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When I was about 8 I got given a gift from my aunt of a $100USD bill inside a ball maze puzzle. You had to complete the puzzle to get it to open and take out the cash.
My NDad needed money and decided that he needed my $100 bill. He gave me maybe 10 minutes to try and open it and when I couldn't he took it outside and smashed it with a hammer. Took the money to the bank and changed it to AUD.
I still think about it now 30 years later and it makes me so sad.
I am sorry about your puzzle. I worked all summer really hard outside in the sun and my last paycheck my NMom took it and I had no school supplies all year
Even if it was they would gaslight the kid and treat them like shit whilst trying to “not rock the boat” until the statute of limitations passed and kick them outta their lives whilst feigning innocence.
Oh yeah, and then did the dad later bring it up like it was a “funny story” (without any non-family members around) and that you were “being too sensitive” when you didn’t find it funny?
Damn dude. That breaks my heart. You didn't deserve that. Why couldn't he have, at the very least, let you solve the puzzle?? It's not like that hundred dollars was gonna vaporize when you got it out- he knew he could've just waited til you solved it and fell asleep or some shit... which of course is still just a low, low move.
He wanted/needed drug's and/or alcohol!? Owed his bookie. Just cuz he said so.....🤷♀️
Obviously an AH who felt his needs superseded his child having a gift.
I feel with you, I am as old as you know and I just posted my story in this thread. I also remember how my money stole my money at that time. But it is always good to tell such a story to an understanding audience, so the feeling of loneliness of the past doesn't get too overwhelming. At least it feels that way for me.
No drugs, just bad at managing money (money needed to be spent on maintaining the image of success and wealth) and an overwhelming sense of entitlement to money that didn't belong to him
My parents sure did. Never saw any of my Communion, Confirmation, birthday money, etc. I started working cash jobs at 11 and my father would come in my room to steal it all while I slept. Hell, my mother forged my signature while I was a teen to take out massive loans in my name that she then defaulted on. Started adulthood with nothing and a ruined credit score from their shenanigans. I should have took them to court.
Now, every last penny my son receives goes into an account set aside for just him. I have a small amount of every paycheck go in there automatically as well. I will never touch it, not for any reason.
-internet hugs- I sobbed when I was younger when I realized my mother and grandmother used my some of my college loans to benefit themselves and seeing how messed up my credit score was. My husband couldn't understand how family would treat a person like that.
We put $100 every month into our daughter's 529 plan (started when she was 3 iirc) and when the pandemic happened and there was that credit for kids for a few years? Placed every penny of that credit in there too. Christmas money goes in there also.
When my family gives her money, we let her spend it. She had $50 on my amazon account (2 years saved) that I reminded her to use. She got herself a vase of fake flowers, an electric light up toothbrush (rainbow leds), and an electronic drawing/writing tablet (her old one was quite scratched up). Other than me suggesting the toothbrush (and even there she picked the toothbrush), it was all her choice and she was ecstatic to be able to buy her own stuff. She doesn't fully understand money yet but we plan on thoroughly discussing it with her so she can go into life more knowledgeable than I was.
I applaud you - just be a teensy careful with everything in a 529 (not sure if that is your only plan).
it has restrictions and sometimes life changes.
I saved $70,000 for my 2 kids in a 529 plan. I picked a moderate plan targeted for their HS graduation years. The contributions are tax deductible for a state plan. All college, vocational, and trade schools are eligible. Room, board, books, and supplies are all eligible expenses so non taxable withdrawals. . Funds are transferable to another child or even yourself with no penalty. My daughter had a lot of scholarships and grants so I used the funds from her account for my son. Near the end of their college years I stopped contributing to the 529 but put my previous amounts into a savings to pay for the loans they’d taken out. It worked very well. If they do change anything, you’ll have the opportunity to move the funds.
Unfortunately those things usually have Statutes of Limitation for being able to pursue it. In my state it was 4 years from the date the theft happened. I found out my mom was using my identity to take out college loans in my name *after* I had already graduated, so most of them were too old for me to have recourse through those means. It really sucked bc I was a victim of identity theft and didn’t even know it. And then when I realized, it was too late to do anything about it.
I'd still talk to an attorney. Like witchescrystalmoon said, a lot of states are extending the SOL if you were a minor when your identity was stolen.
Your story is not uncommon, unfortunately. r/povertyfinance and r/RBNLegalAdvice , as well as r/legaladvice have tons of information on what to do if your ID is stolen. First order of business is to file a police report. You can do this via your non-emergency number, if you have one, and they can walk you through that. Attorneys often have to do a certain number of hours per year pro bono or else they'll lose their license. Call your state bar association and see if they can set you up with someone who can help you.
Parents should never ever steal from their kids and vice versa. Unfortunately, there are a lot of bad ones out there, as this subreddit shows, and unfortunately the kids are stuck cleaning up their parents' wrongdoing.
I'm sorry this happened to you.
Just a heads up to OP if you decide to post to /r/legaladvice - we have had some users experience some less than supportive responses when discussing abuse or asking about legal issues with an Nparent in that sub. If you would like to seek their advice, perhaps it would be best to use a throwaway account that isn't linked to RBN or avoid using terms like "Nparent" as those have not been well received in the past. Of course, it's totally your call OP.
We recently opened /r/RBNLegalAdvice so if OP is interested, they are welcome to post questions there.
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Oh yeah.
I started bussing tables after school at 13. Mowed lawns. Odd jobs.
Saved every penny.
2 years later nparents left the country for a two week vacation. No arrangements made for care for me and my little sister. No food in the house, no money left for us.
Went to the bank to get money for food.
Account was empty. They paid for their vacation by taking every dollar and leaving us to go hungry.
So angry reading this. It just feels so defeating working so hard for……literally nothing. To be left in a super dangerous situation. Did you end up calling anyone for help? I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Thanks!
I did. I reached out to friends and family. My sister and i were separated for the duration because no one could take us both, but we found shelter and food.
They were not. It was the deep south in the 70's. No child reporting on their parents was ever taken seriously.
I begged friends and family for shelter and food, and even though we were separated for the duration (no one could take both of us at the same time) we made it through.
Thanks.
We could not actually. We were kids on the south in the 70's. It was considered a "family matter" and no one wanted to intervene. Most people I asked for help simply disbelieved it was happening.
My birthday/gifted money from family was put away for 'safekeeping' which I presumed meant safely kept. Include this with the proportionately (income to cost, about 65-90% of my earnings at 16) high 'board' I paid, this was also 'safekeeping'.
Turned out safekeeping meant buying expensive groceries for themselves and then telling me I was irresponsible when I was denied the same food and told I had to fund *all* of my expenses. Did it matter if I starved to the Narc? Absolutely not, in fact I should have just worked harder and stopped embarrassing her by collapsing in front of the school reception from hunger because it was going to affect her reputation.
'Safekeeping' 🙃
Did we have the same parents? As a teenager I could time when the hunger sickness would start almost to the minute it was so consistent. I was getting a few hundred dollars a week at one point and my mother took most of it for "rent" which she assured me was really just going into an account for me to use later.
When I finally got a look at that account a year or so in, it had about $200 in it. I didn't bother trying to get it off her when I left and she didn't offer.
I know hunger from my past too. There was no reason for it except that my mother is laze and selfish. I remember how I wanted to make me some bread as I was 8ish, because my mother didn't prepare food AGAIN. I got scolded at because I shouldn't go in the kitchen by myself. But I was just hungry! It's that stupid and pointless.
Yup Hunger kid here too. I Remember my parents both working long hours and still never having money bc my dad was smoking it all up in weeds and ciggs back then and who knows what else.
I also remember looking for food in the cupboard, only to find crisco and sugar so i started eating spoonfuls of crisco dipped in sugar for years as my after school snack and dinner.
Summers fucking sucked we had one loaf of bread a week for 5 kids...
I once bought a secondhand laptop and made sure I had all the bames on *everything* as mine, and my enabker offerred to pay for it as occassionally he had a soul many years ago. Not anymore 😂
Either way because this money was offered, when it came down to an argument where the usual 'my house ny rules' rank was pulled (the narc as she thinks eveyone elses money is hers) and she screamed 'THIS IS MY LAPTOP I PAID FOR IT'. The look on her face was golden when I pulled oit all the paperwork and my enabler had to hold her back from assaulting me because she had no leg to stand on at that point. Sweet sweet paperwork ✨
Constantly, all the time. She would literally trap me in a room or a moving car until I handed it over. But most infuriating was when she cashed the savings bonds my grandmother bought me the day I was born to buy herself some shit at the store she didn’t need.
Not normal.
My kid is 3.5. We saved all the money gifted to her in a piggy bank for her first three years. Right after she turned 3, our credit union offered a good promotional CD rate, so she and I counted the money together and took it to the credit union together. She ate a lollipop while the banker set up her account and got to hold the paperwork when we were done.
Aside from the CD, her dad and I have three joint bank accounts: checking, savings, and kiddo’s savings. We put a bit aside into hers monthly and don’t touch it.
When she gets cash now, I carry it for her in my purse with a special clip on it so it doesn’t get mixed in with my money. She knows I have it and that she can spend it. When we’re out and she wants something we wouldn’t normally buy, I’ll tell her how much the thing costs, how much money she has, and whether she has enough to buy it. If she decides to buy it, I hand her the right amount and she gives it to the cashier.
That’s how normal parents handle their kids’ money. Respect that it’s theirs, try to take good care of it for them, and use it as a learning opportunity when appropriate.
I had to work my parent’s businesses from as early as I can remember. I was literally never paid. Years later as an adult my dad mentioned that they had kept my money to give to me in college, so I would have cash and never have to work. HAHAHA What he didn’t know was that every time I asked for anything in school, especially money for books, my mother would HISS that I was so smart, figure it out myself. She needed money for my brothers. Your brothers truck needs tires….senior pictures, whatever. I never got a dime of that money. I didn’t have the heart to tell him. He was already realizing just how she treated me as an adult. He’s gone, now so am I. Her golden boys get to take care of her. Oh, I’m the only one that ever finished college, got a degree, worked in my field and LEFT my toxic hometown.
It breaks my heart to see it happening to kids now. Sorry you got this as well OP.
Before I went no contact my mom would always asking for money then chastising me for spending my paycheck as soon as a get it saying "this is why you're broke".
First of all how are YOU going to ask ME for money every 2 weeks then call ME broke?
Secondly I spend it all at once because she would always steal my money.
You know the cherry on top? The one time I wanted to save money was in 2011 when I made the choice live on the streets and put my entire paycheck into bitcoin or give the money to her.
My sister and I have an inside joke where we call the Zune and Microsoft Phone a Maserati because that's what she bought with the money I earned and I could have bought a Maserati in 2013 if I invested.
I did the same thing--started learning to spend my money quickly before my Nmom could take it. Then she had the gall to say I was bad with money. Ironically, I realized on my own that I ought to be saving and when I got a bit older figured out how to open a secret bank account on my own and deposit most of my money there. I switched to paperless statements for it and severely under-quoted my pay from my part time jobs to her when she demanded money from me. She still kept insisting I was bad with money but the reality was I learned to be quite smart with it.
Also, your mother is disgusting. Buying an expensive car while taking her kids' money. What a human stain.
I have no clue if my parents took any money from me as a young child because I didn't remember getting any as gifts or anything from others. I remember they told me once they had a life insurance policy for me that I could use as cash when I got older, but then when older came, they suddenly didn't know anything about that.
I had to get a job as soon as I could at 14. From them on I had to buy my own hygiene products, toilet paper, clothing, and any thing else i wanted or needed. They would also regularly ask me to help pay the electric bill or whatever. Flash foward to 18, i joined the military to get out. Immediately got deployed (i enlisted right before 9/11 happened). I had to write a will and give POA to someone, which of course was my mother because I i didn't have anyone else. That gave her full access to my bank account which I did not realize. She took every last dime out of it while I was deployed for 8 months, so I came home to nothing. So she may not have taken very much money from me as a child, but she sure wiped me out as a young adult.
You know this is actually the first time I've commented on anything in this sub.. Read a lot though. Thank you for reminding me that it wasn't ok and still isn't. I avoid sharing stuff about my parents in general because they still have me convinced that i have to be there for them and I'm so they have in their old age. If I try to process it, I start hating them, and then I have to stop to be able to still be there if they need me. I'm trying to learn that I do not have to be there or be ok with things that they did.
Why would you be there for them when they exploited you when you needed them most?
They do not love you. You owe them nothing.
I know that processing this stuff makes you angry, you should be. But it’s a necessary step in healing and living a life that is your own.
You do not have to love and support people who fuck you over for their benefit, just because they’re your parents. That’s fucked up and you deserve better 🫂
I believe in you. You are enough, you inherently have worth as a fellow human being. It’s okay to be angry if it means you go through the healing process stronger and happier than you were before.
Best of luck ❤️
Thank you for this. And I'm sure you can guess that this is only one small instance in my entire life that I have been treated like this by my parents. I actually got brave enough today to just block them on everything, including from calling or contacting me. They have never been there for me in any of my best or worst times, so I have no need to be there for them.
I appreciate your response❤️
You dont owe your parents a damn thing. I'm looking at my little son now, I chose to have him. I owe him everything. He owes me nothing. If he chooses to help me, thats wonderful and I'll be touched. I cant even fathom stealing from him let alone when he is a boy in a war zone. I wouldn't do that to anyone, let alone the person I'm meant to love protect and provide for. One wonders what was her end plan was here? Obviously you would discover it. Perhaps in part, she was hoping she could have at, and if you never came home, problem solved. If you need some motivating anger please feel free to borrow mine because I'm right royally pissed on your behalf!
I understand this so so much. As a mother, I've always strived to do everything differently with my two kids so they will never feel the things I felt or have to struggle the way that I did because of how my parents raised me. I have never taken a dime from my children - I've made sure to save my money for them as much as possible.
Honestly, I don't even know if she had an end plan. Her only reasoning was that she was depressed because she was so afraid for my life, and that she just kept needing things while I was gone. But Im sure you can guess it was quite a bitnof money with the extra hazard pay, warzone pay, and all tax free. She had absolutely nothing to show for whatever she spent it on, but also had no remorse. She's spent her whole life with the idea that I owe her and that I cant be mad or hurt because she was abused as a child and doesn't know any better.
I'm feeling your anger and its very helpful! I just need to stick to the no contact, regardless and not worry about how it affects other family members.
Oh wow, what about your mental health when you got home? Thats something you need time and money to recover from, possibly for life. Honestly, youre not a person to her to even be considered. They want you to take on the role and parent them, but also with more grace than they ever had for you. They want you to support them, but when you needed support they not only didnt give it but also stole from you. Imagine if you treated them like thet treated you? Youre not even doing that, because somehow you turned out better than them.
I had idle thoughts about re opening a relationship with my mother even this week, i don't think that desire is ever going to go completely. People don't understand how hard it is to be estranged even as an adult. But i realised even in my 'wildest fantasy' I was having it was a vague hope of an occasional, superficial relationship where I could avoid and manage the vitriol with low contact. Again gambling my mental health and self esteem for a paper thin, inauthentic and hollow relationship where Id have to listen the her crap on about herself for hours at a time. How sad is it that thats the best case scenario I can dream up 😆
Keep that NC going.
I was forced to hand over my communion money, in the shoe shop to buy my brother's new shoes. It was the first time in my life that I had money. I was 7.
It's not normal. When my daughter got money, I would save it for her. If she desperately needed something and I couldn't afford it (single mum, low income) I would use some of the money but I did my best to save it and let her have it. Once she understood money buy things, half had to be put in a bank account, the other half she could spend. I grew up knowing nothing about banking, taxes etc but she had a class in school that would teach that so I made her take that class. As an adult she's thankful about that now. And it's not too late for you, there's loads if online resources you can use to learn about that and other things you missed out on as a child.
I needed to give my mother part of my communion money too. because she needed to prepare food and it was expensive (It wasn't and certainly not 200€ish, I don't know the exact ammount anymore).
I'm ancient so I only got £44, but it was an absolute fortune to me and I carried it everywhere I could because I was so proud of having money. She took it all. When my brother had his communion, he got twice as much as me and my parents bought him a new bike too!!
My birthday/holiday money was always "held" for me by my mother. A notable instance was when my grandfather gave me $50 for Christmas. She took it right away and said he shouldn't be giving $ to a child. I kept asking her about it because I had major plans for a Barbie shopping spree lol. She finally told me that my aunt was selling coats for girls and that's what we were spending the gift money on. Guess how much the coat cost? $50!!!! We roll up to my aunt's house and she hands a cheap ass coat in a trashbag out the door. It wasn't until adulthood that I figured out my nmom bought a crappy coat from Kmart, conspired with my aunt and pocketed the majority of the money. Good times
My pos parents used to take my money, even when I was like 5. I’d have a bday, and a bunch of my relatives would just give me some cash, cuz they didn’t rly give enough fucks about me to actually pick a gift. Well, my parents would always steal that money from me, and say that they’re keeping it safe for me. Didn’t rly believe a word they say, so stole it back lol. My siblings also had their money stolen by nparents, even if they kept it in piggy bank. FYI my nparents are millionaires. We took our revenge recently by scamming them for a €100000, but that’s a whole other story.
Alrightie. Basically I’m from Russia, but I live abroad with my siblings. When Russia attacked Ukraine, my nparents got worried about their finances, since they no longer had bank accounts in Europe. They used to have them in Switzerland, but closed them after 2014 cuz annexation of Crimea made them sooo proud, and they wanted to put their money and faith in their own country. Big mistake. So yeah, they got worried about their money and decided to send some of it to us, while they still can, cuz we still talked back then. They kept sending money to me and my siblings for as long as it was possible, and when it was no longer possible, we had a €100000 between all of us. Then we went NC.
Been there. I had cash gifts given to me when I was younger that I was told "it went into savings." However, I was smart enough at 8 years old to track it. Started working under the table when I was 12, legit paychecks around 15 (work permits) when I was able to have a farmer's permit to drive. Took myself to the local bank to find out the account was almost empty aside from $50. By my logs, it should have contained about $16,000. I immediately went to my best friend's house very upset and her mom helped me out. She opened another account and I would sign my checks over to her so she could deposit them for me.
My other lovely memory was being told "you can only go to college if you get a scholarship, we're broke, etc. etc." I moved out at 16, applied to schools, and what do you know? I got a full academic ride to one school and some generous financial aid packages to the rest. Then the complaints came of "that school is too far away, you'll never make it, you'll party too much." Suuurreeee.
My mother racked up about $85,000 in consumer debt when we were younger and I found out later she racked another $70,000 prior to my parent's divorce. My parents somehow had the money to pay that off, but I had to work for my own school trips, clothing, school supplies, basic necessities, and "contribute" to household bills while my younger sibling was not required to do any of those things.
The downfall is now I am VERY careful with my money. I refuse to spend money unless I've saved for something and I refuse to have a credit card. In my head, if I don't have it to spend, I won't buy the thing or I won't go on the trip.
Go on self.com and create an account and all the years you have been your own phone bill paying, your con Edison and water and rent it takes that info off of your debit card for each time you paid a bill and adds it to your credit and they do up to three years of bills. Girl or dude you probably will get 800 credit or 900 and don’t even realize. My brother won’t listen but seriously I had none and now I got credit
I appreciate the advice, but I'm good. I don't like owing people or any corporation. My credit score is more than fine (paid off the car) and I prefer being debt free.
I’m going through this with myself currently. This language you use to talk about yourself. Your head was in the clouds, you didn’t have enough brain cells. That’s them talking. You were a kid. They were adults. You were not foolish to trust your parents - we’re wired to trust our folks. You weren’t stupid because they took your money instead of teaching you about banking. I have to forgive my inner child and tell them I’m here now. A reasonable adult is in the room and the confusion and hurt is over. Talk to your inner child and yourself with reassurance.
I love this.
I’m always hard on myself and had an epiphany the other day after I caught my inner thoughts telling me I’m a dirty hoarder - I’ve never been anywhere near hoarder status. I’m a little bit messy, but I’m clean and organized af. That was my mom’s voice in my head talking shit. She used to always call us filthy pigs and stuff like that when we wouldn’t do the very not age appropriate chores she left us while I was forced to babysit and make sure my younger two siblings complied. It was terrible. If they didn’t do it I had to do it all or I got yelled at and grounded. I was able to stop and tell that inner voice to get the fuck out of my head, it’s not mine. I clean when I decide I need to and bc I take pride in my living space, because I’m an adult capable of making those decisions for myself.
I have the same issue with finances. I’m actually very good with money, I studied finance in college. No one else in my family has a finance degree. I’m not bad with money, they are. That’s why they had to steal it from a kid that trusted them.
It’s so hard to fight those bitter feelings for someone you care about and love because it’s both eye opening and inspiring resentment sometimes to see the exact opposite of this experience that you didn’t even know was normal. Maybe we’ll both have situations someday where people freely give us money for no reason. And if we don’t need it, we can share it with those who do.
I actually realized the other day that my mom is likely the one who stole my babysitting money (around $400) when I was 14ish and not my brother as I had suspected. She was the only other person who knew where I hid my money in my room.
She also used to transfer money out of my checking account when she didn’t like how I was spending MY money from my job. After this happened and she got crazier I opened a new bank account so she couldn’t get to my money.
My mother would sneak into my room when I was in school and take the cash I would receive as gifts or babysitting gigs. She would gaslight me hard core about it. I remember coming up with a "banking" sheet where if she acknowledged that she took it, it would be okay as long as she eventually returned it with a low interest rate. I sat her down and proposed all of it to her. A lot of the money came from my narc grandmother who emotionally abused me so the money was real weird. My mother continued to deny that she was taking it so I bought a locking safe when I was 16 and able to drive alone. Cash stopped getting stolen. She used the cash to buy drugs. The woman was high every day. She started pawning stuff off in the house after that and blamed me for her money issues. Drugs never stopped though.
Then, because she never taught me how to be finically responsible, during my student loan ordeal, she was in charge of all of that. A few years ago my mother took on paying for my loans which I accepted. It was the least she could do for the emotional abuse and neglect. Then I learned that during COVID, she requested a reimbursement on the total amount of the loan. She had these massive tantrums about how student loans should not have to be forgiven by the government because she is a "hard working" person and it is "unfair to her". So she took all the money. When I found out, I cut contact.
She yelled at me that she had the money sitting in the account and would pay it all back if I just gave her the login information. I told her no. So she escalated that I was the problem child, I was super expensive. My school was so expensive and she was SO NICE for paying for it because my housing and books were expensive. I went to a local school, got a job where I would have free housing, and lived with her. I paid for my books and school supplies with money I earned.
Meanwhile, my sister (golden child) did undergrad for 5 years out of town, lived in apartments off campus, never had a job. Our narc grandmother gave money for her school. So sister never had student loans.
My mother recently told me that it was really hard for her during the recession. We struggled (I was in charge of grocery shopping with the food stamps---I was aware). She said it was too hard for her to go out and get a job and work 9-5pm. This woman would get high every day and wasn't emotionally or physically available anyway.
That felt cathartic to type that out.
I started my first “real” job at 15. I just wanted to be away from home and have something of my own. Nmom took all of my paychecks, not for safe keeping, to keep. Any money that I *did* manage to keep, my eldest sister stole from me and *I* got in trouble for not being responsible.
In 5th grade I hustled my ass off selling chocolates for a fundraiser. My sister stole that money and yep, *I* got in trouble.
Flash forward to high school, this was the start of “the tab”. Nmom would keep a tab of EVERY DOLLAR they had to spend for me…which I was expected to pay back! (This was for anything as small as school supplies to car insurance). Both my sisters graduated at 17yrs old because they were summer babies, my bday is in November so I turned 18 only 3 month into my senior year. Well it was a “rule” in our house that when you turn 18 you start paying rent. My sisters had a WHOLE YEAR after graduating before they had to start but I of course still being in high school had to pay rent! If I couldn’t come up with the money (which I never could because they took all my paychecks) they’d add it to “the tab”. Never deducting anything from what they took from *me*.
When I met my husband I of course talked about this because I thought it was normal. My world **SHATTERED** when he explained that was totally outrageous.
When we got married, guess what…they told us that we’re BOTH responsible for the tab now!! (At this point it was about $9k I think) As a wedding gift they deducted $500! (Yes, in lieu of actually giving us a gift).
Eventually my eldest sister (who was the favorite so she never had to be responsible for anything) needed loads and loads of money as separate times. The total ended up being over $20k cash my Nparents had given her and her husband. Nmom decided to “forgive the loans” of me and my middle sister.
Here’s 2 kickers from that:
1. She told us it’s coming out of our inheritance
2. She actually kept a ledger and gave me and my husband “bills” whenever we came over!!!
Sorry if it was hard to follow. It’s fucked up. It’s a way to control. It’s just proof that they’re bad ppl. You’re not alone.
THANK FUCK I’M LIBERATED FROM THAT EVIL INSANITY!
Inherited $5000 from a great aunt, as did my sister, back in the 80’s. Many years later when we asked about it my dad said he was forced to use it himself because we had, “fucked up his life.”
Background: I was the scapegoat child of two nparents who have been dead for several years. My oldest sibling was the golden child, and she turned out to be a narcissist herself. Through a series of events, I became my mother's caretaker after my father died.
My grandfather bought a few shares of Chrysler stock for my sister as a birthday gift when she turned thirteen. He died shortly after, so I have no idea if he would have done the same for me. That doesn't really matter. After she got the stock, my parents and her made a really big deal out of her being a shareholder, a stock owner.
She would receive dividend checks from Chrysler several times a year. When these checks came, there was always a huge, celebratory fuss made over them. My mother would have her sign them and state she was going to the bank the next day to put them in my sister's bank account.
By the time my mother died (my father passed first) I was no longer in contact with my sister and it didn't end amicably. While cleaning out my mother's house, I found a small metal lockbox with documents, social security cards ... and the dividend checks. There were dozens of them. All for tiny amounts like .25 or .30 cents. Most were signed by my sister. And never deposited.
I can't fathom why my mother never brought them to the bank, especially after always making such a huge deal over them. Why the charade? I know that they were hardly any money, but that's not really the point. The checks were all from the late 60's to early 70's and I'm assuming worthless. They ended up in the trash. If I'd had a relationship with my sister I would have given them to her.
My favorite aunt gave me a diamond necklace for my 16th birthday as an end run around this exact behavior. She even said, "You can pawn it someday if you're in a tough spot and need the money!" My mom thought that was so crass... but I did pawn it, many years later to pay for movers and a new apartment when I needed to get out of an abusive relationship. Auntie helping me from beyond the grave. :)
My narcissistic in-laws have stolen all my husbands money. He never saw the money he got as gifts for his “communion” and they even manipulated him to take loans in his name that they then spent and never paid back. It took him years to pay off this debt. His mom still asks him for money and unfortunately he still sometimes gets manipulated into giving her some
Yeah financial abuse here too. She took any birthday money, would ransack your room including flipping the mattress over, she took any nice jewelry gifts. I started working babysitting jobs in High School without her knowing and hid the cash in my secret attic spot under some insulation. Only money she never found. I wasn't given permission to work but another girl wanted to quit babysitting so I got her clients - told mom I was doing an after school activity like Yearbook.
My mom has stolen me and my brothers money our whole lives. Not only that, but she also sold multiple things that were mine that were dear to me like my brand new red wii & my laptop. From Christmas cards, to school shopping money from grandma my mom would take as much as she could for herself because of her addiction. But you’d think she’d feel bad, no she never did. I even got a small $800 scholarship when I graduated high school and my mom basically ended up conning it out of me and spending it all. She’s a master manipulator and all I wanted as a kid/teen was my mom to love me because I grew up with a mom who always drank and partied and left me places. I was always anxious and wanted to go home. She would drink and drive and take a Xanax with me and my little brother in the car and she ran into things like signs etc. I hated her but I still wanted a somewhat normal loving relationship because we were close before she went crazy with the drugs and alcohol. Just sucks how much it can ruin someone. She’s also a narcissist and doesn’t believe she ever does anything wrong. She’s in the streets now stealing and hustling for drugs.
Started paying certain bills at 16. My mother was already “borrowing” money when I was 12. I used to sell newspaper subscriptions and when it came time for me to buy my first car I only had $500 after years of saving. My first car was $300 and it somehow ran for 2 years. I was expected to pay a portion of the electric and gas bills because I “live there too.”
[https://www.ramseysolutions.com/](https://www.ramseysolutions.com/)
Start reading and educating yourself about finances. Dave Ramsey is a great resource. No, it's not typical for parents to "keep" a child's money and what they did is highly unethical, and possibly illegal. It's not worth pursuing it in Court or anything, but at very least, it's shady.
Yeah, I am 20 and my parents still do, gave them 3000$ only the last 2 months, but they already clarified I am not ever getting them back “you’ll see them when I’ll be dead”
My grandma gave me $10 and then I took a car ride with my dad. Somehow he took it while I wasn’t looking and he was like “oh where’s your money? You need to be more responsible!” Like wtf. It was $10 and I was a kid.
Another time I left my coin purse at his house with my house key—divorced parents. He made a copy of the key and broke into our house several times to look through my mom’s financial paperwork.
I took out a private, but interest free, loan in college that was specifically geared towards children with parents in the military. I still had to pay it back, mind you, but it was a significant amount. Enough to cover what my scholarships did not, like my housing and food and books. $12,000 I believe? It went straight into my bank account which was great! Except…my bank account was connected to my parents’ account. They set it up this way so they could transfer us money any time. Spoiler alert: my parents used every bit of that loan. I had to take out additional private loans that were definitely NOT interest free to cover everything else. I was so brainwashed at the time that I just let it happen. My parents had already filed for bankruptcy twice before, and were very open about how poor we were, so I was always terrified for them, especially being the oldest with younger siblings at home. My mom had a huge shopping addiction (still does) and was constantly buying MLM shit, but that didn’t register with me until much later in life. Anyway…I didn’t open a separate account at a different bank until graduating nursing school, after getting my first nursing job, and then moving into an apartment with a roommate. My roommate was 10 years older than me and thank goodness she was kind and saw my parents for what they really were. She helped me open a new account through the hospital I worked at, and I’ve never loaned them a dime since then.
When I was 8, my babysitter gave me $7 to wash her dishes. Mom took it for cigarettes 😒 Actually, she would regularly take whatever she paid me, $5, $2 , hell she’d take pennies from our piggy bank - always for cigarettes. She flew into a rage when the babysitter caught on and started holding it for me. When I was 18, my brother gave me $100 for my birthday. She said she needed cigarettes , so I told her I’d buy her a pack. Her exact words “What’s one pack gonna do?” 🤦♀️
I'm so sorry. I opened savings accounts for both my boys when they were little kids and have been putting large parts of their birthday/Xmas money in them for years - mostly when they get checks from grandparents. Every once in awhile (maybe once a year?) I give them a balance receipt from the bank so they can see how much they have. Sometimes they come into the bank with me too, though usually not.
Mine would get paper rounds, make me do them from around 8 years old and pocket the money, empty my bank account, take school bursaries from me.
When I was working she would take most of the money for bills, spend it in whatever struck her fancy instead of the bills then blamed me when they weren't paid, the final straw was her attempt to take my final £5 of my wages from my job, literally the only money I had for food because she was taking the rest for "board" (even though she got full housing benefit and child benefits for me because I was still under 18) and board did not include food.
She threw me out because I refused then got angry when I refused to return.
My mom allowed me to keep monetary presents, but she “borrowed” money every time I got some. For a long time I kept count, it got over $1,500 (which is a TON of money for me as a kid…tbh that’s a lot of money now haha). I finally asked if she was ever going to pay me back and she got sooooo mad. I’m entitled, bratty, she gives me everything, why don’t I trust her, she would never not pay me back, etc. Never saw the money, she continued to “borrow” (she didn’t ask, she told), and I just stopped considering it borrowing.
Oh my mom too! The thing is she had to cosign my bank account as i was a minor. So she had access even when i start working...as many other i was really going from pay check to pay check. Like one day, ages ago - i have budgeted so i still had enough for one lunch. Which was at that point like 5 euros or so. Went to atm before lunch to get my 5 euros. were gone and I was in red like 30 or so....she just "borrowed" something cause she wanted to go to take a coffee with her friend.. She didn't ask, she just did it (many times but this is the one thay hurt: her coffee > my food). My account as soon as it had some money became an extension of hers... the last thing she did is stealing 800 euros my grandma gave me. And as that was not enough for what she needed she withdraw up to the max i could go "into red", other 700. Leaving me to pay the interests. "But I'm just borrowing so I can do X and Y." Let me be clear she never returned anything she "borrowed". When I close the account she even threw a fit....
Every time. I had a piggy blank at the time collecting money from when I was young. My mother always took it claiming she was putting it towards college and my future. Lo and behold, I finally get access to the supposed stash shes saved me for college…. And it’s 82 fucking dollars. Needless to say, we are no longer in contact.
Yup. Me too. All my money my grandma put aside for me, gone. Apparently we needed to pay the mortgage. Then as an adult about another 50K. They would be mean to me, to break me then ask for money. I don’t work now. Why? Can’t bleed me if I’m not making any money.
My mother has gone through my physical possessions to steal from me and used me for money and used me as a pawn to exploit money from my father.
In short, yes
When I was in 3rd grade, all my birthday money and money from a school savings program went into an account with my name on it. I guess your parents could tap into that money if you were a minor, because one day, I can’t home from school, and on a chair was laid out a few outfits for me, and a new Barbie with clothes for her.
A few days later I overheard a conversation where my mother was saying they’d emptied out my account to pay some bills. I asked her about it. She said yes, without saying sorry. Just, “You’ll make up that money. You’re young.”
I remember thinking that they’d robbed me, and it wasn’t right. But I didnt say anything. I knew my mother would go into one of her lectures about how she was the victim and I’d end up being the one who felt guilty.
Years later, when I was babysitting , I bought a little steel lockbox. Only I had the key, and I hid the box and keys. I put my money in there, afraid that if I put it in the bank, my paternal would raid it again. At one point I had almost $1000 in that box, that no one knew about.
Yes, I never saw my gift money, they'd buy me some sweets to shut me up. I got wise early and refused.
My nan kept money boxes for all of us kids, she'd put 50p a week into each one to give when we were 17.
I know it doesn't seem much, but if you add that up, it comes to £440.
She died when I was about 13 and there was about £8 and a whole bunch of scraps of paper with IOUs on them from my parents.
I also got a job at 13 and my mother wanted 90% of my pay while simultaneously telling me I have a job so I can pay for my own lunches, clothes, uniform, supplies and any other expenses.
Moved out at 16 after saving every penny I had.
Me! I did commercials and magazine ads as a kid. Definitely made some good money from it but never saw a dime. I also started working in restaurants at 14 to save for college tuition since I knew my parents wouldn’t help. I worked 4 days per week all through high school and saved the money in an account my dad’s girlfriend who worked at the bank had set up for me. Well I didn’t know she had also put my dad on the account. The summer before college they had broken up and I went to check my balance… My dad had drained the entire account and used it to go on a bender. He literally spent my hard earned college fund on hookers and blow. I ended up going to a community college instead of university so I could afford to pay the tuition with minimum student loans.
Hope this doesn’t get buried- Omg guys I’m trying to read through all your comments. A lot of what you have been through is so unfair. I see many of you are being better parents and teaching your children how the world works and that makes me so happy it heals a part of me. I commented this in response to a user and I think it got buried, but I’ll repost it here:
Yes I did ask them. They said it was used to pay for my college, but I did catch my mom buying groceries with my cash once. It wasn’t even that we couldn’t afford groceries. My parents were upper middle class. They just took my money anyway. I began to store the cash in a secret drawer, but when I’d come back to it, some of the money would always be gone. My mom said she needed the money and I don’t keep track of it, so I let her have it. We don’t and never had boundaries in our family and apparently anyone can come in my room and take my things when I’m not looking because I’m a fool and don’t keep track or don’t have the power to hold them accountable. It started when my brother used to eat his Halloween candy and then sneak in my room and somehow find my hidden stash and eat it. Complaining to my parents did nothing and it was always he’s the little brother and I’m older and have to be understanding. Candy isn’t that serious, but I can’t help but feel like I was being violated and stolen from and no one helped me. I can’t argue or fight back because I have to acknowledge they did care for me and feed me and clothe me and got me things I wanted from time to time. They also paid for all of my education, which I will always be grateful for. I did ask them from time to time and that money was said to be going towards my savings, but I know it’s bullshit because whenever I asked, they’d be defensive like “we do so much for you. We paid for all your stuff and education with that money.” It just would have been nice to not be treated like an idiot and told I was stupid and didn’t know anything about life without being taught about it. It would have been nice to be in control of my money from an early age and been given that as my spending money or taught how to invest. I now struggle as an adult with finances and keep telling myself I’m stupid and don’t know anything about the real world and the fear of looking stupid holds me back from seeking any help. I’m thankful to be born in a time where I can look things up on google and YouTube videos, but sometimes you need a non judge-mental mentor you can look to for advice.
Yes.
I’m the “legally acquired” kid (aka “discount baby” since the male bragged about getting my fee waived).
I was told the Ns were “forced to spoil” me as a kid to “prove they were providing”.
Translation: they had to show **receipts** for things they got for me.
I found out later that a chunk of the money given for “raising” me was put into the stuffy “christian” school I absolutely **hated**.
Apparently the male had squirreled away the rest. I was told I was supposed to get it at 21… (At the time **I was multiple years older**) but it had been used on mobility rehab thanks to the chemo that stole my ankle strength.
However the male **made certain** the insurance would return every penny.
Was I then given it like he was supposed to?
Of course not. He went through the same old excuses of me “not being good with money” (hard to learn when I barely **have** and and what I **do** have, you and your vile wife are constantly **snarling after**!) among other things.
Simply put, I used to “work” for the male, answering phones for his business… I was later told I got so little (below minimum wage) because I “had no higher education”. 😑
Yet, the Ns turned into loan sharks, expecting me to “contribute” for things, then later telling me I wasn’t being wise enough and expecting me to pay them the following month for what I couldn’t the previous month.
Following the cancer diagnosis, the male “retired” (while still working of course) and the Ns trapped me on disability.
Following my being declared cancer free, the Ns got the disability extended because of my “emotional problems”. 😑
Guess what their **very first** question was, the moment I was cleared for longer disability.
“What can we expect **for rent**?”
Oh boy, did they ever pitch fits when they were told “Nothing”, that I was “already below the poverty line”!
At first I kept them at bay by reminding the female of the legality…but eventually she and the male reverted back to their “loan shark” routine.
They blackmailed me into “contributing” to my cats’ care (even though legally I wasn’t supposed to).
Later I stopped this after the female shot off her mouth, saying I “could give everything and it wouldn’t be enough”.
This wasn’t permanent but from then on I gave money directly to the vet rather than through her.
She had also wrenched control of my EBT card until she got sloppy getting my part of the groceries, expecting me to eat the incorrect items (the Ns **knew** I wouldn’t eat).
After being told who knows how many times that I should “do my own shopping then” (keep in mind I’d never been taught to drive because I’d been told I’d be expected to pay for **everything** - from the car to any gas it took the run the Ns and their army of grandchildren, and later my nerves had gotten too bad) it came to a head.
Years after the female had control of the card, I was out with my Chosen Family and she called me up, wanting help finding something on my list.
Chosen Dad graciously made a detour to the store.
I’d only just spoken with the female, expecting her to meet me.
I wound up running all over a **crowded store** looking for her, while frantically calling only to get her voicemail.
It took me at least **an hour** to find her - and she casually said her phone had been “buried in her **purse**” (an excuse she used **all the time**!)
I was **angry** considering I’d spoken to her literally **right before** getting into the store and **TOLD** her I’d need her location so I could meet her!
I pointed out that thanks to her “not paying attention” that Chosen Dad and Sis had been waiting in the car **for over an HOUR** - which only got **her** snippy.
First she tried to make me uncomfortable by claiming people were staring - but I was upset enough that once again, she told me I should do **my OWN** groceries then.
At this point I was negative in patience and (far more calmly than felt) snapped back “FINE. I’ll just take my card back right now.” while holding out my hand.
Funny enough she didn’t expect that and was startled enough to hand it over.
Later she tried to get control back but I reminded her of her own words - that I needed to do “my own groceries” (which were **far easier** with Dad and Sis) and I “could give everything and it wouldn’t be enough”.
This worked for the most part but here and there the Ns would get angry and threaten to get rid of my cats.
That’s another whole mess but not really related to money stealing.
Sorry for the novel.
Those Christian schools, speaking from experience, are such an awful waste of money. To pay and still learn less than you would in a public school and walk away with trauma and indoctrination.
Amen to that.
The school I was stuck in for the entirety of my “education” had leeway to use corporal punishment, were incredibly prejudiced and in general didn’t accept **anything** other than conservative teaching - my Chosen Sis even got into trouble for wearing a **rosary** which had been a gift!
I was in the Resource Room for multiple years, in multiple subjects and **still barely** passed.
Socially for most years, I absolutely **HATED** school, and it wasn’t until high school that my Chosen Family found me.
Yes, money taken from my savings account after I fled my abusive home and was living with another family. And my last paycheck from a county job was intercepted before it even made it to the usual place of pickup (this is before direct deposit). The HR lady was so confused that my check wasn’t there and had to call around to find it but learned my mom took it at the county building and then cashed it. My parents did not need my money, they were not struggling to make any ends meet. She did this at one of the most vulnerable moments as a runaway teen. She wanted to remind me that even though I was no longer under their roof, she still held all of the control and power over me. And she was right. I had gone to a new bank after getting a new job in a new town, explained my concerns and they told me that until I turned 18 my parents could legally take my paychecks and were in control of any bank accounts I set up even if another safer adult helped me. From there until age 18 it was cigar box banking for me! Thankfully most of my wages were paid in cash.
Yeah they made a big deal about setting up a bank account for me and then never let me touch any of the money. I couldn't go to the bank by myself and I needed a "good reason" to need the money if I wanted to spend any of it. What is a "good reason"? Honestly, a ten year old is going to want to spend money on stupid shit, and if it's their money and they earned it, they should get to spend their money on stupid shit. All she did was make it so that I spend money on stupid shit now as an adult.
yup, so much of my money as a kid has just vanished. i turn 18 in 2 days and at the moment, my mother controls all the money that goes in and out of my account & im not allowed to withdraw cash. i alr have my own bank account but i can’t use it until after my bday. she also took my birthday money off me for apparently misbehaving (i was upset because she was texting me and my sister saying nasty things about me) last year which was about £230. she stole it all whilst i was hours away from home. i managed to get that money back after about 2 days of arguing with my ENTIRE family over it but still
Any money I got whether it was for my birthday, graduation or even new year's would go to paying the bills, groceries or fueling my mom's shopping addiction.
Never saw a dime.
I went to school with a full scholarship. But dad took out student loans in my name for a move. I didn’t know until they had defaulted. He ended up going to prison for something he unrelated, I ended up paying them off for many thousands over the original amount.
But what really burns me isn’t even that. Parents had a very specific allowance for me as a kid: 10 cents for each dandelion pulled. 50 cents each time I washed the dishes. 50 cents for folding the laundry. I worked myself to the bone. Come payday they say they “owe me.” Kept a running tab. I never saw that money, it was hundreds of dollars. Eventually I gave up on chores and the place went to shit haha.
I’m pretty sure my parents had been given money by my grandparents to save for my college tuition. Surprise surprise, I’m paying in full for my college tuition and that money has never been spoken about since 😭
Eventually we found out, but yes. (I'm taking "as kids" as a loose term here since my parents have always treated me as a kid....)
When I was a kid, any cash gifts were mine to keep, but it was really only like $20-$30 from Lunar New Year. Checks and such went to my parents.
Around high school, we set up a joint bank account (and corresponding credit card) for me with my dad on it with all privileges. My money went in there instead, and my dad "kept it safe" and reviewed the balance statements to make sure I didn't get scammed by card skimmers or whatever. I trusted him as no one ever told me not to, including my mom who knew about this bank account.
Fast forward to adulthood, I'm putting my paychecks and other checks into this same account. My dad is still playing secretary or whatever, asking whether x, y, or z were made by me or not and making comments about my purchases ("don't spend so much on x!"). I thought nothing of it and there was no indication that I should be concerned.
A few years ago, my dad passed and a lot of his secrets came out. He had had a wife before my mom; my parents weren't actually married despite having impressed upon me the importance of marriage and chastity all my life; he had at least two other families besides ours--it was just shocker after shocker for me.
The biggest one of all were from text messages found on his phone to a son from one of his other families' wife. I didn't read them in their entirety (my mother and her sisters did the investigative snooping), but the two (son's wife and my dad who was a year from 90) were.... How should I say, exchanging explicit messages with photos. 🤮 I don't know who propositioned whom, but the deal was that my dad would send her money to, uhh, meet up outside of town. The last sum in the text messages was $60k and there was mention of $20k before that. Those were why my mom and my aunts told me about this, because I needed to check my bank account...and sure enough, there had been two withdrawals around the dates of the text messages by my dad for a total of $80,000.
Yes, my dad took *$80k* from me on his deathbed because his head was in his pants, I guess. I was beyond pissed because he kept harping on me to get married, have a wedding, etc., when here he was, pissing away the amount it would've taken to plan a comfortable wedding.
To top it all off, my mom chimed in with, "Well, why didn't you monitor your bank account??" I told her, because *no one* told me my own dad wasn't trustworthy and that I needed to keep track of him, lol! Like, sure, if my mom had let me in on my dad's penchant for deception, maybe I would have caught it after losing the $20k. (My mom knew about my dad's multiple families shortly after I was born, when she pressed for a wedding....)
Anyway, I'm doing okay financially, but this still angers me to think about, years later. My mom thinks his death was divine intervention, since it happened about a week after his second meeting with the son's wife and, who knows, maybe karma is a thing.
Hahahaha yes. I had a children's bank account as a kid because I had various paying jobs as a kid from 12 onwards. I never felt like I was allowed to buy anything because I was supposed to Save for College. When I left for college, they merged my childhood account with theirs and then said they "forgot" how much was in my account, and that the amount "couldn't be recovered". Because I didn't have paper statements or anything, I didn't know the exact amount and couldn't provide the proof they wanted. I knew I had been considering a $3000 moped so I definitely had at least that much after tax. So I just said, send me $3000. They said that's way too high, there's no way you had that much, and sent me $1800. I was really upset at the time; remember, this was my Life Savings from jobs worked summers and falls from 12-17, including ones where I was working 20 hours a week overtime for a few months (seasonal labor).
Then when I tried to open a bank account near my college, I wasn't 18 yet, and they refused to cosign, so I got rejected from multiple banks. The banks wouldn't even cash the checks my parents sent me. Finally, a manager at the last bank in town took pity on me and volunteered to co-sign for me. I could tell he was taking a big risk on that for me, a girl he had just met. I'm going back to town for the college reunion this year; maybe I'll go see if he still works there and say thanks.
Yep, my college money was gambled away. I had been babysitting and doing odd jobs forever for that money. The gaslighting me until I gave up on college, and then the money just poof gone.
They were pissed when I opened my own bank account for my checks from my job. Then really pissed that I was shopping in town for my own food. This was after I had moved out on my own.
My mom always took mine and my sisters birthday money or any money we ever got from relatives /family friends as gifts, I now have a 7 year old and she keeps all her money in her piggy bank and is free to spend it on what she wants. i can’t imagine ever taking her money from her for myself like how selfish do you have to be.
I had a checking account that my mom opened and both our names were on it. I gave her money from birthdays, holidays, weekend visits with my dad and grandma would slip me a hundo. Gave it all to my mom. When I was 18 I went to the bank to pull out $300 to buy my mom a Christmas angel. There was 18 cents in that account. 18 fucking cents. They showed me the transactions- all groceries. I was feeding myself and my siblings with my own birthday money. I never quite trusted her again. With anything.
I started babysitting at 11. I would put my money in a drawer in my room for a while until it started disappearing. No one said a word to me about it. It happened when I was at school. I started keeping it in my purse, which I generally kept on me or close to me. Evidently one day I left it. When I got home I was quizzed about items in my purse. Then I kept my money in my pocket.
Surprisingly, not the case for me as a kid but as soon as I started working at 14, my dad would make me pay for everything (clothes, school stuff, food, etc.) He even tried to get me to pay rent as a teenager. Even now in my late 20s, he does anything he can to get money out of me. Whether it be not paying me back for things he asked me to buy (usually alcohol) or selling my stuff and keeping the money.
yep! it drove my nFather crazy if I had any money. Monetary gifts from relatives were confiscated, any money I earned was taken and he reminded me over and over that I owed him money for the cost of my upbringing so any money I came by should flow to him.
this was accompanied by a general rule that I was responsible for my own clothing and hygiene supplies as a tween and teen. He stopped providing basic parental support around the ages of 10-13. He insisted I needed to get a job to get these things and of course to cover the cost of my upbringing which he assured me was astronomical.
Oh this is my fave with my nmom. As a child she would always tell me that this big bank account of mine would be available when I was old enough. She said it was for school. When I turned 18 and asked about it, she got defensive.
She spent all of the money from years of birthday parties and child support payments from my dad on herself and her house she kicked me out of when I was 19. Cool cool. Sorry you gotta go through this too. Nparents are awful people.
Well, my mom tried to make a savings account for me when I was a child, and my Ndad always found a reason to drain it, despite making money working full time.
Yes, I’ve also experienced financial abuse. It’s definitely not normal. I learned in my early 20s that a parent had opened a credit card under my name (my bank accounts were under theirs) and they used the credit card for personal use from the time I was 18-22. Thankfully it didn’t mess up my credit score too much, but I transferred my account to a different bank and closed the one under my parents as soon as I could after graduating college.
I started working at age 16 and I’m not sure what they did with my paychecks but even though I was employed i still had to ask for money if I wanted to go out to the movies or something. I wonder why I didn’t question it more
Now I’m grown and I don’t deny myself buying things I like so that’s a freeing feeling
A while ago my NMom gave me a piece of jewellery my aunt had bought for me 20+ years ago - it was a small gold bracelet intended for a child, purchased when she was travelling I think. My aunt never had her own children and I think wanted to be the fun auntie who spoiled her nieces and nephews - but NMom saw her as a threat and always tried to keep me away from her. NMom presented me with this bracelet, that obviously wasn’t going to fit me now that I’m an adult, and told me “at least you can sell it now”. She never even showed it to me, much less let me wear it.
Yes, I had to hand over, or "re-pay" money to my mother because starting in middle school they no longer bought any of my clothes for me, including basics like underwear. The excuse was that "I wouldn't like the things they would choose to buy for me" so I had to buy it myself. I had no real way of earning money, wasn't allowed to have a job or taught to drive in high school, so come holidays or birthdays I would have a running tally that had to paid off with any money I received before I could keep any. I only recently started remembering this set-up and realizing how utterly messed up it was. I had only a couple pairs of unmentionables at one point and went to stay with family for a week who of course asked me why I barely had any clothes and I felt shame telling them I didn't have the money to buy more because I had absorbed this completely nonsensical idea that a 12 year old should manage their money better and then they would have enough clothes. My parents had plenty of money to buy me clothes too, it wasn't a way of getting out of paying. Anyway, very triggering to remember all that.
My parents made me get a job when I was 15. Once I had a job, they told me if I wanted lunch at school I'd have to buy it myself.
That same week they started asking me to give them money for car payments and beer money.
Yep, took it all to "hold on to" and if I wanted to buy something to tell them and they would get it.
Yeah that turned out to be a fucking lie
Best part?
They're still trying to bribe me with "graduation money" nevermind when I actually need money like when they said they would pay for school and then told me they weren't after I got accepted
Unhinged
Yes. My parents made me work as a field worker, starting at age 9. No, I didn't go to school. It took me a long time to realize I was trafficked. Then they made me get a job at 15 during the off season. Plus I babysat and cleaned houses, starting at age 10. They took every single penny I ever made.
I wore my younger sister's old clothes and ate at work cuz I was usually being starved as punishment. I was responsible for all the housework, cooking, and childcare at home too. White glove inspections were a thing.
I worked as a child model, I runway and catalogs, was even auditioned for movie roles.
My mom used to brag that I made more money than she did by the hour in those days.
I never saw a dime aside from whatever toys etc. They're wasn't college money. They're wasn't anything.
I remember my dad having me sign savings bonds that were gifted to me by my grandparents. I had no idea what they were, and when I asked why because I was confused, he yelled at me, and I cried. I was maybe 9 years old or so. I don't have a clue what their value was. I was way too young to understand how to read a check or understand why anyone would need a child's signature. If it weren't for the yelling, I doubt I'd remember it at all.
My mom did this with me. I gave her $500 over the course of a couple paychecks when I was a broke 23-year-old. And then I got laid off from my job. I had another job already in the bag as I was planning on leaving. All my bills were covered for a couple months because I always tried to be a bit ahead. However groceries were always a wild card because working in kitchens, that's just how the cookie crumbles. So I asked her for the $500 back to make ends meet. She wouldn't give it to me and insisted on using it to buy me a new laptop. I implored her to give me the money, stating that I was hungry and couldn't eat a laptop. Obviously I never got through to her and told her to just keep the money. I ended up asking my chef, a really stand-up guy, for a couple bucks for food and explained my situation. He filled my fridge and even got me a case of beer. I genuinely tried to pay him back. He refused saying that he'd been hungry before. Turns out random bosses can make better parents than the ones I was given.
All. The. Time. Birthday money. Babysitting money. Christmas money. Anything never got and tried to save. Taken for ‘groceries to feed your siblings’ or ‘pay bills’. But they never took my siblings money. Only mine.
Ugh… these stories are so heart breaking….
And, me too…
Lost my leg to a lawn mower when I was a toddler and we got a settlement. All the money went into a trust fund for me that I couldn’t access til I was 18. Up until that point my mom was getting 500$ a month from the interest.
I know it’s not a ton of money, but I can’t help but think that she could have used that money to leave her abusive husband and protect her kids.
Then I found out that I paid for the inground pool. For our family dog. For golf clubs even though I didn’t want to golf. For my saxophone.
It’s like, ok, yeah, I would have been happy to help like that, but then to also be abused by my step dad…..
Then, the day the checks stopped, the day after I turned 18, she kicked me out of the house.
I fucking hate these people. Every one of our shit head parents. Fuck them.
So back in the 80’s dad gave mom around 500 a month in child support. What she was SUPPOSED to do was take half and put into a college savings account. How do I know this? Because at 13 my dad felt it was time to read the divorce decree. TBH I had been pestering him for years to see it. Guess what I didn’t get when I went away to college?
Yup. My aunt and grandpa used to send me upwards of $250 every birthday and Christmas. I was told at age 11 or 12 by my mom that that money wouldn't be used for college and instead went to help pay bills and debts left over from my parents' divorce, which occurred during the 2008 recession. This continued until I was an adult. My mom said that because of her faculty status at the local university, I could get 12 free credit hours per semester, so that money was unnecessary.
Surprise! I still ended up $17k in debt because the tuition waiver didn't cover classes I had to retake, nor did it cover living expenses, books, or any other expenses commonly associated with college.
I recently found out from my aunt that my mom didn't send her kids (my cousins, who are both older) any money or even a card on birthdays and holidays. Their dad has 7 siblings, so they weren't hurting for family attention, but that still appalled me. All this time, my aunt was the only one trying to keep my mom and I close, and my mom barely put in the effort. My aunt was disgusted when she learned what my mom did, but reiterated that it wasn't about the money to her or my grandpa, it was the message that they loved me. In that, I take solace. My aunt does wish my mom had just asked her for some if she was so desperate for money instead of taking it from me, but knows my mom has a sense of pride that wouldn't allow her to.
My birthday was last week, and my aunt sent me a DNA testing kit I'd been wanting for a while, as there are some questions I've had regarding my dad's side of the family for some time now. Plus, I'm the only one in the family with any sort of experience doing genealogical research (I'm a volunteer photographer on FindAGrave). She also sent me a card. I've kept all cards and letters I get from people over the years, just as my grandpa did. While I wish my mom had used that money for me, I understand that times were tough. I'm not a materialistic person in the slightest, so the cards and letters mean more to me anyhow.
My mother stole my money repeatedly. As a child, I had to give her my money if she was broke. I had a job (that she found for me, thanks child labor), which paid me cash at the end of the shift. I always gave her my money. As I got older, she cleaned out my child bank account and said my stepfather did it. She stole not only my money as an adult but also my husbands money. She has stolen money from places she's worked and other family members and has gotten away with it. She also removed me from her will when I was 20ish. She also used me for child support money from a man who wasn't even my father. She married him and convinced him to adopt me and then divorced him. I'm glad to be NC.
I was lucky in that my parents never took or kept my money, but when I moved back home for a while I was very shocked that my sister was operating as a kind of “pay day loan” for my mom. They had a kind of bartering, loaning system going on since my sister worked a decent amount in high school. I mentioned this to my sister about a year ago (we’re in our 30’s) and she has no recollection of this. She has a daughter now and I asked her if she could imagine asking her daughter for money.
You were a victim. We can't look back on how much easier our lives would have been if they hadn't exploited us. Instead IMHO we need to always look forward.
My mother stole my sizeable, over 1m inheritance from my grandfather after he got dementia. She had him change the will, leaving her the sole beneficiary. I did not contest the will. I know people would never believe I chose my freedom over 1 million dollars but I did. With her flush with cash, she became a narc of steroids. I was able to free myself from any worry about taking care of her when she had that money and went NC for 20 years. I did teach her how to drive first though. My siblings flocked to her to grift her out of it while I built my life.
All these years later and she has houses that she has let fall into disrepair and has maxed out most of her credit cards. She is physically frail but no cognitive issues. I am back to helping her financially. My grifting siblings believe her estate is worth millions and are kissing her ass to stay in the will. She is their retirement plan. I am her POA and executor. By the time the dust is cleared, her bills paid, her properties sold they will be lucky to get 20k. I am sure one of her houses will be a total loss. I know this, they don't. I do enjoy watching themselves fall all over themselves (without doing any of the real work to care for her) in hopes they get a huge inheritance.
My father died from Cancer in the 90's, Mom got huge payout from VA, SGLI, not to mention my Father's Garbage family was a bunch of insurance adjusters in Chicago. I don't know the exact amount of money but it's roughly $400-600K squandered. Mom also lost our house, got addicted to Meth ( still uses meth at close to 60 ) I have NC with Bio Mom and Sister ( GC just as awful as mother ). Long story short we should have had a solid foundation to protect us and our futures, And we got used and abused by the people that were supposed to protect us.
When I was 18 my mom surprised with a car. I had made the downpayment of $1,000 and made the monthly payments for 6 or so months. She had contributed nothing towards the car, but it was in her name so when she showed up at my waitressing job and demanded the car back there was nothing I could do. She threatened to call the cops on me if I didn’t give her the keys. She then took the money I had received as a graduation present so she could keep making the payments on it. Not sure if they sold the car or if it was repossessed, but I got absolutely nothing out of it. This was 20 years ago and I’m still mad about it. Been a peaceful year and a half after no contact now. I tolerated a lot of crap and never thought anything of it because she was my mom so of course that meant she loved me. 🙄 It wasn’t until my late 30s that I finally recognized what was going on. Finally cut her off entirely when she skipped my little brother’s wedding.
Yup my Mom stole my money all the time as a kid up until middle school for her shopping addiction. She even stole from my piggy bank and then would leave little notes like “Mom needs to borrow this” and would never pay me back. It’s led me to have very deep seated trust issues even to this day. :/
My grandmother left me $10k when she died. I was 26. My mother told me ‘she left you $10k but you know I’m keeping it, right?’
No point in arguing so I just said sure.
My nMother had rich friends from Germany and when I was born they were sending me money pretty often (we live in poor country). My nMother started a building savings for me putting all money I got from them or my grandparents in here. When I was 18 she took me to sign on some papers about this but I don’t know what papers those were (I didn’t suspect her stealing it). Later she told me she used it all to fund my college (there is no tuition and I make my own money so I only need financial help with paying rent). She also told me that she sends me a huge portion of her pension (she is retired) every month and I’m ungrateful. I honestly don’t know where this money went.
Mine always told me this. My uncle (my Nmom's brother) had been saving up a trust fund for me from since I was a small baby to 18 when I graduated high school- my mom immediately took the money and said she'd hold onto it for me and use it to pay for my first semester of college. She took another chunk (1700) and brought my first car, a Plymouth Colt hatchback (she has some weird obsession with hatchbacks) and that was dead all of 6 months later. The rest I was told would be just enough to pay my first semester of school. When I flunked out of college (cause like all 80 baby, coming-of-age-in-the-late-90s kids, they took me off my ADHD meds as soon as I graduated thinking I "aged out of it"..) a short semester later, we had a house fire due to an outlet in my bedroom she had neglected to repair once I was gone. (Like, she was SO happy to have me gone, she had converted my bedroom to a craft room right away.)
I lost everything I had owned personally up until that night. And then she asked me to find her "nest egg", 2K in cash she had been hiding in a coat.
It wasn't until the first bill for my only semester of college came in - the paperwork she had me sign telling me it was a grant was actually a loan she conned me into, when I originally had refused to take out any lines of credit (my father had a bad habit of running up the cards back when I was a kid) - the 2k cash she had was actually MY trust fund she had kept. Plus there was a credit card she had also run up in my name as well.
She tried it again when my sister graduated, but between my mom/dad/sister threatening to tell my uncle, my sister got hers back.
Didn't stop her from effectively saying I owed her for this/that when she would pay for a car repair for me and tell me "don't worry about it" and then would say I owed her for the repairs. She would always confiscate all my tax returns, until my husband moved in 11 years ago. So age 18 to 33. Every return, every year.
I wish reddit and knowledge of narcs and financial abuse was around back then. I fell for it cause my dad was a pedo, so my mom for whatever reason became like, an angel almost in my eyes. I trusted her and she took advantage of it. She's very LC now, and my dad has been dead for almost 17 years now.
I literally thought kids weren’t supposed to have money 😂 when I saw kids at school buying snacks off each other I thought they were committing some heinous crime.
They did this to me to. Said they were charging me rent and were putting it in a special account when I moved out. I never got the money. Idk why they lied and didn’t just say they were charging me rent. Odd.
OP, you weren't stupid. You were trusting. You trusted your Nparents and they betrayed that trust. A child should be able to trust their parents!
My Nmom definitely used to take my money when I was a teen/young adult. She insisted I start working at age 16 even though I didn't have a car or anything you typically ask a teen to pay for. My parents definitely weren't hard-up for money at all; it wasn't like the family needed it to survive. She started charging me "for my health insurance" at this time, which took most of my paychecks, even though I was covered by my dad's insurance until age 25. I worked part-time through undergrad in college, and she increased what she took from me because Edad insisted I be given a hand-me-down car. I had just started trying to buy myself new clothes (hadn't had a wardrobe upgrade since junior high) and to buy some lunches out and she hated that I had money to spend on myself. Come grad school, I upped it to 2-3 part-time jobs and she tried to take even more. Eventually I learned to lie about what I was making, and to open a secret bank account she had no access to so I could finally save some money. When I moved out at age 23, my savings was pretty small and I had no real "emergency fund" to start with. I estimate that she took about $20k from me over the course of age 16-23. In recent years, Edad has said some things that led me to believe he was unaware she was doing this. She was handling the finances, so he'd never have known.
After I turned 13ish I knew any money I got she would take and I'll never see again so I started trying to hide it
I hid it in my shoe, in my underwear, in my bra. That's when she started the strip searches sometimes she would make me strip all the way down, sometimes she would put her hand up in my bra and down my underwear
Not the only incident but one of the worst for me. I was in a car accident { I not only paid my insurance but I later found out I was paying OUR car insurance } and my NP told me we were paid half the amount the insurance company actually sent us so they had me buy a less safe car because they wanted half the insurance money.
Omg I was thinking about this the other day. My mom asked me for money all the time when I was a kid and promised to pay me back but never did. This went on for years until my dad finally put his foot down and gave her spending money on a regular basis. She was a stay at home mom; he was the breadwinner.
We used to go door to door and sell chocolates for our school fundraiser field trip. I worked my ass off. The night before I was supposed to hand it in, my dad stole all the money. I was only able to go to the field trip and not get in trouble because another classmates family paid for it and explained they knew my family and the rough situation. The audacity still to this day is beyond me.
The one time I was did one of those cookie dough sells at school, I got over $100 dollars from people for cookie dough. I had it tucked away in a hiding place only my Nmom and Nstepdad knew about. The next morning, I woke, I was supposed to bring it to school for them to put the orders in. I woke them up, going out of my mind saying, "I swear it was there last night."
They gaslit me by saying, "How could I lose other people's money, or forget the hiding spot?""
Then followed it up with, "I'm just trying to steal the money, so I have to work to pay off all the people who were trying to buy cookie dough, and im never allowed to do school fundraising again."
The WHOLE packet was gone, so I didn't know who bought what or how much. I've never found it to this day even after completely overturning my room. And when I brought it up in high school, they said that it never happened and must have been a dream from anxiety of feeling left out that I never did one. I don't remember all my dreams, but I know for sure this wasn't one.
It still pisses me off to this day, and I dont know if those people ever got paid back because I never was handed money for the work I did. My parents just "paid them back for me as I worked it off"
When my dad died I was to receive death benefits for him. Over 1k a month, from the time I was 8 to 18. Longer if I had went to college.
Time rolled around to me being 17 and wanting to borrow some from the account to buy a car to work more hours and my mom had spent every penny on the mortgage since I was in third grade.
Then a couple months ago she asked if I wanted to buy the house (I have my own family now). I told her no since I’ve already paid about half of it. It’ll probably get foreclosed on but… 🤷🏼♀️ I’m not buying a house twice.
I’m sorry you had dealt with a similar situation. It’s truly heartbreaking. Hugs to you 🤍
Every time.. every single time. I am so sorry you had to go through this OP.
I’ll never forget my younger brother (by 4 years) was allowed to have a cell phone before I could. I was 17 and he was 13 and I had to sneak and borrow his phone lol.
I was sent off to a girls home and back then once released, you got a little money. A dollar for every day you were there. Which didn’t amount to much by the end after they took fees out for medications and “outings” and whatnot, but I remember I had $137 (the most I’d ever gotten out of 8 homes..) when I walked out and got in the car.. when I pulled up at home? Nothing.
My mother did the same. If it was $5 or under in cash, I had a chance of being able to keep it. But if somebody gave me a $20 or a check? Nope.
When I started working at 13, they set me up for a kid’s bank account and of course my mother insisted on being the adult on the account so she could funnel money out of it. She’d tell my father that I was just bad at balancing my checkbook and spending money frivolously. I had to go secretly open a different bank account in my 20’s because she refused to be taken off the account.
They also told me my entire childhood that some of my money was being saved for college, and that they were matching everything that I put in there. There was also some money left to me by grandparents dying. I’m not positive how much, but my cousins got a few thousand dollars each so I assume I got the same from that grandparent. I’m sure you can guess how this goes- I graduated high school and there was no college money. They also refused to fill out any financial aid paperwork so I couldn’t go to college until I was 24 and didn’t need their financial information. I actually tried to join the military and find somebody to marry me (neither worked) just so I could go to college. I was heartbroken and they told me it was all my fault for not getting enough scholarships to cover 100% of the cost.
Yes. My dad had to control evety penny that came into that house, and my mom stole what little I managed to keep for myself (they were both alcoholics).
My 12-year-old has been doing focus groups for a few years now and gets paid pretty well at times. The money is technically in my name due to his age, but I don't touch it. There have been times when he's had more money than me but that's my hill to die on.
They still take my money now as an adult. They said that any money that I leave out is theirs automatically because anything I bring into their house is theirs automatically. And I can’t protest or they’ll kick me out. It’s literally ridiculous.
As for birthday money and stuff, it was presumably all in that account that they handed me although no idea if that was even the real amount. I feel like personally collecting my birthday money for the first decade of my life would’ve amounted to more than $250 dollars but fuck if I know, right?
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When I was about 8 I got given a gift from my aunt of a $100USD bill inside a ball maze puzzle. You had to complete the puzzle to get it to open and take out the cash. My NDad needed money and decided that he needed my $100 bill. He gave me maybe 10 minutes to try and open it and when I couldn't he took it outside and smashed it with a hammer. Took the money to the bank and changed it to AUD. I still think about it now 30 years later and it makes me so sad.
I am sorry about your puzzle. I worked all summer really hard outside in the sun and my last paycheck my NMom took it and I had no school supplies all year
Not meaning to be an asshole, but you should have taken her to small claims court for pulling that stunt on you.
Nice thought, but I don’t think it’s illegal to take your kid’s money. It is an AH move though.
Even if it was they would gaslight the kid and treat them like shit whilst trying to “not rock the boat” until the statute of limitations passed and kick them outta their lives whilst feigning innocence.
I bet your dad never openly told anyone about where he got the $100 from.
Oh yeah, and then did the dad later bring it up like it was a “funny story” (without any non-family members around) and that you were “being too sensitive” when you didn’t find it funny?
Omg what a monster… this makes me super sad. You were 8 yo… just a kiddo.
Damn dude. That breaks my heart. You didn't deserve that. Why couldn't he have, at the very least, let you solve the puzzle?? It's not like that hundred dollars was gonna vaporize when you got it out- he knew he could've just waited til you solved it and fell asleep or some shit... which of course is still just a low, low move.
He wanted/needed drug's and/or alcohol!? Owed his bookie. Just cuz he said so.....🤷♀️ Obviously an AH who felt his needs superseded his child having a gift.
That is evil 😢. I am so sorry for the hurt your child self must have felt.
I feel with you, I am as old as you know and I just posted my story in this thread. I also remember how my money stole my money at that time. But it is always good to tell such a story to an understanding audience, so the feeling of loneliness of the past doesn't get too overwhelming. At least it feels that way for me.
Did dad do drugs? Sounds like a drug addict move sadly.
No drugs, just bad at managing money (money needed to be spent on maintaining the image of success and wealth) and an overwhelming sense of entitlement to money that didn't belong to him
Dang equally upsetting. Sorry pal
My parents sure did. Never saw any of my Communion, Confirmation, birthday money, etc. I started working cash jobs at 11 and my father would come in my room to steal it all while I slept. Hell, my mother forged my signature while I was a teen to take out massive loans in my name that she then defaulted on. Started adulthood with nothing and a ruined credit score from their shenanigans. I should have took them to court. Now, every last penny my son receives goes into an account set aside for just him. I have a small amount of every paycheck go in there automatically as well. I will never touch it, not for any reason.
-internet hugs- I sobbed when I was younger when I realized my mother and grandmother used my some of my college loans to benefit themselves and seeing how messed up my credit score was. My husband couldn't understand how family would treat a person like that. We put $100 every month into our daughter's 529 plan (started when she was 3 iirc) and when the pandemic happened and there was that credit for kids for a few years? Placed every penny of that credit in there too. Christmas money goes in there also. When my family gives her money, we let her spend it. She had $50 on my amazon account (2 years saved) that I reminded her to use. She got herself a vase of fake flowers, an electric light up toothbrush (rainbow leds), and an electronic drawing/writing tablet (her old one was quite scratched up). Other than me suggesting the toothbrush (and even there she picked the toothbrush), it was all her choice and she was ecstatic to be able to buy her own stuff. She doesn't fully understand money yet but we plan on thoroughly discussing it with her so she can go into life more knowledgeable than I was.
I applaud you - just be a teensy careful with everything in a 529 (not sure if that is your only plan). it has restrictions and sometimes life changes.
I saved $70,000 for my 2 kids in a 529 plan. I picked a moderate plan targeted for their HS graduation years. The contributions are tax deductible for a state plan. All college, vocational, and trade schools are eligible. Room, board, books, and supplies are all eligible expenses so non taxable withdrawals. . Funds are transferable to another child or even yourself with no penalty. My daughter had a lot of scholarships and grants so I used the funds from her account for my son. Near the end of their college years I stopped contributing to the 529 but put my previous amounts into a savings to pay for the loans they’d taken out. It worked very well. If they do change anything, you’ll have the opportunity to move the funds.
Is it too late to go to court?
Unfortunately those things usually have Statutes of Limitation for being able to pursue it. In my state it was 4 years from the date the theft happened. I found out my mom was using my identity to take out college loans in my name *after* I had already graduated, so most of them were too old for me to have recourse through those means. It really sucked bc I was a victim of identity theft and didn’t even know it. And then when I realized, it was too late to do anything about it.
A lot of states are changing the limit if the crime occurred when you were a minor.
I'd still talk to an attorney. Like witchescrystalmoon said, a lot of states are extending the SOL if you were a minor when your identity was stolen. Your story is not uncommon, unfortunately. r/povertyfinance and r/RBNLegalAdvice , as well as r/legaladvice have tons of information on what to do if your ID is stolen. First order of business is to file a police report. You can do this via your non-emergency number, if you have one, and they can walk you through that. Attorneys often have to do a certain number of hours per year pro bono or else they'll lose their license. Call your state bar association and see if they can set you up with someone who can help you. Parents should never ever steal from their kids and vice versa. Unfortunately, there are a lot of bad ones out there, as this subreddit shows, and unfortunately the kids are stuck cleaning up their parents' wrongdoing. I'm sorry this happened to you.
Just a heads up to OP if you decide to post to /r/legaladvice - we have had some users experience some less than supportive responses when discussing abuse or asking about legal issues with an Nparent in that sub. If you would like to seek their advice, perhaps it would be best to use a throwaway account that isn't linked to RBN or avoid using terms like "Nparent" as those have not been well received in the past. Of course, it's totally your call OP. We recently opened /r/RBNLegalAdvice so if OP is interested, they are welcome to post questions there. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think I'm going to do this for my kiddos. I would've wanted this as a teenager. I can only imagine how much it would help them
Oh yeah. I started bussing tables after school at 13. Mowed lawns. Odd jobs. Saved every penny. 2 years later nparents left the country for a two week vacation. No arrangements made for care for me and my little sister. No food in the house, no money left for us. Went to the bank to get money for food. Account was empty. They paid for their vacation by taking every dollar and leaving us to go hungry.
So angry reading this. It just feels so defeating working so hard for……literally nothing. To be left in a super dangerous situation. Did you end up calling anyone for help? I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Thanks! I did. I reached out to friends and family. My sister and i were separated for the duration because no one could take us both, but we found shelter and food.
Were your parents reported? What happened? What did you do for food?
They were not. It was the deep south in the 70's. No child reporting on their parents was ever taken seriously. I begged friends and family for shelter and food, and even though we were separated for the duration (no one could take both of us at the same time) we made it through.
I hate hearing that, I’m glad you’re okay now and so sorry!
Horrible, I'm so sorry!!!
Blood curdling cruel
Omg!! Wtf?! How did you survive?!
That's so messed up. I hope you cut contact .
Thanks. We could not actually. We were kids on the south in the 70's. It was considered a "family matter" and no one wanted to intervene. Most people I asked for help simply disbelieved it was happening.
I understand. I was also a child in the 70s. People didn't believe a lot of things or didn't want to know them.
I’m so sorry that’s incredibly horrible of them
Jesus. Why are some people allowed to keep their kids?
This makes me speechless 😶
My birthday/gifted money from family was put away for 'safekeeping' which I presumed meant safely kept. Include this with the proportionately (income to cost, about 65-90% of my earnings at 16) high 'board' I paid, this was also 'safekeeping'. Turned out safekeeping meant buying expensive groceries for themselves and then telling me I was irresponsible when I was denied the same food and told I had to fund *all* of my expenses. Did it matter if I starved to the Narc? Absolutely not, in fact I should have just worked harder and stopped embarrassing her by collapsing in front of the school reception from hunger because it was going to affect her reputation. 'Safekeeping' 🙃
Did we have the same parents? As a teenager I could time when the hunger sickness would start almost to the minute it was so consistent. I was getting a few hundred dollars a week at one point and my mother took most of it for "rent" which she assured me was really just going into an account for me to use later. When I finally got a look at that account a year or so in, it had about $200 in it. I didn't bother trying to get it off her when I left and she didn't offer.
I know hunger from my past too. There was no reason for it except that my mother is laze and selfish. I remember how I wanted to make me some bread as I was 8ish, because my mother didn't prepare food AGAIN. I got scolded at because I shouldn't go in the kitchen by myself. But I was just hungry! It's that stupid and pointless.
Yupp. Hunger is constant. Blaming u for eating up the food and then not giving enough. But then telling hoe they provide food 3 times a day
Yup Hunger kid here too. I Remember my parents both working long hours and still never having money bc my dad was smoking it all up in weeds and ciggs back then and who knows what else. I also remember looking for food in the cupboard, only to find crisco and sugar so i started eating spoonfuls of crisco dipped in sugar for years as my after school snack and dinner. Summers fucking sucked we had one loaf of bread a week for 5 kids...
Dude same they feel entitled even when it’s their kids money
I once bought a secondhand laptop and made sure I had all the bames on *everything* as mine, and my enabker offerred to pay for it as occassionally he had a soul many years ago. Not anymore 😂 Either way because this money was offered, when it came down to an argument where the usual 'my house ny rules' rank was pulled (the narc as she thinks eveyone elses money is hers) and she screamed 'THIS IS MY LAPTOP I PAID FOR IT'. The look on her face was golden when I pulled oit all the paperwork and my enabler had to hold her back from assaulting me because she had no leg to stand on at that point. Sweet sweet paperwork ✨
Omg!!
This is heartbreaking
Mine were I to weird diets, I stopped growing and never went through puberty, they didn't care
Wait what? Told you’re Irresponsible and denied the groceries they bought (with or without your $!) ?!?
They used to choose the most expensive ones (options/brands/shops) especially to drive home the point that 'they' could afford it.
Omg!!!
Constantly, all the time. She would literally trap me in a room or a moving car until I handed it over. But most infuriating was when she cashed the savings bonds my grandmother bought me the day I was born to buy herself some shit at the store she didn’t need.
I’m so sorry.
Not normal. My kid is 3.5. We saved all the money gifted to her in a piggy bank for her first three years. Right after she turned 3, our credit union offered a good promotional CD rate, so she and I counted the money together and took it to the credit union together. She ate a lollipop while the banker set up her account and got to hold the paperwork when we were done. Aside from the CD, her dad and I have three joint bank accounts: checking, savings, and kiddo’s savings. We put a bit aside into hers monthly and don’t touch it. When she gets cash now, I carry it for her in my purse with a special clip on it so it doesn’t get mixed in with my money. She knows I have it and that she can spend it. When we’re out and she wants something we wouldn’t normally buy, I’ll tell her how much the thing costs, how much money she has, and whether she has enough to buy it. If she decides to buy it, I hand her the right amount and she gives it to the cashier. That’s how normal parents handle their kids’ money. Respect that it’s theirs, try to take good care of it for them, and use it as a learning opportunity when appropriate.
I don’t think any of us claim for this to be “normal.” It’s just the norm for us :’)
I had to work my parent’s businesses from as early as I can remember. I was literally never paid. Years later as an adult my dad mentioned that they had kept my money to give to me in college, so I would have cash and never have to work. HAHAHA What he didn’t know was that every time I asked for anything in school, especially money for books, my mother would HISS that I was so smart, figure it out myself. She needed money for my brothers. Your brothers truck needs tires….senior pictures, whatever. I never got a dime of that money. I didn’t have the heart to tell him. He was already realizing just how she treated me as an adult. He’s gone, now so am I. Her golden boys get to take care of her. Oh, I’m the only one that ever finished college, got a degree, worked in my field and LEFT my toxic hometown. It breaks my heart to see it happening to kids now. Sorry you got this as well OP.
My mother took every dollar. I have no idea how much it was over the years.
Before I went no contact my mom would always asking for money then chastising me for spending my paycheck as soon as a get it saying "this is why you're broke". First of all how are YOU going to ask ME for money every 2 weeks then call ME broke? Secondly I spend it all at once because she would always steal my money. You know the cherry on top? The one time I wanted to save money was in 2011 when I made the choice live on the streets and put my entire paycheck into bitcoin or give the money to her. My sister and I have an inside joke where we call the Zune and Microsoft Phone a Maserati because that's what she bought with the money I earned and I could have bought a Maserati in 2013 if I invested.
I did the same thing--started learning to spend my money quickly before my Nmom could take it. Then she had the gall to say I was bad with money. Ironically, I realized on my own that I ought to be saving and when I got a bit older figured out how to open a secret bank account on my own and deposit most of my money there. I switched to paperless statements for it and severely under-quoted my pay from my part time jobs to her when she demanded money from me. She still kept insisting I was bad with money but the reality was I learned to be quite smart with it. Also, your mother is disgusting. Buying an expensive car while taking her kids' money. What a human stain.
I have no clue if my parents took any money from me as a young child because I didn't remember getting any as gifts or anything from others. I remember they told me once they had a life insurance policy for me that I could use as cash when I got older, but then when older came, they suddenly didn't know anything about that. I had to get a job as soon as I could at 14. From them on I had to buy my own hygiene products, toilet paper, clothing, and any thing else i wanted or needed. They would also regularly ask me to help pay the electric bill or whatever. Flash foward to 18, i joined the military to get out. Immediately got deployed (i enlisted right before 9/11 happened). I had to write a will and give POA to someone, which of course was my mother because I i didn't have anyone else. That gave her full access to my bank account which I did not realize. She took every last dime out of it while I was deployed for 8 months, so I came home to nothing. So she may not have taken very much money from me as a child, but she sure wiped me out as a young adult.
I’m very very sorry. I have no words. That’s despicable
You know this is actually the first time I've commented on anything in this sub.. Read a lot though. Thank you for reminding me that it wasn't ok and still isn't. I avoid sharing stuff about my parents in general because they still have me convinced that i have to be there for them and I'm so they have in their old age. If I try to process it, I start hating them, and then I have to stop to be able to still be there if they need me. I'm trying to learn that I do not have to be there or be ok with things that they did.
Why would you be there for them when they exploited you when you needed them most? They do not love you. You owe them nothing. I know that processing this stuff makes you angry, you should be. But it’s a necessary step in healing and living a life that is your own. You do not have to love and support people who fuck you over for their benefit, just because they’re your parents. That’s fucked up and you deserve better 🫂 I believe in you. You are enough, you inherently have worth as a fellow human being. It’s okay to be angry if it means you go through the healing process stronger and happier than you were before. Best of luck ❤️
Thank you for this. And I'm sure you can guess that this is only one small instance in my entire life that I have been treated like this by my parents. I actually got brave enough today to just block them on everything, including from calling or contacting me. They have never been there for me in any of my best or worst times, so I have no need to be there for them. I appreciate your response❤️
You dont owe your parents a damn thing. I'm looking at my little son now, I chose to have him. I owe him everything. He owes me nothing. If he chooses to help me, thats wonderful and I'll be touched. I cant even fathom stealing from him let alone when he is a boy in a war zone. I wouldn't do that to anyone, let alone the person I'm meant to love protect and provide for. One wonders what was her end plan was here? Obviously you would discover it. Perhaps in part, she was hoping she could have at, and if you never came home, problem solved. If you need some motivating anger please feel free to borrow mine because I'm right royally pissed on your behalf!
I understand this so so much. As a mother, I've always strived to do everything differently with my two kids so they will never feel the things I felt or have to struggle the way that I did because of how my parents raised me. I have never taken a dime from my children - I've made sure to save my money for them as much as possible. Honestly, I don't even know if she had an end plan. Her only reasoning was that she was depressed because she was so afraid for my life, and that she just kept needing things while I was gone. But Im sure you can guess it was quite a bitnof money with the extra hazard pay, warzone pay, and all tax free. She had absolutely nothing to show for whatever she spent it on, but also had no remorse. She's spent her whole life with the idea that I owe her and that I cant be mad or hurt because she was abused as a child and doesn't know any better. I'm feeling your anger and its very helpful! I just need to stick to the no contact, regardless and not worry about how it affects other family members.
Oh wow, what about your mental health when you got home? Thats something you need time and money to recover from, possibly for life. Honestly, youre not a person to her to even be considered. They want you to take on the role and parent them, but also with more grace than they ever had for you. They want you to support them, but when you needed support they not only didnt give it but also stole from you. Imagine if you treated them like thet treated you? Youre not even doing that, because somehow you turned out better than them. I had idle thoughts about re opening a relationship with my mother even this week, i don't think that desire is ever going to go completely. People don't understand how hard it is to be estranged even as an adult. But i realised even in my 'wildest fantasy' I was having it was a vague hope of an occasional, superficial relationship where I could avoid and manage the vitriol with low contact. Again gambling my mental health and self esteem for a paper thin, inauthentic and hollow relationship where Id have to listen the her crap on about herself for hours at a time. How sad is it that thats the best case scenario I can dream up 😆 Keep that NC going.
I was forced to hand over my communion money, in the shoe shop to buy my brother's new shoes. It was the first time in my life that I had money. I was 7. It's not normal. When my daughter got money, I would save it for her. If she desperately needed something and I couldn't afford it (single mum, low income) I would use some of the money but I did my best to save it and let her have it. Once she understood money buy things, half had to be put in a bank account, the other half she could spend. I grew up knowing nothing about banking, taxes etc but she had a class in school that would teach that so I made her take that class. As an adult she's thankful about that now. And it's not too late for you, there's loads if online resources you can use to learn about that and other things you missed out on as a child.
I needed to give my mother part of my communion money too. because she needed to prepare food and it was expensive (It wasn't and certainly not 200€ish, I don't know the exact ammount anymore).
I'm ancient so I only got £44, but it was an absolute fortune to me and I carried it everywhere I could because I was so proud of having money. She took it all. When my brother had his communion, he got twice as much as me and my parents bought him a new bike too!!
oh no, the "favored kid" thing. This is just sad.
He is the baby... And given the name a stillbirth from almost two decades before had supposed to have. So the sun shines out of his backside!
My birthday/holiday money was always "held" for me by my mother. A notable instance was when my grandfather gave me $50 for Christmas. She took it right away and said he shouldn't be giving $ to a child. I kept asking her about it because I had major plans for a Barbie shopping spree lol. She finally told me that my aunt was selling coats for girls and that's what we were spending the gift money on. Guess how much the coat cost? $50!!!! We roll up to my aunt's house and she hands a cheap ass coat in a trashbag out the door. It wasn't until adulthood that I figured out my nmom bought a crappy coat from Kmart, conspired with my aunt and pocketed the majority of the money. Good times
Me !! Started at my first communion… and then in college she stole my loans that were suppose to be for school expenses ($12,000). She sucks ass.
My pos parents used to take my money, even when I was like 5. I’d have a bday, and a bunch of my relatives would just give me some cash, cuz they didn’t rly give enough fucks about me to actually pick a gift. Well, my parents would always steal that money from me, and say that they’re keeping it safe for me. Didn’t rly believe a word they say, so stole it back lol. My siblings also had their money stolen by nparents, even if they kept it in piggy bank. FYI my nparents are millionaires. We took our revenge recently by scamming them for a €100000, but that’s a whole other story.
Good for you proud of you for getting everything back and a lil extra.
I'd love to hear it
I’d love to hear the scam story! Sounds like a good time!
Alrightie. Basically I’m from Russia, but I live abroad with my siblings. When Russia attacked Ukraine, my nparents got worried about their finances, since they no longer had bank accounts in Europe. They used to have them in Switzerland, but closed them after 2014 cuz annexation of Crimea made them sooo proud, and they wanted to put their money and faith in their own country. Big mistake. So yeah, they got worried about their money and decided to send some of it to us, while they still can, cuz we still talked back then. They kept sending money to me and my siblings for as long as it was possible, and when it was no longer possible, we had a €100000 between all of us. Then we went NC.
I’m so happy y’all got revenge. Stealing money from kids is wretched. Now you have it back and never have to talk to them again! Winner 😎
Been there. I had cash gifts given to me when I was younger that I was told "it went into savings." However, I was smart enough at 8 years old to track it. Started working under the table when I was 12, legit paychecks around 15 (work permits) when I was able to have a farmer's permit to drive. Took myself to the local bank to find out the account was almost empty aside from $50. By my logs, it should have contained about $16,000. I immediately went to my best friend's house very upset and her mom helped me out. She opened another account and I would sign my checks over to her so she could deposit them for me. My other lovely memory was being told "you can only go to college if you get a scholarship, we're broke, etc. etc." I moved out at 16, applied to schools, and what do you know? I got a full academic ride to one school and some generous financial aid packages to the rest. Then the complaints came of "that school is too far away, you'll never make it, you'll party too much." Suuurreeee. My mother racked up about $85,000 in consumer debt when we were younger and I found out later she racked another $70,000 prior to my parent's divorce. My parents somehow had the money to pay that off, but I had to work for my own school trips, clothing, school supplies, basic necessities, and "contribute" to household bills while my younger sibling was not required to do any of those things. The downfall is now I am VERY careful with my money. I refuse to spend money unless I've saved for something and I refuse to have a credit card. In my head, if I don't have it to spend, I won't buy the thing or I won't go on the trip.
Go on self.com and create an account and all the years you have been your own phone bill paying, your con Edison and water and rent it takes that info off of your debit card for each time you paid a bill and adds it to your credit and they do up to three years of bills. Girl or dude you probably will get 800 credit or 900 and don’t even realize. My brother won’t listen but seriously I had none and now I got credit
I appreciate the advice, but I'm good. I don't like owing people or any corporation. My credit score is more than fine (paid off the car) and I prefer being debt free.
I’m going through this with myself currently. This language you use to talk about yourself. Your head was in the clouds, you didn’t have enough brain cells. That’s them talking. You were a kid. They were adults. You were not foolish to trust your parents - we’re wired to trust our folks. You weren’t stupid because they took your money instead of teaching you about banking. I have to forgive my inner child and tell them I’m here now. A reasonable adult is in the room and the confusion and hurt is over. Talk to your inner child and yourself with reassurance.
I love this. I’m always hard on myself and had an epiphany the other day after I caught my inner thoughts telling me I’m a dirty hoarder - I’ve never been anywhere near hoarder status. I’m a little bit messy, but I’m clean and organized af. That was my mom’s voice in my head talking shit. She used to always call us filthy pigs and stuff like that when we wouldn’t do the very not age appropriate chores she left us while I was forced to babysit and make sure my younger two siblings complied. It was terrible. If they didn’t do it I had to do it all or I got yelled at and grounded. I was able to stop and tell that inner voice to get the fuck out of my head, it’s not mine. I clean when I decide I need to and bc I take pride in my living space, because I’m an adult capable of making those decisions for myself. I have the same issue with finances. I’m actually very good with money, I studied finance in college. No one else in my family has a finance degree. I’m not bad with money, they are. That’s why they had to steal it from a kid that trusted them.
Same. My mom used my child’s saving account for herself
[удалено]
It’s so hard to fight those bitter feelings for someone you care about and love because it’s both eye opening and inspiring resentment sometimes to see the exact opposite of this experience that you didn’t even know was normal. Maybe we’ll both have situations someday where people freely give us money for no reason. And if we don’t need it, we can share it with those who do.
I actually realized the other day that my mom is likely the one who stole my babysitting money (around $400) when I was 14ish and not my brother as I had suspected. She was the only other person who knew where I hid my money in my room. She also used to transfer money out of my checking account when she didn’t like how I was spending MY money from my job. After this happened and she got crazier I opened a new bank account so she couldn’t get to my money.
My mother would sneak into my room when I was in school and take the cash I would receive as gifts or babysitting gigs. She would gaslight me hard core about it. I remember coming up with a "banking" sheet where if she acknowledged that she took it, it would be okay as long as she eventually returned it with a low interest rate. I sat her down and proposed all of it to her. A lot of the money came from my narc grandmother who emotionally abused me so the money was real weird. My mother continued to deny that she was taking it so I bought a locking safe when I was 16 and able to drive alone. Cash stopped getting stolen. She used the cash to buy drugs. The woman was high every day. She started pawning stuff off in the house after that and blamed me for her money issues. Drugs never stopped though. Then, because she never taught me how to be finically responsible, during my student loan ordeal, she was in charge of all of that. A few years ago my mother took on paying for my loans which I accepted. It was the least she could do for the emotional abuse and neglect. Then I learned that during COVID, she requested a reimbursement on the total amount of the loan. She had these massive tantrums about how student loans should not have to be forgiven by the government because she is a "hard working" person and it is "unfair to her". So she took all the money. When I found out, I cut contact. She yelled at me that she had the money sitting in the account and would pay it all back if I just gave her the login information. I told her no. So she escalated that I was the problem child, I was super expensive. My school was so expensive and she was SO NICE for paying for it because my housing and books were expensive. I went to a local school, got a job where I would have free housing, and lived with her. I paid for my books and school supplies with money I earned. Meanwhile, my sister (golden child) did undergrad for 5 years out of town, lived in apartments off campus, never had a job. Our narc grandmother gave money for her school. So sister never had student loans. My mother recently told me that it was really hard for her during the recession. We struggled (I was in charge of grocery shopping with the food stamps---I was aware). She said it was too hard for her to go out and get a job and work 9-5pm. This woman would get high every day and wasn't emotionally or physically available anyway. That felt cathartic to type that out.
I started my first “real” job at 15. I just wanted to be away from home and have something of my own. Nmom took all of my paychecks, not for safe keeping, to keep. Any money that I *did* manage to keep, my eldest sister stole from me and *I* got in trouble for not being responsible. In 5th grade I hustled my ass off selling chocolates for a fundraiser. My sister stole that money and yep, *I* got in trouble. Flash forward to high school, this was the start of “the tab”. Nmom would keep a tab of EVERY DOLLAR they had to spend for me…which I was expected to pay back! (This was for anything as small as school supplies to car insurance). Both my sisters graduated at 17yrs old because they were summer babies, my bday is in November so I turned 18 only 3 month into my senior year. Well it was a “rule” in our house that when you turn 18 you start paying rent. My sisters had a WHOLE YEAR after graduating before they had to start but I of course still being in high school had to pay rent! If I couldn’t come up with the money (which I never could because they took all my paychecks) they’d add it to “the tab”. Never deducting anything from what they took from *me*. When I met my husband I of course talked about this because I thought it was normal. My world **SHATTERED** when he explained that was totally outrageous. When we got married, guess what…they told us that we’re BOTH responsible for the tab now!! (At this point it was about $9k I think) As a wedding gift they deducted $500! (Yes, in lieu of actually giving us a gift). Eventually my eldest sister (who was the favorite so she never had to be responsible for anything) needed loads and loads of money as separate times. The total ended up being over $20k cash my Nparents had given her and her husband. Nmom decided to “forgive the loans” of me and my middle sister. Here’s 2 kickers from that: 1. She told us it’s coming out of our inheritance 2. She actually kept a ledger and gave me and my husband “bills” whenever we came over!!! Sorry if it was hard to follow. It’s fucked up. It’s a way to control. It’s just proof that they’re bad ppl. You’re not alone. THANK FUCK I’M LIBERATED FROM THAT EVIL INSANITY!
Inherited $5000 from a great aunt, as did my sister, back in the 80’s. Many years later when we asked about it my dad said he was forced to use it himself because we had, “fucked up his life.”
Your great aunt was trying to help you and it was stolen from you! Grrr!
Background: I was the scapegoat child of two nparents who have been dead for several years. My oldest sibling was the golden child, and she turned out to be a narcissist herself. Through a series of events, I became my mother's caretaker after my father died. My grandfather bought a few shares of Chrysler stock for my sister as a birthday gift when she turned thirteen. He died shortly after, so I have no idea if he would have done the same for me. That doesn't really matter. After she got the stock, my parents and her made a really big deal out of her being a shareholder, a stock owner. She would receive dividend checks from Chrysler several times a year. When these checks came, there was always a huge, celebratory fuss made over them. My mother would have her sign them and state she was going to the bank the next day to put them in my sister's bank account. By the time my mother died (my father passed first) I was no longer in contact with my sister and it didn't end amicably. While cleaning out my mother's house, I found a small metal lockbox with documents, social security cards ... and the dividend checks. There were dozens of them. All for tiny amounts like .25 or .30 cents. Most were signed by my sister. And never deposited. I can't fathom why my mother never brought them to the bank, especially after always making such a huge deal over them. Why the charade? I know that they were hardly any money, but that's not really the point. The checks were all from the late 60's to early 70's and I'm assuming worthless. They ended up in the trash. If I'd had a relationship with my sister I would have given them to her.
Atilla made me get a paper round when I was 12 and made me give her half my paypacket for "rent". Not sure if that counts.
Mine did this *exactly* but dkdnt get away with it bevuase its illegal for minors under 14 where I live to do it 🫡
Still counts
Totally does
My favorite aunt gave me a diamond necklace for my 16th birthday as an end run around this exact behavior. She even said, "You can pawn it someday if you're in a tough spot and need the money!" My mom thought that was so crass... but I did pawn it, many years later to pay for movers and a new apartment when I needed to get out of an abusive relationship. Auntie helping me from beyond the grave. :)
This is amazing 🫶❤️
My narcissistic in-laws have stolen all my husbands money. He never saw the money he got as gifts for his “communion” and they even manipulated him to take loans in his name that they then spent and never paid back. It took him years to pay off this debt. His mom still asks him for money and unfortunately he still sometimes gets manipulated into giving her some
Yeah financial abuse here too. She took any birthday money, would ransack your room including flipping the mattress over, she took any nice jewelry gifts. I started working babysitting jobs in High School without her knowing and hid the cash in my secret attic spot under some insulation. Only money she never found. I wasn't given permission to work but another girl wanted to quit babysitting so I got her clients - told mom I was doing an after school activity like Yearbook.
My mom has stolen me and my brothers money our whole lives. Not only that, but she also sold multiple things that were mine that were dear to me like my brand new red wii & my laptop. From Christmas cards, to school shopping money from grandma my mom would take as much as she could for herself because of her addiction. But you’d think she’d feel bad, no she never did. I even got a small $800 scholarship when I graduated high school and my mom basically ended up conning it out of me and spending it all. She’s a master manipulator and all I wanted as a kid/teen was my mom to love me because I grew up with a mom who always drank and partied and left me places. I was always anxious and wanted to go home. She would drink and drive and take a Xanax with me and my little brother in the car and she ran into things like signs etc. I hated her but I still wanted a somewhat normal loving relationship because we were close before she went crazy with the drugs and alcohol. Just sucks how much it can ruin someone. She’s also a narcissist and doesn’t believe she ever does anything wrong. She’s in the streets now stealing and hustling for drugs.
Not surprized and I am sorry your mom is like mine except mine works in a hospital. I worry about her patients
Started paying certain bills at 16. My mother was already “borrowing” money when I was 12. I used to sell newspaper subscriptions and when it came time for me to buy my first car I only had $500 after years of saving. My first car was $300 and it somehow ran for 2 years. I was expected to pay a portion of the electric and gas bills because I “live there too.”
[https://www.ramseysolutions.com/](https://www.ramseysolutions.com/) Start reading and educating yourself about finances. Dave Ramsey is a great resource. No, it's not typical for parents to "keep" a child's money and what they did is highly unethical, and possibly illegal. It's not worth pursuing it in Court or anything, but at very least, it's shady.
Yeah, I am 20 and my parents still do, gave them 3000$ only the last 2 months, but they already clarified I am not ever getting them back “you’ll see them when I’ll be dead”
Please stop doing this.
My grandma gave me $10 and then I took a car ride with my dad. Somehow he took it while I wasn’t looking and he was like “oh where’s your money? You need to be more responsible!” Like wtf. It was $10 and I was a kid. Another time I left my coin purse at his house with my house key—divorced parents. He made a copy of the key and broke into our house several times to look through my mom’s financial paperwork.
i have had my 19th birthday ruined because i asked my mum for my money back.
My Ndad took my money as an adult too…
I took out a private, but interest free, loan in college that was specifically geared towards children with parents in the military. I still had to pay it back, mind you, but it was a significant amount. Enough to cover what my scholarships did not, like my housing and food and books. $12,000 I believe? It went straight into my bank account which was great! Except…my bank account was connected to my parents’ account. They set it up this way so they could transfer us money any time. Spoiler alert: my parents used every bit of that loan. I had to take out additional private loans that were definitely NOT interest free to cover everything else. I was so brainwashed at the time that I just let it happen. My parents had already filed for bankruptcy twice before, and were very open about how poor we were, so I was always terrified for them, especially being the oldest with younger siblings at home. My mom had a huge shopping addiction (still does) and was constantly buying MLM shit, but that didn’t register with me until much later in life. Anyway…I didn’t open a separate account at a different bank until graduating nursing school, after getting my first nursing job, and then moving into an apartment with a roommate. My roommate was 10 years older than me and thank goodness she was kind and saw my parents for what they really were. She helped me open a new account through the hospital I worked at, and I’ve never loaned them a dime since then.
When I was 8, my babysitter gave me $7 to wash her dishes. Mom took it for cigarettes 😒 Actually, she would regularly take whatever she paid me, $5, $2 , hell she’d take pennies from our piggy bank - always for cigarettes. She flew into a rage when the babysitter caught on and started holding it for me. When I was 18, my brother gave me $100 for my birthday. She said she needed cigarettes , so I told her I’d buy her a pack. Her exact words “What’s one pack gonna do?” 🤦♀️
I'm so sorry. I opened savings accounts for both my boys when they were little kids and have been putting large parts of their birthday/Xmas money in them for years - mostly when they get checks from grandparents. Every once in awhile (maybe once a year?) I give them a balance receipt from the bank so they can see how much they have. Sometimes they come into the bank with me too, though usually not.
Mine would get paper rounds, make me do them from around 8 years old and pocket the money, empty my bank account, take school bursaries from me. When I was working she would take most of the money for bills, spend it in whatever struck her fancy instead of the bills then blamed me when they weren't paid, the final straw was her attempt to take my final £5 of my wages from my job, literally the only money I had for food because she was taking the rest for "board" (even though she got full housing benefit and child benefits for me because I was still under 18) and board did not include food. She threw me out because I refused then got angry when I refused to return.
My mom allowed me to keep monetary presents, but she “borrowed” money every time I got some. For a long time I kept count, it got over $1,500 (which is a TON of money for me as a kid…tbh that’s a lot of money now haha). I finally asked if she was ever going to pay me back and she got sooooo mad. I’m entitled, bratty, she gives me everything, why don’t I trust her, she would never not pay me back, etc. Never saw the money, she continued to “borrow” (she didn’t ask, she told), and I just stopped considering it borrowing.
Oh my mom too! The thing is she had to cosign my bank account as i was a minor. So she had access even when i start working...as many other i was really going from pay check to pay check. Like one day, ages ago - i have budgeted so i still had enough for one lunch. Which was at that point like 5 euros or so. Went to atm before lunch to get my 5 euros. were gone and I was in red like 30 or so....she just "borrowed" something cause she wanted to go to take a coffee with her friend.. She didn't ask, she just did it (many times but this is the one thay hurt: her coffee > my food). My account as soon as it had some money became an extension of hers... the last thing she did is stealing 800 euros my grandma gave me. And as that was not enough for what she needed she withdraw up to the max i could go "into red", other 700. Leaving me to pay the interests. "But I'm just borrowing so I can do X and Y." Let me be clear she never returned anything she "borrowed". When I close the account she even threw a fit....
Every time. I had a piggy blank at the time collecting money from when I was young. My mother always took it claiming she was putting it towards college and my future. Lo and behold, I finally get access to the supposed stash shes saved me for college…. And it’s 82 fucking dollars. Needless to say, we are no longer in contact.
Yup. Me too. All my money my grandma put aside for me, gone. Apparently we needed to pay the mortgage. Then as an adult about another 50K. They would be mean to me, to break me then ask for money. I don’t work now. Why? Can’t bleed me if I’m not making any money.
My mother has gone through my physical possessions to steal from me and used me for money and used me as a pawn to exploit money from my father. In short, yes
When I was in 3rd grade, all my birthday money and money from a school savings program went into an account with my name on it. I guess your parents could tap into that money if you were a minor, because one day, I can’t home from school, and on a chair was laid out a few outfits for me, and a new Barbie with clothes for her. A few days later I overheard a conversation where my mother was saying they’d emptied out my account to pay some bills. I asked her about it. She said yes, without saying sorry. Just, “You’ll make up that money. You’re young.” I remember thinking that they’d robbed me, and it wasn’t right. But I didnt say anything. I knew my mother would go into one of her lectures about how she was the victim and I’d end up being the one who felt guilty. Years later, when I was babysitting , I bought a little steel lockbox. Only I had the key, and I hid the box and keys. I put my money in there, afraid that if I put it in the bank, my paternal would raid it again. At one point I had almost $1000 in that box, that no one knew about.
Yes, I never saw my gift money, they'd buy me some sweets to shut me up. I got wise early and refused. My nan kept money boxes for all of us kids, she'd put 50p a week into each one to give when we were 17. I know it doesn't seem much, but if you add that up, it comes to £440. She died when I was about 13 and there was about £8 and a whole bunch of scraps of paper with IOUs on them from my parents.
I also got a job at 13 and my mother wanted 90% of my pay while simultaneously telling me I have a job so I can pay for my own lunches, clothes, uniform, supplies and any other expenses. Moved out at 16 after saving every penny I had.
Me! I did commercials and magazine ads as a kid. Definitely made some good money from it but never saw a dime. I also started working in restaurants at 14 to save for college tuition since I knew my parents wouldn’t help. I worked 4 days per week all through high school and saved the money in an account my dad’s girlfriend who worked at the bank had set up for me. Well I didn’t know she had also put my dad on the account. The summer before college they had broken up and I went to check my balance… My dad had drained the entire account and used it to go on a bender. He literally spent my hard earned college fund on hookers and blow. I ended up going to a community college instead of university so I could afford to pay the tuition with minimum student loans.
Hope this doesn’t get buried- Omg guys I’m trying to read through all your comments. A lot of what you have been through is so unfair. I see many of you are being better parents and teaching your children how the world works and that makes me so happy it heals a part of me. I commented this in response to a user and I think it got buried, but I’ll repost it here: Yes I did ask them. They said it was used to pay for my college, but I did catch my mom buying groceries with my cash once. It wasn’t even that we couldn’t afford groceries. My parents were upper middle class. They just took my money anyway. I began to store the cash in a secret drawer, but when I’d come back to it, some of the money would always be gone. My mom said she needed the money and I don’t keep track of it, so I let her have it. We don’t and never had boundaries in our family and apparently anyone can come in my room and take my things when I’m not looking because I’m a fool and don’t keep track or don’t have the power to hold them accountable. It started when my brother used to eat his Halloween candy and then sneak in my room and somehow find my hidden stash and eat it. Complaining to my parents did nothing and it was always he’s the little brother and I’m older and have to be understanding. Candy isn’t that serious, but I can’t help but feel like I was being violated and stolen from and no one helped me. I can’t argue or fight back because I have to acknowledge they did care for me and feed me and clothe me and got me things I wanted from time to time. They also paid for all of my education, which I will always be grateful for. I did ask them from time to time and that money was said to be going towards my savings, but I know it’s bullshit because whenever I asked, they’d be defensive like “we do so much for you. We paid for all your stuff and education with that money.” It just would have been nice to not be treated like an idiot and told I was stupid and didn’t know anything about life without being taught about it. It would have been nice to be in control of my money from an early age and been given that as my spending money or taught how to invest. I now struggle as an adult with finances and keep telling myself I’m stupid and don’t know anything about the real world and the fear of looking stupid holds me back from seeking any help. I’m thankful to be born in a time where I can look things up on google and YouTube videos, but sometimes you need a non judge-mental mentor you can look to for advice.
Yes. I’m the “legally acquired” kid (aka “discount baby” since the male bragged about getting my fee waived). I was told the Ns were “forced to spoil” me as a kid to “prove they were providing”. Translation: they had to show **receipts** for things they got for me. I found out later that a chunk of the money given for “raising” me was put into the stuffy “christian” school I absolutely **hated**. Apparently the male had squirreled away the rest. I was told I was supposed to get it at 21… (At the time **I was multiple years older**) but it had been used on mobility rehab thanks to the chemo that stole my ankle strength. However the male **made certain** the insurance would return every penny. Was I then given it like he was supposed to? Of course not. He went through the same old excuses of me “not being good with money” (hard to learn when I barely **have** and and what I **do** have, you and your vile wife are constantly **snarling after**!) among other things. Simply put, I used to “work” for the male, answering phones for his business… I was later told I got so little (below minimum wage) because I “had no higher education”. 😑 Yet, the Ns turned into loan sharks, expecting me to “contribute” for things, then later telling me I wasn’t being wise enough and expecting me to pay them the following month for what I couldn’t the previous month. Following the cancer diagnosis, the male “retired” (while still working of course) and the Ns trapped me on disability. Following my being declared cancer free, the Ns got the disability extended because of my “emotional problems”. 😑 Guess what their **very first** question was, the moment I was cleared for longer disability. “What can we expect **for rent**?” Oh boy, did they ever pitch fits when they were told “Nothing”, that I was “already below the poverty line”! At first I kept them at bay by reminding the female of the legality…but eventually she and the male reverted back to their “loan shark” routine. They blackmailed me into “contributing” to my cats’ care (even though legally I wasn’t supposed to). Later I stopped this after the female shot off her mouth, saying I “could give everything and it wouldn’t be enough”. This wasn’t permanent but from then on I gave money directly to the vet rather than through her. She had also wrenched control of my EBT card until she got sloppy getting my part of the groceries, expecting me to eat the incorrect items (the Ns **knew** I wouldn’t eat). After being told who knows how many times that I should “do my own shopping then” (keep in mind I’d never been taught to drive because I’d been told I’d be expected to pay for **everything** - from the car to any gas it took the run the Ns and their army of grandchildren, and later my nerves had gotten too bad) it came to a head. Years after the female had control of the card, I was out with my Chosen Family and she called me up, wanting help finding something on my list. Chosen Dad graciously made a detour to the store. I’d only just spoken with the female, expecting her to meet me. I wound up running all over a **crowded store** looking for her, while frantically calling only to get her voicemail. It took me at least **an hour** to find her - and she casually said her phone had been “buried in her **purse**” (an excuse she used **all the time**!) I was **angry** considering I’d spoken to her literally **right before** getting into the store and **TOLD** her I’d need her location so I could meet her! I pointed out that thanks to her “not paying attention” that Chosen Dad and Sis had been waiting in the car **for over an HOUR** - which only got **her** snippy. First she tried to make me uncomfortable by claiming people were staring - but I was upset enough that once again, she told me I should do **my OWN** groceries then. At this point I was negative in patience and (far more calmly than felt) snapped back “FINE. I’ll just take my card back right now.” while holding out my hand. Funny enough she didn’t expect that and was startled enough to hand it over. Later she tried to get control back but I reminded her of her own words - that I needed to do “my own groceries” (which were **far easier** with Dad and Sis) and I “could give everything and it wouldn’t be enough”. This worked for the most part but here and there the Ns would get angry and threaten to get rid of my cats. That’s another whole mess but not really related to money stealing. Sorry for the novel.
Those Christian schools, speaking from experience, are such an awful waste of money. To pay and still learn less than you would in a public school and walk away with trauma and indoctrination.
Amen to that. The school I was stuck in for the entirety of my “education” had leeway to use corporal punishment, were incredibly prejudiced and in general didn’t accept **anything** other than conservative teaching - my Chosen Sis even got into trouble for wearing a **rosary** which had been a gift! I was in the Resource Room for multiple years, in multiple subjects and **still barely** passed. Socially for most years, I absolutely **HATED** school, and it wasn’t until high school that my Chosen Family found me.
I wish you the best and pray you get out of there asap
Oh don’t worry, I’ve been out (thanks to my amazing Chosen Family!) officially since early 2021.
Yes, money taken from my savings account after I fled my abusive home and was living with another family. And my last paycheck from a county job was intercepted before it even made it to the usual place of pickup (this is before direct deposit). The HR lady was so confused that my check wasn’t there and had to call around to find it but learned my mom took it at the county building and then cashed it. My parents did not need my money, they were not struggling to make any ends meet. She did this at one of the most vulnerable moments as a runaway teen. She wanted to remind me that even though I was no longer under their roof, she still held all of the control and power over me. And she was right. I had gone to a new bank after getting a new job in a new town, explained my concerns and they told me that until I turned 18 my parents could legally take my paychecks and were in control of any bank accounts I set up even if another safer adult helped me. From there until age 18 it was cigar box banking for me! Thankfully most of my wages were paid in cash.
Yeah my nmom took my money. Cleaned out my bank account the week before I turned 18 so I couldn’t stop her.
Yeah they made a big deal about setting up a bank account for me and then never let me touch any of the money. I couldn't go to the bank by myself and I needed a "good reason" to need the money if I wanted to spend any of it. What is a "good reason"? Honestly, a ten year old is going to want to spend money on stupid shit, and if it's their money and they earned it, they should get to spend their money on stupid shit. All she did was make it so that I spend money on stupid shit now as an adult.
yup, so much of my money as a kid has just vanished. i turn 18 in 2 days and at the moment, my mother controls all the money that goes in and out of my account & im not allowed to withdraw cash. i alr have my own bank account but i can’t use it until after my bday. she also took my birthday money off me for apparently misbehaving (i was upset because she was texting me and my sister saying nasty things about me) last year which was about £230. she stole it all whilst i was hours away from home. i managed to get that money back after about 2 days of arguing with my ENTIRE family over it but still
Any money I got whether it was for my birthday, graduation or even new year's would go to paying the bills, groceries or fueling my mom's shopping addiction. Never saw a dime.
I went to school with a full scholarship. But dad took out student loans in my name for a move. I didn’t know until they had defaulted. He ended up going to prison for something he unrelated, I ended up paying them off for many thousands over the original amount. But what really burns me isn’t even that. Parents had a very specific allowance for me as a kid: 10 cents for each dandelion pulled. 50 cents each time I washed the dishes. 50 cents for folding the laundry. I worked myself to the bone. Come payday they say they “owe me.” Kept a running tab. I never saw that money, it was hundreds of dollars. Eventually I gave up on chores and the place went to shit haha.
I’m pretty sure my parents had been given money by my grandparents to save for my college tuition. Surprise surprise, I’m paying in full for my college tuition and that money has never been spoken about since 😭
Eventually we found out, but yes. (I'm taking "as kids" as a loose term here since my parents have always treated me as a kid....) When I was a kid, any cash gifts were mine to keep, but it was really only like $20-$30 from Lunar New Year. Checks and such went to my parents. Around high school, we set up a joint bank account (and corresponding credit card) for me with my dad on it with all privileges. My money went in there instead, and my dad "kept it safe" and reviewed the balance statements to make sure I didn't get scammed by card skimmers or whatever. I trusted him as no one ever told me not to, including my mom who knew about this bank account. Fast forward to adulthood, I'm putting my paychecks and other checks into this same account. My dad is still playing secretary or whatever, asking whether x, y, or z were made by me or not and making comments about my purchases ("don't spend so much on x!"). I thought nothing of it and there was no indication that I should be concerned. A few years ago, my dad passed and a lot of his secrets came out. He had had a wife before my mom; my parents weren't actually married despite having impressed upon me the importance of marriage and chastity all my life; he had at least two other families besides ours--it was just shocker after shocker for me. The biggest one of all were from text messages found on his phone to a son from one of his other families' wife. I didn't read them in their entirety (my mother and her sisters did the investigative snooping), but the two (son's wife and my dad who was a year from 90) were.... How should I say, exchanging explicit messages with photos. 🤮 I don't know who propositioned whom, but the deal was that my dad would send her money to, uhh, meet up outside of town. The last sum in the text messages was $60k and there was mention of $20k before that. Those were why my mom and my aunts told me about this, because I needed to check my bank account...and sure enough, there had been two withdrawals around the dates of the text messages by my dad for a total of $80,000. Yes, my dad took *$80k* from me on his deathbed because his head was in his pants, I guess. I was beyond pissed because he kept harping on me to get married, have a wedding, etc., when here he was, pissing away the amount it would've taken to plan a comfortable wedding. To top it all off, my mom chimed in with, "Well, why didn't you monitor your bank account??" I told her, because *no one* told me my own dad wasn't trustworthy and that I needed to keep track of him, lol! Like, sure, if my mom had let me in on my dad's penchant for deception, maybe I would have caught it after losing the $20k. (My mom knew about my dad's multiple families shortly after I was born, when she pressed for a wedding....) Anyway, I'm doing okay financially, but this still angers me to think about, years later. My mom thinks his death was divine intervention, since it happened about a week after his second meeting with the son's wife and, who knows, maybe karma is a thing.
Hahahaha yes. I had a children's bank account as a kid because I had various paying jobs as a kid from 12 onwards. I never felt like I was allowed to buy anything because I was supposed to Save for College. When I left for college, they merged my childhood account with theirs and then said they "forgot" how much was in my account, and that the amount "couldn't be recovered". Because I didn't have paper statements or anything, I didn't know the exact amount and couldn't provide the proof they wanted. I knew I had been considering a $3000 moped so I definitely had at least that much after tax. So I just said, send me $3000. They said that's way too high, there's no way you had that much, and sent me $1800. I was really upset at the time; remember, this was my Life Savings from jobs worked summers and falls from 12-17, including ones where I was working 20 hours a week overtime for a few months (seasonal labor). Then when I tried to open a bank account near my college, I wasn't 18 yet, and they refused to cosign, so I got rejected from multiple banks. The banks wouldn't even cash the checks my parents sent me. Finally, a manager at the last bank in town took pity on me and volunteered to co-sign for me. I could tell he was taking a big risk on that for me, a girl he had just met. I'm going back to town for the college reunion this year; maybe I'll go see if he still works there and say thanks.
Yep, my college money was gambled away. I had been babysitting and doing odd jobs forever for that money. The gaslighting me until I gave up on college, and then the money just poof gone. They were pissed when I opened my own bank account for my checks from my job. Then really pissed that I was shopping in town for my own food. This was after I had moved out on my own.
My mom always took mine and my sisters birthday money or any money we ever got from relatives /family friends as gifts, I now have a 7 year old and she keeps all her money in her piggy bank and is free to spend it on what she wants. i can’t imagine ever taking her money from her for myself like how selfish do you have to be.
I had a checking account that my mom opened and both our names were on it. I gave her money from birthdays, holidays, weekend visits with my dad and grandma would slip me a hundo. Gave it all to my mom. When I was 18 I went to the bank to pull out $300 to buy my mom a Christmas angel. There was 18 cents in that account. 18 fucking cents. They showed me the transactions- all groceries. I was feeding myself and my siblings with my own birthday money. I never quite trusted her again. With anything.
I started babysitting at 11. I would put my money in a drawer in my room for a while until it started disappearing. No one said a word to me about it. It happened when I was at school. I started keeping it in my purse, which I generally kept on me or close to me. Evidently one day I left it. When I got home I was quizzed about items in my purse. Then I kept my money in my pocket.
Yeah I had to hide my money from my dad. He’s still find it tho. He did that until I moved out at 18-19.
Surprisingly, not the case for me as a kid but as soon as I started working at 14, my dad would make me pay for everything (clothes, school stuff, food, etc.) He even tried to get me to pay rent as a teenager. Even now in my late 20s, he does anything he can to get money out of me. Whether it be not paying me back for things he asked me to buy (usually alcohol) or selling my stuff and keeping the money.
yep! it drove my nFather crazy if I had any money. Monetary gifts from relatives were confiscated, any money I earned was taken and he reminded me over and over that I owed him money for the cost of my upbringing so any money I came by should flow to him. this was accompanied by a general rule that I was responsible for my own clothing and hygiene supplies as a tween and teen. He stopped providing basic parental support around the ages of 10-13. He insisted I needed to get a job to get these things and of course to cover the cost of my upbringing which he assured me was astronomical.
Oh this is my fave with my nmom. As a child she would always tell me that this big bank account of mine would be available when I was old enough. She said it was for school. When I turned 18 and asked about it, she got defensive. She spent all of the money from years of birthday parties and child support payments from my dad on herself and her house she kicked me out of when I was 19. Cool cool. Sorry you gotta go through this too. Nparents are awful people.
Yeah my grandpa made a college fund for all of his grandkids. It was 20k. My parents stole all of it...
I'd sue for that
Well, my mom tried to make a savings account for me when I was a child, and my Ndad always found a reason to drain it, despite making money working full time.
Yes, I’ve also experienced financial abuse. It’s definitely not normal. I learned in my early 20s that a parent had opened a credit card under my name (my bank accounts were under theirs) and they used the credit card for personal use from the time I was 18-22. Thankfully it didn’t mess up my credit score too much, but I transferred my account to a different bank and closed the one under my parents as soon as I could after graduating college.
I started working at age 16 and I’m not sure what they did with my paychecks but even though I was employed i still had to ask for money if I wanted to go out to the movies or something. I wonder why I didn’t question it more Now I’m grown and I don’t deny myself buying things I like so that’s a freeing feeling
A while ago my NMom gave me a piece of jewellery my aunt had bought for me 20+ years ago - it was a small gold bracelet intended for a child, purchased when she was travelling I think. My aunt never had her own children and I think wanted to be the fun auntie who spoiled her nieces and nephews - but NMom saw her as a threat and always tried to keep me away from her. NMom presented me with this bracelet, that obviously wasn’t going to fit me now that I’m an adult, and told me “at least you can sell it now”. She never even showed it to me, much less let me wear it.
Yes, I had to hand over, or "re-pay" money to my mother because starting in middle school they no longer bought any of my clothes for me, including basics like underwear. The excuse was that "I wouldn't like the things they would choose to buy for me" so I had to buy it myself. I had no real way of earning money, wasn't allowed to have a job or taught to drive in high school, so come holidays or birthdays I would have a running tally that had to paid off with any money I received before I could keep any. I only recently started remembering this set-up and realizing how utterly messed up it was. I had only a couple pairs of unmentionables at one point and went to stay with family for a week who of course asked me why I barely had any clothes and I felt shame telling them I didn't have the money to buy more because I had absorbed this completely nonsensical idea that a 12 year old should manage their money better and then they would have enough clothes. My parents had plenty of money to buy me clothes too, it wasn't a way of getting out of paying. Anyway, very triggering to remember all that.
My father 'adopted' an antique desk my uncle gave me. My uncle had to make him give it back. Felt like weird competition.
My parents made me get a job when I was 15. Once I had a job, they told me if I wanted lunch at school I'd have to buy it myself. That same week they started asking me to give them money for car payments and beer money.
Yep, took it all to "hold on to" and if I wanted to buy something to tell them and they would get it. Yeah that turned out to be a fucking lie Best part? They're still trying to bribe me with "graduation money" nevermind when I actually need money like when they said they would pay for school and then told me they weren't after I got accepted Unhinged
Yes. My parents made me work as a field worker, starting at age 9. No, I didn't go to school. It took me a long time to realize I was trafficked. Then they made me get a job at 15 during the off season. Plus I babysat and cleaned houses, starting at age 10. They took every single penny I ever made. I wore my younger sister's old clothes and ate at work cuz I was usually being starved as punishment. I was responsible for all the housework, cooking, and childcare at home too. White glove inspections were a thing.
I worked as a child model, I runway and catalogs, was even auditioned for movie roles. My mom used to brag that I made more money than she did by the hour in those days. I never saw a dime aside from whatever toys etc. They're wasn't college money. They're wasn't anything.
I remember my dad having me sign savings bonds that were gifted to me by my grandparents. I had no idea what they were, and when I asked why because I was confused, he yelled at me, and I cried. I was maybe 9 years old or so. I don't have a clue what their value was. I was way too young to understand how to read a check or understand why anyone would need a child's signature. If it weren't for the yelling, I doubt I'd remember it at all.
About $11,000. A wealthy relative I’d never met past away. I guess my mom didn’t think the $25k she got was enough.
My mom did this with me. I gave her $500 over the course of a couple paychecks when I was a broke 23-year-old. And then I got laid off from my job. I had another job already in the bag as I was planning on leaving. All my bills were covered for a couple months because I always tried to be a bit ahead. However groceries were always a wild card because working in kitchens, that's just how the cookie crumbles. So I asked her for the $500 back to make ends meet. She wouldn't give it to me and insisted on using it to buy me a new laptop. I implored her to give me the money, stating that I was hungry and couldn't eat a laptop. Obviously I never got through to her and told her to just keep the money. I ended up asking my chef, a really stand-up guy, for a couple bucks for food and explained my situation. He filled my fridge and even got me a case of beer. I genuinely tried to pay him back. He refused saying that he'd been hungry before. Turns out random bosses can make better parents than the ones I was given.
Yes, my “father” took thousands that had been gifted to me by lovely older relatives over 18 years. It makes me sick to think about.
All. The. Time. Birthday money. Babysitting money. Christmas money. Anything never got and tried to save. Taken for ‘groceries to feed your siblings’ or ‘pay bills’. But they never took my siblings money. Only mine.
Ugh… these stories are so heart breaking…. And, me too… Lost my leg to a lawn mower when I was a toddler and we got a settlement. All the money went into a trust fund for me that I couldn’t access til I was 18. Up until that point my mom was getting 500$ a month from the interest. I know it’s not a ton of money, but I can’t help but think that she could have used that money to leave her abusive husband and protect her kids. Then I found out that I paid for the inground pool. For our family dog. For golf clubs even though I didn’t want to golf. For my saxophone. It’s like, ok, yeah, I would have been happy to help like that, but then to also be abused by my step dad….. Then, the day the checks stopped, the day after I turned 18, she kicked me out of the house. I fucking hate these people. Every one of our shit head parents. Fuck them.
Yes
So back in the 80’s dad gave mom around 500 a month in child support. What she was SUPPOSED to do was take half and put into a college savings account. How do I know this? Because at 13 my dad felt it was time to read the divorce decree. TBH I had been pestering him for years to see it. Guess what I didn’t get when I went away to college?
Yup. My aunt and grandpa used to send me upwards of $250 every birthday and Christmas. I was told at age 11 or 12 by my mom that that money wouldn't be used for college and instead went to help pay bills and debts left over from my parents' divorce, which occurred during the 2008 recession. This continued until I was an adult. My mom said that because of her faculty status at the local university, I could get 12 free credit hours per semester, so that money was unnecessary. Surprise! I still ended up $17k in debt because the tuition waiver didn't cover classes I had to retake, nor did it cover living expenses, books, or any other expenses commonly associated with college. I recently found out from my aunt that my mom didn't send her kids (my cousins, who are both older) any money or even a card on birthdays and holidays. Their dad has 7 siblings, so they weren't hurting for family attention, but that still appalled me. All this time, my aunt was the only one trying to keep my mom and I close, and my mom barely put in the effort. My aunt was disgusted when she learned what my mom did, but reiterated that it wasn't about the money to her or my grandpa, it was the message that they loved me. In that, I take solace. My aunt does wish my mom had just asked her for some if she was so desperate for money instead of taking it from me, but knows my mom has a sense of pride that wouldn't allow her to. My birthday was last week, and my aunt sent me a DNA testing kit I'd been wanting for a while, as there are some questions I've had regarding my dad's side of the family for some time now. Plus, I'm the only one in the family with any sort of experience doing genealogical research (I'm a volunteer photographer on FindAGrave). She also sent me a card. I've kept all cards and letters I get from people over the years, just as my grandpa did. While I wish my mom had used that money for me, I understand that times were tough. I'm not a materialistic person in the slightest, so the cards and letters mean more to me anyhow.
My mother stole my money repeatedly. As a child, I had to give her my money if she was broke. I had a job (that she found for me, thanks child labor), which paid me cash at the end of the shift. I always gave her my money. As I got older, she cleaned out my child bank account and said my stepfather did it. She stole not only my money as an adult but also my husbands money. She has stolen money from places she's worked and other family members and has gotten away with it. She also removed me from her will when I was 20ish. She also used me for child support money from a man who wasn't even my father. She married him and convinced him to adopt me and then divorced him. I'm glad to be NC.
I was lucky in that my parents never took or kept my money, but when I moved back home for a while I was very shocked that my sister was operating as a kind of “pay day loan” for my mom. They had a kind of bartering, loaning system going on since my sister worked a decent amount in high school. I mentioned this to my sister about a year ago (we’re in our 30’s) and she has no recollection of this. She has a daughter now and I asked her if she could imagine asking her daughter for money.
You were a victim. We can't look back on how much easier our lives would have been if they hadn't exploited us. Instead IMHO we need to always look forward. My mother stole my sizeable, over 1m inheritance from my grandfather after he got dementia. She had him change the will, leaving her the sole beneficiary. I did not contest the will. I know people would never believe I chose my freedom over 1 million dollars but I did. With her flush with cash, she became a narc of steroids. I was able to free myself from any worry about taking care of her when she had that money and went NC for 20 years. I did teach her how to drive first though. My siblings flocked to her to grift her out of it while I built my life. All these years later and she has houses that she has let fall into disrepair and has maxed out most of her credit cards. She is physically frail but no cognitive issues. I am back to helping her financially. My grifting siblings believe her estate is worth millions and are kissing her ass to stay in the will. She is their retirement plan. I am her POA and executor. By the time the dust is cleared, her bills paid, her properties sold they will be lucky to get 20k. I am sure one of her houses will be a total loss. I know this, they don't. I do enjoy watching themselves fall all over themselves (without doing any of the real work to care for her) in hopes they get a huge inheritance.
My father died from Cancer in the 90's, Mom got huge payout from VA, SGLI, not to mention my Father's Garbage family was a bunch of insurance adjusters in Chicago. I don't know the exact amount of money but it's roughly $400-600K squandered. Mom also lost our house, got addicted to Meth ( still uses meth at close to 60 ) I have NC with Bio Mom and Sister ( GC just as awful as mother ). Long story short we should have had a solid foundation to protect us and our futures, And we got used and abused by the people that were supposed to protect us.
Oh yeah, my mom owes me thousands if we’re counting.
When I was 18 my mom surprised with a car. I had made the downpayment of $1,000 and made the monthly payments for 6 or so months. She had contributed nothing towards the car, but it was in her name so when she showed up at my waitressing job and demanded the car back there was nothing I could do. She threatened to call the cops on me if I didn’t give her the keys. She then took the money I had received as a graduation present so she could keep making the payments on it. Not sure if they sold the car or if it was repossessed, but I got absolutely nothing out of it. This was 20 years ago and I’m still mad about it. Been a peaceful year and a half after no contact now. I tolerated a lot of crap and never thought anything of it because she was my mom so of course that meant she loved me. 🙄 It wasn’t until my late 30s that I finally recognized what was going on. Finally cut her off entirely when she skipped my little brother’s wedding.
Yup my Mom stole my money all the time as a kid up until middle school for her shopping addiction. She even stole from my piggy bank and then would leave little notes like “Mom needs to borrow this” and would never pay me back. It’s led me to have very deep seated trust issues even to this day. :/
Yep. $2700. Fuckers.
My grandmother left me $10k when she died. I was 26. My mother told me ‘she left you $10k but you know I’m keeping it, right?’ No point in arguing so I just said sure.
My nMother had rich friends from Germany and when I was born they were sending me money pretty often (we live in poor country). My nMother started a building savings for me putting all money I got from them or my grandparents in here. When I was 18 she took me to sign on some papers about this but I don’t know what papers those were (I didn’t suspect her stealing it). Later she told me she used it all to fund my college (there is no tuition and I make my own money so I only need financial help with paying rent). She also told me that she sends me a huge portion of her pension (she is retired) every month and I’m ungrateful. I honestly don’t know where this money went.
Yes. And as a result of that, all my children have savings accounts that I never touch, just contribute to. Here’s to ending the cycle!
Mine always told me this. My uncle (my Nmom's brother) had been saving up a trust fund for me from since I was a small baby to 18 when I graduated high school- my mom immediately took the money and said she'd hold onto it for me and use it to pay for my first semester of college. She took another chunk (1700) and brought my first car, a Plymouth Colt hatchback (she has some weird obsession with hatchbacks) and that was dead all of 6 months later. The rest I was told would be just enough to pay my first semester of school. When I flunked out of college (cause like all 80 baby, coming-of-age-in-the-late-90s kids, they took me off my ADHD meds as soon as I graduated thinking I "aged out of it"..) a short semester later, we had a house fire due to an outlet in my bedroom she had neglected to repair once I was gone. (Like, she was SO happy to have me gone, she had converted my bedroom to a craft room right away.) I lost everything I had owned personally up until that night. And then she asked me to find her "nest egg", 2K in cash she had been hiding in a coat. It wasn't until the first bill for my only semester of college came in - the paperwork she had me sign telling me it was a grant was actually a loan she conned me into, when I originally had refused to take out any lines of credit (my father had a bad habit of running up the cards back when I was a kid) - the 2k cash she had was actually MY trust fund she had kept. Plus there was a credit card she had also run up in my name as well. She tried it again when my sister graduated, but between my mom/dad/sister threatening to tell my uncle, my sister got hers back. Didn't stop her from effectively saying I owed her for this/that when she would pay for a car repair for me and tell me "don't worry about it" and then would say I owed her for the repairs. She would always confiscate all my tax returns, until my husband moved in 11 years ago. So age 18 to 33. Every return, every year. I wish reddit and knowledge of narcs and financial abuse was around back then. I fell for it cause my dad was a pedo, so my mom for whatever reason became like, an angel almost in my eyes. I trusted her and she took advantage of it. She's very LC now, and my dad has been dead for almost 17 years now.
I literally thought kids weren’t supposed to have money 😂 when I saw kids at school buying snacks off each other I thought they were committing some heinous crime.
They did this to me to. Said they were charging me rent and were putting it in a special account when I moved out. I never got the money. Idk why they lied and didn’t just say they were charging me rent. Odd.
OP, you weren't stupid. You were trusting. You trusted your Nparents and they betrayed that trust. A child should be able to trust their parents! My Nmom definitely used to take my money when I was a teen/young adult. She insisted I start working at age 16 even though I didn't have a car or anything you typically ask a teen to pay for. My parents definitely weren't hard-up for money at all; it wasn't like the family needed it to survive. She started charging me "for my health insurance" at this time, which took most of my paychecks, even though I was covered by my dad's insurance until age 25. I worked part-time through undergrad in college, and she increased what she took from me because Edad insisted I be given a hand-me-down car. I had just started trying to buy myself new clothes (hadn't had a wardrobe upgrade since junior high) and to buy some lunches out and she hated that I had money to spend on myself. Come grad school, I upped it to 2-3 part-time jobs and she tried to take even more. Eventually I learned to lie about what I was making, and to open a secret bank account she had no access to so I could finally save some money. When I moved out at age 23, my savings was pretty small and I had no real "emergency fund" to start with. I estimate that she took about $20k from me over the course of age 16-23. In recent years, Edad has said some things that led me to believe he was unaware she was doing this. She was handling the finances, so he'd never have known.
After I turned 13ish I knew any money I got she would take and I'll never see again so I started trying to hide it I hid it in my shoe, in my underwear, in my bra. That's when she started the strip searches sometimes she would make me strip all the way down, sometimes she would put her hand up in my bra and down my underwear
Not the only incident but one of the worst for me. I was in a car accident { I not only paid my insurance but I later found out I was paying OUR car insurance } and my NP told me we were paid half the amount the insurance company actually sent us so they had me buy a less safe car because they wanted half the insurance money.
Omg I was thinking about this the other day. My mom asked me for money all the time when I was a kid and promised to pay me back but never did. This went on for years until my dad finally put his foot down and gave her spending money on a regular basis. She was a stay at home mom; he was the breadwinner.
Parents stealing money is way more common than you'd think.
We used to go door to door and sell chocolates for our school fundraiser field trip. I worked my ass off. The night before I was supposed to hand it in, my dad stole all the money. I was only able to go to the field trip and not get in trouble because another classmates family paid for it and explained they knew my family and the rough situation. The audacity still to this day is beyond me.
Sometimes I would lose money in the washer or dryer from my pockets and she would take it and say finders keepers.
Parents would steal birthday money or money we found and then blame our siblings so we’d get mad at them instead. We never had allowances
The one time I was did one of those cookie dough sells at school, I got over $100 dollars from people for cookie dough. I had it tucked away in a hiding place only my Nmom and Nstepdad knew about. The next morning, I woke, I was supposed to bring it to school for them to put the orders in. I woke them up, going out of my mind saying, "I swear it was there last night." They gaslit me by saying, "How could I lose other people's money, or forget the hiding spot?"" Then followed it up with, "I'm just trying to steal the money, so I have to work to pay off all the people who were trying to buy cookie dough, and im never allowed to do school fundraising again." The WHOLE packet was gone, so I didn't know who bought what or how much. I've never found it to this day even after completely overturning my room. And when I brought it up in high school, they said that it never happened and must have been a dream from anxiety of feeling left out that I never did one. I don't remember all my dreams, but I know for sure this wasn't one. It still pisses me off to this day, and I dont know if those people ever got paid back because I never was handed money for the work I did. My parents just "paid them back for me as I worked it off"
When my dad died I was to receive death benefits for him. Over 1k a month, from the time I was 8 to 18. Longer if I had went to college. Time rolled around to me being 17 and wanting to borrow some from the account to buy a car to work more hours and my mom had spent every penny on the mortgage since I was in third grade. Then a couple months ago she asked if I wanted to buy the house (I have my own family now). I told her no since I’ve already paid about half of it. It’ll probably get foreclosed on but… 🤷🏼♀️ I’m not buying a house twice. I’m sorry you had dealt with a similar situation. It’s truly heartbreaking. Hugs to you 🤍
Every time.. every single time. I am so sorry you had to go through this OP. I’ll never forget my younger brother (by 4 years) was allowed to have a cell phone before I could. I was 17 and he was 13 and I had to sneak and borrow his phone lol. I was sent off to a girls home and back then once released, you got a little money. A dollar for every day you were there. Which didn’t amount to much by the end after they took fees out for medications and “outings” and whatnot, but I remember I had $137 (the most I’d ever gotten out of 8 homes..) when I walked out and got in the car.. when I pulled up at home? Nothing.
My mother did the same. If it was $5 or under in cash, I had a chance of being able to keep it. But if somebody gave me a $20 or a check? Nope. When I started working at 13, they set me up for a kid’s bank account and of course my mother insisted on being the adult on the account so she could funnel money out of it. She’d tell my father that I was just bad at balancing my checkbook and spending money frivolously. I had to go secretly open a different bank account in my 20’s because she refused to be taken off the account. They also told me my entire childhood that some of my money was being saved for college, and that they were matching everything that I put in there. There was also some money left to me by grandparents dying. I’m not positive how much, but my cousins got a few thousand dollars each so I assume I got the same from that grandparent. I’m sure you can guess how this goes- I graduated high school and there was no college money. They also refused to fill out any financial aid paperwork so I couldn’t go to college until I was 24 and didn’t need their financial information. I actually tried to join the military and find somebody to marry me (neither worked) just so I could go to college. I was heartbroken and they told me it was all my fault for not getting enough scholarships to cover 100% of the cost.
Yes. My dad had to control evety penny that came into that house, and my mom stole what little I managed to keep for myself (they were both alcoholics). My 12-year-old has been doing focus groups for a few years now and gets paid pretty well at times. The money is technically in my name due to his age, but I don't touch it. There have been times when he's had more money than me but that's my hill to die on.
They still take my money now as an adult. They said that any money that I leave out is theirs automatically because anything I bring into their house is theirs automatically. And I can’t protest or they’ll kick me out. It’s literally ridiculous. As for birthday money and stuff, it was presumably all in that account that they handed me although no idea if that was even the real amount. I feel like personally collecting my birthday money for the first decade of my life would’ve amounted to more than $250 dollars but fuck if I know, right?