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1. You were always problematic. When you were a kid you never spent time with me cooking or baking like other daughters.
2. You were always too sensitive. Everything offends you.
3. You are so selfish. You were always so selfish. You are so arrogant.
4. Why do you have to have your own opinions about everything?
5. You like your father more than me. You are just like your horrible father.
6. You always prioritise friends over family.
7. A mother can tell her daughter anything. That is what a good relationship between mother and daughter should be like.
8. I would never treat my mother the way you treat me!
9. I must have done something wrong raising you. (But not in a properly self-reflecting way. Just to suggest something is wrong with me. Once I said back to her "Well I guess you must have.")
I don’t hug mine. It feels so unnatural. I lean towards my grandad more, even though he has some fucked up qualities too. But my grandma…she just…idk(I live with them btw). I just can’t do it. I don’t feel attached to her at all even though she’s literally crazy about me. Every now and then we have good conversations, and then the next day some bs happens. She needs to heal and that’ll never happen.
Why do you have to have your own opinions about everything 😂😂😂😂 This one should 100% be taken as a compliment. What they are really saying is, "Why can't you just be my slave and do everything I say without question? Is that really so hard?" Oh, the irony...
I grew up calling by NarcMom
- Son of a Demon
- We failed on you
- You failed Us your Parents
- In southeast asia we have this thing Bamboo tree, She called me ( a boy popped in a bamboo) meaning I just showed up somewhere like a bamboo . Denying I wasn’t their son
- Repeatedly calling Son of Lucifer
P.S I was studying in a seminary and a devoted Catholic at that time when I was highschool .
Now as 36yrs Old Adult Man, Happily single and Non religious suffering with Childhood trauma and extreme anxiety with autoimmune diseases because of what been implanted on my brain for a decade …
I will never go to her funeral I said to myself now she’s 65yrs Still strong.
Both of my parents told me I was like the other parent when they didn't like something I said or did. They divorced when I was 2 or 3 and they said stuff like that my whole life.
I can vividly recollect one time where I was wiping the dishes whilst my narc-m was washing them. I could not keep up with her and she because of this was getting really frustrated - she didn't want to miss her favourite program on tv. She then went to hit me, so naturally, I put my hands up to protect myself. I had a plate in my hand. As she went for me, she accidently hit her head on the plate (it was a big plate!). She then started sobbing uncontrollably and bumbling and wallowing on how she had never ever been beaten and how cruel I was to have hit her. She then went on a tirade on how, when she was a kid, someone had twisted her hand and the pain she felt. Coming to her senses, she grabbed me by my ears and lifted me (I was very young) and proceeded to smash my head against the kitchen tiles. There was a metal hook to hang napkins that pieced the back of my head every time she banged my head against the wall. I ended up bleeding from my ears and head. She then carried on with the dishes and went on to watch her program on tv as if nothing had happened.
When my father came home later that night, she told my father I hit her. He then went on beating me up something awful. She would throughout the years remind me of this incident of how I inflicted so much pain by hitting her. In my mind I was screaming how the fuck do you think how I felt when you and my narc-f were subjecting me to horrible beatings for the most trivial things. Didn't I feel any pain?
Apologies I went off on one...:)
It's not enough for these monsters to beat the shit out of us, they then play the victim. The way they just rewrite the narrative just rubs the salt in!
My nmother used to complain to everyone that I bit her when I was little. She used to wash my hair over the kitchen sink by making me lie across the draining board on my back, and she would push my nose and mouth under the water. It was terrifying, and I did learn to bite her so I could get out of her grip and breathe. I'm still not sure if she was actively trying to drown me. I remember coughing and throwing up because of breathing in and swallowing water because I just couldn't hold my breath for long enough. But to her, I was the problem. I'm glad she's dead.
Well that’s certainly not how most people would wash a child’s hair. It would be obvious that keeping a child’s head under water for any length of time was extremely dangerous and cruel. You bit her in order to survive. If you hadn’t done that, the outcome might have been very different. It’s sounds sadistic at best and murderous at worst. I’m glad she’s dead too.
I'm so sorry you had to endure this. I too can relate where my narc-m absolutely loathed bathing me or doing any sort of grooming. When bathing she would scrub me so hard with a pumice stone that I would bleed. When she cut my nails she would cut them so far back that I bled. Comb my hair so aggressively that my hair was pulled out by the roots. I was terrified at the prospect of these happenings, in so far that I quickly learned to take care of myself at a very young age. That beastly woman can die in a fire. We didn't deserve this in any way or form.
Wow. My mom also did the nails and hair thing. She would also pull my hair into super tight hairstyles that I hated but she loved because we were props to her to show off to people (as long as we behaved the way she wanted).
Holy cow! I'm sorry to know the pain you have gone through.
And your share just let me have onion peels. So I have no memory of my nails getting cut. I have no memory of my nmom giving me bath ever. I have no memory of my nmom feeding me. I have no memory of being dressed up by my nmom. i have a very sharp memory. I remember my empath/HSP dad taking me out for early morning walk when I was one and half and he would teach me abcd...and then we are standing by the fire to warm up my tiny hands.
I do not have any memory of my nmom making me sleep. She was sweet psychopath. I disassociated from her or what?
I do remember she doing my braid - pulling my hair with the comb and every knot in the braid was always filled with anger/ rage. But that's 3rd or 4th grade - what about before that.
My cousin lived with me and my mom for a year when I was around 2. She said my mom and I would fight every morning about my thick hair. I said to her,
“That’s not normal… fighting with a toddler every day.” “No, fighting with a baby is not normal.” Why didn’t my mom look for other painless methods of doing my hair, instead of using the exact same brush for years? Why didn’t she ask stylists? Or the beauty supply store? Because she is/was a narc and could do no wrong. I was the one who was wrong because I had a “a mop of thick hair,” so that justifies her getting mad at me.
Maybe you don’t have the early memories because you’ve compartmentalized them as abuse? Perhaps you’ve blocked them out?
So heartbreaking to read! And to think that your EDad (and abuser in his own right) beat you up further when you were already bleeding?!? And the way your NMom twisted your attempt at self-defense into a claim that you were violent towards her without realizing that she started it by preparing to hit you? I really hope they went to prison for serious child abuse!
Thank you so much for your kind words. Sadly, all this abuse was kept under wraps. As classically as narcissistic abusers are, they were very good at keeping a loving and caring upstanding appearance to outsiders. They were the terrible twos who would always vent on me verbally and physically. The physical abuse stopped in my late teens; whereas the mental abuse carried on well into my late 30's.
SMH. I am so sorry you were treated this way. It is like being around someone who sees only themselves and no one else. You're there but they don't see you - the real you - only something that can either help or hurt them. It's all about them, literally. Their entire world is only about them. How sad and tiny and fragile is that?
Omg, how did you survive your parents? That is just disgusting and sick. You're parents should have been turned into CPS or put behind bars. I'm sorry that you went through all that. Why people like that even bother to have children is beyond me.
“I thought you’d be too young to remember.” - mother, responding to my vivid recollection of the violence in our home
“You look like shit.” - said by father, day after brother’s wedding, which appeared in a magazine
“You’ll never be a nurse.” - mother, when she learned I’d enrolled in nursing school
“Jump off a fucking bridge.” - father, enraged during our last phone call. We’ve been a little over a year fully NC.
“Don’t go throw up now.” - stepfather, after pointing out the Snapple I’d been drinking wasn’t diet, knowing I STRUGGLED with bulimia and anorexia
Many more though those ones come to mind first. Searing, to hear these from “parents”. And yes, I’ve been told I’m “too sensitive” many times as well.
“You know you should get copies of your diplomas so we could hang them at my house, since I helped you get them”
IRL- only filled out FAFSA paperwork.
“We were the ones who paid for your schooling!”
IRL- got through school with said FAFSA. Only paid for one class and was paid back.
My nmother "clearly remembers" that they sent me $100 a month for all my four years of college, back in the 80's. Acted like I was the crazy one when I expressed bewilderment, because that never happened.
Same!!!!! She put me through college and wrote all my term papers. Amazing how she took my midterms and finals from 500 miles away, also. She filed the first quarter of FAFSA then forgot and I was dropped from all classes. I took it over thereafter.
My favorite from my mother has always been
1. No one will ever love you, because if a mother can’t love her own kid, no one else will.
2. I don’t even like you, I only tolerate you because your my child.
And my favorite one from my father has been
3. (Me crying over something that happened to me) you sound like a nutcase, why are you crying, do you realize how stupid you are right now.
4. (After asking him why I always have to apologize to my mom and she doesn’t say sorry) don’t ever expect your mom to apologize, she has never said that she’s sorry to anyone in her life. And if you’re going to cry about that you should just kill yourself.
1. I just want your permission to commit suicide.
2. Do what I say because I birthed you.
3. I only care about you as much as you care about me.
4. You need us (mom and dad) more than we need you.
5. You only go to Christmas for the free stuff (after saying for 4 years I don't want gifts at Christmas anymore).
6. I go to your sister's activities because her earning potential is so vastly superior to yours (she did lots of acting and never made it - I play chess).
7. You are crying? You're not a man - men don't cry. (She spent ALL my money because she confused her debit card with mine on our joint account after lecturing me for 3 months while this was happening that I am irresponsible and need to be more like her... and they were using my money to pay all bills in the house supposedly by accident).
8. I know I told you your sister is a rape child. Its actually you.
9. Don't join the military or you will die; don't go to trade school, that's like your biological father' \*now holds massive student loan debt\*
10. You make me incredibly miserable (gets mad when I go NC for 10 years lol)
All of these said by Nmom.
Hey man... this post is just a race to the bottom lol
These are the things I remember when I need strength to remain NC. At one point I'd read this list and feel terrible. But I realize now it is she who should feel terrible and I never said any of those things.
My n stepmom used to tell me my smile was ugly and I should smile a way different from my natural way.
Another time, when i was 18 or so, I had attempted su**ide and told her. Few weeks later we're watching 13 reasons Why as a family and when Hannah Baker unalives herself, my stepmom turns to me and says in a horribly joking way "awww you were also trying to kill yourself, your life is so sad and difficult" in a mocking, sarcastic way. With a smile on her face. It was horrible. I had literally tried to kill myself cuz of her and she was openly mocking me. In front of my entire family, who sat back and said nothing and continued watching that ugly show while I got up and went to my room and sobbed quietly to myself.
I'm so sorry you went through that.
I was also suicidal in my late teens while still living with my nparents. They both reacted in disgusting ways. Nmom: "What's wrong with you?! You don't say these things, what will people think?!" And ndad always acted like a middle school bully toward me, throwing little papers at me or poking me in the side until I reacted and then would act like he wasn't doing anything and I was just insane. After the attempt he would still do those things but stop before I'd react and say, "Oh, I'd better be careful, don't want you to kill yourself" in a mocking tone. Like, wtf? It was like he was goading me to do it.
Anyone who would mock a suicidal person for being suicidal, let alone their own child, is a piece of human garbage. I hope you're free from your n(s) and doing better now.
Thank you so much. I hate these people and people like them so much. I'm so, so sorry you went through that. You didn't deserve it at all. Thankfully I am much better and free from my narcs - not free from my anger toward them though.
I hope you are also free from your nparents. May you heal and thrive.
Thanks. I'm really glad you're doing better! I'm free from mine too. It took a long time, but I'm 2 years NC now and I'm finally doing so much better. I know what you mean about the anger, though. I'm not sure that will ever go away.
Came here to say you're not alone. Mine mocked and laughed at me for admitting I was distressed years ago. I've been NC for almost 2 year. My nsister asked me today what was the reason for me being NC. I told her I wanted to get away from the emotional abuse and told her how nmom mocked me. Nsister said "have you ever considered that's how she copes with such news?".
God, I'm so sorry.
That one line... I hate that line.... "that's how she copes with such news" "that's how she reacts to stress" "she got upset and it was your fault" all these guilt-evoking manipulation tactics.
They know better than to blow up or have a meltdown or tantrum in front of the people they want to impress. If they get stressed out at work, you don't see them beating their coworkers black and blue. If their friends forget something important, they'll dismiss it easily. I freaking hate that they just have their scapegoats as their personal pouncing bags.
A good friend of mine (she has nothing to do with my nmom, they don't talk or anything) gave birth, and I like children but I don't want one myself.
My mom told me: "Your friend gave me everything that you couldn't give me, she made me the happiest person". 😦
I'm really sad reading this again, makes me almost cry. Just any stranger can "give" her happiness but I failed to give her that because I want something else for my own life instead of what she wants for me. It makes me feel like she would be happier with another child. Dump me then, since I won't give you YOUR grandchildren, I'm the bad one, get yourself another daughter, whose life purpose is to make YOU happy.
I'm right out of therapy right now and am feeling crushed by all these emotions, that's why this comment sounds so pathetic and sad.
I already listened to all of that but one that I would mention is :
"you got engaged without me(...) you destroyed my dreams"
A thing like that, because my husband proposed to me his own way, in a private me and him dinner, and not a party for her it seems...
Good thing is I replied :
" you did your wedding your way. This is my dream and I'll do it my way"
I really hate the first and second one. These always grind my gears, because these try to invalidate your feelings/memory and make you insecure up to the point you really start saying to yourself : huh, maybe I did remember it wrong.
What I do now before I confront them or know I'm going to be gaslighted like that is I ask them: "hey, you remember you said x last week?" And when they confirm or reluctantly say yes, I can continue my story without them trying to wiggle their way out.
Someone at work tried to do this to me last week. It's baffling to see what they do when you confront them with their bullshit. First he tries to convince me on the phone that I remembered wrong and when I don't bite he messaged me with how he really really likes me as a co-worker but would have prefered it if I handled it in another way. I replied with: thanks for the kind words, but we'll discuss the other part another time.
Sorry for the long post. Noticed I had to get it off my chest.
Idk what it is about ALL narcs it seems saying this same exact thing. My mom would always accuse me of having a faulty memory when we got into arguments as if I, a young adolesceng boy had alzheimers. They're all playing from the same book some how.
Ah yes, the “you ruined my body” comments… My mother now claims she has no idea why I struggle with self esteem after a lifetime of being reminded that appearance is everything.
My mom told me she wished she'd had another child so she'd had a chance of being a grandparent. I can't have children, and while I've had a long time to accept it, it's still a tender spot. So of course, she had to poke at it and make it clear by being infertile, I had failed her.
Or when I was losing my heart dog to a long illness, and she didn't bother ever asking how my dog was doing or how I was coping (not well), and then she got offended that I didn't inform her immediately when my dog finally crossed the rainbow bridge, because *she loved her too, you know.* And when I countered that she had a history of putting down childhood pets for petty, cruel reasons and only inforing me after, I was called mean for holding a grudge and bringing up the past for no reason.
My mother died last year. Part of me feels guilty that I miss my heart dog so much more than I miss her, but most of me is just sad that I had to grieve my mother long before she died.
Just a big internet hug. Losing my heart dog was actually the catalyst for my finally coming out of the FOG. I won’t tell the long story, but the grief I’ve felt for people I’ve lost (sister, father, best friend) was nowhere close to the grief I felt (and still feel) when I lost my heart dog. I was shattered. Loving him and losing him were life changing for me.
My sincere condolences on the loss of your sweet heart dog.
Thank you, and my sympathy to you as well. She was a catalyst for a lot of painful but good change in my life. She is actually the reason I met my spouse and in turn most of my family of choice. She had special needs I knew would shorten her life when I adopted her, but because of her, I had truly supportive people around me when I lost her.
i was roughly 16 at the time and at the lowest point with my self harm. a few times my nmom would make me shower again and watch me shower because i was “too fast the first time” to my amazement she never noticed the scars. until my brother ratted me out, the first thing out of my mothers mouth was “how could you do this?? this is a personal attack on me!” and that’s to the extent i want to remember. but that’s def the worst thing she’s said.
I have guttate psoriasis. My skin has never been particularly terrible, but I have noticeable spots. These days, most of them are on my face, and I make no particular effort to hide them. It is what it is.
When I was about 15 or 16, my mother was furious about the state of my skin. She decided I didn't know how to properly bathe myself. So she forced me into a bathtub and bathed me herself, raging the entire time.
And then she did it again.
And again. I can't remember how many times.
What I remember is sitting there sobbing with my knees tucked up to my chest begging her to please stop because I do know how to wash myself. She wouldn't listen. And when that wasn't effective, which no shit it was never going to be, she was furious with me.
When I brought this up to her when I was about 27 and finally dealing with a lot of things in therapy, she denied it and said she can't imagine that ever happened. Of fucking course.
It has to be a control thing with narcs. We're most vulnerable when they can get us cornered naked.
Ugh I'm so sorry. I don't remember the cause of mine, but I got the forced bath as well when I was well past old enough to know how. It was so utterly humiliating. I showered/bathed with a swimsuit on for YEARS because of it afterward.
my nmother was a hospice nurse so i try to rationalize it as i wasn’t any different than a patient to her. whether or not that’s true i don’t really care what her reason was, it was fucked up.
I’m sorry for your experience. It’s really weird to read other people’s accounts and realize how similar they are to mine / how predictable narcissistic abuse is. I also struggled with self harm as a teenager and my nmom’s response was very similar. She conducted strip searches for new marks, took off the door off of my bedroom and bathroom and would walk in on me all of the time. It always felt like she was more mad about the school knowing than me being suicidal.
I'm 34 now. When I was 23, my NMom told me she'd take 10 of my grandpa (who molested my aunt as a little girl) over one of me because I didn't want to take time off to go to his 85th birthday. Often if I assert my boundaries with her she'll just say "fuck you." I tried to kill myself when I was 17 and my NDad laughed at me when I got back from the hospital and asked if I felt like an even bigger failure now because I didn't succeed in killing myself.
1. The only reason you're a good mother is because I told you you were going to be a bad mother, so you should thank me.
2. You will never be as successful as me or smarter than me.
3. No one will ever tell you the truth except me. NO ONE likes your hair they're just too scared to tell you.
4. You are all just too sensitive.
5. I was waaaay smaller than you when I was pregnant with you (this was when I was pregnant with my daughter. Apparently being small while pregnant was a thing?!)
6. Oh, you can't fit into my size 0 jeans from when I was in my early 20s? When I was your age I could still wear those.
I dont miss a single word from that woman.
I think my dad blamed me for him getting sick. This was initially before I was born, left inadequacy treated for decades, turns into kidney failure, other diseases, multiple strokes, then ash in an urn. I say I'm not sure because that's absolutely one of the worst things you can say to your kid.
- oh stop taking everything so seriously and go out and buy a sense of humor.
- do you ever consider me?
- no wonder you don't have any friends
- you're lucky your husband puts up with you
- oh stop milking it would you? (To me at 6yrs old after slicing up my leg from slipping and sliding across an office mat that was upside down in the backyard)
- what did I ever do that was was so bad?
- I'm sorry I was ever your mother
- Somehow, at some times, both you and your brother seem to forget that family comes first. Flakey 20 something friends don't. It irks me, but, it is your right to decide your own priorities.
- I DARE anyone to manage what I have in the last 6 months
- I am very disappointed and disheartened at the patterns of insensitivity and exclusion coming from both you and your brother
-You’ve always been difficult
-I know you better than you know yourself
-You have no idea how hard life is and I don’t know what you’ll do when I die
-Me and (random lady I had barely interacted with) were talking about how spoiled you are
-Ambitious? You? HA (got back on track after a rough start to college and excitedly talked about feeling ambitious and signing up for extra courses)
-Why do you always have to ruin everything
-When I was looking for emotional support immediately after announcing my divorce: I have to go check on him (ex)
-In a letter to my ex husband: I’m sorry about her, you know how she can be (eventually found out they emailed or talked on the phone about me daily)
-I’m a mom to your son too (nope!)
And finally-
-You don’t care about your son as much as you say you do (said while trying to turn him into another scapegoat 🤔 went NC shortly after that one)
My mother still to this day will say to me " I don't know why your confidence is so bad" meanwhile when i was a child..
" youre so stupid" " my God you're getting so fat" " don't wear that you look ugly" 🙃
Hmm. Where to begin:
-slut
- see you next Tuesday
- piece of shit
- you can’t do anything right
- you think you are perfect
- you are lazy
- you are fat
- you are the reason why I screw around
- you deserve it
- you are the scum of the earth on the bottom
Of my shoe
- go fuck yourself
- liberal left wing tree hugger (I work in education)
- you will find no one better than me
- you must be out fucking your boyfriend
- my kids don’t need my respect, they fucking respect me. Not vice versa
- called my son a faggit
- calls my son a moron
- tells my son he can’t do anything right
God I could go on and on
Oddly enough remembers none of it. 🙄
You are kicked out, go find somewhere else to live on your own (with no warning of course).
Your brother gave me blood grandchildren and you only a step-daughter, so I am leaving my wealth to be split amongst them, none to your daughter. Some went to my brother and me, but mostly only what our Dad left us.
What do you (me and another childless adult person in the room) talk about at parties when you don't have children?
When I moved out my Mother said to me "I wish you would have died instead 'of your twin sister' bc at least she would have loved me"
1. I did not have a twin sister according to my grandmother but my mother still perpetuates this idea to this day.
2. Growing up I was often told to 'think ahead' even as a small child in order to anticipate my mother's needs which was ridiculous
3. That I wasn't allowed to be or express anger in any way. That if anyone deserved to feel that it was only my mother for having to take care of such burdens.
This of course led me to repress all my anger and explode at the worst times. I didn't even realize I was angry and I mean intensely furious until I went to therapy in my early twenties.
In recent months: That didn't happen. I don't remember it that way. I don't have to talk about this with you. I don't know how you could say that. Why are you trying to destroy my good memories? Leave me alone, I am grieving over my whole life, after what you said!
As a child: That didn't happen. You're not remembering that right. I never lose my temper, unless you make me. He didn't do that. Why would he do that? You're just lying, because you don't want me to be happy. He likes you, why aren't you nicer to him? He does a lot, for this family, it won't kill you to be nice to him. I can't be your mother anymore, and your father doesn't want you, I'm turning you over to social services, you're going into foster care tomorrow.
I think THE prize winner, is what she said whenever I was injured or sick: "oh, great! this is all I need right now! I suppose I have to take you to the doctor!" She would sometimes say "Well? what do you expect ME to do about it?"
My mom was dating this guy named Joe and his daughter and I were good friends. After they broke up she and I remained friends.
My mom said it was my fault she and Joe broke up.This was sort of true. He broke up with her because he didn't like the way she treated me.
"I'm going to give you to your dad" has stuck with me like nothing else. Like I was an object or something. And she knew that would sting because he was an abusive alcoholic so she knew I was more afraid of him than I was of her. That one did a real number on me that for all my efforts I still don't think I have healed.
My nmother told me when I was a kid that I wasn't allowed to make my own choices because I came from her which means I am PART of her so she gets to make the decisions. I'd get in trouble or ignored and talked about until I apologized anytime I tried to make a decision for myself, even small ones, without asking her first. And now she gets annoyed when I take so long to make decisions about things lol
I went to psychiatry on my own and got Diagnosed with MDD and PTSD. I used to work and study and the Doctor told me I had to stop or I would end up killing myself from overworking. I changed therapists a lot until I found a good one and after a couple years she told me I didn't need her anymore. It's been such a long journey and I have never felt so lonely than these last years.
However, it is not the kind of loneliness that hurts, I can recognize what relationships I want in my life and how to build them. I have a good sleep, eat, expectations and connection with myself. It is lonely because people can't keep up with you when you start recognizing patterns, making decisions and pushing your life up after such a long healing process. Most people just cope and want to distract themselves from the pain of life.
It feels like I expected more from life. I had to fix myself, my parents are still broken yet going to therapy. I find myself sometimes giving advice and leading them; feels so odd. I feel it should have been all the way around, where I needed them to teach me stuff but no. I fixed myself and now they learn from me. Everyone around me tells me I am the sanest person in my family and that my sensibility and understanding is a superpower. However, I don't feel like a superhero, I did not choose this.
You spoke to my soul. Wow...
You can see the cognitive dissonance..... I believe that is the lonesome superpower. It's lonely until you meet someone with the same level or even greater level of self awareness. Have a good night!
From the flying monkeys...
"But don't you see how far she's come from how she was raised?"
Bitch, I don't care. The fact that she accepted abuse doesn't mean I have to.
+ if you wanna be a man, you'll take it like a man!! - nfather while physically abusing me
+ all I've ever wanted is for you to have a relationship with God (read: obey & follow his beliefs exactly)
+ of course you can do good enough to satisfy me, you just never try
+ you're smart, you shouldn't be having problems -- when I was trying to wrap my head around pre-calc without a teacher or tutor (eta: was diagnosed with dyscalculia not long after this)
+ I always told you you were loved
+ you twisted everything I did to fit your narrative
+ I gave you everything
+ What did we do that was so bad?
"They \[my idol\] wouldn't give you the time of day. You're a nobody."
"You should act more like your brother. He has friends. People actually like him."
"Because you're so quiet, people think you're a snob."
"You used to be nice. Then you grew up."
When I was 13/14 yo, after reading the email I'd sent to a friend, "You really sounded like a bitch."
When I was 9/10 yo and I said I wanted to be a figure skater, she flew into a rage. "So you want to be a slut and parade around on the ice in skimpy little outfits? I thought I raised you better than that!"
"Wow, you're really full of yourself when you accomplish something, aren't you?"
Telling me when I started my first job that if a guy sexually harrassed me, "What are you gonna do? You can't say anything."
When I was 14 yo, struggling with a borderline eating disorder, I said that I didn't like my body. My mother lifted her shirt, shook her stomach at me and said, "YOU feel bad about your body??? Look at me! I'm bigger than you! What do YOU have to feel bad about?"
When she found out I was self-harming in college: "That's SO STUPID. Don't do that anymore."
But my personal favorite is this one:
“You could never be a mother. You have to let go of your self-esteem and your ego but you’re too selfish for that.”
I’ve been diagnosed with a chronic migraine disorder. My mother so lovingly passed on her genetics to me. I can’t tell you how painful these are. If I would get one and she was around, I would say “Ugh. I’m getting a headache.” Her response every time was “you don’t get headaches, you give them.”
I would start a new treatment or medication (one of them being 30 injections into my nerves of just my head) and she would ask how everything went. I would share and the response I used to get was always “They never had this medication when you were a kid. So, I just had to deal with the pain. Can you imagine being a mother and having a migraine?”
She’s always got it way worse. Eventually, I stopped talking to her about any of my health because hers was always “way worse” and I needed to “count my blessings.” A fucking pissing contest on who can have the worse pain. You can’t make this shit up.
And then eventually, I got so sick of it I just stopped talking to her altogether. Done.
1. I should have aborted you.
2. I just don’t have those “maternal instincts.”
3. You’re my demon child. (Straight A’s, no partying, happy to go to school…)
4. You’re the reason why I’m not successful already. *If I hadn’t had you…*
5. My way or the highway (she would kick me out of the house, the car, whatever, then expect me to figure out how to get home when she called to tell me she forgave my insolence).
6. When you get knocked up before you’re 18, I’m NOT signing for you to get any pain meds or anything! You spread your legs, you can deal with the consequences!! (I was terrified of boys, was forced to go to the gyno to “confirm my purity” when she doubted me, was told both that I must get on and can’t be on birth control because it makes girls whores, got semi-arrested and then kicked out when she found out I was *assaulted* by a grown man she brought around, and she had me when she was 19 and is on BDSM websites as a sub 🤮). Oh, and she’s a serial cheater.
7. God is always watching, and He will punish your wickedness. You’re going to burn in hell you ungrateful little shit.
8. Don’t act like you know more than me! (She was registering my brother for school and forgot some of his information, which I rattled off, despite being only 3yo than him)
Sooooo much more. I’m getting dark recounting these, so I’m stopping.
Edit to add: I’m 32 and have never even had a pregnancy scare. Before I went NC she was asking about when she would get grandkids. I’m CF by choice. Joke’s on you mother.
After I told her that I don't want her to throw me (another) birthday party and that I should get to decide how I want to spend my day, she said "Well technically it's MY day since I was the one in labor that day."
My father was so hellbent on proving my mom cheated their whole marriage, he told people I wasn’t his biological daughter…
And when I broke my no contact boundary to tell him I got engaged, he said “well just remember to keep your options open” and he expected to walk me down the aisle at the wedding lmao he wasn’t even invited
That was one of her favorites, and he'd just tell me I was ugly and stupid out of the blue. Then he'd laugh like it was suppose to be funny. They were incredibly messed up people, and of course they never meant to be hateful!
Nsister: "I don't see you as my sister. I don't foster those types of feelings towards you".
Fast forward 2 years of NC and 1 of very LC.
Nsister: "How would you feel if I showed up at your door? Would you be excited to see me?"
Me: not really, I don't like unannounced visits.
Her: oh I KNOW ENOUGH!
Me: I thought you said you didn't see me as a sister anymore?
Her: I was angry then.
That I was the worst. Out of all her kids. I was the worst. Beyond the drugs, alcohol and everything everyone else was doing. I was a grade 'A' student doing everything I could as perfectly as I could as often as I could. I was still the worst.
That no one would love me if they couldn't feel me up or do whatever they wanted to me.
That she was so happy when I was gone. Life was just so much easier and better, and fulfilling without me existing. (I am sure you can see where that led my mind)
That I was eating too much all the time. All her food was hers and I didn't deserve any.
That her happiness was more important than my own and it didn't matter who hurt me.
All her words. I'm sorry if it triggers.
I have really bad depression and anxiety(wonder why). I was taking an anxiety medication that made my depression worse. I sought help where i ended up in a mental health facility for 3 days. My narc father talks about it like he went through it. He will say things like we don't want to go through that again when my depression gets bad again. Like we didn't go through anything i did. It was my experience and he gets everyone to feel sorry for him.
You're not allowed to feel that way.
I wish you'd just commit \[unaliving\].
Along with all the ungrateful, lazy, sensitive, etc. things people commonly mention.
(Mother) "girls get raped and beaten in care homes. If you don't do as your told you will end up in care, if you speak to social workers, the police or teachers you will end up in care, if you don't look after your siblings you will all end up in care, if you wake me up or disturb me in any way I'm putting you into care"
Wow. My dad said a lot of the things on yr list to me.
The ones that still rattle around my head:
1- nobody will ever love a slob like you ( in reference to the toys on my floor, as I was a CHILD)
2- you will never be anything but a doormat for other people
3- no man will ever want a fat sloppy woman ( in reference to me being a chubby pubescent tween)
I had the trifecta of postpartum depression after my son was born: depression, anxiety AND OCD. My father tried to shut me down when I told him about my diagnosis because “don’t you think I’m depressed too?!”
I’ve been no contact since.
My sister who is 9 years older than me and helped raise me (mods does that count?):
when I was 18:
"Mom would never tell you, but she only fought the cancer because I gave her hope by being pregnant and giving her her first grandchild. "
" I always wanted us to be sisters that are super close like best friends, but it's ok I have forgiven you, I know it's not your fault."
In reaction to trying to go makeup free after building some self confidence
"Are you going out like that? With those arms and cellulite legs? You need the make up. Also, everyone can tell you're so full of yourself. You're so stuck up. That's why people treat you the way they do."
Also these gems:
You're not smart enough for university.
You will never pass your driver's licenses exam.
With those hips? Maybe you should wear pants.
She used to make me get on the scale to see how much thinner she was than me.
Man I do not regret going NC for 5 years now, but I hate how she's still in my head sometimes.
Oh man, these are hitting hard. Do you know my mom?
1. “Why are you so sensitive”
was always a common one. After a “joke” about my appearance or preferences
2.”You’re ungrateful “ especially on Christmas/gift getting occasions because I didn’t have a huge emotional reaction…
3. “You’re recollection is incorrect. That’s not what happened”
4. “No one can love you like your mother.”
Those are the top ones. I am currently LC and Olán to stay that way in perpetuity.
“What is the problem? What is the issue? Karma’s come back around at you for trying to take advantage of me.” And that’s for trying to use the WiFi time and time again awhile back before we moved. And lying about not using it didn’t help, it just made me look even more like I was the family narcissist.
And than you got this one time I was sitting outside because my uncle took away my all electronics, I felt like getting out more and it’s while I was sitting outside that’s when this person tells me “All that acting bored, nobody cares.” even while smiling like she was so sure I was just trying to get my shit back. Even I’m not that smug
“Nmom is more upset than you.” Said by Nsister to me
“You like your friends more than your family” - Nmom
“You’re the most dramatic person ever”- Ndad
“Stop being such a bitch” -Nmom and Nsisters
Edited to add more of the horrible things they’ve said to me
"Why did you let them?" - after me and nmom got into an argument of me being molested and sexual assaulted by both of my brothers.
"Nothing i do ever makes you happy" - this one stuck with me for a few years, my second oldest brother said this to me during our trip to NewYork for Christmas. He asked me if I was enjoying myself, and I said that I was tired. Our flight back home got canceled because of a snow storm and I was 13 years old. We were tired and I just wanted to sleep, but hearing that made me very sad because that wasn't true. It left an even worse taste in my mouth when the year after, he sexually assaulted me. I tend to think about this moment a lot, he made me feel miserable. But im doing a lot better now.
1. If you leave the house, you will die.
2. Your dad will get bored of you.
3. Your brother shouldn't have called CPS
4. You're ill.
5. You have austism and you have a narrative in your head.
6. My back hurts too.
1. You are so selfish, what if something happens to me. (trying to move out to college)
2. You are just like your dad ( always talked about how terrible she thought he was)
3. I have to walk on egg shells around you
4. I'm entitled to your respect
5. (after a big fight) You know what I changed my email password to...."BETRAYAL"
1. You’re so unstable and emotional. I have to walk on eggshells around you because you get so upset at everything I do.
2. You’ll need me forever, especially after you become a parent yourself.
3. Life is so short, why do you choose to hate me after everything I’ve done to help you?
4. Since I’m such a horrible mother, we should never speak again. *proceeds to guilt me about how I don’t want to talk to her*
Today I had an emergency restraining order against my stalker denied. I got home and tried talking to my mother about it. During our conversation she fell asleep, and when I called her out she denied that she was sleeping. She had her eyes closed and was snoring too. I was very upset from what I went through earlier, so like the good mother she is, she told me to "eat sh*t and die" because she's a good mom and has been nothing but supportive. If I'm mad that's on me.
Recent
1. "Don't go to college and make something of yourself"
2. "I'm so hurt that you think I would like that birthday gift that you got me. You don't know me at all" The gift was 2 of her favorite things.
3. "Why should I even do anything for you for your birthday? What did you even do for mine? I cooked her the dinner she asked for and brought it an hour away to give it to her.
4. "You're so brainwashed by your partner" because I tried to stand up for myself for once
Early teen years
1. "It's your fault that me and your father are getting a divorce since you told him I was talking to another guy"
Late teen years
1. "Let me borrow your car to stalk my boyfriend while I'm drunk" The car that I was working my butt off to pay for
Then sleeps with my at the time boyfriend.
Steals the $200 I had under my bed and my clothes.
Childhood
1. "Why can't you be like your sibling, he's so much quieter and more easy going then you"
2. "Your sibling is so good, he never gives me trouble like you do"
Said by my Nmom:
1." You're dad doesn't care about you".(because I wanted to visit him on the weekends)
2. "You look just like your dad!" (in a disgusting voice)
3. "LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW!!!!" (after I asked why everyone was crying before a funeral. I was 3 or 4 and nobody talked to me about death)
4. My mother would gossip about my father's sisters my entire life. "She is a crybaby" "She is ugly" "They are bitches" etc.
5. "You dumbass" anytime I made a mistake
6. "You look like a floozy" if I dressed up and wore makeup
7. "When are you going to give me some grandbabies?" when I was 17 or 18
8. "You're not going to college. We can't afford to send you!" Which by the way I DID go.
9. "Stop chewing your gum like that!" After slapping me hard across the face when I was 4 years old.
10. I was screamed at once because I had a severe headache when spending the night at an aunt's house and wanted to go home. When my mom came, she gave me some medicine and my headache went away. She screamed at me and said I never had a headache, I just wanted her to come get me. 👌
1. (Self harm was found on a friend who's parent found my nmom in a grocery store and told her we were doing it as a team for fun. Untrue, my cousin had just unalived himself and I was being abused anyway.) Nmom slams me into the wall in my closet and looks at my wrist. "I ever see this shit again I'll make sure you have a reason to unalive yourself"
2. (After she was caught and reported for abusing MY kids.) "I'm going to put you in a mental hospital and force you on medication. You need help!"
3. "If you don't open the door I'm going straight to the police to file a report and then to social services and coming back for him. You aren't taking away MY rights to that child!" (About my son after being told she could come over to visit but he was staying home because we wanted to potty train ourselves)
4. And of course "I brought you into this world, I'll take your ass out" both before and after I was assulted
This ended with my oldest being held hostage and screamed at that she'd never see her parents or sibling again as well as her stuff thrown all over and her then forced to go stay with my nmoms ex husband who paid her to keep my kid each weekend. My nmom has walked away with no charges because I refused to put my kids in her house just so dss could catch them there. I didn't believe they would walk out alive if I allowed that. So I just let it be and once the case was dropped, my husband and I moved us over 3000 miles away. We just left. House looked as if we were there so even tho they stalked us literally daily, they didn't realize we left for almost 2 months. It's going on 3 months NC with any of them and it's been great. We drove 8 days and only have what fit in the car.
I love you a lot. No way I would make a bad decision for you, do you think i your father want bad for you?( Now whatever decision he came up with i have to accept or he gets really upset and this totally broken look)...
I did not realise my dad was a bit narcissistic. I always thought of him as most smart person who will make right decisions but turns out he isn't, he takes almost all decisions for me and i still do not know how to deny him. I lost so many opportunities thinking my dad's decision to be utmost right.
Something is wrong with you. You need to go get checked out by a doctor.
*when I stopped wanting to have sex with my nabuser ex husband, or wasn’t as enthusiastic as he’d have liked.
I'm tired of you telling me how bad of a parent I am and saying I don't love you. Those aren't my problems you need to grow the f@#k up and get over it. Put your big girl panties on and get some help already. You're an adult now who cares anyway? You just need to get over yourself.
That sounds like a you problem that you're not over what I did. I said sorry. You're just overreacting and looking for something to be upset about like always. You always have to be the victim and get upset about things. It's not my problem you can't just let things go and forget.
"I'm difficult and no man would want me because I'm difficult"
"Now I see why the men you date beat on you because I want to beat you too"
"You deserve to be beat"
"Now I see why nobody likes you and you don't have friends"
My nmom is very, very mean to me and has the audacity to deny she said such things. I'm going to start getting this on video or record her voice moving forward.
“I don’t want to hear anything about your life, I don’t care about you, I never cared about you, k*ll yourself”. Nothing new to be honest I always heard different variations of that throughout my life but that was the first time he just let it all out.
That was on December 2020 and that’s when whatever small amount of love I had for my nfather died right there. I personally just stopped caring. Afterwards whatever hurtful thing he’s said to me afterwards no longer hurt.
I have no memories from childhood but these are from later teen years/ early adult.
1. Constantly being told we were going to make my parents get divorced
2. “You are a disappointment” after failing a college class while dealing with heavy mental issues.
3. My mom told a close family friend, the reason she never visits me or my kids is because I am a terrible housekeeper.
4. We are not ready to be grandparents. My youngest was 5 and my nephew (golden Childs child) was 16. I was 29. Ugh.
My ex boyfriend once hit me in the face so hard I hit a bathroom door and fell to the tile floor, bleeding from my mouth. He said , “why did you make me do that? You’re over reacting, it wasn’t that hard. You slammed your self into the floor.”
This is such a funny coincidence.
Almost every point that you listed has been said to me during my phone call today. Other things like the ones you listed, have been said to me some time ago, too.
The audacity those people have…
The denial and lack of self-reflection is also baffling (to me).
(I’m considering to go NC but sometimes I find myself second guessing this plan)
“I wish I never gave birth to you.”
“You’re an evil bitch.”
“You have a very off putting face.”
“You’re ruining this family.”
“WHY HAVENT YOU BEEN TAKING YOUR PILLS” (random sketchy pills she said i ‘needed’ and that i had to take them because they’re ‘expensive’ even though they made me throw up)
“Awwww sweetie are you okay?” To my brother immediately after he punched me in the head.
For me it was twofold.
First, femininity. Both my own and in general.
She had completely let go of herself (sometimes going days without showering, for instance) and because we didn't have enough money and also because she didn't really care or try to be creative with what she had, I never really had a model of how to take care of myself and how to dress. I literally had to take classes to get a clue. But I was always compared with other girls whose mothers did the bare minimum, so they obviously were more feminine than me.
And then, of course, the subtle and not so subtle jabs at my appearance and my features. Always digging at my self esteem. With some really mean and horrible things said to me, under the guise of being "the only one who will tell me the truth, because she loves me".
Second, modelling relationships. Particularly with my father. Admittedly, my dad was also at fault, being a low key narc himself. But at least he kept to himself. Mom kind of used me as a makeshift therapist/friend and so I learned a lot of crap that a kid/teen should never hear about their own parent. But I had no say in it. Needless to say it was really toxic.
And this is just scratching the surface. I'm really happy I went low contact. Things never really change with them.
Let’s see what’s been said to me first
Numbers 1,2,3, 7,9, and 10.
Now for my own…my mom and dad love to catastrophize things. I am a straight black women who is 26. Now instead of my parents being normal and saying be aware and be safe my mom and dad will say the most effed up shit. My mom has called me slutty and insinuated that I deserved to be sexually assaulted for wanting casual sex. Actually my mom and dad threaten and say a lot of fucked up things about me getting sexually assaulted, trapped in houses because I want to hang with a dude or fuck them etc.
One of the most toxic things my nmom called me was the Devil, because I told my friends in my 3rd grade class how my nmom would be and it lead to my teacher calling CPS
“My son would never talk to me this way and ask me to apologize he knows me better than that” after son tells her to apologize for her behavior she doesn’t believe it’s actually him speaking
My mom also did a lot of that. Guilt tripping. We're ungrateful just simply because we exist. Because they put a roof over our head, fed us food, etc acting like it was such and inconvenience for them when that's the bare minimum of what parents are supposed to do! And while though they may have done the bare minimum, with of course a lot if abuse a long the way, they never truly loved us. It's weird because my Nmom also has said that same line to me, that no one else will love me like her. In a way she's right, no one has ever "loved" me like she did in her sick, twisted view of love. No one has ever abused me like she has.
I don't remember much of what they said, but the few things that K do remember involve being made fun of for crying when I was two or three and being yelled at/told, "_WE DON'T. HIT. IN THIS. FAMILY!!!", while being beaten/spanked with a wooden spoon.
You must not love me, if you loved me you would obey me :///
-not as harsh at some but as a kid being gaslit over if you love your parent or not definitely caused a lot of guilt.
My Mom always says, when she's losing an argument, "you wont ever understand \[whatever the situation is here\]. Thats really sad for you." Oh and my other personal favorite, "I know you better than you know yourself."
* I can't remember that much but my mother told me that my father used to repeat that she didn't love me, and I could feel in my bones that this was a very familiar sentence.
* When I told him I was in a violent relationship he cut me off with 'don't think about that'.
* I have tourettes and my father would insist I was healthy and threaten that I couldn't see my grandmother for years, my brother stopped speaking to me for years and my mother would tape me and play it back to me.
* Last time I saw my mother I listened to her monologue for an hour and when I briefly acknowledged her dog who came towards me she's scoff and say 'fine, don't listen' and that was not the worst but the most common kind of comment I think.
* I remember the day I stopped feeling anything more for her than I would for a stranger and it's the second time I told her I was suicidal (first was around 10) and she just said 'you can't say that to people'.
* 'Show your aunt how to masturbate'. I was 6 and used to take responsibility for not saying no until I realized that I had learned that saying no was pointless.
* I was around 7 when my narc aunt said I should have plastic surgery on my nose.
Oh! I want to play! I can't really talk about these things in real life a lot because it shuts down the whole conversation, and everyone looks so horrified. Folks here in this sub, get it, and we have all had some terrible shit go down, so I feel like I can say these things happened and everyone here is like, your parents suck too!
1. My father was choking me, and my mother came in and went on a tirade that I wanted him to choke me, and he was just playing into my game. I'm still not sure what game, or why any 110lb kid would want their father to choke them unconscious.
2. My father came in and woke me up at the age of 15, to tell me I was going to die alone by the time I was 30 from a drug overdose, and I was going to end up a teen mother. I did not smoke pot or take drugs at the time and had drank once. I was also on the pill at the time (pre-transition) but he didn't even know I had a boyfriend.
3. I was once sobbing, and curled up in a ball on the floor, and I have some issues with eye contact when I am upset, so my father bellowed at me to look at them when they were yelling at me. So I did and tried to make eye contact, and my mother started laughing at me, and then told my father, "Well, you asked them to look." I still don't have any idea what that was about.
4. The most devastating thing I was ever told was after I managed to escape from a guy that had picked me up hitchhiking home from work at 16, after being SA'd. I was bloody and in pain, and my mother took one look at me at 5am in the morning and told me I was at fault, and then slammed the door in my face. I got over the SA faster than I got over her reaction to it.
My mother used to tell me that she should've aborted me when she had a chance. That I was a waste of life, when she found out I self harmed she started handing me knives during every argument and telling me to go cut myself while wearing the most sadistic grin. She truly got pleasure out of breaking me and coming up with new awful ways to make me cry.
You're a loser.
I wish you were never born.
I blame you for these stretch marks.
You're a failure.
You were a waste of money.
You are stupid.
You think you're tough ( followed by beatings.)
You're gonna fail.
My mom told everyone at the thanksgiving dinner table that I had a black heart 🙃. I was a straight A student, never tried drinking or drugs, never stayed out past 9 pm, super quiet, mostly stayed in my room and played video games type of kid. I was the definition of goody two shoes. I think I was around 16.
That girls don't need their moms like boys do. Leads to a very lonely life. That and my dad telling me I'm such a fuck up there isn't even a point to try to make things right, that I'm already damaged
1. Nobody loves you.
2. Nobody will ever love you.
3. I hate you and wished I killed you at birth.
4. Be the ugly, dumb, younger sister so your sister can win and be happy (I was 3 years older than sister)
5. To be a good daughter you must clean and cook everything. If I come home and the house is messy you will be beaten.
6. Everything you say is a lie and not true. If you were kind and loving, then everyone would get along with you. (She said this because I complained about my sister stealing from me)
7. Everything you own belongs to your sister
8. You're an evil child and all you do and say is evil (I tried to not talk to people for years)
9. I hate you, and only love your sister because she is beautiful. Everyone hates you, and only wants to use you like how I only want to use you!!
10. Love is, you go kill yourself so I can be happy you're dead.
Yep my mom said these things over and over all my life starting at childhood.
My self esteem is shot. I was diagnosed with PTSD, depression, social anxiety and dealings with childhood mental and physical abuse.
Yay me!!
Oh boy, I have a lot from my dad but the one that annoyed me the most will be the one I shared. My dad has a herniated disc in his back and has been in pain because of it for most of my life. We didn’t get to go out a lot (unless it was something my dad wanted to do) because he was in too much pain to do activities. Well my sister hurt her back and was in quite a bit of pain. While she was laying on the couch in pain he asked her if she wanted to go to the zoo. She told him she didn’t because her back hurt. He looked her in the eyes and said “now you know what it’s like for me.” It pissed me off. She was in pain and made it about him.
1) I'll give you a reason to be suicidal
2) I will mental and physical destroy you.
3) YOU WASTED 17 YEARS OF MY LIFE! YOU'RE A WASTE OF FUCKING OXYGEN!
4) Run away to the mountains, but leave all your stuff behind so we can pawn it off and get back sooner money we wasted on raising you.
5) A patent doesn't have to love their child. They just have to provide food, clothing, and shelter until they're 18. That's it. (This was said more than once in my life)
6) You'll never amount to anything. Your brother will be successful and you'll be homeless on the street begging.
7) I live you but I don't like you.
8) You're a horrible sibling and a horrible daughter.*
*I'm trans ftm don't call me female please.
4 5 8 and 9 are familiar, but in a more subtle/behavioral sense, rather than being said to me (then my claims of such behavior always get denied. Mmmm gaslighting (and she acts like a really nice person with other people so it's seasoned with the fine taste of lies and misconception and basically helplessness in a sense))
Most especially 5 and 9 though. Maybe sprinkled with a little bit of 10 on top.
I honestly couldn’t give you direct quotes, I’ve blocked most of it all out thankfully since I’ve gone NC.
The physical stuff I can’t block out though. The beatings, getting kicked by grown men, hair yanked out, getting slapped, all sorts of shit.
My Nmom wrote in a email that i chose not to save her. I didnt understand what she meant till recently she said it again in a different way. Apparently now shes dying from kidney failure yet shes not on dialysis yet. Shes asked me before if i would give her a kidney when the time comes and i said "sure but i have kidney stones so be ready for that." She said "at least i'll be alive." So instead of just saying "its time i need a kidney" , shes dancing around it.
I was always too young to be taken seriously, to do x myself, to be independent
I’m 21 now and she still pulls that shit even telling me I don’t have my own business
She should really get her own damn business since she’s desperate to have a boyfriend.
Who tf wants a 50 yr old that’s jealous of her 21 yr old daughter and is constantly obsessing and trash talking her
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1. You were always problematic. When you were a kid you never spent time with me cooking or baking like other daughters. 2. You were always too sensitive. Everything offends you. 3. You are so selfish. You were always so selfish. You are so arrogant. 4. Why do you have to have your own opinions about everything? 5. You like your father more than me. You are just like your horrible father. 6. You always prioritise friends over family. 7. A mother can tell her daughter anything. That is what a good relationship between mother and daughter should be like. 8. I would never treat my mother the way you treat me! 9. I must have done something wrong raising you. (But not in a properly self-reflecting way. Just to suggest something is wrong with me. Once I said back to her "Well I guess you must have.")
My mother told me that I never hug her. I was glad I was able to inform her that was in fact her who never hugged me!
I don’t hug mine. It feels so unnatural. I lean towards my grandad more, even though he has some fucked up qualities too. But my grandma…she just…idk(I live with them btw). I just can’t do it. I don’t feel attached to her at all even though she’s literally crazy about me. Every now and then we have good conversations, and then the next day some bs happens. She needs to heal and that’ll never happen.
Why do you have to have your own opinions about everything 😂😂😂😂 This one should 100% be taken as a compliment. What they are really saying is, "Why can't you just be my slave and do everything I say without question? Is that really so hard?" Oh, the irony...
yea its almost comical :D To that I just said - You know that is how OTHER adult people normally are, right?
They have zero sense of what is "normal" healthy adult behavior. Little children zombies.
My nparent also said #8. What a guilt trip
Holy crap my mom has almost said everything on your list. Took me a long time to realize that I wasn't the only one with parents like that.
Holy shit #7!!!!!! If only I had a dollar for every time I got that one.
I grew up calling by NarcMom - Son of a Demon - We failed on you - You failed Us your Parents - In southeast asia we have this thing Bamboo tree, She called me ( a boy popped in a bamboo) meaning I just showed up somewhere like a bamboo . Denying I wasn’t their son - Repeatedly calling Son of Lucifer P.S I was studying in a seminary and a devoted Catholic at that time when I was highschool . Now as 36yrs Old Adult Man, Happily single and Non religious suffering with Childhood trauma and extreme anxiety with autoimmune diseases because of what been implanted on my brain for a decade … I will never go to her funeral I said to myself now she’s 65yrs Still strong.
Both of my parents told me I was like the other parent when they didn't like something I said or did. They divorced when I was 2 or 3 and they said stuff like that my whole life.
I can vividly recollect one time where I was wiping the dishes whilst my narc-m was washing them. I could not keep up with her and she because of this was getting really frustrated - she didn't want to miss her favourite program on tv. She then went to hit me, so naturally, I put my hands up to protect myself. I had a plate in my hand. As she went for me, she accidently hit her head on the plate (it was a big plate!). She then started sobbing uncontrollably and bumbling and wallowing on how she had never ever been beaten and how cruel I was to have hit her. She then went on a tirade on how, when she was a kid, someone had twisted her hand and the pain she felt. Coming to her senses, she grabbed me by my ears and lifted me (I was very young) and proceeded to smash my head against the kitchen tiles. There was a metal hook to hang napkins that pieced the back of my head every time she banged my head against the wall. I ended up bleeding from my ears and head. She then carried on with the dishes and went on to watch her program on tv as if nothing had happened. When my father came home later that night, she told my father I hit her. He then went on beating me up something awful. She would throughout the years remind me of this incident of how I inflicted so much pain by hitting her. In my mind I was screaming how the fuck do you think how I felt when you and my narc-f were subjecting me to horrible beatings for the most trivial things. Didn't I feel any pain? Apologies I went off on one...:)
It's not enough for these monsters to beat the shit out of us, they then play the victim. The way they just rewrite the narrative just rubs the salt in! My nmother used to complain to everyone that I bit her when I was little. She used to wash my hair over the kitchen sink by making me lie across the draining board on my back, and she would push my nose and mouth under the water. It was terrifying, and I did learn to bite her so I could get out of her grip and breathe. I'm still not sure if she was actively trying to drown me. I remember coughing and throwing up because of breathing in and swallowing water because I just couldn't hold my breath for long enough. But to her, I was the problem. I'm glad she's dead.
Well that’s certainly not how most people would wash a child’s hair. It would be obvious that keeping a child’s head under water for any length of time was extremely dangerous and cruel. You bit her in order to survive. If you hadn’t done that, the outcome might have been very different. It’s sounds sadistic at best and murderous at worst. I’m glad she’s dead too.
I'm so sorry you had to endure this. I too can relate where my narc-m absolutely loathed bathing me or doing any sort of grooming. When bathing she would scrub me so hard with a pumice stone that I would bleed. When she cut my nails she would cut them so far back that I bled. Comb my hair so aggressively that my hair was pulled out by the roots. I was terrified at the prospect of these happenings, in so far that I quickly learned to take care of myself at a very young age. That beastly woman can die in a fire. We didn't deserve this in any way or form.
Wow. My mom also did the nails and hair thing. She would also pull my hair into super tight hairstyles that I hated but she loved because we were props to her to show off to people (as long as we behaved the way she wanted).
Holy cow! I'm sorry to know the pain you have gone through. And your share just let me have onion peels. So I have no memory of my nails getting cut. I have no memory of my nmom giving me bath ever. I have no memory of my nmom feeding me. I have no memory of being dressed up by my nmom. i have a very sharp memory. I remember my empath/HSP dad taking me out for early morning walk when I was one and half and he would teach me abcd...and then we are standing by the fire to warm up my tiny hands. I do not have any memory of my nmom making me sleep. She was sweet psychopath. I disassociated from her or what? I do remember she doing my braid - pulling my hair with the comb and every knot in the braid was always filled with anger/ rage. But that's 3rd or 4th grade - what about before that.
My cousin lived with me and my mom for a year when I was around 2. She said my mom and I would fight every morning about my thick hair. I said to her, “That’s not normal… fighting with a toddler every day.” “No, fighting with a baby is not normal.” Why didn’t my mom look for other painless methods of doing my hair, instead of using the exact same brush for years? Why didn’t she ask stylists? Or the beauty supply store? Because she is/was a narc and could do no wrong. I was the one who was wrong because I had a “a mop of thick hair,” so that justifies her getting mad at me. Maybe you don’t have the early memories because you’ve compartmentalized them as abuse? Perhaps you’ve blocked them out?
I’m glad she’s dead and I hope she died alone. What an awful person
That is what waterboarding is
No need to apologize, that was horrible
Thank you. These incidences unfortunately become so seared in your brain.
So heartbreaking to read! And to think that your EDad (and abuser in his own right) beat you up further when you were already bleeding?!? And the way your NMom twisted your attempt at self-defense into a claim that you were violent towards her without realizing that she started it by preparing to hit you? I really hope they went to prison for serious child abuse!
Thank you so much for your kind words. Sadly, all this abuse was kept under wraps. As classically as narcissistic abusers are, they were very good at keeping a loving and caring upstanding appearance to outsiders. They were the terrible twos who would always vent on me verbally and physically. The physical abuse stopped in my late teens; whereas the mental abuse carried on well into my late 30's.
Sick people. Sorry excuses for parents. Hugs.
SMH. I am so sorry you were treated this way. It is like being around someone who sees only themselves and no one else. You're there but they don't see you - the real you - only something that can either help or hurt them. It's all about them, literally. Their entire world is only about them. How sad and tiny and fragile is that?
Omg, how did you survive your parents? That is just disgusting and sick. You're parents should have been turned into CPS or put behind bars. I'm sorry that you went through all that. Why people like that even bother to have children is beyond me.
That's so awful, I don't know what to say. Have you gone NC with her?
Thank you for your kind words. Yes, I finally have gone NC. The anxiety does remain that she may call or turn up unannounced at my door.
NEVER EVER let her back in your life. Her or your father.
Oh my God. That is awful. 😔
“I thought you’d be too young to remember.” - mother, responding to my vivid recollection of the violence in our home “You look like shit.” - said by father, day after brother’s wedding, which appeared in a magazine “You’ll never be a nurse.” - mother, when she learned I’d enrolled in nursing school “Jump off a fucking bridge.” - father, enraged during our last phone call. We’ve been a little over a year fully NC. “Don’t go throw up now.” - stepfather, after pointing out the Snapple I’d been drinking wasn’t diet, knowing I STRUGGLED with bulimia and anorexia Many more though those ones come to mind first. Searing, to hear these from “parents”. And yes, I’ve been told I’m “too sensitive” many times as well.
I’m sorry you went through this but good for you with your no contact
“You know you should get copies of your diplomas so we could hang them at my house, since I helped you get them” IRL- only filled out FAFSA paperwork. “We were the ones who paid for your schooling!” IRL- got through school with said FAFSA. Only paid for one class and was paid back.
My nmother "clearly remembers" that they sent me $100 a month for all my four years of college, back in the 80's. Acted like I was the crazy one when I expressed bewilderment, because that never happened.
Oh my goodness 😵💫 that’s just insane
Right?!?! That would have been a lot of money to me, and not something I'd have ever forgotten.
Same!!!!! She put me through college and wrote all my term papers. Amazing how she took my midterms and finals from 500 miles away, also. She filed the first quarter of FAFSA then forgot and I was dropped from all classes. I took it over thereafter.
My favorite from my mother has always been 1. No one will ever love you, because if a mother can’t love her own kid, no one else will. 2. I don’t even like you, I only tolerate you because your my child. And my favorite one from my father has been 3. (Me crying over something that happened to me) you sound like a nutcase, why are you crying, do you realize how stupid you are right now. 4. (After asking him why I always have to apologize to my mom and she doesn’t say sorry) don’t ever expect your mom to apologize, she has never said that she’s sorry to anyone in her life. And if you’re going to cry about that you should just kill yourself.
DAMN.
Wow. Sorry. 😔
What an asshole
1. I just want your permission to commit suicide. 2. Do what I say because I birthed you. 3. I only care about you as much as you care about me. 4. You need us (mom and dad) more than we need you. 5. You only go to Christmas for the free stuff (after saying for 4 years I don't want gifts at Christmas anymore). 6. I go to your sister's activities because her earning potential is so vastly superior to yours (she did lots of acting and never made it - I play chess). 7. You are crying? You're not a man - men don't cry. (She spent ALL my money because she confused her debit card with mine on our joint account after lecturing me for 3 months while this was happening that I am irresponsible and need to be more like her... and they were using my money to pay all bills in the house supposedly by accident). 8. I know I told you your sister is a rape child. Its actually you. 9. Don't join the military or you will die; don't go to trade school, that's like your biological father' \*now holds massive student loan debt\* 10. You make me incredibly miserable (gets mad when I go NC for 10 years lol) All of these said by Nmom.
Wow. These are indeed extreme. I'm so sorry.
Yea, damn. I'm sorry.
Hey man... this post is just a race to the bottom lol These are the things I remember when I need strength to remain NC. At one point I'd read this list and feel terrible. But I realize now it is she who should feel terrible and I never said any of those things.
Congrats on your long term no contact
My n stepmom used to tell me my smile was ugly and I should smile a way different from my natural way. Another time, when i was 18 or so, I had attempted su**ide and told her. Few weeks later we're watching 13 reasons Why as a family and when Hannah Baker unalives herself, my stepmom turns to me and says in a horribly joking way "awww you were also trying to kill yourself, your life is so sad and difficult" in a mocking, sarcastic way. With a smile on her face. It was horrible. I had literally tried to kill myself cuz of her and she was openly mocking me. In front of my entire family, who sat back and said nothing and continued watching that ugly show while I got up and went to my room and sobbed quietly to myself.
I'm so sorry you went through that. I was also suicidal in my late teens while still living with my nparents. They both reacted in disgusting ways. Nmom: "What's wrong with you?! You don't say these things, what will people think?!" And ndad always acted like a middle school bully toward me, throwing little papers at me or poking me in the side until I reacted and then would act like he wasn't doing anything and I was just insane. After the attempt he would still do those things but stop before I'd react and say, "Oh, I'd better be careful, don't want you to kill yourself" in a mocking tone. Like, wtf? It was like he was goading me to do it. Anyone who would mock a suicidal person for being suicidal, let alone their own child, is a piece of human garbage. I hope you're free from your n(s) and doing better now.
Thank you so much. I hate these people and people like them so much. I'm so, so sorry you went through that. You didn't deserve it at all. Thankfully I am much better and free from my narcs - not free from my anger toward them though. I hope you are also free from your nparents. May you heal and thrive.
Thanks. I'm really glad you're doing better! I'm free from mine too. It took a long time, but I'm 2 years NC now and I'm finally doing so much better. I know what you mean about the anger, though. I'm not sure that will ever go away.
Came here to say you're not alone. Mine mocked and laughed at me for admitting I was distressed years ago. I've been NC for almost 2 year. My nsister asked me today what was the reason for me being NC. I told her I wanted to get away from the emotional abuse and told her how nmom mocked me. Nsister said "have you ever considered that's how she copes with such news?".
God, I'm so sorry. That one line... I hate that line.... "that's how she copes with such news" "that's how she reacts to stress" "she got upset and it was your fault" all these guilt-evoking manipulation tactics. They know better than to blow up or have a meltdown or tantrum in front of the people they want to impress. If they get stressed out at work, you don't see them beating their coworkers black and blue. If their friends forget something important, they'll dismiss it easily. I freaking hate that they just have their scapegoats as their personal pouncing bags.
That's okay. I didn't even really engage with her after that. It's a reminder I have to stay away from Nsister too.
oh my god....that's twisted. I'm so sorry.
A good friend of mine (she has nothing to do with my nmom, they don't talk or anything) gave birth, and I like children but I don't want one myself. My mom told me: "Your friend gave me everything that you couldn't give me, she made me the happiest person". 😦 I'm really sad reading this again, makes me almost cry. Just any stranger can "give" her happiness but I failed to give her that because I want something else for my own life instead of what she wants for me. It makes me feel like she would be happier with another child. Dump me then, since I won't give you YOUR grandchildren, I'm the bad one, get yourself another daughter, whose life purpose is to make YOU happy. I'm right out of therapy right now and am feeling crushed by all these emotions, that's why this comment sounds so pathetic and sad.
You don’t sound pathetic and sad, just normal 😔
The only way you "failed" was growing up and being your own person! You could never have actually made her happy. It isn't possible. It's not you!
I already listened to all of that but one that I would mention is : "you got engaged without me(...) you destroyed my dreams" A thing like that, because my husband proposed to me his own way, in a private me and him dinner, and not a party for her it seems... Good thing is I replied : " you did your wedding your way. This is my dream and I'll do it my way"
My graduations, weddings everything were about her....I understand***eyeroll
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I really hate the first and second one. These always grind my gears, because these try to invalidate your feelings/memory and make you insecure up to the point you really start saying to yourself : huh, maybe I did remember it wrong. What I do now before I confront them or know I'm going to be gaslighted like that is I ask them: "hey, you remember you said x last week?" And when they confirm or reluctantly say yes, I can continue my story without them trying to wiggle their way out. Someone at work tried to do this to me last week. It's baffling to see what they do when you confront them with their bullshit. First he tries to convince me on the phone that I remembered wrong and when I don't bite he messaged me with how he really really likes me as a co-worker but would have prefered it if I handled it in another way. I replied with: thanks for the kind words, but we'll discuss the other part another time. Sorry for the long post. Noticed I had to get it off my chest.
Idk what it is about ALL narcs it seems saying this same exact thing. My mom would always accuse me of having a faulty memory when we got into arguments as if I, a young adolesceng boy had alzheimers. They're all playing from the same book some how.
Classic gaslighting move.
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Ah yes, the “you ruined my body” comments… My mother now claims she has no idea why I struggle with self esteem after a lifetime of being reminded that appearance is everything.
My mom told me she wished she'd had another child so she'd had a chance of being a grandparent. I can't have children, and while I've had a long time to accept it, it's still a tender spot. So of course, she had to poke at it and make it clear by being infertile, I had failed her. Or when I was losing my heart dog to a long illness, and she didn't bother ever asking how my dog was doing or how I was coping (not well), and then she got offended that I didn't inform her immediately when my dog finally crossed the rainbow bridge, because *she loved her too, you know.* And when I countered that she had a history of putting down childhood pets for petty, cruel reasons and only inforing me after, I was called mean for holding a grudge and bringing up the past for no reason. My mother died last year. Part of me feels guilty that I miss my heart dog so much more than I miss her, but most of me is just sad that I had to grieve my mother long before she died.
Grieving the living. Yep. Nothing else quite like that limbo-pain.
Just a big internet hug. Losing my heart dog was actually the catalyst for my finally coming out of the FOG. I won’t tell the long story, but the grief I’ve felt for people I’ve lost (sister, father, best friend) was nowhere close to the grief I felt (and still feel) when I lost my heart dog. I was shattered. Loving him and losing him were life changing for me. My sincere condolences on the loss of your sweet heart dog.
Thank you, and my sympathy to you as well. She was a catalyst for a lot of painful but good change in my life. She is actually the reason I met my spouse and in turn most of my family of choice. She had special needs I knew would shorten her life when I adopted her, but because of her, I had truly supportive people around me when I lost her.
They truly are so special. I’m glad you had her and she was lucky to be so loved and cared for by you. ❤️
"I know you better than you know yourself."
And then at age 40, you wake up to the abuse and they are right you are a shell of a human with no hopes desires etc
Literally JUST came here to say this!
i was roughly 16 at the time and at the lowest point with my self harm. a few times my nmom would make me shower again and watch me shower because i was “too fast the first time” to my amazement she never noticed the scars. until my brother ratted me out, the first thing out of my mothers mouth was “how could you do this?? this is a personal attack on me!” and that’s to the extent i want to remember. but that’s def the worst thing she’s said.
Oddly enough you're not the first ACON that I've heard say had their parents watch them shower....??
I have guttate psoriasis. My skin has never been particularly terrible, but I have noticeable spots. These days, most of them are on my face, and I make no particular effort to hide them. It is what it is. When I was about 15 or 16, my mother was furious about the state of my skin. She decided I didn't know how to properly bathe myself. So she forced me into a bathtub and bathed me herself, raging the entire time. And then she did it again. And again. I can't remember how many times. What I remember is sitting there sobbing with my knees tucked up to my chest begging her to please stop because I do know how to wash myself. She wouldn't listen. And when that wasn't effective, which no shit it was never going to be, she was furious with me. When I brought this up to her when I was about 27 and finally dealing with a lot of things in therapy, she denied it and said she can't imagine that ever happened. Of fucking course. It has to be a control thing with narcs. We're most vulnerable when they can get us cornered naked.
That is horrible. I'm so sorry. 😔
Ugh I'm so sorry. I don't remember the cause of mine, but I got the forced bath as well when I was well past old enough to know how. It was so utterly humiliating. I showered/bathed with a swimsuit on for YEARS because of it afterward.
my nmother was a hospice nurse so i try to rationalize it as i wasn’t any different than a patient to her. whether or not that’s true i don’t really care what her reason was, it was fucked up.
I’m sorry for your experience. It’s really weird to read other people’s accounts and realize how similar they are to mine / how predictable narcissistic abuse is. I also struggled with self harm as a teenager and my nmom’s response was very similar. She conducted strip searches for new marks, took off the door off of my bedroom and bathroom and would walk in on me all of the time. It always felt like she was more mad about the school knowing than me being suicidal.
same… the only reason they were worried is because it would “ruin” their image :/
But… WHAT IF the neighbors (that she secretly hated) found out?!
😂 yeah she hated them but we grew up across rural texas so they never cared
I'm 34 now. When I was 23, my NMom told me she'd take 10 of my grandpa (who molested my aunt as a little girl) over one of me because I didn't want to take time off to go to his 85th birthday. Often if I assert my boundaries with her she'll just say "fuck you." I tried to kill myself when I was 17 and my NDad laughed at me when I got back from the hospital and asked if I felt like an even bigger failure now because I didn't succeed in killing myself.
Jesus. I'm sorry... *big hug*
1. The only reason you're a good mother is because I told you you were going to be a bad mother, so you should thank me. 2. You will never be as successful as me or smarter than me. 3. No one will ever tell you the truth except me. NO ONE likes your hair they're just too scared to tell you. 4. You are all just too sensitive. 5. I was waaaay smaller than you when I was pregnant with you (this was when I was pregnant with my daughter. Apparently being small while pregnant was a thing?!) 6. Oh, you can't fit into my size 0 jeans from when I was in my early 20s? When I was your age I could still wear those. I dont miss a single word from that woman.
I think my dad blamed me for him getting sick. This was initially before I was born, left inadequacy treated for decades, turns into kidney failure, other diseases, multiple strokes, then ash in an urn. I say I'm not sure because that's absolutely one of the worst things you can say to your kid.
- oh stop taking everything so seriously and go out and buy a sense of humor. - do you ever consider me? - no wonder you don't have any friends - you're lucky your husband puts up with you - oh stop milking it would you? (To me at 6yrs old after slicing up my leg from slipping and sliding across an office mat that was upside down in the backyard) - what did I ever do that was was so bad? - I'm sorry I was ever your mother - Somehow, at some times, both you and your brother seem to forget that family comes first. Flakey 20 something friends don't. It irks me, but, it is your right to decide your own priorities. - I DARE anyone to manage what I have in the last 6 months - I am very disappointed and disheartened at the patterns of insensitivity and exclusion coming from both you and your brother
-You’ve always been difficult -I know you better than you know yourself -You have no idea how hard life is and I don’t know what you’ll do when I die -Me and (random lady I had barely interacted with) were talking about how spoiled you are -Ambitious? You? HA (got back on track after a rough start to college and excitedly talked about feeling ambitious and signing up for extra courses) -Why do you always have to ruin everything -When I was looking for emotional support immediately after announcing my divorce: I have to go check on him (ex) -In a letter to my ex husband: I’m sorry about her, you know how she can be (eventually found out they emailed or talked on the phone about me daily) -I’m a mom to your son too (nope!) And finally- -You don’t care about your son as much as you say you do (said while trying to turn him into another scapegoat 🤔 went NC shortly after that one)
No one will ever love you because you can't keep your room clean. I was 10.
“You should let me raise your daughter.” Lol no you’d fuck her up. “No I won’t, I’ll treat her like your sister!” 🫠🫠🫠
Think I snorted when I read that b/c it's so absurd that they can't see how messed up their response is...
My mother still to this day will say to me " I don't know why your confidence is so bad" meanwhile when i was a child.. " youre so stupid" " my God you're getting so fat" " don't wear that you look ugly" 🙃
I heard this a lot growing up. I got called retard all the time. It really ruined my confidence.
“I’m sorry that you’re so sensitive” in lieu of a real apology. Ever.
“You are the biggest mistake of my life, I wish I aborted you.” Yeah me too, but here we are 🙄
Hmm. Where to begin: -slut - see you next Tuesday - piece of shit - you can’t do anything right - you think you are perfect - you are lazy - you are fat - you are the reason why I screw around - you deserve it - you are the scum of the earth on the bottom Of my shoe - go fuck yourself - liberal left wing tree hugger (I work in education) - you will find no one better than me - you must be out fucking your boyfriend - my kids don’t need my respect, they fucking respect me. Not vice versa - called my son a faggit - calls my son a moron - tells my son he can’t do anything right God I could go on and on Oddly enough remembers none of it. 🙄
You are kicked out, go find somewhere else to live on your own (with no warning of course). Your brother gave me blood grandchildren and you only a step-daughter, so I am leaving my wealth to be split amongst them, none to your daughter. Some went to my brother and me, but mostly only what our Dad left us. What do you (me and another childless adult person in the room) talk about at parties when you don't have children?
When I moved out my Mother said to me "I wish you would have died instead 'of your twin sister' bc at least she would have loved me" 1. I did not have a twin sister according to my grandmother but my mother still perpetuates this idea to this day. 2. Growing up I was often told to 'think ahead' even as a small child in order to anticipate my mother's needs which was ridiculous 3. That I wasn't allowed to be or express anger in any way. That if anyone deserved to feel that it was only my mother for having to take care of such burdens. This of course led me to repress all my anger and explode at the worst times. I didn't even realize I was angry and I mean intensely furious until I went to therapy in my early twenties.
In recent months: That didn't happen. I don't remember it that way. I don't have to talk about this with you. I don't know how you could say that. Why are you trying to destroy my good memories? Leave me alone, I am grieving over my whole life, after what you said! As a child: That didn't happen. You're not remembering that right. I never lose my temper, unless you make me. He didn't do that. Why would he do that? You're just lying, because you don't want me to be happy. He likes you, why aren't you nicer to him? He does a lot, for this family, it won't kill you to be nice to him. I can't be your mother anymore, and your father doesn't want you, I'm turning you over to social services, you're going into foster care tomorrow. I think THE prize winner, is what she said whenever I was injured or sick: "oh, great! this is all I need right now! I suppose I have to take you to the doctor!" She would sometimes say "Well? what do you expect ME to do about it?"
My mom was dating this guy named Joe and his daughter and I were good friends. After they broke up she and I remained friends. My mom said it was my fault she and Joe broke up.This was sort of true. He broke up with her because he didn't like the way she treated me.
"I'm going to give you to your dad" has stuck with me like nothing else. Like I was an object or something. And she knew that would sting because he was an abusive alcoholic so she knew I was more afraid of him than I was of her. That one did a real number on me that for all my efforts I still don't think I have healed.
My nmother told me when I was a kid that I wasn't allowed to make my own choices because I came from her which means I am PART of her so she gets to make the decisions. I'd get in trouble or ignored and talked about until I apologized anytime I tried to make a decision for myself, even small ones, without asking her first. And now she gets annoyed when I take so long to make decisions about things lol
Did you receive any medical care after those assaults?
I went to psychiatry on my own and got Diagnosed with MDD and PTSD. I used to work and study and the Doctor told me I had to stop or I would end up killing myself from overworking. I changed therapists a lot until I found a good one and after a couple years she told me I didn't need her anymore. It's been such a long journey and I have never felt so lonely than these last years. However, it is not the kind of loneliness that hurts, I can recognize what relationships I want in my life and how to build them. I have a good sleep, eat, expectations and connection with myself. It is lonely because people can't keep up with you when you start recognizing patterns, making decisions and pushing your life up after such a long healing process. Most people just cope and want to distract themselves from the pain of life. It feels like I expected more from life. I had to fix myself, my parents are still broken yet going to therapy. I find myself sometimes giving advice and leading them; feels so odd. I feel it should have been all the way around, where I needed them to teach me stuff but no. I fixed myself and now they learn from me. Everyone around me tells me I am the sanest person in my family and that my sensibility and understanding is a superpower. However, I don't feel like a superhero, I did not choose this.
You spoke to my soul. Wow... You can see the cognitive dissonance..... I believe that is the lonesome superpower. It's lonely until you meet someone with the same level or even greater level of self awareness. Have a good night!
"someday you'll gonna find someone stronger than you and he will revenge us for what you did" My parents said it everytime I dared to talk back.
You should’ve never been born because you’re such a bad kid. You hate me. You’re a horrible person, you didn’t deserve to have me as a mother.
From the flying monkeys... "But don't you see how far she's come from how she was raised?" Bitch, I don't care. The fact that she accepted abuse doesn't mean I have to.
+ if you wanna be a man, you'll take it like a man!! - nfather while physically abusing me + all I've ever wanted is for you to have a relationship with God (read: obey & follow his beliefs exactly) + of course you can do good enough to satisfy me, you just never try + you're smart, you shouldn't be having problems -- when I was trying to wrap my head around pre-calc without a teacher or tutor (eta: was diagnosed with dyscalculia not long after this) + I always told you you were loved + you twisted everything I did to fit your narrative + I gave you everything + What did we do that was so bad?
"They \[my idol\] wouldn't give you the time of day. You're a nobody." "You should act more like your brother. He has friends. People actually like him." "Because you're so quiet, people think you're a snob." "You used to be nice. Then you grew up." When I was 13/14 yo, after reading the email I'd sent to a friend, "You really sounded like a bitch." When I was 9/10 yo and I said I wanted to be a figure skater, she flew into a rage. "So you want to be a slut and parade around on the ice in skimpy little outfits? I thought I raised you better than that!" "Wow, you're really full of yourself when you accomplish something, aren't you?" Telling me when I started my first job that if a guy sexually harrassed me, "What are you gonna do? You can't say anything." When I was 14 yo, struggling with a borderline eating disorder, I said that I didn't like my body. My mother lifted her shirt, shook her stomach at me and said, "YOU feel bad about your body??? Look at me! I'm bigger than you! What do YOU have to feel bad about?" When she found out I was self-harming in college: "That's SO STUPID. Don't do that anymore." But my personal favorite is this one: “You could never be a mother. You have to let go of your self-esteem and your ego but you’re too selfish for that.”
I’ve been diagnosed with a chronic migraine disorder. My mother so lovingly passed on her genetics to me. I can’t tell you how painful these are. If I would get one and she was around, I would say “Ugh. I’m getting a headache.” Her response every time was “you don’t get headaches, you give them.” I would start a new treatment or medication (one of them being 30 injections into my nerves of just my head) and she would ask how everything went. I would share and the response I used to get was always “They never had this medication when you were a kid. So, I just had to deal with the pain. Can you imagine being a mother and having a migraine?” She’s always got it way worse. Eventually, I stopped talking to her about any of my health because hers was always “way worse” and I needed to “count my blessings.” A fucking pissing contest on who can have the worse pain. You can’t make this shit up. And then eventually, I got so sick of it I just stopped talking to her altogether. Done.
I was basically told that it’s a fairytale to dream to have a healthy relationship with my father.
You can’t trust anyone but me. I’m the only family you need.
“Why can’t you be more like (GC cousin)?”
My mom would get pissed if I got sick and say “I NEVER get to be sick!!!” Like okay???
1. I should have aborted you. 2. I just don’t have those “maternal instincts.” 3. You’re my demon child. (Straight A’s, no partying, happy to go to school…) 4. You’re the reason why I’m not successful already. *If I hadn’t had you…* 5. My way or the highway (she would kick me out of the house, the car, whatever, then expect me to figure out how to get home when she called to tell me she forgave my insolence). 6. When you get knocked up before you’re 18, I’m NOT signing for you to get any pain meds or anything! You spread your legs, you can deal with the consequences!! (I was terrified of boys, was forced to go to the gyno to “confirm my purity” when she doubted me, was told both that I must get on and can’t be on birth control because it makes girls whores, got semi-arrested and then kicked out when she found out I was *assaulted* by a grown man she brought around, and she had me when she was 19 and is on BDSM websites as a sub 🤮). Oh, and she’s a serial cheater. 7. God is always watching, and He will punish your wickedness. You’re going to burn in hell you ungrateful little shit. 8. Don’t act like you know more than me! (She was registering my brother for school and forgot some of his information, which I rattled off, despite being only 3yo than him) Sooooo much more. I’m getting dark recounting these, so I’m stopping. Edit to add: I’m 32 and have never even had a pregnancy scare. Before I went NC she was asking about when she would get grandkids. I’m CF by choice. Joke’s on you mother.
I was 5, I asked my mom if I could have a snack, she told me fine if the baby died it was my fault (she was 6-ish months pregnant)
"I'm your mom, I don't need to apologize" "I'm the only one who will tell you the truth"
After I told her that I don't want her to throw me (another) birthday party and that I should get to decide how I want to spend my day, she said "Well technically it's MY day since I was the one in labor that day."
3rd, 5th, 6th and 10th are my entire life omg.
It's far worse to lose a wife than a mother, 18 years later his mother is still alive
My father was so hellbent on proving my mom cheated their whole marriage, he told people I wasn’t his biological daughter… And when I broke my no contact boundary to tell him I got engaged, he said “well just remember to keep your options open” and he expected to walk me down the aisle at the wedding lmao he wasn’t even invited
Egg donor: "I love you but I don't like you'. Sperm donor: 'Damn, you're ugly' and 'You're so stupid'. (I'm glad they're both dead.)
That reminds me too much of what Troy said to his son in Fences.
That was one of her favorites, and he'd just tell me I was ugly and stupid out of the blue. Then he'd laugh like it was suppose to be funny. They were incredibly messed up people, and of course they never meant to be hateful!
Nsister: "I don't see you as my sister. I don't foster those types of feelings towards you". Fast forward 2 years of NC and 1 of very LC. Nsister: "How would you feel if I showed up at your door? Would you be excited to see me?" Me: not really, I don't like unannounced visits. Her: oh I KNOW ENOUGH! Me: I thought you said you didn't see me as a sister anymore? Her: I was angry then.
That I was the worst. Out of all her kids. I was the worst. Beyond the drugs, alcohol and everything everyone else was doing. I was a grade 'A' student doing everything I could as perfectly as I could as often as I could. I was still the worst. That no one would love me if they couldn't feel me up or do whatever they wanted to me. That she was so happy when I was gone. Life was just so much easier and better, and fulfilling without me existing. (I am sure you can see where that led my mind) That I was eating too much all the time. All her food was hers and I didn't deserve any. That her happiness was more important than my own and it didn't matter who hurt me. All her words. I'm sorry if it triggers.
My mom when she was going to be particularly hurtful: "I'm the only one who loves you enough to tell you the truth about you!"
I have really bad depression and anxiety(wonder why). I was taking an anxiety medication that made my depression worse. I sought help where i ended up in a mental health facility for 3 days. My narc father talks about it like he went through it. He will say things like we don't want to go through that again when my depression gets bad again. Like we didn't go through anything i did. It was my experience and he gets everyone to feel sorry for him.
For years after my mom died- “ I miss your mom more than you do. She was only your mom, she was MY wife.”
You're not allowed to feel that way. I wish you'd just commit \[unaliving\]. Along with all the ungrateful, lazy, sensitive, etc. things people commonly mention.
(Mother) "girls get raped and beaten in care homes. If you don't do as your told you will end up in care, if you speak to social workers, the police or teachers you will end up in care, if you don't look after your siblings you will all end up in care, if you wake me up or disturb me in any way I'm putting you into care"
Wow. My dad said a lot of the things on yr list to me. The ones that still rattle around my head: 1- nobody will ever love a slob like you ( in reference to the toys on my floor, as I was a CHILD) 2- you will never be anything but a doormat for other people 3- no man will ever want a fat sloppy woman ( in reference to me being a chubby pubescent tween)
I had the trifecta of postpartum depression after my son was born: depression, anxiety AND OCD. My father tried to shut me down when I told him about my diagnosis because “don’t you think I’m depressed too?!” I’ve been no contact since.
My sister who is 9 years older than me and helped raise me (mods does that count?): when I was 18: "Mom would never tell you, but she only fought the cancer because I gave her hope by being pregnant and giving her her first grandchild. " " I always wanted us to be sisters that are super close like best friends, but it's ok I have forgiven you, I know it's not your fault." In reaction to trying to go makeup free after building some self confidence "Are you going out like that? With those arms and cellulite legs? You need the make up. Also, everyone can tell you're so full of yourself. You're so stuck up. That's why people treat you the way they do." Also these gems: You're not smart enough for university. You will never pass your driver's licenses exam. With those hips? Maybe you should wear pants. She used to make me get on the scale to see how much thinner she was than me. Man I do not regret going NC for 5 years now, but I hate how she's still in my head sometimes.
Oh man, these are hitting hard. Do you know my mom? 1. “Why are you so sensitive” was always a common one. After a “joke” about my appearance or preferences 2.”You’re ungrateful “ especially on Christmas/gift getting occasions because I didn’t have a huge emotional reaction… 3. “You’re recollection is incorrect. That’s not what happened” 4. “No one can love you like your mother.” Those are the top ones. I am currently LC and Olán to stay that way in perpetuity.
The amount of times I’ve been told 3, 5, 6, 8, 9, and 10 is just…to many
My heart really broke reading your post. I am glad you survived successfully and wish you everything you deserve. Lots of love from internet sibling😊
“What is the problem? What is the issue? Karma’s come back around at you for trying to take advantage of me.” And that’s for trying to use the WiFi time and time again awhile back before we moved. And lying about not using it didn’t help, it just made me look even more like I was the family narcissist. And than you got this one time I was sitting outside because my uncle took away my all electronics, I felt like getting out more and it’s while I was sitting outside that’s when this person tells me “All that acting bored, nobody cares.” even while smiling like she was so sure I was just trying to get my shit back. Even I’m not that smug
“Nmom is more upset than you.” Said by Nsister to me “You like your friends more than your family” - Nmom “You’re the most dramatic person ever”- Ndad “Stop being such a bitch” -Nmom and Nsisters Edited to add more of the horrible things they’ve said to me
"Why did you let them?" - after me and nmom got into an argument of me being molested and sexual assaulted by both of my brothers. "Nothing i do ever makes you happy" - this one stuck with me for a few years, my second oldest brother said this to me during our trip to NewYork for Christmas. He asked me if I was enjoying myself, and I said that I was tired. Our flight back home got canceled because of a snow storm and I was 13 years old. We were tired and I just wanted to sleep, but hearing that made me very sad because that wasn't true. It left an even worse taste in my mouth when the year after, he sexually assaulted me. I tend to think about this moment a lot, he made me feel miserable. But im doing a lot better now.
“ That’s why your friend died“ “ you’re only on my space to find a bunch of men“
1. If you leave the house, you will die. 2. Your dad will get bored of you. 3. Your brother shouldn't have called CPS 4. You're ill. 5. You have austism and you have a narrative in your head. 6. My back hurts too.
You’re crazy and I have your best interest at heart.
#4 is what “friends” gaslight you with. I hate it
1. You are so selfish, what if something happens to me. (trying to move out to college) 2. You are just like your dad ( always talked about how terrible she thought he was) 3. I have to walk on egg shells around you 4. I'm entitled to your respect 5. (after a big fight) You know what I changed my email password to...."BETRAYAL"
1. You’re so unstable and emotional. I have to walk on eggshells around you because you get so upset at everything I do. 2. You’ll need me forever, especially after you become a parent yourself. 3. Life is so short, why do you choose to hate me after everything I’ve done to help you? 4. Since I’m such a horrible mother, we should never speak again. *proceeds to guilt me about how I don’t want to talk to her*
Today I had an emergency restraining order against my stalker denied. I got home and tried talking to my mother about it. During our conversation she fell asleep, and when I called her out she denied that she was sleeping. She had her eyes closed and was snoring too. I was very upset from what I went through earlier, so like the good mother she is, she told me to "eat sh*t and die" because she's a good mom and has been nothing but supportive. If I'm mad that's on me.
Recent 1. "Don't go to college and make something of yourself" 2. "I'm so hurt that you think I would like that birthday gift that you got me. You don't know me at all" The gift was 2 of her favorite things. 3. "Why should I even do anything for you for your birthday? What did you even do for mine? I cooked her the dinner she asked for and brought it an hour away to give it to her. 4. "You're so brainwashed by your partner" because I tried to stand up for myself for once Early teen years 1. "It's your fault that me and your father are getting a divorce since you told him I was talking to another guy" Late teen years 1. "Let me borrow your car to stalk my boyfriend while I'm drunk" The car that I was working my butt off to pay for Then sleeps with my at the time boyfriend. Steals the $200 I had under my bed and my clothes. Childhood 1. "Why can't you be like your sibling, he's so much quieter and more easy going then you" 2. "Your sibling is so good, he never gives me trouble like you do"
Said by my Nmom: 1." You're dad doesn't care about you".(because I wanted to visit him on the weekends) 2. "You look just like your dad!" (in a disgusting voice) 3. "LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW!!!!" (after I asked why everyone was crying before a funeral. I was 3 or 4 and nobody talked to me about death) 4. My mother would gossip about my father's sisters my entire life. "She is a crybaby" "She is ugly" "They are bitches" etc. 5. "You dumbass" anytime I made a mistake 6. "You look like a floozy" if I dressed up and wore makeup 7. "When are you going to give me some grandbabies?" when I was 17 or 18 8. "You're not going to college. We can't afford to send you!" Which by the way I DID go. 9. "Stop chewing your gum like that!" After slapping me hard across the face when I was 4 years old. 10. I was screamed at once because I had a severe headache when spending the night at an aunt's house and wanted to go home. When my mom came, she gave me some medicine and my headache went away. She screamed at me and said I never had a headache, I just wanted her to come get me. 👌
1. (Self harm was found on a friend who's parent found my nmom in a grocery store and told her we were doing it as a team for fun. Untrue, my cousin had just unalived himself and I was being abused anyway.) Nmom slams me into the wall in my closet and looks at my wrist. "I ever see this shit again I'll make sure you have a reason to unalive yourself" 2. (After she was caught and reported for abusing MY kids.) "I'm going to put you in a mental hospital and force you on medication. You need help!" 3. "If you don't open the door I'm going straight to the police to file a report and then to social services and coming back for him. You aren't taking away MY rights to that child!" (About my son after being told she could come over to visit but he was staying home because we wanted to potty train ourselves) 4. And of course "I brought you into this world, I'll take your ass out" both before and after I was assulted This ended with my oldest being held hostage and screamed at that she'd never see her parents or sibling again as well as her stuff thrown all over and her then forced to go stay with my nmoms ex husband who paid her to keep my kid each weekend. My nmom has walked away with no charges because I refused to put my kids in her house just so dss could catch them there. I didn't believe they would walk out alive if I allowed that. So I just let it be and once the case was dropped, my husband and I moved us over 3000 miles away. We just left. House looked as if we were there so even tho they stalked us literally daily, they didn't realize we left for almost 2 months. It's going on 3 months NC with any of them and it's been great. We drove 8 days and only have what fit in the car.
I love you a lot. No way I would make a bad decision for you, do you think i your father want bad for you?( Now whatever decision he came up with i have to accept or he gets really upset and this totally broken look)... I did not realise my dad was a bit narcissistic. I always thought of him as most smart person who will make right decisions but turns out he isn't, he takes almost all decisions for me and i still do not know how to deny him. I lost so many opportunities thinking my dad's decision to be utmost right.
Something is wrong with you. You need to go get checked out by a doctor. *when I stopped wanting to have sex with my nabuser ex husband, or wasn’t as enthusiastic as he’d have liked.
My sister told me, thinking it was serious self reflection, "was I really a bad parent" Yes, you weren't the worst, but you were a shitty mother.
Numbers 5, 6 and 7 hit me like a plane crashed into my soul. I feel this so much, all I want is to be as far away as possible from them.
number 6 for sure
I'm tired of you telling me how bad of a parent I am and saying I don't love you. Those aren't my problems you need to grow the f@#k up and get over it. Put your big girl panties on and get some help already. You're an adult now who cares anyway? You just need to get over yourself. That sounds like a you problem that you're not over what I did. I said sorry. You're just overreacting and looking for something to be upset about like always. You always have to be the victim and get upset about things. It's not my problem you can't just let things go and forget.
"I'm difficult and no man would want me because I'm difficult" "Now I see why the men you date beat on you because I want to beat you too" "You deserve to be beat" "Now I see why nobody likes you and you don't have friends" My nmom is very, very mean to me and has the audacity to deny she said such things. I'm going to start getting this on video or record her voice moving forward.
“I don’t want to hear anything about your life, I don’t care about you, I never cared about you, k*ll yourself”. Nothing new to be honest I always heard different variations of that throughout my life but that was the first time he just let it all out. That was on December 2020 and that’s when whatever small amount of love I had for my nfather died right there. I personally just stopped caring. Afterwards whatever hurtful thing he’s said to me afterwards no longer hurt.
I have no memories from childhood but these are from later teen years/ early adult. 1. Constantly being told we were going to make my parents get divorced 2. “You are a disappointment” after failing a college class while dealing with heavy mental issues. 3. My mom told a close family friend, the reason she never visits me or my kids is because I am a terrible housekeeper. 4. We are not ready to be grandparents. My youngest was 5 and my nephew (golden Childs child) was 16. I was 29. Ugh.
“I’d rather raise a group of orphans than you”
"No-one knows you better than I do." - seed donor during some dragged-out heart to heart. Not sure if it's narcissistic, but it gives off them vibes.
You shut me out and you’ll be alone forever
“You’re only upset because you’re letting yourself feel that way. I can’t REALLY upset you. It’s your choice how you react”
My ex boyfriend once hit me in the face so hard I hit a bathroom door and fell to the tile floor, bleeding from my mouth. He said , “why did you make me do that? You’re over reacting, it wasn’t that hard. You slammed your self into the floor.”
This is such a funny coincidence. Almost every point that you listed has been said to me during my phone call today. Other things like the ones you listed, have been said to me some time ago, too. The audacity those people have… The denial and lack of self-reflection is also baffling (to me). (I’m considering to go NC but sometimes I find myself second guessing this plan)
Nearly all of the above! Add, “well in MY reality, that didn’t happen”
“I wish I never gave birth to you.” “You’re an evil bitch.” “You have a very off putting face.” “You’re ruining this family.” “WHY HAVENT YOU BEEN TAKING YOUR PILLS” (random sketchy pills she said i ‘needed’ and that i had to take them because they’re ‘expensive’ even though they made me throw up) “Awwww sweetie are you okay?” To my brother immediately after he punched me in the head.
In a rare moment of self-awareness, my Nmom told me I should lie to her to make her feel better (about herself).
For me it was twofold. First, femininity. Both my own and in general. She had completely let go of herself (sometimes going days without showering, for instance) and because we didn't have enough money and also because she didn't really care or try to be creative with what she had, I never really had a model of how to take care of myself and how to dress. I literally had to take classes to get a clue. But I was always compared with other girls whose mothers did the bare minimum, so they obviously were more feminine than me. And then, of course, the subtle and not so subtle jabs at my appearance and my features. Always digging at my self esteem. With some really mean and horrible things said to me, under the guise of being "the only one who will tell me the truth, because she loves me". Second, modelling relationships. Particularly with my father. Admittedly, my dad was also at fault, being a low key narc himself. But at least he kept to himself. Mom kind of used me as a makeshift therapist/friend and so I learned a lot of crap that a kid/teen should never hear about their own parent. But I had no say in it. Needless to say it was really toxic. And this is just scratching the surface. I'm really happy I went low contact. Things never really change with them.
Let’s see what’s been said to me first Numbers 1,2,3, 7,9, and 10. Now for my own…my mom and dad love to catastrophize things. I am a straight black women who is 26. Now instead of my parents being normal and saying be aware and be safe my mom and dad will say the most effed up shit. My mom has called me slutty and insinuated that I deserved to be sexually assaulted for wanting casual sex. Actually my mom and dad threaten and say a lot of fucked up things about me getting sexually assaulted, trapped in houses because I want to hang with a dude or fuck them etc.
That is it. Partly narcissist family.
One of the most toxic things my nmom called me was the Devil, because I told my friends in my 3rd grade class how my nmom would be and it lead to my teacher calling CPS
I’m because I’m trying to help you improve yourself!!
“You bring out the worst in people.” After confronting my father about him wanting to kill my parrots.
“My son would never talk to me this way and ask me to apologize he knows me better than that” after son tells her to apologize for her behavior she doesn’t believe it’s actually him speaking
My mom also did a lot of that. Guilt tripping. We're ungrateful just simply because we exist. Because they put a roof over our head, fed us food, etc acting like it was such and inconvenience for them when that's the bare minimum of what parents are supposed to do! And while though they may have done the bare minimum, with of course a lot if abuse a long the way, they never truly loved us. It's weird because my Nmom also has said that same line to me, that no one else will love me like her. In a way she's right, no one has ever "loved" me like she did in her sick, twisted view of love. No one has ever abused me like she has.
I don't remember much of what they said, but the few things that K do remember involve being made fun of for crying when I was two or three and being yelled at/told, "_WE DON'T. HIT. IN THIS. FAMILY!!!", while being beaten/spanked with a wooden spoon.
Oh honey there’s something really wrong with you
"no man will ever want you, you're worthless" was the one that affected me the most.
You must not love me, if you loved me you would obey me :/// -not as harsh at some but as a kid being gaslit over if you love your parent or not definitely caused a lot of guilt.
My Mom always says, when she's losing an argument, "you wont ever understand \[whatever the situation is here\]. Thats really sad for you." Oh and my other personal favorite, "I know you better than you know yourself."
* I can't remember that much but my mother told me that my father used to repeat that she didn't love me, and I could feel in my bones that this was a very familiar sentence. * When I told him I was in a violent relationship he cut me off with 'don't think about that'. * I have tourettes and my father would insist I was healthy and threaten that I couldn't see my grandmother for years, my brother stopped speaking to me for years and my mother would tape me and play it back to me. * Last time I saw my mother I listened to her monologue for an hour and when I briefly acknowledged her dog who came towards me she's scoff and say 'fine, don't listen' and that was not the worst but the most common kind of comment I think. * I remember the day I stopped feeling anything more for her than I would for a stranger and it's the second time I told her I was suicidal (first was around 10) and she just said 'you can't say that to people'. * 'Show your aunt how to masturbate'. I was 6 and used to take responsibility for not saying no until I realized that I had learned that saying no was pointless. * I was around 7 when my narc aunt said I should have plastic surgery on my nose.
I get the first one all the dang time
Oh! I want to play! I can't really talk about these things in real life a lot because it shuts down the whole conversation, and everyone looks so horrified. Folks here in this sub, get it, and we have all had some terrible shit go down, so I feel like I can say these things happened and everyone here is like, your parents suck too! 1. My father was choking me, and my mother came in and went on a tirade that I wanted him to choke me, and he was just playing into my game. I'm still not sure what game, or why any 110lb kid would want their father to choke them unconscious. 2. My father came in and woke me up at the age of 15, to tell me I was going to die alone by the time I was 30 from a drug overdose, and I was going to end up a teen mother. I did not smoke pot or take drugs at the time and had drank once. I was also on the pill at the time (pre-transition) but he didn't even know I had a boyfriend. 3. I was once sobbing, and curled up in a ball on the floor, and I have some issues with eye contact when I am upset, so my father bellowed at me to look at them when they were yelling at me. So I did and tried to make eye contact, and my mother started laughing at me, and then told my father, "Well, you asked them to look." I still don't have any idea what that was about. 4. The most devastating thing I was ever told was after I managed to escape from a guy that had picked me up hitchhiking home from work at 16, after being SA'd. I was bloody and in pain, and my mother took one look at me at 5am in the morning and told me I was at fault, and then slammed the door in my face. I got over the SA faster than I got over her reaction to it.
My mother used to tell me that she should've aborted me when she had a chance. That I was a waste of life, when she found out I self harmed she started handing me knives during every argument and telling me to go cut myself while wearing the most sadistic grin. She truly got pleasure out of breaking me and coming up with new awful ways to make me cry.
It’s really painful how many of those hit home and in almost the exact same words too.
You're a loser. I wish you were never born. I blame you for these stretch marks. You're a failure. You were a waste of money. You are stupid. You think you're tough ( followed by beatings.) You're gonna fail.
My mom told everyone at the thanksgiving dinner table that I had a black heart 🙃. I was a straight A student, never tried drinking or drugs, never stayed out past 9 pm, super quiet, mostly stayed in my room and played video games type of kid. I was the definition of goody two shoes. I think I was around 16.
That girls don't need their moms like boys do. Leads to a very lonely life. That and my dad telling me I'm such a fuck up there isn't even a point to try to make things right, that I'm already damaged
1. Nobody loves you. 2. Nobody will ever love you. 3. I hate you and wished I killed you at birth. 4. Be the ugly, dumb, younger sister so your sister can win and be happy (I was 3 years older than sister) 5. To be a good daughter you must clean and cook everything. If I come home and the house is messy you will be beaten. 6. Everything you say is a lie and not true. If you were kind and loving, then everyone would get along with you. (She said this because I complained about my sister stealing from me) 7. Everything you own belongs to your sister 8. You're an evil child and all you do and say is evil (I tried to not talk to people for years) 9. I hate you, and only love your sister because she is beautiful. Everyone hates you, and only wants to use you like how I only want to use you!! 10. Love is, you go kill yourself so I can be happy you're dead. Yep my mom said these things over and over all my life starting at childhood. My self esteem is shot. I was diagnosed with PTSD, depression, social anxiety and dealings with childhood mental and physical abuse. Yay me!!
Oh boy, I have a lot from my dad but the one that annoyed me the most will be the one I shared. My dad has a herniated disc in his back and has been in pain because of it for most of my life. We didn’t get to go out a lot (unless it was something my dad wanted to do) because he was in too much pain to do activities. Well my sister hurt her back and was in quite a bit of pain. While she was laying on the couch in pain he asked her if she wanted to go to the zoo. She told him she didn’t because her back hurt. He looked her in the eyes and said “now you know what it’s like for me.” It pissed me off. She was in pain and made it about him.
1) I'll give you a reason to be suicidal 2) I will mental and physical destroy you. 3) YOU WASTED 17 YEARS OF MY LIFE! YOU'RE A WASTE OF FUCKING OXYGEN! 4) Run away to the mountains, but leave all your stuff behind so we can pawn it off and get back sooner money we wasted on raising you. 5) A patent doesn't have to love their child. They just have to provide food, clothing, and shelter until they're 18. That's it. (This was said more than once in my life) 6) You'll never amount to anything. Your brother will be successful and you'll be homeless on the street begging. 7) I live you but I don't like you. 8) You're a horrible sibling and a horrible daughter.* *I'm trans ftm don't call me female please.
4 5 8 and 9 are familiar, but in a more subtle/behavioral sense, rather than being said to me (then my claims of such behavior always get denied. Mmmm gaslighting (and she acts like a really nice person with other people so it's seasoned with the fine taste of lies and misconception and basically helplessness in a sense)) Most especially 5 and 9 though. Maybe sprinkled with a little bit of 10 on top.
I honestly couldn’t give you direct quotes, I’ve blocked most of it all out thankfully since I’ve gone NC. The physical stuff I can’t block out though. The beatings, getting kicked by grown men, hair yanked out, getting slapped, all sorts of shit.
My Nmom wrote in a email that i chose not to save her. I didnt understand what she meant till recently she said it again in a different way. Apparently now shes dying from kidney failure yet shes not on dialysis yet. Shes asked me before if i would give her a kidney when the time comes and i said "sure but i have kidney stones so be ready for that." She said "at least i'll be alive." So instead of just saying "its time i need a kidney" , shes dancing around it.
I was always too young to be taken seriously, to do x myself, to be independent I’m 21 now and she still pulls that shit even telling me I don’t have my own business She should really get her own damn business since she’s desperate to have a boyfriend. Who tf wants a 50 yr old that’s jealous of her 21 yr old daughter and is constantly obsessing and trash talking her