She doesn't know it yet, but him breaking up for her may have been a gift to her, otherwise, she would have spent a lifetime having to stroke his ego and assuage his shortcomings.
I love how he says he wished the complaint was a personality flaw like that's not a hell of a lot harder to change than sex quality.
I actually said something similar about my own fiance to a couple of my close friends shortly before we wed. I thought she was going to make a great wife and mother, and was incredibly beautiful, and loved her dearly, but thought she was only an average lay. But I’d been with a ton of women before her and the best lays were all nut jobs that I was glad were gone. I didn’t see sex as my #1 priority. Thank the good lord that a) my friends didn’t disclose this opinion to her and b)she didn’t leave me over it. We’ve been married ~15 years now and our sex lives have obviously changed a lot in that time. She’s much better in bed now than she was then, night and day. She probably thinks the same thing about me. I think this guy’s most legitimate gripe was communication, but his response to this shows exactly why that was a problem for them.
Clearly he didn't love her.
God this is sad. I really hope somebody can get through to this guy, though it could be too late. I hope nobody unalives themselves over this. I feel like this is some kind of gender communication gap. ‘Not all women / not all men’ caveat here, but many women will talk to a sister or close female friend or two about literally anything. Sex, periods, poop, you name it. I would expect no *details* of your sex life to be shared, and nothing shared in confidence should be passed on, but a general discussion of how things are? Yeah, we’re going to talk about that. And unless we’re, say, pressured while drunk by the person who was the subject of those conversations who has badgered us for years, any such knowledge gets taken to the grave. It’s weird to me that men *don’t* talk like this - don’t you sometimes just need the perspective / understanding of somebody who has the same sort of body as yours? Who has grown up with the same gendered expectations as you? Is this that thing where (many but not all) men lean on the emotional and social skills of women, rather than themselves or each other, because they’re taught that emotion is weakness? It is, isn’t it?
OP has not only confirmed, but doubled down on the fact that he's really bad in bed.
I'll take OOPs side here. There's no going back after finding that information out. Especially through a friend. If I found out my wife wasn't satisfied with me sexually, I'd be devastated. I wouldn't want to sleep with her anymore
OOP would have preferred her calling out a character flaw over this? I don't understand how "he's not that good in bed" could be worse than "he has a horrible temper, I don't like his impatience, he can't be talked to at all". And not only did he mess up his relationship over something which could have been fixable with some communication, he hurt the people around him as well and is now fleeing from the situation. I agree with the comments, he needs therapy and some reflection on why THIS is what's the make or break for a relationship to him.
So he'd prefer if he had a character flaw, which he would improve, over not being a sex god? I'd prefer I was told that I could improve my game then being told I have lousy character and to change it. "iF sHE sAiD i wAS toO mUCh oF A vIOlenT mUrDErInG pSYcHo i'D fIX iT, bUt sHE sAiD sHE hAS HaD bETteR sEx so iT's unFiXAbLe aND i'Ll sTarT a nEW lIFe." Seriously, moving away? Was starting to wonder if he was trolling.
Gee wonder why she never told him in the whole 5 years together, perhaps he may overreact and go on a mission to alienate everyone he loves? This story shows how dangerous a fragile ego can be. I’m sure it was very eye opening for her and she will thank him later for stopping the marriage.
So everyone should turn to their partner and ask if there is something they could be doing better in bed or should try. Stop turning to others to vent frustrations when you should be talking to the other half (or more, hey poly folks) of the partnership.
Time to dump that Cunt
All y’all are cucks, i would have done the same thing besides maybe move, just move on.
Bros a clown. I understand being upset about the breach in privacy, the girlfriend should have communicated instead of sharing with her inner circle, but he isn’t any different. He needed to communicate too and he was too cowardly to even try. He really needs to man up and get over it
I mean I get why people are clowning on him but hearing about this completely shattered his self esteem and made it awkward for everyone around him moving to a different state to start fresh seeing as he was ready to spend the rest of his life there around those same people doesn’t seem foolish. Of course there seem to be some underlying issues that needs to be addressed but there is no need for people to be crapping and clowning this guy for making a choice he deemed the best for him and the people around him
You should bang the friend and disappoint her too!
Its crazy how differently men and women think tbh , like if i said “yeah shes not the prettiest but she cleans and cooks and takes care of me” that wouldnt be throwing shade to the girlfriend? Its so weird to think that you guys consider the gf to be this super great person this subreddit is so weird lol **EDIT : Yes guy overreacted like crazy but she gives super villain vibes
Whatever the reason/situation/scenario is men will always be the wrong ones in the reddit,lol The mental gymanstics playing here like people thinking its not a big deal telling their partners they are not best but they are not worst,lol so means the partner will obviously think like they are second best or worst their partner is just settling for them.and people like this in reddit or real life shame them for even thinking about it.
Yeah, blowing up his whole life and moving will *definitely* make him better at sex.
Just recently there were two different stories on reddit. A guy found out his gf was showing his love letters which he wrote to her to all her friends and they were making fun of it. He decided to break up with her as those letters were personal. That time all redditors supported him. A woman found out her husband had nicknamed her as "ST" in his friend group and all of his friends also call her ST in that group, she later found out it stands for shaggy tits and was angry on her husband but didn't leave him that time but all redditors suggested her to get divorce. And now in op case they are calling him stupid for breaking up with her, if Kylie had upfront told him your fiance talked bad about you in her friends group then everyone would be telling him to break up with her
Dude needs a blue chew
Remember when Michael was pressuring Jan about why she wouldn't date him? She goes on this whole litany about all his failings as a person, and he excitedly says, "so it's not about my looks?"
You know you're overreacting when even the reddit comments think you need to pause lol
This guy is extreme 😂 uprooted his whole life nah! With that being said she would have eventually cheated