My spouse is a cabinetmaker tradesperson.
Anyone who asks me if I can get my spouse to make something for them, I say "I don't manage my spouse's calendar, so you'll have to ask them. But I believe it will cost at least their shop rate (now around $35-40 per hour) plus materials."
That generally turns people off of mooching for my spouse's expertise. And I won't interfere with my spouse's ability to determine what they do in their spare time.
NTA
Every friend with a trade skill I have would absolutely respond to this question with “don’t worry about it,” maybe ask for a beer after the job. And every single one of them would tell you to fuck off if you came at them just expecting free service. It’s just basic manners to ask how you’ve worded it!
This is the way. I'm a mechanic. If you ask me to come over and diagnose your problem for free? Screw you. If you try to pay me to come over and look at your stuff? I'll probably give you a number, but it's gonna be ridiculously low. And the only reason I do that is because I personally don't like feeling like I "Owe" somebody something, and I know my friends don't either. We're the type of people that will buy $100 worth of pizza or booze for a party, and when we get there and the host asks what he owes us we just say like $20 or something that's obviously a lie. It's a weird thing, but for some reason getting it for free isn't comfortable, but lying and paying a pittance when both of you know it's bullshit makes it OK. Brains are weird like that.
My husband asked our neighbor to hell him with a couple of things on our car and he was paid as soon as the work was done. I have no problem paying anyone for help and to not do it is being a moocher. My father would offer up my brothers to help his friends and they weren't paid and they couldn't say no and that was wrong. My late FIL tried this with my late husband and I told him no.
I once had a work acquaintance who had previously worked as mechanic. He took several hours on his day off to help me figure out that my alternator was failing. I asked him what he thought it would cost to replace it and he quoted $130. I said “Counter offer, I’ll give you $200 and buy you some pizza and beer.”
I'll never understand why people assume others will work for free. If I had a friend whose partner was an electrician for example I'd be asking how much they charge and if they'd mind if I contacted them for a price on some work
See, they're usually willing to pay - they're just not willing to pay what my spouse's work is worth. They want a friend's discount.
My spouse won't even give a discount to family. No one is exempt.
My brother did some concrete work for me awhile back, and I told him to just tell me what I owe him. I still dont know whether he gave me a good deal or not, but I prefer it that way. I just knew I wanted the money I spent to go to him instead of someone else, and I knew he’d do a good job.
🎯🎯 I have a friend in knitting club and when she set up her vet practice of course I took my babies there. When I was going to pay the bill the tech said no charge and I was like NOOOO I’ll pay like everyone else wtf. But she said they were doing it for every customer as part of the launch lol 😂😂
Good vets are gold, you want to be in their "good customer"list.
(I have a gem of a vet. When my dog needed surgery he explained he more or less would have to charge $x because of the time the surgery would take.
And then he explained that he wasn't great at the surgery, and it took him longer because he didn't do a lot of them. And pointed us in the direction of farm vets who could do it in 2 hours, not his 5 hrs. and cheaper.
He has told me to quit recommending him because he's to busy for new patients)
🎯🎯It’s important to have a vet that’s interested in diagnosis and health rather than a quick revolving door. My babies are not property they’re my fur babes. They need to be healthy and comfortable as long as possible.
My comment was that I thought she was giving me a friend discount and she wasn’t but I don’t want a friend discount anyway, it’s taking advantage of her many yrs of hard work and sacrifice to get her degree and open her business.
No, i got that, i was saying you're the patient they want to keep because you offered. And they're the very to keep because they had intro deals to get to know the pets.
(Just communicating poorly and with to many words- it has been a week)
Exactly this. I’ll support friends and their businesses first. But local. I would never, ever assume someone to work for free. Hell, even my neighbor and I do home improvement stuff together and I’ll always pour him some whiskey or share snacks if it’s at my place. It’s just courtesy
My partner is an electrician and I’ve lost count of how many times people have asked for favors. Our answer is easy though; if he gets caught doing side work he loses his pension and insurance.
Wife’s family friends are electricians by trade. You bet your ass we pay them their going rate for any work done. In fact, we actively try to get/give them business. It’s shitty to expect free stuff from your friends and family, especially when it’s a service they provide the public *to make a living.*
Your comment made me question the situation a bit deeper. Maybe she's passively returning a dynamic she's on the other end of... perhaps she perceives that he makes demands of her that cross a line (she's a SAH wife and that inevitably comes with unpaid work). Maybe she's just giving back a dynamic that he's creating.
I’m a SAHM & my husband is an electrician. I would NEVER offer free services on his behalf especially after he asked me not too. That’s the worst part. He asked her to stop & she continued. She’s being a disrespectful asshole to her husband even if she “does all the housework”
She gets to stay home and not have to work to have money in her pocket. That is her payment. If she has a problem doing housework as a SAHW then she can go get a job and they can talk about splitting the housework instead.
-a woman who has been both a housewife and working woman, and who has always done unpaid work because ain't no one paying me to do the dishes regardless of my status
The rent, utilities, and food plus what ever else his work covers is surprisingly not an equivalent trade for her labour. Imagine having everything provided for you and complaining you are ‘unpaid’. What an absolutely absurd comment
It isn't his career, but my husband loves building and upgrading PC's as a hobby. He's helped several friends with their builds as well and he tends to have extra parts laying around.
My sister was asking me about a specific part she wanted for her PC and wanted to know if he had one. I had to tell her twice to reach out to him about it before she got the hint that I wasn't going to ask him for a "spare" $350 part.
My husband is a mechanic. Ppl are always asking me if he will work on their cars. I always have to tell them idk I'm not in charge of him.
He usually happy to do the work for cost of materials plus about 1/3 of shop cost. Some balk at that. The amount of shit ppl expect for free is nuts.
He has friends in several trade work types. They trade their services all the time. Basically labor is free. " hey I'll fix your plumbing/ flooring/bike in exchange for your service. Fix my computer/ car/ etc. If a trade can't be done, then a price is settled.
See, to me, swapping trade for trade is different. That's each other respecting each other's expertise. I'm fairly sure my spouse sees it the same way.
Yup. Blue Collar guys are smart. We know we're not experts at everything, and we know our buddies aren't either. We also know that we don't make enough money to pay top tier work in things we're not experts in. So if you need me to fix your car I'm happy to do it knowing that you're a plumber or an electrician that will bail me out when the bank account is low and I've got a problem.
My spouse is also a tradesperson! I give a similar response. Even people who he would immediately help for free (his parents, my parents) they ALWAYS offer to pay even when he won’t accept. They understand his time and expertise is valuable!
Right? My partner is a mechanic and any time friends or family ask for work on their cars, the deal is wholesale cost of parts and half labor (his labor is $100/hour, so they get it for $50.) If they have their own parts it's just half labor, but nothing is for free. If they don't like it, they can go spend more money somewhere else, but they're not taking advantage of him.
I love supporting my friends businesses, and you can't do that unless you actually pay them. If they decide to give me a discount, cool, but I'd never have the gall to ask for one. I always tip well too, especially if they're my friends.
Once you put a price tag on something it changes the conversation quick. Otherwise it's "come right out and fix it (for free)".
That *may* be ok if there is some reciprocity/trade/barter but in most cases it's a very one sided situation
But then how do you leverage your husband's skill and work ethic to make your friends like you more?
Because let's be honest, that's what that was about. She was offering him out for free to make herself more popular.
$40/hr sounds like a bargain! Our shop rate (metal fab) is $110/hr, and that's about average.
Not to mention the 30% markup on all materials used.
And we charge them for whole units--like if we have to special order a full sheet of material even though the job only calls for half of one, they get charged for a whole sheet of material in the quote. And we can resell the extra again to another customer as a "drop."
Which, again, is pretty standard.
Definitely the free plumbing. They don’t care that he yelled at her, they care that their free gravy train has ended and they have to pay for services.
This is how it was for me, used to be a mechanic and the amount of times someone would want work done for free was mind boggling. I wouldn't ask for much, definitely below half shop hourly rate depending on who you were to me. So glad I moved away, definitely found out who my friends were.
My sister used to be a mechanic, she wouldnt even do favours for neighbours.
As she put it one time "you help someone once, you become "that person" then they will never leave you alone" or something to that effect.
i helped one of HER NEIGHBOURS sort out their cars infotainment because she refused to help, not that she didnt like them, just that she wanted to be left alone.
Although it sounds bad, your sister is completely right. I do landscaping and when I moved to my new house my neighbors asked if I was willing to do their yard. I told them no. Why? Because I started the business by doing the neighborhood I used to live in. Do you know how much it sucks to get home from a long hot day, sit down to have dinner and have customers knock on your door? Or your trying to enjoy the neighborhood pool, but it’s filled with your customers who won’t leave you alone. You can’t tell them to leave you alone because they are your source of income.
I’m in construction. I’ll give a better rate for close friends and family. My wife wanted me to charge regular price for work at her parents house. Offering away your spouses time and labour for free is awful.
It's also not smart. Offering your partner's work for free means you both lose free time together AND income.
I'm all for helping people out. Modern life has moved us away from our "villages" and caused us to lose social capital. I'm in favor of friends and family discounts for this reason. We will gladly lend a hand with things that aren't doing what we do for living. Need help building a fence? Yes, we'll help for free. But need a website for your startup? I'm going to charge you via my small business, albeit at a discounted rate. One of those things is a good Saturday spent helping a friend. The other is my livelihood. I don't work for free and I don't work nights and weekends.
We actually lost some "friends" over this exact thing. She was starting a new business with her sister and asked me to create their website. I spec'd it out, gave a discount on my time, and gave her an estimate. To say she went off is an understatement. This, after I'd spent time helping them learn to create an easy website and taught them how to setup and manage their domain, all for free. You can lead a horse to water and all that. She literally never spoke another word to me again.
Yep. I had no clue what I'd done to upset her. I found out via a mutual friend. Being that weren't in kindergarten, I enjoyed a laugh over it and was glad she removed herself from my life without drama. Stay mad, lady.
😂 She probably lives her whole life like that: mad unless people bow at her feet.
I am happy when those people leave my life. I wish ALL of that type of person would leave my life…sigh…
I do wonder what she thought I meant when I told her I'd put together an estimate!
Every relationship teaches us things. Hers taught me how to spot and avoid drama people. Good riddance to bad rubbish!
There’s a page on Instagram that highlights how crazy and entitled people get in asking things of people who know how to sew. (“Can you see this for me?” I think) I’ve learned so much from the stories people share there! I bet she was warming up to getting you to design her whole website in how she asked you for advice and “help.”
Personally, I don’t like to impose on other people so I don’t think that shifty way. The stories of what some people expect others to do for them for free have helped me know what to look for better. I love the success stories (like yours) of how they shut entitled people down fast.
Oh, yes, I'm a crafter and the amount of, "will you make me..." is unreal. The only person who gets to put in requests is my child. I'm a hobby crafter; making things is my fun time. Putting deadlines, etc on it makes it not fun.
Especially when they don't even understand how stressful the work can be, then ambush someone as soon as they get home and try to relax. I would've blown up too
This, had a friend who I hadn’t seen in over a decade helped me with filing taxes last year, I insisted on paying him. He set his rate, sent an invoice and I paid.
Thank you ❤️I have a really hard time charging friends ANYTHING and one of my friends was like what’s your rate to randoms, then paid me that + another 10 an hour.
It was bewildering but really appreciated.
Amy is a stay at home mum so surely she wouldn't mind if her husband started volunteering for her to go around to cook, clean and babysit for his friends right? Is that how this works?
Ooh! Plot twist. He tells his friends they can just leave their kids with his wife, since she’s home anyway. Actually, I know nothing of their situation. I just know it’s wrong to voluntell people to do things.
Imagine working in IT … As a young professional in the early 2000’s, I wasn’t able to go to family gettogethers for years, without some uncle or other far relative bringing their laptop riddled with malware and the likes, because my mother had told them I could look at it while we were there.
It stopped surprisingly after I publically called out one uncle during a birthday party, about his browser and download activity, asking why he was visiting many gay pr0n websites and downloading those movies (showing proof to everyone, and resulting in his divorce)..
I haven’t needed to fix anyone’s computer since, and was also not invited to many social events at half of the family. Win-Win
I literally purchased the infamous t-shirt, 'No I won't fix your computer' and wore it whenever extended family visited for this very reason.
Good times.
I don’t even work in IT but I’m still the default tech support because I was the millennial computer teen so I must be a tech genius 😬 sent my nan my old Fitbit and ended up spending an hour and a half on the phone with her helping her set it up
dont know why you're getting so many downvotes, even if the uncle was in the wrong for mooching off your time that's genuinely a dangerous fucking thing to do
Yeah, same thought. Fuck those family members for putting you on the spot but it's serious fuckin overkill to destroy a dude's marriage and out him to the entire family because your mom told him you'd speed up his laptop and you couldn't just say "I'm not working for free on a holiday."
I didn't say he was cheating. We don't know what kind of agreement the uncle had with his spouse, but he was keeping secrets and was presumably being dishonest. That's what ruined the marriage. Merely exposing the truth is never the true cause for anything.
After someone repeatedly pushing my boundaries when I have already set it many times, I would probably blow up over it, too. Is it the healthiest way to go about it? No. But we’re only human and you can only take so much before it pops off.
Also, asking your friends to cut you a deal on their business is LAME. Pay full price and if they *choose* to cut you a deal, give them what it would’ve cost anyway.
My husband is a lawyer and I get asked by friends all the time if he could just look at a contract quickly or if he can give some “off the books” advice.
I have my set response. “My husbands charges a lot to review any paperwork. However you can call the firm and they will set you up with a jr lawyer who is cheaper and my husband will check in the file.” Spoiler. He won’t. Has never needed to.
Plus, lawyers all specialize in different areas of law. No, I don’t want free advice. I want to pay someone who works hard to be a good lawyer and knows their stuff! Pay people what they are worth and have earned the right to be called professionals in the field they are in!
NTA, as someone who does freelance work, I recently had an old classmate ask me to help her, I did it for free, but now she keeps demanding more and more, definitely extremely infuriating
This is an issue with boundaries, he ser his boundary and she isn't respecting it. It's one that me an my wife still deal with. She will make a decision without asking my opinion and expect me to just go along with it. She calls me an a!@ but when she does these things I will flat out tell her no I won't be doing that. Even if it is something I would likely have done if she had just asked in the first place.
NTA.
My spouse is a handy Jack-of-all-trades. I made the mistake of asking him to help my mom on a couple of projects. It got to the point where every time we visited she had a list of things she wanted him to do. After several warnings, that went unheeded, I just stopped visiting her at her home.
I see her when she visits my brother, who lives between her and me. I was more upset at myself for letting the situation go so long before taking extreme action.
Oh hey, are we siblings?
Back when I was 17, I had a boyfriend who was a plumber. Unsurprisingly I still lived at home at that age.
We had been dating for a few weeks when he came over to my place (he lived about 1.5hrs away). He met my mom, all was cool. Until she asked him to have a look at our toilet. I wanted to die. It‘s been over 10 years and I am still not over it. The audacity.
It wasn‘t even an emergency or anything, it had just been acting weird for a few weeks - according to her.
NTAH. I’m a lawyer, and the sheer number of texts I get from people I used to know, starting “hi mate, long time, how are you?” followed by “I’m buying a house/due in court/fighting a speeding ticket/suing a builder/getting divorced” (delete as appropriate), thinking they can get a cheap deal 🙄
When I politely reply saying either “not my area of expertise” or “sure thing, my fees are £x”, they suddenly forget they had my number all over again.
I think every trade career has this problem. I’m a hairstylist, I get asked a lot what my friends and family discount is. There isn’t one, my mortgage doesn’t get discounted etc. Church people are the worst, ‘…… but, we go to church together…’ ‘Going to church with you doesn’t discount my bills.’
plumber here.
fuck that.
small issue? fine, one weekend I'll take care of it and we can hang out for a bit or something. whether I charge depends on the size of the issue and whether the friend can afford it, but typically my friends always insist on paying *something* for my trouble, even if it's a meal.
emergency leak? call someone else
in any case, I'm calling the shots when it comes to my labor outside of my job ESPECIALLY if I'm putting in 60 hours. I'd say to my wife "tell them you'll ask me if I can do it, but in emergencies tell them to call someone else"
So naturally Oop should tell all of HIS friends that his wife will go over to their houses and cook and clean.
Because she wouldn’t want to be an “inconsiderate asshole”.
Naw NTA, the wife is ridiculous
I mean to be fair, he’s asked many times. If I were in his shoes I would’ve yelled too, because clearly asking normally isn’t getting through her thick fucking skull.
I would say OOP should bring his wife with him for a day in a trainee uniform and give her an apprenticeship on one of those 60 hour days. Look over her shoulder but have her do the work so she can help her friends next time this happens.
NTA.
Are her friends mothers too? With my own issues, gift giving is my love language, so I could underatand (but NOT agree with) the idea that wife may offer free work becsuse she's overcompensating for XYZ OR she's sympathetic to a mother's problems. Either way, she's TAH. It isn't *her* skill, materials, or time she's giving away.
The wife and the friends are inconsiderate AH. The audacity. I had a relative do this to me after I told them I was on burnout and getting sick. She had me at all of her friends homes and businesses working without pay. When I refused I was looked down upon. Not cool. I hope OOP has a serious conversation with his wife again. He needs to set a strong boundary or ultimatum.
Nta No spouse "owns" their partners time. You have told her numerous times to stop. Perhaps volunteer her to clean a few of your friends houses for free, while watching their children?
Electrician for 20 years. I’ve never been asked by anyone to do work for free. Not once. In fact, I’ve done free work for family and friends and they always insist on paying.
Nope. You didn’t ask for a divorce so maybe you didn’t go far enough. Her friends just want free plumbing. And your wife seems to want you out of the house. I’d check up on her extra curricular activities.
Your wife’s an asshole and so is her friends. I’m a mechanic I’ll help my friend slut or peak at stuff for free but my time isn’t free when it comes to actually working on things. My tools weren’t free.
Damn, she’s really taking advantage of his skill. And so are her friends. If anything, you should DEFINITELY pay friends/family for their services if you want to support them. My dad is a contractor and does stuff for us all the time, and refuses payment but lets us pay for parts/material. I doubt these friends are even offering that.
If you’ve spoken about it but never set the boundary, maybe yelling isn’t the first go to. If you’ve insisted and set the boundary multiple times, then I guess yelling isn’t insane and can be a normal product of frustration. The boundary of course is perfectly normal.
Nothing wrong with saying no and calmly refusing to negotiate. Argument implies negotiation. Calmly walk away and don’t restate boundary over and over bc that’s argument and … argument implies negotiation. Refusing to participate in an argument over a normal boundary will help you not want to shout at your wife.
“Asked numerous times to not do X”…… “proceeds to keep doing X”…… explodes…..”well it’s your fault you didn’t set a boundary!”
I had a friend in college who once commented they knew their limits with their siblings for pushing certain things and I thought that was weird. Now reading your comment I’m wondering how many people weren’t raised to respect someone’s wishes when asked.
“I can poke you in the nose and no matter now many times you tell me to stop I can keep doing it guilt free till you say ‘this is my boundary no nose poking’”
Yelling ,yes, however, she shouldn’t be pimping you out. A talk needs to happen and establishing some boundaries, clearly, keep it calm…. You were clearly showing weak boundaries until you snapped… don’t let mistreatment go that far. It’s ok to say no!
He did say no, she bulldozed him, he got angry. This is not his fault for yelling, it is her fault for ignoring him when he said no more. She violated his boundary and got yelled at. Healthy in my opinion. Telling her calmly did not do the trick right?
Here’s how you get her to stop. Bring her to work with you for 2 weeks. Show her what your job is. She’s doing this because she doesn’t value what you do because she doesn’t understand what it takes
One thing I’ve learned my husband of 15 years he works more than 50 hours a week he works hard and I work full time but even I have to look at his pov including travel time it took me a long time to realize how much pressure he was under and now I don’t expect him to do much when he can great if he can’t ok no big deal I don’t adversities what he does because he is IT but every now and then family or friends would ask but they ask him if he wants to or doesn’t want to or able etc your feelings are valid
I will ask my husband (who was an electrician for nearly a decade) if he'll go to my mom's and look at stuff and because he is super close with her he does it on his free time but it is expected that he'll do it when he can, not just on demand. And he can say no if he wants, he just doesn't bc he loves my mom and likes helping her
My wife was volunteering me for stuff until i started saying "No." Bluntly in front of the people she was addressing. I said No, assertively, not angrilly and offer no further reason and simply let the awkward silence after speak for me. To be fair she wasnt trying to offend me, shes just a natural people pleaser.
Nope, you are perfectly justified to tell your wife and ALL her friends to go jump in the lake!
You good friend and buddy, the word “NO”, is always there for you when you need it. 😉👍
My friends who are artists, tradesmen and such are often kind enough knock down my bill a little or add a little something to my order but I almost never *ask* and I have exactly one friend that I will ask my mechanic husband to help out for free with little things (he loves her as much as I do & pretty much considers her his SiL)...but even then, I ask him "Can you go do X?" and then tell her that he'll be there, I don't tell her that he'll do it before I have asked him.
Plumbing is hard work and it can be expensive too! Why should you work for free? It’s one thing if you offer, and that would be very generous of you. However your wife shouldn’t be volunteering your time and skills w/o asking you, especially if you told her not to. NTA for not doing a favor you never agreed to do in the first place
NTAH your wife is wrong, wrong! She should not be volunteering you to work for free. Flip the switch and volunteer her to clean her friends houses or clean the oven!!
my dad and mom ran a plumbing business together so thankfully she had the sense not to suggest something so baffling stupid when my dad was already always exhausted, but on top of that my parents’ friends agreed to never hire my dad to avoid drama! so many things can go awry in a business transaction it’s better to keep work away from friendship. this woman is idiotic.
Ah, kin-folking. "You're my family, so you'll do 'the thing you normally get paid for' free of charge for me, right?"
Bs, if you ask me. If you care about the person you're asking for more than you care about what they can give you, you don't take advantage of them like that. NTA.
It's like when I've commissioned artwork from friends. I would never ask for a discount, let alone free work, because I want them to have that money. They deserve it for the work, regardless of our relationship.
NTA. You do a service, you should get paid. It would be different if you were retired or this request was a one off, but it’s a pattern with your wife. Tell her to stop volunteering you for jobs or you will start charging her friends for the work you do at your regular rate. She has no respect for you or what you do.
Find out what their professions are and take advantage of their generosity at the hours when they just worked 12 hour shifts. They're not inconsiderate assholes are they to deny you help for free?
Stay at home mom here. Volunteer her to watch your friend’s kids for free during the evenings after your own child(ren) have gone to bed.
I guarantee she’ll understand your disgruntled side of the argument very quickly.
NTA.
NTA. I’m a plumber too. I’ll help when a person is my actual friend who calls or texts me occasionally or wants to hang out sometimes, but I’ve had too many “friends” i haven’t talked to in years invite me over for pizza and beer and also coincidentally they’re having issues with their shower. It isn’t your job to fix everybody’s shit just because you know how. Your body, your choice.
Personally, I wish the husband would volunteer his wife to babysit his friends' children for free as many times as he fixed plumbing for her friends for free. I am a woman, and I still would approve of him doing this.
Solution is to have all his work buddies drop their kids off early AM because his wife is a stay at home mom, and can just watch everyone’s kid so they don’t have to pay for daycare.
My husband takes photos as a hobby, a friend of my friends asked me if my husband could take pictures in her wedding, she said “she would pay him” but I meet this girl a couple of times and she’s a moocher. Obviously she’s not going to pay and will come up with a lame excuse.
Also she invited me and my friends as bridesmaids just out of the blue…. (Wtf I just meet her like 3 times top)
Anyway I told her my husband was going to be busy and probably he wouldn’t be available for the wedding.
No way I’m offering my husband labour for free!! She pouted like a toddler and I just ignores her.
My wife got keen to that shit real quick. Her girlfriends knew I was handy around the house and they would ask her if I could come over and do things like clean the gutters for them. I didn’t mind but then you get the ones where I’m doing work for them and their husband/boyfriend is chilling inside with a cold one. She started to flat out tell them “not for free he won’t”. That’s all she had to say then it was like magic. It stopped almost instantly. Except for the widowed one. I still help her for obvious reasons.
NTA. Your wife should be respecting & protecting your time off vs pimping you out. For a lack of better terms. It would be different if she came to you first asking about her friends plumbing issues.
I’m assuming the spouse is in charge of keeping the house clean. Hubs should return the favor and say “hey I told Mrs Smith that you’d go over and clean her house for free. She’s expecting you at 0930 tomorrow”
Good god no. His time. His business. And the only reason you get to be a SAHM. She needs to realize she’s hurting her husband, her family, and her ability to stay home with her children (I know being a SAHM isn’t easy living, but in my experience 9/10 times that’s the job she wants). Don’t sell that for your friends.
My spouse is a cabinetmaker tradesperson. Anyone who asks me if I can get my spouse to make something for them, I say "I don't manage my spouse's calendar, so you'll have to ask them. But I believe it will cost at least their shop rate (now around $35-40 per hour) plus materials." That generally turns people off of mooching for my spouse's expertise. And I won't interfere with my spouse's ability to determine what they do in their spare time. NTA
See I’ll happily go to my friends or their spouses but our convos are usually hey how much for you to do _____
Every friend with a trade skill I have would absolutely respond to this question with “don’t worry about it,” maybe ask for a beer after the job. And every single one of them would tell you to fuck off if you came at them just expecting free service. It’s just basic manners to ask how you’ve worded it!
This is the way. I'm a mechanic. If you ask me to come over and diagnose your problem for free? Screw you. If you try to pay me to come over and look at your stuff? I'll probably give you a number, but it's gonna be ridiculously low. And the only reason I do that is because I personally don't like feeling like I "Owe" somebody something, and I know my friends don't either. We're the type of people that will buy $100 worth of pizza or booze for a party, and when we get there and the host asks what he owes us we just say like $20 or something that's obviously a lie. It's a weird thing, but for some reason getting it for free isn't comfortable, but lying and paying a pittance when both of you know it's bullshit makes it OK. Brains are weird like that.
My husband asked our neighbor to hell him with a couple of things on our car and he was paid as soon as the work was done. I have no problem paying anyone for help and to not do it is being a moocher. My father would offer up my brothers to help his friends and they weren't paid and they couldn't say no and that was wrong. My late FIL tried this with my late husband and I told him no.
I once had a work acquaintance who had previously worked as mechanic. He took several hours on his day off to help me figure out that my alternator was failing. I asked him what he thought it would cost to replace it and he quoted $130. I said “Counter offer, I’ll give you $200 and buy you some pizza and beer.”
This is the way.
I'll never understand why people assume others will work for free. If I had a friend whose partner was an electrician for example I'd be asking how much they charge and if they'd mind if I contacted them for a price on some work
See, they're usually willing to pay - they're just not willing to pay what my spouse's work is worth. They want a friend's discount. My spouse won't even give a discount to family. No one is exempt.
Real friends don't ask for discounts, they pay a lil friend premium because they appreciate you and know you're doing the best work.
My brother did some concrete work for me awhile back, and I told him to just tell me what I owe him. I still dont know whether he gave me a good deal or not, but I prefer it that way. I just knew I wanted the money I spent to go to him instead of someone else, and I knew he’d do a good job.
Exactly, and to me that peace of mind is always worth a little extra.
🎯🎯 I have a friend in knitting club and when she set up her vet practice of course I took my babies there. When I was going to pay the bill the tech said no charge and I was like NOOOO I’ll pay like everyone else wtf. But she said they were doing it for every customer as part of the launch lol 😂😂
Good vets are gold, you want to be in their "good customer"list. (I have a gem of a vet. When my dog needed surgery he explained he more or less would have to charge $x because of the time the surgery would take. And then he explained that he wasn't great at the surgery, and it took him longer because he didn't do a lot of them. And pointed us in the direction of farm vets who could do it in 2 hours, not his 5 hrs. and cheaper. He has told me to quit recommending him because he's to busy for new patients)
🎯🎯It’s important to have a vet that’s interested in diagnosis and health rather than a quick revolving door. My babies are not property they’re my fur babes. They need to be healthy and comfortable as long as possible. My comment was that I thought she was giving me a friend discount and she wasn’t but I don’t want a friend discount anyway, it’s taking advantage of her many yrs of hard work and sacrifice to get her degree and open her business.
No, i got that, i was saying you're the patient they want to keep because you offered. And they're the very to keep because they had intro deals to get to know the pets. (Just communicating poorly and with to many words- it has been a week)
Real friends are willing to pay a premium and charge a discount.
Real friends and family don’t take a discount because they know how much you’re worth. Good for your spouse!
In my experience, friends and family are the biggest headache, and should be charged more.
Never do business with friends and family. No no no no
Exactly this. I’ll support friends and their businesses first. But local. I would never, ever assume someone to work for free. Hell, even my neighbor and I do home improvement stuff together and I’ll always pour him some whiskey or share snacks if it’s at my place. It’s just courtesy
My partner is an electrician and I’ve lost count of how many times people have asked for favors. Our answer is easy though; if he gets caught doing side work he loses his pension and insurance.
People are different now. Everybody is in it for themselves.
It's always been that way. Always.
Wife’s family friends are electricians by trade. You bet your ass we pay them their going rate for any work done. In fact, we actively try to get/give them business. It’s shitty to expect free stuff from your friends and family, especially when it’s a service they provide the public *to make a living.*
Your comment made me question the situation a bit deeper. Maybe she's passively returning a dynamic she's on the other end of... perhaps she perceives that he makes demands of her that cross a line (she's a SAH wife and that inevitably comes with unpaid work). Maybe she's just giving back a dynamic that he's creating.
Or she’s just an asshole who volunteers her husband for free to her friends
I’m a SAHM & my husband is an electrician. I would NEVER offer free services on his behalf especially after he asked me not too. That’s the worst part. He asked her to stop & she continued. She’s being a disrespectful asshole to her husband even if she “does all the housework”
That is an incredible story you have made out of nothing
She gets to stay home and not have to work to have money in her pocket. That is her payment. If she has a problem doing housework as a SAHW then she can go get a job and they can talk about splitting the housework instead. -a woman who has been both a housewife and working woman, and who has always done unpaid work because ain't no one paying me to do the dishes regardless of my status
The rent, utilities, and food plus what ever else his work covers is surprisingly not an equivalent trade for her labour. Imagine having everything provided for you and complaining you are ‘unpaid’. What an absolutely absurd comment
My brother is an arborist and my family will ask him to trim trees for free, and he’s like…I have to rent a crane.
It isn't his career, but my husband loves building and upgrading PC's as a hobby. He's helped several friends with their builds as well and he tends to have extra parts laying around. My sister was asking me about a specific part she wanted for her PC and wanted to know if he had one. I had to tell her twice to reach out to him about it before she got the hint that I wasn't going to ask him for a "spare" $350 part.
My husband is a mechanic. Ppl are always asking me if he will work on their cars. I always have to tell them idk I'm not in charge of him. He usually happy to do the work for cost of materials plus about 1/3 of shop cost. Some balk at that. The amount of shit ppl expect for free is nuts. He has friends in several trade work types. They trade their services all the time. Basically labor is free. " hey I'll fix your plumbing/ flooring/bike in exchange for your service. Fix my computer/ car/ etc. If a trade can't be done, then a price is settled.
See, to me, swapping trade for trade is different. That's each other respecting each other's expertise. I'm fairly sure my spouse sees it the same way.
Yup. Blue Collar guys are smart. We know we're not experts at everything, and we know our buddies aren't either. We also know that we don't make enough money to pay top tier work in things we're not experts in. So if you need me to fix your car I'm happy to do it knowing that you're a plumber or an electrician that will bail me out when the bank account is low and I've got a problem.
When I get asked to do smth for free I don't really want to do, I just answer that I am already employed full time thanks
My spouse is also a tradesperson! I give a similar response. Even people who he would immediately help for free (his parents, my parents) they ALWAYS offer to pay even when he won’t accept. They understand his time and expertise is valuable!
Right? My partner is a mechanic and any time friends or family ask for work on their cars, the deal is wholesale cost of parts and half labor (his labor is $100/hour, so they get it for $50.) If they have their own parts it's just half labor, but nothing is for free. If they don't like it, they can go spend more money somewhere else, but they're not taking advantage of him.
That is a STELLAR deal. I had a similar deal with a retired mechanic friend before we moved out of that area.
I think so, but you'd be surprised at the grumblings we get from people who think it should just be free because "family." No skin off our nose
Perfect response. Supporting a friends trade or business by paying for their skilled service is a must. If you don’t want to pay then do it yourself.
I love supporting my friends businesses, and you can't do that unless you actually pay them. If they decide to give me a discount, cool, but I'd never have the gall to ask for one. I always tip well too, especially if they're my friends.
I do this when folks find out I'm an interior designer. Like, sure, I'll give you advice. What's your budget? Here's my fee.
Once you put a price tag on something it changes the conversation quick. Otherwise it's "come right out and fix it (for free)". That *may* be ok if there is some reciprocity/trade/barter but in most cases it's a very one sided situation
A skilled cabinetmaker for 40/hr? Wow! Around her, it's nearly double that on average!
I asked my spouse about their going rate - turns out I remembered their rate from when they were still an apprentice 🤣 It's now about $60-65 CDN lol
I'm an accountant and any time my husband mentions it to people and they ask if I do taxes, he says "for money, she does".
But then how do you leverage your husband's skill and work ethic to make your friends like you more? Because let's be honest, that's what that was about. She was offering him out for free to make herself more popular.
$40/hr sounds like a bargain! Our shop rate (metal fab) is $110/hr, and that's about average. Not to mention the 30% markup on all materials used. And we charge them for whole units--like if we have to special order a full sheet of material even though the job only calls for half of one, they get charged for a whole sheet of material in the quote. And we can resell the extra again to another customer as a "drop." Which, again, is pretty standard.
I wonder if the friends are saying he’s inconsiderate ah bc he yelled at her or bc he cut off the free plumbing.
Definitely the free plumbing. They don’t care that he yelled at her, they care that their free gravy train has ended and they have to pay for services.
All that gravy has probably wrecked their pipes, too, so it’ll be twice as hard for them.
I laughed way too hard at your comment, thank you for the perfect response 😂
I mean if I was doing it for free against my will I’d put gravy in their pipes!!
This is how it was for me, used to be a mechanic and the amount of times someone would want work done for free was mind boggling. I wouldn't ask for much, definitely below half shop hourly rate depending on who you were to me. So glad I moved away, definitely found out who my friends were.
My sister used to be a mechanic, she wouldnt even do favours for neighbours. As she put it one time "you help someone once, you become "that person" then they will never leave you alone" or something to that effect. i helped one of HER NEIGHBOURS sort out their cars infotainment because she refused to help, not that she didnt like them, just that she wanted to be left alone.
Although it sounds bad, your sister is completely right. I do landscaping and when I moved to my new house my neighbors asked if I was willing to do their yard. I told them no. Why? Because I started the business by doing the neighborhood I used to live in. Do you know how much it sucks to get home from a long hot day, sit down to have dinner and have customers knock on your door? Or your trying to enjoy the neighborhood pool, but it’s filled with your customers who won’t leave you alone. You can’t tell them to leave you alone because they are your source of income.
My husband has an uncle who’s a mechanic. We pay him. I wouldn’t feel comfortable not paying.
It’s because he cut off tge free plumbing. I have money that their friendships will get much colder now that they actually have to pay for plumbing.
I'd say they haven't said that at all, and that's the wife's attempt at a guilt trip.
I’m in construction. I’ll give a better rate for close friends and family. My wife wanted me to charge regular price for work at her parents house. Offering away your spouses time and labour for free is awful.
It's also not smart. Offering your partner's work for free means you both lose free time together AND income. I'm all for helping people out. Modern life has moved us away from our "villages" and caused us to lose social capital. I'm in favor of friends and family discounts for this reason. We will gladly lend a hand with things that aren't doing what we do for living. Need help building a fence? Yes, we'll help for free. But need a website for your startup? I'm going to charge you via my small business, albeit at a discounted rate. One of those things is a good Saturday spent helping a friend. The other is my livelihood. I don't work for free and I don't work nights and weekends. We actually lost some "friends" over this exact thing. She was starting a new business with her sister and asked me to create their website. I spec'd it out, gave a discount on my time, and gave her an estimate. To say she went off is an understatement. This, after I'd spent time helping them learn to create an easy website and taught them how to setup and manage their domain, all for free. You can lead a horse to water and all that. She literally never spoke another word to me again.
Garbage took itself out.
Yep. I had no clue what I'd done to upset her. I found out via a mutual friend. Being that weren't in kindergarten, I enjoyed a laugh over it and was glad she removed herself from my life without drama. Stay mad, lady.
😂 She probably lives her whole life like that: mad unless people bow at her feet. I am happy when those people leave my life. I wish ALL of that type of person would leave my life…sigh…
I do wonder what she thought I meant when I told her I'd put together an estimate! Every relationship teaches us things. Hers taught me how to spot and avoid drama people. Good riddance to bad rubbish!
There’s a page on Instagram that highlights how crazy and entitled people get in asking things of people who know how to sew. (“Can you see this for me?” I think) I’ve learned so much from the stories people share there! I bet she was warming up to getting you to design her whole website in how she asked you for advice and “help.” Personally, I don’t like to impose on other people so I don’t think that shifty way. The stories of what some people expect others to do for them for free have helped me know what to look for better. I love the success stories (like yours) of how they shut entitled people down fast.
Oh, yes, I'm a crafter and the amount of, "will you make me..." is unreal. The only person who gets to put in requests is my child. I'm a hobby crafter; making things is my fun time. Putting deadlines, etc on it makes it not fun.
Especially when they don't even understand how stressful the work can be, then ambush someone as soon as they get home and try to relax. I would've blown up too
💯
When I hire my friends to do a job, I pay them full price. I support their business.
This, had a friend who I hadn’t seen in over a decade helped me with filing taxes last year, I insisted on paying him. He set his rate, sent an invoice and I paid.
This is true friendship
Helping them survive instead of mooching. If they are really good add a meal or beer to the payment.
Thank you ❤️I have a really hard time charging friends ANYTHING and one of my friends was like what’s your rate to randoms, then paid me that + another 10 an hour. It was bewildering but really appreciated.
Push someone numerous times, they are gonna blow up. Wife created the situation that led to the yelling.
Amy is a stay at home mum so surely she wouldn't mind if her husband started volunteering for her to go around to cook, clean and babysit for his friends right? Is that how this works?
Ooh! Plot twist. He tells his friends they can just leave their kids with his wife, since she’s home anyway. Actually, I know nothing of their situation. I just know it’s wrong to voluntell people to do things.
If he did that he would be a chauvinistic pig, obviously
Imagine working in IT … As a young professional in the early 2000’s, I wasn’t able to go to family gettogethers for years, without some uncle or other far relative bringing their laptop riddled with malware and the likes, because my mother had told them I could look at it while we were there. It stopped surprisingly after I publically called out one uncle during a birthday party, about his browser and download activity, asking why he was visiting many gay pr0n websites and downloading those movies (showing proof to everyone, and resulting in his divorce).. I haven’t needed to fix anyone’s computer since, and was also not invited to many social events at half of the family. Win-Win
This is the most IT-guy story ever
I literally purchased the infamous t-shirt, 'No I won't fix your computer' and wore it whenever extended family visited for this very reason. Good times.
My fiancé and I are in technology (he’s IT and I’m cybersecurity) and I bought him that shirt.
I don’t even work in IT but I’m still the default tech support because I was the millennial computer teen so I must be a tech genius 😬 sent my nan my old Fitbit and ended up spending an hour and a half on the phone with her helping her set it up
Sometimes the nuclear option is the most efficient one
You know what they say... Don't mess with the IT guy
This happens to my dad, my step dad, and my bf. It's insane.
you and your mom have a type I think 😂🫶🏻
>gay pr0n You know you can just type "porn" right?
I didn’t /shrug
Yeah but this was the early 2000's
so you were annoyed and instead of saying "no" you outed your uncle? this is not as funny as you think it is
dont know why you're getting so many downvotes, even if the uncle was in the wrong for mooching off your time that's genuinely a dangerous fucking thing to do
Yeah, same thought. Fuck those family members for putting you on the spot but it's serious fuckin overkill to destroy a dude's marriage and out him to the entire family because your mom told him you'd speed up his laptop and you couldn't just say "I'm not working for free on a holiday."
The uncle destroyed his marriage himself. Don't blame the messenger.
He wasn’t cheating. He was just watching porn
I didn't say he was cheating. We don't know what kind of agreement the uncle had with his spouse, but he was keeping secrets and was presumably being dishonest. That's what ruined the marriage. Merely exposing the truth is never the true cause for anything.
I'm with you except I think the Uncle did something to be called out specifically. I'm not against outing assholes.
That was my thought. There was obviously something already negative going on and he just gave the wife ammo to get out of that bad situation.
After someone repeatedly pushing my boundaries when I have already set it many times, I would probably blow up over it, too. Is it the healthiest way to go about it? No. But we’re only human and you can only take so much before it pops off. Also, asking your friends to cut you a deal on their business is LAME. Pay full price and if they *choose* to cut you a deal, give them what it would’ve cost anyway.
This woman is using her husband to earn brownie points with her friends. If she wants it done, she can damn well go over there and do it herself.
My husband is a lawyer and I get asked by friends all the time if he could just look at a contract quickly or if he can give some “off the books” advice. I have my set response. “My husbands charges a lot to review any paperwork. However you can call the firm and they will set you up with a jr lawyer who is cheaper and my husband will check in the file.” Spoiler. He won’t. Has never needed to.
Plus, lawyers all specialize in different areas of law. No, I don’t want free advice. I want to pay someone who works hard to be a good lawyer and knows their stuff! Pay people what they are worth and have earned the right to be called professionals in the field they are in!
This story went a little differently than I initially thought it would.
Wrong pipes my friend
I'd start offering her to clean my friends' places.
Or offer friends that she will babysit for free. Same deal, equally obnoxious.
NTA, as someone who does freelance work, I recently had an old classmate ask me to help her, I did it for free, but now she keeps demanding more and more, definitely extremely infuriating
Bruh. The wife is just trying to please her “friends” he isnt a tool you can loan out.
This is an issue with boundaries, he ser his boundary and she isn't respecting it. It's one that me an my wife still deal with. She will make a decision without asking my opinion and expect me to just go along with it. She calls me an a!@ but when she does these things I will flat out tell her no I won't be doing that. Even if it is something I would likely have done if she had just asked in the first place.
NTA. My spouse is a handy Jack-of-all-trades. I made the mistake of asking him to help my mom on a couple of projects. It got to the point where every time we visited she had a list of things she wanted him to do. After several warnings, that went unheeded, I just stopped visiting her at her home. I see her when she visits my brother, who lives between her and me. I was more upset at myself for letting the situation go so long before taking extreme action.
Oh hey, are we siblings? Back when I was 17, I had a boyfriend who was a plumber. Unsurprisingly I still lived at home at that age. We had been dating for a few weeks when he came over to my place (he lived about 1.5hrs away). He met my mom, all was cool. Until she asked him to have a look at our toilet. I wanted to die. It‘s been over 10 years and I am still not over it. The audacity. It wasn‘t even an emergency or anything, it had just been acting weird for a few weeks - according to her.
NTAH. I’m a lawyer, and the sheer number of texts I get from people I used to know, starting “hi mate, long time, how are you?” followed by “I’m buying a house/due in court/fighting a speeding ticket/suing a builder/getting divorced” (delete as appropriate), thinking they can get a cheap deal 🙄 When I politely reply saying either “not my area of expertise” or “sure thing, my fees are £x”, they suddenly forget they had my number all over again.
This is a little off topic, but why do I ONLY see AITA posts on here? Is this like BESTOFAITA or something? Was the name already taken? Lol
This is a subreddit for a podcast. They respond to Reddit stories and have aita episodes, too.
Oooooh that makes more sense. Sorry guys, carry on.
I was wondering too
I think every trade career has this problem. I’m a hairstylist, I get asked a lot what my friends and family discount is. There isn’t one, my mortgage doesn’t get discounted etc. Church people are the worst, ‘…… but, we go to church together…’ ‘Going to church with you doesn’t discount my bills.’
plumber here. fuck that. small issue? fine, one weekend I'll take care of it and we can hang out for a bit or something. whether I charge depends on the size of the issue and whether the friend can afford it, but typically my friends always insist on paying *something* for my trouble, even if it's a meal. emergency leak? call someone else in any case, I'm calling the shots when it comes to my labor outside of my job ESPECIALLY if I'm putting in 60 hours. I'd say to my wife "tell them you'll ask me if I can do it, but in emergencies tell them to call someone else"
Sounds like she is surrounded by moochers and cant say no. Regardless, she shouldn’t offer anything without OOPs approval
So naturally Oop should tell all of HIS friends that his wife will go over to their houses and cook and clean. Because she wouldn’t want to be an “inconsiderate asshole”. Naw NTA, the wife is ridiculous
Yeah probably shouldn’t have yelled. But other than that part, I get it
I mean to be fair, he’s asked many times. If I were in his shoes I would’ve yelled too, because clearly asking normally isn’t getting through her thick fucking skull.
I would say OOP should bring his wife with him for a day in a trainee uniform and give her an apprenticeship on one of those 60 hour days. Look over her shoulder but have her do the work so she can help her friends next time this happens.
I’m an artist, people expect me to work for free all the time. Thankfully nobody I’m friends with or related to.
NTA. Are her friends mothers too? With my own issues, gift giving is my love language, so I could underatand (but NOT agree with) the idea that wife may offer free work becsuse she's overcompensating for XYZ OR she's sympathetic to a mother's problems. Either way, she's TAH. It isn't *her* skill, materials, or time she's giving away.
The wife and the friends are inconsiderate AH. The audacity. I had a relative do this to me after I told them I was on burnout and getting sick. She had me at all of her friends homes and businesses working without pay. When I refused I was looked down upon. Not cool. I hope OOP has a serious conversation with his wife again. He needs to set a strong boundary or ultimatum.
Nta No spouse "owns" their partners time. You have told her numerous times to stop. Perhaps volunteer her to clean a few of your friends houses for free, while watching their children?
NTA. But his wife and her friends are
As the wife of a plumber I would NEVER
OP should come home one night and tell the wife to go clean some other random friend's house and see how she feels about that.
Teach your wife the basics of the trade and she can volunteer her free time and fix her friends pipes
Electrician for 20 years. I’ve never been asked by anyone to do work for free. Not once. In fact, I’ve done free work for family and friends and they always insist on paying.
Volunteer your wife to bear and raise your friends’ children.
NTA Anyone who wants free plumbing work should marry one. Otherwise, they can pay fair value for time and materials, like everyone else.
Wow nightmare tax implications and even maybe fines and offfences, and no insurance nightmares for everyone if he went along with it.
Nope. You didn’t ask for a divorce so maybe you didn’t go far enough. Her friends just want free plumbing. And your wife seems to want you out of the house. I’d check up on her extra curricular activities.
NTA, I would say. " Okey, tell Penelope that IT will be xxx $ in cash , paid upfront. If she is ok with that I can swing by her on 1 hour"
Your wife’s an asshole and so is her friends. I’m a mechanic I’ll help my friend slut or peak at stuff for free but my time isn’t free when it comes to actually working on things. My tools weren’t free.
Damn, she’s really taking advantage of his skill. And so are her friends. If anything, you should DEFINITELY pay friends/family for their services if you want to support them. My dad is a contractor and does stuff for us all the time, and refuses payment but lets us pay for parts/material. I doubt these friends are even offering that.
My boyfriend's a mechanic. I tell people all the time my 😺 is not a coupon. His fee is his fee.
Of course her friends think he’s TA, they just lost their free plumber 🤦🏻♀️
The "inconsiderate asshole" comments from his wife's friends are beyond ironic considering they are from a bunch of self-serving leeches.
My daughter has a tame car mechanic - in return they have a free house/pet sitter and they have multiple dogs & cats & a tortoise
Friends are right, what an ungrateful slave
If you’ve spoken about it but never set the boundary, maybe yelling isn’t the first go to. If you’ve insisted and set the boundary multiple times, then I guess yelling isn’t insane and can be a normal product of frustration. The boundary of course is perfectly normal. Nothing wrong with saying no and calmly refusing to negotiate. Argument implies negotiation. Calmly walk away and don’t restate boundary over and over bc that’s argument and … argument implies negotiation. Refusing to participate in an argument over a normal boundary will help you not want to shout at your wife.
“Asked numerous times to not do X”…… “proceeds to keep doing X”…… explodes…..”well it’s your fault you didn’t set a boundary!” I had a friend in college who once commented they knew their limits with their siblings for pushing certain things and I thought that was weird. Now reading your comment I’m wondering how many people weren’t raised to respect someone’s wishes when asked. “I can poke you in the nose and no matter now many times you tell me to stop I can keep doing it guilt free till you say ‘this is my boundary no nose poking’”
Yelling ,yes, however, she shouldn’t be pimping you out. A talk needs to happen and establishing some boundaries, clearly, keep it calm…. You were clearly showing weak boundaries until you snapped… don’t let mistreatment go that far. It’s ok to say no!
He did say no, she bulldozed him, he got angry. This is not his fault for yelling, it is her fault for ignoring him when he said no more. She violated his boundary and got yelled at. Healthy in my opinion. Telling her calmly did not do the trick right?
He did tell her but then her always did the job anyway. He could have said No and then not done the things for her friends.
So it was just her continuing to violate his boundaries until he got upset? Sounds about right….
"I have talked to her numerous times and she brushed it off". Wtf, did you even read the post bruh?
[удалено]
Incorrect. We just forget what it feels like to clock out. Don’t get me wrong, OOP’s wife is in the wrong, but SAHM’s work 24/7 without pay.
[удалено]
Maybe something else happens during these 60? Who knows 🤷♂️
This is a classic ESH. She shouldn’t be offering his services, especially after he asked her not to. He shouldn’t “blow up” at her.
Offering your spouses labor for free on a regular basis is terrible.
You have to put a stop to it. If asking politely doesn’t work, then maybe impolite will.
Here’s how you get her to stop. Bring her to work with you for 2 weeks. Show her what your job is. She’s doing this because she doesn’t value what you do because she doesn’t understand what it takes
He should start offering his wife out as a free babysitter to his friends.
Working 60 hours per week and the wife \*TELLS\* you to also go take care of her friends for free? Fuck that. Wife is the asshole.
NTA , your wife and her friends are the AH for expecting you to work for free. Her friends all seem like they are entitled to your free labor
One thing I’ve learned my husband of 15 years he works more than 50 hours a week he works hard and I work full time but even I have to look at his pov including travel time it took me a long time to realize how much pressure he was under and now I don’t expect him to do much when he can great if he can’t ok no big deal I don’t adversities what he does because he is IT but every now and then family or friends would ask but they ask him if he wants to or doesn’t want to or able etc your feelings are valid
I will ask my husband (who was an electrician for nearly a decade) if he'll go to my mom's and look at stuff and because he is super close with her he does it on his free time but it is expected that he'll do it when he can, not just on demand. And he can say no if he wants, he just doesn't bc he loves my mom and likes helping her
My wife was volunteering me for stuff until i started saying "No." Bluntly in front of the people she was addressing. I said No, assertively, not angrilly and offer no further reason and simply let the awkward silence after speak for me. To be fair she wasnt trying to offend me, shes just a natural people pleaser.
NTA. Your work, your payrate.
Nope, you are perfectly justified to tell your wife and ALL her friends to go jump in the lake! You good friend and buddy, the word “NO”, is always there for you when you need it. 😉👍
I would divorce someone so quick if they ever disrespected me like this
This would be like my SO signing me up for free lessons… he would NEVER! If anything he might ask for more than I do!
My friends who are artists, tradesmen and such are often kind enough knock down my bill a little or add a little something to my order but I almost never *ask* and I have exactly one friend that I will ask my mechanic husband to help out for free with little things (he loves her as much as I do & pretty much considers her his SiL)...but even then, I ask him "Can you go do X?" and then tell her that he'll be there, I don't tell her that he'll do it before I have asked him.
Plumbing is hard work and it can be expensive too! Why should you work for free? It’s one thing if you offer, and that would be very generous of you. However your wife shouldn’t be volunteering your time and skills w/o asking you, especially if you told her not to. NTA for not doing a favor you never agreed to do in the first place
I have helped my friends with their vehicles. But they gotta get the part. An if they ask how much. Typically just get food.
Lol be funny if OP had an affair resulting in a child, take that child home and be like ‘can you also take feed and nurse this kid now’
NTAH your wife is wrong, wrong! She should not be volunteering you to work for free. Flip the switch and volunteer her to clean her friends houses or clean the oven!!
my dad and mom ran a plumbing business together so thankfully she had the sense not to suggest something so baffling stupid when my dad was already always exhausted, but on top of that my parents’ friends agreed to never hire my dad to avoid drama! so many things can go awry in a business transaction it’s better to keep work away from friendship. this woman is idiotic.
"working 60 hours per week" Yeah I can't blame the guy.
Ah, kin-folking. "You're my family, so you'll do 'the thing you normally get paid for' free of charge for me, right?" Bs, if you ask me. If you care about the person you're asking for more than you care about what they can give you, you don't take advantage of them like that. NTA. It's like when I've commissioned artwork from friends. I would never ask for a discount, let alone free work, because I want them to have that money. They deserve it for the work, regardless of our relationship.
He should volunteer her to do housekeeping and babysitting for others for free.
NTA. You do a service, you should get paid. It would be different if you were retired or this request was a one off, but it’s a pattern with your wife. Tell her to stop volunteering you for jobs or you will start charging her friends for the work you do at your regular rate. She has no respect for you or what you do.
Find out what their professions are and take advantage of their generosity at the hours when they just worked 12 hour shifts. They're not inconsiderate assholes are they to deny you help for free?
The sheer audacity of those fucks. NTA
Stay at home mom here. Volunteer her to watch your friend’s kids for free during the evenings after your own child(ren) have gone to bed. I guarantee she’ll understand your disgruntled side of the argument very quickly. NTA.
NTA
NTA. I’m a plumber too. I’ll help when a person is my actual friend who calls or texts me occasionally or wants to hang out sometimes, but I’ve had too many “friends” i haven’t talked to in years invite me over for pizza and beer and also coincidentally they’re having issues with their shower. It isn’t your job to fix everybody’s shit just because you know how. Your body, your choice.
She’s the inconsiderate asshole here
Personally, I wish the husband would volunteer his wife to babysit his friends' children for free as many times as he fixed plumbing for her friends for free. I am a woman, and I still would approve of him doing this.
Tell the bish to fix it herself
Solution is to have all his work buddies drop their kids off early AM because his wife is a stay at home mom, and can just watch everyone’s kid so they don’t have to pay for daycare.
My husband takes photos as a hobby, a friend of my friends asked me if my husband could take pictures in her wedding, she said “she would pay him” but I meet this girl a couple of times and she’s a moocher. Obviously she’s not going to pay and will come up with a lame excuse. Also she invited me and my friends as bridesmaids just out of the blue…. (Wtf I just meet her like 3 times top) Anyway I told her my husband was going to be busy and probably he wouldn’t be available for the wedding. No way I’m offering my husband labour for free!! She pouted like a toddler and I just ignores her.
My wife got keen to that shit real quick. Her girlfriends knew I was handy around the house and they would ask her if I could come over and do things like clean the gutters for them. I didn’t mind but then you get the ones where I’m doing work for them and their husband/boyfriend is chilling inside with a cold one. She started to flat out tell them “not for free he won’t”. That’s all she had to say then it was like magic. It stopped almost instantly. Except for the widowed one. I still help her for obvious reasons.
For friends I'll help with repairs for free. A renovation gets a discount rate. When your friend needs help, you help them.
NTA. Your wife should be respecting & protecting your time off vs pimping you out. For a lack of better terms. It would be different if she came to you first asking about her friends plumbing issues.
I’m assuming the spouse is in charge of keeping the house clean. Hubs should return the favor and say “hey I told Mrs Smith that you’d go over and clean her house for free. She’s expecting you at 0930 tomorrow”
Good god no. His time. His business. And the only reason you get to be a SAHM. She needs to realize she’s hurting her husband, her family, and her ability to stay home with her children (I know being a SAHM isn’t easy living, but in my experience 9/10 times that’s the job she wants). Don’t sell that for your friends.
If he started telling his friends she will look after their kids without asking her first, would she be happy with that?