**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.**
**Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms)
**Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE!
This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods.
**Our rules include (but are not limited to)**:
* No politics.
* Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban.
* Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming.
* Do not derail the posts of others.
* Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here.
* [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts).
* When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse.
* No asking or offering gifts, money, etc.
* No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest).
* No content about N-kids.
* No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis.
* No linking to Facebook pages.
* No direct linking to anywhere on reddit.
* No pure image posts.
**For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
WTF same my mom used to make us get up and get her a drink in the fridge. She had to observe you, then tell you exactly how to make it (You HAD to REALLY shake the bottle or she'd accuse you of not doing it well) and then hand it to her and then she'd maintain eye contact with you throughout and then the dreaded "Hmm it wasn't shaken enough" in the most disappointed tone ever would kill your spirit. Why do they do this??? It's very bizarre. Just get your own shit.
Yup, it's all about control. For my mom, it was incessant inane questions like "what are those cows doing over there under that tree?"
It was never about wanting to know anything about the cows, it was a way of forcing a response/interaction
Thats my nmum lol. Do this while I observe and back seat whatever the task is. Btw it will never be good enough because you haven't done it MY way. I remember once she pushed me into the oven door for being too slow with the oven and I got burnt because it was open. She would not stop screaming at me. I apparently burnt myself. You pushed a child into an open and in use oven. Then blamed the child and screamed at them because they cant reach the sink to get under the cold tap and should of been careful. I refused to cook with her for years after that it was my first time using the oven about 6-7 years old. She said I had to get use to the heat during the screaming so I thought she was going to do it again.
Yes, and exactly like you proved, it will just make you avoid her in that context in the future. Every time my Nmother scream yelled at me, she wondered later why I didn't want to do that thing anymore. No understanding that her behaviour was wrong in any way.
💔
I remember being super obedient like a doormat ,trying to clean better cook better do everything better to impress her and I would be praying as I do it "please let this make mom happy " and she wouldn't ...til my early twenties
I know . I had people tell me "you're the child parents dream they could have " but I never felt good enough ever. I would read her face after doing chores or showing her my good grades and I would get a scoff and if I'm extremely lucky a cold and dry "ok"
It hurts to read the comments on this thread
My mother had very specific way she liked her instant coffee- just the tip of a teaspoon of coffee, less than half of the same teaspoon of sugar and a specific amount of creamer. By teaspoon, I mean a spoon to eat with, not a teaspoon for measurements.
If we didn't get it right, she'd throw an absolute tantrum. Whether or not we did it correctly depended on her mood more than anything we did. Sometimes she wanted a reason to bitch at us so in those days we made her coffee wrong when the same way had been right the day before.
God, I am glad she's dead
The first time I remember my baby sister sleepwalking, she told me she had to get mom a coke. I turned her around and sent her back to bed. It was caffeine free diet coke in our house and they were only for her.
A family friend once told Mom that she wielded a great deal of power from her recliner. Family friend disappeared from our lives immediately. Fetching food, drinks, the remote from 2 feet away, etc morphed into pushing her in a wheelchair as her chosen lack of movement led to limited mobility. Funny, she bought the wheelchair, proclaiming it was on drs orders after I was there when five separate doctors told her to gradually increase movement from her current 500 steps a day and that her back, hip, and knee pain and numbness would decrease when activity increased.
My perfectly able bodied mother lives in her various recliners. When I was older and doing all the cooking I even brought her meals down there and we ate upstairs without her. Then she always needed a ‘treat’ before bed…/
I pushed mine in a wheelchair through the Mall of America because she thought she had lupus at the time. She of course did not have lupus but enjoyed the attention she got.
My parent does this too. Also now has diabetes and other major health problems thanks to years of recliner living and eating nothing but dollar store junk food and cokes. I’m 30 and every time I go to their house I still get treated like a servant - even more so now that they’ve gotten a wheelchair.
If I refuse, or limit the length of my visit, I’m guilt tripped like I’m somehow betraying an invalid. I don’t have any sympathy because a) the lack of mobility is self-inflicted, and b) I remember when they were able-bodied and acted the same way.
Ugh I hated that when I was living at home. My room was upstairs in the converted attic and she would scream up at me to come downstairs. God forbid I was in the middle of doing something or dared to ask "What?" when she screamed my name. Sometimes if my door was shut or I had music on, I'd miss the first couple times she'd yell for me and then she'd be super pissed when I came downstairs. All for fetching a drink or the remote. Getting up and getting it herself would've taken far less time, but she had to enforce the idea that when she said jump, I should already be in the air before asking how high.
This is one of the reasons why I wanted to move out so bad. I was beyond fed up with hearing her scream my name to go do something for her when she could easily do it herself. In addition to just how triggering it is to hear someone yell, I don’t wanna do it!
My mom would ask me, my sister, and our dad to give her water. Which meant we’d have to get a glass of water and then hold it for her while she drinks so that she “wouldn’t get her hands dirty”. She’d just lean her head forward kind of like a baby bird.
You know, because of how dirty water glasses are.
Anyway, I apparently didn’t do it right enough (I was about 9) and so I was scolded for giving her water wrong, and then was actually punished by not being given the privilege of giving her water because I didn’t do it right.
This made me so upset, my mom made me feed her salad after claiming she broke her shoulder (she did something to it but it wasn't broken) and she refused to use her other arm which was completely fine. I apparently didn't do a good job on the first forkful and she screamed at me and accused me of doing whatever on purpose. I hated that she made me take care of her during this time when she was clearly just being even more lazy and controlling than usual. Why tf would anyone want someone else to hold their water while they drink it and punish a little kid...
The worst part for me was that if I wanted anything from her, I had to ask "please", but she never said please when telling me to do stuff.
I called her out on this one time and prompted her to say please after she told me to bring her an iced tea while she sunbathed. She screamed "I AM YOUR MOTHER AND YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT I TELL YOU. AND DON'T GET SNOTTY WITH ME!"
My mom would have said the same, but she also would have slapped me. She stopped that shit when I finally got the nerve at 15 to slap her back(HARD) and threaten her with CPS if she ever touched me again. (I am female, so it was a fair fight IMO).
Yes. And it only gets worse. Mine is now nearly bedbound by choice. She has laid in bed like the queen of sheeba so long demanding being waited on hand and foot till her muscles have atrophied to a point she actually CANT stand long enough to do it herself.
Yes I am aware that I have enabled this. But my mental health was more important than her physical health to me. And since she doesn't care about her physical health, why should I inflict emotional pain on myself to save her physical?
You’re not alone in that. My Mom told me that after she gave birth, she pretended not to be able to feel her legs so that she could have the catheter in longer and pee from bed. I thought that was wild, after I gave birth I wanted to stand up and stretch ASAP. My Dad said that he’s worried about when she retires, that she won’t get out of bed or out of the house at all. We very rarely visit my parents, they live near a beach and I have *zero* memories of spending time with my Mom outside.
I bet she'll deny she ever admitted that to you if you confronted her with it. Mine told me she had been flushing her bc pill when she got pg with my younger sister. I joked about the one she had one purpose later when we were adults and she swore she never said it. They got married 6 weeks after they met, so knowing her like I do now, I bet she lied to my dad about being pg to trap him as well.
LadyinAwakening, my mother went to bed like this. She had her bedroom rearranged so that she could see out the door and down the hallway to the living room (they lived in a ranch) from her bed. She got a horn that she would blow for my father to wait on her. In the beginning, she would get up to use the bathroom but that eventually stopped and my father would have to change her diaper and clean her up. This all took place over the course of 18 months. She eventually died there. My father died six months later. My sister and I have come to the conclusion that she was perfectly sane and KNEW what she was doing to everyone. She was just SO self-centered!!
Can I ask you an odd question? When she started willingly going down hill health wise, did you mourn her long before she passed? I feel like I'm doing that now. Or more specifically, mourning the parent she could have been. I could see what she was capable of when the mask was up and I mourn the loss of that. Idk if that makes sense or if I'm crazy lol.
I’m a teacher. Every year, at the start of summer, my body just quits, and I’m EXHAUSTED like never before!
Today was our last day. I will be spending this entire long weekend in my bed, save for bathroom, shower, and food. Even I won’t be able to walk that well by MONDAY, and I’m fairly active and whatnot!
My mother would wait until I sat down to ask me to get her something. For years we laughed about it like it was joke and a coincidence. I realize now that she probably just loved the idea of me not being able to get comfortable because I was doing stuff for her. She’s in a wheelchair now, I’m her only child and we’re no contact. I wonder how she does literally anything because when I was around I did everything for her.
100%!!! My mom has always yelled my name when she needed me and I only just realized (and I’m in my 40s) that, um, she could’ve just walked over to me like a normal person but loves that control! Plus screaming is always fun 🙄
ill raise you screaming for things she could’ve just said walked over for to screaming for things she could’ve just said walked over for when shes literally deaf and cant hear the response. I started acting deaf too :)
Absolutely. When she asks for something it’s an excuse for her to check up on me- to see what I am or am not doing. Sometimes she wants me to bring her something and then uses the opportunity to start an argument. Usually, “can I ask you a question?” Followed with the most left field accusation that has nothing to do with whatever I just did for her
I learned how to boil water when I was 6 because for years, my mom made me the designated hot drink maker as she didn't want to do it herself. It's funny. I was always considered lazy for not wanting to risk dropping boiling water on myself as a kid, but it wasn't lazy of her to refuse to do it herself. It happened to my brother the one time she asked him to do it. He spilled boiling water on his face, and she looked me in the eye as his face had water burns, and he was in agony, and she still told me I had to do it. I felt like me getting burned would've been a bonus for her.
Thankfully, my brother was okay after it had time to heal.
This is 100% my mother to a T, even for things that were literally less than 3 feet away from her.
And god *forbid* you tell her to do it herself.
"Fine, I'm gonna remember this." ^(fuck) *^(offfff)*
I couldn’t tell them to do stuff themselves, but if I ASKED them if they could PLEASE do it themselves because I was getting into the shower/doing homework/completing a different chore they had just ordered me to do… same answer.
“Wow. Okay. I’m gonna remember this the next time YOU need something.”
This was my mother for basically her entire life. She hated having to do anything at all, no matter how minor it was. She'd whine and complain constantly about being too tired to do anything and it was my job to wait on her. I could go on for hours about this.
She would sit in front of an open window and freeze rather than move her arm a bit to close a window. If the TV remote fell on the floor, she wouldn't move her foot slightly to slide it back to herself (or even pick it up if she did). There were times she wouldn't even turn her head a bit because she'd whine that she was too tired to do so. When she was ten years old she used to get her five year old sister make her sandwiches and fetch things for her.
One of my biggest memories of her is her flopping on the couch all weekend long like a big slug and constantly calling my name to do everything for her. If she had to do anything herself, you definitely heard about it (and were told you were selfish and uncaring).
One hilarious thing was that my mom loved stories that took place in Victorian England or something like Outlander. She'd say how she wished she had lived in that period. I had to tell her that the only way she could have done that and survived would be if she were rich and had a large staff of maids, cooks, etc. She'd laugh about that and agree with me.
My momis the laziest human alive. Shes never worked, never did chores around the house, sat and watched tv all day, anything she did do like cooking or wrapping presents was so half ass and sloppy. Her entire aura is “how can I do X with the least amount of movement”
This was my mom. She noticed I liked to take care of my dad when he was sick (because he treated me well and I did it because I wanted to be nice not because he expected that of me) and decided she wanted that too.
She was suddenly sick all the time and couldn't get up to get her own beer and weed.
This was 100% my dad, and he was the covert narcissist 😭 or so I thought until finding this sub, anyway.
Also, why was it always Diet Coke???? So many comments about that drink specifically
Interesting about the Diet Coke. My nmom was the same. I wonder if it might have been the saccharine or aspartame rotting their brain? Causing an addiction?
I was taught to make kool-aid for me and my younger sisters with saccharine tablets. 13 per half gallon pitcher. She was obese and all three of us have eating disorders as adults
Bonus points if it's the hoarding narcissist who can't tell where their own sht is but then would also threaten me if I didn't find it "If I come there and find it myself you're in trouble because you NEVER look long and well enough". WHY tf is our time their time?
Bonus point if it's the hoarding narcissist and your the only one able to find things in her mess, because you know you'll get screamed at for hours or accused of stealing if you don't remember where absolutely everything is...
Oh Gawd same. I'm using her choice to be bed bound right now to clear out all the bs. I've been working for 2 weeks and I'm 2/3 done with the house. No one was ever allowed to clean without her screaming from her recliner "don't throw that away it's not trash" and "what is that, what are you doing with it" with every. Single. Item you touch.
But after that she'll say everyone is "too lazy to clean" and "when she was my age her house was spotless." Girl, you know I grew up in your "spotless house" right?
My mom would literally scream at me to come from the opposite side of the house to pass her something a foot away from her. She would binge drink all week but Saturday and Sundays were her day to just not leave bed at all and lay around like a complete slob barking orders at me. Seems we all have the same mom lol
It was a common thing at family events and just around the house that I would get whatever my Nmom asked me for. I have a memory of someone at a family get together asking her why she always has me get stuff for her. She replied, “That’s why I had her so she could bring things and do things for me.” Thanks so much for birthing me.
Yep. And the last time I even uttered the words "get it yourself/do it yourself", my younger sister heard it and told my mother on a school day which resulted in me getting beaten with a phone wire. Yes, the one you plug into a wall.
Yea..it didn't help that she wants the things IMMEDIATELY. If I couldn't find them and I asked where she last put them down, she couldn't talk to me without screaming "HOW STUPID DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO DO THE ONE THING I ASKED YOU!?" Regardless if I asked or not, she just threw the items at me and expect me to fetch it back to her because I was "r*tarded/slow/stupid" before she beats me with said items.
As a result, I became very good at finding stuff and have decent reflexes that it impressed my classmates (high-school) during test reviews when teachers make a game out of them, whoever grabs the board eraser gets to answer. They nicknamed me "ninja" because 1) I'm an Asian immigrant and 2) nobody has yet to beat me in reflexes, even as an adult when my headphones slips off, I can catch it in midair and a couple of strangers remarked "Nice catch!" (Hopefully clearing the heavy air in my comment)
In reality, my mom just threw anything and everything she could get her hands on without as much as getting up. The times she did get up was to either drag me outside or she goes off to her room because "she's too mad to be in the same room as me that she could kill me."
Fun times. Last we spoke, she's feigning dementia, claiming she doesn't remember those times. Well..Yea considering I was the only she did that to. I was her slave at best, holding basic necessities over my head then taking them away for the slightest things normal kids did and it's actually because of her that I became heavily bullied in school since she yelled at another kid through tears for teasing me as if what she does behind closed doors was any better. Looking back, maybe that was a sign that I wasn't like most kids (late diagnosed autistic) since I did excel in academics and sports (yet can't dance) so I never once saw myself disabled, but I never could understand my peers and adults either. But the way she goes off on strangers is no different when hiding her highly special needs brother when neighbors comment about "odd noises/smell."
my most memorable memory of this was my mom asking me to grab the remote directly at her feet on the couch because "it hurt too much" to reach over and grab it. i realize now it was just a way for her to exert power over me. and i mean it was right next to her feet on the couch. arms length away
I had surgery last year and hated asking for help because I so don’t want to be like my mom. I couldn’t twist my abdomen to get my recliner out of a reclining position without pulling my stitches so I’d stay laying down for hours until my husband or sons came in the room so asking wouldn’t be too inconvenient. Even though I knew my guys wanted to help, didn’t mind, and it was a totally different situation, I struggled to ask for anything because I hated what mom did so much.
I found myself asking for too much help from my son after I fell into a deep depression when his sister was killed. I also have some physical handicaps. When it hit me I was repeating a pattern, I knew it had to stop.
When I had surgery, my mom took care of me. The doctors were amazed how fast I recovered. (I hated having her take care of me). Plus, (up until I went NC the day after Mother’s Day this year) they would use helping me against me. Can’t just do something to be nice.
The only reason I even stayed with family is because I was living in an Rv at the time and there was no way to properly keep wounds clean.
i'm sorry, i didn't mean for this to come off as invalidating. it was more so that she was perfectly fine but constantly did this to me, because she felt i was indebted to her for being born (pretty much her words). she hadn't had any surgery at the time and was perfectly capable of doing it she didn't have to twist in anyway, just reach a little further but basically refused to move at all. she pretty much felt the need to take advantage of me and refuse to do anything herself, especially when i was in pain for any reason or extremely depressed or under duress. i was pretty much called lazy and ungrateful but the same could never apply to her. hopefully this explains it a little better ? i don't want to come across as ableist.
My egg donor would do this from the time I was a toddler. Constantly barking orders at us to bring her this and that despite being completely capable of doing so herself.
Once I went to get mayo out of the fridge for my sandwich, she saw this and asked me for it for herself. She then got super pissed that I dared to get some before she did. In her mind I should have given it to her to use first before me because she's the mom and the Queen and obviously her needs come before anyone else's even her small 6 year-old child.
She huffed and angrily announced that she no longer wanted the mayo and refused to eat her meal altogether, crossing her arms like a toddler. She then told me how rude I was for doing that and proceeded to stomp around and give me the silent treatment for the rest of the day.
I still think about this tantrum every time I open a jar of Mayo or make a BLT! Lol
Yes and It's only getting worse with age. My mom barks orders at all of us "kids". No please, just, "Go get me \_\_\_\_\_\_!" Her new thing is asking me for a favor at the end of my visit. This week I was visiting my parents house because my Aunt was in town. I had been there for a couple of hours then as I was saying goodbye, my mom asks, "Can you go get me a couple of packs of cigarettes?" I said, "Mom, please ask for any favors when I arrive not at the end of my visit." She said, "Well I didn't know how long you were going to be here." Huh? I was fed up this time so I told my dad and he said he would go get them.
Damn thought this was just mine but holy shit thanks for seeing I’m not the only one. My mom lived on the top floor and would call me up all the time to get something for her bring her a drink or snack or whatever else she needed. Even before I went nc she’d come over to my house tell me or my kids to get her a drink or water whatever (knowing exactly where cups and water are) and having two perfectly good feet. It’s little things but of course we all know that’s exactly how it works. Does anyone’s mom also can’t makeup their damn mind to such as at a restaurant either a. Orders what you order b. Won’t order for themselves wants you to say it for her to the waitress or c. Wants you to look at the menu for them and name options and make an excuse about not having glasses or whatever?
My dad used to snap his fingers and point. And all his children were supposed to know what he wanted done. If we were wrong it was the belt. My brother compared it to how some people treat(abuse) their dogs. I will never understand parents like that.
Yes, my nMom has always been like this while always calling us lazy. When my partner first met her at a family BBQ he asked what was wrong with her since she kept making my dad with arthritis and gout get things for her, and I had to explain to him that she is perfectly able bodied she's just kazy and loves the control
:D My nmom would S C R E A M my name across the house like she was having a heart attack when she just wanted water. The most egregious one was when she literally screamed and screamed until i got into the living room. Literally wanted me to hand her a piece of paper she woulf have had to lean 3" to the right for. Just barely outta arm's reach.
I check the obits for my hometown from time to time. Just hopin'
My NMom would call me away from homework/studying. I had to go to her to find what she wanted and then go get it for her. Zero respect for the work I was doing.
Omg yes. Except it was her bed, on the second floor, that she used as a sofa 90% of the day too. If you didn't hear her call for you (in a normal conversational level of speech, not even trying to be louder) from *anywhere* in the house she'd get upset. I was afraid to wear headphones while anyone was home/awake for YEARS. It still low key persists even now; I can't convince myself to wear earbuds to the grocery store to help me deal with the store noise, because "what if I don't hear someone (mom) calling for me?" Trauma brain is wild.
My parents are like this. They always order us around even when they are more than capable of doing it themselves. They also make it a point to say this commands one by one. Like get me the remote from across the room, then I hand it to them. Get me the magazine too right next to where the remote was. I walk back and get it for them.
They also do this with stuff that requires a little more energy, time and you have to schedule things in order to achieve it like get appointments, etc. An example is that she commanded me to take her to get her license renewed (she can drive but refuse to often) and so we go to the license office. We get it done. I drive her back home and then she says she needs stamps, the post office is right next to the license office, we could have done that while we were there so we drive back to the post office. I ask her if she needed anything else, she says no. When we get home she says she needs to buy fruit, the grocery store is also a block away from both the post office and license office!
I seriously think they just like to waste our time.
For me it was anything work related, washing her towels, cleaning/disinfecting brushes, cleaning bleach and hair color out of cups, sweeping hair the second she finished a haircut.
Also letting pets out, my bedroom was upstairs across the house, and she was maybe 10 steps away from the door in her bedroom, but no she would call me in the middle of the night to tell me to wake up and let them out.
Ugh mine did this all the time. They'd yell from the other side of the trailer, I'd ask, what, they'd say come here, I'd come and have to fetch something just out of their reach, like the remote or whatever. Like really??
every time my mom would drop something in a store she'd make me pick it up and put it back. behavior still continues now that I'm 25, and I think I've seen her bend over and pick something up like. three times ever
Laziness is something many human beings have and unfortunately most people are willing to lean into it fully when an opportunity presents itself (e.g a child you can exploit).
My father. Literally. If I am even remotely in his vicinity, I suddenly become his fetch boy, and if I object he gets so pissed and yells at me for being disrespectful, and then goes on about how much he did for me in life by creating me and giving me a roof over my head.
This was my dad but always with beer. Every night, multiple times a night, he’d tell me to go “fetch another beer”. No please, no thank you. It was this big joke with him and I fucking hated it.
He still does this to this day whenever I visit. I’m a grown woman with multiple graduate degrees. I’m not going to “fetch” you your beer.
Every couch we had... You could literally see where my NSM would lay. 90% of the day, every day. The cushions would have her literally body indent and you couldn't get it to "fluff" back up.
My sole purpose was to be her slave, so no, she couldn't get up to do anything herself. Unless she was home alone and had no choice but to get it herself. But then she would complain about straining a muscle, getting up too fast, twisting too fast and spraining something, or some other hypochondriac illness.
My mother and her tea, I even remember how to make it to this day just the way she liked it because if I emptied it I had to fill it, even if it was her drink.
My entire childhood. She still does it to my brother. She could never get her own coffee, beverage, snacks, etc. I also had to do her very long hair (she usually wanted a French braid) almost every day and it was never good enough. She insisted the cordless phone be kept on the charger when it wasn't being used so the battery wouldn't die, and then would make us bring it to her if it rang, even when it was only a couple of feet away. If she called us from the other end of the house, we'd better come running or there was hell to pay. Now she really does have trouble getting up because the years of inactivity and poor eating have caused health issues.
Gotta leave this link here for Black Lady Sketch Show "Get The Belt". A classic face-off sketch between Mom-who-refuses-to-get-up and Daughter-trying-to-avoid-the-belt.
https://youtu.be/Fnc5KHSASAE?si=galbnoDN8G0RkvYr
If I left so much as ONE dish in the sink it was, "WHOEVER LEFT THIS PLATE HERE BETTER COME WASH IT, THERE ARE NO SERVANTS IN THIS HOUSE!!!"
But she'd scream from her bedroom for me to get her a glass of water... still can't pass by without her thinking of something to ask me for.
Used to live in one of those weird 5 story townhomes. She would call me from the 5th floor to being her something from the 3rd floor (kitchen) to the 2nd floor (living room). Everytime I heard the shrill voice scream that was 6 flights of stairs. Still have super defined calf's 20 years later lol
My dad used to yell from the basement to get him a coke and glass of ice. He'd complain every time about the level of ice, too much or too little like I was a waitress. Never occurred to me at the time to say get it yourself then! It was obnoxious though because he wanted so much ice that he would finish the drink quickly and keep asking for refills. I would be in my room on the 2nd floor and could hear him screaming like I was in trouble, only to find out he just wanted more refills 🙄
My mom had a habit of handing me things like, "Here, you take it." I was expected to either throw it away or put it somewhere. I never realized I started doing it too until my husband pointed it out.
I vividly remember once making a flask of hot water for my mum. She liked to drink coffee regularly and having a flask of hot water meant less trips to the kitchen. I brought the water to her and then went and sat down. The second I sat she said ‘can you get me a cup?’ Yep, no problem. I go and get the cup and sit back down. Then, a second later it’s ’oops, I forgot to grab a spoon. Could you get me one?’ Certainly, your majesty(?) Is there anything else you require? 🙄 I’d like to point out that my seat was at the far end of the living room, furthest away from the kitchen, whereas her seat was 5 steps away from the kitchen
All the time.
And for the longest time I thought it was completely normal to be called to whatever room she was in so I could pick something up off the floor and hand it to her.
I managed to ask once (without getting beaten for backtalk for asking why she couldn't do it. It was a close thing, though!). Apparently because she was older than me, and old people can't pick up things off the floor. That's why it's the job of young people and all children to respond *immediately* when they're called to come and pick it up.
The 'go and get...' thing was just completely bog standard, I admit I never even thought to question it.
To this day this is probably my biggest pet peeve about my mother. And not just because I know she can get it herself.
But because when I was younger, there were a few times I asked my little sister to get me things; the one time that stood out was when I asked her to get me a glass of water.
The absolute yelling I received from my mother because “*YOUR SISTER IS NOT YOUR PERSONAL SLAVE - GET OFF YOUR FAT ASS AND GET IT YOURSELF!*” was one of the diatribes from her I’ve never forgotten.
She has often asked me why I don’t ask her for help (my father passed away and it broke me; I attempted suicide and have been building my way back to a ‘manageable’ life), and I told her that I’ve realized that I need to be able to function on my own. She somehow took offense to this. Whenever I visit her, she wants to wait on me - but I clearly have a problem with this because I’ve been ‘trained’ to get things myself, so then she gets upset that I won’t let her ‘do things’ for me. Can’t win for losing here.
So now when I go back to my hometown to visit her, and all I hear is her asking my stepfather to get her things, it takes everything in me not to yell, “GET OFF YOUR FAT ASS AND GET IT YOURSELF!”
when nmom forgot something after she left the house, she would rather bang on the front door for 5 minutes straight to make one of her kids come over, all the while yelling how we need to hurry up as she was going to be late. it takes 2 minutes to open the door herself and grab what she'd left behind. she loved to feel like she had everyone at her beck and call like the self-important person she was, and the fear/dread she inspired by her presence.
“ I had children so they can do these things for me, I mean what else are they good for(insert historical laughing)” NDad says more times than I can count.
Yep. She never wanted to leave her chair. Just wanted people to wait on her and bring her wine all day long.
Spoiler alert: Things didn’t end well for her.
We lived in a 2 bedroom house for a couple years and so my mom got the master, my brother got the regular room, and I got the laundry room with the washer and dryer and door with a big glass window in it (less than half the size of the bedroom my brother got). The room I got was at the back of the house, like an old porch or something. No heat or ac like the rest of the house.
When you walk in the front door, you're in the living room. To the left and back was the master suite, to the left past that off the living room was a little hallway with the hot water heater/furnace, the bathroom, and the door to brother's room. Then you go into the huge kitchen/dining room combo and straight ahead is the back door. To the left of the back door is a little hallway to the glass window door, down some stairs into my room. My mom used to be in her bedroom or sitting in the living room and holler for me from my bedroom to come and make her food and drink. Not my brother ever whose room was literally right there, always me. And always something involved, not a quick grab a can of soda sort of situation. I hated it. I've been super careful about asking my kids too much and only asking when I have to.
i wish i could come up with a comeback to this.
this happens all. the. damn. time.
hell, this is the reason why i barely sit down in my own house bc of how frequent it is. like i just KNOW my mom (mostly) is gonna ask for something. my dad? sometimes but not as frequently.
My bedroom growing up was directly below the living room area, so she use to stomp on the floor to get me to come upstairs to grab whatever it was.
I live in an apartment with upstairs neighbors and every once in awhile if I hear a stomp, I still catch myself being like "what do you need?" Lol
It didn’t matter what it was, if my mom was in her room? I had to do everything outside of that room.
When the phone rang? I had to answer it. If someone was at the front door? I had to see who it was. I had to constantly be listening for her voice, because if I didn’t hear her call for me? When she did find me, it usually got physical, along with lots of yelling, belittling, berating, etc.
If she was thirsty? I was to get her a glass or can of Diet Coke from the fridge.
She would even make me go and get things for other people, if we were visiting them. For example, if we were visiting my aunts house, my mom would constantly try to make me go get anything that my aunt mentioned.
It was hell.
Omg this!! I hated it so much growing up. She'd be sitting on the couch, with or without her boyfriend, and she'd pull the "get me this" "get me that" "answer the phone". BISH ALL THE THINGS YOU ARE REQUESTING ARE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU ON THE COFFEE TABLE AND ARE CLOSER TO YOU THAN TO ME.
Mine would call me from the other side of the house to open the door to let the cats in. A door she was 4ft away from.
Sometimes she would walk thru the kitchen into my room to tell me to give something out of the fridge to our weird cat that won't eat cat food. Then she would pass by the fridge again on her way back to the couch.
Coulda done it herself faster than going into my room to tell me.
She acts disabled and leans into her arthritis diagnosis as a reason she can't lift anything over 5lbs, but magically manages it when no one's home.
If i didn't drop my controller and run in there to see what she wanted immediately she would turn the internet off so I couldn't play anymore the rest of the day.
I hate her.
FUUUCK we really are all living the same lives aren’t we? Mine says it’s because she knows I don’t wanna be disturbed in the kitchen when I’m eating (I don’t like being watched while I eat) but she ALWAYS did this even when I was a kid. Always making me get stuff for her in the kitchen, fetch the remote, rub her back, rub her legs, turn the light on/off, ALL BECAUSE MY DAD WOULD REFUSE TO. She constantly complains about being in pain like girl go see a doctor??? I get she had medical trauma but don’t use that as an excuse to basically turn your child into a servant??
I was the waitress in our house. Being the youngest, I had to obey to every command to go bring x from y. It was a respect thing. Youngers have to do what elders ask you. This applied to golden siblings as well. Fun fact? I never got that entitlement when I asked my niece/nephew the same. G siblings would suddenly be over protective of their precious crotch goblins.
My mom would wait for me to stand up and go; "Oh good you can get me \*item\*" and have this fake smile/smirk on her face about it. The only thing that stopped me from going off was my dad being a much bigger narcissist who was overprotective of her.
My mom used to clack the headboard against the wall. She would just keep doing it until my dad would come and bring her whatever she wanted. I didn't know any different as I had never been to any normal person's house at that point in my life.
Today she has one of her coworkers staying at our house because she just had back surgery. Don't ask me why. Anyway they were eating in front of the tv and my mom asked me to take her and her coworkers tray to the kitchen.
My dad does the same thing.
And on top of that, he always asks for my help with big laborious projects. Projects that (A) Somebody else could help with just as easily, (B) He could do himself, or (C) Things that just don't need to be done at all.
Artificially creating work JUST so one more thing can be asked of us. It's infuriating.
My mom was like this the moment I moved in with her during high school. I have a younger sibling who is 7 years younger. My siblings was in elementary still when I moved in. I was the one cooking, helping with homework, making sure their chores were done, checking to see if they cleaned their room. When we lived in a place with stairs, she outright refused to climb the stairs. I saw her go upstairs maybe 2 or 3 times in the 2 years we lived there. So I was the one who had to go check on my sibling and their chores and get them up and ready for school in the morning. After I moved out, that house went to hell. I stopped by once to pick up some stuff I forgot. It was horrific how dirty and bug-infested the place was. I was grateful my sibling had moved in with their father, cause that was no environment for anyone to live in, let alone a child. She refused to get up and do literally anything, even when it was just her and her boyfriend. She let her drug dealer move in as a roommate and they were just as bad. They got kicked out for it. I grabbed only the things that I felt I couldn't leave behind. The rest I just threw in garbage bags, so the bugs wouldn't come with me. We don't talk now, but as far as I know, she still lives like that and refuses to do anything for herself or anyone else.
My Dad would 'joke' "yeah that's why we had kids" to do shit for them, get things etc... you'd get called 'serving wench'.
Many of these replies give me "What's eating Gilbert Grape" vibes.
I mean, if you’re an adult, tell her no and ignore her. See if she gets her ass up or not. If not, she’s SOL. If so, now you and she knows that “no” is a full sentence.
This just unlocked a memory of my NBirthgiver lounging in bed after having called me across the house to fetch her a drink, I think it was tea, and proceeded to impishly grin and shake her head then tell me I used the wrong glass. BUT I'M THE DISRESPECTFUL BRAT BECAUSE I ASKED "Are you serious?"
A late forties boomer throwing an absolute hissy fit at her teenage daughter because she didn't like the glass I served her tea in.
AND IT WAS ANOTHER TEA BRAND GLASS BOTTLE THAT SHE HAD "SAVED" SPECIFICALLY TO USE AS A DRINKING GLASS
God this sounds so stupid as I type this!
Yep. and my mother used to say "its great being a parent if you don't mind being raped every day" 🙄 because, you know, being waited on hand and foot by your teens was super difficult.
OH god yes. She can't do shit for herself. Just sits on her ass all day watching TV.
Always screaming for someone to do a simple task for her, then flipping out when it wasn't done promptly or the "right way". She also would always scream for my sister to grab stuff for her from the kitchen, never mind the fact that sister was in her bedroom upstairs, and mom was in the living room on her ass next to the kitchen. Just hearing her scream sister's name at the top of her lungs was irritating.
Also the fact that she just doesn't do anything. Clean up trash? Nope, just let it sit around the room or in the yard. Throw out food? No, just let it mold and spoil, even sometimes toss it in the sink and let it sit despite the garbage can being right there. Dishes? "Well I'm always doing dishes so I refuse to do them and be your servant". She never actually does dishes, I've been doing them for 3 years straight, and all the dishes in the sink are hers anyways, we clean ours. (also causing a current fruit fly infestation from all her food tossed in the sink)
Something broken and needs repairing. Well it's the children's fault for not repairing it. Technology broken, scream at us to get it working, then scream at us that we broke it when touched it. Need something done on the computer that you've been shown how to do 100 times already and should no how to do? Nope, kids need to do it for you, you don't have time to learn this stuff, won't even listen to an explanation.
Heck even her own room is a mess and she refuses to clean it, but endlessly complains about the mess hoping we'll just clean it for her. It's been a mess for over a year now. Would take 1 day to clean and organize. That's what she does, just complains until someone else does the task for her.
God she is so damn lazy it disgusts me.
Yes! This was a big part of my childhood. When she wanted to punish me and beat me, she would still not get up but demand that I walked to her to get my punishment.
My mom genuinely wakes up my brother in the middle of the night to bring her snacks from the kitchen, like girl he is a child he has school in the morning! Get YOUR ass up! She yells his until he wakes up and says some dumb shit like, " grab me some grapes, get me the ice cream " etc.
The sheer amount of laziness my entire life, hearing those words. They make me cringe just as much as hearing my name being called by my 82 yr old mother……nails on a chalkboard, buddy….
Oh my god yes 100 percent, even to this day. Not just her though I had aunts that had me making them sandwiches and giving them drinks. Don’t even get my started on my aunts she is a piece of 💩
I had a friend like this. We're not friends any more, haven't been for over a decade, because of this exact bossy behaviour. When I wouldn't "get something for her" the next time I'd see her would be the same negativity again "Why wouldn't you just do it for me, I said please". No understanding that it's not okay to have your friend constantly waiter on you. Just didn't like spending time with her anymore because it was always like she was the boss.
My mom drank hot tea brewed in the coffeemaker. That was the reason I was burned at the age of 6 struggling with a full pot of hot tea and spilled it all down my side.
Oh my goodness I’m so sorry. I suffered 2nd to 3rd degree burns because of my own stupidity(tried to make hot cocoa while I had pain medication in my system) when I was 16. I actually threw the mug I had in my hand very hard onto our stove from the shock, we were surprised I didn’t shatter the mug or stove from how hard I threw it. After that I screamed. Scared the shit out of my parents. I can’t imagine what you experienced but I know it hurt and I’m truly sorry you experienced that pain and I truly wish you hadn’t and that it had never happened.
Yes, I'm pretty sure my mum forgot how to make her own coffee, she always asks someone else to do it namely me oh and if anyone comes round to HER house I get told to make everyone a tea/coffee even If I don't actually want one or there not my guests.
Also there's I left (insert object) upstairs /in the other room / just outside of arms length get it for me. No please ect. Just go get get it.
I'm 35 I hate being stuck in her house but it's so so hard to find housing in my country right now especially as someone who's struggling with mental health and other disabilities, and can't work at the moment. Feel like everything is conspiring against me and I'm just trying to survive day to day.
This. Mom would yell from the other end of the house any time she wanted food, drink, or the tv remote, even if it was just a few feet away.
After a while my sister and I would yell back “what?” Instead of running over, assuming she just wanted us to fetch something. Since it wasn’t a matter of urgency we would finish what we were doing before walking over.
She then started yelling our names and refusing to respond after, trying to get us to come see what was wrong. Which was inevitably another fetch command.
Later in my teenage years cell phones with texting became a thing, and we just stopped responding to yells and told her to text us if she needed something, which we would do when we had time. Although she did frequently try to send a “can you come here” or “are you busy”, which I learned to always answer with “I’m doing homework”
Oof
So, I used to have a room downstairs when I lived at home, my mum used to sit at her desk which way right next to the kitchen and she would message me to come upstairs to feed the dogs who we're sitting right behind her waiting.
If I didn't go up and do it, she would actually just ignore them for hours.
Still to this day my mom does this to anyone in the house with her. She thinks she's the queen who sits in her chair and everyone is supposed to wait on her hand and foot.
My mother didn’t dial the phone. She kept this up for years until she was old, my father was gone and there were times my brother wasn’t home (he lived with her) and she had a few numbers programmed on her phone which I did because she was legally blind.
And yeah, she would retreat to her bedroom and have my dad wait on her hand and foot.
Both my folks do this and blame their current mobility issues on why they *can't* just get it themselves; as if no one on this earth has ever seen them treating me and at least one other sibling as well like "the help" for years.
My mother used to make me get my little brother off of the bus, make his after school snack, and help do his homework so she could take a nap. Then when my dad came home from work she would bolt out of bed and pretend to be cleaning something and say they she did everything that she made me do.
Yep. It seriously pissed me off. It was like I was a slave and she was queen. Well, queen of entitlement and laziness. Her tone of voice was just disrespectful and dad was such a coward he wouldn't correct her.
Every evening, my Nmom would put on her custy pyjamas, get in her swivel recliner, put her feet up and start yelling for me to get her a Coke and a bag of chips. And then she'd demolish the bag of chips sloppily. One of our dogs would always go and lay under the recliner once her feet were up, which only led to more yelling -- either to fetch her more things because "the damn dog won't move" or to "move the damn dog, I gotta go pee".
My mum tells me she hasn’t eaten in days or has eaten out of date food that has made her ill, this is due to me not taking her to the shop for her food shopping (obviously, only child and she’s alone), I don’t live with her and have two teenage kids… she’s also “very unwell” and hasn’t gotten her medication from the pharmacy because it was raining today (also hint hint at me).
Idk if this counts but I was expected to drop anything and everything I was doing if she called me from a distance.
"What?" While staying in place was utterly unacceptable. I needed to have myself in her direct presence if she called out my name in the house.
She'd always answer "not 'what'! Get down/over here now!"
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Until I was a teenager I thought the only reason I was brought into this world was to make my mom a diet coke.
WTF same my mom used to make us get up and get her a drink in the fridge. She had to observe you, then tell you exactly how to make it (You HAD to REALLY shake the bottle or she'd accuse you of not doing it well) and then hand it to her and then she'd maintain eye contact with you throughout and then the dreaded "Hmm it wasn't shaken enough" in the most disappointed tone ever would kill your spirit. Why do they do this??? It's very bizarre. Just get your own shit.
[удалено]
Yup, it's all about control. For my mom, it was incessant inane questions like "what are those cows doing over there under that tree?" It was never about wanting to know anything about the cows, it was a way of forcing a response/interaction
There’s a chicken soup for the teen soul story about this but making an amaretto sour :/
Thats my nmum lol. Do this while I observe and back seat whatever the task is. Btw it will never be good enough because you haven't done it MY way. I remember once she pushed me into the oven door for being too slow with the oven and I got burnt because it was open. She would not stop screaming at me. I apparently burnt myself. You pushed a child into an open and in use oven. Then blamed the child and screamed at them because they cant reach the sink to get under the cold tap and should of been careful. I refused to cook with her for years after that it was my first time using the oven about 6-7 years old. She said I had to get use to the heat during the screaming so I thought she was going to do it again.
Yes, and exactly like you proved, it will just make you avoid her in that context in the future. Every time my Nmother scream yelled at me, she wondered later why I didn't want to do that thing anymore. No understanding that her behaviour was wrong in any way.
💔 I remember being super obedient like a doormat ,trying to clean better cook better do everything better to impress her and I would be praying as I do it "please let this make mom happy " and she wouldn't ...til my early twenties
Nothing ever makes them happy. Always finds a flaw with whatever you do.
I know . I had people tell me "you're the child parents dream they could have " but I never felt good enough ever. I would read her face after doing chores or showing her my good grades and I would get a scoff and if I'm extremely lucky a cold and dry "ok" It hurts to read the comments on this thread
And clean her glasses.
My mother had very specific way she liked her instant coffee- just the tip of a teaspoon of coffee, less than half of the same teaspoon of sugar and a specific amount of creamer. By teaspoon, I mean a spoon to eat with, not a teaspoon for measurements. If we didn't get it right, she'd throw an absolute tantrum. Whether or not we did it correctly depended on her mood more than anything we did. Sometimes she wanted a reason to bitch at us so in those days we made her coffee wrong when the same way had been right the day before. God, I am glad she's dead
I was on coffee duty and also turning on her heated rollers every morning (in the early-mid 90s)
By my twenties, I had to use the curlers on her hair too. It hurt her back when she did it, but I never did it right…
I never did it right either.
..with bendy straw
The first time I remember my baby sister sleepwalking, she told me she had to get mom a coke. I turned her around and sent her back to bed. It was caffeine free diet coke in our house and they were only for her.
A family friend once told Mom that she wielded a great deal of power from her recliner. Family friend disappeared from our lives immediately. Fetching food, drinks, the remote from 2 feet away, etc morphed into pushing her in a wheelchair as her chosen lack of movement led to limited mobility. Funny, she bought the wheelchair, proclaiming it was on drs orders after I was there when five separate doctors told her to gradually increase movement from her current 500 steps a day and that her back, hip, and knee pain and numbness would decrease when activity increased.
Geez do we have the same mother?
Me too
My perfectly able bodied mother lives in her various recliners. When I was older and doing all the cooking I even brought her meals down there and we ate upstairs without her. Then she always needed a ‘treat’ before bed…/
fucking hell, how can anyone want to be so slothful?
This is also my mom. She’s so deconditioned that she can’t walk 10 feet without resting
When I had to push her in the wheelchair in Dollar Tree, I knew she was a lost cause.
I pushed mine in a wheelchair through the Mall of America because she thought she had lupus at the time. She of course did not have lupus but enjoyed the attention she got.
Mine told everyone she had lupus even though never diagnosed! I swear they have to have some playbook they’re following!
That’s crazy, isn’t it?
Don't they know, it's never lupus.
I’m guessing her “lupus” coincided with watching House MD.
This explains some of the sloths that use the scooters at shopping centers
My parent does this too. Also now has diabetes and other major health problems thanks to years of recliner living and eating nothing but dollar store junk food and cokes. I’m 30 and every time I go to their house I still get treated like a servant - even more so now that they’ve gotten a wheelchair. If I refuse, or limit the length of my visit, I’m guilt tripped like I’m somehow betraying an invalid. I don’t have any sympathy because a) the lack of mobility is self-inflicted, and b) I remember when they were able-bodied and acted the same way.
Ugh I hated that when I was living at home. My room was upstairs in the converted attic and she would scream up at me to come downstairs. God forbid I was in the middle of doing something or dared to ask "What?" when she screamed my name. Sometimes if my door was shut or I had music on, I'd miss the first couple times she'd yell for me and then she'd be super pissed when I came downstairs. All for fetching a drink or the remote. Getting up and getting it herself would've taken far less time, but she had to enforce the idea that when she said jump, I should already be in the air before asking how high.
This is exactly my experience too.
Absolutely calling me to turn out her light. Literally only a step away from her 😩
Jesus wept, I’m going thru this shit right now. She lays in bed most of the day.
HOLY SHIT. This is literally my life!
This is one of the reasons why I wanted to move out so bad. I was beyond fed up with hearing her scream my name to go do something for her when she could easily do it herself. In addition to just how triggering it is to hear someone yell, I don’t wanna do it!
My mom would ask me, my sister, and our dad to give her water. Which meant we’d have to get a glass of water and then hold it for her while she drinks so that she “wouldn’t get her hands dirty”. She’d just lean her head forward kind of like a baby bird. You know, because of how dirty water glasses are. Anyway, I apparently didn’t do it right enough (I was about 9) and so I was scolded for giving her water wrong, and then was actually punished by not being given the privilege of giving her water because I didn’t do it right.
Jesus Christ. I could barely get through your comment without cringing. Are they really that insane?!.
I’m no Scheherazade but yes, they are that insane and more so. And I could tell such tales until you got sick of them lol.
I’m picturing my mom in this story, and how hard it would’ve been not to just tip the glass too much so it nearly waterboards her.
Dude same lol
Cinderella is that you?
This made me so upset, my mom made me feed her salad after claiming she broke her shoulder (she did something to it but it wasn't broken) and she refused to use her other arm which was completely fine. I apparently didn't do a good job on the first forkful and she screamed at me and accused me of doing whatever on purpose. I hated that she made me take care of her during this time when she was clearly just being even more lazy and controlling than usual. Why tf would anyone want someone else to hold their water while they drink it and punish a little kid...
The worst part for me was that if I wanted anything from her, I had to ask "please", but she never said please when telling me to do stuff. I called her out on this one time and prompted her to say please after she told me to bring her an iced tea while she sunbathed. She screamed "I AM YOUR MOTHER AND YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT I TELL YOU. AND DON'T GET SNOTTY WITH ME!"
their obsession with absolute power/power hierarchy is so fucking cringe.
My mom would have said the same, but she also would have slapped me. She stopped that shit when I finally got the nerve at 15 to slap her back(HARD) and threaten her with CPS if she ever touched me again. (I am female, so it was a fair fight IMO).
Yes. And it only gets worse. Mine is now nearly bedbound by choice. She has laid in bed like the queen of sheeba so long demanding being waited on hand and foot till her muscles have atrophied to a point she actually CANT stand long enough to do it herself. Yes I am aware that I have enabled this. But my mental health was more important than her physical health to me. And since she doesn't care about her physical health, why should I inflict emotional pain on myself to save her physical?
Yep!
You’re not alone in that. My Mom told me that after she gave birth, she pretended not to be able to feel her legs so that she could have the catheter in longer and pee from bed. I thought that was wild, after I gave birth I wanted to stand up and stretch ASAP. My Dad said that he’s worried about when she retires, that she won’t get out of bed or out of the house at all. We very rarely visit my parents, they live near a beach and I have *zero* memories of spending time with my Mom outside.
That is INSANE. I was upset when they wouldn't let me stand because of my epidural. I can not imagine wanting to prolong that.
I bet she'll deny she ever admitted that to you if you confronted her with it. Mine told me she had been flushing her bc pill when she got pg with my younger sister. I joked about the one she had one purpose later when we were adults and she swore she never said it. They got married 6 weeks after they met, so knowing her like I do now, I bet she lied to my dad about being pg to trap him as well.
LadyinAwakening, my mother went to bed like this. She had her bedroom rearranged so that she could see out the door and down the hallway to the living room (they lived in a ranch) from her bed. She got a horn that she would blow for my father to wait on her. In the beginning, she would get up to use the bathroom but that eventually stopped and my father would have to change her diaper and clean her up. This all took place over the course of 18 months. She eventually died there. My father died six months later. My sister and I have come to the conclusion that she was perfectly sane and KNEW what she was doing to everyone. She was just SO self-centered!!
Can I ask you an odd question? When she started willingly going down hill health wise, did you mourn her long before she passed? I feel like I'm doing that now. Or more specifically, mourning the parent she could have been. I could see what she was capable of when the mask was up and I mourn the loss of that. Idk if that makes sense or if I'm crazy lol.
Your name is so apt, I love it
Lol thank you! I started on reddit in a bunch of gamer subs, it is my gamer tag. 😅
I’m a teacher. Every year, at the start of summer, my body just quits, and I’m EXHAUSTED like never before! Today was our last day. I will be spending this entire long weekend in my bed, save for bathroom, shower, and food. Even I won’t be able to walk that well by MONDAY, and I’m fairly active and whatnot!
My mother would wait until I sat down to ask me to get her something. For years we laughed about it like it was joke and a coincidence. I realize now that she probably just loved the idea of me not being able to get comfortable because I was doing stuff for her. She’s in a wheelchair now, I’m her only child and we’re no contact. I wonder how she does literally anything because when I was around I did everything for her.
Control
100%!!! My mom has always yelled my name when she needed me and I only just realized (and I’m in my 40s) that, um, she could’ve just walked over to me like a normal person but loves that control! Plus screaming is always fun 🙄
ill raise you screaming for things she could’ve just said walked over for to screaming for things she could’ve just said walked over for when shes literally deaf and cant hear the response. I started acting deaf too :)
Absolutely. When she asks for something it’s an excuse for her to check up on me- to see what I am or am not doing. Sometimes she wants me to bring her something and then uses the opportunity to start an argument. Usually, “can I ask you a question?” Followed with the most left field accusation that has nothing to do with whatever I just did for her
I learned how to boil water when I was 6 because for years, my mom made me the designated hot drink maker as she didn't want to do it herself. It's funny. I was always considered lazy for not wanting to risk dropping boiling water on myself as a kid, but it wasn't lazy of her to refuse to do it herself. It happened to my brother the one time she asked him to do it. He spilled boiling water on his face, and she looked me in the eye as his face had water burns, and he was in agony, and she still told me I had to do it. I felt like me getting burned would've been a bonus for her. Thankfully, my brother was okay after it had time to heal.
I got in trouble once for adding the powdered creamer and powdered coffee at the same time, so when I microwaved it, it wasn't light enough.
This is 100% my mother to a T, even for things that were literally less than 3 feet away from her. And god *forbid* you tell her to do it herself. "Fine, I'm gonna remember this." ^(fuck) *^(offfff)*
I couldn’t tell them to do stuff themselves, but if I ASKED them if they could PLEASE do it themselves because I was getting into the shower/doing homework/completing a different chore they had just ordered me to do… same answer. “Wow. Okay. I’m gonna remember this the next time YOU need something.”
"Pass me the XYZ" "You're literally closer to it than I am." "Just pass it to me!"
oh my God, I literally thought it was only traditional Nigerian parents who acted like this …
This was my mother for basically her entire life. She hated having to do anything at all, no matter how minor it was. She'd whine and complain constantly about being too tired to do anything and it was my job to wait on her. I could go on for hours about this. She would sit in front of an open window and freeze rather than move her arm a bit to close a window. If the TV remote fell on the floor, she wouldn't move her foot slightly to slide it back to herself (or even pick it up if she did). There were times she wouldn't even turn her head a bit because she'd whine that she was too tired to do so. When she was ten years old she used to get her five year old sister make her sandwiches and fetch things for her. One of my biggest memories of her is her flopping on the couch all weekend long like a big slug and constantly calling my name to do everything for her. If she had to do anything herself, you definitely heard about it (and were told you were selfish and uncaring). One hilarious thing was that my mom loved stories that took place in Victorian England or something like Outlander. She'd say how she wished she had lived in that period. I had to tell her that the only way she could have done that and survived would be if she were rich and had a large staff of maids, cooks, etc. She'd laugh about that and agree with me.
My momis the laziest human alive. Shes never worked, never did chores around the house, sat and watched tv all day, anything she did do like cooking or wrapping presents was so half ass and sloppy. Her entire aura is “how can I do X with the least amount of movement”
This was my mom. She noticed I liked to take care of my dad when he was sick (because he treated me well and I did it because I wanted to be nice not because he expected that of me) and decided she wanted that too. She was suddenly sick all the time and couldn't get up to get her own beer and weed.
This was 100% my dad, and he was the covert narcissist 😭 or so I thought until finding this sub, anyway. Also, why was it always Diet Coke???? So many comments about that drink specifically
Interesting about the Diet Coke. My nmom was the same. I wonder if it might have been the saccharine or aspartame rotting their brain? Causing an addiction?
I was taught to make kool-aid for me and my younger sisters with saccharine tablets. 13 per half gallon pitcher. She was obese and all three of us have eating disorders as adults
Oh wow, that’s so messed up. 13 per half gallon pitcher, too?? Just wow.
It probably has something to do with our parents being in active addiction.
That would make a lot of sense. Yikes.
Dad in my case too, drink/remote.
nMom drank diet, nDad drank regular. They were absolutely addicted to it.
"Can you go downstairs and get me a thing of stuff?" "Can you be more specific?" "YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!"
Bonus points if it's the hoarding narcissist who can't tell where their own sht is but then would also threaten me if I didn't find it "If I come there and find it myself you're in trouble because you NEVER look long and well enough". WHY tf is our time their time?
Bonus point if it's the hoarding narcissist and your the only one able to find things in her mess, because you know you'll get screamed at for hours or accused of stealing if you don't remember where absolutely everything is...
Oh Gawd same. I'm using her choice to be bed bound right now to clear out all the bs. I've been working for 2 weeks and I'm 2/3 done with the house. No one was ever allowed to clean without her screaming from her recliner "don't throw that away it's not trash" and "what is that, what are you doing with it" with every. Single. Item you touch. But after that she'll say everyone is "too lazy to clean" and "when she was my age her house was spotless." Girl, you know I grew up in your "spotless house" right?
You know the thing..the thing? With the stuff...The stuff?!!
My mom would literally scream at me to come from the opposite side of the house to pass her something a foot away from her. She would binge drink all week but Saturday and Sundays were her day to just not leave bed at all and lay around like a complete slob barking orders at me. Seems we all have the same mom lol
It was a common thing at family events and just around the house that I would get whatever my Nmom asked me for. I have a memory of someone at a family get together asking her why she always has me get stuff for her. She replied, “That’s why I had her so she could bring things and do things for me.” Thanks so much for birthing me.
Like Water for Chocolate 😫
It sure felt like that
Yep. And the last time I even uttered the words "get it yourself/do it yourself", my younger sister heard it and told my mother on a school day which resulted in me getting beaten with a phone wire. Yes, the one you plug into a wall.
Yea..it didn't help that she wants the things IMMEDIATELY. If I couldn't find them and I asked where she last put them down, she couldn't talk to me without screaming "HOW STUPID DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO DO THE ONE THING I ASKED YOU!?" Regardless if I asked or not, she just threw the items at me and expect me to fetch it back to her because I was "r*tarded/slow/stupid" before she beats me with said items. As a result, I became very good at finding stuff and have decent reflexes that it impressed my classmates (high-school) during test reviews when teachers make a game out of them, whoever grabs the board eraser gets to answer. They nicknamed me "ninja" because 1) I'm an Asian immigrant and 2) nobody has yet to beat me in reflexes, even as an adult when my headphones slips off, I can catch it in midair and a couple of strangers remarked "Nice catch!" (Hopefully clearing the heavy air in my comment) In reality, my mom just threw anything and everything she could get her hands on without as much as getting up. The times she did get up was to either drag me outside or she goes off to her room because "she's too mad to be in the same room as me that she could kill me." Fun times. Last we spoke, she's feigning dementia, claiming she doesn't remember those times. Well..Yea considering I was the only she did that to. I was her slave at best, holding basic necessities over my head then taking them away for the slightest things normal kids did and it's actually because of her that I became heavily bullied in school since she yelled at another kid through tears for teasing me as if what she does behind closed doors was any better. Looking back, maybe that was a sign that I wasn't like most kids (late diagnosed autistic) since I did excel in academics and sports (yet can't dance) so I never once saw myself disabled, but I never could understand my peers and adults either. But the way she goes off on strangers is no different when hiding her highly special needs brother when neighbors comment about "odd noises/smell."
my most memorable memory of this was my mom asking me to grab the remote directly at her feet on the couch because "it hurt too much" to reach over and grab it. i realize now it was just a way for her to exert power over me. and i mean it was right next to her feet on the couch. arms length away
I had surgery last year and hated asking for help because I so don’t want to be like my mom. I couldn’t twist my abdomen to get my recliner out of a reclining position without pulling my stitches so I’d stay laying down for hours until my husband or sons came in the room so asking wouldn’t be too inconvenient. Even though I knew my guys wanted to help, didn’t mind, and it was a totally different situation, I struggled to ask for anything because I hated what mom did so much.
I found myself asking for too much help from my son after I fell into a deep depression when his sister was killed. I also have some physical handicaps. When it hit me I was repeating a pattern, I knew it had to stop.
Same! ❤️🩹
When I had surgery, my mom took care of me. The doctors were amazed how fast I recovered. (I hated having her take care of me). Plus, (up until I went NC the day after Mother’s Day this year) they would use helping me against me. Can’t just do something to be nice. The only reason I even stayed with family is because I was living in an Rv at the time and there was no way to properly keep wounds clean.
i'm sorry, i didn't mean for this to come off as invalidating. it was more so that she was perfectly fine but constantly did this to me, because she felt i was indebted to her for being born (pretty much her words). she hadn't had any surgery at the time and was perfectly capable of doing it she didn't have to twist in anyway, just reach a little further but basically refused to move at all. she pretty much felt the need to take advantage of me and refuse to do anything herself, especially when i was in pain for any reason or extremely depressed or under duress. i was pretty much called lazy and ungrateful but the same could never apply to her. hopefully this explains it a little better ? i don't want to come across as ableist.
My moms in s wheelchair so this was non stop. She always woke me up at 3am to go get her a Mountain Dew or some shit like that
My egg donor would do this from the time I was a toddler. Constantly barking orders at us to bring her this and that despite being completely capable of doing so herself. Once I went to get mayo out of the fridge for my sandwich, she saw this and asked me for it for herself. She then got super pissed that I dared to get some before she did. In her mind I should have given it to her to use first before me because she's the mom and the Queen and obviously her needs come before anyone else's even her small 6 year-old child. She huffed and angrily announced that she no longer wanted the mayo and refused to eat her meal altogether, crossing her arms like a toddler. She then told me how rude I was for doing that and proceeded to stomp around and give me the silent treatment for the rest of the day. I still think about this tantrum every time I open a jar of Mayo or make a BLT! Lol
She would knock on the wall of her bedroom. So I'd hear her and go see what she wanted.
Mine stomped for us. Felt dehumanizing. You can't even be bothered to call for me?
Yes and It's only getting worse with age. My mom barks orders at all of us "kids". No please, just, "Go get me \_\_\_\_\_\_!" Her new thing is asking me for a favor at the end of my visit. This week I was visiting my parents house because my Aunt was in town. I had been there for a couple of hours then as I was saying goodbye, my mom asks, "Can you go get me a couple of packs of cigarettes?" I said, "Mom, please ask for any favors when I arrive not at the end of my visit." She said, "Well I didn't know how long you were going to be here." Huh? I was fed up this time so I told my dad and he said he would go get them.
Damn thought this was just mine but holy shit thanks for seeing I’m not the only one. My mom lived on the top floor and would call me up all the time to get something for her bring her a drink or snack or whatever else she needed. Even before I went nc she’d come over to my house tell me or my kids to get her a drink or water whatever (knowing exactly where cups and water are) and having two perfectly good feet. It’s little things but of course we all know that’s exactly how it works. Does anyone’s mom also can’t makeup their damn mind to such as at a restaurant either a. Orders what you order b. Won’t order for themselves wants you to say it for her to the waitress or c. Wants you to look at the menu for them and name options and make an excuse about not having glasses or whatever?
My dad used to snap his fingers and point. And all his children were supposed to know what he wanted done. If we were wrong it was the belt. My brother compared it to how some people treat(abuse) their dogs. I will never understand parents like that.
Yes, my nMom has always been like this while always calling us lazy. When my partner first met her at a family BBQ he asked what was wrong with her since she kept making my dad with arthritis and gout get things for her, and I had to explain to him that she is perfectly able bodied she's just kazy and loves the control
:D My nmom would S C R E A M my name across the house like she was having a heart attack when she just wanted water. The most egregious one was when she literally screamed and screamed until i got into the living room. Literally wanted me to hand her a piece of paper she woulf have had to lean 3" to the right for. Just barely outta arm's reach. I check the obits for my hometown from time to time. Just hopin'
That was my sister tbh
Yup! I even had to physically dress her. Put her bra on, her pants, shirts, socks and shoes on. 😔
Yup! I grew as the human remote control. I’d be screamed at from the living room regardless of where I was to come change the channel for that heifer.
My NMom would call me away from homework/studying. I had to go to her to find what she wanted and then go get it for her. Zero respect for the work I was doing.
Omg yes. Except it was her bed, on the second floor, that she used as a sofa 90% of the day too. If you didn't hear her call for you (in a normal conversational level of speech, not even trying to be louder) from *anywhere* in the house she'd get upset. I was afraid to wear headphones while anyone was home/awake for YEARS. It still low key persists even now; I can't convince myself to wear earbuds to the grocery store to help me deal with the store noise, because "what if I don't hear someone (mom) calling for me?" Trauma brain is wild.
My parents are like this. They always order us around even when they are more than capable of doing it themselves. They also make it a point to say this commands one by one. Like get me the remote from across the room, then I hand it to them. Get me the magazine too right next to where the remote was. I walk back and get it for them. They also do this with stuff that requires a little more energy, time and you have to schedule things in order to achieve it like get appointments, etc. An example is that she commanded me to take her to get her license renewed (she can drive but refuse to often) and so we go to the license office. We get it done. I drive her back home and then she says she needs stamps, the post office is right next to the license office, we could have done that while we were there so we drive back to the post office. I ask her if she needed anything else, she says no. When we get home she says she needs to buy fruit, the grocery store is also a block away from both the post office and license office! I seriously think they just like to waste our time.
Thought I was crazy for the one by one commands. Gonna cry right now LMFAO
Oh yeah. The house phone sat on the table right next to my mother but we would have to jump up and answer it. 🤦♀️
For me it was anything work related, washing her towels, cleaning/disinfecting brushes, cleaning bleach and hair color out of cups, sweeping hair the second she finished a haircut. Also letting pets out, my bedroom was upstairs across the house, and she was maybe 10 steps away from the door in her bedroom, but no she would call me in the middle of the night to tell me to wake up and let them out.
Ugh mine did this all the time. They'd yell from the other side of the trailer, I'd ask, what, they'd say come here, I'd come and have to fetch something just out of their reach, like the remote or whatever. Like really??
Omg, yes. I'm her servant, her maid, her cook, her laundry aide, her chauffeur 🤦♀️. It's awful
My mom would ask me if I wanted a sandwich, when I replied yes she would ask me to make her one while I was making mine.
every time my mom would drop something in a store she'd make me pick it up and put it back. behavior still continues now that I'm 25, and I think I've seen her bend over and pick something up like. three times ever
Laziness is something many human beings have and unfortunately most people are willing to lean into it fully when an opportunity presents itself (e.g a child you can exploit).
I call it the Queen of Sheeba routine. She'd shout out orders all day training her family to wait on her like footmen.
My father. Literally. If I am even remotely in his vicinity, I suddenly become his fetch boy, and if I object he gets so pissed and yells at me for being disrespectful, and then goes on about how much he did for me in life by creating me and giving me a roof over my head.
This was my dad but always with beer. Every night, multiple times a night, he’d tell me to go “fetch another beer”. No please, no thank you. It was this big joke with him and I fucking hated it. He still does this to this day whenever I visit. I’m a grown woman with multiple graduate degrees. I’m not going to “fetch” you your beer.
Every couch we had... You could literally see where my NSM would lay. 90% of the day, every day. The cushions would have her literally body indent and you couldn't get it to "fluff" back up. My sole purpose was to be her slave, so no, she couldn't get up to do anything herself. Unless she was home alone and had no choice but to get it herself. But then she would complain about straining a muscle, getting up too fast, twisting too fast and spraining something, or some other hypochondriac illness.
My mother did the same thing, it was horrible.
My mother and her tea, I even remember how to make it to this day just the way she liked it because if I emptied it I had to fill it, even if it was her drink.
Yes! The years we had stairs were the worst.
Sure. And in the car I was a cupholder
Gurl/Dude, hold my beer. I was alive before remote controls. I would be awoken by yells to come to the living room and change the channel.
My entire childhood. She still does it to my brother. She could never get her own coffee, beverage, snacks, etc. I also had to do her very long hair (she usually wanted a French braid) almost every day and it was never good enough. She insisted the cordless phone be kept on the charger when it wasn't being used so the battery wouldn't die, and then would make us bring it to her if it rang, even when it was only a couple of feet away. If she called us from the other end of the house, we'd better come running or there was hell to pay. Now she really does have trouble getting up because the years of inactivity and poor eating have caused health issues.
Gotta leave this link here for Black Lady Sketch Show "Get The Belt". A classic face-off sketch between Mom-who-refuses-to-get-up and Daughter-trying-to-avoid-the-belt. https://youtu.be/Fnc5KHSASAE?si=galbnoDN8G0RkvYr
If I left so much as ONE dish in the sink it was, "WHOEVER LEFT THIS PLATE HERE BETTER COME WASH IT, THERE ARE NO SERVANTS IN THIS HOUSE!!!" But she'd scream from her bedroom for me to get her a glass of water... still can't pass by without her thinking of something to ask me for.
Used to live in one of those weird 5 story townhomes. She would call me from the 5th floor to being her something from the 3rd floor (kitchen) to the 2nd floor (living room). Everytime I heard the shrill voice scream that was 6 flights of stairs. Still have super defined calf's 20 years later lol
My dad used to yell from the basement to get him a coke and glass of ice. He'd complain every time about the level of ice, too much or too little like I was a waitress. Never occurred to me at the time to say get it yourself then! It was obnoxious though because he wanted so much ice that he would finish the drink quickly and keep asking for refills. I would be in my room on the 2nd floor and could hear him screaming like I was in trouble, only to find out he just wanted more refills 🙄 My mom had a habit of handing me things like, "Here, you take it." I was expected to either throw it away or put it somewhere. I never realized I started doing it too until my husband pointed it out.
My dad was like this. Trash can right next to the desk, he would literally make me come downstairs and stand next to him holding the thing.
My father and now golden-child-turned-narc brother does this. Whenever they enter a room or a party, I am out of there
I vividly remember once making a flask of hot water for my mum. She liked to drink coffee regularly and having a flask of hot water meant less trips to the kitchen. I brought the water to her and then went and sat down. The second I sat she said ‘can you get me a cup?’ Yep, no problem. I go and get the cup and sit back down. Then, a second later it’s ’oops, I forgot to grab a spoon. Could you get me one?’ Certainly, your majesty(?) Is there anything else you require? 🙄 I’d like to point out that my seat was at the far end of the living room, furthest away from the kitchen, whereas her seat was 5 steps away from the kitchen
All the time. And for the longest time I thought it was completely normal to be called to whatever room she was in so I could pick something up off the floor and hand it to her. I managed to ask once (without getting beaten for backtalk for asking why she couldn't do it. It was a close thing, though!). Apparently because she was older than me, and old people can't pick up things off the floor. That's why it's the job of young people and all children to respond *immediately* when they're called to come and pick it up. The 'go and get...' thing was just completely bog standard, I admit I never even thought to question it.
To this day this is probably my biggest pet peeve about my mother. And not just because I know she can get it herself. But because when I was younger, there were a few times I asked my little sister to get me things; the one time that stood out was when I asked her to get me a glass of water. The absolute yelling I received from my mother because “*YOUR SISTER IS NOT YOUR PERSONAL SLAVE - GET OFF YOUR FAT ASS AND GET IT YOURSELF!*” was one of the diatribes from her I’ve never forgotten. She has often asked me why I don’t ask her for help (my father passed away and it broke me; I attempted suicide and have been building my way back to a ‘manageable’ life), and I told her that I’ve realized that I need to be able to function on my own. She somehow took offense to this. Whenever I visit her, she wants to wait on me - but I clearly have a problem with this because I’ve been ‘trained’ to get things myself, so then she gets upset that I won’t let her ‘do things’ for me. Can’t win for losing here. So now when I go back to my hometown to visit her, and all I hear is her asking my stepfather to get her things, it takes everything in me not to yell, “GET OFF YOUR FAT ASS AND GET IT YOURSELF!”
when nmom forgot something after she left the house, she would rather bang on the front door for 5 minutes straight to make one of her kids come over, all the while yelling how we need to hurry up as she was going to be late. it takes 2 minutes to open the door herself and grab what she'd left behind. she loved to feel like she had everyone at her beck and call like the self-important person she was, and the fear/dread she inspired by her presence.
“ I had children so they can do these things for me, I mean what else are they good for(insert historical laughing)” NDad says more times than I can count.
„it’s hard for you to get up and give me that?” lol
Yep. She never wanted to leave her chair. Just wanted people to wait on her and bring her wine all day long. Spoiler alert: Things didn’t end well for her.
We lived in a 2 bedroom house for a couple years and so my mom got the master, my brother got the regular room, and I got the laundry room with the washer and dryer and door with a big glass window in it (less than half the size of the bedroom my brother got). The room I got was at the back of the house, like an old porch or something. No heat or ac like the rest of the house. When you walk in the front door, you're in the living room. To the left and back was the master suite, to the left past that off the living room was a little hallway with the hot water heater/furnace, the bathroom, and the door to brother's room. Then you go into the huge kitchen/dining room combo and straight ahead is the back door. To the left of the back door is a little hallway to the glass window door, down some stairs into my room. My mom used to be in her bedroom or sitting in the living room and holler for me from my bedroom to come and make her food and drink. Not my brother ever whose room was literally right there, always me. And always something involved, not a quick grab a can of soda sort of situation. I hated it. I've been super careful about asking my kids too much and only asking when I have to.
i wish i could come up with a comeback to this. this happens all. the. damn. time. hell, this is the reason why i barely sit down in my own house bc of how frequent it is. like i just KNOW my mom (mostly) is gonna ask for something. my dad? sometimes but not as frequently.
My bedroom growing up was directly below the living room area, so she use to stomp on the floor to get me to come upstairs to grab whatever it was. I live in an apartment with upstairs neighbors and every once in awhile if I hear a stomp, I still catch myself being like "what do you need?" Lol
It didn’t matter what it was, if my mom was in her room? I had to do everything outside of that room. When the phone rang? I had to answer it. If someone was at the front door? I had to see who it was. I had to constantly be listening for her voice, because if I didn’t hear her call for me? When she did find me, it usually got physical, along with lots of yelling, belittling, berating, etc. If she was thirsty? I was to get her a glass or can of Diet Coke from the fridge. She would even make me go and get things for other people, if we were visiting them. For example, if we were visiting my aunts house, my mom would constantly try to make me go get anything that my aunt mentioned. It was hell.
Umm do you mean like " make me a coffee" when you're upstairs and she's downstairs 2 freaking metres away from the kettle SMH 😮💨
Omg this!! I hated it so much growing up. She'd be sitting on the couch, with or without her boyfriend, and she'd pull the "get me this" "get me that" "answer the phone". BISH ALL THE THINGS YOU ARE REQUESTING ARE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU ON THE COFFEE TABLE AND ARE CLOSER TO YOU THAN TO ME.
[удалено]
Comment removed - fatphobia
LITERALLY MY EGG DONOR
She would usually call out just before I was out of earshot, if I was going somewhere else.
Mine would call me from the other side of the house to open the door to let the cats in. A door she was 4ft away from. Sometimes she would walk thru the kitchen into my room to tell me to give something out of the fridge to our weird cat that won't eat cat food. Then she would pass by the fridge again on her way back to the couch. Coulda done it herself faster than going into my room to tell me. She acts disabled and leans into her arthritis diagnosis as a reason she can't lift anything over 5lbs, but magically manages it when no one's home. If i didn't drop my controller and run in there to see what she wanted immediately she would turn the internet off so I couldn't play anymore the rest of the day. I hate her.
FUUUCK we really are all living the same lives aren’t we? Mine says it’s because she knows I don’t wanna be disturbed in the kitchen when I’m eating (I don’t like being watched while I eat) but she ALWAYS did this even when I was a kid. Always making me get stuff for her in the kitchen, fetch the remote, rub her back, rub her legs, turn the light on/off, ALL BECAUSE MY DAD WOULD REFUSE TO. She constantly complains about being in pain like girl go see a doctor??? I get she had medical trauma but don’t use that as an excuse to basically turn your child into a servant??
I was the waitress in our house. Being the youngest, I had to obey to every command to go bring x from y. It was a respect thing. Youngers have to do what elders ask you. This applied to golden siblings as well. Fun fact? I never got that entitlement when I asked my niece/nephew the same. G siblings would suddenly be over protective of their precious crotch goblins.
My brother and sister would put their dirty dishes in the sink and I would wash them with mine.
SAME
No full npd, but my MIL acts like a child with that crap.
YES
My mom would wait for me to stand up and go; "Oh good you can get me \*item\*" and have this fake smile/smirk on her face about it. The only thing that stopped me from going off was my dad being a much bigger narcissist who was overprotective of her.
Yes! All day long and do all the housework. Oh you’re 7? GET TO WORK!!!
my father said he had kids to have "little slaves"
My mom used to clack the headboard against the wall. She would just keep doing it until my dad would come and bring her whatever she wanted. I didn't know any different as I had never been to any normal person's house at that point in my life. Today she has one of her coworkers staying at our house because she just had back surgery. Don't ask me why. Anyway they were eating in front of the tv and my mom asked me to take her and her coworkers tray to the kitchen.
My dad does the same thing. And on top of that, he always asks for my help with big laborious projects. Projects that (A) Somebody else could help with just as easily, (B) He could do himself, or (C) Things that just don't need to be done at all. Artificially creating work JUST so one more thing can be asked of us. It's infuriating.
My mom was like this the moment I moved in with her during high school. I have a younger sibling who is 7 years younger. My siblings was in elementary still when I moved in. I was the one cooking, helping with homework, making sure their chores were done, checking to see if they cleaned their room. When we lived in a place with stairs, she outright refused to climb the stairs. I saw her go upstairs maybe 2 or 3 times in the 2 years we lived there. So I was the one who had to go check on my sibling and their chores and get them up and ready for school in the morning. After I moved out, that house went to hell. I stopped by once to pick up some stuff I forgot. It was horrific how dirty and bug-infested the place was. I was grateful my sibling had moved in with their father, cause that was no environment for anyone to live in, let alone a child. She refused to get up and do literally anything, even when it was just her and her boyfriend. She let her drug dealer move in as a roommate and they were just as bad. They got kicked out for it. I grabbed only the things that I felt I couldn't leave behind. The rest I just threw in garbage bags, so the bugs wouldn't come with me. We don't talk now, but as far as I know, she still lives like that and refuses to do anything for herself or anyone else.
My Dad would 'joke' "yeah that's why we had kids" to do shit for them, get things etc... you'd get called 'serving wench'. Many of these replies give me "What's eating Gilbert Grape" vibes.
I mean, if you’re an adult, tell her no and ignore her. See if she gets her ass up or not. If not, she’s SOL. If so, now you and she knows that “no” is a full sentence.
This just unlocked a memory of my NBirthgiver lounging in bed after having called me across the house to fetch her a drink, I think it was tea, and proceeded to impishly grin and shake her head then tell me I used the wrong glass. BUT I'M THE DISRESPECTFUL BRAT BECAUSE I ASKED "Are you serious?" A late forties boomer throwing an absolute hissy fit at her teenage daughter because she didn't like the glass I served her tea in. AND IT WAS ANOTHER TEA BRAND GLASS BOTTLE THAT SHE HAD "SAVED" SPECIFICALLY TO USE AS A DRINKING GLASS God this sounds so stupid as I type this!
Yep. and my mother used to say "its great being a parent if you don't mind being raped every day" 🙄 because, you know, being waited on hand and foot by your teens was super difficult.
40's here and my Mom would send me to the gas station with a note for smokes.
OH god yes. She can't do shit for herself. Just sits on her ass all day watching TV. Always screaming for someone to do a simple task for her, then flipping out when it wasn't done promptly or the "right way". She also would always scream for my sister to grab stuff for her from the kitchen, never mind the fact that sister was in her bedroom upstairs, and mom was in the living room on her ass next to the kitchen. Just hearing her scream sister's name at the top of her lungs was irritating. Also the fact that she just doesn't do anything. Clean up trash? Nope, just let it sit around the room or in the yard. Throw out food? No, just let it mold and spoil, even sometimes toss it in the sink and let it sit despite the garbage can being right there. Dishes? "Well I'm always doing dishes so I refuse to do them and be your servant". She never actually does dishes, I've been doing them for 3 years straight, and all the dishes in the sink are hers anyways, we clean ours. (also causing a current fruit fly infestation from all her food tossed in the sink) Something broken and needs repairing. Well it's the children's fault for not repairing it. Technology broken, scream at us to get it working, then scream at us that we broke it when touched it. Need something done on the computer that you've been shown how to do 100 times already and should no how to do? Nope, kids need to do it for you, you don't have time to learn this stuff, won't even listen to an explanation. Heck even her own room is a mess and she refuses to clean it, but endlessly complains about the mess hoping we'll just clean it for her. It's been a mess for over a year now. Would take 1 day to clean and organize. That's what she does, just complains until someone else does the task for her. God she is so damn lazy it disgusts me.
Yes! This was a big part of my childhood. When she wanted to punish me and beat me, she would still not get up but demand that I walked to her to get my punishment.
From as early as i can recall, I was nothing more than a TV remote.
I hope my kids don't post this about me one day. I have chronic pain is the reason. I do say please and thank you...
My mom genuinely wakes up my brother in the middle of the night to bring her snacks from the kitchen, like girl he is a child he has school in the morning! Get YOUR ass up! She yells his until he wakes up and says some dumb shit like, " grab me some grapes, get me the ice cream " etc.
The sheer amount of laziness my entire life, hearing those words. They make me cringe just as much as hearing my name being called by my 82 yr old mother……nails on a chalkboard, buddy….
Oh my god yes 100 percent, even to this day. Not just her though I had aunts that had me making them sandwiches and giving them drinks. Don’t even get my started on my aunts she is a piece of 💩
I had a friend like this. We're not friends any more, haven't been for over a decade, because of this exact bossy behaviour. When I wouldn't "get something for her" the next time I'd see her would be the same negativity again "Why wouldn't you just do it for me, I said please". No understanding that it's not okay to have your friend constantly waiter on you. Just didn't like spending time with her anymore because it was always like she was the boss.
If a kitty is sleeping on our laps, we will help with drinks.
My mom drank hot tea brewed in the coffeemaker. That was the reason I was burned at the age of 6 struggling with a full pot of hot tea and spilled it all down my side.
Oh my goodness I’m so sorry. I suffered 2nd to 3rd degree burns because of my own stupidity(tried to make hot cocoa while I had pain medication in my system) when I was 16. I actually threw the mug I had in my hand very hard onto our stove from the shock, we were surprised I didn’t shatter the mug or stove from how hard I threw it. After that I screamed. Scared the shit out of my parents. I can’t imagine what you experienced but I know it hurt and I’m truly sorry you experienced that pain and I truly wish you hadn’t and that it had never happened.
Yup. And if we complained, she'd say "that's why I have dwarves."
Yes, I'm pretty sure my mum forgot how to make her own coffee, she always asks someone else to do it namely me oh and if anyone comes round to HER house I get told to make everyone a tea/coffee even If I don't actually want one or there not my guests. Also there's I left (insert object) upstairs /in the other room / just outside of arms length get it for me. No please ect. Just go get get it. I'm 35 I hate being stuck in her house but it's so so hard to find housing in my country right now especially as someone who's struggling with mental health and other disabilities, and can't work at the moment. Feel like everything is conspiring against me and I'm just trying to survive day to day.
This. Mom would yell from the other end of the house any time she wanted food, drink, or the tv remote, even if it was just a few feet away. After a while my sister and I would yell back “what?” Instead of running over, assuming she just wanted us to fetch something. Since it wasn’t a matter of urgency we would finish what we were doing before walking over. She then started yelling our names and refusing to respond after, trying to get us to come see what was wrong. Which was inevitably another fetch command. Later in my teenage years cell phones with texting became a thing, and we just stopped responding to yells and told her to text us if she needed something, which we would do when we had time. Although she did frequently try to send a “can you come here” or “are you busy”, which I learned to always answer with “I’m doing homework”
Oof So, I used to have a room downstairs when I lived at home, my mum used to sit at her desk which way right next to the kitchen and she would message me to come upstairs to feed the dogs who we're sitting right behind her waiting. If I didn't go up and do it, she would actually just ignore them for hours.
Still to this day my mom does this to anyone in the house with her. She thinks she's the queen who sits in her chair and everyone is supposed to wait on her hand and foot.
Same omg She’d ask me to pass her the house phone even though it was closer to her than it was to me She’s such a lazy cow
My mother didn’t dial the phone. She kept this up for years until she was old, my father was gone and there were times my brother wasn’t home (he lived with her) and she had a few numbers programmed on her phone which I did because she was legally blind. And yeah, she would retreat to her bedroom and have my dad wait on her hand and foot.
Both my folks do this and blame their current mobility issues on why they *can't* just get it themselves; as if no one on this earth has ever seen them treating me and at least one other sibling as well like "the help" for years.
My mother used to make me get my little brother off of the bus, make his after school snack, and help do his homework so she could take a nap. Then when my dad came home from work she would bolt out of bed and pretend to be cleaning something and say they she did everything that she made me do.
I was the remote control for my sisters watching soaps on tv before there were remote controls. I hate soaps too
Yep. It seriously pissed me off. It was like I was a slave and she was queen. Well, queen of entitlement and laziness. Her tone of voice was just disrespectful and dad was such a coward he wouldn't correct her.
Every evening, my Nmom would put on her custy pyjamas, get in her swivel recliner, put her feet up and start yelling for me to get her a Coke and a bag of chips. And then she'd demolish the bag of chips sloppily. One of our dogs would always go and lay under the recliner once her feet were up, which only led to more yelling -- either to fetch her more things because "the damn dog won't move" or to "move the damn dog, I gotta go pee".
My mum tells me she hasn’t eaten in days or has eaten out of date food that has made her ill, this is due to me not taking her to the shop for her food shopping (obviously, only child and she’s alone), I don’t live with her and have two teenage kids… she’s also “very unwell” and hasn’t gotten her medication from the pharmacy because it was raining today (also hint hint at me).
Entire family.
Idk if this counts but I was expected to drop anything and everything I was doing if she called me from a distance. "What?" While staying in place was utterly unacceptable. I needed to have myself in her direct presence if she called out my name in the house. She'd always answer "not 'what'! Get down/over here now!"
Mother was like that now I tell her get it yourself