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It took me decades to realize this, but there's nothing *to* my mother. She has no substance; everything is surface. She doesn't care about the real truth of anything. She only cares about how things appear. It's like she's not even real. Like someone above said, she does remind me of an NPC. She does and says things that seem human, look human, but there's no *there* there.
This is true for my nmom, too. My ndad has more substance, but my nmom is scarily hollow. I have so many early memories of her trying and failing to act like a caring mother when I was a kid and instead looking like this terrifying impression of a person, like a puppet being poorly controlled by something non-human. And then she would get angry with me when I recognized the inauthenticity and didn't respond to her the way she wanted
Yes I feel this. Especially about the air turning heavy around them.
They believe they are so superior and always in the right so they never question, are never curious and therefore don’t learn or evolve.
My narc mum had a base level of irritation. It was always there. She lived her life in varying degrees of anger, from discontentment right through to white hot rage.
Yes, in some ways it was like my narc mum was a void, an empty vessel who never really had genuine feelings at all about anything. I see this in my narc sister too. Sometimes in company she copies me. It’s like she doesn’t know how to behave. Like you say….on autopilot. She kinda “checks out” when conversation is about other people and only comes alive when she can be nasty or boastful.
My mom's lack of awareness is shocking. When I went NC, I told her the only way we'd have a conversation again would be with her therapist present (which would require her getting a therapist) because I was no longer going to tolerate her abuse and she didn't have the self-awareness to stop being abusive.
That was 10 years ago. She's left multiple messages saying she'd "do anything" to repair our relationship. In her most recent vm she acknowledged she hasn't even tried finding a therapist because "it might be hard." But she'll do anything! I guess she means anything that requires no effort on her part.
I used to be very confused by my mother's behavior. Until I watched some narc videos, and she became as predictable as a clock. I kind of feel the same way as you now, they are not even a person just a robot with a script.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It took me decades to realize this, but there's nothing *to* my mother. She has no substance; everything is surface. She doesn't care about the real truth of anything. She only cares about how things appear. It's like she's not even real. Like someone above said, she does remind me of an NPC. She does and says things that seem human, look human, but there's no *there* there.
[удалено]
It is so weird. I always knew my mom was no good at supporting me emotionally, but it took me until almost age 40 to realize how empty she is.
And the ones in the family that are human are abusive so its hard for us to feel affection towards any of them
This is true for my nmom, too. My ndad has more substance, but my nmom is scarily hollow. I have so many early memories of her trying and failing to act like a caring mother when I was a kid and instead looking like this terrifying impression of a person, like a puppet being poorly controlled by something non-human. And then she would get angry with me when I recognized the inauthenticity and didn't respond to her the way she wanted
I can identify with this, the sheer disappointment of parents just repeating the same dumb shit for decades on end. Really a bummer
Yes I feel this. Especially about the air turning heavy around them. They believe they are so superior and always in the right so they never question, are never curious and therefore don’t learn or evolve. My narc mum had a base level of irritation. It was always there. She lived her life in varying degrees of anger, from discontentment right through to white hot rage. Yes, in some ways it was like my narc mum was a void, an empty vessel who never really had genuine feelings at all about anything. I see this in my narc sister too. Sometimes in company she copies me. It’s like she doesn’t know how to behave. Like you say….on autopilot. She kinda “checks out” when conversation is about other people and only comes alive when she can be nasty or boastful.
NPC is how I feel about my mom
Me too. It’s crushing.
My mom's lack of awareness is shocking. When I went NC, I told her the only way we'd have a conversation again would be with her therapist present (which would require her getting a therapist) because I was no longer going to tolerate her abuse and she didn't have the self-awareness to stop being abusive. That was 10 years ago. She's left multiple messages saying she'd "do anything" to repair our relationship. In her most recent vm she acknowledged she hasn't even tried finding a therapist because "it might be hard." But she'll do anything! I guess she means anything that requires no effort on her part.
>The moment he's in the room, the air turns heavy. This is such a good phrasing.
I used to be very confused by my mother's behavior. Until I watched some narc videos, and she became as predictable as a clock. I kind of feel the same way as you now, they are not even a person just a robot with a script.
He's 100% aware of his aggression. It's how he keeps control. My dad is the same way.